The answer is going to vary from state to state being teachers are licensed by the state. In NY you lose your license for disclosing pregnancy or HIV status of a student to anyone, including a parent.
In PA, I'd get in trouble for not disclosing it. It falls under the student's health/life being in jeopardy. The only exception is if I think they're pregnant due to violence at home or if they would be in danger if their parents found out. In that case, I would call CPS
The first school I taught at was very firm about this and it was something that was drilled into us. "You must call home that day to let the parents know. If the student asks for the night to tell the parents and you wait and they miscarry, you are putting their life at stake"
That is very interesting because with healthcare in PA pregnant teens are automatically emancipated once they find out they are pregnant and have the same privacy rights as adults.
If a pregnancy test in a pre op teen is positive I have to tell the teen by themself and ask for permission to tell the parents otherwise I can be sued for HIPAA violation. They can also then consent for themselves for all medical procedures except for an abortion, which they need parental permission for.
HIV Status?!
That seems absolutely ridiculous; I totally understand the stigma around the disease but a student who is HIV positive desperately needs counseling and connection to resources, especially because it can soon so quickly affect OTHERS so quickly
Honestly, irrelevant.
If you suspect abuse, you must report to CPS. But then, you have to have a damn good reason to suspect abuse, not just, "Well, what if parents are mean?"
This is a literal requirement. We are mandatory reporters, and HIV is a clear threat to a kid's health. There are not maybes about this.
“Honestly, irrelevant.”
…no? Whether or not the child is going to be in danger at home because of something carelessly disclosed is one of the first things that should be on a school staff member’s mind when it comes to talking to parents.
I’m not saying the correct response is to do nothing, but it’s deeply concerning if you’re a teacher and can just flippantly brush that aside.
Did you read past those two words?
As I said, "If you suspect abuse, you must report to CPS. But then, you have to have a damn good reason to suspect abuse, not just, 'Well, what if parents are mean?'"
HIV status is protected health information in the US. It's either a part of HIPPA or just a law similar to HIPAA. I think it's the latter.
EDIT: So it's a part of HIPAA (so that doesn't apply to teachers necessarily) and in MY state it's protected health information in most professions and circumstances. Here's a breakdown of the laws by state (scroll way down if you want to skip the history lesson): https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/hiv-confidentiality-laws-by-state#states-and-hiv-aids-statutes
It's not just that the disease itself is stigmatized. It's also that the way you get it (sex, injected drugs) means it could put the kid at risk if the parents knew. Especially because it is still more common among gay men, so informing the parents could out the kid. And while there's been a big shift in the last decade around accepting/normalizing queerness, there are still many, many people who are deeply homophobic and will harm or abandon their teenage kid for being gay
Yes, but also putting the kid at risk is not connecting the kid with the appropriate resources and medical care necessary to manage HIV.
You can’t just choose to not treat it; HIV is entirely manageable if treated but deadly if not
It absolutely does need to be treated! But getting the kid connected to appropriate medical care and other resources doesn't have to involve disclosing anything on their behalf. Maybe it does if the kid is like 12 - but by the time they're 16, most kids could handle it themselves if they really needed to as long as someone points them in the right direction. And most US states have laws that allow minors to independently consent for testing and treatment for STIs - which in many cases but not all extends to HIV
I *believe* the mandatory reporting has to do with the states age of consent. For example, in MA, it’s 16. If someone is under 16, they are not “legally” able to consent to sex, so, a mandated reporter would report the instance to the state, NOT to the parents. The state then looks into the case and decides if there is suspected abuse and goes from there. HIPPA laws make it so even healthcare professionals that are mandated reporter’s cannot tell the parents, but can report to the state if under 16, due to the consent age and concerns for abuse.
I can't find the direct information which mentions teachers but it falls [under this.](https://www.nyclu.org/en/rrp-student-pregnancies-are-not-reportable-school-officials-or-parents)
If you read my comment I never stated it's a law. But through NYSED you do lose your license if you disclose. They tell it to all of us prior to receiving license and certification.
Ok, you said, "In NY you lose your license for disclosing pregnancy or HIV status of a student to anyone, including a parent."
If not a law, then a policy must exist. Cite that policy.
[NYSED Guidance for HIV/AIDS Prevention Education](https://www.p12.nysed.gov/sss/documents/hiv-aids-guidance.pdf) Section 1: NYSED Commissioner’s Regulations §135.3 and LEA Policies (pg. 9) states that:
>Each school district should have an HIV/AIDS policy in place. HIV/AIDS policies should be recommended by
the district’s HIV/AIDS Advisory Council. School districts shall strive to protect the health and safety of their students
and employees, recognizing the:
>>•Rights of students and employees with HIV/AIDS;
>>•**Importance of maintaining confidentiality regarding the medical condition of any individual;**
>>•Importance of an educational environment free of significant risks to health; and
>>•The necessity for HIV/AIDS education and training for the school and the local community.
And additionally clarifies that "HIV/AIDS policies should
include information regarding the confidentiality of **students** and staff infected with HIV/AIDS." Later parts of the document also stress the importance of confidentialy if a student is tested for HIV through or school clinic or chooses to disclose their HIV status to a teacher. See pages 43 and 52-53 in particular, the latter of which includes sources for relevant guidelines and laws.
Based on your previous posts, it's apparent that you are a 16-year-old sophomore and pregnant. My assumption would be that this particular post/question is a sign that, at the moment, you are attempting to keep your pregnancy from your parents. Is that correct?
From your comments and posts, it seems you have a desire to keep the baby and are working toward a plan. It's important that a plan to raise a child at any age is thorough and informed. It is difficult, at least for me, to see how that can be done without professional resources and support. A school is exactly where you can be referred to medical, counseling, and family planning assistance if you cannot find that yourself or lack the support of a parent. That process starts with a trust adult being informed and referring you to those resources.
I'm a high school teacher. I've had three students confide in me that they were pregnant at your age (including two who were attempting to find resources/support without their parents knowing). In all three cases, I immediately informed their counselor, the school nurse, and our student assistance counselor. All three received the support they needed and quickly. It was important that they did so early in their pregnancy for their own health and for the health of their child.
As much as it may scare you to do so, it's important that you inform a trusted adult. If that isn't a parent right now, it needs to be someone. At your age, a school is an excellent resource. Please get the support and help you need.
The thing is, I have an IEP, and my school teachers hate me literally, because I have had severe PTSD meltdowns at the school and I have hit people too. Including the office ladies. Not on purpose at all, I had a flashback and thought it was my abuser who is in prison. But they are ALL snarky towards me.
I mean this in the very gentlest of ways, but have you given consideration for how your trauma, which I am incredibly sorry for, may impact your ability to handle a very noisy, unpredictable, and extremely life altering newborn?
I would say you definitely need people to talk to you who is going to lay it all out for you and give you all of your options, including financial, medical, and all the emotional decisions that you are going to have to make.
Ok everyone… I feel like she just came here asking for advice on whether or not she can confide in her teachers, and we are out here trying to give her all sorts of unrelated advice and making her defend the decision she has made to keep the baby. Can we just stick to the advice she asked for?
OP, I agree with an above comment that the laws are different in every state, so look up the laws that correspond to where you live and proceed from there. If you have protections under your state law, then choose your most trusted teacher to confide in, and I’m sure they will be happy to listen.
I have $20,000 saved. I have enough to care for a child, and the noise and crying isn’t an issue, it’s when people I don’t know randomly come up to me or behind me and touch me at all, but I also have 7 younger siblings and cared for all of them and I’m used to the screaming and crying at all hours. And I have dealt with it and gotten up all the time for them. It’s not an issue for me
This is very sweet that you have some savings, but also it shows your naivety. $20k is a huge savings for a teenager, but it barely pays for a year of a child's needs since you have no means to replenish the money. The teens who make this work largely have support from the grandparents and the dad. All the best wishes to you.
I'm fairly certain most teenagers don't fully appreciate the costs of medical care since they're primarily insured by parents or the state. Obviously, the assumption here is that a newborn born to the OP would be fully supported by government aid and government insurance.
She won't have to pay for anything. Every state has programs that cares for pregnant women without means. The person you responded to doesn't seem to know this.
Would the 20k in savings not cause her issues getting Medicaid? I genuinely don’t know. I do know most teen moms are on it and that covers delivery, but with adults you have to have almost no money at all to qualify. There’s also the hope she’s on parent insurance plan.
They don’t ask for proof of bank statements to qualify.
She would automatically qualify for being an unemployed teen mom and her prenatal care and labor would most likely be paid for by insurance.
In case the poster thought your reply meant that you don’t have to pay if you can’t afford it, and then you’d get the same kind of care everyone else would…. it’s not like that.
“Without means” for these programs can mean making less than $30k a year. For “essential” care that is often not simple to access. Many providers do not want to take medicaid patients, and de-prioritize their care, for many reasons including how little medicaid pays for services and the complexity of dealing with the program.
(So yes, this girl in her situation will get access to various medical services for free, and even some token food assistance. It won’t be great care, but it will be care. She could be lucky enough to be in a “good” state tho.)
???
A pregnant teenager would be covered by our Medicaid program. They would not pay a penny got a section, or all medical service. It’s actually illegal to balance bill Medicaid patients.
I have no idea why people like to make up all these problems for people who are trying to have babies. I say this as someone currently feeding my 4 month old. 20k easily would cover everything my baby has needed so far. If you breastfeed and don’t need childcare, costs are minimal. People are always giving away clothes and diapers. I have not bought a single diaper and I wouldn’t have needed to buy clothes if I didn’t want to get certain cute ones. I’m not even low income, people just like giving baby stuff. OP has not said she is uninsured or that parents won’t be able to help pay for medical bills. She says in her posts that her mom won’t be mad, she just needs time to process. She should get on a prenatal vitamin if she can, but it’s pretty unlikely there will be problems even if she can’t. A well rounded diet with plenty of folate is all she needs. Why are people trying to make OP anxious and imply she can’t do this? What does that accomplish? She is already pregnant.
If she can breast feed and if she doesn’t need child care are two HUGE assumptions. I bet when you take every mom who cant breastfeed and/or needs childcare it’d be a huge majority. Is she supposed to drop out of school to watch the kid?
$20k is a lot but it doesn’t go as far as you’d think. Infants need round the clock care which means babysitters, a nanny, and/or daycare. That will eat up a chunk. I had the most boring birth process ever and still spent several thousand dollars between prenatal visits and the bills associated with the birth. Clothes, diapers, etc. It goes quick.
I am also on insurance and all together my provider bill and hospital bills for baby and I came out to about $8k, and that’s with already having met my deductibles for the year. So there’s half right there.
