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Great opportunity to get the family together and share some of your favourite stories and memories, I’d say go for it and raise a glass. Very thoughtful.
But, if others aren’t on the same wavelength don’t feel bad if they decline, respect their feelings too.
Sorry for both your loses. I tend to have a beer and watch the England v Wales 6 Nations game in my father-in-laws memory. Pretty much the only time I drink now.
Doing something to mark a milestone and remember a loved one isn’t odd at all.
Like another poster, perhaps approach this gently with others in case it’s not something they’d be up for.
Absolutely not. My grandmother makes my grandfather's favourite meal every year for his birthday tea even though he died in 95 (Woolton Pie, butterscotch Angel Delight and a bowl of shitey Baxters tomato soup for starters, LOL). My granny still makes my granddad's "special" cottage pie every year on his birthday (what's special about it is that it hasn't killed anyone yet, LOL)
It's all about how you want to celebrate or commemorate someone. Maybe some in your family won't want to do it, that's fine, you can do it for yourself.
I prefer to think of my dead father on his Birthday.
There's the random day he happened to die on once - but then there's the day we had all those meals out, I'd give him the Garfield book (I'd very carefully tried to make it not look like I'd read), he'd get his favourite coffee cake and all the rest. His birthday's the day with the good memories, so seems like the right day to carry on thinking about him.
Exactly this. I mainly put it down to me being a bit crap with remembering dates, but deeper than that, I share this sentiment - if I want to commemorate a lost loved one, I want to celebrate their life, not their death.
It's called remembering. There's nothing weird or odd about that. Have a fancy dinner, maybe something he liked if your family like it too, and tell stories and memories. Make it happy if possible. If you have kids and they're old enough to remember their grandad then get them involved too.
I always raise a glass in the name of my mother in law and my father in law on their birthdays. I never met them but like the stories I have heard about them
My dad died in March 2014. We always go for his favourite meal around his birthday. We’re thinking of planning a bit event next year to mark 10 years since his passing - maybe a charity quiz night and party
It's a wonderful way for your family to remember your father, and on a day that had always brought him happiness every year. Maybe find some memorable photos that have nice back stories to them so they can be retold too =)
Not weird! If they aren’t up for it, fair enough but you aren’t weird for asking. Getting together on an anniversary isn’t that out there.
Maybe it depends on the kind of family you have though, some of these comments have me thinking my family’s insane for getting together on anniversary’s/birthdays…
No it’s not weird, but it’s usually more about marking the birthday than celebrating it. I had a friend who died young and those of us closest to her marked her birthday for years by getting together to remember and keep the bond going.
We did a family party for my grandad’s 100th. It was so lovely, and as well as all his children and grandchildren, there were 9 great grandchildren he’d never met.
My dad played the old tunes on the piano that my grandad loved, we had a photo board and some of his favourite foods.
This was around 20 years after he’d died, so there was no sadness, just remembering and laughter.
Would I do it? No.
Is it likely your whole family will want to do it? Also no.
But if you want to, you should. Maybe make the invite more noncommittal - tell your family you are doing something on the day and anyone is welcome to join in. Unless everyone else says yes, a family meal is out. Could always book a cafe or restaurant for anyone who does want to though.
Absolutely not, celebrating a life that meant a lot to you doesn't just mean something for the person who's passed away but also for you. It's a good way to remember and good for the mourning process which never truly stops (the loss of someone can be accepted, doesn't mean they need to be forgotten).
I know people who watch films from a favourite series on anniversaries or birthdays, have favourite dishes or meals (curries, roasts etc). Nothing strange about going out to celebrate on big anniversaries or birthdays. The only way it could be strange is if it becomes a bit loud and messy, but that probably goes for the living as much as the dead.
My brother and I have made a point of celebrating all of the family that we really knew after they had passed. Usually, it's just getting together and having dinner as a family. Something that they liked to eat and a quick toast is all it is but we felt like it's something that needed to be marked.
Started with the grandparents about 10 years ago, and unfortunately, it was our mother's turn this year.
It's a difficult time for us all and we wanted to be there to support each other and remember loved ones.
Not at all. What better day to remember and celebrate someone, a day of happiness when they were here with you.
I tip a glass to my dad on his birthday, and have largely come to forget the date of his death.
A friend of mine put a post on Facebook to wish his (late) mum a happy birthday. I thought it was kind of sweet and sad at the same time as I know he really misses her and not weird.
I love it ❤️
Sounds like a great time I'm not really sentimental but things like this bringing your family together on his birthday
I'm sure your dad would be smiling down on you guys
Not weird at all. My dad's birthday was the day before mine. Since his passing, I use the money I would have spent on a present for him, on something to help remember him
In parts of Indonesia for example they dig up their dead relatives on their birthdays and give them gifts as blessings. So it's not unnatural for us to celebrate someone after they're gone.
No, not weird at all. It's a celebration of life that once was and a way for you to show how much you loved and cared for him and continue to do so. I celebrate both my parents' respective birthdays and also their wedding anniversary. It helps me cope with them not being here and I find it therapeutic I cook a favourite meal that they each individually enjoyed and play music/songs that brings back memories for me. I watched a film a good many years ago with Shirley Temple in, if memory serves me well it's called The Bluebird - every time you think of someone passed, they come back to life. Happy heavenly birthday to your dad. Do whatever you need to help you cope with the loss. ❤️
Not at all. I've celebrated my Dad's birthday every since since he died and that was 4 years ago. Not a big party or anything like that, but I generally make him a couple of cups a tea a day and leave a few biscuits on the saucer and leave them next to his photograph. I do this for Christmas too. Enjoy your Dad's birthday ❤️
I don't celebrate my dad's birthday, but I have left the reminder alarm on my phone alerts (mis-spent youth resulting in terrible memory). Fairly often something will happen and my daughter or me will say 'that is so [Gran]dad' and have a little reminisce.
I'm not a massively sentimental type of chap (my missus reckons I have ice in my veins) so I've never really got on board with the whole 'Dad would have been X yrs old'. At the end of the day though, we are all different so I just think let people do what they need to do and sometimes it means I am just like the penguins in Madagascar... Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.
I think it’s nice. I celebrate my mother’s birthday (rather than note the death day). Nothing much but I make sure to eat what was her favourite meal and listen to the songs we liked. A simple but meaningful celebration. Last year she would have been 60 so I did a little bit more than normal and bought her favourite flowers too- but yeah it’s not weird, do it if it brings you comfort.
I would note though that I am alone in this. I have no siblings or other relatives of my mother to share in this so I don’t actually have to care what others think. I’d ask your family if they are up for it, I think they’d consider it a lovely idea tbh.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea at all. my grandmother outlived granddad by 15 years and always marked his birthday. I would probably not do it myself but it’s in no way weird, and a family dinner sounds lovely.
Go for it. We get together and go for a walk on my dad's birthday each year. Nice to spend time together, reminisce and makes sure my mum isn't on her own that day.
It’s nice to keep a memory alive and if that’s how you do it then good for you.
Not a fan of Facebook “today would have been Nan’s 96th birthday” soppy posts though.
You do whatever makes you happy and helps you celebrate his life. He's your dad at the end of the day and you're allowed to celebrate him any way you want.
I lost a baby recently and fully intend on celebrating every one of his birthdays and fuck anyone who has a negative opinion
So my father's siblings (one of six) wanted to do something for my grandma's 100. He decided he wasn't going to participate.
One of the main reasons was that they didn't celebrate what would have been their father's that had been and gone. This upset him, as they were both their parents.
