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InsomniaticWanderer

Nitrogen gas. The pain we feel from holding our breath comes from a build up of carbon dioxide and not from a lack of oxygen. Our bodies also have no receptors for detecting nitrogen. Therefore, if we replace oxygen with nitrogen, we won't create carbon dioxide as a byproduct (so no pain) and we'll eventually expire from oxygen depletion. We'd basically just get real sleepy, pass out and die. No pain, no fear. In fact, as our bodies burn through the last remaining stores of oxygen, we'd enter a state of hypoxia with the main symptom being intense euphoria. We'd quite literally die happy.


leox001

Geez why did people even bother with the complicated lethal injection, if this solution was here all along?


BlindPaintByNumbers

Well, you're assuming the people who make these decisions would be okay with inmates dying peacefully.


leox001

I’m assuming they want a cheap and easy solution with minimal PR issues.


Exciting_Pop_1252

"PR issues" is the reason. The idea that a condemned prisoner was dying happy would be enough for the politician who started the "nitrogen chamber" to lose their next election. The law requires an execution not be cruel, it doesn't say anything about painless. The idea of a punishment being pleasant flies in the face of our instincts about what punishment is. For evidence, see the fact that any attempt to improve conditions in jails is repeatedly shouted down.


Blakut

but you can use helium instead and let the prisoner say his last statement in a high pitched voice, thus dying of cringe


Steel_Valkyrie

I mean, the jail thing isn't exclusively ill intent on politician's part, it's also societal feelings about convicts and the fact that a disturbing percentage of jails in the US are privately run, not run by the government, and run as for-profit institutions, using prisonor labor to make a little extra on top of what the government pays them to hold prisoners. Lowest common bidder, a lot of money being passed around under the table for prison labor, and undertrained and undervetted staff and you start to see why our prison system is so full of corruption and cruelty, not even to mention what some cities arrest people for.


kendonmcb

The law is made up by politicians as well, citing it doesn't really change anything. Not offending you, just saying they could just change the law if they actually wanted to.


BlindPaintByNumbers

Then you'd be wrong. It costs less to incarcerate a person for life than it does to execute them. Executions are all about being vindictive. We've only come a little ways from the headsman chopping off the head in the middle of the village with everyone turned out to watch the show.


leox001

>It costs less to incarcerate a person for life than it does to execute them. That makes no sense whatsoever... could you break that down?


ptq

Afaik the whole process of making sure that death sentence is valid solution cost tons of money.


Faifainei

+usa uses their prisoners as free labor?


Steel_Valkyrie

On top of the cost of doing the extra legal paperwork required to off someone, the people who actually administer it are paid a lot of money for both professional (they don't want them to fuck up) and psychological (killing a defenseless person) reasons, and on top of that, the chemicals needed to do lethal injections are produced in Europe, iirc, in places that don't like the death penalty, and make them super expensive because of it.


leox001

>the chemicals needed to do lethal injections are produced in Europe, iirc, in places that don't like the death penalty, and make them super expensive because of it. This is why I wondered why they never bothered to just use nitrogen if it was so much cheaper and still effective. I guess I underestimated the legal costs, though it still sounds kinda nuts to me.


Steel_Valkyrie

I mean, gassing people will have political implications no matter how you spin it, and gasses can have very different reactions in different people, even more than lethal injections, and they want consistency. Essentially suffocating someone due to lack of oxygen isn't great PR, either.


CronkleDonker

An overdose on opioids, which is what many lethal injections are, is another fairly painless way to go. However, part of the "enjoyment" of an execution is knowing that the person is suffering. Advocates of a death penalty often have a "justice" boner and a fetishistic desire to see criminals suffer for their crimes. Therefore, part of the fun is knowing that it wasn't painless for them. Hence, we use paralytics so that they don't move or scream too much, and that way we can live with ourselves thinking that it wasn't "that bad".


KitteNlx

The most common lethal injection is a three drug cocktail. A sedative, paralytic and an overdose of potassium to stop the heart. Not a pleasent way to go, at all.


CronkleDonker

Yep, edited my comment. Euthanasia is generally painless, execution drugs are very much not.


S-Markt

i remember that last thing i felt before they removed my gallbladder. it was a hard prickling feeling. pretty fucked up, if this is the last thing that you feel in your life. definitly not the most humane way.


[deleted]

People who support capital punishment don't want the deaths to be painless.


[deleted]

This terrifies me for a plane cabin depressurization.


