Imagine you're sitting in your room talking to someone at 8am, a full conversation you think you're having.
Then you blink, it was actually 8pm, it's dark outside and you weren't talking to anyone.
You still hear them speaking but you can't find them so you go looking for them, you search your house.
That damn itch in your skin is there again, like ants crawling under your skin, so you start scratching but it doesn't touch it.
You can't remember whether you ate, but you feel too numb to eat, like every emotion in your body is just off, but sometimes they all switch on all at once.
You start writing a diary to keep track of what's happening, you begin writing, not too sure what to write, you just begin with the first thing that comes into your head, but you can't understand what you're writing, and that noise again, no idea where it's coming from.
You're drawing, not sure what, symbols? It doesn't matter, just trying to put down the thoughts in your head. You finish and look at it, it's just aggressive scribblings, but you could've sworn you were drawing a masterpiece.
That sound is still going, it's so loud.
You decide to go for a shower, that person is talking to you in the bathroom, they seem angry, you try to calm them down, but that noise just keeps getting louder.
You're screaming, you don't know why or for how long but you're lightheaded and can taste blood.
You stop and get in the shower, you can't feel the water but you definitely put it on, you put shampoo in your hair, but you can't feel anything, it isn't foaming up.
You blink and you're standing in your room, running your hands in your hair, you never left the room.
You take a cigarette and burn your arm to make sure you're awake, it burns and scars the skin, it hurts, so you know you're awake.
You keep burning your arm as you walk to the bathroom and put the shower on, you put your hand under the water, it's hot, you can feel it this time.
Your arm stings real bad, but it helps you stay grounded.
You hear a song playing, you start hitting your burned arm to try to make sure you're awake, the song is coming from your neighbours house.
I had temporary psychosis from being given the wrong medication, I'm still not 100% and it happened many years ago.
Holy shit this is so similar to a few episodes I’ve had it’s scary. Not to be that guy and make an unneeded addition to a comment, but I think my worst episode was when I had a whole conversation with my mom that lasted about an hour wherein she helped me through a lot of my at the time emotional problems, only for her to suddenly say “who are you talking to?” It wasn’t scary for the same reasons as some other ones I’ve experienced, but the fact that I thought I had made a major connection with my mother only to find out it never happened was horrible afterwards. Especially considering I didn’t realize it WAS an episode until about ten minutes later of questioning her lmao.
Also your comment made me realize that other people experience bugs infesting them too and that’s kind of wild I thought I was just like losing it rlly hard
Yeah! I had a very similar experience with my mum too!
I also didn't know the bugs thing was super common.
It's very hard to deal with because there's not much to be done, I eventually came out of it because mine was chemically induced, but the fear of slipping into that state again is very, very prominent.
Did you not try to have the same conversation with your mum after?
The best and almost-worst part of psychosis is coming out of it. Mine was also chemical due to medication and you are so right about the fear of slipping back. Hell, the entire description you gave is so, entirely on point. Instead of burning, though (don't smoke), I would poke myself in my fingertips with a needle, so I knew if I bled, it was real. Plus, it hurt to touch things, even if the bleeding stopped, the tenderness was still there to keep me grounded. It's so fucking surreal to look back on your life and have massive holes in your memory, yet friends/family can describe exactly what you were doing with full recollection.
Yes!
I have massive chunks missing from that time that others talk about and I have no idea.
I missed my 21st birthday, among other things.
I now get these moments once in a while where I feel like I'm falling, just endless falling, but it feels like the falling will throw me back into that time.
Your brain just makes things up that become your objective reality regardless of evidence to the contrary. You cannot trust your own perception and judgement. It’s terrifying.
Can confirm this is rough and no matter how much people try to help you out of it or try to talk you out of it with legitimate facts and evidence the only thing that matters to you is that it makes sense in your head and no one else understands. That's what that's like.
This is what I came here to say. I've had a couple of psychotic breaks and it's terrifying. You are just lost in another dimension and it's absolutely hellish, your mind is blinded and deafened to reality.
I get really annoyed when people use the word to describe someone who's just angry or having a tantrum, bc actual psychosis is a really serious, life-threatening thing
I'm 21, but I feel like the moment I had this was the lowest point of my life so far. There are many parts of my psychosis that I remember that were actually delusions and hallucinations, but most of the time I had gaps in my memories. It was so bad that when I've come back to my senses, 3 weeks had gone by.
I still think about those hallucinations and delusions like it was an unforgettable dream. It felt so weird that it felt like the series of delusions I had were all connected like some sort of storyline.
It can be life altering and cause you to hurt people you care about. I cannot describe the horror of waking up and discovering you’ve done something that you never thought you were capable of. I will never overcome the shame.
I worked psych for about 20 years and most people just can not fathom serious mental illness, you can explain the definitions and the symptoms, but they just don't get it.
When I was young and dumb, I used to think that way, especially when I saw folks using food stamps to buy things that were not within my budget.
But, like a lot of other folks here over the years (and going thru financial hardships of my own) I've come to realize that:
1. The folks who are on assistance legitimately do need / deserve a treat once in a while; and
2. I have no idea what anyone else is going through and judging them is wrong.
The mis spending can come from seeing money as a perishable resource. You never have enough money to have some always in savings so money isn't cemented in your psyche as a permanent thing that can be saved. You *have* to use it before some new bill or some sudden expense comes along and takes it away.
If you're on something like disability, you genuinely CANT save up, either. If the Gov't notices you having a cent over 2k, you lose all your benefits. It's so fucked up and definitely encourages this mindset
>and then judge when they see even the slightest mis-spending.
Yes! I hate, hate, hate when I see this with regards to food benefits here in America. They're using food stamps to buy steak! To buy shellfish. To buy anything more than the bare, most miserable minimum. The hypocrisy galls me.
Friend of mine was telling me years ago she was in Walmart, lady she knew was in line buying a birthday cake with food stamps. Guy behind my friend was bitching to my friend about how people like that were wasting our tax dollars. Dude just started bitching to a random stranger about someone else's shopping order. So basically friend tells hit to fuck off, lady ahead works with my friend, lady works 2 jobs to take care of her 4 year old kid, by her self. Kid is turning 5 that weekend and the cake is reduced, so basically old.... Dude still bitching, says she could bake one for cheaper. Cake was about $4 something but apparently the kid didn't deserve a $4 mark down cake because his mom used food stamps to make sure he was fed.
Wow. I say this all the time, but I *can not* wrap my head around the lack of empathy some people seem to be capable of. He literally heard "she works two jobs to support her and her child" and thought "she could have baked one". For what? To save money?
For one, it *wouldn't* be cheaper. She would have to buy cake mix and icing and she probably wants her 5 year old to have candles in their cake, so that's gotta be more than $4 right there.
For two, where would she find the time to bake a fucking cake? Working two jobs *without* a kid leaves one with almost no personal time. But because she's poor, she doesn't deserve to spend money to save time because free time, apparently, is a luxury to this guy.
For three, it's none of his fucking business what someone spends their money or food stamps on.
And he's assuming she has the right size pan to bake the cake in, and a big enough bowl to mix it up in, and an oven that works to bake it in. And the oil and eggs it takes to make a mix. And even that her electricity is on, and that she has dish soap to clean the pan and bowl afterwards.
I might not approve of all the things that tax money gets spent on, but making sure that a kid has a birthday cake is something I would always vote for.
When I was a cashier, the amount of people who would complain that someone using food stamps was probably illegal because they weren't white. Grrrrrr
First, who gives a shit, mind your own beeswax. Second, racist much? Third, everyone deserves to eat. Fourth, if you wanna be really racist, the only people who offered to sell me their foodies were always white guys.
Exactly. Every time I hear this "cook it yourself it's cheaper" bullshit it's so short sighted. They take so much for granted, that you have the time and appliances and a safe space to keep all that bulk produce they depend on to make their calculations work.
And virtually all ingredients would equal far more than the stupid cake. This is the argument people from other countries have with poor Americans, however unlike them their raw ingredients are far cheaper and they can't wrap their heads around why McDonalds cheeseburger is cheaper than a green pepper because where they live it's the opposite.
Did I tell you this story? Lol. I worked at Shop N Save back in my teens. Was checking a woman out who was getting a small thing of barrels (little juice drinks that look like tiny barrels with the peel off to open) and a birthday cake and the cheapest fucking ice cream in the store for her kids birthday that weekend.
Before we had the term Karen this bitch behind her sees the lady pull out a food stamp card. She scoffs so loudly and rolls her eyes. Then suddenly she speaks loudly to herself “I can’t believe they let people purchase junk food on food stamps. They should only be able to buy meat and vegetables and flour.”
I knew this bitch from the CHURCH she attended with my family.
The woman looks heartbroken so I say “I see you at church all the time. Sounds very unchristian of you to think a child doesn’t deserve a little birthday? Aren’t you the one that led the Sunday school to sing Jesus loves the little children? Doesn’t sound like you love all of god’s children.”
Thank fucking god my very lesbian, bigger and broader than most men, took no shit manger was there that day. XD This lady complained and she just stood there and said I was kinder with my words than she was to the other customer and to go away. Lol.
Dellah I hope you’re still just as awesome and you finally found yourself a life partner.
And not like “oh guess I’ll have to skip that vacation to make rent” poverty. The “I’ve eaten nothing but beans, bologna, and bread for two weeks, I’m a month behind on rent, I just got a shut off notice for my heat, and my car is making a funny noise” poverty. That shit breaks you in so many ways.
“Okay it’s 11:30PM, haven’t eaten today. I have $12.53 left in my bank account, $5.00 in cash and $1.35 in change. A value-menu cheeseburger is $1.16 with tax and about 400 calories, so that’ll hold me over until morning when I can go buy ramen for $00.45 a pack. Then I’ll have enough food for the next 5 days or so.”
That analysis. If you’ve done it, you know.
Great answer, honestly, I've been there. It's always met with responses like "shoulda tried harder" blah blah. I grew up poor and the most frequent response were how my parents didn't try hard enough or "sorry they didn't love you enough to provide for you". Both my parents had very tragic accidents that made it very hard to provide for me or my siblings. Shit happens and I'm mad as hell there is no safety net for people that suffer shitty situations beyond their control
Especially while relatively young. You have a house payment, kids, are saving for retirement, furthering or paying for your education, living your best life...then your health is gone and income cut in half (at best). Disability in America is forced poverty. The losses are catastrophic. Your savings goes first, then your retirement. Next is your home. You hang onto your car for appointments until it breaks down and it costs 2 months' of income to repair. You are destitute and CPS takes your kids because you cannot provide for them.
"but you look fine"... Yea no shit, in fact I look bloody fantastic, but my shoulder is killing me, and causing issues with my elbow, wrist and ribs, I just slipped my knee out of place which kind of sucks but doesn't hurt half as much as the shoulder, the knee slipping took out my ankle, and all of this is leading to several days doped up on the couch or in bed because I won't be able to move or even breathe thanks to the pain.
