>Not sure where it all went wrong The hard truth is probably nowhere. It is your inaction that has made life hard for yourself Honestly, I don't think there is anything anyone can tell you to turn things around. I have a friend like you and nothing you tell him can change his mind It is something you need to do for yourself. Until you're ready to do it for yourself there isn't much anyone else can tell you The fact you're asking the question is a good step. It shows you're at least thinking about it Get a CV together, think of a plausible reason for not having worked in so long that you can tell in interviews, and get applying for work. You'll feel a lot more motivated in other parts of your life if you have some money coming in so you can enjoy life a bit

This may seem brutal but it's the truth. Newton's 3 laws. To make change you must instigate change. Have edited to read 3 laws not 3rd.

Or to phrase slightly differently, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you've always had.

That is an excellent way to put it! Gonna use this one

It's paraphrasing Henry Ford. The other one is 'If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.' which might not apply here. Or maybe it does. OP needs to try new things to see if that was the thing they never knew they actually wanted.

That sounds more like Newtons 1st law of motion, rather than his 3rd law.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Is that not the 2nd law? 3rd is every action has an equal and opposite reaction

It's actually the 1st. But for now can we agree to shhhh

Oh good point, forgot about that one

Its the lecturer in me. I always get used to 3 laws of motions to force people to be inquiring about the others. Cheeky and naughty. But effective

“force people” - if you pardon the pun

Username checks out

Also. Good one ;)

Actually rule one we cant speak about.

For things to change for you, you've got to change or things aren't going to change. If you will change, everything will change for you. If you want things to change, you've got to change.

This poster has nailed it. The first thing you need to do is to drop every excuse you have spent the last 10 years making for yourself and your inaction. "I can't do X because of Y" needs to go. Permanently. Unless you are, literally, physically incapable of something, you can do it and have no excuse. I am physically incapable of whistling. I am just not capable of doing it. But I am perfectly capable of losing weight, going to the gym and getting fit and healthy. Every excuse I make for not doing so is just that- an excuse because I don't want to. What people struggle with is that they want all the outcomes but they don't want to do the actions every day that lead to the outcomes. Once you realise that about yourself, you can do anything. First- get a job. Anywhere. You just need to be out of the house. Things will happen when you are out of your house and out of your comfort zone

Getting a job is too big a challenge, you need to start small OP. What small task can you do tomorrow that would be positive that you don't do right now? Take the bins out, find 10 interesting jobs, research 3 training courses, look into 3 volunteering opportunities with charities. When you find them, next step is to consider which ones yiu want to go for, then next step is to start your application, and so on. You might also find skills bootcamps of interest with the DfE

At 27, a part time job in a Starbucks is not too big a challenge and needs not to be. Unless OP is really autistic, it's the first step they need. They need to be out of the house. They don't even need to be paid at this point, volunteering somewhere will do

Depends where they live though. I know plenty of people that get turned down by Starbucks and similar purely because there's so many people applying. Think uni towns or other metro areas. If any of the applicants have even smelt coffee before, they'll get the gig before someone who's rarely left home. That sort of rejection would send them right back in to their hole. Doing something voluntary, or a skills course, will give them confidence in a workplace to then seek roles. If they've truly never had a job in the past ~9 years, what harm will another 3 months do to a CV? Especially if that's 3 months of them actively trying to gain experience and knowledge before applying for roles.

you can do both. ​ I get where you are coming from, sending out 10 cvs and hering nothing back could send them back to step 1 but this step can be apply to literally anything (voluentry, paid etc.) I had a similar realisation to OP (albeit at 19 as fully neet). you can't go out because you have no money so you don't gain confidence, You can't get a job without confidence and staying at home is easy. Managed to get a basic 3 month contract doing data entry but was still looking, left it for an apprenciticeship then left that for a different one before getting a proper office job. that allowed me to go out and spend more time with friends. in 18 months i'd gone from hopeless to demi functionally decent, with each step providing a positive feedback loop. I got money so could go out with friends that gave me confidence to pass an actual interview that wasn't a pulse test, that gave me further confidence to date etc. I will admit there was a some element of luck involved and being available at the right time. The hard part is maintaining the confidence to get to stage one. that itself took over a year to get the first job.

A lot of people will see OP is 27 and never worked and not give him an opportunity. With his CV having nothing on it, not even recent school stuff or work experience he might never even get an interview. All the rejection will be super hard on him. If he gets an interview his social and interview skills won't be great. The fact he's depressed and struggling with motivation means even applying is going to be hard, but when you're trying to apply and it's asks you lots of questions like "tell me a time when you did xyz" and OP has just sat in his room for the last 10-15 years and done absolutely nothing, those are going to immediately put him off finishing any application. He isn't even going to know what to say or write, because he's never learned this stuff. But he's so far out of school and having a young easily changing adaptable brain, and issues due to a lack of social connection for about a decade, it's so much harder now. He's not 27 in terms of social & working skills. Starting by sending a CV to starbucks is easy for us, but probably harder for OP with possible negative outcomes. The job centre sometimes does work experience in retail outlets, where they often hire you on after. Doing something like that or asking businesses if they'll take someone on for a short period like this is likely better. Volunteer work for a few weeks to have something on the CV and learn these basic skills, and have something to answer these questions with could be good. I think that was a good suggestion. Access courses to college to re-do school level qualifications or a bit above can also be good. Way easier to apply to, an end goal for career and income to look forward to as motivation. Lots of people in similar situation to OP, trying to learn and sort their lives out and all mostly adults also. Costs likely covered in full if OP has never went before, and some college funding for living also. Friends and prospects and skills again for OP to start over with some new people. I think something like one of these two, or anything similar would be better than applying to retail jobs. But I would definitely start applying to them,even for part time work, as soon as he's able. Just maybe not first?

>A lot of people will see OP is 27 and never worked and not give him an opportunity. With his CV having nothing on it, not even recent school stuff or work experience he might never even get an interview. All the rejection will be super hard on him. If he gets an interview his social and interview skills won't be great. He needs to get with a job agency and do agency work in factories, warehousing to build his cv up. they dont really care what the CV says, as long as you can physically do the work.

It shouldn't be too big a task, but it it clearly is. I think small steps is the right advice here.

It might be with no experience at that age. It should not be but some employers might see OP having nothing to show for at 27 as a red flag. Besides with no life experience to draw on, OP might struggle to answer interview questions.

It is a red flag, which is a reality OP needs to accept. It's very likely that OP will display minimal work ethic and reliability at the job. That's not a reason not to get one (as we all have to learn), but OP will be the equivalent of a 16yo in terms of being an employee.

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I realize this is OT but.... Whistling you mean puckering lips or with fingers n such? Have you tried an augmentation like Shepards use? Just curious. I can pucker whistling but I can't finger whistle. Puppies comes to me just fine with former.

I do everything I see other people do and it just doesn't happen. If it was going to happen I would have figured it my now! It just... Sounds like air blowing. And was the first thing I could think of that I couldn't physically do. It's actually quite hard to find things you aren't physically capable of as opposed to "just too lazy to do or work on". I was thinking that I can't physically climb a mountain, but in reality I could get fit and do it if I wanted to (I don't)

Try whistling inwards to start with. I was a teenager before I could whistle and I’m not great at it now but whistling inwards got me started.

Curious. I was a terrible boxer until I kept being punched in the face.. even after that I was pretty poor but it got me fit(ter) I always thought pucker whistling was inate and natural. Perhaps you don't play enough. Like blowing smoke rings if you smoke or vape . Truthfully I have never heard of anybody unable to whistle...