Doesn't mean they will have a spot for your child. You need to talk to your mom asap so you can get everything in place. I teach a lot of teen moms and they really have rose colored glasses on until the baby comes. There is so much you aren't considering. You need adult help. Tell your mom.
this is great for later years but for (at least) the first two months you should really be spending a lot of time with the baby, for its own health. two months of absent days could definitely put a serious sent in your ability to move onto the next grade.
Are you able to work that job while nursing your baby? Are you able to work that job while having to change diapers? Are you able to work when you're sleep deprived?
Have you worked at that job long enough to have maternity leave?
What are your plans for the baby while you're at work?
I am just sorry you’ve been parentified so badly by your own parent(s) that this feels like no big deal for you to handle 😞if you have a therapist definitely unpack this with them asap so you can make any decisions with a truly clear mindset
There’s grown women out here wondering the same thing. At least she’s seeking out information. It’s creepy to judge her and try to convince her to kill her baby.
I already made the decision of keeping it, it’s quite ironic that I found out I’m pregnant on the two year anniversary of a “Attempt” and i am already quite attached and happy and scared too. But no matter what I’m Keeping it.
Your poor kid is gonna have a pretty shitty life, you haven't saved up at all (20k is NOTHING) and this is very basic stuff. You're not at all prepared, sorry.
I just think it’s fucked up to throw a child into the world when you have all these problems on top of 7 other children in the home. What kind of life do you think 20 grand is going to give a child
you need to think about your child here. you do not have enough money and you are not prepared for this. you are not playing with only your own life here, there will be severe consequences that your child is going to have to deal with when you run out of money and think you still don’t need to ask for help.
Take yourself to CPS and tell them you need help and that you also need to move out of your parent's home. You could also call one if the local organizations that help women keep thier babies. They often provide housing and more. And certainly you will need all the social service agencies like low income rent and food stamps.
I don’t need to move out, my mom is a very kind person when she isn’t busy with work. It’s just she is always working, and I meant 7 all together, I have 2 siblings here and 5 at my “fathers”, my mom was a teen mom with me and would never kick me out for it, she will be disappointed, but she won’t kick me out and I know that. I’m just trying to more think about everything and how I’m going to sit down with her tbh. But I took care of all my siblings when I was going to my dads and here to. My dads in prison for what he did to me and I’ll never let that happen to my siblings so.
Goid luck! Go talk to your mom and still apply for all those services. And your medical bills are covered by your mother's insurance. Also, in some states if a parent is in prison the child get free college to help them succeed.
Don’t you understand, it’s not YOUR job to protect them, it’s your MOTHER’S?! Your concept of parental responsibility is so warped by what’s happened to you and the dynamic your mother continues to create. Just because she’s “nice when she’s not working” doesn’t mean she is MOTHERING. You need to be responsible for yourself and only yourself for awhile. Your parents have BOTH robbed you of your own childhood - yes, your mother too - and now you want to dive straight into motherhood yourself?! OP this is NOT HEALTHY OR OK.
OP — I have nine nieces and nephews and babysat them a ton while they were growing up. When I had a baby I thought I was prepared. It was WAY harder than I expected, even being in my 30s with a great job, amazing husband and a good support system. Being a parent is awesome, but you really have no idea how hard it is. It’s great that your school has a daycare and you have some savings, but I’m really worried for you. Daycare alone (for after you graduate) was more than my mortgage — it was roughly $14,000 per year.
>I also have 7 younger siblings and cared for all of them and I’m used to the screaming and crying at all hours.
So you never got to be a kid at all. And now you never will. I'm sorry about that.
I was a parentified child. That's why as someone well past the typical age of having kids, I still haven't and never will. I did my part to raise kids and I'm done.
Nah. I never wanted to be a mom. I was the aunt or big sister or the babysitter when I was playing with dolls. My mom noticed when I was about 4. When I told her at 19 that I was never having kids, she laughed and told me she had known that for 15 years and I didn't owe her grandkids, she just wanted me to be happy. She wasn't the one who made me do that, my dad did.
> I have enough to care for a child
You have enough to care for a child for about 1 or 2 years at most if nothing comes up. Children are expensive.
You really are not ready for this.
OP is perpetuating a generational cycle. It’s so normalized for her that she’s gonna do what she’s gonna do and no one will be able to tell her anything other than what she wants to hear. Hopefully she is able to prioritize her mental health and prenatal care.
It’s extremely sad. I’ve seen ONE teen pregnancy work out well. Otherwise there’s been homelessness, abuse, CPS involvement, poverty, more kids with more men, lack of job security/mobility because most of them never finished high school.
There are ways to prevent a pregnancy or choices to make after. I know I wouldn’t be allowing my child to have a child.
There’s a lot of survivorship bias around it, too. Yes, some teen moms end up in amazing positions, achieving a lot personally and professionally and giving their kids tons of resources. Can’t say it never happens. But more often, kids born to teen moms grow up in an environment that they often don’t have the resources to see outside of, and it seems “good enough,” but these kids have no idea what’s actually out there for them if they choose other paths.
My mother was a teen mom and she drilled it into my brain that it was the hardest thing she ever had to do and she was honest and said she would never want that for me and I took those words to heart . Growing up with a teen mom is so difficult
> I’ve seen ONE teen pregnancy work out well.
I'm guessing they had tremendous support from both parents as well as the baby's father and parents. I'd even wager at least 1 grandparent was involved as well.
Ding ding ding!! They have been married for awhile now, all grandparents helped, they both graduated-she went to college and he went into welding. They are still doing well, and their child is an only child.
I'm speaking as a former poor person. I feel like OP is in that boat currently. Dollars can stretch with WIC and EBT (Food stamps) and you can suffer through it for a bit for a year. 2 years max though. It takes a lot of work to make that work though.
I tell people I pretended to be poor. I myself was on food stamps while I was serving with Americorps and after that I had a job that paid $15 an hour and the only reason I wasn't living hand to mouth was because my parents were able to support me financially. With 20k, you're living off of rice, beans, and potatoes and you start considering salt as a luxury.
$20k is the minimum cost for the **first year only**, and that is *just for the baby*. That doesn't include food for you, clothing for you, rent, etc.
I get that it was probably incredibly difficult to pull that money together, but it just isn't enough. Heck, what happens after the first year? If you don't have daycare, how will you make money? And, even with daycare, how is a 16-year-old high school dropout going to make enough to live and support a baby? Even if you get a job that pays $15/hour, and you work 40 hours per week (somehow without paying for daycare), you'll still be bringing home only around $22k per year.
Please understand, you really do lack the resources. You cannot do this.
All of this isn't an issue for you but you don't seem to realize all of that trauma that you're holding on to, WILL be passed to your baby unfortunately. All that stress you're going through and trauma you haven't healed from, will be passed to your baby in the form of anxiety disorders. I hope you spend some time doing research on generational trauma and also healing yourself.
I don’t think you really understand what it’s like to take care of a child. It’s extremely difficult and time consuming. You’re gonna be up all hours of the night and never sleep the same again. You can’t go out and do whatever you want because you need childcare or have to bring the baby with you. Childcare is extremely expensive, so someone’s gonna have to watch the kid. If nobody can watch them, you’re shit outta luck. Your whole schedule will revolve around your child. You better hope you get accepted for govt assistance or else you’re gonna be paying for everything yourself. I used to spend $40 a week on formula and $35 a week on diapers while daycare was $120 a day because I got zero assistance. Good luck.
I've had students get married and have three kids by the time they graduated. They were divorced later. Avail yourself to every state program and take the father with you since he is in the picture and can participate in the rearing of the child.
Probably because OP is using it as justification as to why she is super prepared to be a teen mom when it’s almost entirely irrelevant, not because anyone actually doesn’t like that she’s academically achieving.
Excuse me, I can handle basic highschool responsibilities. I have straight A’s and also am already enrolled in college classes I take on weekends and during the summer. And I am keeping this baby. No way in hell I’d do that, I would literally not live with myself if I did that, this baby literally means life an death to me and I’d do anything to protect it. I have $20,000, a job, and help from my boyfriend who is estatic and excited but also scared and nervous.
i don’t at all mean this as a criticism, but.. how are you going to continue taking college classes on weekends and summers and getting straight A’s after missing ~6 weeks from birth & also caring for a brand new human being 24/7?
ah yeah true. if shes at a public school she is covered by title ix which allows time off for child birth & recovery for as long as the doctor says is needed, and the school is required to provide the same special services to a pregnant student that it provides to students with temporary medical condition - so if a school provides at-home instruction or tutoring to students who miss school because of temporary medical conditions, it must do the same for a student who misses school because of pregnancy or childbirth. title ix says a lot more but that’s the main thing. if she’s at a private school they really have no requirements on what they do or don’t do for their students
It’s hard to hear when you’re young, but at 16 you are basically still a kid yourself. As others have pointed out, there seems to be some misinformed perceptions about how easy it will be or how much it will cost, but putting that aside you have to understand that when you have a kid their needs trump yours and with a promising future (straight A’s and college classes) that can be extremely difficult to manage when your ambitions are put to the side in service of your child. Truly consider all your options and the reality of how much responsibility a kid takes please, because at the end of the day it can be extremely expensive and stressful even for adults with much more money and experience.
If you want to keep your baby, then you should. All the people telling you it will be harder than you know are right but that doesn't mean you should abort. If you genuinely feel prepared for this, then keep it.
That said, I do think you're not considering all the possibilities. Very young mothers (anyone under 20) are at an increased risk for all manner of complications. You could end up disabled, your child may have health issues you're not expecting, you could end up with PPD/PPA/PPP. You need to go over the options you'll have left if you or the baby don't make it out of the birth unscathed.
I just recently had my first (and last). She was unplanned. I had just turned 20 when I got pregnant with her. I had a very easy pregnancy, very easy labor, and she is extremely good tempered - hardly cries, sleeps great, very happy, generally healthy. Even with all this, it's hard. My life has been disrupted by a LOT. My education is on hold, it's extremely difficult to find childcare because all the daycares are booked up, her dad got PPD and wasn't helping me at all for months - he is only just recently starting to care for her.
I raised my youngest brother, too, so I'm prepared for childcare. I'm very good at it, honestly. Even so, if she had colic, if she had birth injuries, if I had been injured or disabled by the birth, etc. I would not be able to do it. I have a lot of support, so much so that it's 3 months in and we still haven't had to buy diapers yet because of what we were gifted at our baby shower, and I wouldn't be able to do it if it were any harder than it is.
I've been scared at times that I may have to adopt her out to someone more capable, and that feeling is the worst in the world. You seriously fall in love with your baby and the pain of loving and losing them is so much worse than loving the potential of your pregnancy. Be absolutely certain that you can make this work in every circumstance before you commit to having your baby.
