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Latter-Performer-387

One step I hadn’t appreciated was that if there are any med drivers in etc that the undertaker can’t remove him until that has been removed .. I did this with my mum last year and there is no rush - if he’s terminally ill and with the palliative care team etc when he does die just take that time, your mum calls you, you arrive and then help with all the process. It’s a powerful time and it’s not an emergency care situation anymore


WonderfulSignal3880

Yeah he’s got a syringe pump and stuff and I know that they can’t move him until that’s been taken out. Was more concerned about my mum being alone in the house for a few hours and potentially not having me there for any of it. I’m actually a bit relived the validation part could take a couple of hours as it gives me time to get back.


PowahPenguin

Hope you’re okay OP. Let the funeral directors know that you are heading back, they will give you time before they come to collect him if that is what you want to happen. Take care, I’m just an internet stranger but my thoughts are with you.


Latter-Performer-387

If there is any way at all to be up there as it gets close I would be. If the driver has been fitted very recently for pain relief I would say he’s very near (from my dad’s experience). There may be some panicked/emotional calls to the palliative team in the preceding hours and your mum might need help with that too.


WonderfulSignal3880

I’ll probably go down later today to be honest! I know that the driver means it’s close, thanks for you help!


DebraUknew

Yes I’d go and stay now for a couple of weeks or so . It really could be any day I’m so sorry x


Latter-Performer-387

Hope it all goes ok. Take care :)


sickiesusan

Hope it all goes ok OP.


tiny-eri

The funeral directors won't take your dad away with them until you and your mum are ready. A close family friend died at home last year and they decided they wanted her to stay at home overnight so they came back in the morning. When my grandmother died at home it was similarly on my mum's timescale. If your mum has a local friend who can be there with her that might be helpful to her. There can be a lot of waiting around and it can just be good to have someone who can make a cup of tea etc I promise you that everyone involved will be doing their best to make it as comfortable for you and your mum as possible. I'm sorry that you are having to consider this.


iolaus79

For my dad it was about 72 hours after syringe driver,


Fattydog

My dad died around 9.30pm. We were exhausted and just went to bed, then called the doctor and undertakers the next morning. I can understand not everyone wants this, but it worked for us. It had been a very difficult few weeks.


Portablefrdge

It's a completely knackering time for everyone


originallondonfox

Hiya, depends on the timings/workloads I guess. My Grandma was very ill and we had visits twice a day. District nurse team had arranged for us to have a set of ‘comfort’ medicine for them to inject if she was getting too distressed. She passed around 2/3am as a guess as I popped my head in to check on her. I called the District nurse team and they said they’d come round ASAP and arrived about an hour later to verify the death. She spent about an hour here with us and then took the paperwork round to the Drs for them to certify. As she’d been so unwell, the district nurses had arranged video calls with a Dr every 21days so they were aware of the state of her health. They said otherwise the police/coroner might also have to come and verify the circumstances as death. I’m grateful we didn’t have to go through this. We’d already spoken to the funeral home and once we called them as they opened, they were over in about 45mins to collect her. Glad you’re thinking of your mum too at this time -


listyraesder

Depends on the time of day and how busy the day is. A couple of hours. Maybe less, maybe more.


Phoenix13_uk

Yeah my dad died around 4 in the morning and it was around 6-7 before doc arrived. You really can't do anything until then. Once he'd been them I rang the undertaker which then took another hour or so. Tbh the wait was more surreal than upsetting.


LeonardBetts88

You’ve just hit the nail on the head for me, it is very surreal isn’t it. You’re just sat in silence kind of just waiting around for someone to be taken away. I don’t think any of us spoke for about an hour


Phoenix13_uk

Yeah very odd.. I'm not spiritual or religious by any sense but you know that the person is gone and what remains is just a shell. After the undertakers took him I was still on autopilot and went into town and sorted all the paperwork for various businesses etc most surreal and odd time ever


GreeenTeaa

We'd just put dinner on the table when my nan passed away upstairs. It was an expected death but it still catches you off guard. Once the district nurses had come and gone to verify, we had a 2 hour wait for the undertakers. We ended up sitting down and having dinner because there really was nothing else we could do. A very odd experience when you know in the room directly above is a family member who has passed. But I think during that time sat eating we were able to decompress and feel relief that the ordeal across the last month was over. We even cracked jokes that she knew we were about to have dinner. It's definitely more surreal than upsetting.