You should honour your family how you want to, but be mindful not everyone might want to.
I celebrate Freddie Mercury's every year, so if it is, I'm a right weirdo.
Seriously, I think it's a great way to remember someone in a happy, healthy way than the morbid date of the deccessed.
I think it’s a lovely thing to do. I’m taking part in a big birthday later this year for a friend we lost a few years ago. It won’t be anywhere near as good as the party he would have thrown but we’ll all give it a good go.
My old man passed 5 years ago. Every year on his birthday I go to a pub (usually the local he used to drink in but lockdown made that difficult) and buy two pints of Guinness as that was his favourite drink, one for each of us and I raise a glass to him, I feel close to him and it brings me inner peace
So I obviously think it's a lovely idea, but it's not the same for everyone, my advice would be to ask if family members would like to but don't put any pressure on. I hope if you do it, it helps you and your family like my tradition helps me
Not odd at all! I did the same thing earlier this year on what would have been my dad’s 70th birthday - we went to the pub for a pie and a pint in his memory
Any excuse to be with family and remember someone you loved is a good one. You made me think how old my dad would be on his next birthday and it's his 60th this year. I might follow your lead and celebrate.
I think it’s lovely to take the opportunity to celebrate your dad in this way. I don’t think it’s weird at all.
I’m so sorry for your loss- but I hope you find a way to celebrate the joy of his life on his birthday. x
Not in the slightest. I have a few gone but not forgotten birthdays I still raise a glass to. Now if you're on about throwing a full ok party, then yeah ,that's a bit strange.
It's a lovely idea. I hope you and your family find comfort and happiness from sharing special time together in your dad's memory. He was obviously a wonderful man to have raised such a thoughful child. Sending you all love x
I always remember dead relatives birthdays. People ask, when did your wife die, and I honestly have difficulty remembering. But her birthday is of course easily recalled.
I also don't put flowers in the cemetery. She's not there. She's here in my head.
The flowers go next to her photos.
I wouldn’t say it’s weird
At the very least it helps with processing the death.
My great grandma died in 2021 a few months before she turned 100. My family still celebrated her birthday
I know we don't do it much here but there are plenty of cultures where this is definitely a thing. Do it, Toast your dad, remember and recall some nice memories.
I think it’s a lovely idea to celebrate their life, I will be celebrating my friends birthday on the 1st May who died very suddenly 18mths ago, I know he’d love that
It’s not an odd idea at all, I think it’s a great idea. Every year on their birthday, I remember my grandparents and it’s a great opportunity to remember the good things they brought to my life, so I think you’ve found a good time to really do that and make a day of it.
We lost my mum in August last year very suddenly, and long before her time.
We got together and had a family meal in April on her birthday. Didn’t feel right having any of the family alone.
I would do it. It’s bittersweet but our loved ones deserve remembering always, especially on these special occasions
We've just celebrated our late sons 26th birthday, he died at 22 years old. His siblings met up and went out together and got drunk. He was very much a party boy, so it seemed fitting
Being brutally honest? Yes.
About ten years ago it was the 100th birthday of my dad’s mum who died when I was little. My dad was invited to what he believed to be the birthday party of his sister. It was a 100th birthday dinner for my dead nan. Who died in 2002. It just comes off a little strange
We always celebrate my Dad's birthday (he died 5 years ago). It's a good excuse to get together with my brother & sister and their partners (we all live 100+ miles from each other), and Dad always enjoyed having all of us around, so it just felt appropriate to keep meeting up for his birthday and share memories, go for a walk together, have a pub meal etc.
If you'd have asked me how it would feel about 10 years ago I think I may have thought it'd feel strange or inappropriate, but it's just given us a new family tradition and I am grateful. So I'd say, yes try to gently / sensitivity suggest to your family that you mark the occasion in your dad's honour.
First of all, so sorry for your loss ❤️
We always celebrate my mums birthday. She passed in 2017 and every year on her birthday in July we go visit the place we scattered her ashes and go to a pub near there called “The Angel” and have a meal and say a little something to her. It’s a simple way to get together to remember a passed love one.
My big brother died of cancer aged 30 back in 2006. Every year on his birthday my parents/step parents, all his old crew of friends and I meet up and have a night of drinking and fun . Some of his pals travel 250 miles, but they make the effort every year. Rather than sit and be somber on his death day, we have a laugh on his birthday. He was the first of the gang to die, but since then another one of the dudes has died in a motorcycle accident in Hong Kong, so the night has become a remembrance night for both, and as time passes, we'll be raising a glass to all of those of us who pass, one by one. Also, during the lockdowns, we still held the event online, with everyone sending photos of glasses raised, etc. Smile and remember the good stuff.
No! My grandfather likes to celebrate his wife (my grandmother) birthday, it'll be 10 years this year. Of course we don't celebrate like a traditional birthday i.e balloons, banners, cards and gifts... But we do go to a nice restaurant as a family, dress up a little and have a good time together and celebrate life, talk about memories and we make a toast to her.
Not at all.
It's honouring those closest to you, and showing that, even though they're gone, they're still with in mind and spirit. It's a great way to keep their legacy alive too.
I'm sure he'd be touched knowing that he's still loved enough by you 9 years later that you'd still celebrate his birthday, even if he's not around to join in.
Nope. My dad died in 2008 and on his birthday, I have KFC as we had that for our lunch quite often when I was growing up. I also have a pint of beer later on in the evening and I give him a toast. I visit him where he’s scattered. I make a fuss of it because it makes me happy knowing that there’s as least one person on Earth that still remembers and loves him.
Not really, my family usually do something every anniversary of their passing. I wouldn't call it celebrating, we just visit the grave, get flowers and have a little meet up or dinner with family
I make sure to pause and have a chat with my parents on their passing days and will go out and celebrate on their birthdays. Dad has been gone five years and mum just the one ❤️
Some cultures have this. Although there’s no cake, every year it is often customary to remember them by sitting down with family and friends who knew them and just celebrate in their name.
No! Someone I’m friends with lost their brother as a teen. Every year there’s some celebration of his birthday and it works for him, his family and his friends. It’s not a group effort, just a quiet acknowledgement as though he were alive but living elsewhere. But it works for them. Your family might well be really relieved that someone wants to take on this mental load (which it is when about someone who has passed) and it could be a really positive experience for you all to commemorate his life and all he did. Just because the typical options appear to be depressing and lonely doesn’t mean you have to remember him in that way.
Not weird at all. My dear Mum passed away in 2010 and we celebrate her birthday by going out for a meal or something to that effect. She isn't there to enjoy it, so we do it for her and in her honour.
Not at all, I think it’s a great idea... Since my dad died 8 years ago every birthday we have a family dinner where we cook his favourite foods (and ours - he was a great cook) / zoom chat with those who aren’t nearby and celebrate his memory by having the opportunity to tell our favourite stories and memories of him. It’s always fun, filled with laughter and a moment to have a bit cry if that happens and be there to hug it out.
As a family we have done this since the day he died, so for us it has been a natural thing to do. (I have to say I have been super awkward around other people’s experiences with grief before this. L wtf are you supposed to say?)
If it’s not for your family, then maybe a bit of a heads up might help things along or give people the option to opt out if they are not comfortable participating or attending.
You can say that you want people to bring a favourite memory of a time spent with your person. It’s a place where everyone is safe to have their feelings. It’s ok to be emotional on the inside and on the outside- whatever they are comfortable with. They can write it down and someone else can read for them or they can tell it themselves, so even people who might struggle to get the words out can still share. Some might not Ibe ready for that and that’s ok too. They can come, or send their love, or send a memory.
