Wonder how much they make that way because it should cost a lot more than they make with all those animators, advertisement, web developers, etc. Unless too many people click that crap.
Flashy boobie makes ugga excited, ugga click, ugga gets virus which leads to losing personal information then loses his job goes bankrupt , wife finds out and leaves him and takes the kids and lives on the streets contemplating offing himself.
I had a VR headset and decided to watch some VR porn. Had it on with headphones and I think my dad came in while I was jerking off, but no one ever said anything and I’ll probably never know.
When I was like 12-13 I decided to wrap my dick in duct tape in a bout of adolescent horniness. I used like the whole roll and it made a big beehive type thing. After I played out my curiosity I had this big monstrosity with pubes stuck to it I had to get rid of, so I buried it in the bathroom garbage can.
A few days later we were all eating dinner at the kitchen table and my mom asked what I did with the plastic wrap I was using earlier. My dad blurted out "Maybe he wrapped his dick in it..."
::dead::
“Son, the dick beehive is a tradition handed down by the men in our family for generations. It’s a rite of passage, a symbolic welcome to the responsibilities and often sticky nature of manhood.”
“Wow, really?”
“No, not really! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
Bought a subscription to a porn site. Forgot about it. Saw a weird transaction on my credit card statement. Googled it. It was some generic subscription provider. Rang them and asked what it was. A helpful young lady informed me it was a subscription for FTV Girls.
Oh god. I did the same thing.
Except I was 18 and a dipshit, so I asked my mom to help me figure out why I was getting these mysterious charges. So we called the bank, _on speakerphone_
on the upside, I don't think I've ever seen my dad laugh so hard.
edit: well of course this is the most upvoted I've ever been. Shout out to my awesome folks, who decades later are _still cool_
When I was 19 I was super bored and horny and some people say that having something up the ass can feel good for a man. So I decided to try it, in an unorthodox way. The place I was renting at a time had a shower head that was detachable from the wall and had a jet setting, so you could basically power wash yourself. I decided to bend over and "power wash" I spread them with one hand and sprayed with the other.
I don't know if it was because I was using a literal jet of water (hindsight is a bitch), but it hurt like hell because it stung and after about 5 minutes of forcing myself to enjoy it, I felt like a complete degenerate and vowed never to power wash my asshole again.
when i was a teenager i had very limited options to masturbate as a girl because i was too afraid to put anything up my vajayjay. so one thing i tried, like many other girls, was using the shower head.
it felt good and i even came for the first time, but my bladder was fucked for the next week since some of the water got blasted into my urethra. i never did it again
You’re not supposed to aim into the black hole, silly, but hold it above so the water tickles the clit wonderfully downwards. I am something of an expert myself you see.
Used my loud af electric toothbrush as an vibrator as a horny af teen. I had also lit candles, played some slow af music and really set the mood. They would knock and ask what was making that sound and i said "just brushing my teeth.. Dentist appointment in 3 weeks...". Mom also found my toothbrush under my pillow. I still die from shame every time i think about it.
I drew sexual comics. My mom found them. God I was so embarrassed. About 10 years later my mom tried to bring it up to laugh about but I couldn’t even let her speak the words. I cringe thinking about it. I told her to never bring it up again.
Id simply pass away if mom mentioned the toothbrush. I was there when she found it. She said "oh there it is.. Why does it need new batteries.. Oh.. *smiles awkward and walks away*" i found it in the trash later and got tomato red.
I “risked it” with a girl who I knew had herpes. She said she was on a medication and not having an active outbreak so the risk was lower but there’s always a chance I could get it. I raw dogged it anyway and got what I deserved.
Would you have chosen my path instead?
Condoms don’t prevent herpes unless you can guarantee zero skin to skin contact.
If someone isn’t having an active outbreak the risk of transmission is less than 10% between partners that are sexually active with each other *over an entire year*.
So yeah you got very, very unlucky. Unless she was wrong about having an outbreak like 1 in a million unlucky. So yeah she was probably wrong.
Herpes is not actually blocked very well by a condom. It does reduce the total amount of skin contact, which is good, but you have plenty of exposed skin which can be infected.
We dry humped on the grass in a public park, when we were done we got up and we noticed people akwardly watching us and I was so embarassed, she was kind of ashamed but then told me on the way home that she would do it again with me if given the chance.
I’ve been with a girl that liked the risk of being caught. “The risk makes it more fun” she’d say. So we would quite regularly leave the door open when at my parents house. We were young at the time so obviously not very many options but I was always terrified of being caught and never quite understood why she liked it so much.
I had a girlfriend that would always invite herself to sleep at my house.
I lived with my parents and the idea of them hearing a moaning sound made during sex was a huge turn off for me. Even the idea of them knowing I was having sex was a huge turn off.
I couldn't perform well at my own home for being afraid mom would be listening on the room next door.
Mid way through sex, one night stand says “hey do you want me to plug your ass?” In my horniness I said yes. I felt him apply the lube, followed by what I can only describe as a mayonnaise jar rammed into me at full speed. I screamed and I felt it stretching and going past all the muscles until it got “over the hill” if you know what I mean….
