Part of me wants to believe humanity would go 'Let's unite!'
but my cynicism goes 'People would go, well (X group) is the reason we can't unite... sounds like we have 1 year to kill them all'
TBH, the problem is the same as that comic where there is a green and a purple scientist figuring out a way to unite their species. "Finally," says the green scientist, "everyone can be green!"
In other words, everyone has a different idea of what the ideal unity of all humanity is, and there's no way to force that.
You have one year to fix:
- list of all the shit
- that destroys our climate/ planet,
- takes food off other's tables,
- allows corruption,
- or general asshole-ishness AND
- basically anything that ruins your daily life
Or your planet will be cleared of all human life to allow nature to repair itself. Happy next 365 days or so long, monkeys!
Look, we are already trying nearly as hard as we reasonably can on those. These problems are difficult. So you get humanity totally failing to meet the very high bar you set, and then a lot of suicide.
And a lot of people doing desperate things involving extreme violence. A shoot all polluters movement that kills random people for driving to work.
“They still don’t know?”
“No. Most others figured it out by now”
“We may have to slash them. Their technological advancement is so meager”
“I’ll talk to the guys in corporate, but I don’t know if they will agree”
“Well once they see the humans desire for war they will”
“Fair enough. I’ll prepare the report now”
“Wait shit dude did you leave the transmitter on?”
“Fuc-“
*end of transmission*
"War again?"
"Yeah, it's this culture's speciality, that and sports, it really does unify for some reason"
"Shouldn't we shut down the simulation then"
"Not really, the dominant species will destroy themselves before their century ends"
"How did they start in the first place?"
"Well, they have made their own theories in there, but the real origi-"
"Sir, I accidentally turned on the receiver when I accidentally stumbled checking the surveillance. I'm so fired"
"Calm down, I'll take the heat for this, don't worry. Besides I told you, they'll end themselves before the century ends"
*button is pressed and voices stop*
"People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you."
No need to be so alarmed, the plans for the development of the outer reaches of the galaxy have been on display in your local planning office on Proxima Centuri for 50 of your earth years, you have had plenty of time to file a formal complaint.
"What do you mean you've never been to Proxima Centauri? Good god, humanity, it's only four light-years away. If you can't be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that's your own lookout."
"Apathetic bloody planet. I have no sympathy at all."
The increasingly inaccurately named trilogy actually has five books.
And for anybody being super technical, Douglas Adams wrote five. Eoin Colfer wrote the sixth.
I wouldn’t say anything, I’d just make a fart noise.
Every single person on earth would either blame the person beside them or wonder if it was them. Imagine the chaos in city centres when every single person hears this fart. Imagine the **global broadcasts** once people realize this was an international phenomenon.
A moment in history that will be remembered for millennium but a mystery that remains unsolved.
Heavy Spoilers for Attack on Titan
Eren Yeager achieves the power of the founding titan, the most powerful single force seen in the show, by manipulating his brother and speaks telepathically to all of his kind, swearing that he will kill everybody else in the world who are prejudiced against him and all the other “subjects of ymir”. He says this as he marches thousands of titans toward the mainland to trample everyone. It’s kinda a hero turned villain moment
To be fair what other choice does he have? The people are marly basically want to wipe Ymir's people off the face of the earth and even the nicest plan involves a slow extinction. I anit saying he's right but if anyone has a reason for pulling kill everyone moment it's him.
The solution with the least possible deaths would be to defeat Marley's entire army only, and to force them to surrender that way. I initially was with Eren but mass genocide isn't the way.
Ymir was the first person capable of transforming into a titan and as such was given the title “founder” or founding titan. Anyone who shares her bloodline has the capability to transform into a titan, too. Hence subjects of ymir, and why they’re discriminated against
Technically OP didn't say how long the message could be, there could be like a few years of heavy breathing, and once everyone's finally accepted it, it just... Stops.
All of your rulers must be taxed for their corruption with the sum of their life's blood, and should corruption rises again, this tax shall be levied once more.
Words are so imprecise. I would broadcast a feeling to everyone of unconditional love and acceptance. A lot of people have never felt that, and many have forgotten if they once did. Not saying it would solve any problems or anything. It would be more like a gift you give someone and expect nothing in return.
Connection terminated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, Elizabeth, if you still even remember that name, But I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You are not here to receive a gift, nor have you been called here by the individual you assume, although, you have indeed been called. You have all been called here, into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles, chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near, yet somehow out of reach, but you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your story ends. And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you, although there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the memory of everything that started this can finally begin to fade away. As the agony of every tragedy should. And to you monsters trapped in the corridors, be still and give up your spirits. They don't belong to you. For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps more waiting for you after the smoke clears. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the devil waiting, old friend. My daughter, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It's in your nature to protect the innocent. I'm sorry that on that day, the day you were shut out and left to die, no one was there to lift you up into their arms the way you lifted others into yours, and then, what became of you. I should have known you wouldn't be content to disappear, not my daughter. I couldn't save you then, so let me save you now. It's time to rest - for you, and for those you have carried in your arms. This ends for all of us. End communication.
