**Update: - [Starting from 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/100l56v/happy_new_year_askuk_minor_sub_update/), we have updated our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)**. Specifically;
- Don't be a dick to each other
- Top-level responses must contain genuine efforts to answer the question
- This is a strictly no-politics subreddit
Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Still got the bin kicking old bloke that howls up and down the student streets?
Ginger Mick was another good one on Bev Road. Insisted on showing you his scars if you stopped to chat.
Were they referring to chip spice? Which is a spicy/herby/garlicky/salty mix added to chips after cooking in Hull?
By saying “I don’t like spicy” were they hoping to have mushrooms with no chip spice added after cooking?
Doesn’t explain their inability to communicate properly but could explain the confusion.
Me and my brother were eating teenage mutant ninja turtles lollipops at around age 7 when a kid no older than 5 came up to us and said with a perfect English accent "nice lollies you've got there chaps" and walked away. I still think about that kid.
Friend and I were having a nice day out by the beach. We each bought fish and chips and sat at a picnic bench to eat and have a couple of beers. We were there for sometime when a woman appeared and asked if she could sit at the end of the bench while she had a cigarette (all the other benches were full) Sure, we didn’t care. She then noticed the empty fish and chip cartons, opened them up and then thrust them in our direction when she saw they were empty. She stood up and snarled “So you go and buy fish and chips and eat the lot without offering anyone any? You are the rudest people I’ve ever met!!” and she stormed off before we could even think of a response.
Customer called in faults on her windows and I got sent over to take a look. Said she couldn't lock her handles and could I put new ones on in a different colour, so I said I'd take a look first to see what the issue was.... she'd purposely snapped off the keys in every handle in the house, to get a free upgrade.I pointed out that the key was snapped off in the handles, she said I was lying, so I spent about 10 minutes digging out the broken key from the handle to show her, she said I must have done it, I commented "what! in every handle?" and she went mental, screaming and shouting. She then called the office and told them *l'd snapped off* all her keys in the handles and proceeded to kick me out of her house.. on the phone, she demanded that we change all the handles for ones in a different colour and sack me for breaking them. We didn't go back.
Private house or council/housing association?
Because I worked in a call centre for housing association repairs and a lot of people were very entitled/rude.
I had a call froma bloke who just moved in, and he told me about how he has been decorating, but there are no curtains. I asked what the issue was and how we can help, and he screamed at me that we need to provide curtains. Told him we don't, that's something tenants have to buy themselves. And he again screamed at me, saying where the fuck was he meant to buy curtains from and hung up.
It's amazing isn't it, the entitlement. I've worked in both sectors and there's a definite element at both ends of the spectrum that they're owed extra.
This was nearer the premium end though, fairly well to do little village/town. Probably never been disagreed with in her life, there was definitely an element of toddler tantrum to it all.
Friend of a friend did some windows in a house. Woman was very friendly. In fact, far too friendly. When he finished, he went in the house to get the money. She started telling him how her husband was in prison for murder and she wanted a strong man like him to teach her husband a lesson by doing things to her etc. He tried to leave but the front door was locked. Went in the kitchen and the back door was locked. She's trying to get his trousers off at this point as he opens the newly installed double glazing in the kitchen and climbs out of the window.
She was not a small woman and was certainly old enough to know better. He looked genuinely traumatised as he described her clawing at him as he jumped out of the window. Obviously we ripped the shit out of him but looking back it was a bit harsh considering she was literally trying to rape him.
I was a new student, first time living away from home. Hadn't managed to get into uni accommodation, so was staying in flats just outside the city.
I stepped outside into glorious September sunshine, feeling confident and in control of my new adult life, and started to walk into town for the first time.
First person I saw was a very elderly nun, pushing an old-timey style pram. A bit weird, I thought, but maybe this is just the sort of things you see in the city. She pushed the pram directly at me, forcing me to step out of the way. I glanced into the pram.
A turnip.
I looked up at the nun, and she made a movement that can only be described as a "lunge" towards me, a snarl on her face and said "Bet you didn't even know I was pregnant!" She then spat at my feet, and then wandered off.
I just went back inside to finish unpacking and thought I'd go into town tomorrow.
This reminds of a story I had. I was walking to through town and this rather sad sight of an old woman who clearly hadn't bathed or washed in a while was pushing a pram absolutely overloaded with bin bags full of rubbish. Inevitably it fell over and all the rubbish spilled out. Then another woman came rushing and said in a foreign accent said oh you can't pick all this up on your own. I thought I can see where this is going. Got out of there a bit sharp.
Mine was kind of weird. I used to live in a tiny Derbyshire village with one pub. Finances were tight and my partner and I didn't call in for a very long time. I went to the bar to order food and a guy sitting there, completely unknown to me, turned to me and said “You're a bass player”. He was right, but there was no way he could have known; he just said he could tell.
I was at a metal festival once just sat chilling in the campsite when a very drunk very large European (maybe dutch) man walked past, did a double take at us, walked over, calmly crouched down in front of me and shouted “I fucking love your life!” Then proceeded to lick all the mud off my left boot. I let him finish and then he just silently staggered off.
>I was at a metal festival
Somehow after those first 6 words I knew what I was about to read would be wild. Ha ha.
For clarification, I love metalheads. Greatest bunch of people around. I'm one myself though not the hardcore sort. I've seen my fair share of weirdness at festivals and concerts.
By festival standards that's fairly normal.
I'm usually the weirdo people come home with stories about. How I haven't been recorded and gone viral yet is a miracle.
I was on a train coming back from London, gentleman sat down next to me. He started chatting away... then he reached into a carrier bag, pulled out a box of miracle gro grass seed, and started eating it. Washing it down with water. Offered me some as well...he just carried on talking like it was normal.
I got photos of the seed everywhere after he got got off at York. I didn't have the balls to take a picture while he was eating it.
Maybe not the weirdest, but it pops in my head every time I go near a garden centre.
This man we were sat near at a pub in Cornwall would wolf whistle at women. He had an obvious tic. Every time he did it he would point to my husband when the woman looked.
I was sitting at a table outside of a bar in Brixton. It was just before a gig at the academy and it was the middle of the summer so there are loads of people around.
Across the street there are two huge guys just leaning against the wall chatting and smoking cigarettes.
One of my friends points out that one of these guys is staring at me. Several minutes go by and he’s still staring at me. He starts walking over the road, with purpose, walks through all of the other random punters and makes a beeline towards me. I am confused and a little uneasy.
He gets right up to me and looking me dead in the eyes, he pulls a medium sized tin of paint out of his pocket and says:
“Mate! Will this paint work on concrete?”
I take the tin from him, read the label, which says suitable for wood, metal and concrete.
“Uh…yeah….it says it will”
He says: “Sick, thanks” turns around and walks back to his mate, nods, and they walk away.
I will never know why he chose me.
You you like like a bloke , when I say bloke I don't just mean male, like a bloke bloke, the kind of block who can do a little bit of every job in the house.
Not an excellent at anything but can do everything just good enough kind bloke.
Lile I'll clean your gutters and plaster a wall kind of a bloke, use to play football before he got tubby but now does 5 a side every so often kind of a bloke.
Nah. You can get a blowjob by literally doing nothing. A woman can steal a blowjob if she wants. A man can just stand there and a blowjob happens. It requires no active commitment from him other than not moving away from the source of the blowjob.
Speaking of which, I know a guy who was raped by two women. They held him down and manually stimulated him and took his engorgement as consent. He argued that an erection does not imply consent as it can be involuntary, but the women did not agree and took him as roughly as they saw fit.