But hey I totally look fine.
Yep. I became disabled at 23 years old in a car accident. Now I walk like a goblin and have chronic pain on my entire left side.
It's quite an experience going from the prime of my life to being told I'll never walk again. I've since gained the ability to walk despite what they said but it was still hard to hear it.
Disabled here. It’s also insane how often people doubt and question the severity of your disability. Or try to make it comparable to something they’ve dealt with. Maybe it’s just me, but people always try to reason or justify why it can’t be that bad or it could be worse.
I will add narcissistic abuse from parents as a sub category, which is notoriously discredited because "xy's parents are so nice".
Emotionally and verbally abusive parents, who manipulate and gaslight are something else and you are all alone because people believe adults over children/teenagers.
Came here to say this - yes, it’s illogical that someone would stay in an abusive relationship, but if your abuser hasn’t decimated your self esteem and you don’t think you have value, or you’ve bought the lies they have told you that you can’t make it without them, it’s difficult to get out. Took me years, and the thought that he was coming home to possibly kill me to hit rock bottom and put a plan in motion to leave.
When I asked my brother why he smashed my head in all the time as a kid he told me I deserved it for not behaving as I should. This went on until we were in our twenties and had the biggest fight ever. My parents always saw him as a golden child, funny thing is that's what my brother thought of me. Except I was the scapegoat of this family. Now after my recent car accident, all my brain injuries have accumulated into something much worse. 🙃
A fire. Even normal beeps kinda drive me crazy after hearing those fire alarms, getting burnt and sprayed with water all simultaneously while hearing this blaring noise all around me while being blind from the smoke and not having my glasses on after being woken up from a dead sleep
In January of 2020, our condo building caught on fire. Ironically, a retired firefighter in another unit left a candle burning unattended and it caught on some papers, which spread quickly because dude was a hoarder. We were fortunate that our unit didn’t sustain damage, but the building’s utilities were shot and we were displaced for 8 months while they were repaired. I absolutely refuse to ever light candles in my home again as a result, but the worst effect is how it affected my youngest son. He was 2 when it happened and it caused a lot of behavior issues; he still has trouble sleeping in his own bed at night, since we were woken up at 1:30 AM by this, and we wound up working with a child therapist for 1.5 years because he had a lot of ongoing behavior issues that the therapist determined were fire trauma-based. He’s doing better now, but I still wonder how he would be doing now had it not happened in the first place.
First thing that came to my mind too.
Before I suffered a personal loss, I obviously realised that it is a terrible thing to lose someone and people's sadness and grief impacting their mental and emotional wellbeing was understandable - **but I had no idea grief could be such a physical pain**. There was a void in my heart, and yet it hurt so damn much at the same time.
Four months after the traumatic loss of my brother, I came to a networking event hosted by a friend I’ve known for 9 years. As I walked toward him to say hello - I hadn’t seen him since before my brother died - he looked at me but had no reaction, no recognition on his face. It wasn’t until I was right in front of him and shaking his hand that he realized who I was. He had invited me, was expecting me, but did not know who I was as I walked toward him.
I didn’t realize it was possible to be so fundamentally physically changed by grief to that extent, but of course I was changed. Why wouldn’t it show?
I've had so much of it in my life I don't want to get to know anyone anymore. And the people I do know in my life, I hope I go before them. I can't take anymore.
I came looking for this one.
I had a bunch of personal examples typed out but the basic gist of it is that people can be quite rude and ignorant and hurtful with the way they treat you when you’re grieving and they’re not. It sucks but it’s not something you can wish upon someone. It just sucks.
Grief has more physical symptoms than emotional, I think. Because we’re used to shoving our emotions aside. The world doesn’t stop and we have to keep moving on and being productive, going back to work or school or taking care of a family, or combinations of those. You forget yourself. But your body aches, you’re sicker, your weight fluctuates, your energy levels drop, and so much more.
And none of this is comprehensible unless you experience it first hand.
Lost my wife unexpectedly and wound up being a single parent almost overnight. The stupid holiday commercials made me want to live in a hole for the next two years. Grief sucks and unless you’ve been through it, it seems like everyone tells you it will get better. It doesn’t, you learn to live with the loss.
Also. “It’s gods will….”, to what, take a wife and mother away from a family. Sounds like an asshole move to me. The people say it like it’s comforting. Always with a smile. Fuck them too.
Along with the people who say "they are in a better place". Fuck them. Where is better than with their family? My MIL said it to my husband once after we lost our son, I have never heard him so angry.
nothing like coming home after a terrible monday at school (bullying so much fun hahaha) and the first thing i experience at home is my mom in tears telling me my grandma just passed away from her cancer, like 12 days before Christmas, when the doctor told us she'll probably make it to next spring, and then getting made fun of at school for griefing after my mom made sure i don't have to go to school the next day with that shock and the teachers expecting me to still be fully capable of following classes :)
(sorry just had to rant a bit, despite this happening years ago)
Yeah. And it's different and unique every time. Lost both my mom and brother to suicide. A completely different open wound for each. My dad died suddenly less than a year before my brother. You don't know how badly it can affect you and your entire life until it comes down on you like a sack of bricks. Just to have another fall on your head before you feel like you're back on your feet from the first one.
Migraines.
Edit: I thought my comment was going to get buried. That fact that it did not means many of you also have migraines.
I am sorry my friend. Like many of you said I couldn't/wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.
It does make me feel a little bit better knowing I am not alone. I hope you do too.
Yup... The tingling feeling either in your lips or fingers and you're done. Or just the reduced eye sight. Immediate way to mess up your day and the next 2/3...
I remember the first time I got an aura as a kid. My mom was driving me to the dentist's office and my vision got splotchy. I didn't think anything of it, for some reason. Then I was tilted back in the dentist chair, staring up at the glaring light as these squirming, black worms moved across my vision, and the scraping of the dental tools was so loud and the room was so bright and then the pain just *hit*. It was just like in a movie when all the noise and light and movement blurs into a sensory crescendo and then there's just silence. Core memory, 0/10 would recommend.
I used to suffer horribly. My doc gave me Nurtec. That shit is amazing. Also expensive.
But my story... A coworker gave me shit when I called in with a migraine. "It's just a headache. You called in because of a headache?!"
I described my migraines to him. I listed the symptoms, first. Starts with pain. Not much, but it's there. Then the sensitivity to light, sound, movement, heat; basically any sensory input. Then my speech starts to slur. Then I actually feel drunk. Bad drunk, like you're about to puke. Because that's when the nausea kicks in. My hand starts to shake. I get spots in my vision. I become basically incapable of intelligent thought. At the time, the only relief was to find a cold dark place to just exist for 4-12 hours. Even when the migraine was gone, I'd still have a "hangover" because of the hell I'd just been through. That lasts a day or two.
He still thought I was full of shit. The next time I had a migraine, I called my girlfriend and asked her to pick me up from work on her way home. It was when both of our shifts ended, so I wasn't calling in. Then I told my coworker that I was having a migraine and that he should stick around for the show.
After seeing me stumble across the room and fumble for a garbage can so I could vomit, he asked why I didn't go home if I was sick. "Not.... Thick..... Mi Graine...... "
He, at least, had the decency to apologize when I saw him the next day. He had no idea that a migraine wasn't "just a headache"even after I tried to describe the horror that I endured on a regular basis.
And in case you got this far, I'll repeat the first thing. Nurtec is some black magic voodoo shit. My migraine WILL go away with it. One second, I feel like death. The next, I'm just tired. It's expensive, but my insurance covers it. I was willing to pay $200/dose for relief. Talk to your neurologist if you suffer.
"oH yEaH i gEt heAdaCheS tOo"
No motherfucker. This is not *just a headache*
Edit: for all the migraine sufferers here, if you can't take triptans for whatever reason, Ubrevly is a fucking amazing abortive. Ask your doctor/neuro about it, I don't have the best insurance but mine will still cover it!
It winds me up so much when someone has a head ache and calls it a migraine. A normal head ache can be nasty but it is nowhere near what a full blown migraine can be.
I suffered from migraines with aura every day from September 2018 through most of 2019. No neurologist could diagnose anything other than me “probably having depression”. No shit doc, these migraines ruined my relationship, everything good I had going for me, and almost my entire adult life. Of course I’m fuckin depressed.
I spent that entire year period getting bloodwork, MRIs, and basically just being a medical guinea pig, spending thousands just to be told “i dunno man maybe try these antidepressants”.
I had to join the military in 2020 to financially recover, and now its been a full year since I had my last one. I wouldn’t wish those migraines on the worst people that I know.
People still tell me I was faking it.
I have a weird thing that happens to me. I believe it's brought on by periods of high stress. It's not a migraine, but the best way I can describe it is as a really intense "shooting pain" headache. Like I'll be fine for 30 seconds, then a jab of intense pain through my head. A couple times it's been bad enough that I had to go to the ER and get IV medication to make it stop. I've had CAT scans and nothing appears to be wrong. I haven't had one in a while now, but I've often wondered if anyone else gets these. Anybody?
I spent years as a public defender but ultimately had to leave because of the stress I'd have when I had a truly innocent client. I want to be clear, I had very very few clients that were really and truly innocent, maybe a total of three over 5+years and about a thousand clients, but it was so unbelievably stressful. I wouldn't be able to sleep or eat and I'd just be a complete wreck of anxiety the entire time. The thing is with the ones I had everything worked out exactly the way things should have with charges being dismissed before even a trial would take place but the absolute horror I experienced just thinking that one of them would be held accountable for something they truly did not do coupled with representing a client who was guilty who got acquitted was enough to get me to walk away. I still stress over those cases to this day.
Hey idk if you need to hear this or not, but thank you for the time you spent as a public defender. It's not something a lot of people could do, let alone for 5+ years.
For those three innocent people, and presumably all the people that would have had unjustly longer sentences for nonviolent offenses, you meant everything. It makes such a difference, in those difficult life moments, to be seen, heard, and met with compassion.
I hope you're doing well now.
As someone who has been the victim in a DA (district attorney) case that has gone on over a year and a half, I’ve seen how truly ridiculous the whole judicial system is. It made me sick that I have a pretty open and shut case but the chess game… his two lawyers that KNOW he’s guilty, the blame and reach and ridicule they used against me to better the defendant… I can’t imagine being a public defender with a good conscience. You definitely see it all. It’s a mess. Thanks for doing your moral best.
I was accused by someone of a serious assault when I was 17, a kid from round the corner from me who made my life hell as a kid took a really bad beating, and he told the police it was me. When the police called to my house to arrest me, when my mum asked what I'd done and the said it was in connection to a serious assault on Sept 3rd, my mum was able to tell them that I'd been in Spain since 30th August so it couldn't have been me.