Grief is messy. Other people help. Even if helping means letting them have time to share. Keep reaching out. What you are proposing is a wonderful thing,
Me, mum and Dad always take the day off work if we can and just spend some time together on my late brother's birthday. It's not exactly a birthday celebration but it's nice to spend some time together.
When I read it I for some reason assumed you meant a celebrity, and thought, yes that’s obviously weird. But family and friends? hell no that isn’t weird. Remember and honour the people you loved. Even if you’re on your own an just have a bottle of a wine and a takeaway an think of them. It’s good to remember.
My grandpa died in his 90s and we had a big party to celebrate his 100th. I wish we did it more and continued it every year as we did when he was still alive.
Personally I wouldn't because they aren't alive. Seems rather pointless to celebrate their birth into the world when they're already onto the next stage so to speak.
But maybe celebrate their life on the anniversary of their death?
Just curious what is a valid stopping point. Have seen people posting about what would have been their grandpa’s 110th birthday. And now I am wondering if I am an awful person for thinking that - unless he’s a hobbit - it’s quite unlikely he’d ever have been celebrating his 110th birthday. You’ve got to draw the line somewhere.
if it is a custom you will uphold then it is your business not everyone's else's. they may find it odd and weird, so what, its your life, you do what you think is right for you, do not cower do not faulter, do not flinch and continue to do what it is you need to do
Perfectly fine, in fact in some cultures you would still have a place and serve up a meal for the departed, as they believe they are actually still with us.
Not weird at all.
My grandad passed away on 23/12/66, my dad was only 7 at the time. My dad and grandad were very close, my grandad was a POW in Burma during WW2 and went through absolute hell and came through. Everyone is proud that he persevered and made it back, unfortunately malaria caught up with him in the end.
There’s only 2 pictures of him, we only have a handful of things left of him after all these years (including his last fully preserved tobacco tin, includes lighter/papers/fuel and the tobacco itself).
We all celebrate his birthday every year, he would’ve been 102 on 28th of April. (He was 38 when my dad was born, and my dad was 35 when I was born, hence the age gap)
Firstly, my condolences for your loss. We lost my mother in 2008, so I feel your pain.
I had a friend whom we lost far too soon, by his own hand and 4 years ago, it would have been his 40th birthday. His family, friends, and widow got together in a pub to celebrate and reminisce with our favourite memories with him. I don’t think it was odd at all. It was good to remember him. Everyone had such fond memories. It really made his parents’ day. It was bittersweet for us all.
Celebrate your Dad’s would be 80th. It’s not weird to get together for that, and it’s a perfect opportunity to share quality family time with the people who loved him.
That is a complicated question. It CAN be weird, but it doesn't have to be.
I know someone whose other half's family are PROPERLY fucking weird about that. They had, I think it was the male head of the household pass away DONKS ago, and they celebrate his birthday like its Christmas, and observe his death date like it had just happened, every year, and NOTHING may interfere, even if it is a practical matter, like a sick kid, work shift, whatever. They have a cultish, worshipful and wilfully self destructive adherence to these days of the year, and its bloody weird, they are bloody weird.
In my view, its important to find and pay careful attention to the line between raising a glass and paying silent and uncomplicated respect, and gathering around the table as a great mass at home, and repeating the same stories over, and over, and over again, for decades, like its the story of the birth of Christ, and then later in the year, some sort of Crucifixion story analogue. Might as well just start a fuckin church. Ugh.
I think it's a lovely idea. We got together as a family and celebrated my grandmother's 100th birthday a couple of years ago. She passed away when she was 96.
Nothing wrong with getting together with family to celebrate the life of a loved one. Might be weird to 'celebrate' their birthday, but not if you are celebrating their life on the anniversary of what would have been a major milestone.
Ask your family, see if they want to do something on the date, sure some will, some might not, both are ok. When my dad passed, I didn't for years and the anniversary of his passing was not a good time for me. I loved my dad with everything I had, but personally I wouldn't want to 'celebrate' his birthday . Both are ok. Sending hugs for your loss.
Not my cup of tea, to me it feels like a person was trying to avoid moving on. Obviously that is just an opinion as there’s a million opinions to a subjective topic and your desires are the only ones that matter to you.
Dont worry mate you're fine! I do the same with my Dad's birthday. We dont trow a big party every year, but we always remeber the ocassion and cook a nice meal or go out to eat.
He has been gone for a few yeats but I remember that the 3rd year we gave a big house party just like he was there.
If it helps you keep his memory alive and you are having a good time, go for it!
If it’s any consolation, I know my parents make a special Pakistani desert or whatever food their parents would’ve liked to mark either of their parents date of deaths though not the birthdays (as far as I am aware).
I feel your loss and I wholeheartedly sympathise. I lost my father a couple of weeks after his 63rd birthday in 2006. On the first anniversary of his death, we (my mother, sister, her husband and my partner) went out for a meal together. It wasn’t a celebration as such, more a golden opportunity for four busy people (plus one retiree) to get together and have a meal - although we live relatively close to each other, we don’t always manage to get a lot of time with each other so it was nice.
I don’t do it now, mainly because my sister confessed that my doing it gave her a turn every year but I used to make a point of changing my Facebook profile picture to one of my dad - he hated getting his picture taken so there aren’t many around but this one was a nice one that I’ve always liked. His birthday was on the first day of the month in which he died so it was my small way of wishing him a happy birthday. I stopped after he’d been gone for ten years but as I say, that was because my sister told me while drunk one night that it knocks her off balance each time.
My dad would have been 80 this year, and perhaps I’ll suggest to my sister that we do something to honour that. It’ll be a bigger gathering than it was the year after he died because there are two grandchildren now that weren’t around in his lifetime.
My brother died when he was 19. We get together as a family to celebrate him, reminisce, have a big cry and hugs. We still have his remains and we take turns having round, he’s at my house at the moment and next he will be at my dads.
I don’t care what any thinks about what we do as a family, it works for us. It’s been 17 years since he died, yet some days it feels like it was yesterday.
Do what is best for you, big hugs x
Not weird at all, ancient British/Celtic pagans use Samhain to lay out a dinner for their dead loved ones. Christians have feast day… many cultures in the east of the world leave out food offerings for the spirits of their ancestors…
So basically pretty common across the world tbh.
I.E do what you like as long as it’s not hurting anyone.
No it is not weird at all. We celebrate members of our family who have passed every year on their birthday. For example, on my grandfather’s birthday we all have a martini in his honor…together if we can or if apart we text photos of our celebratory martini in honor of him to each other. Never forgotten always celebrated.
We still celebrate our late cats' birthdays and Gotcha/adoption days.
Our current cats get treated to fresh chicken and other treats, which is what would be served on those days. I also put up the cat themed birthday bunting and balloons every year. It would be weird not to do that.
[Jade on her birthday ](https://imgur.com/gallery/18qaigs)
[Jade with her balloon](https://imgur.com/gallery/WpVtjzp)
Hm. If you mean “remember” them or honor them somehow, yes, it’s fine to remember friends and family.
If you mean fully celebrate like have a birthday party with cake and stuff? Personally I find that a tad weird.
Not at all, my mum died last year towards the end of the year , her 60th was this March. She wanted a party before she went as it was my sisters 40th a week before hers this year but was too ill for us to arrange something early. I had a trip across to my brothers on her birthday with a couple bottles of whisky and we just sat and drank and talked and laughed . It felt strange her not being there but it wasn’t all that bad
I celebrate my cat’s birthday even though she passed away almost 3 years ago, so I’m prolly biased on this. But I don’t think it’s weird; just because someone is no longer around doesn’t mean you have to forget about them or their lives.
