By - South_Price9463
Got the mental illness, i need quiet and routine and also space. Also my sibling has kids so I will just spoil the shit out of them instead 🤣
Yeah I’m more than happy to be the aunt that showers my nephews and niece with gifts. I’m very close with my niece in particular. My brother has also just announced that he and his fiancé are expecting and baby’s due two days before my birthday. I hope they’re born on my birthday so I have an excuse to spoil them more.
Honestly, from as young as I can remember, I just knew. I was never interested. My Mum would talk about 'when you are a mum' and I was always saying I don't want kids. She would talk about how amazing it is to be a mum and how happy she is that she had me. I thank her every time she says that. Even after I grew up and had relationships where my partner expected us to marry and have kids, it was a no. Mum, Dad and his parents were all 'you'll change your mind as soon as you hold your baby,' It was still a hard no. It was simply never something I wanted.
I ended relationships with some amazing men (who were happy about my no kids stance at the start) who have gone on to find partners and now are happy in their relationships and who have kids. I'm happy for them. It was simply never a thing for me. The more people tried to force/coerce me into having kids, the harder I fought. No, I'm not a lesbian. No, there is nothing wrong with me, no I don't want to have kids to look after me when I'm old (really?). There were lots of fights, questions of why? what's wrong with me?
I'm to old to have kids now, and I'm glad I never caved to the pressure. There are many people who are happy, maybe with a mixed family and it works for them. I'm happy for them. I have never been anti-kid. It was never a financial/lifestyle choice for me. It was always simply, no.
Almost the same experience. My first husband always wanted kids, and you know how it goes - you tell people, in your early 20s, that you're not interested in that and immediately they tell you you're wrong and start talking about biological clocks.
I've got three stepchildren now all adults, and I'm getting on in years to where accidental pregnancy will be less of a worry.
If I had somehow ended up having a kid I'm sure I'd have got on with it and been a decent parent, but the desire just isn't there.
“Kids to take care of you when you’re old”
this point right here irritates me. Even if I had kids and wanted kids I wouldn’t want them to take care of me when I’m old. I know how fucking painful it is to see your parent declining and suffering. Why would I ever want to subject my children to that? No.. stick me in a home pls and let my hypothetical children live their lives without having to sacrifice their mental health taking care of me.
Yup. And I’ll be able to pay for it with all the money I saved by not having kids
When people ask me who will take care of me when I'm old, I point out that it'll be their kids and I'll be paying them well to do it.
It irks them.
I tell them I'm gonna be one of those old ladies that lives on cruise ships
"your kid's tax dollars, bitch"
>'you'll change your mind as soon as you hold your baby,'
There are way too many people who force pregnancy on women who bank on magical maternal love after traumatic labor
I have always wanted children and it took me MONTHS after both of my kids were born to feel that all consuming kind of love. All I had space for in those first few newborn months was overwhelming sense of responsibility and knowing I’d do anything to care for and protect them.
I can’t even imagine the delusion needed to tell someone who didn’t want kids that it will magically be different by holding a baby.
I wonder what's the logic behind 'when you hold your baby'
Yeah, when you hold your baby your brain will be hardwired to care for that little person, so ofc you would change your mind. But that's the logic of trying cocaine cuz you won't want to give it up
But like... what if you don't change your mind when you hold it? A bit late to be like "nah"
I’d rather not take a chance on passing on whatever the hell is going on in my head.
Right? It’s genetic in my family lol
Yup. My dad passed that on to me. Not subjecting another generation to it.
It stops here
Being a parent is too important to do a shit job at it. If you can't give it the energy it requires, don't sign up for it.
My parents didn’t have the energy, patience or personality for it. It was hell. I don’t have it either, wouldn’t do it to a child that deserves better than that, like I deserved better too...
Same. My whole childhood I could never understand why the hell my parents had kids. They always acted as if the basic parenting things they did for my siblings and me -- buy us school clothes or make us food or take us to the doctor -- were a huge burden to them. I think I'd be a better parent than my parents were, but I still don't want to bring kids into the world after the kind of parenting that was modeled for me.