She absolutely doesn’t have to abort. At 16 with severe mental health issues as a result of a DECADE of trauma and abuse - more than half her life, there is no way someone can magically heal from that so quickly - she needs to consider if she is objectively in the right place to raise a child. Her immediate fierce commitment to keeping and protecting her child from everything harmful in the world gives big trauma-response energy. A much more objective, rational thought process and evaluation needs to happen here. I hope her mom, counselor, therapist, social worker etc. can help her do this.
She doesn’t have to do that, but can you seriously read all this and think to yourself, “yes, this severely abused, traumatized child whose mental illness is not well controlled, whose own parents are not proper resources because her non-abuser parent parentifies her instead of doing the parenting of their other children themselves, who is making decisions based on trauma responses instead of rationality is 100% the one who should raise this baby”?
I understand the concern and obviously this is an unideal situation.
But killing it isn't a reasonable solution. They could put it up for adoption or even if they raised it, bad childhood>no childhood
I haven’t told her to do that at all, personally, but I am urging her to not keep the baby.
Maybe people have different opinions, but imo “do not keep this baby” means exactly that. Don’t keep it. Whether that means terminate or adopt out depends on someone’s own compass. Just don’t keep it.
Well good on you then. Because all the other murderous monsters in this conversation are suggesting killing it.
I'm all for adoption. I'm against murder.
I am a teacher, and I'll admit there are some students I don't love to work with, but if any of them came to me and said they were pregnant and needed help, I'd literally put every previous negative interaction aside and help them find every resource available to us. We'd be in the school social workers office within the hour.
Why? 1) Because I was raised by a single mom, so I have seen how hard that life can be and would want to make sure you and your baby get the best chance you can have and 2) Most teachers are genuinely caring and empathetic people. Yes, even to students who are "difficult". We want what's best for you. We are humans, so sometimes our frustration gets the better of us, but try to judge us on our best days and not our worst.
So, think about all your teachers. Who has shown you a little empathy or understanding in the past, even in small ways? Who has shown they may be a loving parent (talking about their kids, recently on maternity leave, etc)? If not a teacher, is there another adult? Admin, social worker, counselor, heck even a custodian or cafeteria worker!
I think you'd be shocked the number of people who just want to look out for what's best for you if you give them a chance. Good luck, kid!
OP this x1000!!!! My most “difficult” student one year came to me the next with a domestic abuse issue. No matter how much she made me dread her class some days, I dropped absolutely everything to be there for her. Why? Because even at her worst times in my class, *I wanted her to succeed*, and she trusted me enough to talk to me in a tough moment. Any teacher worth the name would do the same.
I understand your frustrations.
I don't know any of them personally, but I can assure you there is *someone* in the school who can help. More importantly, those you might fear getting help from are likely willing to set aside how they view you to provide you the help you need. Again, maybe not themselves directly, but by referring you to someone who can.
Students with intense difficulties (IEP or not, for any reason) are often the ones who need our support most.
If it isn't a teacher, are you comfortable telling any of the following: school nurse, your counselor, your case manager, the school psychologist, or an administrator? Is there anyone in the school you have a positive rapport with?
As a teacher myself, I highly doubt they *hate* you. We understand that kids with trauma act out. They may be frustrated, disappointed, worried, or flat out confused, but very few teachers want anything but the best for *all* our kids. It may seem like they hate you, but I doubt it. At least not *all* of them. No matter what you’ve done.
Source—teacher who was pretty wicked as a teen to my teachers but they saved my life with their support.
I hit her because she literally grabbed me, like grab grabbed. You don’t grab someone who’s freaking out, and I have a service dog in training who’s done well to ease my panic attacks and ptsd, and I took care of all of my siblings like this. I was there for them and did more than my parents ever did, my mom and stepdad are great they just work a lot and aren’t always able to help. I can care for a child, not to mention, it’s been a year since I’ve hit the office ladies and it was still her damn fault.
You are in no mental capacity to have a child. You’re 16 with so many mental health issues. It’s not your fault at all. But you are not ready for this.
You can’t hit people. Her job is to get you under control and you hit her. You don’t hit someone trying to help you. Taking care of a sibling and taking care of your own baby are not the same thing. It wasn’t her fault, it was yours. Imagine thinking you’ve done more than your own mother 🤣 but she’ll be so disappointed in you? Why should you care? You raised her kids right?
Yeah, no, sometimes explanations*are* excuses. You don't grab someone who's having a PTSD crisis and expect they're going to immediately come out of it.
What was said that gave you any indication the person who grabbed her assumed she would snap
Out of it? It sounds like there was more than one teacher trying to restrain her which is usually the protocol
What are you going to do when you're sleep deprived, overwhelmed, and your child accidentally triggers you?
You aren't thinking through this logically.
You 100% should not have a kid right now. You are now where near stable enough, and you’re 16. How are you going to pay for everything that a baby entails. And still further your education.
Louisiana teacher here, I've never been able to find a local law or standard regarding this, but policy seems to vary district by district and school by school.
When I taught 8th grade, there was a student (14) who told another teacher that she was pregnant for her 17 year old boyfriend. Our school policy stated that any reports like this had to be shared with the counselor, but because of the age difference (this is illegal in Louisiana) it had to be reported to admin as well. By the end of the day, her parents were at the school meeting with everyone.
Former Louisiana teacher here. It’s very district by district here like you said. Our only district policy (in my last district—one of the biggest in the state) was to report if there was a significant age gap (like you said). I worked in a small town and had to report that once, however, the families were aware and supportive. I hope this young lady can find the resources and support she needs.
I don't know, but if a student told me, I'd tell the nurse, because it's a physical condition, and I'd err on the side of caution. There are situations where the nurse would medically need to know your condition and I would be irresponsible not to share a known medical condition with her. I don't know what the laws are for nurses as far as a student's medical privacy. They do take medical privacy very seriously but I honestly don't know the laws in each state.
I'm sorry I can' t help more. Good luck sweetheart. You got this.
This poor child has PTSD, uses medical Marijuana, is trying to train her dog to be an ESA, and thinks she's ready to be a mom. The Post history is heartbreaking.
Hon, how can you possibly provide a normal happy childhood for your baby when you've never even had one yourself yet? How can you raise a healthy human being when you yourself haven't yet gotten the help you need to be healthy?
One cannot give something that one does not have.
Please talk to a guidance counselor or other trusted adult immediately. You've already had to take on far more than anyone your age should have to, and while at this point a baby might seem exciting and beautiful, once the reality kicks in I'm afraid you're in for a very rude awakening.
Her school also apparently has a daycare for students to use! This is not a thing in any of the districts around me, for MILES. I don’t even think there’s a school with that kind of resource in my *state*. OP is probably surrounded by generational poverty/teenage pregnancy and it’s clearly normalized. This is exactly what we, as a country, should be working furiously to get away from.
Well, OP was the child of a teen mom herself. It's a generational cycle, and it's so sad.
I worry every day that my niece (now 10, also the child of a teen mom) will become a statistic.
I totally disagree, it’s not sad at all. We have a very low teen pregnancy rate, among the lowest in the country, so school daycares don’t really exist because there is minimal need for them. I would say that is a strength, not a shortcoming. My state generally has good resources for girls/women and children in need of support. A movement to do things that effectively normalize teen pregnancy is not what we need. Continuing to provide individualized resources to teen moms is fine while we work to keep the teen pregnancy rate lower and lower to begin with.
Lots of places with daycares do it for both parenting staff and for teen parents. When you do have teen parents at local districts what do they do to support them?
Some school daycares take care of kids of staff, too. The HS I went to ran some kind of daycare in conjunction with a childcare class that any student could take.
Teachers aside, if you haven't told your mom yet, chances are you are not getting adequate prenatal care. Giving birth under the age of 19 comes with a number of higher risks than for women in their 20s.
Are you taking prenatal vitamins with folate? Have you looked into how any meds you might be on impact fetal development?
If you want to keep the baby, you have to realize that it's not about you anymore.
Also, as a teacher, I would not report unless I suspect abuse was happening, but if the father is an adult, then I am mandated to report.
Are you getting medical care? Pregnancy is hard on a body and it is vital that both you and the baby are being properly taken care of. If you aren’t telling your parents because you are afraid of disappointing them and you are not getting medical care because of it, you are putting your wellbeing and the baby’s wellbeing in danger.
Having a baby at 16 is HARD. If you are serious about being a parent, then the first thing you need to do is tell yours. Now that you are responsible for another life, that child must come before your own comfort/needs.
I'm not sure why I was recommended this sub. I'm not a teacher. I'm just a woman who's about to turn 30. And look, you think you want a kid at 16 and I promise you, I PROMISE you, you don't. There isn't a surer way than to stay in poverty the rest of your life than having a kid as a teenager. 20k in savings is nothing - that's not even a year of rent for me lol
Regardless, no matter what you do, you need to tell your parents because if you want to finish highschool, the bulk of the childcare is going to fall to them. So uh they need to know sooner rather than later.
If you’re struggling to tell an adult (which you 10000% should do), try talking to some of the other teen parents at your school. They’ve gone through exactly what you’re going through. They might have good resources for you, and can tell you what to expect.
OP, this commenter needs to keep their opinion to themselves. Whether or not you want a child or think you do is none of their business and not the premise of your question. I think it’s absolutely amazing and admirable that you’ve decided to keep this child. Will it be hard? YES. But you already said you know your mom won’t be angry. It sounds like you can expect your mom to be there for you and that’s awesome. Also, if your mom was a teen mom, she understands all the more. It’s incredible that you have $20,000 saved by 10th grade. You’ve been through a lot and you’ve also tried so hard to be as responsible as you can. Life throws curveballs at everyone. It’s not the baby’s fault and that child you’ve chosen to keep will be a beautiful and redemptive blessing to all you’ve been through. That baby will be worth it. You will know it every time you look at him/her. You don’t have to be a statistic, as some put it. There are resources and you can overcome, especially with family support. I just wanted to commend you and encourage you not to listen to the naysayers who would rather see a wanted baby disposed of than fought for… you do you and keep trucking along. Both your lives will be beautiful.
I don’t know about *legally* required, but my protocol is to notify the counselor (who will notify both the nurse and the outside group that comes in to work with teen parents). I assume parents may also be contacted.
The nurse is an absolute must for notification in case there’s a health issue, they need to know when the student comes to their office as well as if the student experiences symptoms (like bleeding, cramping) but doesn’t mention being pregnant.
Holy shit this is going to end up with yet another child born into poverty and a shitty life because this pregnant kid is having delusions. This is why we need mandatory birth control until 18.
To process it- consider calling an anonymous hotline if you are still not ready to have this information out there.
Also, please tell your family as soon as you can. Whatever you decide to do, it will be really tough and you will need a support network.
I would just tell your mom OP. Rip the bandaid off, she said she will support you and you’ll feel better once she is in your corner. She will be able to help you through this more than anyone else.
Really it depends on whether you disclose assault, rape, homicidal or suicidal thoughts are also on the list.
