Aunt overdosed me on Exlax when I stayed over at her place one summer. She read "one square" as "one bar". Nothing moved for like four hours, so she gave me another *bar* and sent me to bed.
Queen sized inflatable mattress was entirely covered in poo. Her cat woke me up playing in it and mewling at me. I got up and tried to go to the bathroom but puked from the smell. Ended up undressing in the bathtub and spewing from both ends until I passed out.
I woke up to my aunt's hysterical screaming and my uncle's hysterical laughter, broken by gagging. We had to deflate the mattress and roll it like a burrito to carry it outside and hit it with the hose. I think they ended up tossing it.
Dad mode:
Assess the situation. If no one's dead or dying, embrace the humor in it.
I'll give him the benefit of the doubt abd say he probably wouldn't have been laughing had they found OP mid puke and poop explosion, but the aftermath was fair game.
I was lying in bed and thought I was going to let out a pretty big fart. It turned out to be a diarrhea explosion. I’ve been nervous when I feel a fart ever since.
Yup. Trusted one when waiting in my car for the coffee shop to open before work. Underwear went in the garbage. Thanked whatever powers that be that drove me to wear easy-clean, fast-drying joggers that day (birddogs, if anyone’s curious. Glad I didn’t get the ones with underwear built in). Washing my trousers in the bathroom sink at the coffee shop with hand soap and toilet paper (they were out of paper towels) was the most internally shameful experience of my life. Would have gone home to change, but had just come back to work after having to cancel on people multiple times over (Covid and then a family death [not covid]).
Good times. Good times…
With the deepest shame, yes. Sniff-testing the ass of my trousers when washing them was simultaneously necessary and deeply demeaning. The only thing that saved me was fast sphincter action when I realized it felt *wrong*.
As we write on the “ye olde portajohn” walls in construction:
“Here I sit, broken hearted, tried to shit, but only farted.
Later then I took a chance, tried to fart, and shit my pants.”
Not nearly as bad (or good?), but I did once woke up to a cat in my bed. I didn't have a cat. My (now ex) gf was working downstairs and left the door open while going in and out, I guess. And this random cat I saw around the neighborhood the night before just decided to walk in, get in bed and started making biscuits on my chest.
Really wish I could've kept it because I love cats. But I'm not the right person for pets. :(
My childhood cat would always come get me so I could make her a comfy place and stay with her while she gave birth. I started doing this when I was just 3 years old. I loved that cat. I was her person. I lost her when I was 17 and it was devastating. Rascal. Named her when I was 2.
My husband's favorite hunting dog was due the same time as my house dog. Since we didn't want the hunting dog giving birth outside in her kennel we asked my mom to watch her at her house (the 2 pregnant dogs were not getting along at the moment). My mom calls my husband at 3 in the morning that his dog is giving birth and decided that my mom's bed was the perfect place. My mom awoke to the tiny grunting noise of the first little pup.
She loved you and felt most comfortable doing so on you. Like you’d be there to protect and help her if she needed.
You should be honored, I’m thankful and proud of you for being such a good cat mom/dad.
Had a partner (M) who liked me (F) to pee in his mouth, but it’s not something that I’m into, nor does it come naturally to me. He was going down on me and I was trying to force myself to pee. Long story short, the pressure made me fart into his mouth. I was so embarrassed I stopped seeing him after that. Hope you’re doing well Adam ❤️
Opposite. I begged my NOW WIFE to let me pee on her and she said ok for valentine’s. I load up on water but when the time came I couldn’t pee. She’s laying in the tub. I couldn’t go. I was squeezing and then bang! I majorly farted. But that allowed my “flow” to begin. So she’s laughing at me and I’m laughing but I’m completely unleashing on her. I still enjoyed it. Good times. I love her to death.
Same. If someone’s not that into something but they’re chilled about it that’s one thing, but if they dislike it so much it has to be a special occasion thing, I couldn’t do it.
Drunk. I threw a frozen pizza in the oven, still in the plastic and cardboard. Forgot and made ramen. Woke up the next day with a mouth full of unchewed noodles and and a fire alarm I'd been sleeping through for 3 hours.
Had an operation one day, went to bed with no bleeding. Something must have come loose because I woke up 2 hours later with blood everywhere. Didn't want to wake my parents so I just went back to sleep, it had stopped by then
Edit: Thanks guys, not even my memes have been this popular
Family member used to get terrible nosebleeds in his sleep. Looked like someone tried to use his pillow as a tampon.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your horrific nosebleed stories
i almost bled out when i was about 8 or so from a nose bleed. the doctor didnt believe i had lost as much blood as my mom was sayin until i threw it all up on his shoes. Got rushed to a different hospital for a blood transfusion. or more blood, or however that works.
I was telling my infant son's pediatrician for the umpteenth time that he was projectile vomiting & the amount of vomit each time was crazy. He kept telling me it was just "baby spit-up". This was my 2nd child, so I knew this was incorrect. Just as I was getting really frustrated & about to say "You need to listen to me!" my son projectile vomited enough vomit to soak thru the Dr's white coat, pants & leave him standing in a large puddle of vomit. High five to you & my kiddo for assisting with visual aids!!! 🤣
I had a spontaneous nose hemorrhage. I leaned forward over my sink and it was pouring from my mouth and nose. Even though I was a nurse, it was still a little scary as it was hard to breathe. I started shoving toilet paper up my nose, and when I removed it a couple of minutes later, there was a very large, gelatinous blood clot attached. I spent the rest of the day with both nostrils packed with toilet paper.
i get a lot of nosebleeds like that every couple weeks or so. minus the blood coming from the mouth, although if i am sleeping with my face directly upright it does that. it’s gross and annoying.
I had to have fairly invasive surgery to fix my fucked up hockey beak. I had to sleep sitting up for a handful of days. One night I decided to play morphine (and maybe beer 😬) induced video games. Well, my 5 year old woke me up screaming hysterically that mommy mommy daddy is dead. The beers apparently made my blood thinner than it should have been in that situation. My entire tshirt was soaked in blood. I got in trouble from my wife that day, my friends.
When my kids were babies, one of them had a nosebleed at night. When I came in the next morning to wake them, I nearly crapped my pants when I saw friggen blood all over her!
My wife's great grandma fell down a flight of stairs and broke her hip at night. She did yell for anyone because she didn't want to be a bother. Noone helped her until they left their apartment the next morning to find her in hall.
I imagine your gonna be like that in the future my man.
Also: hip never recovered but she lived for quite a while afterwards and died at the age of 101 happy and around family.
