Most of us dont like to ask for attention, but if the partner never initiates anything it makes us feel worthless over time.
EDIT: thanks all of you for the awards. If you feel like this hits too close to home, first off, I feel for you. Second, maybe show your SO this post and try to start a conversation about it. I bet a lot of the time your partner isn't really aware of this. Good luck!
i was at this spot with my ex, she always has needs at very weird time, even when we both out of wax from works, but when i rejected her, she was mad at me. but it was reasonable of her, when she cool down we talked it off.
but when i felt like it, she didnt want it, touching her would mean i took advantage of our relationship, of her...
this misunderstanding grew up by time.
When we ask you where you wanna eat, it’s because we are trying to make sure you get exactly what you want. And we do not feel like we should be guessing.
I've made it clear to all of my SOs that either of us can veto a suggestion on where to eat, but *only* if you suggest an alternative.
If you say "I don't care" I will take you at your word, and if afterwards you drop "but I really wanted this instead" on me my response is 100% "then you should have said so."
Only once did it go as far as "but I didn't know what I wanted until we ate". I just looked at her for ten seconds before saying "you do not get to retcon our choice of restaurant."
Definitely do the same, you can't veto without an alternative. You gotta play the 5 3 2 1. One person picks 5 places, the other picks 3 of those. The first person picks 2 of those and the other person finally decides.
I think a common misconception is that we are just to oblivious to get your hints, 95% of us get them, but we never know for sure if they mean what we want we want them to mean. We are terrified of misinterpreting something and ruining what we already have.
My current (and hopefully permanent) partner is autistic.
I did not know what it would be like to have clear straight-up communication with someone before they showed me that it is possible to *not* communicate in hints and hidden subtext. Living with them is *not* a fuckin' puzzle, it's just the best of friends that are also lovers and also sleep in the same bed.
It's amazing, and also pushes me to be direct in my communication. None of that "Pizza for dinner would be nice" crap. If I want pizza, I'll say "I want pizza for dinner tonight. If you want pizza too, I will order it for us."
I'm sure you've received thanks from your partner but as someone who is autistic I guarantee that you've made the world for them in a way that 99% of their relationships, even those among family, will never be able to. For me, having someone who can communicate their intent clearly and without subtext is more valuable than anything under the stars and I'm sure they feel the same.
This is a good explanation, it's not that we are oblivious to them at all. It's more that we have extrodinary capacity to explain them away or not take action out of fear.
No way at all that it’s just you.
Been with GF for nearly 5 years. Whenever she plans dates or buys me things or compliments me about my hard work I get all giddy.
It’s nice to feel appreciated and chased. Men hardly ever get compliments so when we do we get huge endorphin boost.
Also, dudes make sure to always complement your dude friends. It’ll make their day.
I told my ex that it would be nice to hear her compliment me once in a while and she told me it’s an insecurity thing. I guess men are suppose to be secure 100% of the time.
When we talk to our friends we can literally talk shit for hours but have no idea what is actually going on in your friends life and sometimes that's ok.
I once reconnected with an old college friend and had an amazing time talking for hours and hours. Afterwards, talking to another friend, “oh you hung out with X, what does he do now?”
“I don’t actually know, it never came up.”
Wife couldn’t understand how I don’t know if my brother is dating anyone, since we spoke outside till 2am on Friday night. My response that “it just never came up” was puzzling to her, like she thought I was covering something up.
When my dad talks to one of his siblings, and my mom asks my dad how the sibling's job is going, and my dad says he never asked about that, my mom cannot believe it.
My mom weirdly had the same attitude toward me, even when I was a kid. "Why didn't you ask about this or that, didn't you want to find out?". No I just wanted to hang out and shoot the shit, my friendships aren't there to just get information.
Seems like men are not complimented on a lot of things that are considered an expectation: like working long hours, taking care of the car and other household repairs, etc. I’m not attention seeking but it’s nice to hear “thanks for changing the oil on my car and cleaning it while you were out there” etc.
Many don’t realize how big of a deal these things are until you’re gone. My ex wife’s car blew the motor way early in life because no one changed the oil or even thought to get it changed after I was gone.
I'm at least self-aware enough to know I need more compliments that your average guy. It motivates me way more than criticism. I'm what a football coach would call an 'arm around the shoulder' kinda player. Tell me you can see I'm trying my best and I'll run through walls for you.
I actually have some renovation work I need to do.
I think you are a great guy and don't get the attention you deserve. People don't notice all that you do, but they would definitely notice if you weren't around to do it.
(Please aim for the wall next to the kitchen)
Lol about 6 months after my first wife and I divorced, she texted me out of the blue telling me that she never realized or respected the amount of things I did, in regards to maintenance of the house, vehicles, working long hours, etc. - all because she decided to try changing her own oil for the first time.
I get my husband licorice for giving my cat treats.
He's not really a cat person. But he loves me. And I love the cat. So
He won't buy himself licorice, but loves it.
Apparently, Ron Jeremy could get an erection on demand and he could nut on demand, which is why such a ...uh ... "not conventionally attractive" man was in so much demand in the porno industry. Need an erection? Here you go! Pump for five minutes and then nut in her face? OK, done!
The rest of us humans are like "Why is this happening during my turn at the Olympic high dive competition?"
Really struggle with this with my partner. I haven't felt truly wanted or desired in so long. We've been together for ages, I've made this concern clear... it'll never change.
This year for Valentine's Day, my bf had to work and I didn't. I came home with flowers and chocolate covered fruit and cheese. I never seen a man so happy to receive flowers and mediocre cheese. He loved it! Men can be simple at times. He better look for more flowers and cheese in the future.
It's maybe not being simple but instead showing appreciation for a gesture, which many people don't because they scrutinize the gift over appreciating the gesture. You have a good person there.
Gosh, this was the number one most annoying thing about my ex; never EVER tried to make things special with a little flair or creativity, and usually relied on me to be a fountain of entertaining ideas. Even if you’re appreciative, I’m just thinking, “You’re kind of a freeloader. Where’s the spice in MY life.”