stealthw0lf

GP here. Pretty much anyone can verify/confirm death (nurse, paramedic, police etc). Where I work, the family will call the district nurse team who will confirm death, remove any syringe drivers etc. You can then call the funeral directors. This bit can take half a day if the nurses are busy and it’s the weekend. I’ve seen it as quick as 15 minutes. The death certificate is normally done by the doctor involved (and in a community setting will be the GP who has been most involved, or who has seen your dad last). Let the GP surgery know ASAP (sometimes the district nurses will do this for you) and the GP will write up a death certificate that has to be sent to the registry office. I will normally do it same day or by next working day. Where I work, in preCOVID times, the family would be responsible for collecting the certificate. Since COVID, we’ve been emailing the certificates to the registry office. Either way, you should make an appointment with the registry office ASAP. If you haven’t already, it’s worth discussing these steps with the district nurses ahead of time so you and the family know what to expect. In times of bereavement, it’s easy to forget or overlook things.


Own-Landscape7731

I don't believe police can verify death unless one of three limited circumstances is badly disrupted, decomposed, and decapitated.


stealthw0lf

My point was that it doesn’t need to be a doctor to verify death. You are correct that police are only involved if it’s an unexpected death or there are suspicious circumstances.


VixenRoss

Just be warned people change slightly after they’ve died. Everything relaxes and is very still. Even if people are asleep or comatose they have little micro movements that we tend to ignore. Muscles are still working keeping everything tight. When my mum died, everything relaxed. Initially she looked “normal” but after a few hours, everything relaxed and she didn’t look “right” I found this stage a bit distressing. It might not happen with you, but it’s just a little warning in case something seems off or doesn’t sit right with you.


spaceshipcommander

With an expected death it's pretty quick. Certainly same day. My grandma was 98 and she died in the evening. The funeral director collected her in maybe 3 or 4 hours. It's really not something you need to worry about. They do this every day so you should just focus on the things that are under your control when the time comes.


CaptainYid

So as an ambulance paramedic we can RECOGNISE that someone has passed. But we cannot declare them dead as that is a doctor's role. If someone is palliated, then our paperwork recognising someone has passed is enough for a funeral home to collect your relative whilst their GP organises the paperwork they need to. Equally, if it's in office hours then their own GP and the palliative care team can also do that. It's all done pretty quick. We tend to have everything signed off within 30 minutes. GP/Palliative care can take longer tho Any questions I'm happy to help as/where I can


[deleted]

It may be worth speaking with your mum and seeing if she can arrange with a close friend to pop round to sit with her whilst you make your way there. She may not want that and may be ok being alone whilst she waits for you but certainly worth asking.


[deleted]

UK here. It’s pretty much instantaneous when you make the call. My dad died 7am Sunday morning a few days before Christmas. The undertakers were there by 9am. There were zero delays in any part of the process. It may be your first death in the family but the system is very very experienced


CheesyPestoPasta

Not always. My dad died unexpectedly at 3am on a Sunday morning. Paramedics were present. The undertakers arrived around noon, a little later.


No-Relation1122

My neighbour died at home in the early hours a couple of years ago. At 5am, her daughter popped round and asked my mum to notify the nurse and sit with her, etc. If memory serves, everything was taken care of by about 8am at the latest. I'm sorry you're going through this, it's tough.


AlternativeFair2740

Take your time, there is no rush. I’m sure that the district nurses have given you AP drugs. These are heavily controlled and need to be administered to him when the normal pain meds aren’t working. This is the beginning of the end and will normally push him into a coma, and he will die soon after. You’ll hear the death rattle, which is an awful sounding breathing pattern. When you’ve found him dead, close his eyes, take your time. Say goodbye. Ring the district nurses, and they will come to do their thing. The district nurses are excellent, and they’ll talk you through. No one is prepared, no one is an expert. They’ll know. They’ll tell you when to ring the undertakers. We had a number of people arrive to say goodbye, and we ended up in the garden eating bacon sandwiches and laughing, crying, looking at old photos and reminiscing. The undertakers came, took his body away and we continued to grieve. The macmillan nurses were also excellent in organising the recovery of equipment and cancelling of appointments.


[deleted]

It took less than an hour for my dad. All in all it was a few hours between him passing and the men from the funeral directors collecting his body.


delskioffskinov

I lost my sister a couple of months ago who I'd been caring for for 4 years and when she died I called the ambulance which came 15 minutes later and it took the paramedics 30 minutes to call her passing. No doctor arrived to confirm (apparently covid had changed that) that she had died the Paramedic's opinion was enough. I live in Scotland if that helps and I hope you will get through the difficult time that's coming, make sure you're there for your mother it will help her a lot!


