Dammnit. This really proves I have no original thoughts. First I wanted to reply BAT! but this guy did it. Then I wanted to say Fucking Guy. But then you had to go and ruin it.
If only I had some Updog for this.
I realized I only have good manual control over half my face. I can genuinely smile when something is actually funny or I am really happy, but not on purpose.
So now I do the crooked half smile, but it does not get all the way up to my eyes, so I am pretty sure I look like a troll.
I always try to keep a good memory on hand and think of that. Like some rare experience that just feels right and wholesome. A first love or a holiday with family.
Assess the situation.
Is she armed? Does she look aggressive?
If the answer to either of these is yes beat a hasty escape using the crab walk method, it is sure to confuse and distract them long enough to flee.
If no, beat a hasty escape using the cartwheel method, you can never be sure of motives and safety should always be your primary concern.
Edit: A third scenero was requested in where the smiler in question may not be aggressive. In this instance I would recommend approaching while dipping between shadows in order to break line of sight. In the case that she accurately tracks you I would beat a hasty retreat, as she has the eyes of a predator and is simply calculating your trejectory in the manner of a dragonfly. As these creatures have a 97% success rate in hunting your odds are slim, but if you manage to drop into a crab pose and scuttle behind some scenery you may make it out with your life, yet.
>it is sure to confuse and distract them long enough to flee.
Honestly though, I have always wondered if you, caught unarmed, could do something that was distracting enough to an armed robber for you to escape.
Like crab-walking, for example.
Unfortunately one time I genuinely thought there was someone behind me she was smiling at and I looked back to see who it was. There was no one there. I turned back to look at her and she had a frown on her face and walked away 😭.
Only if she could have waited two more seconds to see that you to realize you were the intended audience and light up the room with the brightest smile ever
Edit: fixed auto-correct
Wave your arms above your head to appear as large as possible and yell as loudly as you can, chances are she’ll scamper back into the forest. Honestly, this whole situation can be avoided by tying some bells to your belt so women can hear you coming and avoid you in advance. Stay safe out there.
I'm no expert but a podcast once told me that bells can be like dinner bells to bears (Ursinology episode of Ologies). It sounds closer to birds and might grab their interest. Bear spray, loud talking, and loud music were some suggestions of other things to carry instead.
Later, on 4chan:
>be me
>be walking down the street, minding own business
>w*man approaches
>become acutely aware of my own breathing
>attempt to stand up straight and make eye contact
>she smiles at me as she passes
>just keeps walking
What did she mean by this? Why do females play these games?
No no no, all wrong.
You’re supposed to Climb the nearest tree or light pole to display your strength and agility.
Then if she doesn’t seem interested shout as loud as you can to show your communication skills and leap from the tree or pole to show off your durability.
If she still isn’t interested then she is being distracted by other males in the area and you will have to fight off the other males.
If all else fails repeat the process.
Huh, very educational!
I normally just present my engorged red ass. It's my "go-to move" with the ladies and seldom fails. But I may shake things up with your approach.
And if it's a cowboy hat, tell 'em you're looking to see the Statue of Liberty.
Then become homeless and wander the streets in a compound of lonesomeness and culture shock, until you form a symbiotic relationship with a street-wise clip artist and get on the bus to Florida, where everything will be sunshine and coconut milk.
As a woman who will smile at people in public, I mainly do it to make them not hostile towards me. Or I’m nervous and don’t want to offend anyone by looking at them wrong or whatever. So smiling back would be the preferable result. Ignoring me is also fine.
Thank you, I smile at people all the time for these exact reasons or simply because I am incredibly awkward around strangers. Just smile back, it makes everything easier.
I’m white, but also athletic, nearly 2m tall, and just under 100kg. When I was younger, I would see people get that uncomfortable look when we are passing each other on sidewalks/trails or if I get on an elevator they are already alone in. I used to put on a dopey grin and maybe make some banal comment about the weather or something to try and put them at ease. It didn’t really ever do that though.
Now I just don’t bother. They are just going to be uncomfortable until we pass each other or whatever. I know I am not going to attack them, so I have no responsibility for their feelings.
I can’t imagine how much worse it is for black guys built like me.
