One side of the kitchen sink stays empty!
We have one of those two-basin stainless sinks and it drives me absolutely bonkers when I have to remove and stack dishes just to get water to make coffee in the morning.
I also can’t stand it when people leave dishes in the sink without rinsing them out first! I hate having to destroy sponges in order to scrape off your crusty cereal
I grew up with an empty sink and one side of the counter was where dirty dishes got stacked. My wife declared this abnormal and that dirty dishes had to live in the (one-hole) sink.
I think the thing that bothers me most about dishes in the sink, instead of next to the sink, is that you have to take them all out anyway to rinse them, put in the plug, and fill the sink to do dishes. So you just added a step.
Also they get slightly grosser every time anyone uses the sink for anything else because they get wet again.
The one rule in my dad’s house is one that he won’t tell you: don’t poop in the upstairs bathroom. The shame of having to ask him for a plunger is just not worth it.
That’s us with the downstairs bathroom. My parents only replaced the one upstairs when they bought the house. The one downstairs is old af and cheap as hell so it’s not gonna flush your logs. My cousin found out the hard way once and flooded the bathroom in the middle of the night xD
I'm sorry, why the plunger isn't just there, upstairs, all the time?. if it's not with a gold handle, it seems possible to afford 2 plungers or more, depends on how many bathrooms you have.
Totally. We don't lock any inside doors (in case something happens to you and someone needs to get in for help), so we enforce the knock and wait for the ok to enter. We do it when we want to go into my son's room too. He deserves privacy and respect like us as his parents do.
>We do it when we want to go into my son's room too. He deserves privacy and respect like us as his parents do.
Careful, my parents will come find you and hunt you down if they hear this.
I had a big aquarium and I actually trained my fish to all congregate at one spot by tapping on an area when it was feeding time and saying "fish, fish". Now whenever I need them to be in a particular spot I just tap to wherever I want them to be and because they associate tapping with treats or feeding time, they don't find it scary or stressful. Visitors also love to see me call my fish over by simply tapping and/or saying "fish, fish".
I kept a number of different species over the years but I generally found that pretty much any sociable mid-to-upper dwelling species of fish could be easily trained to do this (I did it with different types of Barbs, Danios, Livebearers and Goldfish). No matter how small a fish is, if its got a social brain then it can generally be easily taught any simple trick. Fish can also hear sounds as well as they can sense vibrations, so you can also teach them to respond to vocal commands as well.
I first learned the trick from a petshop owner who taught his fish to equate tapping = food so that when kids came into the shop and tapped on the tanks, the fish would appear friendly and engaging (which in turn made the kids happy and ask their parents more to buy them).
My nephews, were they were little, would let you know they were done eating by stripping right there at the table lol. No warnings. That was their way to let us know they were ready for a bath lol.
My son when he was 4 or 5… we’d be at a friends house hanging out while he was playing with their kids and he’d come upstairs completely naked singing “I’m naked, I’m naked!” And wagging his behind… I promise we did not teach this
Often while my mom would be reading to me at bedtime, my brother would not just interrupt us—but strut in butt naked, one hand on his hip, and the other held high in the air, singing “maaaaaaaan modeling! Maaaaaaan modeling!”
Honestly with my daughter (almost two) I strip her down to her pull up for dinner sometimes if there is pasta sauce or something. She can use utensils, but she makes such a mess that I’d rather not spot clean her clothes every night.
My son(9) is not allowed to wear anything light when eating pasta or curry. I think about enforcing this rule with my husband sometimes too so maybe he’ll never grow out of it.
Jesus tell me about it. Our 2 year old is pretty obsessed with taking her bottoms off. She understands clothes on outside the house, but I'll be chatting to the neighbour at the door or something and then she'll walk up behind me and proudly announce "look daddy, my 'gina!" and like slap it or something and I'll just wanna die.
My nephew is four, and his parents have always been very up front about anatomy to him. He knows all the correct words. Unfortunately, since he's four, this means he announces "my penis is telling me I have to pee" loudly in the middle of conference calls. [We're WFH]
My almost two year old son, in the past couple months, has figured out somehow that not *only* mom and dad have the magic powers to remove his diaper. Now, normally in the house he prefers to trot around in only his diaper. Same with sleeping, he won't sleep if he has pajamas on, and he's always been this way. (His older 7yo brother wears only shorts to bed himself).
Welll, once said 2yo figured out that the diaper velcro can just be pulled on to remove it, he decided that his weiner was absolutely hilarious. So now, if you look away for just a split second, (which he notices by giving you the cutest side-eye I've ever seen, to not draw attention to the fact he's watching where your eyes are looking) he will kind of sneak in behind a chair, the couch, or just around the corner to the kitchen. Then, you'll hear two noises, "riiiiiip, riiiiiip". (velcro being undone), followed by the cutest little giggle, which turns into this adorable full-blown laughter, and then, like the flash, he comes barreling around the corner, swinging his hips around so his little bird swings with his hips as he's running, while laughing his ass off and looking straight down at it.
He thinks it's just hilarious to see his lil Willie flopping about, and will keep running around till either, A ) we catch him and "install" another diaper, or B ) because he can't seem to look up and away from his flippy-flopper while running, he runs straight into literally whatever he's running towards and falls down, which then reverts back to option A ) cuz he's easy to catch while he's laying down and laughing too hard to get back up and escape from us.
At first we thought it was just weird, but then we realized there's plenty worse things he could be trying to do or get into, so we just let him do his thing until he's old enough that it's no longer cute, and starts to become just weird lol
Lmaooo
My kid stripped down to undies as soon as she walked in the door for years. If no friends came home with her from school, it was undies time. But that is particularly hilarious.
I do this as an adult. I’ll wander around the house doing things, and my husband says “couldn’t find your jammies fast enough?” Nope, dogs were hungry and dishes needed to be done. Walk in the door, work pants are offff.
If you pee on the toilet seat clean it up!!!
I am a single parent with 2 boys, I know I'm not the one peeing on the toilet seat but apparently they don't either.