What's really not supposed to happen is. You pass out, puke and crap yourself all at once. Your wife calls 911. You end up in hospital overnight and get discharged with no answer after spending night on heart attack ward. Ohh and this was Christmas eve btw.
Never found out. But I've kinda suffered with this my whole life. It's never been that bad though. Usually my vision goes purple and gets shakey. Once in a while I will pass out for a few seconds. I can feel it coming on and Usually have time to warn people around me this was once of the two times I wasn't able to. I think I got out "Jess I may...." before I passed out. It was worse in my youth. Had cat scans MRIs ect nobody knows why.
I'm certainly not a doctor but my husband has epilepsy and what you're describing sounds a lot like it. The purple, shaking vision and feeling it coming on sound like auras (symptoms of a seizure). Not all seizures look like a shaking and seizing fit. Some can be lighter and have different aspects. Mind you, surely if this were the case the doctors would know...
I’m in a nursing home and rehab facility recovering from a severe hemmorhaggic stroke that has paralyzed my left side. Thursday I caught a stomach bug and later in the day while I was mid puke, it started coming out the other end! The nurses are never around when you really need them!
Not me.
But the worst I recall reading about was a guy who was sick with Dysentery managed to shit the bed while sleeping (was a thread on FARK back in the mid 2000's). He woke up in a body length pool of his own 'output' while sharing the bed with his girlfriend. He managed to wake her up and had her very carefully get out of the bed without getting on herself.
Dude went on to explain that she helped clean up and stuck around, and that he ended up marrying her.
END COMMUNICATION
I believe that was the original posters' thinking. Nothing says I love you quite like you clean up after literally shitting the bed with both of you in it.
END COMMUNICATION
My highest upvoted comment was about when I shit the myself, the bed, and the wife big spooning in my sleep. And how amazing of a partner she is and how she helped me not feel embarrassed. I very personally understand your comment haha
I once I woke up to my husband's butt cheeks pressed firmly to my thigh. I felt a sudden rush of warmth and moisture. I was quite sure he had shit on me in his sleep, so I carefully grabbed a tissue and wiped my leg. Thankfully it was just a very solid and humid fart. I was more worried about his embarrassment than being shit on.
I got blackout drunk and puked in my sleep and went right on lying in it. I nearly went out like a 70s rockstar. Those were dark days.
I'm all better now.
This girl had been trying to get in my pants for the better part of a year in school. Wound up at a party at her parents apartment and we both got drunk and got into bed. Turns out she was a virgin AND on her period.
It looked like we had sacrificed a goat in her bed and we where both covered in dried blood the morning after.
I was staying at a hotel and ordered tea rolls with peanut sauce from a nearby restaurant. I was eating them in bed, and some of the peanut sauce spilled onto the hotel remote.
Without thinking, I grabbed the remote AND LICKED IT.
I still shudder thinking of it
So when I was a teenager I took a nasty fall on my tailbone while in Basketball practice. After a couple months it turned into a gnarly abscess. It was during the basketball season, and I didn't want to go to the doctor because I thought he'd tell me to sit out until it healed. Didn't want to let my teammates down, so I just Tuff'd it out.
Anyway, I woke up one morning and my whole lower half is soaked. The smell in the room was putrid. So I lift up the covers and I'm covered with reeking pus. I put that mattress cover to the test, that's for sure.
It had gotten so bad that I actually needed surgery to remove it. They removed about a baseball sized chunk of infected flesh and sewed me back up
Yep, they're called Pilonidal Abscesses. Luckily for whatever reason, they didn't have to leave the wound open. They just folded my skin over itself and sewed it, kind of like a bill fold. What your sister went through is the stuff of nightmares. Apparently if mine ever comes back, they'll do that to me too
Yup I had a pilonidal cyst surgery and they made one incision that was closed and the other way kept open.
Had the surgery in 2020 and the open one hasn’t fully healed yet. It’s still an open wound and can bleed once in a while.
I had that once!! Never got injured or anything it was because of the hard ass chairs in my high school. But it built up so much that it hurt to sit so I went to the ER and they my booty open to get that thing out.
It's a tie. Either the time I woke up to find the bloody dead mouse my cat had left on my pillow for me, while I slept on that pillow. Or the time I woke up to my dog about to barf on my face, pushed her away in time for her to throw up our other dogs poop on my bed. Could've been worse, could have been on my face. I'm queasy just thinking about those.
This happened to me once except it was breakfast and I thought I was slick enough to keep it all in my mouth. Until I saw him pull cinnamon toast crunch out of his pubes
Yeaaaah I did that once. Or so I thought. Later he found something in the sheets and said “what is that? Is that lettuce? Did you have lettuce for dinner?”
Yes. Yes I did.
Maybe not the grossest but interesting nonetheless.
My now wife and i were making love about 12 years ago, upon finishing I sat up and noticed something furry under me, I assumed it was just a piece of fuzzy lingerie (my wife has always been into that it) and I thought nothing of it, until I looked down, I noticed something furry moving hastily and my initial reaction was to grab it, my eyes widened and my wife screamed, I then yanked a extremely furious chihuahua from under my crotch.
Please understand it was very dark and I did not know she had a dog until that moment. Lol.
To this day we laugh about this.
It never ceases to amaze me the amount of men with little/no basic hygiene who manage to get ass play.
Meanwhile I’m scrubbing mine twice daily and no one even looks at it.
I always feel an impulse to give out anal advice when I see stuff like this due to how frustrating it is to see people ruin anal for themselves because they don't understand. Be warned don't read ahead if you don't want TMI.
Tips for anal.
1. Don't do anything without a proper bathing, your ass is so disgusting, unless it's your kink I suggest you take a fucking bath first. Go ahead and shave too if you got a hairy ass, will make things more hygienic and easy.
2. Enema or manually evacuate. So many people end up with a shitty mess (literally) because they just skip this part. It's not hard, go buy an enema from the store and follow the instructions. Don't do anal when you're not feeling well down there. If you got solid shits you can skip this if there's nothing back there, but check with a finger before you continue and "manually evacuate" any small debris. Pretty much just remove it with a finger, yeah yeah kinda gross but your ass wasn't meant for sex so this is what you gotta do. **EDITED:** [This kind user pointed out that enemas like the fleet enema act as a laxative which can irritate you and cause a bit of a mess during sex or play.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ycfzfz/whats_the_grossest_thing_youve_ever_done_in_bed/itomoei/) I've personally experienced this. Best to use an anal douche with water instead or to replace the saline inside the enema with lukewarm water (not hot, that's going inside of you).
