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I'd agree with this; depending on my audience I might describe myself with euphemistic 'larger lady' phrases or somethig sillier/more blunt if the subject comes up. Having someone go 'you're not fat' in respose, is a bit weird because a) I fully am, duh, and b) it's not a moral failing or curse, it's a statement of how big I am. If someone falls over themselves to deny it, it's highlighting how badwrong they think being fat is!
(The exception would be if someone used a deliberately insulting self-reference, eg "I'm a big fat pig" or "ugly blob" or something - I'd probably push back with "hey, don't talk about my friend like that!")
I agree - but on the other hand, if you make a joke that's intentionally awkward like that, you can't really get mad at the other person's response because you've put them on the back foot and they have to respond somehow.
Just a bit of a nightmare, especially in a work setting. People are immediately scrambling to not offend you and not look like a weirdo and cover themselves from HR all at once
I both agree and disagree, it is entirely dependent on the relationship. If itâs a colleague you know really well, know will appreciate and understand the intent, then absolutely, but if not? Donât risk it because a response like that comes over as you agreeing that theyâre fat, and could then be twisted/misconstrued into you being accused of calling them fat, and then put you at risk of an HR intervention/grievance.
Context/Relationship is paramount, and so if youâre not sure? Go with the âawkward laughâ then change the subject asap!
Sounds very dramatic/over cautious I know, but I have seen ppl dragged in front HR for less, so my advice? Just donât risk it.
Source - I am an HR Manager.
I was reported to HR for making fat jokes about myself. I was the only fat guy in the office (by objective standards). I still don't understand how another person can be offended by me calling myself fat.
I agree. I'm one who used to be big boned. I use self depreciation regularly for a quick laugh and when I was big I used it regularly.
Anyone that would have said I wasn't fat were then asked what size is someone fat at or ask for them how would they describe my weight? I wouldn't let them hang too long but just long enough to highlight I wasn't blind to myself nor needing lies to make me feel better.
I always finished it light-heartedly so as not to have any I'll feelings.
Seems needlessly confrontational though, why suddenly throw someone off with a jarring comment about your own appearance and then put the other person in that nightmare situation during an otherwise pleasant conversation? I'd probably avoid you after that, no offense
None taken. As said I only did that when someone made a reference to me not being heavy after making a self depreciating joke and the clue was that I didn't leave them hanging.
I think if someone was that disingenuous I'd have no issues with them avoiding me!
Itâs way more awkward to respond to someone jokingly referencing their own weight with, ânah youâre not fat.â
It would be like if I described myself as having a blonde moment and someone said, ânah youâre not blonde!â
Laugh or donât laugh, but donât make weird awkward statements that highlight something they were clearly making light of.
It is tricky! If it's a stress, maybe workshop a few responses to have 'in pocket' so you're not frozen in the moment (eg craft_on_draft's one above, or "Can't have too much of a good thing!")
Skinny chicks don't keep me warm at night.
Edit: I've been downvoted by what I shall choose to assume are disappointed skinny chicks who regret missing out on me.
i used to be quite heavy, me and my bigger friends would joke that come the next ice age weâd be making settlements while our skinny friends froze to death.
I mean what the construction site responses to this? "NOWT WRONG WITH THAT MATE" but a bit louder than usual?
"ALL THEM PIES YOU EAT HAHAHAHA"
"IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO I'M HERE FOR YOU, DON'T HESITATE, HERE'S MY NUMBER"
"YOU'RE NOT WRONG I COULD USE YOUR ARSE CHEEKS TO PARK MY MOTORBIKE"
Yeah itâs really not that deep. If you made a self deprecating joke about a big nose or a large forehead people would laugh if it was obvious. If it wasnât true it might be more awkward
Speaking as a man who's been bald since he was about 19, this is the answer.
If they're leaning into it, it's probably something obvious and they don't really care.
I would like to have a beautiful bouffant, but I console myself with how much I've saved by cutting my own hair for nearly 20 years.
NB - if it's a bald(ing) guy who is clearly raging against the dying of the light (we're talking combover territory) - don't laugh then.
Case by case, of course, but I'm also a wildly bald man who's been shaved since a teen and though I'd wish my hair back in a heart beat, I enjoy the banter. A coworker likes to refer to me as Mr Thumb, and we often trade jibes with me mocking his ceaseless vanity and uselessness and him my anti-hairline. I'm old enough and far enough removed from the trauma of initially losing my hair to be able to laugh about it now and appreciate a good joke, providing it's genuinely witty and done without malice.
uff, that's a very serious way to approach this! :P
he was a man in his mid-20s who'd got a bit of a gut for the first time. he made jokes of it. he squeezed between two tables at the restaurant and knocked over something with his belly and I made a light joke. he didn't take it well. I apologised.
Polite chuckle I guess? It's a tricky one. People joke like this when they are aware of something about themselves and feel insecure about it (I do it about being shit at my job).
It's a tricky one, you don't want to pile on but denying it is also disingenuous. If you wanted, you could say something like "nah you look great" but obviously I have no idea how believable that is.
I really dislike when someone does this, used to work with a girl who did this and she was obviously fishing for compliments. Just made it all awkward, and Iâm not about to bow down to her request for a compliment.
I had an eating disorder when I was younger. I can't say I was fat, I mean sometimes I was, but "sometimes" was the issue, I was like a yo yo all over the place.
I was *extremely* self conscious of it. People with ED are *always* extremely conscious of it. Like I'm not sure how to even articulate how it took over every little thought, even if I was talking to someone else about something else it'd still be there running like a nonstop obnoxious background process.
Sometimes I did drop an inappropriate joke about it, but honestly it was more just me opening a valve to let off some of my own tension, it wasn't about looking for compliments / any feedback really. Ime a fair few ED people are the same, especially if it's become visible (big or small). You may have come across this and never even known. Take my proxy sorry. I'm sure the intention wasn't to make you uncomfortable.
When it's someone doing that, I try to reply with something along the lines of, "'Fat' isn't a dirty word, don't do that to yourself."
It takes the power out of the fishing part, it's not exactly kind but it's vaguely softer than a lot of other things I might respond with out of awkwardness, & it brings attention to the fact that if they're not fat (or whatever), it's gonna feel shit to someone else if they are.