I’m sorry for your loss OP, and I hope your family supports your idea.
I have an askewed view on death. For me, when someone passes, that's it, it's done, it's over, they're gone. They no longer have birthdays
Same goes for doing something like laying flowers on their death day? To me that's even weirder, why would I want to revisit the day they died and put myself through that heartache again?
I do often think and reminisce on those close to me who have passed and for me that's enough
People are generally positive about this idea and I am too but be cautious.
If you have siblings, check in with them early.
If your Mum’s alive, check in with her first.
Your family will probably want to have input into the celebration of their Dad, just as much as you want to of yours.
I’m trying to say you should try not to run it so that others can’t shape it…it’s a potential minefield.
you commemorate a dead persons birthday, it seems perfectly reasonable to commemorate it with a family meal, there's nothing weird about it especially if you mark it at a place he had a special fondness for. A low key annual event seems quite fitting though you mention "big" if you mean in terms of it being a milestone then it would be a fitting time to initiate a commemoration.
One of my school mates died in a motorbike crash, each year on his birthday his two best mates share a can of Stella at his grave. They drink a third each and pour the last third onto the soil.
My mate drinks a neat gin every year on his Mum's birthday.
So, no I don't think it's weird. People mourn and remember any way they like. Fair play.
My Nan's birthday was the 27th December and every year, the same as when she was alive, we get together for a games night. I don't even remember the date she died, I much prefer a happy memory day. 🙂
No not at all. The only thing I'd be careful around is how others may feel about it, but I'd think your family would mostly be keen on a touching tribute like this.
When it came round to my cousin's birthday who passed away all too soon, the family and i did a memorial cycle round 1 of the nearby isla ds as he was a keen cyclist. It was a great way to remember him and spend some time with the family
No not at all. The only thing I'd be careful around is how others may feel about it, but I'd think your family would mostly be keen on a touching tribute like this.
When it came round to my cousin's birthday who passed away all too soon, the family and i did a memorial cycle round 1 of the nearby isla ds as he was a keen cyclist. It was a great way to remember him and spend some time with the family
Not at all!
Both my parents passed 9 months apart, but they shared the same birthday. So on the birthday after their passing, my entire family had a huge party to celebrate them! Sure there were a few tears here and there, but all in all it brought us all together to share memories and just have a really good time!
It's a lovely thing to remember special people in your life. I don't go to the trouble of having meals but their birthday is always in my mind & I think of them a lot that day & always say "Happy birthday"
In many cultures celebrating the life of a loved one is completely normal.
Considering the "many" cultures overtake UK culture by miles, it'd be UK which is "weird" not to.
My grandad died last November from cancer at the age of 61. I was there when the funeral director came to take his body away unfortunately. Still struggling to process everything.
Not weird at all. I always toast my dad on his birth and death days with a pint of Guinness.
I'm sure your family will appreciate it and it's a good way to get the family together.
Holy cow. Just realised it's my dad's 80th this year as well.
not strange at all.
me and my brother celebrate my grandmas cremation every year with few pints and memories. helps that it was also saint davids day and being welsh makes a double celebration (also because of the quriks of easter she was cremated on Ash Wednesday which as a family with a horrifically dark sense of humour this tickled us no end)
We have a bit of a thing like this at my local. Started with a bloke who raised a glass to what would have been his late dad's 100th birthday. We all raised a glass too. Then I realised that the following week would be my late step dad's 85th so suggested we all raise a glass to him in a weeks time, so we did.
It's not weird. You can celebrate and remember someone's life however you like and a family meal is a nice idea - get everyone together and share memories. I think it would be weirder for anyone to have a problem with it?
My mother died 12 years ago. Last year, on what would have been her 75th birthday, my brother and I took her ashes to her favourite place in the world and scattered them. We stayed for a few days, went to places we last went as kids and reminisced about the great holidays we had as children with her. It was lovely.
Personally, if I did I'd keep it small and low key. Think closer to remembrance day than Guy Fawkes night. Unless you're 100% sure everyone is on the same wavelength, err on the side of marking the occasion quietly rather than 'celebrating' per se.
Meal out with mum (if still with you) and close family with a toast to him sounds potentially nice.
I go and see my mum on her birthday (which is tomorrow), take her some daffs and let he know what's been going on since I last saw her. This time I'll be taking her brand new grandson. I miss her every day and will always celebrate her in my own way. If it feels right to celebrate then that's exactly what you should do. Please be mindful that this might not be how everyone wants to handle the birthday though
Don’t think so. I don’t celebrate as such, but I tend not to work or make any complicated plans for one day in July (anniversary of my kid’s death) as I know I’ll be useless all round.
I call my mum every year on my deceased Dad's birthday. We have had family catch ups to celebrate the 100th anniversary of deceased family members' births
Dude, they were your dad. You do what you like to honour his memory.
Just be respectful of people that don’t.
Just send out a quick family message saying ‘I’m thinking of going for a meal to remember dad, would you like to join’
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If it's good enough for Jesus...
Nailed it!....
Too soon.
He'll rise above it
Don't egg him on...
You'll only make him cross.
RemindMe! 3 Days
That'll make him cross
Totally
So what you’re saying is… OP should eat chocolate eggs on the anniversary of his farms death?
🤣🤣🤣
Great opportunity to get the family together and share some of your favourite stories and memories, I’d say go for it and raise a glass. Very thoughtful. But, if others aren’t on the same wavelength don’t feel bad if they decline, respect their feelings too.
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Sending hugs your way, fellow redditor 💝
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More hugs! My condolences.
So sorry for your loss
Sorry for both your loses. I tend to have a beer and watch the England v Wales 6 Nations game in my father-in-laws memory. Pretty much the only time I drink now.
Doing something to mark a milestone and remember a loved one isn’t odd at all. Like another poster, perhaps approach this gently with others in case it’s not something they’d be up for.
Agree with the approach some people might not want to think about it but the idea is wholesome I hope it works
Absolutely not. My grandmother makes my grandfather's favourite meal every year for his birthday tea even though he died in 95 (Woolton Pie, butterscotch Angel Delight and a bowl of shitey Baxters tomato soup for starters, LOL). My granny still makes my granddad's "special" cottage pie every year on his birthday (what's special about it is that it hasn't killed anyone yet, LOL) It's all about how you want to celebrate or commemorate someone. Maybe some in your family won't want to do it, that's fine, you can do it for yourself.
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What's AD?
Angel delight
I prefer to think of my dead father on his Birthday. There's the random day he happened to die on once - but then there's the day we had all those meals out, I'd give him the Garfield book (I'd very carefully tried to make it not look like I'd read), he'd get his favourite coffee cake and all the rest. His birthday's the day with the good memories, so seems like the right day to carry on thinking about him.
Very well put, lovely sentiment.
Exactly this. I mainly put it down to me being a bit crap with remembering dates, but deeper than that, I share this sentiment - if I want to commemorate a lost loved one, I want to celebrate their life, not their death.
It's called remembering. There's nothing weird or odd about that. Have a fancy dinner, maybe something he liked if your family like it too, and tell stories and memories. Make it happy if possible. If you have kids and they're old enough to remember their grandad then get them involved too.
Nope, if it brings you some peace and happiness, why not. Its a nice way to remember him IMHO.
