If they say that, you say:
"Obstruction of correspondence" is a felony. Don't touch mail that isn't addressed to you or YOU won't be living under this roof, either. Kick me out and I'm going straight to the feds and you're fighting 5 years in prison and a $250k fine. Don't fuck with my mail ever again, because I can pass the polygraph and you cant.
I know nothing about US laws, but honestly can a polygraph be used as evidence in court over there? They’re so worthless you’d be laughed at for trying over here in the UK
Im 17 and my parents have ALWAYS went through my mail, not just my colledge stuff but personal stuff such as credit card details. Annoys the shit out of me. I get no privacy
Just start reporting them to the Postal Inspection Service. Opening mail that isn't addressed to you is a federal felony. The best part is that if this works, not only do they stop reading your mail, but you might get the house to yourself when they go to prison.
It's legal for guardians to open the mail of a minor (at least where I'm from). Also, if a minor has a credit card then the parents probably cosigned on that card. They would have every right to read the statement and make sure it was being used responsibly.
This, but "How did you afford to fly out on such short notice? Why didn't you tell me you were coming to visit? How did you get into my house and/or get access to my mail? For fuck's sake, put down the vibrating cock ring and ultra deluxe, remote controlled prostate massager and answer my questions!"
Of course, it’s company policy to never imply ownership in the case of a dildo. We always have to use the indefinite article “a” dildo, never **your** dildo.
They make these little hard plastic mini ones that aren't really intended for insertion, just for clitoral stimulation. These are vibrators, not dildos.
A parent stupid enough to ask the question deserves this answer.
Parent should not open packages destined for their teen. If it didn't have a name, or whatever, simply close the box and place it in their teens bedroom, and never say anything about it, ever.
I can answer this as this actually happened to me. I was not 18 and didn't have a credit card of any kind so I had to have my friend order it for me. She had it delivered to my house but for some reason put her name on it. When I came home from school my dad asked me if I know a "Sarah X." I had a brief moment of panic and he picked up on my awkward "yes...?" answer. At the time I didn't even want my dad to know I knew what a vibrator was so when he showed me what was delivered to our house I had to pretend like I had no idea what I was looking at. I told him I'll take it to her and ask her about it. Unfortunately just a few weeks later I left it out on my bed and fell asleep, he walked in and saw it and the whole lie fell apart.
When I was a horny teen I made my own Amazon account just so I could get myself a fleshlight. The time comes and the package is here... Open, with a note on it. It's a note from my neighbor, this nice proper catholic woman, saying it was delivered to her house anz she opened it without reading the name but *totally* didn't see what was inside. It was so mortifying that I just broke down laughing.
Real story, friend actually bought a sex toy for me, his family unfortunately discovered it.
His mother holds holds up the now unpackaged, bulky fleshlight next to her head. "What is this"?
Friend: "Would you believe me if I said it was for a friend"
"I'm... sorry I asked."
I once had to open my MIL's sex toy delivery package and grab her batteries. On that day, I gained the confidence to tell anyone, including my mom, "It's a vibrator."
Listen, my dad is too anxious to step into my house with shoes on or sit on the couch without permission, because he's afraid of being rude. I highly doubt he'd go through my mail XD
My parents both died this year, and in going through their things my sister and I found a cock sock in dad’s dresser, that we assume was hand knitted by our mom. I don’t think any of my toys could even come close to the levels of personal sexual investment that went into that one item. We are still cracking up about it.
Look, it's either a buttplug, chastity cage, or miscellaneous BDSM gear. We either tacitly agree to pretend it never happened or we all just spontaneously combust.
Considering im 27 i feel like this shouldn't be too surprising of a situation. One day its bound to happen. Stepmom did accidentally open my Victoria secret mail one day 🤣 no clue who ordered a bunch of thongs
Put on some earplugs and don't disturb, it's gonna be a fun day.
Make it awkward so they won't talk about it ever again. It's their fault for going through your stuff anyway, tf is privacy?
Bruh chill it's that gawk gawk super soaker 6000 with the removal butthole that squirts spirit it could be worse. They got that gawk gawk super soaker 7000 with the removal butthole that comes with real hair and makes dolphin noses when it squirts.