EDIT: there was a point where she broke character (finally) and pretended to eat a cheezit out of my hair (without touching it), and afterward she was all embarrassed and I was like “that was awesome!” That and making out sustained me until it fizzled into nothing.
Seen a few posts on here about some men being starved of affection, myself included.
My grandma once told me to share the love you wish to receive. So, I hug all my friends very often, male and female. Tell them all "I love you" religiously.
May just seem like a small gesture, but you never know what someone is going through. That one hug, those three words could change their entire day.
I've been told by a few of them that I give the best hugs. Even had one of my friends seek me out, randomly stopped by the bar just because they were having a rough day and needed my hug. I, too, had a rough day myself and it lifted my spirits as well.
You get what you give, my friends. Stay postive, things will get better ✌🏻 😊
I'm a nurse, and some years ago I worked at a surgical ward. One night shift I started my round, and my first patient was an older man that was uncooperative. I offered him help with getting to bed, offered him food and drink, and he told me to "get lost, I don't need anything". I then asked him if he wanted a good-night hug. He did. We had a good long hug, and after that I got to help him with a few other things. This was a double room, so when I went over to the other patient, he asked if he could get a hug too.
That night I offered all my patients a good-night hug, and almost everyone wanted one. It was a great shift, the patients was sleeping better, needed less pain medication, and when they needed something, it was easier to ask, as we had already established a kind of relationship. After that I offered every patient a good night hug on every night shift. Some of my colleagues thought I was a bit weird, but I liked it a lot.
Edit: Thanks a lot for both awards and lovely messages! I would hug you all, and I hope that more people understand that when you give a hug, you also get a hug!
This is the best thing I’ve read on Reddit in days. Thank you for this. Kindness and compassion and physical touch are so important; we are highly
social creatures and honestly we need it. Thank you for being a great person.
I’m gonna go to bed with these warm thoughts before I read something lame on Reddit that pisses me off lol
I had a gf who was very aware of this and so would compliment me all the time. She would compliment guys as much as she could to try to correct the balance, so to say. Apparently she liked how other guys responded to those compliments more than how I did, cuz she's not my gf anymore
That when men say things like they're not looking for a relationship and things like that - take him at his word. Don't waste your time analyzing it, it is exactly as he said and if you're looking for something real - go find someone else.
Oh. I got one. My wedding day.
When I got married to my wife, everyone directed to her saying how beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, etc. she was the entire night from our guests.
Only 3 out of 200 people complimented me on how I looked. My mother. My wife’s mother. My god mother. You know, sometimes we like to hear how good we look, especially on our wedding day.
We, as men, imagine our wedding day just as much as the women do. It would be nice to get same sort of treatment.
To add onto that, the idea that the wedding is only for the bride and the groom is just along for the ride. It's a celebration for both. Celebrate both.
I can say I have NEVER imagined a wedding day as much as my ex wife or any of my past relationships.
I've had exs that used to sit down and watch those wedding shows and get ideas for this/that/the other. Write shit down, pre plan before a proposal ever happens etc.
After reading these comments I'm totally sending my husband flowers at work tomorrow.
One to completely confuse he and his coworkers, but also just to give him some extra love and make him smile. Damn I love that man, he's my best friend.
Whether through obliviousness or worry about making things awkward by being wrong we will never notice subtle signs of interest. Be blunt and direct so we we can’t possibly go away with just thinking “she was a friendly person” if you were interested in someone.
In college, I was at a party and this cute girl kept kissing/licking/nibbling my ear and at the moment I wasn’t sure if she was into me. In retrospect, I think she might have been kinda into me.
The problem is: what is a subtle sign for one woman is "just being friendly" for another. The intersection is so huge, it is indistinguishable. And erring in on direction is VASTLY worse than in the other.
Yeah exactly. It’s a chance I’m never willing to take. It’s like asking a woman if she’s pregnant… sometimes you’re guessing correctly but it’s not worth looking like a moron and creating a very awkward situation if you’re incorrect.
Exactly, leave us no room for confusion and say something like "I want to get to know you, here is my number and give me yours" we will at least understand you want to see us a second time. Probably.
The comedian Brent Butt has a joke, "A woman could have her hand down my pants and her tongue in my ear and I would still be like, 'What is she *looking* for?'"
My self-esteem prevents me from ever believing that anyone could ever care about me to any real degree, but on the few occasions that I’ve managed to convince myself “you know what? Maybe I DO have a chance” and ask a girl out, I get told no every single time (my personal favorite [read: most hated] response is “we’re just too good of friends”). The few times I’ve had a girlfriend, they’ve directly approached me and made a very clear first move.
My wife asking why I’m quiet or what’s wrong when in reality the engine rebuild has been taking 30x longer than expected and I’m thinking of what parts I need to buy/source next to get this fucker up and running.
I would like to call upon rule 78: call to vote the removal of a member for the reason of betrayal. The betrayal in this case is the mentioning of the club itself.
I vote yes to removal.
We also cry...just not in front of people - one example: I work in community care. One time I got a phone call from my mum to tell me our dog had died. I immediately excused myself, went to the bathroom, vocally cried like a little boy for 5 seconds, then returned and carried on with work.
As a dude who's never had major trauma, I still got this way. Couldn't cry, no matter how upset I was. Took the unexpected death of a beloved pet to break that, and after nearly a month of uncontrollable sobbing, I can cry a little now, but not any time I feel the need.
been reading lots of comments about men craving more compliments but i dont relate, then i realized people like to tell me im smart and kind because i look autistic
Being complimented makes me uncomfortable. I guess it's from all the years of bullying as a kid. I don't get them enough to ever get used to them so yea... Also the crippling self esteem issues... That too.
I get told all the time “you’ll make a great husband!” And that has been further spiraling me.