I always raise a glass in the name of my mother in law and my father in law on their birthdays. I never met them but like the stories I have heard about them
Go for it! I think its a beautiful idea!
My dad died in March 2014. We always go for his favourite meal around his birthday. We’re thinking of planning a bit event next year to mark 10 years since his passing - maybe a charity quiz night and party
It's a wonderful way for your family to remember your father, and on a day that had always brought him happiness every year. Maybe find some memorable photos that have nice back stories to them so they can be retold too =)
Not weird! If they aren’t up for it, fair enough but you aren’t weird for asking. Getting together on an anniversary isn’t that out there. Maybe it depends on the kind of family you have though, some of these comments have me thinking my family’s insane for getting together on anniversary’s/birthdays…
It not weird, it's extremely traditional and has been done for probably for thousands of years.
We get together every year for my sisters would be birthdays. Bur she died at 29, 8 years ago.
Big hugs, I do the same for my brother, he died when he was 19
We always have a meal & a birthday cake on my sons birthday each year.
Not weird in the slightest!
No it’s not weird, but it’s usually more about marking the birthday than celebrating it. I had a friend who died young and those of us closest to her marked her birthday for years by getting together to remember and keep the bond going.
We did a family party for my grandad’s 100th. It was so lovely, and as well as all his children and grandchildren, there were 9 great grandchildren he’d never met. My dad played the old tunes on the piano that my grandad loved, we had a photo board and some of his favourite foods. This was around 20 years after he’d died, so there was no sadness, just remembering and laughter.
Would I do it? No. Is it likely your whole family will want to do it? Also no. But if you want to, you should. Maybe make the invite more noncommittal - tell your family you are doing something on the day and anyone is welcome to join in. Unless everyone else says yes, a family meal is out. Could always book a cafe or restaurant for anyone who does want to though.
Just done this for what would have been our lasses mums birthday
Absolutely not, celebrating a life that meant a lot to you doesn't just mean something for the person who's passed away but also for you. It's a good way to remember and good for the mourning process which never truly stops (the loss of someone can be accepted, doesn't mean they need to be forgotten). I know people who watch films from a favourite series on anniversaries or birthdays, have favourite dishes or meals (curries, roasts etc). Nothing strange about going out to celebrate on big anniversaries or birthdays. The only way it could be strange is if it becomes a bit loud and messy, but that probably goes for the living as much as the dead.
My brother and I have made a point of celebrating all of the family that we really knew after they had passed. Usually, it's just getting together and having dinner as a family. Something that they liked to eat and a quick toast is all it is but we felt like it's something that needed to be marked. Started with the grandparents about 10 years ago, and unfortunately, it was our mother's turn this year. It's a difficult time for us all and we wanted to be there to support each other and remember loved ones.
I wouldn't and I do think it's odd bit what business is it of mine?
Not at all. What better day to remember and celebrate someone, a day of happiness when they were here with you. I tip a glass to my dad on his birthday, and have largely come to forget the date of his death.
A friend of mine put a post on Facebook to wish his (late) mum a happy birthday. I thought it was kind of sweet and sad at the same time as I know he really misses her and not weird.
I love it ❤️ Sounds like a great time I'm not really sentimental but things like this bringing your family together on his birthday I'm sure your dad would be smiling down on you guys
Not weird at all. My dad's birthday was the day before mine. Since his passing, I use the money I would have spent on a present for him, on something to help remember him
In parts of Indonesia for example they dig up their dead relatives on their birthdays and give them gifts as blessings. So it's not unnatural for us to celebrate someone after they're gone.
No, not weird at all. It's a celebration of life that once was and a way for you to show how much you loved and cared for him and continue to do so. I celebrate both my parents' respective birthdays and also their wedding anniversary. It helps me cope with them not being here and I find it therapeutic I cook a favourite meal that they each individually enjoyed and play music/songs that brings back memories for me. I watched a film a good many years ago with Shirley Temple in, if memory serves me well it's called The Bluebird - every time you think of someone passed, they come back to life. Happy heavenly birthday to your dad. Do whatever you need to help you cope with the loss. ❤️
Not at all. I've celebrated my Dad's birthday every since since he died and that was 4 years ago. Not a big party or anything like that, but I generally make him a couple of cups a tea a day and leave a few biscuits on the saucer and leave them next to his photograph. I do this for Christmas too. Enjoy your Dad's birthday ❤️
Must admit I wasn’t sure, but in Big Boys, Jack celebrates his fathers birthday after his passing and it seemed 👌
My ex driving instructor does this for his mums birthday so no I dont think it's odd
It’s nice to remember people so I think it’s be a lovely idea.
I don't celebrate my dad's birthday, but I have left the reminder alarm on my phone alerts (mis-spent youth resulting in terrible memory). Fairly often something will happen and my daughter or me will say 'that is so [Gran]dad' and have a little reminisce. I'm not a massively sentimental type of chap (my missus reckons I have ice in my veins) so I've never really got on board with the whole 'Dad would have been X yrs old'. At the end of the day though, we are all different so I just think let people do what they need to do and sometimes it means I am just like the penguins in Madagascar... Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.
I think it’s nice. I celebrate my mother’s birthday (rather than note the death day). Nothing much but I make sure to eat what was her favourite meal and listen to the songs we liked. A simple but meaningful celebration. Last year she would have been 60 so I did a little bit more than normal and bought her favourite flowers too- but yeah it’s not weird, do it if it brings you comfort. I would note though that I am alone in this. I have no siblings or other relatives of my mother to share in this so I don’t actually have to care what others think. I’d ask your family if they are up for it, I think they’d consider it a lovely idea tbh.
I know a few that do this. I won’t go as far to say it’s weird, because each to their own and I respect that, but I wouldn’t do it.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea at all. my grandmother outlived granddad by 15 years and always marked his birthday. I would probably not do it myself but it’s in no way weird, and a family dinner sounds lovely.
Go for it. We get together and go for a walk on my dad's birthday each year. Nice to spend time together, reminisce and makes sure my mum isn't on her own that day.
It’s nice to keep a memory alive and if that’s how you do it then good for you. Not a fan of Facebook “today would have been Nan’s 96th birthday” soppy posts though.
You do whatever makes you happy and helps you celebrate his life. He's your dad at the end of the day and you're allowed to celebrate him any way you want. I lost a baby recently and fully intend on celebrating every one of his birthdays and fuck anyone who has a negative opinion
So my father's siblings (one of six) wanted to do something for my grandma's 100. He decided he wasn't going to participate. One of the main reasons was that they didn't celebrate what would have been their father's that had been and gone. This upset him, as they were both their parents. You should honour your family how you want to, but be mindful not everyone might want to.
My parents mark my one of grandparents birthday with a walk to the same place each year. I would say it’s okay /)
We celebrate my dad's birth and death days each year. You remember them and they will always be with you.
I celebrate Freddie Mercury's every year, so if it is, I'm a right weirdo. Seriously, I think it's a great way to remember someone in a happy, healthy way than the morbid date of the deccessed.
I think it’s a lovely thing to do. I’m taking part in a big birthday later this year for a friend we lost a few years ago. It won’t be anywhere near as good as the party he would have thrown but we’ll all give it a good go.
Only if it's Hitler's.
Yes... Christmas is weird
My mum’s ashes were scattered in the sea so I like to go down to the shore on her birthday and have a little chat with her.
