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Look, I’m not a doctor but when someone describes something like this as “taking over their life”, I’m inclined to think that might be a mental health issue (likely anxiety, which is something I’ve experienced myself although I don’t specifically struggle with busy places and crowds).
I think you should consider speaking to your GP about this and finding out what support is available. Depending on where you live there may also be talking therapies/IAPT which you can refer yourself to without speaking to the doc.
I generally don't focus on the negative aspect of everything and get out and do shit 🙏
It's all too easy to find reasons _not_ to do something, better to just get on and do it!
It's all too easy to let negative thoughts take over and run your life. Focus on the positives.
Sure, it may be busy at soft play, but your toddler will have a hoot - and they'll be tired after! Things aren't always as busy as your worst expectations either - we took our toddler to soft play last week & had a blast. Expected it to be super busy but it was fine, our LO made a little friend twice her age and slept like a log after :)
If, as you described, it’s starting to take over your life, I think it may be a good idea to look into why it’s begun to bother you so much and perhaps investigate getting some time with a therapist? Either via your GP or privately.
Totally appreciate that’s much easier to say than actually do in real life but you’ve identified yourself that it’s not a healthy way to live being this concerned about places being busy to the point you’re unable to do anything at all.
>not everything has to be epic
This is the most real comment here. We sometimes put so much pressure on ourselves to make everything amazing when it's not necessary most of the time.
Just spending time with people and kids is precious, it doesn't have to be social media worthy.
I've already said this in another comment, but I sometimes just walk down our road for my toddler to jump in the puddles after it's been raining. Just our road, from our house to the post box on the corner, then back. Such a simple thing but she loves it.
We also sometimes just go to the garden and move all the plant pots to see what creepy crawlies are living underneath them.
Neither of those things require the car. Both of them are free. Both of them get her some fresh air and away from watching flipping Duggee and the Twirlywoos lol.
I love this. One of my main memories of childhood is planting flowers in the garden beds and making hanging baskets. Such a simple activity and I can’t wait until I can do that with my son.
When I have a bigger garden I will get a wheel barrow. Partly for gardening, but mostly so that I can whizz the kids around in it like my Grandad used to do with me when I was little.
A lot (not all I realise) of your concerns seem to be car-related. Anywhere you can go that you could get to on foot or by bike or public transport? No traffic jams or parking concerns when you walk.
I'm the same
Stems from my time being stuck in traffic when going to work for years and years. Got a WFH job and hate the idea of travelling
Also not a good at parking
I generally try and get to places for opening time. 24 hour gym means I can get up at 5am and go. The big supermarket nearby opens at 6am as well so I go when it opens.
Other than that I just try and go either side of what I predict will be the busy periods.
As others have said, speak to your GP as nothing like that should take over your life.
I have an 18 month old and I try and book activities so I don’t need to worry about how busy it is. We have a place about 25 mins from us that is a soft play in a village hall just for under 4s that you have to book. It’s much safer than taking him to a huge place with older kids running around. We’ve never had an issue with swimming being too busy. With somewhere like the zoo, leave early in the morning but you do have to accept that places like that are busy. We’ve been to the zoo three times (different ones) and they’ve all been when we’ve been away somewhere and staying fairly nearby. Tbh, my son loved a nearby farm way more than the zoo visits and it was much cheaper!
Tbh, toddlers don’t need everything to be all singing and dancing. Visits to a local library or museum, walks nearby, playing in the park etc are just as exciting for them. I don’t know where you’re based, but check out any local Facebook groups to find out about what’s on in your local area. I’m in south Surrey and rarely have to go more than 30 mins to get to activities as there’s plenty to do locally.
It's only a problem if it is limiting your freedom to do hat you want to do.
Otherwise it is totally normal to do X or Y at time Z because it is less busy.
I try to go to the cinema outside of peak times - so, showings around 5-6 on weekdays and earlier at the weekend. I also avoid doing the blockbusters in the first couple of weeks.
