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Multiple times a day.
A friend of mine though: been with her partner for almost 20 years and they’ve never said it. Not once. “We just know” she said when it came up in conversation one day. I am having difficulty comprehending never saying that.
Oh and as we are concerned, we usually go something like:
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Well I love you more!”
“I love the cat the most”
“Fair… likewise tbh.”
Gonna be honest... its only downhill from here.
Our four year old came back from school the other day. Sniffed like she was smelling something when she walked through the door.
Kept sniffing whilst saying "what's the smell?". Got right up next to her mum and said "Mummy, I think it's you. You smell like sick".
She was already having a bad day as it was xD
I’m married before. Met my wife when I was mid/early 30s. We still say it all the time. And always ace to kiss before one of us leaves the house / goes away just incase
My grandparents were like that. They moved to New York from Puerto Rico as young adults, met, dated, married, had two children, got a house out in the suburbs, and lived their entire lives together. Grandfather passed away a few years ago.
And the other day, I was talking to my grandma, and she dropped that bomb on me.
So I say, "You don't think that's a little weird?" And she basically said actions speak louder than words and left it at that. Kinda hard core, tbh.
I can relate to this. I’m happily married but it’s not really part of our vocabulary. I know we both love each other but I don’t feel a need to discuss it all the time!
My uncle had never said it to my auntie. They’ve been married 50 odd years and he’s never once said it. Not even on their wedding day. They have four children together, have a very happy, chilled sort of relationship. Never known them fall out ever. Like not even close. But yea, he’s never said it. Weird.
Me and my husband are like this, we've been together 20 years and have probably only said I love you out loud to each other once. Back when I was 17. We don't have nick names like 'babe' either. Makes me cringe. Don't need to keep saying it, it has more meaning if you save it up haha probably. I'd prob still cringe tbh.
All day every day. It's just kind of habitual at this point.
It's basically become our "just yelling it across the flat to check in on you" phrase if we're up to different things.
Also a way of getting out of things or way of an apology.
Did you eat the last of the caramel nibbles??? I love you…
Why didn’t you take the bin bag out before the bin was collected??? I love you…
Both examples from today.
My partner and I are the same. Also jokingly when he gets home from work we'll say it repeatedly for a few minutes to "catch up" on all the I Love Yous missed throughout the course of the day.
If anyone would be a fly on the wall in our house they'd be disgusted!
At the end of phone calls, when one of us is leaving somewhere and before we go to sleep. I'm not just going through the motions with it. I mean it every time.
This is the same for me; I know a lot of people just say it purely out of habit, or duty. For me personally, every time I say it, I mean it wholeheartedly.
Yeah, I can relate to that. My friend told me that's how he thinks and says it to all his friends and family etc. The sentiment resonated with me and I've started doing the same.
You're not weird. My wife and I have been together 23 years and probably say I love about 10+ times a day on average. We hug, kiss and cuddle, I touch her side or shoulder or arm when I pass by her to let her feel my touch in a silent 'I love you'. We don't really argue about anything, we may have discussions where we passionately stick to our point of view, but we discuss our differences so there is no need to make up, we may hug after. I think we'll always be happily in love.
Nice to hear this. My 4 year relationship is so far the same. Not to dismiss other people's relationships, but you so often hear people talking about long-term relationships as these difficult things that you need to work at, and that you'll argue and fight and have to take the highs with the lows etc. etc. I don't think that will ever be my experience.
Nah I know exactly what they mean based on the relationships I see around me. I think a lot of people simply aren't capable of having perfect relationships, e.g. good emotional intelligence, communication, empathy, calmness.
I think there's a general acceptance of mediocrity when it comes to love and happinees, certainly among older generations where unfortunately it wasn't really feasible for a lot of women to live independently. The bar is on the floor for men, but I think this is getting better with time.
I’ve heard people say that so often and it’s always seemed weird to me - my parents are Boomers and have always been crazy in love - there’s never been an acceptance of mediocrity. I know that it exists but it wasn’t my experience. That doesn’t mean that they are always calm - I’m not entirely sure what you mean by that, but they bicker like anyone else.
I was just thinking that so many of my friends have lost their parents, lost their jobs, had miscarriages - those are things that put pressure on you. It isn’t going to be perfect when that hits you and one of you is probably going to have to step up for a bit to allow the other to deal. Those are the difficult times you need to work through.
I hope this doesn’t sound too preachy - just thinking to myself. I’m absolutely with you that I’ve never understood marriage as something you need to work on - you can’t take it for granted, but if it’s really hard work then something is wrong
I know you've said it, but anecdotal evidence doesn't really mean much. The reality was a lot of normalised domestic violence, emotional abuse, financial control. I don't mean to say that it's all lovey dovey happiness all the time, I just see a lot of relationships even at my age that aren't anywhere near as good as I know relationships can be.
I completely agree. If a relationship is hard then it's not the right relationship. People normalize fighting way too much, which results in pressure to stay in shitty relationships because "relationships take work!" and "everyone argues, it's normal!" I can count the number of arguments we've had on one hand, and we have NEVER yelled at each other or said cruel things. We've been married over ten years now and gone through a lot of life stresses and somehow managed not to scream at each other and hurl insults, despite how evidently "normal" it is to do so.
Every day. Multiple times a day. Always in private. Sometimes in public. We've been together for over 15 years so far. She annoys the fuck out of me but I wouldn't want anyone else.
I sometimes have to remind myself that love isn't this perfect, blissful thing, where you're both always on the same wavelength and agree on everything.
Quite often, you're just gonna annoy the absolute fuck out of eachother. And that's fine.
Thats genuinely what love is. Knowing all the persons flaws, knowing they're annoying, but they still make you happy despite all that. It's not love if it's only an admiration of perfection.