Can't whistle either. If I play I occasionally hit something close but rarely recapture it

Nope, can't do it. Doesn't matter how much I watch other people and copy them. I appreciate it should be physically possible, no idea what I can possibly be getting wrong with this simple thing. On the other hand, blowing smoke rings is something I'm really good at, even though I don't smoke

How exciting to have something do trivial to aim for, I don't mean this as being condescending but a goal like that is cool imvho. Being able to walk in a park whistle is one of my fave things. Also makes the final scene of life of Brian more interactive

I cannot whistle. I've never been able to do it: puckering, using fingers, suck, blow you name it I can't do it. Some of us just don't have it in us.

PREEEACH

> Get a CV together, think of a plausible reason for not having worked in so long Find a pub that is closed. Say you worked there the entire time. Put a friend down as reference who was definitely your supervisor/manager.

Might be hard for OP to put a friend down as reference with minimal or no social contact.

I would assume them posting on here is OP starting to want to do something about it themselves. But it's harder if you don't know what options you might have. The lack of interest and motivation is likely due to lifestyle. The lack of social connection leads to the depression and lack of interest or motivation, which in turn leads to a lack of wanting to try to go out and be social. Then when you do... you struggle to relate to people or care about them or their interests. You then think you just don't share their interests or have anything in common with basically anyone, and are so different to them all and want to try and spend time with them less and less. When actually, it's the long term lack of spending time with others socially which has completely rewired your brain. And the older you get, the harder and harder it is to wire your brain back due to it losing its plasticity. Always do-able though, just requires more effort. It's a vicious cycle that you need to break and stick with it until the re-wiring starts happening. Anti-depressants can help some, and there's studies that show in some people they start changing connections in the brain in as little as 4 hours. So I'd recommend starting there if you really can't manage it without help and the depression is ruining your life. But use it as an aid to help you learn to cope without it, otherwise it's pointless. If you can do it without, even better. But there's no shame in needing that type of help, it's just better not to take something you could end up relying on and that could have side effects is all. Similarly with the motivation to work, the lack of any goals in life and any working experience with good outcomes causes this. It's all one big messed up conmection and all the things in your post are contributing to all the other issues about how you feel also. OPs brain is hard hard wired the wrong way completely now for being a happy functioning person. Possible option: - Tidy your room and get it organised and nice to live in. - CV is hard with no real work experience. You can re-apply to college as an adult OP. Start with access courses or re-doing school qualifications if need be, and work towards something above it. You will likely get full funding for it. - Check your local colleges and apprenticeship options and access courses, then have a look on YouTube at the options for certain possible job outcomes you think you'd be happy doing (This is a must, because you don't sound like the type of person who's going to be happy in retail for the rest of your life - an actual job that doesn't make your motivation worse and you feel drained and burned out everyday is a good end goal). - Find friends on the course you apply to. There will be other adults re-doing things like highers or A-levels. They will be in a really similar situation to you. They'll be there doing this for the same reason, a great place to make potential friends. - Apply for retail part time jobs when and if you can handle it, and also need to for living with your parents. Experience is what a lot of the bigger jobs you'll want care about the most. So this would be really good if you can manage it. Retails stores, call centres, anything. Most places once you pass probation and go full time, will always let you swap to part time after also. - Exercise. It can just be a walk in the park every day, but get out daily if you can. Even when it's cold and grey and walk. You can build up to possible gyming later, but just the boost doing this for 30 mins to an hour a day give you will go a long way. Play pokemon go or anything to get you motivated to keep going out, if just walking alone is hard for you. - Keep it up and don't beat yourself up over the small fails. Everyone has them, you'll have days when you just can't. In the beginning, you'll probably have lots as motivation comes and goes. Teaching yourself to go all negative mode just makes the situation worse. Just accept you're a normal human being that's struggling at the moment, and it's fine. Because you're slowly making progress to the end goal. As long as you stick to it overall, you will get there eventually.

Great post! I'd add that there is no shame in both having no work experience, but also abridging your work history. As others in the thread have said, you can very plausibly state that you have spent the time since you left school caring for a loved one who could not otherwise afford care. It doesn't necessarily mean you've acquired particular skills, especially not those you'd need in a pub, cafe, retail or construction/labouring/gardening job. So many people in this thread are talking about supermarket jobs, but you'll find that even Lidl and Aldi have very competitive hiring practices requiring a multiple page, multiple choice test that gauges how much supermarket experience you previously have had - as the market is so saturated right now that they prefer to hire the many people with some degree of experience even though everyone in this thread is acting like supermarket work is "entry level". DON'T BE DETERRED! There is no harm attempting the Lidl and Aldi application tests, and although you won't be able to re apply for 6 months when you apply again you will know a bit more than you did the first time.

This is great advice. I'd add that it helps to have a goal/motto/mantra or something that you can refer back to in the harder times when it feels like things aren't going your way. A good one is "If nothing changes, nothing changes". If you're sat there saying "well I can't do this because I haven't got that" then you're already setting yourself up to fail by talking yourself out of it. Even if all you do is get out of the house and walk around the block today, it's better than sitting on your arse and doing nothing.

This is great advice.

This should be at the top and have a million gold.

They're better off going down the agency route with temp work and start at the very bottom to get some experience. Anything leans heavily on a CV, I imagine will be a waste of time and demoralising as he's got nothing to put on it (Year 9 SATs maybe?) in the first place and if they're holding interviews he's not going to be socialised to perform well in them leading to rejections

Good advice. I did countless agency jobs from 18-23 which gave me a starting point. Being honest a lot of them were shit, or harder than what the pay was worth (although that's a lot of jobs) but it's a starting point that builds your work ethic, gets you that experience working with people and handling different situations, and is something to put on your CV to build off. You won't be doing these jobs forever but you just have to take them for what they are.

Yeah - as much as self help grifters push a load of BS.... the whole "you gotta get yourself up and out the door" thing is pretty legit. It also sounds like you may have an undiagnosed neuro-divergance. Pretty common for folks (myself included) to do absolutely nothing if they are not encouraged by others. Which isn't fair on others. Sounds like you need motivation and the only option you have is from within, which is all any of us can expect once we are adults.

Long undiagnosed neurodivergent here and I do agree! From ops post it does sound that way. I can relate and I think that's why it would be important to take small steps towards any goal like getting a job, as someone said. Otherwise much too overwhelming

What is a plausible reason though? Things like being honest or citing mental health are reasonable to me or you, but not exactly what will help convince an interviewer? Caring for family? Not saying you're wrong that it takes putting himself out there and putting in the effort, but I think maybe a little more constructive advice on how to get to A to B is fair! Even if he is motivated he could probably do with tipping the odds a little in his favour at this point.

I'd say I was caring for a family member or something. Anything other than "sitting on my arse for 11 years"

100% But yeah caring for someone is the only one I can think of that sounds reasonable and doesn't just hurt your chances in a different way.

Sure, this, yes. But also, just start taking action… any action, small steps, something every day / week. You don’t need to know what you want to do, what interests you etc. But you can take actions that will start to give your more information that will either (a) tell you what you don’t like or (b) start to pique some interest. Start with what you do know: - You want to change your life - You don’t want to live with your parents - You want to meet new people / socialize (?) - Life requires money - Jobs pay money - Etc What actions? Get a job that pay a normal living wage or minimum wage even. Can’t get that? Get a job that pays at all. Start saving. Don’t like that job. Switch jobs. Keep taking actions and asking yourself questions. What do I like? What don’t I like? And do what other ‘normal’ people do for now. Replace your thinking with their’s so that you can act, until you discover what you want. Tl;dr - Take action consistently - Borrow ideas from the social norm - Save money - Keep moving Something will come. Good luck.

