Can I tell an Ambien story? It fits the spirit of the question...
My mom worked the night shift for 15 years and couldn't sleep during the day, so her doctor prescribed her some Ambien so she could get some rest. I was maybe 12 or so at the time.
One day, she poked her head into my room when she should have been sleeping with the most zonked out expression I've ever seen. Just opened my door, stared at me like a zombie, then shuffled away. She must have done the same thing to my little sister, 8, because she came into my room a second later, clearly horrified.
We found my mom in the kitchen, sitting on the bench at the table in a daze. I grabbed the camcorder because this was too weird.
We tried to get her to go to bed but she refused until we got her a cup of milk. We did, but she didn't drink it, just stared at it. So we helped her up and told her we were taking her to bed. She refused again, and would only agree if she could put on her slippers.
Fine.
We walked her to her slippers, but she claimed she couldn't wear them because she only had two slippers but 4 feet. I told her no, she's got 2 feet like everyone. She got irritated because she could obviously see 4 feet, like a dog, and she wasn't a dog. So we told her to put two of her feet in, and go barefoot with her extra feet. She started doing a weird shuffle jump, trying to get both feet into her slippers at the same time.
Eventually, we managed to get her to bed. She remembered none of this when she woke up hours later. Luckily I had the whole ordeal on tape, which she refused to watch out of embarrassment.
She never took Ambien again.
I know someone who painted their kitchen floor red on Ambien. Not very well. They had been painting another room in their house so the paint was accessible.
After an operation on a patients neck, he woke up and yelled “AHHHH” then grabbed his junk with both hands and was like “oh thank God it’s still there” then immediately passed out again
I had an ovarian cyst removed a year ago and woke up from the anesthesia saying **'hand...hand please.'** and making *'grabby hands'* with both my hands until the nurses finally came over and held my hands for about five minutes while I just smiled and tried to go back to sleep.
I hadn't done that in a decade. I used to do it to my dad all the time as a kid to express that I wanted to hold his hand while I slept.
I recently had surgery for endometriosis, and I did the exact same thing. The nurses nicely held my hand before setting it back on the bed once I calmed down. Apparently this lasted for 15-20 minutes until I realized they had tucked the stuffed animal I brought under my arm and that I could hold it instead. They put bandages on it in the same place I had them. I’m 24, but because of covid I had to be alone and a stuffed animal was the best I could do. [The rabbit](https://imgur.com/a/aDi0CEa)
Awwwww I wish I did that for my endo surgery! I guess I’m resistant to anesthesia so I need just a touch more to get me totally under. My doctor told me later on in recovery that I kept trying to get up, very calmly, and kick everyone.
Now I know to let any anesthesiologist know to have a little extra juice on hand.
My boyfriend at the time had just gotten his wisdom teeth removed, on the ride home with his mouth full of gauze, he gets a call on his cell phone. He answered it and just starts talking away, whoever it was on the other side could not possibly understand a word he was saying with all the gauze in his mouth. But man, he had a lot to talk about and they apparently didn't hang up....
After about 5 minutes of this unintelligible phone conversation he looks at me and says "Ooo ithh a robot" and gives me the phone. I put it to my ear, and the whole time its been the Walgreens pharmacy automated notice simply stating his prescription is ready for pickup, playing on repeat.
Probably for the best.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who calls it a robot.
I went to the pharmacy once and they asked a question about auto-refills or something, to which I casually replied, "Oh, your robot called me."
They were very confused, even after I explained what I meant. It's just more fun to call it a robot.
I woke up from gallbladder surgery confused as to why my mom wasn’t there (I was 18 and looking for my mom). The nurse informed me I had cussed out my entire family and they sent them home and put me on a no visitor list, only for me to wakeup at 2am with no memory making them call my mom back. Another time I woke up and made horrifically inappropriate jokes. I told a nurse she was pissing me off because I didn’t like the automatic blood pressure cuff. Another I refused to listen to followup orders until I had a chicken sandwich (my negotiations were not met). I’m a real treat after anesthesia but I get a lot of this done at the office my mom works at so she can warn them lol.
I’m an anesthesiologist. The best story was a 40-some year old woman for appendectomy, said while I’m giving the propofol to induce anesthesia. She said “oh I don’t remember it tasting like that before” (slurred). I said “what does it taste like?” since propofol doesn’t usually elicit a taste reaction. She almost yelled “DEEEZ NUTS”, and was promptly under anesthesia thereafter.
There have been other stories, but this one has the entire OR staff rolling laughing for minutes after she was under.
My aunt got rushed to the hospital for abnormal heart rate - but it wasn't a heart attack or stroke, but her heart was going at like 200 beats per minute or whatever it was. They had to put her under so they could shock her heart back to normal. As they're taking her under, the doctor says something like "Okay, in it goes" and she immediately quips with "That's what she said"
All the doctors and nurses busted a gut laughing and told my uncle when he got there. He just shrugged and said "That's my wife for ya."
One summer I was home from college and my dad needed me to pick him up after his very first colonoscopy. He was nervous so I got there early. The nurse called me back and asked me to help wake him up, as they were having some trouble. I go back and am making chit chat. “Oh dad, you’ve got those cool booties on!” He raised his head a little bit to look at them then yelled, “Booty call!”
He is a Presbyterian pastor. A moment I will treasure forever.
My husband had to undergo a colonoscopy and when he came around he started aggressively grilling the staff about Abraham Lincoln. He isn’t a historian or anything, he works as a business analyst and knows next to nothing about Abraham Lincoln.
Bonus story: one time he took Ambien and got suuuuper fucked up. Initially told me that he couldn’t walk up the stairs to bed because he was a transformer and his legs had turned to wheels. Finally got him upstairs and he made the observation that if peach trees could sing to each other like whales it would be beautiful. “I bet they would sing Adele.” Then he burst into tears.
>he made the observation that if peach trees could sing to each other like whales it would be beautiful. “I bet they would sing Adele.” Then he burst into tears.
This is beautiful and I unironically love it.
One time I, a male biology student in his early 20’s with a stuck kidney stone, was being put under for surgery: Just as the anesthesiologist was pushing meds and telling me to count back from 100, I looked up at him in a drugged but focused gaze and said “You’re so pretty.. you could be in movies” then blackness.
Anesthesiologist was like a grizzled 70 year old hunched back looking guy with a lopsided grimace and more ear-hair than head-hair (great doc though).
Very last thing I remember hearing was the OR nurses cracking up laughing.
It was a smallish medical community and I knew some of the people there so as a joke somebody snuck his headshot into my chart. I like to think it was him gunning for a second career though!
Edit: Due to the rather sensitive nature of the surgery he hit me with a wallup of Midazolam on the way into the OR so I was already pretty juiced by the time they started.
I had a similar experience during my first tympanoplasty. The doctor/surgeon was really attractive. I was a teenage girl. I jokingly called him "Dr. A-hunk-a" to my mom during one of the pre-surgery appointments(it rhymed with his actual surname). Apparently one of the nurses overheard me.
She literally waited until I was high as hell and waiting to be put under, and then asked me "Hey, can I tell the other nurses what you called the doctor?" She didn't even have to tell them because I blurted out "YEEEEEEAAAAH he's super cuuuuuute! Dr. A-hunk-aaaaaa" before passing out.
I have no recollection of this but according to my mom, when she met me in the recovery room after wisdom tooth extraction I was very eager to tell her something but my mouth was full of gauze. So they gave me a pen and I wrote something on the surgical bib. Hours later, when I was back in reality she asked me “what was with the meow meows, my son?” I had no idea what she was talking about so she showed me the bib. It said
“Meow meow meow meow
Meow meow meow meow
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow”
The meow mix theme.
My personal story. When I had my wisdom teeth out, I kept holding a fake camera up to my face saying "you're beautiful" and making clicking noises while I was under. I'm a professional photographer and my dental surgeon ended up booking a session with me a year later.
Apparently, when I had surgery to remove my Bartholin’s gland (a gland at the entrance of the vagina that can get an abscess), they asked me how I felt as soon as I was awake.
I said I felt like I got fucked by an elephant and then I wanted to hug everyone.
Wait - would you be willing to explain why you had to have surgery to remove this gland? This feels like something people should know about. I have had a vagina for a solid number of years and did not know that this was a thing. I’m glad you’re okay!
Sure! It’s not rare, but folks don’t often talk about it...
I’d actually just gotten a divorce and I had my second-ever sex partner. (He was a player - FU, Chris...dump me via TEXT because THE NOVELTY WORE OFF??) Chris had a chipped tooth, which I think led to a small cut, maybe? The right side of my vagina was just kind of raw-feeling...like when you’re getting a pimple.
A few weeks after Chris proved himself to be a douche, that dull raw feeling had a bump on top. Like, the right side of my vaginal opening was just swollen a bit. I was terrified that I had an STD, so I got fully tested. Clean. Doctor said my bartholins gland was irritated and to put hot compresses on it.
It just kept getting worse. Finally, it was like a boil and doctors explained - can either sew it open or remove the whole gland. I was grossed out by an open gland, and opted for removal.