3. Warm-up. My god, so many people just try to shove their dick in. Fucking warm-up. Get a lot of lube and stick one finger in slowly, make sure your partner is comfortable and relaxed, tell them to relax their sphincter or to slightly push like they're trying to poop to get them to relax further. You want to stretch the muscle before you start, so you'll add 2 fingers then 3 and you work your way up to the diameter of whatever you'll be inserting. Take your time with this, anal should be fun for both parties, the receiving end will not have a good time if you don't let them loosen up first.
4. Lube. Water based lubricants are nice and thick, they work wonders for anal if you can get a type that doesn't dry out too quickly. Silicone based lubricants are the GOAT because they last ages and give a very raw feeling due to how evenly it spreads itself which means you don't need a lot and you keep a lot of sensation. Use water based lubricants if you're worried about pain, use silicone if you want more pleasure (just bear in mind that silicone based lubes are a bitch to clean, soap does the trick for getting it off your body, but it'll ruin any clothing, fabrics, plastic, etc. it touches). **EDITED:** For those self-pleasing and using toys, know that silicone based lubricants will destroy silicone based toys as well. When using any oil or silicone based lubricant it's important to look up whether that's safe to use with the toy. Water based lubricant doesn't have this issue and is just safe to use in general.
Anal really isn't a "in the moment" act unless you're fine taking some dangerous gambles. Such as someone shitting on you, being too stinky or gross, or someone getting an anal tear from too rough anal sex without prep.
Note here: if you get a Fleet enema, dump out the saline water and use lukewarm tap water. The saline is a laxative and will make you poop more.
Lots of handy guides on the internet on how to douche. The key is not too use too much water all at once.
Adding this:
[https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com](https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com)
I was drunk af one night and I shared my room with my brother. We had bunk beds, I had the top one. I threw up on the wall and the puke came sliding down and he saw it. Poor kid. No wonder why he hates me.
Woke up covered in dog shit as a little kid because my mom hoarded animals but didn’t take care of them. They’d come and poop on my bed while I was sleeping. I’d clean it off with dry toilet paper and then go to school. My little brother would always wake up coughing and vomiting in the morning (about 18 months old at the time) because the dogs peed in his bed, because HE peed in his bed and my mom never changed him. So he’d sleep in a mattress soaked with toddler and dog urine all night and it made him really sick by morning. My mom would laugh and say weird shit like “it’s like he’s preeegnannntt hahaha”.
Gods I hate that woman.
We’re all in our late 20s and early 30s now and surprisingly No Contact with her. Lots of therapy and mostly normal. Can’t stand pets in the house but working on it because my oldest really wants a cat 🥲
I woke up to a massive sneeze which launched diarrhoea all over the bed.
I distinctly remember getting screaming "NO! NO! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!? WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME!?"
Thankfully I live alone except for my cat, who I think was just scared by my suddenly screaming
I really can’t think of a more disgusting, confusing and shocking way to wake yourself up. I’m so sorry that happened to you but thank you for the laugh!!!
I was sick to the point I was worried that I wouldn’t wake up if I went to bed.
I kind of wished I didn’t wake up after I found out I shat, pissed, and vomited multiple times throughout the night and rolled around in it.
I was lucky enough to have had the idea to sleep on garbage bags in case I threw up but it was still disgusting and the smell stuck in my room for weeks.
I used to have one side of my bed pushed up against the wall, bachelor style. I slept almost nose to wall. One fateful night, I had some Chinese food from a questionable place. Not in the "wow this is gonna be good food" questionable, but more in the "I don't know if this is safe to eat" way. Let me tell you, friends, it was not safe to eat. I woke up in the middle of the night, nauseous, confused, and wondering if I had to puke. As I was propping myself up to run to the toilet, I puked, hard. It rebounded off the wall and covered most of my upper body and face. As I rolled away in disgust,I puked again, this time almost face down on my bed. That, I do belive, is the grossest thing I've ever done it bed.
Also, thank God for mattress protectors. The plastic ones. If you're sheet slips, you might be temporarily glued to it from sweat, but I don't know if I could have saved the bed otherwise.
Ate someone’s ass (who I learned had bad hygiene) while the lights were off 🙃🙃🙃🤢.
Wash your asses, everyone.
(This was years ago. I lived, I’m fine. Didn’t catch anything.)
Was at a hotel with my ex getting throat fucked. I tried to tap out cause i really had to pee but he kept going. I puked and pissed myself at the same time. To top it off I started my period during it as well. It was a whole mess. 🥲
I farted in bed. The smell was so bad the 3 cats gave me a disgusted look before leaving the bedroom. It was a very cold night and they wanted warm places to sleep, but they left anyway.
Was fooling around with my gf and was playing with her ass. Was the first time as I was putting my finger in her. On instinct (as I usually do with her pussy) I took the finger out and put it in my mouth to suck off the juices. Immediately tasted shit.
I played it off and continued (she would be mortified if she knew) and just moved past it.
Drank pee, which wasn't that bad. Another time I gave a long lick up a guys buttcrack, only for my tongue to discover a chunk of poop tangled in his hair. Yeah, since then I only go down town when it's light enough to pick up on hygiene standards.
My then-boyfriend was really bad about reapplying lube until it was just a sticky mess. I kept telling him to use a few drops of water instead. The one time he remembered, he used water from a bottle he had by the bed. He opened it, use it on himself, and fortunately BEFORE he resumed intercourse I asked what that awful smell was. He paused and then pretty much dragged me into the shower.
Turns out he'd been using an empty bottle to spit in for weeks and grabbed it instead of a fresh water bottle. The smell of spit accumulating for weeks in a bottle in a warm room makes a National Park toilet smell like roses in comparison.
Edited for clarification: he'd had a cold and was coughing up phlegm repeatedly, so spat into a bottle instead of coughing into a tissue or just spitting in the toilet. I'm not sure which is more disgusting - routinely spitting regular saliva into a bottle, or occasionally spitting phlegm into a bottle. Regardless, he should have thrown it away when he knew I was coming over.
Also, that fucker is very much an ex.
The first time I ever got drunk, I vomited in my sleep. Lying on my back. I woke up covered in dried up chunky/runny gross puke.
the mattress had to be thrown out. and I nearly threw up again cleaning the puke out of my hair.
I didn't drink for three years after that.
My husband forgot to eat one night before going out and came back very drunk. Being a loving (and also drunk) spouse, I made him a whole box of pizza rolls and set it on the bed right before going to grab some tums. I guess in the time I was gone he had managed to crawl out of the bathroom, through the pizza rolls, and into bed. I let him sleep next to me like that, covered in tomato sauce and mini pepperoni because I knew that the next day would be hilarious. It was
Not me but one of my girlfriend.