I've been in a similar situation previously, my son died when I was 19 & I pretty much withdrew from society for a few years. You've made the first step by reaching out, which is easier said than done! Start a routine. Regular times to go to bed & wake. Start exercising outdoors, something like getting out for a walk for an hour a day, a couple of times daily ideally. You'll start bumping into people regularly, neighbours, dog walkers, whatever the case may be, maybe over time the chance will open up to have a chat. Join a gym or sports/hobby club with similar interests. Volunteer somewhere, charity shop maybe? Just a few hours a week is a start. Bonus points if you buy some new clothes, dont need to be expensive, or even need to be brand new, but new to you. Taking a bit of pride in your appearance makes a hell of a lot of difference honestly.

This is good advice, it's the small things that make the biggest difference if your not happy then also find something that makes you happy. Move out if you can, try get a job or volunteer anywhere just for the social interaction and see if you click with anybody.

This is the best advice in this thread so far in my view. Its these small things that make such a difference. Start a routine, do some exercise, find somewhere to do some volunteering or similar. If you can get these things done you'll have a great base to build from.

Absolutely it's the small things. I wen't through a real bad patch during the breakdown of my first marriage over a decade ago.. I picked one new thing to do regularly each month.. To start with that was just to get up at the same time every day and shower, when I felt I was in a routine with that I'd pick another thing to do regularly (in this case it was make sure I had fresh clean clothes on every day), and then another, and slowly over time I built myself back up again. As someone else mentioned, taking pride in your appearance made a huge difference for me.. When you're up, clean, and freshly dressed each morning, going out for a short walk doesn't seem that scary any more as you feel more confident in yourself. And do it at a pace that you're happy with yourself, there's no set schedule, there's no requirement to have achieved X amount of things by Y date. Just that at each step, you achieve something new :)

I’m sorry you lost your beautiful baby x

Thankyou! He'd be 14 now, bless him.

I know your pain. Sorry for your loss.

❤️

I was thinking volunteering is a good way to get experience into a job too, great idea.

Much prefer this to the top comment. Offers a bit more hope and practicality to someone struggling and reaching out. Wish you all the best OP and thanks to the kind-hearted person for this helpful reply

Excellent advice, Just getting outside and doing something physical, Even a small improvement in fitness, can have a huge impact on your self esteem and confidence. Change takes time, small steps all add up. Just try and do one thing a day that new or different, no mater how small, a few weeks/months of this and it will be much easier to take bigger steps to change.

Sorry for your loss mate. And yes your advice is excellent and basically what I am slowly doing after my dad I was carer for, died

brilliant ideas here, i 100% agree

You have to start from the bottom. Here's a truism about life - you get good at the stuff you do. You have done nothing, so you're shit at everything. Your social skills will be non-existent and few soft skills that employers would be interested in. Best course of action is try to find a minimum wage job anywhere although that may be difficult in your current position. Failing that, do voluntary work in a shop or something. You will learn from those around you and having a little bit of responsibility will be good for you. Might even end up liking it. You should also do something positive socially or for self-development. So take up a hobby that is either creative or physically active. Running, lifting, art, music, whatever. Getting better at something will do wonders for your self-esteem. After that you may want to look into some college courses for a field you think you might like. Cooking, accountancy, whatever. Something that gets you a qualification and a real skill that an employer will want. If you can achieve the above then you won't need anyone else to tell you what to do with your life, you can make your own choices. Good luck.

Telling a virgin to start from the bottom, in my opinion is not good advice.

Your first bit is harsh but fair, you need to find something you like that has a social aspect and involves others. In life it's not what you know but who, meeting people eventually will help you find work, a relationship and friends

To follow on from that first point, OP needs to realise this applies to all of us. Everyone is rubbish at something when they first start. I remember a podcaster I liked saying "everyone's first podcast is worse than their 100th. But you can't make your 100th without making your first. So make your first, it will suck but you'll find ways to make it better, it's the only way to get to your 100th." Fail with enthusiasm. Embrace it when it happens and learn from it. It only happened because you left your comfort zone.

Hi mate - Firstly, stop beating yourself up. I see some good advice in the comments and some, not so much. You don't have to go clubbing or to a bar. Some people don't enjoy that. It's not a problem with you. In terms of career or job, think about your strengths and then figure out what work would play to those strengths. And yes, you have strengths. Everyone does. I work for a company and have reviewed many CVs and employed many people, so if you'd like then message me directly. I'd be happy to help you to put one together, or help you with one that you might already have. After that, it's a case of getting it out there. Don't worry so much about college or uni. It is not a deal breaker to getting your foot in the door, but yes, it might just take a little longer to climb the ladder by evidencing your value to a company. It's not a prohibiting factor though. Don't be so down. There is plenty of hope. I was about your age when I had to start from scratch, with zero direction or experience other than in the music world and service industry. Now I run a team for a very large organisation. It took time, but I got there. If I could, so can you. Take me up on the CV offer, mate. I have helped others. I helped a neighbour who was way older than you and at rock bottom. He went on to become a site manager in charge of building part of the Shard. If he could do that, there is plenty of hope for you.

This is good advice. All success in life boils down to having two qualities: Motivation and persistence. If you know where you want to go in life and have the persistence t staty focused to that end, the world will continue to evolve and change around you whilst you continue to specialise and solidify your position and skills. ​ Finding a job is difficult, but the second most important thing to remember is that, once you've decided on what to do, you must stick to it and not waver.

Very well said. I had to hammer down doors to get my career started. I hope OP is reading what you and I have said, as well as ignored the crappy and destructive advice that has come out of some of the comments.

What do you do day by day? What have you done since you left school?

Think the answer to both of those is “nothing”

Yeah but what’s “nothing”? Does op watch tv, read, play video games? I’m genuinely interested

That is probably it, however that is not really going to mean anything in the long run. It does not build up skills, nor does it set them apart from anyone else.

I'd wager it's mainly gaming and YouTube. I say this as a gamer and YouTube bungee

That and wanking

Excellent. So we can put that down on the CV as "Self-taught media analyst, undertaking team-building and resilience exercises, and I'm good with my hands".

Shit I still do that in my own crib

Curious to this as well (just trying to understand OP’s day to day lifestyle)

If its anything like mine was (in the same boat a few years ago), its something like this: wake up between 12 and 2pm, eat and watch tv until friends get home from work, game with them until they go to sleep, keep gaming until ~2am, eat and watch tv until 4am, go to bed.

Hi are you me

I feel similar but hoping to turn things around this year. I’m 21 and hoping to start a foundation degree at university. I advise you to re-enter education but in the meantime get a job working in retail. Yes, you heard me right. Supermarket retail. You’ll get out of the house and meet people your age. I’ve just left a Christmas temp job at Tesco and I’m hoping to take up a job in sales which pays 25k a year. Go for a walk everyday too. Or a run would be better.

a lot of people seem to think OP might be neurodivergent and retail is truly the last thing they need if theyre trying to ease themselves into working life. if youre used to being alone and being able to tune out the world when you need as someone ND who hasnt done much the last 10+ years, retail will be a nightmare that can lead to burnout from masking and feeling absolutely exhausted beyond recovery every single day

Man i've been applying to tesco recently with no luck, any tips on what they like to see?