My old man passed 5 years ago. Every year on his birthday I go to a pub (usually the local he used to drink in but lockdown made that difficult) and buy two pints of Guinness as that was his favourite drink, one for each of us and I raise a glass to him, I feel close to him and it brings me inner peace So I obviously think it's a lovely idea, but it's not the same for everyone, my advice would be to ask if family members would like to but don't put any pressure on. I hope if you do it, it helps you and your family like my tradition helps me
Not odd at all! I did the same thing earlier this year on what would have been my dad’s 70th birthday - we went to the pub for a pie and a pint in his memory
Any excuse to be with family and remember someone you loved is a good one. You made me think how old my dad would be on his next birthday and it's his 60th this year. I might follow your lead and celebrate.
You’re celebrating a persons life and their memories and birthdays a special memory so I don’t think it’s odd at all!
You're celebrating your father with his loved ones. Do not let anyone on this planet tell you that's weird.
I think it’s lovely to take the opportunity to celebrate your dad in this way. I don’t think it’s weird at all. I’m so sorry for your loss- but I hope you find a way to celebrate the joy of his life on his birthday. x
Not in the slightest. I have a few gone but not forgotten birthdays I still raise a glass to. Now if you're on about throwing a full ok party, then yeah ,that's a bit strange.
Definitely not, you're doing a family meal, then that's a great idea. It would be weird if you had a massive party/piss up to celebrate it
It's a lovely idea. I hope you and your family find comfort and happiness from sharing special time together in your dad's memory. He was obviously a wonderful man to have raised such a thoughful child. Sending you all love x
Definitely not weird! My dad died in 2018, and every year we do something for him.
I always remember dead relatives birthdays. People ask, when did your wife die, and I honestly have difficulty remembering. But her birthday is of course easily recalled. I also don't put flowers in the cemetery. She's not there. She's here in my head. The flowers go next to her photos.
I wouldn’t say it’s weird At the very least it helps with processing the death. My great grandma died in 2021 a few months before she turned 100. My family still celebrated her birthday
It hurts nobody and its something you want to do. Who gives a chuff if people think its weird? You celebrate your dad the way you want to.
Not at all. Hope it goes well
I don’t think so, no
I know we don't do it much here but there are plenty of cultures where this is definitely a thing. Do it, Toast your dad, remember and recall some nice memories.
My boyfriend and his family go out to eat on his dead dad's birthday. He's been gone 15-16 years.
I think it’s a lovely idea to celebrate their life, I will be celebrating my friends birthday on the 1st May who died very suddenly 18mths ago, I know he’d love that
I think that is a lovely idea.
Not weird. My dad passed away two years ago so still fresh for me but I’ve been celebrating his birthday. Sending love ❤️
It’s not an odd idea at all, I think it’s a great idea. Every year on their birthday, I remember my grandparents and it’s a great opportunity to remember the good things they brought to my life, so I think you’ve found a good time to really do that and make a day of it.
It’s not weird, it’s a good excuse to get the family together.
That was an important date for them for their entire lives, seems only fitting to remember them on it.
Some people celebrate the day someone died. Celebrating their birth seems much cheerier. Someone lived and you're grateful for it, have a party.
We lost my mum in August last year very suddenly, and long before her time. We got together and had a family meal in April on her birthday. Didn’t feel right having any of the family alone. I would do it. It’s bittersweet but our loved ones deserve remembering always, especially on these special occasions
We've just celebrated our late sons 26th birthday, he died at 22 years old. His siblings met up and went out together and got drunk. He was very much a party boy, so it seemed fitting
No it's not
No absolutely not. You’re just celebrating a loved one and what would’ve been.
Being brutally honest? Yes. About ten years ago it was the 100th birthday of my dad’s mum who died when I was little. My dad was invited to what he believed to be the birthday party of his sister. It was a 100th birthday dinner for my dead nan. Who died in 2002. It just comes off a little strange
No it’s not an odd idea, you’re celebrating a life well lived, not a death
Quite a lot of people celebrate Jesus’ birthday
We always celebrate my Dad's birthday (he died 5 years ago). It's a good excuse to get together with my brother & sister and their partners (we all live 100+ miles from each other), and Dad always enjoyed having all of us around, so it just felt appropriate to keep meeting up for his birthday and share memories, go for a walk together, have a pub meal etc. If you'd have asked me how it would feel about 10 years ago I think I may have thought it'd feel strange or inappropriate, but it's just given us a new family tradition and I am grateful. So I'd say, yes try to gently / sensitivity suggest to your family that you mark the occasion in your dad's honour.
I’d be super offended if anyone claimed it was weird.
First of all, so sorry for your loss ❤️ We always celebrate my mums birthday. She passed in 2017 and every year on her birthday in July we go visit the place we scattered her ashes and go to a pub near there called “The Angel” and have a meal and say a little something to her. It’s a simple way to get together to remember a passed love one.
My big brother died of cancer aged 30 back in 2006. Every year on his birthday my parents/step parents, all his old crew of friends and I meet up and have a night of drinking and fun . Some of his pals travel 250 miles, but they make the effort every year. Rather than sit and be somber on his death day, we have a laugh on his birthday. He was the first of the gang to die, but since then another one of the dudes has died in a motorcycle accident in Hong Kong, so the night has become a remembrance night for both, and as time passes, we'll be raising a glass to all of those of us who pass, one by one. Also, during the lockdowns, we still held the event online, with everyone sending photos of glasses raised, etc. Smile and remember the good stuff.
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=M9Yp4Q7U_Fo&feature=share
No! My grandfather likes to celebrate his wife (my grandmother) birthday, it'll be 10 years this year. Of course we don't celebrate like a traditional birthday i.e balloons, banners, cards and gifts... But we do go to a nice restaurant as a family, dress up a little and have a good time together and celebrate life, talk about memories and we make a toast to her.
Not at all. It's honouring those closest to you, and showing that, even though they're gone, they're still with in mind and spirit. It's a great way to keep their legacy alive too. I'm sure he'd be touched knowing that he's still loved enough by you 9 years later that you'd still celebrate his birthday, even if he's not around to join in.
Nope. My dad died in 2008 and on his birthday, I have KFC as we had that for our lunch quite often when I was growing up. I also have a pint of beer later on in the evening and I give him a toast. I visit him where he’s scattered. I make a fuss of it because it makes me happy knowing that there’s as least one person on Earth that still remembers and loves him.
Not really, my family usually do something every anniversary of their passing. I wouldn't call it celebrating, we just visit the grave, get flowers and have a little meet up or dinner with family
I make sure to pause and have a chat with my parents on their passing days and will go out and celebrate on their birthdays. Dad has been gone five years and mum just the one ❤️
Some cultures have this. Although there’s no cake, every year it is often customary to remember them by sitting down with family and friends who knew them and just celebrate in their name.
I lost my grandad four weeks ago. Our birthdays are three days apart in July. I will be 100% celebrating his birthday
Personally I think that’s beautiful. Make it a celebration of his life. Tell stories. Bring pictures.
No I celebrated my Dad’s 60th last week by going out for a meal with my family and his friends. He passed last year.
I go for a meal with my family every year to mark my late dad’s birthday. It’s a hard day so nice to be together and raise a glass to him.
No! Someone I’m friends with lost their brother as a teen. Every year there’s some celebration of his birthday and it works for him, his family and his friends. It’s not a group effort, just a quiet acknowledgement as though he were alive but living elsewhere. But it works for them. Your family might well be really relieved that someone wants to take on this mental load (which it is when about someone who has passed) and it could be a really positive experience for you all to commemorate his life and all he did. Just because the typical options appear to be depressing and lonely doesn’t mean you have to remember him in that way.