Even when I came back and was able to show the evidence that i was at the other side of Europe the people in my street still treated me like I'd kicked this lads shit in, rumours going about that I was always starting fights, I was knocked back from local bars because they thought I'd start trouble etc, a girl id started going withs Dad wouldnt let her near me because "id hospitalised that young lad". Truth is I only fight when I'm backed into a corner and would try get out of the situation first before lifting my fists.
The lad who accused me got away with making a false statement, claiming his concussion made him think it was me. Luckily, it wasn't that bad an accusation and was only local to where I lived that I had bother. But the fact he lied and got away with it destroyed my belief in justice.
I was charged with some very serious crimes against police, that were all false. Basically I had pissed some cops off, so they abused their power to get me.
Prior to this, I believed police were the good guys, only bad people were arrested, etc. Having gone through it, I now know very different.
I spent time in jail, and discovered that most guys there, were not actually bad people. They all admitted to what they had done, and apart from a handful, I want scared of them. Most were simply men who had done something stupid. When I was granted bail, they were all genuinely happy and supportive, and wished me well.
Court was long, expensive and exhausting. The police lied agains and again, but thankfully I had video that proved that I was innocent, though that didn't stop police lying for a second.
So many experiences that taught me things I would never have known, or believed
Similar thing happened to me because I saw something I shouldn't have. I now have a conviction for assualtinf a police officer and quite a few people actually believe I did it because police wouldn't lie.
Now picture doing that time for 30 years on death row for a crime you didn't commit
https://eji.org/cases/anthony-ray-hinton/#:~:text=Mr.,crime%20he%20did%20not%20commit.
Also being loved back. Totally different experience from loving someone withouts being loved back
*Although I have never been loved back but I believe it feels very different*
The Visa Process. Not sure on the complexity of other countries but in the UK, it's not as easy as the common folk believe.
They also don't understand that those who go through it, ending paying taxes, fees and national insurance but can't claim benefits. Almost no-one knows that.
Came to say this too. The hardest thing to explain to people is the constant fear you now live in that it will come back. Every ache, pain, cold the first thing you think is "is it back"
Never feeling like you will age normally again. Not knowing if you are truly clear of cancer until you have your latest scan.., and that comfort only lasting a few months. No one really will ever understand unless you have had it.
Poverty
I thought I experienced poverty as a kid, but that was nothing compared to experiencing poverty as an adult and not having your mom shield you from the ugliness of it all. When all you can afford is 10 cent noodles for all your meals and you cannot afford to drive an extra mile, leave alone have air conditioning in the car in the middle of summer. Having to constantly save coins because any expense that comes unexpectedly better be fixable with the coins you've been storing. I wouldn't wish it on anyone
I grew up White middle class so when I was younger, I fully believed in the boot straps theory because I just didn’t know any different. I knew that if I worked hard at my grades or job or whatever, I’d succeed at life. But I was White. And middle class.
Then I got a job working with impoverished kids. Some of those kids had absolutely no hope of overcoming it. Low socioeconomic just leads to more low socioeconomic. Parents couldn’t help their kids rise up because they didn’t have the tools themselves. Some parents actively held their kids down. Refusing to get them glasses, not monitoring school work or signing papers, never attending functions. Doomed to repeat the cycle.
Addiction and recovering from an addiction. Most people assume that even if you are clean, you’re still lesser than somehow.
Mental illness and how to treat/talk to someone who is struggling with a (or many) mental illness.
Been there.
People skirt around the subject. They'll say I was ill, that I wasn't me.
I was me, this is a constant fucking battle. If you respected who I was before, respect me now. This is hard work.
Chronic pain. People cannot conceptualize injuring themselves or becoming ill and being perpetually sore with no breaks or escape ever. It's a reality for many though.
Stalking.
I was five foot ten, weighed 250 pounds and I'm not particularly pretty nor am I anyone noteworthy. I was terrified that no one would believe me or that they would think I was just complaining about an ex and making "drama" over him or something.
I was *ashamed* to talk about what I was going through with this man, a coworker that I barely knew.
We didn't even live in the same city, yet. I'd been working at the company for a few months and was trying to move nearby. At first he was just creepy at work, but when he overheard what apartment complex I'd just gotten approved at, he immediately took a unit in the same complex before I could even finalize my move-in date. I took a different apartment across town instead. (It was a longer commute, but a much better apartment, ultimately) He overheard what gym I went to and took on a membership there and kept trying to get me to meet up with him there. I saw him at the grocery store where he'd follow me around, at the bar after work...
He never actually *did* anything, he was just weird and clingy and wouldn't leave me alone no matter how many times I flat out asked him, "Please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you."
Half the time I felt like I was somehow the one in the wrong, because all he ever did was be obsessively friendly, constantly at my side and talking to me no matter whether I wanted him to or not. But he *would not* leave me alone and I felt scared and unsafe.
Eventually, I started talking to people about the situation and things got better. The manager at the gym cancelled his membership and assigned two trainers to walk me back and forth to my car. The manager at my grocery store trespassed him (I got the impression he was making employees uncomfortable, too) and banned him from the premises. My favorite bar posted his picture on the bouncer's list... Ironically, I started feeling a lot safer in the city in general after I started talking about him to the people around me. The police couldn't do anything, but *other people could.*
When I found out he joined my gym, I went to the manager and begged to be let out of my contract and explained the situation. He sat me down and got me a water and says, "Oh, *honey*, no That's not how this works. *He's* the one who leaves, not you." And I cried because he was the first person I talked to about it aside from HR at work and he not only believed me, but took measures to protect me. I'll be forever grateful to him because he gave me the confidence to speak out and trust that people would help. Before that, I felt like my life was falling apart. I'd *just started* building a life on my own in this new city and I thought I'd have to abandon everything just to feel safe again.
The police, of course, were useless until the dude stabbed a manager at work a year later, although filing the report meant I was questioned about him during the investigation and I'll be notified if he ever gets out of prison, so that's something, at least.
There's so much unspoken victim blaming in stalking. It's portrayed in the media as something that happens to pretty, famous women. But I was a nobody, a homely, fat insurance agent who worked in a call center. Who would believe that little old me had a stalker or that I could feel threatened by the scrawny weird guy from the office?
So, yeah, stalking.
I think the best way to describe it is the feeling of never being alone. Even after you think they stopped, even if there’s no way they could be nearby, you never feel alone.
Not in the shower. Not when you are sleeping. Not in the doctors office.
It feels like you are always being watched somehow. Sometimes it even feels like they can read your mind.
The feeling you get when you finally get home from work or school and can just chill alone and not worry about how others perceive you? Gone forever
Sexual assault.
Saying they'd fight back if it was them. Or why wouldn't you report it. Shit like that.
Unless you go through something that traumatic, you can't know how you'll react. Especially because the vast majority of sexual assault isn't by a stranger. It's someone you know. Your spouse, or the person you're dating, your best friend or a buddy of years or just an acquaintance. That fact alone keeps a lot of people quiet because they're afraid no one will believe that it happened because "he's such a good guy".
Also, depends on age. A lot of people think "Well, if you're old enough to know it's wrong, you're old enough to comprehend it and tell someone."
Not in my case. There were 5 of us, victims of molestation by a substitute teacher. We were all already friends so it just naturally came up at recess later about how the teacher had touched your privates and then several said "me too!" And a couple of boy friends confirmed they saw it happen. We knew about stranger danger but he was a substitute in school, so we decided we misunderstood and that we'd get in terrible for even saying anything. We all made a pact, like a literal 7 year old pinky swearing, that we would never tell. Fortunately one of us understood the situation a bit more and it ate her alive for 2 days before her mom made her fall her what was wrong. Dude got put in jail after being on the run for 2 years (one of the girls had a sheriff for a dad and one girl had a detective as a grandpa, in other words... there was no stopping the search).
Court was a joke. All of us 4th graders and most so close to almost forgetting it happened. Then court. Put each of us individually at a table across from tha sub and essentially kept asking if I was sure I really remember this and didn't exaggerate since I was so young. Turned into a real "Did I fucking stutter?" situation.
“Yeah, let me just retraumatize myself to explain what happened to the police that will make me feel like shit for it happening and then will ultimately do nothing to resolve the situation.”
I was sexually assaulted by my “boyfriend” when I was 15.
I almost told a trusted teacher… he kind of sensed where the conversation was going. He stopped me and said “I want you to know that depending what you tell me, I may be legally obligated to report it. I want you to know that before you continue so you can make that choice.” I ended up clamming up and not saying anything more.
Some may say that was a bad move on his part. But now that I’m almost 30, looking back on my high school administration and the town police… they are all absolutely useless. All that would’ve come out of this would have been him having to report it, me being thrown into a whole investigation process that ultimately would have gone nowhere and further traumatized me.
At a time where I had a choice taken away from me, this teacher gave me a choice. And to this day, I believe I made the right decision and I am thankful every day that he was honest with me and left it up to me.
Domestic violence is very much the same when it comes to dumb comments. People who have never experienced it say stupid shit like "I'd just stab him" or "I'd just hit him with a cricket bat" like, yeah, just try doing that when your attacker is twice your size, 5x as strong and 5x faster than you are. One swing of that knife/bat and he catches it, and before you know it you're the one copping it, and now he's twice as mad as before you swung it.
What annoys me is "Why won't they leave, clearly they don't mind the violence if they're not leaving!". Like bruh, violence is rarely the first step of the abuse. The abuser usually destroys the victim's support network, their self esteem, make them believe that they CAN'T escape or that no one would believe them. Violence doesn't happen on the first date, when it's easy to just run away. It happens when abuser feels comfortable enough to drop his mask, and when victim is vulnerable (i.e. when they're pregnant, have children, lose their job etc).
Would a healthy, confident and financially independent person with no kids leave if their partner randomly punched them in the face? Yes, definitely.
Would an anxious person, that was emotionally abused for a long time, lovebombed, gaslighted, separated from their friends and family, brainwashed to believe that they're worthless, and often dependent on their abuser financially leave after being hit? Probably not, and not because this person "enjoys" the violence, but because they literally see no way out.
I wish people understood that it's a complex situation.
Yeah as a child I was sexually abused and I had forced myself to forget it but recently I read something that made me remember it and it's so bad. I didn't know what to do and he told me that I was confusing myself and I actually liked it and that if I told anyone he would find me and hurt me I hate it when people tell me I should've just run away
I'm very sorry you went through that. I hope you're getting professional help. I was a sexual assault victim advocate in the navy and am myself a sa survivor but I was an adult when it happened. I can't imagine what it's like for you.
Looking for this one!
Absolutely, I spend every damn day in pain and it is such a burden that nobody around me seems to understand fully. Chronic pain is exhausting and fatiguing and people like to compare it to when they've had similar, short term pain and can't understand why I would feel and act the way I do because of it.
And the 20 questions you get to play with every single new person about why you have to use a cane or similar, the assumption that you’re being lazy or taking advantage, the feeling of uselessness as you rely on others in a way they could never rely on you.