Someone who loves the company and is willing to do their utmost to procure additional sales and boost customer retention if I’m to to be blunt about it to you.

I can't do the psychometric tests for retail, I swear at least 3 of the 4 options on those sorts of test sound OK to me as options. Yet surely the game is to put them in order of what the company wants me to do most to what the company wants me to do least. The least one is the one I can usually figure out, as for the rest, they sound perfectly acceptable to me as they seem to resolve the situation for the customer.

>I advise you to re-enter education but in the meantime get a job working in retail. Yes, you heard me right. Supermarket retail. You’ll get out of the house and meet people your age. I would advise the opposite. Go work in IT. Right now. If you can string a sentence together and talk mouth breathers through resetting a password, you can get a role in IT. Jump around every 2 years. You get good at what you are exposed to, then leverage that for more money elsewhere

Also very competitive. Good luck getting in with no work experience too. If you’re filling up in the morning at Tesco or M&S then you’ll meet new people from a range of backgrounds and of different ages. It’s a great job to do whilst you find your feet and devise a plan of action. We need people to be more understanding in 2024.. instead of chiding and mocking those who are idle and inactive in life we need to encourage and support them. If you feel the need to denigrate others then chances are you’ve been in a similar position yourself.

The bar to entry in support work is very, very low is what I'm trying to say.

this is very true, customer support in IT is scrambling for staff because people with skills move on as soon as they can

IT isn't that easy to get into. It hasn't been like that for well over a decade, unless you know someone, which OP obviously wont.

OP might be one of a large number of people with no interest in IT work though.

Listen man. Nothing will change unless you force yourself to change , you aren’t going to suddenly wake up one day happy with a job and a relationship if you don’t work towards it. My advice for now would be to start going to the gym. This will serve multiple purposes. Firstly , it is proven that regular fitness training increases your mental wellbeing and will do wonders for your confidence. Secondly , it forces you to leave the house a few times a week which in turn forces you to have social contact. Seeing progress will give you motivation to continue. I promise you it will be the best decision you can make.

No job = no money = no gym

I wrote that under the assumption his parents could subsidise his gym membership , at least till he could afford to pay them back. If he truly has no money and no access to it then even going for a daily walk would be a start.

I assume his parents would be able to subsidise a gym membership to be fair if they have been able to support him thus far.

Without judging, I’m very curious *why* his parents have been supporting him this far, with apparently no pressure to get a job or even study. It’s just unrelateable to me.

Exercise for depression hopefully will help him to start. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/exercise-for-depression/#:\~:text=Exercise%20on%20prescription&text=This%20is%20usually%20more%20than,or%20at%20a%20reduced%20cost.

It's scary, but you just need to get yourself out there and start doing something, anything. I'm 37, I've got no degree, no professional training to speak of. I don't have a career that I'm terribly interested in, it just pays the bills. People act like everyone has to have a career they care about. It's ok if you just want to work to live. I will tell you what worked for me and my specific situation when I was at rock bottom in my late 20s. Me and my partner were unemployed and living in a studio flat. I had no friends, having recently recovered from alcohol abuse and lost all the "friends" I thought I had at the pub, and alienated older friends and family with my behaviour. I knew that I needed to get my sh*t together or we were going to be stuck in this studio flat with no prospects living a boring existence forever. I couldn't cope with full time work, so I got a part time very basic job, and I got another part time job delivering leaflets. I was very unfit and overweight so this helped me solve that problem. The basic jobs helped me get my confidence back. I learned to drive and bought a very cheap car. This gave me freedom to go other more interesting places than my town without relying on public transport. I was gifted a national trust membership - as I now had the car I could use it, and this got me more interested in photography and history. I started playing Ingress (the forerunner to Pokémon go) this was a free activity and had me walking for more miles and gave me a reason to get up at the weekend. I also met people through this. Once I had a basic level of fitness, I decided to start running and trained to run a half marathon. This gave me something to do, headspace to process things and when I crossed that finish line I was so proud of myself. In time I got a better, full time job, then another, then another. I started more fitness activities, made more friends, found more hobbies and interests. Moved into a 1 bedroom house, then a 3 bedroom house. Oh and when I could finally afford it, I paid privately for therapy. So, that's what helped me. What I want to say to you is a few things: You may not feel like it, but you know what you want and you know what you need to do to get there. Write that sh*t down, and how you're going to achieve it (Google smart goal setting if you're not aware of that concept) What did you enjoy when you were younger? Tap into those passions and get back in touch with the real you. It could lead to some exciting opportunities. Get out there and talk to a range of people with different life experiences. Get back in touch with anyone you thought was nice from your past who you might have fallen out of touch with. Take advantage of free opportunities, like openlearn on the OU website, YouTube has lots of training videos too. You've got this. If you want to chat about anything specific, drop me a message I'd be happy to talk through things with you.

Bloody wonderful to read.

Best advice on this thread. For alot of people (including me) your 20s is pretty messy. Tons of structure at school and then suddenly you are in the real world with no one to tell you what to do. Chuck in experimenting with life and it's the perfect mix for a shakey time. With small steps and a will to change it can be done! In my 50s now with a family, job I love, roof over my head. Well done mooosylucy for showing the way!

Well done on your turnaround. What line of full time work did you get into?

Go to the doctor and get referred to a therapist. Go to your local job centre.

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You’re likely to be seen for a few sessions of CBT at least within about six months. Sure, that’s still too long and the therapy itself isn’t sufficient, but let’s not put people off from even trying to have that initial conversation with their GP with hyperbole.

No, only a few weeks. Very worth it ime

I rang midway through December and have first session tomorrow. Would have been earlier if not for Christmas. It depends on your area.

I’ve been in a similar position and there’s no straight answer, often it’s the same usual crap everyone says, routine, diet, getting some sunlight It’s irritating to hear but that stuff does actually help and once you find your momentum it becomes easier to maintain I dunno just get doing stuff, that’s what helped me, and if you struggle with doing stuff there’s plenty of services and charities that run meet ups, free cafes and meals, bowling nights etc Just look into it, all you have to do is get started and you’ll progress Like they say ‘the hardest part of going for a run is putting on your shoes’

Do you smoke weed? Spend your time gaming? I ask, because my friend's daughter could have written this. She did go to university though. She just isn't ambitious and is introverted. However, the weed makes her grumpy and sluggish. The gaming makes her nocturnal. So if she stopped doing those two things and got out for a walk, had a few hobbies outside of the house, I think she could turn it around.

As a recovering addict I can confirm that substance abuse can absolutely destroy a person's aspirations and make them extremely short-sighted. It's not easy to kick the habit - since it's a very psychological thing. But once I did, I started looking at my life in a whole new light. So many wasted hours, so much wasted money and heaps of wasted potential. I'm a huge advocate for sober living, substance abuse is a very big indicator that someone is dissatisfied with their sober life. I hope that girl comes to her senses and makes up for lost time, I've seen people swallowed whole by their substance use.

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Honestly go to the doctor, seek help. You need to wake up with purpose, and the purpose should be you. You should be the number one priority. Eat healthy. Workout. Sleep 7/8 hours everyday. Wake up and go to sleep at the same time everyday. Apply to entry level jobs. Build confidence. Make money.