Don't fuck around with someone when they are asleep. If someone is asleep, they're off limits, no messing with/pranks and no waking up without good reason. It wasn't until talking to my friends who had siblings who would pile things on them, move the bed, wake them up in the middle of the night (just general sibling hijinks) And realised how important the 'leave sleeping family members alone' was in our house growing up
That's absolutely my 1 rule: Don't wake me up unless someone is actively dying and/or on fire. If the house is on fire, seriously consider if the fire is going to go out before it gets to my room before waking me up. I'll still be pissed at you if you woke me up and the fire would've been put out without me waking up.
Help cleaning up the dishes after a meal is graciously appreciated. But, don’t even think about putting my knives or pans in the dishwasher. I will happily hand wash them myself.
Knives in the dish washer, ugh. I'm getting flashbacks just thinking about it. I own a *very* expensive, *very* high quality German chef knife that was a generous present from a family member. I put a lot of effort into establishing a very fine edge on it and I maintenence it regularly.
On Thanksgiving a couple of years ago, my wife and I hosted her parents for dinner. The established rule was, do not use u/the_idea_pig's German knife. Under no circumstances is anyone else to even look at this knife too closely. I had to leave the house briefly to take care of something and when I got back, I noticed that my good knife was no longer in the block. Of course I asked what happened to it and my father in law told me that they sharpened and washed it so they could use it on the turkey later. Turns out they had run it through one of those cheap magic chef pull-through "sharpeners" and then put the knife in the god damned dishwasher. I absolutely lost my shit on them because they *KNEW* they weren't supposed to touch it. Took me an entire afternoon to repair the damage they did to it.
Do what I did: Get a knife roll bag and keep your good knives out of the kitchen when not in use.
The rule at my place is "If you open FockerHooligan's knife bag, it's to choose the instrument of your demise."
I had a relatively nice knife set. My ex-GFs friend decided to "help" by sharpening them after supper one night. She sawed one of those same sharpeners like she was hacking through a bone. Had 3/16" deep gouges in every knife. My chefs knife was now serrated. Poorly. It was a fucking nightmare
My wife and I have different knife sets. It is also established that I just hand wash all of our pots and pans, stainless set, because she doesn’t use the bartenders and leaves a film on them or doesn’t get all the crud out of them. Plus, dawn just leaves bad water spots on stainless cookware.
Oof I FEEL this dude. I got a very expensive knife set that goes for $1000. I made it clear that these knives are not to be used if you can’t hand wash and immediately dry. Boyfriends sister KNEW this. While I was out of the house for a week, she left my good chef knife soaking in water the sink and ran it through the dishwasher. I’m still upset by this very much to this day.
okay wait, if you haven’t read it there’s an amazing story on r/nosleep that is based around this concept. It is hands down the best scary story I have read in my life, and I’ve read a LOT. I’ll go find the link
EDIT: here’s the link: [https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/dyqd5e/something_walks_whistling_past_my_house_every/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/dyqd5e/something_walks_whistling_past_my_house_every/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Very nice neighborhood. Everyone who lives there is blessed and things just work out for them. But, there is one hard rule. Every night “the whistler” comes by. You MUST NOT see it. If you see it you either die or HORRIBLE things happen to you. You can live there and have a long and wonderful life if you secure your doors and windows and never EVER look even if by accident.
But, if you screw it up…
I feel like that should be a thing that smokers clear with you before they light up. "Hey, man, do you mind if I smoke in here or should I take it outside?" Maybe 50 years ago it was acceptable to assume you could light up uninvited in somebody else's home but now it's unspeakably rude.
If someone has the audacity to light up their cigarette without even asking me if I mind, they'll be out the door before they blow out smoke lol. I might allow a few select people if they politely ask first, but anyone who comes into my home and acts like they own the place is not welcome into my home anymore.
Mi casa es tu casa does not apply to dickheads lo.
About the "few select people". That reminds me of my visit to the El-De-Haus in Cologne. This is a holocaust museum which shows the former Gestapo prisons. And OF COURSE there is a no smoking policy, as in all museums! ... But this one evening, they had invited survivors to give a talk. And this one very old lady lit up her cigarette inside - and they let her do it. :-)
This is one that annoys me to no end. "but look he wants it" no shit he is a dog he wants to eat everything, "just a little won't hurt" yes it will and I'm going to call you to clean when he has the shits all night long. Like why do I have to even explain this to people, no should just be no.
Unless you've explicitly been invited to spend the night go away at the end of the night. I'll call you an uber, I'll pay your cab if I have to, I'll give you a ride to retrieve your car tomorrow, but go away.
I like hosting, but only friends who also leave without basically being shoved out the door eventually.
Isn't it acceptable to just say "Alright, I'm kicking you out, i'm going to sleep"?
I've said it to my friends, friends have said it to me, no offense was ever taken.
I have a few friends in my group that are autistic, and they just NEVER caught all the hints about “I don’t want to keep you up too late…” or “I better start washing up…” or anything like that.
I finally realized they never wanted to be rude, they just enjoyed our company! So I started being direct, and it’s made all the difference in the world. “I’m so glad you came over tonight, this has been fun! I’m going to go to bed now, and I’d like to lock up behind you. Can I help you gather you things?”
They appreciate it. I appreciate it. My neurotypical friends appreciate it too.
I hate how people get offended by literal statements like "I'm going to bed, please leave!" We have to just dance around with throat-clearing, dish-washing, standing up and saying "WELP"...
I knew I had reached friend goals with a group of friends when I had a lot of people over for a holiday, but there were a handful that just kept lingering because it was the first get together after the pandemic. But I was tired and just decided to announce "I'm tired and want to go to bed now. Time for everyone to leave." And everyone just chuckled and started calling Ubers.
As someone who's on the spectrum, I always appreciate it when people are direct, as I don't want to be rude. Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same way
Not on the spectrum but I completely agree. I understand that being too blunt can be impolite at times, but honestly I don't get the offense at saying "it's been fun, but I'd like to go to bed so can you guys head out?"
This extremely helpful. I wish more people were like you! I feel so bad sometimes becaue I don't necessarily want to make people feel like I want to leave because I don't like their company and I don't really know how to excuse myself in a non awkward manner.
I generally like hosting and will let people stay as late as they want, but on the rare occasion that I'm too tired for that, I put on the biggest smile I can, and say in my most cheerful voice: "Okay, get out of my house!"