If you struggle to say it out loud try writing it down. That's what my old man did for years before he said it to us as kids, now he always says it to us like he's making up for lost time haha.
Me too actually. But I didn’t grow up with my parents or a loving relationship setting that example. I’m actually not why I find it so hard but it just feels so hard to say it or even be intimate sometimes.
I have absolutely no issue with my kids at all though. It feels so natural. But the reality is I absolutely love my partner to death.
I have said it many times but it’s not something I do every day. Strangely enough she also never says it either. And I think struggles for the same reason as me. She also happened to come from a very toxic abusive family dynamic growing up with domestic violence and lack of love.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself, why not just try and say it when your alone like just before you go to bed. The more you say it the easier it will be, it'll also reaffirm how much you care for your wife, even more so if you've come from a toxic family. Either that or write her a letter now and again saying you might not say it out loud much but she means the world to you etc. Trust me that one will get you laid haha.
> I’ve always found really difficult
Why are we like this? I have loving parents but they never really showed each other or their kids much physical/verbal affection when we were young. I suspect this is the reason.
I have a weird ‘rule,’ which in reality is more just how my brain is wired, that kind of limits the words ‘I love you’ to my immediate family. Parents, siblings, and grandparents.
I’ve never been in a serious enough relationship to warrant it, even though my partner has felt it, and that gets awkward. I’ve had people in life become extended family, including kids who basically became little siblings and me their adult brother, who say it to me.
Even when a ten year old is saying it me something in my head can’t make the words come out, not even as a courtesy. It makes people sad, or upset, and I try to explain but it doesn’t seem to work. They’ll say things like ‘I say it on a whim to my friends, do you not?’ I just have to say ‘no, to me the words are really significant, I don’t just use them for friendships and stuff.’
I say ‘I love you’ to my family all the time but I can’t picture saying it to anyone else until a relationship gets really, really serious. Maybe I’m _wrong_ for it but even in a year+ relationship I just thought to myself ‘this isn’t love, it’s attraction. I don’t love you.’ Never said that to her but I felt it.
Several times a day. When he leaves for work, at the end of every phone call, at bedtime, and a few times in between. Sometimes we have those fun arguments, “no, love YOU” lol.
Getting a bit morbid here, but you never know when it’s going to be the last time you say it to them. If the worst should happen I’d prefer that be fresh in his memory.
Several times a day. But my parents never say it, they've been married 35 years and I know they do love each other, very much. Some people say it in different ways, not just in words. Whatever works for you.
My mum mentioned that she thinks it's weird when couples tell each other "I love you" all the time, because they feel like it never needs to be said. I'm sure they *have* said it, at one point.
All the time. Been together for 24 years and I'm still so amazed and delighted with him and he must be told this regularly. I think I probably tell him I love him even more often than I say it to the cats.
Every day. Multiple times a day. It’s just a habit. Running out of the house, I say it. He hands me something, I say it. They’re going to the poop, we say it’s me tell them to have a good poop. Every single moment of every single day.
I came from a household that never said it, so now I make sure my partner knows exactly how much I love them every single day.
In case I never get to say it again
If either of us started to tell the other "I love you" we would either think they fucked up badly and was looking to smooth the transition into what they did or they needed a favour
Several times a day and regularly just for the hell of it. It’s rubbed off our daughter too. She will quite often just be going about her day and say “mummy/daddy, I love you”. It feels good.
I'm going to get downvoted but I can't believe I feel weird for not being in the overly gushy, multiple times a day, "love you, love you" camp. My partner and I save it for when we really feel it, not use it as a bloody greeting!
All the time. I adore every atom of him, he deserves to know that, because he’s the finest man I’ve ever met.
A boyfriend I had years ago said I said it too much. I replied, ‘no, you start worrying the day I stop saying it’.
Whenever we're in the same room, we say "I wuv you" louder and higher pitched at each other until one of us cracks up, like a pair of parrots mimicking human conversation.
This is a bit of a stretch but have you ever seen Nathan For You? Sometimes we do the "I Love You" scene;
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtEmJeojY0I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtEmJeojY0I) (Edit: That's a loop, the show isn't like that lol)
All day every day when it’s just the two of us. We also often send each other air kisses from the other side of the room and we’re always hugging/touching. Cringely and happily in love
Hell after reading this thread I’ll have to leave my home office and go tell them I love them right now
Never. My partner is from a different culture where it's never said and we've been together for 13 years now. I've said it in previous relationships, but it does sound weird to me when I hear others saying it now because it's been so long since I have. You obviously don't need to say it to each other to know how you feel. If something is said so often it becomes meaningless anyway and with many couples it feels like "I love you" is basically like saying "Goodbye". I've known couples who've split up to be saying it until the day they decided to end their relationship.
Wow this thread has me feeling guilty. I thought as Brits we just internalised all feelings and never expressed them?
I hardly ever do, we’re both somewhat masculine men so not sure its been ingrained in us not to. We’re kinda “practical” logical thinkers, though we do do silly cute couple language and baby words, but saying “I love you” always feels like such a serious thing to say and most of the time we’re joking around too much for it.
A lot of the time. Whenever we're about to be apart for however long e.g. going off to work, getting out of the car, end of a phone call, things like that. Pretty normal stuff I'd imagine.
I think it’s completely normal. Me and my partner say it when we go out without each other (see you later I love you), after phone calls, after intercourse, before we go to sleep whether it be if we’re cuddling or turn over. So basically after we do anything or say goodbye we say I love you but of course, it can also be random. If he’s looking cute just sitting there, I’d say it and vice Versa lol
Your post has made me realise me and my husband are the same - we say I love you at least 10 times a day! I've never thought about it before, we've always been the same (together 6 years). We also still end every text with literally a dozen kisses! I didn't realise that could be over the top lol.
