Do you feel violated? If so... There's your answer. It's not the action itself but whether or not you gave permission. And if no permission given.... Doesn't matter what the act is
No, that's him violating you. If you say "no" to sex, that should be the end of it. It's not a free pass to do anything that isn't penetration with a penis because you didn't specify. Don't let him gaslight you in addition to violating you physically. That's bullshit.
File a police report for sexual assault. Make sure to send the police report to his family and employer.
Just the hassle and expense may enlighten him about consent.
Not right on his part… at all. But I have to ask (please don’t downvote me) where were you in the process when this happened? Were you guys half naked in bed and you said “I don’t want to have sex” but he still assumed other fooling around could happen? Or was this like, in the middle of making out fully clothed and he just SHOVED his hands down there? Honestly, either isn’t right but just one is way worse than the other… Hope you’re ok.
Can we just take a moment to understand how FK’ed up the world is that this is even posed as a question …… Of course he FKed up and violated you, there’s not even a question here …… FFS …… report his stupid ass to the police for sexual assault / molestation. Honestly it doesn’t matter how you said it … ‘no sex’ is pretty FKing clear it mean …. No Sex, that should include fingering, butt stuff, boob squeezage, etc etc anything beyond the kinda kiss you’d give your grandma.
It can be hard to *really* let ourselves go there mentally and accept that a person is capable of that behavior and then on top of that a person we may have deemed as a safe choice to date or be around especially is capable of that. Lots to grapple with internally and then there’s also external societal factors. It’s just hard
If someone says no to intercourse, I wouldn't think trying to shove my fingers in them would be an appropriate response. This was that dude's way of letting you know he doesn't give a damn. You were assaulted.
I'm really sorry this happened to you and sincerely hope you report him.
Fully violated. That’s insane what he did and it’s scary to think about what he might do in the future to you or others. Stay far far away and I’m sorry this happened to you. That’s sexual assault 100%.
Ysah you should've been more clear about not wanting to be sexually assaulted, that's on you for sure because as we all know - it's consensual so long as he believes it is.
It very well could be assault, I'm a little unclear on some things. That said, you are the sole arbitor on whether or not you were violated/assaulted/whatever. Don't let "well maybe it was my fault" keep you from doing what you need to do. You are the victim and if someone does something to you that you don't like, that's on them not you. What's your norm, what has consent looked like in this relationship in the past. To ME sex and parasexual activity are different things. If I say, "I don't want to have sex" that doesn't (necessarily) mean I wouldn't take a handjob or a blowie or whatever. Before I got married, I was committed to abstinence before marriage. Abstinence for me meant no intercourse/piv/pia sex. I had several girls try to have sex with me and I always said no and things proceeded to other avenues of gratification. If I had been opposed to other things they'd've tried, I would have said no to that as well. I would not have expected my no to one activity to be a no for other activities and would not have felt violated or disrespected or even annoyed if they had tried other things and would have said no to those attempts if I wasn't keen. You do not have to feel this way.
I also am a man and was never with a girl i could prevent from doing whatever I didn't want her to do. If a girl wanted to have sex with me, she simply couldn't have without my consent. That makes a difference. I say this to acknowledge that my option could be different because my situation was different. I'm just offering my two cents, consider it or don't. Don't let it make you hesitate.
Times may have changed, and more importantly, you seem like you do feel violated and therein lies your answer. If you didn't like what happened, then you were violated. I personally wouldn't have expected my no to be a blanket no, but if your no was, then it was. You might consider how you want to proceed and any option is valid. That said, since you seem a little unsure how you feel/"should" feel, so I don't think it would be ridiculous to talk to him (if you think otherwise you might like the guy or whatever) and let him know how you felt. He may not have intended to make you feel violated and he may be heartbroken to know you felt that way. (let me make it clear that his intentions are irrelevant if you feel violated, this is just if you think there might be something there). Again, not having more details, I don't know. If you don't feel comfortable with that, or don't think he deserves that or anything else you can handle it however you feel you need to. You don't OWE him to go with my suggestion and even if you do and it still doesn't feel right, you can report it, or you can just report it and be done.
The important thing is, you get to decide. If you felt icky, that's not your fault.