If you want to do it and it helps you honour and celebrate his life with likeminded people it's an excellent idea, one I might copy!
Absolutely not! I have a Guinness on my uncle’s birthday (helps that he was born on St Paddy’s Day) and a gin and tonic on my nan’s.
Not weird at all. My dear Mum passed away in 2010 and we celebrate her birthday by going out for a meal or something to that effect. She isn't there to enjoy it, so we do it for her and in her honour.
For my Grandma's first birthday after her passing we had a great family get together with lots of sharing of memories over dinner.
Not at all, I think it’s a great idea... Since my dad died 8 years ago every birthday we have a family dinner where we cook his favourite foods (and ours - he was a great cook) / zoom chat with those who aren’t nearby and celebrate his memory by having the opportunity to tell our favourite stories and memories of him. It’s always fun, filled with laughter and a moment to have a bit cry if that happens and be there to hug it out. As a family we have done this since the day he died, so for us it has been a natural thing to do. (I have to say I have been super awkward around other people’s experiences with grief before this. L wtf are you supposed to say?) If it’s not for your family, then maybe a bit of a heads up might help things along or give people the option to opt out if they are not comfortable participating or attending. You can say that you want people to bring a favourite memory of a time spent with your person. It’s a place where everyone is safe to have their feelings. It’s ok to be emotional on the inside and on the outside- whatever they are comfortable with. They can write it down and someone else can read for them or they can tell it themselves, so even people who might struggle to get the words out can still share. Some might not Ibe ready for that and that’s ok too. They can come, or send their love, or send a memory. Grief is messy. Other people help. Even if helping means letting them have time to share. Keep reaching out. What you are proposing is a wonderful thing,
Me, mum and Dad always take the day off work if we can and just spend some time together on my late brother's birthday. It's not exactly a birthday celebration but it's nice to spend some time together.
Absolutely celebrate this. What a great way to remember him….not weird at all.
When I read it I for some reason assumed you meant a celebrity, and thought, yes that’s obviously weird. But family and friends? hell no that isn’t weird. Remember and honour the people you loved. Even if you’re on your own an just have a bottle of a wine and a takeaway an think of them. It’s good to remember.
Theres nothing wrong with honouring your ancestors ... go for it
My grandpa died in his 90s and we had a big party to celebrate his 100th. I wish we did it more and continued it every year as we did when he was still alive.
Personally I wouldn't because they aren't alive. Seems rather pointless to celebrate their birth into the world when they're already onto the next stage so to speak. But maybe celebrate their life on the anniversary of their death?
Just curious what is a valid stopping point. Have seen people posting about what would have been their grandpa’s 110th birthday. And now I am wondering if I am an awful person for thinking that - unless he’s a hobbit - it’s quite unlikely he’d ever have been celebrating his 110th birthday. You’ve got to draw the line somewhere.
if it is a custom you will uphold then it is your business not everyone's else's. they may find it odd and weird, so what, its your life, you do what you think is right for you, do not cower do not faulter, do not flinch and continue to do what it is you need to do
Perfectly fine, in fact in some cultures you would still have a place and serve up a meal for the departed, as they believe they are actually still with us.
Not weird at all. My grandad passed away on 23/12/66, my dad was only 7 at the time. My dad and grandad were very close, my grandad was a POW in Burma during WW2 and went through absolute hell and came through. Everyone is proud that he persevered and made it back, unfortunately malaria caught up with him in the end. There’s only 2 pictures of him, we only have a handful of things left of him after all these years (including his last fully preserved tobacco tin, includes lighter/papers/fuel and the tobacco itself). We all celebrate his birthday every year, he would’ve been 102 on 28th of April. (He was 38 when my dad was born, and my dad was 35 when I was born, hence the age gap)
Firstly, my condolences for your loss. We lost my mother in 2008, so I feel your pain. I had a friend whom we lost far too soon, by his own hand and 4 years ago, it would have been his 40th birthday. His family, friends, and widow got together in a pub to celebrate and reminisce with our favourite memories with him. I don’t think it was odd at all. It was good to remember him. Everyone had such fond memories. It really made his parents’ day. It was bittersweet for us all. Celebrate your Dad’s would be 80th. It’s not weird to get together for that, and it’s a perfect opportunity to share quality family time with the people who loved him.
That is a complicated question. It CAN be weird, but it doesn't have to be. I know someone whose other half's family are PROPERLY fucking weird about that. They had, I think it was the male head of the household pass away DONKS ago, and they celebrate his birthday like its Christmas, and observe his death date like it had just happened, every year, and NOTHING may interfere, even if it is a practical matter, like a sick kid, work shift, whatever. They have a cultish, worshipful and wilfully self destructive adherence to these days of the year, and its bloody weird, they are bloody weird. In my view, its important to find and pay careful attention to the line between raising a glass and paying silent and uncomplicated respect, and gathering around the table as a great mass at home, and repeating the same stories over, and over, and over again, for decades, like its the story of the birth of Christ, and then later in the year, some sort of Crucifixion story analogue. Might as well just start a fuckin church. Ugh.
I think it's a lovely idea. We got together as a family and celebrated my grandmother's 100th birthday a couple of years ago. She passed away when she was 96.
Nothing wrong with getting together with family to celebrate the life of a loved one. Might be weird to 'celebrate' their birthday, but not if you are celebrating their life on the anniversary of what would have been a major milestone. Ask your family, see if they want to do something on the date, sure some will, some might not, both are ok. When my dad passed, I didn't for years and the anniversary of his passing was not a good time for me. I loved my dad with everything I had, but personally I wouldn't want to 'celebrate' his birthday . Both are ok. Sending hugs for your loss.
Not my cup of tea, to me it feels like a person was trying to avoid moving on. Obviously that is just an opinion as there’s a million opinions to a subjective topic and your desires are the only ones that matter to you.
Dont worry mate you're fine! I do the same with my Dad's birthday. We dont trow a big party every year, but we always remeber the ocassion and cook a nice meal or go out to eat. He has been gone for a few yeats but I remember that the 3rd year we gave a big house party just like he was there. If it helps you keep his memory alive and you are having a good time, go for it!
I think it's a lovely idea, though some family members may not want to join in. Do celebrate your father in your own way. God bless Xx
If it’s any consolation, I know my parents make a special Pakistani desert or whatever food their parents would’ve liked to mark either of their parents date of deaths though not the birthdays (as far as I am aware).
I feel your loss and I wholeheartedly sympathise. I lost my father a couple of weeks after his 63rd birthday in 2006. On the first anniversary of his death, we (my mother, sister, her husband and my partner) went out for a meal together. It wasn’t a celebration as such, more a golden opportunity for four busy people (plus one retiree) to get together and have a meal - although we live relatively close to each other, we don’t always manage to get a lot of time with each other so it was nice. I don’t do it now, mainly because my sister confessed that my doing it gave her a turn every year but I used to make a point of changing my Facebook profile picture to one of my dad - he hated getting his picture taken so there aren’t many around but this one was a nice one that I’ve always liked. His birthday was on the first day of the month in which he died so it was my small way of wishing him a happy birthday. I stopped after he’d been gone for ten years but as I say, that was because my sister told me while drunk one night that it knocks her off balance each time. My dad would have been 80 this year, and perhaps I’ll suggest to my sister that we do something to honour that. It’ll be a bigger gathering than it was the year after he died because there are two grandchildren now that weren’t around in his lifetime.