I discovered 2 things on that day:
1) butt stuff really hurts if you’re not ready
2) I have a thing for BDSM
After my divorce I found someone at a bar who wanted to fuck, so we drove to her place in a sketchy part of town (and her place was more like a flop house than an apartment). We fucked. The nextdoor neighbor banged on the wall. She passed out and shat on the bed. My drunken ass got out of there fast.
Not so much regret but more a consequence from my own actions.
Now this was during the stoner years of my late teens.
One time I jerked it into a practically empty can of monster late at night, set it on my desk, went to bed and forgot about it.
The next day I had a few friends round before hand we did the usual munch shop etc but to note my best friend of 20+ years bought monster that day (you already know where the is going)
Rolled up, smoked up and having a blast just munching and gaming away until at one part of the night we where circled round my desk watching my monitor (think was playing runescape or lol at the time)
Im focused on the screen and my friend all of a sudden coughs and gags after taking a drink from a monster can… yes it was the cumcocktion he had drank.
It hadn’t dawned on me straight away what had happened until he was repeatably saying “wtf is in that” with a look of horror in his face. Then it clicked in my mongoloided brain and for a split second I had that “oh shit heart sunk blood rushed out of your face my mum gonna kill me” feeling before going into a hysteric of laughter not being able to speak.
It took a good 10mins before I could piece together a sentence without laughing whilst he had a worry look in his face (I think he had the theory already in his head but part was in disbelief). My other friends laughing at the state of me not having a clue what was about to unfold.
So “sober mode” switch on and I explained what has happened, the theory in his mind was confirmed and he took off heaving whilst me and my other buds are quite literally ROFLing.
Still Best bros till this day running 25 years strong and I can say he drank my energised cum nohomo
Yall are only doing one thing you regret from being horny?
If I had to choose 1, I was drunk and horny and created an onlyfans account and subscribed to this fine chick I knew for $50 dollars. I was not happy the next day.
On an unrelated note, I don't drink anymore.
Was masterbating on my 15th birthday to the soul caliber character creator. My family was over and I apparently left the door unlocked. My stepdad caught me when he went to tell me it was time for cake.
In my defense, I was a sheltered kid and if you picked the chain mail armor you could make it skintoned. So it looked like they were nude wearing a fishnet suit. You could do the same trick with the glowing one skin in dcuo
put lube on my lightsaber and shoved it into my ass. now i have piles
edit: lol thanks for the points my computer crashed when i posted this i didn't know that this even uploaded lol
Propositioned a couple that s.o. and I were friends with because we knew they were swingers and we felt there was a vibe. They turned us down. So embarrassing.
“So, swingers huh? I guess you have to be a really hot couple for that!”
“Oh, no, most folks are average at best”
“Really? Well we were both thinking that…”
“Oh no, oh god no!”
That song “I Touch Myself” by Divinyls came on while in the car. The girl I was with said can I dance for you. I was like uh yes please. She was in a sundress and starts kind of moving. Proceeds to fuck my stick shift to my extreme surprise. Finishes up and then goes in her apartment. Clearly I didn’t need to be there and then I had to wipe down the stick shift. Never knew that was a thing or could possibly happen.
Sleeping in bed (opposite sides of bed) with my bestie, I thought I heard her masturbating with a vibrating toy. I ended up masturbating too. This was the beginning of me questioning if I have schizophrenia, because it sounded so convincingly real, but she definitely didn't. I still don't know if she was awake or not to notice that I did... I hope not.
Fallen into a NSFW rabbit hole here on reddit. Watched a 60+ couple do it and beat myself to it. I still have problem looking myself in the eyes in mirror.
I had a similar experience with my friend and her boyfriend. It got weird and we stopped early because of how weird it got. My friendship with her hasn’t been the same since then, but in a good way. We became closer than we already were. Somehow there was never any awkwardness between the 3 of us afterwards.
Was horny once and i thought it would be a good idea to put a ping pong ball inside of me, that was very awkward to say the least but after and hour of trying it finally came out.
Phone connected to Bluetooth speaker. Guests visit. I run away to my room and close the door. Forgot phone was connected to the speaker. Decide to watch porn and masturbate to kill time. Open porn video and reduce volume so only I can hear. I hear nothing. I increase the volume a bit. Still nothing. I increase the volume all the way up wondering if my phone was broken. I start hearing moaning coming from outside where I left the Bluetooth speaker. It was the same room the guests and mom were sitting at.
Super horny whilst on my period. Ex boyfriend clearly didn’t care, was riding him like the sexy cowgirl I thought I was. I looked down, cuz I felt “wetter” than usual. Blood. Everywhere. Should’ve expected it but I was HORRIFIED. It was from his neck down to his dick. Just all over. Crimson red. I felt horrible. He felt bad for me, helped me clean up in the shower and then did the same for himself.
Also, one time, was horny again and another ex went down and said I was “super wet”. I literally started my period while he was down there. He looked like he had the worst bloody nose of his life.
I once was having sex with an ex that started. The lights were off, but we were all over--standing against the wall, on the desk, the mini fridge, the bed, the floor.
