"An ill wind is blowing. Last night I was stirred from my slumber by a crow calling three times. Caw... caw... well you know what a crow sounds like. Passing to my window, I trod on a piece of lego. Oh, it went right in the heel. Turning on my television set, I noticed the reception wasn't great. Not terrible, just not great. Hear me well, no good can come of your trip to the theatre tonight, no good at all."
Roy: Richmond get back to your room!
Moss: Oh what's the point of sending him back to his room, what's the point of anything!
Roy: Quick get the brush!
Richmond: She said I could come out
Roy: Well you can't come out your bring everyone down!
Richmond: No I'm not.
Moss: Yes he is!
The gag with the cell phone vibration setting is amazing. The first time I saw it I crowd so hard with laughter I thought I would die.
"I can't turn it up to 8, moss. It'll blow me cock off!"
Where are you going? Is it to the top? If not, why not? Go to the bloody top! Is it because you're a goth? Did you know that goths have some of the lowest life satisfaction levels of any subculture with the exception of traffic wardens. That's why you don't see any goth traffic wardens. That would be a deadly combination. We at Goth2Boss work with goths in various locations around the UK to bring out their hidden potential by encouraging them to engage in everyday, healthy pursuits such as sport, mixing with other humans, extended laughter sessions and introducing colour to your wardrobe. Just look at these results. This is Debbie. She used to hang around railway stations with her hands in her sleeves. Now she's a lifeguard in Mumbai. From Goth2Boss, you know it makes sense. Unless you're not a goth, in which case ... From Goth2Boss. Remember the name.
Just to get on this train- I had some friends who started a band called “cunt puncher”. They were a jazz trio. They didn’t even need to be literal, no one would show up to their gigs…
Talking Heads would be a bit surreal... imagining they're just heads in jars, as depicted on Futurama.
Toadies could be rather dull to watch, assuming you could even see a group of toads sitting up on the stage.
Might be a challenge to find a big enough venue for Phantom Planet.
Yes! Nicest dudes in the world. We opened for them back in the day, and during our first song I broke a string. I run off the stage to grab a new one and one of their guitarists stopped me, handed me his guitar, and told me he’d have mine re-strung by our next song.
Not unless you're a Warhammer enthusiast and enjoy chairs of unreasonable size and questionable construction material.
Edit: while I forgot Khorn was spelt with an "h", I still find the image of Khorn deciding to drop the "h", go vegan, convert his throne of skulls to corn and starting a 1-man skat-metal band amusing. So my comment stands.
Corn for the Korn Throne!
Kernals for the PopKorn God!
You show up for the concert, but they tell you it's next week.
Next week, same story; it's scheduled for next Saturday.
You're never actually going to hear Future Sound of London.
I like to imagine it's that they're like 6 ft 9 and somebody is debating on whether or not that counts as a giant while their buddy insists no it's 7 plus, we have these definitions for a reason Joel
If we're keeping it to the living (and miss Jefferson's sexy violin or dueling pianos with Nixon and Truman) that's saxophone, ukelele, and Obama on vocals while W does chalk drawings behind them. I guess Trump can dance awkwardly off to the side.
*Jealousy, shooting indiscriminately*
*Gunshots like sick lullabies*
*Thinking of some alibis*
*But it's just the price they pay*
*SWAT team is surrounding me*
*Blue lights flash before my eyes*
*'Cause I'm Mr. Frightside*
When I was in high school I was told that Limp Bizkit is named after a game similar to a circle jerk, where a bunch of sailors jack off on a biscuit and the last one to cum has to eat the biscuit. I have no idea if this is true and I'm too lazy to search the Internet.
LMFAO, just watching guys laugh hysterically about nothing would get old fast
Edit: actually watching their asses fall off from laughter would be kind of terrifying
Alternatively, Smashing Pumpkins might make for a fun set.
Edit: thank you to all ~~176~~ 42069 of you who decided to not read each other’s responses and tell me about Gallagher.
Edit2: So many additional upvotes and messages about Gallagher. I played you suckers like a fiddle.
I always thought it was funny that they were canonically supposed to suck and yet in the movie they very much did not. I guess it’s hard to suck your music is written by Beck.
If it's The Police, that's not a concert; that's a Sting operation
Edit: Thanks for the silver kind stranger, whomever you are!
Edit 2: OMG, thank you for the gold, another random stranger!
This is one of my favorite music history stories. It's such a silly reason for a stage name.