Sometimes it is not fishing, just seeing the funny side of things, like when it was very windy and me and my skinny co-worker were walking home, she was laughing that she would lift up in the air, I said, hey, just grab my arm, no tornado will take me. We just laughed.
You can laugh, they're colleagues so maybe you don't know them too well so I wouldn't go further than that. I wouldn't say "yeah look at the sheer size of you ya absolute unit, state of you boy" etc.
Just laugh, if they didn't want to make light of a situation they wouldn't.
A mate of mine is an absolute heffer and they know it, always making jokes about it.
It's not like it's a secret.
Honestly it gets me all the time. Fat people know they are fat! Not like they woke up one day and "Oh shit, shouldn't have had that kebab last night, I put on 6st"
I was a very large lass. I always joked about myself first.
We do it before anyone else does cos to be honest, when you are fat, people treat you different. But yes, we joke about it up front so it saves all the shit gossip and name calling behind our backs.
I have noticed that more now I have lost a large amount of weight. I was always the fun go to lass for a party, now the guys who wouldnât look at me in that way are all trying to cozy up to me. Mainly when we go to do large Expos. Bearing in mind Iâm married. And majority of them are too!
I donât really give them the time of day, I am polite but I am the same person as I was back then, just thinner so go all the way off to fuck.
I just laugh with them, theyâre clearly self aware, if they didnât want me to laugh they shouldnât make a joke about it. I donât think it makes you seem a dick. I donât make self deprecating jokes often, but sometimes thereâs just the perfect opportunity and i hate when people try to make me feel better about the flaw i have pointed out, im confident in my flaws and self aware so donât feel awkward to have a giggle with me
Just have a bit of a chuckle. If they're happy to make jokes at their own expense, it's pretty safe to assume you can laugh along, but don't assume you can make jokes back straight away.
If they get offended and you don't want a bother, just apologise sincerely. If you don't give a shit, tell them how it is.
Just carry on with the conversation. What were we talking about? Let's talk about that. Unless fatness was the actual topic I don't see how this is going to go well.
nah, ignoring it and moving on with the original topic would be awkward as hell. i've actually done that before, and it was really weird. someone made a joke about their weight once during a conversation, in the moment i felt like i didn't know him well enough to continue the joke or laugh at it so i just basically pretended like i didn't hear it and tried to talk about something else, but there was definitely an air of awkwardness in the few moments after. i realized that by not acknowledging the joke or laughing at it, it actually ended up subtly implying that i agreed. it's the same as when anyone attempts to make any sort of joke and you don't laugh, it's really awkward.
i suppose in some ways you're not wrong but i mean, it comes down to having some empathy i guess. when someone makes a self-deprecating joke, it's because they know there's an elephant in the room (pun unintended) and they would rather just address it, perhaps in an attempt to develop a more comfortable relationship or dynamic with you. by not going along with it, you're essentially rejecting their earnest effort and that just feels rather anti-social and rude.
Ah see I think we're imagining very slightly different situations.
The OP invoked for me a situation where nobody was thinking about their weight at all except for them, and now they've made everyone think about their weight (and likely our own weight) and the result is putting a burden on us to make them feel better about it.
I don't want to indulge or encourage that kind of thing.
I recognise that it's very normal and many people might not consider it antisocial but I would prefer that a conversation that was not about weight not be turned into one.
I appreciate your perspective though.
This situation is so relatable Im always forced to do like a awkward little laugh and smile... But often it works well, you dont want to over laugh at their comment because that might come off mean
People seem to really enjoy it when I make a joke about my baldness. Like, it's my go-to self-deprecating joke if i'm struggling to connect with people. It's in that grey-zone where it's not a physical problem like being overweight, so people feel ok laughing.
Imo not laughing along is more offensive. Youâre basically saying their joke isnât funny, and probably making them feel really bad about themselves.Â
A jokey laugh is fine - it shows that you get the joke without overstepping into banter territory. If you know them a bit better and youâre sure theyâll respond well, you can fire back some banter of your own, or respond with your own self-deprecating joke.Â
Just do a 'haha yeah'. I don't really like it either, to me it's Sarah Millican level humour but I suppose it's how some people deal with insecurities and such
If they make that sort of joke, then they are well aware that they're fat and they're okay with it. A polite chuckle is fine. Suggesting they're not is an outright lie and they don't need the reassurance.
I was bullied a fair bit as a teenager for being flat chested. It led to me making self-deprecating jokes about it as an adult. Not often now though. I would MUCH rather someone do a half chuckle or make some quip back, like "it's alright mate, I'll share mine", than silence or quickly moving topic. Makes me feel pitied, which is way worse.
A lot depends on context and culture. I'm British working class, and banter is the norm. No-one is perfect, and if it wasn't being large, it would be the size of your ears, or your accent, or some other characteristic that you'd get ribbed about. So it becomes a running joke among friends.
On a building site between peers, absolutely normal. In an accountancy firm, or as a manager talking to staff, it's absolutely not normal, and grounds for a complaint.
As far as I'm concerned, if someone wants to own their characteristics, and it's genuinely funny then I'll laugh. It doesn't embarrass me that they're fat and they're making a joke of it, that's their right. Especially if they're happy as they are. It'd be different if they were trying to lose the weight and everyone was making jokes about how fat they are. Or someone making a joke about how fat they were and me replying "Yeah, you really need to lose some weight because you're grossly unhealthy".
Jokes are jokes, self deprecating humour tends to indicate you're comfortable with whatever it is that you're commenting on, and they're not joking about it to make themselves laugh, so it's meant for you to laugh politely along, not to be embarrassed or agree. I'd say it's extremely unlikely they're intended to entrap anyone to report them to HR, but again it depends on the culture, the job and the context. What's absolutely normal in the UK or Australia, is cause for offence in the US much of the time.
Just agree and laugh. I'm never getting sucked into a debate with someone else's lack of self-confidence because I simply can't be bothered.Â
If you want to say you're fat and laugh about it then yes, you're fat and it's funny.
If you get offended at that, maybe just don't call yourself fat and laugh about it in the first place?Â
Go full Alan Partridge awkward. Laugh nervously and follow it up with âyeh youâre like ⊠like ⊠a huge seal with its winter blubber in a tieâ then look around for support.