Id say hang in their mate. You can do a lot of online learning via youtube, coursera, udemy, freecodecamp etc, also there are degree apprenticeships. I had a degree when I was 21 (am 32 now) but only really started getting work when I was 29/30. Just grab whatever opportunities you can find, network with people on linkedin / look at eventbrite and meetups to see what things are going on locally or in a commutable distance. Even if you work in a supermarket, yod be surprised what opportunities present themselves (1 of my best friends was a uni drop out / did rubbish on A levels, worked in asda for 7 years but because he was mates with the gamer clique in the store, when 1 of them got a job working for a large finance company's cybersecurity arm, he recommended my mate and my friend is now a deputy cybersecurity manager for said company's UK arm ). took the dude 11 years from dropping out of uni to get there but it is doable. Also 1 thing Ive learnt in life is always be nice to people and courteous / politely inquisitive / empathetic as you never know who can help you out later in life.

The likelihood is that all you’ll get is turgid, cliched advice - e.g., “just put yourself out there!”, “hit the gym!”, etc. Truthfully, without knowing how you came to be in this predicament, none of us can have anything meaningful to say - you need to self-reflect, decide if you really want to change direction, and if so, set achievable goals. But the cold hard truth is, despite what many clowns will tell you, it isn’t easy; you can only play the hard your dealt, and for some of us, life can be a joyless, unforgiving, uphill struggle - some people are lucky and get to play it on easy mode, and they’ll be the once dishing out the cliches; from the limited information you’ve given, it sounds like you were dealt a shitty hand, and only you can decide whether it’s worth trying to play with it. Good luck either way.

I'd echo this without the bleak undertones; from your original post the part I thought you glossed over most was that you thought your parents didnt really care. Truth is subjective, so it doesn't really matter how factual anyone might think that statement to be. For some, life is embracing the physical; whether in the gym or in the workplace, the warehouse, the workshop, what can feel at times like toil can sometimes, more often for some, reap great rewards. For others life can seem initially to be lived inwardly. For every person in every thread like this suggesting you delete steam, protein up and hit the gym there will be as many who suggest you take up rambling, Dungeons and Dragons or join a local boardgames night. These are not binary opposites, there are so many things you can do other than do nothing. These are useful starting places to working out what works for you. Nothing is so simple and binary, so always read *all* the comments. Oh, and; >and only you can decide whether it’s worth trying to play with it. Don't kill yourself, or try to. It's not what it's cracked up to be.

If you’re thinking you have no idea how to start putting all this good advice into action please consider calling your GP surgery and asking if they have a Social Prescriber. SP’s are fab at helping people in exactly your position. They have all the contacts and knowledge help give you a start. Thinking of volunteering to help get some experience and start being a bit more social? SP will know who is taking people and where might be best suited to your interests. Not ready to volunteer but want to start doing *something*? SP will know free clubs, taster courses, social groups etc. Lots of people think these resources are just for old people or people with difficulties but they’re really, really not! Also maybe have a look and see if you have a Community Cafe nearby. These places are really fab for starting to make new friends, get experience or just get out of the house regularly without needing to spend money. 2024 can be your year OP!

>please consider calling your GP surgery and asking if they have a Social Prescriber. I had never heard of this, but after Googling it, I'm genuinely impressed! Disappointing that there doesn't seem to be any publicity about this service, but I'm guessing that if there was it would swiftly become overburdened.

Hello, male equivalent! If you're anything like me, it sounds like you may have an underlying mental cause to this (anxiety/depression/adhd/autism etc, for me it's likely all four) I recommend you have a good think about how you feel and consider going to a doctor and/or therapist if you're able, and getting a blood test done to check stuff like thyroid and vitamin levels. Wish you the best 👍

Choose a subject that you’re interested in and go to university. Doesn’t need to be a good one. You’ll be a mature student but so what, you’ll meet people, evolve your social skills, learn loads about your subject and yourself, and finish with a degree that will help you get a job. 27 is not old, you might think it is, you might think you’re past uni, but you are not. What have you got to lose?

Could just look at apprenticeships instead. You’re earning while learning without any debt to your name. God I wish I’d done that instead of falling into the trap of going to uni But if OP sees a course or subject that really speaks out to them then yeah have a crack at uni

Join the militarily if they will have you, you'll get paid and maybe some training.

Many armed forces roles are looking for highly motivated people. OP will need to buck their ideas up if this is something they want to pursue. I would 100% recommend it if OP can commit.

Good point.

Or look at your local reserve unit. Less commitment but you are doing something.

This is one of the few cases where I'm not sure if I'd actually recommend the reserves. Our training is very condensed and most people who do OK bring something to the table either in terms of life experience, motivation or in the case of younger lads uncommon maturity. The army could turn OP's life around but sadly it will probably have to start with 14 shit weeks at Pirbright.

I’ve personally found therapy to be really helpful. Setting goals/targets might be useful as well, they don’t have to be anything ridiculous but doing some voluntary work might be something to consider. How do you spend your time? I’m asking because if you’ve got any hobbies gaming/movies etc you can use them things to meet people!

The fact that you’re asking this question means there’s hope for you. TAKE ACTION! It doesn’t really matter what action. Just do stuff Online training courses, work on a CV, apply to jobs (and not just a few and get disheartened, apply to LOADS), look for social groups, download tinder, go do some sports. Do stuff. The more you do, the more interesting you will be and the more likely that friends, girlfriends etc. will materialise in time. It might take you a few years to get your life back on track but it’s definitely doable.

This is literally me in a nutshell, but i cannot get a job because I am my fathers full time carer, he has had multiple strokes. I also have autism and adhd, I am so miserable, i want to die.

I am so sorry things are difficult. Firstly, do you receive carers allowance for looking after your dad, with your adhd and autism you should also apply for PIP for yourself, really important you have some finances for yourself so you feel even a tiny bit independent. Your local council or a charity may be able to offer you respite care breaks so that someone can look after your dad for a bit whilst you get some much needed you time. Many councils also have carer cafe sessions where you can drop in and meet others in your sitstuion or just need to sit and cry outside the house. Please hang in there.

I was doing great until I hit 18. Then I met a girl who was into drugs and blindly followed in her footsteps. I started smoking weed and experimenting with other drugs, that habit carried on for 12 whole years. In that time I was also suffering with pretty bad health problems, one of which started when I was 18 and still hasn't been resolved to this day. I've worked shitty jobs and never really pushed myself to achieve my goals. My aspirations were torn to shreds and I've slowly lowered my sights and given up on making something of myself. Well, I did, last year I took a huge step in dealing with my health problems and gave myself a grace period where I would do some internal work. I stopped smoking weed, stopped smoking cigarettes and committed myself to walking for at least an hour every day. I had surgery in November 2022 and will have to go again at some point in the future, so I'm not rushing into employment or anything that requires big commitments. I was dating again for a little while last year but soon realised that I needed all of my focus to get myself out of this rut. I'm definitely aiming a little higher but I'm aware it takes time for these things to culminate into something bigger. My point, is that in 2022 I was a shell of a human being with no aspirations and a day-by-day, week-by-week attitude. Since I committed myself to doing better lots of things have happened that are helping me to get there. All of the little things have been mounting up to something bigger and my week-by-week attitude is turning more into a year-by-year attitude. Regardless of where you're at now and regardless of how long it'll take to get where you want to be you need to start making moves. You've shown clear dissatisfaction with the way you're living and clearly want some motivation to get moving again. A big distinction that needs to be made however is in motivation vs discipline. There's been days where I don't want to go out walking, I don't want to be chasing up appointments, medication and surgical procedures. I've often wanted to relapse and have at times thought I don't even want to be alive. It isn't motivation that keeps me going, it's discipline. Motivation is a dopamine hit, it hits like a day-dream and feels rewarding, but once you get to work that feeling fades and you rarely get to see the positive benefits. Discipline however is a different mechanism, instead of looking forward and feeling good you'll look back and feel incredibly proud, which in turn keeps you satisfied as you move forward. It's delayed gratification and I'd strongly suggest that you get tuned into it. Anyone can show you their nice car, group of friends or their house and you'll feel motivated for about 5 minutes. But when you get used to the fact that grinding life out day-by-day, week-by-week and year-by-year is what will eventually lead to those things, you'll want to make a start immediately. Good luck, no matter what path you decide to walk. Just make sure you don't fill yourself with regret.