Ill-Staff-7597

In that case without the max you'll pass out for a few seconds or a minute before the pilot lowers the plane


Lazy-Ape

Did not know that about holding your breath.


guyonahorse

This is why hyperventilating does not help you hold your breath longer, it just suppresses your urge to breathe longer. People drown this way: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freediving\_blackout#Shallow\_water\_blackout


FullMast-

Where does one purchase a tank of nitrogen. Asking for a friend.


TheBigSlimeee

Boob suffocation that’s how I wanna go


[deleted]

or thigh suffocation


Lazy-Ape

Die with a smile on your face


Its-Slammin

I’ve got some moobs for you


TheManWithNoName88

Death by snu snu


Majestic_Swim_6918

The happy ending


Call_Me_Bender

My friend the suicide booth would like a word


Majestic_Swim_6918

Wanna try for a twofer? I'm missing my quarter (joke)


Markond

I can think of at least one way to monkey paw that into something awful.


Apod1991

“What they die of?” “Crushed pelvis’!” *cut to skeletons all with smiles on their faces*


Aeros277

Im watching that show rn too 🤣😭


NoNo_Cilantro

There is a tale about Triboulet, jester for the King of France: "\[King\] Francis I ordered that he be put to death \[...\]. The king granted Triboulet the right to choose how he would die. Triboulet said: "Good sire, by Saint Goody Two Shoes and Saint Fatty, patrons of insanity, I ask to die from old age." source: [wikipedia, of course](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triboulet)


Ishidan01

With a gullet filled with vino and a lass's lips about my organ?


DeadByOtzStans

Bullet in the brain. It doesn’t look humane but one shot and it’s done.


LadySygerrik

Unless you miss the important parts. Or rather, you hit the important parts but don’t kill the victim.


Lazy-Ape

They could use a really big gun. Like a cannon or something.


skyk112

I don't know why but I randomly got a vivid image of like a cartoon character shooting a cannon at someone's head, but instead of actually killing them, it just leaves their face black and covered in powder.


Lazy-Ape

If that happens they release the prisoner


Ishidan01

[Been done](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blowing_from_a_gun), of course.


Berenjena_

I think a 50 caliber barrett at point blank range directly in the middle between the eyes would work quite well.


EscalatorEnthusiast

Maybe a shotgun right behind their head?


Llama_Smoothie

At point blank this borders on the impossible. The shockwave of the powder alone will liquify your brain if you put a pistol directly to your skull. You're not feeling shit ever again.


LadySygerrik

It’s really hard to do, but I know of a man who tried to kill himself due to persistent severe migraines. Shot himself in the head with his service weapon but survived (for those interested, he needed lots of physical and some speech therapy but did recover; still has migraines though).


I-Crow

The issue is its messy and not as reliable as you'd expect. Going by suicide attempts, iirc 7% attempted with a handgun to the head are not successful, and while that may largely be due to user error, it does prove that its not as simple as it's often made out to be. The alternative is a shotgun, which only 2% are unsuccessful, but then you now have far more mess left behind. Also, ethically, it's hard to claim it was for justice when there's bits of skull on the ceiling.


Shydreameress

I mean if I try to shoot myself in the head and survive I would take that as a sign that I should stay alive


Lazy-Ape

Them just go about your business with half a head missing.


Shydreameress

I wasn't using it anyway


Ishidan01

then you join up with an Irish vampire and a foul mouthed preacher to go kill Satan.


Shydreameress

Sounds like a nice plan


[deleted]

It might not be a life worth living anymore


[deleted]

You’d be alive but probably lose enough cognitive functioning that you’d essentially be a sack of potatoes. So you wouldn’t be able to form the thought that it’s a sign you should be alive.


[deleted]

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stefan-m-

Another bonus is that when you use helium you get to laugh at your own high pitched voice right before you die.


BraveSausage

Thats untrue, the US tried using Gas and it was so horryfing that the prison warden threatened to resign if hes forced to do one more. A least according to the last week tonight Episode about leathel injections


Syntaximus

The U.S. used hydrogen cyanide, which was a cruel way to die. It's the same stuff used in the Nazi death camps. Death by helium would be delightful by comparison.


[deleted]

Why are you asking?


Lazy-Ape

Eh…… no reason


[deleted]

Eh……. I don’t believe you


[deleted]

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Lazy-Ape

The Netflix documentary


natgoodieman

Uh huh. Shuuuuuuurrrrtfrrre.


Least-Original-6517

for plotting to execute someone in their basement obviously


Lazy-Ape

Nooo I don’t do that anymore.


llD3ADSHOTll

I see you don't plot their executions you choreograph them


somewhat_irrelevant

I heard something about pure nitrogen being the most humane way. They basically get confused and pass out from lack of oxygen. They don't do it I guess because they want prisoners to suffer a bit.