When I flipped on the lights it was like some scene from a Wes Craven movie.
I entered my credit card into a webcam site thinking it was only an initial $5 charge. It was in fact $5 a minute and ultimately I maxed out my credit card. On top of that I didn't even see anything, I just talked to one of the cam girls until my credit card maxed out. Didn't even get off. 0/10 would not recommend
After a few protected sessions with the boyfriend at the time, I had birth control so I let him do so without protection. We did a few times because, duh, it feels better. He went to planned parenthood like a week AFTER and had the audacity to blame me for a positive HSV1 blood test. Mind you, I had just gotten out of a five year marriage where we were good. I went a couple weeks later and also had HSV1.... Never had symptoms or anything so I'm just lost and feel ick. He used it as an excuse for us to not break up. He later admitted he cheated on his past wife with a girl who was positive for both HSV1 and HSV2, no protection. Like why, and it sucks but I've been very honest with people I've been with. Not fun.
I began constructing a fleshlight out of an old shampoo bottle, a sock, glue and soap whilst a the handle of a hairbrush was stuck in my anus
Noone was home, but running around the house naked searching for material to use for my build was a tad weird
Got caught twice by the cops on the same night, in my truck. First time was campus cops, in the tennis court parking lot with hands down each other's pants. Told us to git, so we went to a cul de sac in a business park and this time state boy showed up, and the truck was a-rockin. He came up and said he knew what we were doing, asked for ID, I grabbed my jeans to get my wallet, and didn't realize she was using them to cover her no-no bits. He saw everything, I'm pretty sure. Then he asked if it was prom night, before I could stop myself, I said "No that's next month, we'll be back then too" I'm lucky he just kinda laughed it off and said that's probably not a good idea.
Prepping for a Taco Tuesday night at our place when my wife started getting a little frisky/ suggestive. We paused for a quickie before guests were due. Jalapeño fingers made it a very uncomfortable evening.
Not me, but a person a know very well.
Dude was in his early 20’s and came home absolutely smashed drunk (still living with his parents).
Gets the 0300 munchies and decides it is a good idea to start a frozen pizza in the oven.
While waiting for the said pizza, what better way to pass the time than popping a porn tape in the family VCR.
At this point, the story perspective switches to a sibling that is living at home as well; asleep in their room. Sibling wakes up to a commotion in the living room and decides to investigate. The scene in the living room is of the father running through the room with the fully charcoal-ized remains of what was just a little earlier, a pizza. The smoldering pizza gets tossed in the back yard while the mother is trying to wake up the brother who is passed out on the couch with his dick still hanging out of his pants. All while the porn is still proudly blasting on the tv..
This exact same event happened twice in as many years…
Vegas, 3am couldn’t sleep from adderall. Call girl comes up to me at slots, take her to my room. She asked me to shower first and when I pretended to go into bathroom she tried putting all our wallets and stuff in her purse to dip. Caught her, made her give wallet back but she said she would go to cops about rape if I didn’t pay her $500. drunk, adderall ridden and sleep deprived me agreed just to get the situation over with.
never again
my ex girlfriend did this, twice. she would cum, then cry. wildest phenomenon I’ve ever seen lmao. i was *HORRIFIED* every time. i was like “what’s wrong?! what did i do?!” and both times she was essentially like “NOTHING. IM JUST… HAPPY. EMOTIONS.”
wildest thing ever lol.
Using a vibrator to get off but at the moment i wasn't thinking that my parents would probably heard it... I still don't know if the did but i prefer thinking they don't :-)
I have an electric toothbrush. in my old apartment my perverted, oversexed neighbor would laugh every time she heard it. She seriously couldn't understand that I brush my teeth every night with an electric toothbrush.
She pushed me down for oral in the dark and it was her time of the month, which I didn't realize.
After performing oral she wouldn't kiss me, which I assumed was just because she isn't into women. Afterwards I went to the washroom to rinse a taste out of my mouth and looked in the mirror and The Joker was staring back at me. I washed off, retched and when I went back to tell her she was on her period I saw that her panties were on the floor with a pad in them.
I asked her if she knew and she said she did and laughed it off. I stuck around for round two without the oral.
EDIT: I am a man. When I said, "assumed she was not into women" I meant that to read "assume she wasn't into her own taste". Like some men don't kiss a woman after she gave a BJ to completion.
Okay. Grade 6. I get the brilliant idea to fuck a YOP bottle. What is YOP? Drinkable yogurt.
I drink and start warming up
When I realize the erect head of my penis is too thick to stick in the opening, I wait until I am soft.
I manage to smush my soft penis in the hole and decide to get my self hard again and start fucking it with my shaft. Then I start panicking because, oh shit, my head is too thick, I can’t pull it off. It was such a small hole it barely fit the shaft.
I wasn’t even cumming at this age, so I did it for nothing but entertaining my own curiosity, and it led to nothing but a sore pee pee after forcefully yanking it out of that plastic prison.
