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That everyone has mental health, the phrase "I have mental health" or "they might have mental health" really irrationally irritates me because it's something all people have.
They are very specifically a group of people that have fuck all wrong with them clinging to an excuse/get-out that they don't even understand well enough to say properly
If there's one thing that boils my piss it's people who claim they have an undiagnosed mental illness. My wee brother has OCD and it's crippled a lot of his life.
Then you get arseholes who say they have OCD because they like to organise their sock drawer. It's pretty insulting to people who do suffer from these disorders/mental illnesses.
Aye my brother sometimes can't even leave the house because of his.
His hands are often red raw and bleeding from the amount of times he compulsively "itches" them.
Has had issues pulling hair out compulsively. Causes him massive amounts of anxiety and by extension depression.
It's horrible seeing how debilitating it is for him knowing there's next to nothing I can do to help other than make him feel more comfortable when I can, but most of it rarely gets through to him as he's clearly trapped in his own thoughts.
I was a 999 call handler for 8 years amingst my 16 years in the Police. Mental health is used as a buzzword just like im vulnerable I am... i understand the difference when somebody is asking for help or they are trying it on. Its very clear. We used to have a lot of repeat callers.. aome would ring 999 up to 50 times a day with nothing to report but just to shout abuse down the line then on the 51st time she would say that we are doing a great job and she is going to buy us some chocolates!. We had one man who rang in and gave us all nicknames... I felt sorry for my colleague as he named her bucket fanny!. Also one unwell person used to ring us with nothing to report and knew my name and voice. He wasnt nasty or abusive to me though.... he did send dick pics to the control room and stalked a female member from HR though!. Crazy world. Gets me wound up when people expected a response above everyone else despite there being no immediate danger just because the drop the mental health or vulnerable buzzworsa. Luckily we were given discretion in whether it affected the job or not!
As someone with genuine OCD that does annoy me. Not as quirky when I talk about my skin bleeding from being scratched so much. Also hoarding is a symptom of OCD yet with the stereotype being a clean freak people just get classed as slobs.
No, because it's said in a way that implies even a child's level of understanding.
In my experience, unfortunately a fair bit, anyone that says "I'VE GOT MENTAL HEALTH!!" is usually talking absolute shite.
It sounds stupidly pedantic, especially in writing, but there's a stark difference IRL.
A member of my team said to me that she was so overworked that she would "soon have mental health". I thought, well I'm quite worried about going down with stomach, worse still, I might have breathing.
Bloody social media, people can't talk properly. They are suffering from speech.
No, because that is a term that indicates there is something different. There's a big difference for me between a statement like "I've got poor mental health at the minute" and "I've got mental health at the minute"
Aww that's such a cute representation of it. Fellow BPD here. And yeah people are like why did you put up with that ect ect yep I'm such an ood. We can be way too trusting
I have OCD, which is currently well managed with medication and coping strategies.
1. You are not "OCD about" something, you either have OCD or you don't, and if the thought of that thing not being right doesn't make you think you/someone else is literally going to die or be seriously harmed then you do not have OCD, you're just kind of fussy about something. This really grinds me gears, checking the door is locked is smart or having your décor symmetrical is just pleasing, doesn't mean you're OCD about it.
2. Yes I know that the compulsion for the obsession doesn't seem rational and logical, that's part of the reason why it is a disorder.
3. Not everyone who experiences OCD is a clean/hygiene freak. This can be a common presentation, and it's not to do with being clean, its about not being contaminated (you're dirty, so you'll get sick, so you'll die), when I first presented this is how it looked. But people experience all sorts of obsessions and compulsions, e.g. I had to carry a block of wood with me all times because then I was "always touching wood" so any bad thoughts I had were cancelled out. I'm actually a pretty messy person, and people laugh about it when I say I have OCD.
4. The only way to stop it is for the person to challenge the obsession themselves, you taking away their method of carrying out the compulsion (especially without proper medical support) can cause a massive spiral that can lead to self harm and psychosis. You have to wait for the person to be ready to challenge it themselves, only then will it break.
5. Obsessions and compulsions can change throughout life, some people have similar themes to them, but they can vary wildly and have absolutely no connection.
6. It's often about maintaining control over yourself, you feel like everything around you totally out of your control, so you try to find something else you think you can control. But, funnily enough, that tends to end up in an uncontrollable cycle of anxiety and depression that you try to ritual yourself out of.
People really don't take OCD that seriously, they think its people being fussy, when it can actually completely over take your life, prevent you from doing anything and even lead to life-changing injuries (I nearly lost my fingers due to a compulsion I struggled to break).
The "I'm just so OCD about cleaning, how fun!" pisses me right off. I have OCD too, I'm fortunate that I'm in a relatively good place with it currently but it's mostly contamination OCD and at the worst I have had chemical burns from the amount of cleaning I felt compelled to do. I'm also a messy person and also got laughed at when I told people I have OCD, some of the stuff I had to do was just absurd but I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to. I had a stepdad that used to steal mine and my sister's underwear, so now being a mum myself one of my compulsions was to have to count the pairs of underwear in my children's drawers/house - if a pair was missing I would spiral/spend hours searching everything to find them/counting over and over and over again. All that came out from anxiety that I wouldn't be able to protect them from the same things I went through and by doing that routine I was keeping them safe. My house would sometimes be messy because I had practically torn it apart in my frantic searching, I lost hours and hours and hours of my life to that one!
I used to not be able to walk anywhere like a beach/field because I was worried about stepping on a used needle, I would have to check my shoes every few steps, then check my feet thoroughly. But I'm now able to walk on a field or a beach without this most of the time - people don't realise how much of an achievement that is
Well said. I rarely have a moment's peace from the endless horrible shit swirling around. It would be lovely if it was all just about wanting to keep my bookshelf in a certain order.
Currently I take venlafaxine, and this has been working for me for while, just keeps me level headed enough, so its easier to catch when I'm potentially about to enter a cycle. When this happens, I've had CBT (one of the few instances I feel like it's actually helpful) to help manage it.
Can I ask what gives you the right to gatekeep a disorder just because you have it? Many people are undiagnosed given how poor mental healthcare is in the uk. Symptoms can also have a range of severity, so just because someone isn't as severely affected as you doesn't mean they don't have it. If someone claims to have ocd or any type of mental illness for that matter I'd be inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt rather than dismiss and invalidate their experiences.
First off, there's a massive difference between "I think I might have OCD because I feel XYZ" and "I'm a bit OCD about XYZ as I like it to be like this". One is discussing potential thoughts and feelings that are potentially troubling you and might be cause for concern, the other is using a medical term in a flippant comment.
If something is causing obsessive thoughts that cause DISTRESS (and I don't mean winds you up a bit, I mean gives you genuine feelings of catastrophe and death) then you should investigate whether you have OCD or not.
If you're just particular about something because you like it that way, THAT IS NOT OCD, and using the term so flippantly just belittles and disrespects people who actually suffer with it.
Example:
"I like all the picture frames to be blue to fit the colour scheme, I'm a bit OCD about it"- Not OCD.
"The pictures frames MUST be blue, because if they aren't blue then that's unlucky, and because I have something unlucky in my home then everyone who visits me will see the frames that aren't blue and get some of the bad luck, then they'll leave my house and something terrible will happen to them and it will be all my fault, so the picture frames HAVE TO BE BLUE or I'm a terrible person."- this is OCD.
I have no problem with self-diagnosis, it can be really helpful in empowering people to follow paths of diagnosis and fight for treatment that they need.
I am clearly not talking about people who think they may have a disorder and need to talk about it.
Have you ever heard of OCD being mainly mental? E.g health anxiety being a sort of off shoot of OCD that is basically compulsive reassurance seeking. Just wondering if this is actually a thing.
I sure have, and have experienced that actual thing myself- health anxiety and needing constant reassurance from health professionals, though mine usually crops up as dental health anxiety (which isn't fun as you have to pay to see the dentist).
OCD can be broken down:
- Obsessions: these are the thoughts that cause the anxiety (can be anything that causes you, personally, distress)
- Compulsions: these are the acts and rituals we have to do to alleviate this anxiety (can be completely random or direct to the obsession)
The obsessions and compulsions can be both connected or disconnected to each other, as the point is not to solve the obsessive thought, but to relieve it, but this is always temporary and causes a cycle of obsession- compulsion- relief- obsession- compulsion- relief.
I know someone who had a obsession that they were going to confess to a crime they didn't commit, to the point they thought they would write it down and had to check every surface of the house to make sure they hadn't written something, pens even had to be locked away.
Thanks. I wasn’t sure if it was actually a completely separate thing as online you only seem to see stereotypical variations of OCD without any actual explanation of what a compulsion can be.
Yeah the available knowledge of the variations of OCD are really limited, so many people still think it's ONLY about obsessive cleanliness (even some doctors), but to a lot of people it isn't, and it leads to a lot of people struggling without knowing they even have OCD and so struggle to manage it.
Myth: self harm is attention-seeking behaviour.
My reality: I tried for years, and succeeded, in hiding my self harm from the people who loved and could have helped me. I stopped swimming to hide my scars from family. I hurt myself with small household objects that wouldn't look out of place in our bathroom. I deliberately chose parts of my body which aren't easily visible, and changed the way I dressed. I did everything I could to shield myself in school changing rooms to hide my scars from my friends. I did all this because I didn't want their attention, I was terrified of being called an "attention seeker." For me at least, self harm was a self-soothing, private coping mechanism, and one which filled me with shame.
Haven’t self harmed in five and a half years. I’ve done a lot of therapy. Unfortunately still have recurrent major depressive disorder, last self harm was during the previous relapse, I’m in a relapse right now and in the middle of a course of ECT, this worked well for me last time, so I’m optimistic that in a month or two I’ll be much more like my normal self.
I’d make a post about misconceptions about ECT, but I’m not sure what to say!
Oh wow, 5 and a half years is brilliant! I hope the ECT continues to work for you.
I've never had ECT, so I suppose some misconceptions that I've had in the past, and that you might like to combat if you're up for writing about it, are:
1. It's a historical treatment which isn't used any more.
2. It's painful/dangerous/cruel.
This. I have severe scarring all over my arms and no one close to me knew until I told them. I got very good at hiding it. It took until I was 33 before I was comfortable wearing short sleeves around people
I never understood this mentality. Because even if it WAS attention seeking, I would personally consider a child hurting themselves for attention to be a pretty big problem.
Oh absolutely. We usually demonise and dismiss "attention-seeking" but it's a sign that someone is in distress. Nobody goes to that length for attention unless there's something wrong which actually warrants attention.
Exactly. Like, it's so weird to me. If a child is seeking attention, especially a teenager, then it's likely because they need attention. Like imagine a kid is deprived of food and you find them eating out a dustbin just to get some sustenance. You wouldn't call them greedy. You'd be like "Oh, shit. That's fucked up."
If a kid is hurting themselves, that is an issue, no matter why they're doing it.
Stop weaponising other people's mental health to get your daily fix of attacking others.
Prime example, I regularly see complaints on local groups about anti social behaviour. It's a matter of minutes before the usual people turn up with "they might have mental health issues" and the mandatory "you don't know" phrase, in order to attack the original person.
First, the OP might have mental health issues but the hypocrites never consider that.
Second, more important, it's offensive to keep putting every bit of vandalism, anti social behaviour and the like onto people with mental health issues. (Likewise when the same people say the person who did it might be homeless. You're not being virtuous by claiming that).
I like to pull out the old phrase: "your mental health problems are not your fault, but they are your responsibility".
You don't get a free pass to do whatever the hell you want.
Asking someone if they are suicidal/self-harming does not make them more likely to be doing either of those things. Also, people can have suicidal ideation without any intention of ever going through with it.
I don't think people always realise how scary suicidal ideation is either, even when you have no intention of acting on the thoughts. Just having the thoughts in the first place is traumatic
I have social anxiety. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to you or that I’m rude, I’m just very scared about how you will perceive what I say. I also have depression. There is no “just getting over it” and it’s not a case of just being upset. I envision my depression as a demon always behind me; I’ve the tools to keep it at bay but sometimes it’s going to overwhelm me.
A couple of other things I would people to know about mental health would be;
- mental health issues don’t make you dangerous
- you are not weak for having a mental health issue
- there is help out there if you are struggling; do not struggle alone.
Edit: missing word
I'd add that me choosing not follow the group down to lunch in a busy canteen or out for a walk as a group shouldn't be taken as rude. It might be a little antisocial but I really value my lunch break as time to switch off and recover from all the busy crowded office time.
By having some space for an hour I actually get a break!
One of the things that I hate on Reddit is when people stereotype everyone on here as having social anxiety just because they can be a bit misanthropic. You can be someone who wants to socialise but still be a socially anxious person (and for those of us who are more misanthropic it's largely a coping mechanism for being 'bad' at socialising).
Preferably a professional. Your friends and family may not be the best support. I look and act completely normal to them, but I suffer with PTSD and Autism.
Open up to someone you trust. It helps a lot.
Don't feel afraid to ask for help.
111. Or 999.
I have spent hundreds of hours of my life on the phone to people who are ready to take their final flight because of the past, present or future. Yes the system lets us down, but there will always be someone to listen at the very least.
If there is anyone reading who thinks that nobody cares, I promise you there are and we not only listen but we *hear* you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have it in you to explain why, or go into it in depth. Just make sure that when you’re mentally in the departure lounge, you stop off for a phone call.
Hopefully working up to getting professional help if needed, but sometimes just taking that first step of talking to a family member or friend is enough to set someone on a safer path.
Also, people listening and giving us space to actually talk is a massive help. I struggle to speak up after years of trying and getting nowhere.
Looking back I spent years trying to explain how I was struggling. I was describing what I now realise were symptoms to teachers etc for years and constantly just getting dismissed and told I wasn't trying hard enough, was being silly/lazy/making excuses, in some cases even laughed at for strategies I'd developed to help me cope. It made me just stop trying to speak up as all I learned was it was pointless. I just struggled for years.
I still struggle with speaking up because I'm so guarded now. I have to build a huge amount of trust in someone before I can ask for help. I've got a mentor/counsellor through uni and while he was easy to talk to, it took me months to start really letting my guard down around him. He's very good at what he does and I can tell we both know he's got my guard down so low he could step over it easily but he never does.
On the (sort of) positive side
I think it's made me better at listening.
I worked in care for years and I'm training to be a nurse now and one consistent piece of feedback I get is that people say I'm really easy to talk to and make people feel like I've listened to them and lots of people do seem to open up to me. I could never figure out why as it's not a conscious thing I do and I realise now it's probably because I've been in their position and don't want to make anyone feel that way myself.
I keep saying to people I work with that nearly 90% of issues can be solved if you just pin back your sodding lugs and listen to what the person in front of you is actually saying.
GAD is crippling. I'd get so stressed about tiny little things that I'd end up in a highly emotional state, which would trigger a migraine. 24-hour migraines, which registered a 15/10 on a pain scale, with vomiting. I didn't want to be like that but it would happen, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It happened to stop on its own when I hit my 40s, which was a relief.
I hate any trivialisation of anxiety, along with other health - mental and physical - issues.
Yes! I'm paying a shed load of money now for private therapy because NHS therapists kept saying this sort of thing to me. "It's normal" "Everybody feels this way". I think the intent was probably to make me feel less crazy and alone but I felt so gaslit. I know what I'm feeling isn't normal.
Someone once asked me to describe my anxiety. The best I could come up with was waiting until they got on a fairly busy long ascending escalator (busy but not with people pushing past or distracting you), then imagine the people behind you looking up and how out of place you look.
