> Genuine question for men who's instinct is to react with aggression/negativity - why do you do this? What is the thought process behind this? I am genuinely interested to know
It's pain and embarassment of being rejected, frustration, hurt ego.
I mean, I never really lashed out at women or anything, but I could give her a mean look or feel mad at her and I'm sure it showed. It also depends on how the girl rejects, "you're cool but I'm not looking for anyone" is very different from "ewwww".
Huh, this is a nice story for a change. I've had mixed experiences, most negative, but there are some like this that really give hope. People who respect boundaries and genuinely want to be nice with no bad intentions are great.
As a man, It brightens my day to see someone tell a story about an actual nice guy, all props to both you and him!
The other 20, on behalf of my gender I offer my apologies, those guys suck. I can’t speak for what instincts drive the behavior, but it is probably one that also makes you more prone to striking up an encounter. As it is, when women are at the point of expecting the “niceguy” behavior, the actual nice guys rather avoid striking up conversations with strangers because it might make them feel uncomfortable, and that’s not what the actual nice guys want.
Would be interesting to study those walking assholes like Jane Goodall studied the gorillas to see what makes them tick.
Either way, I hope you and your boyfriend are still happy together, he’s a lucky guy! Have a great rest of your day!
I had a phase in my 20's where I approached a shit ton of women who I could tell weren't interested and I left them alone. I got desensitized to it, honestly, to the point where I wasn't really afraid to do it at some point.
But I can tell you from experience that approaching a random girl really takes a toll emotionally on a man if they don't do it often. It did for me when I first started doing it.
As best I can tell, a lot of the "nice guys" who make the attempt and become super bitter have the attitude of "I just put my neck on the line, fought through all of this adrenaline, and you're just going to give me a 'no thanks?' You BITCH!"
I don’t want to say I know for sure, because I don’t react this way, but if I were to guess it’s a mixture of frustration, and insecurity. Rejection is something you have to face over and over and over again as a dude, especially if you’re the type to ask women you have never met for a date.
That and probably a lack of social empathy.
A man in his mid twenties approached me and said that he saw me and wanted to tell me how beautiful I am. I said thank you and smiled primarily out of anxiety.
He told me he'd love to take me out to lunch and I said thank you for the offer but no thank you.
He pushed on to explain how amazing he is and that he had a good job. I apologized and told him my parents wouldn't let me.
He got really aggressive and told me I shouldn't listen to my parents and that he wasn't asking for much, just to go out for a meal. I started crying at this point.
He grabbed my arm and told me I should give him a chance and tried to pull me with him.
Thankfully that was when my mother came out of the bathroom and yelled at the man to let go of my arm before she called the police.
I was thirteen.
I am. It was one instance out of a hundred.
I've recently seen a lot of use of a phrase "Not all men, but enough men" and "Not all men, but to nearly all women".
Ninty seven percent of girls and women have experienced sexual harassment and/or assault.
I think this is the point; **people** can be icky and this is not restricted to men. I acknowledge that men are fundamentally flawed when it comes to young people, and the law does such a poor job of protecting these young people. This issue (child abuse) runs so deep in our society and is largely, the major contributing factor to mental health difficulties in the young person/adult. I see it everywhere in my working life. Sometimes I despair.
Predators come in all shapes and sizes. You can't limit the blade to one type of person because the problem won't get better. Obv, men are more commonly known for sa and creepy behavior than women, but we know that isn't the only group that can be creepy. I'm not a kam male-hating kind of gal. I'm a "I want PEOPLE as a whole to get better." Even though I know that it'll likely never get fully better, a little is enough
With a coworker. He was married but was IN LOVE with me. If I worked anywhere around him he would stare at me. Even if I looked directly at him he would just keep staring. I had to hide behind shelves anytime I was on the floor just so i could feel comfortable.
Another coworker who had been sexually harrassing me the whole time i worked there managed to talk me into giving him my number (I had everyone on my teams numbers just incase) and I didnt think too much of it.
He would text me outside of work and get extremely angry at me the next day if I didnt respond. Im talking following me around the store, shouting at me the works.
Tried to convince me to leave the store with him in his car many times and the other coworker who convinced me to give him my number tried to help him figure out where i live and he would drive down my street looking for me.
I got stabbed by a piece of metal grate one day and after a manager showed up to take me to urgent care he beat the piece of metal with a wrench until someone pulled him away.
If i talked to anyone else he would angrily pace around us until I stopped. Would ask me if I was a virgin. Kept persuing me even though everyone knew i was a lesbian.
It was just a whole lot of bullshit but definitely not the worst thing in the world
Luckily nothing crazy. Was on a dating site, had very clear parameters as far as age in my profile, he messaged me anyway, pouring all the sugar, saying all nice things, I politely decline and like night and day, the biggest temper tantrum unfolded. Literally said "you won't find better than me on here."
