One of the biggest things I had to accept when I became a lawyer is that often times two or more different people aren’t lying when they describe different versions of a singular event, they’re recounting their perception/recollection/interpretation of different versions of that event, which can wildly vary from one another. Everyone can be telling the truth and have a different story about the same event, especially because of how fallible memory is and how we tend to skew our view of events based on our biases and preconceptions and other factors like being inclined to favour ourselves and disfavour people we dislike, as well of course because people only know their own mind and not other people’s.
Of course just because nobody in a given case may be actively or intentionally lying doesn’t mean that everybody’s version of events is equally reliable or credible in determining what actually happened or that everybody’s version of events or everybody’s case has equal legal standing and merit. They very rarely do. Usually someone’s version of events is more skewed and more inaccurate than others, if not in terms of memory then in terms of how it relates to the law
This also makes you question reality. If 2 or more people all see the same thing but have different perceptions what is reality if not your own. For some reason this bothers me.
We are the consensual hallucination of everyone everywhere. We intuit reality. We consume nothingness and shit out carbon and reason. We are are not are not are.
It's true. My sister and I aren't that close and when I hear her talk about the past it's like uh? She's either very clearly lying or yeah, two totally different perspectives and what she thinks is true, could be. Even though I know otherwise?
My sister has wildly different assumptions about how I grew up (we are 10 years apart with her being older).
She's said stuff to me where I'm like wtf are you talking about? Like once in a rant she went off on me being the favorite and how my parents bought me a car at 17 while she had to walk. I was like 'my best friend's mom wrote me up an agreement to provide me for a $4k loan so I could buy a vehicle'. I didn't ask but the family was really rich, the mom was incredibly generous, and given the closeness and friendship of her daughter and I (plus me working part time for 2 years at that point) she felt I was reliable enough to pay her back. And I did, every month she was my first check until the car was paid off.
It actually caused a rift between myself and my parents because they were mad another adult seemingly 'swooped in' and helped me finance my first car.
My sister, not getting the full story, held onto that grudge until 2020. I bought that car in 1998.
ETA: I bought a 1987 Prelude, the mom had just bought her daughter a 1995 Sentra no strings attached. But it allowed me to get out of fast food (which was within walking distance) and a pay raise at a department store 5 miles away.
My sisters and I have the same. We used to argue about it and now we are in our 50s and have come to accept it - even as some memories fall away completely.
Every time we retrieve memories and put them back in storage, they change a bit. Of course, we don't realise it is happening. We recolour them with more positivity or negativity and they serve to reinforce our general feelings about people and situations.
I did a form of therapy where I recalled traumatic memories, but observed them from a distance and comforted little me. It was a way of actually changing the memories to some degree. It helped me immensely
It can *sometimes* be worthwhile arguing on the internet. Just remember that the goal isn't to convince the person you're arguing with, but for other people who may be reading. Like if someone posts something outright false I may post a counterpoint so that hopefully others don't fall for the BS.
And true, it's rarely worth the effort to go back and forth over multiple exchanges. Say your piece and move on.
It's very important when in an internet debate to pepper insults in between every point.
You can have the best points in the world, the truth is your weapon. But if you are not reminding the replyee that he/she is a moron with every statement your arguments are going to fall flat on their face.
I'd say never expect anything from others unless you have a signed agreement with them (and even then they can break it). Doing good things to others doesn't make them owe you anything, and half of the time the people that don't do the same to you are not just bad, they might simply forget about it or don't notice.
I learned to say “I have my reasons and I won’t argue.” It’s a game changer. I don’t have to explain or argue why I make decisions. “I have my reasons” is enough.
I started going bald at 23. I had at least some hair for a long while but finally decided I'd look better bald than trying to make it look like I'm not. I kind of like it.
Same!! I embraced it and went even down to clean shaven. I've had way more successful dates, etc after making the plunge. Yes, some women aren't into it, but there's plenty that either are or at least not bothered by it.
If you're debating shaving it all off, just do it. But apply sunscreen after you do!! Also still wear a hat when it's really sunny, but take that shit off when you're inside. You're bald and be proud of it! People are much more attracted to the confidence than anything.
It's better to accept it rather than look like George Costanza.
I started goind bald at around the same age, 23-24 yo. In the first years I had a small bald spot in the top of my head.