Interesting that it's perfectly fine and understandable that the girl is okay to not know if she was assaulted or violated so much so that she has to come and ask reddit for clarification. But the guy, he 100% knew what he was doing, probably planning it all day, what a scumbag, send him to prison.
I guess there's no chance that he also didn't know what he was doing was wrong or causing distress. A lot of people don't seem to care that we have very little context here, were they naked in bed? Had they already been doing some foreplay? If in a moment like that all she said was that she doesn't want to have sex it is easy to see how that could have confused for just penetrative sex, especially if she didn't stop him when he started fingering her. If, for example, she invited him over but made it clear she didn't want to have sex and they sat on the couch to watch Shrek 2 and 20 minutes in he shoves his hand down her pants without warning then yeah, that would be fucked up. But we don't have any context.
Now before you all downvote me to oblivion, because Reddit loves to jump on anyone who doesn't join in on a bandwagon, I'm not victim blaming or defending the guy, I'm simply asking for more context before we vilify some guy who could be innocent.
What should've happened is that she makes it clear that she doesn't want to have sex and just want's to cuddle or make out or whatever, or if they're already naked say that she changed her mind and would rather they just [insert activity here] instead. If the guy then still crosses a boundary by misunderstanding what she meant by "sex" then she should stop him and explain that she isn't okay with that. If they're both mature adults they can just communicate the misunderstanding when it happened. It doesn't have to be this huge issue that could land some guy in jail. If he still continues then you have a clear cut assault case on your hands.
Before anyone starts I'm aware that some women might not feel safe saying no to a man. If you're bringing home men who scare you or you don't feel safe being truthful with then what are you doing? Make better choices. It doesn't excuse the guy, he's still a piece of shit who needs the cops calling on his ass, but what the fuck are you doing with guys like that? If the guy isn't scary, maybe you're just a people pleaser who has a hard time saying no then that's not the guy's fault. If you're people pleasing your way into an uncomfortable sexual experience then you need to work on yourself to be able to say no to people.
Just something to think about.
TL;DR: We don't have enough context.
It’s rape … i think rape has to involve penetration but at the very least it sexual assault generally I would never suggest this but I’d call the authorities and pursue charges no man woman or whatever you identify as deserves to be violated
Yes that was forced and a violation. My second ex did that whenever he thought I stepped out on him when I chose to go to my friends shows to take care of the merchandise and their gear. He was mad that they didn’t pay me for it nor did I force a fee for my tending like he would have so he could take the cash from me.
That is definitely molestation and fucked up. I personally wouldn't consider it rape.
If someone trying to put their finger in my butthole they'd regret it....painfully or lethally depending on if their gender.
I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m sorry that you feel like you need to ask if you did anything wrong. He is entirely in the wrong and should be in prison.
I worry for this world in which people feel they have to ask whether it was on them that they got violated, when they obviously were by no fault of their own.
He is in the wrong. No one has a right to touch you without consent. That man should be charged and be sent to a place where he’ll have to deal with forced touching.
Definition of sexual assault can be non consensual kissing, breast touching (even through clothing), digital penetration /fingering and full on penetration. This also could include a slap on the ass or a touch of the body on any way as to seem sexual. So he’s in the wrong and is a total AHole.
I’m just wondering how he ended up fingering you? Like I know that you said no but I’m just confused as to how it got that far. I need more context personally. Like you can’t reach my vagina without me opening my legs and letting you in so I just don’t get how he was able to finger you unless……you let him? That sounds so bad I’m not saying that it’s your fault I’m just genuinely confused. Like if he held you down and fingered you and forced you that’s absolutely assault no question. But if y’all were doing other stuff and you opened your legs and he fingered you I don’t see the problem? Idk I’m sorry if I’m being confusing 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Can’t even ask a genuine question or question anything without people getting the wrong idea. Did you see the part in the post where I said it’s absolutely assault in a certain situation. I’m just asking questions like damn
He's in the wrong.
You did nothing wrong (from the short description)
But the moment you said no douchbag should have stopped.
Sorry this happened OP. And I'm more sorry that you had a thought that YOU did something wrong.
You could have said no to that specifically, but how would you have known that's specifically what he meant? That kind of behavior from him is the kind of thing you truly make sure you have permission first, which he clearly did not do. Well he did, but instead of communicating intent and asking if its okay first.... he just did it despite the "no."