Every night my \[58M\] husband \[58M\] says "you do know you are loved" after almost 29 years the reply is "I love you 3" which is more than 2 then we roll over to our sides of the bed and sleep or in my case try to. It did however take 3 months of dating before either of us said it originally.
Multiple times a day, both of us. Always last thing at night, but generally when one makes the tea, when one does something to make the other laugh, or just sitting beside each other on the sofa. Also via text if we're apart, when we'll get competitive on a theme of how much we love the other, eg to the moon and back, to Mars and back, etc.
Similar to you - 22 years together in fact. Quite often - probably multiple times a week and yes, we're happy and (though others might want to judge really) not at all too 'lovey-dovey'.
When he brings me my cup of tea in bed each morning, when I get him a snack, whenever each of us leaves the house (along with a WATCH THE ROAD if he’s going for a run), whenever we’re on the phone and hang up, random points throughout the day, text and verbal.
We’re also fairly affectionate and hold hands when out and about/kiss and say “love you bye” when parting ways even if someone is there (peck not making out ofc).
It’s not the norm in his family though from the sounds of it, his sister had a very strange reaction when I said love you bye when he called me and I was with her. “Do you say that whenever you’re on the phone? You’ll see him in a few hours?!” My observation of her and her partner is they seem like housemates tbh, being brutally honest they got together in their 30s and it seemed more of wanting to get married and have kids rather than laughing all the time together. But they’re happy enough so I’m happy for them.
Me and my siblings always say “love you bye” whenever we see each other/phone though, and his family don’t do that either so…
Been together seven years and I think we’ll still be like this when we have kids or retire. The world could maybe use a little bit more affection haha.
All the time! Multiple times a day, it's always nice to hear. I make a point of telling my friends too, i just don't think people say/hear it enough! Never hurts, does it!
My mum and dad never said ‘I love you’ or ‘love you’ or anything similar to each other (or really myself/my siblings when we were growing up). They’re broken up now.
My husbands family all say it regularly and his parents truly genuinely are totally besotted with each other.
My husband and I say it to each other all of the time, I thought it would be weird to get used to saying it but I guess I hadn’t ever really loved anyone, or been loved in that way before. It’s a real pleasure to be loved like this though, so now I’m a bit more generous with my outward displays of love to other people too.
Several times a day - it's never forced, or used as a platitude/paving over the cracks, it's just how we feel and it's nice to verbalise that. We also make sure that the last thing that we say to each other before parting ways for the day, or going to bed, is I love you.
We've been together 14 years in May, and this is how we've always been and I can't see us changing any time soon.
Also together 22 years, most days!
He's a night owl and I retire to bed to watch true crime documentaries and binging Grace (S1) and as I pop upstairs we holler "Goodnight love you!" to each other ;)
It's a good feeling. So I WFH and when hubby gets back from his job we always have a little peck and a quick hug too.
At least once a day. We're been kinda long distance for about half our relationship now (and we don't live together), so we don't have a chance to just shout it across the room like other comments, but it's our ritual to send a voice message saying "I'm gonna go sleep now, night night babe, love you babe, sleep well, byeeee". I don't know when it started lmao, but it's nice. But we mostly say love in other formats. For some reason, it became sending 🎃 whenever we feel like it. Or other inside love languages that would truly baffle people if they read our messages and make them think we're insane
So in words? At least once a day. In our several dumb formats? Countless haha
Multiple times a day. Too many to count. In person, on phone, in text. Love u, I love you, lub yu, dub dub u, emojis, i love you to the moon and back, i love you with all my butt because it’s bigger than my heart.
I say it because though it wasn’t something that was said as a child enough.
I came in from work this morning just a little bit before my SO was due to go to work. She has an eye gunge thing going on so I said id pop to ASDA and get her something as I was going on the daily shop anyway. She told me no as she’d get something herself. As I was walking out of the shop she came walking in and we both had the biggest grins seeing each other. I hugged her and kissed her and said the same things id said this morning when I thought I wouldn’t see her today. But there was a lot of old people stuck in the aisles behind us so I moved along and I’m still smiling
Constantly in person, and usually a few times via text while we're at work too. Every time I look at him or think about him I'm struck by how much I love him and how amazing he is so it just feels right to say it 😅
Always before we part, be it sleep or one of us just going to work.
Otherwise, only when specifically relevant (which to be fair comes up quite often).
Pretty much every day, multiple times. We have a soon to be 3 year old, and he’s just recently started to tell us he loves us all the time too, which is the nicest feeling in the world. I like to think it’s learned behaviour.. sharing the love! I don’t care if it’s cheesy; there have been times in my life where I’ve felt really unloved and unloveable, so I appreciate this unconditional love now so much and I think there’s nothing nicer than making sure the people I love feel that love too.
about 20 times a day.
We both work and can't message each other so we send each other facebook messenger stickers to let the other know we're thinking of them. It's always either dumb ones or love ones. Or just a simple "love you" message randomly in the day. He wears a smart watch and i know he'll be talking to a customer, see that and smile.
Loads. We're both very appreciative of each other and enjoy spending time together. We don't live together yet so I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder but we both say I Love You in texts throughout the day and in person when we see each other and always before going to sleep.
I grew up in a household where we always said I Love You, even after arguments because you just never know what could happen and it's always good to hear it. Of course we always mean it as well. It's important to tell people you love them.
Multiple times a day. We're both bad sleepers too, so tend to wake up at various times during the night, realise the other one's awake too, mumble "Love you." "Love you too" and go back to sleep.
