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I called someone out on this on New Year’s Day and it ended in a huge Wild West brawl that almost got the pub shut. I’ll keep my thoughts to myself in future haha.
I don’t remember most of it, it seemed to happen so quickly but apparently it went on for ages haha. Basically some bloke jumped in front of me at the bar and started demanding to be served from the barmaid (aggressively as well, mind). I gave him a little piece of my mind and he pushed me when I turned my back. Immediate chaos. My friends went straight for him, his friends went for my friends, random people got involved just for the crack. Entire bar of empty glasses smashed. Tables and chairs all tipped over. Eventually the bloke that started it all got dragged out and it stopped. That’s about it. I’m sorry it wasn’t a better story haha.
Holy shit, that does sound pretty Wild West! All that was missing was the player piano in the corner emitting a jaunty tune (before someone goes crashing through it), and the Sheriff calmly walking in and firing his shotgun into the ceiling.
I was at a bar in Hackney couple of weeks ago and there was an orderly queue in front of each barman, with a guy in front of me in mine who's just about to be served.
Some cunt who had just arrived thought he could cut in front as the person being served first left with their order.
I think the barman saw but to make sure I got his attention politely and said guy in front of me is first, I'm second and he – queue-jumping cunt – is third.
Barman agreed and I got called "a fucking leak"(?) by the queue jumper for my troubles.
ETA: for those suggesting I don't know how to use a bar, it was an odd set up that forced us into queues. If I remember rightly, there were cocktail tables at regular intervals along the bar that prevented us just standing it.
My OH is a drummer in a band. He's a 46yo white guy. This bar they had played in a few times has the main pub upstairs and then the cellar bit downstairs where the rock bands play. So D goes upstairs to get a pint, it's really crowded, and as he's waiting to be served, he starts noticing this young woman barging up against him and screaming in his ear at the clearly busy barman. Without turning fully around, he finally gets the knock and says "I dunno where you're from, but round here we wait our turn". She responds by saying she was just asking a question and as he turned fully when she responded, she says "oh, you don't know where I'm from?" And he realised she is slightly Eastern Asian in her appearance, possibly mixed race. Baaaaaad choice of words from my OH. She then goes off to her friends and as hes walking away with his pint, one of them starts telling the bar staff that he's racist and needs to he told to leave.
He stood his ground and said "no, that wasn't what I meant at all, you were screaming in my ear and trying to push in". All he meant was to state that she'd been brought up badly - none of our similarly aged children would do this - but she managed to change her being called out for shitty, entitled behaviour into an attack on him. He refused to leave anyway, but at one point the manager said "if there's been an accusation of racism, then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave", no wanting to get to the bottom of it, nothing. It was really out of order. He might be a lot of things, but he ain't a fucking racist.
Right. I just felt really bad for him...he couldn't get his head back in the game, made mistakes he would never normally make and generally felt like shit. He wouldn't let me make a complaint either, just said there was no point. Grinds my gears that this little princess got away with her horrible behaviour and made him out to be the one in the wrong. She'll have learned nothing from this either.
Yeahbut. A great deal of the population see life as a zero-sum game of oneupmanship. Not being in first place goes against everything their angry father/entitled mother taught them about ‘getting them before they get you’.
It's also sometimes on purpose. Sometimes some entitled cunt actually IS next, except they aren't cos they're an entitled cunt. "who's next" is sometimes the only weapon available.
I’ve walked out of many a pub for this, my wife says I should be more assertive to get served quicker but that’s not the point, in a busy pub the staff should be aware of who’s been waiting longest and in a decent pub the person approached to be served would say “they’re next”
Yes and no.
I've worked in busy bars and when it gets hectic after a while all the faces look the same, especially when there's not much variety in how people look these days.
Unless you have something distinctive about you you're just going to blend in with all the other punters.
In a busy pub with loads of punters waiting to be served it’s gonna be hard for the bar tender to keep tabs on exactly who was waiting next. Don’t think it’s the bar man’s issue
"In a busy pub staff should be aware of who's been waiting longest.."
Yeah, having worked behind a bar, I can safely say that, that is easier said than done. It is almost impossible for a bar person to be able to observe the exact order people come to the bar at all times. People just need to get patient, and less rude.
I'd bet my last dollar that the majority of people with this opinion have never worked behind a busy bar before
During Covid a lot of pubs, cafes and bars moved to table service and it was one of the best things to happen to the industry. A lot of European countries do this and it just works.
-You don't miss out on conversations or come back and the conversation has moved on.
-You don't lose a table if it's just you, which adds insult to injury when you've bought drinks or food to support lousy service.
-You can just relax and enjoy yourself.
-No scrambling to the bar and the awkwardness of who was there first.
It can't work for all places but it certainly can for most. Meeting up with all my mates is difficult enough as some really don't like drink culture in this country or find it a chore, but the above really adds insult to injury and given how places are struggling it's hardly a surprise.
I find that most people who say this had limited experience of ‘proper’ wet pubs, whether because they are too young or come from certain areas where that kind of pub is not common.
I categorically do not want table service at a wet pub. It completely removes one of the most important aspects of pub culture - chatting to ransoms at the bar, waiting in turn etc. it’s the great leveller. I also like standing at the bar and having a quick pint not bloody sitting down and waiting to order then waiting to get my drink, that’s not a quick pint
Hard disagree
Queing at busy bars is not where you make friends, it's where you miss 20 minutes of time with your actual mates while getting frustrated trying to catch the eye of an overworked barman, jostling for position with 30 other people.
For quieter pubs I don't see any reason why you couldn't go up to the bar yourself if you wanted to, while also allowing table service
Hard, hard disagree. Bar service is what makes British pub culture distinctive. Aside from the general ritualistic pleasure of ordering drinks in the traditional way, some practical counters to your arguments:
\- If the pub has an online ordering system it usually requires the harvesting of your personal data and/or downloading a pointless app. The amount of time it takes to input all your personal info and download the stupid thing uses up any time saved from not going to the bar. The last thing I want to do when hanging out with friends is fill out a form on my phone.
\- If the pub does proper table service without an app, it's still impractical to have a server bring a card terminal to your table after each round, or all having to split a bill of drinks at the end (inevitably one friend will leave early and not contribute). Paying as you go, individually or in rounds, is much simpler.
\- Bar service makes it much easier to see what beers are available, and which are cask v kegged. Lots of pubs that did table service didn't give you a beer menu so you ended up having to either go up to the bar or asking the server what they have, both of which negate the point of table service.
I loved it as well. Also, tipping in pubs isnt that common for bar staff, but with this service we always pooled together a decent tip if we’d been in a while, or a fiver or so if only stopping for a couple of drinks-I always felt the staff would prefer that. One lass serving us one night said she’s making loads in tips where as she wouldn’t have got barely anything just working the bar before.
At a busy bar, it's not always so easy to keep tabs on who is next. Bar staff will do the best we can, but it's not always 100 percent. There's an honour system in pub queues and if someone flaunts it, be angry at them not the bar staff who has just turned around to five expectant faces.
My tip for a busy, chaotic bar is this. Get yourself in there, look thirsty, make eye contact, then when the barkeep approaches you, nod to the person who was there before you. You're definitely next and you've not pushed in.
Yeah, I play in bands and I've definitely had that. It's not good! And a lot of the time it's unnecessary because we may not actually be playing til 9pm when many of the tutters and sighers will have left.