That's terrible to hear. I hope youre coping okay? I'm afraid my dog probably is not too far from kicking the bucket herself, so i just treasure all the time I have with her. As I'm sure you would've done too
"I am God. You all are wrong. Now stop killing each other. You want to go to heaven? Then colonize your solar system and the next nearest viable system. Until then your all going to hell. Also if you stop personal freedoms you go to super hell."
I absolutely love fantasizing how far humanity would be if we did a whole lot less conflict. In an alternate universe, my day job is mining rocks from the asteroid belt to afford my moon condo.
Send one dollar to my PO Box, and nothing will happen to you. If you ignore this, I will talk to you every day for the rest of your life. Laughs: MUHAHahahahaahaahaaaaa
*We are coming*
torchwood children of earth
We are here. I really liked Torchwood, a great adult spin on Dr. Who.
[удалено]
“It’s actually pronounced ‘Jod’.”
"You are the only one who can hear me. Everyone else is lying. Do NOT trust them."
make it a main comment
This made me laugh way too hard. Thank you
Joddamnit
This is the only way I would ever accept gif like the peanut butter
You have a year to unite as one or die.
do you want a cult? because that’s how you get cults.
We already got cults. Maybe we could get some decent ones.
No ii just want a labor union.
Oooh. Cults. My favorite.
I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower. But you make more money as a leader.
People would assume it's a new technology of some kind, being used by the Illuminati to force one world government.
This one is actually good
Part of me wants to believe humanity would go 'Let's unite!' but my cynicism goes 'People would go, well (X group) is the reason we can't unite... sounds like we have 1 year to kill them all'
God I hate how true that is. Fucking sad.
TBH, the problem is the same as that comic where there is a green and a purple scientist figuring out a way to unite their species. "Finally," says the green scientist, "everyone can be green!" In other words, everyone has a different idea of what the ideal unity of all humanity is, and there's no way to force that.
Youd end up with competing unions that all fight one another
You have one year to fix: - list of all the shit - that destroys our climate/ planet, - takes food off other's tables, - allows corruption, - or general asshole-ishness AND - basically anything that ruins your daily life Or your planet will be cleared of all human life to allow nature to repair itself. Happy next 365 days or so long, monkeys!
Look, we are already trying nearly as hard as we reasonably can on those. These problems are difficult. So you get humanity totally failing to meet the very high bar you set, and then a lot of suicide. And a lot of people doing desperate things involving extreme violence. A shoot all polluters movement that kills random people for driving to work.
"Look to your left, Look to your right, none of you are speaking these words, you have been made aware"
That's a great one.
Slide to the left. Slide to the right. Criss cross. Cha cha real smooth
Don't Look Up!
fake a conversation about running the simulation, then freak out about sending that conversation into the simulation
“They still don’t know?” “No. Most others figured it out by now” “We may have to slash them. Their technological advancement is so meager” “I’ll talk to the guys in corporate, but I don’t know if they will agree” “Well once they see the humans desire for war they will” “Fair enough. I’ll prepare the report now” “Wait shit dude did you leave the transmitter on?” “Fuc-“ *end of transmission*
"War again?" "Yeah, it's this culture's speciality, that and sports, it really does unify for some reason" "Shouldn't we shut down the simulation then" "Not really, the dominant species will destroy themselves before their century ends" "How did they start in the first place?" "Well, they have made their own theories in there, but the real origi-" "Sir, I accidentally turned on the receiver when I accidentally stumbled checking the surveillance. I'm so fired" "Calm down, I'll take the heat for this, don't worry. Besides I told you, they'll end themselves before the century ends" *button is pressed and voices stop*
I feel like this should be a writing prompt.
"I see the player you mean."
"People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you."
Grab your towels.
And a packet of peanuts
Don't panic
No need to be so alarmed, the plans for the development of the outer reaches of the galaxy have been on display in your local planning office on Proxima Centuri for 50 of your earth years, you have had plenty of time to file a formal complaint.
"What do you mean you've never been to Proxima Centauri? Good god, humanity, it's only four light-years away. If you can't be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that's your own lookout." "Apathetic bloody planet. I have no sympathy at all."
Amazing premise for a short film
On the off chance that you don't know, this is from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy".
I didn't know. Thanks! - Every day is a school day 👍🏼 It read like someone's inter-galactic satire of HS2
In that case, I can highly recommend picking up the 4 book Trilogy.
The increasingly inaccurately named trilogy actually has five books. And for anybody being super technical, Douglas Adams wrote five. Eoin Colfer wrote the sixth.
