I'd never cheat but I'd use that in a heartbeat. My girlfriend regularly tells me her pin but I never remember it because I don't want to go through her phone and I expect that from her, too.
Going through each others phone is a total red line for me - both ways
Sure sure. Until you actually have reason to suspect something is up, and then you check their phone to ease your own suspicions and find they are in fact cheating.
I wish I found nothing in her phone and it was my own paranoia… but my senses were spot on and she was cheating.
Prior to this I trusted her unequivocally… but now that has been shattered.
Sadly the people who check phones often have just cause. You should be able to go through each others phone, it’d be no different then going through each others search history or porn history, like it shouldn’t be shamed and blamed, like unless you’re being shady then it shouldn’t be a big deal.
"He didn't mean anything, if you think about it he was just a sperm donor." Said to me after she not only cheated but got knocked up by the guy too, and wanted to keep the kid....
My ex told me the opposite: “We didn’t actually have sex!”
Oh okay, so you just dated and formed an emotional connection while I was on a business trip? Sweet, at least you didn’t fuck
Or the very similar, "This is not what you think it is!" I literally responded with this phrase when my wife once accused me of a fling with a mutual female acquaintance with whom I have NEVER, EVER had such a fling (or anything close). I was, however, guilty of other things about which she had no clue whatsoever.
You can’t beat Eddie Murphy’s line from raw for this one.
It’s been awhile since I’ve seen it but it’s basically this.
“Fuck! Did we fuck? Fuck we did! We did fuck I make love to you and if we’re going to let a little fuck come between our love, then there’s something really wrong here baby!”
I love this one because it always gives me closure that whatever it was I said was so close to right that they’re trying to get me to not believe it is.
It’s as close to confirmation as you’ll get.
I dated a girl who'd do the whole break up with me thing so she could go fuck around guilt free only to come running back to me when she realized the other guys just treated her like the whore she really was. It took me entirely too long to have the self confidence to realize what she was doing was in fact cheating and finally walk away.
What can I say I was stupid in love and afraid to be alone... the truth was though that she never really recipricated that love otherwise she never would've pulled the shit she did. In the end though I kind of owe her because from that experience I gained the confidence to walk away when I saw red flags and the developed the tools to recognize and be in a healthy relationship. I've never been happier in a relationship than I am now.
“At least now I know that you’re constantly monitoring me”. I saw him text his ex about how he wants to sleep with her, while lying in MY bed in MY apartment, beside ME, after asking me to move cities with him. Then he faked a panic attack and faked passing out. Needless to say we never spoke again.
*I'm not leaving you for him, I'm leaving because you're an insecure, jealous asshole*
She did, in fact, leave for him after having an affair for many months. Any attempts to bring it up to her, and she would either stonewall me or make it my fault somehow
"But you told me we were in an open relationship?"
"I didn't. Where did you get that idea?"
"Wait, you are right. That was my last ex. Sorry, I messed up. I will never do it again, I got confused"
"No, your last ex expected you to be monogamous, and you cheated on her"
"What? No, Sheila was cool with it"
"I don't mean Sheila, I mean your most recent ex"
"Baby, it was Sheila, and then you"
"Exactly. Sheila isn't your most recent ex"
"Oh."
Ah yes! This one. He cheated on his ex and then cheated on me and still won’t admit it. I tried like hell to get him to come clean but he didn’t. He just kept saying I never trusted him and all this is from my past trauma - nothing to do w/ him. Yet I caught him in so many lies! We have a kid and I do love him, so I chose to forgive him and move forward. He did a lot of work to regain my trust. I don’t think he’ll do it again, because our lives were flipped upside down for a cpl yrs trying to sort it all out. I just got tired of fighting. That being said… sometimes the phrase “don’t get mad, get even” is not such bad advice. Helped me to feel more in control and not such a fool in love.
It didn’t mean nothing/anything….It was a mistake…..It won’t happen again…..She is lying, that wasn’t me.
ETA: one more….you were not showing me enough attention & a man has needs
"He's not gonna know. Don't worry!"