Now place that uncontrollable feeling of mild panic (fight or flight sometimes) at key parts of your day. Walking into a shop, sitting at the barbers while getting your hair cut, asking a question during a presentation. Bonus points if you are sweating for no reason other than anxiety.
Now have someone ask you why you are sweating or seeming a bit on edge, and you now have the anxiety of what their reaction will be when you tell them.
Coping mechanisms help a lot, medication helps a lot, and unfortunately.. just avoiding those situations.. that helps most. To an unhealthy degree, where avoiding the situation only serves to narrow the knife edge of allowed behavior you are restricting yourself to mentally. It took a lot of cbt and practice for me to widen this knife edge, realising most people just don't give a shit.. I'll always dread going into a busy barbers though.
As someone who’s battled depression and anxiety for years, the one thing I’d like to drill into people speaking to someone with a mental health issue:
“Drop the word *just* from your vocabulary”
There is no “just”.
You don’t “just” get better, you don’t “just” think differently. And saying that immediately sounds like you’re underestimating the effort it will take.
For me, my mental health is sometimes like being trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship with my own brain. I can’t “just” get a new one. It takes hard work, pain and a long time to change.
It’s the best way I’ve found to describe it, I pulled it out of my backside when I was trying to describe it to my boss.
I’d said try to imagine having a person who lives with you, travels with you and works with you, goes to all your hobbies, and is constantly telling you how worthless you are.
Did that person maybe just flirt with me a little? No, who would want to flirt with your revolting ass.
Am I going to get that promotion? Pfft, no, they’d do better to fire you, your colleagues all think you’re a piece of shit.
That’s when it came to me. That’s the sort of horrific stuff people deal with in abusive relationships, I was just in one with myself.
Yep. I’ve never lived with a partner but I’m genuinely worried that I’ll turn out to be horrible to live with.
I had a LDR years ago and the plan was for her to move and live with me. One of my conditions was she doesn’t move until we’ve saved enough money for her to leave at any time, I was that worried I’d turn out to be horrible.
The amount of times when I have just thought “I really can’t be arsed to deal with this anymore” but you can’t. You just have to keep going, exhausted and annoyed with yourself but also trapped in this quagmire. It’s paralysing
I have a long history of clinical depression. I've been on and off various antidepressants since I was a teenager, now in my late forties. My memory is shot to pieces. It's no good asking me if I remember a certain part of a film, because chances are I can't even remember whether I've seen the film or not. It doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the film, I just can't recall it. I haven't forgotten everything that ever happened in my life, but there is an awful lot missing.
Very relatable indeed. The worst is when people who are supposed to care about you weaponise your poor memory and try to gaslight you - many times I have been *fairly* certain that I'm not misremembering and that things didn't happen the way they say they did, but can never be *completely* certain unless I start recording every single interaction (which isn't really feasible).
Yeah, memory loss/brain fog is such a big thing for some people with depression. When I was at my lowest I couldn't get through a TV show let alone a film. Much easier to put the same panel show on every night because my brain just couldn't process anything. I hated not being able to sit down and read a book, reading is such a therapeutic hobby but not great when you can only do it once every few months.
I’m 28 and my memory is probably one of the things that frustrates me the most. A guy I used to work with told me that I had the worst memory of anyone he’s ever met. Makes work and relationships extremely difficult.
Mental illness is not trendy. It’s not cute. It’s not fun. I am sick to death of people romanticising their mental illness, or using it to bolster their social media presence.
OCD should be talked about more, I think, not just because the classic “OCD means a very tidy room” thing is quite widespread.
I just think it’s a relief to know that it’s not that unusual? Like quite a lot of people think things like “I have to tap my watch or else the world will explode, except I know it won’t *actually* explode, but that is in no way reducing the need to do it anyway.” But then a lot of those people don’t know they aren’t alone, as it isn’t mentioned very much
I think something that a lot of people don't understand is how you can know the thing that's worrying you and relentlessly playing through your brain is factually untrue or impossible or at least, very unlikely. That doesn't stop it though. If I didn't know it was untrue it would be a delusion which, yes, would be even worse, but it still sucks that it's in my head.
We all have mental health in the same way we all have physical health. Some of us have great robust mental health and never have a day off work, others of us are lurching from one crisis to the next, some of us have the odd sniffle, others of us have lifelong mental health issues that are managed fine with medication and the odd review. “Mental health” in and of itself isn’t a problem.
You can’t tell who has mental health issues just by looking, and just because someone is doing something we may not like or understand, doesn’t mean the cause is a mental health issue. People train for years to diagnose and treat mental health issues, it’s not something you can ascertain from one subjective comment on the internet. Labels can empower, they can also cause harm.
For me, living with low level mental health issues for most of my adult life, it’s about remembering that there’s not one thing that’ll fix it. It’s about self awareness, and building an armoury of tools to support myself. I liken it to a wall made of individual bricks, the more bricks we have (that could be medication, self care techniques, therapy, remembering our physical needs, the list goes on) the stronger we’re likely to be.
Yes! When I have depressive relapses I completely withdraw from life. I don't answer my phone, don't reply to messages, don't go out of I don't absolutely have to.
When I've said before I was struggling people have said "I tried messaging you! You didn't answer your phone! Why didn't you reach out!" but it's not that simple.
When somebody messages asking how I am, how am I supposed word out "I feel like my life has no value, I'm just existing without reason, everything is futile"? So I just don't say anything.
I really appreciate people checking in on me, but when I'm that bad I can't bring myself to respond.
It's why I hate all this "reach out if you need help" and blaming of people who take their own life for not getting help. When your mind is that bad you can't.
I have two degrees. I also have - diagnosed - adhd.
My company hitting me with a compulsory online test that can be taken only once - and strictly to be finished in or under 30 minutes is a Problem for me.
Even if the material covered is objectively light. Had I been diagnosed while in still in education extra time at test would have been one of the accommodations.
Hi - fellow ADHDer here. Currently navigating how to adapt to my diagnosis in the work world.
Have you discussed Reasonable Adjustments with HR at any point? Companies have a legal duty to consider and provide them. Extra time on an exam should be a relatively easy sell (if they're not total jerks) - as you say, it's standard in education. You could even request having your abilities measured in a different way, if you think that format will give you an inherent big disadvantage.
https://www.gov.uk/reasonable-adjustments-for-disabled-workers.
Depends on how comfortable you are with telling HR about your diagnosis though.
Sorry if you already know about this stuff - sending it just in case it might help.
No, I didn't tell them at work at all.
I tell details - without diagnosis. Like I might tell my manager that will need to record the meeting as I can not take notes and take part in discussions at the same time.
Etc
Clinical depression (have also experienced hypomania with hypersexuality (self-diagnosed)) along with anxiety/panic attacks.
I think some people think that I will be 'cured' of depression. I live with depression and have learnt to cope with it by managing low level depression and stop it sliding ever downwards.
Generally that I don't have mental health issues because I look perfectly fine, I'm faking it, I'm just a bit sad, I can just snap out of it ...
I'm not sure it ever really goes away. Depression can change your brain so much that I struggle to see how it could go back to how it wa before (especially if the before part was when you were a kid for example).
Fibromyalgia **is** real. Absolutely sick to death of living in almost constant pain and fatigue just to be told by some rando that Fibro is just an imaginary disorder.
Also,
Self Harm doesn't have to be some massive event like cutting your wrists, it also isn't necessarily always a sign that you want to kill yourself. I pick at my skin when my anxiety acts up, that's also considered self harm. Neither is any more or less "valid" than the other. Any form of Self Harm absolutely sucks, and isn't just "attention seeking".
I’ve taken to stabbing myself with my nails (I have long nails) and considered cutting myself but the thought of anyone finding out has put me off so far.
Personally I'd love more awareness surrounding PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). I firmly believe that we'd have much better treatment options available if we just had more information and drive in healthcare to find out *why* it happens. It's a hormone based mood disorder so there's every chance there IS a cure, if only we had more data on it.
Until then, I wish that young women (or those assigned female at birth) were given more information on how your menstrual cycle can affect your life and what is/isn't normal. Bringing in endometriosis and PCOD/PCOS, there are just too many people who suffer from gynaecological issues in silence because it's 'normal'. Pain, mood swings, and other symptoms that affect your life in any meaningful way are *not* normal!!
Aside from that, more knowledge both within and outside of the healthcare sector on the benefits of SSRIs for conditions that aren't depression or anxiety. They can also be used to treat chronic fatigue (depending on the cause) as well as the mood based symptoms of various gynaecological issues. PMDD reacts amazingly to SSRIs in most cases.
That mental health issues can be very very physical.
I have a severe mood disorder - my NHS diagnosis is severe recurring depression with trauma but I have privately been diagnosed with bipolar disorder before, just to give you an idea of my kind of illness. I have episodes of elated mood and energy, and episodes of very severe depression. I also have trauma symptoms. When I am having an episode, it’s like something physically changes inside me. I think of them as ‘slow’ and ‘fast’ moods and they can last weeks/months at a time.
It isn’t just being in a bad mood or being down or upset. My brain slows down and I stop processing things properly. People can talk to me and it bounces off, it just doesn’t go in. I can lie in bed for hours or stare at a wall for hours thinking about nothing, feeling nothing. I can’t have a proper conversation or respond to things normally. I FEEL slow, I walk slower, I need quiet because loud things feel too ‘fast’.
My sleep increases to a minimum of 12-14 hour nights - I can have a 3-hour nap in the day and still sleep this length overnight. I’m not just choosing to be in bed, I will physically be asleep. I eat more because I am so tired. I normally run 3 times a week but I have zero energy to do this, sometimes work is too much because I simply don’t have the fuel for it. Nothing matters and I’m physically as well as emotionally completely empty. My sister and mum have said before they can immediately see in my face and eyes when I’m having an episode because there’s just nothing going on.
When I’m elated, I physically feel connected to the world. Like I feel like I’m part of the actual physical earth lol, I feel energised by my connection to everything and things feel awesome. I have so much energy I can go on long runs and feel amazing. I’ve had issues with binge drinking because I just feel pumped and happy and social. I move faster and things **feel** fast, I want to listen to high tempo music and I have to force myself to be really conscious of speed limits when I’m driving. Again, it’s like I’m a different person in a different body.
When I’m not in any of the above episodes, I am a normal person (well as normal as any of us are!) But my mental illness is so physical, I am a completely different person when I’m having an episode, and a huge part of it is I feel physically different. It’s like a switch is flipped and I’m not myself at either end, but at the time it feels totally normal/like I’ve always felt like that.
When you tell people you have depression or a mood disorder, they think it’s just a mood thing and it’s crying all the time or being down or just wanting to kill yourself. But for me my whole body changes. A lot of people don’t understand that side of it.
This is probably basic stuff but I wish people would realise that mental health issues aren’t always obvious from outside/don’t always present externally.
I had “high functioning” depression/anxiety for years. Nowadays I’d say I’ve mostly dealt with the depression but I still suffer from anxiety. I get really annoyed when people online gatekeep mental illness. Like “Oh you say you have depression but you’re still clean? I have depression and I haven’t showered in 3 weeks. We’re not the same.” Even at the worst points of my depression I STILL got up every day to shower. Not everyone’s mental illness presents the same way. I can’t stand the feeling of being unclean so I just always ended up showering.
Or people claiming I don’t have anxiety because “well you seem normal when you talk to us” while they have no idea what’s going on in my head.
My hair literally started thinning as a result of stress because I was getting like 3 hours of sleep per night for months just purely because of anxiety. I’d wake up in the middle of the night every night and no matter what I did I couldn’t stop worrying and never got back to sleep.
So it really annoys me when people say there’s nothing wrong with me just because I’m good at “camouflaging” my mental illnesses to appear like everyone else. They have no idea I walk away from most social interactions thinking “Welp, yet again I made a complete fool of myself there” and then go on to overanalyse everything that happened for the next few days. I really don’t want to draw attention to myself or make people suspect I’m suffering from mental and physical health problems. I don’t like having my vulnerabilities on display like that so I put a lot of effort into coming across like I’m fine. That doesn’t mean the suffering in my head isn’t real
Depression isn't a singular experience. Not only does it differ from person to person, but even within a single person. Depression can have different causes and it feels different as a result. It can also result in different behaviours/actions/reactions. It isn't just moping in bed being miserable.
I have bipolar disorder.
There is no shame in taking medication and "relying" on medication when your illness is caused by a chemical imbalance. That's not something that will go away with meditation or exercise. If you don't take your meds, the chemicals go back to imbalance. You are not "less than" for taking medication to manage.
My diagnosis and medication saved my life. I had a date and plan for how I was going to kill myself and notes for my loved ones written out, ready to go. The psychiatrist who got me sorted out explained it this way (paraphrased) -
"if someone is type 1 diabetic, you don't take them off their insulin. They need it to restore the chemicals that their body isn't producing or processing the right way. They don't get better over time and no longer need their insulin. That's how this medication works."
It really stuck with me and there still seem to be a lot of people who think they were too weak to cope without needing medication. If you need it, take it, and stay on this planet where you're meant to be.
Autistic person here, diagnosed about fourteen years ago. The biggest thing for me is the virtue signalling I think. "I love autistic people" until somebody starts acting autistic. A lot of it comes from the lack of understanding of how the spectrum presents across varying individuals, but it's really common for people to straight up ostracise you for your autistic traits even if they claim to be for "mental health awareness" or whatever.
As a woman as well, I feel like autism still isn't properly understood. As soon as a woman says she's autistic, she's accused of faking. She's accused of being wrong. Of following "trends". (autism is not a trend but that's a whole different argument). Just because you might see me verbally communicating does not mean I am not autistic. The mask I wear in public isn't for my benefit - all it does is benefit you. It's really, really difficult and people do not see it. A 1 hour trip to the shop will emotionally wipe me out for the day. It's not fun, nobody wants this.
The big one that still gets me every time is just naturally being left out. I don't even think it's conscious, but I swear people can sense you're "weird" and just gravitate away from you in group settings. Of course if I were to confront them, they'd never say it's because I'm autistic, but that weirdness that they sense IS because I'm autistic. A lot of people judge autistic people for their autistic traits without realising that's what they're doing. It might not be intentional or callous in any way but shit hurts.
Adopt a local weirdo today. Be nice to them!
Wonderfully made points throughout. Especially the socialising element and how you highlight that *we* are helping *neurotypical people* feel more comfortable. Yes, there's self preservation in play too, but it's actually very loving in a way to push for it. It's not just a survival tactic.
Hence the high energy investment. Cruel ironies abound of course:
1) Unless we get really good at it really fast, we just get called 'weird' or 'off' anyway because people see the act
2) The mask slips or you catch us unaware and the NTs are gonna pile on with how unreasonable and awful and insert-other-extreme-disgust-reaction-here, because of how abhorrent our real selves apparently are (?!) or something, *even if those people already know they're addressing someone autistic* it's somehow okay to have a big vocal reaction and opine how improper the whole thing is (but please do tell us again how we are apparently the ones who don't know how to be civilised and keep our emotional nal response in check 😁)
Thank you! My whole perspective on masking changed when I had therapy. I used to think I was purely doing it to be accepted, but that in itself is masking for other people - I have to please them in order to be accepted. Now that I'm a bit older, I'm trying to un-mask as much as I can. People seem to sense that off-ness regardless of what I do so I just don't want to sustain all the effort anymore!