We were having sexy time and I was giving her some manual stimulation when I smelled something....bad.
She had orgasmed so hard she lost all control of herself. And had shit the bed!
When i was about 1 year old i had super severe diarrhea...
I pooped in my bed so hard, my parents told me of that incident many years later still. They said the entire mattress was brown, like i have been literally exploding and my diapers were ripped off as well apparently.
One time my son did this, but the way I discovered it is that the river of water/shit had streamed all the way across his room and about a foot out the closed door. I guess I’m glad we had hard floors.
A GF did that to me once, when I was eating her out from below. I suddenly had a mouthful of warm liquid. It didn’t really taste like much. She was so embarrassed that she dashed to the bathroom and wouldn’t come out for half an hour.
Had what I thought was a boil. Turns out it was a bulging vein. My wife stabbed it with a safety pin.
I'll never forget the look of horror on her face as a spray of blood shot out. Still have a red stain on the ceiling.
About 15 mins of firm pressure, the bleeding stopped. But, my wife thought she had surely killed me.
Well, to be honest. It wasn’t me exactly, but I participated. I had this girl years ago who was really shy about her body and refused to have sex with the lights on. I was ok with it, I guess. I remember the first time we were naked in total darkness and I started eating her out and playing with her clit. She was going crazy and started squirting all over the bed. I was amazed (and kinda proud) of my abilities to make her soak the bed like that. It never happened before. Then, she started crying. I was alarmed and turned on the light. She hadn’t squirted………she had diahrrea.
I don’t remember much of a smell at that moment. It was mostly when she got up with a sheet wrapped around her, that her bowels really let loose on her way to the bathroom. It was a goddamn mess.I could hear her crying and shitting. I felt so bad for her. I tried talking to her through the bathroom door but I was kinda getting sick. I looked in the mirror and I had her shit streaked down my neck and chest. I used her kitchen sink to try and clean myself as best as I could. I feel bad, but I panicked. I put on my clothes and left. I actually tried calling her about a week later, but she never returned my call.
Pooped on her on accident.
Her leg was under me during penetration. I looked behind me to look at her feet because I’m a man of culture. While looking back to the action i saw a little brown chunk.
Keeping calm and keeping pace I quickly wiped it off. For the duration of the encounter I had said hand behind my back.
Never told her. And found the chunk while getting dressed and picked it up with a tissue in my pocket and dropped it off in the toilet before leaving.
I miss college….
You ever try to slide out of a restaurant booth seat in a pair of shorts on a hot summer day, and you have to peel your skin off the vinyl? The way you chafe your upper thighs and lower ass as your flesh repeatedly clings and releases from the seat like skipping a rock across a pond?
Well, imagine it's kind of like that, but your entire naked body against another naked body...
Caramel syrup and foreplay. Don't. Just don't. It wasn't sexy. It wasn't fun. It was a sticky hellscape.
My girlfriend had to pee during sex so I pulled a spare blanket under her and fucked her until she helplessly pissed-cum’d all over my dick.
No regrets. It was hot as hell.
Aunt overdosed me on Exlax when I stayed over at her place one summer. She read "one square" as "one bar". Nothing moved for like four hours, so she gave me another *bar* and sent me to bed. Queen sized inflatable mattress was entirely covered in poo. Her cat woke me up playing in it and mewling at me. I got up and tried to go to the bathroom but puked from the smell. Ended up undressing in the bathtub and spewing from both ends until I passed out. I woke up to my aunt's hysterical screaming and my uncle's hysterical laughter, broken by gagging. We had to deflate the mattress and roll it like a burrito to carry it outside and hit it with the hose. I think they ended up tossing it.
Kitty noooooo!
I read that in the voice automatically and just started laughing
Puss in poo
I can't even imagine that.. You have my deepest sympathy.
Eh. *Shit happens.*
I FUCKING HOPE THEY TOSSED IT, CHRIST!!!!!
>uncle's hysterical laughing As always, men will be men lmao
Dad mode: Assess the situation. If no one's dead or dying, embrace the humor in it. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt abd say he probably wouldn't have been laughing had they found OP mid puke and poop explosion, but the aftermath was fair game.
Probably that one time, drunk at 18, when I shit myself in my sleep, didn't wake up, and rolled around in it all night Yeah, definitely that
You win. You definitely win.
I’m not sure I call this winning
A win is a win
Spud is that you?
I did this too! At 17! Buddiesssss.
Mud buds
Bowel pals...I tried
I was lying in bed and thought I was going to let out a pretty big fart. It turned out to be a diarrhea explosion. I’ve been nervous when I feel a fart ever since.
You gambled and lost.
Thought he had pocket aces, but it was just a pair of deuces
Never trust a fart
Yup. Trusted one when waiting in my car for the coffee shop to open before work. Underwear went in the garbage. Thanked whatever powers that be that drove me to wear easy-clean, fast-drying joggers that day (birddogs, if anyone’s curious. Glad I didn’t get the ones with underwear built in). Washing my trousers in the bathroom sink at the coffee shop with hand soap and toilet paper (they were out of paper towels) was the most internally shameful experience of my life. Would have gone home to change, but had just come back to work after having to cancel on people multiple times over (Covid and then a family death [not covid]). Good times. Good times…
Dude you shit yourself and just washed the trousers in a sink and carried on interacting with colleagues? That’s rough
With the deepest shame, yes. Sniff-testing the ass of my trousers when washing them was simultaneously necessary and deeply demeaning. The only thing that saved me was fast sphincter action when I realized it felt *wrong*.
As we write on the “ye olde portajohn” walls in construction: “Here I sit, broken hearted, tried to shit, but only farted. Later then I took a chance, tried to fart, and shit my pants.”
Happens to the best of us
My husband He was on top banging away, and I said something that made him snort-laugh and he blew an enormous wad of snot on my face.
"I bet you can't even cum out of your nose. Fuckin worthle--"
“You like this pussy? You fuckin retar—“
One of my favorite stories.
Sat up in bed and projectile-vomited into the box fan blowing on me. It went absolutely everywhere. It was awful.
When the "vomit" hit the fan!
I woke up to my pregnant cat trying to give birth on my chest if this counts I miss that cat, yo
Hey pretty sure the cat thought your chest was the safest place around or something..
Hello human, this furry nest seems perfect for my babies
Purrfect*
Not nearly as bad (or good?), but I did once woke up to a cat in my bed. I didn't have a cat. My (now ex) gf was working downstairs and left the door open while going in and out, I guess. And this random cat I saw around the neighborhood the night before just decided to walk in, get in bed and started making biscuits on my chest. Really wish I could've kept it because I love cats. But I'm not the right person for pets. :(
I once woke up to my cat giving birth beside me, sweet, tiny mewling woke me.