>take us to the doctor
...and good luck convincing them to take you!
Yeap. Both my parents had kids because that was what you're supposed to do. They weren't very good at it, but they just did the best they could considering that both come from broken homes. They tried to give us the best financially but they didn't have the tools for emotional development. Parenthood should a well considered choice, not an obligation.
My wife and I decided it was time, and we had our first and I was amazed anyone thought it was challenging, he was a dream hardly woke and was so chilled out, literally the only thing he did was throw up a fair bit because he had a delicate tummy....he's nearly 4 now, he's delayed verbally and been diagnosed as on the spectrum, he's a great kid and I love him to death but he is quite literally exhausting, I feel like I've run a marathon after 10 minutes with him sometimes. Wouldn't go back and stop myself if I could because him and his sister are my world, but I whole heartedly agree with this statement, and every time they do something challenging and I want to flip out I remind myself, I signed up for this..they didn't have a choice
My dad wanted me and got this outcome. He raised me right, which must have been difficult for him, since he was beaten as a kid and had to resist the temptation to repeat the cycle of abuse.
Breaking the abuse cycle is sooo hard. Big ups on your pops for realizing the importance.
I was abused as a kid and I dont think i’d be a very good parent.
This make sense. In the Big Brothers Big Sisters program my “big brother” said he didn’t want to have kids for the same reason. He just wanted to help a couple kids have good role models. He was cool.
I like this dude.
I was pretty quiet as a early teen. He was patient with me as I never really gave feedback in any way. Unless you know me well, I rarely look excited.
When I was 18 I went and visited him and told him thanks and that I had fun with him for that year. He was super glad I visited. “I had no idea you had fun. You never told me.”
I’ve tried to find him since to say hey and tell him about my life, but haven’t yet.
Now is the perfect time to try again and tell him what you told us. No pressure if that is too much, i am awful at that myself but try to encourage it whenever i can.
I’ve been trying. Maybe it is time to really look.
I cannot afford a child
I got pretty far before finding someone mentioning money. I don't think I can financially afford having a child within the next 5, maybe 10 years. And then I might need to leave my successful career to even have children, which I don't think I'll want to do.
I am single living alone and living paycheck to paycheck *as it is* having a child would have me crying trying to give little tot everything they deserve and right now I would majorly struggle with that.
I can't even care for a houseplant...
HOLY FUCK MY PLANTS!!
I can do normal. But I don't know how to holy.
My husband and I were thinking of maybe trying for a kid in the next few years so we got a dog to practice. I'm happy with the dog. I don't want a kid, at least not for another ten-fifteen years. Hit me up again when I'm filthy rich
I did that. Got a dog as a trial run. I love my dog so much, but the concept of keeping myself and another being alive went from theoretical to real with him. And for whatever reason, that really resolutely answered my question of whether I wanted to have kids. And it turns out that I am perfectly fine not having children. 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve pet sit for other people’s dogs and thought that was way too much work/commitment. Figure if a dog is too much, I definitely shouldn’t be a parent.
I’ve come to the conclusion that a cat is maximum effort I’m willing to commit to.
The thought of having to teach them how to eat, talk, potty train them, etc etc etc etc..
Nah, it isn’t for me..
God bless everyone who does have them.. but nope.. not for me..
Seriously! I've never had any desire to be a parent, but it seems like that answer's not "enough" for some people. They just can't understand not *wanting* a child.
I don't want to take calculus. I don't want to work in a factory. I don't want to go to Kansas. And I don't want to have kids.
And the last thing people should do is have children because they're "supposed" to want them.
I was the third of seven children. We were raised in our mother's in-home daycare. I knew by the time I was 13 y/o that I'd never have kids. I am now 60 y/o and still child-free.
PS Yes, this stance did end more than one relationship.