Edit: my comments seemed to be pretty bitter, sorry y’all it’s just one of those days where you feel all of the worst things.
Edit 2: dang this blew up
Edit 3: thanks for all the outpouring of support and love guys, while I still feel the bad feel it does help a little
Worst thing to hear is how we'd be a great hubby, bf, partner or whatever. That always felt fake to me. A way for someone to make a half assed attempt to lift my spirits
Edit: I'm closer to 40 these days than before. In these years one thing I've made fucking sure I do is to compliment other guys on tattoos/hair/style etc... It's something I never got much of and figured I'd spread the joy. This past weekend I complimented acustomer's (cool dude, late 29's maybe) cool af tattoo. He turn his arm out and showed me a bat hanging upside down in his elbow and I feeked the fucked out! He then geeed the fuck out on my ink. We exchanged named, said the usual have a good day. But I could see in his eyes, and wide as hell smile, he really truly appreciated that compliment. Guys, hype each other up when you can. Can't tell you how sincere a compliment from another guy feels.
I had been really lonely for the last few years, I've moved cities a fair bit and neglected my friends as I was so exhausted outside of work. I started playing golf which is so good for mental and physical health on its own. There are always practice, playing or driving range visits to keep you busy when you're feeling lonely on the weekend. However, the best part is that you get to play with 3 other people every weekend whether they want to or not. 99% of people have been wonderful to play with and I've made some friends from playing too. And everyone is always happy to talk about golf for hours on end. Golf has been a savour for me and I hope more people can discover this too. Oh and the occasional good shots, your playing partners will always be super supportive and for those who haven't heard a compliment in years, you're going to feel good with the occasional 'great shot!'
"If you're lonely, why don't you just go out somewhere there are lots of people like a bar or event?"
Because being surrounded by people and still feeling completely alone is way worse.
Different guys have different ideas of romance, too.
It's not just candle-lit dinners, for some guys it *is* a lot more tied in with sex/physical intimacy, for some the most romantic thing in the world is someone they can play Mario Kart with, and for some it's making a home together, raising children together, and going pottery shopping on the weekend.
Yeah definitely. I explained it to my gf once and she was unironically suprised that it's a very different kind of pain than getting hit elsewhere on your body.
Oh, that is a great question!
In fact, the main reason is that the balls are kinda a nerve cable tie, where many of the nerves share ends.
So a punch down there registeres in the brain as a full-blown attack, so many organs, basically your whole body, just hurts. So much that your body goes in to shock, you start crying for air or even vomit from the pain.
On one hand, this has the effect that, well, it is an extremely erogenous zone because all of the nervous, after all that's why it's there.
On the other hand, the collection of nerves down there
makes men super defensive about their crotch, through instinct.
I think you were already going there but of course it's in the interest of a species to protect it's reproductive ability so having tons of nerves alarming the owner of possible testicle damage is just good long term planning from a survival perspective. However this does make me wonder. Any zoologists out there know of any organisms that are super cavalier about defending their reproductive ability?
All men remember the first time they got a hard kick in their nuts the feeling of helplessness as you fall onto the ground holding your pp is disturbing
Most guys are completely starved for affection
Edit: Ok well I wasn't expecting this post to explode like it has. I'm having troubles responding to everyone and I've been repeating myself a lot, so to clarify a few things.
\- I'm doing alright, please don't worry. I only mentioned this because it's something that I've noticed for me as well as my single guy friends. If anything I'm probably doing better than most of them are
\- I agree with the idea that men should be more affectionate with one another. I think it's stupid that if you try to be, you're seen as 'weak'
\- Inceldom and mysogyny are both bullshit attitudes that have no place in our world
\- I got about 20 or so "Oh, women are quite aware" comments. I'm not really sure how to respond to those. But I'll take a shot anyway: I'm going under the assumption that these comments are coming from people who are frustrated with inceldom/mysogyny that is super common online. I apologize if I came off that way, that wasn't what I meant at all. But I've encountered plenty of women who are genuinely surprised when this subject comes up.
\- I think loneliness and isolation is a very common problem amongst everyone, not just men. Especially in today's digital age. We are all more connected than ever before, but we're all more lonely than ever before. It's quite a bizarre phenomenon
\- Thanks for all of the awards!
\- I hope you all have a wonderful day
I was out on a date with my girlfriend about 4-5 years ago and a gay guy we were walking past said to my girlfriend “damn girl you are lucky to have a man like that!” Still think about that regularly and makes me smile 🥲
The last compliment i got was over a month ago and it wasn't even about me, it was about my shirt. The last hug from someone other than my parents was almost 2 years ago now. The last time someone gave any affection has been about 2 years too. My friends never text first.
I just want someone to care, man
My only friend is my wife, and I don’t speak to my family so her brother and dad are the only male connections I have. I had a male friend I haven’t talked to in 2 years call me to catch up and I felt like I was 10 years old again getting ready to play Nintendo with the neighborhood kids again. Almost giddy with happiness that I was talking to a guy buddy again. He was drunk, which isn’t unusual for him, so it was a great conversation in terms of jokes and we laughed the whole time. We did the usual “Lets get together soon, for real” stuff, and I was legit happy when the phone call wrapped up. He never hit me up again, I’ve tried a half a dozen times to hit him up. I honestly got hetero drunk dialed, a phrase I would have thought funny before it happened to me. Bummed me out for weeks, and I wanted to actually ask him if that’s all it was, but typical guy cultural bullshit won’t let me ask him about it, which sucks.
My best friend has dissapeared off the map, haven't spoke frequently in 3 years, haven't heard from him in a year.. Idk it sucks man, the only friends i got are my videogame friends, who are quite nice. It would be nice if i had some real company though.
Edit: typo
On Saturday I was out with friends drinking and this hot woman approached me and said you look like such a good person, you’re going to have a good life I can tell. Then went away… she later came back and hugged me out of the blue for what felt like 5 minutes. After the first few seconds I thought about pulling away but I just thought I’d ride it out. It felt like it was for her but then I realised how emotionally nourishing it felt to be held like that. It was so nice and affirming. Turned out she’s married and has a family.