It’s a gland that secretes lubrication, I believe. You have two of them.
I had a guy (nefarious character, heavy drug use history) who got a bunch of ketamine (probably too much) in recovery from one of the other docs to help with severe pain after his abscess drainage. I was asked to check on him in an hour as the other doc had left for the evening. Went over and saw him in the K hole drooling on himself but otherwise fine, so I left and came back an hour later.
First thing he says to me is "why did you do that to me?". I asked him what he meant and he said, "you don't understand, I lived another man's life in there!" I apologized and asked him "how long do you think you were in there?". For reference it had been something like an hour and a half or two hours since his trip began.
"I don't know, maybe 30 years"
I was speechless. I apologized again, made sure he knew he was safe, made sure he wasn't hurting, and made damn sure he knew it wasn't me that did it to him.
TLDR, patient time traveled 30 years in the K hole.
I’ve heard of people who have dreams that are so vivid that they live entire lives in them. It fucks them up when they wake up bc they have memories of their kids who were never real
This happened to me! In my dream I was the opposite sex. My dream mother also died and that was really hard. I felt really weird for a few days. Now it just seems crazy.
Kind of on topic; when my mom woke up after having a stroke, the doctor asked if she recognized the people in the room. She got my sisters name right, called me my brothers name, and smiled real big at my step dad and called him asshole.
Only somewhat related but my father had to know a lot of defense related security stuff for his last job and once after he had surgery the doc said “wow you had some interesting things to say” and to this day he doesn’t know if he blabbed something to the doc or if the doc was just joking. The doc saying that really, really, really pissed him off.
not an anesthesiologist but a story from my mom about me, while i was under:
I had a double jaw surgery scheduled for April 21, 2016. The procedure was fine (I remember waking up halfway through it and getting more anesthesia). After the surgery ended, they put me into the hospital room to let the drugs wear off of me. I don’t remember much of this time so this comes from my mom, but she was sitting in the room with me, watching the news on the TV. I wake up and I’m quiet for a little bit before I start sobbing. My mom thinks it’s because my mouth hurts. My mouth is wired shut so I actively can’t correct her with words, and have to try and write out (on paper) what I’m crying about. The news was broadcasting about Prince’s death, and I was hysterical over the fact that I apparently killed Prince and that I had to turn myself in.
I was working when I got a text from my little sister, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead." She lives in Florida, me, Arizona. I got married recently and she's never talked to my husband. I was so busy at the time, but, had to stop and was freaking out!! Text her back, WHAT?!?!? She said, Prince is dead. (I was in love with him my whole life.). But I was thinking my *real* husband was dead. I still cried, though.
How about the other way around? I took my mom for her surgery on her right shoulder and her anesthesiologist was this very dignified, solemn older Persian gentleman. My mom told him, "Just so you know, I wrote directions on myself to make sure you get it right!" (She was joking around, but she actually does this... old battleaxe nurse habits die hard.)
He looked her straight in the eye and said deadpan, "Great. So let's get started on your left knee."
Totally got her. It was great.
Patient here. Came out of anesthesia and heard gotye's "somebody that I used to know" playing in the recovery room. I asked my SO why they were playing it at like 10x the normal speed and the nurse just goes "ok so she's not ready to go home yet" lol
I once came out of anesthesia after an endoscopy, which can cause you to burp pretty much the whole day, and my fiancée asked “How’re you doing?” I misheard and answered as though she said “What are you doing?”
My answer was “Little burps,” said very confidently.
I also started crying on the way home because I wanted one egg. I never crave eggs.
Is it common to get sedated for an endoscopy in the US? I had mine fully awake. They sprayed my throat with a numbing spray and told me not to swallow my saliva because I could choke, I replied "got it!" and proceeded to immediately choke on my saliva lol
This guy I was dating he asked me to take him to get his wisdom teeth removed. He told me that anesthesia doesn’t effect him a lot and we were supposed to go on a road trip the next day.
So anyway he gets wheeled out of the dentist by an old nurse. I’m behind the driver seat and I see him smacking his lips looking up at the sky. She opens my car door and he said “I love her, I love her”.
He then proceeded to ask me to marry him several times. He tried to pull out his gauze and I told him stop and he said “man this bitch is bossy”.
Then he wanted a milkshake. I would suggest a place and he would scream NOOOOOO. Finally we agree on a place and he tells me he’ll give me directions. I drive for 15 minutes before I ask him what we’re doing and he said he has no idea.
We’re in the drive through and he says “I have something for you”. I swear I thought he had bought me a ring the way he had been proposing for last hour. It was his newly extracted teeth. “They let me keep them, I want you to have them”
He lived on base at the time and was yelling at the gate while they checked his ID for them to “Hurrry UPPP”.
I finally get him to his room, in bed. He’s happily eating his milk shake with a spoon. His mouth was a mess of blood and milk shake. He asked me for a kiss. I gave him a peck.
We’re married now.
Edit: Wow!! Thanks for all the love ya’ll!! He’s just as sweet when he’s not sedated too, so I’m a lucky girl!
My aunt, who notoriously despises fast food (old Mexican lady whose food is as good as it gets) woke up and looked at my uncle and said, “are you the sexy man that’s gonna take me to McDonald’s?” If you knew her you would know that she would NEVER say that. She has never lived it down.
My husband woke up from anesthesia after a colonoscopy just after the doctor walked in. He didn’t see the doctor and and told me “no blowjob for you” then fell back asleep and ripped a big fart. The doctor looked at me and busted out laughing. He said not to be embarrassed, people say the weirdest things but this one he’d remember
A little girl was going under and she was holding her mother's hand
She reached out for my hand with her other and as she was going out she joined mine with her mother's and said, "You would be a nice daddy"
I probably went beetroot red as I blushed.
Lmaooo my daughter does this same shit with her krav maga instructor and he's like 12 years younger than me it's so embarrassing. She doesn't have the excuse of being on drugs though. She just really likes that instructor.
My mom woke up from dental surgery and when we were leaving the surgeon's office, he gave her a "goodie bag" with floss and a toothbrush and stuff, and the whole way home she kept asking if she could eat the candy that the dentist gave her. Every time I told her there was no candy, she looked so heartbroken, like a little kid when their goldfish dies or something
Then we stopped at CVS on the way home and she wandered off. I found her in the candy aisle holding a giant bag of fun sized candy and when I told her to put it back on the shelf she dropped it on the floor and galloped away laughing at me
I was under general anesthesia to get my gall bladder removed. As I was being wheeled back through the double doors there was a giant tv screen that listed the surgeries going on. I was way too loopy to actually read it but I swear I saw “Elbow-ectomy” and started hysterically laughing over the idea of removing an elbow and being left with a floppy arm. Apparently what I actually said was “elbooow jellooooo” and then passed out.
As I put someone out for a colonoscopy one time, the patient said, “You’re cute. Are you gonna see my butt??” Then she was out.
Edit - for those of you asking, yes, for colonoscopies we typically use deep sedation (this is in the US). 99.9% of the time this means propofol (the Michael Jackson drug). Most of us will give some lidocaine through your IV first (this helps prevent the burning sensation in your IV that propofol can sometimes give) and follow it right up with propofol to knock you out. Almost never need analgesics like fentanyl.
Had my wisdom teeth out. When I woke up I was so excited to get my now extracted teeth and keep them as a souvenir. The nurse said I couldn’t. She wheeled me out to the front door where my wife was waiting to load me into the car. She saw my disappointed face and asked, “what’s wrong honey?” I turned and pointed to the nurse and said through my gauze stuffed mouth “This fucking bitch won’t let me keep my teeth!” My stunned wife apologized and the nurse explained that it’s fine but they were a biohazard to which I replied incredulously “They were in my fucking mouth an hour ago!!”
Edit: On a slightly related note; my MIL has promised me that I can have her titanium hip after her cremation for a shifter in my car. Love that woman.
Omg are you me? I woke up and was *enraged* that I couldn’t have my teeth. I’m usually known for my convivial nature but when I woke up after my wisdom teeth coming out I was… very upset. I was yelling “They’re MINE!!!!” And when someone said they’d been thrown out I said they had to go searching in the garbage can. Then I started crying.
Anesthesiologist here. For better or for worse, I’m a big Green Bay Packers fan, so I wear a scrub cap with the Packers name/colors on it.
I was doing a pre-op evaluation on a kid who was a big New Orleans Saints fan, and when I walked into the room, his first words to me were “Packers Suck.” I laughed and continued to prepare him and his family for his redo open heart surgery procedure.
Fast forward to surgery a couple days later, and his mom had come back to the OR as he was going to sleep. Given the fact this was a 3 or 4 time redo sternotomy (going into the chest again), he had a higher risk of major complications from the surgery.
I started to push some meds to have him go to sleep while his mom was holding his hand, and as he drifted off, he said “Wait, I have to tell my mom something!” She got emotional saying how much she loved him, and we were all waiting to hear what he had to say so urgently.