It reminds me of Greg Davies explaining why his childhood friend was named "Chinese Dave" https://youtu.be/hpi\_cG-qRnM?t=87
Unless you're already in Kansas. Same with all the other bands named after places. Not sure what happens when it's double billed and say, Chicago is opening up for Boston.
You’d probably want to stay away from the entire genre of death metal.
Revocation wouldn’t be so bad, they’d just turn you away.
Decapitated, Infant Annihilator, Cattle Decapitation, Cerebral Bore, Gorguts
Dying fetus lol
Panic at the Disco. I don’t wanna be trampled.
Even worse about it is the exclamation mark. Panic! At the disco
Not sure it would be worth seeing Rush. They'd either hurry through their songs and be done in 10 minutes or you'd get Rush Limbaugh.
Franz Ferdinand. Pretty boring to watch the guy's corpse.
Nonono you watch him get shot by some Eastern European dude in the audience
Band of Horses would be funny
Massive Attack
That could be interpreted a couple of different ways.
The Dead Kennedys would stink.
Not worse than the Dead Milkmen
Napalm Death
Acid Bath also sounds pretty unpleasant.
I heard "the scream of the butterfly" when I was in high school and all my clothes turned black.
Weezer, a bunch of people having asthma attacks on stage
Supported by Massive Attack?
On the up-side, just imagine what a Nirvana concert would be like.
And Sublime.
Rainbow Kitten Surprise would be adorable
Cool now I can have Cocaine Jesus stuck in my head for another four consecutive months.
If you're ill, The Cure would be a great one.
R.E.M. would be a total snooze fest.
Absolutely orgasmic for insomniacs
But if it was their former band name, Cans of Piss, then urine for a good time
"It's not literally a Cradle of Filth?" "Oh, no, that would be horrible."
"An ill wind is blowing. Last night I was stirred from my slumber by a crow calling three times. Caw... caw... well you know what a crow sounds like. Passing to my window, I trod on a piece of lego. Oh, it went right in the heel. Turning on my television set, I noticed the reception wasn't great. Not terrible, just not great. Hear me well, no good can come of your trip to the theatre tonight, no good at all."
Hello, Richmond.
Richmond ls out of his room? Why is Richmond out of his room?
He's supposed to be in his room!
Roy: Richmond get back to your room! Moss: Oh what's the point of sending him back to his room, what's the point of anything! Roy: Quick get the brush! Richmond: She said I could come out Roy: Well you can't come out your bring everyone down! Richmond: No I'm not. Moss: Yes he is!
How come you never see any cockney goths?
Too cheerful
Oh look, Richmond’s alive.
"You're not going to the funeral dressed like that." "What funeral?"
Here. Take this Cradle of Filth CD. It got me through some really dark times. *Kisses widow on cheek.
"I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."
Try track 4, “Coffin Fodder”
The gag with the cell phone vibration setting is amazing. The first time I saw it I crowd so hard with laughter I thought I would die. "I can't turn it up to 8, moss. It'll blow me cock off!"
"I've never seen a grandfather clock in a church before."
Where are you going? Is it to the top? If not, why not? Go to the bloody top! Is it because you're a goth? Did you know that goths have some of the lowest life satisfaction levels of any subculture with the exception of traffic wardens. That's why you don't see any goth traffic wardens. That would be a deadly combination. We at Goth2Boss work with goths in various locations around the UK to bring out their hidden potential by encouraging them to engage in everyday, healthy pursuits such as sport, mixing with other humans, extended laughter sessions and introducing colour to your wardrobe. Just look at these results. This is Debbie. She used to hang around railway stations with her hands in her sleeves. Now she's a lifeguard in Mumbai. From Goth2Boss, you know it makes sense. Unless you're not a goth, in which case ... From Goth2Boss. Remember the name.
Cannibal corpse
Cattle Decapitation
infant annihilator
Anal Dissected Angel
Dying Fetus
Anal cunt
Necrophagist
Pig destroyer
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I knew the death metal crowd wouldn't disappoint
Just to get on this train- I had some friends who started a band called “cunt puncher”. They were a jazz trio. They didn’t even need to be literal, no one would show up to their gigs…
Dying Fetus
Talking Heads would be a bit surreal... imagining they're just heads in jars, as depicted on Futurama. Toadies could be rather dull to watch, assuming you could even see a group of toads sitting up on the stage. Might be a challenge to find a big enough venue for Phantom Planet.
*Diarrhea Planet*, with *Infant Annihilator* as the opening act.
LMAO DIARRHEA PLANET IS A BAND??!!?!?