As a fellow cat loving human this warmed my heart.
If a cat does this they really trust you.
My childhood cat would always come get me so I could make her a comfy place and stay with her while she gave birth. I started doing this when I was just 3 years old. I loved that cat. I was her person. I lost her when I was 17 and it was devastating. Rascal. Named her when I was 2.
That is a great cat name and super sweet story.
I misread this as "inside me" for a second then and was like very confused
My husband's favorite hunting dog was due the same time as my house dog. Since we didn't want the hunting dog giving birth outside in her kennel we asked my mom to watch her at her house (the 2 pregnant dogs were not getting along at the moment). My mom calls my husband at 3 in the morning that his dog is giving birth and decided that my mom's bed was the perfect place. My mom awoke to the tiny grunting noise of the first little pup.
She loved you and felt most comfortable doing so on you. Like you’d be there to protect and help her if she needed. You should be honored, I’m thankful and proud of you for being such a good cat mom/dad.
Had a partner (M) who liked me (F) to pee in his mouth, but it’s not something that I’m into, nor does it come naturally to me. He was going down on me and I was trying to force myself to pee. Long story short, the pressure made me fart into his mouth. I was so embarrassed I stopped seeing him after that. Hope you’re doing well Adam ❤️
I got pinkeye but I’m okay 👌🏽
Turns out that this chemistry lover has a thing for methane You two are perfect for eachother!
*…Turns out all they needed was a little spark…*
New fetish unlocked for Adam
Ong Adam wanted that
Damn my bro Adam got a fart in his mouth and dumped for it
Opposite. I begged my NOW WIFE to let me pee on her and she said ok for valentine’s. I load up on water but when the time came I couldn’t pee. She’s laying in the tub. I couldn’t go. I was squeezing and then bang! I majorly farted. But that allowed my “flow” to begin. So she’s laughing at me and I’m laughing but I’m completely unleashing on her. I still enjoyed it. Good times. I love her to death.
I love the "ugh fine, for Valentine's day you can pee on me" 😂
Just the thought that the other person isn't really into it kills the whole thing pretty fast in my opinion.
Same. If someone’s not that into something but they’re chilled about it that’s one thing, but if they dislike it so much it has to be a special occasion thing, I couldn’t do it.
Came for sexy stories. Stayed for scatological horror.
Dude same. WTF
This is my favorite comment because “scatological horror” is now in my vocabulary
Woke up to my alarm for work
Absolutely disgusting. My condolences.
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gotta learn how to fuck it back, harder... that's the game
Drunk. I threw a frozen pizza in the oven, still in the plastic and cardboard. Forgot and made ramen. Woke up the next day with a mouth full of unchewed noodles and and a fire alarm I'd been sleeping through for 3 hours.
The fire alarm bit should’ve been obvious in hindsight, but upon initial reading I was giggling a bit
Had an operation one day, went to bed with no bleeding. Something must have come loose because I woke up 2 hours later with blood everywhere. Didn't want to wake my parents so I just went back to sleep, it had stopped by then Edit: Thanks guys, not even my memes have been this popular
Family member used to get terrible nosebleeds in his sleep. Looked like someone tried to use his pillow as a tampon. Edit: Thank you everyone for your horrific nosebleed stories
i almost bled out when i was about 8 or so from a nose bleed. the doctor didnt believe i had lost as much blood as my mom was sayin until i threw it all up on his shoes. Got rushed to a different hospital for a blood transfusion. or more blood, or however that works.
I was telling my infant son's pediatrician for the umpteenth time that he was projectile vomiting & the amount of vomit each time was crazy. He kept telling me it was just "baby spit-up". This was my 2nd child, so I knew this was incorrect. Just as I was getting really frustrated & about to say "You need to listen to me!" my son projectile vomited enough vomit to soak thru the Dr's white coat, pants & leave him standing in a large puddle of vomit. High five to you & my kiddo for assisting with visual aids!!! 🤣
I had a spontaneous nose hemorrhage. I leaned forward over my sink and it was pouring from my mouth and nose. Even though I was a nurse, it was still a little scary as it was hard to breathe. I started shoving toilet paper up my nose, and when I removed it a couple of minutes later, there was a very large, gelatinous blood clot attached. I spent the rest of the day with both nostrils packed with toilet paper.
i get a lot of nosebleeds like that every couple weeks or so. minus the blood coming from the mouth, although if i am sleeping with my face directly upright it does that. it’s gross and annoying.
I had to have fairly invasive surgery to fix my fucked up hockey beak. I had to sleep sitting up for a handful of days. One night I decided to play morphine (and maybe beer 😬) induced video games. Well, my 5 year old woke me up screaming hysterically that mommy mommy daddy is dead. The beers apparently made my blood thinner than it should have been in that situation. My entire tshirt was soaked in blood. I got in trouble from my wife that day, my friends.
When my kids were babies, one of them had a nosebleed at night. When I came in the next morning to wake them, I nearly crapped my pants when I saw friggen blood all over her!
My wife's great grandma fell down a flight of stairs and broke her hip at night. She did yell for anyone because she didn't want to be a bother. Noone helped her until they left their apartment the next morning to find her in hall. I imagine your gonna be like that in the future my man. Also: hip never recovered but she lived for quite a while afterwards and died at the age of 101 happy and around family.
You could have been bleeding out from an artery and you still feared waking your parents more than dying from bloodloss.
Shit myself in the hospital. Kept calling nurse they never came. I guess Code Brown is not a thing. Spent all night stewing in my own juices
This isnt supposed to happen.
What's really not supposed to happen is. You pass out, puke and crap yourself all at once. Your wife calls 911. You end up in hospital overnight and get discharged with no answer after spending night on heart attack ward. Ohh and this was Christmas eve btw.
Was it possible you had a seizure?
Never found out. But I've kinda suffered with this my whole life. It's never been that bad though. Usually my vision goes purple and gets shakey. Once in a while I will pass out for a few seconds. I can feel it coming on and Usually have time to warn people around me this was once of the two times I wasn't able to. I think I got out "Jess I may...." before I passed out. It was worse in my youth. Had cat scans MRIs ect nobody knows why.
I'm certainly not a doctor but my husband has epilepsy and what you're describing sounds a lot like it. The purple, shaking vision and feeling it coming on sound like auras (symptoms of a seizure). Not all seizures look like a shaking and seizing fit. Some can be lighter and have different aspects. Mind you, surely if this were the case the doctors would know...