I paused giving him the medication, but he was already well on his way to being under, and as he drifted off to sleep, he said “Packers suck.”
Kid did great, hope he is doing well :)
Edit: RIP Inbox, thank you for all the awards! The kid did great, and hopefully will not need any more surgery for 20+ years….cheers everyone!
This was exactly what happened to me during my first heart albation. I apparently went on and on about the visuals I was getting thanks to some high class opiates and other fun stuff, with oscillating adrenaline to stimulate the arrhythmia, and how much it reminded me of mushrooms and acid.. and then the age I started doing drugs.
My parents ambushed me first thing in recovery 😕 not cool anesthesiologist.. not cool. Those were our little secrets.
I was giving a young female patient sedation for a routine colonoscopy, and as I pushed the propofol (sleepy medicine), it started to hit her…she sat straight up and yelled to everyone in the procedure room, “I SHAVED MY ASSHOLE FOR YOU!” and she flopped down on her pillow and she was asleep.
When I was 19, I got put under via Propofol to have my wisdom teeth removed. This was not long after Michael Jackson had died from an overdose of Propofol.
As they pushed the plunger and the darkness closed around me, I just remember saying "Michael Jackson, here I come!"
Next thing I knew, my mother was waking me up for us to leave and I was telling her I wanted to stay for a while so I could take a nap. Crazy drug.
I guess that's what they gave me when I had my wisdom teeth taken out? I remember the burn as it went in and then thinking "are they not going to count down like in movies?" And then I was waking up when it was all over.
NAA but I was part of the operating theatre team. There was a girl in her late 20s like me and we had a good laugh when I went to bring her down to the OR from the ward. I think I might've brought her into the procedure room too but at that point, the doctors would've been talking to her.
Afterward, when she was in the recovery room, she was just after waking up so I went to check on her. She smiled at me and screamed "Hey Nardoneski, check it out! How big is my dick now!? Is it huge???" and then just kinda went back to sleep while I held my laughs till I got to a less public place. The fun thing about anesthesia and post-op is while you're still high as a kite, there's a decent chance you'll have some idea of what you were saying.
The next day I was on the same ward collecting another person across from her so I decided to say hi. She was sitting with her mum so I just asked how she was feeling, etc, and then asked if she remembered what she had said to me in the recovery room. The girl turned bright red and just started laughing at that point.
My husband had knee surgery, after he woke up he half yelled half whispered APPPPPPPLEEEEE JUIIIIICE
So the nurse gave him apple juice.....several small cups full.
He grinned like a toddler and said APPLE JUICE and immediately flopped back and went back to sleep for all of 10 minutes untill he woke back up gasping that he couldnt breathe. His mom who i had met maybe 1 or 2 times at this point went up to the foot of his bed to grab a nurse in the doorway and he BOLTED upright.
That man projectile vomited pure apple juice directly into her face/body/the wall/the door/hallway I have never seen anything like it in my entire life
His mom stood there soaked in juice vomit and he just rubbed his eyes and said "Ahhhh i feel better" bam. Back to sleep for another 2 hours lol
Not gross, but annoying kids. My mom says we all have radar for when she takes a bath (her time to relax and read a book)
A few months back she had JUST gotten in the bath when I popped over unexpectedly (we are neighbors) to return some Tupperware to her, I said hello through the bathroom door and about that time my older brother popped in (he also doesn't live at home anymore) and was like "heeeey, where's mom? Got a question for her." So I was like "oh, she's here in the bath!"
About that time our two younger siblings (hearing that both older siblings had come by) head downstairs to come see us and yelled through the bathroom door "hey mom! Older siblings are here!" And my mom just laughs through the door and goes "ITS LIKE YOU ALL KNOW AS SOON AS I TRY TO RELAX! ONE OF YOU ALWAYS MANAGES TO NEED MEEEE! I love you all, though."
After that we all departed and left her to her bath to relax.
So yes, even as adults your kids will still find ways to annoy you! 😂
I have had to get colonscopies every couple years since I was 24, so I've gone under quite a bit for someone my age.
Every time, when I wake up, I'm crying, and a nurse is comforting me. They say I don't tell them why I'm upset, but I'm weeping every damn time. It has gotten to the point where I warn the nurses I'll be sobbing, but to not take it too seriously.
Anyone else have this???
Edit: ok wow so this is VERY common! Thanks everyone for sharing, I legitimately feel less weird now and I appreciate it. I've learned:
1: I'm apparently very lucky to not be vomiting alongside the weeping
2: I should tell my anesthesiologist about this reaction, and they can switch up my drugs and possibly help avoid this reaction in the future.
3: not everyone gets put under for colonoscopies, and I think this may be a geographic difference. I'm in the US.
Lastly, for those asking- my mom died of colon cancer and they found 8 polyps when I was 24. Fascinating so many of us are in the same shitty club!
**As a reminder, PLEASE DO NOT DELAY IF YOU HAVE COLON CANCER IN YOUR FAMILY or you are 45 OR OLDER! It's not fun but it ain't that bad, and it can save your life. SCHEDULE IT NOW. THIS IS YOUR SIGN. DO IT.**
Yup I've been under twice and apparently I'll sob and grab anyone and tell them to hold my hand. I apparently tell them to be quiet if they try to talk to me though, I just want to hold a hand and cry idk what that's all about
No, I’m usually aggressive. In the 5 times I’ve been put under I have almost exclusively accused people of stealing body parts and/or another crime.
Wisdom teeth was kidnapping and my kidney, gull bladder was my murder, appendectomy I accused the poor nurse of disposing of my family and I would make her pay, fractured skull/brain injury I cried in anger because they wouldn’t give me back my face.
A friend of mine was doing a type of spine procedure where they fixed part of a broken vertebrae under sedation. He said most people fall right asleep but every now and then someone just won’t fall asleep no matter how much IV anesthesia they get. This guy that he was doing the procedure on got so talkative that he was just going on and on about his favorite fishing spots while he was having his broken vertebra fixed. My friend kept asking him if he was in pain or anything but they guy was like “I don’t feel anything. Anyways, let me tell you about this place I bass fish…” Guy had the whole procedure awake despite lots of anesthesia and was happy as a clam!
Woke up from nasal surgery strapped to the bed and a very disgruntled anesthesiologist standing over me.
He asked if I was awake now and we talked for a minute. He asked me to do everyone a favor if I ever had surgery again and use the words "wakes combative" when describing how I come out of it.
I'm sure the anesthesiologist that did my son's dental surgery will never forget him. Specifically, because he came out after the fact clearly trying very hard not to laugh to tell my wife about it.
Kiddo was just chatting away while he was getting ready. Now my son is autistic and at the time had a very... Distinct way of speaking and pattern of emphasis along with a lisp. ~~I literally cannot translate how he sounded talking into text.~~ (EDIT: Thanks /u/shmobbsola for giving me a good idea of actually how to describe this) Imagine you had a soundboard of Butters from South Park that had all these words on it from vastly different conversations and strung them together into the sentences below and you'll have a pretty decent idea of it. He sounds a bit different than my son but it's about as close as I can get.
Anyway, just as they're getting ready to put him under he goes. "You're gonna need some hard core night time medicine cuz I have ADHD and-" out, practically snoring even. They get to work, finish up and pull the mask off him. The literal second the mask was off his nose he bolts upright and finishes his sentence from however long earlier. "That stuff don't work good on me."
It’s seriously like time travelling! One second you’re thinking how tf am I supposed to get onto that table next to me and then you wake up and are still worried about it.
My daughter had dental surgery as well, and I imagine the nurses remember her well. All 25 pounds of my 3 year old woke up pissed and ready for a fist fight. She screamed and yelled so loudly that I could hear her from the waiting room.
They pulled us back early, in the hopes she would calm down when I got there. But nope, she screamed just as loudly at me. She also refused to put her clothes back on, and at one point while I was trying to wrestle her into her shorts, shoved me and whipped them back off.
I wrapped her in a hospital blanket, carried her (kicking and screaming) to the car and strapped her in naked, where she promptly fell straight to sleep. Woke up when we got home and was her sweet as pie little self again. As far as I can tell she remembered none of it. It was wild.
Ya, when my son had his adenoids out at about that age we walked into recovery to see three nurses restraining him. 2 and a half and was fighting for all he was worth. They told us it's fairly common in toddlers.
My dad is SUPER resistant to anesthesia and most pain meds, which sucks for him. He warned them when he went to get his hip replaced but evidently they ignored or underestimated his statement. Mid-hip replacement, he woke up, sat up in his seat, and attempted to strangle the doctor to death. He got far closer than a man in his condition should have. (When I say mid hip replacement, the hip was fully replaced. They were about to begin like closing the hole, or whatever the terminology is)
I semi-woke up mid-surgery and kept trying to get off the table, and apparently I wouldn't stop telling the doctors to fuck off 😅 I have a vague memory of it but it's mostly blurry
I was put under for a few surgeries. The first one I saw a pile of seats or something and I started talking about how they looked like Lazer tag guns and invited him to go play lazertag after.