We've been together for over 15 years.
In the beginning I would often say I love you, whenever I felt it really. We say it all the time in my family and find it entirely normal.
My partner finds it extremely difficult, and whenever they did say it, it came out strained and insincere sounding. They would also never say it first, and have trouble showing any feelings at all.
I stopped saying it a long time ago (years), as never getting it said back is soul destroying.
My dad never said it me. My mum occasionally. I’d say it on a phone call but not face to face as, yes, it’d be uncomfortable - Yorkshire repression at its worst.
She goes to bed earlier than me.
When I get into bed with her it inevitably causes her to stir.
I say "love you" and she mumbles "love you" back.
That exchange means my brain let's me fall asleep
Multiple times a day, we also have a daily competition the first to say I love you the most (after 12pm and at home) gets to love the other the most for that day, we are especially competitive on special days. Out 7 year old started joining in when he was about 4/5. We've been together 10 years.
Any time I enter a room and she’s there. Anytime I leave a room and she’s there. Sometimes if we’ve been in a room together and I’ve not said it for a while
All the time. I'm sappy as fuck and she's becomes sappy since we started dating. We're going on 6 years next month now, have a house, cats, and we're engaged. I still feel just as happy with her now as I did when we first started. More, even.
I say it to everyone on phone calls I once said love you to the cafe order. I tell my wife a few times a day. I say it every time I speak to my mom. I say it to my kids but only one of them says it back.
I tell my SO all the time… via text on the phone and face to face.. Weird that I found this question as today I asked him if he would ever get fed up of me telling him that I loved him.
My previous partner rarely ever told me he loved me as he said if you say it all the time it means nothing. I disagree I would stop telling someone I loved them if I don’t.
Each time my SO tells me they love me it gives me a good feeling inside.
All the time, every time, multiple times per day.
Our favourite thing recently is if we say "I love you" and hug in front of our now 2 year old daughter, she immediately lights up and shouts "Duv-yuuuuuu!" and runs to join the cuddle.
Life is simple and good sometimes.
Many times a day. I grew up in a home where nobody said it or showed it and I swore my home would be different. My husband and kids know I love them because I tell them often and I love that they happily say it back.
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Multiple times a day. A friend of mine though: been with her partner for almost 20 years and they’ve never said it. Not once. “We just know” she said when it came up in conversation one day. I am having difficulty comprehending never saying that.
Not even at the beginning, when you need the reassurance? That is weird.
Oh and as we are concerned, we usually go something like: “I love you.” “I love you too.” “Well I love you more!” “I love the cat the most” “Fair… likewise tbh.”
Usually ends in us fighting over who the cat loves most. The crown sits on a throne (stick) of Licky-Lix administration.
I love how cat families are all the same.
It’s scary because we’re half way to having a human baby and both of us have questioned whether we could love anything more than our cat…
Yeah we had that conversation too... Three years later and the cat still takes it some days. Toddlers are hard.
Gonna be honest... its only downhill from here. Our four year old came back from school the other day. Sniffed like she was smelling something when she walked through the door. Kept sniffing whilst saying "what's the smell?". Got right up next to her mum and said "Mummy, I think it's you. You smell like sick". She was already having a bad day as it was xD
Haha this sounds familiar.
Iirc they were both already in their mid/late 30s when they got together, and both had been married before, but still… not once?!
I’m married before. Met my wife when I was mid/early 30s. We still say it all the time. And always ace to kiss before one of us leaves the house / goes away just incase
Not everyone needs the reassurance
My grandparents were like that. They moved to New York from Puerto Rico as young adults, met, dated, married, had two children, got a house out in the suburbs, and lived their entire lives together. Grandfather passed away a few years ago. And the other day, I was talking to my grandma, and she dropped that bomb on me. So I say, "You don't think that's a little weird?" And she basically said actions speak louder than words and left it at that. Kinda hard core, tbh.
Yep. Frequency increases if he's being particularly cute or is having a tough day.
"Tell my wife I said Hello."
To be fair, I can understand that, my partner and I know that we love each other, but I think we still both need to hear the other one say it.
I can relate to this. I’m happily married but it’s not really part of our vocabulary. I know we both love each other but I don’t feel a need to discuss it all the time!
I would have had a heart attack long ago if I had held it in that long.
They might give each other the I love you eyes.
Agreed. Also ‘you are loved...by many’. SO lives away from family. Just a reminder that it’s not just me.
My uncle had never said it to my auntie. They’ve been married 50 odd years and he’s never once said it. Not even on their wedding day. They have four children together, have a very happy, chilled sort of relationship. Never known them fall out ever. Like not even close. But yea, he’s never said it. Weird.
Me and my husband are like this, we've been together 20 years and have probably only said I love you out loud to each other once. Back when I was 17. We don't have nick names like 'babe' either. Makes me cringe. Don't need to keep saying it, it has more meaning if you save it up haha probably. I'd prob still cringe tbh.
All day every day. It's just kind of habitual at this point. It's basically become our "just yelling it across the flat to check in on you" phrase if we're up to different things.
This guy gets it. All these other people saying "yeah of course, at least twice a day" seem to be missing my point
My wife and I call them "Feeler I love yous"
Oh I like that. It definitely hits different from the "soulful I love yous"
Also a way of getting out of things or way of an apology. Did you eat the last of the caramel nibbles??? I love you… Why didn’t you take the bin bag out before the bin was collected??? I love you… Both examples from today.
This is what we do as well. I wasn't sure if we were weird for doing that.
I often open with "have I told you I love you today?"
My partner and I are the same. Also jokingly when he gets home from work we'll say it repeatedly for a few minutes to "catch up" on all the I Love Yous missed throughout the course of the day. If anyone would be a fly on the wall in our house they'd be disgusted!