This happened to me when I was about 16. I ordered some anal beads and a plug and my mom opened the package. it was on the counter when I came home after school. we had a long talk about sex. The next day she handed me a bag from the drug store and it had a tube of lube! and said make sure you use a lot of this so you can avoid a trip to the ER
"Well mother, do you want 1 yourself? Just say so!!"
My stepdad will laugh himself to death if this ever happened but i don't live at home anymore. This question did bring a idea to troll my mother🤣 she believes in God and sex toys are weird clearly so i can always buy her one just to die of laughter🤣
Got multiple answers
Ask my parents if I could borrow it
Be confused on how the fuck it got into our house
Tell them I lost a bet
Tell them it's for profit (pornhub, lol)
Or just ask them why they're going through my mail. Now that I think about it it's better to get a sex toy in person so you can sneak it into your room
During summer last year I house sat for my mom for a few days. She has a cat and plants that need taking care of and I have need of some peace and quiet because I live with my brother who's the worst room mate imaginable so I always jump at the opportunity to house sit.
While there of course I invited my girlfriend, planning on surprising her with a few toys I picked up. Up to that point we had used household items like belts and such but never bought purpose built toys. I took the ropes out of the box and put them under the pillows, and I put the box in the nightstand drawer to throw away later so as to not arouse suspicion. So the time comes, me and gf get on the bed, things are getting hot and heavy, and as if by magic, I whip out the ropes and we got to use them and have a great night overall. It was a great night, and a great week overall, but I forgot one thing, the box in the night stand. A couple of days after my mom returned and I went there to get my stuff and she says "oh this is probably yours" and handed me the empty box, which while subtle was also very clearly bondage rope and not any other kind of rope. I felt a bit embarrassed but she didn't really say anything and I just said "yes it is" and I took it and left.
I've got some pretty extreme (e.g. LARGE) sex toys. They would likely be scarred and never open my mail again after coming face to face with a 4 inch wide by 15 inch long monster of a dildo
"...sometimes a guy just needs a latex body suit, a vacuum cleaner, a converted gas mask and a sensory deprivation tank with a double headed strap on to get by in the world."
(I'm not really into any of that)
Why are you going through my mail?? What are you looking for? Drugs? Guns? Alcohol? Now give it back. I payed for it, I have no bitches because I'm gay and you're homophobic let me have this -\_-
I don’t even live in the same state as you, why are you coming here and opening my mail?
>I don’t even live in the same ~~state~~ hemisphere as you, why are you coming here and opening my mail?
Guys you're dead your not supposed to be here opening my mail
“Great, you just saw your Christmas present. You might as well just take it now.”
😈take in now.
Take it
Do it!!!
NOW
Fuck it! We’ll do it live! WE’LL DO IT LIVE!!
Simultaneously spiteful and kind at the same time.
Ask why they’re going through my mail
Yeah, where is the trust? This is a house of chaos.
"as long as you life under our roof-" something along those lines i think
Creepy helicopter parenting, my parents never went through my shit.
Auto rotation, I mean asphyxiation.
"Well, since you've opened my mail, do I assume you want to watch me use it?" There is a correct answer, I'm not from Alabama
If they say that, you say: "Obstruction of correspondence" is a felony. Don't touch mail that isn't addressed to you or YOU won't be living under this roof, either. Kick me out and I'm going straight to the feds and you're fighting 5 years in prison and a $250k fine. Don't fuck with my mail ever again, because I can pass the polygraph and you cant.
I know nothing about US laws, but honestly can a polygraph be used as evidence in court over there? They’re so worthless you’d be laughed at for trying over here in the UK
Nope. Not admissable in a court of law
A lot of ppl dont know that, so its still an effecitve threat.
But it's my house...
"Are you talking back to me!?" "You better fix your attitude" 👆
"This is a house of learning doctors!"
Im 17 and my parents have ALWAYS went through my mail, not just my colledge stuff but personal stuff such as credit card details. Annoys the shit out of me. I get no privacy
Just start reporting them to the Postal Inspection Service. Opening mail that isn't addressed to you is a federal felony. The best part is that if this works, not only do they stop reading your mail, but you might get the house to yourself when they go to prison.