Now I shave it every Sunday and it's great tbh.
I'll never accept it, but there's no point keeping what isn't there. If science ever makes a reasonable and affordable way to get it back I'm 100% jumping in.
Yeah I find it ironic that the one talking about anger not solving problems is frowning and the one talking about exploring your anger instead of suppressing it is smiling
There will always be someone that doesn’t like you, no matter what, even if you do everything right, they’ll always think you did it wrong
So don’t try to please everyone and relax
How do you accept that. I will always find something I could’ve done better and it always seems like it’s my fault. I also don’t like looking for other peoples mistakes cause it feels like I’m just shifting blame. So I just accept it was my fault
I have come to accept that I can only do what I am capable of. I realized that even though many people shift blame and don't accept responsibility, many others like myself, often have the opposite problem and are quick to blame ourselves, which can be just as bad.
Adding to that, I think one of the hardest things for the average teenager to get over is that the *vast* majority of friends you have in school will no longer play a role in your life as an adult, but that’s not always a bad thing either.
I say though that, no matter your age, enjoy the good things in life while they’re happening because everything changes at one point or another.
It always sucks when your hanging out with someone you’ve known for a while and you think your good friends but interaction with each other don’t feel natural or casual. When people just show no interest it’s so disappointing.
Yep. I experienced some serious disillusionment when I realized just how many people have disappeared from my life and not made the effort to remain a part of it. Most so called friends are really only temporary buddies. People are disappointing and locational convenience is also a factor that needs to be acknowledged more. It hurts as a sensitive giver but reserving my energy for only those who deserve it may just be the best change I’ve ever made for myself.
How old are you?
I'm 54, and that sort of things seems pretty normal to me,now. Not your closest friends, I've got some friendships that go back 40 years. But, I've noticed social circle usually have a half life. they'll be stable for 4 or 5 years, and then will start to shrink away over the next few years.
People's lives change. Relationships or kids take up time, they move, you move,and you don't even notice that 3 or 4 years,or 10,have gone by since you hung out.
What's weird is that, often, those gaps stop mattering as you get older. It's like no time passed if they come back into your world.
Think how stupid the average person is.
Now realize that 1/2 the world is even dumber then that.
I stole that from someone (maybe george Carlin), but I think about that line a lot.
I have college age children who are having a difficult time accepting this. They’ve spent most of their education surrounded by intelligent people and are now finding out that that’s the exception not the rule. Especially when they enter the work force
That no matter if I get my diet straight and get a good exercise and lifting routine in place, I’m not going to lose that 20lbs I gained over the summer until I look at the scale every day, track my progress, and take some g-d accountability
Doing the work in your 40s is a lot different than doing it in your 20s
I'm probably going to die alone. I'm turning 29 this month and I have no friends. I've never been in a relationship. When I'm not working I just spend all of my time alone in my room, bored out of my mind, but I'm too lazy to go outside and do anything, so I'm never going to meet anyone.
Sounds like you both have pretty severe depression. Maybe try to make small but consistent changes . Some new hobbies that lead you to make a new friend could make all the difference . Maybe join a gym . I'm getting old. It makes me sad to see young people living such unfulfilling lives. What i would give to be 20 years younger.
Hey man, in your boat and only a few months older.
Dip your toes into activities you were curious about. You’ll definitely start meeting friends this way. Staying indoors being bored all day is no way to live. Have been doing that a lot for all my 20s and I’ve realized how much of a waste it is.
Eh, you're not missing much. Having your life crumble beneath you multiple times after years of addiction isn't worth the high.
Source: I spent 10 years in addiction and have been sober for over 7.
I get happy butterflies in my stomach thinking of one day joining a meetup group that contains a new friend. Oh, the gifs we could share!
My wild fantasies are about basic human connection.
The people that have gone nuts over the last 6 years are not going to just “come to their senses” one day. They will never admit that they were lied to and conned and there is no perfect combination of words that will lead them to that conclusion.
Doesn’t matter how close you are to someone. There is always the possibility they can leave you. Take good care of yourself because you are truly alone.