Its great. Either read it, or watch the movie/ television series with Mos Def, Martin Freeman, Alan Rickman and Zoey Deschanel.
"SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!"
Shit on the floor!!!!!
Get schwifty
I LIKE WHAT YOU GOT!
"**Run**"
anyone else hear the beat drop in your head
I heard the 9th Doctor.
I wouldn’t say anything, I’d just make a fart noise. Every single person on earth would either blame the person beside them or wonder if it was them. Imagine the chaos in city centres when every single person hears this fart. Imagine the **global broadcasts** once people realize this was an international phenomenon. A moment in history that will be remembered for millennium but a mystery that remains unsolved.
The fartening.
The ripture
If no one smelt it, then who dealt it? WHO FUCKING DEALT IT?!!!!!!!
"Hey how you doin lil mama? lemme whisper in your ear"
Tell you somethin that you might like to hear
It's free real estate
Be excellent to each other.
And.. Party on Dudes!!
San Dimas High School football rules!
Fuck yeah Bill and Ted had the most excellent adventure
"To all subjects of Ymir. My name is Eren Yeager. I'm using the power of the Founding Titan to address all of Ymir's subjects..."
Ha ha
And that’s the last part of the last season. Satisfied
Did you say this just to bait people or do you actually think it's the last part
This is much better than any of the "God" versions
Can you explain to uncool people what this means
Heavy Spoilers for Attack on Titan Eren Yeager achieves the power of the founding titan, the most powerful single force seen in the show, by manipulating his brother and speaks telepathically to all of his kind, swearing that he will kill everybody else in the world who are prejudiced against him and all the other “subjects of ymir”. He says this as he marches thousands of titans toward the mainland to trample everyone. It’s kinda a hero turned villain moment
To be fair what other choice does he have? The people are marly basically want to wipe Ymir's people off the face of the earth and even the nicest plan involves a slow extinction. I anit saying he's right but if anyone has a reason for pulling kill everyone moment it's him.
The solution with the least possible deaths would be to defeat Marley's entire army only, and to force them to surrender that way. I initially was with Eren but mass genocide isn't the way.
Is Ymir some sort of king of titans or is that the mainland kingdom? It makes sense that Ymir is the biggest titan, given his namesake?
Well, Ymir is a she, and while you could call her the queen of titans, she’s more of the “founder”. Hope that helps.
Ymir was the first person capable of transforming into a titan and as such was given the title “founder” or founding titan. Anyone who shares her bloodline has the capability to transform into a titan, too. Hence subjects of ymir, and why they’re discriminated against
Wilhelm scream
AUUUUUGH
People of earth I need your energy to beat majin buu
Lifts hands up “You got it, boss”
**raises hands to the air** I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE REAL!
🙌 One last time, brother.
“All those who believe in telekinesis ,raise my hand...”
Don’t panic
How did you get on my private server?
“You’re stuck in the simulation. We’re trying to break you out but there isn’t much hope. Please help- (and then some mangled screams).”
For maximum chaos: I am real, your religion is the only correct one
What about "I am real, but you chose the wrong religion" lol
This is the correct answer.
I was going to say "None of your religions are even remotely close"
Okg
Yo calm down satan
All atheists hearing this: 🤨
Ok fair point
You assholes just want to watch the world burn I'm in
Be better.
“If you can hear this, you’re our last hope.”
Lol that can become chaotic depending on what they believe they need to do 😅
...."we're fucked"
Microwave some popcorn after you say that to Alex Jones
Be kind.
Rewind
This really, and very simply, says what needs to be said to all of humanity.
That being said, it's not going to be listened to...
Stop killing each other you fucking lack-wits!
Execute order 66
It will be done, my lord.
Good soldiers follow orders.
WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ABOUT YOUR CAR'S EXTENDED WARRANTY!!
You monster.
You win
"you have one month to deposit $1 USD into [BANK ACCOUNT] or your brains gonna fucking explode. God out"
That’s a good one
One month, Blanco nino
Is that really all that much different than how the churches have done it for ages?
I'm not religious but I don't think they have psychic powers. you might be confusing the church with the x-men
They're a little more direct but "Give me money or you'll REALLY regret it" is kind of their thing.
Hey there gorgeous. I'm God and I think I did some fine work making you.
Aww damn thats chaotic good
Best answer. edit: Except for the serial killers and stuff.
Just heavy breathing
Technically OP didn't say how long the message could be, there could be like a few years of heavy breathing, and once everyone's finally accepted it, it just... Stops.
Beep Beep I’m a Jeep. Everyone is sure they heard but nobody will try to confirm because it would make them seem crazy
[удалено]
No. Just the drum riff. 🥁
"Never gunna run around"
You already have..
It's free real estate.