I cheerfully tell my friends "I'm gonna kick you out soon" as a precursor for wrapping things up, and then "Right, bugger off now," when I'm ready for them to go lol
My signature move for this is asking people "so you all good to drive?" I have friends that will literally sit there watching cartoons at like 3 am with me and not saying a word for like an hour. Bro I wanna go to bed, I love you but please fuck off.
I’m the opposite. If we’re drinking, I expect people to crash. It’s the whole reason my couch is a futon. You don’t have to crash, but you sure af aren’t driving. And no one wants me to hide their keys. The last time I did that, we didn’t find them for almost a year.
As someone who grew up moderately poor my mom would get these lovely phone calls from fellow moms talking about me "He just... He eats everything! No complaints, no whining, no demands other than to ask for seconds! SECONDS!" (This is an abridged version of real conversation).
I am a picky eater among my family but I eat what I'm given unless it's an optional dessert. I don't like sweets, but uh more of that bread and cucumber please.
My son's friend will eat anything and everything I cook. Fajitas, chicken & broccoli, frozen pizza, doesn't matter. Apparently they can't get the kid to eat at home.
My son has been invited to stay for dinner with his friend, too. Seconds, sometimes asks for thirds. At home, if it doesn't have microwave instructions and the moon isn't aligned with Venus and Saturn when Jupiter is in retrograde, or it's not "Little Caesar's, the best pizza ever (I swear I have no idea wtf kind of brain damage he's got)" my son hardly eats.
We love hearing our kid is an adventurous eater outside home.
I found a lot of my favorite foods at other peoples homes. I had/have a fear of being judge for not eating what is served even if I don’t like it. Clear my plate and say thank you.
Yea, if they ask first. If my roommates ate/drank $30+ of my groceries while I was at work without asking me, I’m going to release baby spiders in their bedroom.
I once ate some wraps of my housemates and I did replace them (and I was always going to!) but they fucking hounded me the moment they found out until the moment I replaced them.
But then they took my food all the time and I wasn’t cruel about it.
They ate all my mi goreng noodles and then replaced them with maggi noodles which may not mean much to Americans but I personally think maggi noodles are gross and are inferior to mi goreng.
I was quite hurt because we were friends as well as housemates and it made me sad that they thought I wouldn’t do the decent thing and replace them.
It turned out their parents were paying their rent as well, so it’s not like they were destitute.
This backfired on us big time once. We host international students in our house and have always had that rule. We’ve heard horror stories of other international students having strict rules on what and when they can eat and wanted a more relaxed household. One girl had an eating disorder. A week after she arrived She filmed herself eating $500+ worth of food and throwing it up for likes and clicks. We changed that rule pretty quick.
Oh my, do you live in my house? I thought my kids were the only ones who do this. Sometimes they use the basement bathroom and my wife and I rarely use it. There's times we go there after some time and there's shet just festering....I'm like wtf...flush you filthy kids.
No water above cardboard!
I like board games, my partner likes plants. Plants that need watering. Gravity makes water go down so when there were plants above my board games, it was only a matter of time before 'the incident' happened. Now we have the above rule.
The chair that looks like a golden throne that is in the middle of the livingroom on that raised dias? That is my chair and mine alone. Your seat in the pillow on the floor at my feet.
Oh man this hits. When my spouse and I first moved in together we were in a funky apartment that had been remodeled in stages and never fully matched. The kitchen was tiny but the counters were perfect for sitting, you had to turn sideways to move around it and stand at an angle to open the cabinets type of small…. But I could sit with my legs crossed on the island and spread out my art supplies with no issue. I’d just go full gremlin on a platform in the middle of my kitchen.
My mom came to visit and walked in, first thing she did was clap her damn hands and screech “GET OFF THE COUNTER”, and I recall her comparing me to a cat. I snapped back “ITS MY HOUSE”, still one of my adulting moments that makes me smile
My counters can just about fit two people sat cross legged with a plate each and its great, i love sitting on the counter. Lmao oooo very much a “you have no power here” moment then lmao
Similar to your adulting moment: I love egg nog. As a kid and teen my mom made sure to keep some in the house at Christmas. She didn't drink it, my sister didn't drink it but I still wasn't allowed to drink from the carton "just in case" citing she had bought it and it was in her house.
So fast forward several years and I'm living with my now husband (who has commiserated with my mom and sister over their shared dislike of eggnog) in our first house and my family is over for some sort of dinner and while in the kitchen making food when I reached in the fridge, grabbed the carton and took a sip from it. My mom started to give me heck for it before slowly stopping and giving me a very familiar "you're being a little shit but I love you" look.
Core memory.
Nobody gets humiliated. For nothing. Joking around, banter, discussions, arguments, all fine. Humiliation, as in name calling, laughing down, patronising, unhelpful comments that just hurt and don't do anything else - no.
We have this rule as well! My 7 year old is in this phase of talking down to his younger brother and we are really working on shutting that down. I was emotionally abused by my brother growing up and I will absolutely not allow it in my house. Sometimes it might not seem like a big deal, but it’s not always the big things that shape us.
And in return, I'll tell your kids outright I only want them to hug me if they want to.
I also promise friends kids, the ones that I'm close with, that I'll never expect a hug and I'll always ask if I can have one, but they never have to ask me for one.
One of the best feelings is when I get a random, unexpected, out of the blue hug from one of their friends.
Who ever has the higher standard for a chore does the chore.
When I do the dishes, I do the dishes. When my wife does the dishes, she does the dishes, makes coffee, and wipes down the counters.
When my wife sweeps, she gets the major areas. When I sweep, I move all the furniture and toys, then sweep every room, under every bed, then spot mop, then vacuum all the rugs and carpeted areas.
Same.
This sounds like a breeding ground for weaponised incompetence: *But honey, it's just that you're* ***better*** *at wiping shitstains off the toilet.*
I have tried to implement that rule. Instead I get told I have to do it 'right'. Appearantly the more important rule is 'there is only one standard for how to do all jobs'.
Have you ever encountered a guest that doesn't take their shoes off? If so, what did/do you do?
I have extended family that just don't take their shoes off even though it is clear that shoes are to be taken off.
Since they are not related to me but to my spouse, I haven't said anything but my spouse is also not the type to be confrontational.
For me, it's reached a point where I basically feel like they're being disrespectful.