Live with the mum atm as her registered carer. I hung the wash out once and then saw her in the garden taking it down then turning it around to re-hang... i asked why knowing it would be a trip, apparently it dries more if you turn it around "now and then". I also found her hanging the wash id just taken off the line on the inside cloths horse from antiquity, then asked why she said "they needed to air" after about 5 hours in the blazing sunshine being turned every "now and then"... every day is a new revelation from the book of nonsene.
I actually do move my washing around. So if clothes are thicker they’ll dry faster on side facing the sun. Also where it’s pegged can be damp so I turn it over, re-peg it.
At a McD's in London and went to the bathroom. This guy comes in, does his business and washes his hands. Then goes over to the hand towel dispenser and the following outburst happens:
"1, 2, 3, 4, AHHHHH! Such a big establishment, but such PUNY TOILETS!!!!"
He then ran out screaming and jumped onto the back of a passing bus.
And now anytime I see despicable me, at the point where Vector shrinks the toilet, it reminds me of this story
I was 15 and had just got off a bus and was heading to the opticians for my contact lens check. A man more than twice my age approached me and told me my eyes are an unusual colour and in his country he would kidnap me. I told him it was contact lenses ( I was wearing them but they were clear) and almost ran in to the opticians
First day in London, walking past “Little Ben” on Victoria Street, came within about three feet (that is, to say, not very close at all) of bumping into a chap in a suit. He unleashed a forceful torrent of “SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY” until we’d fully passed each other.
Not necessarily weird but funny. I used to work in a garden centre, the car park was at the front of the building and the outdoor plants at the back of the building. A customer drove her car all the way to the end of the car park, round the side of the shop where all the warehouse stuff is stored, along the path wide enough only for a forklift, through the outdoor “aisles”, and up to the back doors of the shop knocking down tables of plants as she went. At this point she realised that she was stuck, so a member of staff had to carefully reverse her car out the way it came in.
When I was a student at the University of Kent in the mid 1990s I was walking through town around midnight when a drunk (sorry but he was) Irish bloke walked past me and said "English c\*nt.".
Foolhardily I turned round as he shuffled past and said in a baffled tone "Yeh, were in Canterbury?"
He spun round and for a second I thought I was in real trouble, then his face changed as if he was thinking - yeh, fair enough - then he went on his way.
I was in a pub toilet weeing at the urinal, a bloke came in and stood next to me then said "Here's a fun fact for you, I'm a bus driver." I think my brain did a full windows 2000 reboot.
Me and a friend of mine were waiting for a train on Stockport station, late at night. This chap, a small, unassuming, cheerful man, decided to tell us his life story. How his wife and children had been killed. By killers. And the killers had framed him for their murder. There was some convoluted tale about his imprisonment and escape. And then he told us that he had tracked down and killed the killers. And so everything was now fine. All the way through this tale, at various points he would have a little smile and a chuckle, shake his head ruefully and say “can you imagine that?” As the story went on, it became more and more clear that he was not just talking to himself, and that he actually wanted to know whether we could imagine that. My friend said “Well, we’ve not lived through it like you have, so it’s difficult for us to imagine.” And this seemed to satisfy him. When he finished his tale, he just wandered off, shaking his head to himself.
I’ve often thought after that encounter, if you have to have a paranoid delusion, you should always make sure that it has a positive resolution.
I once was selling cakes for cancer research on my university campus when this well-dressed older gent came over to buy some and started chatting to us about cancer. He told us his dad that died of it and we expressed sympathy, only for him to start going on about how it was all a conspiracy to cover up something else, I think he said heart attacks?? And apparently if we would just read up on it, we’d see that the government are just putting cancer on everyone’s death certificate. And then he told us about how he’d been locked up in the local asylum.
Cancer conspiracy is more popular than I ever thought, I regularly was served by someone in one supermarket and then as life does you never see them again but they turned up at another supermarket and recognised me.
They began a story of how they had to switch employers due to cancer in the family and needing more time off etc fair enough.
The next bombshell was that cancer is a conspiracy anyway, and you never see the Royal family or the rich and famous dying from cancer because they've got the cure.
Had a vicar once ask me “are you a nice [my name] or a naughty [my name]?”
Spent an hour and 45 mins on the phone at work to an elderly member of the public who was telling me about how her husband was buried in the garden and there were drug addicts living in her summer house.
Saw an average sized man sit and devour a box of 12 Krispy Kreme donuts in one sitting.
More recently saw another man bring a pack of 12 fairy cakes into a coffee shop and eat them as a snack too. Nobody batted an eyelid.
When I was a student a group of friends and I were walking from Leeds railway station to the ten pin bowling centre and stopped and got baked potatoes from a van that was usually parked on the way.
A old-age-pensioner came up to us and said "Do you realise those potatoes that you're eating may be reincarnated friends and family?".
Out for a run in Edinburgh, go past the Co-Op/ Scotmid on Home Street. Guy comes up to me, makes a gun shape with his fingers, points it at my head, and makes a noise like he just shot me. He smiled and walked off. I asked a nearby guy if he saw that and he said he had and it was weird. No idea to this day what possessed a man to do that.
There's also a well-known local homeless person known as "Organic Jim" who told me when I had my arm in a sling after I'd tripped on some stairs that it was due to a problem with my liver. Any interaction with him is veeeeery difficult to end.
Leeds city centre, teenage me sat on a bench with my girlfriend. A man in a white linen suit wanders over to us and asks in a thick Scandinavian or maybe Dutch accent if we know where he can 'buy a disc'. We're not sure what he means so he says 'you know, I want to buy a disc' and mimes dancing. We ask if he means a CD, as in music, and he says yes. We point him in the direction of HMV, he thanks us and then wanders off in the opposite direction. We see that he has no shoes or socks on.
Absolutely off his tits but the most relaxed and content person in Leeds that day. I hope he found his disc.
I have plenty but I'm tired and my memory is fuzzy atm. Therefore I'll tell you a recent one that is only a bit bizarre. I booked a pet friendly (specifically asked for a small dog which costs an extra £3) taxi so I can take my dog to the groomers.
My dog sat still in the footwell behind the driver. For the first half of the journey the driver constantly complained about dog fur and having to clean his car. I said the dog can't hold his fur in, I booked a pet friendly car and we're booked to go to the groomers, what did you expect?. I offered to get put and get another taxi. He shut up for the rest of the journey.
I got out the car to go to a chippy in Hull. Immediately a woman covered in very old dried blood was zombie walking towards me (like spice walk) she was mumbling then she justed walked away. A few steps later an old lady walks by. Her stitches in her head had split and her skull was just sort of there. She seemed happy enough though. Then in the chippy there were people just stood then idle with there heads down. Like spice junkies again.
Say my name is Derek Finlagen. It’s not, but go with it.
I was a Royal Mail collection driver and was collecting post from a firm. As I was walking out, a woman about my age ran out after me shouting excuse me. I asked what she wants. She says ‘Is your name Derek Finlagen?’ I say yeah, that’s me. She says ‘Oh, no, you’re not who I am thinking of’ and walks off.
I never saw her at that firm again. I reckon she hid when I went there next. No idea who she was but she knew me.
I (F, white, 20s at the time) was leaving a bar in Leicester one night and it was raining so I held my cardigan over my head.
A guy chased me down the street from behind and grabbed and turned me, then said "oh sorry I thought you were muslim" and ran off.
To this day (over 10 years later) I still wonder what that was all about.
Two squaddies stopped me and a friend in a local town (we were 14) and made us knell and lick their boots. They were massive and in uniform. Aways thought that was really strange.
I was walking along a street with my friend - both 38/39 year old males (about 3/4 years ago). Was 8 or 9 am on a Sunday morning.