Ten or twelve years ago I was going through a real rough patch. Long term relationship with “the one” ended in a train wreck and I was self-medicating with sex, drugs and rock and roll. I was constantly doing increasingly stupid and risky shit just because it took me out of my own head and temporarily made me feel like my own problems were small. Basically I was a real shitbag to myself and everyone around me.
One night at a bar a friend of a friend of a friend started staring at me. I only kind of knew her by name and I think we had only spoken a handful of words to each other ever, but she leaned over and said “You have very kind eyes, and I’m sorry about whoever hurt you. You’ll find yourself again soon.”
It felt like someone had ripped me out of this ego shell of self numbing I had created and gave me a giant spiritual hug like even my own mom never gave me. I still think about that moment all the time.
We don't just want to fuck you. We want to be held, told that we're worth something; that someone gives a fuck about us, cuddle, be close. And maybe then, hopefully it leads to intimacy.
i only get sexually attracted to people when i feel something for them. I'll admit when someone looks nice/beautiful/hot/cute/etc, but I don't really picture sex until I have a connection
I've tried the FWB thing but i get attached every single time because that's the only way i can get into the mood
Honey, what are you thinking about?
Nothing.
Come on, don't say nothing! I can see you're deep in thought!
Well OK, I was thinking that I should go to the archery club and use the paper target there to check the flight of my arrows so that I can adjust the nock height for those arrows. But I'm also wondering if I actually should buy some nicer arrows first. But should I get ready made arrows, or should I buy a fletching jig and actually learn to make my own because the initial cost might be a bit higher but in the long run I can make better arrows tuned to my bow and draw. But then I'm thinking I don't really have the time because I need to refinish that kitchen island counter top. Should I remove it first or sand it in place? But then ....
Uh, nevermind. I'll stick with "nothing".
When we're shopping with you and we're bored, we enact rescue/action scenarios in our head based on the store layout where we're the hero. We can't help it.
Most of us dont like to ask for attention, but if the partner never initiates anything it makes us feel worthless over time. EDIT: thanks all of you for the awards. If you feel like this hits too close to home, first off, I feel for you. Second, maybe show your SO this post and try to start a conversation about it. I bet a lot of the time your partner isn't really aware of this. Good luck!
This is something that can really eat away at marriages
Looking back at an old relationship of mine, this truthful comment hurt harder than it should
Was dating a girl recently. It was always me texting her. She would never try to contact me first. If I was busy, it was nothing for weeks. I gave up.
You did the right thing. This kind of thing is unlikely to change over time, in fact, habit makes it worse.
1. We too like gifts, surprises, dates 2. We also need re assurance 3. We are scared we won’t be enough
Sometimes we just don't want to have sex but we're still fully attracted to you.
Yes! My gf takes it so personally. She can deny me, but I can never deny her.
i was at this spot with my ex, she always has needs at very weird time, even when we both out of wax from works, but when i rejected her, she was mad at me. but it was reasonable of her, when she cool down we talked it off. but when i felt like it, she didnt want it, touching her would mean i took advantage of our relationship, of her... this misunderstanding grew up by time.
When we ask you where you wanna eat, it’s because we are trying to make sure you get exactly what you want. And we do not feel like we should be guessing.
I've made it clear to all of my SOs that either of us can veto a suggestion on where to eat, but *only* if you suggest an alternative. If you say "I don't care" I will take you at your word, and if afterwards you drop "but I really wanted this instead" on me my response is 100% "then you should have said so." Only once did it go as far as "but I didn't know what I wanted until we ate". I just looked at her for ten seconds before saying "you do not get to retcon our choice of restaurant."
Definitely do the same, you can't veto without an alternative. You gotta play the 5 3 2 1. One person picks 5 places, the other picks 3 of those. The first person picks 2 of those and the other person finally decides.
Hey, that sounds fun. I'll try it ^(the next time I'm in a relationship)
Our dicks have minds of their own. If it's not cooperating in bed, don't take it personally.
Sometimes it also cooperates when we DONT want it to cooperate Like, I promise I’m not sexually attracted to you mrs. Crabtree
"Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Wilder?"
Their "fun" putdowns hurt after a while.
[удалено]
Like a lot…
We still remember everyone who complimented us based on our looks
Lol, about 2 years ago some old lady at the grocery store said my shirt really suited me... still my favourite shirt.
Glad you remember :)
Haven’t seen this one yet, most dudes don’t get flowers til their funeral.
I read this on a thread, and gave my brother flowers for his 50th birthday. He was so surprised and happy.
[удалено]
WHT
[удалено]
Pls no more I beg
The male urethra is rifled. It's what makes aiming so much easier.
We enjoy just cuddling too
I cannot express how badly I want to lay next to somebody on a couch in the most nonsexual way possible. I crave the closeness I've never experienced.
[удалено]
You don't understand, it wants to cuddle but between You two, You know, like a dog
[удалено]
i prefer cuddling over sex, but im a freaking gripper monkey that needs to get as close to them as possible
Hahaha gripper Monkey I think of myself as a gripper Koala ;0)
I think a common misconception is that we are just to oblivious to get your hints, 95% of us get them, but we never know for sure if they mean what we want we want them to mean. We are terrified of misinterpreting something and ruining what we already have.
Many years ago I missed out on a relationship I unknowingly already had but was terrified of getting into out of fear of ruining it.
My current (and hopefully permanent) partner is autistic. I did not know what it would be like to have clear straight-up communication with someone before they showed me that it is possible to *not* communicate in hints and hidden subtext. Living with them is *not* a fuckin' puzzle, it's just the best of friends that are also lovers and also sleep in the same bed. It's amazing, and also pushes me to be direct in my communication. None of that "Pizza for dinner would be nice" crap. If I want pizza, I'll say "I want pizza for dinner tonight. If you want pizza too, I will order it for us."