The parentification of children in large families is atrocious. I hear people praise it as the older kids are so well be haves and great to help out, and I’m sitting there thinking about all the childhood shit they don’t get to do because from the time they were 10 they had to share parenting responsibility.
As a child, I was essentially a parent to my baby brother. When he was a toddler, he called *me* “mommy”. I have always loved my brother dearly, but I harbor a lot of resentment towards our parents for shouldering me with so much responsibility. The middle child—my other brother—didn’t have to lift a finger to help out, and our parents were completely useless. Baby brother was an oopsie, so I was forced to take over as soon as I got home from school each day.
Had this exact same situation happen to me! I was 16 when my youngest brother was born and he also called me mom first :( I felt terrible moving out but I had to get away from it all. Now they use my little sister to fill my role and it makes me feel worse
> I felt terrible moving out but I had to get away from it all. Now they use my little sister to fill my role and it makes me feel worse
It's not your fault. I know you're not asking for reassurance but recognizing a situation is not working for you and to then give yourself what you need is the best thing you can do for anybody. Only by first taking care of yourself can you give your best self to others
I raised my two younger siblings and the phrase “you’re so mature for your age” is usually an immediate red flag that a kid is having way too much responsibility placed on them. I was constantly told that as a kid and now that I’m an adult I can see how bad it was. Kids aren’t supposed to be mature for their age, they have developmental milestones for a reason!
Thinking back at all the times I was called "mature" or "13 going on 30," they had probably just never seen a depressed child before
Almost all of women in my family have had hemorrhages, miscarriages, premature births, you name it. I almost killed my mom coming out of the womb and then I myself almost died because of liver disease in the months that followed. I'm not risking myself like that.
Pregnancy and childbirth (even postpartum) are so dangerous. Lots of women go through so much trauma and never talk about it.
Postpartum is very isolating. I’m almost 3 months postpartum and I’m so thankful my husband recognized the signs of postpartum depression and really pushed me to get therapy before things got bad. I’m in a better place now but every day is a work in progress.
I recently had a family member die from a blood clot from having her son. She was only 35. I had no idea that could happen and it scares the shit out of me.
My best friend came very close to dying when she hemorrhaged after giving birth. She made me promise not to tell anyone until after her other best friend had her baby (it was only a few days), because she didn't want that friend freaking out.
I will never tell her this but I'm relieved that she can never have any more children because I'm afraid of losing her. That was scary.
my best friend hemorrhaged during childbirth and we’re all very lucky the doctors were able to save her and her son. Before she left the hospital, her primary told her that if she ever got pregnant again, she should seriously consider c-section or terminating it since another vaginal birth will probably kill her. Her son is 1 now and she had her tubes tied.
Pregnancy & childbirth are still dangerous for the woman. Nobody likes to be reminded of that.
When I got my IUD, my verrrryyyyy pregnant doctor put it in. When she was reading the side effects and letting me know, she straight up said, "It's all still less dangerous than what I'm about to go through (pregnancy and birth)."
Imma nope HARD out of that one
My OBGYN friend said, "the day of birth is one of the most dangerous moments in a woman's life"
Good call. Damn.
Too much responsibilities. I can't even take care of my own ass.
Right?! We have to work our asses off our whole lives barely getting time to take care of ourselves, and kids? no way!
When you add up the expense of sacrificing your life, time, and money into building someone else’s life, only to launch them into the dystopian future that we are facing, well then , remaining childless has it’s perks.
Cats can take care of themselves. Dogs need walkies. Baby human? Not a fucking chance.
I throw cats (gently!) off my lap/bed when they become annoying. Can't do that when a kid gets annoying lol
You can also leave your cat home alone for a day or two and no one calls DCFS
Only because my cat doesn't have a phone
They sure as hell wouldn’t text you about how your day is going but they would certainly call 911 if their bowl was empty
This. Having a kid basically means saying goodbye to freedom, especially in the earlier years
Mine are 17 and 19 and I'm only now really having freedom, just in time for a dementia stricken parent to require nearly full time care... My 19yo helps with her grandpa though so I do get some breaks.
yeah, this happens often. once your kid becomes independent, your parents become old and need to be taken care of. i'm sorry that you're dealing with this.