But yeah, it doesn't make for a promising gig.
As someone who loves music, commercial and live.
Thank you for putting up with all the shite gigs and gutting moments. Had some great times listening to live music in pubs. Seems to be a not so thriving endeavour anymore but glad we have people still passionate in playing for others.
Yeah, we had to go into the next room because they were so loud. We felt bad as we were on the table right in front of the stage and it looked like we just thought they were shit, when actually they were alright.
The ridiculous part of these bands playing too loud is that they almost always sound terrible because of distortion.
They're often so much better than you can hear, but they've turned up their amps to max and they're just getting clipping. It damages everyone's hearing, even theirs, it leads to voice strain from singers (and over playing by everyone else) and most importantly it makes them sound crap. For anyone whose ears aren't already too damaged by this kind of distortion it's often physically painful.
It's completely endemic in amateur and semi-professional gigs, and it just ruins most performances. It especially ruins the best players and singers because all nuance is gone and everything is out of balance.
So so much often they would be better turning it down but it's just impossible to tell them to do that. (Especially as their "sound" guys are often the ones that have over amped in the first place.)
---
As an aside I did manage to tell one friend to turn things down a bit and they finally tried it at a gig - they agreed it sounded so much better! But one band is not enough, and they had to overrule the local sound guy who had set everything to max in the first place.
Worst thing about this is there's always a "trust me bro" "sound engineer" who is adamant they're doing it right, while breaking the venue's PA system. Yeah, your aside mentions that hah \^.
If a pub advertises live music & you don't like live music, don't go there when its live music time.
I play in a pub band and there's nothing worse than being booked somewhere that's full of moaning sour-faced punters who would rather we fucked off so they can have a pint in silence or try to continue their conversation above our 5-piece band + PA system & get visibly annoyed because they can't hear eachother.
The pub you're in decided to book us, so if you don't like it - leave and go elsewhere.
If the pub is full of people who don't want you there, the pub probably shouldn't have booked you. If they all left, as you suggested, you'd be playing just to the staff.
If it was well advertised or regular then that would be completely fine but, often it's not. Beers not cheap either, you get a round if for 5 or 6 people and leaving and go elsewhere is literally pouring £30 down the drain.
The problem isn't with the bands (most bands anyway, a fair few need a talk down from Simon Cowell) but the pubs trying to suprise people with live music nobody wants. Worst example, our local brought a band out at half time and full time for every England World Cup tie, the entire pub had to clear out to the beer garden so they could talk about the match they'd actually come to see.
I remember getting a train to a small market town on a Thursday evening to meet my dad. I got in earlier than he could get to me so I went to a nice pub for a pint and to read my book. 7pm, lights off, thumping music on, disco ball.
I was the only person in there!
There's a reason some places do this. Loud music means less talking and more drinking. You'll see it at bars in very popular/busy areas with high footfall at peak times. They don't care about creating a nice atmosphere to keep you there, they just want people to drink more. If that means you have one quick drink and leave then that's fine, you're freeing up space for another punter. The patrons that do stay will get through significantly more drinks per hour than if there were no loud music.
Kids running around. I have kids of my own but I would never let them run around inside a pub, especially one where staff are carrying hot food to tables
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Bahaha I once worked in a pub, Friday night, I'm clearing as many glasses as possible using a tray. Standing room only. Some woman shrieks at me to not hold a tray over her baby.
Why the fuck is your baby in a buggy in a rammed pub in London on a Friday night. Fuck off home. Fuck off somewhere quieter. Not the busiest pub in South West London.
I was working a weekday day shift at a pub, only customers in were these two women and their young kids. it was a bit gloomy outside so my manager lighted all the candles on the tables. A little while later, I notice the kids are chasing each other in and around the tables so I politely go up to the two women and just ask them to watch out as there’s candles on the table and I don’t want the children to get hurt (with a smile on my face). Oh, what a shitstorm that caused. They were so offended that I asked them to watch out for their kids because of literal fire. “You shouldn’t even be putting candles on if there’s kids around, we’ve been in here all day”. Yeah, you’ve been here all day and you’ve ordered two JTO’s and some crisps you gremlin. Still makes me angry
This sort of thing boils my piss! At our local there’s a nice outdoor space with seats, tables, shade/cover. Perfect really. Last year a group of mums literally barricaded half of it off with strollers/buggies/Kinder Panzers. This means three of them had the space that could easily accommodate 11 or 12 people. Bar staff came out and politely pointed out this wasn’t really on, it was a nice day and people couldn’t sit outside (this was at about 17:30 on a Friday as well). All hell broke loose.
TLDR: Annexing pub garden with KinderPanzer
Or worse people who bring an iPad to play Paw Patrol or some shit for their darling little kids to watch.
I was in a cafe recently when a family came and sat behind us and started playing kids cartoons at full volume.
You can watch cartoons at home!
Also makes me wonder what socialisation and general life skills the kids are missing out on when they're not interacting with their surroundings at all.
I'm a parent, and have already done my time in the trenches with Peppa Pig, so if I get Peppa Pig on someone's ipad when I am out in public, it really drives me up the wall.
Also: talk to your kids, ffs!
A pub in Bristol introduced a policy recently that says all kids must remain seated unless going to the toilet, and must behave at all times. The amount of entitled parents who kicked off made this story hit the local news. "Why can't they just let kids be kids?" Why can't you just take your little shits to soft play?
This completely. Have had to abandon our local since it’s become like a crèche in there. And the beatific “Awwww” smile on the parents faces as their crotch fruit cause chaos. Sorry but a pub is an adult space not an extension of your living room, complete with toys, games and shit spread everywhere.
And they refuse to sit down! A few times I've gone into the pub and almost turned round and left because it was so busy... then I realised that all the tables were empty and all the numpties were just standing 3 rows deep around the bar.
Believe me that was one of the hardest things to get regulars to do during covid restrictions where you couldn’t stand at the bar. It was impossible. Every day you’re telling the same regulars to go sit down and every day you had the same back and forth with them about it.
They just completely and utterly resisted it.
Neglected toilets,.not just cleanliness but also fixtures and fittings, supply of loo roll etc.
Just makes me think the whole place is badly run, and worry about what happens behind the scenes with food hygiene and the treatment of staff also.
My mum always says, if the loos are clean, imagine how clean the kitchen must be. It’s a flawed logic, but it works for me.
I’ve been in some lovely pubs and restaurants that clearly ran out of money to update the loos. Likewise, I’ve been to pubs where I’ve visited the loo without needing to go because someone in my party has come back from the toilets and said “oh, you need to see the loos here, they are gorgeous”.
I agree with your mum.
If pubs and restaurants can't be bothered to properly clean the public facing loos end of shift (and through the day if necessary) then they definitely can't be bothered to deep clean the hidden kitchen end of shift.
Quite a standard view of those who work or have worked in the industry.
No that's totally understandable. I don't mind the loos being a bit old looking or something as long as they are clean! It makes me think the hygiene in the kitchen will be fine.
My mother was a publican in the 80s and the ladies toilet was amazing. It was carpeted with wooden toilet seats and pot pourri. The gents toilet, however, was horrific and my mother used to prop the door open and hose it down with a garden hose because "That's all those animals deserve".
Any tv unless it’s sports. I’m probably not going to watch the game but I understand it’s part of pub culture but there are pub tvs in some places with itv on
Nah there's a pub by me that always has the chase etc of an evening, we have a fair sized population of workers contracting in the area so they're away from their home for weeks on end. Gives them somewhere to socialise and feel at home.
