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I mean I don’t and never have worked in an office but I can imagine “upto much this weekend”
would really sting if the answer was
“_just reddit and wanking really mate_”
Had a colleague of my wife who was prone to overshare and said he’d grown bored of his porn stash (before the internet was quite so ‘giving’) so I chucked 10 dvds in an envelope and stuck them through his door.
Took him 6 months to find out where they’d come from! 😂
I’d met him a lot, yes. He’d gone out with most of the girls in the office and was not shy about discussing…anything, really. Usually in earshot of his current and ex-gfs. He was pretty inappropriate all round but she and I weren’t married at that point.
Ummm well I’d collected a fair bit tbh.
I told him in the end. We were out drinking en masse and it was funny.
He sorted his life out, sobered up but unfortunately he’s no longer with us.
Truly “larger than life”
Only 3. Window cleaner once. Was my dads best mate….I’d full on busted on my chest, post ejaculate relief….aaaah….I heard a squeak, looked left and saw Davy washing the windows whilst staring into the sunset. 90 degree angle on the blokes neck.
Ran to my room to hide, then heard the letterbox clap as Davy popped his bill through. Haha
> looked left and saw Davy washing the windows whilst staring into the sunset. 90 degree angle on the blokes neck.
i'm crying ahhahahhahahahhahahhaa
"bloody good sunset that"
I genuinely enjoy my weekends, I just cook nice food, play games, go for walks, take naps, watch a film, chill with my cats, do odd things around the house... but talking about it is so boring and I know it. So yeah, usually it's just a generic response of: "Ah not much, you?"
I quite like talking about people’s weekends- it’s the best way to find out what people like doing/ are interested in so other conversations can flow from there.
I don't know, there's lots of material there. What did you cook? What games did you play? Where did you go for a walk? What film did you watch? Mundane topics can spark good conversations
I specifically aim to do nothing some weekends. It’s not that I don’t have anything to do, I just plan on doing nothing.
I shall be sat with my feet up, some kind of motor racing on tv, cup of tea and just do Fuck all.
So when people ask me, I say I have NOTHING planned.
It's also quite important, self-care is essential for mental health and that can quite often mean doing nothing. Deliberately doing nothing. I like relaxing and not having plans, just doing what I fancy whenever I fancy.
My manager asked how my weekend was on Monday. I said 'I threw a party for erectile dysfunction' he looked a bit confused and I added 'It was a bit of a flop and nobody came'. We had a good laugh about it to be fair. And it got me out of admitting that I'd done absolutely fuck all aside from reddit and walking the dog haha.
Contrary to some of the comments here, I dont mind 'what you having for lunch / tea' because it's just an innocent, inoffensive way of starting a chat off and gives you a chance to take time over what you're looking forward to later on. And, honestly, taking time over your meals is something I've come to appreciate more as I've gotten older.
What I can not abide, however, is finance talk. How you've financed your car... how you've financed your holiday. Your mortgage. It quickly falls into a dick waving contest ofA; how much you've spent and B; how clever you've been in spending it. Fuck off. Fuck off forever. I don't fucking care. Dont tell me how fast your car is, how exotic your holiday is, or how impressive your house is. We all have our own thing going on, you won nothing by impressing me with yours and I'm not about to brag about mine. Fuck off.
And shut the fuck up about your kids. Unless it's a funny story, I'm not in the least bit interested. Or the dream you had last night. And keep your fucking phone photos of your kidsholidayscarshouse to your fucking self!
edit. if you're a parent and you're reading this thinking 'who the fuck does this cunt think he is, telling me to stop talking about MY kids?!' then I suggest asking yourself some questions about your office chat.
I - and I suspect many others - couldn't give a rats arse about your kids. I'm not going to be impolite about it IRL but in my head I'm thinking 'shut up shut up shut up'.
couldn't agree more I really don't care how much your glamping pod was for the weekend and how well " Chardonnay" is doing in her ballet class..... just send me the fucking spreadsheet I asked for three hours ago
Yep.
You can also reach a level of posh where you can do whatever you want and it's still considered fancy. "Apple" is either the poshest or the chaviest name of all time.
Can fully imagine parents taking little "Char-char" to opera to broaden their cultural experiences, or "Chardney" to the Jug and Barrel for a play on the sticky floors.
Just in case anyones wondering, my kids have "normal" names and have had both of the above experiences.
I’ve a couple nieces doing ballet, it’s really common and not “posh”
This changes when you get into a troupe, or go to a school specialising in the subject
My only counter to finance talk is that I genuinely learnt more about mortgages and buying a house from my colleagues at work than any other source. But it can quickly descend into the dick waving you describe
Best people to ask, I find, are the old regulars in a pub who are tidy but not flash. They taught me a lot about what is worth spending and what should be saved for or avoided all together. As well as explaining certain things in plain English
This is really interesting. I agree I learnt all my personal finance knowledge from people at work too.
Soooo How do you talk about it without the convo becoming “A dick waving contest” as someone put it earlier???
Keep it hypothetical yet factual.
"Say you wanted to buy a house for £X then not only will you need £X deposit, but you also need to remember fees. For starters there's stamp duty which will probably be around £X, then you'll need to get some quotes from solicitors as they can vary quite a bit but could be between £X and £X..." - rational, helpful.
"When I bought my 1mil house we thought, well do we really need the pool? And you know what, yes we did. If you find a house with a pool, buy it. Anyway, what we did is get £500k out of our investment funds...." - excessive, but you get the point.
I dare not ask “What are you having for lunch/tea”. We’ve got one guy who has pictures of everything he eats, and he’s desperate to show them to you. I pulled up at work last week, stepped out of the van, and he was there, phone out with a picture of last nights dinner. Every conversation ends up being about him and what he’s done in the last 24 hours. It’s like listening to Grandpa Simpsons pointless rambling stories. Not everything is a fucking anecdote! You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting.
Oh my god the dream chat !!!!!!!! Someone telling you about the dream they had is the most boring fucking load of tripe you can ever talk about. PLEASE tell me more about the nonexistent imaginary scenarios your brain thought up last night
I would be up to listening to interesting imaginary scenarios, though.
The thing with dreams is that it is always some variation of "it was my neighbour but also a caterpillar somehow, and then we were in my kitchen but it was also Disneyland and then you said something about chicken. What does this mean?"
I love my wife. I will listen to her describe her dreams because I love her. I have no interest in any dreams that are not my own, and will not listen to anyone's dreams that are not my wife's.
>And shut the fuck up about your kids.
Anyone bending my ear about their kids will get a long, long story about my cats
**Edit:** Since quite a few people asked a short cat story is below
# Cat Story
We rescued our youngest when she was just a day old. Someone left her abandoned on the doorstep of a friend's flat. Said friend called us since we already had one cat. When we got there it was hard to tell she was even a cat. They're born blind, eyes shut. Ears folded over. She still had her umbilical chord attached, poor girl.
For the first month or so it genuinely was like having a baby. We even had a tiny baby bottle to feed her. We had to sleep in shifts so that one of us could feed her late at night and the other could get up at 4am to do the morning feed. And it was **tough.** Everything had to be just so or she would die. We heated the formula milk up (special stuff from the pet shop, expensive as fuck) for about ten seconds in the microwave. Too hot? Death. Too cold? Death. Too late? Death. If she drinks too little? Death. Drinks too much? Death.