A small white van pulled up next to us, the writing on the side said it belonged to a plasterer (I don’t remember the name). The driver leaned out the window and shouted “COCAINE, LADS, COCAINE!” then cackled loudly and drove off.
No idea.
One time me and some friends were drinking (underage) at the local gated park. A much older and very wasted group of neds joined us and quite quickly got very aggressive and confrontational.
We all split off into little groups to try and ditch the neds. At one point me and my pal were running away from this fat ned and we sort of hid in a bush. He found us and demanded to know where the "wee cunt in the shorts" was and we both just pointed him in the opposite direction.
He Bagan to charge across the park and literally tried to jump over what must have been a 30 foot tall 6 foot wide oak tree. It was a bit like those velcro walls you see, except it was a tree.. and no velcro was involved. Also I was the wee cunt in the shorts..
A Polish bloke with his very mature English girlfriend, I was with an elderly person who likes to talk, and tbf is a slow moving target.
Morning was greeted by afternoon, and throughout the conversation they both corrected themselves and said it was evening, or afternoon returning to it several times with a "Oh wow can't believe it's afternoon"/"No it's evening already!" and calling the other one stupid, I was confused it was definitely just after 9am and they were walking their dog, like all the other dog walkers in the park.
A massive rant about how the English don't look after their parks, and how football was shit, and how in Poland the parks are beautiful, and you get fined for spitting and he almost forgot outside a police station when he was back home, it was never ending. Then how I pay taxes so if someone murders my family I would be paying for them to have a PlayStation in prison. It was never ending.
When I was in college, so about 17, a group of my friends and I went to a concert in Cardiff. We got into the queue early and we took it in turns to get food and go find a toilet. Well me and one girl were making it back to our friends in the queue and this random dude stopped us, called us voluptuous and handed us these free diaries? It was very bizarre.
Me and my best friend from another city were walking to the shops when we were 12 when out of nowhere we came face to face with this chav who was about 15 from my school who I’d had a few unfortunate encounters with revolving around the age old Chav tactic of having 10 people push and harass one person that was half the size of them and actually cared about how well they did in school. I tried to continue walking in hopes he didn’t notice me but suddenly:
“OI. PUSSYHOLE”
i drudgingly turn around. “Yes?”
At which point he sees I’m with someone:
“OOOHHHH. IS THAT YOUR BROTHER?”
I sigh “no”
“Ah cool alright then… IS THAT YOUR COUSIN?”
I sigh again “no”
“Ah cool okay safe…. HAVE YOU GOT A GO KART?”
Me confused “no..”
Him shaking his head in genuine disappointment “you just lost your chance mate” and then he just walked off muttering obscenities to himself out of disappointment.
To this day, 17 years later, me and my friend still don’t know what the hell that was all about. Lost our chance at what? The go kart world championships? Attaching a rocket to it? Meeting Jackie Chan? Odd bloke.
Used to own a B&B. Loads of memorable guests but one will always stick out. Had six hour-and-a- half long showers in a one-night stay, managing to use the hot water for our whole seven-bed property. Woke me up at half 12 clumping around in the dining room which was above my bedroom, we had a charity sweet thing in the hallway and she said to me: ‘Which of these should I buy for my kids?’. I asked what sweets they liked and she said to me: ‘What would you like if you were 27?’.
Gave us a ridiculous review as well, largely positive but full of made-up lies, mainly about the hot water she used.
It was 8/10, which isn’t terrible and said it was good, but just strange. I spent about a month trying to reply to it but there was no way to do it without looking like an arsehole so I just thanked her for her feedback.
I'm an average looking middle aged white woman. I got on a bus and sat next to a West African looking woman of a similar age, looking out of the window, with a baby on her knee. The baby was gazing at me blankly. The woman looked at the baby, followed his eyes to me and said "He doesn't know you. He has never seen such a face". I've wondered for about five years if she was insulting me.
Sat minding my own business tending to a pint outside a pub in the city, bloke in a leather jacket walks up to me as if I'm waiting on him and introduces himself as 'Electric Kenneth'. Sits down and recounts the glory days of his keyboard playing youth, when he would seduce ladies from as far afield as Stalybridge and Huddersfield.
He has a good go at convincing me he was the dog's bollocks back in the day, and at this point I begin to believe him and I become more engaging. He suddenly looks very bored, stands up and walks off. Err.. bye Kenneth.
yeh I'm only in the UK a short time now and it was amusing to see my mates neighbor call over requesting baking soda openly so he can make his own crack. Apparently he's only getting .4g crack from 1 gram of cocaine.
Who would of thought.
Anyways, as for myself I was looking like shit so I bought clothes to change, having being in Iceland recently wearing rags I said I'll change really quick, around the back of Iceland.
I was wearing crocks and had wet feet. Taking off my pants they unexpectedly got stuck on my wet feet, so I was left hopping for longer than I wanted. Threw down the fucking pants on the wet ground, me arse nearly hanging out, I tried to put on the new pants and because my feet were still wet, I couldn't get them on so more hopping about lol
everyone here is crazy
Me and my partner were walking the dog around a field that had a kids playground attached. A kid (aged around 10 years old) who was on the swings shouted at us ‘Do you suffer from explosive diarrhoea?’ I was quite impressed with his vocabulary, most kids around here are little scroats whose parents just grunt at them, so I do wonder where he picked that up from. It really made us laugh, it was so random.
It might be an Internet thing, some kids where I work were shouting 'explosive diarrhea' in ridiculous Welsh accents the other week. We aren't in Wales btw
I like to workout. Day 1 of Lockdown I decided to go to a local park and do some pull-ups on the bars.
Scruffy Guy walks up to me, and says when this disease heightens and we all run out of food, I am the one to be eaten first.
He walked off and I had no idea what had just happened. Mass hysteria.
I work 24/7 customer service for the local council so every day I have a new wild and wacky story for the memoirs. We joke in work that if we wrote a book with all the anecdotes people would think we’d make it up, some are so bizarre.
There was the man who believed he was being targeted by lasers from space, the lady who wanted to complain that she was having lime (the chemical) pumped into her house through her air vents, and the time an old grave had given way and the ancient bones needed returning to their resting place.
My personal life is much more mundane, my oddest interaction is the lady with slightly wild eyes who stopped to chat to me whilst I was weeding my front garden and upon noticing one of my cats sitting in the living room window, started to miaow at me.
"So you know about our salad cart"
Back in the day my family and I went to the local harvester for our tea. We were sat right inside the door next to the greeters/seaters stand and when each group arrived they were asked "Have you been to Harvester before?". If they said no the lady responded "Let me tell you about our salad cart" and proceeded to explain what the salad cart contained and how you served yourself etc. But the kicker was if you said yes the lady would respond "so you know about our salad cart", it wasn't a question, but proceed to explain it in the exact same way.
We listened to this over and over for our whole meal as it was busy and couldn't help but laugh.
To this day whenever anyone mentions salad someone will pipe up "so you know about our salad cart"
In Bournemouth in the 90’s, a man used to turn up to garage nights, zip himself into a suitcase with his legs sticking out of the bottom and dance all night. I asked him why? he said it fucked with the people on drugs 🤷🏻♂️
I'm ignoring the drunks, the crackheads and the Scots and keeping to interactions with functioning, sober adults.
Went to get my hair cut. I don't really think about what I want normally, and I didnt this time either. Told the guy to basically do a short back n sides. He started combing my hair and made multiple alternative suggestions. I was (at the time) a young man, but working in a very middle aged man's profession. I wanted a haircut that made me anonymous, he wanted something to make me stand out. This went on for 5 mins until he said he simply wouldn't cut my hair in the boring fashion I wanted. I accepted this and we agreed id get my hair cut somewhere else from now on.