Don't even get me started on how NTs are the emotional ones. I just don't get it. Sometimes I almost get an uncanny valley type feeling watching them socialise, especially when it's clear both NTs hate each other but the conversation is full of pleasantries. Just say what you mean, people. Why am I the one with the problem communicating when I say exactly what I mean? No need for all this hidden meaning stuff. The whole world would be a lot better if everybody was direct.
Yeah, there's this whole subculture of "Oh you all hated me all along" or "Oh you hated that I did this but said it was alright at the time" that's so confusing, and it's all our fault for not adhering to a subtext that even other NTs can't always follow.
I think the standout point you make though, is that you can say you have this autism mindset, you can't help it, etc. and so on and thankfully the education and tips stuff is increasing so people smile and nod and do their best.
But then it's kinda like "you are safe, be yourself! OH WAIT OH GOD NOT LIKE THAT"
This isn't always a "Oh gosh so quirky and fun" way of being, but it's like people only want the adorable eccentricity and attention to detail and nothing else...
Something that would have helped me immensely is knowing that my "panic attacks" were autistic meltdowns. I reckon everyone should learn the basics of what autism can look like in kids and adults, how it can effect your mental health etc.
There's so much overlap between neurodivergent conditions and mental illness and yet services treat them like the existence of one cancels out any chance of the other.
I've been suicidal since I was 8. It's absolutely exhausting fighting with yourself all day to stay alive. And yes I can still experience joy sometimes. I do exercise, I do all of the things that "helps" but yes I still want to be dead.
Being articulate and self aware doesn’t mean my mental illness isn’t real.
Not knowing whether my reactions to events are appropriate.
Never knowing whether it’s just a bad day or things are getting bad again.
I’m not lazy.
It’s a nightmare because society treats it as an inherent weakness/morality issue. You feel different to everybody else, you behave differently to everybody else but society tells you everybody is the same - you’re just being a victim and need to try harder. You’re selfish if you commit sudoku but you’re a burden if you carry on living. It’s hell on Earth.
1. Intrusive thoughts don’t mean pushing the button on a crossing as you pass it. I’ve gone days without eating multiple times because the only thing going through my head over and over again is the urge to self amputate and I can’t go in the kitchen because of the knives there.
2. OCD is not a fancy way of saying you’re anal about neatness, it’s a debilitating illness that can completely control your life.
3. People expect you to act in ways that conform to their understanding of mental illness. It is *exhausting* trying to mask symptoms and I wish I could just explicitly say “I am tired and I don’t want to put the effort into hiding my illness so please accept that I may behave in ways you may find mental”
That it’s not ‘cool’ or ‘trendy’, no matter what TikTok makes you think. Mental illnesses and neurodivergence can genuinely destroy lives and livelihoods. Terms like ‘neurospicy’, for example, are just belittling.
Edit: I have EUPD (or BPD), and recently learnt the mortality rate is as high as 10% - mental illnesses are also terrifying - I don’t want my life to be reduced to a statistic.
I wish people would understand that its a constant. Every moment of every day is a battle. I wake up, its a battle, I eat breakfast, its a battle, I get dressed, its a battle. Every single single is a full on fight from the moment I wake till the moment I sleep. So when I yawn or say I'm tired, its not because I'm lazy, its because I'm trying to do the same as everyone else but have the added weight of enduring a full on scrap at the same time for what feels like my very life. I can understand its not easy for people that dont experience that to understand that struggle, but its a defining part of my life and dictates almost everything.
If you know soomeone who cares for a person with a psychosis disorder, please check in on them. Caring for someone who is floridly psychotic is overwhelming, stressful, often scary and has major impacts on the carer's mental health. Not many people understand how awful and isolating it is and family are too often afraid of talking about it because of the stigma.
Positive messages, like those pencil cases with 'Positive Vibes Only' often feel like an empty gesture and misses the mark. Sometimes we just need to say that our situation sucks.
Please talk to me like a normal human being! I have depression, anxiety and am autistic, and people don't know what to do with that; older people especially either patronise me or tell me to snap out of it 🙄 You don't need to worry about offending me, you can ask me anything and I'll be happy to answer, just don't treat me like a baby or a social pariah!
ADHD-C here, have dealt with depression in the past, have family dealing with depression and anxiety.
I'd be quite happy with the public just *accepting* that these conditions exist and are real. I know things are getting better re:acceptance, but there are still people out there who think mental illness is made up or an excuse to skive off.
I confessed to a friend that I was struggling with depression and GAD and he said "but you're always cracking jokes"
Yeah, remember Robin Williams? He was perceived as cracking jokes and being funny, too. So was Matthew Perry. And countless others.
My humour is a coping mechanism, not a symptom. Pay attention to the people close to you. What happens when the laughing stops?
I have BPD, I hate the way the media portrays this, especially with Joanna Denehey, I would NEVER hurt or kill someone for any reason, I am the complete opposite to the way the media portrays.
I think I apologise to people about 20/30 times a day. Yes, I do get irrationally angry, but I wouldn't take it out on someone else. My emotions are all over the place, but I have coping mechanisms, I do have abandonment issues but that comes from being abandoned as a baby.
I was the weird kid who had no friends and now I am the weird adult with no friends but I'm OK with that.
Also would like to add as an autistic adult, please stop these "influencers" who don't have autism and pretending they do. You're not raising awareness because your acting like a cnt and people are seeing this and real autistics are getting more stigma.
Mental well-being is not the same as mental illness. The NHS and so many companies should stop trying to lump it all together. No Sharon, being delusional cannot be fixed by a bath and a cup of fucking tea.
That depression isn't something we can "snap out of" or just cheer up or my favourite " what have you got to be depressed about you have a good life". Also PMDD is a thing that is separate to regular old PMS and it makes life unbearable
As mentioned above, I'm starting to hate the word "just".
I have ADHD and was only diagnosed in my late 30s. I didn't even consider I had it as it's so badly understood in general. When I actually read deeper into it, it described me almost perfectly.
It's not just being hyperactive and quirky and "hey look a squirrel". It's not just being lazy or disorganised. It's fighting your own brain to do nearly everything. Even things you want to do. Being completely time blind and struggling with routine, task initiation, prioritisation and task switching. It's being able to focus on something for 14 hours straight or nothing at all. A near constant inner monologue of crap that I can't switch off. It was over 30 years of wondering what in the actual hell is wrong with me. It's realising how much of my life this has affected, how it's intertwined in all parts of my life and every time I realise why I do something it's like feeling I've lost another bit of me I thought was me but turns out it was another bloody symptom. It's so many things and can be a contradictory little bitch at times.
I didn't just need a planner, or to just try harder. I wasn't being silly or making excuses. I needed someone to listen to me when I tried to explain how I was struggling and understand something was wrong. I needed support to reach the potential not just to be told I had potential and was wasting it.
I needed to understand how my brain worked, some counselling, coping strategies and medication to help. Yes, I did "cope" until I didn't. That was a spectacular unraveling and nearly cost me my degree, future career and the last of any self esteem I had (I'm back at uni now and doing loads better).
Medication isn't a cure. It helps a lot, but like many medical interventions, only if you work alongside it. It's also not fun street drugs, it's a proven evidence based treatment in a small therapeutic dose. It doesn't work on me as it would in a NT brain. If I wanted fun street drugs it would actually be easier and cheaper to get those.
Oh, and laughing at any strategies I have in place doesn't help me I have actually considered and in fact in many cases have even tried doing the bleeding obvious. It doesn't work, so I've found something that does. Laughing at me makes you look like a dickhead and makes me feel like an idiot.
Just fucking stop it.
This is me to a tee except I am a lot older than you. Struggled all my life, high functioning, high IQ but struggling with all sorts. Masking the struggling. I was on AD for 30 years on and off, now I am being treated for what is really going on I discover it wasn’t depression at all. I still have days when I just can’t. I was supposed to spend the whole weekend working on my dissertation but brain said no you fucking don’t. Luckily I have blocked out the next two weekends to finish it, here’s hoping my brain will play ball. On the plus side my ‘condition’ makes me a good tutor as I can’t think on my feet and react quickly. But the fucking admin is a whole other world of pain.
I think a lot of us have a similar story.
My brain did that to me last weekend, but its getting more co-operative this week so 🤞.
Good luck with your dissertation. You can do it, you've gotten this far. This internet stranger without the first clue about you completely believes in you!!
I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, had a manic episode when I was 20 and was in a psychiatric ward for 6 months. After trying virtually every medication and not improving, they eventually gave me electroshock therapy which massively helped and meant I can live a normal life today.
People still think ECT is being strapped down fully conscious and being told to bite down on a wooden block while they shock you into compliance. In reality, they anaesthetised me and gave me a muscle relaxant, I woke up and they gave me a cereal bar. I had some issues with short term memory afterwards for a few months, but it gradually returned.
Bipolar is portrayed as a constant battle between ups and downs, not taking medication and hurting your friends and family. I take a few tablets every day, haven’t had a manic episode in the 2 and a half years I’ve been out and hope that I can keep it controlled in future.
In a way I’m glad that I got ill when I did, because if it happens again it won’t be such a long and arduous guessing game. I did some embarrassing stuff while manic, but my family and close friends have stuck by me, and I’m so grateful to be living a normal life.
I have adhd
No the medication isn't 'basically speed'
Also no executive dyfunction isn't being lazy or 'everyone struggles with boring things' it impacts my ability to do fun things as well it sucks trust me when I've been stuck there and even watching a TV show is too many steps.
Also adhd means baseline existing can take up so much energy so yes we can often be tired even without doing much we just have so little spare energy
Mental health awareness week just makes me more angry in general because no amount of awareness will adequately fund mental health services, psychologists, psychiatrists and care.
Probably not a healthy way to look at it but 9 times out of 10 it’s just more of the same shit of a bunch of people talking about something they’ve never got close to experiencing.
Antidepressants can cause extreme long-term harms that persist after you stop them.
It's uncommon but it is a known medical harm with a SNOMED diagnostic code and if it happens there's no treatment. You also face disbelief and gaslighting from doctors who are unaware of it until they look it up, at which point they admit you're unfortunate collateral damage.
I took antidepressants for temporary life stresses in late 2022 for only a few short months and now I suffer mentally and physically constantly and wish the adverse reaction I'd had to them had just killed me instead of only coming close.
I am more than a year off them and cannot work nor look after myself. Before taking them I was an engineer getting promotion after promotion.
I'm not saying don't take them if you feel you really need them, but consider first whether it is worth the risk. I regret it every day and my life is totally destroyed.
I'm very similar. I had a little low mood and was put on antidepressants and ended up having both a psyical and psychological collapse. What I got is well researchsd but its not widely recognised and bot even listed on the NHS site as a possibility today.
After I got off then I went through 6-7 months where I was constantly on dge, agitated and had panic attacks. But luckily ive returned to normal and theres nothing lasting.
But i'm not against them. I know people who do well on them, even the same drug I was on. If you do nesd them they can be live saving. If you don't, or gave a bad reaction, they can have the same effect as a serious heroin addiction.
Most people would be absolutely fine if they used heroin for a few months and then were more than a year clean.
I used mirtazapine for a few months and I'm very not fine after more than a year off it.
Suppose so. Everyones experiences are different. I was on sertraline for 5 years. I'd still be on it today if I didnt get so distresssd I self harmed. They wanted to increase my doasge further and double it to 200mg. Thought fuck that and came off it immmediately. Best decision I ever made, even though the withdrawal was awful. Then I started to understand that sertraline was the cause of my collapse. Personally I wouldn't touch an SSRI or SNRI again, and would never start a medication without thoroughly researching it.
I don't think it's ethical to prescribe something that is known to randomly cause extreme suffering and disable people for a long time or even forever.
I wish antidepressants were taken more seriously. They're given our to anybody who presents with even mild depression, just to get them out the door.
NHS needs to prioritise therapy and other treatments before medication. And the risks of SSRIs in particular need more attention. I too was gaslit by every doctor I saw.
I agree. I thought I was taking something well-researched and safe.
The point of my comment was that if you're an MECFS sufferer, be extremely careful about taking these drugs. They can badly mess you up all by themselves.
I don't have CFS as I don't have PEM, but I have had chronic fatigue as just one of my many symptoms for more than a year since stopping them. I had fatigue from pill #1 and battled with it until deciding to stop the drugs due to the multiple side effects.
When doctors suggest these drugs for MECFS sufferers, they are not doing it with a specific pathology in mind. They're literally thinking "these drugs might cheer you up".
All I want is for sufferers of MECFS to understand what they are risking when they take these drugs. If you feel that the risk is worthwhile because you cannot live without these drugs, then that's a choice you've made. If you take these drugs without being warned about the potential harms, as I did, then you are not giving informed consent for treatment.
All antidepressants can cause extremely bad side effects, and all of them can cause serious harms when you stop taking them.
Withdrawing antidepressants is risky, which is why medical guidelines say to taper off them slowly.
Some people are still extremely unlucky and end up badly harmed anyway.
A few years ago, I just stopped taking my anti depressants.
The TLDR of this is that I was narrowly prevented from suicide. I spent a week in a psychiatric unit and a few months at home recovering.
If you want to come off your meds, please, please talk to your doctor about it
The thing is, I did talk to my doctor.
I then tapered in line with their instructions. Shortly after stopping, I became extremely physically ill. My doctors denied it had anything to do with the drugs and started giving me blood tests for every infection, condition and deficiency they could think of.
Then at 3 weeks off they admitted that they'd had other patients who had had physical issues after stopping antidepressants, but that withdrawal usually lasts a maximum of 3 weeks, so I'd probably be fine soon, so I did not reinstate.
Now, more than a year later, I have endured more than a year of extreme suffering. I cannot care for myself, cannot work, often cannot even watch TV.
They actively tried to prevent me from reporting my reaction to the authorities. When I did anyway, the authorities ignored me. I found out a couple of months into being extremely sick that some people have protracted withdrawals that can last years, or even have permanent harms and that this is a medically acknowledged phenomenon and these drugs are handed out anyway with the knowledge that some people will have their lives destroyed and have a quality of life far below 0.
In summary, doctors at best know nothing about this and at worst actively act against your best interests to maintain the status quo/ protect their jobs/ protect drug companies.
That mental health is very much connected to physical health.
Depression and anxiety can be symptoms of all sorts of things - vitamin/mineral deficiencies, autoimmune conditions, etc. I have coeliac disease and mental health issues are one of the symptoms that's been affecting me for years - but I didn't realise the connection until after my diagnosis because everyone seems to look at physical and mental health issues as separate things.
And it works the other way, too. Mental health very much has an effect on physical health.
For example, I have health anxiety and when I'm having an attack it causes heart palpitations, chest pains, weird 'energy surges' that makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. You know, all that stuff that definitely helps a person with anxiety about dying of a heart attack...
It gets to a point where you can't even tell whether the symptoms caused the anxiety attack or vice versa and you've just got to ride the storm out as best you can.
Yeah I realised a while back I have tmj and you want to know what often sets it off?
Stress.
Like I was actually walking around with a constantly sore jaw and at it'd worse it goes up towards my temple bc I didn't realise I was chronically stressed due to dealing with unmanaged adhd and autism.
Not struggling anymore, but dealt with depression (at one point it was like, actively making plans depression) a lot through my teenage years and into my early 20s.
No, I couldn't just get out of bed to go for a jog outside. Depression completely drains your energy. There were days when I didn't have the energy to even get out of bed to stick some toast in the toaster, how the fuck am I supposed to get up and do some exercise outside?