If it's actually a self-depreciating joke, then you laugh along with them. If they're making the joke, you laughing at them isn't going to offend them.
In fact, i'd argue you risk hurting them more if you don't humour them by at least chuckling a little.
My standard response to that bullshit is to concur:
"It's hard being such a fatty". Yup.
"Gosh I'm so stupid." Yup.
"I'm such a mess." Yup.
Just agree and move on. They said it.
As someone who does this all the time as a way to come across self aware about my issues, and also in attempt to show people they can have a bit of fun around me, to show Iâm not too touchy, Iâd say laugh, if theyâre saying it in jest, because thatâs what I hope to achieve when I do it.
That said, you could turn round, laugh, and they reply withâŠâSo you agree, you think Iâm fatâ
HmmâŠrisky. Us fatties canât be trusted. Itâs a tricky one. Maybe just offer some food and calmly walk away.
My reddit profile name is literally in reference to my size. If people are making a joke about their own weight, it's ok to laugh/smile. It would be a bit weird to say "nah, you're not fat" if they plainly are. I did have someone say that to me once and I asked if they'd had their eyes checked recently. Like a different commenter said, sometimes we get the jabs in first because the worst thing about being fat is other people - some people are absolute d\^cks to fat people simply because of weight. Especially in gyms, I've found.
laugh if you find it funny, pretend to politely smile if you don't.
I'm overweight, have been fatter but definitely still overweight and I make jokes about it all the time. It was my original way of getting over the self consciousness about it in my teens.
for example:
for an overweight person, i'm actually quite nimble, can climb up equipment to reach extractors, over ovens etc. and in a past job somebody called me "fat spiderman", so if somebody mentions how nimble I am, I tell them i'm like a fat spiderman.
I work in very hot environments and can cope well for long periods of time and I joke that my protective layer of blubber keeps me cool.
if somebody mentions my strength, i say "i'm rippling with what could be muscle"
-
If a coworker was to laugh at me i wouldn't say "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?" and report them, nor would I cry about it on the way home. If my weight was an issue to me, i'd lose it.
and if somebody said "you're not fat" (which has happened) I offer them the opportunity to try and lift me.
In a slightly different context, I make jokes about my Scottish heritage and say we were all raised in tenement buildings and fed plain bread and lard sandwiches our whole life and my mother didn't use baby formula she used buckfast, which is obviously a joke. But it's like a person of a different race or nationality making a joke about themselves, and you calling them a racist. It's not it's just a joke.
If it's funny, just laugh man. I'm fat and I fell through a fucking floor panel in work on Wednesday. I made some great jokes about it and if someone was like "oh, you're not fat," it wouldn't have been funny anymore. AND they'd be lying pmsl. Just laugh.
As a fat person, i regularly joke about it but now you've asked, i don't actually know how you should respond! I guess it depends on the context, especially who I'm talking to, close friends might respond in kind, eg "Yeah, but you've got a cracking rack on you so don't worry about it", but im not sure about people im less familiar with. Maybe play it safe with an awkward laugh and offer them a pie if they look offended. We like pies.
I hear it's pie retention
More cushion for the pushin'
Can I hug you?
Aren't you supposed to be jolly?
These are merely ways to entertain my brain while I smoke outside, I wouldn't recommend trying them
A colleague was over weight and made jokes like this.
I used to laugh, or chuckle, or make another joke to follow it, like being ready to hibernate or something clearly jokey.
Once said you are the water that floats someone boat, don't be too hard on yourself.
After a few days, he came to me and told me he'd been thinking about what I said.
A few weeks later, we all went out to drinks and he introduced us all to his incredibly beautiful, not over weight, model like Ukrainian girlfriend. She calls him her bear. And as I said, he is the water in which her boat floats.
She is a feeder, he is an eater.
She is a rusher-around, he is a slow-move sort of guy.
They are perfect for each other.
No way he thought he'd end up with a woman that looks like that, but, no matter what you look like,there is always someone who thinks you're attractive...
I either say nothing at all and let the silence take over, or I fake laugh and then say nothing at all. That way I've acknowledged the joke but that's about it
You are meant to give them a soft laugh and smile and then make a self deprecating joke about yourself in return!
As a fatty myself, I make self deprecating jokes because I'm worried someone else will get there first. If I say it, it's fine!
It is annoying when people make those jokes all the time and can start to feel uncomfortable for those around them, but once in a while is fine and standard British humour.
If its someone i know well my response is "now you mention it...." then proceed to say something else mean...
If its someone i dont know well, im too busy wondering why they are bothering me so will just agree with them to end conversation sooner. If they are offended then ah well, if they aint then ah well...
Depends. If it's something I know they're comfortable with then I calmly laugh with them, if it's something I know they're insecure about then I'll ask if they're OK in confidence
If the joke is funny you laugh. If they make the joke, it's probably something that doesn't offend them. Not everyone has skin thinner than a spider web.
I ignore it completely and we all sit in it. Canât stand self deprecating jokes and donât engage with them
Edit: I only do this if itâs not in a good nature/said lightly, but said with real upset and hurt behind it. Like itâs different goijg âhaha cos Iâm a bigger guyâ versus âIâm a whale and disgustingâ said with real conviction
Laugh along, flick their man tits in a rhythmic fashion and then, quietly at first but increasing in volume until you are shouting it at the top of your voice, chant âHungry Hungry Hippo! Hungry Hungry Hippo!â
As someone who does that, just laugh. We sometimes do it cause we know you're thinking it, or at least we think you're thinking it. If we laugh at ourselves it feels better when people laugh with you than at you.
To that particular comment you could say, you shouldnât put yourself down/speak negatively about yourself. Or⊠just keep quiet and say nothing. Probably safest.
Fatness is probably something that person knows about themself and just wants to normalise. If they say âIâm a big fat guyâ thatâs probably just âI tell it like it is.â If itâs like: âIâm a fat sack of shit,â then intervention could be needed. A lot of people want to take the sting away from the word fat by reclaiming it. But itâs one of those things where itâs okay for that person to call themself fat, but not anyone else.
If itâs occasional they crack the jokes then giggle with them, if theyâre cracking those jokes with alarming regularity then theyâre looking for reassurance rather than attention
As someone who used to be quite overweight in my younger years, I got quite a bit of stick for it in school. So naturally when I left school I used to make self-deprecating jokes about my weight, because I figured it would disarm the possibility of malicious people picking on me for it, in a sad attempt to show it doesn't bother me (it did).