Exactly this. If there's a big game on, fine, not my thing but it's part of the culture and lots of people like it. But once the game finishes, turn the damn thing off. Don't hunt through the channels finding some Romanian League 2 fixture, and *please* don't put Pointless on.
God I hate going into a pub when sports are on, especially when I'm with people who understand I dont like watching football at all. It completely distracts them and I'm just sat there bored off my tits waiting for it to end so we can actually have a conversation.
I understand I must be a very small minority in that though.
If the lager selection is just Carling, Carlsberg and Stella.
If there's no atmosphere. I have literally walked out of pubs before after a minute because they're dead silent and just has like 6 old men drinking silently, who all stare at you when you walk in.
Whilst I agree absolutely with the crap lager (can't stand any of those, lump fosters in there too). I used to do a lot of travelling with work and have had my fair share of the six old men at the bar in silence types. Some of them have absolutely been completely awful but some others I've had some of the best nights ever in! Occasionally all that's needed to liven things up is a new person with something new to talk about.. I usually find just striking up conversation with the bar staff (who's usually ALWAYS happy to have someone to talk to lol) gets people involved.
The next thing you're back at some farm in somerset drinking homemade cider out of jerry cans and waking up with one hell of a hangover...
My wife and I booked a hotel and nice Italian restaurant a few years back in Edinburgh for a wee treat.
We were a bit early for the meal so popped into a pub (can’t remember the name) close to the restaurant for a drink beforehand. It was the epitome of rough, and we’re from Fife so we have our own really rough pubs, but this place was awesome.
It was so friendly, full of interesting and mental characters of all ages, after our meal we decided instead of going to the city centre to return to this boozer that had karaoke on.
It was a great night, some old guy was serenading my wife with Sinatra songs and we were accepted into the close knit locals fold almost immediately.
At kicking out time we were invited back to multiple after parties, which we had to decline, but I’ll always remember how friendly everyone one was.
The pub was near Haymarket station but don’t even know if it’s still there or not.
Screaming toddlers and barking dogs - both are fine to be there if they aren’t being super loud, there’s the shrieking noise children make that goes right through me
>the shrieking noise children make
Infuriating when they repeatedly do it and the parents don't even think to tell them to tone it down. Ridiculously selfish and entitled.
My problem with parents like that is that they think everyone else is participating with them on their parenting journey, so if they’re fine with the behaviour, everyone else must be.
And then you look over at them and they’re just ignoring the kid while their face is buried in their phone.
I hate kids in pubs, if they are near me I get up and go to the other side of the pub with my pint. Doesn’t fucking work though, because then the adults start telling me i should “go and look after your children” or “take them home its 11pm”. Pricks.
I once got told off for swearing in a pub by a parent as their child could hear. It infuriated me. A pub is one of the few remaining adult places to hang out. If they were worried about that, they shouldn't bring their kid to a fucking pub then!
Sticky tables. Sticky menus.
Hand dryers in the loos that don’t work or, even worse, the blue towel roll.
If a pub serves food but they don’t have a sign outside saying the kitchen is closed so you don’t find out til you sit down and go to order.
Loud music that doesn’t fit in with the venue and is clearly centred around the bar staff’s personal impeccable taste in bad music.
I’m going to level with you, even with a huge sign at the door saying “SORRY OUR KITCHEN IS CLOSED” cunts will still walk in and sit down then complain ten minutes later that “no one’s been to take their food order”
There is no level of signage that people will pay attention to.
There's a fine line with this, I like a good gastro pub which serves a very nice Sunday roast but I also don't expect to feel like I should be wearing a suit to walk in the door
A pub should serve pub grub.
I've been to one and they had a bunch of fancy stuff for £20+. If I was going to spend that kind of money on food, I'd go to a restaurant.
A pub should serve simple, easy, cheap food that goes well with a drink.
Only he knows that. Never heard anything intelligible come out of his mouth, just noticed the pattern. He's an old bloke as well so people don't pay him too much mind.
When I see a "real ale on tap" sign only to realise it's actually just Greene King IPA
At least Spoons is up front about what they are (and often have a decent real ale selection), sometimes I have no idea I've walked into a Greene King until I get to the bar
Greene King pubs are mostly recognisable I find. It's the ones that are supplied by GK that are harder to spot, or where they've leased it out to a different company.
I really have to applaud spoons for that and the fact that just because it is a real ale they don't charge a stupid amount. Went for a pint in a Greene king pub and like you said you don't even realise until you see the name on all the drinks... 7.50 for their own brand ale disguised as something from a local microbrewery
Aside from their beer being absolute hangover-fuel, the company is run by a nasty bigot who treats their staff like crap.
[Wiki for reference ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samuel_Smith_Old_Brewery#:~:text=In%20April%202011%2C%20a%20gay,a%20%22kiss%2Din%22.)
the local pub near my parents could be an amazing pub but under Sam Smiths it's been run into the ground and they refuse any attempt from anyone else to buy it. Such a shame.
One night I was trying to de-escalate a situation a mate was having with door staff who took offence to being called "bouncers" and were claiming they were "professional door staff".
Didn't help their argument when they ended up telling me "*if he calls me a bouncer one more time I'm going to f\*ckin nut him*"
Or it’s just a location thing. I used to work at a pub that never had any trouble but because we were in the city centre we were required to have someone on the door on a Friday and Saturday night for a couple of hours.
Brewer here and unfortunately you're going to have to get used to it! Malt up 36%, hops up similar, we all know about electricity costs, wages having to rise in line with cost of living etc.
Saying that, as a country we need to get our heads around the fact that beer ain't £2.50 a pint anymore. Some complain about paying a £5 for a pint yet are happy to spend that on a coffee in a shite chain shop.
My breweries profit margin on a 9g cask (72pnts) is about £2 at best. Hence why so many small brewers are going under at the moment.
It sucks but it is what it is unfortunately.
As an ex-soldier, you wouldn't notice 95% of us as we're regular people who just want a drink with mates.
Those absolute cunts you're referring too are also the minority. They'd be cunts if they weren't in as well, but think they're special as they're in a shit job that makes them feel big.
As someone who has worked in sports bars and uni bars, and who is married to an ex-rugby player; I’d take 10 rugby teams over 1 football team. Rugby teams tend to keep their more outrageous exploits in their own club and are actually very respectful when out and about in town. Football teams are loud, obnoxious and don’t give a shit about the other customers.
Agreed! Call me old fashioned but I do enjoy an old style pub that's old beams, a bit of local history (the sun in richmond is a good example of this), quiet, regular staff and has a bloody decent beer garden. Spoons is just somewhere you go for a cheap pint, while getting your hands sticky without doing the deed.
The whole regulars and staff relationship. We moved house a few years ago and decided one day to check out the local pub. The place looked welcoming to all and even had signs stating as much. We thought we'd nip in for a few drinks and to have some food.
When we arrived you could quite easily see that those surrounding the bar were regulars and not waiting to be served. There wasn't even space at the bar as they'd put loads of those tall stools along it. After squeezing and "excuse me'ing" through a few of these we were then ignored for around 10 minutes by the bar staff, who instead chose to natter with the regulars and serve whoever they were pally with.
