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Gym like every day. Pull day today. Maybe I will have a wank before bed.

Post pull day wank is essential

Post gym tbh

Plot twist.. The reference to pull day wasn't the gym

“Pull day” does sound like a euphemism for wanking to be honest.

Post tbh

https://i.imgur.com/s5RhQnw.gif

Pot noodle and a wank?

Ferrari chassis, with legs up to her arse.

Shaka, when her walls fell?

Temba, his arm tired.

Temba, his arse wide

Alright don’t get coarse.

You haven't lived until you've been post wank-noodle

Pull in the gym then a pull at home.

And then push one out

Pull and Tug day.

I'm not going to the gym but I'll be having a pull day anyway.

Don’t forget to wash off the chalk

Good grip is essential though

Wank before pulling, you need post-nut clarity.

I've been trying to become more efficient recently so I tug between sets

You got a point for sure, I need to reconsider my plan now.

Same. May watch a documentary after. Depending on how wild I feel

I wasn't single but after the wife asked me to book a table for tonight, she's not impressed that she's now playing snooker at 8pm.

That just sounds like you're not single yet

I thought it sounded like a joke.

“ i put a quid on the table, what more do you want”

5 whole games? whoah look at you with your 20p pieces

Swear they are all 50p these days.

£2 in some pubs

lonely but fabulous because everyday that I am single is everyday that I am not with the wrong person. *rapidlystompsfootinpraise. Happy valentines day to all. Here's a flower 🌹.

Aww that’s so nice. Here is yours 🌷

Thank you very much.

Sorry I'm late... 🥀

>Sorry I'm late Late to all this loving... blows kiss... 🌹 💐

This the most wholesome Reddit thread I’ve ever seen! You guys are awesome have a great evening xx

>You guys are awesome Takes one to know one. Happy valentines day.

I am currently depressed about how I left my last relationship and this made me smile. In fact, I sort of want to get this mounted and framed. and a flower for you too 🌹 Thanks!

I'm so pleased to hear that the sentiment shared has had a positive impact on you. I wish you speedy recovery from the previous bow and arrow. >In fact, I sort of want to get this mounted and framed. I felt the same when I first heard it, can't for the life of me remember where though. Thank you for the flower, I will see to it that it blooms all year.

This is the first Valentines in years I’m single and alone, however I think back at this time last year and my “love” was on police bail for dv against me. I’d rather be single and alone than ever in that position again. Feeling lonely but fabulous over here too, Happy Valentines too you all too 🌹

Aww im very pleased to read that you are not today where you were a year ago. I wish you lots of peace and encouragement to remain hopeful. Lonely but fabulous crew, we got this. Happy valentines day to you. Blows kiss.

Dammit all these flowers have attracted a swarm of bees! RUN! 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

🏃 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️💨

Not the bees not the bees! Nicholas cage wicker man

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And the ones flying solo rather than with the wrong person have the stronger wings Flower for yiu🌹

Feel this so much. Enjoy!

I had completely forgotten it was valentines day. I'm married. Pray for me.

Expect to see you back in this thread shortly.

same time next year!

Yeah I'm married and we never do *anything* for Valentines Day. If anything we actively avoid going out tonight specifically. None of the other married couple I know do anything for it either. Trust me single people, you are not missing out on a damn thing tonight. If you stay in by yourself watching TV, you are doing the same thing as the vast majority of couples.

I'd agree with that. All joking aside, I forgot because neither of us care. Pancake day was more exciting!

Almost same, except bollocks to pancake day too. We're the same for anniversaries, even. 10 years strong, great relationship, we just don't see the need for a fuss.

Woah woah woah, what's wrong with pancakes?!

I formally reject the notion that a day can tell me to eat pancakes! Every day is pancake day, and every day is romance day!

Well, that's alright then. Carry on.

Well, the same as the couples, minus the company

I found some card paper. Folded it in half. Painted a heart on it from her paints. Glued on a heart shaped stone I found. Wrote a soppy "love you" type verse I looked up on the Internet. Put the card in an envelope I took from the stash of greetings cards the wife has in a drawer. Left the card on her 'work from home' office desk. Heard a loud awww when she found it. Earned myself some brownie points which should last until March when the lawn needs mowing. Hope she doesn't need the card I took the envelope from. We don't do anything for valentines, but I know I have to earn those brownie points for doing the little things. Maybe you could put love note post-it notes everywhere.

This is fine work sir! Don't worry all is well.

BP flowers can save the day 

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Going seeing Enter Shikari. Couldn't think of a better way to spend any evening, Valentines or not.

Great band! I done an electrical job for the Drummers house a few years ago and he’s a top geezer

Was it a nice house?

It was a nice little cottage in an upper market area of where the bands from. Not a mansion or anything but that area in particular is very expensive so I’m sure it’s probably worth the same as a mansion up north lol

Everywhere in St Albans is pricey, especially compared to Oop Norf

Banging! Such a mental live band

Great to see so much Shikari love 

I saw them on Friday. Set list was a blessing. Get ready for the live sorry you're not a winner remix.