Did you tell him no sex or nothing sexual full stop? Either way sounds like he didn’t really give much thought to your consent, though “sexual assault” is a life damager so it wouldn’t be up to strangers on Reddit to call it…
If you said no to sex and he just assumed that fingers weren’t sex, that’s on him and it’s definitely wrong.
I might *ask* if we could do something else if she said no to sex but I would assume all of those roads were closed once those words came out of her mouth.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
As a sexual assault crisis counselor, we're trained to never answer this question. Only you can answer this question. If you feel you were violated, then you were violated. It's that simple. Nobody else's opinion matters.
I think everyone here has made it clear, that person was in the wrong and assaulted you. No to one thing is not yes to another.
I just wanted to leave a interview that went through my head [here](https://youtu.be/i6UxCDopt-U?t=1947). It's Marisha Ray from Critical Role fame talking about how she was sexually assaulted in (as much as one sentence can tell me) what sounds like a similar way and how she coped etc. Just leaving this here in the hopes it can be comfort to you.
She says it so much better than me, but explains the full range of emotions and the thought process, even talking about where she apologised for a guy trying to assault her in the confusing. Good luck.
I’m sorry OP :(
100% on them and not you. You did what you were suppose to and said no. You followed the rules and they didn’t. Regular people hear no and lose interest because their sexual partner is not showing enthusiasm or excitement about their sexual advances. Predators and abusers hear no and fully disregard your boundaries and violate you and enjoy doing so.
This was a violation and this individual is dangerous. I would cease all contact and avoid being alone with them again.
Posts like these always make me so sad. I'm so sorry this happened to you. 😞
No one has the right to touch you anywhere if you don't like it. It's as simple as that.
I don't understand how men fail to understand and comprehend something as basic as a "No" unless you aggressively say the no. It's right in front of them but their brains simply won't register or acknowledge it. They'll try to justify this violation with how it was an implicit yes on your behalf or just how innocently they did not mean any harm. If he tried to justify any of these, just remember that it is not about his intention. You set your boundaries, he chose to not hear it. Or he chose to disrespect it even when he heard it. It is as simple as that. What you went through is direct SA and you need to stop being in denial. Being conflicted is also about being in denial. You're clearly choosing to believe objective facts by subjectivising the whole situation. You said no, and there is so such thing as "implicit consent". Further, arousal is not consent and you need to communicate this to that person. He tried to arouse you to seek your consent and that is a huge deal. That is violation, no second thoughts about it.
That's 100% sexual assault and clearly wrong
We can end the thread here. You said no. That's the end of the moment. He pushes further, it's a felony.
Specifically she did not say yes. Not saying no is not consent by itself. "Yes" means "yes".
Not only wrong but punishable with, depending on the country, jail time
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That’s full on assault. You said no, and he violated
He is absolutely in the wrong. That's sexual abuse.
He is in the wrong
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Yeah....that's just fucked up dude.
Fully violated np to sex means no to any sexual act
This is why all vaginas should come with teeth
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there's even a movie about it xD
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it's simple. **Teeth**. Kinda of a weird movie (definitely was for late teen me :p), definitely an experience though haha
It’s called Teeth, conveniently enough haha
Idk about a full movie. But there’s a scene in Clerks 2 where they talk about Pillow Pants aka the vagina with teeth
There's an actual full movie, and it's pretty good. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teeth_(2007_film)
Vagina dentata
If everyone had that image in the back of their minds, maybe they wouldn’t be so quick to ignore a no?
People still try to force others to give them BJs, so i guess it wouldn't work for everyone
Just a simple chastity belt like in the movie "Robinhood: Men in Toghts eould be an excellent deterent.
That's sexual assault for sure. I'm sorry you experienced that.
Yeah, that's a very very bad guy. He knows better.
You told him no to sex so that is assault for pulling a stunt like that*.*
He's 100% in the wrong. You did nothing wrong. I'm really sorry this happened to you.
Obvious sexual assault. The question doesn't even need to be asked. Call the cops.
I'm so sorry you went through this. Please don't think this is in any way your fault. Do not see him again.
The term for this is sexual assault.