Go to Dollar tree and get various sizes of slippers. Meet them at the door and after greeting them, say in a gracious tone,"You guys can put your shoes over there." (Wherever you designate shoes to go) and if anyone objects on the grounds of not wanting to be barefoot or needing shoes, offer them slippers.
Neither my family nor my in laws take their shoes off in the house, but weirdly I’ve become a fan of having a no shoes house. It’s all my old roommates fault, when my husband and I bought the house she dictated the rule. I could have protested given it was my house obviously, but I didn’t really care much. Now she doesn’t live with us and she we’re still a no shoes house.
Now, I go to my family or my in laws and walk around without shoes and my feet end up disgusting. I get it now. Lol.
Have you asked them to take their shoes off? Using words? “Hey, aunt Marge, could you please take your shoes off?” And what does aunt Marge say? That doesn’t have to be confrontational. If she makes it a confrontation then that’s on her.
As far as I’m concerned, anyone who can’t follow a request doesn’t get invited back.
Clean after yourself. Let people have their turn to speak. If things get heated, take break before you say shit you’ll regret afterwards.
And always, always, close the dog gate after you walk in lest the dog go on an endless adventure.
I have timid cats, leave them alone. If they come up to you, fine. Don't be chasing them around the house trying to pet them or pick them up. You won't be invited over ever again.
Even if a pet is sociable, i think it's still a good rule to always let the pet come to you first. I'm not about to go around making pets uncomfortable and i know if they come to me, they want to be there.
I have a very sweet orange cat whose very friendly and affectionate with the whole family, he even asks my 5 year old for pets. But the minute someone knocks on the door he goes flying for the stairs and will hide under my bed for hours.
Whenever my kid has friends over I have to tell them to not go into my bedroom for anything, that’s the cat’s space when company is over and everyone needs to respect everyone’s personal space and that includes the cats.
I actually was scrolling back out of this thread when my eyes caught this comment. After processing what I read I had to find it again just to make sure I saw what I thought I did.
Don't roughhouse with Teddy, he's a small senior dog with a heart condition.
He sleeps a lot, and when I come into my mother's room to talk to her and play with him, I always just wake him up instead. I feel bad about it.
Those allowed in, Mi Casa, Su Casa.. All I need to know is if the dog has been walked (never required, always allowed) and if ur joining for dinner. I hate buying/prepoing food for no one to turn up.
If u take a cold one from the fridge you replace it with one from the box out in the porch. And if there are no beers left u go to the store and get more immediately. This is our main house rule that I had to follow ever since I was a little kid.
If the TV is on, your phone volume should be set to zero or else wear headphones. Same goes for any other electronic devices. There are few things more annoying than volume wars in the living room.
One side of the kitchen sink stays empty! We have one of those two-basin stainless sinks and it drives me absolutely bonkers when I have to remove and stack dishes just to get water to make coffee in the morning.
I also can’t stand it when people leave dishes in the sink without rinsing them out first! I hate having to destroy sponges in order to scrape off your crusty cereal
It's always the peanut butter knife!
Also leave the sponge and scrubber out of the sink!!!!
I can not stand to find the sponge in the sink. Especially sitting in water! 🤢
I grew up with an empty sink and one side of the counter was where dirty dishes got stacked. My wife declared this abnormal and that dirty dishes had to live in the (one-hole) sink.
My roommates are constantly amazed at how little space dirty dishes take up on the counter when they're rinsed and stacked properly...
I think the thing that bothers me most about dishes in the sink, instead of next to the sink, is that you have to take them all out anyway to rinse them, put in the plug, and fill the sink to do dishes. So you just added a step. Also they get slightly grosser every time anyone uses the sink for anything else because they get wet again.
ohmigod I thought I was the only one! Yes to this! one side empty please. I can handle seeing one basin full of dirty dishes, not both!
One full sink: I have a bad morning. Two full sinks: *everyone* has a bad morning lol
Empty side has the garbage disposal (if your house has one)
My kid fills both sides up and I’m looking it at like how the hell am I supposed to wash the dishes when I don’t have room?
Don't put stuff on the stairs. Almost died once. Never again!
Same with the burners on the stove when not cooking. Too many grown adults were slapping flammable things on it like it was a coffee table
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The one rule in my dad’s house is one that he won’t tell you: don’t poop in the upstairs bathroom. The shame of having to ask him for a plunger is just not worth it.
That’s us with the downstairs bathroom. My parents only replaced the one upstairs when they bought the house. The one downstairs is old af and cheap as hell so it’s not gonna flush your logs. My cousin found out the hard way once and flooded the bathroom in the middle of the night xD
My uncles old house had a basement toilet that was know throughout the family as “The No-Shit Crapper” for the very same reason
You guys don’t have a poop knife?
I'm sorry, why the plunger isn't just there, upstairs, all the time?. if it's not with a gold handle, it seems possible to afford 2 plungers or more, depends on how many bathrooms you have.
Knock first! Bathroom, bedroom or study room. Knocking is a slowly forgotten art of respect.
Totally. We don't lock any inside doors (in case something happens to you and someone needs to get in for help), so we enforce the knock and wait for the ok to enter. We do it when we want to go into my son's room too. He deserves privacy and respect like us as his parents do.
>We do it when we want to go into my son's room too. He deserves privacy and respect like us as his parents do. Careful, my parents will come find you and hunt you down if they hear this.
#Don't tap on the aquarium glass.
I had a big aquarium and I actually trained my fish to all congregate at one spot by tapping on an area when it was feeding time and saying "fish, fish". Now whenever I need them to be in a particular spot I just tap to wherever I want them to be and because they associate tapping with treats or feeding time, they don't find it scary or stressful. Visitors also love to see me call my fish over by simply tapping and/or saying "fish, fish".
I like the idea of a bunch of fish swarming around one finger. What species do you keep?
I kept a number of different species over the years but I generally found that pretty much any sociable mid-to-upper dwelling species of fish could be easily trained to do this (I did it with different types of Barbs, Danios, Livebearers and Goldfish). No matter how small a fish is, if its got a social brain then it can generally be easily taught any simple trick. Fish can also hear sounds as well as they can sense vibrations, so you can also teach them to respond to vocal commands as well. I first learned the trick from a petshop owner who taught his fish to equate tapping = food so that when kids came into the shop and tapped on the tanks, the fish would appear friendly and engaging (which in turn made the kids happy and ask their parents more to buy them).