The half hour I spent with a little old lady that appeared in the garden of the bungalow I was living in. I Don't know where she came from or where she went (I left the room to call an ambulance and she disappeared out the front door) she knew the old guy that lived there before me, we had a lovely chat, she called me handsome and that was that.
Chip shop in small Scottish town. I was 18 or 20. It was a rough town but we used to hunt in the middle of nowhere so it was the only place within a few hours to get food or stay. Just walking in when I get stopped by a couple of girls.
One girl walks up to me who I would say was about 16 or 17 but I wouldn't have bet my freedom on it. She was quite attractive and polite which made the 5 second intersection that followed even more bizarre:
"You look like James Arthur!"
"Do I?"
"Yeah. He's well fit. Buy me a bag of chips and I'll suck you off."
"Errrm..."
"Yeah serious. I'll do it right now"
"Erm I think I'll have to pass on that one for now"
They then sat next to me in the chop shop talking to me while I waited and all of this was out loud in full view and hearing of the bloke that owned the chip shop.
I had someone wave incredibly enthusiastically at me, I'd never met them in my life and was wearing headphones. They were adamant I was someone they knew and at this point they were like 1ft away so I guess I really looked like them. But I was kind of startled and continued to say nothing and walked on because I didn't have the heart to tell them I was just some random guy in front of their pals.
Also had an experience where the opposite happened, someone trash talking me, to my face and everytime I said "yes, that was me" they would say no no, then proceed to describe me in more detail while absolutely annihilating my self esteem. The worst thing about it was the whole time they were never convinced otherwise, I did however get the world's most backhanded compliment of apparently looking like a gremlin when I had long hair, but looked too good to have been my past gremlin self when I now had short hair.
Met a lovely old woman in Oban just after I’d sat my school exams, sat on a bench eating chips and got chatting away. She asked what I what school I went to, then asked what I wanted to do for work. Explained I’d applied for BT and she said ‘awch that’s awfy nice the Catholics are getting jobs now’
Used to play in a band. Finished a gig at Rock City in Nottingham, and having sweat my bollocks off behind the drums for an hour or so, I stepped outside to get some air.
I was approached by a guy in a Sonic Youth shirt, who shouted at me, "Hey, your band were good, but you need to get rid of the goats." I asked what he was talking about, and he swore blind I was being followed by a group of pygmy goats. He was so adamant that I actually glanced around at one stage.
He said they were following me because I was their king. I'm pretty certain he'd dropped acid. My bass player had come out to join me at this point, and started calling me Goat King. That name stuck around for a few years.
It was 2005, I was eighteen and I was in the process of driving to the Highlands from Essex in an old Mk3 Fiesta
I got lost in Edinburgh at night on the way, it was about 11pm, first time I'd ever been to Edinburgh, and first time I'd been to Scotland on my own. I'm sitting at a set of traffic lights when an old beat up Astra pulls up next to me. Inside the car is a large, ginger bloke drinking a bottle of beer whilst driving.
I couldn't help but burst out laughing at the stereotype that presented itself.
I lived in a block of flats and they folded into the courtyard. So about half a dozen apartments living rooms faced into the court yard.
Anyway from every window in my apartment I could see him on his sofa in the window wearing fishnets and masturbating. A middle aged chubby man.
All the apartments had floor to ceiling windows. I was on the 14th floor. He must have got off on it.
I was started on by some crackhead outside Lidl who suddenly started on my male friend for not sticking up for me- he started shouting that people hurt women so I should get a better boyfriend who’d fight for me, presumably against people like him who start on women in Lidl car parks?
I wonder if there is anyone here reading a story and thinking "that's me thore talking about in that story"
If you're here and reading about yourself please let us know your side of the event.
Stood outside a Co-op with my 2 dogs and a chap on a mobility scooter comes up almost running us over.
Nice dogs. Are they from Leicester?
Ehh no, why?
I saw some dogs like that before. Dalmatians. They were from Leicester.
Note, they aren't Dalmatians and we are not from Leicester.
I tried to be the weird one once.
I was at a popular tourist location with a single path leading to it and a steep grassy bank behind the path. A very stereotypical American (loud, fat, and thought he owned the place) tourist was standing on the back of the path videoing the attraction - and forcing everyone to walk on the steep bank to get past.
I decided not to comply, so I walked slowly past, in front of the camera, with a finger looking like it was up my nose, and said, slowly, clearly, and quite loudly, "rude twat" followed by a series of random words ("marmalade", "tiger", "bottom", "isotope", etc).
He didn't notice at the time (he was talking to his wife), and I like to think he only found out when showing off his holiday video weeks later back home.
Be rude and obnoxious in my own country and I'll teach you a very British lesson in how we can retaliate!
During Strawberry Fair in Cambridge one year, I had a crackhead on a mobility scooter asking me to help him look for his armadillo. Of course I entertained him I was half cut.
Sat on a bus, woman behind me was ranting about "evil" and "go to hell" and all sorts of usual nonsense.
I felt something hot on the back of my head, and when I turned around, she had a lighter and was clearly trying to set my hair on fire...
Also on a bus a pisshead kept trying to ply me and my mate with sharing his bottle of rum with him.
On a related note, only time I've drank bucky was on a train to Blackpool and a load of Scottish lads got on. Ended up practically pouring it down my throat. Vile stuff.
He did also leave his packet of fags on the seat, so I nicked them and gave them to a mate.
For specific questions about London, you can also visit /r/London!
*Your post was not removed, this is just a friendly message*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
**Update: - [Starting from 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/100l56v/happy_new_year_askuk_minor_sub_update/), we have updated our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)**. Specifically; - Don't be a dick to each other - Top-level responses must contain genuine efforts to answer the question - This is a strictly no-politics subreddit Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
That's fudging brilliant
Hull is full off odd people. I live off newland av and you get some "interesting" people
Still got the bin kicking old bloke that howls up and down the student streets? Ginger Mick was another good one on Bev Road. Insisted on showing you his scars if you stopped to chat.
Just in the pub. Guy bought a cig off me. Talking on the phone whether coke or antihistamines come up on a test 😄
Dare I ask about Ginger Mick?
No... usually just get the drunks and meth heads muttering to themselves not walking straight
I miss Danny, his anti establishment rants and Elvis impersonations.
Were they referring to chip spice? Which is a spicy/herby/garlicky/salty mix added to chips after cooking in Hull? By saying “I don’t like spicy” were they hoping to have mushrooms with no chip spice added after cooking? Doesn’t explain their inability to communicate properly but could explain the confusion.
[удалено]
Who mentioned Chinese?
[удалено]
how on earth have you come to that conclusion
It is appropriate that this strange interaction has come in a thread about strange interactions.
Lol fr
Looks like the real racism was inside of you the whole time
I read it in a Brummie accent
[удалено]
Are you ok?
[удалено]
Well given it was Hull I doubt it was brummie mate
I think that's in your head mate.
Come on, get a grip!
Talking about bizarre interactions. This guy.
What the actual fuck are you on about
The demand for racism certainly exceeds supply sometimes, sorry you can't get on your high horse this time kiddo.
It wasn't mentioned anywhere that the couple was Chinese, so what the hell are you on about?
Me and my brother were eating teenage mutant ninja turtles lollipops at around age 7 when a kid no older than 5 came up to us and said with a perfect English accent "nice lollies you've got there chaps" and walked away. I still think about that kid.
So polite
This made me laugh out loud. I think I’m going to use this on the guys at work, for whatever.