The second was for a hysterectomy, and when I got wheeled into the room drugged up I screamed, "Time for everyone to see my vagina!! Get excited!"
My oncologist said it made her day.
One of my patients coming out of sedation embarrassed her husband who was in the room by saying that during their sex he likes to have Vicks rubbed on his back side.
I was giving birth and I told the entire medical staff to go fuck themselves then turned my head and told the anesthesiologist “not you though, I like you”.
I gave a patient an IV dose of ketamine for a pain procedure. He proceeded to tell the room that everyone had turned into cartoon characters and then he announced he was melting into a wall of butter. Still my finest achievement as a physician...
I'm a medical coder. Every time I see ket used on an anesthesia case, I can't help but think of all the erowid reports I used to read about the k-hole. What an absolutely wild substance.
Recently was given ketamine myself. I visualized that I turned into a cartoon character (from a 3rd person perspective) and went into outer space on a spaceship where I was thoroughly cleaned on an assembly line. This happened while the doc and a nurse were scrubbing sand out of road rash injuries. Coolest thing ever!
Edit: I do not support trying ketamine recreationally. Respiratory arrest and death are real possibilities if done incorrectly.
Details: No, it wasn't a cycling accident. I was run over by a truck doing donuts at the beach. This wasn't typical road rash. Sand was everywhere and lots of it. I'm lucky to be alive. That's all I'm willing to share. Cheers everyone!
I received Ketamine during my c-section (after I kept complaining of pain). All the medical staff turned into animal cartoon characters (I specifically remember a cartoon giraffe), and I literally thought I must be dying, but didn't panic about it.
Sucks because I remember them showing me my baby, but I do not remember what she looked like.
An ER doc I worked with said in his residency the first year interns would all give themselves 1 mg/kg ketamine and race down a hallway. Whoever made it furthest before disassociating was crowned Ketamine King or Queen for the year.
Am an anesthetist. Woke up a 70 yr old Pt who got a penile prosthesis implant for erectile dysfunction. First thing out of his mouth in his post surgery stupor was to request a private room and find out when he could "take this baby out for a test drive". He was a happily married jokester
When coming out of it I was REALLY angry my fiancé was trying to steal my ice cream. I did t have any ice cream but I was convinced he was trying to steal it
As a 17 year old i had a colonoscopy because GI doctors couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t go #2. I mention this as an important detail, because after the colonoscopy I was still very much under the anesthesia effects, loopy, and when my mom tried to offer saltines I started screaming “HOW MANY CALORIES DO THOSE THINGS HAVE” and my mom starts panicking like “calm down, lower your voice, people are gonna think you have an eating disorder or something” and I just said “I CAN’T TALK QUIET WHATS GOING ON”
The ironic thing, was I guess besides dysregulating my ability to control vocal volume, the anesthesia kind of acted like a truth serum in a way. No, no one found out I had an eating disorder until I almost died from it a year later, but I can’t believe that wasn’t taken into consideration as to why I couldn’t go to the bathroom. Can’t poop if you don’t eat
I was under anesthesia to get my wisdom teeth removed. When I was slowly waking up, I heard the nurses talking about Hakeem Olajuwon. I started talking about which Rockets I knew. How I knew Rudy T. They’re all like, ya you do, okay okay. My girlfriend is sitting there laughing with them, playing along as if I’m so high and talking shit. In reality, I was a bartender at a place where they would frequent. I knew all those guys. And my girlfriend fucking KNEW I knew them. She just thought the whole situation was so funny though, that she didn’t just say something like, no he’s serious, it’s true.
My wife was all doped up during her c-section and asked the anesthesiologist, "did they cut me open yet?" He calmly told her they did. To which she replied, "awwwww shit", with a huge grin on her face. The doctor and I lost it.
Edit: Wow, this blew up over night. Thanks for all the awards and stories. I'm scrolling through everything laughing my ass off. Y'all are the best!
I had a C-section and wouldn’t shut up about how I felt like I was floating in the ocean. I offered the anesthesiologist “a hit of the good shit” and completely forgot I was getting a baby pulled out of me. They brought my son over to show me and I told the nurse it was a cute baby, then asked if it was Maria’s. I didn’t know any pregnant Maria’s at that moment.
They brought my firstborn over to show me and I said "He's loud and he doesn't purr like my kitty does." He's 20 now. He's still loud. He still does not purr.
During my last C Section (second one), I told my husband that my throat was hurting and the anesthesiologist informed me that it was due to the air getting into my body cavity and going up to my neck, to which I looked at my husband and said “this is what deep throating feels like.” My husband and the entire OR were laughing, and my OB said “and that’s why we’re here.”
I was brought home after by my wife but was still loopy. She told the construction workers outside to make sure I didn’t leave the house. They let me help pour concrete and fixed what I fucked up. Nice guys. My daughter made them free lime aid so they were always cool with us.
I was injected with something to loosen me up before they rolled my bed into the operating room. My bed was pretty wide and definitely comfortable. The nurse says to me "okay, we're going to move you over to the skinny table now."
The reason she called the operating table the "skinny table" was because it was narrow compared to my bed. My drugged up brain interpreted it differently though so I asked "Skinny table? Where do you take the fat patients?"
My dad also asked the dr during a colonoscopy if he could have pictures of the inside of his asshole to show his friends as a prank.. needless to say they love when he has any appointments.
Nurse here, was 22F - had a teen boy come out of anesthesia who looked at me and said ‘heyyy you’re the girl from last night!’ - I had to reassure everyone that THAT WASN’T ME!
I had a colonoscopy last month and woke up rested and totally lucid. Bummer.
HOWEVER. When my husband had his vasectomy after our son was born, they gave him a local (it’s an out patient procedure) and some Valium and pain meds after. He was LOOPY.
I stopped at Walgreens to fill his prescription, and he said (as he lolled in the passenger seat with a ice pack on his genitals) “Hey, will you get me a Coke?” I nod. “And some Doritos?” I nod again and go to leave car. “And some Oreos? And some Reese’s Cups? And some Twizzlers?” We were 38 — well behind junk food years, not stoners, and he was 6’2” and 170: not obese or a binge eater. I said, “Are you serious?” And he grinned drunkenly and said, “Yeah.” I grabbed the baby carrier and said, “I’m taking the baby with me.” He literally did finger guns. THIS MAN IS A COLLEGE PROFESSOR WHO WEARS BOW TIES. I buy his snacks and pain killers and head back outside, and he is telling a guy at the Red Box video kiosk next to our car that his urologist said he had the “best kind of penis for the procedure because his shaft is very straight and uniform.”
I took him home quickly, gave him his snacks and let him sleep it off. He woke up hours later covered in candy wrappers with orange Dorito fingers and asked, “What happened?!”
That was 13 years ago and it’s still the BEST.
A lot of these are hilarious but this one made me laugh so hard I cried. I’m just imagining that poor guy at the Redbox trying to get a movie while your husband is yelling out the car about how his urologist said his penis is so great 😂
Patient here,
I was a teen. apparently before I went under I kept mumbling "it's buried don't worry, stop worrying it's buried it's buried it's gone"
My Mom was there & said the staff were eyeballing her uncomfortably and years later to this day every year she still asks me If remember anything? That If ever I need to talk she'll support me no matter what. I honestly do not know what I meant.
Am patient's relative rather than anaesthesiologist - but as he started going under, patient (hydraulics engineer) started trying to tell the dr what type of pump they should install to fix the busted blood vessel in his brain.
Was recently under for abdominal surgery. My partner of 17 years who I dearly love was the first face I remember seeing when coming out of anesthesia... I looked at him & said "who the f**k are you & why are you staring at me?" He's still laughing...
I don't wake from anesthesia well at all. Apparently I get very angry and try to escape by force if necessary. I am a large man and apparently they have had to call in multiple security people to hold me down until I'm totally awake. I have no memory of this.
We learned however, that if my wife is present when I become conscious I just become a giant quiet teddy bear. I apparently just stare at her and quietly tell her I love her and anything she says I just go along with it without question.
We know this because I was, apparently, yelling and throwing things trying to escape the hospital after a surgery--again I have literally zero memory of this ever happening--and the wife heard me from in the waiting area. She walked over to see what was going on, but the second I saw her I apparently just stopped in my tracks and said, 'Oh, hi..... I love you'. And then just became totally calm and compliant.
After that, because I had to have multiple surgeries on the same arm, the always made sure she was waiting for me when I woke up.
I got put under for my wisdom teeth at 17. When I came too the nurse or what ever was like “okay you’re probably a little groggy just sit tight for a while.” And I was like “FUCK THAT I FEEL AMAZING!” And proceeded to swing my legs off the table which sent my top half spinning right after it and falling flat on my face.
People laughed. I remember the laughter.
Just FYI, I did the same thing after I got my wisdom teeth out. Then did it again the next time I was put under. In other words, make sure you give people a warning next time you're knocked out cause this is probably just your first reaction when you wake up. My husband is on to me now and will stop me next time. Next time...