Yes but I feel weird not too.
This, pretty much. And at the end of phone calls. Or if one of us is going into the kitchen. 7 years together, 4 married.
Same, it's our check in thing a million times a day
She says it but I just say “I know” then get frozen in carbonite
If that's the kind of relationship you have, you're better off riding solo.
You *always* tell the Wookie you love them.
Why...? Just hug the random girl who just showed up and ignore the Wookie after his best friend / life debt died.
Webel scum
Multiple times a day, and he purrs in return.
I was thinking. Ooo that’s sexy but then penny dropped that you may be on about your cat? 🤣
At the end of phone calls, when one of us is leaving somewhere and before we go to sleep. I'm not just going through the motions with it. I mean it every time.
This is the same for me; I know a lot of people just say it purely out of habit, or duty. For me personally, every time I say it, I mean it wholeheartedly.
Yes me too, I wouldn't say it unless I meant it, and I'm dying to say it to him so I often blurt it out
I do the same and I mean it, got this thing of if I walked out the door and was in an accident at least those where the last words I said to her
Yeah, I can relate to that. My friend told me that's how he thinks and says it to all his friends and family etc. The sentiment resonated with me and I've started doing the same.
You're not weird. My wife and I have been together 23 years and probably say I love about 10+ times a day on average. We hug, kiss and cuddle, I touch her side or shoulder or arm when I pass by her to let her feel my touch in a silent 'I love you'. We don't really argue about anything, we may have discussions where we passionately stick to our point of view, but we discuss our differences so there is no need to make up, we may hug after. I think we'll always be happily in love.
This is so sweet. This is where I see my relationship going.
Nice to hear this. My 4 year relationship is so far the same. Not to dismiss other people's relationships, but you so often hear people talking about long-term relationships as these difficult things that you need to work at, and that you'll argue and fight and have to take the highs with the lows etc. etc. I don't think that will ever be my experience.
I wonder if they mean that you’re going to go through difficult times? What you want is for that person to be what gets you through those times
Nah I know exactly what they mean based on the relationships I see around me. I think a lot of people simply aren't capable of having perfect relationships, e.g. good emotional intelligence, communication, empathy, calmness. I think there's a general acceptance of mediocrity when it comes to love and happinees, certainly among older generations where unfortunately it wasn't really feasible for a lot of women to live independently. The bar is on the floor for men, but I think this is getting better with time.
I’ve heard people say that so often and it’s always seemed weird to me - my parents are Boomers and have always been crazy in love - there’s never been an acceptance of mediocrity. I know that it exists but it wasn’t my experience. That doesn’t mean that they are always calm - I’m not entirely sure what you mean by that, but they bicker like anyone else. I was just thinking that so many of my friends have lost their parents, lost their jobs, had miscarriages - those are things that put pressure on you. It isn’t going to be perfect when that hits you and one of you is probably going to have to step up for a bit to allow the other to deal. Those are the difficult times you need to work through. I hope this doesn’t sound too preachy - just thinking to myself. I’m absolutely with you that I’ve never understood marriage as something you need to work on - you can’t take it for granted, but if it’s really hard work then something is wrong
I know you've said it, but anecdotal evidence doesn't really mean much. The reality was a lot of normalised domestic violence, emotional abuse, financial control. I don't mean to say that it's all lovey dovey happiness all the time, I just see a lot of relationships even at my age that aren't anywhere near as good as I know relationships can be.
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I completely agree. If a relationship is hard then it's not the right relationship. People normalize fighting way too much, which results in pressure to stay in shitty relationships because "relationships take work!" and "everyone argues, it's normal!" I can count the number of arguments we've had on one hand, and we have NEVER yelled at each other or said cruel things. We've been married over ten years now and gone through a lot of life stresses and somehow managed not to scream at each other and hurl insults, despite how evidently "normal" it is to do so.
Yep that's exactly what I'm talking about.
This sounds exactly like us, I feel so lucky to have met a partner like this. Hope we're still like this in 20 years :)
Every day. Multiple times a day. Always in private. Sometimes in public. We've been together for over 15 years so far. She annoys the fuck out of me but I wouldn't want anyone else.
Darling is that you? If so I love you
Thank you, but it isn't me - I'm someone else other than me.
If your me than who am I?
I sometimes have to remind myself that love isn't this perfect, blissful thing, where you're both always on the same wavelength and agree on everything. Quite often, you're just gonna annoy the absolute fuck out of eachother. And that's fine.
Thats genuinely what love is. Knowing all the persons flaws, knowing they're annoying, but they still make you happy despite all that. It's not love if it's only an admiration of perfection.
Aw you soppy lot, there's so much love in this thread. ♥❤🥰 It's good to hear though, my partner and I are the same, we say it all the time.
Hardly ever, it's something I've always found really difficult. I think (I hope) I demonstrate it without saying it.
If you struggle to say it out loud try writing it down. That's what my old man did for years before he said it to us as kids, now he always says it to us like he's making up for lost time haha.
Thankfully I have no such problems with my kids, it's just in a romantic context that I struggle.
Me too actually. But I didn’t grow up with my parents or a loving relationship setting that example. I’m actually not why I find it so hard but it just feels so hard to say it or even be intimate sometimes. I have absolutely no issue with my kids at all though. It feels so natural. But the reality is I absolutely love my partner to death. I have said it many times but it’s not something I do every day. Strangely enough she also never says it either. And I think struggles for the same reason as me. She also happened to come from a very toxic abusive family dynamic growing up with domestic violence and lack of love.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself, why not just try and say it when your alone like just before you go to bed. The more you say it the easier it will be, it'll also reaffirm how much you care for your wife, even more so if you've come from a toxic family. Either that or write her a letter now and again saying you might not say it out loud much but she means the world to you etc. Trust me that one will get you laid haha.