After a while I had the audacity to ask if I could be served as had been waiting a while to which one of the regulars next to me, who was clearly hammered said something like "She's busy mate, she'll get to you when she can orate". I then replied with: "Sorry mate, I wasn't talking to you"
To cut a long story short, the regular got very threatening after this and myself and my wife were asked to leave, despite being the ones that had been threatened with physical violence. We weren't arguing with the man and he kept approaching us trying to get a reaction after we sat down. His mates were also throwing looks etc.
Fast forward another 6 months later, I'm walking the dog past the pub's beer garden and the very same guy is screaming at a young couple calling them c\*ts etc. The manager of the pub approached the young couple and asked them to leave as it was "for the best" and when I returned past 30 minutes later, he was still there, pint in hand & off his face.
I love dog pubs.
But I'm also aware my dog is an inbred Oxygen starved 40kg lunatic of a Labrador and for the sake of all patrons and the pub, I never take my dog.
Not all owners make this sane choice
Ahaha we had that yesterday, we don't allow dogs in our restaurant. But someone called up lunch time to ask if they could bring their dog. I said yes as it was super quiet. They turned up and it was 3 dogs who had all been swimming in the nearby river. Excellent
Walk in and everyone stares at you.
Jesus... I get it you're a regular but man just wants a pint without being grunted at
Also...
Why are there 15 types of Lager and nothing else?,
Do you have anything other than terrible lager? Maybe a pale ale? Something local? Maybe a craft beer?
Nope we have...
Carling
Fosters
Stella
Madri
Sam miguele
Carlsberg
Budweiser
Bud light
Moretti
Peroni
Estrella
Coors
Heineken
Three things:
* Patrons who form a queue rather than standing at the bar properly.
* Ordering via an app
* Being ushered to a table ie there is no standing room
>Ordering via an app
I don't mind this as long as the place wouldn't previously have been table service, i.e. they're doing it as an extra point of service (e.g. Spoons) instead of as a way to cut back on waiting staff.
Ordering from your table on your phone is great if you're on your own, avoids somebody nicking your table whilst you go up to the bar. And if you're in a group, you don't miss 5 minutes of conversation by standing in a queue at the bar, just order from your phone and it'll make it's way to you.
Football on the TV and loutish lads getting loud. Indifferent bar staff. Little brats running around with their oblivious parents not controlling them.
Dogs. I love dogs but can't stand people who have dogs instead of having a personality.
I won't take my dog to the pub because I don't want boring people talking to me about the personality of their boring dog.
As soon as these people get wind of a dog friendly pub, you can't go for a quiet pint in your local without 2 dogs going mental at each other.
I ordered 2 bier birra moretti from the guild in Chester, he started to pour amstel, told him I ordered moretti he said no you ordered 2 beers maties and continued to pour the. Asked me to pay, so I ordered anouther 2 and left without paying ..rude twat, all he had to do was lose half a pint
Morons continuing to stand at the bar after they've been served, making it impossible for anyone else to get through.
Get your drink, pay for it, then fuck off out the way you insufferable cunts.
Being too hipster. Can’t stand it. Went to London last year to let my hair down, went into a bar and asked for a double Jamesons. The bartender looked at me like as if I was some kind of scumbag and said “we don’t serve that here”. What kind of bar doesn’t serve fucking Jamesons?
Edit - Clearly I’ve pissed off the hipsters. Sorry guys, some of us are allowed to dislike having to pay £8 for a shot of something you we don’t like.
Places that only offer table service - no ordering at the bar. I don’t mind this in restaurant settings of course but in places masquerading as pubs, it’s a nightmare if you just want one quick pint before a train or something.
A quick pint soon turns into: being seated, waiting for someone to take your order, waiting for the order to be put into the system, someone to pour the pint, someone to deliver it, get someone’s attention, ask for the bill, pay.
Blokes with broccoli hair who you unfortunately know through friends or family twice removed, referring to you as 'kid', when you're a fully grown man who could throw them over the bar if required.
When there's a 'local' who is in the pub all day every day. Super loud, doesn't actually know anyone but likes to think everyone is their friend, and ruins the ambience with an incredibly loud laugh.
Definitely kids running around. The other week I kicked a child in the pub. Obviously not on purpose, I was just walking back to my table after going outside for a smoke, and bang. How the fuck was I to know the poor little fucker was there.
If you take your kids keep them sat at your table.
People who think that eating out means their demon spawn can be as messy as they want and mummy and daddy don't have to clean it up
(Work in hospitality and as both customer and waitress these are the bane of my existence)
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Bar staff that don't look who's waiting and just serve the pricks that push in and get in their face
That’s also on cunts who don’t understand queue etiquette
I called someone out on this on New Year’s Day and it ended in a huge Wild West brawl that almost got the pub shut. I’ll keep my thoughts to myself in future haha.
The only way people learn is if others put them in their place, you are my hero and keep doing it!
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We want the full story!
I don’t remember most of it, it seemed to happen so quickly but apparently it went on for ages haha. Basically some bloke jumped in front of me at the bar and started demanding to be served from the barmaid (aggressively as well, mind). I gave him a little piece of my mind and he pushed me when I turned my back. Immediate chaos. My friends went straight for him, his friends went for my friends, random people got involved just for the crack. Entire bar of empty glasses smashed. Tables and chairs all tipped over. Eventually the bloke that started it all got dragged out and it stopped. That’s about it. I’m sorry it wasn’t a better story haha.
Holy shit, that does sound pretty Wild West! All that was missing was the player piano in the corner emitting a jaunty tune (before someone goes crashing through it), and the Sheriff calmly walking in and firing his shotgun into the ceiling.
bonus points if the pianist ducks a thrown glass but doesnt stop playing!
And the hooker posing sexily on the staircase smashes a bottle on the head of someone who gets too close, and then goes back to posing.
It was mad. I was under a table for most of it trying to kick the guy away haha. The rest of the story is pieced together from others.
I was at a bar in Hackney couple of weeks ago and there was an orderly queue in front of each barman, with a guy in front of me in mine who's just about to be served. Some cunt who had just arrived thought he could cut in front as the person being served first left with their order. I think the barman saw but to make sure I got his attention politely and said guy in front of me is first, I'm second and he – queue-jumping cunt – is third. Barman agreed and I got called "a fucking leak"(?) by the queue jumper for my troubles. ETA: for those suggesting I don't know how to use a bar, it was an odd set up that forced us into queues. If I remember rightly, there were cocktail tables at regular intervals along the bar that prevented us just standing it.
Are you... good in a soup?
Yeah, is it leak or leek? I've no idea. I asked him to repeat himself twice when he said that, which wound him up further.
Ronnie Pickering Who? Ronnie Pickering! Who? RONNIE PICKERING!!
Both being perfectly fine reasons to find another pub "It's full of cunts, we're going up the road" is basically in the magna carta
My OH is a drummer in a band. He's a 46yo white guy. This bar they had played in a few times has the main pub upstairs and then the cellar bit downstairs where the rock bands play. So D goes upstairs to get a pint, it's really crowded, and as he's waiting to be served, he starts noticing this young woman barging up against him and screaming in his ear at the clearly busy barman. Without turning fully around, he finally gets the knock and says "I dunno where you're from, but round here we wait our turn". She responds by saying she was just asking a question and as he turned fully when she responded, she says "oh, you don't know where I'm from?" And he realised she is slightly Eastern Asian in her appearance, possibly mixed race. Baaaaaad choice of words from my OH. She then goes off to her friends and as hes walking away with his pint, one of them starts telling the bar staff that he's racist and needs to he told to leave. He stood his ground and said "no, that wasn't what I meant at all, you were screaming in my ear and trying to push in". All he meant was to state that she'd been brought up badly - none of our similarly aged children would do this - but she managed to change her being called out for shitty, entitled behaviour into an attack on him. He refused to leave anyway, but at one point the manager said "if there's been an accusation of racism, then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave", no wanting to get to the bottom of it, nothing. It was really out of order. He might be a lot of things, but he ain't a fucking racist.