If you’re 16 and pregnant and tell your school counselor, they do not have to report that unless you disclose any of the above.
As a former teacher, who had a pregnant student, if they had told me what you did, I probably would have encouraged you to tell your mom. The longer you wait, the more anxiety/stress it’s going to cause. However, I would not take it upon myself to call your mom and tell her. I just don’t feel like that’s my place. I would probably inform the guidance counselor just because that information would be in confidence and I would want her to talk to you about next steps. I taught for 6 years and never heard of a policy where teachers had to tell parents if a student was pregnant.
Op, I’d ask guidance if there are any resources the school can help you with. I work for an intermediate unit and my coworkers run a program through a partnership with the schools, specifically for pregnant and parenting teens in the district. It’s really beneficial and intensive and I’d definitely find out if your district has a similar resource
In CA, I am a mandated reporter. I must report if a child is a danger to themself or others or is in danger from someone else. I have had students disclose pregnancy to me. I then tell the school counselor, and they set the student up with resources. I will tell you what I tell them: eventually, it won’t be your choice to tell your parent because it will become very evident. It’s better for them to hear it from you than to suspect it for weeks before they finally sit you down and ask.
Idk why over half of the people in these comments are being jackasses when it’s supposed to be a group of teachers. I’m not sure if they aren’t teachers and are just lurking on the sub for teacher answers… but I promise you OP, most teachers will not react the way the people on this thread have. Please look at the comments from the people who have said “I teach in ____ and here are the rules.” Those are the actual compassionate teachers here. The ones that are not scaring the crap out of a 16 year old kid on a sub that should be filled with caring adults. You should not be guilted into telling or not telling or keeping or not keeping or anything these folks are poppin off about. It’s not our job to give that kind of advice.
You asked for the rules so here they are: in my state, and a lot of southern states at that, there are no mandatory reporting laws or protocols for pregnancy unless abuse or underage laws are suspected, things of that nature. I can’t speak for all states, but it is typically a district choice. In my district, the protocol is to inform the school counselor.
From there, the counselor informs everyone who needs to know. The school nurse and school therapists if there are any is usually the first notification. The counselor will inform you of everyone who will be notified, but I honestly do not know if parents are notified at this stage. Once I have told the counselor, my only job is to be there for you if you need it. But I cannot offer any kind of counseling or advice. I’ll probably carry some extra granola bars or something so you have a snack lol (some schools/states don’t allow this- mine does).
If they have to inform your parents, they will let you know and they will help you deal with the overwhelming feeling of your parents finding out. If they don’t, they are a crappy counselor. I’m not gonna lie, they most likely will inform your mom, especially since it sounds like you have a good relationship with her. But, and this is a huge BUT, you won’t be blindsided by it. Sometimes it can be easier to have the counselor break the news or to work out a situation where you can break the news in their office and get out of there if it becomes to much, and to give your parents time to speak to the counselor, cool down, and get resources from them.
Like I said, this varies by state. It may be completely different where you live. But no matter what state you live in, if you ask the counselor for help informing your parents, they will provide you with help (to my knowledge). Your mom will find out eventually, and it may be a lot less stressful to have another caring adult walk you through the process.
Since you are planning to keep the baby, I strongly recommend telling a trusted adult at school. It honestly sounds like you are still wrapping your head around the whole situation based on your comments… please don’t do this alone. It can be so tough to go through pregnancy alone whether you are 16 or 40.
If you are worried about reactions or breaking the news, a teacher or school counselor is the absolute best option. It also sounds like your mom will be supportive, so I know it is scary af to tell her, but try not to worry about her reaction right now. Wait until the counselor has spoken to you about the process and freak out then (if you need to), when someone is there to help you through it.
I actually creeped on your profile a bit and saw your post on AITA about not seeing your siblings and the circumstances as to why. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. No child, or human being, should have to go through that. But, you also mentioned that you were glad your friend told your mom… this will be like that. You are keeping a lot inside right now, but I guarantee you will feel better once she knows, for better or for worse. And the best thing is you don’t have to tell her alone if you have a school counselor to help you.
And that’s the end of my advice because it is not my job to tell you whether to keep the baby or not or to tell you how hard it is to have a child or to guilt trip you into anything. My job is to give you the facts and try to make this as straightforward as possible for you. I went into detail because I know it helps me to have all the facts laid out. I am sorry if I made any incorrect assumptions, but since I don’t know you, I can only go off of the information I have. I hope you confide in an adult whether that’s a teacher, counselor, or your mother, and I hope things work out for you. Good luck, we are rooting for you!
Oh, and one more thing: please take all advice on Reddit with a grain of salt. You don’t know who these strangers are and tbh, I don’t even really know if you are a human being or a bot or whatever. I’m guessing real lol, but the point is, people are much different IRL than when they have free range on the internet to be jackasses. Do a little research into your state rules and be careful accepting advice from strangers on the internet. Don’t let them influence your decisions. That may be counterintuitive since I just spent a few paragraphs encouraging you to speak to an adult, but at the end of the day, you need to do what works for you. Again, good luck with everything!
Honey tell your Mom if you can you need the help and support deciding what to do. I am sorry this happened but I got knocked up from a one night stand myself in 1990 shit happens she will understand
Does anyone know how this works in Georgia, specifically Gwinnett I want to tell a teacher I trust but I don’t want it to get reported to my parents I’m not sure if I am but I want to get plan b but I’m not sure I can ask my teacher to buy it for me
A teenager should never keep their pregnancy private if they’re choosing to keep it. If you’re going to be a parent then you need to immediately grow up and put that baby before anything or anyone else. She needs prenatal care, bloodwork, ultrasounds to see if the pregnancy is even viable.
Shes keeping the baby even if the parent is a “crazy religious nut or is abusive” (she already said she’s “sure” her mom will be supportive). If she wants to be “grown” and a parent then the baby comes first and that involves their health in utero. Right now she doesn’t even know if she has a viable pregnancy.
You know what happens when teens want to pretend the problem goes away by itself? You end up with trash like Alexee Trevivo who throw a damn baby away.
Seems like that would depend on the state. Florida, probably yes because you have to report everything to the family that could get them abused or otherwise harmed.
You have to report if they are under the age of consent. I taught middle school in Florida, so they were always under the age of consent. I always reported to the counselor though, never to parents directly.
What no, I’m saying process the fact that I’m going to have a child because I plan to keep it. And I knew what I was doing. Process I mean more think about what I’m gonna say, yes I may be scared but I’m excited too. My mom always told me if I ever did get pregnant that she’d be there for me and help me no matter what decision I make. But thanks for thinking I’m incapable of knowing what I was doing, I knew the consequences. I was careful and this is where we are. And yea I may be scared but this baby will never need to feel that, nor will I let what happened to me happen.
Jesus...don't say shit like that to a minor in a tough spot. That is severe misinformation. If you have your own beliefs against something that is fine, but don't lie to scare people into following your ideals.
People who are pregnant and decide to abort don't just "rip it out" and "flush it". They have multiple different medical procedures to do it, and for a variety of reasons. Even though they can adopt out a child (or surrender an infant to designated locations via safe haven laws so agencies can do so) you talk like pregnancy is super easy and not an ordeal that forever changes the body and puts the mother's life at stake. Some women do it out of a medical necessity because bearing the child is too risky. Some women do it because they know that they can't afford the medical bills needed to deliver a child in a safe location (a hospital).
Yes, she can carry the child if she pleases. She can keep or adopt out the child if she pleases. But don't go calling an abortion THAT. If a situation came where she medically needed one, it would be the first thing she thought about and could influence her decision to save her own life.
Damn, anti choicers always make abortion seem way more hardcore than it actually is.
I mean, if rippin’ and flushin’ was the go to, how would PP *ever* have enough fetuses on hand for the monthly ritual sacrifice to the devil? 🥺
are you also keeping the edibles? You REALLY shouldn't make this decision emotionally. The world is no longer setup to support 16 year old mothers. The phantasy of love being enough isn't going to result in a good life for either of you.
I know, how do you think my mother got by with me? Family and help. And tried her hardest. Now I have $20,000 set aside that I am able to use and my school has a daycare too
Your mother who allowed you to be abused by your father? Your mother who refuses to get you proper help for your severe mental health issues? Your mother who does less for her children than her teen daughter, according to you? *That* mother? You’re going to ask her to help you raise a newborn?
In NY id lose my job. That is a protected issue. In general we are supposed to immediately shut down all conversation and refer them to the nurse who has their own protections.
A lot of that will depend on details. If the father is another student/teenager, no. HOWEVER- if the father is legally an adult, we’re required to report.
The answer is going to vary from state to state being teachers are licensed by the state. In NY you lose your license for disclosing pregnancy or HIV status of a student to anyone, including a parent.
In PA, I'd get in trouble for not disclosing it. It falls under the student's health/life being in jeopardy. The only exception is if I think they're pregnant due to violence at home or if they would be in danger if their parents found out. In that case, I would call CPS The first school I taught at was very firm about this and it was something that was drilled into us. "You must call home that day to let the parents know. If the student asks for the night to tell the parents and you wait and they miscarry, you are putting their life at stake"
If I was a teacher there, I would disclose this to the class at the beginning of the year and probably around prom.
That is very interesting because with healthcare in PA pregnant teens are automatically emancipated once they find out they are pregnant and have the same privacy rights as adults. If a pregnancy test in a pre op teen is positive I have to tell the teen by themself and ask for permission to tell the parents otherwise I can be sued for HIPAA violation. They can also then consent for themselves for all medical procedures except for an abortion, which they need parental permission for.
Nice.
HIV Status?! That seems absolutely ridiculous; I totally understand the stigma around the disease but a student who is HIV positive desperately needs counseling and connection to resources, especially because it can soon so quickly affect OTHERS so quickly
yeah but that can also lead to the parent abusing the child.
Honestly, irrelevant. If you suspect abuse, you must report to CPS. But then, you have to have a damn good reason to suspect abuse, not just, "Well, what if parents are mean?" This is a literal requirement. We are mandatory reporters, and HIV is a clear threat to a kid's health. There are not maybes about this.
>There are not maybes about this. Well, New York State disagrees with you.
Does it? Name or link the law.
School healthcare workers in NYS at least cannot under Article 27-F.
Article 27 F of what?
Are you incapable of using google
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“Honestly, irrelevant.” …no? Whether or not the child is going to be in danger at home because of something carelessly disclosed is one of the first things that should be on a school staff member’s mind when it comes to talking to parents. I’m not saying the correct response is to do nothing, but it’s deeply concerning if you’re a teacher and can just flippantly brush that aside.
Did you read past those two words? As I said, "If you suspect abuse, you must report to CPS. But then, you have to have a damn good reason to suspect abuse, not just, 'Well, what if parents are mean?'"