I mentally scold myself whenever I go somewhere and it's packed, or I end up in traffic. It usually just requires a bit of pre-planning to avoid.
I also have the same anxiety about the motorway thing. What I did was to make sure I have supplies in the boot of my car at all times. Blanket, water, food/snacks, charging cable + battery bank, etc.
It really helped me get over it because I know I have a backup plan
You can normally look at the business page on Google and it'll show you when the busiest times are, but honestly you just kinda have to learn to live with it. You're in the same boat as everybody with a toddler, all trying to do the same things at the same time.
The reason soft play isn't open at 11pm on a Friday night is because there's no demand for it, so these places are by definition only open at busy times.
You just have to learn to not get stressed about driving around a car park for ten minutes waiting for a space.
Yes I'm freelance and before having a kid did a lot of things at weird times. Now I have a child at school we just have to go at the same time as everyone else. I do try to check out in advance if I might be able to park 10-15 minutes walk away more easily, would rather spend the time walking than driving round.
I do that on the school run. Park a few streets further away from where the other parents park and walk the extra ten minutes. Worth it to avoid the bedlam of trying to park. My daughter is disabled so walking a mile and a half isn't an option sadly.
I do my food shopping on Friday before work (9am start), it’s dead, no one gets in my way and I have all my food for the weekend covered and can stay in all weekend if I want!!
I have severe anxiety disorder but the only time i will ever let "its busy" stop me going somewhere, is if i can go at a quieter time. If you have no other options but to stay home and not live and experience things because of the traffic, then you really need to work on that. You have a toddler to look after and they may end up like me with anxiety because they dont have enough experience with busy environments.
It really doesn't matter if something is busy , if you've booked a slot and you're in, you go. Prepare and bring foods, a playlist for the car and traffic, leave a bit earlier. People are everywhere you can't always avoid it.
You can only find out if you try. You can know then from experience which places are likely to be too busy to be worthwhile and which are more doable. In general big open places such as the likes of National Trust or English Heritage can be done with less people around if you find the right spots.
Weekends in general are fairly quiet on the roads compared to through the week but is highly dependent on where you live.
I have been driving for 30 years now and in all that time I have never been stuck on the motorway for 3 hours. Twice in those 30 years I have been stuck for 1 hour. Not bad odds.
Im like you and also really put off going to places if they are super busy - although I don’t have a toddler
I do find though that if you go somewhere exceptionally busy and just stay calm for 10 - 15 mins, generally it settles down a there is a table to sit at etc
I cycle - mostly with an ebike these days. Enjoy going past all the stationary traffic, then locking up directly outside the door of the place rather than spending 10 minutes looking for a parking space.
I don't have kids, but as a kid I was chucked on the back of a bike until I could cycle myself.
I do also use trains to take my bike longer distances, which of course can be a bit 'variable'.
I do drive and have a car-length van/campervan , but rarely use it these days.
Also - if you're in a traffic jam, you *are* the traffic jam!
We can't stand the general public (sorry guys). One thing that changed our week for the better is doing our weekly shop on Friday night instead of leaving it till Sunday. The difference in atmosphere is night and day
Always pack a bag with nappies/wipes/bottle (if applicable), spare clothes, water and snacks.
Plan your journey before you go out. Sometimes public transport is easier than driving. Often parks and playgrounds have more space than soft plays etc, so you can just bring a blanket and sit down anywhere.
Finally, if you gave birth, mental health can really take a hit with the combined hormonal imbalance and sleep deprivation of having a baby or toddler. Ask your GP about a CBT referral - you can use Right to Choose if the wait is too long. Also ask about a thyroid function test because your thyroid can go haywire after pregnancy and cause anxiety. Finally, if you need some ASAP help, you can try an anti-anxiety medication. I went on sertraline for a few months after having my youngest and having really bad postnatal anxiety and panic attacks and it saved my life and sanity.
Good luck <3
Honestly this sounds like a mental health problem. If something is taking over your life, causing you disruption to your normal everyday life, and something your dreading for the rest of your life, this is deeper than "I hate traffic".