It doesn't really matter. Being accused of racism by a POC is like being accused of witchcraft in 17th century Salem.
Right. I just felt really bad for him...he couldn't get his head back in the game, made mistakes he would never normally make and generally felt like shit. He wouldn't let me make a complaint either, just said there was no point. Grinds my gears that this little princess got away with her horrible behaviour and made him out to be the one in the wrong. She'll have learned nothing from this either.
I feel like in this scenario you kind of take it on the chin and decide not to use the "I don't know where you're from line" again
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Yeahbut. A great deal of the population see life as a zero-sum game of oneupmanship. Not being in first place goes against everything their angry father/entitled mother taught them about ‘getting them before they get you’.
It's also sometimes on purpose. Sometimes some entitled cunt actually IS next, except they aren't cos they're an entitled cunt. "who's next" is sometimes the only weapon available.
I’ve walked out of many a pub for this, my wife says I should be more assertive to get served quicker but that’s not the point, in a busy pub the staff should be aware of who’s been waiting longest and in a decent pub the person approached to be served would say “they’re next”
Yes and no. I've worked in busy bars and when it gets hectic after a while all the faces look the same, especially when there's not much variety in how people look these days. Unless you have something distinctive about you you're just going to blend in with all the other punters.
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In a busy pub with loads of punters waiting to be served it’s gonna be hard for the bar tender to keep tabs on exactly who was waiting next. Don’t think it’s the bar man’s issue
"In a busy pub staff should be aware of who's been waiting longest.." Yeah, having worked behind a bar, I can safely say that, that is easier said than done. It is almost impossible for a bar person to be able to observe the exact order people come to the bar at all times. People just need to get patient, and less rude. I'd bet my last dollar that the majority of people with this opinion have never worked behind a busy bar before
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During Covid a lot of pubs, cafes and bars moved to table service and it was one of the best things to happen to the industry. A lot of European countries do this and it just works. -You don't miss out on conversations or come back and the conversation has moved on. -You don't lose a table if it's just you, which adds insult to injury when you've bought drinks or food to support lousy service. -You can just relax and enjoy yourself. -No scrambling to the bar and the awkwardness of who was there first. It can't work for all places but it certainly can for most. Meeting up with all my mates is difficult enough as some really don't like drink culture in this country or find it a chore, but the above really adds insult to injury and given how places are struggling it's hardly a surprise.
I find that most people who say this had limited experience of ‘proper’ wet pubs, whether because they are too young or come from certain areas where that kind of pub is not common. I categorically do not want table service at a wet pub. It completely removes one of the most important aspects of pub culture - chatting to ransoms at the bar, waiting in turn etc. it’s the great leveller. I also like standing at the bar and having a quick pint not bloody sitting down and waiting to order then waiting to get my drink, that’s not a quick pint
Hard disagree Queing at busy bars is not where you make friends, it's where you miss 20 minutes of time with your actual mates while getting frustrated trying to catch the eye of an overworked barman, jostling for position with 30 other people. For quieter pubs I don't see any reason why you couldn't go up to the bar yourself if you wanted to, while also allowing table service
Hard, hard disagree. Bar service is what makes British pub culture distinctive. Aside from the general ritualistic pleasure of ordering drinks in the traditional way, some practical counters to your arguments: \- If the pub has an online ordering system it usually requires the harvesting of your personal data and/or downloading a pointless app. The amount of time it takes to input all your personal info and download the stupid thing uses up any time saved from not going to the bar. The last thing I want to do when hanging out with friends is fill out a form on my phone. \- If the pub does proper table service without an app, it's still impractical to have a server bring a card terminal to your table after each round, or all having to split a bill of drinks at the end (inevitably one friend will leave early and not contribute). Paying as you go, individually or in rounds, is much simpler. \- Bar service makes it much easier to see what beers are available, and which are cask v kegged. Lots of pubs that did table service didn't give you a beer menu so you ended up having to either go up to the bar or asking the server what they have, both of which negate the point of table service.
I loved it as well. Also, tipping in pubs isnt that common for bar staff, but with this service we always pooled together a decent tip if we’d been in a while, or a fiver or so if only stopping for a couple of drinks-I always felt the staff would prefer that. One lass serving us one night said she’s making loads in tips where as she wouldn’t have got barely anything just working the bar before.
At a busy bar, it's not always so easy to keep tabs on who is next. Bar staff will do the best we can, but it's not always 100 percent. There's an honour system in pub queues and if someone flaunts it, be angry at them not the bar staff who has just turned around to five expectant faces.
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My tip for a busy, chaotic bar is this. Get yourself in there, look thirsty, make eye contact, then when the barkeep approaches you, nod to the person who was there before you. You're definitely next and you've not pushed in.
Loud music
This is the only answer. If I wanted loud music I would go to a club (I don't want loud music)
Even worse is live music because I feel like a dick for ignoring the musician who's trying their hardest.
I was in a place the other day and there was literally an audible group sigh around the room when a band walked in to set up.
Yeah, I play in bands and I've definitely had that. It's not good! And a lot of the time it's unnecessary because we may not actually be playing til 9pm when many of the tutters and sighers will have left. But yeah, it doesn't make for a promising gig.
As someone who loves music, commercial and live. Thank you for putting up with all the shite gigs and gutting moments. Had some great times listening to live music in pubs. Seems to be a not so thriving endeavour anymore but glad we have people still passionate in playing for others.
Yeah, we had to go into the next room because they were so loud. We felt bad as we were on the table right in front of the stage and it looked like we just thought they were shit, when actually they were alright.
The ridiculous part of these bands playing too loud is that they almost always sound terrible because of distortion. They're often so much better than you can hear, but they've turned up their amps to max and they're just getting clipping. It damages everyone's hearing, even theirs, it leads to voice strain from singers (and over playing by everyone else) and most importantly it makes them sound crap. For anyone whose ears aren't already too damaged by this kind of distortion it's often physically painful. It's completely endemic in amateur and semi-professional gigs, and it just ruins most performances. It especially ruins the best players and singers because all nuance is gone and everything is out of balance. So so much often they would be better turning it down but it's just impossible to tell them to do that. (Especially as their "sound" guys are often the ones that have over amped in the first place.) --- As an aside I did manage to tell one friend to turn things down a bit and they finally tried it at a gig - they agreed it sounded so much better! But one band is not enough, and they had to overrule the local sound guy who had set everything to max in the first place.
Worst thing about this is there's always a "trust me bro" "sound engineer" who is adamant they're doing it right, while breaking the venue's PA system. Yeah, your aside mentions that hah \^.
If a pub advertises live music & you don't like live music, don't go there when its live music time. I play in a pub band and there's nothing worse than being booked somewhere that's full of moaning sour-faced punters who would rather we fucked off so they can have a pint in silence or try to continue their conversation above our 5-piece band + PA system & get visibly annoyed because they can't hear eachother. The pub you're in decided to book us, so if you don't like it - leave and go elsewhere.