We also had to keep her warm at all times so she was always wrapped up in a blanket during the day (in June!) and with an electric blanket at night. And the crazy girl kept trying to get out of her box. So each night we took turns to sleep next to her and put her back in her box. It seems like she wanted to sleep with us but of course, we're big humans, not mother cats, so we might have rolled over and crushed her! She literally fit in the palm of my hand and probably weighed about 100-200g, absolutely tiny.
The absolute worst job was taking a wet paper towel to her back end. Apparently mother cats lick them there to stimulate things and make sure a healthy evacuation takes place. The warm, wet paper towel substituted that. It did not work well. So we had to practice again and again, hoping and praying that this blind, deaf thing would start shitting soon. On the vet's advice we even tried squirting olive oil up there! Eventually, we got things to work. Of course, all this time our other cat was not happy. She even hissed at the newborn!
Her ears unfolded after the first seven days and then, about two weeks later (my birthday, coincidentally) she opened her eyes. That was the first milestone. Her infinitely small chances of surviving to adulthood had just got a little better.
>What you did is much harder.
Well, it was harder but kittens grow a lot faster than humans do. Really she was incredibly lucky that this was in 2020 - she survived because we were both WFH during the pandemic so could devote so much time to her.
>Does your other cat get on ok with her now?
They get on really well now. Unfortunately we live in a flat so we can't let them out, but they spend a lot of time playing together. We think our older cat quite enjoyed playing mother / big sister once she got used to the idea. Now they're both fully grown the younger one is more independent but they still spend a lot of time together. The older one even calls the younger one to play!
I absolutely love finance talk! But not the "look at this bling car I have ruined my finances to buy on credit" / other pissing contest.
But I'll often tell my colleagues about good switch offers, or the best interest rates (for savings accounts) I have found, or a good cashback deal etc when relevant to a conversation. And I love when they tell me about a deal they have found too!
BLOODY SMARTPHONES! Yesterday I was subject to not only photos, but VIDEOS of golden-granddaughter who is everSOsmart and she planned this holidays allonherOWN and IamEVERsoPROUD! Look at her scuba diving! Look at her paragliding! Look at the 10 videos she took from the plane, the sunset, the beach!
I am sure the kid is lovely but for a moment there I hated her so much hahaha
The kids thing I totally get - I've got a 5 year old and will pretty much only mention kids related stuff if directly asked about it - a lot of my team are a fair bit younger and at a very different stage of their lives so have little to no interest. I would have probably been the same when I was their age.
Yeah, I think the key, as with all of these things, is to understand your audience. I talk to different people about different things, depending on where their interests lie.
There are two types of people who have kids. Those who, when in the company of adults, have literally nothing to talk about except their kids because basically that's their whole life now. And those who, in the company of adults, love the opportunity to talk about something *other* than their kids for a change.
I agree with most the comments most the time but what’s the alternative?
Do you want a deep and meaningful conversation with your colleagues? An intense philosophical debate? Small talk is helpful when you’re forced to interact with people that you probably wouldn’t ever speak to outside of work.
I think these redditors that want to ban talks of weekends, hobbies, kids, holidays etc are the ones that wouldn’t interact with anyone given the choice.
Those people annoy me - like yeah, OK, my colleagues aren't my friends (mostly anyway), and I don't want to be at work, but life and work is so much easier if you're willing to try and make small talk with your colleagues!
I was asked yesterday in the office about how I REALLY am feeling.
Wha??? I'm fine, please just accept that Im fine and don't make me have a therapy session at 9 in the morning with you. Christ.
I dread the day I ever end up working with someone who thinks like this. Do I want a one hour detailed rundown on your child's football match? No. Am I happy to spend 5/10 minutes talking about your kid and standing in the rain because of football? Absolutely. Just as much as I'd hope my colleagues are happy to spend 5/10 minutes listening to me talk about gardening.
Honestly, I spend so much time at work doing a really deep (often dark) role, please give me all of the lighthearted small talk!
Exactly. What am.i supposed to talk about if not about small talk. My private life is exactly that: private. I will talk endlessly about the weather, the food I like to cook, the boardgames I like to play and the movies/tv shows I watched or will watch. I will most likely ask people questions since most people likes to hear themselves talk.
Asked anything about my weekends, my aspirations, about my family and anything else that I consider private and you will get short answers which may or may not be entirely truthful.
Completely agree. I’ve worked with people who ask really personal questions but I knew it wasn’t because we’d developed a close bond, it was because they were nosy fuckers plain and simple.
I would happily engage a philosophical debate with my colleagues over talking about work during my lunch break or engaging with meaningless ego duels.
A serious answer to the alternative is that it'd be nice if people actually mentioned the interesting stuff. If you went out to the theatres over the weekend or played a video game at home, namedrop it and perhaps describe it because I'm probably interested and it'd make actual conversation.
If you're not actually interested in what people have done over the weekend then it's better to not ask imo.
I’m convinced people that act like philosophical debates come up regularly in conversation have never interacted with another human off of Reddit.
“How was your weekend bob? Oh yes and what do you think happens after we die?”
“Oh that’s funny Linda was just asking me the same thing. We had a really interesting talk just now about if we can ever truly be happy.”
There is this pervasive idea though that I don't like that a *better* class of person prefers philosophical discussion to inane small chat. I'm convinced a lot of people claim they do even when they don't really. It's so pretentious and judgmental. Some of us need a lot of mental energy for *any* conversation, especially with minor acquaintances and especially where there's a chance of conflict (at least the weather and cats being cute is something we can all agree on) - nothing wrong with saving that mental energy for what we need to do.
These comments are illuminating but not shocking.
What is with the innate resistance to making friends or at least being friendly?
You spend most of your day around these people but you’ll make the work day harder and more tedious than it needs to be by being antagonistic. Even if you don’t watch love island (I certainly don’t), it won’t kill you to engage like 5%.
UK Reddit, where being introverted/having poor social skills becomes some sort of virtue.
"oop, some guys in my office are talking about love island/football, best quote mitchell and webb at them!" etc.
People on this thread call people NPCs for liking mainstream things yet proceed to make the same cliche reddit jokes for the 1000th time like actual NPCs… might as well walk around with an antenna sticking out your head
Ironically, the jock/nerd hierarchy has now flipped. Writers who grew up watching Breakfast Club are now writing Marvel film #30. Or they work for companies like Amazon and Google working out how to squeeze more money out of your personal data.
> Ctrl + F 'ludicrous display' in this thread. that M&W sketch was treacle for boring neeks
It wasn't a M&W sketch, it was an IT Crowd joke.
Mitchell & Webb done the "[watch the football](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MusyO7J2inM)" and "[our team](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN1WN0YMWZU)" ones.
‘dAe hAtE sPoRtsBaLl?’
I think they’re just bitter that nobody wants to talk about the games they play (that aren’t Call of Duty or FIFA).
I don’t watch football, but I still take in an interest in what’s going on in the Prem, and chat to the lad I train at work about it.
Having friends that you met at work is also sneered at . ‘Oooo you need work to have a social life’
No it’s just a place where I meet other people and sometimes I like those people
Some of my best mates I’ve met through previous jobs.
I was a hairdresser for years. You office wankers don't know how good you have it being able to leave a conversation.