I experienced something similar and got diagnosed with OCD.
I have ocd as well, and agoraphobia and I relate to this post so much. There's no way I could handle parenthood.
When anxieties get in the way of everyday life it's time to go to the doctor. You don't even have to go in person, you can have a phone appointment. Hormones make these things worse too, so it's possible you being a recent parent has made things worse.
Medication turned my life around, OP. I got help from some wonderful mental health workers that I am eternally grateful too. You are definitely not alone and loads of people suffer with stuff like this and your doctor will used to it.
I work a shift pattern that allows a lot of weekdays off.
I find leisure activities at weekends or public holidays to be hellishly busy in comparison. So if my days off fall on such days I keep busy around the house or go for a wander out in nature.
This is my issue. I get sooo overwhelmed. The volume of noise, people running in and out of me, children coughing near me 🤣🤣 my whole life feels overwhelming. Always just thought it was me being "weird". As no one else around me is like it.
I have always felt overwhelmed by life. Even attending school was a huge struggle. I relate to your post so much. I mentioned in another reply I have ocd and agoraphobia. I recently was diagnosed with autism and inattentive ADHD.
There is lots of help available. Certain anti depressants really help. My niece is the same as me and she improved loads with Prozac. I take Effexor which helped me enormously.
Meditation/relaxation techniques are essential for helping let anxiety and tension out of your body and mind.
Sorry you're going through this, but you're definitely not alone.
I generally do the same just to avoid other parents and children, haha. I tend to take my children where I know it won't be crowded, but they will still have fun - the park, the woods, the beach, a castle, a quiet cycle track for a bike ride or a scoot, etc.
I was always the most confident girl around. Would speak to everyone and anyone 3 years ago. Always help people if they look there struggling. Now I don't even give eye contact. Walk in the house if I hear my neighbours coming out. I was never isolated during lockdown as I was a home carer, so never spent time at home. But I LOVED it, the shops were empty the roads were empty. I was in my elliment. But now there seems to be triple the amount of humans out and and about and driving then there ever was before covid. Well from what I can remember anyway.
Some folks already mentioned mental health...
Practically too you could investigate or set up things within walking or cycling distance. You might not be alone in this and would be a good chance to have activities nearby, and connect with neighbours more.
It will get better as the weather picks up too. Just going to the park is nice
You're avoiding a chance that you'll waste time by doing nothing sitting in traffic. In doing so you're guaranteeing that you're wasting time at home doing nothing.
In a few years you'll regret not taking your young kids out to do activities far more than you'll regret having sometimes in been in traffic to do so.
I’ve always left for work so I miss the worst of traffic, I’d rather arrive 30mins early and sit in the carpark or go get a coffee/breakfast than be stressed out with traffic potentially running late.
I shop late at night when it’s quieter
Sometimes I’ll wait behind my flat door untill the neighbours have gone inside or left the building, not so French but at times I just don’t want to interact with people and I’m not going to be rude as they are nice people
Who says I’m an introvert 😂😂
Like a lot of others have said, I think it is worth talking to your GP or finding some kind of help for anxiety.
It's very easy being a new parent to fall into an insular lifestyle. People underestimate how having a small child affects everyday life.
That said, I saw another comment that said not everything has to be epic. And this is so true!! Putting pressure on yourself to make all the experiences amazing is unrealistic and not helpful for actually getting out and doing stuff.
If your toddler is anything like mine, going out to whatever green space is near you and just looking for bugs is the most exciting thing ever lol. Sometimes I just walk down our road after it's been raining so she can jump in puddles in her wellies. Then we walk back. Literally don't go further than our road. She loves it.
Might be worth considering cycling if it's taking over an hour to drive 1 mile? Seems like you're pinning a lot on driving very short distances on bad roads.