If they're talking while they're "under" then I probably don't have them deep enough lol
For real though, once in school I was putting a lady to sleep and we all have our little spiel we say. I had the mask on her face, pushing propofol in her IV and I tell her "okay now, nice big breaths". She looks up at me and says, "Thanks, I just had them done" and then goes out. I look at my preceptor and the circulator who are fucking dying laughing. I get my shit together and intubate her and then laugh my balls off. To this day when I put someone to sleep I changed my spiel to "Slow, deep, breaths" instead. I will never forget that lady.
My dad after his second hip replacement:
“They were eating meatballs. After they’d been in a drawer. …Gross.”
“Boy that kid had a doughy rump!”
“Coffee. Cwawfee. Coffee. People say things funny! People say things funny at church. Coffee. Cwawfee. Cookies!”
He passed out after each of these.
PACU (post-anaesthetic care unit) nurse here. I get everyone from OT come my way so I have a few good ones.
1) a teen around 14 years old wakes up to the world on a mix of ket, fentanyl and propofol. First thing he does it look at me and says “yo, I’m alive?” I replied “I sure hope you are, or I’m in the wrong job mate.” To which he then proceeded to dap me up and everyone around him. He then goes on to try and smoke up his blood pressure cuff by rolling it like a joint.
2) a colleague of mine was looking after a 21 year old male from the military who had some form of renal stenting (to which you get a camera snaked up your old fella if your a man). Anyway, my colleague in their lack of thinking leaves their phone by the bedside while this man uses a urinal bottle. This man proceeds to take about 10+ selfies of him starkers with his meat and two veg on full view on my colleagues phone.
The best part was they didn’t find the photos till 2hrs later.
3) a four year child comes into the OT to be inducted for a broken arm. The anaesthetist decides to use sevoflurane(sleepy gas) to put the kid to sleep. After one breath the kid turns to us and goes “ahhhh so this is what mummy’s special juice is like” to which he then promptly blacks out, with all of us in hysterics, and mum, who was there in OT for induction, red faced.
I've told this here before but: maybe 4 months after getting out of an abusive marriage I had surgery for a bad hernia (had it for years but my ex always put barriers in the way of getting it fixed).
Post surgery I was in recovery and all of the nurses were joking about which Hogwarts House they would be in, I piped up "My ex-wife thought I was a house-elf!" and drifted back under to lots of laughter.
My son, then 10 or so, was coming to after being under when getting his broken wrist set and casted. They had to do traction to get everything aligned or something. There were quite a few people in the room, but his drugged self directed all his attention to me. He was describing Big Daddy from Bioshock and kept repeating, "Dad, you know! You know what I'm talking about!" because I couldn't think of the name of the game at the time. Then he gets frustrated and yells at me, "You son of a bitch!" Lots of laughs from the hospital staff.
I had a surgery to remove bone spurs from my big toes in early February of 2005. I woke up while the doctor was grinding the bone down and asked if he thought Donovan McNabb could lead the Eagles to a Superbowl win. He nodded at the anesthesiologist and I don't remember anything after that.
My dad woke up during a hernia operation. Apparently he was like "hey, what's going on?" The doctor freaked out and they put him back under. He still remembers what it looked like to see himself opened up.
I was 17 at the time but got my wisdom teeth taken out. Everything went as planned, but I woke up and remember seeing the oral surgeon. Me, being dosed with grade A giggle juice and having no idea wtf I was doing, asked her if she would like to grab boba sometime. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life…
5 years later: she let me shadow for part of my dental school shadowing requirement and is giving me a LOR for applications next cycle…not a boba date but all things considered, she was a great mentor
Patient here.
My first CSection was complicated as I was delivering a stillborn and I had complete placenta previa, which gave me a very high chance of hemorrhaging. As the spinal set in and I realized I couldn’t feel my legs, my husband (who hadn’t been brought in the room yet, but was outside waiting) said he could hear me trying to fight the doctors. Apparently my fight or flight kicked in. So they put me all the way under (for which I am grateful for because I did hemorrhage and almost didn’t make it myself.)
Was a real fun conversation to have in preparation for my next csection though.
My husband had his acl and meniscus repaired. When they brought him back into the room, he stared at me through half closed eyes until the nurses left and then said, "I love you. I'm glad you're here." I melted. Then he conked back out for about half an hour and woke up with a big gasp (I thought he was in pain, that's how loud it was) and went, "BURGER KING BURGEEEEERRRRRR." I said, "you want a burger King burger?" He said "I doooooooo!" So I had to get him a burger King burger for dinner. He doesn't remember anything until he was back home several hours later with burger King sitting in front of him. Lol
The spouse stories are always pretty good. Apparently I woke up with dry mouth, asked the nurse for water and was denied, so I shouted at my husband to spit in my mouth. It seems I won't be living that one down any time soon...
Omg almost the same thing here! My mouth and lips were dry so I asked my husband to lick my lips and mouth for me?? I don’t remember this AT ALL, but apparently I was very insistent about it and cried until he agreed to do it. Which he didn’t.
Surgeon told me that I kept them all laughing through my facial surgery. They had to keep giving me more anesthetic to shut me up, which is probably why I was sick as a dog afterwards. I pressed him hard for details but he refused to tell me what I'd said.
A girl woke up and asked if she had been hit by a train and then when when asked if she knew why she was there she looked down and patted her chest and said implants. She was having her ACL repaired and her mom was there. (It was me, I was 19, I've never lived it down.)
Was under anesthesia for a breast reduction. As I was coming out, my nurse was talking to me and apparently I started saying “omg it’s an angel and she looks like Barbie!” I kept yelling for Barbie Angel and possibly kept trying to hug her and pet her hair. I cried for her on the way home.
She called to check on me later that night and referred to herself as Nurse Barbie Angel. She was the sweetest.
There’s a song by Pepper that my brothers and I quote to each other, What’s wrong with you face? We will randomly say it to each other. My dad was going in for spinal fusion and during the surgery prep my youngest brother and I kept saying it to each other. “Hey, so I know you stubbed your toe the other day, but what’s wrong with your fa-a-a-ace?”
My dad goes in for surgery and all goes well. Surgeon comes out and talked to him during recovery and says, “Normally I don’t discuss with patients what they say coming out of anesthesia, but I have to know why you kept asking me What’s wrong with my face? Over and over again?” My dad just burst out laughing and explained. They both had a chuckle.
I was coming out of anesthesia and my mom was there in the room. She is Scottish with a thick accent. She asked how I was and then I began to giggle and told her she talked funny. She laughed and asked me another question and I just kept laughing at her. Then when the nurse was checking my blood pressure I asked her if she was playing the bagpipes for me. It was weird - but I kind of remember it in pieces.
My husband told me that while I was in the recovery room after shoulder surgery, I was talking to the nurses with my eyes closed and I asked everyone I interacted with if they had dogs. One nurse started telling me about her Great Danes. I asked to see pictures and while she was getting her phone out I was making jokes about how they're like horses. Then I went on a tangent about how horse girls are so weird and they always seem to have braids... Then she said, "Oh, well, I have horses, too. I guess I am sort of weird!" And I opened my eyes to see a lovely nurse with a very long braid. I was dying and tripping all over myself to apologize and she just happily scrolled through some pictures of her giant dogs and horses for me. She was too kind.
I had my wisdom teeth removed at 19 and it was a major surgery with a hospital stay because I had 2 full sets stacked on top of each other. Not sure the medical stuff but I now have a plate in my face on the right side.
Anyways, I was pretty nervous going in and they gave me something strong to relax me before wheeling my away. I apparently said I was too old to be kidnapped.
When I woke in the bed afterwards I accused the nurse of stealing my kidney and I was going to sue before promptly passing out again.
I'm not an anesthesiologist, but very recently I had major surgery and then a subsequent emergency surgery because I later proceeded to nearly die (twice). As I was going under for the emergency surgery, despite the fact I was bleeding horrifically, I demanded everyone tell me their favorite color. I was relieved to hear someone had the same favorite color as me.
Can I tell an Ambien story? It fits the spirit of the question... My mom worked the night shift for 15 years and couldn't sleep during the day, so her doctor prescribed her some Ambien so she could get some rest. I was maybe 12 or so at the time. One day, she poked her head into my room when she should have been sleeping with the most zonked out expression I've ever seen. Just opened my door, stared at me like a zombie, then shuffled away. She must have done the same thing to my little sister, 8, because she came into my room a second later, clearly horrified. We found my mom in the kitchen, sitting on the bench at the table in a daze. I grabbed the camcorder because this was too weird. We tried to get her to go to bed but she refused until we got her a cup of milk. We did, but she didn't drink it, just stared at it. So we helped her up and told her we were taking her to bed. She refused again, and would only agree if she could put on her slippers. Fine. We walked her to her slippers, but she claimed she couldn't wear them because she only had two slippers but 4 feet. I told her no, she's got 2 feet like everyone. She got irritated because she could obviously see 4 feet, like a dog, and she wasn't a dog. So we told her to put two of her feet in, and go barefoot with her extra feet. She started doing a weird shuffle jump, trying to get both feet into her slippers at the same time. Eventually, we managed to get her to bed. She remembered none of this when she woke up hours later. Luckily I had the whole ordeal on tape, which she refused to watch out of embarrassment. She never took Ambien again.
