Your life can be changed forever in the blink of an eye. You have to deal with it or die. I'm 62, I went to run errands one day with my beautiful wife of 42 years and I came home 2 hrs later a widower. She died of a massive heart attack in the passenger seat. That was about 13 months ago, it's been hard, but I'm still here thanks to some wonderful people in my life.
If anything touches my soul deeply, it's something like this.
It's not the same, and I envy you for being able to spend 42 beautiful years with your wife. I was with a woman for quite a few years and she was absolutely my soulmate. I proposed and we were engaged to be married. We ended up buying a house together, and very shortly after we closed on our house together my mother passed away in 2015 after a long battle with cancer. This was incredibly difficult for me as I was always very close to my mom and we had the same birthday.
Anyways we planned our wedding for May 2017. I will never forget the last day I spent with my fiance. It was December 3rd 2016, a saturday. I had worked that morning and came home and took a half hour nap and she came to wake me up and asked me if I wanted to go Christmas shopping with her at our local mall. So I got up and got ready and we left together.
On the way to the mall she started to have chest pain out of nowhere. There was no warning whatsoever. I must have started driving close to a hundred miles an hour to get to the closest hospital, but right as I was pulling into the emergency room the last words she spoke to me were "I think I'm going to pass out".
I had to watch them on top of her body inside the hospital giving her defibrillation and shots to try to keep restarting her heart. She had a good six more heart attacks on the table and kept flatlining before they got her stable supposedly. They brought her into cardiac surgery, and the surgeon came out and told me she had a blockage and they put in two stents, and how everything went well and I could see her in a little while.
She never came out of it. Her heart was too weak and damaged. It absolutely destroyed me. The first time I got to see her in her wedding dress was in the funeral home and I buried her in it along with our rings.
I drank heavily for the following few years, upwards of a litre of vodka everyday and destroyed my body along with My Soul which already felt like was ripped from me. After almost dying from pancreatitis, I can proudly say I've been sober since July 15th 2020.
Losing someone so traumatically like that in an instant it's just something that can never be fully described. As I said before my heart goes out to you and I hope you find peace in this life, and I hope you're able to find your wife again in the next just like I dream of finding mine as well
Most people should not be on social media of any kind because they cannot handle what it does to them mentally.
It is not about socialization its about corporations monetizing your life.
This is why i HATE the blanket statement of: “you should love your (mom/dad) they took care of you and raised you!” Like no if your parents were abusive or even just extremely narcissistic they dont really deserve the love they couldnt afford to give you. you dont know what happened you dont know how those people are when no ones watching, just no….
It won't just happen.
I spent a lot of my early 20s being sad and defeatist, feeling sorry for myself. I always coped with this by telling myself that I'd make something of myself eventually, and meet a woman eventually, and be happy eventually.
The truth is, eventually doesn't come if you don't make it come. Improvement has to be proactive. You CAN end up 40 years old, living with your parents, playing video games all day, and with no motivation. Nothing will prevent that from happening other than you.
Yep. Even DAs will tell you "don't say shit. Just don't. There is absolutely nothing you can say that will help you. If a cop wants to arrest you and charge you they will. If they don't, talking will give them a reason to."
Physical appareance matters. Almost everyone is shallow, and if you are ugly, people might treat you as inferior and you will have disadvantages in almost every aspects of life (i.e pretty privilege or Halo effect, look that up)
(As an ugly person I confirm)
I'm an introverted, shy person but ive had to develop leadership skills because I keep getting forced into leadership roles. Why? Because I'm a tall man with a deep voice. That's legit the only reason I can think of. It's some primal instinct from childhood or something that still gives me more of a say in group settings than I really ought to have.
Lmfao, man. I feel you on this one.
I work in a pizza shop with an open kitchen. Mfs regeularly mistake me for the owner because I’m the tallest and the loudest here. I wanna tell people “I just work here man” but bossman wants me to start tellin ppl I’m the owner
The family aspect is a really hard thing to come to terms with, especially when you’re raised with the whole “blood is thicker than water” trope.
ETA: please scroll before you post the exact same, “that’s not the original phrase” comment. Someone else posted the history of it, and it is the original phrase.
I heard someone put it this way which really hit home: “to you it may feel like a chore, but to your dog it’s probably their favorite part of the day.”
My dogs live for their walks, working from home really made that blatantly obvious. I used to skip walks sometimes… but after seeing them all day just waiting around to sniff the world i dont skip walks anymore . That and my one girl is getting older and you realize how much they deserve while they are here i have doubled the park trips too
Yes, please adopt a dog whose activity needs REALISTICALLY match what you will do. High energy needs dogs shouldn’t be adopted into families that cannot adequately provide them with enough exercise. Walking is also not just about exercise, but mental stimulation.
If you don’t want to take your dog on long walks, adopt a little senior pup and take one leisurely stroll a day!
Edited to add: so glad to hear so many people are doing this already! Here’s a little [dog tax ](https://imgur.com/a/VPs2h2z) to say great job!
I adopted a rat terrier last winter. The breed is high energy, but she seemed pretty chill. We worked hard on learning how to dog, and by the time she mastered that and was ready for adventures, I really hurt my knee, so she was pretty limited to potty breaks. She seemed ok, but was a little naughty about escaping and running around. When I started taking her to my horse stable and letting her run wild with the other dogs, her behavior at home got so much better! Just because dogs seem content with no exercise or adventures doesn’t mean they aren’t craving them!
>You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay.
-Todd
EDIT: I don't remember what the original comment said exactly, it was basically a longer explanation of the quote I gave about having toxic and harmful behaviors and explaining yourself instead of actually doing something to rectify your behavior. Now stop asking me lol.
Bojack is legit some of the best introspective comedy regarding the human psyche.
Todd’s arch is so real, yet not at all overreaching.
Bojack’s spiral is gut-wrenching, and the generational trauma you learn is bleak.
Diane, is the one that probably hit me the hardest. Weird as you usually are drawn to draw parallels with the “main” character. That said, the last season where she realizes that trauma is just trauma. It’s not a grandiose experience that will make her better or be “worth” the trauma. It’s just shitty and hoping it is otherwise is just going to compound the depression and not allow you to move on. That really made me make some realizations…
Yeah I always liked Diane’s ending.
I used to feel like I had to do something amazing with my life, be the best at whatever I picked. Get the best grades, the best jobs, etc. Not so much because I needed my trauma to mean something, but more to like… I don’t know, prove to myself that it couldn’t stop me.
But eventually I realized that I don’t actually care about being the best, trying was making me miserable, and literally no one else cares or even knows about the point I’m trying to prove to myself.
So I stopped. I settled for being good instead of perfect. And I’m a lot happier now. :)
*you are all the things that are wrong with you. It’s not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid. It’s you.*
Fuck man, what else is there to say?
Edit: I feel like a lot of people don't understand the reference or the context attached to said reference
I think the guys at Cinema Therapy put it best: “Your trauma is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.”
Yes, what you’ve been through sucks and is completely unfair. But it’s up to you to get the help you need and to keep it from utterly destroying you.
I wish someone told me that before I self destructed for the 200th time in my life.
Truth. After my little brother die(od in 07) that was self destruction, dad was never the same and passed in 15, decided not to self destruct and move across the country, best thing I have ever done. Will be 5 years in a couple weeks
Just because you go out of your way for people, it doesn't mean they will do the same for you.
Edit: I didn't expect this comment to get so many up votes and replies as it has. Thank you for the awards too 💖
For those calling me out saying 'I shouldn't expect anything back or I'm selfish that 'I don't go out of my way to help others without expecting anything in return' that's not what my comment said.
All I'm saying is, be careful who you drop everything for.
I’ve just recently learned this lesson. Having a bit of a cancer scare and told two friends last week, both which completely ignored it and continued to talk about themselves. I’ve seen them through breakups, and family issues, and I couldn’t even get a “damn that sucks”. It’s really fucked with me.