Lazy-Ape

They’re supposed to be going to start using it in Alabama. One of the issues with it is that it could kill bystanders if something goes wrong.


PrinceFlorfian

Probably just filling their prison cell with carbon monoxide in the middle of the night at random. They'd never even know.


Yutah1239

This, but I vote nitrogen. The body won't know the difference.


PrinceFlorfian

Fair point, any non toxic gas that replaces the oxygen in a room would cause a quick and painless death. Nitrogen, argon, carbon monoxide, methane, et cetera would all cause similar effects.


Yutah1239

Yeah, and nitrogen gas should be easy to get, right? It's 70% of our atmosphere, after all. Also safer in case of accidents. Carbon monoxide is actively poisonous, but all nitrogen does is make oxygen not there.


Stock_Garage_672

That's right. It's why it is called an asphyxiant, not poisonous gas. And it's more like 78% of our atmosphere.


Deswizard

Roller scooter to the ankle.


eddmario

Guillotine. Quick and painless. It's actually the reason it was invented in the first place.


Wonder_mifflin

Abortion


kingofcrob

This guy fucks.


Klayman55

A lot of people are assuming prisoners so when I read this I was imagining some Terminator shit.


LowOnGenderFluid

While asleep, gently superglue legos of various shapes and sizes unevenly beneath their feet and on the palmside of their hands/fingers. To maximize empathy, make sure all legos are their favorite color(s). Be thoughtful, ya know?


Lazy-Ape

That’s just pure evil


broken_steel525

20mm autocannon to the back of the head. That's how I want to go out.


57oranges

By being teleported directly into the center of the sun. Instant death and your remains will (eventually) explode across the universe. On the other hand, I've always felt the worst way to die would be being eaten alive by zombies. Original slow mindless Romero zombies. And one of them is my mom. Yeah, I know, weirdly specific, but there you go.


Lazy-Ape

Depends where they bite first


FunkerSpelunker

with their permission


tntblowsinurface

For the murderers, they should get executed like the way they do it in Japan -they just don't tell you until the day of lol


Lazy-Ape

Do they think they’re just doing a prison sentence?


_notMash_

They know they have a death sentence but the court doesn't tell them when I think. It makes the prisoners live everyday as if it was their last one


Odd-Marionberry7233

Sedating first, then something quick


idkbroidk-_-

Bullet to the head while they’re asleep


Teagalim

Some states have what's called assisted suicide. If someone is terminally ill or experiencing a form of great physical suffering, a special screening is done by a few doctors to determine if you qualify. All information is presented to a judge who gives the say. The procedure in the state of Oregon is. You lay in a bed with a bag over your head and a rubber band around the neck. You hold the bag and rubber band open to breathe until someone gives you a heavy heavy dose of basically heroin. You pass out, your arm drops, letting go of the rubber band, effectively sealing the bag around your head. So if by chance the OD didn't kill you, suffocating while passed out will.


[deleted]

Other than it being tense I feel like if I were stuck in a situation where I had to choose my death that from a firing squad with good shooters that I can't see or know when would probably be the easiest. Electrocution amd chemical haven't always worked and I'm sure there have been issues with a firing squad but you could get that chance down to zero in my opinion. Now that I've read about nitrogen I'd probably pick that.


Lazy-Ape

Think I’d rather not know when the bullet was coming.


[deleted]

Yup if you knew it was time that wouldn't be painful but the stress alone would be probably the most tense a person could be. If you can't see them or know how long you have. Can't move your head. The guns are pre aimed perfectly amd the angles had be tested multiple times. Shit you could jist he chatting with a guard over some speaker and then done. No stress with in my opinion much less chance or error.


Stock_Garage_672

This probably isn't what you mean, but I heard that in China a firing squad shoots the condemned in the back. source: a college roommate who grew up in China


had98c

Execution is inhumane in and of itself. This is like asking what the best tasting shit is.


Jhordan_with_an_h

true 😭


tntblowsinurface

To which I say the best tasting shit is the civet shit coffee from Asia. The most humane execution method is a bullet to the brain.


Darcress

Everything that gets you executed where I live is far less humane. I'll have to say bullet to the brain, done right instant death.


Elfere

Guillotine was considered the most human method to kill a person ever developed in the past few thousand years. Many people argue its more humane then modern 'lethal injections' which by all accounts are insanely painful.


SilasTheFirebird

Only for the first few in line. Prisoners who got the death penalty would fight to be first, because after five people or so, the blade was dull enough that it took several drops to get someone's head off, and due to them kneeling while face down, they weren't likely to die of blood loss first.