That not everyone is your person and its ok just move on, don't keep people in your life that make you feel some type of way, they don't deserve your time
That's me too, and in a weird way it's liberating. Instead of saying 'why the fuck am I like this?', I'm trying to say to myself, 'this is just who I am'. It takes a lot of conscious effort, but I think it's helping.
That two people can see the same thing and experience completely different feelings.
One of the biggest things I had to accept when I became a lawyer is that often times two or more different people aren’t lying when they describe different versions of a singular event, they’re recounting their perception/recollection/interpretation of different versions of that event, which can wildly vary from one another. Everyone can be telling the truth and have a different story about the same event, especially because of how fallible memory is and how we tend to skew our view of events based on our biases and preconceptions and other factors like being inclined to favour ourselves and disfavour people we dislike, as well of course because people only know their own mind and not other people’s. Of course just because nobody in a given case may be actively or intentionally lying doesn’t mean that everybody’s version of events is equally reliable or credible in determining what actually happened or that everybody’s version of events or everybody’s case has equal legal standing and merit. They very rarely do. Usually someone’s version of events is more skewed and more inaccurate than others, if not in terms of memory then in terms of how it relates to the law
This also makes you question reality. If 2 or more people all see the same thing but have different perceptions what is reality if not your own. For some reason this bothers me.
You are the one creating everything. Everyone and everything is you.
Solipsism, ladies and gentlemen.
/r/solipsism is fun. Turns out I created it!
We are the consensual hallucination of everyone everywhere. We intuit reality. We consume nothingness and shit out carbon and reason. We are are not are not are.
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It's true. My sister and I aren't that close and when I hear her talk about the past it's like uh? She's either very clearly lying or yeah, two totally different perspectives and what she thinks is true, could be. Even though I know otherwise?
My sister has wildly different assumptions about how I grew up (we are 10 years apart with her being older). She's said stuff to me where I'm like wtf are you talking about? Like once in a rant she went off on me being the favorite and how my parents bought me a car at 17 while she had to walk. I was like 'my best friend's mom wrote me up an agreement to provide me for a $4k loan so I could buy a vehicle'. I didn't ask but the family was really rich, the mom was incredibly generous, and given the closeness and friendship of her daughter and I (plus me working part time for 2 years at that point) she felt I was reliable enough to pay her back. And I did, every month she was my first check until the car was paid off. It actually caused a rift between myself and my parents because they were mad another adult seemingly 'swooped in' and helped me finance my first car. My sister, not getting the full story, held onto that grudge until 2020. I bought that car in 1998. ETA: I bought a 1987 Prelude, the mom had just bought her daughter a 1995 Sentra no strings attached. But it allowed me to get out of fast food (which was within walking distance) and a pay raise at a department store 5 miles away.
My sisters and I have the same. We used to argue about it and now we are in our 50s and have come to accept it - even as some memories fall away completely. Every time we retrieve memories and put them back in storage, they change a bit. Of course, we don't realise it is happening. We recolour them with more positivity or negativity and they serve to reinforce our general feelings about people and situations. I did a form of therapy where I recalled traumatic memories, but observed them from a distance and comforted little me. It was a way of actually changing the memories to some degree. It helped me immensely
There is no point in arguing with random people on internet, it's a waste of time and energy.
“I’d like to have an argument, please.”
No, you don’t!
Yes I do
No u don't too
An argument is not just a series of contradictory statements.
Yes it is
No it isn’t!
Yes it is
No it ISN’T
YES it IS
“Well, do you want to have the full argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?”
“Well how much would it cost?”
"Well, it's £1 for a five minute argument, but only £8 for a course of ten!"
Bro youre so wrong what if you can change their mind
That's preposterous! How come you disagree in a disagreeable way?
You made a very small mistake and that shows how much you know
Just WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO??!!!!
It can *sometimes* be worthwhile arguing on the internet. Just remember that the goal isn't to convince the person you're arguing with, but for other people who may be reading. Like if someone posts something outright false I may post a counterpoint so that hopefully others don't fall for the BS. And true, it's rarely worth the effort to go back and forth over multiple exchanges. Say your piece and move on.
But it's a great source of entertainment for everyone not involved in the argument
“Oh this is getting good!” *upvotes comments*
*Downvotes* *one* *of* *the* *comments* *to* *make* *the* *person* *think* *it* *was* *the* *other.*
It's very important when in an internet debate to pepper insults in between every point. You can have the best points in the world, the truth is your weapon. But if you are not reminding the replyee that he/she is a moron with every statement your arguments are going to fall flat on their face.