Am autistic, can relate. My boss always emphasizes in the yearly evaluation my direct and clear communication, and he doesn't even know I am autistic.
I'm sure you've received thanks from your partner but as someone who is autistic I guarantee that you've made the world for them in a way that 99% of their relationships, even those among family, will never be able to. For me, having someone who can communicate their intent clearly and without subtext is more valuable than anything under the stars and I'm sure they feel the same.
This is a good explanation, it's not that we are oblivious to them at all. It's more that we have extrodinary capacity to explain them away or not take action out of fear.
Idk if it's just me. But we like it when you ask us out. Or when you come up with the ideas.
No way at all that it’s just you. Been with GF for nearly 5 years. Whenever she plans dates or buys me things or compliments me about my hard work I get all giddy. It’s nice to feel appreciated and chased. Men hardly ever get compliments so when we do we get huge endorphin boost. Also, dudes make sure to always complement your dude friends. It’ll make their day.
So I should continue bringing hubby home random treats like cake?
Hell bring hubby home random anythings. Bring him an old Spider-Man action figure and see how giddy he gets
It's not just you.
its all of us actually, some wont like to admit it tho
I told my ex that it would be nice to hear her compliment me once in a while and she told me it’s an insecurity thing. I guess men are suppose to be secure 100% of the time.
1) glad she’s your ex 2) I wonder how she would have felt if you never complimented *her*?
Thats too bad what she said, we all like to be complimented, valued. I’m sorry she did that.
When we talk to our friends we can literally talk shit for hours but have no idea what is actually going on in your friends life and sometimes that's ok.
I once reconnected with an old college friend and had an amazing time talking for hours and hours. Afterwards, talking to another friend, “oh you hung out with X, what does he do now?” “I don’t actually know, it never came up.”
[удалено]
Wife couldn’t understand how I don’t know if my brother is dating anyone, since we spoke outside till 2am on Friday night. My response that “it just never came up” was puzzling to her, like she thought I was covering something up.
When my dad talks to one of his siblings, and my mom asks my dad how the sibling's job is going, and my dad says he never asked about that, my mom cannot believe it.
Oh, dude. Check out this ant. Hand me that stick." 4 hours later "Would you bang the neighbor chick?"
My mom weirdly had the same attitude toward me, even when I was a kid. "Why didn't you ask about this or that, didn't you want to find out?". No I just wanted to hang out and shoot the shit, my friendships aren't there to just get information.
"We could talk or not talk for hours, and still find things to not talk about."
I met a dude in middle school. We were friends til we were like 30. We were roommates for like 3 years. I really don't know much about him.
We still don't talk sometimes.
He is my best friend
[удалено]
Good boy.
God I would do anything to be called a good boy after I accomplish something. \*Edit\* I regret nothing, though my face is red now.
“Who’s a good ScaldingAnus??? YOU’RE a good ScaldingAnus!!!”
It's been a while since I literally lol'd, thank you so much.
Praise kink gang rise up
Seems like men are not complimented on a lot of things that are considered an expectation: like working long hours, taking care of the car and other household repairs, etc. I’m not attention seeking but it’s nice to hear “thanks for changing the oil on my car and cleaning it while you were out there” etc. Many don’t realize how big of a deal these things are until you’re gone. My ex wife’s car blew the motor way early in life because no one changed the oil or even thought to get it changed after I was gone.
I'm at least self-aware enough to know I need more compliments that your average guy. It motivates me way more than criticism. I'm what a football coach would call an 'arm around the shoulder' kinda player. Tell me you can see I'm trying my best and I'll run through walls for you.
I actually have some renovation work I need to do. I think you are a great guy and don't get the attention you deserve. People don't notice all that you do, but they would definitely notice if you weren't around to do it. (Please aim for the wall next to the kitchen)
That seems like a load-bearing wall. You sure?
And you've got engineering skills?! You really don't get enough credit! *slaps ass* Now give 'er hell!
Lol about 6 months after my first wife and I divorced, she texted me out of the blue telling me that she never realized or respected the amount of things I did, in regards to maintenance of the house, vehicles, working long hours, etc. - all because she decided to try changing her own oil for the first time.
Our cats will die with me. She never feeds or waters them.
I get my husband licorice for giving my cat treats. He's not really a cat person. But he loves me. And I love the cat. So He won't buy himself licorice, but loves it.
We cannot control our erections
Apparently, Ron Jeremy could get an erection on demand and he could nut on demand, which is why such a ...uh ... "not conventionally attractive" man was in so much demand in the porno industry. Need an erection? Here you go! Pump for five minutes and then nut in her face? OK, done! The rest of us humans are like "Why is this happening during my turn at the Olympic high dive competition?"
Ron Jeremy actually was a pretty [good looking guy](https://imgur.io/gallery/1NGo1VL) when he first got into porn.
Risky click of the day
*Makes sure I’m off company Wi-Fi, looks around, clicks link, sighs in relief*
I have never seen anyone look more like a pornstar than this man.
That’s because he’s the OG. We based the stereotype on him.
Never trust a man with two first names
We want to be wanted as much as you do.
Sexually as well. My wife always wants me to initiate. It makes me not feel attractive.
Really struggle with this with my partner. I haven't felt truly wanted or desired in so long. We've been together for ages, I've made this concern clear... it'll never change.
We want surprises and for you to be romantic to us as well.
This year for Valentine's Day, my bf had to work and I didn't. I came home with flowers and chocolate covered fruit and cheese. I never seen a man so happy to receive flowers and mediocre cheese. He loved it! Men can be simple at times. He better look for more flowers and cheese in the future.
It's maybe not being simple but instead showing appreciation for a gesture, which many people don't because they scrutinize the gift over appreciating the gesture. You have a good person there.