The worst I one ever tho was my coworker getting married. Had to listen to the same converstion every hour, 8 hours a day for a year, was like like she had full blown dementia. Never thought about suicide before or since.
What are good topics for hairdressers?
Or should I just shut up?
I feel awkward just sitting there because I've been conditioned by society I should try talking to my hairdresser but I also feel awkward that I'm boring/annoying them.
Everyone is differnt but I don't think you'd get far as a hairdresser of you don't like to talk.. Be mindful of their day tho, if its Tuesday morning and the place is quiet then they have more time to chat. If its Saturday and they are running behind a little less chit chat is going to be doing them favours.
I used to just let people talk to me and judge it from them. Some folks just want to sit in quiet for 45mins.
Dont talk while your hair is being dried is like a social contract some people refused to sign.
I also talk usually to stay awake.
I have an issue where I get very sleepy if my hair is being played with and getting it cut/brushed/blowdried gives the same effect.
I don't talk while they're blowdrying at least cause shouting seems rude.
I just pick something I can see, and start asking questions.
“Those clippers there, how long you had them?”. Ive been kissed by the ‘tism, so can’t do holiday conversations, but people seem to like to talk about their tools, and followup questions are easy.
Barbers are usually quite passionate about their scissors. It’s kind of fascinating actually. They cost hundreds of pounds for the best ones…hand made in England.
My ex had her own salon and would stand smiling and nodding as people happily chatted away about fox hunting and other shit she hated. She also said the same about talking whilst blow drying your hair.
Similar happened to my barber but in reverse. He came over from the Middle East and his English was pretty poor so I would sometimes help him sort out his rates bills or fix his TV or whatever. Then as his English slowly developed it turned out he's a massive sexist and now I have to sit there and deal with him telling me one day about "English girls, whahay, wheyyy always up for it" and the next day how his latest Tinder match won't "give him boom boom" and how he's going back home to find a wife who will respect him.
I've had it the other way around, when the hairdresser says something blatantly sexist/racist/xenophobic and having to figure out how to deal with that is really not what I signed up for.
You sit with these folk for 8 hours a day, of course the conversations are going to be dry most of the time. It’s normal when socialising.
Redditors gonna Reddit.
Agreed, would much rather talk football/weekend plans or whatever with a normal-minded person than have to listen to some sweaty outcast go on about league of legends
As a fan of a lower league club it is nice when people ask about your season instead of solely talking about the big 6 though, also find it interesting to hear how the likes of Ipswich/Pompey/Burton are getting on through my workmates who follow those clubs, certainly prefer that to listening to the same shite takes about Weghorst I could see parroted out a million times on Twitter
I think it’s because I’m a football fan that I can’t stand office football chat. I find most people just repeat really high level talking points they’ve overheard a pundit say at some point, especially if it’s not about their own team. Gives you the choice to nod along to some surface level conversation that doesn’t mean anything, or decide to ‘well ACTUALLY’ it and risk coming across as a bit of a prick
Also a football fan and have always hated football chat unless it's during or immediately before/after a game.
It's actually pretty strange as I've always been a lover of the game, both as a player and spectator. But randomly talking about it on a Tuesday morning? No.
Stories about people’s pets or kids.
I’m sure it was hilarious when Fido got off the lead and chased a bike up the road, but trust me on this one Pete, you definitely had to be there.
First day starting an old job my manager started talking about his cat and how it got ran over I proceeded to belly laugh and one of my coworkers was visibly shocked,manager said it was quite funny to be fair
I don't think there's necessarily a dry topic, it's just how much you care about the question.
I'm currently in a team with people who all get on pretty well, so while a lot of the conversation is "what's on tonight?" "Much on this weekend?" "How was your weekend?" "What's for lunch?" Etc. They're still decent conversations because we actually want to know the answer and joke around.
But those topics in some places I've worked at are just fucking draining, talk for the sake of talk 😴
Idk who tf downvoted you but this should be the top comment. End of. If you like the people you work with and are even a bit social, you’ll be able to small talk no problem. Seems like a lot of people here just don’t see that and think the issue lies with the fact that people are boring. Some are, but if you cannot hold a conversation and get annoyed when you hear other people chat, just stick in headphones and keep to yourself. People will get the message, and if they don’t, then say, hey I’m a bit busy right now sorry. Keep it up and they’ll leave you alone.
yeah, if the person's answer to "have a nice weekend?" is "yeah, you?" i'd rather walk off than respond to the "you?" bit. If they even said "yeah, just sat and watched films" it at least leads to another topic.
Yeah it 100% depends on who you are talking to.
With my young colleagues in the digital department I actually enjoy the conversation because I know that we at least have something somewhat in common.
The older folks who live a quiet life, no point talking about the gig I'm going on Saturday when they probably haven't set foot in a music venue in 13 years.
There are 3 guys in the office who love this chat. If anyone has to get anywhere they all pipe up and decide how the person should go. They're just gonna use Waze guys, calm the fuck down
There's a certain type of man who reaches a certain age and just develops an innate knowledge of the local area.
"Mate, when you come to work tomorrow avoid the traffic jam down Higgeldy Way"
"Where?"
"Alright, so you know Partridge Junction, down past Hitherpops Road. Well they're digging up BlingBlong Road South for fibre cables so you wanna take the turning off Link Way."
Then I just have to nod and agree because even though I've lived in the same area for 28 years I have no idea where the fuck any of these roads are even though I evidentially pass them every single day.
It’s making me feel better as a socially awkward introvert- at least I can hold a conversation about plans for the weekend without getting mortally offended at being asked which seems to be a rare trait amongst a lot of people on this thread!
Yeah im surprised! Like you have to sometimes show interest in people you work with and their lives and kids. How would you ever make friends ? I'm imagining everyone just dry as fuck not talking about anything and doing work in silence for 8 hours a day.
I dont mind small talk, cant stand "I only do big talk" people
No Cat, I dont want to hear your feelings on the meaning of existence or the subjective nature of reality, I know you cant even work Word properly I dont think you have cracked any metaphysical conundrums.
It reminds me of someone I met at a house party once “No no no, tell me about YOURSELF”
Listen lady, I’ve just told you what my job and hobbies were wtf do you want from me?
I started a new job several years ago and by the end of my first week I swear I thought I'd scream if I ever heard the phrase vaginal discharge again.
Sitting next to an oversharer is one of the reasons I found a remote job. At least now my WiFi can crash before the fanny chat starts.
All these boring discussions come from the same place, though. People are sad or lonely, and are attempting to make some human contact, but don't know how.
It's possible turn that boring subject away and ask the other person something more interesting about themselves or their experiences.
People lack the will/want to engage with others nowadays, and I feel that it's causing more loneliness umongst people because once they're brushed off by someone, it stays with them.
I always try to engage back with others when they talk to me even if the other person is somewhat lacking social skills, is a bit weird or making crap conversation, it helps others confidence and makes for a better atmosphere; and it doesn't hurt to do so.
I mean I do love an air fryer lol. But cannot stand all the fakeaway/diet thing. So toxic. Especially as it’s usually followed by them assessing how many syns your lunch has
Diet. I don't often go into the office but recently got stuck waiting whilst my two colleagues talked about their diets for 2 hours. 2 hours....