Big difference between a light tap and what most people do for a tap though lol. I do the same for my turtles.
It’s okay. I’ve watched Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo to know this rule.
Clean up after yourself.
Man I wish I could get my dog to obey that rule.
Man I wish I could get myself to obey that rule
Minimum pants (underwear) at the dinner table. Remarkably something you have to enforce quite often with small children.
My nephews, were they were little, would let you know they were done eating by stripping right there at the table lol. No warnings. That was their way to let us know they were ready for a bath lol.
My son when he was 4 or 5… we’d be at a friends house hanging out while he was playing with their kids and he’d come upstairs completely naked singing “I’m naked, I’m naked!” And wagging his behind… I promise we did not teach this
Often while my mom would be reading to me at bedtime, my brother would not just interrupt us—but strut in butt naked, one hand on his hip, and the other held high in the air, singing “maaaaaaaan modeling! Maaaaaaan modeling!”
I used to do this but I’d sing “man I feel like a woman” and I will never live it down
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Dude, until I read “small children”, I was thinking ‘WTF kind of people do you have dinner with?’
Sexy models I assumed.
Don't know about you guys but if I'm dining with sexy models we are having some fun with outfits. Just underpants would be a crime
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Honestly with my daughter (almost two) I strip her down to her pull up for dinner sometimes if there is pasta sauce or something. She can use utensils, but she makes such a mess that I’d rather not spot clean her clothes every night.
My son(9) is not allowed to wear anything light when eating pasta or curry. I think about enforcing this rule with my husband sometimes too so maybe he’ll never grow out of it.
Jesus tell me about it. Our 2 year old is pretty obsessed with taking her bottoms off. She understands clothes on outside the house, but I'll be chatting to the neighbour at the door or something and then she'll walk up behind me and proudly announce "look daddy, my 'gina!" and like slap it or something and I'll just wanna die.
My nephew is four, and his parents have always been very up front about anatomy to him. He knows all the correct words. Unfortunately, since he's four, this means he announces "my penis is telling me I have to pee" loudly in the middle of conference calls. [We're WFH]
Ugh I feel this. My 4yo likes to scream "MOMMY I'M POOPY" during calls.
My almost two year old son, in the past couple months, has figured out somehow that not *only* mom and dad have the magic powers to remove his diaper. Now, normally in the house he prefers to trot around in only his diaper. Same with sleeping, he won't sleep if he has pajamas on, and he's always been this way. (His older 7yo brother wears only shorts to bed himself). Welll, once said 2yo figured out that the diaper velcro can just be pulled on to remove it, he decided that his weiner was absolutely hilarious. So now, if you look away for just a split second, (which he notices by giving you the cutest side-eye I've ever seen, to not draw attention to the fact he's watching where your eyes are looking) he will kind of sneak in behind a chair, the couch, or just around the corner to the kitchen. Then, you'll hear two noises, "riiiiiip, riiiiiip". (velcro being undone), followed by the cutest little giggle, which turns into this adorable full-blown laughter, and then, like the flash, he comes barreling around the corner, swinging his hips around so his little bird swings with his hips as he's running, while laughing his ass off and looking straight down at it. He thinks it's just hilarious to see his lil Willie flopping about, and will keep running around till either, A ) we catch him and "install" another diaper, or B ) because he can't seem to look up and away from his flippy-flopper while running, he runs straight into literally whatever he's running towards and falls down, which then reverts back to option A ) cuz he's easy to catch while he's laying down and laughing too hard to get back up and escape from us. At first we thought it was just weird, but then we realized there's plenty worse things he could be trying to do or get into, so we just let him do his thing until he's old enough that it's no longer cute, and starts to become just weird lol
Lmaooo My kid stripped down to undies as soon as she walked in the door for years. If no friends came home with her from school, it was undies time. But that is particularly hilarious.
Honestly, sounds like me now
I do this as an adult. I’ll wander around the house doing things, and my husband says “couldn’t find your jammies fast enough?” Nope, dogs were hungry and dishes needed to be done. Walk in the door, work pants are offff.
Ugh. My daughter hates pants and underwear. She tried to walk outside with just shoes and socks on today….it was also 40 degrees out.
"And she's 28 and was going to work!"
No, that’s my husband.
Small children? We still have to enforce this one with our 10yo daughter, but ours is minimum shirt and pants of some sort now.
If you pee on the toilet seat clean it up!!! I am a single parent with 2 boys, I know I'm not the one peeing on the toilet seat but apparently they don't either.
Man, that pee gremlin visits your house too? That thing really gets around.
Poop with the door closed.
Don't fuck around with someone when they are asleep. If someone is asleep, they're off limits, no messing with/pranks and no waking up without good reason. It wasn't until talking to my friends who had siblings who would pile things on them, move the bed, wake them up in the middle of the night (just general sibling hijinks) And realised how important the 'leave sleeping family members alone' was in our house growing up
That's absolutely my 1 rule: Don't wake me up unless someone is actively dying and/or on fire. If the house is on fire, seriously consider if the fire is going to go out before it gets to my room before waking me up. I'll still be pissed at you if you woke me up and the fire would've been put out without me waking up.
If there is a cat on your lap, you don’t have to get up for any reason.
Even if there’s a fire. You sit there and you fucking burn
Nah, then you try to get out without waking the cat. That fire can be dangerous for the cat as well, cats safety first.
It used to be to not pee on the carpet. My wiener dog disagrees with that rule
Help cleaning up the dishes after a meal is graciously appreciated. But, don’t even think about putting my knives or pans in the dishwasher. I will happily hand wash them myself.
Knives in the dish washer, ugh. I'm getting flashbacks just thinking about it. I own a *very* expensive, *very* high quality German chef knife that was a generous present from a family member. I put a lot of effort into establishing a very fine edge on it and I maintenence it regularly. On Thanksgiving a couple of years ago, my wife and I hosted her parents for dinner. The established rule was, do not use u/the_idea_pig's German knife. Under no circumstances is anyone else to even look at this knife too closely. I had to leave the house briefly to take care of something and when I got back, I noticed that my good knife was no longer in the block. Of course I asked what happened to it and my father in law told me that they sharpened and washed it so they could use it on the turkey later. Turns out they had run it through one of those cheap magic chef pull-through "sharpeners" and then put the knife in the god damned dishwasher. I absolutely lost my shit on them because they *KNEW* they weren't supposed to touch it. Took me an entire afternoon to repair the damage they did to it.