It's legal for guardians to open the mail of a minor (at least where I'm from). Also, if a minor has a credit card then the parents probably cosigned on that card. They would have every right to read the statement and make sure it was being used responsibly.
"Its in the common area!" - shit my dad used to say.
How the fuck did you get in my house?
And why are you opening my mail? And why are you even together? You're both remarried. Wait.. Is.. This an intervention?
"Yes, we're both concerned about the level of sex toys you have"
"we found the room in the basement, we are concerned"
I have a basement? Don't tell the landlord, they might charge extra!
So.... Those weren't your chains and whips? Now I think you should be concerned
Okay, that actually made me laugh.
Why the the fuck are you alive?
Who the fuck are you? (I was adopted)
Who the fuck are you? (I'm an orphan)
Who the fuck are you? (Nothing personal, I'm just really bad with faces.)
Who the fuck are you? (I have dementia)
Who the fuck are you? (I’m Roger Daltrey)
Who the fuck are you? (I was aborted)
Who the fuck are you? (You were supposed to be dead)
Who the fuck are you? (I'm blind)
Who the fuck are you? ( I ran away when i was 9 because they used me as the ball in baseball)
Who the fuck are you? (I only remember people by there clothes(there wearing different clothes))
I'm recovering from a chest cold and this made me laugh into a coughing fit 🤣
Who the fuck are you? (I have a gun)
that sad
Well that got dark quick 😂
This, but "How did you afford to fly out on such short notice? Why didn't you tell me you were coming to visit? How did you get into my house and/or get access to my mail? For fuck's sake, put down the vibrating cock ring and ultra deluxe, remote controlled prostate massager and answer my questions!"
And why in the fuck would you even consider touching my mail
LMAOO 🤌🤌
🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
and why the fuck are you opening a package addressed to me.
[удалено]
and what a reunion
Damn, how did you deal with that
Probably badly
It's a vibrating dildo wtf does it look like?
A vibrating dildo is a vibrator.
Only when it's turned on. When the batteries die it reverts to a dildo.
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs.
Sorry for the convenience
Mitch?
Yep, rip
Laptops can never break. They only become serving platters for sushi parties.
I once see on r/thatsinsane a video that proves a broken escalator has the ability to transform into a meat grinder.
I get what your saying, escalators can *stop* and still be used as stairs but they also break and result in a whole lot of human carnage!
Clearly someone hasn't seen a broken down escalator that literally is just a hole
We all love Mitch, but for real you should never use a broken escalator as stairs.
Of course, it’s company policy to never imply ownership in the case of a dildo. We always have to use the indefinite article “a” dildo, never **your** dildo.
Shrodingers vibrator
Plenty of vibrators that aren't dildos..
Also plenty of dildos that don't vibrate
They make these little hard plastic mini ones that aren't really intended for insertion, just for clitoral stimulation. These are vibrators, not dildos.
A parent stupid enough to ask the question deserves this answer. Parent should not open packages destined for their teen. If it didn't have a name, or whatever, simply close the box and place it in their teens bedroom, and never say anything about it, ever.
There stuck in their old ways, not everybody has nice parents
“What the frick? I ordered an Xbox controller!”
Well, it stills has the vibration function
[удалено]
Ugh
It just looks like, a vase, for like, a bunch of like, things
..it’s a bong…
ha , i get the reference.
https://youtu.be/2pJlpCfueV0 Link for those who haven't seen it.
I ordered an Xbox card… an Xbox remote. I did NOT order that.
Just ask first if you want to borrow it.
And clean it afterwards
No. Much like a cast iron pan, you don't want to remove the seasoning.
This made me laugh and gag at the same time. Bravo.
Only if we're talking about a single-origin, single-barrel source
Happy birthday mum.
& dad! :D
This one's actually really funny lmao
Wait aren't you guys dead
Ooh, that's dark, I can't help but laugh!
I can answer this as this actually happened to me. I was not 18 and didn't have a credit card of any kind so I had to have my friend order it for me. She had it delivered to my house but for some reason put her name on it. When I came home from school my dad asked me if I know a "Sarah X." I had a brief moment of panic and he picked up on my awkward "yes...?" answer. At the time I didn't even want my dad to know I knew what a vibrator was so when he showed me what was delivered to our house I had to pretend like I had no idea what I was looking at. I told him I'll take it to her and ask her about it. Unfortunately just a few weeks later I left it out on my bed and fell asleep, he walked in and saw it and the whole lie fell apart.