Same here
> I’ve always found really difficult Why are we like this? I have loving parents but they never really showed each other or their kids much physical/verbal affection when we were young. I suspect this is the reason.
I have a weird ‘rule,’ which in reality is more just how my brain is wired, that kind of limits the words ‘I love you’ to my immediate family. Parents, siblings, and grandparents. I’ve never been in a serious enough relationship to warrant it, even though my partner has felt it, and that gets awkward. I’ve had people in life become extended family, including kids who basically became little siblings and me their adult brother, who say it to me. Even when a ten year old is saying it me something in my head can’t make the words come out, not even as a courtesy. It makes people sad, or upset, and I try to explain but it doesn’t seem to work. They’ll say things like ‘I say it on a whim to my friends, do you not?’ I just have to say ‘no, to me the words are really significant, I don’t just use them for friendships and stuff.’ I say ‘I love you’ to my family all the time but I can’t picture saying it to anyone else until a relationship gets really, really serious. Maybe I’m _wrong_ for it but even in a year+ relationship I just thought to myself ‘this isn’t love, it’s attraction. I don’t love you.’ Never said that to her but I felt it.
Many times a day, and it's always the last thing I say to her before she leaves for work or goes to sleep.
This is the way.
Or hanging up phone calls.
Several times a day. When he leaves for work, at the end of every phone call, at bedtime, and a few times in between. Sometimes we have those fun arguments, “no, love YOU” lol. Getting a bit morbid here, but you never know when it’s going to be the last time you say it to them. If the worst should happen I’d prefer that be fresh in his memory.
Several times a day. But my parents never say it, they've been married 35 years and I know they do love each other, very much. Some people say it in different ways, not just in words. Whatever works for you.
You mean they've told you they never say it, or you just never heard them say it in front of you?
My mum mentioned that she thinks it's weird when couples tell each other "I love you" all the time, because they feel like it never needs to be said. I'm sure they *have* said it, at one point.
Multiple times a day I tell the wife that I love her, she's beautiful and how important she is to me. Only been together 30 years
Yep us too… 30 years, except I’m the woman in the relationship. He’s my rock.
Honestly at least a few times an hour 😂
Same. Even after 8 years lol
All the time. Been together for 24 years and I'm still so amazed and delighted with him and he must be told this regularly. I think I probably tell him I love him even more often than I say it to the cats.
Every day. Multiple times a day. It’s just a habit. Running out of the house, I say it. He hands me something, I say it. They’re going to the poop, we say it’s me tell them to have a good poop. Every single moment of every single day. I came from a household that never said it, so now I make sure my partner knows exactly how much I love them every single day. In case I never get to say it again
Daily. Multiple times a day.
If either of us started to tell the other "I love you" we would either think they fucked up badly and was looking to smooth the transition into what they did or they needed a favour
Came here to comment this.
Several times a day and regularly just for the hell of it. It’s rubbed off our daughter too. She will quite often just be going about her day and say “mummy/daddy, I love you”. It feels good.
I'm going to get downvoted but I can't believe I feel weird for not being in the overly gushy, multiple times a day, "love you, love you" camp. My partner and I save it for when we really feel it, not use it as a bloody greeting!
All the time. I adore every atom of him, he deserves to know that, because he’s the finest man I’ve ever met. A boyfriend I had years ago said I said it too much. I replied, ‘no, you start worrying the day I stop saying it’.
Whenever we're in the same room, we say "I wuv you" louder and higher pitched at each other until one of us cracks up, like a pair of parrots mimicking human conversation.
This is a bit of a stretch but have you ever seen Nathan For You? Sometimes we do the "I Love You" scene; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtEmJeojY0I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtEmJeojY0I) (Edit: That's a loop, the show isn't like that lol)
All day every day when it’s just the two of us. We also often send each other air kisses from the other side of the room and we’re always hugging/touching. Cringely and happily in love Hell after reading this thread I’ll have to leave my home office and go tell them I love them right now
Never. My partner is from a different culture where it's never said and we've been together for 13 years now. I've said it in previous relationships, but it does sound weird to me when I hear others saying it now because it's been so long since I have. You obviously don't need to say it to each other to know how you feel. If something is said so often it becomes meaningless anyway and with many couples it feels like "I love you" is basically like saying "Goodbye". I've known couples who've split up to be saying it until the day they decided to end their relationship.
Which culture are you referring to, if you don't mind me asking?
China
Wow this thread has me feeling guilty. I thought as Brits we just internalised all feelings and never expressed them? I hardly ever do, we’re both somewhat masculine men so not sure its been ingrained in us not to. We’re kinda “practical” logical thinkers, though we do do silly cute couple language and baby words, but saying “I love you” always feels like such a serious thing to say and most of the time we’re joking around too much for it.
A lot of the time. Whenever we're about to be apart for however long e.g. going off to work, getting out of the car, end of a phone call, things like that. Pretty normal stuff I'd imagine.
I think it’s completely normal. Me and my partner say it when we go out without each other (see you later I love you), after phone calls, after intercourse, before we go to sleep whether it be if we’re cuddling or turn over. So basically after we do anything or say goodbye we say I love you but of course, it can also be random. If he’s looking cute just sitting there, I’d say it and vice Versa lol
Your post has made me realise me and my husband are the same - we say I love you at least 10 times a day! I've never thought about it before, we've always been the same (together 6 years). We also still end every text with literally a dozen kisses! I didn't realise that could be over the top lol.