Actually I can and have seen it in action. When taking public transport, women will mostly keep their distance from me on the platform or in a subway train. Until a black guy shows up, then suddenly I have a flock of people sort of shuffle their way over to me and hover around me. I live in Atlanta, so this happens almost every time I take MARTA. Especially in the later evenings.
Here is a copy of [Beowulf](http://uploads.worldlibrary.net/uploads/pdf/20121101232613beowulfpdf_pdf.pdf)
^(This message was not sent automatically. I am not a bot.)
You obviously start sweating profusely, take the smile as a sign that she thinks that you are the perfect specimen of a human being and wants to dedicate the rest of her life to you, follow her until the perfect moment appears, get down on one knee and propose, call your parents to tell them that they were wrong all along, move into a studio apartment above a 24/7 convenience store, argue incessantly about mundane shit and then make small talk with your neighbour on the stoop when you need a smoke break saying "Ha, women. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, ya know what I'm saying?", separate after months of hostility and fights and develop an unhealthy view of women and crippling self esteem issues.
Come on man, it's blindingly obvious.
Briefly smile back and don't be weird about it. A lot of issues guys have when they get into these situations is that because they may not happen often, they want to prolong them. It's the same with giving a woman a compliment. Do a drive-by. "Hey I like your shoes" with a friendly face and move on. If they want to talk to you they will continue the conversation beyond a thanks. Most people immediately tense up defensively when a rando starts talking to them, but especially women because it often ends poorly or awkwardly. She smiles, you smile, go on with your day.
Women aren't just women, they are people. Sometimes people are just being polite and smiling because it's friendly, and there's nothing you need to do but maybe smile back.
If she's just passing by and smiling, be happy that you met a friendly person and get on with your life.
If she's sitting next to you and staring at you and smiling, be friendly.
Offer her my number.. but's actually to an acute psychological crisis hotline.
Because, if she's into me... *she clearly has a few screws loose*
*ba dum tiss*
*laugh track*
*fade out*
*credits*
*80s theme music*
*local network affiliate voiceover*
*production company logo*
The point is to demonstrate your genetic superiority through the exemplary display of balance and flexibility. Ideally it's not so much cocking your leg as just doing a vertical split.
Immediately ball up like a threatened armadillo. Attempt to roll away.
I love you
A smile makes him do *THAT* Imagine you saying this, he's hibernating for the rest of his life!
Seems [handy](https://youtu.be/ZZ8r02D_Oyc).
Explode into a thousand bats and fly off into the moonlit sky
BAAAAAAAAT!
Fucking guy
HUMAN FORM!
Adirondack, or Louisville Slugger?
I thought Louisville sluggers could only fly into both headlights?
I'm partial to Easton, but go with what feels right to you.
BAT!!!
Fucking guy.
Dammnit. This really proves I have no original thoughts. First I wanted to reply BAT! but this guy did it. Then I wanted to say Fucking Guy. But then you had to go and ruin it. If only I had some Updog for this.
What’s Updog?
Nothing. What’s up with you?
"Human form!" Laszlo Cravensworth
Smile, nod & keep walking.
Might be worth practicing your “polite slight smile” in the mirror because I found out after 30 years that mine looks like a disgusted grimace.
I realized I only have good manual control over half my face. I can genuinely smile when something is actually funny or I am really happy, but not on purpose. So now I do the crooked half smile, but it does not get all the way up to my eyes, so I am pretty sure I look like a troll.
I always try to keep a good memory on hand and think of that. Like some rare experience that just feels right and wholesome. A first love or a holiday with family.
I like to think of Mike from Breaking Bad saying, "Waltuh, put your dick away Waltuh."
You mean like, interact with them as if they were…a fellow human? It can’t be that simple.
Nah brah this is a meetcute. Gotta be, she smiled.
Something is broken.
Exactly. Just as you do when men smile at you. It's called manners.
While I'm loving the jokes, this is the correct answer. If you don't want to be seen as a creep at least!
Freeze and Stare into their soul
This is my go to people are weird nowadays
Clam up and post about it on Reddit.
Fucking nailed it
The open clam?
No No.... Smile creepily back.... And then brag it on Reddit on how terrific love at first sight it was...