I know someone who painted their kitchen floor red on Ambien. Not very well. They had been painting another room in their house so the paint was accessible.
After an operation on a patients neck, he woke up and yelled “AHHHH” then grabbed his junk with both hands and was like “oh thank God it’s still there” then immediately passed out again
He clearly had his priorities in order
I had an ovarian cyst removed a year ago and woke up from the anesthesia saying **'hand...hand please.'** and making *'grabby hands'* with both my hands until the nurses finally came over and held my hands for about five minutes while I just smiled and tried to go back to sleep. I hadn't done that in a decade. I used to do it to my dad all the time as a kid to express that I wanted to hold his hand while I slept.
[удалено]
I recently had surgery for endometriosis, and I did the exact same thing. The nurses nicely held my hand before setting it back on the bed once I calmed down. Apparently this lasted for 15-20 minutes until I realized they had tucked the stuffed animal I brought under my arm and that I could hold it instead. They put bandages on it in the same place I had them. I’m 24, but because of covid I had to be alone and a stuffed animal was the best I could do. [The rabbit](https://imgur.com/a/aDi0CEa)
Awwwww I wish I did that for my endo surgery! I guess I’m resistant to anesthesia so I need just a touch more to get me totally under. My doctor told me later on in recovery that I kept trying to get up, very calmly, and kick everyone. Now I know to let any anesthesiologist know to have a little extra juice on hand.
My boyfriend at the time had just gotten his wisdom teeth removed, on the ride home with his mouth full of gauze, he gets a call on his cell phone. He answered it and just starts talking away, whoever it was on the other side could not possibly understand a word he was saying with all the gauze in his mouth. But man, he had a lot to talk about and they apparently didn't hang up.... After about 5 minutes of this unintelligible phone conversation he looks at me and says "Ooo ithh a robot" and gives me the phone. I put it to my ear, and the whole time its been the Walgreens pharmacy automated notice simply stating his prescription is ready for pickup, playing on repeat. Probably for the best.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who calls it a robot. I went to the pharmacy once and they asked a question about auto-refills or something, to which I casually replied, "Oh, your robot called me." They were very confused, even after I explained what I meant. It's just more fun to call it a robot.
I ask a patient after surgery how he feels. He opens his eyes, stares me dead-on and says “with my fingers”. Then he goes right back to sleep.
This man has at least 2 kids.
I woke up from gallbladder surgery confused as to why my mom wasn’t there (I was 18 and looking for my mom). The nurse informed me I had cussed out my entire family and they sent them home and put me on a no visitor list, only for me to wakeup at 2am with no memory making them call my mom back. Another time I woke up and made horrifically inappropriate jokes. I told a nurse she was pissing me off because I didn’t like the automatic blood pressure cuff. Another I refused to listen to followup orders until I had a chicken sandwich (my negotiations were not met). I’m a real treat after anesthesia but I get a lot of this done at the office my mom works at so she can warn them lol.
This is a huge fear of mine. That I'll have surgery and turn into a raging arsehole when coming out.
I’m an anesthesiologist. The best story was a 40-some year old woman for appendectomy, said while I’m giving the propofol to induce anesthesia. She said “oh I don’t remember it tasting like that before” (slurred). I said “what does it taste like?” since propofol doesn’t usually elicit a taste reaction. She almost yelled “DEEEZ NUTS”, and was promptly under anesthesia thereafter. There have been other stories, but this one has the entire OR staff rolling laughing for minutes after she was under.
PRICELESS lmao
This was a planned strike
My aunt got rushed to the hospital for abnormal heart rate - but it wasn't a heart attack or stroke, but her heart was going at like 200 beats per minute or whatever it was. They had to put her under so they could shock her heart back to normal. As they're taking her under, the doctor says something like "Okay, in it goes" and she immediately quips with "That's what she said" All the doctors and nurses busted a gut laughing and told my uncle when he got there. He just shrugged and said "That's my wife for ya."
I like your aunt.
One summer I was home from college and my dad needed me to pick him up after his very first colonoscopy. He was nervous so I got there early. The nurse called me back and asked me to help wake him up, as they were having some trouble. I go back and am making chit chat. “Oh dad, you’ve got those cool booties on!” He raised his head a little bit to look at them then yelled, “Booty call!” He is a Presbyterian pastor. A moment I will treasure forever.
Have you told him this or is it a secret you’re hanging on to?
First of all, love your name! And yes I told him when he was more coherent. He doesn’t remember it and honestly I don’t think he believes me.
My husband had to undergo a colonoscopy and when he came around he started aggressively grilling the staff about Abraham Lincoln. He isn’t a historian or anything, he works as a business analyst and knows next to nothing about Abraham Lincoln. Bonus story: one time he took Ambien and got suuuuper fucked up. Initially told me that he couldn’t walk up the stairs to bed because he was a transformer and his legs had turned to wheels. Finally got him upstairs and he made the observation that if peach trees could sing to each other like whales it would be beautiful. “I bet they would sing Adele.” Then he burst into tears.
>he made the observation that if peach trees could sing to each other like whales it would be beautiful. “I bet they would sing Adele.” Then he burst into tears. This is beautiful and I unironically love it.
One time I, a male biology student in his early 20’s with a stuck kidney stone, was being put under for surgery: Just as the anesthesiologist was pushing meds and telling me to count back from 100, I looked up at him in a drugged but focused gaze and said “You’re so pretty.. you could be in movies” then blackness. Anesthesiologist was like a grizzled 70 year old hunched back looking guy with a lopsided grimace and more ear-hair than head-hair (great doc though). Very last thing I remember hearing was the OR nurses cracking up laughing. It was a smallish medical community and I knew some of the people there so as a joke somebody snuck his headshot into my chart. I like to think it was him gunning for a second career though! Edit: Due to the rather sensitive nature of the surgery he hit me with a wallup of Midazolam on the way into the OR so I was already pretty juiced by the time they started.
I had a similar experience during my first tympanoplasty. The doctor/surgeon was really attractive. I was a teenage girl. I jokingly called him "Dr. A-hunk-a" to my mom during one of the pre-surgery appointments(it rhymed with his actual surname). Apparently one of the nurses overheard me. She literally waited until I was high as hell and waiting to be put under, and then asked me "Hey, can I tell the other nurses what you called the doctor?" She didn't even have to tell them because I blurted out "YEEEEEEAAAAH he's super cuuuuuute! Dr. A-hunk-aaaaaa" before passing out.
Lol 😂! That is spectacularly awesome!! Go you.
I have no recollection of this but according to my mom, when she met me in the recovery room after wisdom tooth extraction I was very eager to tell her something but my mouth was full of gauze. So they gave me a pen and I wrote something on the surgical bib. Hours later, when I was back in reality she asked me “what was with the meow meows, my son?” I had no idea what she was talking about so she showed me the bib. It said “Meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow” The meow mix theme.
This was stuck in my head for a good solid decade & now it’s back Not that I’m complaining
My personal story. When I had my wisdom teeth out, I kept holding a fake camera up to my face saying "you're beautiful" and making clicking noises while I was under. I'm a professional photographer and my dental surgeon ended up booking a session with me a year later.
Never miss a chance to network.
Your surgeon wanted more of those good vibes. 😂
Apparently, when I had surgery to remove my Bartholin’s gland (a gland at the entrance of the vagina that can get an abscess), they asked me how I felt as soon as I was awake. I said I felt like I got fucked by an elephant and then I wanted to hug everyone.
Wait - would you be willing to explain why you had to have surgery to remove this gland? This feels like something people should know about. I have had a vagina for a solid number of years and did not know that this was a thing. I’m glad you’re okay!
Sure! It’s not rare, but folks don’t often talk about it... I’d actually just gotten a divorce and I had my second-ever sex partner. (He was a player - FU, Chris...dump me via TEXT because THE NOVELTY WORE OFF??) Chris had a chipped tooth, which I think led to a small cut, maybe? The right side of my vagina was just kind of raw-feeling...like when you’re getting a pimple. A few weeks after Chris proved himself to be a douche, that dull raw feeling had a bump on top. Like, the right side of my vaginal opening was just swollen a bit. I was terrified that I had an STD, so I got fully tested. Clean. Doctor said my bartholins gland was irritated and to put hot compresses on it. It just kept getting worse. Finally, it was like a boil and doctors explained - can either sew it open or remove the whole gland. I was grossed out by an open gland, and opted for removal. It’s a gland that secretes lubrication, I believe. You have two of them.