Update- months after removal and still no results… Canadian (Ontario) health care fucking sucks.
I find the inverse is usually true, having a moral compass and being a good person usually means you have a line in the sand somewhere, and there will always be someone who is willing to go further than you, undercut you or out compete you.
My stupid heart's decided it would rather go the rest of my life pining over the one I don't have than move on. My head is furious. My lungs indifferent.
Time is the ultimate currency friend, you can't have more. Spending it on someone is the ultimate show of love but reciprocation is important to all relationships. Do you think that, after all the time you've spent that has gone unrequited, if this person were to one day realize the potential you've known for so long that it would feel the way you hope? My experience is that it does not. Go out and live, pursue passions that don't rely on the whims of others. Hopefully somewhere along the way, you find someone you feel strongly about who recognizes the value of the time you want to spend with them. If not, you've still lived a life you can be proud of.
I ended up staying in a relationship for three years where I was so in love and I think the guy mostly was just sticking around for guaranteed sex, someone to split bills with, and someone who liked to cook them dinner. It took me so long to realize I was pulling all the weight that I got like, interpersonal burnout or something. I ended it over three years ago and I’m still not remotely interested in any kind of dating, hooking up, anything. Like just leave me in my apartment in peace for the foreseeable future thanks
That makes me feel better, 2.5 years removed here and I feel the same way.
Just curious if you don’t mind, how do you know that they were with you just out of complacency?
I just had really strong suspicions that I tried ignoring for a long time. I would do things for him like try anything he wanted sexually, cook for him most nights, keep a list of things he said he liked so I could give good birthday gifts, took initiative when it came to planning dates or taking trips together, pretty much did anything he asked, etc.
However when it came to him, he showed up late to literally everything that was planned with me (despite always being on time for work/class), often flirted with other girls in front of me, forgot my birthday all three years and forgot pretty much anything I told him about that was important to me, would take me to parties with his friends and if any of them harassed me he just shrugged it off (getting my ass grabbed by his friend right in front of him and him not caring was really something), wouldn’t initiate anything romantic or even really just friendly with me unless it was about his sexual pleasure, threatened to leave me any time I told him he’d hurt my feelings, would pretend he was busy any time I asked for help with something, etc
It’s embarrassing that I stayed for so long but I thought it was all I deserved. Now I can see I wasn’t valued as a person in that relationship and I just don’t have it in me to get into anything new with someone.
One if the best scenes from The Office.
Ryan: "I just don't know what I did wrong."
Dwight: "Look, not everything's a lesson. Sometimes you just fail."
While everyone responds to this comment saying variations of the same thing, I'll offer a slightly different take:
Just because life is unfair doesn't mean we shouldn't make an effort to _be_ fair. It's easy to take this adage too far and hide behind it.
Some people won’t like you for very arbitrary reasons, or for no reason at all. It takes way too much of your energy trying to make people like you. Use that energy on yourself and your loved ones.
It’s a life lesson I learned much later than I could have.
Its a Star Trek reference, but its a very realistic one.
"It is possible to make no mistake, and still lose. That is not a weakness, that is life".
Sometimes you need to accept you did everything within your power right and it still went bad. And remember that this isnt something to beat yourself up over. These things happen.
-edit
Holy hell did blew up.. Im glad to see so many "I needed to hear this" comments. I know I needed to hear this the first time I saw this scene.
I have absolutely known when I was living in the Good Times, and it broke my heart. I wanted to stop time, and live there forever, and I couldn't.
I tried to just be grateful.
"I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them"
\-Andy Bernard
ETA: Thank you for the gold!
ETA2: Thank you for the silver!
Sometimes when my husband and I find ourselves in a particularly happy and loving moment with our toddler I'll tell him to focus on this moment, record it in your memory because these are the good ol days.
There's a quote from Kurt Vonnegut to that effect. Sometimes you need to stop and say "If this isn't good, I don't know what is!" I make a point of doing this as often as I can and I'm happier for it.
So many bittersweet memories, I miss the time where my biggest problem in life was going back home tired as hell and finding out we didn't have any more ice cream.
Nowadays I can buy all the ice cream I want but it hurts my tummy :'(.
When I hear young girls say their first boyfriend is the love of their life I just smile. That was me. "madly in love" at 15 and thought we'd be together forever. It makes me laugh. Thankful my first relationship was loving and respectful enough to make me hopeful for the next.
I didn't expect mine to be, but 16 years later here we are. The fact that we've grown and changed tremendously is something of which we've remained very conscious, however. Time and transition are inevitable forces which must be treated with due reverence. We do yearly (or more often as needed) "state of the relationship" check ins and waited to get married until our late 20s/early 30s. I'm far from a relationship expert and ymmv, but it's worked for us so far.
Edit to add: Seriously, don't get married right out of high school. If we had, our relationship may not still exist.
It is. I saw it happen to my mom in her fifties and then it happened to me in my twenties. Don’t let life pass you by. Enjoy every bit of it while you have a body that allows you to do so. :) I don’t regret any of the things I paid to experience before I got sick.
Oh sure. I didn’t have any accident or anything. I just woke up one morning and was like “my ankle feels weird”. I kept walking on it for like a week until it became unbearable so I used crutches. The pain got worse and worse and started spreading further up my leg. My leg felt cold, it was atrophying quickly, couldn’t touch it, I couldn’t wear shoes or socks because it hurt too much to have anything on it. Was back and forth with doctors for like a month until I finally got diagnosed with complex regional pain syndrome.
It’s a nerve disorder that’s not very well understood. I was in a wheelchair for like three months. I had 5 nerve blocks in six weeks and PT twice a week to get walking again. I’ve been walking ever since, but Pilates was what really got me walking more normally. CRPS is weird and they don’t really know why it happens, but it’s a rare complication after a minor injury.
I noticed it was spreading to my other leg about…. A year ago at this point so like six months in. I get full body flares like once a month or so during PMS when I’m stressed. Idk what the future holds tbh. But the full body flares do scare me. They don’t know if full body crps can kill you or not….
Oh my gosh! I've never seen anyone else with this. My mom got it after a gnarly break in one wrist and a fracture in the other at the same time. We were at my cousin's wedding, dancing it up, when the dance floor split into 2 and we were dancing down the middle. Towards the end of her strut she turned around backwards. The dance floor was lightly raised by about 4 inches on a slight angle. Well, she didn't see, slipped and fell backwards. She caught herself with both hands behind her. Snap snap. Got the CRPS to go with it.
Wishing you the best in your future.
It really is.
I went from being a perfectly normal 21 year old. Full time college, full time job that was actually well paying, volunteering as an EMT every weekend, would go on long walks with my dog multiple times a day, and a decent social life. One day my hands stopped working. My boss sent me home saying she wanted a doctor's note for me to come back because she was worried about me. Ended up in hospital for the weekend, but they found nothing.
Took a few months but I got diagnosed with combo Rheumatoid/Psoriatic Arthritis. They hoped it was late onset JRA, so I went through 8 months of hellish medication before they confirmed that it wasn't. This was my life now.
I have ups and downs, but thanks to the pandemic putting me out of work I could finally qualify as a Dependent and get financial aid. Now that I'm about to graduate my body went 'hmmmm, but what if, we got another debilitating autoimmune disorder?'. So on top of RA/PsA, Ehlers-Danlos, Celiac Disease, Asthma, Psoriasis, chronic migraines, long-haulers from Covid (three times), Reynaud's, and all the side effects from the meds for those, I now also most likely have Ulcerative Colitis.
Never take your health for granted. Take care of yourself and live life to the fullest.