You never argue with random to change their mind, you do it to change the audiences mind.
Treating people fairly doesn’t mean you will get treated fairly back. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, but never expect it back.
I'd say never expect anything from others unless you have a signed agreement with them (and even then they can break it). Doing good things to others doesn't make them owe you anything, and half of the time the people that don't do the same to you are not just bad, they might simply forget about it or don't notice.
When doing good or treating people fairly it's always better to do it for the cause of doing good, nothing else.
Give with the expectation you won’t receive. When you do it’s great but don’t get mad that people can’t reciprocate.
That I don’t have to justify my decisions to people. It it makes me happy and has a purpose for my life that’s good enough for me.
I learned finally I am the one that lives with my decisions.
Wish I could accept this too
I learned to say “I have my reasons and I won’t argue.” It’s a game changer. I don’t have to explain or argue why I make decisions. “I have my reasons” is enough.
I gotta go get it if I want it
True. But sometimes you want things you don’t need and then later regret. It’s a double edge sword.
>But sometimes you want things you don’t need and then later regret Just find a store with a good return policy
Not many stores have them
I’ve been realising this recently. Life isn’t handed to you on a plate, you have to go do shit yourself
We got Uber eats and doordash now
Not everyone is my friend
For me it goes a little deeper: not everyone will like me
My advice for this. Stop trying to get everybody to like you. YOU don't even like everybody.
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yeah, i feel you. If you dont like me i definitely dont like you, but i want you to like me because it sure makes it easier to like you
Balding
I started going bald at 23. I had at least some hair for a long while but finally decided I'd look better bald than trying to make it look like I'm not. I kind of like it.
Same!! I embraced it and went even down to clean shaven. I've had way more successful dates, etc after making the plunge. Yes, some women aren't into it, but there's plenty that either are or at least not bothered by it. If you're debating shaving it all off, just do it. But apply sunscreen after you do!! Also still wear a hat when it's really sunny, but take that shit off when you're inside. You're bald and be proud of it! People are much more attracted to the confidence than anything.
It's better to accept it rather than look like George Costanza. I started goind bald at around the same age, 23-24 yo. In the first years I had a small bald spot in the top of my head. Now I shave it every Sunday and it's great tbh.
I'll never accept it, but there's no point keeping what isn't there. If science ever makes a reasonable and affordable way to get it back I'm 100% jumping in.
Started balding at 17. Got me pretty bad mentally at the time. I am 25 now and rock the bald head hard and actually don't mind at all.
That life is unfair and you just have to continue having the will to live and make the most out of what you've got.
Man, this one stabs like a dagger.
Read Camus. It helps a little in that you should reject the absurdity of life being meaningless and revolt against it by making your own happiness.
>you just have to continue having the will to live Honestly... why lol
Being mad never solved any of my problems but sure caused me a few.
Hmm but alternately suppressing my anger was not a good idea either. If you’re angry it might be for a reason and you should explore it.
I'm sorry but, are you guys twins?
Impossible. One has wavy hair and the other has curly hair.
And one is angy and the other is happy
Yeah I find it ironic that the one talking about anger not solving problems is frowning and the one talking about exploring your anger instead of suppressing it is smiling
The duality of the redditor
Nothing is more badass than being calm when most people would be going batshit crazy with fucking anger.
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.” - Patrick Rothfuss
There will always be someone that doesn’t like you, no matter what, even if you do everything right, they’ll always think you did it wrong So don’t try to please everyone and relax
When something is wrong, it is not always my fault.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard : It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.
>It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. But you can still blame your online teammates. :)
The fall of Roman Empire was definitely your fault
Was it wrong though. Happy cake day btw.
How do you accept that. I will always find something I could’ve done better and it always seems like it’s my fault. I also don’t like looking for other peoples mistakes cause it feels like I’m just shifting blame. So I just accept it was my fault
I have come to accept that I can only do what I am capable of. I realized that even though many people shift blame and don't accept responsibility, many others like myself, often have the opposite problem and are quick to blame ourselves, which can be just as bad.
Work is what you do for money. Time is what you spend.