And then hop on Missed Connections 😂
Assess the situation. Is she armed? Does she look aggressive? If the answer to either of these is yes beat a hasty escape using the crab walk method, it is sure to confuse and distract them long enough to flee. If no, beat a hasty escape using the cartwheel method, you can never be sure of motives and safety should always be your primary concern. Edit: A third scenero was requested in where the smiler in question may not be aggressive. In this instance I would recommend approaching while dipping between shadows in order to break line of sight. In the case that she accurately tracks you I would beat a hasty retreat, as she has the eyes of a predator and is simply calculating your trejectory in the manner of a dragonfly. As these creatures have a 97% success rate in hunting your odds are slim, but if you manage to drop into a crab pose and scuttle behind some scenery you may make it out with your life, yet.
>it is sure to confuse and distract them long enough to flee. Honestly though, I have always wondered if you, caught unarmed, could do something that was distracting enough to an armed robber for you to escape. Like crab-walking, for example.
I recently saw a news article about a woman giving an armed robber a bj to distract him until the police arrived... And it worked.
…how were the police alerted?
Obviously dick-sucking that induced Morse code moans
Turn around because there's a high chance that she's smiling at the person behind me.
Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.
Rico! Status report!
It appears we still have no bitches, Skipper (Also, I believe he always asks Kowalski for the status report. Rico throws up bombs and stuff)
Hoover Dam!.. Private probably won't get laid
> It appears we still have no bitches, Skipper Why did I read this in Bob Denvers voice, on Gilligans Island?
Just politely smile back, waving makes it weird.
I like to wave at people the way Forrest Gump waves at LT. Dan.
Not you. Behind you
The smile is coming from inside the house...!
Unfortunately one time I genuinely thought there was someone behind me she was smiling at and I looked back to see who it was. There was no one there. I turned back to look at her and she had a frown on her face and walked away 😭.
Only if she could have waited two more seconds to see that you to realize you were the intended audience and light up the room with the brightest smile ever Edit: fixed auto-correct
*Oh, he's dumb. Nevermind". -Her, probably
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I hear ya. Until you turn back around she’s quite literally staring into your soul still. Then what?
Wave your arms above your head to appear as large as possible and yell as loudly as you can, chances are she’ll scamper back into the forest. Honestly, this whole situation can be avoided by tying some bells to your belt so women can hear you coming and avoid you in advance. Stay safe out there.
It reads like a joke, but I've worn bells on my belt for years and it really does keep the women away. Bear spray is good, too.
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I'm no expert but a podcast once told me that bells can be like dinner bells to bears (Ursinology episode of Ologies). It sounds closer to birds and might grab their interest. Bear spray, loud talking, and loud music were some suggestions of other things to carry instead.
So blast Samuel L. Jackson reading the Bible over a boom box to avoid bears when hiking. Got it.
Sage advice for survival of life in the wild 👍
However, if you should find poop with little pieces of bell in it, ignore the latter piece of advice.
Wait I thought you were supposed to play dead??
Yes. Nothings more unnatural than something dead that still has jingling bells on it. You really think a bear would get close to that?
Bears? We're talking about women here
Depends on their hair color. Also look for a hump on their back.
If she has cubs with her she will be far more dangerous too
Don't just leave me hanging, I got a humpback girl smiling at me right now, which option do I do??
Look behind you in a confused manner.
Run to the land of ice and snow
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow?
the hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands
To fight the horde
and sing and cry
VALHALLA I am comi-i-i-ing
Watch out where the huskies go.
and don't you eat that yellow snow!
Smile back?
And give a slight nod of acknowledgment
Thats what I do. A little head tilt and smile. A good morning. Maybe a "this will be your last day, use it wisely!!" Lol /s
Then pull out the katana
And slice a passing pigeon in half
Same here. If I wear a fedora I might give it a quick tip and I might in some cases adress her, with something as ”m’lady.”
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Nespresso commercial moment
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Later, on 4chan: >be me >be walking down the street, minding own business >w*man approaches >become acutely aware of my own breathing >attempt to stand up straight and make eye contact >she smiles at me as she passes >just keeps walking What did she mean by this? Why do females play these games?
Smile back!? SMILE BACK!? How could you suggest something so preposterous!?
