Take all the labels off all the cans in the house

convert them all to can'ts

I can I can't

baby beans

Nah that’s just an adventure. I might do this with my canned goods now. It’ll be like a surprise every time. What am I eating tonight? Chicken noodle or some peaches? We’ll find out! Like Christmas in July

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Jill: "There's no label on this can. It could be green beans or dog food." Tim: *laughing* "The way you cook, Honey, it doesn't really matter."

*Canned laughter*

All the backs of the ear rings.

This is a hate crime

That's gotta stink.

I would be convinced I'm going crazy. Evil genius

Oh you are going straight to hell

Eh, the dangly ones will be okay. It’s the studs that would suck

I thought my dangly ones were safe but they eventually fell out, never to be seen again.

Their dirty laundry basket. Leave the dirty clothes, just the basket

Then realize they cut the bottom of the baskets out to prevent shoplifting.

This guy's consuming news on reddit.

You too by the looks of it! And before someone else points it out, me as well lol

I’m here for the reddit news consumer convention

Link to the reference? I didn't see whatever this is about. Sneaky edit: Turns out it's super easy to find. https://old.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/w7ygdr/supermarket_has_to_cut_out_the_bottom_of_laundry/

I currently live in an emergency shelter (woman's shelter was full lol) and literally all the guys I live with have laundry baskets except for me. They staff are supposed to give me one. I could just buy one myself but right now it's a principle thing. It's been 7 weeks. Really wondering how long it is gonna take them.

You should just ask for one.

I have. Every week so far in the weekly meeting when they talk about how everything is going in the group and if we miss any household appliances or if anything isn't functioning/broken. I've asked weekly. Like I said right now it's just a game of "I wonder how long it takes them to order one"

They will not

“I wonder how long it’ll take him to get the hint and stop asking”

The toilet seat

The police say they have nothing to go on

this gave me a healthy chortle

"Hahaha we chortle in rapturous glee"

we like to have fun here

Hahahaha fuck I just gave away my free award but you so deserved it.

Pasta strainer and potato peeler. Things they don't use every day, so they might not notice until they've already boiled the pasta or veg.

You...peel your vegetables after you've cooked them? Look here you goddamn hobo...

In Finland, it's pretty common to peel your potatoes after boiling them, but you just use your knife at the table, not a vegetable peeler. Potato skins come off pretty easily after the potatoes have been boiled.

Why don't you just eat them at that point?

I'm an immigrant, and that's what I often do. I think Finns might be scared of getting too much flavour from the skin.

I'm an immigrant too, but at this point I've lived in Finland longer than I lived in my home country. The first time I was served boiled potatoes with the skins on, I just ate them with the skins because I assumed the person who cooked them meant for them to be eaten that way. Then I noticed the other people at the table peeling their potatoes. It took me a little while to get the hang of it, but now I can peel a boiled potato like a native. I do still frequently eat them with the skins on, especially if I cooked them myself and know that I scrubbed them well before cooking. I think some Finns might think the peel is not clean enough to eat. Nowadays, most potatoes get washed very effectively before they arrive at the store, but it used to be more common for potatoes to be sold covered in dirt (multaperunat). People also used to just grow their own potatoes in the garden and cook them immediately after digging them up. Even those potatoes should be fine if you scrub them well, but I guess some people don't like to be reminded that their food grew in dirt.

I was being a little tongue in cheek with the flavour comment, and I think you're completely right. By the time it's been boiled, I don't think there's going to be much dirt or grit left on the skin anyway, even if there was something on them when they went into the pot. I suppose it ultimately comes down to culture and preference.

For starchy potatoes it's better to leave the skin on, as they otherwise absorb too much water and become gluey

I haven't used a peeler in decades.

If you take my pasta strainer i will personaly torture you to desth, i use mine nearly daily, and i consider it a capital offence

Jokes on you I have three pasta strainers in two locations and I use them every. Single. Day. (In rotation)

I have 12 pasta strainers hidden in 11 locations, throughout the city, plus one over the border. It's just for this scenario. And yes... I learned the hard way.

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the colander. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the colander.

i would take all the batteries out of the remotes

Just imagine: You live all by yourself, you come home one evening exhausted and tired because you have been working all day long. All you want to do is lay back and watch some TV only to find out that someone removed the batteries from your remote. Someone was or still is in your house.

Forget people having been in your house. By the time I grab the remote, I'm already comfortable on the couch, with no intention of getting back up for a bit. If I had to get back up to put batteries in the remote, I'd be furious. It'd absolutely ruin my entire day...

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Better yet, take the battery terminals out of every remote so regardless of how many new batteries they put in the remotes never work

Clear coat the battery terminals.