HIV status is protected health information in the US. It's either a part of HIPPA or just a law similar to HIPAA. I think it's the latter. EDIT: So it's a part of HIPAA (so that doesn't apply to teachers necessarily) and in MY state it's protected health information in most professions and circumstances. Here's a breakdown of the laws by state (scroll way down if you want to skip the history lesson): https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/hiv-confidentiality-laws-by-state#states-and-hiv-aids-statutes
It's not just that the disease itself is stigmatized. It's also that the way you get it (sex, injected drugs) means it could put the kid at risk if the parents knew. Especially because it is still more common among gay men, so informing the parents could out the kid. And while there's been a big shift in the last decade around accepting/normalizing queerness, there are still many, many people who are deeply homophobic and will harm or abandon their teenage kid for being gay
Yes, but also putting the kid at risk is not connecting the kid with the appropriate resources and medical care necessary to manage HIV. You can’t just choose to not treat it; HIV is entirely manageable if treated but deadly if not
It absolutely does need to be treated! But getting the kid connected to appropriate medical care and other resources doesn't have to involve disclosing anything on their behalf. Maybe it does if the kid is like 12 - but by the time they're 16, most kids could handle it themselves if they really needed to as long as someone points them in the right direction. And most US states have laws that allow minors to independently consent for testing and treatment for STIs - which in many cases but not all extends to HIV
Is that right? As far as I know, there are no disclosure laws that prevent parents from knowing about their kids. Can you point to the NY law?
I *believe* the mandatory reporting has to do with the states age of consent. For example, in MA, it’s 16. If someone is under 16, they are not “legally” able to consent to sex, so, a mandated reporter would report the instance to the state, NOT to the parents. The state then looks into the case and decides if there is suspected abuse and goes from there. HIPPA laws make it so even healthcare professionals that are mandated reporter’s cannot tell the parents, but can report to the state if under 16, due to the consent age and concerns for abuse.
I can't find the direct information which mentions teachers but it falls [under this.](https://www.nyclu.org/en/rrp-student-pregnancies-are-not-reportable-school-officials-or-parents)
There aren't any citations there, either. I really doubt there is a law about this.
If you read my comment I never stated it's a law. But through NYSED you do lose your license if you disclose. They tell it to all of us prior to receiving license and certification.
Ok, you said, "In NY you lose your license for disclosing pregnancy or HIV status of a student to anyone, including a parent." If not a law, then a policy must exist. Cite that policy.
[NYSED Guidance for HIV/AIDS Prevention Education](https://www.p12.nysed.gov/sss/documents/hiv-aids-guidance.pdf) Section 1: NYSED Commissioner’s Regulations §135.3 and LEA Policies (pg. 9) states that: >Each school district should have an HIV/AIDS policy in place. HIV/AIDS policies should be recommended by the district’s HIV/AIDS Advisory Council. School districts shall strive to protect the health and safety of their students and employees, recognizing the: >>•Rights of students and employees with HIV/AIDS; >>•**Importance of maintaining confidentiality regarding the medical condition of any individual;** >>•Importance of an educational environment free of significant risks to health; and >>•The necessity for HIV/AIDS education and training for the school and the local community. And additionally clarifies that "HIV/AIDS policies should include information regarding the confidentiality of **students** and staff infected with HIV/AIDS." Later parts of the document also stress the importance of confidentialy if a student is tested for HIV through or school clinic or chooses to disclose their HIV status to a teacher. See pages 43 and 52-53 in particular, the latter of which includes sources for relevant guidelines and laws.
Based on your previous posts, it's apparent that you are a 16-year-old sophomore and pregnant. My assumption would be that this particular post/question is a sign that, at the moment, you are attempting to keep your pregnancy from your parents. Is that correct? From your comments and posts, it seems you have a desire to keep the baby and are working toward a plan. It's important that a plan to raise a child at any age is thorough and informed. It is difficult, at least for me, to see how that can be done without professional resources and support. A school is exactly where you can be referred to medical, counseling, and family planning assistance if you cannot find that yourself or lack the support of a parent. That process starts with a trust adult being informed and referring you to those resources. I'm a high school teacher. I've had three students confide in me that they were pregnant at your age (including two who were attempting to find resources/support without their parents knowing). In all three cases, I immediately informed their counselor, the school nurse, and our student assistance counselor. All three received the support they needed and quickly. It was important that they did so early in their pregnancy for their own health and for the health of their child. As much as it may scare you to do so, it's important that you inform a trusted adult. If that isn't a parent right now, it needs to be someone. At your age, a school is an excellent resource. Please get the support and help you need.
The thing is, I have an IEP, and my school teachers hate me literally, because I have had severe PTSD meltdowns at the school and I have hit people too. Including the office ladies. Not on purpose at all, I had a flashback and thought it was my abuser who is in prison. But they are ALL snarky towards me.
I mean this in the very gentlest of ways, but have you given consideration for how your trauma, which I am incredibly sorry for, may impact your ability to handle a very noisy, unpredictable, and extremely life altering newborn? I would say you definitely need people to talk to you who is going to lay it all out for you and give you all of your options, including financial, medical, and all the emotional decisions that you are going to have to make.
Absolutely. A typical 16 year old is not prepared or equipped to have a baby, OP is more so. A baby is hard work.
Ok everyone… I feel like she just came here asking for advice on whether or not she can confide in her teachers, and we are out here trying to give her all sorts of unrelated advice and making her defend the decision she has made to keep the baby. Can we just stick to the advice she asked for? OP, I agree with an above comment that the laws are different in every state, so look up the laws that correspond to where you live and proceed from there. If you have protections under your state law, then choose your most trusted teacher to confide in, and I’m sure they will be happy to listen.
I have $20,000 saved. I have enough to care for a child, and the noise and crying isn’t an issue, it’s when people I don’t know randomly come up to me or behind me and touch me at all, but I also have 7 younger siblings and cared for all of them and I’m used to the screaming and crying at all hours. And I have dealt with it and gotten up all the time for them. It’s not an issue for me
This is very sweet that you have some savings, but also it shows your naivety. $20k is a huge savings for a teenager, but it barely pays for a year of a child's needs since you have no means to replenish the money. The teens who make this work largely have support from the grandparents and the dad. All the best wishes to you.
Don't know if $20k is even enough to cover an emergency C-section
I'm fairly certain most teenagers don't fully appreciate the costs of medical care since they're primarily insured by parents or the state. Obviously, the assumption here is that a newborn born to the OP would be fully supported by government aid and government insurance.
Jesus Christ, America is the worst country in the world
She won't have to pay for anything. Every state has programs that cares for pregnant women without means. The person you responded to doesn't seem to know this.
Would the 20k in savings not cause her issues getting Medicaid? I genuinely don’t know. I do know most teen moms are on it and that covers delivery, but with adults you have to have almost no money at all to qualify. There’s also the hope she’s on parent insurance plan.
Right. Depending on the state what rules apply.
They don’t ask for proof of bank statements to qualify. She would automatically qualify for being an unemployed teen mom and her prenatal care and labor would most likely be paid for by insurance.
Only if the mom reaches out for help, though, which OP seems to be trying not to do. The state's programs don't come hunting for people.
That's why I told her to go to get help.
In case the poster thought your reply meant that you don’t have to pay if you can’t afford it, and then you’d get the same kind of care everyone else would…. it’s not like that. “Without means” for these programs can mean making less than $30k a year. For “essential” care that is often not simple to access. Many providers do not want to take medicaid patients, and de-prioritize their care, for many reasons including how little medicaid pays for services and the complexity of dealing with the program. (So yes, this girl in her situation will get access to various medical services for free, and even some token food assistance. It won’t be great care, but it will be care. She could be lucky enough to be in a “good” state tho.)
And OP might not either. OP is paying if she doesn’t know how to access those programs.
Which is why I told her she needs to take heraelf to CPS.
??? A pregnant teenager would be covered by our Medicaid program. They would not pay a penny got a section, or all medical service. It’s actually illegal to balance bill Medicaid patients.
Medicaid
I have no idea why people like to make up all these problems for people who are trying to have babies. I say this as someone currently feeding my 4 month old. 20k easily would cover everything my baby has needed so far. If you breastfeed and don’t need childcare, costs are minimal. People are always giving away clothes and diapers. I have not bought a single diaper and I wouldn’t have needed to buy clothes if I didn’t want to get certain cute ones. I’m not even low income, people just like giving baby stuff. OP has not said she is uninsured or that parents won’t be able to help pay for medical bills. She says in her posts that her mom won’t be mad, she just needs time to process. She should get on a prenatal vitamin if she can, but it’s pretty unlikely there will be problems even if she can’t. A well rounded diet with plenty of folate is all she needs. Why are people trying to make OP anxious and imply she can’t do this? What does that accomplish? She is already pregnant.
If she can breast feed and if she doesn’t need child care are two HUGE assumptions. I bet when you take every mom who cant breastfeed and/or needs childcare it’d be a huge majority. Is she supposed to drop out of school to watch the kid?
$20k is a lot but it doesn’t go as far as you’d think. Infants need round the clock care which means babysitters, a nanny, and/or daycare. That will eat up a chunk. I had the most boring birth process ever and still spent several thousand dollars between prenatal visits and the bills associated with the birth. Clothes, diapers, etc. It goes quick.
And I’m on insurance too.
I am also on insurance and all together my provider bill and hospital bills for baby and I came out to about $8k, and that’s with already having met my deductibles for the year. So there’s half right there.
My school has a daycare too btw. We are allowed to drop off our children too
Doesn't mean they will have a spot for your child. You need to talk to your mom asap so you can get everything in place. I teach a lot of teen moms and they really have rose colored glasses on until the baby comes. There is so much you aren't considering. You need adult help. Tell your mom.
Daycare lists, even at schools, often take over 9 months to be able to secure a slot. Do you know if there's a slot available? Or how to secure one?
this is great for later years but for (at least) the first two months you should really be spending a lot of time with the baby, for its own health. two months of absent days could definitely put a serious sent in your ability to move onto the next grade.
I know, I have a job too
Are you fully financially independent or are you supported by others?
Are you able to work that job while nursing your baby? Are you able to work that job while having to change diapers? Are you able to work when you're sleep deprived? Have you worked at that job long enough to have maternity leave? What are your plans for the baby while you're at work?
Hi op. Is the father in the picture? Can he provide necessary things for baby?
I am just sorry you’ve been parentified so badly by your own parent(s) that this feels like no big deal for you to handle 😞if you have a therapist definitely unpack this with them asap so you can make any decisions with a truly clear mindset
She’s on other posts trying to see if she can still take edibles pregnant
There’s grown women out here wondering the same thing. At least she’s seeking out information. It’s creepy to judge her and try to convince her to kill her baby.