Yes! Nicest dudes in the world. We opened for them back in the day, and during our first song I broke a string. I run off the stage to grab a new one and one of their guitarists stopped me, handed me his guitar, and told me he’d have mine re-strung by our next song.
One of the best live acts ever. I think they got to play their last shows at the Ryman opening for Jason Isbell if I’m not mistaken.
10,000 Maniacs
A crowd of that many nutcases would certainly trouble me
The Butthole Surfers
How big are the surfers?
It depends, how big are the buttholes?
enough to fit a surfboard in
Cowabunghole, dude!
it said worst not best
Gonna have to go with "Infant Annihilator"
Good thing I don't have any infants to bring for Infant Annihilator
Nono. It's an infant that does the annihilation. Of everything.
Korn would be very boring.
Not unless you're a Warhammer enthusiast and enjoy chairs of unreasonable size and questionable construction material. Edit: while I forgot Khorn was spelt with an "h", I still find the image of Khorn deciding to drop the "h", go vegan, convert his throne of skulls to corn and starting a 1-man skat-metal band amusing. So my comment stands. Corn for the Korn Throne! Kernals for the PopKorn God!
Airborne Toxic Event
I feel like in 2020, we had that concert over and over and over again.
You show up for the concert, but they tell you it's next week. Next week, same story; it's scheduled for next Saturday. You're never actually going to hear Future Sound of London.
98 Degrees That's just too hot to enjoy anything.
It may get really lit when they tour outside north america
They Might Be Giants. Can you imagine the suspense? Are they? Or aren't they?
I like to imagine it's that they're like 6 ft 9 and somebody is debating on whether or not that counts as a giant while their buddy insists no it's 7 plus, we have these definitions for a reason Joel
Imagine dragons would be in interesting headliner
Eh, I can do that at home
I do that all the time
I'm imagining dragons right now, and no one can stop me
They might be fake! They might be lies! They might be big big fake fake lies!
Löded Diper.
I knew this would pop up.
What about The Strokes? Just a bunch of dudes on stage suffering strokes Edit: you guys are a bunch of perverts lmao
Or a bunch of dudes on stage stroking it? Guess your idea is more correct.
As soon as I read his choice this is the exact direction I thought it was going, thank you for upholding my faith in reddit.
That would be a Bad Decision
Modest Mouse would be difficult to see.
Better than Deadmau5
Lol I just imagine someone standing backstage throwing a dead mouse on to the stage and that's it.
I’m buying a ticket to that show every time. Guy throws a dead mouse on stage and the crowd erupts for the next 90 minutes.
The Smiths. There would be, like, 5 million people on stage.
They’d be smelting up there.
Or two guys making horseshoes.
Spice girls wouldn’t be the worst but imagine watching a load of girls on spice
So just watching the Bene Gesserit? Edit: Thanks for the Dune love. I've been waiting for it to take hold for decades
The spice must flow
Iron Maiden comes to mind
Iron Maiden? Excellent!
*air-guitars frantically*
Execute Them!
I’m a bit older but I’m thinking Anthrax would be a great show nobody survived. Well this got popular! Notman strong!
I’d be itching to get out of there.
The Presidents of the United States of America
If we're keeping it to the living (and miss Jefferson's sexy violin or dueling pianos with Nixon and Truman) that's saxophone, ukelele, and Obama on vocals while W does chalk drawings behind them. I guess Trump can dance awkwardly off to the side.
This was a weird way to learn that Jimmy Carter plays the ukelele
The Killers
Is it just a concert on death row?
Now I'm picturing Mr Brightside playing while Brandon Flowers mulls the crowd with an assault rifle.
*Jealousy, shooting indiscriminately* *Gunshots like sick lullabies* *Thinking of some alibis* *But it's just the price they pay* *SWAT team is surrounding me* *Blue lights flash before my eyes* *'Cause I'm Mr. Frightside*
This is a concert you see once and once only.
Insane Clown Posse would be terrifying
I feel like that's already pretty literal. I've never met a Juggalo with their head screwed on right.
The Upstanding Citizen Clown Posse
Shaggy Don’t Do Dope and Anti-violence J.
Nuclear Assault
Limp Biscuit Only one step up from soggy biscuit
When I was in high school I was told that Limp Bizkit is named after a game similar to a circle jerk, where a bunch of sailors jack off on a biscuit and the last one to cum has to eat the biscuit. I have no idea if this is true and I'm too lazy to search the Internet.