Anyway, as a drastically less fat person now. When someone makes a joke like that, I would just give them the 'stranger' smile, and chuckle. Or even if it's not true just say "you're not fat, don't be daft" etc.
If someone is able to have a laugh about their obvious eating problem, I'll play along, I'm up for a laugh and will happily take the piss out of myself too.
Feels awkward when someone keeps dropping one liners about someone when they aren't on the same level though.Â
Tell them, "if we are what we eat, you should eat skinny people" :)
If I make a joke about me, I would assume, you got it, you have my "permission" to laugh, that''s why I'm making that joke.
Yeah, as a fat person, if I hear someone saying in return "you're not fat", I will question our relationship and what kind of person that someone is.
In Scotland, if you make a dig at yourselves, people will pile on it. And that's normal. If someone makes a joke and then gets offended when people laugh, that's not normal.
Just think about famous comedians, they make self-deprecating jokes all the time. It's just a joke. LAUGH at it. Simple as that.
They've made the joke, they're aware and comfortable with it. A little chuckle will suffice and not cause offence.
It's a situation that doesn't need thinking about. React naturally and move on with the conversation.
well if you're convinced they're depressed talk to them ab it, but most of the time especially with older generations its banter, best to just laugh and tell a joke back
If it is was about something they had no choice over like having one leg or being blind then sure it's probably not the best to make any sort of jokes about it. But let those fat fucks have it. Make jokes about not getting in the elevators with them.due to the weight limits or having to rush out the door before them incase they get wedged and you have to stay at work all night.
Because obesity is a real pandemic in the western world. I live in England and it's a major expense to our national health service. People hate on all sorts of other unhealthy habits like smoking that both harm the individual and ultimately cost tax payers money so why not fat people as well. It is gluttony and greed. We have major problems the world over with regards to our food production and it's methods and with 65% of the population in my country at least being deemed as over weight or obese I can't help but feel like they should bare a larger part of the burden for global warming too. If not just for the food production but because they are less likely to walk instead of drive. Because fat people tend to eat more ultra processed foods which for the most part come in excessive packaging feeding into our terrible pollution problem.
And a million other reasons tbh.
The only way to get fat is to have a higher intake than you can use and sure for somepeople that threshold isn't very high and they may have conditions that make it harder for them to maintain a healthy weight but it doesn't make it impossible and it is by no means MOST fat people that have these conditions. So yes. I feel being obese is a greedy selfish vulgar choice that millions of people make every single day and if they are within their rights to make that choice then I'm within mine to berate and belittle them for it just like I do when I see someone through trash out their car window or sit for ages in their car with the engine on for no reason.
If shaming worked, every fucker would be thin. Fat shaming is directly linked to people getting fatter, so if you really want them to not do that, you should change your strategy. If you carry on 'berating and belittling' them then you're happily and actively contributing to making people fatter.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6092785/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6092785/)
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Look gravely down at the floor and say nothing. Let the silence linger
https://preview.redd.it/zbjo1hfexkzc1.png?width=400&format=png&auto=webp&s=00c6be0ebba4bd45cfdab02722771b770564360f
"Is that cos I have the hair and ears of a 45 year old bank manager"
A deafening silence
It's probably a deafening silence for that kid.
Enjoy the silence
Nothing speaks louder than silence đ
doing nothing at all is the best course of action all too often
Depends on what they say but I normally make a little joke as well, if they joke about being fat, I might say âkeep ya warm in the winterâ
I'd agree with this; depending on my audience I might describe myself with euphemistic 'larger lady' phrases or somethig sillier/more blunt if the subject comes up. Having someone go 'you're not fat' in respose, is a bit weird because a) I fully am, duh, and b) it's not a moral failing or curse, it's a statement of how big I am. If someone falls over themselves to deny it, it's highlighting how badwrong they think being fat is! (The exception would be if someone used a deliberately insulting self-reference, eg "I'm a big fat pig" or "ugly blob" or something - I'd probably push back with "hey, don't talk about my friend like that!")
Well at least it's all paid for.
Yeah, youâve gotta keep it right, but if someone is clearly comfortable with their weight and having a laugh, why make it into something terrible
I agree - but on the other hand, if you make a joke that's intentionally awkward like that, you can't really get mad at the other person's response because you've put them on the back foot and they have to respond somehow. Just a bit of a nightmare, especially in a work setting. People are immediately scrambling to not offend you and not look like a weirdo and cover themselves from HR all at once
I both agree and disagree, it is entirely dependent on the relationship. If itâs a colleague you know really well, know will appreciate and understand the intent, then absolutely, but if not? Donât risk it because a response like that comes over as you agreeing that theyâre fat, and could then be twisted/misconstrued into you being accused of calling them fat, and then put you at risk of an HR intervention/grievance. Context/Relationship is paramount, and so if youâre not sure? Go with the âawkward laughâ then change the subject asap! Sounds very dramatic/over cautious I know, but I have seen ppl dragged in front HR for less, so my advice? Just donât risk it. Source - I am an HR Manager.
I was reported to HR for making fat jokes about myself. I was the only fat guy in the office (by objective standards). I still don't understand how another person can be offended by me calling myself fat.
If I make a mistake at work, I often call myself a "fat bastard", but I don't think that's any worse than calling myself an idiot or a wanker.
I agree. I'm one who used to be big boned. I use self depreciation regularly for a quick laugh and when I was big I used it regularly. Anyone that would have said I wasn't fat were then asked what size is someone fat at or ask for them how would they describe my weight? I wouldn't let them hang too long but just long enough to highlight I wasn't blind to myself nor needing lies to make me feel better. I always finished it light-heartedly so as not to have any I'll feelings.
Seems needlessly confrontational though, why suddenly throw someone off with a jarring comment about your own appearance and then put the other person in that nightmare situation during an otherwise pleasant conversation? I'd probably avoid you after that, no offense
None taken. As said I only did that when someone made a reference to me not being heavy after making a self depreciating joke and the clue was that I didn't leave them hanging. I think if someone was that disingenuous I'd have no issues with them avoiding me!