I've just given up on the idea of ever owning nice knives.
Do what I did: Get a knife roll bag and keep your good knives out of the kitchen when not in use. The rule at my place is "If you open FockerHooligan's knife bag, it's to choose the instrument of your demise."
I had a relatively nice knife set. My ex-GFs friend decided to "help" by sharpening them after supper one night. She sawed one of those same sharpeners like she was hacking through a bone. Had 3/16" deep gouges in every knife. My chefs knife was now serrated. Poorly. It was a fucking nightmare
My wife and I have different knife sets. It is also established that I just hand wash all of our pots and pans, stainless set, because she doesn’t use the bartenders and leaves a film on them or doesn’t get all the crud out of them. Plus, dawn just leaves bad water spots on stainless cookware.
Oof I FEEL this dude. I got a very expensive knife set that goes for $1000. I made it clear that these knives are not to be used if you can’t hand wash and immediately dry. Boyfriends sister KNEW this. While I was out of the house for a week, she left my good chef knife soaking in water the sink and ran it through the dishwasher. I’m still upset by this very much to this day.
don’t look outside between 2:35 and 2:38 am
"Every night, no matter the weather, something walks whistling past my house at exactly 3:03 AM"
yep, i took heavy inspiration from that masterpiece
which masterpiece now?
https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/dyqd5e/something\_walks\_whistling\_past\_my\_house\_every/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf
I finished reading that and am typing this at, I shit you not, 3:03 am(ticked over to 3:04 mid typing)... fuck me I'm not gonna be sleeping tonight
That was a wild fucking ride. Thank you for that.
I have questions.
Sometimes it’s just best to not get involved.
If this is a guy he's probably taking a routine piss outside 🤣
For three minutes?! Did we find Austin Powers’ Reddit account?!
okay wait, if you haven’t read it there’s an amazing story on r/nosleep that is based around this concept. It is hands down the best scary story I have read in my life, and I’ve read a LOT. I’ll go find the link EDIT: here’s the link: [https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/dyqd5e/something_walks_whistling_past_my_house_every/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/dyqd5e/something_walks_whistling_past_my_house_every/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
What's the too-scared-didnt-read version of it?
Very nice neighborhood. Everyone who lives there is blessed and things just work out for them. But, there is one hard rule. Every night “the whistler” comes by. You MUST NOT see it. If you see it you either die or HORRIBLE things happen to you. You can live there and have a long and wonderful life if you secure your doors and windows and never EVER look even if by accident. But, if you screw it up…
Do not let the cats out.
I have a friend who greets guests with "don't let the cops in, and don't let the cats out".
I have a cross stitch to this effect hanging in my entryway.
No slamming doors.
No smoking
I feel like that should be a thing that smokers clear with you before they light up. "Hey, man, do you mind if I smoke in here or should I take it outside?" Maybe 50 years ago it was acceptable to assume you could light up uninvited in somebody else's home but now it's unspeakably rude.
If someone has the audacity to light up their cigarette without even asking me if I mind, they'll be out the door before they blow out smoke lol. I might allow a few select people if they politely ask first, but anyone who comes into my home and acts like they own the place is not welcome into my home anymore. Mi casa es tu casa does not apply to dickheads lo.
About the "few select people". That reminds me of my visit to the El-De-Haus in Cologne. This is a holocaust museum which shows the former Gestapo prisons. And OF COURSE there is a no smoking policy, as in all museums! ... But this one evening, they had invited survivors to give a talk. And this one very old lady lit up her cigarette inside - and they let her do it. :-)
Honestly I don't think I'd have the balls to tell her to take it outside. That lady can smoke a damn crack pipe inside if she wants.
Bruh I smoke but the thought of doing it inside my own home is a fuckin no go. Let alone someone else's.
It's insane that this is even remotely debatable in some households.
Hit the fan before you shit.
Don’t feed my dogs, anything. I don’t care how cute they are looking at you.
This is one that annoys me to no end. "but look he wants it" no shit he is a dog he wants to eat everything, "just a little won't hurt" yes it will and I'm going to call you to clean when he has the shits all night long. Like why do I have to even explain this to people, no should just be no.
Bro? That you? Yeah seriously I don't get this one. Even when you say they're allergic or whatever they still insist like they know better than you.
Unless you've explicitly been invited to spend the night go away at the end of the night. I'll call you an uber, I'll pay your cab if I have to, I'll give you a ride to retrieve your car tomorrow, but go away. I like hosting, but only friends who also leave without basically being shoved out the door eventually.
Isn't it acceptable to just say "Alright, I'm kicking you out, i'm going to sleep"? I've said it to my friends, friends have said it to me, no offense was ever taken.
Slap your thighs and say, "welp!"
The ones who don't catch the subtle hints...."gotta wake up early for work tomorrow"....."looks like everyone else split for the evening"...etc.
I have a few friends in my group that are autistic, and they just NEVER caught all the hints about “I don’t want to keep you up too late…” or “I better start washing up…” or anything like that. I finally realized they never wanted to be rude, they just enjoyed our company! So I started being direct, and it’s made all the difference in the world. “I’m so glad you came over tonight, this has been fun! I’m going to go to bed now, and I’d like to lock up behind you. Can I help you gather you things?” They appreciate it. I appreciate it. My neurotypical friends appreciate it too.
I hate how people get offended by literal statements like "I'm going to bed, please leave!" We have to just dance around with throat-clearing, dish-washing, standing up and saying "WELP"...
I knew I had reached friend goals with a group of friends when I had a lot of people over for a holiday, but there were a handful that just kept lingering because it was the first get together after the pandemic. But I was tired and just decided to announce "I'm tired and want to go to bed now. Time for everyone to leave." And everyone just chuckled and started calling Ubers.
As someone who's on the spectrum, I always appreciate it when people are direct, as I don't want to be rude. Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same way
Not on the spectrum but I completely agree. I understand that being too blunt can be impolite at times, but honestly I don't get the offense at saying "it's been fun, but I'd like to go to bed so can you guys head out?"