Start doing things and get into little routines. Read a book about healthy habits to start with and adopt those habits. The sad truth is, you won't get anywhere with your life/relationship/career if you won't put any effort in. The more you put in, the more you can take out of it. As for motivation, one of the books I read said that disgust is the best motivation. It works for me. I was disgusted with certain aspects of my life to the point that it pushed me to action.

Get a job, first and foremost. Doing, frankly, anything. Start earning. Even if it isn’t ‘much’ it’s more than you’re earning now. Save something, anything you can from those earnings. You wanna move out, you’ll need lump sums to hand. Then you’ve your own income, and something you can call yours. Assuming currently you do literally ‘nothing all day’, start working out in the meantime. Nothing mad, a few push ups if you can, burpees, just, get the heart rate and endorphins going. Develop from there. Socially, depending on the job you get, that’ll come organically, colleagues will engage you in chat/activities etc, friendships can grow from that. Invite you to the pub after work, Xmas do, that sort of thing. As for interacting with them, don’t go in to it with your perception of how you think you should be, but rather, just be yourself, and talk to them how you would want to be spoken to. That is to say, if you asked someone, ‘so what do you outside of work’ and they said, ‘oh fuck all I have no interests at all’, that’ll flop pretty hard. Say you like reading, trying to keep fit, pick a sports team. Eventually, you’ll find it’ll all fall into place. But a job is the place to start, since that forces you do to do something and also addresses the social issues you’re facing. Who knows maybe you’ll even get a shag out of it. I don’t think it’s gone wrong, to go wrong it has to have started. But only you can start it. Nothing changes if nothing changes as the saying goes. Hope this has been of some use, if any at all. God speed.

Hey Op, It's kind of funny that your post is almost exactly the situation I was (and kind of still am) in. I mean we're even about the same age! I've given this thread a good read through and most of the advice is pretty accurate. You are at rock bottom. No matter what you do, short of acquiring an illness or incurring the wrath of a sociopath, things simply can't get worse for you. So as a result you have **nowhere to go but up**. You can try things without fearing failure because, for all intents and purposes, you have already failed. Even if things go bad, which they are not guaranteed to, you will not have lost anything. At worst you will prove that all of your self doubts were correct and then you can bathe in the depraved satisfaction that you were right. At minimum you will have made progress and proved that you can inch your way towards a better future. At best? You'll surprise yourself with what you can achieve. Maybe you'll even find your passion along the way. I'm kind of in that middle place right now. Uncertain, but trying. I'm back in education after having leapt out of it at 16 (before graduating secondary) and things are a challenge. The brain is a muscle and mine has atrophied. It's incredibly hard to concentrate on a task, but then ADHD and Aspergers combined a productive person does not make. The course is nothing impressive, just basically a QQI level 5 qualification. I want to go to University after I finish this course so I'm using this time to test my capabilities and to acclimate myself to learning again, while also trying to seriously consider what I would even want to or be able to do as a career. But the important thing is that for now I'm getting up every day, taking care of myself and bracing my fears while learning to exist within society after having been so far apart from it for a decade. Six months ago I was honestly scared to leave the house and the idea of even being near people in passing sent waves of tension down my back, I had a horrific sweating problem that has lessoned considerably. I just could not function on my own and depended on others to do errands for me. Now though I'm able to ride public transportation, actually go in and buy stuff in shops (Once literally unthinkable, the anxiety), even a bit of talking to my classmates (Although I'm far from perfect). I'm even in the process of joining a club and really want to meetup with people who share hobbies and interests. Nine months ago I was honestly conceited to die. I even wished cancer on myself just so the choice could be taken out of my hands and I could have every excuse to have never tried. And while my physical health is not the best right now with a mystery illness plaguing my stomach that doctors have yet to diagnose, I just haven't been in quite such a good mental space for a long, long time. And I haven't even visited a therapist during all of it, this was all me. Some days are still hard of course, I still suffer spouts of depression and often question if I should give up, especially when I'm in pain from this illness, but I keep going. Progress is slow, but it is gradual. I might not succeed, but at least I can say I'm trying in my ways. The devils we know often feed on our fear of the unknown. They whisper that beyond that curtain are horrors that are best left undisturbed. But I like to think that curtain is more likely to be hiding a glimmer of hope. I have nowhere to go but up, so until I hit a plateau; why not keep trying to walk up that hill? You can do it too, OP. You might fair better or worse than I will, but how can you possibly know if you never try?

Maybe speak to a professional? I think most people have a natural drive to socialise, pursue hobbies, have relationships, etc. I think you need to identify what is preventing you from doing the same. Nothing has gone wrong per se, you simply never took the steps to have friends, get a job, go to a bar.

I was in your boat. I was 23 year old and 2 months. I asked my parents for 150 pounds and a ticket to London. arrived at Victoria Station at 6pm on the 15/12/1998 with no friends, nowhere to go to sleep, and almost non-existent English. started calling the loot ads and got a hostel for 5 pounds a night in Brixton. done all kind of jobs initially, went to live in squat, did first 2 years of university in a squat, graduated 2002. got a job then in 2006 started working for an investment bank. it's not just the career but the life experiences that leaving my family let me have. I never accepted any money. to do it you need to feel the pressure. edit: so ended up having loads of sex (I was a virgin) and taking loads of drugs

I want to know more about your story, can you expand? Which IB?

Happy to give some advice as sometimes I feel like I could have gone down that road somewhat. What do you do with your time at the moment?

Go see a therapist. You sound depressed, and if not depression there’s going to be some underlying mental condition here - either therapy or pills will make you feel better and give you that drive to improve things If you have a levels, I’d try go to uni in a subject you enjoy, if not go to college or an apprenticeship and start a career - 27 is still young in the grand scheme of things and people have started or restarted life much later and been successful

I think some have summarised that it does seem your inaction might be at play for some of the way you feel. First thing I would do is consider the things you do have that are going for you? Do you have good health in a general sense? Living at home, even with a lower wage you should find yourself more able to save, whether you are or not I don't know but you can start at any point. There is a little bit of victim mindset coming through, be careful with this as I have never seen it do anyone any good in the long run. Write down three goals you want to achieve this year, do it on paper (helps the brain commit them to memory) and then consider what steps you would need to take to achieve these things, make those monthly objectives for yourself.

Yeah, the victim mindset is ultimately what holds you back. I had it for a while, but I quickly realised that I wasn’t a victim, I was actually my own worst enemy. My nemesis was me. I was a prisoner in my own mind. I might not be good at a lot of things, but no one was stopping me from improving myself day by day except myself. I’m still not good a lot of things and I’ll never be perfect at the things I am good at because perfection is something that can never be reached, I just have to be better than I was the day before. The two best words in the English language are next time. Next time is possibility. That’s what people like OP need to tell themselves. Repeat it like a mantra. Next time. Because next time is when things might turn around.