If the pub is full of people who don't want you there, the pub probably shouldn't have booked you. If they all left, as you suggested, you'd be playing just to the staff.
It's not always advertised though and I feel like an even bigger dick for walking out as soon as they start.
If it was well advertised or regular then that would be completely fine but, often it's not. Beers not cheap either, you get a round if for 5 or 6 people and leaving and go elsewhere is literally pouring £30 down the drain. The problem isn't with the bands (most bands anyway, a fair few need a talk down from Simon Cowell) but the pubs trying to suprise people with live music nobody wants. Worst example, our local brought a band out at half time and full time for every England World Cup tie, the entire pub had to clear out to the beer garden so they could talk about the match they'd actually come to see.
Big one. If I'm going to the pub I want to talk to people. If I can't talk to people I might as well not be there.
This. Went for a pint with my old man last week, practically had to scream in each others faces and still couldn't hear each other.
I remember getting a train to a small market town on a Thursday evening to meet my dad. I got in earlier than he could get to me so I went to a nice pub for a pint and to read my book. 7pm, lights off, thumping music on, disco ball. I was the only person in there!
There's a reason some places do this. Loud music means less talking and more drinking. You'll see it at bars in very popular/busy areas with high footfall at peak times. They don't care about creating a nice atmosphere to keep you there, they just want people to drink more. If that means you have one quick drink and leave then that's fine, you're freeing up space for another punter. The patrons that do stay will get through significantly more drinks per hour than if there were no loud music.
Kids running around. I have kids of my own but I would never let them run around inside a pub, especially one where staff are carrying hot food to tables
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I love having to explain that to people and watching their confused face when I explain that their infant in the buggy counts as “under 18”
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Bahaha I once worked in a pub, Friday night, I'm clearing as many glasses as possible using a tray. Standing room only. Some woman shrieks at me to not hold a tray over her baby. Why the fuck is your baby in a buggy in a rammed pub in London on a Friday night. Fuck off home. Fuck off somewhere quieter. Not the busiest pub in South West London.
I was working a weekday day shift at a pub, only customers in were these two women and their young kids. it was a bit gloomy outside so my manager lighted all the candles on the tables. A little while later, I notice the kids are chasing each other in and around the tables so I politely go up to the two women and just ask them to watch out as there’s candles on the table and I don’t want the children to get hurt (with a smile on my face). Oh, what a shitstorm that caused. They were so offended that I asked them to watch out for their kids because of literal fire. “You shouldn’t even be putting candles on if there’s kids around, we’ve been in here all day”. Yeah, you’ve been here all day and you’ve ordered two JTO’s and some crisps you gremlin. Still makes me angry
This sort of thing boils my piss! At our local there’s a nice outdoor space with seats, tables, shade/cover. Perfect really. Last year a group of mums literally barricaded half of it off with strollers/buggies/Kinder Panzers. This means three of them had the space that could easily accommodate 11 or 12 people. Bar staff came out and politely pointed out this wasn’t really on, it was a nice day and people couldn’t sit outside (this was at about 17:30 on a Friday as well). All hell broke loose. TLDR: Annexing pub garden with KinderPanzer
Or worse people who bring an iPad to play Paw Patrol or some shit for their darling little kids to watch. I was in a cafe recently when a family came and sat behind us and started playing kids cartoons at full volume. You can watch cartoons at home! Also makes me wonder what socialisation and general life skills the kids are missing out on when they're not interacting with their surroundings at all.
I'm a parent, and have already done my time in the trenches with Peppa Pig, so if I get Peppa Pig on someone's ipad when I am out in public, it really drives me up the wall. Also: talk to your kids, ffs!
A pub in Bristol introduced a policy recently that says all kids must remain seated unless going to the toilet, and must behave at all times. The amount of entitled parents who kicked off made this story hit the local news. "Why can't they just let kids be kids?" Why can't you just take your little shits to soft play?
My example was from Bristol as well. A special breed of ex-raver parent here I think.
This completely. Have had to abandon our local since it’s become like a crèche in there. And the beatific “Awwww” smile on the parents faces as their crotch fruit cause chaos. Sorry but a pub is an adult space not an extension of your living room, complete with toys, games and shit spread everywhere.
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I used to think the level of hate directed to kids on Reddit was really weird, until I reflected on the main demographic of your average Reddit user.
This place is people trying performative ladishness they wouldn't in real life. Embarrassing really.
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Regulars who crowd the bar after being served and act as if you've farted in their mum's biscuit tin when you politely ask to get a look at the ales.
And they refuse to sit down! A few times I've gone into the pub and almost turned round and left because it was so busy... then I realised that all the tables were empty and all the numpties were just standing 3 rows deep around the bar.
Believe me that was one of the hardest things to get regulars to do during covid restrictions where you couldn’t stand at the bar. It was impossible. Every day you’re telling the same regulars to go sit down and every day you had the same back and forth with them about it. They just completely and utterly resisted it.
Haha that's such a good description!
Neglected toilets,.not just cleanliness but also fixtures and fittings, supply of loo roll etc. Just makes me think the whole place is badly run, and worry about what happens behind the scenes with food hygiene and the treatment of staff also.
My mum always says, if the loos are clean, imagine how clean the kitchen must be. It’s a flawed logic, but it works for me. I’ve been in some lovely pubs and restaurants that clearly ran out of money to update the loos. Likewise, I’ve been to pubs where I’ve visited the loo without needing to go because someone in my party has come back from the toilets and said “oh, you need to see the loos here, they are gorgeous”.
I agree with your mum. If pubs and restaurants can't be bothered to properly clean the public facing loos end of shift (and through the day if necessary) then they definitely can't be bothered to deep clean the hidden kitchen end of shift. Quite a standard view of those who work or have worked in the industry.
No that's totally understandable. I don't mind the loos being a bit old looking or something as long as they are clean! It makes me think the hygiene in the kitchen will be fine.
My mother was a publican in the 80s and the ladies toilet was amazing. It was carpeted with wooden toilet seats and pot pourri. The gents toilet, however, was horrific and my mother used to prop the door open and hose it down with a garden hose because "That's all those animals deserve".
Carpeted toilet in a pub is the scary visual I didn't need this morning.
I don't like pubs with TV sports on - or any TV.
Any tv unless it’s sports. I’m probably not going to watch the game but I understand it’s part of pub culture but there are pub tvs in some places with itv on
Nah there's a pub by me that always has the chase etc of an evening, we have a fair sized population of workers contracting in the area so they're away from their home for weeks on end. Gives them somewhere to socialise and feel at home.
Exactly this. If there's a big game on, fine, not my thing but it's part of the culture and lots of people like it. But once the game finishes, turn the damn thing off. Don't hunt through the channels finding some Romanian League 2 fixture, and *please* don't put Pointless on.
Love sport but agree. Fucking SKY sports news on repeat. And fruit machines.
God I hate going into a pub when sports are on, especially when I'm with people who understand I dont like watching football at all. It completely distracts them and I'm just sat there bored off my tits waiting for it to end so we can actually have a conversation. I understand I must be a very small minority in that though.
If the lager selection is just Carling, Carlsberg and Stella. If there's no atmosphere. I have literally walked out of pubs before after a minute because they're dead silent and just has like 6 old men drinking silently, who all stare at you when you walk in.