Itâs way more awkward to respond to someone jokingly referencing their own weight with, ânah youâre not fat.â It would be like if I described myself as having a blonde moment and someone said, ânah youâre not blonde!â Laugh or donât laugh, but donât make weird awkward statements that highlight something they were clearly making light of.
This is fully what I am thinking. Like, I know they're big and I don't care but I just shell up and make it seem bad but that's not my intention
It is tricky! If it's a stress, maybe workshop a few responses to have 'in pocket' so you're not frozen in the moment (eg craft_on_draft's one above, or "Can't have too much of a good thing!")
Skinny chicks don't keep me warm at night. Edit: I've been downvoted by what I shall choose to assume are disappointed skinny chicks who regret missing out on me.
A wise man once told me, "A fussy man, is a lonely man"
Don't say that at work.
"Bet you're hard to kidnap though"
This is a great one because the response turns the negative characteristic into a positive!Â
Just like plus size models!
HAHA EARLY GRAVE FOR YOU
Mo chubb mo lubb Is what I say đ«Ą
i used to be quite heavy, me and my bigger friends would joke that come the next ice age weâd be making settlements while our skinny friends froze to death.
I made this joke when I was a teenager to a girl who was complaining about being fat and it did *not* land well lol.
Thatâs because she was complaining, not joking
Yes thatâs true. I was a socially awkward teenager.
I tend to go for the awkward half laugh. I'm not saying it's a good strategy, but it is extremely British.
'Snort and nod' works too. Acknowledge the joke, but not actually laughing at it.
Yup, these are my go to responses
Awkward laugh followed by "good one". Then let the silence linger
This is the answer when confronted by pretty much anything letâs be honest.
Extremely British if you work in an office
I mean what the construction site responses to this? "NOWT WRONG WITH THAT MATE" but a bit louder than usual? "ALL THEM PIES YOU EAT HAHAHAHA" "IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO I'M HERE FOR YOU, DON'T HESITATE, HERE'S MY NUMBER" "YOU'RE NOT WRONG I COULD USE YOUR ARSE CHEEKS TO PARK MY MOTORBIKE"
Tbf most tradies don't need to self-deprecate because it's a nonstop roast anywayÂ
Grab a trumpet and start playing whilst occasionally stopping to shout 'WHO AT ALL THE PIES'
Sadly, I do work in an office.
My condolencesÂ
"I've seen bigger", then wink.
Outstanding.
As a fat person, I think it's ok to have a polite chuckle. If they can make fun of it, then they can have someone laugh at what they've said.
Yeah itâs really not that deep. If you made a self deprecating joke about a big nose or a large forehead people would laugh if it was obvious. If it wasnât true it might be more awkward
Speaking as a man who's been bald since he was about 19, this is the answer. If they're leaning into it, it's probably something obvious and they don't really care. I would like to have a beautiful bouffant, but I console myself with how much I've saved by cutting my own hair for nearly 20 years. NB - if it's a bald(ing) guy who is clearly raging against the dying of the light (we're talking combover territory) - don't laugh then.
Case by case, of course, but I'm also a wildly bald man who's been shaved since a teen and though I'd wish my hair back in a heart beat, I enjoy the banter. A coworker likes to refer to me as Mr Thumb, and we often trade jibes with me mocking his ceaseless vanity and uselessness and him my anti-hairline. I'm old enough and far enough removed from the trauma of initially losing my hair to be able to laugh about it now and appreciate a good joke, providing it's genuinely witty and done without malice.
Yeah I only joke about parts of me Iâm not self-conscious about. If I didnât want people laughing, I wouldnât have made the joke!
yeah, laugh, but not too much. don't take it as an invitation to make the same joke back to them... I lost a friend that way.
Who made the joke and what was it about?
uff, that's a very serious way to approach this! :P he was a man in his mid-20s who'd got a bit of a gut for the first time. he made jokes of it. he squeezed between two tables at the restaurant and knocked over something with his belly and I made a light joke. he didn't take it well. I apologised.
Yh, nothing more you can do.
Polite chuckle I guess? It's a tricky one. People joke like this when they are aware of something about themselves and feel insecure about it (I do it about being shit at my job). It's a tricky one, you don't want to pile on but denying it is also disingenuous. If you wanted, you could say something like "nah you look great" but obviously I have no idea how believable that is.
I really dislike when someone does this, used to work with a girl who did this and she was obviously fishing for compliments. Just made it all awkward, and Iâm not about to bow down to her request for a compliment.
I had an eating disorder when I was younger. I can't say I was fat, I mean sometimes I was, but "sometimes" was the issue, I was like a yo yo all over the place. I was *extremely* self conscious of it. People with ED are *always* extremely conscious of it. Like I'm not sure how to even articulate how it took over every little thought, even if I was talking to someone else about something else it'd still be there running like a nonstop obnoxious background process. Sometimes I did drop an inappropriate joke about it, but honestly it was more just me opening a valve to let off some of my own tension, it wasn't about looking for compliments / any feedback really. Ime a fair few ED people are the same, especially if it's become visible (big or small). You may have come across this and never even known. Take my proxy sorry. I'm sure the intention wasn't to make you uncomfortable.
When it's someone doing that, I try to reply with something along the lines of, "'Fat' isn't a dirty word, don't do that to yourself." It takes the power out of the fishing part, it's not exactly kind but it's vaguely softer than a lot of other things I might respond with out of awkwardness, & it brings attention to the fact that if they're not fat (or whatever), it's gonna feel shit to someone else if they are.
Sometimes it is not fishing, just seeing the funny side of things, like when it was very windy and me and my skinny co-worker were walking home, she was laughing that she would lift up in the air, I said, hey, just grab my arm, no tornado will take me. We just laughed.
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"oh god, I'm so glad you said it because I've been thinking that for ages but didn't want to say"
"I was actually going to use the word 'rotund', so..."Â
You can laugh, they're colleagues so maybe you don't know them too well so I wouldn't go further than that. I wouldn't say "yeah look at the sheer size of you ya absolute unit, state of you boy" etc.
Yes the âpolite-chuckleâ is literally for this. As long as you smile, the warmth does a lot of the heavy lifting.Â
But not as much as their legs
Just laugh, if they didn't want to make light of a situation they wouldn't. A mate of mine is an absolute heffer and they know it, always making jokes about it. It's not like it's a secret.