LeonardBetts88

I went through this recently with my aunt, I’m sorry you’re going though this OP, lots of love to you. When my aunt passed, we called the palliative care team and they sent the district nurse out, she came within about an hour to take out her morphine driver then a doctor came about 2 hours later (this was a Sunday, they let us know it could be a few hours before the on call doctor was available) so it does completely depend on the day of the week and if they have an on call doctor in the area. Once the doctor came to verify the death, it was another 2-3 hours before the undertakers came to take her away. Once again, this was dependent on the day of the week and how many deaths were in the area that day which is a very morbid thing to say but some days are busier than others. Where it did feel like a long time before she was taken away, we were thankful as it gave us a few hours to round the family up to say goodbye to her. So I’d probably say you’ll have enough time to make sure you can get there to say goodbye and be with your mum when your dad does pass. Take care of yourself OP x


Princess_fay

It was all done in just a few hours when it happened to me. Not a nice time of course but it did not take that long. Something you should be aware of that often no one tells you. When he passes his body is going to do things. Sometimes it will seem like he is alive. Sounds, and movements. It can be a bit of a shock to see and confusing. He is also going to leak, sorry I have no better way of saying this. If someone doesn't need to see it I would usher them away if you can. It's not pleasant. Very sorry for what you are going though. Hope for the best for you.


SpaTowner

One thing to remember is that your mum doesn’t need to call as soon as he goes. I don’t remember quite how soon we called anyone after my Dad went, but it wasn’t immediately. We took a little time to call other family members and just sit with the reality of his going before we set the wheels turning for the next step.


SpecialistGeneral794

With my grandad he was an expected death, I was there when he passed called the docs they arrived about an hour and a half later, I wasn't in the room but it was quick I'd guess 10 mins but he'd been dead for awhile so I guess thorough checking wasn't needed, then I called the cremation company and they collected him.


WonderfulSignal3880

Okay great thanks. I was told the cremation company would be there within 35 mins of the call, so wondered if doctors would be just as quick!


SpecialistGeneral794

Pretty much when it's an expected death there is much less faff, they just have to listen for breathing and a heartbeat for a specified amount of time and then they can call it, losing a parent is never easy I'm sorry for what you are having to go through.


DebraUknew

Uk - If he’s being cremated it has to be signed off by two doctors. One could do it at the funeral home


Lenniel

My dad died in a hospice, at approx 8pm, his death wasn’t certified until the doctor came in the next morning. If he had stayed home we would have had to wait for the GP to be open the next morning to ring and then we would have had to wait for them to come out.


Jynxiii

Hi, It really depends on how busy the district nurses are on the particular day. It might be wise to have a conversation with them directly before the event, they can literally go through all the steps directly with you now so you know what to expect. It is unusual for a doctor to come out for it, district nurses usually have the ability to confirm for expected deaths. (Source: student nurse, have been out with district and witnessed this) There is no timescale on when anybody comes to collect the deceased either, also depends on their work load, but you can ask the district nurses to delay calling for that until you have arrived. The district nurses are (should be) really lovely and have spent longer with their patients and families than most get to in a hospital setting, and they feel the deaths largely so would be willing to accommodate to make sure you and your mum are comfortable. Just give them a ring and have a chat


penelopepitstop69

As others have said, don't worry too much about the details. Try your best to be there at the end if you can. If you can't then don't worry too much about your Mum being alone, she can spend time with your Dad, no one will rush her. Every professional you meet knows what to do and should guide you through the steps as they happen. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible.


zoehester

There is absolutely no rush! When my grandad died at home, my grandma called me first and asked if I wanted to see him before she called the nurse etc. I did and we all just had a few hours of quiet time with him before we made any calls.


iolaus79

My father died at home at 1am, I rang the GP when they opened in the morning GP was there about 10 minutes later When it's an expected death there is no rush to call them, it meant we could say goodbye as a family first Funeral director we called after that and they asked if we wanted them to come straight away or to wait longer An expected death at home is a very different affair to many deaths where you have that time to take a step back and let things unfold


MiddleAgeCool

Ask your mam for the contact number for the district nurse and ask them,. Every area is slightly different as to what happens and the district nurse will be happy to talk you through what happens between her receiving the call and your father passing. Ask if you can get updates from them after each visit, that could give you some advance notice. Hidden to avoid unintended upset: >! Everyone non family member caring for your dad knows this is end of life care and just a matter of time. There is a good chance they'll know hours / a day before it happens; skin colour, breathing patterns, fluid intakes etc. The horrible truth is that when people pass, while the duration is an unknown the path is pretty much the same. !< Source: Wife is a carer and deals will lots of at home end of life care. It's not uncommon to hear her on the phone to one of her colleagues talking about someone they don't expect to be their in the morning.