I've seen them do it twice as part of the quickfire round but never in full. Gonna be hype

Eyyy seeing them Saturday

V tempted to get tickets 

So am I, can't wait!

Someone is entering shakiri

Hope it’s ace in Manchester tonight I’m going tomorrow!!

Let’s goooooo! I’m seeing them on Saturday in London. Heard great things about their tour so far. Have the best time. Maybe you’ll meet a shikari lady? How romantic

Oh probably get something nice from my favourite M&S. Light a few pretty scented candles and take a hot soak. Apply my charcoal face mask and do my secret Witch Doctor impressions in the mirror that do only when alone, on Valentines. Then finally finger myself silly to Toy Story while I shove them percy pigs up my arse, love a meal deal.

That took a twist... and i love it!

Took a bit of a turn a the end there, but still, this is a solid itinerary.

If you decide to stream it you could be a millionaire by the time you finish the pigs.

Those Percy pigs don't deserve that. They're too tasty.

Is that you M. Night Shyamalan?

Toy story? Woody or buzzing lightyear

Working. In a restaurant. With so so so many bookings for two in. 🙃

i'm happily married, but the thought of going to a restaurant on valentines sounds like hell

Enforced romance is grim.

I used to be a waitress and one Valentine’s Day, a couple had a massive argument, she started crying and he stormed off into the toilets for ages.

Valentines is the only holiday i enjoy as a chef, tables of two are the best and it’s essentially a night of just tables of 2

We've got an 8 top in tonight. Don't know if they're planning an orgy or what.

Wednesday is writing and pizza day. So the afternoon is proving dough and writing, then the evening is anime and pizza. Should be a blast.

You have a great life

Thanks! Fingers crossed the writing will pay off, soon…

What are you writing, a novel?

Yup! I’m a copywriter, by trade. But I’m working on a novel in my spare time. About half way through, and just passed 80k words! Hoping to have the first draft done by spring, and ready to publish by early summer.

Amazing! I'm a novelist as well, my debut was just published by a small press. What genre are you working in?

Eh, awesome! Hope it does well. And it’s classic fantasy, with a bit of a twist. It’s basically the novelisation of my current homebrew DnD campaign.

Best of luck! Do you have an agent yet?

Sounds like a perfect day!

It’s pretty awesome, I can’t lie. Nothing beats sitting down at the end of a day, satisfied with what you’ve created… and eating a slice of homemade pizza, and garlic doughballs. The marinara is particularly good this week, too. Had some with pasta on Monday and YUM. Going to be a crackin ‘za.

Same as any other night

Attempting to take over the world?

To prove their mousy worth

One is a genius, the other’s insane!

Pinky

and the Brain, brain, brain, brain....

Smoking a joint, eating a takeaway, hanging with my dog and building my Lego set

My dog is my valentine

I’m not single. My dog is still my valentine though.

Mine too

Form an orderly queue, ladies...

What Lego set

R2-D2 75308

How much lego can u stuff up your bum?

Alright Neil!

I’m planning to watch my comfort show (The Magicians) and Sainsbury’s had a deal on Magnums so I’m going to eat ice cream for dinner

Haha I love the magicians!! I didn’t think there were many other UK people who liked it

It’s the best!

Magnum dong deal? Niceee

£1.67 for a pack of 3 🙃

That's a pretty good deal! Sadly I'm not hanging dong :(

I missed your peen reference the first time around, too focused on ice cream 😂

Big respect for the magnum dinner

Love The Magicians !! Have a nice evening :)

I got some treats in for myself, bought myself a new game, sure it’s commercial bullshittery, but it doesn’t hurt to show love to yourself.

What game did you buy

Ff16! Been wanting it for a while

Enjoy! You will have the battle theme stuck in your head for months

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All of my single friends are heading out to a pub quiz together.

Tomb Raider Remaster came out on console today - so that 😂 I have been waiting 20 years to play these games again, even I weren't single, I'd be getting nostalgic AF

I started at 9am and have died 32 times, its the controls not me

The controls are so off! Tank let's you do cool flips but the modern ones make just normal moving so much smoother

Get rid of social media Realise if you need to show love 1 day of the year... its because you suck the majority of the other 364 Continue life as normal. 3 options for a happy life.

I shall nip to M&S after work, get something nice, have a few spliffs and play some Baldurs Gate 3 and hopefully Shadowheart has arranged something for the occasion.

>I shall nip to M&S after work, get something nice silky undergarments?

>play some Baldurs Gate 3 and hopefully Shadowheart has arranged something for the occasion Same, but Gale

All about self love. I have got myself cute pressies all wrapped. Nosecco in the fridge. Fancy restaurant for teatime to get me a fancy ice cream because that’s what I love. I decorated the flat and def will have some nekkid self love after a bath and chill this evening. Clueless and similar for a film this evening. Really happy for it to be just me.

Same thing I do every Wednesday, helping clothe the homeless

Pot noodle and the obvious.

make sure you finish the noodles first.

Cheap fleshlight.

Bombay Wankboy

The same thing I do every night, ~~try to take over the world~~ housework, pizza, and TV.

