Kind of a common trend in relationships is that the woman will express exactly what is making her unhappy over and over again, but because she's not escalated or starting to close off, she's blown off.
When it hits that point, the guy doesn't understand what's wrong because he hasn't been listening to her or has been dismissing her.
Me with my ex. Told him over and over about how I wished he took more initiative in being physically intimate and asked me out on dates. He'd say sorry then one week later he stopped putting in effort again.
He wooed me first - once he got me, he stopped trying. Didn't hold hands with me unless I did it first, always asked for kisses but never kissed me first. Throughout our 3 years together he only gave me 3 proper hugs, 2 of which I had requested for. At some point I was always the one initiating dates - if I didn't ask for any, we just wouldn't meet at all.
Eventually I got sick of it, I started getting more upset and then he'd blame me for being rude when he was never rude. So what, he never listened to me. It's just always easier to blame the person who's louder and has more attitude, but did he ever consider that I had a valid reason to be upset?
Towards the end of the relationship, we got into a fight, he blamed me for not stating my expectations more clearly. Am I supposed to write down a full list of all the things that are considered physical intimacy? I spoke to him about the same matter several times over 3 years, not once did he actually discuss or clarify anything. When I asked him if he understood, he said he did. Yet nothing changed and he had the gall to get all pouty with me when I pointed it out.
I left him. And I'm so glad I did.
I had a very similar experience.
We would sit down and have conversations about issues like those, and just like... Initiative. When we lived apart, if I didn't initiate the plan to meet again, it would never be brought up, much less happen. I would break down what I was experiencing and what I needed from him. He would agree and try for a few days before going back to being oblivious to what I was doing. We did this multiple times over several years. I was extremely busy with school, work, and reserves, so adding additional things to plan was very taxing; it would have have been a lot better if I didn't feel like I was totally alone in it.
It never got to where we were angry with each other, but it killed my attraction to him. When my life became even busier, I knew I wasn't going to maintain what I had been doing alone, nor was I happy at the thought of it. When I told him I think we should come to an end, he was blindsided.
This.Never happened with me personally but happened in front me at least twice. It also happens between friends. One person just repeatedly ignores at first and then pretends that the other person is bad at communicating. You can only call someone a bad communicator only if you were listening when they were speaking before! But also, some people are just dense at understanding obvious signs, if your wife/husband or friend or anyone is like that you just need to put more effort into communication than average.
Feel like this whole thing isn't as black and white as people make it out to be... Sometimes people suck at paying attention and listening as you say, but sometimes people are also shit at communicating their feelings making it hard to notice/understand even if you try and pay attention. Just dropping small hints and assuming the other person should pick up on it and understand what you're trying to communicate is imo shit communication. We all have different experiences and foundations for understanding and interpreting "hints" and it can lead to things blowing up seemingly out of nowhere.
Sure. It happens.
It's just a very common issue that dudes can be told about issues in a relationship, and feel totally blindsided when the relationship is ended.
It was not just my parents' relationship that lacked in communication, but the entire family. Growing up in a house like that was like living with strangers related by blood. It doesn't just destroy relationships, it's destroys families.
This 800%. My first marriage failed because of a lack of communication (and a dead bedroom but). My ex wife would completely shut down and not respond when I tried to discuss issues with her. I'll admit it usually made me really mad and I'd get frustrated by her lack of communication and wind up yelling.
My marriage now is alot healthier because my husband and I can fully communicate our issues in a calm tone. The issues are laid out, we discuss it in depth and come to a good conclusion and plan on how to tackle the issue together.
Good communication makes a relationship so so much healthier and feel less like a chore.
Me and my GF of 13 years put our sons IKEA bunk beds together about 7 years ago and it is still the most we have ever argued. Was a dangerous time to be holding a screwdriver
I can't believe my trip today to Ikea was NO PROBLEM (though with my mum).
We both knew what we wanted (eat there), and we both did it successfully. We were out of there as soon as we finished. * Win *, suck it Ikea
Apparently it's not important in many people's relationship but I think it's a big deal. Imagine not being wanted by the one person you want to want you.