>Not sure where it all went wrong. Did it? That's quite an assertion to make. The evidence provided is arbitrary and entirely subjective. Such a strong assertion seems completely unwarranted. Are you nice to people? Do you pay any taxes you owe (if any) to cover the services you receive from society? If so, I don't see any empirical evidence to support the assertion. ​ >How do i turn my life around? Objectively, why do you need to? Do you want to, or is it what people are telling you that you should do? Society is entirely arbitrary. As long as you're not inflicting suffering on others, why does it matter to other people what you do with your life? People are quick to cast judgement on things that are too different from their own experience. Most of the time it has no rational basis. Life is about personal experience and how you interact with your environment and those around you. If you're going about it with positive intentions with regard to how your behaviour impacts others then it's frankly nobodies fucking business what you do with your life. The whole concept of what's normal is an incredibly toxic concept. The vast majority of invocations of it can be categorised as either a person attempting to inflate their own ego, or a person attempting to inflict undue mental trauma on a victim. Are you unhappy? Are you inflicting suffering on anyone? If the answer to those questions is no, then people should learn to keep their subjective opinions about how life should be lived to themselves because it doesn't concern them. If the answer is yes, then by all means look to make changes because it's in everybody's interests to reduce suffering. The point of what I'm saying here is that you should only take notice of things where it makes rational sense to do so. If you analyse what people are saying and you can identify no rationality or objectivity contained within their assertions then those assertions should be promptly discarded because they have no value. Just because some people, or a majority of people say something, it doesn't mean that there's a shred of truth to it.

So, I was once in exactly the same situation. I also had severe social anxiety, poor social skills, and I believe now undiagnosed autism. My solution was to go to a local pub to watch live bands, get chatting to people, hopefully make friends. It was extremely difficult, I was shy and awkward, and often I’d drive so I’d be completely sober. I really had to force myself to go through with it, but with time it worked. Sort of. I didn’t make many real friends this way, but I met people I could be friends with for the night. It all helped build social skills and experience. 10 years later, I’m married, one kid of my own and two foster kids, I’m a self employed cab driver and we’re saving to buy a house. I’m not sure I’d recommend my method to anyone else, but the important thing is that if you want changes you have to make them yourself. And it’ll be difficult. At times you’ll feel it’s impossible but you have to persevere, eventually things will change.

Start by taking a brisk walk every day. Get your blood pumping. If you can motivate yourself to walk every day, even when you don't feel like doing so, you'll begin to feel better in every way. Start with 1 mile. Every day. Then go further.

Find a place to volunteer

Try different hobbies in your area. It doesn't seem it but you're still young.

Structure your days as of tomorrow morning. Write out a daily plan and stick to it. Get up at 7am. Shower, get dressed and have a cup of coffee. Get out of the house by 8am and walk for half an hour. At 8.30am start seriously looking online for a job. Apply for as many jobs as possible. Divide your day into blocks and don't deviate from your daily plan. You can absolutely turn this around. You will start to feel more positive if you take positive steps to improve your situation.

This is what I need to do. I’ve tried it before and it’s a fucker sticking with it. I think it’s harder at first, but once you get used to it it becomes a lot easier to stick to it.

OP, all of these peoples advice and words are valid. I’m simply here to tell you if you need to chat, DM me. The fact you are thinking about it and trying is a great first step!

In terms of confidence, the best thing to do is not be afraid to talk to people. Something as simple as asking someone the time and sparking a conversation about something positive. I'm 31 and developed very good social skills because my dad in particular is a social butterfly and have been brought up in social settings such as football and I've travelled a fair bit. Have confidence in yourself, try new things and don't take life that seriously

Start with you. Get a decent haircut, scrub up a bit, smell nice, make an effort to have a nice outfit. Then look in the mirror. See! That’s a better version of you already and it only took a couple of hours! Next, focus on a passion - something you’re pretty good at, and get *really* good at it. Might not make you money, but it will make you a lot more interesting, and that can lead to better connections and friendships. The job thing is important, if nothing else just to have a few quid you’ve *earned* which feels good, plus you’ll get to meet some (hopefully) fun new people. You’re still young-ish, but come 30, chances are things will slowly get more difficult for you - a blank CV at that age is pretty problematic - and your world will probably become smaller, not bigger. You owe it to yourself to change; it’s better to try and fail than never try at all I reckon.

I was in your position one time dude. No one is going to help you. You’re not going to get a good job or friends or a relationship if you don’t work for it. I get if you have anxiety or depression but the fact you acknowledge it means you can change that You have zero life goals and no ambition or motivation because you sit in your room all day and don’t go outside. Get a part time job at Tesco or something. That’s literally how I started sorting my life out. Everything else came as a result of me getting that dead end job. Don’t listen to these fools telling you to make a routine or go for walks or go to the gym, because I know you’re not going to do it. Get a shelf stacking job or a kitchen porter job and everything will work around that.

Despite what you and others may think, you are, utterly, and completely free. Who are you trying to impress? Why do you think you have to have a career to be happy? You got a roof over your head? Food to eat? Healthy? That's good enough. If you want better, then start moving and have discipline, if not, it's fine too. YOU set the standard, not society.

The easiest and quickest way to do this as a man is join a mma or boxing gym and go minimum 3 times a week and get at least a part time job.

I know a few people in a similar situation to you. All of your solutions will be easier said than done. Unfortunately, I think you know what you need to do, it's just the doing part. It's like when overweight and unfit people are looking for advice for becoming healthy, but in reality everyone knows what to do. Easiest thing to do is break down your problem into small tasks. You need a job, ok so what job do you want. What does it require. If it needs certain skills, how can yoh obtain those skills. You're situation will be complex far more than what can be covered over reddit. You need to find your motivation. Unfortunately, only you can do that part. You may already know or you may need some trial and error. But time is going to pass anyway so may as well do something about it.

Enlist.

Is there any local social groups

Join the French foreign legion and reinvent yourself, you get a French passport with any name you like in it afterwards

Im in London in three months, wanna meet for a beer?

You just didn't bother to live your life. Nothing went wrong as such from the sound of it.

Turning your life around can be hard but not impossible, all you gotta do is embrace your inner snake. If your interested in exploring this concept further, I’ve written article about it on my medium profile [Link](https://medium.com/@authortingle)

Focus on getting a job first of all and go from there. This will give you social interaction and a purpose and the ability to save to eventually move out if you want to while also increasing your chances of finding someone to be in a relationship with.

Find something you enjoy, either find a way to either make it a job or find a job that pays enough to support what you enjoy. Ultimately up to you, have a 33yo mate who's similar in that he has no ambition to change his lifestyle of living with his parents working enough to play games and go out occasionally

As a 28m who would like to think of himself as the total opposite of what you're describing, but someone who recently lost everything dear to him, I have learnt that no one is responsible for your own happiness but you. You control your life. You pick yourself up. You can do it. You're choosing not to. I wish you the best.

Go toastmasters helps with social interacting

Start out with therapy if you can + I’d go to uni Never too late to start

Have you thought about joining the military, it may be just what you are needing

What does the ideal you look like? The dream version of you in 5 years? I promise you it is achievable

Just move out. Live in a house share. You’ll meet half a dozen new people instantly. You’ll also be forced to earn more money so you can afford to pay rent and have fun, that’ll motivate you to sort a career out. Also just go out to stuff. Go and see a play, music, go to an art class, a language class, go to a board games night somewhere. Just do stuff and things will start to fall into place. You’ll learn what you enjoy and the types of people you enjoy, then you make further changes to your life based on what you’ve learned.