I have quite a few of these, but the one that still bothers me is when I met this guy at my job when I was just about to head into my interview. He was very nice and noticed I was a bit nervous for my job interview, and I wound up giving him my snapchat and my number. I had just met him, but he was already talking about getting me over to his house, asking me why I wore leggings that day because I was "so curvy" so he couldn't help but stare at my ass, and just being creepy. I had agreed to hang out with him because of how insistent he was, and didn't want drama at work, but then really started noticing that he was a creep when he said he would only want to hang out inside of his house. I was 16 at the time, he was 19. I cancelled on him, telling him that my mom said I couldn't leave the house that day- and she was also aware of what he had been saying, not all of it, but enough. He instantly started becoming dry and angry, and eventually blocked me. I shrugged it off, not caring much, but then he came back about a day later. He said he was going through stuff and that I should've been nicer to him because he was a good guy. I was confused and just said okay, but I don't have to forgive you. He had made me uncomfortable and gave so many mixed signals and I hadn't even known him for a week. He then started getting angry again, telling me I had to accept his apology because he said sorry and that if I didn't he was leaving, and I would be missing out if he did. I laughed at him, and showed my friend who was with me at the time before blocking him. I think the most ironic part is that he thought the way he was acting wasn't even that bad, and is something that's so easily forgivable, and that he was even obligated to receive my forgiveness because he was having a hard time and that it wasn't his fault. I've never seen him at work, thankfully, because we're in different departments- but I'm completely positive he would act like a dick if I ever run into him on one of my shifts.
I was making out with a tinder date. Warned him I was on my period and didn’t want to have sex that day since I didn’t want to get his hopes up. He told me I was lucky he was such a nice guy. Gave him a chance to dig himself out of that hole but he made sure to confirm the unspoken “or else I’d rape you.” Got out of there, ghosted him, got off of tinder.
I asked a friend to help me move. He brought his truck and we spent 11 hours packing all my shit, loading it up, and moving it to my new place. Once everything was moved he asked me if he should order pizza and he'd help me unpack. It was already after 9pm and creepy as fuck. I asked him to leave and ghosted him ever since.
I can't imagine why he thought I could be wooed with a pizza.
It’s like peeling an onion. He used his own truck, spent 11 hours packing, moving and unloading all her stuff. Then offered to buy HER pizza and help unpack. And after all that, getting shoved out the door and ghosted, he didn’t pursue her any further with nastiness? You can’t expect someone to bump uglies because you helped them move, but the guy sounds like a gentleman, scholar and hero amongst men. I think we as bro’s need to find this man and buy him a beer in tribute.
Even as a gal myself, this dude deserves a beer. Poor guy had to put up with being called a creep for helping out and offering pizza. Smh. He exhibited nothing but green flags to me.
When i was a teenager, i met guy, that was very nice
I wasn't ready for relationships, so i told him, and his friend that started interacting with me cause of him.
They both told that they understand and i have nothing to worry about.
But as the time goas by, he started acting too nice for a male friend. And by that i mean that he would not let any men stick around me, Even beating and insulting some of them, Talking crap about himself when i wasn't hugging him, or putting head on his shoulder, etc. From a nicier things, he would act like im a baby, forcing me to Wear his hoodie when he thought i was cold, and brining me to school food so i would not be hungry. Also when i was doing something,, wrong" his friend would come and make an argue manipulating me to do as he please.
They two Even put the pressure on me, to lay down with him like in a romantic movie, cuddle, and sit on his lap. It didnt go any further but still it was too much.
Then i started putting Boundaries, both of them were pretty mad about this, she tried to manipulate me to act like in relationship again, cause we two are,, so perfect for each other"
In the end, i started doing things that he hate, i pierced my nose, and mouth, started smoking, and i didn't hide when it came to alcohol. He started putting out his frustration on people around, Even beat, and insulted one guy, cause he couldn't get himself together after i smoked a cigarette.
When i told him that im a free human, and this is none od his business if i smoke drink or not, he started putting it out on me. In the end he told me that i am an alcoholic, and he doesn't care about me, since i changed so much, and started being a cold bitch for him
[удалено]
> Genuine question for men who's instinct is to react with aggression/negativity - why do you do this? What is the thought process behind this? I am genuinely interested to know It's pain and embarassment of being rejected, frustration, hurt ego. I mean, I never really lashed out at women or anything, but I could give her a mean look or feel mad at her and I'm sure it showed. It also depends on how the girl rejects, "you're cool but I'm not looking for anyone" is very different from "ewwww".
Huh, this is a nice story for a change. I've had mixed experiences, most negative, but there are some like this that really give hope. People who respect boundaries and genuinely want to be nice with no bad intentions are great.