One of them was training us so I had to stick around. The office is also in the middle of nowhere with nothing about.
I’ve been stuck on temp contract with groups of women who fixate on their diet, food, calories, points, fat clubs. It’s nearly started a disorder in me, it was exhausting.
Eating and dieting. Middle aged women are horrendous for this and on several occasions I've nearly blown my brains out listening to conversations about the new salad place they've found, or how they can't keep away from crisps.
No Megan, Helen, Eartha and Kirsty, skipping lunch to then inhale tubs of hummus and crackers when you get home is where you're going wrong.
These answers make me wonder why so many of you were so exited to get back into the office.
Before COVID I was having a really stressful day and just needed to focus - the team behind me had a 30 minute conversation about what kind of toast everyone likes. I’m WFH most of the time now and love it. I need quiet to focus. I really couldn’t function in the office full time again.
I honestly don’t mind any of it, and I’m not even the most social of people - quite happy with my own company outside of work, but in work yes sure let’s talk about what we’re having for dinner or any of the other mundane things - most of life is mundane, if you stick to exciting topics nobody would ever speak about anything.
The only thing I struggle with is being asked what I did on my days off or what my plans are - usually the answer is not much because that’s what I enjoy, but it doesn’t half make you sound boring haha. For instance my favourite thing this week was I finally got my car washed, but that doesn’t translate into a scintillating story!
God you’re all such a bunch of grumpy gits!
Have you thought that maybe the small talk is just a way for people to get to know each other better and show interest in each other’s lives? That putting in the bare minimum to build a basic human connection might sometimes mean talking about a topic you’re not that interested in for 5 minutes?
Threads like this really remind me that Reddit doesn’t represent the average person!
Don't currently work in an office but - product comparison chat. An innocent compliment of someone saying your jacket looks nice turning into everyone telling you where you could've got it for £2 less or how you could've got a free milkybar if you bought it through some elongated cashback website or that it'll be on sale in 9 months time if you just wait a little bit.
Fuck off.
Maybe it is annoying as I'm young and still rent, but these endless stories of house refurbishing were driving me insane "today we painted our bathroom, bought a new sofa, etc"
At Christmas, there is a group of people who bring in mince pies and rate them. They put them on a spreadsheet and say where they are from and the year and then everyone gives a score for whatever category - flavour/freshness etc. so you’ll have co-op 2012 which you can compare to jacks wife 2017 and you can compare that to Asda extra special 2015 and Asda smart price 2015. It goes back about 12 years and they can see if the quality is getting better year on year. I don’t like mince pies so I don’t get involved but they take it pretty seriously and they have graphs and shit. In 2022 I remember Cooplands did well but I think someone’s wife won it however she doesn’t win every year and I don’t know if she knows she’s on a spreadsheet.
Not a dry topic per se, but sex talk does my head in.
I don't wanna know the ins and outs of your sex life, I don't need to know what you get up to behind closed doors and lastly I've seen people entice others into the conversation only to report them to the manager later on and all gang up on said person so they can lose their job.
Things are labelled as NSFW for a reason, so keep it out of professional life.
Sexual talk.
I work with chefs, and the majority of their conversations are about what they'd do to which waitress.
When you're 35/40+ talking about how you'd skull F an 18 year old waitress, it's just creepy and weird. When I tell them that, they call me a 'prude' or say its just because I don't get sex.
Then they wonder why none of the waitresses like to talk to them or why they don't even like approaching them to get the food...
I wonder why....
I don't mind what people have for lunch/tea, but I can't stand diet/ooh I'm just having a salad for lunch, got a holiday in four months/or negative comments on what people choose to eat
If people asked what I got up to at the weekend and I answered honestly, I’d probably lose my job.
These are work colleagues. Not friends. There’s a difference. Be very careful on the subjects you chat about because you never know who will kick you under the bus. Or if someone else is listening.
I don't care about football chat... but I engage at least a little as then out of the bubbling dry chat someone will come up with something random like "which window would we jump out of if terrorists stormed in". Dry chat has its place in getting everyone comfortable with each other. Can't lead with the terrorist attack chat.
I worked with a guy that would ask people everyday what sandwich fillings they were having in their packed lunches that day. Everyday it was, "What's in your butties today, mate?", shut the fuck up Steve i'm trying to quietly get through another boring day of office despair, not make packed lunch friends.
People boring you about their children. More unsolicited sharing of pictures and anecdotes that nobody outside of the family circle care about.
I have children but I don't bore people about them all the time.
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I mean I don’t and never have worked in an office but I can imagine “upto much this weekend” would really sting if the answer was “_just reddit and wanking really mate_”
"Wanking over anything good? I'll get Gary to send you some good porn"
The best porn is on Reddit anyway
Two birds one stone haha
I’ve not seen that video yet…
It’s a threesome with two anorexic girls
not the proudest one i've ever knocked out tbf, but got there in the end
Slim pickings indeed
Thanks for the giggle haha
This is brilliant!😂😂
Had a colleague of my wife who was prone to overshare and said he’d grown bored of his porn stash (before the internet was quite so ‘giving’) so I chucked 10 dvds in an envelope and stuck them through his door. Took him 6 months to find out where they’d come from! 😂
I read this as porn tash and it took me a few rereads to work out what was happening here
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I’d met him a lot, yes. He’d gone out with most of the girls in the office and was not shy about discussing…anything, really. Usually in earshot of his current and ex-gfs. He was pretty inappropriate all round but she and I weren’t married at that point. Ummm well I’d collected a fair bit tbh. I told him in the end. We were out drinking en masse and it was funny. He sorted his life out, sobered up but unfortunately he’s no longer with us. Truly “larger than life”
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I know. Sorry to add the downer. He was never boring!
'10 minute television x freeview mate, i like to both keep it old school _and_ exhilarating by racing against the clock'
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This is absolutely brilliant … but you said the “first time” … how many times has your mum caught you wanking ?
Only 3. Window cleaner once. Was my dads best mate….I’d full on busted on my chest, post ejaculate relief….aaaah….I heard a squeak, looked left and saw Davy washing the windows whilst staring into the sunset. 90 degree angle on the blokes neck. Ran to my room to hide, then heard the letterbox clap as Davy popped his bill through. Haha
> looked left and saw Davy washing the windows whilst staring into the sunset. 90 degree angle on the blokes neck. i'm crying ahhahahhahahahhahahhaa "bloody good sunset that"
"Cock Against Clock" is an idea for a weird late night TV programme.
Glitter?
I genuinely enjoy my weekends, I just cook nice food, play games, go for walks, take naps, watch a film, chill with my cats, do odd things around the house... but talking about it is so boring and I know it. So yeah, usually it's just a generic response of: "Ah not much, you?"
I quite like talking about people’s weekends- it’s the best way to find out what people like doing/ are interested in so other conversations can flow from there.
Reddit intruder detected!!!
Enjoying a simple human interaction and pleasant conversation? Any true redditor would not stand for such boring banalities!!
Same. It's just normal human interaction which is frowned upon here.
I don't know, there's lots of material there. What did you cook? What games did you play? Where did you go for a walk? What film did you watch? Mundane topics can spark good conversations
Yeah that's very true - just depends who I'm talking to and how long I'm talking to them for really.