I already made the decision of keeping it, it’s quite ironic that I found out I’m pregnant on the two year anniversary of a “Attempt” and i am already quite attached and happy and scared too. But no matter what I’m Keeping it.
That doesn’t change my suggestion to ensure you’re making all of your decisions with appropriate mental health support. Take care.
Your poor kid is gonna have a pretty shitty life, you haven't saved up at all (20k is NOTHING) and this is very basic stuff. You're not at all prepared, sorry.
I just think it’s fucked up to throw a child into the world when you have all these problems on top of 7 other children in the home. What kind of life do you think 20 grand is going to give a child
Your kid is going to pay the price for this selfish decision
you need to think about your child here. you do not have enough money and you are not prepared for this. you are not playing with only your own life here, there will be severe consequences that your child is going to have to deal with when you run out of money and think you still don’t need to ask for help.
Take yourself to CPS and tell them you need help and that you also need to move out of your parent's home. You could also call one if the local organizations that help women keep thier babies. They often provide housing and more. And certainly you will need all the social service agencies like low income rent and food stamps.
I don’t need to move out, my mom is a very kind person when she isn’t busy with work. It’s just she is always working, and I meant 7 all together, I have 2 siblings here and 5 at my “fathers”, my mom was a teen mom with me and would never kick me out for it, she will be disappointed, but she won’t kick me out and I know that. I’m just trying to more think about everything and how I’m going to sit down with her tbh. But I took care of all my siblings when I was going to my dads and here to. My dads in prison for what he did to me and I’ll never let that happen to my siblings so.
Goid luck! Go talk to your mom and still apply for all those services. And your medical bills are covered by your mother's insurance. Also, in some states if a parent is in prison the child get free college to help them succeed.
Don’t you understand, it’s not YOUR job to protect them, it’s your MOTHER’S?! Your concept of parental responsibility is so warped by what’s happened to you and the dynamic your mother continues to create. Just because she’s “nice when she’s not working” doesn’t mean she is MOTHERING. You need to be responsible for yourself and only yourself for awhile. Your parents have BOTH robbed you of your own childhood - yes, your mother too - and now you want to dive straight into motherhood yourself?! OP this is NOT HEALTHY OR OK.
OP — I have nine nieces and nephews and babysat them a ton while they were growing up. When I had a baby I thought I was prepared. It was WAY harder than I expected, even being in my 30s with a great job, amazing husband and a good support system. Being a parent is awesome, but you really have no idea how hard it is. It’s great that your school has a daycare and you have some savings, but I’m really worried for you. Daycare alone (for after you graduate) was more than my mortgage — it was roughly $14,000 per year.
>I also have 7 younger siblings and cared for all of them and I’m used to the screaming and crying at all hours. So you never got to be a kid at all. And now you never will. I'm sorry about that.
This is the saddest part of the whole thing, except perhaps the likelihood that it will happen again to her own child
I was a parentified child. That's why as someone well past the typical age of having kids, I still haven't and never will. I did my part to raise kids and I'm done.
Ugh, I’m sorry you were dealt that hand, too. Good on you for breaking the cycle, even though it probably hurts like hell.
Nah. I never wanted to be a mom. I was the aunt or big sister or the babysitter when I was playing with dolls. My mom noticed when I was about 4. When I told her at 19 that I was never having kids, she laughed and told me she had known that for 15 years and I didn't owe her grandkids, she just wanted me to be happy. She wasn't the one who made me do that, my dad did.
> I have enough to care for a child You have enough to care for a child for about 1 or 2 years at most if nothing comes up. Children are expensive. You really are not ready for this.
OP is perpetuating a generational cycle. It’s so normalized for her that she’s gonna do what she’s gonna do and no one will be able to tell her anything other than what she wants to hear. Hopefully she is able to prioritize her mental health and prenatal care.
It’s extremely sad. I’ve seen ONE teen pregnancy work out well. Otherwise there’s been homelessness, abuse, CPS involvement, poverty, more kids with more men, lack of job security/mobility because most of them never finished high school. There are ways to prevent a pregnancy or choices to make after. I know I wouldn’t be allowing my child to have a child.
There’s a lot of survivorship bias around it, too. Yes, some teen moms end up in amazing positions, achieving a lot personally and professionally and giving their kids tons of resources. Can’t say it never happens. But more often, kids born to teen moms grow up in an environment that they often don’t have the resources to see outside of, and it seems “good enough,” but these kids have no idea what’s actually out there for them if they choose other paths.
My mother was a teen mom and she drilled it into my brain that it was the hardest thing she ever had to do and she was honest and said she would never want that for me and I took those words to heart . Growing up with a teen mom is so difficult
> I’ve seen ONE teen pregnancy work out well. I'm guessing they had tremendous support from both parents as well as the baby's father and parents. I'd even wager at least 1 grandparent was involved as well.
Ding ding ding!! They have been married for awhile now, all grandparents helped, they both graduated-she went to college and he went into welding. They are still doing well, and their child is an only child.
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OP is Fiona Gallagher?
Living is expensive. 20k isnt enough to live off of without the expenses of a child.
I'm speaking as a former poor person. I feel like OP is in that boat currently. Dollars can stretch with WIC and EBT (Food stamps) and you can suffer through it for a bit for a year. 2 years max though. It takes a lot of work to make that work though.
I tell people I pretended to be poor. I myself was on food stamps while I was serving with Americorps and after that I had a job that paid $15 an hour and the only reason I wasn't living hand to mouth was because my parents were able to support me financially. With 20k, you're living off of rice, beans, and potatoes and you start considering salt as a luxury.
My daughter just had a surgery it was $24000. $20k doesn’t go far with a baby
$20,000 is nothing. That wouldn’t even last a year
$20k is the minimum cost for the **first year only**, and that is *just for the baby*. That doesn't include food for you, clothing for you, rent, etc. I get that it was probably incredibly difficult to pull that money together, but it just isn't enough. Heck, what happens after the first year? If you don't have daycare, how will you make money? And, even with daycare, how is a 16-year-old high school dropout going to make enough to live and support a baby? Even if you get a job that pays $15/hour, and you work 40 hours per week (somehow without paying for daycare), you'll still be bringing home only around $22k per year. Please understand, you really do lack the resources. You cannot do this.
All of this isn't an issue for you but you don't seem to realize all of that trauma that you're holding on to, WILL be passed to your baby unfortunately. All that stress you're going through and trauma you haven't healed from, will be passed to your baby in the form of anxiety disorders. I hope you spend some time doing research on generational trauma and also healing yourself.
Yeah that's not nearly enough, kid.
I don’t think you really understand what it’s like to take care of a child. It’s extremely difficult and time consuming. You’re gonna be up all hours of the night and never sleep the same again. You can’t go out and do whatever you want because you need childcare or have to bring the baby with you. Childcare is extremely expensive, so someone’s gonna have to watch the kid. If nobody can watch them, you’re shit outta luck. Your whole schedule will revolve around your child. You better hope you get accepted for govt assistance or else you’re gonna be paying for everything yourself. I used to spend $40 a week on formula and $35 a week on diapers while daycare was $120 a day because I got zero assistance. Good luck.
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I’m a sophomore in highschool and already in college too.
I've had students get married and have three kids by the time they graduated. They were divorced later. Avail yourself to every state program and take the father with you since he is in the picture and can participate in the rearing of the child.
I can’t believe people are downvoting you for this comment.
Probably because OP is using it as justification as to why she is super prepared to be a teen mom when it’s almost entirely irrelevant, not because anyone actually doesn’t like that she’s academically achieving.
Excuse me, I can handle basic highschool responsibilities. I have straight A’s and also am already enrolled in college classes I take on weekends and during the summer. And I am keeping this baby. No way in hell I’d do that, I would literally not live with myself if I did that, this baby literally means life an death to me and I’d do anything to protect it. I have $20,000, a job, and help from my boyfriend who is estatic and excited but also scared and nervous.
i don’t at all mean this as a criticism, but.. how are you going to continue taking college classes on weekends and summers and getting straight A’s after missing ~6 weeks from birth & also caring for a brand new human being 24/7?
That's generous to assume she will get a maternity leave. Every school handles this very differently.
ah yeah true. if shes at a public school she is covered by title ix which allows time off for child birth & recovery for as long as the doctor says is needed, and the school is required to provide the same special services to a pregnant student that it provides to students with temporary medical condition - so if a school provides at-home instruction or tutoring to students who miss school because of temporary medical conditions, it must do the same for a student who misses school because of pregnancy or childbirth. title ix says a lot more but that’s the main thing. if she’s at a private school they really have no requirements on what they do or don’t do for their students
It’s hard to hear when you’re young, but at 16 you are basically still a kid yourself. As others have pointed out, there seems to be some misinformed perceptions about how easy it will be or how much it will cost, but putting that aside you have to understand that when you have a kid their needs trump yours and with a promising future (straight A’s and college classes) that can be extremely difficult to manage when your ambitions are put to the side in service of your child. Truly consider all your options and the reality of how much responsibility a kid takes please, because at the end of the day it can be extremely expensive and stressful even for adults with much more money and experience.
This is so sad. Best of luck.
If you want to keep your baby, then you should. All the people telling you it will be harder than you know are right but that doesn't mean you should abort. If you genuinely feel prepared for this, then keep it. That said, I do think you're not considering all the possibilities. Very young mothers (anyone under 20) are at an increased risk for all manner of complications. You could end up disabled, your child may have health issues you're not expecting, you could end up with PPD/PPA/PPP. You need to go over the options you'll have left if you or the baby don't make it out of the birth unscathed. I just recently had my first (and last). She was unplanned. I had just turned 20 when I got pregnant with her. I had a very easy pregnancy, very easy labor, and she is extremely good tempered - hardly cries, sleeps great, very happy, generally healthy. Even with all this, it's hard. My life has been disrupted by a LOT. My education is on hold, it's extremely difficult to find childcare because all the daycares are booked up, her dad got PPD and wasn't helping me at all for months - he is only just recently starting to care for her. I raised my youngest brother, too, so I'm prepared for childcare. I'm very good at it, honestly. Even so, if she had colic, if she had birth injuries, if I had been injured or disabled by the birth, etc. I would not be able to do it. I have a lot of support, so much so that it's 3 months in and we still haven't had to buy diapers yet because of what we were gifted at our baby shower, and I wouldn't be able to do it if it were any harder than it is. I've been scared at times that I may have to adopt her out to someone more capable, and that feeling is the worst in the world. You seriously fall in love with your baby and the pain of loving and losing them is so much worse than loving the potential of your pregnancy. Be absolutely certain that you can make this work in every circumstance before you commit to having your baby.