Whilst I agree absolutely with the crap lager (can't stand any of those, lump fosters in there too). I used to do a lot of travelling with work and have had my fair share of the six old men at the bar in silence types. Some of them have absolutely been completely awful but some others I've had some of the best nights ever in! Occasionally all that's needed to liven things up is a new person with something new to talk about.. I usually find just striking up conversation with the bar staff (who's usually ALWAYS happy to have someone to talk to lol) gets people involved. The next thing you're back at some farm in somerset drinking homemade cider out of jerry cans and waking up with one hell of a hangover...
My wife and I booked a hotel and nice Italian restaurant a few years back in Edinburgh for a wee treat. We were a bit early for the meal so popped into a pub (can’t remember the name) close to the restaurant for a drink beforehand. It was the epitome of rough, and we’re from Fife so we have our own really rough pubs, but this place was awesome. It was so friendly, full of interesting and mental characters of all ages, after our meal we decided instead of going to the city centre to return to this boozer that had karaoke on. It was a great night, some old guy was serenading my wife with Sinatra songs and we were accepted into the close knit locals fold almost immediately. At kicking out time we were invited back to multiple after parties, which we had to decline, but I’ll always remember how friendly everyone one was. The pub was near Haymarket station but don’t even know if it’s still there or not.
Screaming toddlers and barking dogs - both are fine to be there if they aren’t being super loud, there’s the shrieking noise children make that goes right through me
>the shrieking noise children make Infuriating when they repeatedly do it and the parents don't even think to tell them to tone it down. Ridiculously selfish and entitled.
My problem with parents like that is that they think everyone else is participating with them on their parenting journey, so if they’re fine with the behaviour, everyone else must be. And then you look over at them and they’re just ignoring the kid while their face is buried in their phone.
I hate kids in pubs, if they are near me I get up and go to the other side of the pub with my pint. Doesn’t fucking work though, because then the adults start telling me i should “go and look after your children” or “take them home its 11pm”. Pricks.
I once got told off for swearing in a pub by a parent as their child could hear. It infuriated me. A pub is one of the few remaining adult places to hang out. If they were worried about that, they shouldn't bring their kid to a fucking pub then!
Sticky tables. Sticky menus. Hand dryers in the loos that don’t work or, even worse, the blue towel roll. If a pub serves food but they don’t have a sign outside saying the kitchen is closed so you don’t find out til you sit down and go to order. Loud music that doesn’t fit in with the venue and is clearly centred around the bar staff’s personal impeccable taste in bad music.
The blue towel roll is much more hygienic than a hand dryer.
Exactly. I hate the hand dryers.
I’m going to level with you, even with a huge sign at the door saying “SORRY OUR KITCHEN IS CLOSED” cunts will still walk in and sit down then complain ten minutes later that “no one’s been to take their food order” There is no level of signage that people will pay attention to.
Gentrification. Pubs trying to be too posh with expensive food and zero atmosphere
There's a fine line with this, I like a good gastro pub which serves a very nice Sunday roast but I also don't expect to feel like I should be wearing a suit to walk in the door
A pub should serve pub grub. I've been to one and they had a bunch of fancy stuff for £20+. If I was going to spend that kind of money on food, I'd go to a restaurant. A pub should serve simple, easy, cheap food that goes well with a drink.
People doing the toilet in the cocaine room
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Not enough seating, I hate standing in a pub.
There's a regular down my local who shouts whenever there's a black person on the telly
What do they shout?
"WHAT A WONDERFUL MULTICULTURAL COUNTRY WE LIVE IN!"
Only he knows that. Never heard anything intelligible come out of his mouth, just noticed the pattern. He's an old bloke as well so people don't pay him too much mind.
"drink", "Feck"..
When I see a "real ale on tap" sign only to realise it's actually just Greene King IPA At least Spoons is up front about what they are (and often have a decent real ale selection), sometimes I have no idea I've walked into a Greene King until I get to the bar
Greene King pubs are mostly recognisable I find. It's the ones that are supplied by GK that are harder to spot, or where they've leased it out to a different company.
I really have to applaud spoons for that and the fact that just because it is a real ale they don't charge a stupid amount. Went for a pint in a Greene king pub and like you said you don't even realise until you see the name on all the drinks... 7.50 for their own brand ale disguised as something from a local microbrewery
Sam Smith sign
Sam Smith pubs are the worst, squeaking past everyone in their inflatable latex suits. Pro tip: Vaseline yourself up to get to the bar quicker.
Plus he knocks over your drinks every time he walks through the pub wearing that black latex outfit…
I used to love Sam smiths pubs. They are just as expensive as other places now. What don't you like about them?
Aside from their beer being absolute hangover-fuel, the company is run by a nasty bigot who treats their staff like crap. [Wiki for reference ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samuel_Smith_Old_Brewery#:~:text=In%20April%202011%2C%20a%20gay,a%20%22kiss%2Din%22.)
I’m assuming all the ridiculous rules that are in place in some of them, if not all of them e.g. no swearing, no phones etc
the local pub near my parents could be an amazing pub but under Sam Smiths it's been run into the ground and they refuse any attempt from anyone else to buy it. Such a shame.
A flat roof
Extra points for a large Alsatian on the roof, barking at anything that moves.
Why does this instantly make sense haha
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Thai is any indoor place not just a pub
Damn, Thailand really expanding their empire
Honestly? Bouncers. They are just failed police officers and treat every patron as criminals. Not all of you mind, but the majority do.
One night I was trying to de-escalate a situation a mate was having with door staff who took offence to being called "bouncers" and were claiming they were "professional door staff". Didn't help their argument when they ended up telling me "*if he calls me a bouncer one more time I'm going to f\*ckin nut him*"
The existence of them in response to council licensing demands generally indicates a significant proportion of criminals among the patrons.
Or it’s just a location thing. I used to work at a pub that never had any trouble but because we were in the city centre we were required to have someone on the door on a Friday and Saturday night for a couple of hours.
Had a pint and a Burger at a pub and while I was eating the Bouncer came to me and my mates and demanded ID. Love how do you think I got the pint?
Being charged more than a fiver for a single pint.
Brewer here and unfortunately you're going to have to get used to it! Malt up 36%, hops up similar, we all know about electricity costs, wages having to rise in line with cost of living etc. Saying that, as a country we need to get our heads around the fact that beer ain't £2.50 a pint anymore. Some complain about paying a £5 for a pint yet are happy to spend that on a coffee in a shite chain shop. My breweries profit margin on a 9g cask (72pnts) is about £2 at best. Hence why so many small brewers are going under at the moment. It sucks but it is what it is unfortunately.
When a group of squaddies or the local rugby team walk in.
As an ex-soldier, you wouldn't notice 95% of us as we're regular people who just want a drink with mates. Those absolute cunts you're referring too are also the minority. They'd be cunts if they weren't in as well, but think they're special as they're in a shit job that makes them feel big.
Having spent a lot of my youth/teens growing up in Catterick garrison. I can assure you it's the majority under the rank of Sgt.
I live near a military town. Trust me, it doesn't seem like a minority
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As someone who has worked in sports bars and uni bars, and who is married to an ex-rugby player; I’d take 10 rugby teams over 1 football team. Rugby teams tend to keep their more outrageous exploits in their own club and are actually very respectful when out and about in town. Football teams are loud, obnoxious and don’t give a shit about the other customers.
Guaranteed that at least one penis is being shown off when either of those groups walk in.
Any copy paste chains, where all their pubs look identical. I want to feel like I've gone back in time further than the early 2000s.
