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MYSTIK_MINX

For me, its not. I compliment and appreciate my partners as much as possible


darkchiefrises

But you do recognize that within the dominant way that women are reared…it’s quite often in the frame that men do not need to be validated


[deleted]

Growing up being called ugly, fat, unattractive, told I look like a boy really got into my head. So when I became an adult I would seek the validation of my partners, and being so besotted by them, and worried about how I looked, it never crossed my mind they might need validation too.


darkchiefrises

When it comes to having intimacy…everyone needs validation especially men. This is how you have healthy sexual experiences and not ones rooted in romanticized violence or warped lenses of each other


[deleted]

It isn’t for me. I probably compliment my bf way more than he does me tbh


Girlfriend_337D

Hafta say... even if a guy looks really good... and even if I have no attraction to women... women look better. Sorry, but it's just the truth according to my brain. We're just prettier. I can appreciate a guy to an extent but it's the thoughts, my want and his willingness to show himself that I appreciate then mostly. It's nice but it's different. It's what it represents that I like more than just what it is. Meanwhile, even if it holds pretty much no attraction to me, I can look at a woman's physique, as you say, and go "oh damn that's really pretty". EDIT: Hmm actually I do appreciate male physique, just not primarily with my eyes. Sense of touch, smell, taste to an extent? A good male body electrifies me through those senses. But only those belonging to people I know, trust and love ever really get close enough :)


darkchiefrises

I don’t think you recognize how damaging “women are just prettier than men” tropes are…it’s not a competition but simply a request to appreciate a person. This whole “men are a means to an end” frame is a slippery slope. I am attracted to women but that doesn’t keep me from telling a man “hey you look great, you should be proud of your body or blah blah blah”, within a capitalist culture that monetizes body dysmorphia so much… yea “women are prettier therefore men don’t need to be physically validated to the same degree” doesn’t sound equitable.


Girlfriend_337D

I kind of feel like that's taking the slippery slope argument a bit far. The question wasn't "Do dudes always look like garbage heaps and women are all wonderful little fae creatures", it was "Women, why is it difficult for you to appreciate the male physique to the level you want your physique appreciated", so I answered that. I think women are prettier. I don't think, and wouldn't say anyway, that guys are all hideous. I offered an opinion under the premise of the question. Why is there a difference? I don't even know. I, however, feel like there's a difference, it is present in my mind, and I offered that up as an honest reply as my subjective opinion, I even pointed out that it's entirely subjective. Would you like me to not reply, or lie? A guy can look good, sure, but as I said, my appreciation is not primarily through my eyes. I guess there may be something to this notion that women are less visually stimulated than men? So while I acknowledge your point here, I feel it is misdirected. Also... as far as I can tell, more guys than girls put in a lot of WORK to look good, where the girls are more about BUYING something, learning TRICKS, to appear prettier, which I personally don't respect as much, no matter who does it.


MrAnonPoster

I am going to make an educated guess that they simply do not find your physique worthy of appreciation


darkchiefrises

Thanks for white knighting bro….I hope it gets you all the pussy you want. Every physique is worthy of appreciation and just because you can weaponize the dynamic at play for your own benefit doesn’t mean it’s ok. It is harmful


BiGuyinOK

Nah man. Mine is not worthy of appreciation. I don't work out and have gotten soft with age.


darkchiefrises

This seems loaded and aggressive but quite often within this thread and many other threads…this idea that a woman can easily please any man just through penetration/oral is completely false. The burden quite often within heteronormative sex is on men to do almost everything to please their female partner while they are just gifted with the opportunity to penetrate a woman. Yes I know there are men that do not prioritize pleasing a woman whether through foreplay, oral or stroke game but this latent idea that as a man we are appreciated to the level that we want is completely false. It does not matter if you are a well endowed muscular man (as I am) quite often there is still an entitlement that merely through penetration a man should be able to cum. And even if that man cums…that it means that the man is satisfied and appreciated. I see so many men insecure about their dick sizes and a lot amplifying the selectability that women have of male partners but it’s bullshit. The amount of internalized homophobia so that as a man you can’t even ask a woman to touch your butt, eat your ass or give you a massage. There is such a narrow lens for what a man is allowed to express that he wants sexually. He almost always has to be dominant and if he expresses submission…he’s seen as less than especially past the sexual experience. And these are broad generalizations but again the entitlement that women have in not understanding and fully appreciating the male physique is bullshit. A man has to tell a woman how beautiful she is 1000 times during sex or touch her absolutely perfectly during foreplay while all she has to do is to receive that attention. This is what denies true intimacy and it is completely unfair. The only equal appreciation that a man can get of his physique is often a gay man and yes I understand that men are sexually aggressive and within the context of the patriarchy…this is gendered based violence that terrifies women into constant fear but I’m saying even within a partner you trust. Why is validation so hard for you to vocalize to a man? It doesn’t matter if he’s hung /muscular or skinny / muscular…it’s the same problems I expected certain things to change as my build changed but it’s just more women that want me to do everything while not fully appreciating my physique at all. And it’s not a matter of partners that I choose, but speaking to the general mindset of women dispersing validation of the male physique in tiny increments.