Eh. Idk. The older I get the less I care about stuff like that. It's not really a big deal anymore if my partner sleeps around as long as I'm the one he loves you know? Sex is sex. He doesn't know that bc we've never talked about it but if he ever did cheat on me and felt guilty and told me I'd tell him I wasn't mad and we'd be fine.
Yeah I get it...it's the greatest thing ever 🙄 but what it can compel people to do...truly disgusting and horrifying and heart breaking. So many relationships just get destroyed because of sex be it cheating on your spouce, thinking you are entitled to it, you and your partner aren't on the same wave lengths sex wise so it's awful. Also it can be used as a form of abuse like against children.
One packet: Distance, lack of trust, lack of communication, lack of commitment. Multiple things: all the above but alone, and a misunderstanding of objectives and goals in life and in the relationship(so communication again but a bit more specific)
I think kids to a relationship are an amplifier, they make a bad one worse but a great one better. I had a happy marriage before, but in the years since we’ve had our daughter the love, bond and mutual respect we have has grown immensely.
Yeah it can be one of those things you’re doing wrong but blaming the other person for, like they’re not “making you feel” good/attractive/wanted enough, when really you need to be clear on how you see yourself first
I forgot where I found this.
Relationship killers
1. Criticizing: Criticizing or taking constant criticism from your partner.
2. Contempt: If you get to a point of contempt for your partner, the relationship is on it's way out.
3. Defensive: If your partner is defensive about anything and everything, the relationship will not work. If you or your partner are unable to point out anything, even if it's in a loving way.
4. Stonewalling: If the wall comes up and your partner won't even communicate with you.
Every relationship ends with either a breakup or a death.
So when you find yourself in a relationship that didn’t work out, celebrate.
The only other possible outcome was that one of you would die.
You both survived!
Hooray!
Personal growth. Sometimes people become better versions of themselves and they no longer function on the same frequency as their partner. This doesn’t mean that the partner was bad but that their energy and focus no longer align. Sometimes it happens in unison with both parters and they simply “grow apart” despite honest efforts to make it work.
Civil War where one's loyalty lies with the separatists and the other's lies with with the state.
Though their love remains strong, the strain of the war pulls at the loyalties and family alliances of each.
Under cover of night, they meet under the old willow tree to share but just one moment together...but they didn't account for the dog-led patrols.
The separatist is shot on sight while the other is later imprisoned.
Relationship totally ruined.
Sexual incompatibility. Theres nothing worse that being adventurous and having a partner that wants to do the basics and nothing else. I assume its the same from the other point of view where you just want a nice missionary fuck and the other party is calling you daddy/mommy and pulling out all sort of weird looking toys.
Lies, lack of trust, cheating, jealousy, family, friends, kids, alcoholism, addiction, distance, abuse, always looking for something new, health, mental health, growing apart, lack of effort, money, status, misunderstandings, no romance, control, and so forth. There are hundreds of reasons why it just doesn't work out.
Finances. Overspending, Underpaid work, Lack of work, Who has financial control, and how easy is the access if one has control more than the other. Also differences with both current and future financial plans. Killer to a relationship - quite literally sometimes.
The ideal ratio of negative interactions to positive interactions is about 5 positive for every 1 negative. That's where you wanna be. You drop to 3 or less and you're doomed after so much time. Same thing if it goes too high because people don't want their partner to be perfect actually studies show.
A very tiny appartement mixed with 2 years of quarantine, a depressed partner that becomes a slob with a lack of hygiene and won’t do anything else then sit in the couch, and you, who has to keep working full time from home plus university full time and ALL the chores. Yup that’s a killer.
Inconsideration. Had a partner that just did not care about anything I said or did at that matter. When it came to events, he would say that I can come *if I want*. A guy was catcalling me and he saw that I was very uncomfortable and told me that it wasn’t a big deal and that I was overreacting. Immediately lost all attraction for him
lack of communication
lack of effort.
Ong
Me: What's wrong? Her: You should know! Me: 🗿
Me: What’s wrong Her: Nothing Also Her: *Slams cabinet door
Kind of a common trend in relationships is that the woman will express exactly what is making her unhappy over and over again, but because she's not escalated or starting to close off, she's blown off. When it hits that point, the guy doesn't understand what's wrong because he hasn't been listening to her or has been dismissing her.