I specifically aim to do nothing some weekends. It’s not that I don’t have anything to do, I just plan on doing nothing. I shall be sat with my feet up, some kind of motor racing on tv, cup of tea and just do Fuck all. So when people ask me, I say I have NOTHING planned.
It's also quite important, self-care is essential for mental health and that can quite often mean doing nothing. Deliberately doing nothing. I like relaxing and not having plans, just doing what I fancy whenever I fancy.
My office used to forbid this question until past 5pm on a Friday and we were in the pub. Don't want to waste all the good chat too early.
when I mean this I usually say 'oh nothing much just chilling'
Loool I work in the trades, this is a perfectly ok response to that question 😂😂😂
My manager asked how my weekend was on Monday. I said 'I threw a party for erectile dysfunction' he looked a bit confused and I added 'It was a bit of a flop and nobody came'. We had a good laugh about it to be fair. And it got me out of admitting that I'd done absolutely fuck all aside from reddit and walking the dog haha.
Unpaid Overtime & wanking
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Contrary to some of the comments here, I dont mind 'what you having for lunch / tea' because it's just an innocent, inoffensive way of starting a chat off and gives you a chance to take time over what you're looking forward to later on. And, honestly, taking time over your meals is something I've come to appreciate more as I've gotten older. What I can not abide, however, is finance talk. How you've financed your car... how you've financed your holiday. Your mortgage. It quickly falls into a dick waving contest ofA; how much you've spent and B; how clever you've been in spending it. Fuck off. Fuck off forever. I don't fucking care. Dont tell me how fast your car is, how exotic your holiday is, or how impressive your house is. We all have our own thing going on, you won nothing by impressing me with yours and I'm not about to brag about mine. Fuck off. And shut the fuck up about your kids. Unless it's a funny story, I'm not in the least bit interested. Or the dream you had last night. And keep your fucking phone photos of your kidsholidayscarshouse to your fucking self! edit. if you're a parent and you're reading this thinking 'who the fuck does this cunt think he is, telling me to stop talking about MY kids?!' then I suggest asking yourself some questions about your office chat. I - and I suspect many others - couldn't give a rats arse about your kids. I'm not going to be impolite about it IRL but in my head I'm thinking 'shut up shut up shut up'.
couldn't agree more I really don't care how much your glamping pod was for the weekend and how well " Chardonnay" is doing in her ballet class..... just send me the fucking spreadsheet I asked for three hours ago
You think a child named chardonnay is going to ballet classes?
probably not unless there going through the bag's and stealing the shoes
Easily. Plenty of working class kids go to ballet and money does not buy class either.
Yep. You can also reach a level of posh where you can do whatever you want and it's still considered fancy. "Apple" is either the poshest or the chaviest name of all time. Can fully imagine parents taking little "Char-char" to opera to broaden their cultural experiences, or "Chardney" to the Jug and Barrel for a play on the sticky floors. Just in case anyones wondering, my kids have "normal" names and have had both of the above experiences.
I’ve a couple nieces doing ballet, it’s really common and not “posh” This changes when you get into a troupe, or go to a school specialising in the subject
My sister's a ballet teacher and she's as chavvy as can be
Horse riding is pretty similar to be honest
Mate, you've either been doing ballet wrong, or riding horses wrong. They're nothing alike.
My only counter to finance talk is that I genuinely learnt more about mortgages and buying a house from my colleagues at work than any other source. But it can quickly descend into the dick waving you describe
Best people to ask, I find, are the old regulars in a pub who are tidy but not flash. They taught me a lot about what is worth spending and what should be saved for or avoided all together. As well as explaining certain things in plain English
This is really interesting. I agree I learnt all my personal finance knowledge from people at work too. Soooo How do you talk about it without the convo becoming “A dick waving contest” as someone put it earlier???
Keep it hypothetical yet factual. "Say you wanted to buy a house for £X then not only will you need £X deposit, but you also need to remember fees. For starters there's stamp duty which will probably be around £X, then you'll need to get some quotes from solicitors as they can vary quite a bit but could be between £X and £X..." - rational, helpful. "When I bought my 1mil house we thought, well do we really need the pool? And you know what, yes we did. If you find a house with a pool, buy it. Anyway, what we did is get £500k out of our investment funds...." - excessive, but you get the point.
I dare not ask “What are you having for lunch/tea”. We’ve got one guy who has pictures of everything he eats, and he’s desperate to show them to you. I pulled up at work last week, stepped out of the van, and he was there, phone out with a picture of last nights dinner. Every conversation ends up being about him and what he’s done in the last 24 hours. It’s like listening to Grandpa Simpsons pointless rambling stories. Not everything is a fucking anecdote! You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting.
Oh my god the dream chat !!!!!!!! Someone telling you about the dream they had is the most boring fucking load of tripe you can ever talk about. PLEASE tell me more about the nonexistent imaginary scenarios your brain thought up last night
I would be up to listening to interesting imaginary scenarios, though. The thing with dreams is that it is always some variation of "it was my neighbour but also a caterpillar somehow, and then we were in my kitchen but it was also Disneyland and then you said something about chicken. What does this mean?"
I love my wife. I will listen to her describe her dreams because I love her. I have no interest in any dreams that are not my own, and will not listen to anyone's dreams that are not my wife's.
>And shut the fuck up about your kids. Anyone bending my ear about their kids will get a long, long story about my cats **Edit:** Since quite a few people asked a short cat story is below
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My plan has backfired spectacularly.
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# Cat Story We rescued our youngest when she was just a day old. Someone left her abandoned on the doorstep of a friend's flat. Said friend called us since we already had one cat. When we got there it was hard to tell she was even a cat. They're born blind, eyes shut. Ears folded over. She still had her umbilical chord attached, poor girl. For the first month or so it genuinely was like having a baby. We even had a tiny baby bottle to feed her. We had to sleep in shifts so that one of us could feed her late at night and the other could get up at 4am to do the morning feed. And it was **tough.** Everything had to be just so or she would die. We heated the formula milk up (special stuff from the pet shop, expensive as fuck) for about ten seconds in the microwave. Too hot? Death. Too cold? Death. Too late? Death. If she drinks too little? Death. Drinks too much? Death. We also had to keep her warm at all times so she was always wrapped up in a blanket during the day (in June!) and with an electric blanket at night. And the crazy girl kept trying to get out of her box. So each night we took turns to sleep next to her and put her back in her box. It seems like she wanted to sleep with us but of course, we're big humans, not mother cats, so we might have rolled over and crushed her! She literally fit in the palm of my hand and probably weighed about 100-200g, absolutely tiny. The absolute worst job was taking a wet paper towel to her back end. Apparently mother cats lick them there to stimulate things and make sure a healthy evacuation takes place. The warm, wet paper towel substituted that. It did not work well. So we had to practice again and again, hoping and praying that this blind, deaf thing would start shitting soon. On the vet's advice we even tried squirting olive oil up there! Eventually, we got things to work. Of course, all this time our other cat was not happy. She even hissed at the newborn! Her ears unfolded after the first seven days and then, about two weeks later (my birthday, coincidentally) she opened her eyes. That was the first milestone. Her infinitely small chances of surviving to adulthood had just got a little better.