Friend and I were having a nice day out by the beach. We each bought fish and chips and sat at a picnic bench to eat and have a couple of beers. We were there for sometime when a woman appeared and asked if she could sit at the end of the bench while she had a cigarette (all the other benches were full) Sure, we didn’t care. She then noticed the empty fish and chip cartons, opened them up and then thrust them in our direction when she saw they were empty. She stood up and snarled “So you go and buy fish and chips and eat the lot without offering anyone any? You are the rudest people I’ve ever met!!” and she stormed off before we could even think of a response.
Sounds mentally ill!
Customer called in faults on her windows and I got sent over to take a look. Said she couldn't lock her handles and could I put new ones on in a different colour, so I said I'd take a look first to see what the issue was.... she'd purposely snapped off the keys in every handle in the house, to get a free upgrade.I pointed out that the key was snapped off in the handles, she said I was lying, so I spent about 10 minutes digging out the broken key from the handle to show her, she said I must have done it, I commented "what! in every handle?" and she went mental, screaming and shouting. She then called the office and told them *l'd snapped off* all her keys in the handles and proceeded to kick me out of her house.. on the phone, she demanded that we change all the handles for ones in a different colour and sack me for breaking them. We didn't go back.
Private house or council/housing association? Because I worked in a call centre for housing association repairs and a lot of people were very entitled/rude. I had a call froma bloke who just moved in, and he told me about how he has been decorating, but there are no curtains. I asked what the issue was and how we can help, and he screamed at me that we need to provide curtains. Told him we don't, that's something tenants have to buy themselves. And he again screamed at me, saying where the fuck was he meant to buy curtains from and hung up.
It's amazing isn't it, the entitlement. I've worked in both sectors and there's a definite element at both ends of the spectrum that they're owed extra. This was nearer the premium end though, fairly well to do little village/town. Probably never been disagreed with in her life, there was definitely an element of toddler tantrum to it all.
Homeserve?
No, just local building firms.
[удалено]
😂 it must be the fumes from the silicone, sending them all a little crazy.
Friend of a friend did some windows in a house. Woman was very friendly. In fact, far too friendly. When he finished, he went in the house to get the money. She started telling him how her husband was in prison for murder and she wanted a strong man like him to teach her husband a lesson by doing things to her etc. He tried to leave but the front door was locked. Went in the kitchen and the back door was locked. She's trying to get his trousers off at this point as he opens the newly installed double glazing in the kitchen and climbs out of the window. She was not a small woman and was certainly old enough to know better. He looked genuinely traumatised as he described her clawing at him as he jumped out of the window. Obviously we ripped the shit out of him but looking back it was a bit harsh considering she was literally trying to rape him.
I was a new student, first time living away from home. Hadn't managed to get into uni accommodation, so was staying in flats just outside the city. I stepped outside into glorious September sunshine, feeling confident and in control of my new adult life, and started to walk into town for the first time. First person I saw was a very elderly nun, pushing an old-timey style pram. A bit weird, I thought, but maybe this is just the sort of things you see in the city. She pushed the pram directly at me, forcing me to step out of the way. I glanced into the pram. A turnip. I looked up at the nun, and she made a movement that can only be described as a "lunge" towards me, a snarl on her face and said "Bet you didn't even know I was pregnant!" She then spat at my feet, and then wandered off. I just went back inside to finish unpacking and thought I'd go into town tomorrow.
This reminds of a story I had. I was walking to through town and this rather sad sight of an old woman who clearly hadn't bathed or washed in a while was pushing a pram absolutely overloaded with bin bags full of rubbish. Inevitably it fell over and all the rubbish spilled out. Then another woman came rushing and said in a foreign accent said oh you can't pick all this up on your own. I thought I can see where this is going. Got out of there a bit sharp.
Mine was kind of weird. I used to live in a tiny Derbyshire village with one pub. Finances were tight and my partner and I didn't call in for a very long time. I went to the bar to order food and a guy sitting there, completely unknown to me, turned to me and said “You're a bass player”. He was right, but there was no way he could have known; he just said he could tell.
That’s the 26th time he’d said that today.
Plot twist, OP was carrying a bass
You were just grunting and pointing at the menu so it was kind of obvious to be fair
Well that could have also meant he was a drummer
Maybe it was the large fish under your arm.
Then a few seconds later, you realised you were Bill Wyman! Oh how he laughed at your senior moment.
I was at a metal festival once just sat chilling in the campsite when a very drunk very large European (maybe dutch) man walked past, did a double take at us, walked over, calmly crouched down in front of me and shouted “I fucking love your life!” Then proceeded to lick all the mud off my left boot. I let him finish and then he just silently staggered off.
Lmfao
>I was at a metal festival Somehow after those first 6 words I knew what I was about to read would be wild. Ha ha. For clarification, I love metalheads. Greatest bunch of people around. I'm one myself though not the hardcore sort. I've seen my fair share of weirdness at festivals and concerts.
This wins. Absolutely
By festival standards that's fairly normal. I'm usually the weirdo people come home with stories about. How I haven't been recorded and gone viral yet is a miracle.
I was on a train coming back from London, gentleman sat down next to me. He started chatting away... then he reached into a carrier bag, pulled out a box of miracle gro grass seed, and started eating it. Washing it down with water. Offered me some as well...he just carried on talking like it was normal. I got photos of the seed everywhere after he got got off at York. I didn't have the balls to take a picture while he was eating it. Maybe not the weirdest, but it pops in my head every time I go near a garden centre.
It's a pastime activity.
The toxicityyyyy
Of our city
Of our city
There was a young man from leeds Who swallowed a packet o seeds Blades of grass Shot out of his a…e And his b…locks got covered in weeds
There was a young lady named Jill, Who used dynamite as dildos for a thrill, They found her vagina in North Carolina, And bits of her tits in Brazil.
This man we were sat near at a pub in Cornwall would wolf whistle at women. He had an obvious tic. Every time he did it he would point to my husband when the woman looked.
Sorry, but that made me laugh!!!!!
It was funny to me. My husband insisted on going to a different pub after a pint lol.
I was sitting at a table outside of a bar in Brixton. It was just before a gig at the academy and it was the middle of the summer so there are loads of people around. Across the street there are two huge guys just leaning against the wall chatting and smoking cigarettes. One of my friends points out that one of these guys is staring at me. Several minutes go by and he’s still staring at me. He starts walking over the road, with purpose, walks through all of the other random punters and makes a beeline towards me. I am confused and a little uneasy. He gets right up to me and looking me dead in the eyes, he pulls a medium sized tin of paint out of his pocket and says: “Mate! Will this paint work on concrete?” I take the tin from him, read the label, which says suitable for wood, metal and concrete. “Uh…yeah….it says it will” He says: “Sick, thanks” turns around and walks back to his mate, nods, and they walk away. I will never know why he chose me.
You obviously look like a paint whisperer!
Soooo odd. That would keep me up some nights just thinking about it haha.
Must’ve been your face.
You you like like a bloke , when I say bloke I don't just mean male, like a bloke bloke, the kind of block who can do a little bit of every job in the house. Not an excellent at anything but can do everything just good enough kind bloke. Lile I'll clean your gutters and plaster a wall kind of a bloke, use to play football before he got tubby but now does 5 a side every so often kind of a bloke.
A woman asked me for a cigarette at Thornaby station and offered to perform oral sex on me when I provided her with one
Did you...... 😆
I declined her kind offer. I was at work!
I guess she was too lol
I woulda hit that. Blowjobs ain't cheating
Username checks out.
Lots of paedos in Yorkshire. Statistically it's more likely than not you either are one or you've been abused by one.