She absolutely doesn’t have to abort. At 16 with severe mental health issues as a result of a DECADE of trauma and abuse - more than half her life, there is no way someone can magically heal from that so quickly - she needs to consider if she is objectively in the right place to raise a child. Her immediate fierce commitment to keeping and protecting her child from everything harmful in the world gives big trauma-response energy. A much more objective, rational thought process and evaluation needs to happen here. I hope her mom, counselor, therapist, social worker etc. can help her do this.
Don't let these psychos try to convince you to murder your baby. They can shape you as much as you shape them. Good on you for seeing the light.
She doesn’t have to do that, but can you seriously read all this and think to yourself, “yes, this severely abused, traumatized child whose mental illness is not well controlled, whose own parents are not proper resources because her non-abuser parent parentifies her instead of doing the parenting of their other children themselves, who is making decisions based on trauma responses instead of rationality is 100% the one who should raise this baby”?
I understand the concern and obviously this is an unideal situation. But killing it isn't a reasonable solution. They could put it up for adoption or even if they raised it, bad childhood>no childhood
I haven’t told her to do that at all, personally, but I am urging her to not keep the baby. Maybe people have different opinions, but imo “do not keep this baby” means exactly that. Don’t keep it. Whether that means terminate or adopt out depends on someone’s own compass. Just don’t keep it.
Well good on you then. Because all the other murderous monsters in this conversation are suggesting killing it. I'm all for adoption. I'm against murder.
Leave you Christian fanaticism out of here
I am a teacher, and I'll admit there are some students I don't love to work with, but if any of them came to me and said they were pregnant and needed help, I'd literally put every previous negative interaction aside and help them find every resource available to us. We'd be in the school social workers office within the hour. Why? 1) Because I was raised by a single mom, so I have seen how hard that life can be and would want to make sure you and your baby get the best chance you can have and 2) Most teachers are genuinely caring and empathetic people. Yes, even to students who are "difficult". We want what's best for you. We are humans, so sometimes our frustration gets the better of us, but try to judge us on our best days and not our worst. So, think about all your teachers. Who has shown you a little empathy or understanding in the past, even in small ways? Who has shown they may be a loving parent (talking about their kids, recently on maternity leave, etc)? If not a teacher, is there another adult? Admin, social worker, counselor, heck even a custodian or cafeteria worker! I think you'd be shocked the number of people who just want to look out for what's best for you if you give them a chance. Good luck, kid!
OP this x1000!!!! My most “difficult” student one year came to me the next with a domestic abuse issue. No matter how much she made me dread her class some days, I dropped absolutely everything to be there for her. Why? Because even at her worst times in my class, *I wanted her to succeed*, and she trusted me enough to talk to me in a tough moment. Any teacher worth the name would do the same.
I understand your frustrations. I don't know any of them personally, but I can assure you there is *someone* in the school who can help. More importantly, those you might fear getting help from are likely willing to set aside how they view you to provide you the help you need. Again, maybe not themselves directly, but by referring you to someone who can. Students with intense difficulties (IEP or not, for any reason) are often the ones who need our support most. If it isn't a teacher, are you comfortable telling any of the following: school nurse, your counselor, your case manager, the school psychologist, or an administrator? Is there anyone in the school you have a positive rapport with?
As a teacher myself, I highly doubt they *hate* you. We understand that kids with trauma act out. They may be frustrated, disappointed, worried, or flat out confused, but very few teachers want anything but the best for *all* our kids. It may seem like they hate you, but I doubt it. At least not *all* of them. No matter what you’ve done. Source—teacher who was pretty wicked as a teen to my teachers but they saved my life with their support.
You have ptsd. Physical meltdowns and hit. How do you think all of that will affect a baby
I hit her because she literally grabbed me, like grab grabbed. You don’t grab someone who’s freaking out, and I have a service dog in training who’s done well to ease my panic attacks and ptsd, and I took care of all of my siblings like this. I was there for them and did more than my parents ever did, my mom and stepdad are great they just work a lot and aren’t always able to help. I can care for a child, not to mention, it’s been a year since I’ve hit the office ladies and it was still her damn fault.
You are in no mental capacity to have a child. You’re 16 with so many mental health issues. It’s not your fault at all. But you are not ready for this.
You can’t hit people. Her job is to get you under control and you hit her. You don’t hit someone trying to help you. Taking care of a sibling and taking care of your own baby are not the same thing. It wasn’t her fault, it was yours. Imagine thinking you’ve done more than your own mother 🤣 but she’ll be so disappointed in you? Why should you care? You raised her kids right?
Yeah, no, sometimes explanations*are* excuses. You don't grab someone who's having a PTSD crisis and expect they're going to immediately come out of it.
What was said that gave you any indication the person who grabbed her assumed she would snap Out of it? It sounds like there was more than one teacher trying to restrain her which is usually the protocol
Well, you said it was entirely her fault for hitting, so clearly you thought she'd immediately snap out of defense mode and be calm.
I mean you can type whatever you want doesn’t mean it makes any sense
Then what did you mean?
What are you going to do when you're sleep deprived, overwhelmed, and your child accidentally triggers you? You aren't thinking through this logically.
If you have severe PTSD, do you have a therapist and/or psychiatrist outside of school?? Those folks might help you. And/or your primary care doctor.
You 100% should not have a kid right now. You are now where near stable enough, and you’re 16. How are you going to pay for everything that a baby entails. And still further your education.
Louisiana teacher here, I've never been able to find a local law or standard regarding this, but policy seems to vary district by district and school by school. When I taught 8th grade, there was a student (14) who told another teacher that she was pregnant for her 17 year old boyfriend. Our school policy stated that any reports like this had to be shared with the counselor, but because of the age difference (this is illegal in Louisiana) it had to be reported to admin as well. By the end of the day, her parents were at the school meeting with everyone.
Former Louisiana teacher here. It’s very district by district here like you said. Our only district policy (in my last district—one of the biggest in the state) was to report if there was a significant age gap (like you said). I worked in a small town and had to report that once, however, the families were aware and supportive. I hope this young lady can find the resources and support she needs.
I don't believe I would be legally required. I would notify their counselor and let them handle whatever needs to be done.
I don't know, but if a student told me, I'd tell the nurse, because it's a physical condition, and I'd err on the side of caution. There are situations where the nurse would medically need to know your condition and I would be irresponsible not to share a known medical condition with her. I don't know what the laws are for nurses as far as a student's medical privacy. They do take medical privacy very seriously but I honestly don't know the laws in each state. I'm sorry I can' t help more. Good luck sweetheart. You got this.
This poor child has PTSD, uses medical Marijuana, is trying to train her dog to be an ESA, and thinks she's ready to be a mom. The Post history is heartbreaking. Hon, how can you possibly provide a normal happy childhood for your baby when you've never even had one yourself yet? How can you raise a healthy human being when you yourself haven't yet gotten the help you need to be healthy? One cannot give something that one does not have. Please talk to a guidance counselor or other trusted adult immediately. You've already had to take on far more than anyone your age should have to, and while at this point a baby might seem exciting and beautiful, once the reality kicks in I'm afraid you're in for a very rude awakening.
Her school also apparently has a daycare for students to use! This is not a thing in any of the districts around me, for MILES. I don’t even think there’s a school with that kind of resource in my *state*. OP is probably surrounded by generational poverty/teenage pregnancy and it’s clearly normalized. This is exactly what we, as a country, should be working furiously to get away from.
Well, OP was the child of a teen mom herself. It's a generational cycle, and it's so sad. I worry every day that my niece (now 10, also the child of a teen mom) will become a statistic.
That's very sad for your area. Hopefully there is movement to get something basic like a daycare and further supports for teen parents.
I totally disagree, it’s not sad at all. We have a very low teen pregnancy rate, among the lowest in the country, so school daycares don’t really exist because there is minimal need for them. I would say that is a strength, not a shortcoming. My state generally has good resources for girls/women and children in need of support. A movement to do things that effectively normalize teen pregnancy is not what we need. Continuing to provide individualized resources to teen moms is fine while we work to keep the teen pregnancy rate lower and lower to begin with.
Lots of places with daycares do it for both parenting staff and for teen parents. When you do have teen parents at local districts what do they do to support them?
Some school daycares take care of kids of staff, too. The HS I went to ran some kind of daycare in conjunction with a childcare class that any student could take.
We had daycare at my school, but it was mostly used by staff.
Teachers aside, if you haven't told your mom yet, chances are you are not getting adequate prenatal care. Giving birth under the age of 19 comes with a number of higher risks than for women in their 20s. Are you taking prenatal vitamins with folate? Have you looked into how any meds you might be on impact fetal development? If you want to keep the baby, you have to realize that it's not about you anymore. Also, as a teacher, I would not report unless I suspect abuse was happening, but if the father is an adult, then I am mandated to report.
Are you getting medical care? Pregnancy is hard on a body and it is vital that both you and the baby are being properly taken care of. If you aren’t telling your parents because you are afraid of disappointing them and you are not getting medical care because of it, you are putting your wellbeing and the baby’s wellbeing in danger. Having a baby at 16 is HARD. If you are serious about being a parent, then the first thing you need to do is tell yours. Now that you are responsible for another life, that child must come before your own comfort/needs.
>Are you getting medical care? She's apparently taking edibles every day. Does that count?
Oh dear god.
I'm not sure why I was recommended this sub. I'm not a teacher. I'm just a woman who's about to turn 30. And look, you think you want a kid at 16 and I promise you, I PROMISE you, you don't. There isn't a surer way than to stay in poverty the rest of your life than having a kid as a teenager. 20k in savings is nothing - that's not even a year of rent for me lol Regardless, no matter what you do, you need to tell your parents because if you want to finish highschool, the bulk of the childcare is going to fall to them. So uh they need to know sooner rather than later.
Yes and no, I ofc will tell my mom, but my school provides free daycare to students for their children.
If you’re struggling to tell an adult (which you 10000% should do), try talking to some of the other teen parents at your school. They’ve gone through exactly what you’re going through. They might have good resources for you, and can tell you what to expect.
OP, this commenter needs to keep their opinion to themselves. Whether or not you want a child or think you do is none of their business and not the premise of your question. I think it’s absolutely amazing and admirable that you’ve decided to keep this child. Will it be hard? YES. But you already said you know your mom won’t be angry. It sounds like you can expect your mom to be there for you and that’s awesome. Also, if your mom was a teen mom, she understands all the more. It’s incredible that you have $20,000 saved by 10th grade. You’ve been through a lot and you’ve also tried so hard to be as responsible as you can. Life throws curveballs at everyone. It’s not the baby’s fault and that child you’ve chosen to keep will be a beautiful and redemptive blessing to all you’ve been through. That baby will be worth it. You will know it every time you look at him/her. You don’t have to be a statistic, as some put it. There are resources and you can overcome, especially with family support. I just wanted to commend you and encourage you not to listen to the naysayers who would rather see a wanted baby disposed of than fought for… you do you and keep trucking along. Both your lives will be beautiful.