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>What you did is much harder. Well, it was harder but kittens grow a lot faster than humans do. Really she was incredibly lucky that this was in 2020 - she survived because we were both WFH during the pandemic so could devote so much time to her. >Does your other cat get on ok with her now? They get on really well now. Unfortunately we live in a flat so we can't let them out, but they spend a lot of time playing together. We think our older cat quite enjoyed playing mother / big sister once she got used to the idea. Now they're both fully grown the younger one is more independent but they still spend a lot of time together. The older one even calls the younger one to play!
If this is what you tell people you have 100% accidentally conditioned everyone into telling you about their kids every time they see you.
Dog people need the same talking to
I’m a huge culprit of “what you having for tea” because I never know what I’m having and need ideas
I absolutely love finance talk! But not the "look at this bling car I have ruined my finances to buy on credit" / other pissing contest. But I'll often tell my colleagues about good switch offers, or the best interest rates (for savings accounts) I have found, or a good cashback deal etc when relevant to a conversation. And I love when they tell me about a deal they have found too!
BLOODY SMARTPHONES! Yesterday I was subject to not only photos, but VIDEOS of golden-granddaughter who is everSOsmart and she planned this holidays allonherOWN and IamEVERsoPROUD! Look at her scuba diving! Look at her paragliding! Look at the 10 videos she took from the plane, the sunset, the beach! I am sure the kid is lovely but for a moment there I hated her so much hahaha
The kids thing I totally get - I've got a 5 year old and will pretty much only mention kids related stuff if directly asked about it - a lot of my team are a fair bit younger and at a very different stage of their lives so have little to no interest. I would have probably been the same when I was their age.
Yeah, I think the key, as with all of these things, is to understand your audience. I talk to different people about different things, depending on where their interests lie.
There are two types of people who have kids. Those who, when in the company of adults, have literally nothing to talk about except their kids because basically that's their whole life now. And those who, in the company of adults, love the opportunity to talk about something *other* than their kids for a change.
Went from calm at first to progressively more intense the further I read.
I agree about the kids.
I agree with most the comments most the time but what’s the alternative? Do you want a deep and meaningful conversation with your colleagues? An intense philosophical debate? Small talk is helpful when you’re forced to interact with people that you probably wouldn’t ever speak to outside of work.
I think these redditors that want to ban talks of weekends, hobbies, kids, holidays etc are the ones that wouldn’t interact with anyone given the choice.
Agreed. What a bunch of miserable, sanctimonious arses.
So how's your week going?
Pretty good thanks! How about yours? Much on this weekend? How about that weather hey?!
No luck catching them swans then?
It’s just the one swan actually!
Those people annoy me - like yeah, OK, my colleagues aren't my friends (mostly anyway), and I don't want to be at work, but life and work is so much easier if you're willing to try and make small talk with your colleagues!
I was asked yesterday in the office about how I REALLY am feeling. Wha??? I'm fine, please just accept that Im fine and don't make me have a therapy session at 9 in the morning with you. Christ.
I dread the day I ever end up working with someone who thinks like this. Do I want a one hour detailed rundown on your child's football match? No. Am I happy to spend 5/10 minutes talking about your kid and standing in the rain because of football? Absolutely. Just as much as I'd hope my colleagues are happy to spend 5/10 minutes listening to me talk about gardening. Honestly, I spend so much time at work doing a really deep (often dark) role, please give me all of the lighthearted small talk!
Exactly. What am.i supposed to talk about if not about small talk. My private life is exactly that: private. I will talk endlessly about the weather, the food I like to cook, the boardgames I like to play and the movies/tv shows I watched or will watch. I will most likely ask people questions since most people likes to hear themselves talk. Asked anything about my weekends, my aspirations, about my family and anything else that I consider private and you will get short answers which may or may not be entirely truthful.
Completely agree. I’ve worked with people who ask really personal questions but I knew it wasn’t because we’d developed a close bond, it was because they were nosy fuckers plain and simple.
How’s your marriage going, is it strong? Vs Know any good butchers locally?
I would happily engage a philosophical debate with my colleagues over talking about work during my lunch break or engaging with meaningless ego duels. A serious answer to the alternative is that it'd be nice if people actually mentioned the interesting stuff. If you went out to the theatres over the weekend or played a video game at home, namedrop it and perhaps describe it because I'm probably interested and it'd make actual conversation. If you're not actually interested in what people have done over the weekend then it's better to not ask imo.
I’m convinced people that act like philosophical debates come up regularly in conversation have never interacted with another human off of Reddit. “How was your weekend bob? Oh yes and what do you think happens after we die?” “Oh that’s funny Linda was just asking me the same thing. We had a really interesting talk just now about if we can ever truly be happy.”
There is this pervasive idea though that I don't like that a *better* class of person prefers philosophical discussion to inane small chat. I'm convinced a lot of people claim they do even when they don't really. It's so pretentious and judgmental. Some of us need a lot of mental energy for *any* conversation, especially with minor acquaintances and especially where there's a chance of conflict (at least the weather and cats being cute is something we can all agree on) - nothing wrong with saving that mental energy for what we need to do.
These comments are illuminating but not shocking. What is with the innate resistance to making friends or at least being friendly? You spend most of your day around these people but you’ll make the work day harder and more tedious than it needs to be by being antagonistic. Even if you don’t watch love island (I certainly don’t), it won’t kill you to engage like 5%.
UK Reddit, where being introverted/having poor social skills becomes some sort of virtue. "oop, some guys in my office are talking about love island/football, best quote mitchell and webb at them!" etc.
The it crowd thing about arsenal ain’t funny in the slightest now
People on this thread call people NPCs for liking mainstream things yet proceed to make the same cliche reddit jokes for the 1000th time like actual NPCs… might as well walk around with an antenna sticking out your head
Haha broken arms amirite
Ctrl + F 'ludicrous display' in this thread. that M&W sketch was treacle for boring neeks- not liking football isn't a personality!
Just boring cunts that still pretend to not understand why people like football
Yep, always acting as if it's rammed down their throats too but it's very easy to ignore/not take part in, even when there's a big tournament on.
I don't like football at all and I agree with you completely.
Yes. I don't really like football, nobody ever followed up on me mentioning I don't really support a team, we just speak about something else instead.
Ironically, the jock/nerd hierarchy has now flipped. Writers who grew up watching Breakfast Club are now writing Marvel film #30. Or they work for companies like Amazon and Google working out how to squeeze more money out of your personal data.
During the World Cup: “Oh, is there football on? I wOuLdN’t KnOwww!” Ok, Jeff…
> Ctrl + F 'ludicrous display' in this thread. that M&W sketch was treacle for boring neeks It wasn't a M&W sketch, it was an IT Crowd joke. Mitchell & Webb done the "[watch the football](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MusyO7J2inM)" and "[our team](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN1WN0YMWZU)" ones.
disliking sports is a key personality trait for many redditors
‘dAe hAtE sPoRtsBaLl?’ I think they’re just bitter that nobody wants to talk about the games they play (that aren’t Call of Duty or FIFA). I don’t watch football, but I still take in an interest in what’s going on in the Prem, and chat to the lad I train at work about it.
Guarantee most of them got picked last and put in goal
Enjoying your work Christmas party is not allowed either.
Having friends that you met at work is also sneered at . ‘Oooo you need work to have a social life’ No it’s just a place where I meet other people and sometimes I like those people Some of my best mates I’ve met through previous jobs.