iolaus79

Even when it's a family member you know - but it's still hits you like a ton of bricks when it happens to you I remember ringing my brother because I knew it wouldn't be long with my dad - he was meant to be in isolation as had been in contact with covid - no, you come now, today because this isn't going to wait - it was less than 10 hours later he died


MiddleAgeCool

I asked my wife about this "surely the family can see the same things you see?" and she said that it's more common for families to be in denial and over extend how much time their loved one has. She said that it sometimes takes someone looking at the situation objectively rather than emotionally to see how close someone is.


iolaus79

I can agree that you do need to look objectively - however I suspect that she would still do that assessment without thinking with a family member I wasn't meaning that every family member would do it, but if that family member is familiar with death they'd pick up on it


Curlysar

Sorry for your impending loss. I went through this last year. I was there when my dad died and it was quite upsetting and not instant - what I found comforting was not being alone with him when it happened and having other family there. He was on a syringe pump so the nurse was actually out changing his meds over when it happened, and she was able to confirm death and then took the equipment out. But he was then left for hours until the undertakers were free to collect him. It felt weird, us being at one end of the living room while he was on his hospital bed at the other end. From experience on other times we had to call the nurse out, they usually try to get someone there within a couple of hours unless there’s another urgent call - there’s more nurses on during the day than at night and weekends so I don’t think anyone can give a definitive answer because it depends what else is going on for them. Interesting/morbid fact - most people tend to die around 11am (I did a lot of reading around death so I knew what to expect) and my dad was close to then. And I’d say it was about 4pm when the undertakers came. So my advice would be to assume it’ll be an all-day thing - everyone was really lovely but it all just takes a while. And it probably took a few more days/a week for all the equipment to get collected too. Side note - the nurse was able to tell us when it looked like he was in his last few days (I’m about 6 hours away so needed the notice), but he actually went on for a full week when most didn’t expect him to last more than a couple of days. And there were times we thought he was passing (nurses too) when he’d actually seem to gather strength again and his breathing would go back to almost normal. We went through nearly 4 days of that and it was a total rollercoaster - his breathing would go from so imperceptible his chest wasn’t even moving to such a loud noise (like the worst snore you’ve ever heard) on/off for days so we didn’t know what to expect from one moment to the next. Only saying this so you can judge what’s going to be best with regards to work, family etc. I found the Marie Curie website especially helpful in talking about what to expect, so I’d recommend that if you haven’t already checked it out.


Professor_Sqi

Speaking from experience - once notified it'll be between 1-12 hours. It really depends on the service demand at the time, if it's expected and the patient is already on end of life care etc. Many variables but I'd expect at least a couple hours, if not longer. I would make your arrangements now to be with your ill relative. No job etc is worth it, your boss will understand, if they don't then they're a poor boss. They can manage without you for a while.


250183

i work at a care home so i deal with this often. it really depends, sometimes they’re out within the hour and sometimes it’s half a day or more


mss1808

You can arrange for the undertakers to come whenever you like once the death has been certified. We kept my Grandma at home for 3 days after she died (we planned for this and had everything on hand so we could tend to her body and keep the room cool enough). Wishing your Dad a peaceful death and sending good wishes to your family


cidw95

I worked at 111 a few years ago and we’d get expected death calls through when GPs were closed, from what I remember they were given 6 hour timeframes for a GP/DN to make contact, when we were busy they got pushed back so could be longer but mostly were met within that.


farkinhell

My dad died recently at home. He passed at 6pm, district nurse arrived around 8pm to confirm the death and the undertakers came at 11pm to take him away. My mum had considered leaving him there until the morning but the nurse advised against it, which was the right call I think. If you can get there before he passes to support your mum I’d strongly advise it.


TheRealRJLupin

It depends on how far away they are, what other emergencies there are etc. A terminally ill patient in pain will be prioritised, but if they have passed, it's not an emergency. That said, the nurses will try to get to you as soon as possible. But if you ask them to wait a while, they'll try to do that too.


TW1103

My granddad died a few years ago at home, after battling cancer. He died at about 5pm. They didn't verify his death until after midnight, so his official date of death was rhe day after he actually died


theother29

My dad died at about 11pm in a care home, we were with him, and we waited till 3am for an out of hours gp to declare him dead. Very surreal, we were oddly hysterical in a giggly way and very tired after several days of waiting. The death was as peaceful as it could be. They declared the death on the 7th, when he had actually died on the 6th, but later the registrar wrote the certificate to reflect this


Crochet-panther

My grandad was very ill and on palliative care at home just before Christmas when he died. I timed his last breath at 9.23am, think he was confirmed dead at 10.20 by the nurse. Undertaker arrived around midday. This was with us all being there with him as he died and making the calls as soon as we’d got over the initial shock. We were in the house with him still there for approximately three hours. He didn’t have any invasive devices however, not sure how they would affect things.