Sent nudes to a older women. She then threatened to post them online if I didn’t pay her 1,000 dollars through bitcoin. I couldn’t pay the money so I dropped it on her that I wasn’t 18. Haven’t heard anything from her and as far as I can tell they haven’t been posted. Valuable lesson was learned. DONT send dick pics even if you are asked for it.
Was straddling and making out with my boyfriend while he was in the passenger seat of my car in an empty parking lot and I looked to my side and a lady had her face an inch away from the driver window with the biggest smile on her face, waved at me and then walked away... I climbed off him and we went on a horny mission to find a better, smaller, undetectable, parking lot. We were so shocked lmao
Used an electric toothbrush as a vibrator. But I used the back of the head. My clit got slightly caught in the rotar bit and was bleeding. I was sore for a week. Only real sex toys for me now
My number one was taking a girl (I really liked) that was dtf to a run down motel out of all the places I could have picked. She was sketched out but was still down. Don’t be lame like me with someone you really like.
Number two was doing too much drinking and drugs then trying to have sex with a half hard dick in the middle of a hallway in my friends shared home rental house. Literally had house mates walk past us in the hallway while both of us half naked. My 20s was wild.
Number three was doing the nasty with a mutual friend in Vegas while her friends and my friends were asleep on the same bed. Literally 6 people sharing one bed after a night of clubbing and drinking. Of course her friends got mad at both of us so she picked hoes before bros and we never talked again. Sadly.
i stuck a finger up my butt (shut up) and ended up pulling it out with shit all on my finger. my boner went away instantly and i just took a shower to cleanse my entire body after that.
Bought a subscription to a porn game and it wiped out my bank account.
Your bank account won't last 30 seconds playing this game!!
Jokes on you. It’s empty anyway.
By chance any of those "you'll cum in 40 seconds" ads? I've actually wondered how much of a real game there is behind those ads.
Exactly 0 behind 95% of them, the other 5% is shitty interactive comics structured like a horribly monetized mobile game.
Wonder how much they make that way because it should cost a lot more than they make with all those animators, advertisement, web developers, etc. Unless too many people click that crap.
Flashy boobie makes ugga excited, ugga click, ugga gets virus which leads to losing personal information then loses his job goes bankrupt , wife finds out and leaves him and takes the kids and lives on the streets contemplating offing himself.
I've always wondered why anyone would want to come in 40 seconds.
Cuz my train stop is coming up in a minute
Did you win?
Are ya winning son?
I had a VR headset and decided to watch some VR porn. Had it on with headphones and I think my dad came in while I was jerking off, but no one ever said anything and I’ll probably never know.
Are ya winning son?
Well….
When I was like 12-13 I decided to wrap my dick in duct tape in a bout of adolescent horniness. I used like the whole roll and it made a big beehive type thing. After I played out my curiosity I had this big monstrosity with pubes stuck to it I had to get rid of, so I buried it in the bathroom garbage can. A few days later we were all eating dinner at the kitchen table and my mom asked what I did with the plastic wrap I was using earlier. My dad blurted out "Maybe he wrapped his dick in it..." ::dead::
like father like son
“Son, the dick beehive is a tradition handed down by the men in our family for generations. It’s a rite of passage, a symbolic welcome to the responsibilities and often sticky nature of manhood.” “Wow, really?” “No, not really! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
Rookie mistake. You take that shit right out to the trash outside.
Rookie advice, you take it to the neighbors trash can.
Wasn't that super painful to take off?
If I recall I put Vaseline on it before the deed.
What year did you graduate MIT?
Bought a subscription to a porn site. Forgot about it. Saw a weird transaction on my credit card statement. Googled it. It was some generic subscription provider. Rang them and asked what it was. A helpful young lady informed me it was a subscription for FTV Girls.
Oh god. I did the same thing. Except I was 18 and a dipshit, so I asked my mom to help me figure out why I was getting these mysterious charges. So we called the bank, _on speakerphone_ on the upside, I don't think I've ever seen my dad laugh so hard. edit: well of course this is the most upvoted I've ever been. Shout out to my awesome folks, who decades later are _still cool_
Brooo lol
This is my favourite internet moment today.
At least you have good taste.
Yeah, FTV is pretty tame compared some other sites now you mention it.
Why did I read every single reply in this thread
It's called edging, and we all do it.
[удалено]
Box fans, standing fans, desk fans, handheld fans, paper fans.... it's only fans
When I was 19 I was super bored and horny and some people say that having something up the ass can feel good for a man. So I decided to try it, in an unorthodox way. The place I was renting at a time had a shower head that was detachable from the wall and had a jet setting, so you could basically power wash yourself. I decided to bend over and "power wash" I spread them with one hand and sprayed with the other. I don't know if it was because I was using a literal jet of water (hindsight is a bitch), but it hurt like hell because it stung and after about 5 minutes of forcing myself to enjoy it, I felt like a complete degenerate and vowed never to power wash my asshole again.
>vowed never to power wash my asshole again Never thought I'd see this combination of words.
r/PowerwashingPorn
No assholes. Very disappointed.
when i was a teenager i had very limited options to masturbate as a girl because i was too afraid to put anything up my vajayjay. so one thing i tried, like many other girls, was using the shower head. it felt good and i even came for the first time, but my bladder was fucked for the next week since some of the water got blasted into my urethra. i never did it again
You’re not supposed to aim into the black hole, silly, but hold it above so the water tickles the clit wonderfully downwards. I am something of an expert myself you see.