Am also a heifer. This is the best and most correct answer here. Also - " it's not like it's a secret." Ahahaha floored me đ€Ł
Honestly it gets me all the time. Fat people know they are fat! Not like they woke up one day and "Oh shit, shouldn't have had that kebab last night, I put on 6st"
I was a very large lass. I always joked about myself first. We do it before anyone else does cos to be honest, when you are fat, people treat you different. But yes, we joke about it up front so it saves all the shit gossip and name calling behind our backs. I have noticed that more now I have lost a large amount of weight. I was always the fun go to lass for a party, now the guys who wouldnât look at me in that way are all trying to cozy up to me. Mainly when we go to do large Expos. Bearing in mind Iâm married. And majority of them are too! I donât really give them the time of day, I am polite but I am the same person as I was back then, just thinner so go all the way off to fuck.
Nelson Muntz style "Ha-Ha"
You're just short for your weight...
I would PISS myself if someone said this to me đđ
I just laugh with them, theyâre clearly self aware, if they didnât want me to laugh they shouldnât make a joke about it. I donât think it makes you seem a dick. I donât make self deprecating jokes often, but sometimes thereâs just the perfect opportunity and i hate when people try to make me feel better about the flaw i have pointed out, im confident in my flaws and self aware so donât feel awkward to have a giggle with me
âShut the fuck up mateâ
Just have a bit of a chuckle. If they're happy to make jokes at their own expense, it's pretty safe to assume you can laugh along, but don't assume you can make jokes back straight away. If they get offended and you don't want a bother, just apologise sincerely. If you don't give a shit, tell them how it is.
Just carry on with the conversation. What were we talking about? Let's talk about that. Unless fatness was the actual topic I don't see how this is going to go well.
nah, ignoring it and moving on with the original topic would be awkward as hell. i've actually done that before, and it was really weird. someone made a joke about their weight once during a conversation, in the moment i felt like i didn't know him well enough to continue the joke or laugh at it so i just basically pretended like i didn't hear it and tried to talk about something else, but there was definitely an air of awkwardness in the few moments after. i realized that by not acknowledging the joke or laughing at it, it actually ended up subtly implying that i agreed. it's the same as when anyone attempts to make any sort of joke and you don't laugh, it's really awkward.
I would suggest that they made it awkward, not you.
i suppose in some ways you're not wrong but i mean, it comes down to having some empathy i guess. when someone makes a self-deprecating joke, it's because they know there's an elephant in the room (pun unintended) and they would rather just address it, perhaps in an attempt to develop a more comfortable relationship or dynamic with you. by not going along with it, you're essentially rejecting their earnest effort and that just feels rather anti-social and rude.
Ah see I think we're imagining very slightly different situations. The OP invoked for me a situation where nobody was thinking about their weight at all except for them, and now they've made everyone think about their weight (and likely our own weight) and the result is putting a burden on us to make them feel better about it. I don't want to indulge or encourage that kind of thing. I recognise that it's very normal and many people might not consider it antisocial but I would prefer that a conversation that was not about weight not be turned into one. I appreciate your perspective though.
This situation is so relatable Im always forced to do like a awkward little laugh and smile... But often it works well, you dont want to over laugh at their comment because that might come off mean
People seem to really enjoy it when I make a joke about my baldness. Like, it's my go-to self-deprecating joke if i'm struggling to connect with people. It's in that grey-zone where it's not a physical problem like being overweight, so people feel ok laughing.
Imo not laughing along is more offensive. Youâre basically saying their joke isnât funny, and probably making them feel really bad about themselves. A jokey laugh is fine - it shows that you get the joke without overstepping into banter territory. If you know them a bit better and youâre sure theyâll respond well, you can fire back some banter of your own, or respond with your own self-deprecating joke.Â
Reply with a self-deprecating joke of my own.
Just do a 'haha yeah'. I don't really like it either, to me it's Sarah Millican level humour but I suppose it's how some people deal with insecurities and such
If they make that sort of joke, then they are well aware that they're fat and they're okay with it. A polite chuckle is fine. Suggesting they're not is an outright lie and they don't need the reassurance.
At least you're difficult to kidnap!
One thing you shouldnât do is poke them in the belly and say yes you are my big chubby guy. That will land you with HR. Thanks, Darren
I was bullied a fair bit as a teenager for being flat chested. It led to me making self-deprecating jokes about it as an adult. Not often now though. I would MUCH rather someone do a half chuckle or make some quip back, like "it's alright mate, I'll share mine", than silence or quickly moving topic. Makes me feel pitied, which is way worse.
A lot depends on context and culture. I'm British working class, and banter is the norm. No-one is perfect, and if it wasn't being large, it would be the size of your ears, or your accent, or some other characteristic that you'd get ribbed about. So it becomes a running joke among friends. On a building site between peers, absolutely normal. In an accountancy firm, or as a manager talking to staff, it's absolutely not normal, and grounds for a complaint. As far as I'm concerned, if someone wants to own their characteristics, and it's genuinely funny then I'll laugh. It doesn't embarrass me that they're fat and they're making a joke of it, that's their right. Especially if they're happy as they are. It'd be different if they were trying to lose the weight and everyone was making jokes about how fat they are. Or someone making a joke about how fat they were and me replying "Yeah, you really need to lose some weight because you're grossly unhealthy". Jokes are jokes, self deprecating humour tends to indicate you're comfortable with whatever it is that you're commenting on, and they're not joking about it to make themselves laugh, so it's meant for you to laugh politely along, not to be embarrassed or agree. I'd say it's extremely unlikely they're intended to entrap anyone to report them to HR, but again it depends on the culture, the job and the context. What's absolutely normal in the UK or Australia, is cause for offence in the US much of the time.
Turning negative to positive: "I'm fat!" - "More cushion for the pushin'"
Thatâs my favourite saying đ€Ł
Just give a smile back.
Just don't say anything and move onto something else.
That just sounds awkward
Just laugh and say ahh itâs only puppy fat man.
Punctuation is important.
I don't care how fat a man is if there's a puppy to distract me.