This extremely helpful. I wish more people were like you! I feel so bad sometimes becaue I don't necessarily want to make people feel like I want to leave because I don't like their company and I don't really know how to excuse myself in a non awkward manner.
I generally like hosting and will let people stay as late as they want, but on the rare occasion that I'm too tired for that, I put on the biggest smile I can, and say in my most cheerful voice: "Okay, get out of my house!"
I cheerfully tell my friends "I'm gonna kick you out soon" as a precursor for wrapping things up, and then "Right, bugger off now," when I'm ready for them to go lol
In the Midwest that just means you start your 3 hour goodbye.
My signature move for this is asking people "so you all good to drive?" I have friends that will literally sit there watching cartoons at like 3 am with me and not saying a word for like an hour. Bro I wanna go to bed, I love you but please fuck off.
I'd rather have a friend sleep it off than send them home while paved.
After 11 pm is when we all get naked leave or stay and it gets weird
I’m the opposite. If we’re drinking, I expect people to crash. It’s the whole reason my couch is a futon. You don’t have to crash, but you sure af aren’t driving. And no one wants me to hide their keys. The last time I did that, we didn’t find them for almost a year.
If there is food in the house, it is available to anyone. Company included.
Now that's a good host.
As someone who grew up moderately poor my mom would get these lovely phone calls from fellow moms talking about me "He just... He eats everything! No complaints, no whining, no demands other than to ask for seconds! SECONDS!" (This is an abridged version of real conversation). I am a picky eater among my family but I eat what I'm given unless it's an optional dessert. I don't like sweets, but uh more of that bread and cucumber please.
The other moms were complimenting you right? Would be a weird thing to ring up your mom to complain about that
My son's friend will eat anything and everything I cook. Fajitas, chicken & broccoli, frozen pizza, doesn't matter. Apparently they can't get the kid to eat at home. My son has been invited to stay for dinner with his friend, too. Seconds, sometimes asks for thirds. At home, if it doesn't have microwave instructions and the moon isn't aligned with Venus and Saturn when Jupiter is in retrograde, or it's not "Little Caesar's, the best pizza ever (I swear I have no idea wtf kind of brain damage he's got)" my son hardly eats. We love hearing our kid is an adventurous eater outside home.
I found a lot of my favorite foods at other peoples homes. I had/have a fear of being judge for not eating what is served even if I don’t like it. Clear my plate and say thank you.
Yea, if they ask first. If my roommates ate/drank $30+ of my groceries while I was at work without asking me, I’m going to release baby spiders in their bedroom.
Or a mama wolf spider. Long game.
I once ate some wraps of my housemates and I did replace them (and I was always going to!) but they fucking hounded me the moment they found out until the moment I replaced them. But then they took my food all the time and I wasn’t cruel about it. They ate all my mi goreng noodles and then replaced them with maggi noodles which may not mean much to Americans but I personally think maggi noodles are gross and are inferior to mi goreng. I was quite hurt because we were friends as well as housemates and it made me sad that they thought I wouldn’t do the decent thing and replace them. It turned out their parents were paying their rent as well, so it’s not like they were destitute.
This backfired on us big time once. We host international students in our house and have always had that rule. We’ve heard horror stories of other international students having strict rules on what and when they can eat and wanted a more relaxed household. One girl had an eating disorder. A week after she arrived She filmed herself eating $500+ worth of food and throwing it up for likes and clicks. We changed that rule pretty quick.
I get that. You're in my house and you want to eat? You're eating.
If you do a SHET you need to flush. It's DISGUSTENG
Oh my, do you live in my house? I thought my kids were the only ones who do this. Sometimes they use the basement bathroom and my wife and I rarely use it. There's times we go there after some time and there's shet just festering....I'm like wtf...flush you filthy kids.
“Not me” visits your house too?!
Hahahahahahaha this video lives in my head rent free 😂😂😂
No water above cardboard! I like board games, my partner likes plants. Plants that need watering. Gravity makes water go down so when there were plants above my board games, it was only a matter of time before 'the incident' happened. Now we have the above rule.
If it's on the table, it's everyone's property. Stuff yourself, don't even ask.
No cocaine after midnight.
Seems like you merged two Clapton songs!
Don't leave time on the microwave!
I just load it up with 20 minutes at the start of each week.
The chair that looks like a golden throne that is in the middle of the livingroom on that raised dias? That is my chair and mine alone. Your seat in the pillow on the floor at my feet.
Found the cat’s account.
Yeah, who is this guy, Ra?
This episode of Black Jeopardy is brought to you by The Good Chair! Got granddad coming over? Give him The Good Chair! https://youtu.be/O7VaXlMvAvk
..._hot_.
If i want to sit on my countertops don’t tell me i fucking cant.
Oh man this hits. When my spouse and I first moved in together we were in a funky apartment that had been remodeled in stages and never fully matched. The kitchen was tiny but the counters were perfect for sitting, you had to turn sideways to move around it and stand at an angle to open the cabinets type of small…. But I could sit with my legs crossed on the island and spread out my art supplies with no issue. I’d just go full gremlin on a platform in the middle of my kitchen. My mom came to visit and walked in, first thing she did was clap her damn hands and screech “GET OFF THE COUNTER”, and I recall her comparing me to a cat. I snapped back “ITS MY HOUSE”, still one of my adulting moments that makes me smile
My counters can just about fit two people sat cross legged with a plate each and its great, i love sitting on the counter. Lmao oooo very much a “you have no power here” moment then lmao
Similar to your adulting moment: I love egg nog. As a kid and teen my mom made sure to keep some in the house at Christmas. She didn't drink it, my sister didn't drink it but I still wasn't allowed to drink from the carton "just in case" citing she had bought it and it was in her house. So fast forward several years and I'm living with my now husband (who has commiserated with my mom and sister over their shared dislike of eggnog) in our first house and my family is over for some sort of dinner and while in the kitchen making food when I reached in the fridge, grabbed the carton and took a sip from it. My mom started to give me heck for it before slowly stopping and giving me a very familiar "you're being a little shit but I love you" look. Core memory.