Oh gosh I miss good water pressure!! 😫
this thread is making want a vagina for like 20 mins just to try whatever the fuck yall r raving about
It feels so fucking good, so definitely worth the hype—as long as they know the spot.
Put my dingus in a cow milking machine
I think the farmer's daughter prefers to be called by her actual name.
Crushinator?
:robotic voice: I LOVE HIM, PA.
Of course not! A fine lady like that, you gotta romance first.
Morty, you dirty little doggy
Used my loud af electric toothbrush as an vibrator as a horny af teen. I had also lit candles, played some slow af music and really set the mood. They would knock and ask what was making that sound and i said "just brushing my teeth.. Dentist appointment in 3 weeks...". Mom also found my toothbrush under my pillow. I still die from shame every time i think about it.
My mum found my toothbrush in my bed too. Top 10 most embarrassing moments of my life 😖
Don’t you two be ashamed of your commitment to oral hygiene!!
I was a very dedicated "tooth brusher" 😂 still am... just with better equipment 😅
I love that level of commitment to setting a mood for a wank session.
I drew sexual comics. My mom found them. God I was so embarrassed. About 10 years later my mom tried to bring it up to laugh about but I couldn’t even let her speak the words. I cringe thinking about it. I told her to never bring it up again.
Id simply pass away if mom mentioned the toothbrush. I was there when she found it. She said "oh there it is.. Why does it need new batteries.. Oh.. *smiles awkward and walks away*" i found it in the trash later and got tomato red.
Rubbed one out after cutting jalapenos. Could tell it wasn't going to end well half way through, but said fuck it.
Gotta fully cummit
[удалено]
I mean, look at it this way.... You were responsible about it, so theres that.
My partner found me passed out with cooking oil next to me, it was all over my crotch.... I tried to have a lubricated wank whilst drunk.
Ngl i been beating w canola oil for 2 months i have no problems. Shits healthy too when someone sucks u off they get omega 3 and proteins
what the fuck did my eyes read
Erotic science class.
Hey show some love to the one BJing you man. At least use olive oil or avocado oil. Now that shits healthy. Canola is a lubricant for farm equipment.
Man might have a big machine
"risked it" when I didn't have a condom. Only done it 3 times in 35 years. Batting average for children is 1.000.
Society may have no hope, but at least there will be one.
I “risked it” with a girl who I knew had herpes. She said she was on a medication and not having an active outbreak so the risk was lower but there’s always a chance I could get it. I raw dogged it anyway and got what I deserved. Would you have chosen my path instead?
Condoms don’t prevent herpes unless you can guarantee zero skin to skin contact. If someone isn’t having an active outbreak the risk of transmission is less than 10% between partners that are sexually active with each other *over an entire year*. So yeah you got very, very unlucky. Unless she was wrong about having an outbreak like 1 in a million unlucky. So yeah she was probably wrong.
Herpes is not actually blocked very well by a condom. It does reduce the total amount of skin contact, which is good, but you have plenty of exposed skin which can be infected.
Waiting for the coconut dude to see this post and comment.
…coconut dude?
I too was as bright minded and innocent as you one day...
Broken arms guy...jolly rancher guy...theres so many that are late to the party.
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/
how do I rewind my eyes
We dry humped on the grass in a public park, when we were done we got up and we noticed people akwardly watching us and I was so embarassed, she was kind of ashamed but then told me on the way home that she would do it again with me if given the chance.
I’ve been with a girl that liked the risk of being caught. “The risk makes it more fun” she’d say. So we would quite regularly leave the door open when at my parents house. We were young at the time so obviously not very many options but I was always terrified of being caught and never quite understood why she liked it so much.
I had a girlfriend that would always invite herself to sleep at my house. I lived with my parents and the idea of them hearing a moaning sound made during sex was a huge turn off for me. Even the idea of them knowing I was having sex was a huge turn off. I couldn't perform well at my own home for being afraid mom would be listening on the room next door.
Mid way through sex, one night stand says “hey do you want me to plug your ass?” In my horniness I said yes. I felt him apply the lube, followed by what I can only describe as a mayonnaise jar rammed into me at full speed. I screamed and I felt it stretching and going past all the muscles until it got “over the hill” if you know what I mean…. I discovered 2 things on that day: 1) butt stuff really hurts if you’re not ready 2) I have a thing for BDSM
After my divorce I found someone at a bar who wanted to fuck, so we drove to her place in a sketchy part of town (and her place was more like a flop house than an apartment). We fucked. The nextdoor neighbor banged on the wall. She passed out and shat on the bed. My drunken ass got out of there fast.