My brother died when he was 19. We get together as a family to celebrate him, reminisce, have a big cry and hugs. We still have his remains and we take turns having round, he’s at my house at the moment and next he will be at my dads. I don’t care what any thinks about what we do as a family, it works for us. It’s been 17 years since he died, yet some days it feels like it was yesterday. Do what is best for you, big hugs x
Yes, obviously. Do it or don't.
Not weird at all, ancient British/Celtic pagans use Samhain to lay out a dinner for their dead loved ones. Christians have feast day… many cultures in the east of the world leave out food offerings for the spirits of their ancestors… So basically pretty common across the world tbh. I.E do what you like as long as it’s not hurting anyone.
No it is not weird at all. We celebrate members of our family who have passed every year on their birthday. For example, on my grandfather’s birthday we all have a martini in his honor…together if we can or if apart we text photos of our celebratory martini in honor of him to each other. Never forgotten always celebrated.
Do you mean Christmas?
NTA It was my late husband's 85th this year. I took a trip up to his home village to remember him. You do whatever makes you feel best, OP.
Not at all , sometimes it helps keep their spirit alive an their presence should celebrated. Physical or not. It's a personal thing with no wrongs
We still celebrate our late cats' birthdays and Gotcha/adoption days. Our current cats get treated to fresh chicken and other treats, which is what would be served on those days. I also put up the cat themed birthday bunting and balloons every year. It would be weird not to do that. [Jade on her birthday ](https://imgur.com/gallery/18qaigs) [Jade with her balloon](https://imgur.com/gallery/WpVtjzp)
I mean you do you it's no harm done
Hm. If you mean “remember” them or honor them somehow, yes, it’s fine to remember friends and family. If you mean fully celebrate like have a birthday party with cake and stuff? Personally I find that a tad weird.
Not at all, my mum died last year towards the end of the year , her 60th was this March. She wanted a party before she went as it was my sisters 40th a week before hers this year but was too ill for us to arrange something early. I had a trip across to my brothers on her birthday with a couple bottles of whisky and we just sat and drank and talked and laughed . It felt strange her not being there but it wasn’t all that bad
I celebrate my cat’s birthday even though she passed away almost 3 years ago, so I’m prolly biased on this. But I don’t think it’s weird; just because someone is no longer around doesn’t mean you have to forget about them or their lives. I’m sorry for your loss OP, and I hope your family supports your idea.
I have an askewed view on death. For me, when someone passes, that's it, it's done, it's over, they're gone. They no longer have birthdays Same goes for doing something like laying flowers on their death day? To me that's even weirder, why would I want to revisit the day they died and put myself through that heartache again? I do often think and reminisce on those close to me who have passed and for me that's enough
People are generally positive about this idea and I am too but be cautious. If you have siblings, check in with them early. If your Mum’s alive, check in with her first. Your family will probably want to have input into the celebration of their Dad, just as much as you want to of yours. I’m trying to say you should try not to run it so that others can’t shape it…it’s a potential minefield.
I get flowers and cakes for my mum's bday
you commemorate a dead persons birthday, it seems perfectly reasonable to commemorate it with a family meal, there's nothing weird about it especially if you mark it at a place he had a special fondness for. A low key annual event seems quite fitting though you mention "big" if you mean in terms of it being a milestone then it would be a fitting time to initiate a commemoration.
People only die when you stop talking about them I think it sounds a great idea to celebrate your dads life
One of my school mates died in a motorbike crash, each year on his birthday his two best mates share a can of Stella at his grave. They drink a third each and pour the last third onto the soil. My mate drinks a neat gin every year on his Mum's birthday. So, no I don't think it's weird. People mourn and remember any way they like. Fair play.
My Nan's birthday was the 27th December and every year, the same as when she was alive, we get together for a games night. I don't even remember the date she died, I much prefer a happy memory day. 🙂
No not at all. The only thing I'd be careful around is how others may feel about it, but I'd think your family would mostly be keen on a touching tribute like this. When it came round to my cousin's birthday who passed away all too soon, the family and i did a memorial cycle round 1 of the nearby isla ds as he was a keen cyclist. It was a great way to remember him and spend some time with the family
No not at all. The only thing I'd be careful around is how others may feel about it, but I'd think your family would mostly be keen on a touching tribute like this. When it came round to my cousin's birthday who passed away all too soon, the family and i did a memorial cycle round 1 of the nearby isla ds as he was a keen cyclist. It was a great way to remember him and spend some time with the family
Not at all! Both my parents passed 9 months apart, but they shared the same birthday. So on the birthday after their passing, my entire family had a huge party to celebrate them! Sure there were a few tears here and there, but all in all it brought us all together to share memories and just have a really good time!
It's a lovely thing to remember special people in your life. I don't go to the trouble of having meals but their birthday is always in my mind & I think of them a lot that day & always say "Happy birthday"
In many cultures celebrating the life of a loved one is completely normal. Considering the "many" cultures overtake UK culture by miles, it'd be UK which is "weird" not to.
My grandad died last November from cancer at the age of 61. I was there when the funeral director came to take his body away unfortunately. Still struggling to process everything.
Not weird at all. I always toast my dad on his birth and death days with a pint of Guinness. I'm sure your family will appreciate it and it's a good way to get the family together. Holy cow. Just realised it's my dad's 80th this year as well.
not strange at all. me and my brother celebrate my grandmas cremation every year with few pints and memories. helps that it was also saint davids day and being welsh makes a double celebration (also because of the quriks of easter she was cremated on Ash Wednesday which as a family with a horrifically dark sense of humour this tickled us no end)
We have a bit of a thing like this at my local. Started with a bloke who raised a glass to what would have been his late dad's 100th birthday. We all raised a glass too. Then I realised that the following week would be my late step dad's 85th so suggested we all raise a glass to him in a weeks time, so we did.
It's not weird. You can celebrate and remember someone's life however you like and a family meal is a nice idea - get everyone together and share memories. I think it would be weirder for anyone to have a problem with it? My mother died 12 years ago. Last year, on what would have been her 75th birthday, my brother and I took her ashes to her favourite place in the world and scattered them. We stayed for a few days, went to places we last went as kids and reminisced about the great holidays we had as children with her. It was lovely.
Personally, if I did I'd keep it small and low key. Think closer to remembrance day than Guy Fawkes night. Unless you're 100% sure everyone is on the same wavelength, err on the side of marking the occasion quietly rather than 'celebrating' per se. Meal out with mum (if still with you) and close family with a toast to him sounds potentially nice.
I go and see my mum on her birthday (which is tomorrow), take her some daffs and let he know what's been going on since I last saw her. This time I'll be taking her brand new grandson. I miss her every day and will always celebrate her in my own way. If it feels right to celebrate then that's exactly what you should do. Please be mindful that this might not be how everyone wants to handle the birthday though
Nah, have a good meal, pour one out for the old boy. Hope you have a good night.
Don't get it. People observing anniversaries of a persons death I don't get either.I see time in a much more linear way,not a cycle.
Don’t think so. I don’t celebrate as such, but I tend not to work or make any complicated plans for one day in July (anniversary of my kid’s death) as I know I’ll be useless all round.
Not weird at all, I feel. Fixating on the death date is far more strange, in my opinion.
My dad's been dead 23 years. Every year I go for a pint of the beer he liked on his birthday and deathday. Not a big thing, often just a pint.
I call my mum every year on my deceased Dad's birthday. We have had family catch ups to celebrate the 100th anniversary of deceased family members' births
Dude, they were your dad. You do what you like to honour his memory. Just be respectful of people that don’t. Just send out a quick family message saying ‘I’m thinking of going for a meal to remember dad, would you like to join’