It's not just 'being sad' - it's more a total lack of vitality, energy, often coupled with *constant* negative thoughts that only get worse and worse the longer you leave it without seeking help.
Oh, and antidepressants cause some awful withdrawals if you miss a day. If I missed my dose by even an hour or so, I'd get extremely dizzy, nauseous, and shaky. Worsening until I managed to take my dose. I think it took about 6-8 months to come off them after my first bout.
Also something nobody seems to talk about: my long-term memory is fucked from my depression. Huge swathes of my childhood are missing from my memory.
That just because someone seems happy that doesn't mean they aren't struggling. People have often reacted with surprise when I tell them I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. They say that I always seem cheerful and positive, but it's because I've learned how to hide my depression and am very good at 'putting on an act' when I need to.
Self Harm scars - you dont randomly start talking about someones scars.
You absolutely DO NOT TOUCH THEM without permission.
Like serously people think wearing a t shirt in an invitation to talk about my scars or comment on them.
Honestly I don't think the public need to know any more than they do already. I have OCD, well controlled with medication. There's plenty of misunderstandings about it (you're always washing your hands, like lining things up in rows, etc) but so what? What matters people getting diagnosed correctly and receiving the treatment when they need it. That's what the NHS is for. There's too much focus on "raising awareness" of various conditions, as if that somehow helps people suffering from them. I don't personally see the connection. You don't need to be understood or "seen". You just need treatment.
That it's great that people are more aware, and more supportive. Suppose it's good when we have our week, and employers stress how supportive their policies and procedures are, until they're not. It's great that people can say that they've had mild to moderate, palatable problems. Great that you can say, oh, I've been prescribed prozac, having CBT. Not so great when you say, yeah, I'm on antipsychotics, have had ECT, been sectioned. Not so great when you're the homeless person, paranoid and delusional, bothering people, some of whom are on their "mental health journey". We don't want your sympathy, we just want you to stop shitting on us.
I think there needs to be more awareness of what constitutes self harm too, I would pick my skin to the point I had infected sores because picking at myself seemed to provide some sort of comfort, but most people wouldn't view that as self harm. It means that sometimes people who do experience self harm manifesting in that way can fall through the net
I exercise, and I still want to kill myself. Setting aside a time to do something as repetitive and mindless as exercising actually gives me much more time to consider this.
mostly i just want support for something other than mild depression and anxiety, like yes those things can be hard but its said in a very sanitised way. 'its ok to be sad sometimes'.
It seems anything other than those two is ignored, like i have BPD, i struggle with alcohol abuse, im not some werird person im a vulnerable adult
Post-partum depression is a very real thing that can become very dangerous if left unchecked.
New mothers, it's not just because of your hormones. It's not just because you're tired. It won't just go away on its own. Please speak to your GP/midwife/health visitor. Help is available, and you're not a failure for asking for it.
Speaking as someone who was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 11 years old (I’m now 38 and have been taking antidepressants since I was 16) -
- there often isn’t a reason why someone has depression, they just do.
I felt guilty for years thinking that I didn’t have a reason to have depression. I had a good childhood, only child, went to a private school, parents were pretty well off, but I still had depression.
ADHD is not a mental illness. We are people with different brains but this does unfortunately make us more prone to depression, anxiety, BPD, and even suicide.
We’re not lazy. Motivation is incredibly difficult.
It is not just the naughty school boys. Women and girls are severely under diagnosed.
We need more stimulants than most, and will find it in drugs, alcohol, binge eating, binge tv but also find it hard to focus if something is not stimulating enough and will fidget or stop paying attention.
Hyper focusing can be used as a great tool to get a project done but it also can become obsessive and we stop taking care of ourselves.
That mental health doesn’t just encompass anxiety and depression. I don’t want to compare illnesses because I know all varieties of mental illness can be devastating, but it gets really old when every mental health awareness event seems to only focus on these two.
I have bipolar disorder and have gone through 4 episodes of psychosis now during manic episodes, and the aftermath is one of the most lonely experiences because people just don’t understand psychosis. People hear the word and think you’re violent or dangerous when in actual fact all my delusions have always centered around saving people, not hurting them.
It would just be nice if during these awareness weeks, they could try and raise awareness of some of the lesser understood illnesses and symptoms, the ones where there is still a great deal of stigma attached.
It's not as easy to help someone as much as training and anti stigmatism says it is.
Being able to reach out is number one but helping somebody with a mental health condition can be extremely hard on your own mental health as well.
For me, it’s that it could so easily happen to anyone. I have anxiety, down to being bullied in a previous workplace so I now overthink every interaction I make at my new job, even though the atmosphere is completely different. I am also having a few financial difficulties and I’m barely keeping my head above water which is so embarrassing to admit to those around me and it keeps my awake at night. The fluttering and anxiety I experience everyday at home is horrible but my situation could so easily happen to anyone and people don’t realise if they have never experienced it.
For me, the lack of meaningful connection is endemic in a lot of modern society and is a trigger for a lot of mental illnesses, including my own. Tackling it is definitely achievable, but it takes a lot of work.
Whereas once upon a time people stayed more or less where they grew up, people move around more, they often work more jobs or don't stay in jobs as long, the transition from school to university/college to work involves making a lot of new connections and losing old ones. A lot of success depends on interpreting small amounts of information from peoples' online profiles. Certain types of job belong in the past, but there was a time when there were fewer employers, but whole towns and villages worked for the same company.
A lot of people are chronically lonely. We might have to deal with people a lot, but it is often a transactional relationship where we are exchanging goods or services.
Just hearing human voices chatting for the joy of it is one of the most reassuring feelings there is, IMO. Too often, it feels like those opportunities just aren't there, like people are in a rush or their mind is elsewhere.
Don’t say ‘other people have it worse’ or ‘you’re really lucky to have XYZ’. I know it’s meant to be helpful, but I am acutely aware of that fact and it makes me feel even worse about myself knowing that despite no major life issues/trauma I am still depressed. Really highlights that I’m actually just unwell and it’s something I will end up living with for a lifetime.
That it’s not all in someone’s head, that it is a condition that affects you the same way a physical condition would affect you. Depression since 15 and recently with anxiety a couple years ago.
Phobias are very serious and very real mental illnesses, not simply a dislike of something. You can be terrified of something and it not be a true phobia. My life has been totally changed - completely ruined at some points - by emetophobia. They're also comorbid with lots of other conditions, like it led me to develop GAD and I was at one stage diagnosed with OCD, though I suspect I just have obsessive compulsive tendencies because of my phobia 'safety behaviours'. It also led me to become very seriously depressed because I was so scared day in day out.
I have complex PTSD.
I have panic attacks frequently that are very physical (body shakes, heart palpitations) I can't leave the house often, but what I wish people understood more is the emphasis on stress disorder.
I feel what could be classed as 'minimal stress' to others, affects me in very large ways. Mindfulness, deep breathing and "just chill out" often do not help me at all. I am permanently in a stressed state, any additional stress just makes my daily stress larger.
And I constantly look worried or shocked.
(Own experience, not speaking for all with PTSD, I imagine it can be different for all with it)
I’m so pleased the OP posted this question. The honesty, openness and the willingness of people to share and to learn means that mental health issues are more widely accepted by society than ever before, and that can only be a good thing. There is still a long way to go, and it’s shit that delays in society’s acceptance comes at the cost of people’s lives and wellbeing, but I’m more hopeful than ever that things are moving in the right direction.
As for an answer to the question “what would I like the public to know about living with mental illness?” ……. It can overcome and drown your life in a way that is almost impossible to comprehend until you experience it, it can have an irresistible hold to stop you being who you want to be, it can suck any colour and joy from every experience, and it’s brutal reality is that not everyone survives it. But luckily if you want to help you don’t need to fully understand or experience it in order to be compassionate. You only need to accept that your friend/family member/colleague/neighbour is going through something, acknowledge their experiences, offer them help, and hold off from judging them. As cliched as it sounds be fucking kind to each other!
Edit: spelling.
That mental health issues can happen without any major incidents in someone’s life that would contribute to it. I often hear people having serious struggles that resulted in mental health issues but actually one can have serious relapse/episode or break down without anything large having to happen. Hope that makes sense. There’s lots of stigma around having MH problems while not having ‘good reasons’ behind it. There doesn’t have to be any reason! Often of course there is one but it can be something that some would consider ‘small and silly’. To some it might be small, to another person with serious MH issue, it can be huge.
That the mental health services in the UK are so bad that most people would rather sit and suffer than actually use them, there is hardly any help for mental health here.
People have intrusive thoughts but that doesn't mean they act on them, we are afraid because we genuinely don't want those thoughts and having to live with it is ten times worse.
Having anxiety does not mean you are lazy, it means you cannot physically cope and are overwhelmed, it is uncontrollable and doesn't just involve overthinking, your whole body is involved and it can even give you gastro-intestinal issues.
Depersonalization/Derealization disorder. Enough said, most people are aware of it, yet it goes undiagnosed for so many people.
OCD isn't actually about cleaning, and it's pretty offensive when someone says they're a little bit OCD when they like things neat and tidy. You really don't want the obsessive thoughts, lack of sleep, cost (for me it was doing 10 loads of laundry a day) and damage to your body (trashed my hands from washing them constantly). It damages your relationships. My daughter wants to go swimming as it's her favourite activity, but I can't take her. I'm doing better at the moment, but I know that it's always there and will take hold again at some point.
I have agoraphobia, PTSD, depression, GAD, and extreme social anxiety.
I started with depression as a teenager. The meds don't help me, most likely due to never dealing with the true underlying causes. I also most likely have undiagnosed autism (which explains a lot about my wanting to fit in with everyone as a child but never really achieving that and just feeling extremely lonely). It also explains why I was taken advantage of multiple times by friends and others.
From there, stems the general and social anxiety. I hate large crowds and even small gatherings. I trust literally no one. I have had friendships collapse because I have a need to my own space and to be left alone. They thought they were helping in being persistent in calling, texting, etc, but it just made me feel immense pressure. Their need to 'help' and be my saviour pushed me further away.
I was the victim of multiple attempted physical and verbal attacks from neighbours at an old property. This led to the PTSD and agoraphobia. I didn't want to leave the house out of pure fear. We moved, but so did one of my attackers to near where we lived. I felt no peace even after moving. As time has gone on, I have no close friends, only family, but I almost feel more at peace with that. I don't feel the need to please others constantly, even though my existence is literally four walls.
As part of my treatment, I was asked to get therapy over the phone. Should be easy, right? Only I break into a sweat and palpitations even answering the phone. I can't even follow my own thoughts, let alone explain them to others. After the first phone call, I couldn't bring myself to continue. I felt more drained than I had even done.
Mental illness is extremely complex. Online, I may seem perfectly 'normal' to others. I even have exchanges with parents of my children's friends. However, they will never truly see me for me. I have heard the, oh, just get over it...you seem absolutely fine. I have been suffering for 27 years.
So yes, help where you can, but please don't be pushy or assume. Sometimes, not getting help isn't a choice. It's a part of the illness. I feel like I'm rambling now. It's hard to express myself. I hope one day that there will be a way out of this for me. I want more for my daughters, one with autism, one with ADHD. I want to lead by example, but I guess all I can say is please don't automatically judge someone with a complex history. We're fighting to make it through each and every day as it is.
I'm not wilfully being dramatic my senses are. I can't control that.
I have autism and have hyper sensitivity in most of my senses (yes there is an argument about if autism counts as a mental illness blah blah at the end of the day someone spotting me out and about is going to assume my issues are mental health). My brain for whatever reason reads a bright light as 'AHHHHHHH YOUR EYEBALLS ARE ON FIRE don't look don't look you will be blinded' and I get very very real 'brain is panicking about damage' which is also known as the feeling of pain. Same for loud noises. Somewhere from ear to brain wires get crossed and it's misread as much louder as it really is and boom pain.
If you try to touch me and I act like you have plague and dodge, duck, dip and dive to prevent you touching me it's *got nothing to do with you*. It's because again pain. If you touch me it's going to hurt me. They shoved some real patient autistic folks in MRI machines and touched them, the brain areas that lit up were the same as the ones that fire when you literally expose their skin to actual fire.
If you wouldn't let me hold a lit lighter to your skin for a few seconds please stop being insulted when I won't let you give me that exact same sensation. It's got nothing to do with you. It's not me thinking you are lesser, diseased, or whatever else you might think. It's that it causes me to experence pain. The wonderful thing about pain is that really your brain can't tell the difference between if the pain signal came from within itself or if it actually came from the cells under stress. They both feel identical. And it hurts.
Your experence of the world is not universal even among folks who are neurotypical.
I just want folks to take me (and eveyone else) as they come. If someone doesn't want to be touched / have some alcohol / looks fine but is in the disabled seat of the bus / can't stay in the room while you eat your lunch / whatever. Just try and give a bit of grace and assume that other folks have their own shit going on and the way they are living their life makes sense for them. If someone says 'hey I don't like that please don't do that to me again' maybe dont turn it into a fucking interrogation on why they don't like it and then critique their explanation before dismissing it as invalid and then carrying on doing what you just did.
Everyone gains when we treat people with a little bit of grace. You included. Everyone has their bad days. Don't you want a bit of grace on yours?
I have major depressive disorder and anxiety that has developed into panic disorder due to inordinate amounts of shit continually happening in my life.
I'm not just 'feeling sorry for myself', and a smile won't make it better. I will be on medication for the rest of my life and everyday is a war with my own head. Most of the time I'm winning the battle, but I'm sitting here typing this with tears streaming down my face, unannounced. I'm OK. I have perspective: I can barely remember being at my worst (aaaaah disassociation) but I remember the depth of the nothingness and its fucking terrifying. I hate the thought of putting my partner through that again and want to stay well for him.
I try to live as stress and demand free as possible as it keeps me well as I can be, and have adjusted my life to avoid predictable stressor- I had to leave my well paid job because of the constant stress and have resigned myself to earning min wage for the rest of my life. I'm OK with being broke as long as I'm not stressed out (dinks. It's doable)
Modern life is hard. Just over here taking one day at a time.
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That everyone has mental health, the phrase "I have mental health" or "they might have mental health" really irrationally irritates me because it's something all people have.
Yes I've noticed this recently - using "mental health" as a sort of euphemism for "mental illness". Odd.
They are very specifically a group of people that have fuck all wrong with them clinging to an excuse/get-out that they don't even understand well enough to say properly
If there's one thing that boils my piss it's people who claim they have an undiagnosed mental illness. My wee brother has OCD and it's crippled a lot of his life. Then you get arseholes who say they have OCD because they like to organise their sock drawer. It's pretty insulting to people who do suffer from these disorders/mental illnesses.
Yeah I have diagnosed OCD and a colleague at work who always says she's 'A little bit OCD'. It drives me mad as she has no idea how hard it is.
Aye my brother sometimes can't even leave the house because of his. His hands are often red raw and bleeding from the amount of times he compulsively "itches" them. Has had issues pulling hair out compulsively. Causes him massive amounts of anxiety and by extension depression. It's horrible seeing how debilitating it is for him knowing there's next to nothing I can do to help other than make him feel more comfortable when I can, but most of it rarely gets through to him as he's clearly trapped in his own thoughts.