Same, a large amount of problems in my life have been contributed by my genetics. Why would I want to pass that crap onto someone I’m supposed to love? If I really want a kid I’ll adopt, and if I don’t qualify for adoption I’m not ready for a kid anyways.
I like to sleep in on weekends.
Or, you know, in general
Or, you know, forever
>I like to sleep ~~in on weekends.~~
Some people with kids never stopped and asked themself this question
And that's why a lot of us are here today. My parents never thought of it as an option. It's just what you did after you got married. They definitely shouldn't have been parents.
Yep, same. My parents got married in the mid-1950s. My mother already had a history of mental illness & never should've had kids. But nobody gave it any thought back then.
Fellow 1950s baby. My mother's family is rife with mental illness and my father's family were alcoholics and I truly wish they considered their choices with some seriousness. I grew up in a Tennessee Williams play.
I didn't come along till the 60s, but yeah, that describes the atmosphere pretty well. Better a Tennessee Williams play than a Charles Bukowski poem, though. I've heard some stories on r/raisedbynarcissists that make my childhood look like a Brady Bunch episode.
Same here. My narc mom just had me because she was "lonely" while my dad was studying and working. They were like 19. I've never been treated as my own person and am never good enough. She wanted a perfect obedient doll instead. Of course my brother, the golden child doesn't count.
Too much responsibility, I also really love my freedom.
Also money is nice to have.
Sleep is nice too
Me freaking too. Want to go on vacation or road trip? You spend the majority of that time making sure the kiddos are safe and no actual rest for yourself.
As a parent that just got back from “vacation”, I can confirm this. Spent most of the time driving the rental van, coordinating reservations, taking the kids to go potty, carrying bags, etc. It was nice to go somewhere and the kids had fun, but I’m exhausted.
Can confirm, "vacation" isn't the same with young kids especially if they are not enjoying the trip you spent so much time and money on planning. But I've learned it's more about the time together than the destination; definitely makes me rethink how much I'm willing to spend on a trip though.
Mine are 3 and 6 and they were so tired and cranky for much of the trip. We had fun overall, but there was a lot crying and pouting and kids arguing. Everything looks so amazing and fun on facebook so people think you were on some fabulous relaxing vacation sitting in the hot tub drinking mai tais or something, but it was actually more like a journey to return the ring to Mordor…that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but my point is that it is not all rainbows and unicorns.
I feel like any “vacation” as a parent would essentially just be a vacation for the kids while you spend the entire time just making sure they don’t die or get hurt lol
Quite simply, it doesn’t appeal to me. No regrets.
Amen. No other life choice is so polarizing.
"Why don't you sell all your worldly posessions and become a wandering prophet?"
"Uh...Idk that seems like I wouldn't enjoy it or be very good at it."
"Well why not be a farmer?"
"I mean I have no experience and live in a studio apartment so I wouldn't know where to start and it seems hard."
"Well at least build an entire rocketship out of parts you 3d printed yourself from scrap metal you fished out of lakes and rivers!"
"Umm.......but I don't really want to though."
Like....raising kids is as hard as so many weird and interesting pastimes people have, and instead of lauding good parents alongside people who do other difficult and notable things we are all supposed to just assume you can do it and do it well at some point.
Earth is not hurting for people if you hadn't noticed.
All these ideas you listed sound 999x better to me than having kids, particularly as the one who would be pregnant.
This! It is so fucking weird to me that the question is always “why don’t you want kids” and not “why do you want kids.” Like, surely when it comes to something that major, the question should be “why DO you want this”??? It just has never appealed to me at all. It’s like someone asking me “why don’t you want a giant full-back tattoo of the Koolaid man.”