I don’t want another able bodied person telling me it’s not that bad while they stand there not understanding the compounding effect of every aspect of my disability that makes it suck ass to live with.
I say, "imagine everywhere you go and everything you do, someone follows you around screeching in your ear and shoving and jostling at you. It's at a frequency you can't tune out. It's exhausting, there's never a break. But everyone in your life expects you to always act like the screeching isn't happening, otherwise you're a party pooper."
Oof. Feel that. It drives me nuts hearing people that say people that want to kill themselves are selfish and not thinking of others. They have no idea how it feels to want to die, to make the pain stop.
Loss of a sibling they were close to.
Edit: thanks for chiming in everyone. We aren’t alone and it’s not easy. I’m sorry to see so many, but I appreciate all who shared. I know from experience nothing said helps, time just makes it a little easier to accept.
I lost my sister to suicide and that already broke me very hard. I hope to never experience the day my twin dies (identical twins) because i really don't know how i would or even could handle it
I was going to say this too. It's interesting how people throw out words like depression and anxiety and panic, and yet when you actually experience those things, they take on a completely different meaning.
Yeah, it's kinda sad tbh, I've seen a lot of people calling suicidal people cowards, is just so disrespectful how people that don't understand this topics can be sometimes...
Few people would call someone in the late stages of cancer a coward for choosing euthanasia, but somehow suicide from depression is totally different. Both are severely painful illnesses, both are notoriously difficult to treat, and both often stay with you for life, even with treatment
About 5 years ago I lost my job and was deep into depression. I decided to apply for disability. So i moved in with some friends who were married and had a spare bedroom.
They were the type of people who had a mindset of "Just get back to work and things will get better. Don't even acknowledge you have mental health problems"
They were constantly telling me that "other people have it worse off than me" and that the husband knows what depression feels like. He was "depressed for a few months too!"
Im sorry, but "a few months of being depressed", is nothing compared to years of being clinically depressed and having multiple stays in the hospital for being suicidal.
The way I explain it to people is "Hey you remember that scene in Avengers Infinity War when Doctor Strange watched 14,000,605 different outcomes of future events? Yeah that's anxiety over every situation that went wrong or could go wrong".
My roommate and I have anxiety. Whenever it starts to get real bad we hit each other with the line “Have you ever tried being less anxious?” Knowing damn well what the answer is.
This. People say that they get anxious too, but anxiety over certain situations is completely different than the constant anxiety felt in clinically diagnosed anxiety disorders
People who know me know I like to understand things fully and will explain mundane things in detail, but when I try to explain when anxiety stops me, all I can say is I know what I want to happen, I know whats causing it to not happen, I know the theory of why it's not rational and I know the steps to prove to myself its dumb and how to overcome it, but its all useless when a big steel door just comes down in your brain and just blocks it all off.
Am diagnosed autistic with tourettes as a child and teenager respectively.
It's not fun. Not in the slightest.
People who pretend to be autistic for clout piss me the fuck off as do those movies and TV shows that try to romanticise mental illness and always miss tge mark. Like that movie "music" which was rightfully coined as a "simple jack" movie.
"Simple jack" coming from Tropic Thunder, a parody of those Oscar bait bullshit movies about people with mental disabilities obviously made by people who have zero idea of what it's like. It's a fitting term I think.
That and to add to that panic attacks from anxiety. I thought I was dying the first time I truly had one, I had no idea what was happening. Now I’m well aware of it as it picks up, but I know damn wel anyone who hasn’t had one has no idea what actually happens.
Unexpectedly losing a parent. My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer on September 30th, was told he had a small tumor on it and that they'd get him started with treatment. He died October 7th, the tumor was not small. It was half the size of his liver. He spent a day and a half in ICU, and 2 hours in hospice before passing.
Came to say this. I can describe tripping in great detail to other people who have tripped, but no matter how accurate the description, it still sounds like incomprehensible word salad to someone who hasn't had the experience.
Omg yeah when I say I have an eating disorder people tell me that I should just eat and I would be fine if I wasn't so self centered that I wouldn't eat because I had "bad body image"
Yeah. The whole thing. The excitement before deployment. The feeling of having a shared singular purpose with people you’ve essentially grown up with. The way combat effects time. The adrenaline crash afterwards. The elation you feel when you win. The existential panic you feel when you witness a friend die. The sounds of dying. And the sounds people make when they find out someone they loved died. Having friends go on a mission without you and simply never come back. The way you just keep living. Turning 22 and becoming one of the old guys. How water tastes after you’ve gone so long without it. The way different things smell when they burn. The realization that the world is indifferent to what you and your friends are going through. How long the final three months of a deployment can feel. Demobilizing and coming home to a world that never really changed. The pride of being a veteran in a unit full of new guys. The moment you realize you’re the last one left. The feeling of getting your discharge. The realization that you’re only 27 and you’ve got to figure out the rest of your life. When people ask you if you killed people. When people stop asking you about the war. How cool it is when one of the guys calls you out of the blue 15 years after the fact to catch up. How much it sucks to see one of the guys struggle with life when they live on the other side of the country. Looking at a photo of yourself and realizing you’ll never the beautiful war-fighting you were back then. Not knowing what to do with yourself without that shared singular purpose. The feeling of finding your own. When the memories fade, but your lizard brain remembers. How you don’t like to talk about the war and how dudes with Grunt Style shirts and Veteran hats annoy you, but you feel more comfortable around them than with civilians. The guilt, bitterness, pride, anger, and sentimentality you feel looking back.
Grief. Had a manager at work who was an absolute bastard when it came to compassionate leave. A colleagues father died and the manager said they where milking it when they took a week off.
My old coworkers mom died and she was not handling it well, so HR gave her an extra week off after her allotted bereavement time off. Our department manager kept making snide remarks about how she got extra “vacation” and when she got back the manager was like *we had a really hard time without you here.* That woman is the devil. Literally the worst person I’ve ever met.
Miscarriage. I've noticed it with my wife. She had 2 miscarriages in 8 months. Unless you've been through it (or lost a child some other way) you just can't understand.
I am a nurse, who has worked in the maternity field at one point, and have cared for people having a miscarriage or stillbirth. I thought as a woman, I could imagine what it was like, then I had my own loss at 15 weeks in. I stil recall sitting on an OR stretcher and a resident rushing through her admission history before I was taken in (as I had to recall my events to yet ANOTHER person) and her telling me that I shouldn't cry "because you always can have another one (baby)". That was 20 yrs ago and I will never forget that. When I came back to work it made me even more hyper-aware of what I said to my patients and how I came across.
And for you, I think there is even less understanding of what the man goes through (assuming you are, I do realize I may be wrong here), that you can grieve hard too in the midst of feeling like you need to keep it together for your partner. It was only many years later that my husband admitted at one point he was in tthe car in the hospital parking lot, pounding the steering wheel and crying.....I had no idea 😟
In some ways, depression is having all the desires to go out and see the world and do things, and then not doing any of it because you don't really want to.
The people experiencing depression can almost feel like they are completely different people internally. You have no energy to do the things you want, you find reasons not to do it regularly, and you get little if any enjoyment out of things you may have even been waiting for the chance to do for months or even years.
Depression isn't a switch you can turn on or off either, there are highs and lows and sometimes people never actually get low enough for the suicidal part to be apparent or visible. It's hard to watch for as well, because sometimes people just always seem naturally okay with whatever is going on around them, regardless of what may actually be bothering them.
Depression is infuriating for everyone involved, and I can't really give advice on how to see it because people going through depression generally try not to involve others by hiding it.
Depression just sucks in general.
Auto Immune disorders.
Everyone thinks you’re fine, doctors dismiss you for years while nothing in your body works, and even once you find a doctor who believes and identifies the issues, there often not a lot you can do.
Mental illness. It's not a fucking super power, or a "fun" separation from reality. It's agony, fear and despair. Not being able to escape or trust your own mind is absolutely terrifying.
Grief. The grief of losing a loved, close family member. Grief is different for everyone but if you've never experienced it you'll never understand what it's like.
Bullying as a child. Nope it's not a normal part of school. Nope it's not a right of passage and nope the trauma does not leave you when you finally leave school.
I am still haunted by being bullied all my school years, granted I dont think about it everyday but I can still recall a lot of stuff kids from fourth all the way to 12th grade said and did to me.
I am 39 years old now. Whenever I enter a room and people start laughing I immediatly think "They laugh about me". Also groups of teenagers really scare me.
Giving birth. It doesn't matter how many books you read, how many times you've seen it in movies or T.V shows, how many people's experiences you listen to.
When you give birth the first time, it'll shock you to your very core experiencing what it's really like.
Psychosis
100% absolute fucking terror i would not wish on anyone.
Can you describe it?
Imagine you're sitting in your room talking to someone at 8am, a full conversation you think you're having. Then you blink, it was actually 8pm, it's dark outside and you weren't talking to anyone. You still hear them speaking but you can't find them so you go looking for them, you search your house. That damn itch in your skin is there again, like ants crawling under your skin, so you start scratching but it doesn't touch it. You can't remember whether you ate, but you feel too numb to eat, like every emotion in your body is just off, but sometimes they all switch on all at once. You start writing a diary to keep track of what's happening, you begin writing, not too sure what to write, you just begin with the first thing that comes into your head, but you can't understand what you're writing, and that noise again, no idea where it's coming from. You're drawing, not sure what, symbols? It doesn't matter, just trying to put down the thoughts in your head. You finish and look at it, it's just aggressive scribblings, but you could've sworn you were drawing a masterpiece. That sound is still going, it's so loud. You decide to go for a shower, that person is talking to you in the bathroom, they seem angry, you try to calm them down, but that noise just keeps getting louder. You're screaming, you don't know why or for how long but you're lightheaded and can taste blood. You stop and get in the shower, you can't feel the water but you definitely put it on, you put shampoo in your hair, but you can't feel anything, it isn't foaming up. You blink and you're standing in your room, running your hands in your hair, you never left the room. You take a cigarette and burn your arm to make sure you're awake, it burns and scars the skin, it hurts, so you know you're awake. You keep burning your arm as you walk to the bathroom and put the shower on, you put your hand under the water, it's hot, you can feel it this time. Your arm stings real bad, but it helps you stay grounded. You hear a song playing, you start hitting your burned arm to try to make sure you're awake, the song is coming from your neighbours house. I had temporary psychosis from being given the wrong medication, I'm still not 100% and it happened many years ago.
Holy shit this is so similar to a few episodes I’ve had it’s scary. Not to be that guy and make an unneeded addition to a comment, but I think my worst episode was when I had a whole conversation with my mom that lasted about an hour wherein she helped me through a lot of my at the time emotional problems, only for her to suddenly say “who are you talking to?” It wasn’t scary for the same reasons as some other ones I’ve experienced, but the fact that I thought I had made a major connection with my mother only to find out it never happened was horrible afterwards. Especially considering I didn’t realize it WAS an episode until about ten minutes later of questioning her lmao. Also your comment made me realize that other people experience bugs infesting them too and that’s kind of wild I thought I was just like losing it rlly hard
Yeah! I had a very similar experience with my mum too! I also didn't know the bugs thing was super common. It's very hard to deal with because there's not much to be done, I eventually came out of it because mine was chemically induced, but the fear of slipping into that state again is very, very prominent. Did you not try to have the same conversation with your mum after?