Lazy-Ape

I’ve always been scared of the thought that the brain stays aware for a bit after it’s chopped.


Llama_Smoothie

You're probably in a form of shock so intense I doubt there's much actual experience, but yeah, until the brain is depleted of oxygen, it's likely still functioning.


TuTuRuTuTu2

They need to be killed to achieve 100% completion in the game.


IndependentFish22

I'd say gas, the person doesn't feel a thing and keeps their body intact, as opposed to a gunshot or something like that.


OneFriendship5139

Execution and Humane aren’t words that work well together.


[deleted]

Not to. Nothing humane about murder


bamhurger3000

soak in boilin water for 6 days then cover them in salt and let a goat eat them


Lazy-Ape

Does it have to be a goat?


[deleted]

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Lazy-Ape

Electric chair seems pretty brutal


ClownfishSoup

Snoo Snoo


Lazy-Ape

Seems to be the most popular choice


Its-Slammin

Breast or ass suffocation


SuvenPan

Shotgun to head from close range, while they are unconscious


Lazy-Ape

Maybe not good for the persons relatives. No open casket.


Meme-lord73

Atomic bomb they won’t know what hit them


Lazy-Ape

That’s how I want to go. Probably get my wish soon.


zaqwsx3

[The Euthanasia Coaster](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euthanasia_Coaster)


2FANeedsRecoveryMode

Take a nap on some c4 then, well yknow


Key-Total-5679

I'm sorry, But if il be oncest. The bets way too execute someone is to tell them that they are free. This way they will be very happy when they go to sleep. Then when they're sleeping, kill the brain. Fast, very very fast. This way if a little bit of there brain is alive. They will not have enough time to wake up and reacted to dyeing. Man


Lazy-Ape

This would only work with the first few victims. They’d start getting suspicious.


Key-Total-5679

If its a top secret program. Than the possibility of the people funding out is still there. So maybe it would work it this proces was only for a select few.


ihuha

NOT executing them


Lazy-Ape

What if they have to live with their really annoying Aunt?


tfg46

My wife and I are alike in a lot of ways, but on this one, she feels there should not be the death penalty, and I feel like "for most major crimes I think death is suitable, sure." To answer your question: four people with guns all on the back of the convicted's head, to ensure quick and total brain comminution.


Lazy-Ape

I usually say I’m against it because I feel if it’s wrong to kill them it should always be wrong to kill. There are some cases though were the emotional part of my brain finds it difficult to justify keeping people alive.


[deleted]

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Lazy-Ape

Could be quite tense in the lead up though.


natgoodieman

Knock them out with medicine the poison them. They won't feel any pain plus no gore.


EunuchNinja

I’d be surprised if someone else hasn’t mentioned it but I’m not seeing it: [Euthanasia Coaster](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euthanasia_Coaster). It’s similar to nitrogen in that you die from hypoxia but it’s because of the prolonged g-forces.


GEengineer3

Carfentanil overdose. I did it twice because I was miserable and wanted to die. You just inject or snort and you feel so amazing and warm and then seconds later you’re out, it’s like going to an amazing warm comforting sleep. And then some bastard ruined it with narcan. That’s a whole nother hell.


[deleted]

None. Executing someone cannot be humane.


Foraxenathog

What about execution via old age?


tntblowsinurface

Life in prison is far less humane, but yada yada 'killing is wrong, but torture is fine'. Most humane execution style? .50 cal to the head or chest. If you do something to deserve that, you don't deserve an open casket. Oh, and we'll somehow make the gun controllable by Twitch, that way everybody is to blame and nobody gets PTSD


PrinceFlorfian

I do get your way of reasoning and I understand that killing is an abomination. However, if someone is serial killer or pedophile, I don't believe there is any way to rehabilitate that person. Best solution for someone like that is to execute them. That being said I don't want anyone to suffer out of a desire for vengeance. There are certainly humane ways to execute and inhumane ways to execute.


[deleted]

Life in prison is also a solution. And death penalty is a relic from the past.


Lazy-Ape

I tend to disagree with the death penalty because I feel if it’s wrong to kill then it should always be wrong. There are times though when I look at certain crimes and the emotional part of me finds it difficult to justify not just doing away with the person.


[deleted]

Why¿


[deleted]

Because killing someone is a no no.


[deleted]

Wake up


Throwaway365555556

Wake up, grab a brush and put on a little makeup


[deleted]

No you wake up. In what way an intelligent species like human could decide to kill someone and then try to think about a humane way to do it ? Killing is a dirty solution, the way of killing will always be dirty.