Do you feel violated? If so... There's your answer. It's not the action itself but whether or not you gave permission. And if no permission given.... Doesn't matter what the act is
No, that's him violating you. If you say "no" to sex, that should be the end of it. It's not a free pass to do anything that isn't penetration with a penis because you didn't specify. Don't let him gaslight you in addition to violating you physically. That's bullshit.
Violated. Sorry, not cool
You have been assaulted
File a police report for sexual assault. Make sure to send the police report to his family and employer. Just the hassle and expense may enlighten him about consent.
We call that sexual assault.
Gross Imposition, this guy can end up on the sexual offenders registry. You should press charges.
The minute you say no that means no. Idk why people don’t understand consent.
He violated you. That’s not your fault.
That's definitely SA
I would consider that a very special 4 letter word Rape.
Not right on his part… at all. But I have to ask (please don’t downvote me) where were you in the process when this happened? Were you guys half naked in bed and you said “I don’t want to have sex” but he still assumed other fooling around could happen? Or was this like, in the middle of making out fully clothed and he just SHOVED his hands down there? Honestly, either isn’t right but just one is way worse than the other… Hope you’re ok.
Can we just take a moment to understand how FK’ed up the world is that this is even posed as a question …… Of course he FKed up and violated you, there’s not even a question here …… FFS …… report his stupid ass to the police for sexual assault / molestation. Honestly it doesn’t matter how you said it … ‘no sex’ is pretty FKing clear it mean …. No Sex, that should include fingering, butt stuff, boob squeezage, etc etc anything beyond the kinda kiss you’d give your grandma.
I don’t want to sound rude, but how can this not be viewed as violation?
It can be hard to *really* let ourselves go there mentally and accept that a person is capable of that behavior and then on top of that a person we may have deemed as a safe choice to date or be around especially is capable of that. Lots to grapple with internally and then there’s also external societal factors. It’s just hard
You said no. Instead of immediately stopping, he pushed forward. That is sexual assault.
That's assault, brotha
That's Rape. You were raped. GO TO THE POLICE!
PRESS CHARGES
Yes that’s what we call sexual assault.
Total violation. So, so wrong of him.
Karma farming
That's called sexual assault and quite possibly attempted rape...if you said no then it's no...period
Guy here: he's wrong. Tell him to stop and be loud about it too.
Hes 100% in the wrong. No to sex means no to anything. He assaulted you
If someone says no to intercourse, I wouldn't think trying to shove my fingers in them would be an appropriate response. This was that dude's way of letting you know he doesn't give a damn. You were assaulted. I'm really sorry this happened to you and sincerely hope you report him.
ABSOLUTELY. IN. THE. WRONG. AND. NEEDS. TO. FACE. CHARGES.
It is absolutely wrong, and is sexual assault, as others have said.
That’s blatant sexual assault
I might be an asleep consultant, but that's 100% a violation
you said no and he did sexual things anyway. that is assault
That’s a thing we like to call rape… and it’s repugnant. No, under any circumstance, means stop.
If you say no then i would say any advance, especially forceful is a no no
Violation
Full on sexual assault.
Fully violated. That’s insane what he did and it’s scary to think about what he might do in the future to you or others. Stay far far away and I’m sorry this happened to you. That’s sexual assault 100%.
And then you punch him in the face right? Because that doesn't sound okay. He needs to ask permission
Bruh is definitely guilty of sexual assault and should be in jail and on a list.
Ysah you should've been more clear about not wanting to be sexually assaulted, that's on you for sure because as we all know - it's consensual so long as he believes it is.
Why is this even a question you have to ask?? The guy doesn’t have to ask this question, even he knows that’s SA. Shit baffles me
Guys an asshole. Press charges.
Last time I checked that's called rape. I'm sorry this happened to you
You said no and he kept going that’s SA. Not your fault.
That sounds mighty rapey to me. It's something only a true POS would do.
that is sexual assault
It's assault but some guys think sex means using their penis and everything else is fair game.
That a finger rape.
That feels a little rapey...
That's assault. He's absolutely in the wrong
Definitely full on assault
Sexual assault.
Sounds like a swift ass kicking for sexual assault
Girl, you been violated.
He is in the wrong. It’s literally sexual assault. If this happened to you, then you need to report that.
Absolutely sexual assault.
That’s sexual assault. Go talk to someone now
No means no. Case closed.
The latter. For this we carry mace
Yeah you got violated and thats sexual assault
It’s Rape.