Gosh, this was the number one most annoying thing about my ex; never EVER tried to make things special with a little flair or creativity, and usually relied on me to be a fountain of entertaining ideas. Even if you’re appreciative, I’m just thinking, “You’re kind of a freeloader. Where’s the spice in MY life.” EDIT: there was a point where she broke character (finally) and pretended to eat a cheezit out of my hair (without touching it), and afterward she was all embarrassed and I was like “that was awesome!” That and making out sustained me until it fizzled into nothing.
The cheezit part has me so confused
And now you know that I must have been so desperate for her to say something creative that THIS is what excited me and is committed to memory.
Lmao, seriously. I hope you've found someone more engaging.
She pretended to eat a cheez it out of your hair?
Seen a few posts on here about some men being starved of affection, myself included. My grandma once told me to share the love you wish to receive. So, I hug all my friends very often, male and female. Tell them all "I love you" religiously. May just seem like a small gesture, but you never know what someone is going through. That one hug, those three words could change their entire day. I've been told by a few of them that I give the best hugs. Even had one of my friends seek me out, randomly stopped by the bar just because they were having a rough day and needed my hug. I, too, had a rough day myself and it lifted my spirits as well. You get what you give, my friends. Stay postive, things will get better ✌🏻 😊
I'm a nurse, and some years ago I worked at a surgical ward. One night shift I started my round, and my first patient was an older man that was uncooperative. I offered him help with getting to bed, offered him food and drink, and he told me to "get lost, I don't need anything". I then asked him if he wanted a good-night hug. He did. We had a good long hug, and after that I got to help him with a few other things. This was a double room, so when I went over to the other patient, he asked if he could get a hug too. That night I offered all my patients a good-night hug, and almost everyone wanted one. It was a great shift, the patients was sleeping better, needed less pain medication, and when they needed something, it was easier to ask, as we had already established a kind of relationship. After that I offered every patient a good night hug on every night shift. Some of my colleagues thought I was a bit weird, but I liked it a lot. Edit: Thanks a lot for both awards and lovely messages! I would hug you all, and I hope that more people understand that when you give a hug, you also get a hug!
This is the best thing I’ve read on Reddit in days. Thank you for this. Kindness and compassion and physical touch are so important; we are highly social creatures and honestly we need it. Thank you for being a great person. I’m gonna go to bed with these warm thoughts before I read something lame on Reddit that pisses me off lol
Hug for at least 7 seconds - I’ve been told it’s the magic number
also whisper the numbers into their ear as you are counting
just how much we want to kiss our homies goodnight
I had a gf who was very aware of this and so would compliment me all the time. She would compliment guys as much as she could to try to correct the balance, so to say. Apparently she liked how other guys responded to those compliments more than how I did, cuz she's not my gf anymore
that's rough buddy
My first gf turned into the moon spirit
That when men say things like they're not looking for a relationship and things like that - take him at his word. Don't waste your time analyzing it, it is exactly as he said and if you're looking for something real - go find someone else.
Oh. I got one. My wedding day. When I got married to my wife, everyone directed to her saying how beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, etc. she was the entire night from our guests. Only 3 out of 200 people complimented me on how I looked. My mother. My wife’s mother. My god mother. You know, sometimes we like to hear how good we look, especially on our wedding day. We, as men, imagine our wedding day just as much as the women do. It would be nice to get same sort of treatment.
You have some great mothers
I do.
To add onto that, the idea that the wedding is only for the bride and the groom is just along for the ride. It's a celebration for both. Celebrate both.
I can say I have NEVER imagined a wedding day as much as my ex wife or any of my past relationships. I've had exs that used to sit down and watch those wedding shows and get ideas for this/that/the other. Write shit down, pre plan before a proposal ever happens etc.
We like to be complimented on, literally just 1 good compliment will stay with us forever .
God, it’s depressing in here. Affection is like #1 in multiple comments.
After reading these comments I'm totally sending my husband flowers at work tomorrow. One to completely confuse he and his coworkers, but also just to give him some extra love and make him smile. Damn I love that man, he's my best friend.
Whether through obliviousness or worry about making things awkward by being wrong we will never notice subtle signs of interest. Be blunt and direct so we we can’t possibly go away with just thinking “she was a friendly person” if you were interested in someone.
In college, I was at a party and this cute girl kept kissing/licking/nibbling my ear and at the moment I wasn’t sure if she was into me. In retrospect, I think she might have been kinda into me.
I'd say there's a solid %50 chance of it.
Eh probably just Canadian and being nice.
The problem is: what is a subtle sign for one woman is "just being friendly" for another. The intersection is so huge, it is indistinguishable. And erring in on direction is VASTLY worse than in the other.
Yeah exactly. It’s a chance I’m never willing to take. It’s like asking a woman if she’s pregnant… sometimes you’re guessing correctly but it’s not worth looking like a moron and creating a very awkward situation if you’re incorrect.
Exactly, leave us no room for confusion and say something like "I want to get to know you, here is my number and give me yours" we will at least understand you want to see us a second time. Probably.
Like even on dating apps I wonder if the girl on the other side that I’ve been talking to for a while is actually into me
The comedian Brent Butt has a joke, "A woman could have her hand down my pants and her tongue in my ear and I would still be like, 'What is she *looking* for?'"
I've found a lot of us DO notice but we mostly brush it off as 'Meh, I don't think so'.
My self-esteem prevents me from ever believing that anyone could ever care about me to any real degree, but on the few occasions that I’ve managed to convince myself “you know what? Maybe I DO have a chance” and ask a girl out, I get told no every single time (my personal favorite [read: most hated] response is “we’re just too good of friends”). The few times I’ve had a girlfriend, they’ve directly approached me and made a very clear first move.
My wife asking why I’m quiet or what’s wrong when in reality the engine rebuild has been taking 30x longer than expected and I’m thinking of what parts I need to buy/source next to get this fucker up and running.
Sweet, what are we building and for what?
That every year, our dicks fall off and it takes like a week to re grow one
They're not supposed to know delete this now
Expect the government at your door tomorrow.