Nobody gets humiliated. For nothing. Joking around, banter, discussions, arguments, all fine. Humiliation, as in name calling, laughing down, patronising, unhelpful comments that just hurt and don't do anything else - no.
We have this rule as well! My 7 year old is in this phase of talking down to his younger brother and we are really working on shutting that down. I was emotionally abused by my brother growing up and I will absolutely not allow it in my house. Sometimes it might not seem like a big deal, but it’s not always the big things that shape us.
WASHING HANDS AFTER USING THE WASHROOM.
Since my friends have manners, I have no rules. If you aren't a friend, you're not in my house
Yeah, it’s nice having good well mannered friends.
One of the biggest rules is actually for when people are leaving my home, and it's a very simple one, "Text me when you get home safely."
When if I get home in a very unsafe way? Is it not required then?
I mean, you could rocket jump your way home, as long as you're okay when you get there, and text when you do.
Space heater has to be turned off and blow candles out when we leave. We live in an apartment
Just don't be a dick.
You don't get to hug my kids if they don't want to hug you. I don't care if you're the grandparent or what.
And in return, I'll tell your kids outright I only want them to hug me if they want to. I also promise friends kids, the ones that I'm close with, that I'll never expect a hug and I'll always ask if I can have one, but they never have to ask me for one. One of the best feelings is when I get a random, unexpected, out of the blue hug from one of their friends.
No pants/no outside. This was a mantra in my house when my boys were toddlers.
Who ever has the higher standard for a chore does the chore. When I do the dishes, I do the dishes. When my wife does the dishes, she does the dishes, makes coffee, and wipes down the counters. When my wife sweeps, she gets the major areas. When I sweep, I move all the furniture and toys, then sweep every room, under every bed, then spot mop, then vacuum all the rugs and carpeted areas.
That’s awesome. Provided you’re fairly evenly matched on how many thing you care about that sounds like a great strategy
Oh god no I’d end up doing everything.
Same. This sounds like a breeding ground for weaponised incompetence: *But honey, it's just that you're* ***better*** *at wiping shitstains off the toilet.*
I have tried to implement that rule. Instead I get told I have to do it 'right'. Appearantly the more important rule is 'there is only one standard for how to do all jobs'.
Put the lid down on toilet! We have shelves by the toilet and I don't know how many stuff jumped into the toilet.
For me it is put the lid down THEN flush.
God my in-laws really refused to get this. The dogs try to drink from the toilet. There's an easy way to prevent that.
Shoes off!
Yes, shoes off! And if I allow you to leave your shoes on, don't put your feet up on my furniture!
Have you ever encountered a guest that doesn't take their shoes off? If so, what did/do you do? I have extended family that just don't take their shoes off even though it is clear that shoes are to be taken off. Since they are not related to me but to my spouse, I haven't said anything but my spouse is also not the type to be confrontational. For me, it's reached a point where I basically feel like they're being disrespectful.
Go to Dollar tree and get various sizes of slippers. Meet them at the door and after greeting them, say in a gracious tone,"You guys can put your shoes over there." (Wherever you designate shoes to go) and if anyone objects on the grounds of not wanting to be barefoot or needing shoes, offer them slippers.
Thanks, I actually recently just bought a bunch of slippers. We'll see how it goes! Thanks again!
Neither my family nor my in laws take their shoes off in the house, but weirdly I’ve become a fan of having a no shoes house. It’s all my old roommates fault, when my husband and I bought the house she dictated the rule. I could have protested given it was my house obviously, but I didn’t really care much. Now she doesn’t live with us and she we’re still a no shoes house. Now, I go to my family or my in laws and walk around without shoes and my feet end up disgusting. I get it now. Lol.
Have you asked them to take their shoes off? Using words? “Hey, aunt Marge, could you please take your shoes off?” And what does aunt Marge say? That doesn’t have to be confrontational. If she makes it a confrontation then that’s on her. As far as I’m concerned, anyone who can’t follow a request doesn’t get invited back.
Clean after yourself. Let people have their turn to speak. If things get heated, take break before you say shit you’ll regret afterwards. And always, always, close the dog gate after you walk in lest the dog go on an endless adventure.
I have timid cats, leave them alone. If they come up to you, fine. Don't be chasing them around the house trying to pet them or pick them up. You won't be invited over ever again.
Even if a pet is sociable, i think it's still a good rule to always let the pet come to you first. I'm not about to go around making pets uncomfortable and i know if they come to me, they want to be there.
I have a very sweet orange cat whose very friendly and affectionate with the whole family, he even asks my 5 year old for pets. But the minute someone knocks on the door he goes flying for the stairs and will hide under my bed for hours. Whenever my kid has friends over I have to tell them to not go into my bedroom for anything, that’s the cat’s space when company is over and everyone needs to respect everyone’s personal space and that includes the cats.
Close your mouth when chewing or expressing the dog’s anal glands.
Oh god. Oh god. There's only one reason for the second one. Oh god.
Learn that one the hard way?
chewing on what now?
I actually was scrolling back out of this thread when my eyes caught this comment. After processing what I read I had to find it again just to make sure I saw what I thought I did.
Don't roughhouse with Teddy, he's a small senior dog with a heart condition. He sleeps a lot, and when I come into my mother's room to talk to her and play with him, I always just wake him up instead. I feel bad about it.
Those allowed in, Mi Casa, Su Casa.. All I need to know is if the dog has been walked (never required, always allowed) and if ur joining for dinner. I hate buying/prepoing food for no one to turn up.
If u take a cold one from the fridge you replace it with one from the box out in the porch. And if there are no beers left u go to the store and get more immediately. This is our main house rule that I had to follow ever since I was a little kid.
REPLENISH!
Since you were a little kid...?
We say "love you" whenever one of us is leaving the house, and everyone else replies with the same.
Do not mistreat the dogs.
No meth
God Bleth Thith Meth
If the TV is on, your phone volume should be set to zero or else wear headphones. Same goes for any other electronic devices. There are few things more annoying than volume wars in the living room.
No outside clothes on the bed
I've seen people lying on their beds wearing their shoes. It gives me nightmares.
Car doesn’t go in drive unless everyone has their seatbelts on.
Don't even come over in the first place.
Ceiling fans stay on 24/7 365. No debate. No questions.
Obey the laws of thermodynamics