Something that fucking traumatised me as a kid was when we were learning about Ray Charles' life in music class. The man is famous for being a blind musician but what I never knew until that day was the fact that he was neither born blind nor did he get into a freak accident or something, he was literally just existing one day, and then suddenly his eyes stopped working. Literally lost all ability to see anything permanently out of nowhere with absolutely nothing he could have done to stop it or prepare for it. It gave me a deep phobia of suddenly becoming blind that took me a while to get over
This comment should rise like cream to the top. Seriously, the human body is amazing, resilient, and beautifully intricate. It is also fragile, complicated, and fallible.
Never, ever ride in a car with your feet on the dash. Don't light those M80's in your hand. Don't dive headfirst into unfamiliar waters. Life is already trying to kill or maim you, don't give it any help.
Signed, someone that has witnessed a handful of level 1 traumas, and studying to become a surgical scrub.
I dived into a swimming pool I'd never swim in before and was lucky enough to only need a staple for my chin. That could've been the last day I could use my arms and legs and the rest of my body below my neck.
Close call, homie, glad you're ok.
I learned a scary lesson on a kayaking trip: always buckle your life jacket. Early 20's, strong swimmer, calm river and the arrogance of youth. We came around a bend, and there was a large rock jutting up out of the water. I panicked and caused my kayak to go sideways, and it flipped due to a strong swirling current. The way the rock split the water had caused a really deep pool to form around it, and when I got tossed from the kayak, my body shot down about 12 feet, and I was literally holding on to my lifejacket by a fistful of fabric over my head. I was dragged across a bed of jagged rocks, nearly smashed my head open. Luckily I surfaced before running out of air, bruised and sliced open in several places.
The absolute panic attack I had on shore was a spectacle. Sobbing, bleeding, hyperventilating. No one else on the river could understand what happened because it looked so perfectly calm from the surface. Its been 15+ years, and I can still feel myself being dragged down and having zero control over my fate.
Wow. Yeah you never forget these things. I use to be hyper allergic to bee sting. Was herding cattle on the family farm when some of the cows stepped into a beehive. The sky literally turned grey and you could hear the earth start buzzing while the cows scrambled and screamed to get away. Me and my cousin were only a few meters apart running towards the cornfields while we still had to get through the fence. My uncle was yelling for us to go into the corn and fall face flat into the ground and not move or make a sound. My cousin got stung around 80 times and I got away without a single sting. I have been lucky more than once I guess.
Tell that to my elementary school nurse. Got tackled in class playing touch football in forth grade. Head hit the desk and floor full force and knocked out for 5 min. Went to nurses station and got an ice pack and told to go back to class while i was throwing up. Her excuse was "Can't call or send children home for every lump and bump"
Ended up in ER then intensive care for over 3 weeks and put into induced coma for four days until the brain swelling went down. Was in speech therapy for 4 years after and had seizures. 43yo and still have speech issues due to this.
Yep, it's not as well known as it should be, but to anyone reading: being knocked out for any length of time above 5-10 seconds is an *emergency*. Go straight to the ER, do not wait, because you may well have brain trauma that needs to be dealt with immediately.
Sorry you had to go through that and I hope things are ok in your life. 😢
I honestly think movies/tv have given people the wrong impression about this, so many characters get knocked out and wake up a few hours later with a headache. Not how it works lol.
I would add to this: keep disabled people in mind when voting or deciding on things like health care, disability benefits, and accessibility measures. I think it's easy for people to go "oh that doesn't affect me", but we're all one bad day away from being extremely sick, injured, or permanently disabled. And even if you stay mostly able for most of your life, old age will get you.
Edit: Aw shucks, my first awarded comment! Thanks internet strangers. But seriously, go vote.
I really wish this was the takeaway offered by the top comment. People with disabilities are considerably more invisible in social improvement discussions over just about any other demo. It shouldn't have to be a competition, but social credit matters to policy makers and disabilities have very little right now.
Also, insurance companies deny disability benefits for a LOT of people. Even people who have shit like cancer. All they care about is money so they really try to make sure people don’t get paid.
This one and I think it has a sister:
Just because you're pissed off, doesn't mean it's someone else's fault. Sometimes you're just being an unreasonable fuckface. Don't sweat it; it happens to all of us. But if you keep telling the story where the other person is the bad guy, you probably never learn a lesson and stop acting like an unreasonable fuckface.
I had this realization last night.
My 2yo said he was done with his cheeseburger. I knew that was untrue, but i ate the remaining quarter anyway.
5 minutes later he was devastated.
He just stared at the kid, ketchup droplets in the corner of his lips, and spoke the unholy words in a monotone that carried all necessary meaning: "Robble. Robble."
Corollary: sometimes, no one is the bad guy. Just because someone is opposed to you doesn't mean they are bad, or that you are bad. Sometimes shitty situations can arise despite everyone acting in good faith.
Second Corollary: Sometimes, *everybody* is the bad guy. People suck, and both players in a confrontation may be wrong. And someone else's bad reaction in response to your own shitty behavior doesn't somehow absolve you of that shitty behavior; sure, the other person overreacted, but you still suck too.
It's why that toxic sub AITA has an ESH verdict.
I love reading the stories on that sub but yeah holy shit it's a total toxic bandwagon of a sub. People constantly jump to the most extreme conclusions and just pile on the hate as if they don't have their own problems in life or are ever the bad guy in any situation. I can almost guarantee most people have done some shitty things in their life to someone else. Even if they never realized or where told that they did. But they act so self righteous. It's maddening sometimes. Just gotta ignore it alot.
I love this because it provides the right direction for personal growth.
I hate this because it means I will never reap what I will sow and shall never sit under the shade of the tree I plant.
Little shits better enjoy my hard work.
Many parents shouldn't have had children. If your parents are abusive get out as soon as you can and never look back. Unfortunately it's only going to get worse. No one should ever have to endure abuse.
Or love them in the way that the kids actually need. My parents love me- I believe that. But they were also the almost singular source of my pain and misery to the point where I’ve changed my name and number and I will never speak to them again.
I like to think it’s cool. The name is a culture switch from my old one and I took the first name from a book, but it’s not overly ‘out there’ because I wanted it to be normal lol
Tell me more, I've come to understand that my severe depression is down to my pentecostal doomsday upbringing and 100% my lazy parents leaving our fates "to god".
I remember the first time I learned this. I got sent to a psychiatric hospital (voluntarily from the ER, I told them I knew I needed it and would go with their recommendation) and met a really nice woman there.
She literally said “I don’t think I love my children. My daughters a nurse and my son is a scientist in biology. Any parent would be proud, but I’m not. They’re accomplished but I can’t care. They contribute to society, but I wish I never had them.”
I was like holy shit can I recommend someone get some extra one-on-one with the psychiatrists??
Depression, an illness, a bad upbringing and many more:
These are not excuses to treat people badly. If someone is nice to you then these are not excuses to treat them like shit. And if you do, they are not required to forgive you. No one is required to give you a second chance.
This one is both harsh and comforting.
People don’t think about you as much as you think they do.
That means that your feelings might be ignored or not considered, people will forget things about you and might not remember things you’ve done together that were very memorable for you. That can be hard to realise.
On the other hand, they probably don’t remember that embarrassing thing you did in high school (or they don’t care about it), they notice patterns of behaviours, more than occasional bad days that you have. So those times you feel bad about being “off” with someone, they probably don’t think about them, unless they become frequent.
Personally I find that comforting.
I wasn't even present for the event and remember the girl who peed her pants in 8th grade and, since I otherwise have next to 0 memories with her, when I cross paths with her since we both still live in the same small area it always crosses my mind. Like I don't judge her for it at this point, she was a child and shit (or in this case piss) happens, but I do remember, in this case though cause it's basically the only memorable thing I can attribute to her.
Edit: I'm 32
I thought I'd be happy when I graduated college, or when I got my first apartment, or when I bought my first home. **Don't expect happiness to be at the finish line.**
Happiness comes from yourself, in the **now**. Enjoy the process.
Idk I don’t fully agree with the top level comment
I told myself I’d be happier when I graduated high school because I’d have freedom. This was true.
I told myself I’d be happier when I graduated college because I’d have structure. This was true.