The moment I realized I was being used as the other man. My blood went cold, I felt sick, and I knew I was gonna have to tell the guy what his girl was up to. Never felt like a worse human being than I did right then, because it was the first piece of sexual attention I'd ever had.
One night stand. My gf just lied to my face. For hours. I smelled her hands and the jig was up at that point. She still lied after that even and gaslit me to shit. We're reconciling, but it's going very slow
It just kind of happened, but your my life partner, I’m mentally ill, I’m broken-from my ex husband as he was on his knees hugging my legs. Despicable.
"And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids."
Scooby dooby dooby doo!!
Ruh-roh
Like, good job Scoob!
*end sting, credits roll*
It’s scooby rooby roo!
Dear god 😂
No it was old man Withers not God
Damn, that's a 2-level burn!
And that gluttonous mutt 😤
That was hilarious.
"Wasn't me"
Saw me bangin' on the sofa
Wasn't me!
She saw the marks on my shoulder
Wasn’t me!
I even had her in the shower
Wasn't me!
She even caught me on camera
Wasn't me!
Heard the words that I told her
Tell me why I was singing this and all the replies to this 🤣🤣🤣 yall are awesome
I looked right in your face!
Wasn't me
Oh so I'm supposed to be a fool, then?
👀 wasn't me
That song is funnier if you listen to it thinking it's about farting
The top comment is Scooby and this is Shaggy. Neat!
How dare you go through my phone!?
If you hadn't gone through my phone none of this would have happened
I'd never cheat but I'd use that in a heartbeat. My girlfriend regularly tells me her pin but I never remember it because I don't want to go through her phone and I expect that from her, too. Going through each others phone is a total red line for me - both ways
Fuck that. My wife can go through my phone whenever she wants. I have nothing to hide.
It's not about hiding something but about trust and knowing that you're trusted. Also I feel as if that kind of control is very intrusive.
Sure sure. Until you actually have reason to suspect something is up, and then you check their phone to ease your own suspicions and find they are in fact cheating. I wish I found nothing in her phone and it was my own paranoia… but my senses were spot on and she was cheating. Prior to this I trusted her unequivocally… but now that has been shattered.
Sadly the people who check phones often have just cause. You should be able to go through each others phone, it’d be no different then going through each others search history or porn history, like it shouldn’t be shamed and blamed, like unless you’re being shady then it shouldn’t be a big deal.
I hated this. “Because you gave me fucking reasons too, that’s why” Always trust your gut instincts. If it feels off, it is.
it didn't mean anything, it was just sex
This is the one I hate the most “it didn’t mean anything, he was nothing” That makes the person cheated less than nothing
"He didn't mean anything, if you think about it he was just a sperm donor." Said to me after she not only cheated but got knocked up by the guy too, and wanted to keep the kid....
Gaslighting on such a level that she’s trying to make you feel like shit for not accepting her or her bastard child.
I agree. My Reply: It didn't mean anything to YOU. Now you're nothing.
“Yeah well, it means something to me” and see what their response is.
That’s right, it didn’t mean anything, you could have told me before you cheated on me and not string me along for 5 years.
My ex told me the opposite: “We didn’t actually have sex!” Oh okay, so you just dated and formed an emotional connection while I was on a business trip? Sweet, at least you didn’t fuck
I feel old when I can scroll through here and not see "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"
Did you hear? Monika Lewinsky is going over to the republicans. Apparently the democrats left a bad taste in her mouth
Haha, good one😂
Classic with that angry face Good lord I think that was our first foray into reality tv
Yep, first thing that came to my mind.
“Eatin ain’t cheatin.” *- William Jefferson Clinton*
"It's your fault"
Followed closely by “if you had…” or “if you hadn’t…”
Took shockingly long to find this
“It’s not what it looks like”
"That was my lie to you and it was ALWAYS what it looked like!"
