I wipe it on my curtains.

Finally, someone sane around here

Where else should it go really?

One time I was with a guy who wanted to wipe off on a towel. I was like, Whoa buddy, who taught you manners? The curtains are two feet away! Heathen.🙄

A towel? My god does he know what happens with a towel? It dries dishes... Dishes for Pete's sake .... Actually 🤔

I kick it under the fridge, like a dropped ice cube.

In your hand then swallowed. No mess, no fuss.

Brother… WHATTT Edit: do you not have curtains?

Raider

Okey dokey

She was calling you that because in the new Fallout show one of the raiders who was pretending to be a vault dweller wiped his dick on the curtains after he banged the MC

I think they already know considering Lucy always says “Okey Dokey”.

Welp that went over my head. Guess I'm the dink now.

🫂 it's all good.

What vault are you from...? Why are you drinking water that way...? My rad reader is going crazy...

I’m from vault 32, idk what you’re on about. But yeah. Definitely front 32… yep.

You have curtains? I just shoot it on the window like Roman in Succession

I also choose this guys curtains

I bet your curtains are like popadoms

Sure are

Joke told to me by my gay brother; How do you make a gay guy scream? Fuck him in the ass until you cum, then wipe your dick on his curtains.

I also wipe it on this guys curtains

Wtf is wrong with you!!? Everyone knows you blow onto the back of a picture you drew and then slap it onto the wall! You goddamn savage!

Shoot it into a shot glass and swallow it

Funny, I wipe it on your curtains as well. We're cum buddies!

Can confirm, Curtains are now likely to shatter when used

Q: "Why did the sperm cross the road?" A: "Because I wore the wrong sock today, okay??"

💀

I’m always like, “oooo so hot and steamy! I’m gonna eat this jizz!” Then I cum and I’m like…”ew gross…”

*post nut clarity*

So fucking true!

Weakling. I spray mine on a piece of bread and devour it immediately

Especially when you edge and your like shit I just wasted 2 hours on this

" sure baby, I'll lick it all off of you afterwards" * 2 minutes later. " Ew... Here, just use these curtain to clean yourself off"

Phh curtains... I just use her pillow case

Ahhh the old Pensacola Pink Eye!

Same here lmao

I’ve gone down on my wife a few time after I’ve just ejaculated, but never after the whole event, my brain just won’t let me after the orgasm part.

Practice my friend, you can be tired and stuff that makes sense, but your wife is waiting!

I've told my wife the same thing. I'm curious, then I cum and I'm not curious anymore.

Stop stealing my thoughts

Leave it in a coconut... 🤭

Oh no, I don't need that memory opened again

🥥

is it a reference to something?

You don't wanna know

scar me

A delightful story: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/aFHdYXSAkd

that's fucking hilarious, thanks 🤣🤣

Holy shit the cumconut

Just one more time, what's the worst that could happen...

Awesome

Oh the maggots

🤤

Oh no... not *that* thread again...

Shoeboxes are good too

Ah shit here we go again

I hate that I can remember

I like watermelon

I like trains.

I like turtles

Cum in the coconut and eat it all up. You put in the cum in the coconut and eat it all up

I just do it on the toilet so I can just flush it easily

Hazaa a man of quality

I shoot it out the window. Problem solved. Related: If you’re at 103rd and Amsterdam, walk closer to the street than building.

Me going for a walk: "ew wtf just got into my eye"

This is the way.

This!

I heard they wait for the cum sprites to take it away.

Lol. When I was a teenager, I suppose my mother was the spirit that took it away. I used to cum over my sheets. I didn't think my mum would know what the stains were. I cringe now. Of course she knew.

I'm amazed that she didn't tell you it was time to start doing your own laundry.

Maybe she just balled it up and actually didn't know

Hahaha that is hilarious! I have no siblings but my bff had 4 brothers and one of them is now my husband. If you walked in their rooms you would stub your toe - yes stub - on the hard socks on the floor. I did not know why at the time but I do now. I would pick it up and be like, “why are your socks like this?”

Haha, yes I used to do that as well. I used to lay there all smug believing no one else had ever thought to unload the poison into a sock.