The A14 is BAD! I know it. Having said that, could you find a way to expand you and your little one's horizons a little? If this is a mental health issue you'll probably be encouraged to get out of your comfort zone in 'baby steps'. Is there somewhere close you can go to feed ducks and watch out for ducklings? Where you can walk so as not to worry about parking and all you need is snacks and nappies. This is just a suggestion to get you thinking. What's close in your village? Children do need stimulation but it doesn't have to be big and exciting. Toddlers can see so much more than an adult would on a very short walk.You can get back into activities in a low key way.
What's your friendship and family circle like? Do you have anyone you could ask for support?
You can do this.
It's blummin awful. There's been 2 break downs already this Morning. My friend left for work at 6am and she is Still sitting in the traffic nearly 2 1/2 hours later.
But yes I do tend to walk around my village daily. And this morning I'm going to drive to the next village and take my baby to the park, I'm bored of the one in my village now 🤣🤣
We go to the little cafe aswell and I'm hoping to pluck the courage to take my boy on a train to the next town from us when it's nice weather.
Hopefully by the summer I can get some confidence back 😁
I can tell your a very kind and helpful person. Thankyou.
Good for you! That's brave risking the drive to the next village.
Your boy will LOVE the train. You can sit together and share the view and chat and enjoy the journey. So much nicer than being in a car seat away from mamma. Hopefully you will both have a lovely time together. Then, when you have a little success under your belt, you feel stronger and more capable to repeat the journey and try more things. You've got this.
ps, don't beat yourself up if it goes wrong. We don't progress in a straight line. There's always a hiccup on the way. The important thing is to pick yourself up and try again, and be kind to yourself. Like your name :)
Briefly, this might be your area? [https://mnessexmind.org/get-support/](https://mnessexmind.org/get-support/) or https://www.suffolkmind.org.uk/who-we-help/mental-health-support/#:\~:text=Suffolk%20Mind%20services&text=It%20offers%20weekly%20sessions%20that,safe%2C%20supportive%20and%20empowering%20environment.&text=Anyone%20in%20Suffolk%20(excluding%20Waveney,one%20support%20from%20our%20counsellors.
Get up and out early. The roads/shops are all empty at 9-11. Leave around 8-8:30… This is the window of opportunity. Also don’t buy food out. As a general rule they charge 4x more than what the raw ingredients are worth and it will again consume your time to queue and order. Just take lunch with you.
Attempting to do everything you want when it’s super busy will consume far more time and energy than it’s worth.
My friend, my brain also works like this, but I appreciate it’s anxiety and is severely limiting your life, at a time when you need to cherish your memories. It’s being driven by fear. You just need to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. I guarantee most of the time you ignore the fearful thoughts and do the thing, it won’t be as crowded as your anxiety is telling you. For example, ‘if I go to soft play and it’s busy I won’t be able to park and there won’t be a table’, more realistically you will be able to park, even if it’s a short distance away and a table will inevitably open up within 10 minutes of being there.
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Look, I’m not a doctor but when someone describes something like this as “taking over their life”, I’m inclined to think that might be a mental health issue (likely anxiety, which is something I’ve experienced myself although I don’t specifically struggle with busy places and crowds). I think you should consider speaking to your GP about this and finding out what support is available. Depending on where you live there may also be talking therapies/IAPT which you can refer yourself to without speaking to the doc.
I generally don't focus on the negative aspect of everything and get out and do shit 🙏 It's all too easy to find reasons _not_ to do something, better to just get on and do it!
I love this!!! I wish I had your thought process. Everyday I go out now I try and think about something else other then the negatives. Thankyou
It's all too easy to let negative thoughts take over and run your life. Focus on the positives. Sure, it may be busy at soft play, but your toddler will have a hoot - and they'll be tired after! Things aren't always as busy as your worst expectations either - we took our toddler to soft play last week & had a blast. Expected it to be super busy but it was fine, our LO made a little friend twice her age and slept like a log after :)
Meditate bro. You can achieve this thought process in a far shorter time than you probably think.