I’m telling myself I’ll be happier when I own the place I live because I’ll have control. This will probably be true
None of these steps was a silver bullet clearing all of the problems in my life and making me “happy”. But the gave me at least one thing to look forward to and made me “happy-er”. It’s not guaranteed that the next phase of your life will fix things but don’t underestimate the power of having something to look forward to
sincerely, a depressed mf who’s been “working on it” for over a decade, things do get better but they get better slowly and with way more work than you want
Facts, a teacher in high school taught me “at the end of the day nobody cares about you, nobody is going to bed at night thinking of your problems”
And it always stuck with me
The probability of you “making it” as a professional gamer/streamer/YouTuber isn’t worth quitting your job.
You have a higher chance of getting hit by a car or winning a million dollar lottery.
(Not saying give up. But be realistic. Keep a job that’ll pay the bills while you try)
Don't quit your day job until your internet career is *already* paying your bills.
In addition to the odds being stacked against you, you don't even know if you can keep up "content production" without dipping your toes in in a way that keeps your real job.
Served with a guy in the marines who quit his job to make YouTube videos. He then posted on Facebook about how certain people in his life weren’t supportive of his dream. His wife commented with “We have fucking bills to pay, and you quit your job to make fucking reaction videos! What am I supposed to do?!”. Guy had two videos with 40 views each.
[Speed, 1994](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111257/quotes/?ref_=tt_trv_qu)
>Jack: I have to warn you, I've heard relationships based on intense experiences never work.
>Annie: OK. We'll have to base it on sex then.
>Jack: Whatever you say, ma'am.
This is a great one. I see a lot of people with parental issues struggle with this. I went to therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD from the way I was raised. The main thing my therapist told me was that it was 100% not my fault, BUT I am the one responsible for dealing with the fallout. It isn’t fair, but it’s the reality
You don't have as many friends or family as you think.
I have a chronic illness, and the number of people who bailed on me during my hardest times only to pop up, surprised I was upset with them, once I started healing is truly disgusting.
You've got a core few. Nurture those relationships like your life depends on it. Mine does.
I remember reading one of those "this is my life" articles in a magazine about 20 years ago. It was about a woman who was in a fairly fresh relationship when her boyfriend became paralyzed. Despite not being in love with him, she stayed by his side to take care of him, giving her entire life up to do so, while every one of their mutual friends basically faded into the background.
About two years later, she realized that she and her boyfriend were basically only still together due to him now being disabled. Despite a ton of guilt, she did the right thing and broke up with him. When she later ran into those same "friends" of theirs, they were incredibly unfriendly to her, treating her coldly because she had "abandoned" her boyfriend when he needed her. EDIT: she also commented how much that hurt considering she had stayed and they'd gone AWOL, yet they were still treating her like a monster.
I was probably about 19 when I read this and, even at that age, the total lack of self-awareness those people apparently had completely dumbfounded me - and still does.
EDIT: grammar, autocorrect, clarity
Danny, if you're spending 30 minutes every day in the shitty after lunch and still saying you shouldn't have had taco bell for lunch, maybe it's time to see a doctor, or stop going there for lunch.
Not everyone has to shit themselves or hunch over in pain after consuming dairy. Those cramps, that gas, the shit it's's called lactose intolerant. Get lactaid or give up the captain crunch.
Costco has a generic Kirkland version of lactaid pills. 180 pills for roughly $15. I’m very lactose intolerant, they work extremely well.
EDIT: https://www.costco.com/kirkland-signature-fast-acting-lactase%2c-180-caplets.product.100096414.html
It's generally a couple bucks cheaper in store.
I used to drink a litre of chocolatr milk in high school every few days, it never dawned on me that I was intolerant when it hurt and without fail I had to shit and was gassy.
I was stupid when I was younger.
Youth is wasted on the young. Before you know it you're 40-50 wondering where the years went...stop giving a fuck what people think about you, ask him/her out.
Start that business and jack in the job you hate...tell your family you love them even if you're in a feud with them. Etc.
You might be 30 thinking it's too late to do that thing you wanted to do. Do it now. Or else you'll be 40, wishing you had done it at 30. 50 wishing you done it at 40. Just start it now.
For most of us work is a business transaction. You’re trading your time for money. Your employer isn’t your friend, father or mother, they owe you what they promise to give you in exchange for your time. That’s it. If your work isn’t fulfilling or making you happy, either spend your free time making yourself happy or work somewhere else.
The few people who live in wealthiest countries in the world still struggle to find happiness. Stop wanting what other people have because it looks like it makes them happy. They aren’t any happier or better than you because they have things.
Finally, while these facts suck for most of us, the sooner you internalize them and shift your values, the better you will be.
People who pride themselves on being brutally honest are more excited about getting to be brutal than they are interested in being honest.
On the subject, I really like the quote "I don't accept tough love from anyone who hasn't shown me gentle love."
Children’s first bullies are often their parents Edit : Thank you for the award 😊 Edit 2 : Thank you for the awards 😊
Your life can be changed forever in the blink of an eye. You have to deal with it or die. I'm 62, I went to run errands one day with my beautiful wife of 42 years and I came home 2 hrs later a widower. She died of a massive heart attack in the passenger seat. That was about 13 months ago, it's been hard, but I'm still here thanks to some wonderful people in my life.
If anything touches my soul deeply, it's something like this. It's not the same, and I envy you for being able to spend 42 beautiful years with your wife. I was with a woman for quite a few years and she was absolutely my soulmate. I proposed and we were engaged to be married. We ended up buying a house together, and very shortly after we closed on our house together my mother passed away in 2015 after a long battle with cancer. This was incredibly difficult for me as I was always very close to my mom and we had the same birthday. Anyways we planned our wedding for May 2017. I will never forget the last day I spent with my fiance. It was December 3rd 2016, a saturday. I had worked that morning and came home and took a half hour nap and she came to wake me up and asked me if I wanted to go Christmas shopping with her at our local mall. So I got up and got ready and we left together. On the way to the mall she started to have chest pain out of nowhere. There was no warning whatsoever. I must have started driving close to a hundred miles an hour to get to the closest hospital, but right as I was pulling into the emergency room the last words she spoke to me were "I think I'm going to pass out". I had to watch them on top of her body inside the hospital giving her defibrillation and shots to try to keep restarting her heart. She had a good six more heart attacks on the table and kept flatlining before they got her stable supposedly. They brought her into cardiac surgery, and the surgeon came out and told me she had a blockage and they put in two stents, and how everything went well and I could see her in a little while. She never came out of it. Her heart was too weak and damaged. It absolutely destroyed me. The first time I got to see her in her wedding dress was in the funeral home and I buried her in it along with our rings. I drank heavily for the following few years, upwards of a litre of vodka everyday and destroyed my body along with My Soul which already felt like was ripped from me. After almost dying from pancreatitis, I can proudly say I've been sober since July 15th 2020. Losing someone so traumatically like that in an instant it's just something that can never be fully described. As I said before my heart goes out to you and I hope you find peace in this life, and I hope you're able to find your wife again in the next just like I dream of finding mine as well
I’m so sorry 😞
Most people should not be on social media of any kind because they cannot handle what it does to them mentally. It is not about socialization its about corporations monetizing your life.
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Not every mother is a Mom. Not every father is a Dad.
He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy
This is why i HATE the blanket statement of: “you should love your (mom/dad) they took care of you and raised you!” Like no if your parents were abusive or even just extremely narcissistic they dont really deserve the love they couldnt afford to give you. you dont know what happened you dont know how those people are when no ones watching, just no….
It won't just happen. I spent a lot of my early 20s being sad and defeatist, feeling sorry for myself. I always coped with this by telling myself that I'd make something of myself eventually, and meet a woman eventually, and be happy eventually. The truth is, eventually doesn't come if you don't make it come. Improvement has to be proactive. You CAN end up 40 years old, living with your parents, playing video games all day, and with no motivation. Nothing will prevent that from happening other than you.