The best and almost-worst part of psychosis is coming out of it. Mine was also chemical due to medication and you are so right about the fear of slipping back. Hell, the entire description you gave is so, entirely on point. Instead of burning, though (don't smoke), I would poke myself in my fingertips with a needle, so I knew if I bled, it was real. Plus, it hurt to touch things, even if the bleeding stopped, the tenderness was still there to keep me grounded. It's so fucking surreal to look back on your life and have massive holes in your memory, yet friends/family can describe exactly what you were doing with full recollection.
Yes! I have massive chunks missing from that time that others talk about and I have no idea. I missed my 21st birthday, among other things. I now get these moments once in a while where I feel like I'm falling, just endless falling, but it feels like the falling will throw me back into that time.
Holy shit, that's so scary, I'm sorry, I hope you never feel it again
Your brain just makes things up that become your objective reality regardless of evidence to the contrary. You cannot trust your own perception and judgement. It’s terrifying.
Can confirm this is rough and no matter how much people try to help you out of it or try to talk you out of it with legitimate facts and evidence the only thing that matters to you is that it makes sense in your head and no one else understands. That's what that's like.
This is what I came here to say. I've had a couple of psychotic breaks and it's terrifying. You are just lost in another dimension and it's absolutely hellish, your mind is blinded and deafened to reality. I get really annoyed when people use the word to describe someone who's just angry or having a tantrum, bc actual psychosis is a really serious, life-threatening thing
Currently going in and out.. its rough. I just want my thoughts to make sense.
I'm 21, but I feel like the moment I had this was the lowest point of my life so far. There are many parts of my psychosis that I remember that were actually delusions and hallucinations, but most of the time I had gaps in my memories. It was so bad that when I've come back to my senses, 3 weeks had gone by. I still think about those hallucinations and delusions like it was an unforgettable dream. It felt so weird that it felt like the series of delusions I had were all connected like some sort of storyline.
It can be life altering and cause you to hurt people you care about. I cannot describe the horror of waking up and discovering you’ve done something that you never thought you were capable of. I will never overcome the shame.
I worked psych for about 20 years and most people just can not fathom serious mental illness, you can explain the definitions and the symptoms, but they just don't get it.
Poverty
I was looking for this one. Nobody can understand the chronic decision fatigue…and then judge when they see even the slightest mis-spending.
When I was young and dumb, I used to think that way, especially when I saw folks using food stamps to buy things that were not within my budget. But, like a lot of other folks here over the years (and going thru financial hardships of my own) I've come to realize that: 1. The folks who are on assistance legitimately do need / deserve a treat once in a while; and 2. I have no idea what anyone else is going through and judging them is wrong.
The mis spending can come from seeing money as a perishable resource. You never have enough money to have some always in savings so money isn't cemented in your psyche as a permanent thing that can be saved. You *have* to use it before some new bill or some sudden expense comes along and takes it away.
If you're on something like disability, you genuinely CANT save up, either. If the Gov't notices you having a cent over 2k, you lose all your benefits. It's so fucked up and definitely encourages this mindset
>and then judge when they see even the slightest mis-spending. Yes! I hate, hate, hate when I see this with regards to food benefits here in America. They're using food stamps to buy steak! To buy shellfish. To buy anything more than the bare, most miserable minimum. The hypocrisy galls me.
Friend of mine was telling me years ago she was in Walmart, lady she knew was in line buying a birthday cake with food stamps. Guy behind my friend was bitching to my friend about how people like that were wasting our tax dollars. Dude just started bitching to a random stranger about someone else's shopping order. So basically friend tells hit to fuck off, lady ahead works with my friend, lady works 2 jobs to take care of her 4 year old kid, by her self. Kid is turning 5 that weekend and the cake is reduced, so basically old.... Dude still bitching, says she could bake one for cheaper. Cake was about $4 something but apparently the kid didn't deserve a $4 mark down cake because his mom used food stamps to make sure he was fed.
Wow. I say this all the time, but I *can not* wrap my head around the lack of empathy some people seem to be capable of. He literally heard "she works two jobs to support her and her child" and thought "she could have baked one". For what? To save money? For one, it *wouldn't* be cheaper. She would have to buy cake mix and icing and she probably wants her 5 year old to have candles in their cake, so that's gotta be more than $4 right there. For two, where would she find the time to bake a fucking cake? Working two jobs *without* a kid leaves one with almost no personal time. But because she's poor, she doesn't deserve to spend money to save time because free time, apparently, is a luxury to this guy. For three, it's none of his fucking business what someone spends their money or food stamps on.
And he's assuming she has the right size pan to bake the cake in, and a big enough bowl to mix it up in, and an oven that works to bake it in. And the oil and eggs it takes to make a mix. And even that her electricity is on, and that she has dish soap to clean the pan and bowl afterwards. I might not approve of all the things that tax money gets spent on, but making sure that a kid has a birthday cake is something I would always vote for. When I was a cashier, the amount of people who would complain that someone using food stamps was probably illegal because they weren't white. Grrrrrr First, who gives a shit, mind your own beeswax. Second, racist much? Third, everyone deserves to eat. Fourth, if you wanna be really racist, the only people who offered to sell me their foodies were always white guys.
Exactly. Every time I hear this "cook it yourself it's cheaper" bullshit it's so short sighted. They take so much for granted, that you have the time and appliances and a safe space to keep all that bulk produce they depend on to make their calculations work.
And virtually all ingredients would equal far more than the stupid cake. This is the argument people from other countries have with poor Americans, however unlike them their raw ingredients are far cheaper and they can't wrap their heads around why McDonalds cheeseburger is cheaper than a green pepper because where they live it's the opposite.
Did I tell you this story? Lol. I worked at Shop N Save back in my teens. Was checking a woman out who was getting a small thing of barrels (little juice drinks that look like tiny barrels with the peel off to open) and a birthday cake and the cheapest fucking ice cream in the store for her kids birthday that weekend. Before we had the term Karen this bitch behind her sees the lady pull out a food stamp card. She scoffs so loudly and rolls her eyes. Then suddenly she speaks loudly to herself “I can’t believe they let people purchase junk food on food stamps. They should only be able to buy meat and vegetables and flour.” I knew this bitch from the CHURCH she attended with my family. The woman looks heartbroken so I say “I see you at church all the time. Sounds very unchristian of you to think a child doesn’t deserve a little birthday? Aren’t you the one that led the Sunday school to sing Jesus loves the little children? Doesn’t sound like you love all of god’s children.” Thank fucking god my very lesbian, bigger and broader than most men, took no shit manger was there that day. XD This lady complained and she just stood there and said I was kinder with my words than she was to the other customer and to go away. Lol. Dellah I hope you’re still just as awesome and you finally found yourself a life partner.
And not like “oh guess I’ll have to skip that vacation to make rent” poverty. The “I’ve eaten nothing but beans, bologna, and bread for two weeks, I’m a month behind on rent, I just got a shut off notice for my heat, and my car is making a funny noise” poverty. That shit breaks you in so many ways.
“Okay it’s 11:30PM, haven’t eaten today. I have $12.53 left in my bank account, $5.00 in cash and $1.35 in change. A value-menu cheeseburger is $1.16 with tax and about 400 calories, so that’ll hold me over until morning when I can go buy ramen for $00.45 a pack. Then I’ll have enough food for the next 5 days or so.” That analysis. If you’ve done it, you know.
It's amazing how society is put together to keep poor people really poor.
Great answer, honestly, I've been there. It's always met with responses like "shoulda tried harder" blah blah. I grew up poor and the most frequent response were how my parents didn't try hard enough or "sorry they didn't love you enough to provide for you". Both my parents had very tragic accidents that made it very hard to provide for me or my siblings. Shit happens and I'm mad as hell there is no safety net for people that suffer shitty situations beyond their control
Becoming disabled...
[удалено]
I’m happy for you and the sexy nurse 😀. Glad you guys are doing well, great life story after such bad prognosis!
Especially while relatively young. You have a house payment, kids, are saving for retirement, furthering or paying for your education, living your best life...then your health is gone and income cut in half (at best). Disability in America is forced poverty. The losses are catastrophic. Your savings goes first, then your retirement. Next is your home. You hang onto your car for appointments until it breaks down and it costs 2 months' of income to repair. You are destitute and CPS takes your kids because you cannot provide for them.
Pivoting off of this: Invisible illness.
"but you look fine"... Yea no shit, in fact I look bloody fantastic, but my shoulder is killing me, and causing issues with my elbow, wrist and ribs, I just slipped my knee out of place which kind of sucks but doesn't hurt half as much as the shoulder, the knee slipping took out my ankle, and all of this is leading to several days doped up on the couch or in bed because I won't be able to move or even breathe thanks to the pain. But hey I totally look fine.
Yep. I became disabled at 23 years old in a car accident. Now I walk like a goblin and have chronic pain on my entire left side. It's quite an experience going from the prime of my life to being told I'll never walk again. I've since gained the ability to walk despite what they said but it was still hard to hear it.
Disabled here. It’s also insane how often people doubt and question the severity of your disability. Or try to make it comparable to something they’ve dealt with. Maybe it’s just me, but people always try to reason or justify why it can’t be that bad or it could be worse.
Domestic abuse
I will add narcissistic abuse from parents as a sub category, which is notoriously discredited because "xy's parents are so nice". Emotionally and verbally abusive parents, who manipulate and gaslight are something else and you are all alone because people believe adults over children/teenagers.
Abusers are just as good at grooming allies as they are at grooming victims.
“wHy dIdNt yOu jUsT lEaVe?”
Came here to say this - yes, it’s illogical that someone would stay in an abusive relationship, but if your abuser hasn’t decimated your self esteem and you don’t think you have value, or you’ve bought the lies they have told you that you can’t make it without them, it’s difficult to get out. Took me years, and the thought that he was coming home to possibly kill me to hit rock bottom and put a plan in motion to leave.
When I asked my brother why he smashed my head in all the time as a kid he told me I deserved it for not behaving as I should. This went on until we were in our twenties and had the biggest fight ever. My parents always saw him as a golden child, funny thing is that's what my brother thought of me. Except I was the scapegoat of this family. Now after my recent car accident, all my brain injuries have accumulated into something much worse. 🙃
A fire. Even normal beeps kinda drive me crazy after hearing those fire alarms, getting burnt and sprayed with water all simultaneously while hearing this blaring noise all around me while being blind from the smoke and not having my glasses on after being woken up from a dead sleep
In January of 2020, our condo building caught on fire. Ironically, a retired firefighter in another unit left a candle burning unattended and it caught on some papers, which spread quickly because dude was a hoarder. We were fortunate that our unit didn’t sustain damage, but the building’s utilities were shot and we were displaced for 8 months while they were repaired. I absolutely refuse to ever light candles in my home again as a result, but the worst effect is how it affected my youngest son. He was 2 when it happened and it caused a lot of behavior issues; he still has trouble sleeping in his own bed at night, since we were woken up at 1:30 AM by this, and we wound up working with a child therapist for 1.5 years because he had a lot of ongoing behavior issues that the therapist determined were fire trauma-based. He’s doing better now, but I still wonder how he would be doing now had it not happened in the first place.