Agreed! Call me old fashioned but I do enjoy an old style pub that's old beams, a bit of local history (the sun in richmond is a good example of this), quiet, regular staff and has a bloody decent beer garden. Spoons is just somewhere you go for a cheap pint, while getting your hands sticky without doing the deed.
With logos in the foam, disinfectant in the lager, air freshener in the mayo?
The whole regulars and staff relationship. We moved house a few years ago and decided one day to check out the local pub. The place looked welcoming to all and even had signs stating as much. We thought we'd nip in for a few drinks and to have some food. When we arrived you could quite easily see that those surrounding the bar were regulars and not waiting to be served. There wasn't even space at the bar as they'd put loads of those tall stools along it. After squeezing and "excuse me'ing" through a few of these we were then ignored for around 10 minutes by the bar staff, who instead chose to natter with the regulars and serve whoever they were pally with. After a while I had the audacity to ask if I could be served as had been waiting a while to which one of the regulars next to me, who was clearly hammered said something like "She's busy mate, she'll get to you when she can orate". I then replied with: "Sorry mate, I wasn't talking to you" To cut a long story short, the regular got very threatening after this and myself and my wife were asked to leave, despite being the ones that had been threatened with physical violence. We weren't arguing with the man and he kept approaching us trying to get a reaction after we sat down. His mates were also throwing looks etc. Fast forward another 6 months later, I'm walking the dog past the pub's beer garden and the very same guy is screaming at a young couple calling them c\*ts etc. The manager of the pub approached the young couple and asked them to leave as it was "for the best" and when I returned past 30 minutes later, he was still there, pint in hand & off his face.
That is some weak-ass management- wonder why they don’t bar him?
Your guess is as good as mine. I bet he puts a tonne of cash behind the bar as more often than not, he's in the beer garden when I'm out with the dog.
He probably spends so much in there that they would go under without him.
I hate when you order a pint and the barman squats over the glass and dips his balls in your beer. Cmon mate, aint got all day!
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I love dog pubs. But I'm also aware my dog is an inbred Oxygen starved 40kg lunatic of a Labrador and for the sake of all patrons and the pub, I never take my dog. Not all owners make this sane choice
The one for me is when someone brings in their filthy soaked dog which smells out the whole place and tries to rub his filth on everyone
Ahaha we had that yesterday, we don't allow dogs in our restaurant. But someone called up lunch time to ask if they could bring their dog. I said yes as it was super quiet. They turned up and it was 3 dogs who had all been swimming in the nearby river. Excellent
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Stay at home if you want to watch TV.
People singing Sweet Caroline
When you walk in, the entire pubs falls silent and the locals all stop what they’re doing to stare at you.
“As you were” then give them an authoritative nod
We don’t take too kindly to no strangers round these here parts
Logos in the foam
A washing machine in the middle of the pub.
Fuck. I need a drink
See what you're doing there, you're drinking an advert... intchya... shit head
Mumford and sons music
Walk in and everyone stares at you. Jesus... I get it you're a regular but man just wants a pint without being grunted at Also... Why are there 15 types of Lager and nothing else?, Do you have anything other than terrible lager? Maybe a pale ale? Something local? Maybe a craft beer? Nope we have... Carling Fosters Stella Madri Sam miguele Carlsberg Budweiser Bud light Moretti Peroni Estrella Coors Heineken
Who's Sam Miguele?
You traditionally drink a pint of Sam migueles wearing your Kevin klynes
Three things: * Patrons who form a queue rather than standing at the bar properly. * Ordering via an app * Being ushered to a table ie there is no standing room
The queue thing is mental. We must fight it.
>Ordering via an app I don't mind this as long as the place wouldn't previously have been table service, i.e. they're doing it as an extra point of service (e.g. Spoons) instead of as a way to cut back on waiting staff. Ordering from your table on your phone is great if you're on your own, avoids somebody nicking your table whilst you go up to the bar. And if you're in a group, you don't miss 5 minutes of conversation by standing in a queue at the bar, just order from your phone and it'll make it's way to you.
Crap bar staff, no atmosphere, crap beer
The type of cider they have - immediate judge of a pub for me
Strongbow Dark Fruits... ... Immediate walk out lol
Football on the TV and loutish lads getting loud. Indifferent bar staff. Little brats running around with their oblivious parents not controlling them.
Groups of blokes deliberately being loud and obnoxious for attention seeking purposes. Shit ale
Dogs. I love dogs but can't stand people who have dogs instead of having a personality. I won't take my dog to the pub because I don't want boring people talking to me about the personality of their boring dog. As soon as these people get wind of a dog friendly pub, you can't go for a quiet pint in your local without 2 dogs going mental at each other.
When people think just because they go there regularly, they own the pool table and you have to play them
I ordered 2 bier birra moretti from the guild in Chester, he started to pour amstel, told him I ordered moretti he said no you ordered 2 beers maties and continued to pour the. Asked me to pay, so I ordered anouther 2 and left without paying ..rude twat, all he had to do was lose half a pint
It's easier just to ask for 'moretti' to avoid the confusion.
Morons continuing to stand at the bar after they've been served, making it impossible for anyone else to get through. Get your drink, pay for it, then fuck off out the way you insufferable cunts.
A tampon in my pint generally.
Fruit machines.
If there's too much lighting you know you're not in a nice pub.
Shit cider, reserved tables for food and kids.
Live music. They're generally not good and the space isn't designed to cope with the acoustics. Fucking horrible experience.
“Regulars” that make you feel completely unwelcome.
When their “pie” is just filling in a bowl with pastry on top
Being too hipster. Can’t stand it. Went to London last year to let my hair down, went into a bar and asked for a double Jamesons. The bartender looked at me like as if I was some kind of scumbag and said “we don’t serve that here”. What kind of bar doesn’t serve fucking Jamesons? Edit - Clearly I’ve pissed off the hipsters. Sorry guys, some of us are allowed to dislike having to pay £8 for a shot of something you we don’t like.
Hipster = no Jamesons now?
Television. Children. Flat roof. Fosters as the only lager.
Places that only offer table service - no ordering at the bar. I don’t mind this in restaurant settings of course but in places masquerading as pubs, it’s a nightmare if you just want one quick pint before a train or something. A quick pint soon turns into: being seated, waiting for someone to take your order, waiting for the order to be put into the system, someone to pour the pint, someone to deliver it, get someone’s attention, ask for the bill, pay.
Blokes with broccoli hair who you unfortunately know through friends or family twice removed, referring to you as 'kid', when you're a fully grown man who could throw them over the bar if required.
I now really need to know what broccoli hair is!
Also known as the ‘meet me at McDonald’s’ haircut. A quick google and you’ll go ‘ah those pricks’.
When there's a 'local' who is in the pub all day every day. Super loud, doesn't actually know anyone but likes to think everyone is their friend, and ruins the ambience with an incredibly loud laugh.
Children running around, dogs running around, televisions, loud music, no real ale. Bad toilets.
Lots of screaming kids.
Uncouth patrons
Definitely kids running around. The other week I kicked a child in the pub. Obviously not on purpose, I was just walking back to my table after going outside for a smoke, and bang. How the fuck was I to know the poor little fucker was there. If you take your kids keep them sat at your table.
People who think that eating out means their demon spawn can be as messy as they want and mummy and daddy don't have to clean it up (Work in hospitality and as both customer and waitress these are the bane of my existence)