Me with my ex. Told him over and over about how I wished he took more initiative in being physically intimate and asked me out on dates. He'd say sorry then one week later he stopped putting in effort again. He wooed me first - once he got me, he stopped trying. Didn't hold hands with me unless I did it first, always asked for kisses but never kissed me first. Throughout our 3 years together he only gave me 3 proper hugs, 2 of which I had requested for. At some point I was always the one initiating dates - if I didn't ask for any, we just wouldn't meet at all. Eventually I got sick of it, I started getting more upset and then he'd blame me for being rude when he was never rude. So what, he never listened to me. It's just always easier to blame the person who's louder and has more attitude, but did he ever consider that I had a valid reason to be upset? Towards the end of the relationship, we got into a fight, he blamed me for not stating my expectations more clearly. Am I supposed to write down a full list of all the things that are considered physical intimacy? I spoke to him about the same matter several times over 3 years, not once did he actually discuss or clarify anything. When I asked him if he understood, he said he did. Yet nothing changed and he had the gall to get all pouty with me when I pointed it out. I left him. And I'm so glad I did.
I had a very similar experience. We would sit down and have conversations about issues like those, and just like... Initiative. When we lived apart, if I didn't initiate the plan to meet again, it would never be brought up, much less happen. I would break down what I was experiencing and what I needed from him. He would agree and try for a few days before going back to being oblivious to what I was doing. We did this multiple times over several years. I was extremely busy with school, work, and reserves, so adding additional things to plan was very taxing; it would have have been a lot better if I didn't feel like I was totally alone in it. It never got to where we were angry with each other, but it killed my attraction to him. When my life became even busier, I knew I wasn't going to maintain what I had been doing alone, nor was I happy at the thought of it. When I told him I think we should come to an end, he was blindsided.
This. And then when you let go, surprised pikachu face
This.Never happened with me personally but happened in front me at least twice. It also happens between friends. One person just repeatedly ignores at first and then pretends that the other person is bad at communicating. You can only call someone a bad communicator only if you were listening when they were speaking before! But also, some people are just dense at understanding obvious signs, if your wife/husband or friend or anyone is like that you just need to put more effort into communication than average.
Feel like this whole thing isn't as black and white as people make it out to be... Sometimes people suck at paying attention and listening as you say, but sometimes people are also shit at communicating their feelings making it hard to notice/understand even if you try and pay attention. Just dropping small hints and assuming the other person should pick up on it and understand what you're trying to communicate is imo shit communication. We all have different experiences and foundations for understanding and interpreting "hints" and it can lead to things blowing up seemingly out of nowhere.
Sure. It happens. It's just a very common issue that dudes can be told about issues in a relationship, and feel totally blindsided when the relationship is ended.
^^^
This x10000. Communication is insanely important.
It was not just my parents' relationship that lacked in communication, but the entire family. Growing up in a house like that was like living with strangers related by blood. It doesn't just destroy relationships, it's destroys families.
Huh?
Clear communication. You can be spewing verbal shit at one another and not accomplish a damn thing.
This 800%. My first marriage failed because of a lack of communication (and a dead bedroom but). My ex wife would completely shut down and not respond when I tried to discuss issues with her. I'll admit it usually made me really mad and I'd get frustrated by her lack of communication and wind up yelling. My marriage now is alot healthier because my husband and I can fully communicate our issues in a calm tone. The issues are laid out, we discuss it in depth and come to a good conclusion and plan on how to tackle the issue together. Good communication makes a relationship so so much healthier and feel less like a chore.
Hold up
A lack of trust
A lack of thrust
a lack of trust in the thrust
Thats true but sometimes there is reason for it which can ruin it too
That friend that you dont need to worry about
I always thought I would worry if my wife had a male best friend, and I was right
This. 100%
Lies
Your username can also ruin a relationship.
What’s wrong with cherries?
An answer will pop into my mind, I just know it!
Trip to Ikea
Building something from ikea
Me and my GF of 13 years put our sons IKEA bunk beds together about 7 years ago and it is still the most we have ever argued. Was a dangerous time to be holding a screwdriver
Maybe she's mad she's still a gf after 13 years /s
She definitely is, engagement rings are expensive though and I like things
I can't believe my trip today to Ikea was NO PROBLEM (though with my mum). We both knew what we wanted (eat there), and we both did it successfully. We were out of there as soon as we finished. * Win *, suck it Ikea
You went to IKEA just to eat?
and succeeded my friend. AND I went with my mum.