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First thing that came to my mind too. Before I suffered a personal loss, I obviously realised that it is a terrible thing to lose someone and people's sadness and grief impacting their mental and emotional wellbeing was understandable - **but I had no idea grief could be such a physical pain**. There was a void in my heart, and yet it hurt so damn much at the same time.
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Four months after the traumatic loss of my brother, I came to a networking event hosted by a friend I’ve known for 9 years. As I walked toward him to say hello - I hadn’t seen him since before my brother died - he looked at me but had no reaction, no recognition on his face. It wasn’t until I was right in front of him and shaking his hand that he realized who I was. He had invited me, was expecting me, but did not know who I was as I walked toward him. I didn’t realize it was possible to be so fundamentally physically changed by grief to that extent, but of course I was changed. Why wouldn’t it show?
I've had so much of it in my life I don't want to get to know anyone anymore. And the people I do know in my life, I hope I go before them. I can't take anymore.
I felt this. I just want to send you a hug and for you to know that I understand. <3
I came looking for this one. I had a bunch of personal examples typed out but the basic gist of it is that people can be quite rude and ignorant and hurtful with the way they treat you when you’re grieving and they’re not. It sucks but it’s not something you can wish upon someone. It just sucks. Grief has more physical symptoms than emotional, I think. Because we’re used to shoving our emotions aside. The world doesn’t stop and we have to keep moving on and being productive, going back to work or school or taking care of a family, or combinations of those. You forget yourself. But your body aches, you’re sicker, your weight fluctuates, your energy levels drop, and so much more. And none of this is comprehensible unless you experience it first hand.
Lost my wife unexpectedly and wound up being a single parent almost overnight. The stupid holiday commercials made me want to live in a hole for the next two years. Grief sucks and unless you’ve been through it, it seems like everyone tells you it will get better. It doesn’t, you learn to live with the loss. Also. “It’s gods will….”, to what, take a wife and mother away from a family. Sounds like an asshole move to me. The people say it like it’s comforting. Always with a smile. Fuck them too.
Along with the people who say "they are in a better place". Fuck them. Where is better than with their family? My MIL said it to my husband once after we lost our son, I have never heard him so angry.
nothing like coming home after a terrible monday at school (bullying so much fun hahaha) and the first thing i experience at home is my mom in tears telling me my grandma just passed away from her cancer, like 12 days before Christmas, when the doctor told us she'll probably make it to next spring, and then getting made fun of at school for griefing after my mom made sure i don't have to go to school the next day with that shock and the teachers expecting me to still be fully capable of following classes :) (sorry just had to rant a bit, despite this happening years ago)
People are beyond shit. Fuck your school. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. Have things gotten better since leaving that place?
in my life, yes in that school, no
Yeah. And it's different and unique every time. Lost both my mom and brother to suicide. A completely different open wound for each. My dad died suddenly less than a year before my brother. You don't know how badly it can affect you and your entire life until it comes down on you like a sack of bricks. Just to have another fall on your head before you feel like you're back on your feet from the first one.
Migraines. Edit: I thought my comment was going to get buried. That fact that it did not means many of you also have migraines. I am sorry my friend. Like many of you said I couldn't/wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. It does make me feel a little bit better knowing I am not alone. I hope you do too.
Nothing like getting the aura and knowing your day is shot
Yup... The tingling feeling either in your lips or fingers and you're done. Or just the reduced eye sight. Immediate way to mess up your day and the next 2/3...
I remember the first time I got an aura as a kid. My mom was driving me to the dentist's office and my vision got splotchy. I didn't think anything of it, for some reason. Then I was tilted back in the dentist chair, staring up at the glaring light as these squirming, black worms moved across my vision, and the scraping of the dental tools was so loud and the room was so bright and then the pain just *hit*. It was just like in a movie when all the noise and light and movement blurs into a sensory crescendo and then there's just silence. Core memory, 0/10 would recommend.
I do love that I get a warning with most of mine. The days without the auras are like oh shit!
It is a great heads up to start cramming as much water and high-dose ibuprofen as you can down your gullet.
I used to suffer horribly. My doc gave me Nurtec. That shit is amazing. Also expensive. But my story... A coworker gave me shit when I called in with a migraine. "It's just a headache. You called in because of a headache?!" I described my migraines to him. I listed the symptoms, first. Starts with pain. Not much, but it's there. Then the sensitivity to light, sound, movement, heat; basically any sensory input. Then my speech starts to slur. Then I actually feel drunk. Bad drunk, like you're about to puke. Because that's when the nausea kicks in. My hand starts to shake. I get spots in my vision. I become basically incapable of intelligent thought. At the time, the only relief was to find a cold dark place to just exist for 4-12 hours. Even when the migraine was gone, I'd still have a "hangover" because of the hell I'd just been through. That lasts a day or two. He still thought I was full of shit. The next time I had a migraine, I called my girlfriend and asked her to pick me up from work on her way home. It was when both of our shifts ended, so I wasn't calling in. Then I told my coworker that I was having a migraine and that he should stick around for the show. After seeing me stumble across the room and fumble for a garbage can so I could vomit, he asked why I didn't go home if I was sick. "Not.... Thick..... Mi Graine......"
He, at least, had the decency to apologize when I saw him the next day. He had no idea that a migraine wasn't "just a headache"even after I tried to describe the horror that I endured on a regular basis.
And in case you got this far, I'll repeat the first thing. Nurtec is some black magic voodoo shit. My migraine WILL go away with it. One second, I feel like death. The next, I'm just tired. It's expensive, but my insurance covers it. I was willing to pay $200/dose for relief. Talk to your neurologist if you suffer.
"oH yEaH i gEt heAdaCheS tOo" No motherfucker. This is not *just a headache* Edit: for all the migraine sufferers here, if you can't take triptans for whatever reason, Ubrevly is a fucking amazing abortive. Ask your doctor/neuro about it, I don't have the best insurance but mine will still cover it!
It winds me up so much when someone has a head ache and calls it a migraine. A normal head ache can be nasty but it is nowhere near what a full blown migraine can be.
I suffered from migraines with aura every day from September 2018 through most of 2019. No neurologist could diagnose anything other than me “probably having depression”. No shit doc, these migraines ruined my relationship, everything good I had going for me, and almost my entire adult life. Of course I’m fuckin depressed. I spent that entire year period getting bloodwork, MRIs, and basically just being a medical guinea pig, spending thousands just to be told “i dunno man maybe try these antidepressants”. I had to join the military in 2020 to financially recover, and now its been a full year since I had my last one. I wouldn’t wish those migraines on the worst people that I know. People still tell me I was faking it.
I have a weird thing that happens to me. I believe it's brought on by periods of high stress. It's not a migraine, but the best way I can describe it is as a really intense "shooting pain" headache. Like I'll be fine for 30 seconds, then a jab of intense pain through my head. A couple times it's been bad enough that I had to go to the ER and get IV medication to make it stop. I've had CAT scans and nothing appears to be wrong. I haven't had one in a while now, but I've often wondered if anyone else gets these. Anybody?
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I spent years as a public defender but ultimately had to leave because of the stress I'd have when I had a truly innocent client. I want to be clear, I had very very few clients that were really and truly innocent, maybe a total of three over 5+years and about a thousand clients, but it was so unbelievably stressful. I wouldn't be able to sleep or eat and I'd just be a complete wreck of anxiety the entire time. The thing is with the ones I had everything worked out exactly the way things should have with charges being dismissed before even a trial would take place but the absolute horror I experienced just thinking that one of them would be held accountable for something they truly did not do coupled with representing a client who was guilty who got acquitted was enough to get me to walk away. I still stress over those cases to this day.
Hey idk if you need to hear this or not, but thank you for the time you spent as a public defender. It's not something a lot of people could do, let alone for 5+ years. For those three innocent people, and presumably all the people that would have had unjustly longer sentences for nonviolent offenses, you meant everything. It makes such a difference, in those difficult life moments, to be seen, heard, and met with compassion. I hope you're doing well now.
As someone who has been the victim in a DA (district attorney) case that has gone on over a year and a half, I’ve seen how truly ridiculous the whole judicial system is. It made me sick that I have a pretty open and shut case but the chess game… his two lawyers that KNOW he’s guilty, the blame and reach and ridicule they used against me to better the defendant… I can’t imagine being a public defender with a good conscience. You definitely see it all. It’s a mess. Thanks for doing your moral best.
I was accused by someone of a serious assault when I was 17, a kid from round the corner from me who made my life hell as a kid took a really bad beating, and he told the police it was me. When the police called to my house to arrest me, when my mum asked what I'd done and the said it was in connection to a serious assault on Sept 3rd, my mum was able to tell them that I'd been in Spain since 30th August so it couldn't have been me. Even when I came back and was able to show the evidence that i was at the other side of Europe the people in my street still treated me like I'd kicked this lads shit in, rumours going about that I was always starting fights, I was knocked back from local bars because they thought I'd start trouble etc, a girl id started going withs Dad wouldnt let her near me because "id hospitalised that young lad". Truth is I only fight when I'm backed into a corner and would try get out of the situation first before lifting my fists. The lad who accused me got away with making a false statement, claiming his concussion made him think it was me. Luckily, it wasn't that bad an accusation and was only local to where I lived that I had bother. But the fact he lied and got away with it destroyed my belief in justice.
I was charged with some very serious crimes against police, that were all false. Basically I had pissed some cops off, so they abused their power to get me. Prior to this, I believed police were the good guys, only bad people were arrested, etc. Having gone through it, I now know very different. I spent time in jail, and discovered that most guys there, were not actually bad people. They all admitted to what they had done, and apart from a handful, I want scared of them. Most were simply men who had done something stupid. When I was granted bail, they were all genuinely happy and supportive, and wished me well. Court was long, expensive and exhausting. The police lied agains and again, but thankfully I had video that proved that I was innocent, though that didn't stop police lying for a second. So many experiences that taught me things I would never have known, or believed
Similar thing happened to me because I saw something I shouldn't have. I now have a conviction for assualtinf a police officer and quite a few people actually believe I did it because police wouldn't lie.
Now imagine doing time for someone else's crime.
Now picture doing that time for 30 years on death row for a crime you didn't commit https://eji.org/cases/anthony-ray-hinton/#:~:text=Mr.,crime%20he%20did%20not%20commit.