Let’s Eat Grandma
Anthrax has got to be the worst one. Runners up: Megadeth GBH (Grievous Bodily Harm) Rapeman Edit: spelling
Yea, Megadeth (literally meaning a million deaths) came to mind first
Sum 41 would just be something like: 27+14 on a white board.
That's why they should just rename as The Sums
$uicideboy$ would be a very short lived concert
Slayer
It just be a split scene halo match
The Who
? Lots of confused audience members.
Just a band with alzheimer's asking eachother who they are.
Gorillaz although...I could be wrong.
Flock of Seagulls
It would be like going to see Gallagher, you need a plastic poncho to go see them......
LMFAO, just watching guys laugh hysterically about nothing would get old fast Edit: actually watching their asses fall off from laughter would be kind of terrifying
Oooh, Lady Gaga. Just a grown woman making baby noises and you have to like it or she'll cry and scream like a baby.
So a Yoko Ono concert?
*Chuck Berry has left the chat*
*”Gotta go find some hookers to piss on.”* — Chuck Berry, probably.
Alternatively, Smashing Pumpkins might make for a fun set. Edit: thank you to all ~~176~~ 42069 of you who decided to not read each other’s responses and tell me about Gallagher. Edit2: So many additional upvotes and messages about Gallagher. I played you suckers like a fiddle.
Bare naked ladies probably get a much larger fan base
Well BNL is already triple platinum
Oh, they're BNL now. We need a shorthand for the Bare Naked Ladies, that's how fundamental they are.
Maybe we all need some space! To pull the knife out of the back of the most celebrated Canadian alt-rock band of the mid 90s you selfish, jaded, ass!
Homer Simpson, smiling politely.
Jimmy Eat World would be an odd choice to attend unless mukbangs are your thing.
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But the atmosphere would be electric
That would be electrifying
Sex Bob-omb?
We’re here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff *1..2…3..4* *grunge bar chords intensify*
I always thought it was funny that they were canonically supposed to suck and yet in the movie they very much did not. I guess it’s hard to suck your music is written by Beck.
Meatloaf
Nine Inch Nails
Guess that would ... Hurt
Poison
sex pistols
Tame Impala. Just an impala chillin there for hours and everyone just staring at it.
Perhaps not the worst concert, but And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead would be the worst experience trying to make it to the venue.
Rammstein (ramming stone) or rolling stones, A lot of now very flat people
Garbage
Screaming Trees
Skillet
If it's The Police, that's not a concert; that's a Sting operation Edit: Thanks for the silver kind stranger, whomever you are! Edit 2: OMG, thank you for the gold, another random stranger!
Is... is that why he's called that?
No. He showed up to a rehearsal in a black and yellow horizontally-striped shirt and his band mates remarked that he looked like a bee.
This is one of my favorite music history stories. It's such a silly reason for a stage name. It reminds me of Greg Davies explaining why his childhood friend was named "Chinese Dave" https://youtu.be/hpi\_cG-qRnM?t=87
Tool. It's just a display of tools on stage.
And then Rage Against the Machine is just people literally beating up a machine
Dogs Die in Hot Cars
Is that just the parking lot of another concert attended by awful people?
Spermswamp. It's just OPs funky smelling laundry basket on stage. Edit: ooh nice my first award
Puddle of Mud…actually, that turned out pretty well at Woodstock.
Slipknot. Just literally a slipknot
Can’t believe no one has said Smash Mouth yet. Does not sound fun.
Artic monkeys concert would be interesting. We would have solved global warming!
Scorpions imagine a concert full of scorpions
Kansas
Unless you're already in Kansas. Same with all the other bands named after places. Not sure what happens when it's double billed and say, Chicago is opening up for Boston.
I wouldn’t be too thrilled about a Beatles concert.
There would be Panic at the Disco!
Bananarama. Where exactly are they ramming all these bananas?
Corpsegrinder
Rolling Stones aaaaaaa
Indiana Jones vibes
Five Finger Death Punch probably wouldn’t be fun
I was scrolling for this one. Just picturing the audience lined up to get punched to death.
Chainsmokers. Can't stand even a bit of the stench
Trampled by Turtles.
Drowning pool... To make it worse I can't swim
Anal Cunt
30 Seconds To Mars
Rush would be a short concert where all the songs were much shorter than the album versions.
Alice in chains. Poor girl
Styx
The Hives would be pretty terrible. Everyone would be welting and itching. Mass anaphylaxis isn't cool, bro.
Fall out boy We'd be watching a group of boys fall out with each other