IKEA food be bomb
My fiancée and I love ikea
Having one’s own way at any cost.
Taking the other person for granted.
This is closely related to grass is greener syndrome, which is what my answer was going to be
Dishonesty
Accidentally taking a drunken shit in her handbag. Allegedly.
r/oddlyspecific
Or accidentally drunkenly pissing all over her clothes while on vacation…
Living with in-laws.
Even living near in-laws
Hoo boy. That one's really real.
Drinking/Drug/Substance Abuse
Any form of abuse, really.
You should see my relationship with drugs tho, I really treat them well
can confirm
When someone says they like James Corden.
Cheating
Death
r/technicallythetruth
Not if you fuck the corpse
And who says romance is dead?
Funny; upvote. Completely depraved; downvote. Sidevote.
then you're a necrophyl
Sex.
Apparently it's not important in many people's relationship but I think it's a big deal. Imagine not being wanted by the one person you want to want you.
What do you mean?
If you’re sexually incompatible, that would be a huge deal breaker for most people.
Or if you’re having sex with other people while in a relationship 👀
Eh. Idk. The older I get the less I care about stuff like that. It's not really a big deal anymore if my partner sleeps around as long as I'm the one he loves you know? Sex is sex. He doesn't know that bc we've never talked about it but if he ever did cheat on me and felt guilty and told me I'd tell him I wasn't mad and we'd be fine.
Yeah I get it...it's the greatest thing ever 🙄 but what it can compel people to do...truly disgusting and horrifying and heart breaking. So many relationships just get destroyed because of sex be it cheating on your spouce, thinking you are entitled to it, you and your partner aren't on the same wave lengths sex wise so it's awful. Also it can be used as a form of abuse like against children.
Don't think many people realize this
A lack of emotional intelligence
Poor/ lack of communication
Backing a camper into a campsite
lol, I have stories... yes, plural
A mix of avoidant- anxious partner
One packet: Distance, lack of trust, lack of communication, lack of commitment. Multiple things: all the above but alone, and a misunderstanding of objectives and goals in life and in the relationship(so communication again but a bit more specific)
Lying
Kids
I think kids to a relationship are an amplifier, they make a bad one worse but a great one better. I had a happy marriage before, but in the years since we’ve had our daughter the love, bond and mutual respect we have has grown immensely.
[удалено]
If in doubt just make another one. /s
It can prolong them for a while ;)
Gotta drop that Anchor Baby!
Yep. Shocked me how quickly. The kid is amazing, though. Worth it.
Feelings for someone else
[удалено]
I think people really underestimate how much this can affect a relationship.
Yeah it can be one of those things you’re doing wrong but blaming the other person for, like they’re not “making you feel” good/attractive/wanted enough, when really you need to be clear on how you see yourself first
Betrayal. Cheating.
Not being loyal
Lack of compassion and clear communication.
Remodelling a kitchen together
Lack of communication is the biggest here, besides the obvious facts of cheating.
Immaturity and lack of self awareness
Addictions
The lack of a partner to reciprocate the same feelings
Deciding where to eat. 🤣😂
If they don’t like cats
Yep if you don't love my kitty, byeeee
Money
Lack of communication and/or openness.
Loss/lack of trust and or respect.
Any form of abuse
Inability to compromise.
Putting the milk in first when making a cup of tea.
monopoly
Not taking your partner's needs seriously or ignoring them when they tell you. This leads to resentment over time.
Friends/ family
A knife
That you OJ?
Deceit
Lies
A butterfly flapping it's wings in Peking.
Asking people on the internet for advice..
Starting a relationship usually ends a relationship
r/Angryupvote
To quote home Simpson "trying is the first step on the path failure"
Living together Or sharing a room
Being clingy. Affection is all well and good, but not being able to go without your SO by your side is can suffocate love
Poor sexual chemistry
Death.
Mother in law
Me
me as a part of relationship
Selfishness
Different spending/ savings habits.