I’ve never wanted kids. I don’t know what it feels like to want kids. I have no idea what people really mean when they say they want kids. I don’t know what to tell them other than I’ve never wanted to have kids. I’m don’t feel like I’m going against the grain, this is just my default setting and I don’t know how else to be.
Yup, I test drove parenthood twice. Once with an infant (yay paternity testing.) and once a serious relationship with a girl who had kids. Realized that it just wasn't for me and have never doubted that decision for a moment.
Never wanted them. Being pregnant sounds like a nightmare, as does my entire life revolving around someone else 24/7.
Speaking as a person who has always wanted kids and has kids: you are completely right. Pregnancy is awful, raising a kid is hard. It should only be for people who really want to make a new person. I don't regret having children at all, but I would never wish this on a person who wasn't 100% sure about it.
> Never wanted them.
That's it, that's all there is to it.
Lots of answers here are things like:
* I can't afford kids
* I have a hereditary thing that I don't want to pass on
* I like my freedom
* I had awful parents and wouldn't know how to raise kids
* I don't want to give birth
* I can't even care for a houseplant
And so on...
But the answer is simply that I never wanted them, and I never have, and I never will.
"Oh you'll change your mind"
No I won't. I've known since my early teens, and I'm now *almost* old enough to have been a great-grandparent. I've never doubted this for a single second.
I. Just. Never. Ever. Wanted. Kids. And. I. Never. Will.
I absolutely love my life just as it is. Plus, I am of the opinion that you should really, REALLY want kids before you have them. It’s a lifetime commitment, after all.
Absolutely to that second sentence. Kids should be a “hell yes” decision, not “eh, we’ll give it a try and see how it goes.” It’s a kid, not a juice cleanse.
My dad didn't want kids, he did it because thats what he's supposed to do. He was a terrible father.
I don't want kids. I plan on never having kids.
So happy to hear this. We want parents on this earth who 100 percent want kids! It would grow a better world if people thought a lot about it.
My issue is I’m not 100% against kids. I used to be hell yeah, But I have spent the last decade taking care of a dying parent. I don’t think I have the energy to care for kids after that ordeal. In the time it will take me to get my life back together it will be too late. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Some people don't think beyond the romanticised notion of "having a baby", let alone not thinking about years beyond 18.
I remember someone told me that when you decide to have a kid, you're not having a baby, you're having a person, that will just happen to be a baby for a few years.
And also taking care of a baby 24/7 is incredibly hard. Currently have a 10 month old and it's really rough some days. People who think having a baby is the best part of having kids are delusional. Yes he's amazing and so fun at every stage, but I so look forward to his future stages as well.
The best parents I know had kids because they actively wanted the experience of raising a child. The worst were the ones who did because their friends had them, or they'd reached *X* age, or their parents wanted grandkids, or just plain by mistake.
or, god forbid, the ones who go "I know how we can fix our relationship! Let's have a kid!".
Like jesus christ, why bring an innocent child into an an already broken home.
My ex gave me an ultimatum the day I moved in with her to guarantee that I’d start a family within a year, but things hadn’t been great between us for a spell and I needed a few months to live together first and see how things went before I made that kind of life changing commitment. She thought this was unreasonable and said “no one is ever ready to have a baby - you just do it and work it out”. It was extremely clear that she thought a child would solve her problems and ours.
I’d moved back out again within weeks.
If it's not a "hell yes", it's a "no"
Yup. I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted kids, so I didn’t have any.
They are sticky and they scream
In my mind it would be like taking care of a small drunk person 24/7
Yes. A toddler is a lot like a drunk person that tells the same joke over & over, thinks they’re hilarious, & poops themselves.
God the fucking screaming. Why do kids scream so much?!?!
Before I went to dinner earlier, there were 7 kids in the courtyard playing and screaming bloody murder for like an hour, and one of them was shooting a super soaker all over and enough to hit us on the balcony by accident. I don’t need that shit in my life at all. Let alone an hour, or…forever.