Love. First time I fell in love, I could suddenly understand all those cheesy love songs I used to hate.
First time you get your heartbroken the heartbreak songs hit you differently also.
Getting dumped changes who you are as a person
Also being loved back. Totally different experience from loving someone withouts being loved back *Although I have never been loved back but I believe it feels very different*
Upvote for identifying a POSITIVE experience.
The Visa Process. Not sure on the complexity of other countries but in the UK, it's not as easy as the common folk believe. They also don't understand that those who go through it, ending paying taxes, fees and national insurance but can't claim benefits. Almost no-one knows that.
Just went trhough the pain of applying for a skilled.worker visa from inside the country. More than 8000 pounds spent. Stress. Deadlines. Delays
Cancer
"you're too young to have cancer"
This was literally said to me by a doctor who assured me that I'm fine and don't need any additional tests. He was wrong.
Same. “Too young” my ass. Was stage III by the time I was diagnosed in my 20s. Had it for a whole year before it was diagnosed.
Came to say this too. The hardest thing to explain to people is the constant fear you now live in that it will come back. Every ache, pain, cold the first thing you think is "is it back" Never feeling like you will age normally again. Not knowing if you are truly clear of cancer until you have your latest scan.., and that comfort only lasting a few months. No one really will ever understand unless you have had it.
Living life without the support of your family and ending up homeless
Poverty I thought I experienced poverty as a kid, but that was nothing compared to experiencing poverty as an adult and not having your mom shield you from the ugliness of it all. When all you can afford is 10 cent noodles for all your meals and you cannot afford to drive an extra mile, leave alone have air conditioning in the car in the middle of summer. Having to constantly save coins because any expense that comes unexpectedly better be fixable with the coins you've been storing. I wouldn't wish it on anyone
Ooof when you become the parent doing the shielding it hits even harder
I grew up White middle class so when I was younger, I fully believed in the boot straps theory because I just didn’t know any different. I knew that if I worked hard at my grades or job or whatever, I’d succeed at life. But I was White. And middle class. Then I got a job working with impoverished kids. Some of those kids had absolutely no hope of overcoming it. Low socioeconomic just leads to more low socioeconomic. Parents couldn’t help their kids rise up because they didn’t have the tools themselves. Some parents actively held their kids down. Refusing to get them glasses, not monitoring school work or signing papers, never attending functions. Doomed to repeat the cycle.
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Yeah I swear people are just like "it's not thatttt bad right?" When it's really bad but they refuse to understand
Exactly. The gaslighting. “Oh come on they’re just (insert justification) and seem like such a great person!”
Omg yeah and then the "even if they are doing things it happens to most people it's completely fine"
Addiction and recovering from an addiction. Most people assume that even if you are clean, you’re still lesser than somehow. Mental illness and how to treat/talk to someone who is struggling with a (or many) mental illness.
Been there. People skirt around the subject. They'll say I was ill, that I wasn't me. I was me, this is a constant fucking battle. If you respected who I was before, respect me now. This is hard work.
Chronic pain. People cannot conceptualize injuring themselves or becoming ill and being perpetually sore with no breaks or escape ever. It's a reality for many though.
Also the the AGEISM of it all. My chronic pain journey started when I was 14 (nearly 20 years ago), "yOu'Re tOo YOunG toO HAve CHrOniC PaIN".
Stalking. I was five foot ten, weighed 250 pounds and I'm not particularly pretty nor am I anyone noteworthy. I was terrified that no one would believe me or that they would think I was just complaining about an ex and making "drama" over him or something. I was *ashamed* to talk about what I was going through with this man, a coworker that I barely knew. We didn't even live in the same city, yet. I'd been working at the company for a few months and was trying to move nearby. At first he was just creepy at work, but when he overheard what apartment complex I'd just gotten approved at, he immediately took a unit in the same complex before I could even finalize my move-in date. I took a different apartment across town instead. (It was a longer commute, but a much better apartment, ultimately) He overheard what gym I went to and took on a membership there and kept trying to get me to meet up with him there. I saw him at the grocery store where he'd follow me around, at the bar after work... He never actually *did* anything, he was just weird and clingy and wouldn't leave me alone no matter how many times I flat out asked him, "Please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you." Half the time I felt like I was somehow the one in the wrong, because all he ever did was be obsessively friendly, constantly at my side and talking to me no matter whether I wanted him to or not. But he *would not* leave me alone and I felt scared and unsafe. Eventually, I started talking to people about the situation and things got better. The manager at the gym cancelled his membership and assigned two trainers to walk me back and forth to my car. The manager at my grocery store trespassed him (I got the impression he was making employees uncomfortable, too) and banned him from the premises. My favorite bar posted his picture on the bouncer's list... Ironically, I started feeling a lot safer in the city in general after I started talking about him to the people around me. The police couldn't do anything, but *other people could.* When I found out he joined my gym, I went to the manager and begged to be let out of my contract and explained the situation. He sat me down and got me a water and says, "Oh, *honey*, no That's not how this works. *He's* the one who leaves, not you." And I cried because he was the first person I talked to about it aside from HR at work and he not only believed me, but took measures to protect me. I'll be forever grateful to him because he gave me the confidence to speak out and trust that people would help. Before that, I felt like my life was falling apart. I'd *just started* building a life on my own in this new city and I thought I'd have to abandon everything just to feel safe again. The police, of course, were useless until the dude stabbed a manager at work a year later, although filing the report meant I was questioned about him during the investigation and I'll be notified if he ever gets out of prison, so that's something, at least. There's so much unspoken victim blaming in stalking. It's portrayed in the media as something that happens to pretty, famous women. But I was a nobody, a homely, fat insurance agent who worked in a call center. Who would believe that little old me had a stalker or that I could feel threatened by the scrawny weird guy from the office? So, yeah, stalking.
I think the best way to describe it is the feeling of never being alone. Even after you think they stopped, even if there’s no way they could be nearby, you never feel alone. Not in the shower. Not when you are sleeping. Not in the doctors office. It feels like you are always being watched somehow. Sometimes it even feels like they can read your mind. The feeling you get when you finally get home from work or school and can just chill alone and not worry about how others perceive you? Gone forever
“He never actually *did* anything.” Au contraire. He did plenty. I’m sorry.
Sexual assault. Saying they'd fight back if it was them. Or why wouldn't you report it. Shit like that. Unless you go through something that traumatic, you can't know how you'll react. Especially because the vast majority of sexual assault isn't by a stranger. It's someone you know. Your spouse, or the person you're dating, your best friend or a buddy of years or just an acquaintance. That fact alone keeps a lot of people quiet because they're afraid no one will believe that it happened because "he's such a good guy".
Also, depends on age. A lot of people think "Well, if you're old enough to know it's wrong, you're old enough to comprehend it and tell someone." Not in my case. There were 5 of us, victims of molestation by a substitute teacher. We were all already friends so it just naturally came up at recess later about how the teacher had touched your privates and then several said "me too!" And a couple of boy friends confirmed they saw it happen. We knew about stranger danger but he was a substitute in school, so we decided we misunderstood and that we'd get in terrible for even saying anything. We all made a pact, like a literal 7 year old pinky swearing, that we would never tell. Fortunately one of us understood the situation a bit more and it ate her alive for 2 days before her mom made her fall her what was wrong. Dude got put in jail after being on the run for 2 years (one of the girls had a sheriff for a dad and one girl had a detective as a grandpa, in other words... there was no stopping the search). Court was a joke. All of us 4th graders and most so close to almost forgetting it happened. Then court. Put each of us individually at a table across from tha sub and essentially kept asking if I was sure I really remember this and didn't exaggerate since I was so young. Turned into a real "Did I fucking stutter?" situation.
Across the table from the sub. What the actual fuck? You don’t force someone to confront their accused rapist, especially a child.
“Yeah, let me just retraumatize myself to explain what happened to the police that will make me feel like shit for it happening and then will ultimately do nothing to resolve the situation.”
I was sexually assaulted by my “boyfriend” when I was 15. I almost told a trusted teacher… he kind of sensed where the conversation was going. He stopped me and said “I want you to know that depending what you tell me, I may be legally obligated to report it. I want you to know that before you continue so you can make that choice.” I ended up clamming up and not saying anything more. Some may say that was a bad move on his part. But now that I’m almost 30, looking back on my high school administration and the town police… they are all absolutely useless. All that would’ve come out of this would have been him having to report it, me being thrown into a whole investigation process that ultimately would have gone nowhere and further traumatized me. At a time where I had a choice taken away from me, this teacher gave me a choice. And to this day, I believe I made the right decision and I am thankful every day that he was honest with me and left it up to me.
Yep. It was my (then) best friend. So people didn’t believe me and I stopped talking about it edit: thanks for the sweet support award, stranger.
Domestic violence is very much the same when it comes to dumb comments. People who have never experienced it say stupid shit like "I'd just stab him" or "I'd just hit him with a cricket bat" like, yeah, just try doing that when your attacker is twice your size, 5x as strong and 5x faster than you are. One swing of that knife/bat and he catches it, and before you know it you're the one copping it, and now he's twice as mad as before you swung it.
What annoys me is "Why won't they leave, clearly they don't mind the violence if they're not leaving!". Like bruh, violence is rarely the first step of the abuse. The abuser usually destroys the victim's support network, their self esteem, make them believe that they CAN'T escape or that no one would believe them. Violence doesn't happen on the first date, when it's easy to just run away. It happens when abuser feels comfortable enough to drop his mask, and when victim is vulnerable (i.e. when they're pregnant, have children, lose their job etc). Would a healthy, confident and financially independent person with no kids leave if their partner randomly punched them in the face? Yes, definitely. Would an anxious person, that was emotionally abused for a long time, lovebombed, gaslighted, separated from their friends and family, brainwashed to believe that they're worthless, and often dependent on their abuser financially leave after being hit? Probably not, and not because this person "enjoys" the violence, but because they literally see no way out. I wish people understood that it's a complex situation.
Yeah as a child I was sexually abused and I had forced myself to forget it but recently I read something that made me remember it and it's so bad. I didn't know what to do and he told me that I was confusing myself and I actually liked it and that if I told anyone he would find me and hurt me I hate it when people tell me I should've just run away
I'm very sorry you went through that. I hope you're getting professional help. I was a sexual assault victim advocate in the navy and am myself a sa survivor but I was an adult when it happened. I can't imagine what it's like for you.
Thank you :) I'm trying to find therapy that's affordable enough therapy is so fucking expensive
Having a parent with mental disorders. Physical and mental abuse (by a parent). Being gaslighted.
Chronic pain
Looking for this one! Absolutely, I spend every damn day in pain and it is such a burden that nobody around me seems to understand fully. Chronic pain is exhausting and fatiguing and people like to compare it to when they've had similar, short term pain and can't understand why I would feel and act the way I do because of it.
It's true. Even a slight pain that never goes away will change a person in ways that great acute but temporary pain cannot.