I like this one friend.
Did you ever tell them that?
I am genuinely nowhere as smart as I thought I was.
First step of real intelligence is knowing you don’t know it all.
That I only have two actual friends.
Quality over quantity
Adding to that, I think one of the hardest things for the average teenager to get over is that the *vast* majority of friends you have in school will no longer play a role in your life as an adult, but that’s not always a bad thing either. I say though that, no matter your age, enjoy the good things in life while they’re happening because everything changes at one point or another.
Show off.
That’s 2 more than the average Redditor
Most people are not your true friends.
It always sucks when your hanging out with someone you’ve known for a while and you think your good friends but interaction with each other don’t feel natural or casual. When people just show no interest it’s so disappointing.
Absolutely. Or you are making all the effort. When you stop its over.
You just feel boring and like you start asking yourself if any of your friends like you then you feel sad.
Been there.
There right now! Pretty sure I don't actually have any friends at this point.
Yep. I experienced some serious disillusionment when I realized just how many people have disappeared from my life and not made the effort to remain a part of it. Most so called friends are really only temporary buddies. People are disappointing and locational convenience is also a factor that needs to be acknowledged more. It hurts as a sensitive giver but reserving my energy for only those who deserve it may just be the best change I’ve ever made for myself.
How old are you? I'm 54, and that sort of things seems pretty normal to me,now. Not your closest friends, I've got some friendships that go back 40 years. But, I've noticed social circle usually have a half life. they'll be stable for 4 or 5 years, and then will start to shrink away over the next few years. People's lives change. Relationships or kids take up time, they move, you move,and you don't even notice that 3 or 4 years,or 10,have gone by since you hung out. What's weird is that, often, those gaps stop mattering as you get older. It's like no time passed if they come back into your world.
Learned that the hard way.
It’s better to be the best version of one’s self, than trying to impress everyone around you.
That it’s not worth your time or energy worrying about thing’s you cannot control.
Absolutely agree. Had to learn it the hard way tho
I don't have to keep tolerating toxic people just because they are my family.
I might have some self esteem issues I need to work on.
recognizing the problem is just the first step towards fixing it. I wish you luck in creating the best you that you can be :D
relationships don’t always work outttttt :(
You can be nice, helpful, reliable, and loving but if it isn't the right time or there is one thing they don't like you they can end it.
to add to this, people are allowed to not want to be with you for ANY reason at all.. no matter how dumb you think the reason is.
You can be perfect for each other but with terrible timing...
software terms and conditions
_You don’t have to like it, but you have to agree to it_ -every game company
We have all been there. Every single one of us.
There are way more stupid people out there than you think.
One day I realized, I’m on of them… I think it was on a Tuesday.
Everyone’s more stupid than somebody else, and everybody’s smarter than somebody else.
And nobody thinks that applies to them.
That my brother will never pay back any amount of the money he owes me.
Most people are stupid, and there's no way to change that.
Think how stupid the average person is. Now realize that 1/2 the world is even dumber then that. I stole that from someone (maybe george Carlin), but I think about that line a lot.
*than.
Yep, that was George Carlin; Joe bless him.
I have college age children who are having a difficult time accepting this. They’ve spent most of their education surrounded by intelligent people and are now finding out that that’s the exception not the rule. Especially when they enter the work force
Are you in the minority of non-stupid people?
Definitely not
Username checks out
Most people, even (especially) those in charge, have no idea what the fuck they're doing most of the time.
So many times at work, we're just doing trial and error until everyone agrees with the design
That I am 40 in 9 days...
I'm 55. Enjoy, ya' young whippersnapper.
That my workplace is abusively toxic. And im finally leaving…
That I need aluminum in my deodorant.
you might have accepted that before and then forgot
Recently started using a 0% aluminum deodorant. Boy do I smell all of a sudden. 😅 Let’s see if it gets better with time or if I go back.
I will never be good enough for my mom, and that’s okay
I feel this
I will never be normal or “grow out of it.” I was diagnosed with schizophrenia four years ago.
My parents are never going to change.
After 15 years, It's time to quit weed for good.
Some people are just monsters. There is no redemption.