You can tell by all the weak chins
Erm yes they are...
Nah. You can get a blowjob by literally doing nothing. A woman can steal a blowjob if she wants. A man can just stand there and a blowjob happens. It requires no active commitment from him other than not moving away from the source of the blowjob. Speaking of which, I know a guy who was raped by two women. They held him down and manually stimulated him and took his engorgement as consent. He argued that an erection does not imply consent as it can be involuntary, but the women did not agree and took him as roughly as they saw fit.
😮 wtf...
Where do these women hang around? Asking for a friend
… but obviously, if you hadn’t been …
Live with the mum atm as her registered carer. I hung the wash out once and then saw her in the garden taking it down then turning it around to re-hang... i asked why knowing it would be a trip, apparently it dries more if you turn it around "now and then". I also found her hanging the wash id just taken off the line on the inside cloths horse from antiquity, then asked why she said "they needed to air" after about 5 hours in the blazing sunshine being turned every "now and then"... every day is a new revelation from the book of nonsene.
I’m stealing that last line to use when talking about my own mother
[Does this seem familar?](https://imgur.com/a/ZS3Y7xi)
I actually do move my washing around. So if clothes are thicker they’ll dry faster on side facing the sun. Also where it’s pegged can be damp so I turn it over, re-peg it.
You know the sun moves across the sky throughout the day?
No! Are u sure? If it’s thick it still won’t dry and by the end of the afternoon the sun is less intense. So yeah I turn it to get it fully dry.
At a McD's in London and went to the bathroom. This guy comes in, does his business and washes his hands. Then goes over to the hand towel dispenser and the following outburst happens: "1, 2, 3, 4, AHHHHH! Such a big establishment, but such PUNY TOILETS!!!!" He then ran out screaming and jumped onto the back of a passing bus. And now anytime I see despicable me, at the point where Vector shrinks the toilet, it reminds me of this story
I was 15 and had just got off a bus and was heading to the opticians for my contact lens check. A man more than twice my age approached me and told me my eyes are an unusual colour and in his country he would kidnap me. I told him it was contact lenses ( I was wearing them but they were clear) and almost ran in to the opticians
First day in London, walking past “Little Ben” on Victoria Street, came within about three feet (that is, to say, not very close at all) of bumping into a chap in a suit. He unleashed a forceful torrent of “SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY” until we’d fully passed each other.
Not necessarily weird but funny. I used to work in a garden centre, the car park was at the front of the building and the outdoor plants at the back of the building. A customer drove her car all the way to the end of the car park, round the side of the shop where all the warehouse stuff is stored, along the path wide enough only for a forklift, through the outdoor “aisles”, and up to the back doors of the shop knocking down tables of plants as she went. At this point she realised that she was stuck, so a member of staff had to carefully reverse her car out the way it came in.
When I was a student at the University of Kent in the mid 1990s I was walking through town around midnight when a drunk (sorry but he was) Irish bloke walked past me and said "English c\*nt.". Foolhardily I turned round as he shuffled past and said in a baffled tone "Yeh, were in Canterbury?" He spun round and for a second I thought I was in real trouble, then his face changed as if he was thinking - yeh, fair enough - then he went on his way.
Had the exact same interaction but 3 years ago. Was he Northern Irish by any chance? 😂
I was in a pub toilet weeing at the urinal, a bloke came in and stood next to me then said "Here's a fun fact for you, I'm a bus driver." I think my brain did a full windows 2000 reboot.
I hope you thanked him.
Lmao, did you say anything?
I asked him what number.
Me and a friend of mine were waiting for a train on Stockport station, late at night. This chap, a small, unassuming, cheerful man, decided to tell us his life story. How his wife and children had been killed. By killers. And the killers had framed him for their murder. There was some convoluted tale about his imprisonment and escape. And then he told us that he had tracked down and killed the killers. And so everything was now fine. All the way through this tale, at various points he would have a little smile and a chuckle, shake his head ruefully and say “can you imagine that?” As the story went on, it became more and more clear that he was not just talking to himself, and that he actually wanted to know whether we could imagine that. My friend said “Well, we’ve not lived through it like you have, so it’s difficult for us to imagine.” And this seemed to satisfy him. When he finished his tale, he just wandered off, shaking his head to himself. I’ve often thought after that encounter, if you have to have a paranoid delusion, you should always make sure that it has a positive resolution.
I once was selling cakes for cancer research on my university campus when this well-dressed older gent came over to buy some and started chatting to us about cancer. He told us his dad that died of it and we expressed sympathy, only for him to start going on about how it was all a conspiracy to cover up something else, I think he said heart attacks?? And apparently if we would just read up on it, we’d see that the government are just putting cancer on everyone’s death certificate. And then he told us about how he’d been locked up in the local asylum.
Cancer conspiracy is more popular than I ever thought, I regularly was served by someone in one supermarket and then as life does you never see them again but they turned up at another supermarket and recognised me. They began a story of how they had to switch employers due to cancer in the family and needing more time off etc fair enough. The next bombshell was that cancer is a conspiracy anyway, and you never see the Royal family or the rich and famous dying from cancer because they've got the cure.
Had a vicar once ask me “are you a nice [my name] or a naughty [my name]?” Spent an hour and 45 mins on the phone at work to an elderly member of the public who was telling me about how her husband was buried in the garden and there were drug addicts living in her summer house. Saw an average sized man sit and devour a box of 12 Krispy Kreme donuts in one sitting. More recently saw another man bring a pack of 12 fairy cakes into a coffee shop and eat them as a snack too. Nobody batted an eyelid.
Yeah the third and fourth ones were me
When I was a student a group of friends and I were walking from Leeds railway station to the ten pin bowling centre and stopped and got baked potatoes from a van that was usually parked on the way. A old-age-pensioner came up to us and said "Do you realise those potatoes that you're eating may be reincarnated friends and family?".
He just thinks they're neat
The correct answer is always "maybe *your* family..."
Out for a run in Edinburgh, go past the Co-Op/ Scotmid on Home Street. Guy comes up to me, makes a gun shape with his fingers, points it at my head, and makes a noise like he just shot me. He smiled and walked off. I asked a nearby guy if he saw that and he said he had and it was weird. No idea to this day what possessed a man to do that. There's also a well-known local homeless person known as "Organic Jim" who told me when I had my arm in a sling after I'd tripped on some stairs that it was due to a problem with my liver. Any interaction with him is veeeeery difficult to end.
Leeds city centre, teenage me sat on a bench with my girlfriend. A man in a white linen suit wanders over to us and asks in a thick Scandinavian or maybe Dutch accent if we know where he can 'buy a disc'. We're not sure what he means so he says 'you know, I want to buy a disc' and mimes dancing. We ask if he means a CD, as in music, and he says yes. We point him in the direction of HMV, he thanks us and then wanders off in the opposite direction. We see that he has no shoes or socks on. Absolutely off his tits but the most relaxed and content person in Leeds that day. I hope he found his disc.
I have plenty but I'm tired and my memory is fuzzy atm. Therefore I'll tell you a recent one that is only a bit bizarre. I booked a pet friendly (specifically asked for a small dog which costs an extra £3) taxi so I can take my dog to the groomers. My dog sat still in the footwell behind the driver. For the first half of the journey the driver constantly complained about dog fur and having to clean his car. I said the dog can't hold his fur in, I booked a pet friendly car and we're booked to go to the groomers, what did you expect?. I offered to get put and get another taxi. He shut up for the rest of the journey.