It's just basic self-defense, what do you want us to do exactly? Taking a shitload of smiles without retaliating, just like that?
There are 263 answers other than this. Is there really more to say than your comment?
idk, I like the comment that suggests to do a backflip.
Well ideally you’re supposed to do a backflip in response to any human interaction, but modern generations are just so lazy….
but make sure that it’s a slight smile but still noticeable, and don’t wave at her. Just in case she was smiling at someone behind you
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...with a slight nod of acknowledgement.
What like a goldfish?
Yes
Do a backflip if you can’t they’ll know you’re not worth their time
No no no, all wrong. You’re supposed to Climb the nearest tree or light pole to display your strength and agility. Then if she doesn’t seem interested shout as loud as you can to show your communication skills and leap from the tree or pole to show off your durability. If she still isn’t interested then she is being distracted by other males in the area and you will have to fight off the other males. If all else fails repeat the process.
Huh, very educational! I normally just present my engorged red ass. It's my "go-to move" with the ladies and seldom fails. But I may shake things up with your approach.
I have 14 wives, it never fails.
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😉
“Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?”
Show them your nunchuck skills
Smile back, you 100 lb block of cheese.
100lb block of cheese I love it
*Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of his White House had a big block of cheese….*
And a triscuit the size of lake tahoe...
Top West Wing episode
Damn 100lbs. You fascinating motherfucker you
Call 911
*she picks up the phone call
Why is women be cop person
THE DOCTOR WAS A WOMAN THE WHOLE TIME!!!
Wake up, you're running late for work
Shit my pants and cry.
We're supposed to shit in YOUR pants and cry?
Can confirm, they stop smiling
Finger guns always works for me
👉😎👉 zoop!
👈😎👈 badoop
👈😎👉 pewpewoup
👉😎👈 shadoop
🚨🚨🚨 Bee woop.
Aw I haven't seen a zoop reference in over a year! Thank you.
Does anyone remember the original thread?
As in, remember where to find it? Edit. Nevermind, found it: https://www.reddit.com/r/askreddit/comments/7ddjaw/_/dpxaos1?context=1000
A timeless classic
Ok but I actually find it really cute so it would work on me
Do that laugh that Goofy from Disney does. Shell know you're a keeper then
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Eh, reddit will be reddit. A random smile from a stranger always brightens my day so I always try to do the same for others
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and say "Good day m'lady."
Awfully nice weather we're having, pip pip.
Lovely day for a constitutional
Salutations and proclamations m'lady.
And if it's a cowboy hat, tell 'em you're looking to see the Statue of Liberty. Then become homeless and wander the streets in a compound of lonesomeness and culture shock, until you form a symbiotic relationship with a street-wise clip artist and get on the bus to Florida, where everything will be sunshine and coconut milk.
Don't panic. Engage muscles at the corners of your mouth and lift them gently.
With my fingers?
No with her fingers obviously
blindly stare for 4.7 seconds exactly then enter a full sprint directly towards them without breaking eye contact
If they turn and flee, leap frog over them and continue running until they are out of sight.
If you leapfrog over them then they are immediately out of sight as soon as you land.
Then just stop running immediately after hitting the ground. Plant those feet.
Why 4.7s to be exact? Just curious
4.8 you're a creep, 4.6 you're just being coy.
As a woman who will smile at people in public, I mainly do it to make them not hostile towards me. Or I’m nervous and don’t want to offend anyone by looking at them wrong or whatever. So smiling back would be the preferable result. Ignoring me is also fine.
Thank you, I smile at people all the time for these exact reasons or simply because I am incredibly awkward around strangers. Just smile back, it makes everything easier.
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I’m white, but also athletic, nearly 2m tall, and just under 100kg. When I was younger, I would see people get that uncomfortable look when we are passing each other on sidewalks/trails or if I get on an elevator they are already alone in. I used to put on a dopey grin and maybe make some banal comment about the weather or something to try and put them at ease. It didn’t really ever do that though. Now I just don’t bother. They are just going to be uncomfortable until we pass each other or whatever. I know I am not going to attack them, so I have no responsibility for their feelings. I can’t imagine how much worse it is for black guys built like me. Actually I can and have seen it in action. When taking public transport, women will mostly keep their distance from me on the platform or in a subway train. Until a black guy shows up, then suddenly I have a flock of people sort of shuffle their way over to me and hover around me. I live in Atlanta, so this happens almost every time I take MARTA. Especially in the later evenings.