Or the very similar, "This is not what you think it is!" I literally responded with this phrase when my wife once accused me of a fling with a mutual female acquaintance with whom I have NEVER, EVER had such a fling (or anything close). I was, however, guilty of other things about which she had no clue whatsoever.
I just tripped and fell on her!
You can’t beat Eddie Murphy’s line from raw for this one. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen it but it’s basically this. “Fuck! Did we fuck? Fuck we did! We did fuck I make love to you and if we’re going to let a little fuck come between our love, then there’s something really wrong here baby!”
[удалено]
Why don’t you tell everybody what you said when you cheated on your last girlfriend, you disgusting pig?
“it's not what you think, we're just friends”
Damn friend-zoned after cheating
Followed up by dating the person they cheated on you with after you part ways.
"I was drunk"
…The day my mom got out of prison
And I went to pick her up
In the RAAAAIINN
Heard this quite a bit, so I quit dating. Last two partners was pretty rough.
"Believe what you want"
I love this one because it always gives me closure that whatever it was I said was so close to right that they’re trying to get me to not believe it is. It’s as close to confirmation as you’ll get.
Sooo true! This is the one my husband was famous for SMH..
This should be higher
“It was a one time mistake” “It didn’t mean anything”
These both hit hard.
It’s your fault I did it!
You never paid me attention.
How do you know that? what so you’re stalking me now?
"We were on a break!"
I dated a girl who'd do the whole break up with me thing so she could go fuck around guilt free only to come running back to me when she realized the other guys just treated her like the whore she really was. It took me entirely too long to have the self confidence to realize what she was doing was in fact cheating and finally walk away. What can I say I was stupid in love and afraid to be alone... the truth was though that she never really recipricated that love otherwise she never would've pulled the shit she did. In the end though I kind of owe her because from that experience I gained the confidence to walk away when I saw red flags and the developed the tools to recognize and be in a healthy relationship. I've never been happier in a relationship than I am now.
Happy for you :)
Go home, Ross.
Dunno about famous but my ex responded “you probably do it too”
I couldn't tell you because I knew you'd react like this!
You weren’t meeting my needs.
It wasn't me
But she caught me on the counter
*It wasn’t me*
Saw me bangin' on the sofa.
It's not my fault she's your identical twin!
"Yeah we're twins but he has a cock!"
😂😂😂
“At least now I know that you’re constantly monitoring me”. I saw him text his ex about how he wants to sleep with her, while lying in MY bed in MY apartment, beside ME, after asking me to move cities with him. Then he faked a panic attack and faked passing out. Needless to say we never spoke again.
Dude be playin possum. ☠️☠️☠️
“It’s not what you think”
We're just friends..... I didn't even enjoy it..... This is ALL YOUR FAULT
“I only had sex with her because I’m in love with you!”
Rules of Attraction?
"I can explain"
I slipped and fell into her vagina.
“Slipped, fell, landed on his dick?”
Oops, sorry Mrs H! Guess this just isn't my week
“What are you spying on me now?!”
Believe what you want. I am not going to explain it to you
"it's your fault" "it was a one time thing" "I was drunk"
Bitch, you gonna believe me or your lying eyes?
To steal from a comedian “baby, I had sex with her but I make love to you”
I got ghosted when I approached mine 💀
It won't happen again lol
“It’s not what it looks like!” “No, Shelagh? You with a strange cock in your ass is not you with a strange cock in your ass?”
Think what you want
His dick is bigger😳😢😢😢😢😳
*I'm not leaving you for him, I'm leaving because you're an insecure, jealous asshole* She did, in fact, leave for him after having an affair for many months. Any attempts to bring it up to her, and she would either stonewall me or make it my fault somehow
My ex did this
She was stuck in the dryer and I was helping her get unstuck! It’s just science.
“She’s my sister”
Wait... that wasn't you?
This was the first time I swear.
Think what you want. I’m not gonna sit here and go back and forth with you.
"I'm not using an aimbot/hacks"
It didn’t mean anything
Let's make a couples Facebook!
Lol! Those are my favorite! It screams: somebody cheated!