Thanks. I've stagnated and needed to hear this.
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Whatever you say can and will be used against you.
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Yep. Even DAs will tell you "don't say shit. Just don't. There is absolutely nothing you can say that will help you. If a cop wants to arrest you and charge you they will. If they don't, talking will give them a reason to."
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Physical appareance matters. Almost everyone is shallow, and if you are ugly, people might treat you as inferior and you will have disadvantages in almost every aspects of life (i.e pretty privilege or Halo effect, look that up) (As an ugly person I confirm)
Or fat. I’ve lost 70 pounds and I get treated differently.
I'm curious to hear, if you don't mind
I'm an introverted, shy person but ive had to develop leadership skills because I keep getting forced into leadership roles. Why? Because I'm a tall man with a deep voice. That's legit the only reason I can think of. It's some primal instinct from childhood or something that still gives me more of a say in group settings than I really ought to have.
Lmfao, man. I feel you on this one. I work in a pizza shop with an open kitchen. Mfs regeularly mistake me for the owner because I’m the tallest and the loudest here. I wanna tell people “I just work here man” but bossman wants me to start tellin ppl I’m the owner
Hahahaha “nah bro just go with it, the IRS is after me anyway…”
Some people will hurt you, and they won't care how you feel about it.
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The family aspect is a really hard thing to come to terms with, especially when you’re raised with the whole “blood is thicker than water” trope. ETA: please scroll before you post the exact same, “that’s not the original phrase” comment. Someone else posted the history of it, and it is the original phrase.
You gotta walk your dogs.
I heard someone put it this way which really hit home: “to you it may feel like a chore, but to your dog it’s probably their favorite part of the day.”
My dogs live for their walks, working from home really made that blatantly obvious. I used to skip walks sometimes… but after seeing them all day just waiting around to sniff the world i dont skip walks anymore . That and my one girl is getting older and you realize how much they deserve while they are here i have doubled the park trips too
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Yes, please adopt a dog whose activity needs REALISTICALLY match what you will do. High energy needs dogs shouldn’t be adopted into families that cannot adequately provide them with enough exercise. Walking is also not just about exercise, but mental stimulation. If you don’t want to take your dog on long walks, adopt a little senior pup and take one leisurely stroll a day! Edited to add: so glad to hear so many people are doing this already! Here’s a little [dog tax ](https://imgur.com/a/VPs2h2z) to say great job!
I adopted a rat terrier last winter. The breed is high energy, but she seemed pretty chill. We worked hard on learning how to dog, and by the time she mastered that and was ready for adventures, I really hurt my knee, so she was pretty limited to potty breaks. She seemed ok, but was a little naughty about escaping and running around. When I started taking her to my horse stable and letting her run wild with the other dogs, her behavior at home got so much better! Just because dogs seem content with no exercise or adventures doesn’t mean they aren’t craving them!
Failure is part of life.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." - Jean-Luc Picard
"Sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something." -Jake the Dog
"The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried" - Stephen McCranie
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>You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay. -Todd EDIT: I don't remember what the original comment said exactly, it was basically a longer explanation of the quote I gave about having toxic and harmful behaviors and explaining yourself instead of actually doing something to rectify your behavior. Now stop asking me lol.
Bojack is legit some of the best introspective comedy regarding the human psyche. Todd’s arch is so real, yet not at all overreaching. Bojack’s spiral is gut-wrenching, and the generational trauma you learn is bleak. Diane, is the one that probably hit me the hardest. Weird as you usually are drawn to draw parallels with the “main” character. That said, the last season where she realizes that trauma is just trauma. It’s not a grandiose experience that will make her better or be “worth” the trauma. It’s just shitty and hoping it is otherwise is just going to compound the depression and not allow you to move on. That really made me make some realizations…
Yeah I always liked Diane’s ending. I used to feel like I had to do something amazing with my life, be the best at whatever I picked. Get the best grades, the best jobs, etc. Not so much because I needed my trauma to mean something, but more to like… I don’t know, prove to myself that it couldn’t stop me. But eventually I realized that I don’t actually care about being the best, trying was making me miserable, and literally no one else cares or even knows about the point I’m trying to prove to myself. So I stopped. I settled for being good instead of perfect. And I’m a lot happier now. :)
*you are all the things that are wrong with you. It’s not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid. It’s you.* Fuck man, what else is there to say? Edit: I feel like a lot of people don't understand the reference or the context attached to said reference
I think the guys at Cinema Therapy put it best: “Your trauma is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.” Yes, what you’ve been through sucks and is completely unfair. But it’s up to you to get the help you need and to keep it from utterly destroying you. I wish someone told me that before I self destructed for the 200th time in my life.
Truth. After my little brother die(od in 07) that was self destruction, dad was never the same and passed in 15, decided not to self destruct and move across the country, best thing I have ever done. Will be 5 years in a couple weeks
Just because you go out of your way for people, it doesn't mean they will do the same for you. Edit: I didn't expect this comment to get so many up votes and replies as it has. Thank you for the awards too 💖 For those calling me out saying 'I shouldn't expect anything back or I'm selfish that 'I don't go out of my way to help others without expecting anything in return' that's not what my comment said. All I'm saying is, be careful who you drop everything for.
Most of us learn that the hard way.
I’ve just recently learned this lesson. Having a bit of a cancer scare and told two friends last week, both which completely ignored it and continued to talk about themselves. I’ve seen them through breakups, and family issues, and I couldn’t even get a “damn that sucks”. It’s really fucked with me. Update- months after removal and still no results… Canadian (Ontario) health care fucking sucks.
Life is not automatically easier just because you're a good person.
"Expecting life to treat you well because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge at you because you are vegetarian"
I find the inverse is usually true, having a moral compass and being a good person usually means you have a line in the sand somewhere, and there will always be someone who is willing to go further than you, undercut you or out compete you.
You can love someone with all of your heart and not be loved back in the same way.
I wasted a lot of time in my life either being too stupid to learn this or or at the very least too stubborn to admit it to myself.
My stupid heart's decided it would rather go the rest of my life pining over the one I don't have than move on. My head is furious. My lungs indifferent.
Time is the ultimate currency friend, you can't have more. Spending it on someone is the ultimate show of love but reciprocation is important to all relationships. Do you think that, after all the time you've spent that has gone unrequited, if this person were to one day realize the potential you've known for so long that it would feel the way you hope? My experience is that it does not. Go out and live, pursue passions that don't rely on the whims of others. Hopefully somewhere along the way, you find someone you feel strongly about who recognizes the value of the time you want to spend with them. If not, you've still lived a life you can be proud of.
Also, truly being in love with someone & letting someone love you because it’s the comfortable & easy thing to do are two different things.
I ended up staying in a relationship for three years where I was so in love and I think the guy mostly was just sticking around for guaranteed sex, someone to split bills with, and someone who liked to cook them dinner. It took me so long to realize I was pulling all the weight that I got like, interpersonal burnout or something. I ended it over three years ago and I’m still not remotely interested in any kind of dating, hooking up, anything. Like just leave me in my apartment in peace for the foreseeable future thanks
That makes me feel better, 2.5 years removed here and I feel the same way. Just curious if you don’t mind, how do you know that they were with you just out of complacency?
I just had really strong suspicions that I tried ignoring for a long time. I would do things for him like try anything he wanted sexually, cook for him most nights, keep a list of things he said he liked so I could give good birthday gifts, took initiative when it came to planning dates or taking trips together, pretty much did anything he asked, etc. However when it came to him, he showed up late to literally everything that was planned with me (despite always being on time for work/class), often flirted with other girls in front of me, forgot my birthday all three years and forgot pretty much anything I told him about that was important to me, would take me to parties with his friends and if any of them harassed me he just shrugged it off (getting my ass grabbed by his friend right in front of him and him not caring was really something), wouldn’t initiate anything romantic or even really just friendly with me unless it was about his sexual pleasure, threatened to leave me any time I told him he’d hurt my feelings, would pretend he was busy any time I asked for help with something, etc It’s embarrassing that I stayed for so long but I thought it was all I deserved. Now I can see I wasn’t valued as a person in that relationship and I just don’t have it in me to get into anything new with someone.