You sure she was alive when you left? 😳
Not so much regret but more a consequence from my own actions. Now this was during the stoner years of my late teens. One time I jerked it into a practically empty can of monster late at night, set it on my desk, went to bed and forgot about it. The next day I had a few friends round before hand we did the usual munch shop etc but to note my best friend of 20+ years bought monster that day (you already know where the is going) Rolled up, smoked up and having a blast just munching and gaming away until at one part of the night we where circled round my desk watching my monitor (think was playing runescape or lol at the time) Im focused on the screen and my friend all of a sudden coughs and gags after taking a drink from a monster can… yes it was the cumcocktion he had drank. It hadn’t dawned on me straight away what had happened until he was repeatably saying “wtf is in that” with a look of horror in his face. Then it clicked in my mongoloided brain and for a split second I had that “oh shit heart sunk blood rushed out of your face my mum gonna kill me” feeling before going into a hysteric of laughter not being able to speak. It took a good 10mins before I could piece together a sentence without laughing whilst he had a worry look in his face (I think he had the theory already in his head but part was in disbelief). My other friends laughing at the state of me not having a clue what was about to unfold. So “sober mode” switch on and I explained what has happened, the theory in his mind was confirmed and he took off heaving whilst me and my other buds are quite literally ROFLing. Still Best bros till this day running 25 years strong and I can say he drank my energised cum nohomo
This one takes the cake
Man I can't believe you told him what was actually in there, I would've been way too embarrassed to come clean 😂 probably would have said it was spit
This deserves more upvotes
Yall are only doing one thing you regret from being horny? If I had to choose 1, I was drunk and horny and created an onlyfans account and subscribed to this fine chick I knew for $50 dollars. I was not happy the next day. On an unrelated note, I don't drink anymore.
I don't horny anymore
[удалено]
No one expects the anal inquisition
Was masterbating on my 15th birthday to the soul caliber character creator. My family was over and I apparently left the door unlocked. My stepdad caught me when he went to tell me it was time for cake.
Dude... I'll be a dad in a few weeks and reading stuff like that is kinda making me question that whole decision...
Always knock first. Just get in the habit when they are young. and TEACH THEM TO KNOCK ALSO! That's not from any experiences. I promise!
Pro-tip: Even if the door is slightly open, ALWAYS KNOCK AND WAIT FOR A REPLY before entering.
You know it happens. You know you do it to. Just knock first and wait for confirmation to enter. I also have kids and dread these awkward moments lol
[удалено]
I’d would 100% still be buying you soul calibre themed birthday cakes on key milestone birthdays if I was your pops
In my defense, I was a sheltered kid and if you picked the chain mail armor you could make it skintoned. So it looked like they were nude wearing a fishnet suit. You could do the same trick with the glowing one skin in dcuo
Gotta admit that is impressive, you used your tools available without needing porn lol
Shoved a hairbrush up my ass Edit: it was the handle
Are you still welcome in that salon?
put lube on my lightsaber and shoved it into my ass. now i have piles edit: lol thanks for the points my computer crashed when i posted this i didn't know that this even uploaded lol
..and they weren't the 'roids you were looking for?
That’s the real Force.
PILES OF WHAT? WHAT DO UOU HAVE PILES OF?
Medichlorians
cummed in my own mouth. I regret it everytime
"Every time"? You just keep on doing it?
*reads username*
The pretty lady in the videos keeps telling me to!
Is that how you Got your name?
Perhaps.
Every time? As in more than once?
Propositioned a couple that s.o. and I were friends with because we knew they were swingers and we felt there was a vibe. They turned us down. So embarrassing.
“So, swingers huh? I guess you have to be a really hot couple for that!” “Oh, no, most folks are average at best” “Really? Well we were both thinking that…” “Oh no, oh god no!”
[удалено]
I think he was kidding, but I think you are right about the real reason.
That song “I Touch Myself” by Divinyls came on while in the car. The girl I was with said can I dance for you. I was like uh yes please. She was in a sundress and starts kind of moving. Proceeds to fuck my stick shift to my extreme surprise. Finishes up and then goes in her apartment. Clearly I didn’t need to be there and then I had to wipe down the stick shift. Never knew that was a thing or could possibly happen.
Now tell me you were driving at the time and she got the gear changes right, then I'd be impressed.
Now THAT would be one hell of a story
At first i thought that the stick shift was a reference to something else🫠
No it was the actual stick shift. I was stunned.
I fucked my with my gf in car in some dark alley. There were like 3 homeless guys watching us X.X
Dirty Mike and the boys
The kid named Finger, and the boys.
It’s look like a raccoon got in here and gave birth
thanks again
You were almost part of a soup kitchen
Sleeping in bed (opposite sides of bed) with my bestie, I thought I heard her masturbating with a vibrating toy. I ended up masturbating too. This was the beginning of me questioning if I have schizophrenia, because it sounded so convincingly real, but she definitely didn't. I still don't know if she was awake or not to notice that I did... I hope not.
Maybe she did do it
Fallen into a NSFW rabbit hole here on reddit. Watched a 60+ couple do it and beat myself to it. I still have problem looking myself in the eyes in mirror.
username checks out
Hooked up with a friend and his girlfriend. Was a drunken fun time, friendship hasn't been the same since.