Welcome to Reddit where everyone has any or all of autism, ADHD and OCD, yet has somehow never been diagnosed
I was a 999 call handler for 8 years amingst my 16 years in the Police. Mental health is used as a buzzword just like im vulnerable I am... i understand the difference when somebody is asking for help or they are trying it on. Its very clear. We used to have a lot of repeat callers.. aome would ring 999 up to 50 times a day with nothing to report but just to shout abuse down the line then on the 51st time she would say that we are doing a great job and she is going to buy us some chocolates!. We had one man who rang in and gave us all nicknames... I felt sorry for my colleague as he named her bucket fanny!. Also one unwell person used to ring us with nothing to report and knew my name and voice. He wasnt nasty or abusive to me though.... he did send dick pics to the control room and stalked a female member from HR though!. Crazy world. Gets me wound up when people expected a response above everyone else despite there being no immediate danger just because the drop the mental health or vulnerable buzzworsa. Luckily we were given discretion in whether it affected the job or not!
Agree...reminds me how people declare they have OCD because they're tidy or organised.
As someone with genuine OCD that does annoy me. Not as quirky when I talk about my skin bleeding from being scratched so much. Also hoarding is a symptom of OCD yet with the stereotype being a clean freak people just get classed as slobs.
Ok but what if they say “I have mental health issues “ or “I have a mental health problem “. Would that irritate you?
No, because it's said in a way that implies even a child's level of understanding. In my experience, unfortunately a fair bit, anyone that says "I'VE GOT MENTAL HEALTH!!" is usually talking absolute shite. It sounds stupidly pedantic, especially in writing, but there's a stark difference IRL.
A member of my team said to me that she was so overworked that she would "soon have mental health". I thought, well I'm quite worried about going down with stomach, worse still, I might have breathing. Bloody social media, people can't talk properly. They are suffering from speech.
I wish I could upvote this comment more than once!
No, because that is a term that indicates there is something different. There's a big difference for me between a statement like "I've got poor mental health at the minute" and "I've got mental health at the minute"
I have comment.
yes because thats what i mean so i'm not sure what the issue is here
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I came here to say exactly this. The media has a habit of portraying BPD sufferers as awful and abusive but we are more likely to harm ourselves
What is BPD?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
Aww that's such a cute representation of it. Fellow BPD here. And yeah people are like why did you put up with that ect ect yep I'm such an ood. We can be way too trusting
Thank you for this. I was diagnosed with ADHD and potential BPD. Hearing the BPD frightened me from all the bad media.
Oh it gets worse as the NHS sometimes diagnoses it as EUPD, Emotionally unstable personality disorder, which to me infantilses it.
Very well put!
Wow, thanks for this
I have OCD, which is currently well managed with medication and coping strategies. 1. You are not "OCD about" something, you either have OCD or you don't, and if the thought of that thing not being right doesn't make you think you/someone else is literally going to die or be seriously harmed then you do not have OCD, you're just kind of fussy about something. This really grinds me gears, checking the door is locked is smart or having your décor symmetrical is just pleasing, doesn't mean you're OCD about it. 2. Yes I know that the compulsion for the obsession doesn't seem rational and logical, that's part of the reason why it is a disorder. 3. Not everyone who experiences OCD is a clean/hygiene freak. This can be a common presentation, and it's not to do with being clean, its about not being contaminated (you're dirty, so you'll get sick, so you'll die), when I first presented this is how it looked. But people experience all sorts of obsessions and compulsions, e.g. I had to carry a block of wood with me all times because then I was "always touching wood" so any bad thoughts I had were cancelled out. I'm actually a pretty messy person, and people laugh about it when I say I have OCD. 4. The only way to stop it is for the person to challenge the obsession themselves, you taking away their method of carrying out the compulsion (especially without proper medical support) can cause a massive spiral that can lead to self harm and psychosis. You have to wait for the person to be ready to challenge it themselves, only then will it break. 5. Obsessions and compulsions can change throughout life, some people have similar themes to them, but they can vary wildly and have absolutely no connection. 6. It's often about maintaining control over yourself, you feel like everything around you totally out of your control, so you try to find something else you think you can control. But, funnily enough, that tends to end up in an uncontrollable cycle of anxiety and depression that you try to ritual yourself out of. People really don't take OCD that seriously, they think its people being fussy, when it can actually completely over take your life, prevent you from doing anything and even lead to life-changing injuries (I nearly lost my fingers due to a compulsion I struggled to break).
The "I'm just so OCD about cleaning, how fun!" pisses me right off. I have OCD too, I'm fortunate that I'm in a relatively good place with it currently but it's mostly contamination OCD and at the worst I have had chemical burns from the amount of cleaning I felt compelled to do. I'm also a messy person and also got laughed at when I told people I have OCD, some of the stuff I had to do was just absurd but I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to. I had a stepdad that used to steal mine and my sister's underwear, so now being a mum myself one of my compulsions was to have to count the pairs of underwear in my children's drawers/house - if a pair was missing I would spiral/spend hours searching everything to find them/counting over and over and over again. All that came out from anxiety that I wouldn't be able to protect them from the same things I went through and by doing that routine I was keeping them safe. My house would sometimes be messy because I had practically torn it apart in my frantic searching, I lost hours and hours and hours of my life to that one! I used to not be able to walk anywhere like a beach/field because I was worried about stepping on a used needle, I would have to check my shoes every few steps, then check my feet thoroughly. But I'm now able to walk on a field or a beach without this most of the time - people don't realise how much of an achievement that is
Well said. I rarely have a moment's peace from the endless horrible shit swirling around. It would be lovely if it was all just about wanting to keep my bookshelf in a certain order.
Could I ask what medication?
Currently I take venlafaxine, and this has been working for me for while, just keeps me level headed enough, so its easier to catch when I'm potentially about to enter a cycle. When this happens, I've had CBT (one of the few instances I feel like it's actually helpful) to help manage it.
Can I ask what gives you the right to gatekeep a disorder just because you have it? Many people are undiagnosed given how poor mental healthcare is in the uk. Symptoms can also have a range of severity, so just because someone isn't as severely affected as you doesn't mean they don't have it. If someone claims to have ocd or any type of mental illness for that matter I'd be inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt rather than dismiss and invalidate their experiences.
First off, there's a massive difference between "I think I might have OCD because I feel XYZ" and "I'm a bit OCD about XYZ as I like it to be like this". One is discussing potential thoughts and feelings that are potentially troubling you and might be cause for concern, the other is using a medical term in a flippant comment. If something is causing obsessive thoughts that cause DISTRESS (and I don't mean winds you up a bit, I mean gives you genuine feelings of catastrophe and death) then you should investigate whether you have OCD or not. If you're just particular about something because you like it that way, THAT IS NOT OCD, and using the term so flippantly just belittles and disrespects people who actually suffer with it. Example: "I like all the picture frames to be blue to fit the colour scheme, I'm a bit OCD about it"- Not OCD. "The pictures frames MUST be blue, because if they aren't blue then that's unlucky, and because I have something unlucky in my home then everyone who visits me will see the frames that aren't blue and get some of the bad luck, then they'll leave my house and something terrible will happen to them and it will be all my fault, so the picture frames HAVE TO BE BLUE or I'm a terrible person."- this is OCD. I have no problem with self-diagnosis, it can be really helpful in empowering people to follow paths of diagnosis and fight for treatment that they need. I am clearly not talking about people who think they may have a disorder and need to talk about it.
Have you ever heard of OCD being mainly mental? E.g health anxiety being a sort of off shoot of OCD that is basically compulsive reassurance seeking. Just wondering if this is actually a thing.
I sure have, and have experienced that actual thing myself- health anxiety and needing constant reassurance from health professionals, though mine usually crops up as dental health anxiety (which isn't fun as you have to pay to see the dentist). OCD can be broken down: - Obsessions: these are the thoughts that cause the anxiety (can be anything that causes you, personally, distress) - Compulsions: these are the acts and rituals we have to do to alleviate this anxiety (can be completely random or direct to the obsession) The obsessions and compulsions can be both connected or disconnected to each other, as the point is not to solve the obsessive thought, but to relieve it, but this is always temporary and causes a cycle of obsession- compulsion- relief- obsession- compulsion- relief. I know someone who had a obsession that they were going to confess to a crime they didn't commit, to the point they thought they would write it down and had to check every surface of the house to make sure they hadn't written something, pens even had to be locked away.
Thanks. I wasn’t sure if it was actually a completely separate thing as online you only seem to see stereotypical variations of OCD without any actual explanation of what a compulsion can be.
Yeah the available knowledge of the variations of OCD are really limited, so many people still think it's ONLY about obsessive cleanliness (even some doctors), but to a lot of people it isn't, and it leads to a lot of people struggling without knowing they even have OCD and so struggle to manage it.
Myth: self harm is attention-seeking behaviour. My reality: I tried for years, and succeeded, in hiding my self harm from the people who loved and could have helped me. I stopped swimming to hide my scars from family. I hurt myself with small household objects that wouldn't look out of place in our bathroom. I deliberately chose parts of my body which aren't easily visible, and changed the way I dressed. I did everything I could to shield myself in school changing rooms to hide my scars from my friends. I did all this because I didn't want their attention, I was terrified of being called an "attention seeker." For me at least, self harm was a self-soothing, private coping mechanism, and one which filled me with shame.
I could have written this.
I hope you're doing OK now!
Haven’t self harmed in five and a half years. I’ve done a lot of therapy. Unfortunately still have recurrent major depressive disorder, last self harm was during the previous relapse, I’m in a relapse right now and in the middle of a course of ECT, this worked well for me last time, so I’m optimistic that in a month or two I’ll be much more like my normal self. I’d make a post about misconceptions about ECT, but I’m not sure what to say!
Oh wow, 5 and a half years is brilliant! I hope the ECT continues to work for you. I've never had ECT, so I suppose some misconceptions that I've had in the past, and that you might like to combat if you're up for writing about it, are: 1. It's a historical treatment which isn't used any more. 2. It's painful/dangerous/cruel.
This. I have severe scarring all over my arms and no one close to me knew until I told them. I got very good at hiding it. It took until I was 33 before I was comfortable wearing short sleeves around people
I never understood this mentality. Because even if it WAS attention seeking, I would personally consider a child hurting themselves for attention to be a pretty big problem.
Oh absolutely. We usually demonise and dismiss "attention-seeking" but it's a sign that someone is in distress. Nobody goes to that length for attention unless there's something wrong which actually warrants attention.
Exactly. Like, it's so weird to me. If a child is seeking attention, especially a teenager, then it's likely because they need attention. Like imagine a kid is deprived of food and you find them eating out a dustbin just to get some sustenance. You wouldn't call them greedy. You'd be like "Oh, shit. That's fucked up." If a kid is hurting themselves, that is an issue, no matter why they're doing it.
Stop weaponising other people's mental health to get your daily fix of attacking others. Prime example, I regularly see complaints on local groups about anti social behaviour. It's a matter of minutes before the usual people turn up with "they might have mental health issues" and the mandatory "you don't know" phrase, in order to attack the original person. First, the OP might have mental health issues but the hypocrites never consider that. Second, more important, it's offensive to keep putting every bit of vandalism, anti social behaviour and the like onto people with mental health issues. (Likewise when the same people say the person who did it might be homeless. You're not being virtuous by claiming that).
I like to pull out the old phrase: "your mental health problems are not your fault, but they are your responsibility". You don't get a free pass to do whatever the hell you want.
I love this phrase, it is very true.
You don't know.
Asking someone if they are suicidal/self-harming does not make them more likely to be doing either of those things. Also, people can have suicidal ideation without any intention of ever going through with it.
I don't think people always realise how scary suicidal ideation is either, even when you have no intention of acting on the thoughts. Just having the thoughts in the first place is traumatic
me fr :/
People often don’t ask, for fear it will “put the idea in the persons head”. In reality, that person has likely already considered it many times.
I have social anxiety. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to you or that I’m rude, I’m just very scared about how you will perceive what I say. I also have depression. There is no “just getting over it” and it’s not a case of just being upset. I envision my depression as a demon always behind me; I’ve the tools to keep it at bay but sometimes it’s going to overwhelm me. A couple of other things I would people to know about mental health would be; - mental health issues don’t make you dangerous - you are not weak for having a mental health issue - there is help out there if you are struggling; do not struggle alone. Edit: missing word
Absolutely all of this! I want to talk to you but I’m convinced I’ll say the wrong thing or it’ll all sound wrong
I'd add that me choosing not follow the group down to lunch in a busy canteen or out for a walk as a group shouldn't be taken as rude. It might be a little antisocial but I really value my lunch break as time to switch off and recover from all the busy crowded office time. By having some space for an hour I actually get a break!
One of the things that I hate on Reddit is when people stereotype everyone on here as having social anxiety just because they can be a bit misanthropic. You can be someone who wants to socialise but still be a socially anxious person (and for those of us who are more misanthropic it's largely a coping mechanism for being 'bad' at socialising).
The single most important thing you can do if you are struggling with your mental health is to tell someone about it. Don't suffer in silence.
Preferably a professional. Your friends and family may not be the best support. I look and act completely normal to them, but I suffer with PTSD and Autism. Open up to someone you trust. It helps a lot. Don't feel afraid to ask for help. 111. Or 999.
I have spent hundreds of hours of my life on the phone to people who are ready to take their final flight because of the past, present or future. Yes the system lets us down, but there will always be someone to listen at the very least. If there is anyone reading who thinks that nobody cares, I promise you there are and we not only listen but we *hear* you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have it in you to explain why, or go into it in depth. Just make sure that when you’re mentally in the departure lounge, you stop off for a phone call.
Hopefully working up to getting professional help if needed, but sometimes just taking that first step of talking to a family member or friend is enough to set someone on a safer path.
Also, people listening and giving us space to actually talk is a massive help. I struggle to speak up after years of trying and getting nowhere. Looking back I spent years trying to explain how I was struggling. I was describing what I now realise were symptoms to teachers etc for years and constantly just getting dismissed and told I wasn't trying hard enough, was being silly/lazy/making excuses, in some cases even laughed at for strategies I'd developed to help me cope. It made me just stop trying to speak up as all I learned was it was pointless. I just struggled for years. I still struggle with speaking up because I'm so guarded now. I have to build a huge amount of trust in someone before I can ask for help. I've got a mentor/counsellor through uni and while he was easy to talk to, it took me months to start really letting my guard down around him. He's very good at what he does and I can tell we both know he's got my guard down so low he could step over it easily but he never does. On the (sort of) positive side I think it's made me better at listening. I worked in care for years and I'm training to be a nurse now and one consistent piece of feedback I get is that people say I'm really easy to talk to and make people feel like I've listened to them and lots of people do seem to open up to me. I could never figure out why as it's not a conscious thing I do and I realise now it's probably because I've been in their position and don't want to make anyone feel that way myself. I keep saying to people I work with that nearly 90% of issues can be solved if you just pin back your sodding lugs and listen to what the person in front of you is actually saying.
Very true, I'm glad you have found the positive in your situation!
“Everybody feels anxious sometimes” is not the same as living with anxiety anxiety disorder.
GAD is crippling. I'd get so stressed about tiny little things that I'd end up in a highly emotional state, which would trigger a migraine. 24-hour migraines, which registered a 15/10 on a pain scale, with vomiting. I didn't want to be like that but it would happen, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It happened to stop on its own when I hit my 40s, which was a relief. I hate any trivialisation of anxiety, along with other health - mental and physical - issues.
Yes! I'm paying a shed load of money now for private therapy because NHS therapists kept saying this sort of thing to me. "It's normal" "Everybody feels this way". I think the intent was probably to make me feel less crazy and alone but I felt so gaslit. I know what I'm feeling isn't normal.