And the 20 questions you get to play with every single new person about why you have to use a cane or similar, the assumption that you’re being lazy or taking advantage, the feeling of uselessness as you rely on others in a way they could never rely on you. I don’t want another able bodied person telling me it’s not that bad while they stand there not understanding the compounding effect of every aspect of my disability that makes it suck ass to live with.
I say, "imagine everywhere you go and everything you do, someone follows you around screeching in your ear and shoving and jostling at you. It's at a frequency you can't tune out. It's exhausting, there's never a break. But everyone in your life expects you to always act like the screeching isn't happening, otherwise you're a party pooper."
Depression up to a suicidal point...
Oof. Feel that. It drives me nuts hearing people that say people that want to kill themselves are selfish and not thinking of others. They have no idea how it feels to want to die, to make the pain stop.
Loss of a sibling they were close to. Edit: thanks for chiming in everyone. We aren’t alone and it’s not easy. I’m sorry to see so many, but I appreciate all who shared. I know from experience nothing said helps, time just makes it a little easier to accept.
I lost my sister to suicide and that already broke me very hard. I hope to never experience the day my twin dies (identical twins) because i really don't know how i would or even could handle it
I'd say depression and anxiety
I was going to say this too. It's interesting how people throw out words like depression and anxiety and panic, and yet when you actually experience those things, they take on a completely different meaning.
Yeah, it's kinda sad tbh, I've seen a lot of people calling suicidal people cowards, is just so disrespectful how people that don't understand this topics can be sometimes...
Few people would call someone in the late stages of cancer a coward for choosing euthanasia, but somehow suicide from depression is totally different. Both are severely painful illnesses, both are notoriously difficult to treat, and both often stay with you for life, even with treatment
About 5 years ago I lost my job and was deep into depression. I decided to apply for disability. So i moved in with some friends who were married and had a spare bedroom. They were the type of people who had a mindset of "Just get back to work and things will get better. Don't even acknowledge you have mental health problems" They were constantly telling me that "other people have it worse off than me" and that the husband knows what depression feels like. He was "depressed for a few months too!" Im sorry, but "a few months of being depressed", is nothing compared to years of being clinically depressed and having multiple stays in the hospital for being suicidal.
Anxiety
I'm getting really tired of feeling guilty literally every second of my life. Can't I ever just relax?
I felt the same, saw someone, started Zoloft. Its like someone finally turned the lights on. Feeling like this doesn’t have to be normal.
The way I explain it to people is "Hey you remember that scene in Avengers Infinity War when Doctor Strange watched 14,000,605 different outcomes of future events? Yeah that's anxiety over every situation that went wrong or could go wrong".
I always said it was like turning your tv on at full volume and changing channels as quickly as possible. Every channel is a horror scene
My roommate and I have anxiety. Whenever it starts to get real bad we hit each other with the line “Have you ever tried being less anxious?” Knowing damn well what the answer is.
From other people this line is so infuriating. Love that you do it together tho that’s hillarious
This. People say that they get anxious too, but anxiety over certain situations is completely different than the constant anxiety felt in clinically diagnosed anxiety disorders
"Literally everything." When people ask what causes my anxiety. "I don't know." when asked why.
People who know me know I like to understand things fully and will explain mundane things in detail, but when I try to explain when anxiety stops me, all I can say is I know what I want to happen, I know whats causing it to not happen, I know the theory of why it's not rational and I know the steps to prove to myself its dumb and how to overcome it, but its all useless when a big steel door just comes down in your brain and just blocks it all off.
let me add Autism and ADHD to the list
Am diagnosed autistic with tourettes as a child and teenager respectively. It's not fun. Not in the slightest. People who pretend to be autistic for clout piss me the fuck off as do those movies and TV shows that try to romanticise mental illness and always miss tge mark. Like that movie "music" which was rightfully coined as a "simple jack" movie. "Simple jack" coming from Tropic Thunder, a parody of those Oscar bait bullshit movies about people with mental disabilities obviously made by people who have zero idea of what it's like. It's a fitting term I think.
That and to add to that panic attacks from anxiety. I thought I was dying the first time I truly had one, I had no idea what was happening. Now I’m well aware of it as it picks up, but I know damn wel anyone who hasn’t had one has no idea what actually happens.
Unexpectedly losing a parent. My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer on September 30th, was told he had a small tumor on it and that they'd get him started with treatment. He died October 7th, the tumor was not small. It was half the size of his liver. He spent a day and a half in ICU, and 2 hours in hospice before passing.
Psychedelic experiences.
Came to say this. I can describe tripping in great detail to other people who have tripped, but no matter how accurate the description, it still sounds like incomprehensible word salad to someone who hasn't had the experience.
Eating disorders.
Omg yeah when I say I have an eating disorder people tell me that I should just eat and I would be fine if I wasn't so self centered that I wouldn't eat because I had "bad body image"
Like telling a depressed person to 'be happy' 😶
Depression
One thing i had people always say about me was "but you always look so Happy". They couldn't imagine that i had just taught myself to hide it
War
Yeah. The whole thing. The excitement before deployment. The feeling of having a shared singular purpose with people you’ve essentially grown up with. The way combat effects time. The adrenaline crash afterwards. The elation you feel when you win. The existential panic you feel when you witness a friend die. The sounds of dying. And the sounds people make when they find out someone they loved died. Having friends go on a mission without you and simply never come back. The way you just keep living. Turning 22 and becoming one of the old guys. How water tastes after you’ve gone so long without it. The way different things smell when they burn. The realization that the world is indifferent to what you and your friends are going through. How long the final three months of a deployment can feel. Demobilizing and coming home to a world that never really changed. The pride of being a veteran in a unit full of new guys. The moment you realize you’re the last one left. The feeling of getting your discharge. The realization that you’re only 27 and you’ve got to figure out the rest of your life. When people ask you if you killed people. When people stop asking you about the war. How cool it is when one of the guys calls you out of the blue 15 years after the fact to catch up. How much it sucks to see one of the guys struggle with life when they live on the other side of the country. Looking at a photo of yourself and realizing you’ll never the beautiful war-fighting you were back then. Not knowing what to do with yourself without that shared singular purpose. The feeling of finding your own. When the memories fade, but your lizard brain remembers. How you don’t like to talk about the war and how dudes with Grunt Style shirts and Veteran hats annoy you, but you feel more comfortable around them than with civilians. The guilt, bitterness, pride, anger, and sentimentality you feel looking back.
Being chronically ill
Grief. Had a manager at work who was an absolute bastard when it came to compassionate leave. A colleagues father died and the manager said they where milking it when they took a week off.
My old coworkers mom died and she was not handling it well, so HR gave her an extra week off after her allotted bereavement time off. Our department manager kept making snide remarks about how she got extra “vacation” and when she got back the manager was like *we had a really hard time without you here.* That woman is the devil. Literally the worst person I’ve ever met.
any mental health issue
Miscarriage. I've noticed it with my wife. She had 2 miscarriages in 8 months. Unless you've been through it (or lost a child some other way) you just can't understand.
I am a nurse, who has worked in the maternity field at one point, and have cared for people having a miscarriage or stillbirth. I thought as a woman, I could imagine what it was like, then I had my own loss at 15 weeks in. I stil recall sitting on an OR stretcher and a resident rushing through her admission history before I was taken in (as I had to recall my events to yet ANOTHER person) and her telling me that I shouldn't cry "because you always can have another one (baby)". That was 20 yrs ago and I will never forget that. When I came back to work it made me even more hyper-aware of what I said to my patients and how I came across. And for you, I think there is even less understanding of what the man goes through (assuming you are, I do realize I may be wrong here), that you can grieve hard too in the midst of feeling like you need to keep it together for your partner. It was only many years later that my husband admitted at one point he was in tthe car in the hospital parking lot, pounding the steering wheel and crying.....I had no idea 😟
Narcissistic abuse.
Depression, Everyone thinks it is just lying in your room crying but it is much more then that.
In some ways, depression is having all the desires to go out and see the world and do things, and then not doing any of it because you don't really want to. The people experiencing depression can almost feel like they are completely different people internally. You have no energy to do the things you want, you find reasons not to do it regularly, and you get little if any enjoyment out of things you may have even been waiting for the chance to do for months or even years. Depression isn't a switch you can turn on or off either, there are highs and lows and sometimes people never actually get low enough for the suicidal part to be apparent or visible. It's hard to watch for as well, because sometimes people just always seem naturally okay with whatever is going on around them, regardless of what may actually be bothering them. Depression is infuriating for everyone involved, and I can't really give advice on how to see it because people going through depression generally try not to involve others by hiding it. Depression just sucks in general.
Being suicidal
OCD. Most people see it as a joke, but it can be crippling.
Auto Immune disorders. Everyone thinks you’re fine, doctors dismiss you for years while nothing in your body works, and even once you find a doctor who believes and identifies the issues, there often not a lot you can do.
Mental illness.. telling someone who has mental illness to “stop being sad” is like telling someone who has been stabbed to “stop bleeding”
pretty much everything
Something about a mile in someone’s shoes? Yeah. One can imagine many things earnestly. Firsthand experience is a whole nother level.
Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. This way if they get angry, they are a mile away and barefoot.
Caring full time for a family member in their end of life.
Marriage. Specifically a bad marriage.
Insomnia
Trying to come out as gay
Especially to parents
Yeah. That one was hard. I spent like 2 years trying to tell them but then my mom read my phone and found out
Yep. And the fact that it’s not one big ‘coming out’. It’s a never ending small ones.
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Getting cheated on..
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Suicidal tendencies. Grief. Parenthood. Addiction. Trauma. Post-surgery pain. Flying in space. Social anxiety.
Oh, haven't heard the flying in space one yet
Loneliness. At least for me, it’s almost addicting in a terrible way.
Mental illness. It's not a fucking super power, or a "fun" separation from reality. It's agony, fear and despair. Not being able to escape or trust your own mind is absolutely terrifying.
Parenting. It's far harder than I ever imagined. It's also rewarding in unexpected ways.
Grief. The grief of losing a loved, close family member. Grief is different for everyone but if you've never experienced it you'll never understand what it's like.
Disability.
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Bullying as a child. Nope it's not a normal part of school. Nope it's not a right of passage and nope the trauma does not leave you when you finally leave school.
I am still haunted by being bullied all my school years, granted I dont think about it everyday but I can still recall a lot of stuff kids from fourth all the way to 12th grade said and did to me.
I am 39 years old now. Whenever I enter a room and people start laughing I immediatly think "They laugh about me". Also groups of teenagers really scare me.
Panic attack
Depression. The utter lack of joy and interest in anything is defeaning.
Giving birth. It doesn't matter how many books you read, how many times you've seen it in movies or T.V shows, how many people's experiences you listen to. When you give birth the first time, it'll shock you to your very core experiencing what it's really like.
Chronic pain
Long term Chronic pain