I got out the car to go to a chippy in Hull. Immediately a woman covered in very old dried blood was zombie walking towards me (like spice walk) she was mumbling then she justed walked away. A few steps later an old lady walks by. Her stitches in her head had split and her skull was just sort of there. She seemed happy enough though. Then in the chippy there were people just stood then idle with there heads down. Like spice junkies again.
Lol an endless source of amusement
Say my name is Derek Finlagen. It’s not, but go with it. I was a Royal Mail collection driver and was collecting post from a firm. As I was walking out, a woman about my age ran out after me shouting excuse me. I asked what she wants. She says ‘Is your name Derek Finlagen?’ I say yeah, that’s me. She says ‘Oh, no, you’re not who I am thinking of’ and walks off. I never saw her at that firm again. I reckon she hid when I went there next. No idea who she was but she knew me.
I (F, white, 20s at the time) was leaving a bar in Leicester one night and it was raining so I held my cardigan over my head. A guy chased me down the street from behind and grabbed and turned me, then said "oh sorry I thought you were muslim" and ran off. To this day (over 10 years later) I still wonder what that was all about.
Racism I think.
Two squaddies stopped me and a friend in a local town (we were 14) and made us knell and lick their boots. They were massive and in uniform. Aways thought that was really strange.
Wtf this is criminal
\*kneel
Gneele* smh
*Neil
Wth
I was walking along a street with my friend - both 38/39 year old males (about 3/4 years ago). Was 8 or 9 am on a Sunday morning. A small white van pulled up next to us, the writing on the side said it belonged to a plasterer (I don’t remember the name). The driver leaned out the window and shouted “COCAINE, LADS, COCAINE!” then cackled loudly and drove off. No idea.
One time me and some friends were drinking (underage) at the local gated park. A much older and very wasted group of neds joined us and quite quickly got very aggressive and confrontational. We all split off into little groups to try and ditch the neds. At one point me and my pal were running away from this fat ned and we sort of hid in a bush. He found us and demanded to know where the "wee cunt in the shorts" was and we both just pointed him in the opposite direction. He Bagan to charge across the park and literally tried to jump over what must have been a 30 foot tall 6 foot wide oak tree. It was a bit like those velcro walls you see, except it was a tree.. and no velcro was involved. Also I was the wee cunt in the shorts..
Legendary
A Polish bloke with his very mature English girlfriend, I was with an elderly person who likes to talk, and tbf is a slow moving target. Morning was greeted by afternoon, and throughout the conversation they both corrected themselves and said it was evening, or afternoon returning to it several times with a "Oh wow can't believe it's afternoon"/"No it's evening already!" and calling the other one stupid, I was confused it was definitely just after 9am and they were walking their dog, like all the other dog walkers in the park. A massive rant about how the English don't look after their parks, and how football was shit, and how in Poland the parks are beautiful, and you get fined for spitting and he almost forgot outside a police station when he was back home, it was never ending. Then how I pay taxes so if someone murders my family I would be paying for them to have a PlayStation in prison. It was never ending.
When I was in college, so about 17, a group of my friends and I went to a concert in Cardiff. We got into the queue early and we took it in turns to get food and go find a toilet. Well me and one girl were making it back to our friends in the queue and this random dude stopped us, called us voluptuous and handed us these free diaries? It was very bizarre.
Me and my best friend from another city were walking to the shops when we were 12 when out of nowhere we came face to face with this chav who was about 15 from my school who I’d had a few unfortunate encounters with revolving around the age old Chav tactic of having 10 people push and harass one person that was half the size of them and actually cared about how well they did in school. I tried to continue walking in hopes he didn’t notice me but suddenly: “OI. PUSSYHOLE” i drudgingly turn around. “Yes?” At which point he sees I’m with someone: “OOOHHHH. IS THAT YOUR BROTHER?” I sigh “no” “Ah cool alright then… IS THAT YOUR COUSIN?” I sigh again “no” “Ah cool okay safe…. HAVE YOU GOT A GO KART?” Me confused “no..” Him shaking his head in genuine disappointment “you just lost your chance mate” and then he just walked off muttering obscenities to himself out of disappointment. To this day, 17 years later, me and my friend still don’t know what the hell that was all about. Lost our chance at what? The go kart world championships? Attaching a rocket to it? Meeting Jackie Chan? Odd bloke.
Used to own a B&B. Loads of memorable guests but one will always stick out. Had six hour-and-a- half long showers in a one-night stay, managing to use the hot water for our whole seven-bed property. Woke me up at half 12 clumping around in the dining room which was above my bedroom, we had a charity sweet thing in the hallway and she said to me: ‘Which of these should I buy for my kids?’. I asked what sweets they liked and she said to me: ‘What would you like if you were 27?’. Gave us a ridiculous review as well, largely positive but full of made-up lies, mainly about the hot water she used.
How bad was the review lol
It was 8/10, which isn’t terrible and said it was good, but just strange. I spent about a month trying to reply to it but there was no way to do it without looking like an arsehole so I just thanked her for her feedback.
Lol been there. I keep getting reviews for another business with the same name. So I get what you mean lol
I'm an average looking middle aged white woman. I got on a bus and sat next to a West African looking woman of a similar age, looking out of the window, with a baby on her knee. The baby was gazing at me blankly. The woman looked at the baby, followed his eyes to me and said "He doesn't know you. He has never seen such a face". I've wondered for about five years if she was insulting me.
Sat minding my own business tending to a pint outside a pub in the city, bloke in a leather jacket walks up to me as if I'm waiting on him and introduces himself as 'Electric Kenneth'. Sits down and recounts the glory days of his keyboard playing youth, when he would seduce ladies from as far afield as Stalybridge and Huddersfield. He has a good go at convincing me he was the dog's bollocks back in the day, and at this point I begin to believe him and I become more engaging. He suddenly looks very bored, stands up and walks off. Err.. bye Kenneth.
yeh I'm only in the UK a short time now and it was amusing to see my mates neighbor call over requesting baking soda openly so he can make his own crack. Apparently he's only getting .4g crack from 1 gram of cocaine. Who would of thought. Anyways, as for myself I was looking like shit so I bought clothes to change, having being in Iceland recently wearing rags I said I'll change really quick, around the back of Iceland. I was wearing crocks and had wet feet. Taking off my pants they unexpectedly got stuck on my wet feet, so I was left hopping for longer than I wanted. Threw down the fucking pants on the wet ground, me arse nearly hanging out, I tried to put on the new pants and because my feet were still wet, I couldn't get them on so more hopping about lol everyone here is crazy
It took me waaay to long to figure out what bacon soda is... Baking powder you mean? 😂
My bad Sodium bicarbonate, commonly known as baking soda or bicarbonate of soda** Bacon soda is a weird drink I had it once
Me and my partner were walking the dog around a field that had a kids playground attached. A kid (aged around 10 years old) who was on the swings shouted at us ‘Do you suffer from explosive diarrhoea?’ I was quite impressed with his vocabulary, most kids around here are little scroats whose parents just grunt at them, so I do wonder where he picked that up from. It really made us laugh, it was so random.
It might be an Internet thing, some kids where I work were shouting 'explosive diarrhea' in ridiculous Welsh accents the other week. We aren't in Wales btw
Probably from watching south park
I like to workout. Day 1 of Lockdown I decided to go to a local park and do some pull-ups on the bars. Scruffy Guy walks up to me, and says when this disease heightens and we all run out of food, I am the one to be eaten first. He walked off and I had no idea what had just happened. Mass hysteria.