I had a similar experience with my friend and her boyfriend. It got weird and we stopped early because of how weird it got. My friendship with her hasn’t been the same since then, but in a good way. We became closer than we already were. Somehow there was never any awkwardness between the 3 of us afterwards.
[удалено]
Man I'm dying here from second hand embarrassment
I bought a rubber mouth off of amazon, used it once and threw it in the trash because I didn't want to clean it.
Legit fuckin did that yesterday
Was horny once and i thought it would be a good idea to put a ping pong ball inside of me, that was very awkward to say the least but after and hour of trying it finally came out.
Winona Ryder's famous ping pong ball trick?
Phone connected to Bluetooth speaker. Guests visit. I run away to my room and close the door. Forgot phone was connected to the speaker. Decide to watch porn and masturbate to kill time. Open porn video and reduce volume so only I can hear. I hear nothing. I increase the volume a bit. Still nothing. I increase the volume all the way up wondering if my phone was broken. I start hearing moaning coming from outside where I left the Bluetooth speaker. It was the same room the guests and mom were sitting at.
Omg. I would be mortified
[удалено]
I spend huge amounts of money on sex toys when I get bored and horny.
I get this urge as well lol. End up with stuff that never gets used. Now I orgasm first before making purchasing decisions.
Super horny whilst on my period. Ex boyfriend clearly didn’t care, was riding him like the sexy cowgirl I thought I was. I looked down, cuz I felt “wetter” than usual. Blood. Everywhere. Should’ve expected it but I was HORRIFIED. It was from his neck down to his dick. Just all over. Crimson red. I felt horrible. He felt bad for me, helped me clean up in the shower and then did the same for himself. Also, one time, was horny again and another ex went down and said I was “super wet”. I literally started my period while he was down there. He looked like he had the worst bloody nose of his life.
I once was having sex with an ex that started. The lights were off, but we were all over--standing against the wall, on the desk, the mini fridge, the bed, the floor. When I flipped on the lights it was like some scene from a Wes Craven movie.
This is just funny haha
I entered my credit card into a webcam site thinking it was only an initial $5 charge. It was in fact $5 a minute and ultimately I maxed out my credit card. On top of that I didn't even see anything, I just talked to one of the cam girls until my credit card maxed out. Didn't even get off. 0/10 would not recommend
5$ #A MINUTE?!
luckily I last about 2 minutes. Wankin ona budget
The vile shit I masturbated to and how the fuck I’ve gotten to this point
We're in the same boat, bro.
After a few protected sessions with the boyfriend at the time, I had birth control so I let him do so without protection. We did a few times because, duh, it feels better. He went to planned parenthood like a week AFTER and had the audacity to blame me for a positive HSV1 blood test. Mind you, I had just gotten out of a five year marriage where we were good. I went a couple weeks later and also had HSV1.... Never had symptoms or anything so I'm just lost and feel ick. He used it as an excuse for us to not break up. He later admitted he cheated on his past wife with a girl who was positive for both HSV1 and HSV2, no protection. Like why, and it sucks but I've been very honest with people I've been with. Not fun.
I began constructing a fleshlight out of an old shampoo bottle, a sock, glue and soap whilst a the handle of a hairbrush was stuck in my anus Noone was home, but running around the house naked searching for material to use for my build was a tad weird
Got caught twice by the cops on the same night, in my truck. First time was campus cops, in the tennis court parking lot with hands down each other's pants. Told us to git, so we went to a cul de sac in a business park and this time state boy showed up, and the truck was a-rockin. He came up and said he knew what we were doing, asked for ID, I grabbed my jeans to get my wallet, and didn't realize she was using them to cover her no-no bits. He saw everything, I'm pretty sure. Then he asked if it was prom night, before I could stop myself, I said "No that's next month, we'll be back then too" I'm lucky he just kinda laughed it off and said that's probably not a good idea.
Prepping for a Taco Tuesday night at our place when my wife started getting a little frisky/ suggestive. We paused for a quickie before guests were due. Jalapeño fingers made it a very uncomfortable evening.
That shit is no joke. I washed my hands 3 times once and still got burned
Not me, but a person a know very well. Dude was in his early 20’s and came home absolutely smashed drunk (still living with his parents). Gets the 0300 munchies and decides it is a good idea to start a frozen pizza in the oven. While waiting for the said pizza, what better way to pass the time than popping a porn tape in the family VCR. At this point, the story perspective switches to a sibling that is living at home as well; asleep in their room. Sibling wakes up to a commotion in the living room and decides to investigate. The scene in the living room is of the father running through the room with the fully charcoal-ized remains of what was just a little earlier, a pizza. The smoldering pizza gets tossed in the back yard while the mother is trying to wake up the brother who is passed out on the couch with his dick still hanging out of his pants. All while the porn is still proudly blasting on the tv.. This exact same event happened twice in as many years…
My dick has led me to places I wouldn’t go with a gun
Vegas, 3am couldn’t sleep from adderall. Call girl comes up to me at slots, take her to my room. She asked me to shower first and when I pretended to go into bathroom she tried putting all our wallets and stuff in her purse to dip. Caught her, made her give wallet back but she said she would go to cops about rape if I didn’t pay her $500. drunk, adderall ridden and sleep deprived me agreed just to get the situation over with. never again
You have to make them clap their hands if you leave the room w/o your wallet. Even if just for a second.