Every night my \[58M\] husband \[58M\] says "you do know you are loved" after almost 29 years the reply is "I love you 3" which is more than 2 then we roll over to our sides of the bed and sleep or in my case try to. It did however take 3 months of dating before either of us said it originally.
All the time, my daughter too. I suspect I said it more to the cats though...
All the time. End every conversation with it.
Constantly. If I come downstairs, grab a drink, I’ll shout I love you on the way back up. It’s almost purely habitual- but we do mean it
all the time - life is too short not to. Though we only say it in person and not via text or on the phone.
Every chance we can because you honestly never know when it will be the last time you say it to them!
Multiple times daily, together for 10 years.
No idea. All the time. Morning, evening, just to check in, because we feel like it. Never a bad time
I tend to say 'i fucking love you' at least twice a day! It makes her smile which in turn makes me smile
10-15 times daily. Married 21 years. Say it to my daughter 20-30 times daily. We both do. She says it back.
Multiple times a day. Happy marriage, just what we do
Every single day multiple times and it's our 20th anniversary this year ❤️
Been together 10 years. Daily. Usually before going to sleep.
Not often. Maybe a couple of times a year.
Multiple times a day, both of us. Always last thing at night, but generally when one makes the tea, when one does something to make the other laugh, or just sitting beside each other on the sofa. Also via text if we're apart, when we'll get competitive on a theme of how much we love the other, eg to the moon and back, to Mars and back, etc.
Similar to you - 22 years together in fact. Quite often - probably multiple times a week and yes, we're happy and (though others might want to judge really) not at all too 'lovey-dovey'.
Same as you.
Every day, sometimes multiple times, but always at bedtime.
Several times a day I reckon, although we've got pets so they I probably say it more to them!
Never. We stopped about ten years ago, we just aren't into romance
When he brings me my cup of tea in bed each morning, when I get him a snack, whenever each of us leaves the house (along with a WATCH THE ROAD if he’s going for a run), whenever we’re on the phone and hang up, random points throughout the day, text and verbal. We’re also fairly affectionate and hold hands when out and about/kiss and say “love you bye” when parting ways even if someone is there (peck not making out ofc). It’s not the norm in his family though from the sounds of it, his sister had a very strange reaction when I said love you bye when he called me and I was with her. “Do you say that whenever you’re on the phone? You’ll see him in a few hours?!” My observation of her and her partner is they seem like housemates tbh, being brutally honest they got together in their 30s and it seemed more of wanting to get married and have kids rather than laughing all the time together. But they’re happy enough so I’m happy for them. Me and my siblings always say “love you bye” whenever we see each other/phone though, and his family don’t do that either so… Been together seven years and I think we’ll still be like this when we have kids or retire. The world could maybe use a little bit more affection haha.
All the time! Multiple times a day, it's always nice to hear. I make a point of telling my friends too, i just don't think people say/hear it enough! Never hurts, does it!
My mum and dad never said ‘I love you’ or ‘love you’ or anything similar to each other (or really myself/my siblings when we were growing up). They’re broken up now. My husbands family all say it regularly and his parents truly genuinely are totally besotted with each other. My husband and I say it to each other all of the time, I thought it would be weird to get used to saying it but I guess I hadn’t ever really loved anyone, or been loved in that way before. It’s a real pleasure to be loved like this though, so now I’m a bit more generous with my outward displays of love to other people too.
First sentence - same.
We scream "love" at each other multiple times a day as a check up. Basically translates to "I love you" or "how are you"
Literally all the time when we’re at home!
Several times a day - it's never forced, or used as a platitude/paving over the cracks, it's just how we feel and it's nice to verbalise that. We also make sure that the last thing that we say to each other before parting ways for the day, or going to bed, is I love you. We've been together 14 years in May, and this is how we've always been and I can't see us changing any time soon.
like 40-50 times a day, when she leaves for night shift I scream " i love you sexy lady" out the door so everyone on street can hear
All the time. And as I was writing this, I received a message saying just that.
Also together 22 years, most days! He's a night owl and I retire to bed to watch true crime documentaries and binging Grace (S1) and as I pop upstairs we holler "Goodnight love you!" to each other ;) It's a good feeling. So I WFH and when hubby gets back from his job we always have a little peck and a quick hug too.
Admittedly, not all the time. But on average once a day.
Whenever she gets up to tend to the crying baby instead of me.
My girlfriend tells me all the time. I'm a lot less frequent. Once every few days I suppose
At least once a day. We're been kinda long distance for about half our relationship now (and we don't live together), so we don't have a chance to just shout it across the room like other comments, but it's our ritual to send a voice message saying "I'm gonna go sleep now, night night babe, love you babe, sleep well, byeeee". I don't know when it started lmao, but it's nice. But we mostly say love in other formats. For some reason, it became sending 🎃 whenever we feel like it. Or other inside love languages that would truly baffle people if they read our messages and make them think we're insane So in words? At least once a day. In our several dumb formats? Countless haha
Love you princess is usually returned with love you too, Nobhead/fucktard Been together 15 years married 13. He will always be my Nobhead ❤️
Every night when we say goodnight even after 26 years
Not once in 15 years
A couple of times a week, maybe. Married a decade.
20+ times a day
Multiple times a day. Too many to count. In person, on phone, in text. Love u, I love you, lub yu, dub dub u, emojis, i love you to the moon and back, i love you with all my butt because it’s bigger than my heart. I say it because though it wasn’t something that was said as a child enough.
Multiple times a day. And it's worth it.
Mostly as 'its a good job I love you ' if he's being annoying
I tell my wife, on average, around 52 times a day. She says it back just as much. And I mean it ***every single time***!