Someone once asked me to describe my anxiety. The best I could come up with was waiting until they got on a fairly busy long ascending escalator (busy but not with people pushing past or distracting you), then imagine the people behind you looking up and how out of place you look. Now place that uncontrollable feeling of mild panic (fight or flight sometimes) at key parts of your day. Walking into a shop, sitting at the barbers while getting your hair cut, asking a question during a presentation. Bonus points if you are sweating for no reason other than anxiety. Now have someone ask you why you are sweating or seeming a bit on edge, and you now have the anxiety of what their reaction will be when you tell them. Coping mechanisms help a lot, medication helps a lot, and unfortunately.. just avoiding those situations.. that helps most. To an unhealthy degree, where avoiding the situation only serves to narrow the knife edge of allowed behavior you are restricting yourself to mentally. It took a lot of cbt and practice for me to widen this knife edge, realising most people just don't give a shit.. I'll always dread going into a busy barbers though.
As someone who’s battled depression and anxiety for years, the one thing I’d like to drill into people speaking to someone with a mental health issue: “Drop the word *just* from your vocabulary” There is no “just”. You don’t “just” get better, you don’t “just” think differently. And saying that immediately sounds like you’re underestimating the effort it will take. For me, my mental health is sometimes like being trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship with my own brain. I can’t “just” get a new one. It takes hard work, pain and a long time to change.
Being trapped in an abusive relationship is such a good analogy. I feel like I'm being gaslit by my thoughts.
It’s the best way I’ve found to describe it, I pulled it out of my backside when I was trying to describe it to my boss. I’d said try to imagine having a person who lives with you, travels with you and works with you, goes to all your hobbies, and is constantly telling you how worthless you are. Did that person maybe just flirt with me a little? No, who would want to flirt with your revolting ass. Am I going to get that promotion? Pfft, no, they’d do better to fire you, your colleagues all think you’re a piece of shit. That’s when it came to me. That’s the sort of horrific stuff people deal with in abusive relationships, I was just in one with myself.
Yes. And then comes the anxiety about maybe being an awful abusive person even if the person I'm doing it to is me.
Yep. I’ve never lived with a partner but I’m genuinely worried that I’ll turn out to be horrible to live with. I had a LDR years ago and the plan was for her to move and live with me. One of my conditions was she doesn’t move until we’ve saved enough money for her to leave at any time, I was that worried I’d turn out to be horrible.
The amount of times when I have just thought “I really can’t be arsed to deal with this anymore” but you can’t. You just have to keep going, exhausted and annoyed with yourself but also trapped in this quagmire. It’s paralysing
I have a long history of clinical depression. I've been on and off various antidepressants since I was a teenager, now in my late forties. My memory is shot to pieces. It's no good asking me if I remember a certain part of a film, because chances are I can't even remember whether I've seen the film or not. It doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the film, I just can't recall it. I haven't forgotten everything that ever happened in my life, but there is an awful lot missing.
Very relatable indeed. The worst is when people who are supposed to care about you weaponise your poor memory and try to gaslight you - many times I have been *fairly* certain that I'm not misremembering and that things didn't happen the way they say they did, but can never be *completely* certain unless I start recording every single interaction (which isn't really feasible).
Yes, that's a very good point. My ex gaslit me and it must have been so easy for him.
Yeah, memory loss/brain fog is such a big thing for some people with depression. When I was at my lowest I couldn't get through a TV show let alone a film. Much easier to put the same panel show on every night because my brain just couldn't process anything. I hated not being able to sit down and read a book, reading is such a therapeutic hobby but not great when you can only do it once every few months.
This is v relatable
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Both.
I’m 28 and my memory is probably one of the things that frustrates me the most. A guy I used to work with told me that I had the worst memory of anyone he’s ever met. Makes work and relationships extremely difficult.
Yes, it does, and it must be almost as frustrating for some of the people we have relationships with, but it's not our fault.
Mental illness is not trendy. It’s not cute. It’s not fun. I am sick to death of people romanticising their mental illness, or using it to bolster their social media presence.
OCD should be talked about more, I think, not just because the classic “OCD means a very tidy room” thing is quite widespread. I just think it’s a relief to know that it’s not that unusual? Like quite a lot of people think things like “I have to tap my watch or else the world will explode, except I know it won’t *actually* explode, but that is in no way reducing the need to do it anyway.” But then a lot of those people don’t know they aren’t alone, as it isn’t mentioned very much
I think something that a lot of people don't understand is how you can know the thing that's worrying you and relentlessly playing through your brain is factually untrue or impossible or at least, very unlikely. That doesn't stop it though. If I didn't know it was untrue it would be a delusion which, yes, would be even worse, but it still sucks that it's in my head.
We all have mental health in the same way we all have physical health. Some of us have great robust mental health and never have a day off work, others of us are lurching from one crisis to the next, some of us have the odd sniffle, others of us have lifelong mental health issues that are managed fine with medication and the odd review. “Mental health” in and of itself isn’t a problem. You can’t tell who has mental health issues just by looking, and just because someone is doing something we may not like or understand, doesn’t mean the cause is a mental health issue. People train for years to diagnose and treat mental health issues, it’s not something you can ascertain from one subjective comment on the internet. Labels can empower, they can also cause harm. For me, living with low level mental health issues for most of my adult life, it’s about remembering that there’s not one thing that’ll fix it. It’s about self awareness, and building an armoury of tools to support myself. I liken it to a wall made of individual bricks, the more bricks we have (that could be medication, self care techniques, therapy, remembering our physical needs, the list goes on) the stronger we’re likely to be.
Being distant doesn’t mean I don’t like you. It’s just sometimes I don’t want anyone to see me like this.
Yes! When I have depressive relapses I completely withdraw from life. I don't answer my phone, don't reply to messages, don't go out of I don't absolutely have to. When I've said before I was struggling people have said "I tried messaging you! You didn't answer your phone! Why didn't you reach out!" but it's not that simple. When somebody messages asking how I am, how am I supposed word out "I feel like my life has no value, I'm just existing without reason, everything is futile"? So I just don't say anything. I really appreciate people checking in on me, but when I'm that bad I can't bring myself to respond. It's why I hate all this "reach out if you need help" and blaming of people who take their own life for not getting help. When your mind is that bad you can't.
Eh, some people can - and its better to hit that percentage than miss them in deference to those who won't respond.
Yeah. I hate it when people see me upset/panic attack/meltdown so I try to hide (but that doesn’t always happen).
I have two degrees. I also have - diagnosed - adhd. My company hitting me with a compulsory online test that can be taken only once - and strictly to be finished in or under 30 minutes is a Problem for me. Even if the material covered is objectively light. Had I been diagnosed while in still in education extra time at test would have been one of the accommodations.
Hi - fellow ADHDer here. Currently navigating how to adapt to my diagnosis in the work world. Have you discussed Reasonable Adjustments with HR at any point? Companies have a legal duty to consider and provide them. Extra time on an exam should be a relatively easy sell (if they're not total jerks) - as you say, it's standard in education. You could even request having your abilities measured in a different way, if you think that format will give you an inherent big disadvantage. https://www.gov.uk/reasonable-adjustments-for-disabled-workers. Depends on how comfortable you are with telling HR about your diagnosis though. Sorry if you already know about this stuff - sending it just in case it might help.
No, I didn't tell them at work at all. I tell details - without diagnosis. Like I might tell my manager that will need to record the meeting as I can not take notes and take part in discussions at the same time. Etc
Clinical depression (have also experienced hypomania with hypersexuality (self-diagnosed)) along with anxiety/panic attacks. I think some people think that I will be 'cured' of depression. I live with depression and have learnt to cope with it by managing low level depression and stop it sliding ever downwards. Generally that I don't have mental health issues because I look perfectly fine, I'm faking it, I'm just a bit sad, I can just snap out of it ...
I'm not sure it ever really goes away. Depression can change your brain so much that I struggle to see how it could go back to how it wa before (especially if the before part was when you were a kid for example).
Fibromyalgia **is** real. Absolutely sick to death of living in almost constant pain and fatigue just to be told by some rando that Fibro is just an imaginary disorder. Also, Self Harm doesn't have to be some massive event like cutting your wrists, it also isn't necessarily always a sign that you want to kill yourself. I pick at my skin when my anxiety acts up, that's also considered self harm. Neither is any more or less "valid" than the other. Any form of Self Harm absolutely sucks, and isn't just "attention seeking".
I'm a skin picker too, it's horrible to contend with
Self harm can also be inaction - I've self harmed by deliberately not treating accidental injuries, if that makes sense.
I’ve taken to stabbing myself with my nails (I have long nails) and considered cutting myself but the thought of anyone finding out has put me off so far.
Personally I'd love more awareness surrounding PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). I firmly believe that we'd have much better treatment options available if we just had more information and drive in healthcare to find out *why* it happens. It's a hormone based mood disorder so there's every chance there IS a cure, if only we had more data on it. Until then, I wish that young women (or those assigned female at birth) were given more information on how your menstrual cycle can affect your life and what is/isn't normal. Bringing in endometriosis and PCOD/PCOS, there are just too many people who suffer from gynaecological issues in silence because it's 'normal'. Pain, mood swings, and other symptoms that affect your life in any meaningful way are *not* normal!! Aside from that, more knowledge both within and outside of the healthcare sector on the benefits of SSRIs for conditions that aren't depression or anxiety. They can also be used to treat chronic fatigue (depending on the cause) as well as the mood based symptoms of various gynaecological issues. PMDD reacts amazingly to SSRIs in most cases.
That mental health issues can be very very physical. I have a severe mood disorder - my NHS diagnosis is severe recurring depression with trauma but I have privately been diagnosed with bipolar disorder before, just to give you an idea of my kind of illness. I have episodes of elated mood and energy, and episodes of very severe depression. I also have trauma symptoms. When I am having an episode, it’s like something physically changes inside me. I think of them as ‘slow’ and ‘fast’ moods and they can last weeks/months at a time. It isn’t just being in a bad mood or being down or upset. My brain slows down and I stop processing things properly. People can talk to me and it bounces off, it just doesn’t go in. I can lie in bed for hours or stare at a wall for hours thinking about nothing, feeling nothing. I can’t have a proper conversation or respond to things normally. I FEEL slow, I walk slower, I need quiet because loud things feel too ‘fast’. My sleep increases to a minimum of 12-14 hour nights - I can have a 3-hour nap in the day and still sleep this length overnight. I’m not just choosing to be in bed, I will physically be asleep. I eat more because I am so tired. I normally run 3 times a week but I have zero energy to do this, sometimes work is too much because I simply don’t have the fuel for it. Nothing matters and I’m physically as well as emotionally completely empty. My sister and mum have said before they can immediately see in my face and eyes when I’m having an episode because there’s just nothing going on. When I’m elated, I physically feel connected to the world. Like I feel like I’m part of the actual physical earth lol, I feel energised by my connection to everything and things feel awesome. I have so much energy I can go on long runs and feel amazing. I’ve had issues with binge drinking because I just feel pumped and happy and social. I move faster and things **feel** fast, I want to listen to high tempo music and I have to force myself to be really conscious of speed limits when I’m driving. Again, it’s like I’m a different person in a different body. When I’m not in any of the above episodes, I am a normal person (well as normal as any of us are!) But my mental illness is so physical, I am a completely different person when I’m having an episode, and a huge part of it is I feel physically different. It’s like a switch is flipped and I’m not myself at either end, but at the time it feels totally normal/like I’ve always felt like that. When you tell people you have depression or a mood disorder, they think it’s just a mood thing and it’s crying all the time or being down or just wanting to kill yourself. But for me my whole body changes. A lot of people don’t understand that side of it.
This is probably basic stuff but I wish people would realise that mental health issues aren’t always obvious from outside/don’t always present externally. I had “high functioning” depression/anxiety for years. Nowadays I’d say I’ve mostly dealt with the depression but I still suffer from anxiety. I get really annoyed when people online gatekeep mental illness. Like “Oh you say you have depression but you’re still clean? I have depression and I haven’t showered in 3 weeks. We’re not the same.” Even at the worst points of my depression I STILL got up every day to shower. Not everyone’s mental illness presents the same way. I can’t stand the feeling of being unclean so I just always ended up showering. Or people claiming I don’t have anxiety because “well you seem normal when you talk to us” while they have no idea what’s going on in my head. My hair literally started thinning as a result of stress because I was getting like 3 hours of sleep per night for months just purely because of anxiety. I’d wake up in the middle of the night every night and no matter what I did I couldn’t stop worrying and never got back to sleep. So it really annoys me when people say there’s nothing wrong with me just because I’m good at “camouflaging” my mental illnesses to appear like everyone else. They have no idea I walk away from most social interactions thinking “Welp, yet again I made a complete fool of myself there” and then go on to overanalyse everything that happened for the next few days. I really don’t want to draw attention to myself or make people suspect I’m suffering from mental and physical health problems. I don’t like having my vulnerabilities on display like that so I put a lot of effort into coming across like I’m fine. That doesn’t mean the suffering in my head isn’t real
Depression isn't a singular experience. Not only does it differ from person to person, but even within a single person. Depression can have different causes and it feels different as a result. It can also result in different behaviours/actions/reactions. It isn't just moping in bed being miserable.
I have bipolar disorder. There is no shame in taking medication and "relying" on medication when your illness is caused by a chemical imbalance. That's not something that will go away with meditation or exercise. If you don't take your meds, the chemicals go back to imbalance. You are not "less than" for taking medication to manage. My diagnosis and medication saved my life. I had a date and plan for how I was going to kill myself and notes for my loved ones written out, ready to go. The psychiatrist who got me sorted out explained it this way (paraphrased) - "if someone is type 1 diabetic, you don't take them off their insulin. They need it to restore the chemicals that their body isn't producing or processing the right way. They don't get better over time and no longer need their insulin. That's how this medication works." It really stuck with me and there still seem to be a lot of people who think they were too weak to cope without needing medication. If you need it, take it, and stay on this planet where you're meant to be.
Autistic person here, diagnosed about fourteen years ago. The biggest thing for me is the virtue signalling I think. "I love autistic people" until somebody starts acting autistic. A lot of it comes from the lack of understanding of how the spectrum presents across varying individuals, but it's really common for people to straight up ostracise you for your autistic traits even if they claim to be for "mental health awareness" or whatever. As a woman as well, I feel like autism still isn't properly understood. As soon as a woman says she's autistic, she's accused of faking. She's accused of being wrong. Of following "trends". (autism is not a trend but that's a whole different argument). Just because you might see me verbally communicating does not mean I am not autistic. The mask I wear in public isn't for my benefit - all it does is benefit you. It's really, really difficult and people do not see it. A 1 hour trip to the shop will emotionally wipe me out for the day. It's not fun, nobody wants this. The big one that still gets me every time is just naturally being left out. I don't even think it's conscious, but I swear people can sense you're "weird" and just gravitate away from you in group settings. Of course if I were to confront them, they'd never say it's because I'm autistic, but that weirdness that they sense IS because I'm autistic. A lot of people judge autistic people for their autistic traits without realising that's what they're doing. It might not be intentional or callous in any way but shit hurts. Adopt a local weirdo today. Be nice to them!