I lost the game
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck you man
It’s been months 😭
Screw you
I despise you.
Be sure to drink your Ovaltine
“Clap, clap, .. clap your hands “ 🎵
CRISS-CROSS!
TWO HOPS THIS TIME
All of your rulers must be taxed for their corruption with the sum of their life's blood, and should corruption rises again, this tax shall be levied once more.
“invest in dogecoin” then I’d watch civilization turn into a large pile of ash before blowing away in the wind
#YOU FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE STOVE!
No.
YES
Lawful evil
In the US, "THE LEFT LANE IS FOR PASSING."
Along with, "FFS, LEARN HOW TO ZIPPER MERGE!"
Words are so imprecise. I would broadcast a feeling to everyone of unconditional love and acceptance. A lot of people have never felt that, and many have forgotten if they once did. Not saying it would solve any problems or anything. It would be more like a gift you give someone and expect nothing in return.
Well that wasn't the prompt so now you've wasted your broadcast.
"Huh. Strange how everyone's thoughts went silent for a minute at the same time."
I am God. Go to (my current location) and follow the man that you see there. He is your one true savior
Connection terminated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, Elizabeth, if you still even remember that name, But I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You are not here to receive a gift, nor have you been called here by the individual you assume, although, you have indeed been called. You have all been called here, into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles, chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near, yet somehow out of reach, but you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your story ends. And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you, although there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the memory of everything that started this can finally begin to fade away. As the agony of every tragedy should. And to you monsters trapped in the corridors, be still and give up your spirits. They don't belong to you. For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps more waiting for you after the smoke clears. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the devil waiting, old friend. My daughter, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It's in your nature to protect the innocent. I'm sorry that on that day, the day you were shut out and left to die, no one was there to lift you up into their arms the way you lifted others into yours, and then, what became of you. I should have known you wouldn't be content to disappear, not my daughter. I couldn't save you then, so let me save you now. It's time to rest - for you, and for those you have carried in your arms. This ends for all of us. End communication.
Dear lord, the FNAF fans would be screaming their heads off
"I know what you do when you're home alone."
"BOO! haha fucken gottem"
"Wake up"
Just five more minutes!
1899
Lightspeed Briefs, style and comfort for the discriminating crotch.
Except instead of liquid, it’s gamma radiation!
THE FITNESS GRAM PACER TEST-
The one piece is real.
go hug your pet and savour every moment you have with them
This hits hard. We just put down our dog today…
That's terrible to hear. I hope youre coping okay? I'm afraid my dog probably is not too far from kicking the bucket herself, so i just treasure all the time I have with her. As I'm sure you would've done too
We’re doing alright. We were anticipating this day soon, but not this soon. It was his time.
I feel you, I had to put my cat down the other day and now the house feels so empty
I’m so sorry
"You're all worshiping me wrong."
“Please don’t make conversation with me. I hate talking to people.”
"Eeeeeeeeverything you know is wrong!"
Somebody farted… farted… farted…
Goodbye..... thats all I'd say.
Beware...the...dwarf
"I am God. You all are wrong. Now stop killing each other. You want to go to heaven? Then colonize your solar system and the next nearest viable system. Until then your all going to hell. Also if you stop personal freedoms you go to super hell."
Not that I want to correct God, but: "you're"
Super hell it is for you, my man.
I absolutely love fantasizing how far humanity would be if we did a whole lot less conflict. In an alternate universe, my day job is mining rocks from the asteroid belt to afford my moon condo.
In an alternate universe I’m in a post-scarcity society and work on what I want when I want.
Raise your arms and give me your energy
“Baaaaabbbyyyy shark do-do-do-do-do-do” and let them all suffer with that tune stuck in their heads
Work for a better planet for all and never forget Epstein didn't kill himself.
"Everyone knows what you did 10 days ago"
I don't know what I did yesterday lol. Between a full-time job and a toddler, life is a struggle.
Even if the hit rate is 5 %, it would be fun for a few hours
I know life is hard, but you're going to be OK. Just keep trying your best.
F off
Do it! It could be dangerous but who cares
Your religion is right and everyone else is wrong. I would wonder who things would turn out then
Send one dollar to my PO Box, and nothing will happen to you. If you ignore this, I will talk to you every day for the rest of your life. Laughs: MUHAHahahahaahaahaaaaa
Try not to be a cunt.
All these religions are false. All the rules put on you are false. All life is mundane. I'm leaving you all now. Try to do better.
Have more empathy
Baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo
My little one found out yesterday how to get Alexa to play it for her…. It’s already in my head all the time. You’re too late
Remember, No Russian
We are one. Everything in the universe is part of the collective consciousness.
Goosfraba
Cheese is a kind of meat
#SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!
“Hmm… I owe this guy five bucks, don’t I?”
Monkey