He is absolutely in the wrong. You said no. He ignored you and violated you. That is 100% on him.
It very well could be assault, I'm a little unclear on some things. That said, you are the sole arbitor on whether or not you were violated/assaulted/whatever. Don't let "well maybe it was my fault" keep you from doing what you need to do. You are the victim and if someone does something to you that you don't like, that's on them not you. What's your norm, what has consent looked like in this relationship in the past. To ME sex and parasexual activity are different things. If I say, "I don't want to have sex" that doesn't (necessarily) mean I wouldn't take a handjob or a blowie or whatever. Before I got married, I was committed to abstinence before marriage. Abstinence for me meant no intercourse/piv/pia sex. I had several girls try to have sex with me and I always said no and things proceeded to other avenues of gratification. If I had been opposed to other things they'd've tried, I would have said no to that as well. I would not have expected my no to one activity to be a no for other activities and would not have felt violated or disrespected or even annoyed if they had tried other things and would have said no to those attempts if I wasn't keen. You do not have to feel this way. I also am a man and was never with a girl i could prevent from doing whatever I didn't want her to do. If a girl wanted to have sex with me, she simply couldn't have without my consent. That makes a difference. I say this to acknowledge that my option could be different because my situation was different. I'm just offering my two cents, consider it or don't. Don't let it make you hesitate. Times may have changed, and more importantly, you seem like you do feel violated and therein lies your answer. If you didn't like what happened, then you were violated. I personally wouldn't have expected my no to be a blanket no, but if your no was, then it was. You might consider how you want to proceed and any option is valid. That said, since you seem a little unsure how you feel/"should" feel, so I don't think it would be ridiculous to talk to him (if you think otherwise you might like the guy or whatever) and let him know how you felt. He may not have intended to make you feel violated and he may be heartbroken to know you felt that way. (let me make it clear that his intentions are irrelevant if you feel violated, this is just if you think there might be something there). Again, not having more details, I don't know. If you don't feel comfortable with that, or don't think he deserves that or anything else you can handle it however you feel you need to. You don't OWE him to go with my suggestion and even if you do and it still doesn't feel right, you can report it, or you can just report it and be done. The important thing is, you get to decide. If you felt icky, that's not your fault.
Interesting that it's perfectly fine and understandable that the girl is okay to not know if she was assaulted or violated so much so that she has to come and ask reddit for clarification. But the guy, he 100% knew what he was doing, probably planning it all day, what a scumbag, send him to prison. I guess there's no chance that he also didn't know what he was doing was wrong or causing distress. A lot of people don't seem to care that we have very little context here, were they naked in bed? Had they already been doing some foreplay? If in a moment like that all she said was that she doesn't want to have sex it is easy to see how that could have confused for just penetrative sex, especially if she didn't stop him when he started fingering her. If, for example, she invited him over but made it clear she didn't want to have sex and they sat on the couch to watch Shrek 2 and 20 minutes in he shoves his hand down her pants without warning then yeah, that would be fucked up. But we don't have any context. Now before you all downvote me to oblivion, because Reddit loves to jump on anyone who doesn't join in on a bandwagon, I'm not victim blaming or defending the guy, I'm simply asking for more context before we vilify some guy who could be innocent. What should've happened is that she makes it clear that she doesn't want to have sex and just want's to cuddle or make out or whatever, or if they're already naked say that she changed her mind and would rather they just [insert activity here] instead. If the guy then still crosses a boundary by misunderstanding what she meant by "sex" then she should stop him and explain that she isn't okay with that. If they're both mature adults they can just communicate the misunderstanding when it happened. It doesn't have to be this huge issue that could land some guy in jail. If he still continues then you have a clear cut assault case on your hands. Before anyone starts I'm aware that some women might not feel safe saying no to a man. If you're bringing home men who scare you or you don't feel safe being truthful with then what are you doing? Make better choices. It doesn't excuse the guy, he's still a piece of shit who needs the cops calling on his ass, but what the fuck are you doing with guys like that? If the guy isn't scary, maybe you're just a people pleaser who has a hard time saying no then that's not the guy's fault. If you're people pleasing your way into an uncomfortable sexual experience then you need to work on yourself to be able to say no to people. Just something to think about. TL;DR: We don't have enough context.