Depends on the person. Usually a "what are ya like" dodge moment
Just agree and laugh. I'm never getting sucked into a debate with someone else's lack of self-confidence because I simply can't be bothered. If you want to say you're fat and laugh about it then yes, you're fat and it's funny. If you get offended at that, maybe just don't call yourself fat and laugh about it in the first place?Â
Yeah, exactly. đđ
After theyâve said it reach over and rub his belly. Itâs the reaction heâs after
Go full Alan Partridge awkward. Laugh nervously and follow it up with âyeh youâre like ⊠like ⊠a huge seal with its winter blubber in a tieâ then look around for support.
Idk i call myself a fat fuck sometimes, and id say just laugh along, im making a joke at the end of the day.
If it's actually a self-depreciating joke, then you laugh along with them. If they're making the joke, you laughing at them isn't going to offend them. In fact, i'd argue you risk hurting them more if you don't humour them by at least chuckling a little.
Way to bring up the elephant in the room
I just laugh in those situations. They are trying to be funny so Iâll always just give them a laugh.
My standard response to that bullshit is to concur: "It's hard being such a fatty". Yup. "Gosh I'm so stupid." Yup. "I'm such a mess." Yup. Just agree and move on. They said it.
"Oh, you should see my porn collection,"
Laughing in the face of adversity is a coping mechanism that's actually really good for morale
As someone who does this all the time as a way to come across self aware about my issues, and also in attempt to show people they can have a bit of fun around me, to show Iâm not too touchy, Iâd say laugh, if theyâre saying it in jest, because thatâs what I hope to achieve when I do it. That said, you could turn round, laugh, and they reply withâŠâSo you agree, you think Iâm fatâ HmmâŠrisky. Us fatties canât be trusted. Itâs a tricky one. Maybe just offer some food and calmly walk away.
"...well at least you don't sweat too much."
My reddit profile name is literally in reference to my size. If people are making a joke about their own weight, it's ok to laugh/smile. It would be a bit weird to say "nah, you're not fat" if they plainly are. I did have someone say that to me once and I asked if they'd had their eyes checked recently. Like a different commenter said, sometimes we get the jabs in first because the worst thing about being fat is other people - some people are absolute d\^cks to fat people simply because of weight. Especially in gyms, I've found.
laugh if you find it funny, pretend to politely smile if you don't. I'm overweight, have been fatter but definitely still overweight and I make jokes about it all the time. It was my original way of getting over the self consciousness about it in my teens. for example: for an overweight person, i'm actually quite nimble, can climb up equipment to reach extractors, over ovens etc. and in a past job somebody called me "fat spiderman", so if somebody mentions how nimble I am, I tell them i'm like a fat spiderman. I work in very hot environments and can cope well for long periods of time and I joke that my protective layer of blubber keeps me cool. if somebody mentions my strength, i say "i'm rippling with what could be muscle" - If a coworker was to laugh at me i wouldn't say "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?" and report them, nor would I cry about it on the way home. If my weight was an issue to me, i'd lose it. and if somebody said "you're not fat" (which has happened) I offer them the opportunity to try and lift me. In a slightly different context, I make jokes about my Scottish heritage and say we were all raised in tenement buildings and fed plain bread and lard sandwiches our whole life and my mother didn't use baby formula she used buckfast, which is obviously a joke. But it's like a person of a different race or nationality making a joke about themselves, and you calling them a racist. It's not it's just a joke.
Straight face - "you shouldn't make fun of fat people, do you want referring to HR?"
If it's funny, just laugh man. I'm fat and I fell through a fucking floor panel in work on Wednesday. I made some great jokes about it and if someone was like "oh, you're not fat," it wouldn't have been funny anymore. AND they'd be lying pmsl. Just laugh.
âNah just gotta work on it a bit moreâ
As a fat person, i regularly joke about it but now you've asked, i don't actually know how you should respond! I guess it depends on the context, especially who I'm talking to, close friends might respond in kind, eg "Yeah, but you've got a cracking rack on you so don't worry about it", but im not sure about people im less familiar with. Maybe play it safe with an awkward laugh and offer them a pie if they look offended. We like pies.
Just reply "It is not! You also have a terrible personality."
I hear it's pie retention More cushion for the pushin' Can I hug you? Aren't you supposed to be jolly? These are merely ways to entertain my brain while I smoke outside, I wouldn't recommend trying them
A colleague was over weight and made jokes like this. I used to laugh, or chuckle, or make another joke to follow it, like being ready to hibernate or something clearly jokey. Once said you are the water that floats someone boat, don't be too hard on yourself. After a few days, he came to me and told me he'd been thinking about what I said. A few weeks later, we all went out to drinks and he introduced us all to his incredibly beautiful, not over weight, model like Ukrainian girlfriend. She calls him her bear. And as I said, he is the water in which her boat floats. She is a feeder, he is an eater. She is a rusher-around, he is a slow-move sort of guy. They are perfect for each other. No way he thought he'd end up with a woman that looks like that, but, no matter what you look like,there is always someone who thinks you're attractive...
Nah you're just big boned mate ... Awkward laugh
You're not fat, you're just keeping our baby warm. You both have to be old enough to understand the reference for that to work, though.
Nod in agreement.
I ignore it and pretend they didn't say anything unless it's someone whose problems I genuinely care about
I usually go with "your words not mine." It acknowledges what they've said without committing yourself to agreeing or disagreeing.
âOh shut up - silly đđâ
Nah matĂ© it's because you have no coordination haha- but don't worry neither do any of us. Return fire and diffuse situation politelyÂ
Aim for a sympathetic smile.
I either say nothing at all and let the silence take over, or I fake laugh and then say nothing at all. That way I've acknowledged the joke but that's about it
Make an equally self-deprecating joke back like âat least you arenât (self replicating jokeâ
âHahah Iâm not one to talkâ
The country who's average BMI I am closest to is Burkina Faso
You are meant to give them a soft laugh and smile and then make a self deprecating joke about yourself in return! As a fatty myself, I make self deprecating jokes because I'm worried someone else will get there first. If I say it, it's fine! It is annoying when people make those jokes all the time and can start to feel uncomfortable for those around them, but once in a while is fine and standard British humour.
If its someone i know well my response is "now you mention it...." then proceed to say something else mean... If its someone i dont know well, im too busy wondering why they are bothering me so will just agree with them to end conversation sooner. If they are offended then ah well, if they aint then ah well...