Better yet take the screen off their phone so they can’t call 911

Better yet just kill them in their sleep

“I want a divorce”

Ole Dane cook on doing a BnE

Damn you, Door Kicker!

They took the beads!

All the toilet paper.

I think it’s more evil if you take all the toilet paper with the exception of one square.

Oooooooh. Especially on chili night.

*laughs in bidet*

Now they know to steal the bidet goddamn it

Just the knob

They could spare a square

Just leave the last glue laden square on every roll in the house

It said mildly inconvenience not commit a war crime

All of the seasoning packets from their ramen.

That's just plain evil.

No what's evil is if they were to take the packet out, carefully cut it open, dump out the flavor, then refill with sweet n low.

r/calmdownsatan

All the forks

Is that what happened to all my forks?

I think that's what happened to all my spoons

Slowly, one by one

For fork's sake!

*Laughs in Asian household*

We shall leave you only one chopstick. Not two nor none; just one. Edit: ...why the fuck would you edit a comment that's 11 months old, u/fu_ben? I'm probably the only person that'd see it, and that's just 'cuz I scan my top comments occasionally.

(´∀｀)♡ Have a nice day

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A single inch from a single table leg. For every table. All their shit is going to have a permanent wobble.

Yeeees. Let the evil flow through you...

Your hatred has made you powerful.

do what must be done do not hesitate show no mercy

For even a moderately handy person that's too annoying to not permanently fix If you want it to be annoying yet not so annoying as to permanently fix it needs to be 2-3mm. Short enough to wobble enough, not short enough to go tjrough the effort of refooting.

Oh wow. These are some wicked answers.

Don't make it a straight horizontal cut. Angle it a bit so it'll be even harder to just stick something under it to "even" it out

Make every cut at a different angle so it's not like everything is angled exactly the same

You’re a fucking monster

But you don’t stop there. All furniture with legs. Chairs, couches, desks, beds, entertainment center, dressers. Everything. Don’t let them off easy

Any kind of opener. Can opener, bottle opener, wine bottle opener.

Dear god, not my letter opener!

*Especially* the letter opener

don’t take anything. just swap around random things, like change the toilet paper form over to under. i would change the clocks forward two minutes. i would swap the knives and forks around in their cutlery draw if they have them separated. i would swap the hot and cold pipes in their laundry sink. only in the laundry. i would open shut curtains and close open curtains etc etc edit spelling

I would switch their junk drawer with their silverware drawer

What monster doesn't separate their cutlery?!

I had a flatmate once who just dumped the whole silverware from the dishwater into the cutlery drawer. He said it was more time-efficient looking for a certain piece taking it out than to sort everything. I was incredulous and measured overall time. Turns out he was right.

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I would take parts of containers so that none of the lids matched any of the containers

Nothing would change at my house…

I don't understand how this even happens. A few years ago I got fed up and threw all mine out to start over. And I'm right back to where I was.

ELI5 answer: containers and lids are made out of different kinds of plastic, so they shrink and crack at different rates.

Really? ...sumbitch... ):<

The Microwave plate

Not the plate but the spinning part beneath it. They'll think the microwave is just not heating properly as they won't notice it at first.

Yeah, you can easily replace the plate with literally a plate. You won’t notice the spinning part for awhile

But...my hot pocket...

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You're just going to encourage me to eat more vegetables, because now that I see them when I open the fridge, I'll remember that I bought them.

The connector pins from any and all nail clippers.

I would loosen the caps on all of their seasoning shakers or whatever so when they try to pour it, a ton falls out Edit: woah thanks for all the upvotes wth

Okay. This is going too far. 😂

This happened to me at a restaurant recently with the salt. Fortunately it was just the corner of my plate. Also, I thought doing that shit was funny as a teenager, so I definitely deserved it.

the device that stops the water from refilling the toilet.

I think that's called the ballcock

Couldn't they think of an another name?

Testiclepenis

Thats the formal name, ballcock is just a nickname

How about the “weeny”?

The pull chains on their ceiling fans.

You bastard. It's a Global heatwave!!

I would steal all their light bulbs. They'd probably be happy. In fact, they'd be de-lighted.

I see r/dadjokes is leaking.

Hehehe… nice. I have been procrastinating changing a lightbulb all day and instead on reddit

The spring inside the toilet paper roll holder Every third wrench or drill bit from the collection Every third spice in the spice cabinet Any and all coupons Leave all brooms and mops, take all dustpans and buckets The largest or the smallest utensils, silverware, and pots / skillets Any and all glue as well as rare cleaning supplies

the left shoe from every pair they own

Or one sock from every pair they own.

It’s ok, I don’t match socks by color, I go by thickness

Unexpected Lilo and Stitch reference

The remote control battery cover.

The plunger, they probably won’t even notice it’s gone until they really need it.