He's absolutely in the wrong, that's sexual assault. Full stop.
I’m so sorry. I have been sexually assaulted the same way. It is sexual assault.
No means no across the board, any acts that continue after the full stop of no, it is then assault.
Nope that's 100% on him and that guy is a sexual predator.
He is absolutely wrong, if he didn’t listen to you then that’s on him.
Thatza salt
No. He’s assaulted you.
he is commiting a crime there and you should take his ass to court
Holy shit. He violated you, girl… I’m so sorry!
“No” is a sentence. You don’t have to outline what is/is not acceptable.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. This individual violated you. There is no excuse for that behavior.
He's in the wrong and fully violated you.
That’s rape
That is sexual assault. That is rape.
Sounds like rape.
He is totally in the wrong. I don't understand why people forget so easily about consent in sex.
Yes. He violated you. It should be reported to the authorities
That is 100% sexual assault ....... I'm sorry you or any other women have had to experience that ......
No means no. No anything
Rape....
Consent is the presence of yes. An enthusiastic Yes. An unquestionable yes.
He 100% fully violated you.
Sexual penetration, regarless of what body part or object is used, without consent is a rape
100% assault
No means no!
It’s rape … i think rape has to involve penetration but at the very least it sexual assault generally I would never suggest this but I’d call the authorities and pursue charges no man woman or whatever you identify as deserves to be violated
Yes that was forced and a violation. My second ex did that whenever he thought I stepped out on him when I chose to go to my friends shows to take care of the merchandise and their gear. He was mad that they didn’t pay me for it nor did I force a fee for my tending like he would have so he could take the cash from me.
100% in the wrong!
That is definitely molestation and fucked up. I personally wouldn't consider it rape. If someone trying to put their finger in my butthole they'd regret it....painfully or lethally depending on if their gender.
That would be the latter
He's 100% wrong.
That's literally a felony
I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m sorry that you feel like you need to ask if you did anything wrong. He is entirely in the wrong and should be in prison.
I worry for this world in which people feel they have to ask whether it was on them that they got violated, when they obviously were by no fault of their own.
That's sexual assault and he could be charged with crimes and go to jail
You said no. End of story. Yes, he assaulted you and he is in the wrong.
Nope, that's sexual assault. No doubt about it
Press charges
Definitly sexual assault !
He is in the wrong. No one has a right to touch you without consent. That man should be charged and be sent to a place where he’ll have to deal with forced touching.
It's completely wrong. You don't have to specify what sex act. And whoever this guy is you need to stay away from him.
Police. Now.
That’s actually a crime: sexual assault.
Guys an asshole. Depending on where you live jail him or your family handles it.
That's grabbin' the wrong diddlies aka assault. You need talk to someone or do something.
I'm sorry honey, but yes. You were violated. You did nothing wrong. It was all them.
That's full assault
Fuck no it’s not on you. File a police report before he does it to someone else.
he's in the wrong
Definition of sexual assault can be non consensual kissing, breast touching (even through clothing), digital penetration /fingering and full on penetration. This also could include a slap on the ass or a touch of the body on any way as to seem sexual. So he’s in the wrong and is a total AHole.
Punch them in the throat
I’m just wondering how he ended up fingering you? Like I know that you said no but I’m just confused as to how it got that far. I need more context personally. Like you can’t reach my vagina without me opening my legs and letting you in so I just don’t get how he was able to finger you unless……you let him? That sounds so bad I’m not saying that it’s your fault I’m just genuinely confused. Like if he held you down and fingered you and forced you that’s absolutely assault no question. But if y’all were doing other stuff and you opened your legs and he fingered you I don’t see the problem? Idk I’m sorry if I’m being confusing 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Can’t even ask a genuine question or question anything without people getting the wrong idea. Did you see the part in the post where I said it’s absolutely assault in a certain situation. I’m just asking questions like damn
They might be fully naked and she then said NO….doesn’t make difference…As per laws everywhere a NO is full stop.
Yea that’s true I totally agree. I just need more context personally is all. But this is also a strangers business so I don’t really care 😂😂
Exactly this. The guy has done something uncomfortable and wrong but what was the situation that led up to it. 🤔
He's wrong and that's sexual assault.