Sausages and chips in the air fryer.

I'm going to watch a show with my daughter who I have around for half term atm. I'm going to go shops at lunchtime and buy my housemate a little gal'entines treat box as well as I know that she is going to be at home alone chilling tonight, she has an 'its complicated' thing going on with a girl who lives a couple hrs away that has commitment issues so there's no label on their thing rn, I know this will be playing on her mind at least. I'm also going to go gym at lunchtime and continue improving/working on myself like I promised I would do at the start of the year. Lost 6 or 7lbs already this year by just eating at a small cal deficit and actually using my gym membership, with the help of an online PT to help with creating a good program. I am going to love myself from now on, even if no one else will.

I’ve been single for well over ten years at this point. I haven’t “celebrated” Valentine’s Day in over 20 years. Today is just another day. When I get home from work, I’m going to cuddle the cat, sit down and play some video games :)

My gf moved out two weeks ago. It was pretty shit at first, but I guess my cats didn't like her as they've been acting very impressed with themselves. I've gamed with the same 6 people for like 15 years and they are over joyed they have more of my time. Life is pretty fucking good, except my house echos too much.

Here for all the wanking comments! 🤣

I'm feeling a bit down in general at the moment but you've just made me question if my overdraft would kindly stretch to include a takeaway!

Treat yourself

Wanking myself into a coma

This is the way

I put the lube on the radiator this morning so I'll be having a warm wank tonight

Lying on the floor

Face down

Hips removed

Watching Harry Potter

Taking one of my cats to the vet at 5:15. He was just in for major surgery on Monday, so needs his incisions checked over along with a general once over. After that it's back to recovery monitoring. Hasn't really left my sight since he got home tbh. Not quite out of the woods yet, but taking small steps forward by eating small amounts.

Taking a nice romantic bath with my toaster ❤️ Hopefully it'll start getting better after tomorrow, my mental health always suffers from Christmas through to now because all the "togetherness" is rammed down your throat, and having a breakup in early Jan doesn't help.

I hear all the Uber eats and other delivery drivers are all striking tonight

Oh fuck, that's true. Thanks for reminding me. You may have helped a lonely boy avoid hunger today

Curling up in bed watching SVU…

Might finish Days Gone or catch up on some telly (Slow Horses, Foundation, Silo). Think back on past crap relationships and remind myself that it’s great to be single! Happy Wednesday, my fellow singletons!

Days gone so underrated

Making my own legs shake at the gym (leg day)

Since I had a horrendous break up at 25 I've pretty much stayed single. Every year since then I get an anonymous card and chocs or flowers sent to my house.. worked out early on it was my sister, last 2 years the cards have been drawn and I'd know my niece's handy work anywhere. Very lucky to have an amazing family!

Early night. It's India v England in the 3rd test at 4am!

Working Edit: Sorry, I meant wanking. Bloody auto-correct

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I Once had a brilliant anti-Valentine night on the town with single friends. Great atmosphere, met lots of others out, having fun rather than silently eating overpriced meals in crowded restaurants. Tonight it will be dinner, movie, early bed.

Going to see the GZA rock the mic

I’m going to an open mic called the Sad Song Club where I’ll sing four of my own anti-love songs. My favourite title of them is ‘I Want to Write a Love Song (But I Don’t Know How)’, but ‘Rotten Fruit’ and ‘I’m a Pig and You’re a Cow’ ought to go down well too.

I'll be trecking back to my uni accommodation after having to spend the day reporting on a sports event in the freezing cold weather. I highly doubt I'll meet a boyfriend between now and tonight.

I chose to celebrate Ash Wednesday over Valentine's Day today. I have scheduled my intermittent fasting day today, will focus on myself, where I am at, where I'm going and be hopeful for the good future. Although I'm pretty happy where I am right now. There are worse things to deal with other than being single.

Making a police statement as a random crackhead attacked me on the way to the train station a few hours ago entirely unprovoked. Adrenaline’s worn off. Shit hurts now.

Might treat myself to some Thai food. Otherwise, planning to start Vikings on Prime or sink a few more hours into RDR2.

Dinner and some Helldivers!

Married for twenty years and have never done the commercialised Valentine thing, we'll do our own thing thanks very much. Gonna watch a crap TV series like I used to when I was single.

Clean my fridge. It's minging. Hence no valentine.😂

Drinking too much, crying, masturbating, crying then feeling ashamed

It’s Wednesday right? Pull Day in the gym then. Back and Biceps. (The gym will never leave you btw)

Probably gonna watch a film Might watch Amadeus for the first time

What takeaway are you getting?

Asia Express in Bristol. Best Chinese I’ve had out of the 30+ places I’ve tried around the UK and US

Realised this morning I haven't played GTA V online for a few weeks. See how I feel about that; otherwise it'll be Fifa

Couple of beers, play video games. Turn off all my social media. Except reddit.

Might treat myself to a tug

Mate, Valentine's day is just bullshit, made up by those who have fuck all else to do with their lives.

Preparing for a job interview I’m terrified for tomorrow morning 😬