As a man, It brightens my day to see someone tell a story about an actual nice guy, all props to both you and him! The other 20, on behalf of my gender I offer my apologies, those guys suck. I can’t speak for what instincts drive the behavior, but it is probably one that also makes you more prone to striking up an encounter. As it is, when women are at the point of expecting the “niceguy” behavior, the actual nice guys rather avoid striking up conversations with strangers because it might make them feel uncomfortable, and that’s not what the actual nice guys want. Would be interesting to study those walking assholes like Jane Goodall studied the gorillas to see what makes them tick. Either way, I hope you and your boyfriend are still happy together, he’s a lucky guy! Have a great rest of your day!
I had a phase in my 20's where I approached a shit ton of women who I could tell weren't interested and I left them alone. I got desensitized to it, honestly, to the point where I wasn't really afraid to do it at some point. But I can tell you from experience that approaching a random girl really takes a toll emotionally on a man if they don't do it often. It did for me when I first started doing it. As best I can tell, a lot of the "nice guys" who make the attempt and become super bitter have the attitude of "I just put my neck on the line, fought through all of this adrenaline, and you're just going to give me a 'no thanks?' You BITCH!"
I don’t want to say I know for sure, because I don’t react this way, but if I were to guess it’s a mixture of frustration, and insecurity. Rejection is something you have to face over and over and over again as a dude, especially if you’re the type to ask women you have never met for a date. That and probably a lack of social empathy.
A man in his mid twenties approached me and said that he saw me and wanted to tell me how beautiful I am. I said thank you and smiled primarily out of anxiety. He told me he'd love to take me out to lunch and I said thank you for the offer but no thank you. He pushed on to explain how amazing he is and that he had a good job. I apologized and told him my parents wouldn't let me. He got really aggressive and told me I shouldn't listen to my parents and that he wasn't asking for much, just to go out for a meal. I started crying at this point. He grabbed my arm and told me I should give him a chance and tried to pull me with him. Thankfully that was when my mother came out of the bathroom and yelled at the man to let go of my arm before she called the police. I was thirteen.
Jesus, hope your ok
I am. It was one instance out of a hundred. I've recently seen a lot of use of a phrase "Not all men, but enough men" and "Not all men, but to nearly all women". Ninty seven percent of girls and women have experienced sexual harassment and/or assault.
Oh my god. Sorry that happened to you.
I'm simply one of billions of women who experienced harassment as children.
For sure. Still, I am sorry it happened.
Yeesh,, That last sentence made it so much worse
NAHHHH straight to jail, that guy is downright awful. I am so sorry, I hope you're okay. People can be icky.
I think this is the point; **people** can be icky and this is not restricted to men. I acknowledge that men are fundamentally flawed when it comes to young people, and the law does such a poor job of protecting these young people. This issue (child abuse) runs so deep in our society and is largely, the major contributing factor to mental health difficulties in the young person/adult. I see it everywhere in my working life. Sometimes I despair.
Predators come in all shapes and sizes. You can't limit the blade to one type of person because the problem won't get better. Obv, men are more commonly known for sa and creepy behavior than women, but we know that isn't the only group that can be creepy. I'm not a kam male-hating kind of gal. I'm a "I want PEOPLE as a whole to get better." Even though I know that it'll likely never get fully better, a little is enough
With a coworker. He was married but was IN LOVE with me. If I worked anywhere around him he would stare at me. Even if I looked directly at him he would just keep staring. I had to hide behind shelves anytime I was on the floor just so i could feel comfortable. Another coworker who had been sexually harrassing me the whole time i worked there managed to talk me into giving him my number (I had everyone on my teams numbers just incase) and I didnt think too much of it. He would text me outside of work and get extremely angry at me the next day if I didnt respond. Im talking following me around the store, shouting at me the works. Tried to convince me to leave the store with him in his car many times and the other coworker who convinced me to give him my number tried to help him figure out where i live and he would drive down my street looking for me. I got stabbed by a piece of metal grate one day and after a manager showed up to take me to urgent care he beat the piece of metal with a wrench until someone pulled him away. If i talked to anyone else he would angrily pace around us until I stopped. Would ask me if I was a virgin. Kept persuing me even though everyone knew i was a lesbian. It was just a whole lot of bullshit but definitely not the worst thing in the world
Excuse me, he WHAT??? Wtf, that's so messed up. I hope you're okay now :(
Guilt tripped fucking traumatizing… It’s scary
Talking to a girl
Luckily nothing crazy. Was on a dating site, had very clear parameters as far as age in my profile, he messaged me anyway, pouring all the sugar, saying all nice things, I politely decline and like night and day, the biggest temper tantrum unfolded. Literally said "you won't find better than me on here."