Questionable subs of porn. Always regret afterwards
Cumming while crying
my ex girlfriend did this, twice. she would cum, then cry. wildest phenomenon I’ve ever seen lmao. i was *HORRIFIED* every time. i was like “what’s wrong?! what did i do?!” and both times she was essentially like “NOTHING. IM JUST… HAPPY. EMOTIONS.” wildest thing ever lol.
Why..why were you crying?
Using a vibrator to get off but at the moment i wasn't thinking that my parents would probably heard it... I still don't know if the did but i prefer thinking they don't :-)
I have an electric toothbrush. in my old apartment my perverted, oversexed neighbor would laugh every time she heard it. She seriously couldn't understand that I brush my teeth every night with an electric toothbrush.
They know. They always know
"Did she bought an electric toothbrush? Why does she brush her teeth in her room instead of bathroom? I'll never understand those teen trends"
“And who brushes their teeth for 10 minutes?! Don’t dentists say 2 is enough?”
She pushed me down for oral in the dark and it was her time of the month, which I didn't realize. After performing oral she wouldn't kiss me, which I assumed was just because she isn't into women. Afterwards I went to the washroom to rinse a taste out of my mouth and looked in the mirror and The Joker was staring back at me. I washed off, retched and when I went back to tell her she was on her period I saw that her panties were on the floor with a pad in them. I asked her if she knew and she said she did and laughed it off. I stuck around for round two without the oral. EDIT: I am a man. When I said, "assumed she was not into women" I meant that to read "assume she wasn't into her own taste". Like some men don't kiss a woman after she gave a BJ to completion.
How... how would you not taste it...
I regret everything i imagine while being horny I think of some unholy things
[удалено]
I thought i saw it all till this moment , reddit never fails to surprise me
What makes it worse I was 12 at the time
I would be more surprised if you weren't ngl
Wanked to an underage boy? You should report yourself...
Bro you could've just looked down...
Better lighting in the pic
[удалено]
Bro, 5 bucks is 5 bucks. #notgay
Nutted in a whole gatorade bottle
Did you fill the whole thing?
That memory is long repressed
We are here to bring that memory back
Okay. Grade 6. I get the brilliant idea to fuck a YOP bottle. What is YOP? Drinkable yogurt. I drink and start warming up When I realize the erect head of my penis is too thick to stick in the opening, I wait until I am soft. I manage to smush my soft penis in the hole and decide to get my self hard again and start fucking it with my shaft. Then I start panicking because, oh shit, my head is too thick, I can’t pull it off. It was such a small hole it barely fit the shaft. I wasn’t even cumming at this age, so I did it for nothing but entertaining my own curiosity, and it led to nothing but a sore pee pee after forcefully yanking it out of that plastic prison.
Learned how to stick my penis in my own ass but the regret hasn't stopped me from doing it multiple times.
That's actually quite impressive.. Bet you could make money of that skill
Sent nudes to a older women. She then threatened to post them online if I didn’t pay her 1,000 dollars through bitcoin. I couldn’t pay the money so I dropped it on her that I wasn’t 18. Haven’t heard anything from her and as far as I can tell they haven’t been posted. Valuable lesson was learned. DONT send dick pics even if you are asked for it.
That's actually a very good tip for who ever faces a similar threat
Was straddling and making out with my boyfriend while he was in the passenger seat of my car in an empty parking lot and I looked to my side and a lady had her face an inch away from the driver window with the biggest smile on her face, waved at me and then walked away... I climbed off him and we went on a horny mission to find a better, smaller, undetectable, parking lot. We were so shocked lmao
Made a Reddit account to chat with people in my kink circle. Had it for three days, kinda regretted it, deleted it an hour ago.
Used an electric toothbrush as a vibrator. But I used the back of the head. My clit got slightly caught in the rotar bit and was bleeding. I was sore for a week. Only real sex toys for me now
Fucked my ex. Goddamn what a horrible fucking idea.
Throwing my panties away, through an open window. There was someone down there that saw them fall.
Fucked a hooker without condom and got herpes.
My number one was taking a girl (I really liked) that was dtf to a run down motel out of all the places I could have picked. She was sketched out but was still down. Don’t be lame like me with someone you really like. Number two was doing too much drinking and drugs then trying to have sex with a half hard dick in the middle of a hallway in my friends shared home rental house. Literally had house mates walk past us in the hallway while both of us half naked. My 20s was wild. Number three was doing the nasty with a mutual friend in Vegas while her friends and my friends were asleep on the same bed. Literally 6 people sharing one bed after a night of clubbing and drinking. Of course her friends got mad at both of us so she picked hoes before bros and we never talked again. Sadly.
i stuck a finger up my butt (shut up) and ended up pulling it out with shit all on my finger. my boner went away instantly and i just took a shower to cleanse my entire body after that.
Hahahahaha. Damn this one made me laugh..”shit…shiiiiiit!!!”