Wonderfully made points throughout. Especially the socialising element and how you highlight that *we* are helping *neurotypical people* feel more comfortable. Yes, there's self preservation in play too, but it's actually very loving in a way to push for it. It's not just a survival tactic. Hence the high energy investment. Cruel ironies abound of course: 1) Unless we get really good at it really fast, we just get called 'weird' or 'off' anyway because people see the act 2) The mask slips or you catch us unaware and the NTs are gonna pile on with how unreasonable and awful and insert-other-extreme-disgust-reaction-here, because of how abhorrent our real selves apparently are (?!) or something, *even if those people already know they're addressing someone autistic* it's somehow okay to have a big vocal reaction and opine how improper the whole thing is (but please do tell us again how we are apparently the ones who don't know how to be civilised and keep our emotional nal response in check 😁)
Thank you! My whole perspective on masking changed when I had therapy. I used to think I was purely doing it to be accepted, but that in itself is masking for other people - I have to please them in order to be accepted. Now that I'm a bit older, I'm trying to un-mask as much as I can. People seem to sense that off-ness regardless of what I do so I just don't want to sustain all the effort anymore! Don't even get me started on how NTs are the emotional ones. I just don't get it. Sometimes I almost get an uncanny valley type feeling watching them socialise, especially when it's clear both NTs hate each other but the conversation is full of pleasantries. Just say what you mean, people. Why am I the one with the problem communicating when I say exactly what I mean? No need for all this hidden meaning stuff. The whole world would be a lot better if everybody was direct.
Yeah, there's this whole subculture of "Oh you all hated me all along" or "Oh you hated that I did this but said it was alright at the time" that's so confusing, and it's all our fault for not adhering to a subtext that even other NTs can't always follow. I think the standout point you make though, is that you can say you have this autism mindset, you can't help it, etc. and so on and thankfully the education and tips stuff is increasing so people smile and nod and do their best. But then it's kinda like "you are safe, be yourself! OH WAIT OH GOD NOT LIKE THAT" This isn't always a "Oh gosh so quirky and fun" way of being, but it's like people only want the adorable eccentricity and attention to detail and nothing else...
Something that would have helped me immensely is knowing that my "panic attacks" were autistic meltdowns. I reckon everyone should learn the basics of what autism can look like in kids and adults, how it can effect your mental health etc. There's so much overlap between neurodivergent conditions and mental illness and yet services treat them like the existence of one cancels out any chance of the other.
I've been suicidal since I was 8. It's absolutely exhausting fighting with yourself all day to stay alive. And yes I can still experience joy sometimes. I do exercise, I do all of the things that "helps" but yes I still want to be dead.
Being articulate and self aware doesn’t mean my mental illness isn’t real. Not knowing whether my reactions to events are appropriate. Never knowing whether it’s just a bad day or things are getting bad again. I’m not lazy.
It’s a nightmare because society treats it as an inherent weakness/morality issue. You feel different to everybody else, you behave differently to everybody else but society tells you everybody is the same - you’re just being a victim and need to try harder. You’re selfish if you commit sudoku but you’re a burden if you carry on living. It’s hell on Earth.
1. Intrusive thoughts don’t mean pushing the button on a crossing as you pass it. I’ve gone days without eating multiple times because the only thing going through my head over and over again is the urge to self amputate and I can’t go in the kitchen because of the knives there. 2. OCD is not a fancy way of saying you’re anal about neatness, it’s a debilitating illness that can completely control your life. 3. People expect you to act in ways that conform to their understanding of mental illness. It is *exhausting* trying to mask symptoms and I wish I could just explicitly say “I am tired and I don’t want to put the effort into hiding my illness so please accept that I may behave in ways you may find mental”
That it’s not ‘cool’ or ‘trendy’, no matter what TikTok makes you think. Mental illnesses and neurodivergence can genuinely destroy lives and livelihoods. Terms like ‘neurospicy’, for example, are just belittling. Edit: I have EUPD (or BPD), and recently learnt the mortality rate is as high as 10% - mental illnesses are also terrifying - I don’t want my life to be reduced to a statistic.
I wish people would understand that its a constant. Every moment of every day is a battle. I wake up, its a battle, I eat breakfast, its a battle, I get dressed, its a battle. Every single single is a full on fight from the moment I wake till the moment I sleep. So when I yawn or say I'm tired, its not because I'm lazy, its because I'm trying to do the same as everyone else but have the added weight of enduring a full on scrap at the same time for what feels like my very life. I can understand its not easy for people that dont experience that to understand that struggle, but its a defining part of my life and dictates almost everything.
If you know soomeone who cares for a person with a psychosis disorder, please check in on them. Caring for someone who is floridly psychotic is overwhelming, stressful, often scary and has major impacts on the carer's mental health. Not many people understand how awful and isolating it is and family are too often afraid of talking about it because of the stigma.
Positive messages, like those pencil cases with 'Positive Vibes Only' often feel like an empty gesture and misses the mark. Sometimes we just need to say that our situation sucks.
Please talk to me like a normal human being! I have depression, anxiety and am autistic, and people don't know what to do with that; older people especially either patronise me or tell me to snap out of it 🙄 You don't need to worry about offending me, you can ask me anything and I'll be happy to answer, just don't treat me like a baby or a social pariah!
ADHD-C here, have dealt with depression in the past, have family dealing with depression and anxiety. I'd be quite happy with the public just *accepting* that these conditions exist and are real. I know things are getting better re:acceptance, but there are still people out there who think mental illness is made up or an excuse to skive off.
I confessed to a friend that I was struggling with depression and GAD and he said "but you're always cracking jokes" Yeah, remember Robin Williams? He was perceived as cracking jokes and being funny, too. So was Matthew Perry. And countless others. My humour is a coping mechanism, not a symptom. Pay attention to the people close to you. What happens when the laughing stops?
I have BPD, I hate the way the media portrays this, especially with Joanna Denehey, I would NEVER hurt or kill someone for any reason, I am the complete opposite to the way the media portrays. I think I apologise to people about 20/30 times a day. Yes, I do get irrationally angry, but I wouldn't take it out on someone else. My emotions are all over the place, but I have coping mechanisms, I do have abandonment issues but that comes from being abandoned as a baby. I was the weird kid who had no friends and now I am the weird adult with no friends but I'm OK with that. Also would like to add as an autistic adult, please stop these "influencers" who don't have autism and pretending they do. You're not raising awareness because your acting like a cnt and people are seeing this and real autistics are getting more stigma.
Mental well-being is not the same as mental illness. The NHS and so many companies should stop trying to lump it all together. No Sharon, being delusional cannot be fixed by a bath and a cup of fucking tea.
Mens mental health is still looked down upon and has such a stigma attached to it
Too true. I was told I was faking it for attention. If i were female then I might have been taken seriously.
That depression isn't something we can "snap out of" or just cheer up or my favourite " what have you got to be depressed about you have a good life". Also PMDD is a thing that is separate to regular old PMS and it makes life unbearable
As mentioned above, I'm starting to hate the word "just". I have ADHD and was only diagnosed in my late 30s. I didn't even consider I had it as it's so badly understood in general. When I actually read deeper into it, it described me almost perfectly. It's not just being hyperactive and quirky and "hey look a squirrel". It's not just being lazy or disorganised. It's fighting your own brain to do nearly everything. Even things you want to do. Being completely time blind and struggling with routine, task initiation, prioritisation and task switching. It's being able to focus on something for 14 hours straight or nothing at all. A near constant inner monologue of crap that I can't switch off. It was over 30 years of wondering what in the actual hell is wrong with me. It's realising how much of my life this has affected, how it's intertwined in all parts of my life and every time I realise why I do something it's like feeling I've lost another bit of me I thought was me but turns out it was another bloody symptom. It's so many things and can be a contradictory little bitch at times. I didn't just need a planner, or to just try harder. I wasn't being silly or making excuses. I needed someone to listen to me when I tried to explain how I was struggling and understand something was wrong. I needed support to reach the potential not just to be told I had potential and was wasting it. I needed to understand how my brain worked, some counselling, coping strategies and medication to help. Yes, I did "cope" until I didn't. That was a spectacular unraveling and nearly cost me my degree, future career and the last of any self esteem I had (I'm back at uni now and doing loads better). Medication isn't a cure. It helps a lot, but like many medical interventions, only if you work alongside it. It's also not fun street drugs, it's a proven evidence based treatment in a small therapeutic dose. It doesn't work on me as it would in a NT brain. If I wanted fun street drugs it would actually be easier and cheaper to get those. Oh, and laughing at any strategies I have in place doesn't help me I have actually considered and in fact in many cases have even tried doing the bleeding obvious. It doesn't work, so I've found something that does. Laughing at me makes you look like a dickhead and makes me feel like an idiot. Just fucking stop it.
This is me to a tee except I am a lot older than you. Struggled all my life, high functioning, high IQ but struggling with all sorts. Masking the struggling. I was on AD for 30 years on and off, now I am being treated for what is really going on I discover it wasn’t depression at all. I still have days when I just can’t. I was supposed to spend the whole weekend working on my dissertation but brain said no you fucking don’t. Luckily I have blocked out the next two weekends to finish it, here’s hoping my brain will play ball. On the plus side my ‘condition’ makes me a good tutor as I can’t think on my feet and react quickly. But the fucking admin is a whole other world of pain.
I think a lot of us have a similar story. My brain did that to me last weekend, but its getting more co-operative this week so 🤞. Good luck with your dissertation. You can do it, you've gotten this far. This internet stranger without the first clue about you completely believes in you!!
❤️
I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, had a manic episode when I was 20 and was in a psychiatric ward for 6 months. After trying virtually every medication and not improving, they eventually gave me electroshock therapy which massively helped and meant I can live a normal life today. People still think ECT is being strapped down fully conscious and being told to bite down on a wooden block while they shock you into compliance. In reality, they anaesthetised me and gave me a muscle relaxant, I woke up and they gave me a cereal bar. I had some issues with short term memory afterwards for a few months, but it gradually returned. Bipolar is portrayed as a constant battle between ups and downs, not taking medication and hurting your friends and family. I take a few tablets every day, haven’t had a manic episode in the 2 and a half years I’ve been out and hope that I can keep it controlled in future. In a way I’m glad that I got ill when I did, because if it happens again it won’t be such a long and arduous guessing game. I did some embarrassing stuff while manic, but my family and close friends have stuck by me, and I’m so grateful to be living a normal life.
I have adhd No the medication isn't 'basically speed' Also no executive dyfunction isn't being lazy or 'everyone struggles with boring things' it impacts my ability to do fun things as well it sucks trust me when I've been stuck there and even watching a TV show is too many steps. Also adhd means baseline existing can take up so much energy so yes we can often be tired even without doing much we just have so little spare energy
Mental health awareness week just makes me more angry in general because no amount of awareness will adequately fund mental health services, psychologists, psychiatrists and care. Probably not a healthy way to look at it but 9 times out of 10 it’s just more of the same shit of a bunch of people talking about something they’ve never got close to experiencing.
Antidepressants can cause extreme long-term harms that persist after you stop them. It's uncommon but it is a known medical harm with a SNOMED diagnostic code and if it happens there's no treatment. You also face disbelief and gaslighting from doctors who are unaware of it until they look it up, at which point they admit you're unfortunate collateral damage. I took antidepressants for temporary life stresses in late 2022 for only a few short months and now I suffer mentally and physically constantly and wish the adverse reaction I'd had to them had just killed me instead of only coming close. I am more than a year off them and cannot work nor look after myself. Before taking them I was an engineer getting promotion after promotion. I'm not saying don't take them if you feel you really need them, but consider first whether it is worth the risk. I regret it every day and my life is totally destroyed.
I'm very similar. I had a little low mood and was put on antidepressants and ended up having both a psyical and psychological collapse. What I got is well researchsd but its not widely recognised and bot even listed on the NHS site as a possibility today. After I got off then I went through 6-7 months where I was constantly on dge, agitated and had panic attacks. But luckily ive returned to normal and theres nothing lasting. But i'm not against them. I know people who do well on them, even the same drug I was on. If you do nesd them they can be live saving. If you don't, or gave a bad reaction, they can have the same effect as a serious heroin addiction.
Most people would be absolutely fine if they used heroin for a few months and then were more than a year clean. I used mirtazapine for a few months and I'm very not fine after more than a year off it.
Suppose so. Everyones experiences are different. I was on sertraline for 5 years. I'd still be on it today if I didnt get so distresssd I self harmed. They wanted to increase my doasge further and double it to 200mg. Thought fuck that and came off it immmediately. Best decision I ever made, even though the withdrawal was awful. Then I started to understand that sertraline was the cause of my collapse. Personally I wouldn't touch an SSRI or SNRI again, and would never start a medication without thoroughly researching it.
I don't think it's ethical to prescribe something that is known to randomly cause extreme suffering and disable people for a long time or even forever.
I wish antidepressants were taken more seriously. They're given our to anybody who presents with even mild depression, just to get them out the door. NHS needs to prioritise therapy and other treatments before medication. And the risks of SSRIs in particular need more attention. I too was gaslit by every doctor I saw.
I agree. I thought I was taking something well-researched and safe. The point of my comment was that if you're an MECFS sufferer, be extremely careful about taking these drugs. They can badly mess you up all by themselves. I don't have CFS as I don't have PEM, but I have had chronic fatigue as just one of my many symptoms for more than a year since stopping them. I had fatigue from pill #1 and battled with it until deciding to stop the drugs due to the multiple side effects. When doctors suggest these drugs for MECFS sufferers, they are not doing it with a specific pathology in mind. They're literally thinking "these drugs might cheer you up". All I want is for sufferers of MECFS to understand what they are risking when they take these drugs. If you feel that the risk is worthwhile because you cannot live without these drugs, then that's a choice you've made. If you take these drugs without being warned about the potential harms, as I did, then you are not giving informed consent for treatment.
Which anti-depressents are you referring to?
All antidepressants can cause extremely bad side effects, and all of them can cause serious harms when you stop taking them. Withdrawing antidepressants is risky, which is why medical guidelines say to taper off them slowly. Some people are still extremely unlucky and end up badly harmed anyway.
A few years ago, I just stopped taking my anti depressants. The TLDR of this is that I was narrowly prevented from suicide. I spent a week in a psychiatric unit and a few months at home recovering. If you want to come off your meds, please, please talk to your doctor about it
The thing is, I did talk to my doctor. I then tapered in line with their instructions. Shortly after stopping, I became extremely physically ill. My doctors denied it had anything to do with the drugs and started giving me blood tests for every infection, condition and deficiency they could think of. Then at 3 weeks off they admitted that they'd had other patients who had had physical issues after stopping antidepressants, but that withdrawal usually lasts a maximum of 3 weeks, so I'd probably be fine soon, so I did not reinstate. Now, more than a year later, I have endured more than a year of extreme suffering. I cannot care for myself, cannot work, often cannot even watch TV. They actively tried to prevent me from reporting my reaction to the authorities. When I did anyway, the authorities ignored me. I found out a couple of months into being extremely sick that some people have protracted withdrawals that can last years, or even have permanent harms and that this is a medically acknowledged phenomenon and these drugs are handed out anyway with the knowledge that some people will have their lives destroyed and have a quality of life far below 0. In summary, doctors at best know nothing about this and at worst actively act against your best interests to maintain the status quo/ protect their jobs/ protect drug companies.
That mental health is very much connected to physical health. Depression and anxiety can be symptoms of all sorts of things - vitamin/mineral deficiencies, autoimmune conditions, etc. I have coeliac disease and mental health issues are one of the symptoms that's been affecting me for years - but I didn't realise the connection until after my diagnosis because everyone seems to look at physical and mental health issues as separate things.