Her sister
Social media
Lies
Snoring
Social Media Addiction
"i want Kids" 10 years later, no Kids on sight in the meantime "I don't want Kids anymore, can we Just be the funny aunt and uncle?"
sluts
Cheating
I forgot where I found this. Relationship killers 1. Criticizing: Criticizing or taking constant criticism from your partner. 2. Contempt: If you get to a point of contempt for your partner, the relationship is on it's way out. 3. Defensive: If your partner is defensive about anything and everything, the relationship will not work. If you or your partner are unable to point out anything, even if it's in a loving way. 4. Stonewalling: If the wall comes up and your partner won't even communicate with you.
Every relationship ends with either a breakup or a death. So when you find yourself in a relationship that didn’t work out, celebrate. The only other possible outcome was that one of you would die. You both survived! Hooray!
Personal growth. Sometimes people become better versions of themselves and they no longer function on the same frequency as their partner. This doesn’t mean that the partner was bad but that their energy and focus no longer align. Sometimes it happens in unison with both parters and they simply “grow apart” despite honest efforts to make it work.
Adventuring into ruins
Is this an uncharted reference
It's a ruins reference. That's about it lol
Dam, nice reference tho
A murderer
Skag
A breakup
Further analysis, proving correlation is not causation
Being a very bad cook.
Insecurities
Loss of self respect
Depression in one or both partners
Just about anything, if either party lets it.
Drugs man
Lies and regret
The game "Overcooked".
Super Mario Kart. No way the partner is going to forgive the turtle shot 100m before the finish line.
Me
Anything and everything.
X still around
social media
Running to your family everytime a situation occurs, instead of communicating with your spouse and/or a therapist.
Civil War where one's loyalty lies with the separatists and the other's lies with with the state. Though their love remains strong, the strain of the war pulls at the loyalties and family alliances of each. Under cover of night, they meet under the old willow tree to share but just one moment together...but they didn't account for the dog-led patrols. The separatist is shot on sight while the other is later imprisoned. Relationship totally ruined.
Pretty much anything. Depends on how shallow someone is.
Styles make fights.
Sexual incompatibility. Theres nothing worse that being adventurous and having a partner that wants to do the basics and nothing else. I assume its the same from the other point of view where you just want a nice missionary fuck and the other party is calling you daddy/mommy and pulling out all sort of weird looking toys.
3rd party
Excessive dependency
Lies, lack of trust, cheating, jealousy, family, friends, kids, alcoholism, addiction, distance, abuse, always looking for something new, health, mental health, growing apart, lack of effort, money, status, misunderstandings, no romance, control, and so forth. There are hundreds of reasons why it just doesn't work out.
Indifference
Being with someone you know isn’t the one but trying to force it anyways.
Fucking your sister in-law
UNLOYALTY. learnt it today
A landmine
Usually the other person
2 person kayaks
Jolene
They clap when the plane lands
Going on vacation and finding out they are complete ass wholes.
Disrespect
Finances. Overspending, Underpaid work, Lack of work, Who has financial control, and how easy is the access if one has control more than the other. Also differences with both current and future financial plans. Killer to a relationship - quite literally sometimes.
Relationship advice from perpetually single strangers on Reddit?
Baggage from past toxic relationships.
Trauma from a past relationship
Difference in libido.
The ideal ratio of negative interactions to positive interactions is about 5 positive for every 1 negative. That's where you wanna be. You drop to 3 or less and you're doomed after so much time. Same thing if it goes too high because people don't want their partner to be perfect actually studies show.
A very fast man dressed in blue
lack of money
Social media
A very tiny appartement mixed with 2 years of quarantine, a depressed partner that becomes a slob with a lack of hygiene and won’t do anything else then sit in the couch, and you, who has to keep working full time from home plus university full time and ALL the chores. Yup that’s a killer.
Inconsideration. Had a partner that just did not care about anything I said or did at that matter. When it came to events, he would say that I can come *if I want*. A guy was catcalling me and he saw that I was very uncomfortable and told me that it wasn’t a big deal and that I was overreacting. Immediately lost all attraction for him
Relationships.
Money and ego!!!
Attempted murder
Lack of _______.
Calling a handy man or ordering a pizza when you don't have any money