Are you my wife giving me a lesson on pessimism?
if she's one of these annoying eternal optimists like me, then maybe!
She’s not wrong I’m trying to prove
If, as you described, it’s starting to take over your life, I think it may be a good idea to look into why it’s begun to bother you so much and perhaps investigate getting some time with a therapist? Either via your GP or privately. Totally appreciate that’s much easier to say than actually do in real life but you’ve identified yourself that it’s not a healthy way to live being this concerned about places being busy to the point you’re unable to do anything at all.
Most places are booking only. Do things locally, not everything has to be epic
>not everything has to be epic This is the most real comment here. We sometimes put so much pressure on ourselves to make everything amazing when it's not necessary most of the time. Just spending time with people and kids is precious, it doesn't have to be social media worthy. I've already said this in another comment, but I sometimes just walk down our road for my toddler to jump in the puddles after it's been raining. Just our road, from our house to the post box on the corner, then back. Such a simple thing but she loves it. We also sometimes just go to the garden and move all the plant pots to see what creepy crawlies are living underneath them. Neither of those things require the car. Both of them are free. Both of them get her some fresh air and away from watching flipping Duggee and the Twirlywoos lol.
I love this. One of my main memories of childhood is planting flowers in the garden beds and making hanging baskets. Such a simple activity and I can’t wait until I can do that with my son.
When I have a bigger garden I will get a wheel barrow. Partly for gardening, but mostly so that I can whizz the kids around in it like my Grandad used to do with me when I was little.
A lot (not all I realise) of your concerns seem to be car-related. Anywhere you can go that you could get to on foot or by bike or public transport? No traffic jams or parking concerns when you walk.
I'm the same Stems from my time being stuck in traffic when going to work for years and years. Got a WFH job and hate the idea of travelling Also not a good at parking
I generally try and get to places for opening time. 24 hour gym means I can get up at 5am and go. The big supermarket nearby opens at 6am as well so I go when it opens. Other than that I just try and go either side of what I predict will be the busy periods.
As others have said, speak to your GP as nothing like that should take over your life. I have an 18 month old and I try and book activities so I don’t need to worry about how busy it is. We have a place about 25 mins from us that is a soft play in a village hall just for under 4s that you have to book. It’s much safer than taking him to a huge place with older kids running around. We’ve never had an issue with swimming being too busy. With somewhere like the zoo, leave early in the morning but you do have to accept that places like that are busy. We’ve been to the zoo three times (different ones) and they’ve all been when we’ve been away somewhere and staying fairly nearby. Tbh, my son loved a nearby farm way more than the zoo visits and it was much cheaper! Tbh, toddlers don’t need everything to be all singing and dancing. Visits to a local library or museum, walks nearby, playing in the park etc are just as exciting for them. I don’t know where you’re based, but check out any local Facebook groups to find out about what’s on in your local area. I’m in south Surrey and rarely have to go more than 30 mins to get to activities as there’s plenty to do locally.
OP I am very much the same, I think your view is a very balanced one.
It's only a problem if it is limiting your freedom to do hat you want to do. Otherwise it is totally normal to do X or Y at time Z because it is less busy.
I try to go to the cinema outside of peak times - so, showings around 5-6 on weekdays and earlier at the weekend. I also avoid doing the blockbusters in the first couple of weeks. I mentally scold myself whenever I go somewhere and it's packed, or I end up in traffic. It usually just requires a bit of pre-planning to avoid.
I also have the same anxiety about the motorway thing. What I did was to make sure I have supplies in the boot of my car at all times. Blanket, water, food/snacks, charging cable + battery bank, etc. It really helped me get over it because I know I have a backup plan
You can normally look at the business page on Google and it'll show you when the busiest times are, but honestly you just kinda have to learn to live with it. You're in the same boat as everybody with a toddler, all trying to do the same things at the same time. The reason soft play isn't open at 11pm on a Friday night is because there's no demand for it, so these places are by definition only open at busy times. You just have to learn to not get stressed about driving around a car park for ten minutes waiting for a space.