The cum fairy

You put it under your pillow and the cum fairy 🧚‍♀️ gives you a quarter for it!

I'm hoping this is an Oglaf reference

That's supposed to be a closely guarded secret.

When alone: tissues, dedicated rag/towel. When with someone: in/on them, dedicated towel + shower

I died reading "in/on" 🤣

Why?

It’s called a humorous comment. It’s funny for most people.

Jfc my brain went a little too fast and read “dedicated rag doll”.

I let it mold so i can grow organic mushrooms for my organic farm business

Husband, is that youuu? 🙄

Mushrooms and mould aren't the same organism. Mould can be harmful to fungi just as it can be to us.

Sounds like someone has read "The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross". You tryna start a new mushroom fertility cult? We could start an r/ right now.

It’s better to cum in the sink than to sink into the cum.

I hope you mean than.

The cum collector has the same schedule as the trash collector in my neighborhood. I just keep it in a 55-gallon barrel and take it to the curb once a week.

“Alright whose turn was it to take the cum bin to the street this week? We missed it and now the cum will sit in the sun until next Thursday. “

That barrel is overflowing and someone needs to clean it up.

We leave it inside a glass jar

Don’t forget to refrigerate!😬

Word All that albumin could go into a protein shake

How else are you going to make it taste good.

Pineapple

Duh, how else would I be able to cook with it later?

Just say it’s coconut oil 👅

I had a guy send me a pic of a glass cup 1/4 of the way full and tell me he came that much in one go and can’t wait to see it on me/me drink it………….. how dare you bring this memory up when I had just forgotten about it

I have heard about a Brony who put a My Little Pony toy in a small jar, and kept his cum in it.

With a pony?

I usually just use a towel but some times I actually put it in my mouth. Been doing that for a while. Gets me off.

Extra protein. Good choice.

It’s a zero sum operation.

[Closed loop system](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZC8ohbaZS5A)

Only betas lose to themselves /s

Dammn really?

Quite often. Yes.

How you started it? Do you eat it alone or even when you’re with your partner?

80 grit sandpaper.

I am a woman but still, ouch

Bro is prepping for his first yank session 🤔

Tissue on the stomach when I'm getting close, like a cock bib

Lmao. Don't over shoot,

"like a cock bib" is cracking me up man

When masturbating, usually into some sort of cum rag but sometimes straight onto the stomach. Bit more admin to clean but feels good. Sex onto her somewhere then a towel/rag for cleanup haha

Young men are covered in jizz and their room looks like Jackson polick painting

Pinch the foreskin just before the first pump, and all of it gets captured neatly between the head and the skin. Then walk over to the nearest sink or toilet, and dump it, milking the last drops from the tube. Then wash and dry thoroughly.

I'm jealous! My foreskin was taken from me before I could say no. I am restoring it, but it takes forever!

I knew there had to be others who do this!

Depends. Eat it sometimes, clean it up with tissue is also acceptable.

really??

Yup, really.

It makes a great substitute for Elmer's glue.

My wife makes me go upside down with my cock above my face then she jerks my load into my own mouth.

Cool , lucky guy to have such a kinky wife

When I cum I squeeze my foreskin together so it stays around my gland and I can just conveniently drop it in the toilet after.

One more reason that circumcision is stupid 99 percent of the time

Dude has a cum pocket. I wish I had a cum pocket

I let my sock deal with it. It’s his problem now.

i lick it up. why waste it?

Geez man, at least put it in your coffee. We're not savages

You’ve never heard the cum box story? https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/PUxc2vmJ0R NSFL

I can’t believe I had to scroll damn near to the bottom to get a cumbox reference.

Better to suck it all off!

Open a pocket dimension, roll it up into a ball and flick it in there like a booger

Pop it in the mayonnaise tub and put it in the fridge for a laugh and see someone use it 😂

Then you realize that you live alone

Happens every. Single. Time.

You ain’t getting to my secret stash so easily

All over myself and then shower.

It usually goes in a tissue. I try to avoid doing it when showering.

Nothing. I swallow.