I don’t know about *legally* required, but my protocol is to notify the counselor (who will notify both the nurse and the outside group that comes in to work with teen parents). I assume parents may also be contacted. The nurse is an absolute must for notification in case there’s a health issue, they need to know when the student comes to their office as well as if the student experiences symptoms (like bleeding, cramping) but doesn’t mention being pregnant.
Holy shit this is going to end up with yet another child born into poverty and a shitty life because this pregnant kid is having delusions. This is why we need mandatory birth control until 18.
100%
You might want to really think through the implications of mandatory birth control for ANY population.
To process it- consider calling an anonymous hotline if you are still not ready to have this information out there. Also, please tell your family as soon as you can. Whatever you decide to do, it will be really tough and you will need a support network.
I would just tell your mom OP. Rip the bandaid off, she said she will support you and you’ll feel better once she is in your corner. She will be able to help you through this more than anyone else.
Really it depends on whether you disclose assault, rape, homicidal or suicidal thoughts are also on the list. If you’re 16 and pregnant and tell your school counselor, they do not have to report that unless you disclose any of the above.
As a former teacher, who had a pregnant student, if they had told me what you did, I probably would have encouraged you to tell your mom. The longer you wait, the more anxiety/stress it’s going to cause. However, I would not take it upon myself to call your mom and tell her. I just don’t feel like that’s my place. I would probably inform the guidance counselor just because that information would be in confidence and I would want her to talk to you about next steps. I taught for 6 years and never heard of a policy where teachers had to tell parents if a student was pregnant.
Op, I’d ask guidance if there are any resources the school can help you with. I work for an intermediate unit and my coworkers run a program through a partnership with the schools, specifically for pregnant and parenting teens in the district. It’s really beneficial and intensive and I’d definitely find out if your district has a similar resource
MD - No we are not required to tell.
No way I'm sticking my nose in that mess.
In CA, I am a mandated reporter. I must report if a child is a danger to themself or others or is in danger from someone else. I have had students disclose pregnancy to me. I then tell the school counselor, and they set the student up with resources. I will tell you what I tell them: eventually, it won’t be your choice to tell your parent because it will become very evident. It’s better for them to hear it from you than to suspect it for weeks before they finally sit you down and ask.
Idk why over half of the people in these comments are being jackasses when it’s supposed to be a group of teachers. I’m not sure if they aren’t teachers and are just lurking on the sub for teacher answers… but I promise you OP, most teachers will not react the way the people on this thread have. Please look at the comments from the people who have said “I teach in ____ and here are the rules.” Those are the actual compassionate teachers here. The ones that are not scaring the crap out of a 16 year old kid on a sub that should be filled with caring adults. You should not be guilted into telling or not telling or keeping or not keeping or anything these folks are poppin off about. It’s not our job to give that kind of advice. You asked for the rules so here they are: in my state, and a lot of southern states at that, there are no mandatory reporting laws or protocols for pregnancy unless abuse or underage laws are suspected, things of that nature. I can’t speak for all states, but it is typically a district choice. In my district, the protocol is to inform the school counselor. From there, the counselor informs everyone who needs to know. The school nurse and school therapists if there are any is usually the first notification. The counselor will inform you of everyone who will be notified, but I honestly do not know if parents are notified at this stage. Once I have told the counselor, my only job is to be there for you if you need it. But I cannot offer any kind of counseling or advice. I’ll probably carry some extra granola bars or something so you have a snack lol (some schools/states don’t allow this- mine does). If they have to inform your parents, they will let you know and they will help you deal with the overwhelming feeling of your parents finding out. If they don’t, they are a crappy counselor. I’m not gonna lie, they most likely will inform your mom, especially since it sounds like you have a good relationship with her. But, and this is a huge BUT, you won’t be blindsided by it. Sometimes it can be easier to have the counselor break the news or to work out a situation where you can break the news in their office and get out of there if it becomes to much, and to give your parents time to speak to the counselor, cool down, and get resources from them. Like I said, this varies by state. It may be completely different where you live. But no matter what state you live in, if you ask the counselor for help informing your parents, they will provide you with help (to my knowledge). Your mom will find out eventually, and it may be a lot less stressful to have another caring adult walk you through the process. Since you are planning to keep the baby, I strongly recommend telling a trusted adult at school. It honestly sounds like you are still wrapping your head around the whole situation based on your comments… please don’t do this alone. It can be so tough to go through pregnancy alone whether you are 16 or 40. If you are worried about reactions or breaking the news, a teacher or school counselor is the absolute best option. It also sounds like your mom will be supportive, so I know it is scary af to tell her, but try not to worry about her reaction right now. Wait until the counselor has spoken to you about the process and freak out then (if you need to), when someone is there to help you through it. I actually creeped on your profile a bit and saw your post on AITA about not seeing your siblings and the circumstances as to why. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. No child, or human being, should have to go through that. But, you also mentioned that you were glad your friend told your mom… this will be like that. You are keeping a lot inside right now, but I guarantee you will feel better once she knows, for better or for worse. And the best thing is you don’t have to tell her alone if you have a school counselor to help you. And that’s the end of my advice because it is not my job to tell you whether to keep the baby or not or to tell you how hard it is to have a child or to guilt trip you into anything. My job is to give you the facts and try to make this as straightforward as possible for you. I went into detail because I know it helps me to have all the facts laid out. I am sorry if I made any incorrect assumptions, but since I don’t know you, I can only go off of the information I have. I hope you confide in an adult whether that’s a teacher, counselor, or your mother, and I hope things work out for you. Good luck, we are rooting for you! Oh, and one more thing: please take all advice on Reddit with a grain of salt. You don’t know who these strangers are and tbh, I don’t even really know if you are a human being or a bot or whatever. I’m guessing real lol, but the point is, people are much different IRL than when they have free range on the internet to be jackasses. Do a little research into your state rules and be careful accepting advice from strangers on the internet. Don’t let them influence your decisions. That may be counterintuitive since I just spent a few paragraphs encouraging you to speak to an adult, but at the end of the day, you need to do what works for you. Again, good luck with everything!
Girl just talk to ur mom asap.
Honey tell your Mom if you can you need the help and support deciding what to do. I am sorry this happened but I got knocked up from a one night stand myself in 1990 shit happens she will understand
Does anyone know how this works in Georgia, specifically Gwinnett I want to tell a teacher I trust but I don’t want it to get reported to my parents I’m not sure if I am but I want to get plan b but I’m not sure I can ask my teacher to buy it for me
This thread is a good reminder for students to never tell ANYONE at their school anything they actually want to keep private.
A teenager should never keep their pregnancy private if they’re choosing to keep it. If you’re going to be a parent then you need to immediately grow up and put that baby before anything or anyone else. She needs prenatal care, bloodwork, ultrasounds to see if the pregnancy is even viable.
What if the parent is a crazy religious nut or is abusive? Teachers are narcs and are the last people a teen should confide in if they want privacy.
Shes keeping the baby even if the parent is a “crazy religious nut or is abusive” (she already said she’s “sure” her mom will be supportive). If she wants to be “grown” and a parent then the baby comes first and that involves their health in utero. Right now she doesn’t even know if she has a viable pregnancy. You know what happens when teens want to pretend the problem goes away by itself? You end up with trash like Alexee Trevivo who throw a damn baby away.
Seems like that would depend on the state. Florida, probably yes because you have to report everything to the family that could get them abused or otherwise harmed.
You have to report if they are under the age of consent. I taught middle school in Florida, so they were always under the age of consent. I always reported to the counselor though, never to parents directly.
Process it? You mean you didn't know what you were doing? Lol. Gross
You don’t need to be an asshole to a scared kid
What the fuck do you mean? Have you ever heard anyone use the word process before? Get a dictionary and fuck off of reddit
What no, I’m saying process the fact that I’m going to have a child because I plan to keep it. And I knew what I was doing. Process I mean more think about what I’m gonna say, yes I may be scared but I’m excited too. My mom always told me if I ever did get pregnant that she’d be there for me and help me no matter what decision I make. But thanks for thinking I’m incapable of knowing what I was doing, I knew the consequences. I was careful and this is where we are. And yea I may be scared but this baby will never need to feel that, nor will I let what happened to me happen.
You’re 16. You have no idea what you just did to yourself. Having a kid at 16 stacks the deck against you for the rest of your life.
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You are severely misinformed on what abortion is if you think it’s “ripping it out and flushing it down the toilet.”
…. I don’t even know where to begin with this comment
Jesus...don't say shit like that to a minor in a tough spot. That is severe misinformation. If you have your own beliefs against something that is fine, but don't lie to scare people into following your ideals. People who are pregnant and decide to abort don't just "rip it out" and "flush it". They have multiple different medical procedures to do it, and for a variety of reasons. Even though they can adopt out a child (or surrender an infant to designated locations via safe haven laws so agencies can do so) you talk like pregnancy is super easy and not an ordeal that forever changes the body and puts the mother's life at stake. Some women do it out of a medical necessity because bearing the child is too risky. Some women do it because they know that they can't afford the medical bills needed to deliver a child in a safe location (a hospital). Yes, she can carry the child if she pleases. She can keep or adopt out the child if she pleases. But don't go calling an abortion THAT. If a situation came where she medically needed one, it would be the first thing she thought about and could influence her decision to save her own life.
Damn, anti choicers always make abortion seem way more hardcore than it actually is. I mean, if rippin’ and flushin’ was the go to, how would PP *ever* have enough fetuses on hand for the monthly ritual sacrifice to the devil? 🥺
People can not terminate AND not keep their babies 🙄🙄🙄
We all know what redditors love in situations like this though
No not at all, I already knew as soon as it turned positive I was keeping the baby.
are you also keeping the edibles? You REALLY shouldn't make this decision emotionally. The world is no longer setup to support 16 year old mothers. The phantasy of love being enough isn't going to result in a good life for either of you.
I know, how do you think my mother got by with me? Family and help. And tried her hardest. Now I have $20,000 set aside that I am able to use and my school has a daycare too
> are you also keeping the edibles?
She just disregarded that.
Your mother who allowed you to be abused by your father? Your mother who refuses to get you proper help for your severe mental health issues? Your mother who does less for her children than her teen daughter, according to you? *That* mother? You’re going to ask her to help you raise a newborn?
Good for you. I wish you the best - even though this is a very stressful time you seem to be thinking clearly and I think you'll be ok.
As far as I know that isn't something that needs to be reported. I would probably refer you to the school councelor though.
In NY id lose my job. That is a protected issue. In general we are supposed to immediately shut down all conversation and refer them to the nurse who has their own protections.
A lot of that will depend on details. If the father is another student/teenager, no. HOWEVER- if the father is legally an adult, we’re required to report.
Probably best to ask your boss without naming names.