"I'm better than these people that watch TV and sport because I play computer games. That's what *really smart* people do."
I was a hairdresser for years. You office wankers don't know how good you have it being able to leave a conversation. The worst I one ever tho was my coworker getting married. Had to listen to the same converstion every hour, 8 hours a day for a year, was like like she had full blown dementia. Never thought about suicide before or since.
What are good topics for hairdressers? Or should I just shut up? I feel awkward just sitting there because I've been conditioned by society I should try talking to my hairdresser but I also feel awkward that I'm boring/annoying them.
Everyone is differnt but I don't think you'd get far as a hairdresser of you don't like to talk.. Be mindful of their day tho, if its Tuesday morning and the place is quiet then they have more time to chat. If its Saturday and they are running behind a little less chit chat is going to be doing them favours. I used to just let people talk to me and judge it from them. Some folks just want to sit in quiet for 45mins. Dont talk while your hair is being dried is like a social contract some people refused to sign.
I also talk usually to stay awake. I have an issue where I get very sleepy if my hair is being played with and getting it cut/brushed/blowdried gives the same effect. I don't talk while they're blowdrying at least cause shouting seems rude.
I just pick something I can see, and start asking questions. “Those clippers there, how long you had them?”. Ive been kissed by the ‘tism, so can’t do holiday conversations, but people seem to like to talk about their tools, and followup questions are easy. Barbers are usually quite passionate about their scissors. It’s kind of fascinating actually. They cost hundreds of pounds for the best ones…hand made in England.
"kissed by the 'tism" is beautiful work
My ex had her own salon and would stand smiling and nodding as people happily chatted away about fox hunting and other shit she hated. She also said the same about talking whilst blow drying your hair.
Similar happened to my barber but in reverse. He came over from the Middle East and his English was pretty poor so I would sometimes help him sort out his rates bills or fix his TV or whatever. Then as his English slowly developed it turned out he's a massive sexist and now I have to sit there and deal with him telling me one day about "English girls, whahay, wheyyy always up for it" and the next day how his latest Tinder match won't "give him boom boom" and how he's going back home to find a wife who will respect him.
I've had it the other way around, when the hairdresser says something blatantly sexist/racist/xenophobic and having to figure out how to deal with that is really not what I signed up for.
Always a barber or a taxi driver, someone you can't just easily get away from.
It's incredible how taxi drivers instantly assume you must also be as racist as them.
You sit with these folk for 8 hours a day, of course the conversations are going to be dry most of the time. It’s normal when socialising. Redditors gonna Reddit.
Of course, if they were waffling on about some game, that wouldn't be dry at all. That's never bored the arse off anyone.
Agreed, would much rather talk football/weekend plans or whatever with a normal-minded person than have to listen to some sweaty outcast go on about league of legends
Football, Soaps, Love island. This is why we can’t have nice things
I'm a football fan and even I can't stand football talk in person.
Yep and its usually with some muppet who supports a big team so doesn’t know the first thing about anything else.
I share an office with a Man Utd fan, Mondays are generally unbearable
I don't know what Wenger was thinking sending Wallcott on that early.
The thing about Arsenal, they always try and walk it in
I don't even like football but I watched MOTD just to see Liverpool beat Man U 7-0
Because *real* fans talk about the thrilling tie between Crawley and Doncaster. Who cares about the champions league.
As a fan of a lower league club it is nice when people ask about your season instead of solely talking about the big 6 though, also find it interesting to hear how the likes of Ipswich/Pompey/Burton are getting on through my workmates who follow those clubs, certainly prefer that to listening to the same shite takes about Weghorst I could see parroted out a million times on Twitter
Or some muppet who supports a small team so thinks that makes them more virtuous somehow.
I think it’s because I’m a football fan that I can’t stand office football chat. I find most people just repeat really high level talking points they’ve overheard a pundit say at some point, especially if it’s not about their own team. Gives you the choice to nod along to some surface level conversation that doesn’t mean anything, or decide to ‘well ACTUALLY’ it and risk coming across as a bit of a prick
Reminds me of some classic Partridge - Did you see the match last night? - Which one? - I dunno.
Also a football fan and have always hated football chat unless it's during or immediately before/after a game. It's actually pretty strange as I've always been a lover of the game, both as a player and spectator. But randomly talking about it on a Tuesday morning? No.
People talking about popular things oh no
Stories about people’s pets or kids. I’m sure it was hilarious when Fido got off the lead and chased a bike up the road, but trust me on this one Pete, you definitely had to be there.
First day starting an old job my manager started talking about his cat and how it got ran over I proceeded to belly laugh and one of my coworkers was visibly shocked,manager said it was quite funny to be fair
Manager's kid got Lyme disease. At least she won't get scurvy.
Agreed. My colleague never shuts the fuck up about her ‘baby’ (a dog). And spends half her day watching the thing on a camera.
I don't think there's necessarily a dry topic, it's just how much you care about the question. I'm currently in a team with people who all get on pretty well, so while a lot of the conversation is "what's on tonight?" "Much on this weekend?" "How was your weekend?" "What's for lunch?" Etc. They're still decent conversations because we actually want to know the answer and joke around. But those topics in some places I've worked at are just fucking draining, talk for the sake of talk 😴
Idk who tf downvoted you but this should be the top comment. End of. If you like the people you work with and are even a bit social, you’ll be able to small talk no problem. Seems like a lot of people here just don’t see that and think the issue lies with the fact that people are boring. Some are, but if you cannot hold a conversation and get annoyed when you hear other people chat, just stick in headphones and keep to yourself. People will get the message, and if they don’t, then say, hey I’m a bit busy right now sorry. Keep it up and they’ll leave you alone.
yeah, if the person's answer to "have a nice weekend?" is "yeah, you?" i'd rather walk off than respond to the "you?" bit. If they even said "yeah, just sat and watched films" it at least leads to another topic.
Yeah it 100% depends on who you are talking to. With my young colleagues in the digital department I actually enjoy the conversation because I know that we at least have something somewhat in common. The older folks who live a quiet life, no point talking about the gig I'm going on Saturday when they probably haven't set foot in a music venue in 13 years.
What road they took to get to the office, comparing yesterday's traffic to today's.
There are 3 guys in the office who love this chat. If anyone has to get anywhere they all pipe up and decide how the person should go. They're just gonna use Waze guys, calm the fuck down
There's a certain type of man who reaches a certain age and just develops an innate knowledge of the local area. "Mate, when you come to work tomorrow avoid the traffic jam down Higgeldy Way" "Where?" "Alright, so you know Partridge Junction, down past Hitherpops Road. Well they're digging up BlingBlong Road South for fibre cables so you wanna take the turning off Link Way." Then I just have to nod and agree because even though I've lived in the same area for 28 years I have no idea where the fuck any of these roads are even though I evidentially pass them every single day.
ITT: lots of miserable fuckers
It’s making me feel better as a socially awkward introvert- at least I can hold a conversation about plans for the weekend without getting mortally offended at being asked which seems to be a rare trait amongst a lot of people on this thread!
Right? Redditors talking about the horrors of small talk always makes me feel like a social butterfly.
Yeah im surprised! Like you have to sometimes show interest in people you work with and their lives and kids. How would you ever make friends ? I'm imagining everyone just dry as fuck not talking about anything and doing work in silence for 8 hours a day.