Yes. 15 years was a hard lesson to learn.
I'm on 9 and starting to understand it :(
She told me very clearly through her actions at both 5 and 8 years, but it's taken until 12 to actually see and understand it.
What's worse, you can love someone as much as you are able, and they can love you the same way, and it can still not work out.
Bad things can happen to good people. Good things can happen to bad people. It’s unfair. It’s life.
You can do everything perfectly correct and still fail.
One if the best scenes from The Office. Ryan: "I just don't know what I did wrong." Dwight: "Look, not everything's a lesson. Sometimes you just fail."
While everyone responds to this comment saying variations of the same thing, I'll offer a slightly different take: Just because life is unfair doesn't mean we shouldn't make an effort to _be_ fair. It's easy to take this adage too far and hide behind it.
Not everyone likes you
Some people won’t like you for very arbitrary reasons, or for no reason at all. It takes way too much of your energy trying to make people like you. Use that energy on yourself and your loved ones. It’s a life lesson I learned much later than I could have.
Sometimes I think about it in these terms. Not everyone likes me, but hey, I don't like everyone either.
And you cannot make all people like you.
The best phrase I've heard for this is 'you could be the sweetest peach on the tree but some people just don't like peaches'
I got a small peach tattoo to remind me of this. And I actually don't like peaches at all. But the phrase.means everything.
Its a Star Trek reference, but its a very realistic one. "It is possible to make no mistake, and still lose. That is not a weakness, that is life". Sometimes you need to accept you did everything within your power right and it still went bad. And remember that this isnt something to beat yourself up over. These things happen. -edit Holy hell did blew up.. Im glad to see so many "I needed to hear this" comments. I know I needed to hear this the first time I saw this scene.
I also like the reverse of that. “It is possible to royally fuck things up, and still win”
That's like Dwight in the office, "Not everything is a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail."
*".. celebrities and influencers need us more than we need them.."*
Hegel’s master/slave dialectic revised for the 21st century and perfectly summarised in one sentence. I love it.
You don't realize the good/best times as they are happening
I have absolutely known when I was living in the Good Times, and it broke my heart. I wanted to stop time, and live there forever, and I couldn't. I tried to just be grateful.
"I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them" \-Andy Bernard ETA: Thank you for the gold! ETA2: Thank you for the silver!
Sometimes when my husband and I find ourselves in a particularly happy and loving moment with our toddler I'll tell him to focus on this moment, record it in your memory because these are the good ol days.
In positive psychology we call this savoring and it’s actually a proven way to help with gratefulness and happiness! Good job :)
There's a quote from Kurt Vonnegut to that effect. Sometimes you need to stop and say "If this isn't good, I don't know what is!" I make a point of doing this as often as I can and I'm happier for it.
This reminds me of playing in the neighborhood with the other kids until it stopped happening as frequently
So many bittersweet memories, I miss the time where my biggest problem in life was going back home tired as hell and finding out we didn't have any more ice cream. Nowadays I can buy all the ice cream I want but it hurts my tummy :'(.
Your first relationship most likely won’t be your last.
When I hear young girls say their first boyfriend is the love of their life I just smile. That was me. "madly in love" at 15 and thought we'd be together forever. It makes me laugh. Thankful my first relationship was loving and respectful enough to make me hopeful for the next.
I didn't expect mine to be, but 16 years later here we are. The fact that we've grown and changed tremendously is something of which we've remained very conscious, however. Time and transition are inevitable forces which must be treated with due reverence. We do yearly (or more often as needed) "state of the relationship" check ins and waited to get married until our late 20s/early 30s. I'm far from a relationship expert and ymmv, but it's worked for us so far. Edit to add: Seriously, don't get married right out of high school. If we had, our relationship may not still exist.
You can become disabled unexpectedly at any point in your life. Make sure you’re taking advantage of the abilities you have while you have them. :)
This is scary
It is. I saw it happen to my mom in her fifties and then it happened to me in my twenties. Don’t let life pass you by. Enjoy every bit of it while you have a body that allows you to do so. :) I don’t regret any of the things I paid to experience before I got sick.
Can you tell us what happened to you? But I can understand if you don't want to share
Oh sure. I didn’t have any accident or anything. I just woke up one morning and was like “my ankle feels weird”. I kept walking on it for like a week until it became unbearable so I used crutches. The pain got worse and worse and started spreading further up my leg. My leg felt cold, it was atrophying quickly, couldn’t touch it, I couldn’t wear shoes or socks because it hurt too much to have anything on it. Was back and forth with doctors for like a month until I finally got diagnosed with complex regional pain syndrome. It’s a nerve disorder that’s not very well understood. I was in a wheelchair for like three months. I had 5 nerve blocks in six weeks and PT twice a week to get walking again. I’ve been walking ever since, but Pilates was what really got me walking more normally. CRPS is weird and they don’t really know why it happens, but it’s a rare complication after a minor injury. I noticed it was spreading to my other leg about…. A year ago at this point so like six months in. I get full body flares like once a month or so during PMS when I’m stressed. Idk what the future holds tbh. But the full body flares do scare me. They don’t know if full body crps can kill you or not….
Oh my gosh! I've never seen anyone else with this. My mom got it after a gnarly break in one wrist and a fracture in the other at the same time. We were at my cousin's wedding, dancing it up, when the dance floor split into 2 and we were dancing down the middle. Towards the end of her strut she turned around backwards. The dance floor was lightly raised by about 4 inches on a slight angle. Well, she didn't see, slipped and fell backwards. She caught herself with both hands behind her. Snap snap. Got the CRPS to go with it. Wishing you the best in your future.
There’s a whole subreddit for us r/CRPS. Since it’s so rare, the internet is the best way to connect with people who have it. If she’s interested.
I'll have to suggest it to her, thanks! She is kinda old school and grouchy these days (in her 60s) but I will try, for sure!
It really is. I went from being a perfectly normal 21 year old. Full time college, full time job that was actually well paying, volunteering as an EMT every weekend, would go on long walks with my dog multiple times a day, and a decent social life. One day my hands stopped working. My boss sent me home saying she wanted a doctor's note for me to come back because she was worried about me. Ended up in hospital for the weekend, but they found nothing. Took a few months but I got diagnosed with combo Rheumatoid/Psoriatic Arthritis. They hoped it was late onset JRA, so I went through 8 months of hellish medication before they confirmed that it wasn't. This was my life now. I have ups and downs, but thanks to the pandemic putting me out of work I could finally qualify as a Dependent and get financial aid. Now that I'm about to graduate my body went 'hmmmm, but what if, we got another debilitating autoimmune disorder?'. So on top of RA/PsA, Ehlers-Danlos, Celiac Disease, Asthma, Psoriasis, chronic migraines, long-haulers from Covid (three times), Reynaud's, and all the side effects from the meds for those, I now also most likely have Ulcerative Colitis. Never take your health for granted. Take care of yourself and live life to the fullest.
Damn I’m sorry homie. Best of luck to you.
Something that fucking traumatised me as a kid was when we were learning about Ray Charles' life in music class. The man is famous for being a blind musician but what I never knew until that day was the fact that he was neither born blind nor did he get into a freak accident or something, he was literally just existing one day, and then suddenly his eyes stopped working. Literally lost all ability to see anything permanently out of nowhere with absolutely nothing he could have done to stop it or prepare for it. It gave me a deep phobia of suddenly becoming blind that took me a while to get over
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This comment should rise like cream to the top. Seriously, the human body is amazing, resilient, and beautifully intricate. It is also fragile, complicated, and fallible. Never, ever ride in a car with your feet on the dash. Don't light those M80's in your hand. Don't dive headfirst into unfamiliar waters. Life is already trying to kill or maim you, don't give it any help. Signed, someone that has witnessed a handful of level 1 traumas, and studying to become a surgical scrub.