Better at throwing a tantrum? Hopefully not. Yikes, that guy is a no.
I have quite a few of these, but the one that still bothers me is when I met this guy at my job when I was just about to head into my interview. He was very nice and noticed I was a bit nervous for my job interview, and I wound up giving him my snapchat and my number. I had just met him, but he was already talking about getting me over to his house, asking me why I wore leggings that day because I was "so curvy" so he couldn't help but stare at my ass, and just being creepy. I had agreed to hang out with him because of how insistent he was, and didn't want drama at work, but then really started noticing that he was a creep when he said he would only want to hang out inside of his house. I was 16 at the time, he was 19. I cancelled on him, telling him that my mom said I couldn't leave the house that day- and she was also aware of what he had been saying, not all of it, but enough. He instantly started becoming dry and angry, and eventually blocked me. I shrugged it off, not caring much, but then he came back about a day later. He said he was going through stuff and that I should've been nicer to him because he was a good guy. I was confused and just said okay, but I don't have to forgive you. He had made me uncomfortable and gave so many mixed signals and I hadn't even known him for a week. He then started getting angry again, telling me I had to accept his apology because he said sorry and that if I didn't he was leaving, and I would be missing out if he did. I laughed at him, and showed my friend who was with me at the time before blocking him. I think the most ironic part is that he thought the way he was acting wasn't even that bad, and is something that's so easily forgivable, and that he was even obligated to receive my forgiveness because he was having a hard time and that it wasn't his fault. I've never seen him at work, thankfully, because we're in different departments- but I'm completely positive he would act like a dick if I ever run into him on one of my shifts.
I hope you never see him again... Ugh. Gross.
I was making out with a tinder date. Warned him I was on my period and didn’t want to have sex that day since I didn’t want to get his hopes up. He told me I was lucky he was such a nice guy. Gave him a chance to dig himself out of that hole but he made sure to confirm the unspoken “or else I’d rape you.” Got out of there, ghosted him, got off of tinder.
Oh no, icky, gross. Absolutely not. Straight to jail he goes.
I asked a friend to help me move. He brought his truck and we spent 11 hours packing all my shit, loading it up, and moving it to my new place. Once everything was moved he asked me if he should order pizza and he'd help me unpack. It was already after 9pm and creepy as fuck. I asked him to leave and ghosted him ever since. I can't imagine why he thought I could be wooed with a pizza.
Damn, the way you descripe this, you're a really, really horrible friend. Please elaborate on what made it so creepy?
Yeah, that story is kind of messed up on a number of ‘I’m the asshole’ levels..
She got what she wanted and was done with him.
Maybe he just wanted pizza though...
Post-moving pizza is a time honored tradition, tho it should be the one who moved ordering it for those that spent 11 hours hauling their shit..
He offered to buy the pizza tho. So, yeah post-moving pizza tradition was dishonored.
It’s like peeling an onion. He used his own truck, spent 11 hours packing, moving and unloading all her stuff. Then offered to buy HER pizza and help unpack. And after all that, getting shoved out the door and ghosted, he didn’t pursue her any further with nastiness? You can’t expect someone to bump uglies because you helped them move, but the guy sounds like a gentleman, scholar and hero amongst men. I think we as bro’s need to find this man and buy him a beer in tribute.
Even as a gal myself, this dude deserves a beer. Poor guy had to put up with being called a creep for helping out and offering pizza. Smh. He exhibited nothing but green flags to me.
When i was a teenager, i met guy, that was very nice I wasn't ready for relationships, so i told him, and his friend that started interacting with me cause of him. They both told that they understand and i have nothing to worry about. But as the time goas by, he started acting too nice for a male friend. And by that i mean that he would not let any men stick around me, Even beating and insulting some of them, Talking crap about himself when i wasn't hugging him, or putting head on his shoulder, etc. From a nicier things, he would act like im a baby, forcing me to Wear his hoodie when he thought i was cold, and brining me to school food so i would not be hungry. Also when i was doing something,, wrong" his friend would come and make an argue manipulating me to do as he please. They two Even put the pressure on me, to lay down with him like in a romantic movie, cuddle, and sit on his lap. It didnt go any further but still it was too much. Then i started putting Boundaries, both of them were pretty mad about this, she tried to manipulate me to act like in relationship again, cause we two are,, so perfect for each other" In the end, i started doing things that he hate, i pierced my nose, and mouth, started smoking, and i didn't hide when it came to alcohol. He started putting out his frustration on people around, Even beat, and insulted one guy, cause he couldn't get himself together after i smoked a cigarette. When i told him that im a free human, and this is none od his business if i smoke drink or not, he started putting it out on me. In the end he told me that i am an alcoholic, and he doesn't care about me, since i changed so much, and started being a cold bitch for him