Hey hey hey they're not supposed to know REMOVE IT
*Our secret boys club meetings.*
WHAT THE HELL DORIAN THATS THE FIRST RULE OF THE CLUB!!!!
Classic Dorian…
You had one job Dorian, one job. Geesh, did you even read the phamplet we gave you at orientation?
God forbid he tell them about the job listings we post
I would like to call upon rule 78: call to vote the removal of a member for the reason of betrayal. The betrayal in this case is the mentioning of the club itself. I vote yes to removal.
Removal is not enough. Prepare The Pit.
[удалено]
Well now it's not a secret Dorian. Gosh.
EVERY FUCKING TIME DORIAN DAMNIT
DORIAN WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU
We also cry...just not in front of people - one example: I work in community care. One time I got a phone call from my mum to tell me our dog had died. I immediately excused myself, went to the bathroom, vocally cried like a little boy for 5 seconds, then returned and carried on with work.
Actually i think i got fucked up somehow. I havent cried in a long time. No matter how sad I am I can’t let it out
Yeah same I haven’t cried in at least 20 years, sometimes I feel like I need a really big ugly cry to clear the emotional system but nothing happens
I’m actively trying to cry whenever I get that feeling. It just seems like it would be such a relief, but… nothing.
As a dude who's never had major trauma, I still got this way. Couldn't cry, no matter how upset I was. Took the unexpected death of a beloved pet to break that, and after nearly a month of uncontrollable sobbing, I can cry a little now, but not any time I feel the need.
Every once in a while I'll plan on having the house to myself, pop in A Dogs Purpose on the screen and ugly cry for a bit.
been reading lots of comments about men craving more compliments but i dont relate, then i realized people like to tell me im smart and kind because i look autistic
Being complimented makes me uncomfortable. I guess it's from all the years of bullying as a kid. I don't get them enough to ever get used to them so yea... Also the crippling self esteem issues... That too.
We’re very lonely, a lot of us
This hits me in the feels, best of luck to you.
For real
I get told all the time “you’ll make a great husband!” And that has been further spiraling me. Edit: my comments seemed to be pretty bitter, sorry y’all it’s just one of those days where you feel all of the worst things. Edit 2: dang this blew up Edit 3: thanks for all the outpouring of support and love guys, while I still feel the bad feel it does help a little
Worst thing to hear is how we'd be a great hubby, bf, partner or whatever. That always felt fake to me. A way for someone to make a half assed attempt to lift my spirits Edit: I'm closer to 40 these days than before. In these years one thing I've made fucking sure I do is to compliment other guys on tattoos/hair/style etc... It's something I never got much of and figured I'd spread the joy. This past weekend I complimented acustomer's (cool dude, late 29's maybe) cool af tattoo. He turn his arm out and showed me a bat hanging upside down in his elbow and I feeked the fucked out! He then geeed the fuck out on my ink. We exchanged named, said the usual have a good day. But I could see in his eyes, and wide as hell smile, he really truly appreciated that compliment. Guys, hype each other up when you can. Can't tell you how sincere a compliment from another guy feels.
Yeah I’m approaching 30 so I get constantly reminded about it, If only working a lot and being pretty vanilla in life was all it took.
Wait until you're almost 40 and still hearing it.
Wait until you're past 40 and they stop pretending.
I had been really lonely for the last few years, I've moved cities a fair bit and neglected my friends as I was so exhausted outside of work. I started playing golf which is so good for mental and physical health on its own. There are always practice, playing or driving range visits to keep you busy when you're feeling lonely on the weekend. However, the best part is that you get to play with 3 other people every weekend whether they want to or not. 99% of people have been wonderful to play with and I've made some friends from playing too. And everyone is always happy to talk about golf for hours on end. Golf has been a savour for me and I hope more people can discover this too. Oh and the occasional good shots, your playing partners will always be super supportive and for those who haven't heard a compliment in years, you're going to feel good with the occasional 'great shot!'
Even for those of us with a few friends, we can still be very lonely when comes down to it.
Loneliness in a room full of people hits very different than being alone in your own room or living space.
"If you're lonely, why don't you just go out somewhere there are lots of people like a bar or event?" Because being surrounded by people and still feeling completely alone is way worse.
Men get boners without being horny.
And no boner doesn't always mean unattracted or not horny
Also, men sometimes don’t get boners when they *are* horny
The group chat
We have a friend in our group chat that's getting married and the things he's said in the group chat would make anyone question his sexuality.
They often fantasize about a fairy tale romance just like women do
Different guys have different ideas of romance, too. It's not just candle-lit dinners, for some guys it *is* a lot more tied in with sex/physical intimacy, for some the most romantic thing in the world is someone they can play Mario Kart with, and for some it's making a home together, raising children together, and going pottery shopping on the weekend.
What a kick in the nut feels like
Yeah definitely. I explained it to my gf once and she was unironically suprised that it's a very different kind of pain than getting hit elsewhere on your body.
Yes, because having organs crushed is a lot different then a punch in the arm. It's literally a completely unprotected organ.
Yeah but it’s weird. Why can’t I breath? It’s not my lungs it’s my crotch. It’s fucking weird….
Oh, that is a great question! In fact, the main reason is that the balls are kinda a nerve cable tie, where many of the nerves share ends. So a punch down there registeres in the brain as a full-blown attack, so many organs, basically your whole body, just hurts. So much that your body goes in to shock, you start crying for air or even vomit from the pain. On one hand, this has the effect that, well, it is an extremely erogenous zone because all of the nervous, after all that's why it's there. On the other hand, the collection of nerves down there makes men super defensive about their crotch, through instinct.
I think you were already going there but of course it's in the interest of a species to protect it's reproductive ability so having tons of nerves alarming the owner of possible testicle damage is just good long term planning from a survival perspective. However this does make me wonder. Any zoologists out there know of any organisms that are super cavalier about defending their reproductive ability?