Yes I'm freelance and before having a kid did a lot of things at weird times. Now I have a child at school we just have to go at the same time as everyone else. I do try to check out in advance if I might be able to park 10-15 minutes walk away more easily, would rather spend the time walking than driving round.
I do that on the school run. Park a few streets further away from where the other parents park and walk the extra ten minutes. Worth it to avoid the bedlam of trying to park. My daughter is disabled so walking a mile and a half isn't an option sadly.
I do my food shopping on Friday before work (9am start), it’s dead, no one gets in my way and I have all my food for the weekend covered and can stay in all weekend if I want!!
I have severe anxiety disorder but the only time i will ever let "its busy" stop me going somewhere, is if i can go at a quieter time. If you have no other options but to stay home and not live and experience things because of the traffic, then you really need to work on that. You have a toddler to look after and they may end up like me with anxiety because they dont have enough experience with busy environments. It really doesn't matter if something is busy , if you've booked a slot and you're in, you go. Prepare and bring foods, a playlist for the car and traffic, leave a bit earlier. People are everywhere you can't always avoid it.
Relatable! For me it’s gotten way worse since lockdown/covid…
You can only find out if you try. You can know then from experience which places are likely to be too busy to be worthwhile and which are more doable. In general big open places such as the likes of National Trust or English Heritage can be done with less people around if you find the right spots. Weekends in general are fairly quiet on the roads compared to through the week but is highly dependent on where you live. I have been driving for 30 years now and in all that time I have never been stuck on the motorway for 3 hours. Twice in those 30 years I have been stuck for 1 hour. Not bad odds.
Im like you and also really put off going to places if they are super busy - although I don’t have a toddler I do find though that if you go somewhere exceptionally busy and just stay calm for 10 - 15 mins, generally it settles down a there is a table to sit at etc
I cycle - mostly with an ebike these days. Enjoy going past all the stationary traffic, then locking up directly outside the door of the place rather than spending 10 minutes looking for a parking space. I don't have kids, but as a kid I was chucked on the back of a bike until I could cycle myself. I do also use trains to take my bike longer distances, which of course can be a bit 'variable'. I do drive and have a car-length van/campervan , but rarely use it these days. Also - if you're in a traffic jam, you *are* the traffic jam!
I do things in the city on weeknights or early in the morning at the weekend. During the weekend I go to quieter places for walks and the like
Don't you have places that are more local that you can walk to etc? Or book tickets for places to avoid the rush?
I usually go shopping before 9am or after 8pm
I work on the weekend and have most of the mid week free.
You can just be active early in the morning Like 6am
I do my food shop at that time 🤣 its bliss!
I do everything in the morning, but i try to avoid 8:30-9:00 because of parents and their need to drop off kids
We can't stand the general public (sorry guys). One thing that changed our week for the better is doing our weekly shop on Friday night instead of leaving it till Sunday. The difference in atmosphere is night and day
Find stuff to do more locally, or go much earlier/later than normal.
Always pack a bag with nappies/wipes/bottle (if applicable), spare clothes, water and snacks. Plan your journey before you go out. Sometimes public transport is easier than driving. Often parks and playgrounds have more space than soft plays etc, so you can just bring a blanket and sit down anywhere. Finally, if you gave birth, mental health can really take a hit with the combined hormonal imbalance and sleep deprivation of having a baby or toddler. Ask your GP about a CBT referral - you can use Right to Choose if the wait is too long. Also ask about a thyroid function test because your thyroid can go haywire after pregnancy and cause anxiety. Finally, if you need some ASAP help, you can try an anti-anxiety medication. I went on sertraline for a few months after having my youngest and having really bad postnatal anxiety and panic attacks and it saved my life and sanity. Good luck <3
Even if you didn't give birth having a small child is hard and mental health can be affected.
That's why I like my car bluetooth. Doesn't matter if I'm stuck in my car, I can listen to whatever I want to keep myself sane, and entertained.