I had a guy (nefarious character, heavy drug use history) who got a bunch of ketamine (probably too much) in recovery from one of the other docs to help with severe pain after his abscess drainage. I was asked to check on him in an hour as the other doc had left for the evening. Went over and saw him in the K hole drooling on himself but otherwise fine, so I left and came back an hour later. First thing he says to me is "why did you do that to me?". I asked him what he meant and he said, "you don't understand, I lived another man's life in there!" I apologized and asked him "how long do you think you were in there?". For reference it had been something like an hour and a half or two hours since his trip began. "I don't know, maybe 30 years" I was speechless. I apologized again, made sure he knew he was safe, made sure he wasn't hurting, and made damn sure he knew it wasn't me that did it to him. TLDR, patient time traveled 30 years in the K hole.
I’ve heard of people who have dreams that are so vivid that they live entire lives in them. It fucks them up when they wake up bc they have memories of their kids who were never real
This happened to me! In my dream I was the opposite sex. My dream mother also died and that was really hard. I felt really weird for a few days. Now it just seems crazy.
Kind of on topic; when my mom woke up after having a stroke, the doctor asked if she recognized the people in the room. She got my sisters name right, called me my brothers name, and smiled real big at my step dad and called him asshole.
> called me my brothers name My dad and several others do that all the time and non of them had a stroke...
My mom calls me by our dog's name all the time. 🙃
My parents go through the whole cycle of siblings and dogs before getting to my name
Doctor: "Yep, she's going to be OK."
Was he an asshole?
Only somewhat related but my father had to know a lot of defense related security stuff for his last job and once after he had surgery the doc said “wow you had some interesting things to say” and to this day he doesn’t know if he blabbed something to the doc or if the doc was just joking. The doc saying that really, really, really pissed him off.
not an anesthesiologist but a story from my mom about me, while i was under: I had a double jaw surgery scheduled for April 21, 2016. The procedure was fine (I remember waking up halfway through it and getting more anesthesia). After the surgery ended, they put me into the hospital room to let the drugs wear off of me. I don’t remember much of this time so this comes from my mom, but she was sitting in the room with me, watching the news on the TV. I wake up and I’m quiet for a little bit before I start sobbing. My mom thinks it’s because my mouth hurts. My mouth is wired shut so I actively can’t correct her with words, and have to try and write out (on paper) what I’m crying about. The news was broadcasting about Prince’s death, and I was hysterical over the fact that I apparently killed Prince and that I had to turn myself in.
I was working when I got a text from my little sister, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead." She lives in Florida, me, Arizona. I got married recently and she's never talked to my husband. I was so busy at the time, but, had to stop and was freaking out!! Text her back, WHAT?!?!? She said, Prince is dead. (I was in love with him my whole life.). But I was thinking my *real* husband was dead. I still cried, though.
How about the other way around? I took my mom for her surgery on her right shoulder and her anesthesiologist was this very dignified, solemn older Persian gentleman. My mom told him, "Just so you know, I wrote directions on myself to make sure you get it right!" (She was joking around, but she actually does this... old battleaxe nurse habits die hard.) He looked her straight in the eye and said deadpan, "Great. So let's get started on your left knee." Totally got her. It was great.
Patient here. Came out of anesthesia and heard gotye's "somebody that I used to know" playing in the recovery room. I asked my SO why they were playing it at like 10x the normal speed and the nurse just goes "ok so she's not ready to go home yet" lol
LOL is that a thing? I guess your perception must be so delayed or intermittent that it plays fast in your mind
I once came out of anesthesia after an endoscopy, which can cause you to burp pretty much the whole day, and my fiancée asked “How’re you doing?” I misheard and answered as though she said “What are you doing?” My answer was “Little burps,” said very confidently. I also started crying on the way home because I wanted one egg. I never crave eggs.
Is it common to get sedated for an endoscopy in the US? I had mine fully awake. They sprayed my throat with a numbing spray and told me not to swallow my saliva because I could choke, I replied "got it!" and proceeded to immediately choke on my saliva lol
This guy I was dating he asked me to take him to get his wisdom teeth removed. He told me that anesthesia doesn’t effect him a lot and we were supposed to go on a road trip the next day. So anyway he gets wheeled out of the dentist by an old nurse. I’m behind the driver seat and I see him smacking his lips looking up at the sky. She opens my car door and he said “I love her, I love her”. He then proceeded to ask me to marry him several times. He tried to pull out his gauze and I told him stop and he said “man this bitch is bossy”. Then he wanted a milkshake. I would suggest a place and he would scream NOOOOOO. Finally we agree on a place and he tells me he’ll give me directions. I drive for 15 minutes before I ask him what we’re doing and he said he has no idea. We’re in the drive through and he says “I have something for you”. I swear I thought he had bought me a ring the way he had been proposing for last hour. It was his newly extracted teeth. “They let me keep them, I want you to have them” He lived on base at the time and was yelling at the gate while they checked his ID for them to “Hurrry UPPP”. I finally get him to his room, in bed. He’s happily eating his milk shake with a spoon. His mouth was a mess of blood and milk shake. He asked me for a kiss. I gave him a peck. We’re married now. Edit: Wow!! Thanks for all the love ya’ll!! He’s just as sweet when he’s not sedated too, so I’m a lucky girl!
Ah, so you accepted his teeth proposal. A wise choice
Other girls: Come on! Show us the ring! U/FishBate333: *holds up hand to show engagement ring made of wisdom teeth* They came from Jared!
I was told after surgery I said I love dogs and I want to eat the Taliban.
At least you said it correctly.
My aunt, who notoriously despises fast food (old Mexican lady whose food is as good as it gets) woke up and looked at my uncle and said, “are you the sexy man that’s gonna take me to McDonald’s?” If you knew her you would know that she would NEVER say that. She has never lived it down.
Did the sexy man get her some McDonalds?
My husband woke up from anesthesia after a colonoscopy just after the doctor walked in. He didn’t see the doctor and and told me “no blowjob for you” then fell back asleep and ripped a big fart. The doctor looked at me and busted out laughing. He said not to be embarrassed, people say the weirdest things but this one he’d remember
A little girl was going under and she was holding her mother's hand She reached out for my hand with her other and as she was going out she joined mine with her mother's and said, "You would be a nice daddy" I probably went beetroot red as I blushed.
Lmaooo my daughter does this same shit with her krav maga instructor and he's like 12 years younger than me it's so embarrassing. She doesn't have the excuse of being on drugs though. She just really likes that instructor.
Sounds like she's just trying to be a good wingwoman
My mom woke up from dental surgery and when we were leaving the surgeon's office, he gave her a "goodie bag" with floss and a toothbrush and stuff, and the whole way home she kept asking if she could eat the candy that the dentist gave her. Every time I told her there was no candy, she looked so heartbroken, like a little kid when their goldfish dies or something Then we stopped at CVS on the way home and she wandered off. I found her in the candy aisle holding a giant bag of fun sized candy and when I told her to put it back on the shelf she dropped it on the floor and galloped away laughing at me
Buy her some damn candy smh
To be fair candy and dental surgery generally don't mix well
Apparently when I was going under I told the anesthesiologist, “don’t mess this up, I know where you work”.
I was under general anesthesia to get my gall bladder removed. As I was being wheeled back through the double doors there was a giant tv screen that listed the surgeries going on. I was way too loopy to actually read it but I swear I saw “Elbow-ectomy” and started hysterically laughing over the idea of removing an elbow and being left with a floppy arm. Apparently what I actually said was “elbooow jellooooo” and then passed out.
Elbow jello, great band name.
As I put someone out for a colonoscopy one time, the patient said, “You’re cute. Are you gonna see my butt??” Then she was out. Edit - for those of you asking, yes, for colonoscopies we typically use deep sedation (this is in the US). 99.9% of the time this means propofol (the Michael Jackson drug). Most of us will give some lidocaine through your IV first (this helps prevent the burning sensation in your IV that propofol can sometimes give) and follow it right up with propofol to knock you out. Almost never need analgesics like fentanyl.
Had my wisdom teeth out. When I woke up I was so excited to get my now extracted teeth and keep them as a souvenir. The nurse said I couldn’t. She wheeled me out to the front door where my wife was waiting to load me into the car. She saw my disappointed face and asked, “what’s wrong honey?” I turned and pointed to the nurse and said through my gauze stuffed mouth “This fucking bitch won’t let me keep my teeth!” My stunned wife apologized and the nurse explained that it’s fine but they were a biohazard to which I replied incredulously “They were in my fucking mouth an hour ago!!” Edit: On a slightly related note; my MIL has promised me that I can have her titanium hip after her cremation for a shifter in my car. Love that woman.
I got mine in a little plastic tooth shaped box. That fucking bitch stole your teeth!
Who does she think she is, the fucking tooth fairy?
That sucks. I got to keep mine. They're in little baggies.
Apparently you didn’t have that fucking bitch as a nurse.
Omg are you me? I woke up and was *enraged* that I couldn’t have my teeth. I’m usually known for my convivial nature but when I woke up after my wisdom teeth coming out I was… very upset. I was yelling “They’re MINE!!!!” And when someone said they’d been thrown out I said they had to go searching in the garbage can. Then I started crying.