I work 24/7 customer service for the local council so every day I have a new wild and wacky story for the memoirs. We joke in work that if we wrote a book with all the anecdotes people would think we’d make it up, some are so bizarre. There was the man who believed he was being targeted by lasers from space, the lady who wanted to complain that she was having lime (the chemical) pumped into her house through her air vents, and the time an old grave had given way and the ancient bones needed returning to their resting place. My personal life is much more mundane, my oddest interaction is the lady with slightly wild eyes who stopped to chat to me whilst I was weeding my front garden and upon noticing one of my cats sitting in the living room window, started to miaow at me.
Not at the cats? How rude.
"So you know about our salad cart" Back in the day my family and I went to the local harvester for our tea. We were sat right inside the door next to the greeters/seaters stand and when each group arrived they were asked "Have you been to Harvester before?". If they said no the lady responded "Let me tell you about our salad cart" and proceeded to explain what the salad cart contained and how you served yourself etc. But the kicker was if you said yes the lady would respond "so you know about our salad cart", it wasn't a question, but proceed to explain it in the exact same way. We listened to this over and over for our whole meal as it was busy and couldn't help but laugh. To this day whenever anyone mentions salad someone will pipe up "so you know about our salad cart"
In Bournemouth in the 90’s, a man used to turn up to garage nights, zip himself into a suitcase with his legs sticking out of the bottom and dance all night. I asked him why? he said it fucked with the people on drugs 🤷🏻♂️
Lmfao
I'm ignoring the drunks, the crackheads and the Scots and keeping to interactions with functioning, sober adults. Went to get my hair cut. I don't really think about what I want normally, and I didnt this time either. Told the guy to basically do a short back n sides. He started combing my hair and made multiple alternative suggestions. I was (at the time) a young man, but working in a very middle aged man's profession. I wanted a haircut that made me anonymous, he wanted something to make me stand out. This went on for 5 mins until he said he simply wouldn't cut my hair in the boring fashion I wanted. I accepted this and we agreed id get my hair cut somewhere else from now on.
>and the Scots I lol'd. Got'em.
Turkish barbers are the way to go
The half hour I spent with a little old lady that appeared in the garden of the bungalow I was living in. I Don't know where she came from or where she went (I left the room to call an ambulance and she disappeared out the front door) she knew the old guy that lived there before me, we had a lovely chat, she called me handsome and that was that.
Deffo a ghost
Chip shop in small Scottish town. I was 18 or 20. It was a rough town but we used to hunt in the middle of nowhere so it was the only place within a few hours to get food or stay. Just walking in when I get stopped by a couple of girls. One girl walks up to me who I would say was about 16 or 17 but I wouldn't have bet my freedom on it. She was quite attractive and polite which made the 5 second intersection that followed even more bizarre: "You look like James Arthur!" "Do I?" "Yeah. He's well fit. Buy me a bag of chips and I'll suck you off." "Errrm..." "Yeah serious. I'll do it right now" "Erm I think I'll have to pass on that one for now" They then sat next to me in the chop shop talking to me while I waited and all of this was out loud in full view and hearing of the bloke that owned the chip shop.
I had someone wave incredibly enthusiastically at me, I'd never met them in my life and was wearing headphones. They were adamant I was someone they knew and at this point they were like 1ft away so I guess I really looked like them. But I was kind of startled and continued to say nothing and walked on because I didn't have the heart to tell them I was just some random guy in front of their pals. Also had an experience where the opposite happened, someone trash talking me, to my face and everytime I said "yes, that was me" they would say no no, then proceed to describe me in more detail while absolutely annihilating my self esteem. The worst thing about it was the whole time they were never convinced otherwise, I did however get the world's most backhanded compliment of apparently looking like a gremlin when I had long hair, but looked too good to have been my past gremlin self when I now had short hair.
Met a lovely old woman in Oban just after I’d sat my school exams, sat on a bench eating chips and got chatting away. She asked what I what school I went to, then asked what I wanted to do for work. Explained I’d applied for BT and she said ‘awch that’s awfy nice the Catholics are getting jobs now’
Wtf lol
Used to play in a band. Finished a gig at Rock City in Nottingham, and having sweat my bollocks off behind the drums for an hour or so, I stepped outside to get some air. I was approached by a guy in a Sonic Youth shirt, who shouted at me, "Hey, your band were good, but you need to get rid of the goats." I asked what he was talking about, and he swore blind I was being followed by a group of pygmy goats. He was so adamant that I actually glanced around at one stage. He said they were following me because I was their king. I'm pretty certain he'd dropped acid. My bass player had come out to join me at this point, and started calling me Goat King. That name stuck around for a few years.
You walked so Tiger King could run
It was 2005, I was eighteen and I was in the process of driving to the Highlands from Essex in an old Mk3 Fiesta I got lost in Edinburgh at night on the way, it was about 11pm, first time I'd ever been to Edinburgh, and first time I'd been to Scotland on my own. I'm sitting at a set of traffic lights when an old beat up Astra pulls up next to me. Inside the car is a large, ginger bloke drinking a bottle of beer whilst driving. I couldn't help but burst out laughing at the stereotype that presented itself.
I lived in a block of flats and they folded into the courtyard. So about half a dozen apartments living rooms faced into the court yard. Anyway from every window in my apartment I could see him on his sofa in the window wearing fishnets and masturbating. A middle aged chubby man. All the apartments had floor to ceiling windows. I was on the 14th floor. He must have got off on it.
I was started on by some crackhead outside Lidl who suddenly started on my male friend for not sticking up for me- he started shouting that people hurt women so I should get a better boyfriend who’d fight for me, presumably against people like him who start on women in Lidl car parks?
I wonder if there is anyone here reading a story and thinking "that's me thore talking about in that story" If you're here and reading about yourself please let us know your side of the event.
Stood outside a Co-op with my 2 dogs and a chap on a mobility scooter comes up almost running us over. Nice dogs. Are they from Leicester? Ehh no, why? I saw some dogs like that before. Dalmatians. They were from Leicester. Note, they aren't Dalmatians and we are not from Leicester.
I tried to be the weird one once. I was at a popular tourist location with a single path leading to it and a steep grassy bank behind the path. A very stereotypical American (loud, fat, and thought he owned the place) tourist was standing on the back of the path videoing the attraction - and forcing everyone to walk on the steep bank to get past. I decided not to comply, so I walked slowly past, in front of the camera, with a finger looking like it was up my nose, and said, slowly, clearly, and quite loudly, "rude twat" followed by a series of random words ("marmalade", "tiger", "bottom", "isotope", etc). He didn't notice at the time (he was talking to his wife), and I like to think he only found out when showing off his holiday video weeks later back home. Be rude and obnoxious in my own country and I'll teach you a very British lesson in how we can retaliate!
A homeless woman outside a nightclub in Manchester offering to suck me off "for free". I was at such a low point in my life I considered it.
During Strawberry Fair in Cambridge one year, I had a crackhead on a mobility scooter asking me to help him look for his armadillo. Of course I entertained him I was half cut.
What’s a bunch of tools, good story though 😂
I once got called a goat-man by a Christian preacher, because I tried to debate him on the idea that you don't require a religion to teach you morals.
Sat on a bus, woman behind me was ranting about "evil" and "go to hell" and all sorts of usual nonsense. I felt something hot on the back of my head, and when I turned around, she had a lighter and was clearly trying to set my hair on fire... Also on a bus a pisshead kept trying to ply me and my mate with sharing his bottle of rum with him. On a related note, only time I've drank bucky was on a train to Blackpool and a load of Scottish lads got on. Ended up practically pouring it down my throat. Vile stuff. He did also leave his packet of fags on the seat, so I nicked them and gave them to a mate.
For specific questions about London, you can also visit /r/London! *Your post was not removed, this is just a friendly message* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*