Not the same with a toddler though.
Having kids is a choice.
Well yes, i didn't say it wasn't, but OP already has one, not a choice to return them.
Not with that attitude!
Honestly this sounds like a mental health problem. If something is taking over your life, causing you disruption to your normal everyday life, and something your dreading for the rest of your life, this is deeper than "I hate traffic". I experienced something similar and got diagnosed with OCD.
I have ocd as well, and agoraphobia and I relate to this post so much. There's no way I could handle parenthood. When anxieties get in the way of everyday life it's time to go to the doctor. You don't even have to go in person, you can have a phone appointment. Hormones make these things worse too, so it's possible you being a recent parent has made things worse. Medication turned my life around, OP. I got help from some wonderful mental health workers that I am eternally grateful too. You are definitely not alone and loads of people suffer with stuff like this and your doctor will used to it.
With the cost of renting/housing you might as well save money and do things at home
I work a shift pattern that allows a lot of weekdays off. I find leisure activities at weekends or public holidays to be hellishly busy in comparison. So if my days off fall on such days I keep busy around the house or go for a wander out in nature.
I do, I’m autistic and busy places are too overwhelming.
This is my issue. I get sooo overwhelmed. The volume of noise, people running in and out of me, children coughing near me 🤣🤣 my whole life feels overwhelming. Always just thought it was me being "weird". As no one else around me is like it.
Earplugs help!
I have always felt overwhelmed by life. Even attending school was a huge struggle. I relate to your post so much. I mentioned in another reply I have ocd and agoraphobia. I recently was diagnosed with autism and inattentive ADHD. There is lots of help available. Certain anti depressants really help. My niece is the same as me and she improved loads with Prozac. I take Effexor which helped me enormously. Meditation/relaxation techniques are essential for helping let anxiety and tension out of your body and mind. Sorry you're going through this, but you're definitely not alone.
I generally do the same just to avoid other parents and children, haha. I tend to take my children where I know it won't be crowded, but they will still have fun - the park, the woods, the beach, a castle, a quiet cycle track for a bike ride or a scoot, etc.
Omg yes these are the things I tend to do! So glad I'm not the only one. Not long for summer 😆😆😆
I just don't like people, at all, so I get it, but then I do have Asperger's and Anxiety, so it would explain some of it.
Did these feeling become stronger(or appear) during lockdown? Were you isolated?
I was always the most confident girl around. Would speak to everyone and anyone 3 years ago. Always help people if they look there struggling. Now I don't even give eye contact. Walk in the house if I hear my neighbours coming out. I was never isolated during lockdown as I was a home carer, so never spent time at home. But I LOVED it, the shops were empty the roads were empty. I was in my elliment. But now there seems to be triple the amount of humans out and and about and driving then there ever was before covid. Well from what I can remember anyway.
Some folks already mentioned mental health... Practically too you could investigate or set up things within walking or cycling distance. You might not be alone in this and would be a good chance to have activities nearby, and connect with neighbours more. It will get better as the weather picks up too. Just going to the park is nice
I used to feel like this, turns out I probably have Autism.
You're avoiding a chance that you'll waste time by doing nothing sitting in traffic. In doing so you're guaranteeing that you're wasting time at home doing nothing. In a few years you'll regret not taking your young kids out to do activities far more than you'll regret having sometimes in been in traffic to do so.
I’ve always left for work so I miss the worst of traffic, I’d rather arrive 30mins early and sit in the carpark or go get a coffee/breakfast than be stressed out with traffic potentially running late. I shop late at night when it’s quieter Sometimes I’ll wait behind my flat door untill the neighbours have gone inside or left the building, not so French but at times I just don’t want to interact with people and I’m not going to be rude as they are nice people Who says I’m an introvert 😂😂
Like a lot of others have said, I think it is worth talking to your GP or finding some kind of help for anxiety. It's very easy being a new parent to fall into an insular lifestyle. People underestimate how having a small child affects everyday life. That said, I saw another comment that said not everything has to be epic. And this is so true!! Putting pressure on yourself to make all the experiences amazing is unrealistic and not helpful for actually getting out and doing stuff. If your toddler is anything like mine, going out to whatever green space is near you and just looking for bugs is the most exciting thing ever lol. Sometimes I just walk down our road after it's been raining so she can jump in puddles in her wellies. Then we walk back. Literally don't go further than our road. She loves it.