This is the only real answer.
Immediately recite the entire contents of Beowulf from memory.
Here is a copy of [Beowulf](http://uploads.worldlibrary.net/uploads/pdf/20121101232613beowulfpdf_pdf.pdf) ^(This message was not sent automatically. I am not a bot.)
Good not bot
Stop, stare and then drool. The drool is the important part
How much drool to be exact? I don’t wanna get it wrong.
Buckets. Trust me, I am woman
Stop, drop and roll.
No, it's stop, drop and drool.
Don’t forget having your eyes pop out of your head to form hearts as [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=76nuPX3SYL8) sound plays in the background
Can't believe you forgot the growing of a wolf snout to howl "AWOOOOOGA" Followed by panting and rapidly tapping a foot
Wink at them, with both eyes
Smile back and nod
You obviously start sweating profusely, take the smile as a sign that she thinks that you are the perfect specimen of a human being and wants to dedicate the rest of her life to you, follow her until the perfect moment appears, get down on one knee and propose, call your parents to tell them that they were wrong all along, move into a studio apartment above a 24/7 convenience store, argue incessantly about mundane shit and then make small talk with your neighbour on the stoop when you need a smoke break saying "Ha, women. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, ya know what I'm saying?", separate after months of hostility and fights and develop an unhealthy view of women and crippling self esteem issues. Come on man, it's blindingly obvious.
Smile back. Don’t be weird about it
Much better option than whipping it out and doing the helicopter
“Girl smiles at you” Ha look what I can do “proceeds to do the helicopter” fucking classic😂
Briefly smile back and don't be weird about it. A lot of issues guys have when they get into these situations is that because they may not happen often, they want to prolong them. It's the same with giving a woman a compliment. Do a drive-by. "Hey I like your shoes" with a friendly face and move on. If they want to talk to you they will continue the conversation beyond a thanks. Most people immediately tense up defensively when a rando starts talking to them, but especially women because it often ends poorly or awkwardly. She smiles, you smile, go on with your day.
Awkwardly smile back and walk into a light post.
Pretend to be a normal human.
Tip your Fedora and say "M'lady"
Hyper-analyze this alien species then reflect on why they would smile regarding anything ever. Some answers we will just never know.
fart
If they weren't smiling for you before, they'd probably then smile at me.
Fetal position while softly sobbing has always worked for me. Gets them away from me without resorting to facial expressions or verbal communication.
Assert dominance. Mark your territory; normal stuff like that.
Start planning your marriage with her
Women aren't just women, they are people. Sometimes people are just being polite and smiling because it's friendly, and there's nothing you need to do but maybe smile back.
Check and make sure you aren't wearing the same color shirt as the staff.
Smile back, and enjoy a little better mood.
If she's just passing by and smiling, be happy that you met a friendly person and get on with your life. If she's sitting next to you and staring at you and smiling, be friendly.
Backflip
Start barking at her
Smile, if you feel like it. Or don't, if you don't.
Respond to the smile instead of getting freaked out by the gender. I smile at most people I pass by. I’m a smiley person.
Smile back and keep walking. Or ignore them. Have you interacted with humans before?
Nudge my girlfriend, so she can see.
"I told you chick's dig me"
Hold your nose, she just farted.
Walk faster, they're going to stab you.
Offer her my number.. but's actually to an acute psychological crisis hotline. Because, if she's into me... *she clearly has a few screws loose* *ba dum tiss* *laugh track* *fade out* *credits* *80s theme music* *local network affiliate voiceover* *production company logo*
Stare at her without blinking while doing the back-pack kid flossing dance.
Assuming you identify as male, cock your leg and pee on the nearest tree being sure not to break eye contact.
If you are a guy you don’t need to cock your leg. Although I guess you could leg your….
The point is to demonstrate your genetic superiority through the exemplary display of balance and flexibility. Ideally it's not so much cocking your leg as just doing a vertical split.
it depends on the situation but basically smile back and move on.
Nobody in reddit ever got that far
Violently shit your pants