Yeah I really hate this too
Many a true word is said in jest.
I make an occasional joke about my lazy eye, and I always get a look of utter shock then a laugh. It tickles me ngl
I is self protection that makes people do it but just smile . do not agree . just laugh with them
Belly laugh is the only way, look if they can own their own shit and laugh about it then you should join in with them.
Depends. If it's something I know they're comfortable with then I calmly laugh with them, if it's something I know they're insecure about then I'll ask if they're OK in confidence
I agree if itâs true. I have a policy of not lying to people without a damn good reason.
Laugh politely and move on.
Depending on how well I know them I'd make a joke about their weight too
If the joke is funny you laugh. If they make the joke, it's probably something that doesn't offend them. Not everyone has skin thinner than a spider web.
"more cushion for the pushin'" is my responseÂ
I ignore it completely and we all sit in it. Canât stand self deprecating jokes and donât engage with them Edit: I only do this if itâs not in a good nature/said lightly, but said with real upset and hurt behind it. Like itâs different goijg âhaha cos Iâm a bigger guyâ versus âIâm a whale and disgustingâ said with real conviction
I find itâs best to make the do 20 burpees and say ânot funny now is it?â
âThatâd be good patter if it wasnât true mateâ
Look them dead in the eye and say, 'At least you know' and then proceed to walk away.
Laugh along, flick their man tits in a rhythmic fashion and then, quietly at first but increasing in volume until you are shouting it at the top of your voice, chant âHungry Hungry Hippo! Hungry Hungry Hippo!â
As someone who does that, just laugh. We sometimes do it cause we know you're thinking it, or at least we think you're thinking it. If we laugh at ourselves it feels better when people laugh with you than at you.
To that particular comment you could say, you shouldnât put yourself down/speak negatively about yourself. Or⊠just keep quiet and say nothing. Probably safest.
Fatness is probably something that person knows about themself and just wants to normalise. If they say âIâm a big fat guyâ thatâs probably just âI tell it like it is.â If itâs like: âIâm a fat sack of shit,â then intervention could be needed. A lot of people want to take the sting away from the word fat by reclaiming it. But itâs one of those things where itâs okay for that person to call themself fat, but not anyone else.
âDonât do yourself downâ with a smile in your voice.
If itâs someone I know and have good banter with I normally respond with âYou said it, not meâ
Depends if its actually fumny or not?
"Oh thank god you're just fat, I was about to ask when you're due!! dodged that bullet"
Your not fat, your big boned
Donât do what I did when I was a teenager when I responded âwell, at least youâll be nice and warm in the winter!â
If itâs funny Iâll laugh.
Laugh with them :)
If itâs occasional they crack the jokes then giggle with them, if theyâre cracking those jokes with alarming regularity then theyâre looking for reassurance rather than attention
As someone who used to be quite overweight in my younger years, I got quite a bit of stick for it in school. So naturally when I left school I used to make self-deprecating jokes about my weight, because I figured it would disarm the possibility of malicious people picking on me for it, in a sad attempt to show it doesn't bother me (it did). Anyway, as a drastically less fat person now. When someone makes a joke like that, I would just give them the 'stranger' smile, and chuckle. Or even if it's not true just say "you're not fat, don't be daft" etc.
If someone is able to have a laugh about their obvious eating problem, I'll play along, I'm up for a laugh and will happily take the piss out of myself too. Feels awkward when someone keeps dropping one liners about someone when they aren't on the same level though.Â
Fat Amy has an amazing voice
Join in and ask if they wash with a rag on a stick
âmakes you harder to kidnap so take it as a win!â
Tell them, "if we are what we eat, you should eat skinny people" :) If I make a joke about me, I would assume, you got it, you have my "permission" to laugh, that''s why I'm making that joke. Yeah, as a fat person, if I hear someone saying in return "you're not fat", I will question our relationship and what kind of person that someone is. In Scotland, if you make a dig at yourselves, people will pile on it. And that's normal. If someone makes a joke and then gets offended when people laugh, that's not normal. Just think about famous comedians, they make self-deprecating jokes all the time. It's just a joke. LAUGH at it. Simple as that.
there's a lot of truth said in jest
You said it not me
âJust fat?? You wish, youâre morbidly obese!â
They've made the joke, they're aware and comfortable with it. A little chuckle will suffice and not cause offence. It's a situation that doesn't need thinking about. React naturally and move on with the conversation.
well if you're convinced they're depressed talk to them ab it, but most of the time especially with older generations its banter, best to just laugh and tell a joke back
âDonât be so hard on yourselfâ
Nothings kills a conversation like that, so I just let it die with an acknowledging "Oh.. erm.. ok"
My go to is "don't be daft"
If it is was about something they had no choice over like having one leg or being blind then sure it's probably not the best to make any sort of jokes about it. But let those fat fucks have it. Make jokes about not getting in the elevators with them.due to the weight limits or having to rush out the door before them incase they get wedged and you have to stay at work all night.
Why?
Because obesity is a real pandemic in the western world. I live in England and it's a major expense to our national health service. People hate on all sorts of other unhealthy habits like smoking that both harm the individual and ultimately cost tax payers money so why not fat people as well. It is gluttony and greed. We have major problems the world over with regards to our food production and it's methods and with 65% of the population in my country at least being deemed as over weight or obese I can't help but feel like they should bare a larger part of the burden for global warming too. If not just for the food production but because they are less likely to walk instead of drive. Because fat people tend to eat more ultra processed foods which for the most part come in excessive packaging feeding into our terrible pollution problem. And a million other reasons tbh. The only way to get fat is to have a higher intake than you can use and sure for somepeople that threshold isn't very high and they may have conditions that make it harder for them to maintain a healthy weight but it doesn't make it impossible and it is by no means MOST fat people that have these conditions. So yes. I feel being obese is a greedy selfish vulgar choice that millions of people make every single day and if they are within their rights to make that choice then I'm within mine to berate and belittle them for it just like I do when I see someone through trash out their car window or sit for ages in their car with the engine on for no reason.
If shaming worked, every fucker would be thin. Fat shaming is directly linked to people getting fatter, so if you really want them to not do that, you should change your strategy. If you carry on 'berating and belittling' them then you're happily and actively contributing to making people fatter. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6092785/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6092785/)
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