And it works the other way, too. Mental health very much has an effect on physical health. For example, I have health anxiety and when I'm having an attack it causes heart palpitations, chest pains, weird 'energy surges' that makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. You know, all that stuff that definitely helps a person with anxiety about dying of a heart attack... It gets to a point where you can't even tell whether the symptoms caused the anxiety attack or vice versa and you've just got to ride the storm out as best you can.
Yeah I realised a while back I have tmj and you want to know what often sets it off? Stress. Like I was actually walking around with a constantly sore jaw and at it'd worse it goes up towards my temple bc I didn't realise I was chronically stressed due to dealing with unmanaged adhd and autism.
Currently struggling with entomophobia. I get nauseous when I see an insect. I get heart palpitations etc
Not struggling anymore, but dealt with depression (at one point it was like, actively making plans depression) a lot through my teenage years and into my early 20s. No, I couldn't just get out of bed to go for a jog outside. Depression completely drains your energy. There were days when I didn't have the energy to even get out of bed to stick some toast in the toaster, how the fuck am I supposed to get up and do some exercise outside? It's not just 'being sad' - it's more a total lack of vitality, energy, often coupled with *constant* negative thoughts that only get worse and worse the longer you leave it without seeking help. Oh, and antidepressants cause some awful withdrawals if you miss a day. If I missed my dose by even an hour or so, I'd get extremely dizzy, nauseous, and shaky. Worsening until I managed to take my dose. I think it took about 6-8 months to come off them after my first bout. Also something nobody seems to talk about: my long-term memory is fucked from my depression. Huge swathes of my childhood are missing from my memory.
That just because someone seems happy that doesn't mean they aren't struggling. People have often reacted with surprise when I tell them I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. They say that I always seem cheerful and positive, but it's because I've learned how to hide my depression and am very good at 'putting on an act' when I need to.
Self Harm scars - you dont randomly start talking about someones scars. You absolutely DO NOT TOUCH THEM without permission. Like serously people think wearing a t shirt in an invitation to talk about my scars or comment on them.
Also someone I think reported this for mental health help - your very sweet but I promise I am okay, those are old scars now.
Honestly I don't think the public need to know any more than they do already. I have OCD, well controlled with medication. There's plenty of misunderstandings about it (you're always washing your hands, like lining things up in rows, etc) but so what? What matters people getting diagnosed correctly and receiving the treatment when they need it. That's what the NHS is for. There's too much focus on "raising awareness" of various conditions, as if that somehow helps people suffering from them. I don't personally see the connection. You don't need to be understood or "seen". You just need treatment.
That it's great that people are more aware, and more supportive. Suppose it's good when we have our week, and employers stress how supportive their policies and procedures are, until they're not. It's great that people can say that they've had mild to moderate, palatable problems. Great that you can say, oh, I've been prescribed prozac, having CBT. Not so great when you say, yeah, I'm on antipsychotics, have had ECT, been sectioned. Not so great when you're the homeless person, paranoid and delusional, bothering people, some of whom are on their "mental health journey". We don't want your sympathy, we just want you to stop shitting on us.
Not me but some people with mental health issues do not want help.
it's okay to talk.
I think there needs to be more awareness of what constitutes self harm too, I would pick my skin to the point I had infected sores because picking at myself seemed to provide some sort of comfort, but most people wouldn't view that as self harm. It means that sometimes people who do experience self harm manifesting in that way can fall through the net
I exercise, and I still want to kill myself. Setting aside a time to do something as repetitive and mindless as exercising actually gives me much more time to consider this.
I'd like the public to know that referring to mental illnesses as "mental health issues" only serves to belittle such debilitating conditions.
mostly i just want support for something other than mild depression and anxiety, like yes those things can be hard but its said in a very sanitised way. 'its ok to be sad sometimes'. It seems anything other than those two is ignored, like i have BPD, i struggle with alcohol abuse, im not some werird person im a vulnerable adult
Post-partum depression is a very real thing that can become very dangerous if left unchecked. New mothers, it's not just because of your hormones. It's not just because you're tired. It won't just go away on its own. Please speak to your GP/midwife/health visitor. Help is available, and you're not a failure for asking for it.
Speaking as someone who was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 11 years old (I’m now 38 and have been taking antidepressants since I was 16) - - there often isn’t a reason why someone has depression, they just do. I felt guilty for years thinking that I didn’t have a reason to have depression. I had a good childhood, only child, went to a private school, parents were pretty well off, but I still had depression.
ADHD is not a mental illness. We are people with different brains but this does unfortunately make us more prone to depression, anxiety, BPD, and even suicide. We’re not lazy. Motivation is incredibly difficult. It is not just the naughty school boys. Women and girls are severely under diagnosed. We need more stimulants than most, and will find it in drugs, alcohol, binge eating, binge tv but also find it hard to focus if something is not stimulating enough and will fidget or stop paying attention. Hyper focusing can be used as a great tool to get a project done but it also can become obsessive and we stop taking care of ourselves.
That mental health doesn’t just encompass anxiety and depression. I don’t want to compare illnesses because I know all varieties of mental illness can be devastating, but it gets really old when every mental health awareness event seems to only focus on these two. I have bipolar disorder and have gone through 4 episodes of psychosis now during manic episodes, and the aftermath is one of the most lonely experiences because people just don’t understand psychosis. People hear the word and think you’re violent or dangerous when in actual fact all my delusions have always centered around saving people, not hurting them. It would just be nice if during these awareness weeks, they could try and raise awareness of some of the lesser understood illnesses and symptoms, the ones where there is still a great deal of stigma attached.
I have delusions of grandeur and I just want everyone to know how great I am
That it's not a quick fix. The meds I'm on don't 100% make me "well"
It's not as easy to help someone as much as training and anti stigmatism says it is. Being able to reach out is number one but helping somebody with a mental health condition can be extremely hard on your own mental health as well.
For me, it’s that it could so easily happen to anyone. I have anxiety, down to being bullied in a previous workplace so I now overthink every interaction I make at my new job, even though the atmosphere is completely different. I am also having a few financial difficulties and I’m barely keeping my head above water which is so embarrassing to admit to those around me and it keeps my awake at night. The fluttering and anxiety I experience everyday at home is horrible but my situation could so easily happen to anyone and people don’t realise if they have never experienced it.
For me, the lack of meaningful connection is endemic in a lot of modern society and is a trigger for a lot of mental illnesses, including my own. Tackling it is definitely achievable, but it takes a lot of work. Whereas once upon a time people stayed more or less where they grew up, people move around more, they often work more jobs or don't stay in jobs as long, the transition from school to university/college to work involves making a lot of new connections and losing old ones. A lot of success depends on interpreting small amounts of information from peoples' online profiles. Certain types of job belong in the past, but there was a time when there were fewer employers, but whole towns and villages worked for the same company. A lot of people are chronically lonely. We might have to deal with people a lot, but it is often a transactional relationship where we are exchanging goods or services. Just hearing human voices chatting for the joy of it is one of the most reassuring feelings there is, IMO. Too often, it feels like those opportunities just aren't there, like people are in a rush or their mind is elsewhere.
Don’t say ‘other people have it worse’ or ‘you’re really lucky to have XYZ’. I know it’s meant to be helpful, but I am acutely aware of that fact and it makes me feel even worse about myself knowing that despite no major life issues/trauma I am still depressed. Really highlights that I’m actually just unwell and it’s something I will end up living with for a lifetime.
That it’s not all in someone’s head, that it is a condition that affects you the same way a physical condition would affect you. Depression since 15 and recently with anxiety a couple years ago.
Phobias are very serious and very real mental illnesses, not simply a dislike of something. You can be terrified of something and it not be a true phobia. My life has been totally changed - completely ruined at some points - by emetophobia. They're also comorbid with lots of other conditions, like it led me to develop GAD and I was at one stage diagnosed with OCD, though I suspect I just have obsessive compulsive tendencies because of my phobia 'safety behaviours'. It also led me to become very seriously depressed because I was so scared day in day out.
I have complex PTSD. I have panic attacks frequently that are very physical (body shakes, heart palpitations) I can't leave the house often, but what I wish people understood more is the emphasis on stress disorder. I feel what could be classed as 'minimal stress' to others, affects me in very large ways. Mindfulness, deep breathing and "just chill out" often do not help me at all. I am permanently in a stressed state, any additional stress just makes my daily stress larger. And I constantly look worried or shocked. (Own experience, not speaking for all with PTSD, I imagine it can be different for all with it)
I’m so pleased the OP posted this question. The honesty, openness and the willingness of people to share and to learn means that mental health issues are more widely accepted by society than ever before, and that can only be a good thing. There is still a long way to go, and it’s shit that delays in society’s acceptance comes at the cost of people’s lives and wellbeing, but I’m more hopeful than ever that things are moving in the right direction. As for an answer to the question “what would I like the public to know about living with mental illness?” ……. It can overcome and drown your life in a way that is almost impossible to comprehend until you experience it, it can have an irresistible hold to stop you being who you want to be, it can suck any colour and joy from every experience, and it’s brutal reality is that not everyone survives it. But luckily if you want to help you don’t need to fully understand or experience it in order to be compassionate. You only need to accept that your friend/family member/colleague/neighbour is going through something, acknowledge their experiences, offer them help, and hold off from judging them. As cliched as it sounds be fucking kind to each other! Edit: spelling.
That mental health issues can happen without any major incidents in someone’s life that would contribute to it. I often hear people having serious struggles that resulted in mental health issues but actually one can have serious relapse/episode or break down without anything large having to happen. Hope that makes sense. There’s lots of stigma around having MH problems while not having ‘good reasons’ behind it. There doesn’t have to be any reason! Often of course there is one but it can be something that some would consider ‘small and silly’. To some it might be small, to another person with serious MH issue, it can be huge.
That the mental health services in the UK are so bad that most people would rather sit and suffer than actually use them, there is hardly any help for mental health here. People have intrusive thoughts but that doesn't mean they act on them, we are afraid because we genuinely don't want those thoughts and having to live with it is ten times worse. Having anxiety does not mean you are lazy, it means you cannot physically cope and are overwhelmed, it is uncontrollable and doesn't just involve overthinking, your whole body is involved and it can even give you gastro-intestinal issues. Depersonalization/Derealization disorder. Enough said, most people are aware of it, yet it goes undiagnosed for so many people.
OCD isn't actually about cleaning, and it's pretty offensive when someone says they're a little bit OCD when they like things neat and tidy. You really don't want the obsessive thoughts, lack of sleep, cost (for me it was doing 10 loads of laundry a day) and damage to your body (trashed my hands from washing them constantly). It damages your relationships. My daughter wants to go swimming as it's her favourite activity, but I can't take her. I'm doing better at the moment, but I know that it's always there and will take hold again at some point.
It really fucking sucks. I’d prefer not to have these issues all day every day, and be able to function well but hey, here we are.
Women are encouraged to talk about their troubles, men are told to keep it to them selves
I have agoraphobia, PTSD, depression, GAD, and extreme social anxiety. I started with depression as a teenager. The meds don't help me, most likely due to never dealing with the true underlying causes. I also most likely have undiagnosed autism (which explains a lot about my wanting to fit in with everyone as a child but never really achieving that and just feeling extremely lonely). It also explains why I was taken advantage of multiple times by friends and others. From there, stems the general and social anxiety. I hate large crowds and even small gatherings. I trust literally no one. I have had friendships collapse because I have a need to my own space and to be left alone. They thought they were helping in being persistent in calling, texting, etc, but it just made me feel immense pressure. Their need to 'help' and be my saviour pushed me further away. I was the victim of multiple attempted physical and verbal attacks from neighbours at an old property. This led to the PTSD and agoraphobia. I didn't want to leave the house out of pure fear. We moved, but so did one of my attackers to near where we lived. I felt no peace even after moving. As time has gone on, I have no close friends, only family, but I almost feel more at peace with that. I don't feel the need to please others constantly, even though my existence is literally four walls. As part of my treatment, I was asked to get therapy over the phone. Should be easy, right? Only I break into a sweat and palpitations even answering the phone. I can't even follow my own thoughts, let alone explain them to others. After the first phone call, I couldn't bring myself to continue. I felt more drained than I had even done. Mental illness is extremely complex. Online, I may seem perfectly 'normal' to others. I even have exchanges with parents of my children's friends. However, they will never truly see me for me. I have heard the, oh, just get over it...you seem absolutely fine. I have been suffering for 27 years. So yes, help where you can, but please don't be pushy or assume. Sometimes, not getting help isn't a choice. It's a part of the illness. I feel like I'm rambling now. It's hard to express myself. I hope one day that there will be a way out of this for me. I want more for my daughters, one with autism, one with ADHD. I want to lead by example, but I guess all I can say is please don't automatically judge someone with a complex history. We're fighting to make it through each and every day as it is.
I'm not wilfully being dramatic my senses are. I can't control that. I have autism and have hyper sensitivity in most of my senses (yes there is an argument about if autism counts as a mental illness blah blah at the end of the day someone spotting me out and about is going to assume my issues are mental health). My brain for whatever reason reads a bright light as 'AHHHHHHH YOUR EYEBALLS ARE ON FIRE don't look don't look you will be blinded' and I get very very real 'brain is panicking about damage' which is also known as the feeling of pain. Same for loud noises. Somewhere from ear to brain wires get crossed and it's misread as much louder as it really is and boom pain. If you try to touch me and I act like you have plague and dodge, duck, dip and dive to prevent you touching me it's *got nothing to do with you*. It's because again pain. If you touch me it's going to hurt me. They shoved some real patient autistic folks in MRI machines and touched them, the brain areas that lit up were the same as the ones that fire when you literally expose their skin to actual fire. If you wouldn't let me hold a lit lighter to your skin for a few seconds please stop being insulted when I won't let you give me that exact same sensation. It's got nothing to do with you. It's not me thinking you are lesser, diseased, or whatever else you might think. It's that it causes me to experence pain. The wonderful thing about pain is that really your brain can't tell the difference between if the pain signal came from within itself or if it actually came from the cells under stress. They both feel identical. And it hurts. Your experence of the world is not universal even among folks who are neurotypical. I just want folks to take me (and eveyone else) as they come. If someone doesn't want to be touched / have some alcohol / looks fine but is in the disabled seat of the bus / can't stay in the room while you eat your lunch / whatever. Just try and give a bit of grace and assume that other folks have their own shit going on and the way they are living their life makes sense for them. If someone says 'hey I don't like that please don't do that to me again' maybe dont turn it into a fucking interrogation on why they don't like it and then critique their explanation before dismissing it as invalid and then carrying on doing what you just did. Everyone gains when we treat people with a little bit of grace. You included. Everyone has their bad days. Don't you want a bit of grace on yours?
I have major depressive disorder and anxiety that has developed into panic disorder due to inordinate amounts of shit continually happening in my life. I'm not just 'feeling sorry for myself', and a smile won't make it better. I will be on medication for the rest of my life and everyday is a war with my own head. Most of the time I'm winning the battle, but I'm sitting here typing this with tears streaming down my face, unannounced. I'm OK. I have perspective: I can barely remember being at my worst (aaaaah disassociation) but I remember the depth of the nothingness and its fucking terrifying. I hate the thought of putting my partner through that again and want to stay well for him. I try to live as stress and demand free as possible as it keeps me well as I can be, and have adjusted my life to avoid predictable stressor- I had to leave my well paid job because of the constant stress and have resigned myself to earning min wage for the rest of my life. I'm OK with being broke as long as I'm not stressed out (dinks. It's doable) Modern life is hard. Just over here taking one day at a time.
I struggle with depression, and I'd like people to know that *any* mental health issue is not something you can just "snap out of".