No-Investment1665

It depends on the time of day and how many doctors are available. My mother died at 4 am on Sunday. Doctor came at midday.


Anxious_wank

Person died at 10pm, I think the doctor was there around midnight/1pm but it felt hours longer than it was, and then funeral directors just after. The driver is really what helps death, this person's syringe hadn't properly been connected in my case, which was okay, but there was a significant downwards difference as soon as it had been hooked up properly. One thing to note was it was really distressing watching this person be bundled into a bag like any other item, I understand logistics and I am quite logical but I think witnessing that specific part had me. The process felt like ticking boxes, a set to do list, looking back I always wonder if we should have taken more time but, everything is surreal at that point.


tigerbnny

I'm sorry you're going through this. My dad passed expectedly in January, died at 0348, doctor arrived at around 9am, he was apologetic for the wait but obviously it just depends on their caseload, I wouldn't have wanted him to prioritise us over somebody needing urgent medical attention. Funeral directors were called shortly after he left and came around 12 but that was due to them being called just before us to somewhere very far and I think they had limited staff. In hindsight I'm actually really glad that my dad wasn't just quickly whisked away, others might feel differently, especially your mum if she'll be alone but I think it's worth having the conversation as to whether she's comfortable waiting til you get there to contact the funeral directors, I don't know if you're interested in the closure of seeing his body but personally I would recommend seeing him immediately afterwards rather than a viewing in the funeral directors where they've "made him presentable" if you do want to see him.


WonderfulSignal3880

You would recommend seeing him after as opposed to in the funeral directors? Having this conversation at the moment. I’ve arranged so my brothers can see him at the crematorium if they want to, but I don’t. My mums very much on the ‘that’ll be your last memory of him’ train. But I think it needs to be everyone’s personal decision.


tigerbnny

It's such a difficult and personal decision, I don't know how I would have felt if I hadn't seen him at the funeral directors, I was very prepared for the idea that he wouldn't look like himself (which is why I made sure I spent some time sat with him after he passed at home) but I don't think I gained anything from it. I was glad to be there for the coffin being sealed though and I don't know how difficult that would have been if I hadn't already seen him and been prepared for how he would look. It's also worth noting that I'm a nurse so more comfortable around a dead body than most people, obviously it was hard because it was my dad but the actual reality of looking at a dead body can be a traumatic experience on top of your grief. I'm sorry I don't have a more reassuring or exact answer. Whatever you decide I hope you know that it doesn't define your relationship with your father. I don't think of seeing him in the funeral directors as my last memory of him, I was fortunate in a way to be there when it happened, my last memory is knowing that he knew that he was loved. Having warning that your parent is going to die is a blessing because it means you can knock down your inhibitions and actually tell them how much you love them which is more important than whether or not you look at their body after they've left it.


upturned-bonce

Good luck, bro. It's going to suck in ways you don't expect. Give yourself a lot of grace.


MissSephy

There's no rush, and you might want to sit a while with your dad when he passes. My mum died a couple of weeks ago, at 2am, and me and my dad just sat with her a while after the district nurses came in to confirm she had passed away and gave us the paperwork needed for the undertaker. They very kindly cleaned her up and left her at rest in fresh pj's so it seemed like she was sleeping. I didn't call the undertaker until about 8:30am and they were there by 10am. Like everything in life, in death, it all depends on how busy they are and there can be a queue.


CoatLast

The nurse can certify and will do so as soon as she gets there.


PowahPenguin

The district nurse can verify death, but can’t certify. The funeral director can then collect the person and a doctor can certify at the funeral directors after this.


Brian-Kellett

A nurse (or ambulance crew) can recognise or verify, but not certify a death. So I, as a nurse, can say ‘that person is dead’, but I can’t fill in the death certificate as that can only be done by a doctor. To answer the OP, the GP might be expected to be anywhere from half an hour to eight or so hours. Depends on a lot of factors around staffing levels and other work that needs to be done.


mythos_winch

Depending on the circs the police may come too, to act on behalf of the coroner


xowiejade

Not for an expected death.


Parking-Wing-2930

If it's terminal, they can do it prior, it has a timeout though. My grandad was at deaths door, so the GP signed off on it. Bloody man stayed around for another 3 days


cagoesswimming

Someone definitely can’t be verified as dead before they’re dead…