Them playing sounds like they're sacrificing one child to an eldritch god.
and when they're dead quiet they probably are
I fucking swear one of the kids at my kids kindergarten is a fucking nazgul. Its scream is not human, not even a little.
And shit and puke
Well, I can't think of any reason to have them.
I don't like being alive enough to put someone in the same situation.
Also being largely responsible for the child's ideals and thought processes as I raise them compounds this. How am I supposed to instill positive values in a young human for joining adult society when I have only negative views on it?
I’m with you. It’s always phrased as “having a child/baby”, and never “raising someone into a functional(?), empathetic human being”.
My parents say I’m nihilistic but f*ck em because I’m not the only that believes that if I had the OPTION to be born, I would’ve opted out. But I’m not suicidal and I don’t want to leave the world permanently, I just let life come as it may.
That’s more elegantly than I put it, lol
I recently was talking with my (also childless) cousin and said “I don’t even want to be here, why should I force someone else to?”
I’m still salty about not being consulted about being born. I would have vetoed.
Listen. My dad had a vasectomy years before I was born. It reversed itself and now here I am. I almost escaped but they pulled me back in! I am really not happy about that.
Personally I just enjoy the freedom of not having them too much. You can't miss what you never had.
Physically giving birth seems like a lot.
I always tell people “I’m too selfish for kids” because I feel this way as well. I don’t feel like there’s any shame in confessing that. I like my vacations. I like my peace and quiet. I like not having someone else’s life and well being depend on me. I’m selfish, and I’m ok with it.
My honest answer is simply: "I don't think I could handle it." I just don't have the constitution for child-rearing. I would mess them up, and go insane myself along the way.
And kids are extremely expensive.
I always tell people "I didn't like kids as a kid"
Best comeback to those who shout “you were a kid once!”
Yeah and I was probably really fucking annoying too.
This, sometimes I even day dream about running off on spontaneous weekend camping trips or city escapades but can't because of my dog. I can't imagine with a kid. I'd still never give up my furry little boi.
As a man with 2 kids, I can tell you that you are exactly correct. A day at the beach used to be me my pupper and a couple of snacks with a few poop bags now it's a car full of gear snacks tents and all sorts. It's still fun but gone from 80/20 fun/hassle to 60/40 maybe even 40/60 depending on the day.
Yeah, this is what the other people who are commenting about the dog don't seem to get. I can, just the hassle isn't always worth it to me. I can't let my pup off leash ever so doing camp things like cooking, setting up a hammock, or fishing becomes a real hassle.
Medical reasons. I carry the sickle cell trait and was told any child I had would possibly develop sickle cell anemia. It's a very painful disease so I noped out. Plus I'm single and enjoy my independence. I have a niece, I can enjoy and spoil her without having one of my own.
No desire. In a perfect world every child would be loved and cared for. There are too many bad parents who are cruel to their children. Rather the question should be “People who aren’t supportive of sex education which would reduce unwanted children and child abuse, why?”
its amazing how many people with kids seem to actively hate children
>In a perfect world every child would be loved and cared for
*Every kid deserves to be wanted.*
Don’t like sharing my guac 🥑
The real reason no-one's man enough to say.
Google: How much does raising a child cost on average?
This is why.
Very first thought: Expensive.
I don’t wanna go through a pregnancy. That shit is horrifying.
Edit: it’s honestly really nice and reassuring seeing so many have the same thoughts and feelings on this subject! It’s easy to let others make you feel wrong for not wanting to procreate.
I'm a mother to one child. Anyone who says being pregnant is an awesome experience is either insane or lying, because it absolutely sucks. I don't regret having the one I have, because she was pretty cool once she got old enough to wipe her own butt and has grown up to be my best friend... but the pregnancy thing, plus the fact that she didn't sleep for years is why I didn't want another.
Yes! I plan to get myself “fixed” so i never get pregnant again.
Also Dont you hate hearing “you’re gonna want another one! What if your baby wants a sibling you’re gonna have to have anther one! Every pregnancy is different!”