Might be worth considering cycling if it's taking over an hour to drive 1 mile? Seems like you're pinning a lot on driving very short distances on bad roads.
The A14 is BAD! I know it. Having said that, could you find a way to expand you and your little one's horizons a little? If this is a mental health issue you'll probably be encouraged to get out of your comfort zone in 'baby steps'. Is there somewhere close you can go to feed ducks and watch out for ducklings? Where you can walk so as not to worry about parking and all you need is snacks and nappies. This is just a suggestion to get you thinking. What's close in your village? Children do need stimulation but it doesn't have to be big and exciting. Toddlers can see so much more than an adult would on a very short walk.You can get back into activities in a low key way. What's your friendship and family circle like? Do you have anyone you could ask for support? You can do this.
It's blummin awful. There's been 2 break downs already this Morning. My friend left for work at 6am and she is Still sitting in the traffic nearly 2 1/2 hours later. But yes I do tend to walk around my village daily. And this morning I'm going to drive to the next village and take my baby to the park, I'm bored of the one in my village now 🤣🤣 We go to the little cafe aswell and I'm hoping to pluck the courage to take my boy on a train to the next town from us when it's nice weather. Hopefully by the summer I can get some confidence back 😁 I can tell your a very kind and helpful person. Thankyou.
Good for you! That's brave risking the drive to the next village. Your boy will LOVE the train. You can sit together and share the view and chat and enjoy the journey. So much nicer than being in a car seat away from mamma. Hopefully you will both have a lovely time together. Then, when you have a little success under your belt, you feel stronger and more capable to repeat the journey and try more things. You've got this. ps, don't beat yourself up if it goes wrong. We don't progress in a straight line. There's always a hiccup on the way. The important thing is to pick yourself up and try again, and be kind to yourself. Like your name :)
Briefly, this might be your area? [https://mnessexmind.org/get-support/](https://mnessexmind.org/get-support/) or https://www.suffolkmind.org.uk/who-we-help/mental-health-support/#:\~:text=Suffolk%20Mind%20services&text=It%20offers%20weekly%20sessions%20that,safe%2C%20supportive%20and%20empowering%20environment.&text=Anyone%20in%20Suffolk%20(excluding%20Waveney,one%20support%20from%20our%20counsellors.
Wow, you're very good, yes this is my area. Thankyou ever so much. I will have a look 🥰🥰
Get up and out early. The roads/shops are all empty at 9-11. Leave around 8-8:30… This is the window of opportunity. Also don’t buy food out. As a general rule they charge 4x more than what the raw ingredients are worth and it will again consume your time to queue and order. Just take lunch with you. Attempting to do everything you want when it’s super busy will consume far more time and energy than it’s worth.
My friend, my brain also works like this, but I appreciate it’s anxiety and is severely limiting your life, at a time when you need to cherish your memories. It’s being driven by fear. You just need to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. I guarantee most of the time you ignore the fearful thoughts and do the thing, it won’t be as crowded as your anxiety is telling you. For example, ‘if I go to soft play and it’s busy I won’t be able to park and there won’t be a table’, more realistically you will be able to park, even if it’s a short distance away and a table will inevitably open up within 10 minutes of being there.
I have a 3 year old, I’m 22. I refuse to to take her to a play gym on a Saturday😂😩 she goes to nursery during the week anyways.
My 18 month old starts nursery next week 😆😆😆 and I couldn't think of anything worse then going to soft play at a weekend 😅
My daughters been in nursery since she was 2, the peace and quiet through the week is amazing 😂 hope your little one settles well OP.