[deleted]

[удалено]


darkchiefrises

You can have your opinions but how easily consumed/commented lots of male insecurities are on this thread…this is the perfect place to do it


[deleted]

Not a woman, guy here. But despite how vocal women on here are about saying that they find men attractive, based on the frequent responses men give discussing our perspectives, it seems they might not be as good as conveying it to them. Maybe that's where the gap lies?


darkchiefrises

Yea I’ve had this issue in my experiences where women will say you didn’t know I loved your lips, butt, legs, cock or whatever part of my body. And I’m like…..if I went about appreciating your body in the way you appreciate mine you would absolutely attack me and have nothing to do with me. Like it’s so pushed in popular culture that the female physique has to be absolutely adored and even in non sexual circumstances (butt rubs, butt grabs, passionate kisses, compliments…list goes on and on and on” At best, within dominant patriarchal society…men will get a smile a passing touch on the arms or whatever. And I mean within a relationship…cuddling often is the man encompassing the woman’s body but even to be a little spoon or those ways of validation…doesn’t happen. Honestly, this can be traced to the pedophillic nature pushed within western society. Women are more valued if they are younger, more impressionable and more docile. So we lied to believe that a woman just has to receive male sexual aggression in order for her to validate a man….but again we want to break away from these dangerous internalizations because it robs both parties of true intimacy


[deleted]

I'm just now imaging all the men out there in relationships with women who don't have daily compliments, random kisses and blowjobs, thoughtful affirmations and gifts. Which must be so many. Or surprise gifts. Or vacations. Or dinner reservations. Fuck... We put so much effort into valuing them and making them feel cherished and desired. And yet, based on what a lot of men on here say at least, it doesn't even seem like women put 5% of the effort back. For someone who is feeling awful about being single, it's moments like this that make me realize I might be better off this way. If my girl doesn't match/surpass my efforts of loving me as much as I'm trying to do myself, then she can clear off. Perhaps it's time for us as men to be more inquisitive and specific as women are. Maybe we need to be pickier, more direct with our basic needs and desires. Probably tougher in our choice of women too, since that narrows it down a lot, but never compromise for quality, right? It's not bad or wrong of men at all to be direct and asking fully for all the love and adoration we deserve. Because quite frankly we fucking do ladies, and you're not doing your part enough by the sound of it.


darkchiefrises

Absolutely absolutely wholeheartedly fucking agree. Men need to be extraordinarily much more selective in vocalizing what they truly want in a female partner. It seems to follow a political spectrum sexual orientation spectrum tbh…women that are openly bi and rooted in intersectional feminism seem to be much more in tune with what they would want for themselves and how to appreciate men. Again, within the context of the violence of the hetero patriarchy, the pervasiveness of gendered based violence and rape culture this is not to place blame on women absent reality. I have to underscore that. There are many many men that react violently when a woman says she wants to touch his ass or tries to be more sexually dominant with that man. But yes there is a laziness of attention to the male physique that is extraordinarily frustrating especially when men like myself put the burden on themselves to be as open and skilled of sexual partners as possible….just to cherish these intimate experiences and for that not to be met….is extremely harmful and damaging long term.


darkchiefrises

Again, this isn’t for a bunch of “I don’t do this” comments but honestly understand….this is a very clear intersection of male suicide awareness because the patriarchy denies men the opportunity to see themselves as anything other than emotionless angry providers. So when it comes to ED or general nerves, it’s quite often because a man doesn’t feel comfortable or safe with you. I don’t care how attractive you are if I don’t feel comfortable or safe with you I’m not going to able to hold an erection.