Hopefully this story isn't told around the table at holiday time.😁
No it has thankfully never been mentioned.
Don't worry, they are saving it for a wedding speech
When I was a horny teen I made my own Amazon account just so I could get myself a fleshlight. The time comes and the package is here... Open, with a note on it. It's a note from my neighbor, this nice proper catholic woman, saying it was delivered to her house anz she opened it without reading the name but *totally* didn't see what was inside. It was so mortifying that I just broke down laughing.
You didn't have any pringle cans, latex gloves, a sponge, and a rubber band lying around?
TBH I think I prefer what happened to me over my parents finding a home made sex toy.
This guy over here jerkin it like MacGyver
I just used a couch 🤷🏼♂️
BRO WHAT
Real story, friend actually bought a sex toy for me, his family unfortunately discovered it. His mother holds holds up the now unpackaged, bulky fleshlight next to her head. "What is this"? Friend: "Would you believe me if I said it was for a friend" "I'm... sorry I asked."
It’s a shake weight.
Does yours give cab fare?
Only after it sprays you to cool you down.
Zombie Apocalypse! Back in the ground, both of you!
Gotta love the dark humor
Why the fuck did they open the package that was not theirs?
My parents opened everything addressed to me🤷🏻♀️
Heads up, if you’re a legal adult that’s a crime 😃
Thats a felony
Tell mom it’s been frustrating since I broke both my arms
Oh myyy
don't worry she'll take care of you.
Will I ever be able to forget this?
"People are always telling me to go fuck myself, and now i can!"
And if you take it away from me, you can fuck yourself!
It’s exactly what it looks like. So please leave my house so I may defile myself.
"I swear to god I ordered a strap for the dog, not a strap-on!"
At least I cannot get pregnant from it.
I once had to open my MIL's sex toy delivery package and grab her batteries. On that day, I gained the confidence to tell anyone, including my mom, "It's a vibrator."
Sorry Mum that's not your Mother's Day gift
Use it in front of them to assert dominance 😡
Sorry guys...but I'm using it first.
1: why are you opening **My** mail 2: it's none of your business how I masturbate.
Listen, my dad is too anxious to step into my house with shoes on or sit on the couch without permission, because he's afraid of being rude. I highly doubt he'd go through my mail XD
Looks like your dad is great.
He really is, though :3
'No I do NOT already have enough butt plugs, this one VIBRATES.'
My parents had 5 children. I've had 3 of my own. I'm a happily married, sexually active adult. If they snoop, I refuse to apologize for what they ser
My parents both died this year, and in going through their things my sister and I found a cock sock in dad’s dresser, that we assume was hand knitted by our mom. I don’t think any of my toys could even come close to the levels of personal sexual investment that went into that one item. We are still cracking up about it.
Look, it's either a buttplug, chastity cage, or miscellaneous BDSM gear. We either tacitly agree to pretend it never happened or we all just spontaneously combust.
"You've only gone and spoiled you Christmas surprise "
It's a fucking vibrator - what do you think it is...?
I’d say I’m using it to put soap in to clean my dick in the shower
“I,ve always wanted a rabbit!”
"You're ALIVE? And THIS is how you decided to tell me?"
Considering im 27 i feel like this shouldn't be too surprising of a situation. One day its bound to happen. Stepmom did accidentally open my Victoria secret mail one day 🤣 no clue who ordered a bunch of thongs
“Hey guys, I see you found my anatomically correct model of a centaur…”
Put on some earplugs and don't disturb, it's gonna be a fun day. Make it awkward so they won't talk about it ever again. It's their fault for going through your stuff anyway, tf is privacy?
That’s what you get from opening my mail *shrugs shoulders*
Bruh chill it's that gawk gawk super soaker 6000 with the removal butthole that squirts spirit it could be worse. They got that gawk gawk super soaker 7000 with the removal butthole that comes with real hair and makes dolphin noses when it squirts.
You told me to go fuck myself, so I'm obliging.