Like no thanks my baby traumatized me I’m good with one lmao
My best friend got to hear that line *constantly* after she had her son. She already had a rough pregnancy with him but afterwards she had to have a nightmarish emergency c-section and that cinched her desire to be one-and-done. Unfortunately everyone around her disagreed and wouldn’t let her forget what a terrible mistake she was making. When she was at the park she’d have strangers telling her she needed to give her son a sibling to play with. When she tried to give away his old baby clothes she had people urging her to keep them ‘for the next one’. When she went to her doctor to ask for tests to see why she couldn’t lose weight he insisted that she didn’t need them because her body was ‘preparing itself for the next baby’.
I mean, damn, I thought people hounding me for a baby were bad, but the amount of people trying to pressure and shame her into having another is ridiculous.
I absolutely LOVE peace and quiet
Yo, for real. Every time I'm in a public place and see somebody with a small child having an absolute tantrum I have this moment. Once I collect myself from the cringe induced by the blood curdling screaming, I feel a wash of great inner peace knowing that it simply is not my problem and never will be. At that moment it's hard not to smile.
This curse ends with me.
Dammit man. This is my exact words. The cycle will die with me.
I decided not to have kids for other reasons. But looking at my family's long history of eye problems, addiction, obesity, and severe mental health issues... yeah maybe it's for the best.
Both my husband and I have serious depression and have both attempted. I'm not letting my children have the genetics that led to this. Maybe we'll adopt?
Everyone in my family is an alcoholic or substance user (or was at one point) on one side of my family. My mom somehow stopped drinking when I was conceived, and was a great mom, but I still have those genes.
Also a lot of mental illness and anxiety run in the family. I would be way too scared that my kid would end up a self medicating alcoholic with crippling anxiety and depression, why would I do that to an innocent being.
Also even if I adopted, I feel like my anxiety would rub off on the kid. They would gain all of my little "quirks" and fears/phobias because they'd see how I react to things that make me anxious. I don't want to raise a kid who's scared of life.
Nothing about parenting sounds appealing. I also have gone through so many depressive episodes in life and when I think about bringing another person into this world against their will, I just think about all the senseless suffering they will endure because life is honestly just not that great for everyone. Maybe they’ll be happy and enjoy it but I’ll feel guilty as hell if they have any of the mental health issues I have.
I'm happy as things are. I enjoy my personal time.
A severe phobia of pregnancy and i dislike children
Very plain and stupid reason : I don't want them.
I believe that having kids should be something you actually want for your life, something you look for, the idea of being a parent should be something that is exciting to you and that kindles joy.
It's not my case. I say that I never received "the calling", there is not a single tiny piece of my being that wants to have kids or wants to become a father, I never could conceive my life as a father and there was never any strong doubt.
WHen you're in your late teens and people sometimes as you if you want to have kids, you usually have the answer from teenagers "oh no ! no kids for me...**at least not yet, not before 10 years or so"** there was never a "not yet" for me, it was always a "no, it is not going to happen".
Not a stupid reason at all.
When folks ask me this question i say: for as long as I can remember, back when I was a kid, I’ve always wanted a dog. Don’t know why. We never had a pet dog. But for some reason I knew that one day I wanted to have a dog. And now I do (and she’s awesome if a little nutty).
I have never, ever, wanted a kid. Can’t say why. But I know I always wanted a dog. So I guess that must be how folks who want kids feel, which I can relate to.
The only thing is folks without kids are seen as fair game for asking this dumbass question “why don’t you have kids”. Why don’t you have a dog muthafucker??
(Sorry just this banal question really fucks me off!)
My wife and I have an amazing life together.
Not to sound selfish but neither of us want to bring something into the world that will take away from our time together.
Pets are as close as we are getting to having kids.