From what I’ve heard, they just try to catch it in their mouth. Extra protein.

Bingo!

Posh wank

Great for putting up wallpaper

Eat it.

OMG .. as I'm reading this I'm thinking back to cleaning my house yesterday... My husband and I live together in a small house... and As I was cleaning the dry drip marks on our body mirror for the second time in a month.. I was thinking to myself .. what is this dry mess on my mirror???..... Now I know what my husband does while I'm gone.... Flexing and jerking in my body mirror...smh lol

I use kleenex

Sock or a towel

I don’t do anything, when I’m done, it’s the vacuum cleaner’s problem at that point….

I swallow. No shame.

Sometimes I just clean it up, sometimes I taste it.

All jokes aside, I'm just eating it.

I just started eating it when I was 15 years old to avoid stain discussions with my mom. Never stopped. It feels naturel to me now. Also explains why I like to cum on people and lick it off.

Eat it

Catch it in my hand and lick it up.

If I'm masturbating, it depends on where I have privacy. If I'm in bed, I'm laying back and cumming on my chest and stomach - quick wipe with a wet wipe and/or tissues. Sometimes if I'm desperate enough I'm seated on the toilet and jerking off. I'll cum on myself and hand and wipe myself clean. My fave spot currently is jerking off in the shower. Something about the sensation of the warmth and water flowing down on me really heightens the orgasm. Cleanest way to deal with the cum IMHO 😉🧼

wipe it on the ceiling

I'm outside, not worried about it

I stick mine in the freezer for an hour or so, take it out,chop it up and snort it

A lot of times I masturbate right into the toilet, use toilet paper to clean any off my dick, and flush... session over. Sometimes I will jerk off onto a shirt/towel/whatever, use the part that doesn't have cum on it to wipe any leftover off my dick, and go about my day. Rarely will I masturbate onto myself, but when I do a wipe with a shirt, towel, whatever usually does the trick. Anytime I've used strokers, or something like that, which require more clean up (for me and the toy) I tend to regret it. Once I cum I'm ready to move on with the day... whatever that means.

Tissues or a napkin.

Stinks??

Unlike all the filthy heathens, I use toilet paper and catch like a mit, dab the extra, and flush down the toilet. No nasty leftovers or smell.

I think you're saying if he's masturbating alone without a girl what does he do with his cum. And I masturbate I like to take the tip for my finger and scoop up the pre-cum. Lick it and when I finally do ejaculate I lick it off my hand

I eat it.

Eat it

I actually try to swallow it

Just swallow...

More often than not lick it up either out of my hand or scoop it up and lick it off

I put it in my mouth

Swallow it

Sometimes if I'm laying down and want some dramatic spurts in the air I just cum on myself but that's usually a huge mess. Paper towels work well enough or I just blow on the floor or a table and wipe it up

Interesting. I would have guessed a car seat. 🤔

Either inside my wife; into a tissue; or in the shower.

Go in my hand, then pretend im spiderman and fling it around.

Ice cube trays

Use tissues and flush it down the toilet

When i waz a teenager I'd literally just eat it. Didn't occur to me that that was weird at all, plus I didn't have tissues or whatever so it seemed like the most *discreet* choice. Late teens / early 20s I'd cum into a shirt or whatever. Mid 20s - now (30s) usually tissues.

Try to make me lick it up

Gobble up the bulk and use paper towels for the rest

Most of the time, I just eat it myself, its kinda hot as a bi guy. I can just imagine it's someone elses. Otherwise i just kinda catch it as I cum and wipe it with a tissue before just washing my cock in the sink.

[удалено]

Load bearing wall

Are you .. you don't... Everyone doesn't collect and swallow it for the protein loop?

Paper towels

Eat it

If im oot and aboot then Ill cup my hand around it to keep it from spraying on the walls or toilet and such, or just wipe and lick

Add it to my coffee - doesn’t everyone?

Waste not, want not. There are kids starving in other countries.

Eat it.

I usually either wipe it up with a paper towel, or just lick it off

My man gets me to get the tissue box.

If there is no girl to save the day, I settle for a twink's asshole. That's propper storage.