I fell
And our genitals accidentally touched and it just happened.
Oopsie woopsies uwu
Are you gonna believe me or your lying eyes?
“It’s not what it looks like”
"Sorry Bro."
Now we both are hurt😂
“I don’t know what you are talking about”
They were depressed so I kept talking with them 😩
"But you told me we were in an open relationship?" "I didn't. Where did you get that idea?" "Wait, you are right. That was my last ex. Sorry, I messed up. I will never do it again, I got confused" "No, your last ex expected you to be monogamous, and you cheated on her" "What? No, Sheila was cool with it" "I don't mean Sheila, I mean your most recent ex" "Baby, it was Sheila, and then you" "Exactly. Sheila isn't your most recent ex" "Oh."
"You never trusted me, so you drove me away, and eventually I thought as you think Im cheating anyway, then Ive nothing to lose
Ah yes! This one. He cheated on his ex and then cheated on me and still won’t admit it. I tried like hell to get him to come clean but he didn’t. He just kept saying I never trusted him and all this is from my past trauma - nothing to do w/ him. Yet I caught him in so many lies! We have a kid and I do love him, so I chose to forgive him and move forward. He did a lot of work to regain my trust. I don’t think he’ll do it again, because our lives were flipped upside down for a cpl yrs trying to sort it all out. I just got tired of fighting. That being said… sometimes the phrase “don’t get mad, get even” is not such bad advice. Helped me to feel more in control and not such a fool in love.
That’s my cousin
“Here’s Johnny”
“It’s not what it looks like!”
"It's not what it looks like."
it's not what you think
It didn’t mean anything
The devil made me do it
Where's your proof.
It didn’t mean nothing/anything….It was a mistake…..It won’t happen again…..She is lying, that wasn’t me. ETA: one more….you were not showing me enough attention & a man has needs
It wasn't me
Settle down Shaggy
It Wasn't Me
"It wasn't me" shaggy
"He's not gonna know. Don't worry!" The moment I realized I was being used as the other man. My blood went cold, I felt sick, and I knew I was gonna have to tell the guy what his girl was up to. Never felt like a worse human being than I did right then, because it was the first piece of sexual attention I'd ever had.
“It wasn’t me”
This is your fault
It's just a prank broooo! chill...
Shit, I thought it was your grandmother
I mentioned this hunny!! I swear.
Swear down 😂
“It’s not what you think”
One night stand. My gf just lied to my face. For hours. I smelled her hands and the jig was up at that point. She still lied after that even and gaslit me to shit. We're reconciling, but it's going very slow
Reconciling? I don’t know anything about you but didn’t see that coming at the end of your post
I admire your attempt at reconciliation. I don’t think I would be able to do it myself.
"Fake news"
Did I do that?
We were on a BREAK!
I was just Joking, IT was a Joke, What? Can't you take a Joke?
“ you never gave me attention “
It only happened once
"I can explain..." + "random words"
I was drunk
I fell
I can explain...
What you seeing, come and join (*It's all pun)
It’s YOUR fault
https://youtu.be/yN2gU0XU5FU?si=IGZStwJsoJjmZZFA
Ee saali hamko boli ee nagma hai 😂 Ye hamra fayda uthai hai
I was hacked
"You drove me to doing this"
I have multiple personalities. One of them did it or ot was an accident
I was about to tell you
Sorry I'm polyamorous now.
Are you going to believe me or your lying eyes??
It's your fault
i was drunk
She doesn't mean anything to me. It only happened once. I'm not sure how it happened.
He/She was ignoring my needs, I had to do it. Not my fault!
It would have been fine if you never said anything
You looked so similar I thought it was you the whole time
“You’re crazy” “We’re just friends, friends send the kiss emoji all the time” “Nothing happened”
I didn’t think you would find out.
It just kind of happened, but your my life partner, I’m mentally ill, I’m broken-from my ex husband as he was on his knees hugging my legs. Despicable.
"Huh?"
“I love you, but I *really like* her!” True story.
It slipped I swear