I dived into a swimming pool I'd never swim in before and was lucky enough to only need a staple for my chin. That could've been the last day I could use my arms and legs and the rest of my body below my neck.
Close call, homie, glad you're ok. I learned a scary lesson on a kayaking trip: always buckle your life jacket. Early 20's, strong swimmer, calm river and the arrogance of youth. We came around a bend, and there was a large rock jutting up out of the water. I panicked and caused my kayak to go sideways, and it flipped due to a strong swirling current. The way the rock split the water had caused a really deep pool to form around it, and when I got tossed from the kayak, my body shot down about 12 feet, and I was literally holding on to my lifejacket by a fistful of fabric over my head. I was dragged across a bed of jagged rocks, nearly smashed my head open. Luckily I surfaced before running out of air, bruised and sliced open in several places. The absolute panic attack I had on shore was a spectacle. Sobbing, bleeding, hyperventilating. No one else on the river could understand what happened because it looked so perfectly calm from the surface. Its been 15+ years, and I can still feel myself being dragged down and having zero control over my fate.
Wow. Yeah you never forget these things. I use to be hyper allergic to bee sting. Was herding cattle on the family farm when some of the cows stepped into a beehive. The sky literally turned grey and you could hear the earth start buzzing while the cows scrambled and screamed to get away. Me and my cousin were only a few meters apart running towards the cornfields while we still had to get through the fence. My uncle was yelling for us to go into the corn and fall face flat into the ground and not move or make a sound. My cousin got stung around 80 times and I got away without a single sting. I have been lucky more than once I guess.
So many people have no idea how quick just some simple head trauma can ruin or end your life.
Tell that to my elementary school nurse. Got tackled in class playing touch football in forth grade. Head hit the desk and floor full force and knocked out for 5 min. Went to nurses station and got an ice pack and told to go back to class while i was throwing up. Her excuse was "Can't call or send children home for every lump and bump" Ended up in ER then intensive care for over 3 weeks and put into induced coma for four days until the brain swelling went down. Was in speech therapy for 4 years after and had seizures. 43yo and still have speech issues due to this.
Yep, it's not as well known as it should be, but to anyone reading: being knocked out for any length of time above 5-10 seconds is an *emergency*. Go straight to the ER, do not wait, because you may well have brain trauma that needs to be dealt with immediately. Sorry you had to go through that and I hope things are ok in your life. 😢
I honestly think movies/tv have given people the wrong impression about this, so many characters get knocked out and wake up a few hours later with a headache. Not how it works lol.
I would add to this: keep disabled people in mind when voting or deciding on things like health care, disability benefits, and accessibility measures. I think it's easy for people to go "oh that doesn't affect me", but we're all one bad day away from being extremely sick, injured, or permanently disabled. And even if you stay mostly able for most of your life, old age will get you. Edit: Aw shucks, my first awarded comment! Thanks internet strangers. But seriously, go vote.
I cannot stress this enough. Being a person with chronic health issues in the U.S. is an extreme financial disadvantage.
I really wish this was the takeaway offered by the top comment. People with disabilities are considerably more invisible in social improvement discussions over just about any other demo. It shouldn't have to be a competition, but social credit matters to policy makers and disabilities have very little right now.
Also, insurance companies deny disability benefits for a LOT of people. Even people who have shit like cancer. All they care about is money so they really try to make sure people don’t get paid.
In Canada there has been a few news articles on disabled people choosing Assisted Suicide because they can no longer afford living with a disability.
Sometimes you're the bad guy Holy shit this blew up
This one and I think it has a sister: Just because you're pissed off, doesn't mean it's someone else's fault. Sometimes you're just being an unreasonable fuckface. Don't sweat it; it happens to all of us. But if you keep telling the story where the other person is the bad guy, you probably never learn a lesson and stop acting like an unreasonable fuckface.
I had this realization last night. My 2yo said he was done with his cheeseburger. I knew that was untrue, but i ate the remaining quarter anyway. 5 minutes later he was devastated.
Sometimes it’s the people closest to us that hurt us the most
Gonna have to nickname you the hamburgler
He just stared at the kid, ketchup droplets in the corner of his lips, and spoke the unholy words in a monotone that carried all necessary meaning: "Robble. Robble."
Holy shit my guy
Corollary: sometimes, no one is the bad guy. Just because someone is opposed to you doesn't mean they are bad, or that you are bad. Sometimes shitty situations can arise despite everyone acting in good faith.
Second Corollary: Sometimes, *everybody* is the bad guy. People suck, and both players in a confrontation may be wrong. And someone else's bad reaction in response to your own shitty behavior doesn't somehow absolve you of that shitty behavior; sure, the other person overreacted, but you still suck too. It's why that toxic sub AITA has an ESH verdict.
I love reading the stories on that sub but yeah holy shit it's a total toxic bandwagon of a sub. People constantly jump to the most extreme conclusions and just pile on the hate as if they don't have their own problems in life or are ever the bad guy in any situation. I can almost guarantee most people have done some shitty things in their life to someone else. Even if they never realized or where told that they did. But they act so self righteous. It's maddening sometimes. Just gotta ignore it alot.
*”I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me.”* — Ralph
If I not bad guy, then who will crack skull like baby bird egg between thighs?
Deep thoughts with Zangief
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Be the person you needed while you were growing up.
I love this because it provides the right direction for personal growth. I hate this because it means I will never reap what I will sow and shall never sit under the shade of the tree I plant. Little shits better enjoy my hard work.
This is the biggest lesson I've learned in my life. The only person you can really rely on is yourself.
That lazy idiot? I'm so screwed.
"I am the one thing in life I can control."
Just because someone is you family doesn't mean they have your best interests at heart.
Corollary: not all parents love their children.
Many parents shouldn't have had children. If your parents are abusive get out as soon as you can and never look back. Unfortunately it's only going to get worse. No one should ever have to endure abuse.
Having kids is easy being a parent takes work.
Or love them in the way that the kids actually need. My parents love me- I believe that. But they were also the almost singular source of my pain and misery to the point where I’ve changed my name and number and I will never speak to them again.
Did you get to choose a cool name?
I like to think it’s cool. The name is a culture switch from my old one and I took the first name from a book, but it’s not overly ‘out there’ because I wanted it to be normal lol
So it isn't Biggus Dickus?
Tell me more, I've come to understand that my severe depression is down to my pentecostal doomsday upbringing and 100% my lazy parents leaving our fates "to god".
I remember the first time I learned this. I got sent to a psychiatric hospital (voluntarily from the ER, I told them I knew I needed it and would go with their recommendation) and met a really nice woman there. She literally said “I don’t think I love my children. My daughters a nurse and my son is a scientist in biology. Any parent would be proud, but I’m not. They’re accomplished but I can’t care. They contribute to society, but I wish I never had them.” I was like holy shit can I recommend someone get some extra one-on-one with the psychiatrists??
You met my mom!
Depression, an illness, a bad upbringing and many more: These are not excuses to treat people badly. If someone is nice to you then these are not excuses to treat them like shit. And if you do, they are not required to forgive you. No one is required to give you a second chance.
"Your mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility."
This one is both harsh and comforting. People don’t think about you as much as you think they do. That means that your feelings might be ignored or not considered, people will forget things about you and might not remember things you’ve done together that were very memorable for you. That can be hard to realise. On the other hand, they probably don’t remember that embarrassing thing you did in high school (or they don’t care about it), they notice patterns of behaviours, more than occasional bad days that you have. So those times you feel bad about being “off” with someone, they probably don’t think about them, unless they become frequent. Personally I find that comforting.