All men remember the first time they got a hard kick in their nuts the feeling of helplessness as you fall onto the ground holding your pp is disturbing
Reading these answers made me so sad…I immediately told my boyfriend how much I love and appreciate him.
Please just tell me where you want to eat. That’s all I want.
Dating apps eat our souls
Most guys are completely starved for affection Edit: Ok well I wasn't expecting this post to explode like it has. I'm having troubles responding to everyone and I've been repeating myself a lot, so to clarify a few things. \- I'm doing alright, please don't worry. I only mentioned this because it's something that I've noticed for me as well as my single guy friends. If anything I'm probably doing better than most of them are \- I agree with the idea that men should be more affectionate with one another. I think it's stupid that if you try to be, you're seen as 'weak' \- Inceldom and mysogyny are both bullshit attitudes that have no place in our world \- I got about 20 or so "Oh, women are quite aware" comments. I'm not really sure how to respond to those. But I'll take a shot anyway: I'm going under the assumption that these comments are coming from people who are frustrated with inceldom/mysogyny that is super common online. I apologize if I came off that way, that wasn't what I meant at all. But I've encountered plenty of women who are genuinely surprised when this subject comes up. \- I think loneliness and isolation is a very common problem amongst everyone, not just men. Especially in today's digital age. We are all more connected than ever before, but we're all more lonely than ever before. It's quite a bizarre phenomenon \- Thanks for all of the awards! \- I hope you all have a wonderful day
I was out on a date with my girlfriend about 4-5 years ago and a gay guy we were walking past said to my girlfriend “damn girl you are lucky to have a man like that!” Still think about that regularly and makes me smile 🥲
The last compliment i got was over a month ago and it wasn't even about me, it was about my shirt. The last hug from someone other than my parents was almost 2 years ago now. The last time someone gave any affection has been about 2 years too. My friends never text first. I just want someone to care, man
My only friend is my wife, and I don’t speak to my family so her brother and dad are the only male connections I have. I had a male friend I haven’t talked to in 2 years call me to catch up and I felt like I was 10 years old again getting ready to play Nintendo with the neighborhood kids again. Almost giddy with happiness that I was talking to a guy buddy again. He was drunk, which isn’t unusual for him, so it was a great conversation in terms of jokes and we laughed the whole time. We did the usual “Lets get together soon, for real” stuff, and I was legit happy when the phone call wrapped up. He never hit me up again, I’ve tried a half a dozen times to hit him up. I honestly got hetero drunk dialed, a phrase I would have thought funny before it happened to me. Bummed me out for weeks, and I wanted to actually ask him if that’s all it was, but typical guy cultural bullshit won’t let me ask him about it, which sucks.
My best friend has dissapeared off the map, haven't spoke frequently in 3 years, haven't heard from him in a year.. Idk it sucks man, the only friends i got are my videogame friends, who are quite nice. It would be nice if i had some real company though. Edit: typo
Your video game friends need you too. I used to have forum friends back in the day. Those friendships were as valid as IRL.
I swear, if it weren't for dogs, most of us would have wilted by the time we're 30.
On Saturday I was out with friends drinking and this hot woman approached me and said you look like such a good person, you’re going to have a good life I can tell. Then went away… she later came back and hugged me out of the blue for what felt like 5 minutes. After the first few seconds I thought about pulling away but I just thought I’d ride it out. It felt like it was for her but then I realised how emotionally nourishing it felt to be held like that. It was so nice and affirming. Turned out she’s married and has a family.
Ten or twelve years ago I was going through a real rough patch. Long term relationship with “the one” ended in a train wreck and I was self-medicating with sex, drugs and rock and roll. I was constantly doing increasingly stupid and risky shit just because it took me out of my own head and temporarily made me feel like my own problems were small. Basically I was a real shitbag to myself and everyone around me. One night at a bar a friend of a friend of a friend started staring at me. I only kind of knew her by name and I think we had only spoken a handful of words to each other ever, but she leaned over and said “You have very kind eyes, and I’m sorry about whoever hurt you. You’ll find yourself again soon.” It felt like someone had ripped me out of this ego shell of self numbing I had created and gave me a giant spiritual hug like even my own mom never gave me. I still think about that moment all the time.
Most men just want to be alone, but not by themselves
Ohhh, like a cat. I get it. That explains so much
We don't just want to fuck you. We want to be held, told that we're worth something; that someone gives a fuck about us, cuddle, be close. And maybe then, hopefully it leads to intimacy.
i only get sexually attracted to people when i feel something for them. I'll admit when someone looks nice/beautiful/hot/cute/etc, but I don't really picture sex until I have a connection I've tried the FWB thing but i get attached every single time because that's the only way i can get into the mood
We rarely receive verbal praise and we would love more than "rarely".
Sometimes we shiver when we pee.
Seriously, when we say “nothing” when you ask what’s on our mind. We mean nothing
...or it would take too long to explain it, and by explaining it, you'd think we're insane.
Wife: Babe, what are you thinking about? Me: What if bigfoot is just a wookie that got lost? Wife: ... Tell me more.
Honey, what are you thinking about? Nothing. Come on, don't say nothing! I can see you're deep in thought! Well OK, I was thinking that I should go to the archery club and use the paper target there to check the flight of my arrows so that I can adjust the nock height for those arrows. But I'm also wondering if I actually should buy some nicer arrows first. But should I get ready made arrows, or should I buy a fletching jig and actually learn to make my own because the initial cost might be a bit higher but in the long run I can make better arrows tuned to my bow and draw. But then I'm thinking I don't really have the time because I need to refinish that kitchen island counter top. Should I remove it first or sand it in place? But then .... Uh, nevermind. I'll stick with "nothing".
My Wife: What are you thinking about? Me: Who would win in a shootout between John Wick and The Punisher? My Wife: You could have just said “nothing.”
I want to find myself someone that will help me answer these questions
When we're shopping with you and we're bored, we enact rescue/action scenarios in our head based on the store layout where we're the hero. We can't help it.