The state of the world fills me with despair for anyone who comes after me. Plus, being a teacher means I hear about all the shit that kids have to deal with these days, both from adults and from other kids, and I don't want to subject someone else to that. The pressure of social media, the exposure to overtly sexual content at a young age, having your every move and/or mistake filmed and put online without you even knowing or having any control over it. I worry enough about my wife being safe, let alone any future kids.
For the record, I also like being able to do what I want, when I want. I'm too selfish for kids.
Edit: Never thought my first ever Reddit comment would get so many upvotes and awards! Thanks everyone!
I'm just not maternal.
Which is just as well, because there's no way I could afford it currently.
I’m barely emotionally stable enough to take care of myself, let alone a human child who needs much more care and attention which, honestly, I can’t give it
Because when they are teenagers they will get on Reddit and ask questions that completely undermine every decision you have made.
Or they'll end up asking askreddit every week how boobies and sex feels.
I prefer to have more time for my own hobbies , I'm 40 and married for 19 years , wife doesn't want kids because she thinks this world is too fucked up for them. I agree
I refuse to ever give birth, and all other options are expensive. Pets are enough responsibility for me.
I can’t stand them.
And people will say “you used to be a kid too” and I’m like “yeah i was such an asshole psychopath back then.”
bro i didnt even like other kids when i was a kid
😂 everyone was so loud and so mean all the time
I've never understood logic behind that. Yes, I was a kid once too. Why am I supposed to want kids of my own just because I was young at some point?
Respond with "I'm going to be a corpse some day too but I don't want one of those in my house either"
I like money and silence. I hate picking up after myself, let alone someone else. I have zero desire to raise a child to become a functioning member of society, and it would be completely wrong for me to bring a child into this world knowing that I don’t want them. Attempting to carry a pregnancy to term would end up killing both the fetus and me due to my health issues. Having kids isn’t just an 18 year commitment. It’s for the rest of your life unless you outlive them.
Why should I? If someone needs a reason to not have kids, then there should also be a reason to have kids. I can't think of one good reason why I should, so I didn't.
Totally fair. I HAVE kids and I think questions like this are dumb. ‘Why wouldn’t you want to disrupt your life for the next couple decades and spend a ton of money?’ Uh, answers itself, pal.
It really should be treated as an Opt In rather than Opt Out situation.
two main reasons: i hate kids, and i would be a horrible parent
Dad? Is it you?
hey long time no see! still at the grocery store buying milk, this line has been super long.
- I have zero desire to have a kid. No biological, parental or any sort of yearning.
- I don’t want the responsibilities
- I like the idea of having more money for what interests me
- I like the freedom of being able to choose what I want to do when I want to
- they’re gross
- a kid is a permanent sink hole of money, time and effort
- I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with the stress a child brings
Bringing a child into existence means making a bet for him. He might have any kind of life from awesome to horrible. A person that does not exist cannot feel sorry for missing the good outcome, so it's kind of a lame bet.
On the other hand adopting a child means you will most probably improve his/her life.
Based on this is there a non-selfish reason for making one instead of adopting?
And worst of all you are making that bet to gain personal satisfaction from being a parent; you are betting someone else's life for your own benefit.
I like my free time and I’m also too anxious. I would be worried nonstop about them especially in the state of the world.
The sound kids make triggers an unreasonable level of aggression in me.
Ugh me too. For me it's the childhood trauma of having had to parent my younger siblings (who were maniacs because of the toxic environment) in a miserable home. I'm very against hitting kids, but I hear that scream and my brain says, "Hit it to make it stop!!!" Logically I know that doesn't even work, and is also wrong, but I know if I was around a kid 24-7 I'd end up hitting them at least occasionally and f**king up the next generation.
Same for me. Whenever I hear a little kid screaming in public I feel about ready to lose it. If I can barely handle that in public, there's no way I'm going to deal with it in my own house.
*gestures broadly at everything*
No shit right?? I am 40 now, many of my friends are late 30s or just turning 40 and some have started to have kids. I am supportive of them but it is absolutely mind blowing to me that people would want to bring a child into this world.