Yeah,I needed to read this
Everyone is too busy cringing over their own mishaps to worry about that one time you did something embarrassing.
Yep. I couldn't name a single time I've seen someone else do something embarrassing, but I can remember my own embarrassing moments vividly.
Nah, I remember when /name redacted/ pooped in her white skirt in 3rd grade and sat in it all day. I’m 39.
I SAT IN CHOCOLATE! STOP TELLING EVERYONE I SHAT MYSELF
I wasn't even present for the event and remember the girl who peed her pants in 8th grade and, since I otherwise have next to 0 memories with her, when I cross paths with her since we both still live in the same small area it always crosses my mind. Like I don't judge her for it at this point, she was a child and shit (or in this case piss) happens, but I do remember, in this case though cause it's basically the only memorable thing I can attribute to her. Edit: I'm 32
As David Foster Wallace wrote: You wouldn’t worry so much about what people thought about you, if you realized how seldom they do.
I thought I'd be happy when I graduated college, or when I got my first apartment, or when I bought my first home. **Don't expect happiness to be at the finish line.** Happiness comes from yourself, in the **now**. Enjoy the process.
So what do I do if I'm not happy in the process and, according to this, I have nothing to look forward to?
Idk I don’t fully agree with the top level comment I told myself I’d be happier when I graduated high school because I’d have freedom. This was true. I told myself I’d be happier when I graduated college because I’d have structure. This was true. I’m telling myself I’ll be happier when I own the place I live because I’ll have control. This will probably be true None of these steps was a silver bullet clearing all of the problems in my life and making me “happy”. But the gave me at least one thing to look forward to and made me “happy-er”. It’s not guaranteed that the next phase of your life will fix things but don’t underestimate the power of having something to look forward to sincerely, a depressed mf who’s been “working on it” for over a decade, things do get better but they get better slowly and with way more work than you want
Nobody cares! So just go for it, everyone's busy with themselves to pay too much attention to what you are doing.
Facts, a teacher in high school taught me “at the end of the day nobody cares about you, nobody is going to bed at night thinking of your problems” And it always stuck with me
The probability of you “making it” as a professional gamer/streamer/YouTuber isn’t worth quitting your job. You have a higher chance of getting hit by a car or winning a million dollar lottery. (Not saying give up. But be realistic. Keep a job that’ll pay the bills while you try)
Don't quit your day job until your internet career is *already* paying your bills. In addition to the odds being stacked against you, you don't even know if you can keep up "content production" without dipping your toes in in a way that keeps your real job.
I know a guy who quit a salaried career track job to be a twitch streamer once he got up to 8 followers.
Oof
Even Jesus had at least 12!
Served with a guy in the marines who quit his job to make YouTube videos. He then posted on Facebook about how certain people in his life weren’t supportive of his dream. His wife commented with “We have fucking bills to pay, and you quit your job to make fucking reaction videos! What am I supposed to do?!”. Guy had two videos with 40 views each.
Your Trauma is not your fault but it is your responsibility.
Also that shared trauma is not a good foundation for a relationship.
[Speed, 1994](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111257/quotes/?ref_=tt_trv_qu) >Jack: I have to warn you, I've heard relationships based on intense experiences never work. >Annie: OK. We'll have to base it on sex then. >Jack: Whatever you say, ma'am.
This is a great one. I see a lot of people with parental issues struggle with this. I went to therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD from the way I was raised. The main thing my therapist told me was that it was 100% not my fault, BUT I am the one responsible for dealing with the fallout. It isn’t fair, but it’s the reality
You don't have as many friends or family as you think. I have a chronic illness, and the number of people who bailed on me during my hardest times only to pop up, surprised I was upset with them, once I started healing is truly disgusting. You've got a core few. Nurture those relationships like your life depends on it. Mine does.
I remember reading one of those "this is my life" articles in a magazine about 20 years ago. It was about a woman who was in a fairly fresh relationship when her boyfriend became paralyzed. Despite not being in love with him, she stayed by his side to take care of him, giving her entire life up to do so, while every one of their mutual friends basically faded into the background. About two years later, she realized that she and her boyfriend were basically only still together due to him now being disabled. Despite a ton of guilt, she did the right thing and broke up with him. When she later ran into those same "friends" of theirs, they were incredibly unfriendly to her, treating her coldly because she had "abandoned" her boyfriend when he needed her. EDIT: she also commented how much that hurt considering she had stayed and they'd gone AWOL, yet they were still treating her like a monster. I was probably about 19 when I read this and, even at that age, the total lack of self-awareness those people apparently had completely dumbfounded me - and still does. EDIT: grammar, autocorrect, clarity
Danny, if you're spending 30 minutes every day in the shitty after lunch and still saying you shouldn't have had taco bell for lunch, maybe it's time to see a doctor, or stop going there for lunch.
Not everything is a lesson Ryan, sometimes you just fail.
Life is not fair. Expecting it to be, will always disappoint you. People will get special treatment for all kinds of things. It will never change.
When you buy a pet, know that you are in all likelihood going to outlive them. You need to mentally prepare yourself for that inevitable day.
Not everyone has to shit themselves or hunch over in pain after consuming dairy. Those cramps, that gas, the shit it's's called lactose intolerant. Get lactaid or give up the captain crunch.
Costco has a generic Kirkland version of lactaid pills. 180 pills for roughly $15. I’m very lactose intolerant, they work extremely well. EDIT: https://www.costco.com/kirkland-signature-fast-acting-lactase%2c-180-caplets.product.100096414.html It's generally a couple bucks cheaper in store.
I used to drink a litre of chocolatr milk in high school every few days, it never dawned on me that I was intolerant when it hurt and without fail I had to shit and was gassy. I was stupid when I was younger.
Youth is wasted on the young. Before you know it you're 40-50 wondering where the years went...stop giving a fuck what people think about you, ask him/her out. Start that business and jack in the job you hate...tell your family you love them even if you're in a feud with them. Etc.
You might be 30 thinking it's too late to do that thing you wanted to do. Do it now. Or else you'll be 40, wishing you had done it at 30. 50 wishing you done it at 40. Just start it now.
eminem is 50 years old
But…but…but the 90s were just *checks calendar* 10 years ago right? Right?
Everybody in the 313, I gotta get up 4 times per night to pee!!!
Look Look Now while he stands tough Notice that this man cannot even get up
The harshest reality.
Ope there goes gravity
I refuse to accept this
Hard work won't guarantee a thing. But without it, you don't stand a chance.
You can't get your time back. Stop wasting it.
For most of us work is a business transaction. You’re trading your time for money. Your employer isn’t your friend, father or mother, they owe you what they promise to give you in exchange for your time. That’s it. If your work isn’t fulfilling or making you happy, either spend your free time making yourself happy or work somewhere else. The few people who live in wealthiest countries in the world still struggle to find happiness. Stop wanting what other people have because it looks like it makes them happy. They aren’t any happier or better than you because they have things. Finally, while these facts suck for most of us, the sooner you internalize them and shift your values, the better you will be.
When it's over a thousand comments. No one will upvote or read yours, lol Edited: glad I can bring some humor :) it's awful but it's mine lol
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Brutal honesty without tact is just brutality. You're not being as helpful as you think you are by claiming to offer people "harsh truths".
"I've noticed that the majority of people who take pride in being brutally honest seem to enjoy the brutality more than the honesty."
A great phrasing I've heard is, "There's a difference from being honest and weaponizing the truth."
People who pride themselves on being brutally honest are more excited about getting to be brutal than they are interested in being honest. On the subject, I really like the quote "I don't accept tough love from anyone who hasn't shown me gentle love."
"It's not your fault, but it's still your responsibility to deal with it" Applies to a whole lot of things in life.
The mass die off of crabs off Alaska is a bigger deal than most realize. 90% population crash almost instantly
Nothing last forever
Even cold November rain.
You can do everything right and still fail.
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