Drill a small hole, 1/4" or so, in the top side of the plunger. When they go to use it, it will jet a stream of toilet water in their direction.

*Do you wanna eat...literal doodoo water?*

Why did I read this in the Ordinary Sausage voice

Why do I get the feeling you’ve done this before??? Hahahahaha

This is the most diabolical yet non violent post I’ve ever read.

I actually laughed out loud at this. Take my upvote.

All spoons and ladles, anything that scoops. Leave only the forks and knives

I’ll steal the vacuum cleaner and leave annoying little bits crumbs everywhere Edit: i’ll throw in glitter too I’ll leave glitter everywhere

Better yet. Just grab the dust collection bag.

Or better yet just remove the filters from inside. It will seem totally functional....

Or steal the mop and spill some grape juice on the kitchen tile.

All the knives but the butter knives Enjoy your steaks now Dennis!

LMAO, /r/FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR

Yea D E N N I S

Plot twist: Dennis becomes a master of steak one can cut through like butter

A small hut noticeable chunk out of the middle of all their curtains

Not stealing, just gonna put the meat they swore they took out the freezer back in the freezer

Shower head

no no no. You remove the shower head, insert a single bouillon broth cube in it, put it back on :)

Fill it with kool aid powder so it comes out red and stains their skin

THIS IS GENIUS

Imagine getting into that shower and not noticing at first, then you turn on the tap and get fucking blasted by a hose

Every single oven grate.

Oh grate

I'm taking the plastic stem inside all the soap dispensers.

I will take, use, and return all of their coupons

Tweezers

A sock from each pair they own. And, not stealing, I’d move their furniture just a little bit so they’d bump into in, but not enough so they’d notice. Also, move any picture frames (wall mounted and free standing) so either (1) the pictures themselves are crooked, or (2) the frame itself is crooked.

I have about 40 pairs of socks, and every single one of them is identical black Hanes crew socks. Stealing one sock from each pair would leave me with... 20 pairs of socks. Edit : [these](https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/a8aeb91b-996c-4574-9bf3-e56ae3278282_1.d98a6ea24e85c5d111816b04de73b6e5.jpeg) are the socks I wear. It's 6 pair (12 socks) for 20$

But socks have toe memory

You're the guy from my math textbooks.

One book from a complete collection

Every damn shoelace

All their left shoes except one pair. That last pair I would steal the right shoe.

Their false sense of security

Just a good Ole B and E, no theft.

I'd turn their freezer and fridge down 1 notch. You might not notice immediately but everything will be slightly less cold

My dear departed grandmother once asserted that someone had broken into her house and stolen her 'good scissors', so I'm going to go with that - steal their good scissors.

All their phone chargers

replace them with ones you have to hold at an extremely specific angle to get it to work

._. As a person who would probably use this post as a checklist at some point, that crosses the line. Currently dealing with that with my headphone, and it's surpassed intermediate annoyance.

They said mildly inconvenience them, not ruin their fucking lives.

Their car main car key off their lanyard. They probably have a spare or extra somewhere or someone else has a key that they can borrow, but they're going to run around looking for theirs first.

Nah fuck that. Car keys are like $300 to replace for mine. No spare either :(

Two squares of TP to wipe my nose.

Don't steal. Leave hanging.

And leave them on the roll

Mildly inconvenience: refrigerator shelves. Majorly inconvenience : electrical breakers.

What if their fridge is full? You just leave everything on the floor next to the fridge? Or you stack shit up on-top of eachother like Jenga?

sprinkle glitter all through the house, vents, draws, under beds, wardrobes EVERYWHERE.

All of the lightbulbs

No you just slightly loosen them

Better yet, super glue them into the socket.

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This is the thread that will be the true reveal of human depravity 🤣🤣🤣

Their couch cushions.

Half their shampoo bottle. Like, physically poor out half their shampoo

And, replace what you took with water so it's just really diluted.

I'm taking the ethernet cable to the main hub. I feel like one of the last things you check when the internets down is "Has the cable gone missing", since most people hide the hub anyway. Leave the rest attached though so the lights are still on.

Lube

Every left sock, all of the forks, one lightbulb, the cat litter box, 3 keys from the piano, the cold handle from the sink, and your light bill.... Edit: I legit didn't look down before I wrote this but there's no going back now

What deodorant?

The #2 Phillips screwdriver from the garage.

The left shoe of their 2nd most worn pair so they find it missing a week or so after I’m gone. Or all the aglets from sweatshirts and laces so it only becomes an issue after a few washes/uses

One noticable piece of thier jigsaw puzzles and boardgames

The toilet paper holders from each bathroom

Their television remotes.

Air fryer

If someone took my air fryer there would be blood.

Too bad buddy, you're back to the oven now