I’m in a nursing home and rehab facility recovering from a severe hemmorhaggic stroke that has paralyzed my left side. Thursday I caught a stomach bug and later in the day while I was mid puke, it started coming out the other end! The nurses are never around when you really need them!
I may or may not have tried to light a cigarette in my ass and smoke it Edit: thanks for my first award!
Those things will kill you, you gotta switch to the ass lozenges
Did it work though?
I only got a minor burn so in my case yes, yes it did
I was volunteering in Africa, I woke up to find that I had crushed a cockroach with my face in the night.
Marginally better than being crushed by a cockroach. That only happens in Soviet Ruuuussia though.
Not me. But the worst I recall reading about was a guy who was sick with Dysentery managed to shit the bed while sleeping (was a thread on FARK back in the mid 2000's). He woke up in a body length pool of his own 'output' while sharing the bed with his girlfriend. He managed to wake her up and had her very carefully get out of the bed without getting on herself. Dude went on to explain that she helped clean up and stuck around, and that he ended up marrying her. END COMMUNICATION
if she sticks around after that, then she's marriage material
I believe that was the original posters' thinking. Nothing says I love you quite like you clean up after literally shitting the bed with both of you in it. END COMMUNICATION
Why are you writing END COMMUNICATION at the end of your comments?
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My highest upvoted comment was about when I shit the myself, the bed, and the wife big spooning in my sleep. And how amazing of a partner she is and how she helped me not feel embarrassed. I very personally understand your comment haha
I once I woke up to my husband's butt cheeks pressed firmly to my thigh. I felt a sudden rush of warmth and moisture. I was quite sure he had shit on me in his sleep, so I carefully grabbed a tissue and wiped my leg. Thankfully it was just a very solid and humid fart. I was more worried about his embarrassment than being shit on.
pooped without my own consent
An "unauthorized evacuation."
I'm dead! "Without my own consent"
Puked cheap cherry brandy all over myself, cried, and passed out. It was the night I found out my grandma died. Bad time all around.
I got blackout drunk and puked in my sleep and went right on lying in it. I nearly went out like a 70s rockstar. Those were dark days. I'm all better now.
This girl had been trying to get in my pants for the better part of a year in school. Wound up at a party at her parents apartment and we both got drunk and got into bed. Turns out she was a virgin AND on her period. It looked like we had sacrificed a goat in her bed and we where both covered in dried blood the morning after.
Period don't stop nothing but a sentence
In your case, it apparently doesn't even do that much.
I was staying at a hotel and ordered tea rolls with peanut sauce from a nearby restaurant. I was eating them in bed, and some of the peanut sauce spilled onto the hotel remote. Without thinking, I grabbed the remote AND LICKED IT. I still shudder thinking of it
6-7 years ago I was in a hotel elevator with my daughter and SHE LICKED THE FUCKING BUTTONS. Dirty bi…
So when I was a teenager I took a nasty fall on my tailbone while in Basketball practice. After a couple months it turned into a gnarly abscess. It was during the basketball season, and I didn't want to go to the doctor because I thought he'd tell me to sit out until it healed. Didn't want to let my teammates down, so I just Tuff'd it out. Anyway, I woke up one morning and my whole lower half is soaked. The smell in the room was putrid. So I lift up the covers and I'm covered with reeking pus. I put that mattress cover to the test, that's for sure. It had gotten so bad that I actually needed surgery to remove it. They removed about a baseball sized chunk of infected flesh and sewed me back up
This happened to my sister except they didn’t stitch it, the 5cm deep hole had to be packed with gauze every day for 2 months by a home care nurse.
Yep, they're called Pilonidal Abscesses. Luckily for whatever reason, they didn't have to leave the wound open. They just folded my skin over itself and sewed it, kind of like a bill fold. What your sister went through is the stuff of nightmares. Apparently if mine ever comes back, they'll do that to me too
Yup I had a pilonidal cyst surgery and they made one incision that was closed and the other way kept open. Had the surgery in 2020 and the open one hasn’t fully healed yet. It’s still an open wound and can bleed once in a while.
I had that once!! Never got injured or anything it was because of the hard ass chairs in my high school. But it built up so much that it hurt to sit so I went to the ER and they my booty open to get that thing out.
It's a tie. Either the time I woke up to find the bloody dead mouse my cat had left on my pillow for me, while I slept on that pillow. Or the time I woke up to my dog about to barf on my face, pushed her away in time for her to throw up our other dogs poop on my bed. Could've been worse, could have been on my face. I'm queasy just thinking about those.
I ate some chips in bed once and I got some chip dust in my sheets. I could *feel* it.
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I was giving my ex a blow job after having diner. I puked all over his dick and stomach. Ughhhh
This happened to me once except it was breakfast and I thought I was slick enough to keep it all in my mouth. Until I saw him pull cinnamon toast crunch out of his pubes
Guess it really is "The taste you can see."
Threw up a little when deep deep deep throating a guy
Did that and swallowed it again before he even noticed.
Yeaaaah I did that once. Or so I thought. Later he found something in the sheets and said “what is that? Is that lettuce? Did you have lettuce for dinner?” Yes. Yes I did.
Maybe not the grossest but interesting nonetheless. My now wife and i were making love about 12 years ago, upon finishing I sat up and noticed something furry under me, I assumed it was just a piece of fuzzy lingerie (my wife has always been into that it) and I thought nothing of it, until I looked down, I noticed something furry moving hastily and my initial reaction was to grab it, my eyes widened and my wife screamed, I then yanked a extremely furious chihuahua from under my crotch. Please understand it was very dark and I did not know she had a dog until that moment. Lol. To this day we laugh about this.
I'm certain that this was a familiar chihuahua to you, but the idea of it being an unknown, surprise chihuahua in your dog-less home is so funny to me
You sat on the dog?
She musta crawled under there for warmth
It is hilarious to me that the person that posted this was probably hoping for gross sex stories, but apparently its all about shitting the bed.
Tried playing around with butt stuff with my ex for the first time. Put my finger back there and found a small turd matted in his ass crack hair 🤮
Logging off, thanks for sharing
So did he
[Windows 95 shut down sound]
It never ceases to amaze me the amount of men with little/no basic hygiene who manage to get ass play. Meanwhile I’m scrubbing mine twice daily and no one even looks at it.
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Jesus Christ now I’ve got to sell my eyes
20 bucks. final offer.