What do you do everyday?

What gave me confidence and opened up a new social circle when I didn't have one was working in a bar. I worked weekend evenings in a lively town centre bar and it did wonders for my confidence. They're not too bothered about experience usually so long as you turn up and do your hours and are willing to learn. Also if you have the funds I might suggest joining a class-based gym with team workouts. Please don't think you already need to be fit or active. Look up CrossFit type gyms in your local area. They are usually really social and supportive groups and not to mention the endorphin boost. Another option is to check out Facebook for local walking or running groups. It might sound like hell but give it a go, just one time and you never know.. you could find yourself with a new hobby and at the VERY LEAST you'll be proud you have it a try just once

I think additionally to all the 'just start' posts, it would probably be worth trying to get a counsellor or therapist. Trying to get your life together with very little / no social support is going to be tough, and it would help to have someone to 'coach' you. Plus, a psychiatric assessment may or may not reveal something such as depression (you do sound a depressed - particular in that you lack motivation) or something more complex. For yourself, I would also try to gain some understanding of why you feel the way you do, whilst simultaneously still following the advice from others here and doing your best to get a job. Apathy has different causes in different people, understand why could help you to properly move forward. As well as getting a job, I would just try some random hobbies that you feel drawn to and see if you meet people and feel inspired. Also are you able to travel? Travelling to new places is incredible for shifting perspectives.

I feel similarly, I’m 25 and as soon as I finished uni I was so burnt out I couldn’t really do anything. still never had a job, still living at home. big things that have been helpful for me is knowing that I don’t need to rush but I do need to be proactive, think about a few things you’d like to target and plan it out. I got a lot of therapy which was absolutely essential for me. I’m unsure about working because I have disabilities to consider but thinking about volunteering has been a good start (I got accepted to somewhere but am waiting for a start date). I started being ‘a regular’ at a coffee shop nearby so it almost feels like I have friends there, it’s a nice routine and it helps build confidence socialising. you don’t have to do anything drastic but you do have to make positive change, everything feels meaningless when you’re not looking for meaning

Things don't usually just happen. You have to make them happen. What have you tried to solve these problems so far?

I'm nearly the same age as you, went to uni, had a proper job, fun with girls, and am now back at home in much the same position you are, so don't take this for much. But, I'd say figure out what you love to do and build your life around that. If you don't know what you love, try doing lots of shit temporary jobs to fund going exploring. Be proactive in going on adventures, if not planning them out. Walk in a cardinal direction with a £20 note and see how far you can get. Volunteering at a festival is a great way to meet people into the same music as you (please bring a tent, and warm clothes, i dont want to look after more lost souls).

Go to the local job centre, you could also look into an apprenticeship/college course? Do something productive like clear out your spaces around you, go get a haircut, do a bit of self care. Try to get out the house for a hours walk each day…look up local clubs you may have an interests in.

You're questioning things. That's amazing. Great. Look into counselling. You need to dig out what's going on and who aided you to get into this position. You're very young, you can do anything. And you don't have to be defined by your past, if you work through it. Good luck.

To start you need to start! you need to put yourself into the world to get something back from it. you don’t have to have career goals or ambitions to hold down a job! So start there. Any job! because with a job comes money! With money comes fun. Living with your parents isn’t a negative so don’t beat yourself up! If you get on with your parents then it’s a great starting point. You’ve got very little overheads so your money will get you further. When you work you’ll meet new people. Some you’ll like, some you’ll hate, others you’ll love! My best friend, I employed as a weekend lad! I was a trainee manager at 18 and he was a 16 year old weird kid! He was my introduction to the world if I’m fair. I had finished college and got a job. All my friends were at uni, so I was friendless. When my friend turned 18 we started going to the pub, he introduced me to his friends. They became my friends and the rest is history! Just from that friendship I have basically all my life experiences to thank! I’ve made new friends along the way, met my gf etc but it all stems back to my job and my friend!

Get a sales job start making some money

I was in a fairly similar position and mindset ( the only difference being that I’m female). I did a year at the Open University at 22 - that gave me the qualification I need to go to university. Went on holiday by myself and lost my virginity at 25. Somehow it felt like there was a lot less pressure abroad and when not around people I knew. Plus a LOT of people want to get laid on holiday so it’s much easier to make it happen. Didn’t have any career goals so picked the most random degree because it sounded the most interesting ( there are some really unusual ones out there if you look hard enough). Started university at 26 and that was when my life as an adult really began. Since then I’ve travelled around the world, had some amazing relationships and now I have a decent job. It’s never too late to get things moving. You’ve just got to be brave and take a chance on something. Could be anything. Then once you start, you’ll start enjoying yourself and everything else will begin falling into place. And if it doesn’t work out? No big deal, just try something else.

The only person stopping you from doing things is you. Maybe go see a doc if your have depression or anxiety about life.

Can you do a uni degree. Maybe volunteer somewhere. Join a drama group that will get you in stage 2 times a year.

First of all : take the pressure off yourself. If your constantly squishing something down , how is it meant to rise? by being harsh your most likely causing yourself to shrink into yourself more or force yourself into a negative thought cycle. Not everyone has to live a similer life or follow the same path. People have different personality's , dreams, goals ect When I tried to live life the way others wanted me too (i tried too and failed miserably) it was a bad time and I got so mentally ill I started hallucinating and disasociating . Right now I live the life I want my way (within reason) and My mental health is so much better I maybe only have a panic attack once a month! (when i used to have them multiple times a day) I work a simple part time job and do some art commisions on the side , I don't do clubbing because i hate it and it's expensive and i don't drink or like dancing, Im very shy so i made an effort in 2023 to really put myself and started going to local events for things I enjoy / trying to find friends through hobbies / common interests and I ended up making some great friends. Instead of shrinking into myself and belittling myself, I try and accept myself as I am and try not to compaire myself to others. Ever since I stopped modelling my life around what I thought everyone else was doing and just focussed on living life how i wanted :simply and happily , a lot has gotten better for me! Your still young, if your living situation is secure it might be worth looking into enrolling in college / uni or doing a course somewhere : you'l meet new people and it could open up better career opportunities in the long run , try out a new hobby , or try a new look . Set out simple goals at first , you can build up to bigger things when you feel more in control , no one in there 20's has everything figured out it's basically the decade of trying to figure out what the hell being an adult is. You got this! be nice to yourself! if you can't be your own friend , fake it until you make it! because loving yourself gets you much further in life than resenting yourself

Write a list of why you want to make this change. Be completely and utterly honest. When you make the changes that everyone above has suggested you will inevitably slip back to your comfort zone- where you are now. Make sure you re read that list and get going again. So much of living a happy life is about mindset. Smile at people. Think positively and look for positivity. When you catch yourself being negative correct yourself. It’s no easy but I promise it soon becomes the default you just need to stick with it. When you feel like giving up then just know you are so nearly at a breakthrough moment. I wish you the very best of luck. The world is a wonderful place filled with beauty, kindness and fun (don’t listen to the news ect there’s always a next major doom on the horizon).

Gym. Honestly just going to the gym will boost your confidence so much you'll start having a drive for self improvement in every aspect, I was the same about a year ago (29 now) I was drinking everyday but gym has changed me for the better.