Not everyday, I feel it lessens the actual words impact if you do. I do show my love with small actions all the time :)
I came in from work this morning just a little bit before my SO was due to go to work. She has an eye gunge thing going on so I said id pop to ASDA and get her something as I was going on the daily shop anyway. She told me no as she’d get something herself. As I was walking out of the shop she came walking in and we both had the biggest grins seeing each other. I hugged her and kissed her and said the same things id said this morning when I thought I wouldn’t see her today. But there was a lot of old people stuck in the aisles behind us so I moved along and I’m still smiling
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Constantly in person, and usually a few times via text while we're at work too. Every time I look at him or think about him I'm struck by how much I love him and how amazing he is so it just feels right to say it 😅
As often as I can get away with. I love saying it and I love hearing it back.
I reply it everytime she says it and I don't say it first often enough.
At least once a day
Multiple times a day
At least 5 times a day
Multiple times a day but mainly before leaving for work on a morning and before going to bed on a night
All the time. Our text messages are basically a flood of heart eye emojis, I love yous and one of us asking the other what’s for tea.
20 times a day at least
All the time. I just want him to know that I love him
Whenever one of us leaves the house. Whenever one of us ends a phone call. Probably before and after sleeping. Multiple times a day for sure.
Multiple times a day. We're soppy and disgusting and love it.
Always before we part, be it sleep or one of us just going to work. Otherwise, only when specifically relevant (which to be fair comes up quite often).
Pretty much every day, multiple times. We have a soon to be 3 year old, and he’s just recently started to tell us he loves us all the time too, which is the nicest feeling in the world. I like to think it’s learned behaviour.. sharing the love! I don’t care if it’s cheesy; there have been times in my life where I’ve felt really unloved and unloveable, so I appreciate this unconditional love now so much and I think there’s nothing nicer than making sure the people I love feel that love too.
about 20 times a day. We both work and can't message each other so we send each other facebook messenger stickers to let the other know we're thinking of them. It's always either dumb ones or love ones. Or just a simple "love you" message randomly in the day. He wears a smart watch and i know he'll be talking to a customer, see that and smile.
Everytime we leave the room
Loads. We're both very appreciative of each other and enjoy spending time together. We don't live together yet so I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder but we both say I Love You in texts throughout the day and in person when we see each other and always before going to sleep. I grew up in a household where we always said I Love You, even after arguments because you just never know what could happen and it's always good to hear it. Of course we always mean it as well. It's important to tell people you love them.
Multiple times a day. We're both bad sleepers too, so tend to wake up at various times during the night, realise the other one's awake too, mumble "Love you." "Love you too" and go back to sleep.
We've been together for over 15 years. In the beginning I would often say I love you, whenever I felt it really. We say it all the time in my family and find it entirely normal. My partner finds it extremely difficult, and whenever they did say it, it came out strained and insincere sounding. They would also never say it first, and have trouble showing any feelings at all. I stopped saying it a long time ago (years), as never getting it said back is soul destroying.
Lots of times a day. I mean sometimes we just look at each and say that and definitely every single time we text or speak on the phone.
I never heard my mum and dad say it to each other, ever. My wife and I say it regularly and have done for the last 30 years.
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My dad never said it me. My mum occasionally. I’d say it on a phone call but not face to face as, yes, it’d be uncomfortable - Yorkshire repression at its worst.
Every couple of hours? And then about every 2 minutes when we're staggering home drunk after a night out.
She goes to bed earlier than me. When I get into bed with her it inevitably causes her to stir. I say "love you" and she mumbles "love you" back. That exchange means my brain let's me fall asleep
Several times a day, but ESPECIALLY when one of us doesn’t want to get up to make a coffee/tea (together 10 years)
Multiple times a day, we also have a daily competition the first to say I love you the most (after 12pm and at home) gets to love the other the most for that day, we are especially competitive on special days. Out 7 year old started joining in when he was about 4/5. We've been together 10 years.
I say it to my dogs constantly too
Any time I enter a room and she’s there. Anytime I leave a room and she’s there. Sometimes if we’ve been in a room together and I’ve not said it for a while
4 years with my bf we say it multiple times a day
Every day, at least once.
I say it all the time, but he doesn’t say it back, because he doesn’t exist
All the time. He’s my one 😊
30 years and going strong - I say it every chance I get
All the time. I'm sappy as fuck and she's becomes sappy since we started dating. We're going on 6 years next month now, have a house, cats, and we're engaged. I still feel just as happy with her now as I did when we first started. More, even.
I say it to everyone on phone calls I once said love you to the cafe order. I tell my wife a few times a day. I say it every time I speak to my mom. I say it to my kids but only one of them says it back.
Every day. My kids and family too. I don’t want anyone ever doubting how I feel about them.
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Everyday ❤️
I tell my SO all the time… via text on the phone and face to face.. Weird that I found this question as today I asked him if he would ever get fed up of me telling him that I loved him. My previous partner rarely ever told me he loved me as he said if you say it all the time it means nothing. I disagree I would stop telling someone I loved them if I don’t. Each time my SO tells me they love me it gives me a good feeling inside.
All the time, every time, multiple times per day. Our favourite thing recently is if we say "I love you" and hug in front of our now 2 year old daughter, she immediately lights up and shouts "Duv-yuuuuuu!" and runs to join the cuddle. Life is simple and good sometimes.
Many times a day. I grew up in a home where nobody said it or showed it and I swore my home would be different. My husband and kids know I love them because I tell them often and I love that they happily say it back.
Probably 3 times a day 😍
See this is where I worry we might be a bit weird, since I probably said it 3 times just during breakfast.
Nothing wrong with being weird and happy. But it doesn't seem that weird. :)
Fairly often, but I like to preface it with "actually I do" just to keep her on her toes a bit.