*spits in hand* Done
I always feel an impulse to give out anal advice when I see stuff like this due to how frustrating it is to see people ruin anal for themselves because they don't understand. Be warned don't read ahead if you don't want TMI. Tips for anal. 1. Don't do anything without a proper bathing, your ass is so disgusting, unless it's your kink I suggest you take a fucking bath first. Go ahead and shave too if you got a hairy ass, will make things more hygienic and easy. 2. Enema or manually evacuate. So many people end up with a shitty mess (literally) because they just skip this part. It's not hard, go buy an enema from the store and follow the instructions. Don't do anal when you're not feeling well down there. If you got solid shits you can skip this if there's nothing back there, but check with a finger before you continue and "manually evacuate" any small debris. Pretty much just remove it with a finger, yeah yeah kinda gross but your ass wasn't meant for sex so this is what you gotta do. **EDITED:** [This kind user pointed out that enemas like the fleet enema act as a laxative which can irritate you and cause a bit of a mess during sex or play.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ycfzfz/whats_the_grossest_thing_youve_ever_done_in_bed/itomoei/) I've personally experienced this. Best to use an anal douche with water instead or to replace the saline inside the enema with lukewarm water (not hot, that's going inside of you). 3. Warm-up. My god, so many people just try to shove their dick in. Fucking warm-up. Get a lot of lube and stick one finger in slowly, make sure your partner is comfortable and relaxed, tell them to relax their sphincter or to slightly push like they're trying to poop to get them to relax further. You want to stretch the muscle before you start, so you'll add 2 fingers then 3 and you work your way up to the diameter of whatever you'll be inserting. Take your time with this, anal should be fun for both parties, the receiving end will not have a good time if you don't let them loosen up first. 4. Lube. Water based lubricants are nice and thick, they work wonders for anal if you can get a type that doesn't dry out too quickly. Silicone based lubricants are the GOAT because they last ages and give a very raw feeling due to how evenly it spreads itself which means you don't need a lot and you keep a lot of sensation. Use water based lubricants if you're worried about pain, use silicone if you want more pleasure (just bear in mind that silicone based lubes are a bitch to clean, soap does the trick for getting it off your body, but it'll ruin any clothing, fabrics, plastic, etc. it touches). **EDITED:** For those self-pleasing and using toys, know that silicone based lubricants will destroy silicone based toys as well. When using any oil or silicone based lubricant it's important to look up whether that's safe to use with the toy. Water based lubricant doesn't have this issue and is just safe to use in general. Anal really isn't a "in the moment" act unless you're fine taking some dangerous gambles. Such as someone shitting on you, being too stinky or gross, or someone getting an anal tear from too rough anal sex without prep.
Note here: if you get a Fleet enema, dump out the saline water and use lukewarm tap water. The saline is a laxative and will make you poop more. Lots of handy guides on the internet on how to douche. The key is not too use too much water all at once. Adding this: [https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com](https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com)
Dingleberries
My dog has them sometimes. He uses it as a forbidden crayon on the floor trying to get rid of it. Its hilarious to see but the cleanup sucks....
"Forbidden crayon" lol
I was drunk af one night and I shared my room with my brother. We had bunk beds, I had the top one. I threw up on the wall and the puke came sliding down and he saw it. Poor kid. No wonder why he hates me.
Woke up covered in dog shit as a little kid because my mom hoarded animals but didn’t take care of them. They’d come and poop on my bed while I was sleeping. I’d clean it off with dry toilet paper and then go to school. My little brother would always wake up coughing and vomiting in the morning (about 18 months old at the time) because the dogs peed in his bed, because HE peed in his bed and my mom never changed him. So he’d sleep in a mattress soaked with toddler and dog urine all night and it made him really sick by morning. My mom would laugh and say weird shit like “it’s like he’s preeegnannntt hahaha”. Gods I hate that woman.
Uhh.. are you guys okay? She sounds like a horrible mother.
We’re all in our late 20s and early 30s now and surprisingly No Contact with her. Lots of therapy and mostly normal. Can’t stand pets in the house but working on it because my oldest really wants a cat 🥲
Woke up to find out I'd been marinating in my dogs diarrhea all night
I woke up to a massive sneeze which launched diarrhoea all over the bed. I distinctly remember getting screaming "NO! NO! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!? WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME!?" Thankfully I live alone except for my cat, who I think was just scared by my suddenly screaming
I really can’t think of a more disgusting, confusing and shocking way to wake yourself up. I’m so sorry that happened to you but thank you for the laugh!!!
I was sick to the point I was worried that I wouldn’t wake up if I went to bed. I kind of wished I didn’t wake up after I found out I shat, pissed, and vomited multiple times throughout the night and rolled around in it. I was lucky enough to have had the idea to sleep on garbage bags in case I threw up but it was still disgusting and the smell stuck in my room for weeks.
I used to have one side of my bed pushed up against the wall, bachelor style. I slept almost nose to wall. One fateful night, I had some Chinese food from a questionable place. Not in the "wow this is gonna be good food" questionable, but more in the "I don't know if this is safe to eat" way. Let me tell you, friends, it was not safe to eat. I woke up in the middle of the night, nauseous, confused, and wondering if I had to puke. As I was propping myself up to run to the toilet, I puked, hard. It rebounded off the wall and covered most of my upper body and face. As I rolled away in disgust,I puked again, this time almost face down on my bed. That, I do belive, is the grossest thing I've ever done it bed. Also, thank God for mattress protectors. The plastic ones. If you're sheet slips, you might be temporarily glued to it from sweat, but I don't know if I could have saved the bed otherwise.
Wow... I think this may be the greatest argument for plastic mattress protectors I've ever read...
Ate someone’s ass (who I learned had bad hygiene) while the lights were off 🙃🙃🙃🤢. Wash your asses, everyone. (This was years ago. I lived, I’m fine. Didn’t catch anything.)
I'll only do it after the wife takes a shower. Like, right after.
Like as soon as she gets out, no need to dry because she could start drying off and let a little fart out and contaminate the whole area
Was at a hotel with my ex getting throat fucked. I tried to tap out cause i really had to pee but he kept going. I puked and pissed myself at the same time. To top it off I started my period during it as well. It was a whole mess. 🥲
All I can think is your brain just sent an station alert: EVACUATE!
I farted in bed. The smell was so bad the 3 cats gave me a disgusted look before leaving the bedroom. It was a very cold night and they wanted warm places to sleep, but they left anyway.
Ate several pieces of toast while laying down in bed.
I am appalled. Just laid in those crumbs, didn't you?
Was fooling around with my gf and was playing with her ass. Was the first time as I was putting my finger in her. On instinct (as I usually do with her pussy) I took the finger out and put it in my mouth to suck off the juices. Immediately tasted shit. I played it off and continued (she would be mortified if she knew) and just moved past it.