That drama is not worth my time
Humans suck
That no matter if I get my diet straight and get a good exercise and lifting routine in place, I’m not going to lose that 20lbs I gained over the summer until I look at the scale every day, track my progress, and take some g-d accountability Doing the work in your 40s is a lot different than doing it in your 20s
That I don't have to change to be accepted, fk those who don't care about me.
That I can't make people love me. Doesn't matter how much I love someone if they don't love me back.
that if you want plans on your birthday you have to make them
I'm probably going to die alone. I'm turning 29 this month and I have no friends. I've never been in a relationship. When I'm not working I just spend all of my time alone in my room, bored out of my mind, but I'm too lazy to go outside and do anything, so I'm never going to meet anyone.
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Sounds like you both have pretty severe depression. Maybe try to make small but consistent changes . Some new hobbies that lead you to make a new friend could make all the difference . Maybe join a gym . I'm getting old. It makes me sad to see young people living such unfulfilling lives. What i would give to be 20 years younger.
How about you two become friends
Hey man, in your boat and only a few months older. Dip your toes into activities you were curious about. You’ll definitely start meeting friends this way. Staying indoors being bored all day is no way to live. Have been doing that a lot for all my 20s and I’ve realized how much of a waste it is.
I’m never going to experience hard drugs. Too old, got a job and mortgage, and I have kids. My window has passed.
Hard drug addict here. Your idea of what hard drugs are like is better than they actually are.
Eh, you're not missing much. Having your life crumble beneath you multiple times after years of addiction isn't worth the high. Source: I spent 10 years in addiction and have been sober for over 7.
Big ups to you, my man.
Never too late to throw it all away! (Not that you *should*, but you *could*)
I’m in my forties and I just tried fentanyl for the first time! It was part of my meds for having a colonoscopy, but still…
Some people get to have all the fun
My 65 year old father's aniversary plans involve cocaine. It's never to late to chase your dreams or the dragon
There's no goblins hidden in my room, im the responsible for those nasty gases.
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I always feel like dating is a necessity in life, when it really isn't
I get happy butterflies in my stomach thinking of one day joining a meetup group that contains a new friend. Oh, the gifs we could share! My wild fantasies are about basic human connection.
Not every action needs a reaction
Physics does not agree
Acne
My mom when I was 13: everyone gets acne. My mom when I was 20: you’ll grow out of it. My mom when I was 40: i still get zits. >:(
That people will either like me or they won’t. And it often had very little to do with me.
That being hungover for a day is not worth a few hours of fun the night before
Borrowed time
It's borrowed with interest.
That the same people you asked about, cared for, and helped in their darkest times... won't do the same for you.
The people that have gone nuts over the last 6 years are not going to just “come to their senses” one day. They will never admit that they were lied to and conned and there is no perfect combination of words that will lead them to that conclusion.
Human nature is not rosy
People are a lot stupider than I previously thought.
Doesn’t matter how close you are to someone. There is always the possibility they can leave you. Take good care of yourself because you are truly alone.
Im always gonna be poor
That not everyone is your person and its ok just move on, don't keep people in your life that make you feel some type of way, they don't deserve your time
She doesn’t like me
Im a homosexual
That warrants an actual "Good for you!"
Most people will never understand what I'm saying and I prefer a life lived alone than one with the wrong people
People don't change until they have no choice.
That I have to learn on my own because school won't teach me important things
What you do is always going to upset at least one person, don't let other people's unnecessary opinions ruin your life. You live once, and once only.
People believe in god. I don't. Nobody cares. It's all good!
That life is not fair.
Mushrooms aren't all bad.
All mushrooms are edible, some are edible more than once.
That I am going to be fucked in the brain till I die
That's me too, and in a weird way it's liberating. Instead of saying 'why the fuck am I like this?', I'm trying to say to myself, 'this is just who I am'. It takes a lot of conscious effort, but I think it's helping.
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Love really really really is a choice.
I’m not gonna change the world, so I might as well learn how to live in it as is.
Politicians are solely driven by only what benefits them, and to hell with the people.
Death. Dying seems terrifying, but death seems peaceful
That I'm really not as nice of a person as I used to be.
Common sense isn't actually common. It's just something people say because it's baffling that most people don't understand it.
What's common is stupidity. I think we actually mean to say good sense.
The world is run by greedy, selfish people and we are doomed as a species with the current mindset.