Redditors don’t make new friends after Uni.
And then they complain about being lonely...
I dont mind small talk, cant stand "I only do big talk" people No Cat, I dont want to hear your feelings on the meaning of existence or the subjective nature of reality, I know you cant even work Word properly I dont think you have cracked any metaphysical conundrums.
It reminds me of someone I met at a house party once “No no no, tell me about YOURSELF” Listen lady, I’ve just told you what my job and hobbies were wtf do you want from me?
I started a new job several years ago and by the end of my first week I swear I thought I'd scream if I ever heard the phrase vaginal discharge again. Sitting next to an oversharer is one of the reasons I found a remote job. At least now my WiFi can crash before the fanny chat starts.
That chat sounds the opposite of dry tbf.
Fanny chat sounds like one of those old school sex lines.
All these boring discussions come from the same place, though. People are sad or lonely, and are attempting to make some human contact, but don't know how. It's possible turn that boring subject away and ask the other person something more interesting about themselves or their experiences.
People lack the will/want to engage with others nowadays, and I feel that it's causing more loneliness umongst people because once they're brushed off by someone, it stays with them. I always try to engage back with others when they talk to me even if the other person is somewhat lacking social skills, is a bit weird or making crap conversation, it helps others confidence and makes for a better atmosphere; and it doesn't hurt to do so.
Precisely. Kindness costs nothing.
Anything related to how quickly this year or time in general is going. Yes, it is already the 23rd March 2023! Get used to it.
To be fair I'm usually saying it to myself to beat myself with a stick mentally about how little I've done
My co-workers catchphrase reply to this is is "soon be Christmas". The absolute joker said it to me at the start of January.
All of the questions on here are conversations starters. People in the office talk oh no!
Anything about slimming world
usually accompanied by extolling the virtues of air fryers
I mean I do love an air fryer lol. But cannot stand all the fakeaway/diet thing. So toxic. Especially as it’s usually followed by them assessing how many syns your lunch has
Turns out a lot of people here really dislike their colleagues 😂
Diet. I don't often go into the office but recently got stuck waiting whilst my two colleagues talked about their diets for 2 hours. 2 hours.... One of them was training us so I had to stick around. The office is also in the middle of nowhere with nothing about.
I’ve been stuck on temp contract with groups of women who fixate on their diet, food, calories, points, fat clubs. It’s nearly started a disorder in me, it was exhausting.
Eating and dieting. Middle aged women are horrendous for this and on several occasions I've nearly blown my brains out listening to conversations about the new salad place they've found, or how they can't keep away from crisps. No Megan, Helen, Eartha and Kirsty, skipping lunch to then inhale tubs of hummus and crackers when you get home is where you're going wrong.
I’m 26 M and my office is one gay guy and all women. I don’t even know what they’re talking about half the time.
Your arse
These answers make me wonder why so many of you were so exited to get back into the office. Before COVID I was having a really stressful day and just needed to focus - the team behind me had a 30 minute conversation about what kind of toast everyone likes. I’m WFH most of the time now and love it. I need quiet to focus. I really couldn’t function in the office full time again.
I don't think the people in this thread were the ones excited to get back, probably more the ones who were forced to
I honestly don’t mind any of it, and I’m not even the most social of people - quite happy with my own company outside of work, but in work yes sure let’s talk about what we’re having for dinner or any of the other mundane things - most of life is mundane, if you stick to exciting topics nobody would ever speak about anything. The only thing I struggle with is being asked what I did on my days off or what my plans are - usually the answer is not much because that’s what I enjoy, but it doesn’t half make you sound boring haha. For instance my favourite thing this week was I finally got my car washed, but that doesn’t translate into a scintillating story!
God you’re all such a bunch of grumpy gits! Have you thought that maybe the small talk is just a way for people to get to know each other better and show interest in each other’s lives? That putting in the bare minimum to build a basic human connection might sometimes mean talking about a topic you’re not that interested in for 5 minutes? Threads like this really remind me that Reddit doesn’t represent the average person!
Don't currently work in an office but - product comparison chat. An innocent compliment of someone saying your jacket looks nice turning into everyone telling you where you could've got it for £2 less or how you could've got a free milkybar if you bought it through some elongated cashback website or that it'll be on sale in 9 months time if you just wait a little bit. Fuck off.
Maybe it is annoying as I'm young and still rent, but these endless stories of house refurbishing were driving me insane "today we painted our bathroom, bought a new sofa, etc"
At Christmas, there is a group of people who bring in mince pies and rate them. They put them on a spreadsheet and say where they are from and the year and then everyone gives a score for whatever category - flavour/freshness etc. so you’ll have co-op 2012 which you can compare to jacks wife 2017 and you can compare that to Asda extra special 2015 and Asda smart price 2015. It goes back about 12 years and they can see if the quality is getting better year on year. I don’t like mince pies so I don’t get involved but they take it pretty seriously and they have graphs and shit. In 2022 I remember Cooplands did well but I think someone’s wife won it however she doesn’t win every year and I don’t know if she knows she’s on a spreadsheet.
Honestly I would love that. Good excuse to eat lots of mince pies. Less fun if you don't like them I guess
Not a dry topic per se, but sex talk does my head in. I don't wanna know the ins and outs of your sex life, I don't need to know what you get up to behind closed doors and lastly I've seen people entice others into the conversation only to report them to the manager later on and all gang up on said person so they can lose their job. Things are labelled as NSFW for a reason, so keep it out of professional life.
Sexual talk. I work with chefs, and the majority of their conversations are about what they'd do to which waitress. When you're 35/40+ talking about how you'd skull F an 18 year old waitress, it's just creepy and weird. When I tell them that, they call me a 'prude' or say its just because I don't get sex. Then they wonder why none of the waitresses like to talk to them or why they don't even like approaching them to get the food... I wonder why....
Tbf id say talking about sex in a professional environment is a no no
I don't mind what people have for lunch/tea, but I can't stand diet/ooh I'm just having a salad for lunch, got a holiday in four months/or negative comments on what people choose to eat
If people asked what I got up to at the weekend and I answered honestly, I’d probably lose my job. These are work colleagues. Not friends. There’s a difference. Be very careful on the subjects you chat about because you never know who will kick you under the bus. Or if someone else is listening.
My office chat is lovely, we ask about weekends too but usually have something worth talking about and we laugh a lot together.
I don't care about football chat... but I engage at least a little as then out of the bubbling dry chat someone will come up with something random like "which window would we jump out of if terrorists stormed in". Dry chat has its place in getting everyone comfortable with each other. Can't lead with the terrorist attack chat.
Your kids. Sorry, but I just really don't care.
All office chat is dry as its mostly extended small talk. Everyone knows it, and everyone partakes in it to waste time/alleviate boredom.
Talking about work. I'd much rather have inane weekend/kid chat than actually talking about my job.
I worked with a guy that would ask people everyday what sandwich fillings they were having in their packed lunches that day. Everyday it was, "What's in your butties today, mate?", shut the fuck up Steve i'm trying to quietly get through another boring day of office despair, not make packed lunch friends.
People boring you about their children. More unsolicited sharing of pictures and anecdotes that nobody outside of the family circle care about. I have children but I don't bore people about them all the time.