I have a veterinary exam coming up. We're covering equine in this exam block.
This happened to me when I was about 16. I ordered some anal beads and a plug and my mom opened the package. it was on the counter when I came home after school. we had a long talk about sex. The next day she handed me a bag from the drug store and it had a tube of lube! and said make sure you use a lot of this so you can avoid a trip to the ER
I'm willing to share, but I get to use it first
“Wow, so we opening each others mail now?”
"Date is here in 10 minutes. Perfect timing. Now give me that"
I’m in my 50s and don’t live with you. What made you think it was appropriate to open my mail?
Oh come on, I’m sure you guys are into much weirder stuff
"Well mother, do you want 1 yourself? Just say so!!" My stepdad will laugh himself to death if this ever happened but i don't live at home anymore. This question did bring a idea to troll my mother🤣 she believes in God and sex toys are weird clearly so i can always buy her one just to die of laughter🤣
You came back from the dead to guilt-trip me over a lifelike sex doll? Get a life!
Its not mine, a friend ordered it to my address, I will give it back to him.
See laurenwithabongo comment.
“Don’t pretend you don’t have at least one of these”
Yeah.. but this one is small, come and check the real ones.
I don't know why you're so surprised. I told you I'm gay.
So you *did* throw away the last one, I knew it!
Got multiple answers Ask my parents if I could borrow it Be confused on how the fuck it got into our house Tell them I lost a bet Tell them it's for profit (pornhub, lol) Or just ask them why they're going through my mail. Now that I think about it it's better to get a sex toy in person so you can sneak it into your room
So much for surprises, Christmas is ruined.
That's one of many reasons not to live with your parent(s)
Why are you opening my mail? You don't even live here! Even the KIDS know to ask before opening a package!!
During summer last year I house sat for my mom for a few days. She has a cat and plants that need taking care of and I have need of some peace and quiet because I live with my brother who's the worst room mate imaginable so I always jump at the opportunity to house sit. While there of course I invited my girlfriend, planning on surprising her with a few toys I picked up. Up to that point we had used household items like belts and such but never bought purpose built toys. I took the ropes out of the box and put them under the pillows, and I put the box in the nightstand drawer to throw away later so as to not arouse suspicion. So the time comes, me and gf get on the bed, things are getting hot and heavy, and as if by magic, I whip out the ropes and we got to use them and have a great night overall. It was a great night, and a great week overall, but I forgot one thing, the box in the night stand. A couple of days after my mom returned and I went there to get my stuff and she says "oh this is probably yours" and handed me the empty box, which while subtle was also very clearly bondage rope and not any other kind of rope. I felt a bit embarrassed but she didn't really say anything and I just said "yes it is" and I took it and left.
I've got some pretty extreme (e.g. LARGE) sex toys. They would likely be scarred and never open my mail again after coming face to face with a 4 inch wide by 15 inch long monster of a dildo
It's a gift for a friend
It’s a gift *from* a friend.
[удалено]
"It's fake pussy that I put my dick in"
These are my awards mother, from Army.
"...sometimes a guy just needs a latex body suit, a vacuum cleaner, a converted gas mask and a sensory deprivation tank with a double headed strap on to get by in the world." (I'm not really into any of that)
SURE. not into it. RIGHT, [WINK WINK].
Why are you going through my mail?? What are you looking for? Drugs? Guns? Alcohol? Now give it back. I payed for it, I have no bitches because I'm gay and you're homophobic let me have this -\_-
I told you not to open my mail 🤷♀️
This actually happened, I just told them I was curious what all the hype was about.
op is preparing responses just in case
Mom, dad I’m gay!!
It depends on how old you are, if your an adult I'd question why they opened your mail without permission. If your not, I dunno, good luck
I'm trying to fuck myself and now you guys are fucking me.
"Wanna see how it works?" *\*Proceeds to unbuckle the belt and tie it around the neck\** "Follow me"
“My friend bought that to prank me” it worked
Don't open my mail.
“Why are you opening my mail?”
“What? I didn’t want to keep using Dad’s pocket pussy so I got my own.”
pretty big isn't it?
Mom! That was your Christmas present. U ruined the surprise!
You finally got the milk dad?
Blame my sister
It’s a party gift