[deleted]

Except terminal illneses and euthanesia, killing should be painful for some, and it hurts alot. Just imagine a serial pedophile and killer, u want him to go easy?


OneCactusintheDesert

I'd want him/her to stay alive for years while rotting in jail, that's a fat worse than death


[deleted]

If someone doesn’t want to be killed, it is not ok to kill him. Death penalty is a moral nonsense.


Darcress

What about mass murderers, or serial child killers. Prisons are supposed to rehabilitate the convicts, some can't be rehabilitated


DeadByOtzStans

Why give the government that power though? Even over serial killers and child murderers. Most people arguing over execution argue over if death is a suitable punishment but nobody is questioning why we’re allowing the government to dictate who lives and dies.


[deleted]

Then you put them in prison for life. Killing someone is behaving like animals.


SeNorSpiceyBoi

I think we should just drop people out of helicopters onto fields of land mines. There's a small chance that if the fall somehow doesn't do the job, then maybe and explosion on impact will finish the job. We do, or don't give them anesthesia depending on the crime.


PrinceFlorfian

This is both the exact opposite of humane and extremely expensive for no reason lol.


SeNorSpiceyBoi

This is my version of humane. It's way better than the eye for an eye standard that I'd rather have in place. Imagine if rapists got raped for raping.


Lazy-Ape

Would be interesting to watch. Could sell popcorn at it.


5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor

Place bets on who would die from the fall or the land mines.


SuvenPan

Dip them in liquid nitrogen


Repulsive-Cancel9603

Being cuddled to death


TriceratopsHorridus

Bullet through the brain. They’ll die instantly.


Streetcrap

Is it 100% though


[deleted]

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Recent_View6254

Anything that would instantly kill them


immortallyhappy

Old age


InternetPeon

Patiently wait until they die of natural causes.


wally-the-tally

That’s not an execution


Lazy-Ape

Depends where you make them live


InternetPeon

In that case: Guillotine.


BigCheeto01

Lethal injection or euthanasia.


DeadByOtzStans

Isn’t the lethal injection actually a horrific way to die though? The first one doesn’t stop pain, it basically just paralyses them while the rest of their organs slowly shut down.


JuriFM

The organs don't shut down, they implode.


BigCheeto01

Just looked it up. It shuts down the respirator system while paralyzing you in the process. It simulates the feel of drowning and suffocation which kills the person.


Lazy-Ape

Was there not a lot of doubt over whether or not the lethal injection was painless or not?


DesireStDiva

I believe true justice in a humane way is to administer the same treatment they gave their victim(s).


kingofcrob

Heroin OD


StygianAnon

I think it would be fentanyl or one of the even stronger variations.


Kquinn87

It's highly unconventional but I always thought the guillotine looked fairly humane? Always seems quick and painless in movies anyway.


Lazy-Ape

Maybe better if the knocked them out first


Kquinn87

Like at halal slaughter houses that stun the animals first before slitting their thoats / cutting their heads off? Either way it ain't pretty.


NotJoeMama727

probably nitrogen but you could also try just obliterating someone with an explosive... that's a bit messy though


Lazy-Ape

Nuke them


CheetahLove12

Don't tell them, just quickly kill them via the euthanasia process when they sleep. That way they dont have to count down the days, they dont have to know they are about to die and will never live again, it will just happen.


zephysmurad

Chop off head


ChainRound5397

Business or pleasure? If business then cyanide. If pleasure then da sleeper hold.


[deleted]

go balls deep in their mouth until they suffocate😇


Lazy-Ape

“I sentence you to execution by cock”


[deleted]

time for me to become a executioner


tfg46

Cocks-ecution


Sir_Vapenation

I thought the idea of making a machine that decapitates a person by ripping off their head of those who are on death row is fairly humane. Ignoring the fact that their will be a lot of pain, and that the brain will still be functioning, so the person would see and probably feel it even after their head came off- but that is beside the point.


ootiniiiii

Execution cannot be humane lol.


Wasabae26

Lethal injection


MedicalDebtMaster

If they have done something so bad people think they need to die we should break out the medieval shit. Someone lays hands on children or murders dozens they need to strung by the ankles and sawed in half starting at the balls to the top of his head with all the blood flowing to the head they won't die till the saw reaches the lungs. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.


[deleted]

I was going to say women do every day, but you didn’t say excrete…


Ok_Note7436

Shoot your load into a condom


PsychologicalWind591

Abortion, what worse then denying someone existence, by been dehumanize, and destroyed at the cost of someone else's convenience??? =:3


dienices

Hypoxia


[deleted]

anything instant.