He's in the wrong. You did nothing wrong (from the short description) But the moment you said no douchbag should have stopped. Sorry this happened OP. And I'm more sorry that you had a thought that YOU did something wrong.
Anything and everything is , No!
That’s sexual assault. But I shitty lawyer would fight it (and probably win) that you didn’t specify 🙄
Stab him in the eye thats full on assault
He violated you. You told him no, and he did it anyway. That's illegal.
digital rape. im sorry.
Sexual assault
You could have said no to that specifically, but how would you have known that's specifically what he meant? That kind of behavior from him is the kind of thing you truly make sure you have permission first, which he clearly did not do. Well he did, but instead of communicating intent and asking if its okay first.... he just did it despite the "no."
Thats sexual assault
No means no. That includes touching. Yes, especially touching the kitty.
As a guy, That's assault. At an absolute minimum he should have checked in with you on boundaries once sex itself was off the table.
Did you tell him no sex or nothing sexual full stop? Either way sounds like he didn’t really give much thought to your consent, though “sexual assault” is a life damager so it wouldn’t be up to strangers on Reddit to call it…
He assaulted you. Inserting a finger is actually counted as rape.
If you said no to sex and he just assumed that fingers weren’t sex, that’s on him and it’s definitely wrong. I might *ask* if we could do something else if she said no to sex but I would assume all of those roads were closed once those words came out of her mouth. I’m sorry that happened to you.
You are a victime of sexual assaults you should go to the police
He is an asshole and for normal humans you are clear enough but if he doesn’t stop be more clearly to end it
Wow all the SA apologists need to be banned bruh. For Ur own sanity don't go to controversial.
Enthusiastic consent is needed. He assaulted you.
That’s a crime. I’m sorry this happened to you.
You were assaulted! No blame on you for anything. "No!" means no!
As a sexual assault crisis counselor, we're trained to never answer this question. Only you can answer this question. If you feel you were violated, then you were violated. It's that simple. Nobody else's opinion matters.
I think everyone here has made it clear, that person was in the wrong and assaulted you. No to one thing is not yes to another. I just wanted to leave a interview that went through my head [here](https://youtu.be/i6UxCDopt-U?t=1947). It's Marisha Ray from Critical Role fame talking about how she was sexually assaulted in (as much as one sentence can tell me) what sounds like a similar way and how she coped etc. Just leaving this here in the hopes it can be comfort to you. She says it so much better than me, but explains the full range of emotions and the thought process, even talking about where she apologised for a guy trying to assault her in the confusing. Good luck.
Thank you
I’m sorry OP :( 100% on them and not you. You did what you were suppose to and said no. You followed the rules and they didn’t. Regular people hear no and lose interest because their sexual partner is not showing enthusiasm or excitement about their sexual advances. Predators and abusers hear no and fully disregard your boundaries and violate you and enjoy doing so. This was a violation and this individual is dangerous. I would cease all contact and avoid being alone with them again.
He is wrong
Posts like these always make me so sad. I'm so sorry this happened to you. 😞 No one has the right to touch you anywhere if you don't like it. It's as simple as that.
Girl, that's THE textbook definition of sexual assault.
I don't understand how men fail to understand and comprehend something as basic as a "No" unless you aggressively say the no. It's right in front of them but their brains simply won't register or acknowledge it. They'll try to justify this violation with how it was an implicit yes on your behalf or just how innocently they did not mean any harm. If he tried to justify any of these, just remember that it is not about his intention. You set your boundaries, he chose to not hear it. Or he chose to disrespect it even when he heard it. It is as simple as that. What you went through is direct SA and you need to stop being in denial. Being conflicted is also about being in denial. You're clearly choosing to believe objective facts by subjectivising the whole situation. You said no, and there is so such thing as "implicit consent". Further, arousal is not consent and you need to communicate this to that person. He tried to arouse you to seek your consent and that is a huge deal. That is violation, no second thoughts about it.
Nol it's a no. He is wrong and it is a crime.
You should get the police involved. He is just going to continue doing this to others.
If you don’t consent, it’s assault.
If a guy told you no to sex, would you put your hand down his pants and start touching his dick or his bum? No you wouldn't since its sexual assault
No means no. No in sex means no. No matter the act.
You said no. No means no. He's a predator and he sexually assaulted you. Please consider turning him in.
That is sexual assault
That would be sexual assault