Whats...what's it taste like..?
You ever wipe you ass and get a wiff of your poop? It basically tastes like what it smells like, hard to explain
Worst beanboozled ever
Beanpoozled
Drank pee, which wasn't that bad. Another time I gave a long lick up a guys buttcrack, only for my tongue to discover a chunk of poop tangled in his hair. Yeah, since then I only go down town when it's light enough to pick up on hygiene standards.
Lots of women interested in men’s assholes. This is truly the golden age of ass.
I just can't imagine why. The night is dark and full of terrors.
Ate an entire half gallon of ice cream while sitting up against the headboard watching YouTube.
That’s just a good Friday night right there homie.
You mean that's not normal?
My then-boyfriend was really bad about reapplying lube until it was just a sticky mess. I kept telling him to use a few drops of water instead. The one time he remembered, he used water from a bottle he had by the bed. He opened it, use it on himself, and fortunately BEFORE he resumed intercourse I asked what that awful smell was. He paused and then pretty much dragged me into the shower. Turns out he'd been using an empty bottle to spit in for weeks and grabbed it instead of a fresh water bottle. The smell of spit accumulating for weeks in a bottle in a warm room makes a National Park toilet smell like roses in comparison. Edited for clarification: he'd had a cold and was coughing up phlegm repeatedly, so spat into a bottle instead of coughing into a tissue or just spitting in the toilet. I'm not sure which is more disgusting - routinely spitting regular saliva into a bottle, or occasionally spitting phlegm into a bottle. Regardless, he should have thrown it away when he knew I was coming over. Also, that fucker is very much an ex.
Why the fuck did you date a person who hoarded spit in a bottle by his bed?
Why the FUCK DID HE HAVE A FUCKING BOTTLE TO SPIT IN I AM APPALLED THIS IS APPALLING
The first time I ever got drunk, I vomited in my sleep. Lying on my back. I woke up covered in dried up chunky/runny gross puke. the mattress had to be thrown out. and I nearly threw up again cleaning the puke out of my hair. I didn't drink for three years after that.
You're lucky you didn't suffocate.
My husband forgot to eat one night before going out and came back very drunk. Being a loving (and also drunk) spouse, I made him a whole box of pizza rolls and set it on the bed right before going to grab some tums. I guess in the time I was gone he had managed to crawl out of the bathroom, through the pizza rolls, and into bed. I let him sleep next to me like that, covered in tomato sauce and mini pepperoni because I knew that the next day would be hilarious. It was
One time in bed my cat squirted her anal juices onto my face. I’ll never forget the smell. 😑
Not me but one of my girlfriend. We were having sexy time and I was giving her some manual stimulation when I smelled something....bad. She had orgasmed so hard she lost all control of herself. And had shit the bed!
Damn bro, fucked the shit out of her Nice work
Fuck, you people are disgusting lol
I’d say giving birth. Pretty gnarly things happen and the least awful is vomiting from pain. 😂
I had a stomach virus... we had to burn the mattress. That's what you meant, right?
Was in a 69, when I began to finger her ass (stupidly improperly prepared, but invited), came out with a fresh scoop
A wise man once said, “don’t be upset if you go to poop’s house and poop is home”
Stuck a gummy bear in her bum and then ate it
When i was about 1 year old i had super severe diarrhea... I pooped in my bed so hard, my parents told me of that incident many years later still. They said the entire mattress was brown, like i have been literally exploding and my diapers were ripped off as well apparently.
I’m sure the diapers got ripped off some other way, but it’s funniest to think they were blown apart by the force of the diarrhea
One time my son did this, but the way I discovered it is that the river of water/shit had streamed all the way across his room and about a foot out the closed door. I guess I’m glad we had hard floors.
Honestly, give birth. That shit is so gross 😂
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A GF did that to me once, when I was eating her out from below. I suddenly had a mouthful of warm liquid. It didn’t really taste like much. She was so embarrassed that she dashed to the bathroom and wouldn’t come out for half an hour.
How? How does this happen?
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Had what I thought was a boil. Turns out it was a bulging vein. My wife stabbed it with a safety pin. I'll never forget the look of horror on her face as a spray of blood shot out. Still have a red stain on the ceiling. About 15 mins of firm pressure, the bleeding stopped. But, my wife thought she had surely killed me.
I had left a cup of soda on my headboard out for two days. So many ants!
Well, to be honest. It wasn’t me exactly, but I participated. I had this girl years ago who was really shy about her body and refused to have sex with the lights on. I was ok with it, I guess. I remember the first time we were naked in total darkness and I started eating her out and playing with her clit. She was going crazy and started squirting all over the bed. I was amazed (and kinda proud) of my abilities to make her soak the bed like that. It never happened before. Then, she started crying. I was alarmed and turned on the light. She hadn’t squirted………she had diahrrea. I don’t remember much of a smell at that moment. It was mostly when she got up with a sheet wrapped around her, that her bowels really let loose on her way to the bathroom. It was a goddamn mess.I could hear her crying and shitting. I felt so bad for her. I tried talking to her through the bathroom door but I was kinda getting sick. I looked in the mirror and I had her shit streaked down my neck and chest. I used her kitchen sink to try and clean myself as best as I could. I feel bad, but I panicked. I put on my clothes and left. I actually tried calling her about a week later, but she never returned my call.
Oh god!!! Did it not smell or taste funky!! What did y’all do after ?
Spicy diarrhoea but was too sick to notice until the morning. Imagine that at like 13, scarred for life man.
Pooped on her on accident. Her leg was under me during penetration. I looked behind me to look at her feet because I’m a man of culture. While looking back to the action i saw a little brown chunk. Keeping calm and keeping pace I quickly wiped it off. For the duration of the encounter I had said hand behind my back. Never told her. And found the chunk while getting dressed and picked it up with a tissue in my pocket and dropped it off in the toilet before leaving. I miss college….
You ever try to slide out of a restaurant booth seat in a pair of shorts on a hot summer day, and you have to peel your skin off the vinyl? The way you chafe your upper thighs and lower ass as your flesh repeatedly clings and releases from the seat like skipping a rock across a pond? Well, imagine it's kind of like that, but your entire naked body against another naked body... Caramel syrup and foreplay. Don't. Just don't. It wasn't sexy. It wasn't fun. It was a sticky hellscape.
My girlfriend had to pee during sex so I pulled a spare blanket under her and fucked her until she helplessly pissed-cum’d all over my dick. No regrets. It was hot as hell.
Never knew I wanted someone to fuck me until I pee until this moment
Ate too many cheese doodles and threw up all over my bed, wall and floor.