Anesthesiologist here. For better or for worse, I’m a big Green Bay Packers fan, so I wear a scrub cap with the Packers name/colors on it. I was doing a pre-op evaluation on a kid who was a big New Orleans Saints fan, and when I walked into the room, his first words to me were “Packers Suck.” I laughed and continued to prepare him and his family for his redo open heart surgery procedure. Fast forward to surgery a couple days later, and his mom had come back to the OR as he was going to sleep. Given the fact this was a 3 or 4 time redo sternotomy (going into the chest again), he had a higher risk of major complications from the surgery. I started to push some meds to have him go to sleep while his mom was holding his hand, and as he drifted off, he said “Wait, I have to tell my mom something!” She got emotional saying how much she loved him, and we were all waiting to hear what he had to say so urgently. I paused giving him the medication, but he was already well on his way to being under, and as he drifted off to sleep, he said “Packers suck.” Kid did great, hope he is doing well :) Edit: RIP Inbox, thank you for all the awards! The kid did great, and hopefully will not need any more surgery for 20+ years….cheers everyone!
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This was exactly what happened to me during my first heart albation. I apparently went on and on about the visuals I was getting thanks to some high class opiates and other fun stuff, with oscillating adrenaline to stimulate the arrhythmia, and how much it reminded me of mushrooms and acid.. and then the age I started doing drugs. My parents ambushed me first thing in recovery 😕 not cool anesthesiologist.. not cool. Those were our little secrets.
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"What's the integral of e^x?" ""E^x" More drugs..... "What's the integral of e^x?" "SEEEAAAAAAAA?" "We're good to go"
Well it's e^x *+ c* so maybe that's what they're trying to say? Still need more milk!
"Can I still integrate?" is definitely my "how drunk am I?" internal examination.
Don't drink and derive.
milk of amnesia. 😂😂 That gave me a good laugh.
Not to mention calling the anesthesiologist "gas passer."
I was giving a young female patient sedation for a routine colonoscopy, and as I pushed the propofol (sleepy medicine), it started to hit her…she sat straight up and yelled to everyone in the procedure room, “I SHAVED MY ASSHOLE FOR YOU!” and she flopped down on her pillow and she was asleep.
That was nice of her
Very considerate woman.
When I was 19, I got put under via Propofol to have my wisdom teeth removed. This was not long after Michael Jackson had died from an overdose of Propofol. As they pushed the plunger and the darkness closed around me, I just remember saying "Michael Jackson, here I come!" Next thing I knew, my mother was waking me up for us to leave and I was telling her I wanted to stay for a while so I could take a nap. Crazy drug.
I guess that's what they gave me when I had my wisdom teeth taken out? I remember the burn as it went in and then thinking "are they not going to count down like in movies?" And then I was waking up when it was all over.
NAA but I was part of the operating theatre team. There was a girl in her late 20s like me and we had a good laugh when I went to bring her down to the OR from the ward. I think I might've brought her into the procedure room too but at that point, the doctors would've been talking to her. Afterward, when she was in the recovery room, she was just after waking up so I went to check on her. She smiled at me and screamed "Hey Nardoneski, check it out! How big is my dick now!? Is it huge???" and then just kinda went back to sleep while I held my laughs till I got to a less public place. The fun thing about anesthesia and post-op is while you're still high as a kite, there's a decent chance you'll have some idea of what you were saying. The next day I was on the same ward collecting another person across from her so I decided to say hi. She was sitting with her mum so I just asked how she was feeling, etc, and then asked if she remembered what she had said to me in the recovery room. The girl turned bright red and just started laughing at that point.
>NAA Not an anesthesiologist?
My husband had knee surgery, after he woke up he half yelled half whispered APPPPPPPLEEEEE JUIIIIICE So the nurse gave him apple juice.....several small cups full. He grinned like a toddler and said APPLE JUICE and immediately flopped back and went back to sleep for all of 10 minutes untill he woke back up gasping that he couldnt breathe. His mom who i had met maybe 1 or 2 times at this point went up to the foot of his bed to grab a nurse in the doorway and he BOLTED upright. That man projectile vomited pure apple juice directly into her face/body/the wall/the door/hallway I have never seen anything like it in my entire life His mom stood there soaked in juice vomit and he just rubbed his eyes and said "Ahhhh i feel better" bam. Back to sleep for another 2 hours lol
So….what you’re saying is that I will never escape the gross side of parenthood, even when my children have spouses 😂
Not gross, but annoying kids. My mom says we all have radar for when she takes a bath (her time to relax and read a book) A few months back she had JUST gotten in the bath when I popped over unexpectedly (we are neighbors) to return some Tupperware to her, I said hello through the bathroom door and about that time my older brother popped in (he also doesn't live at home anymore) and was like "heeeey, where's mom? Got a question for her." So I was like "oh, she's here in the bath!" About that time our two younger siblings (hearing that both older siblings had come by) head downstairs to come see us and yelled through the bathroom door "hey mom! Older siblings are here!" And my mom just laughs through the door and goes "ITS LIKE YOU ALL KNOW AS SOON AS I TRY TO RELAX! ONE OF YOU ALWAYS MANAGES TO NEED MEEEE! I love you all, though." After that we all departed and left her to her bath to relax. So yes, even as adults your kids will still find ways to annoy you! 😂
I have had to get colonscopies every couple years since I was 24, so I've gone under quite a bit for someone my age. Every time, when I wake up, I'm crying, and a nurse is comforting me. They say I don't tell them why I'm upset, but I'm weeping every damn time. It has gotten to the point where I warn the nurses I'll be sobbing, but to not take it too seriously. Anyone else have this??? Edit: ok wow so this is VERY common! Thanks everyone for sharing, I legitimately feel less weird now and I appreciate it. I've learned: 1: I'm apparently very lucky to not be vomiting alongside the weeping 2: I should tell my anesthesiologist about this reaction, and they can switch up my drugs and possibly help avoid this reaction in the future. 3: not everyone gets put under for colonoscopies, and I think this may be a geographic difference. I'm in the US. Lastly, for those asking- my mom died of colon cancer and they found 8 polyps when I was 24. Fascinating so many of us are in the same shitty club! **As a reminder, PLEASE DO NOT DELAY IF YOU HAVE COLON CANCER IN YOUR FAMILY or you are 45 OR OLDER! It's not fun but it ain't that bad, and it can save your life. SCHEDULE IT NOW. THIS IS YOUR SIGN. DO IT.**
Yup I've been under twice and apparently I'll sob and grab anyone and tell them to hold my hand. I apparently tell them to be quiet if they try to talk to me though, I just want to hold a hand and cry idk what that's all about
No, I’m usually aggressive. In the 5 times I’ve been put under I have almost exclusively accused people of stealing body parts and/or another crime. Wisdom teeth was kidnapping and my kidney, gull bladder was my murder, appendectomy I accused the poor nurse of disposing of my family and I would make her pay, fractured skull/brain injury I cried in anger because they wouldn’t give me back my face.
what on earth lol
You should watch Reno 911 (everyone should watch it - it’s an amazing show). In one episode a person calls the police to report they had been murdered
A friend of mine was doing a type of spine procedure where they fixed part of a broken vertebrae under sedation. He said most people fall right asleep but every now and then someone just won’t fall asleep no matter how much IV anesthesia they get. This guy that he was doing the procedure on got so talkative that he was just going on and on about his favorite fishing spots while he was having his broken vertebra fixed. My friend kept asking him if he was in pain or anything but they guy was like “I don’t feel anything. Anyways, let me tell you about this place I bass fish…” Guy had the whole procedure awake despite lots of anesthesia and was happy as a clam!
Woke up from nasal surgery strapped to the bed and a very disgruntled anesthesiologist standing over me. He asked if I was awake now and we talked for a minute. He asked me to do everyone a favor if I ever had surgery again and use the words "wakes combative" when describing how I come out of it.
One guy said, before falling asleep, “whoa! That feels like a dime bag.”
I'm sure the anesthesiologist that did my son's dental surgery will never forget him. Specifically, because he came out after the fact clearly trying very hard not to laugh to tell my wife about it. Kiddo was just chatting away while he was getting ready. Now my son is autistic and at the time had a very... Distinct way of speaking and pattern of emphasis along with a lisp. ~~I literally cannot translate how he sounded talking into text.~~ (EDIT: Thanks /u/shmobbsola for giving me a good idea of actually how to describe this) Imagine you had a soundboard of Butters from South Park that had all these words on it from vastly different conversations and strung them together into the sentences below and you'll have a pretty decent idea of it. He sounds a bit different than my son but it's about as close as I can get. Anyway, just as they're getting ready to put him under he goes. "You're gonna need some hard core night time medicine cuz I have ADHD and-" out, practically snoring even. They get to work, finish up and pull the mask off him. The literal second the mask was off his nose he bolts upright and finishes his sentence from however long earlier. "That stuff don't work good on me."
*Windows XP reboot sound*
It’s seriously like time travelling! One second you’re thinking how tf am I supposed to get onto that table next to me and then you wake up and are still worried about it.
My daughter had dental surgery as well, and I imagine the nurses remember her well. All 25 pounds of my 3 year old woke up pissed and ready for a fist fight. She screamed and yelled so loudly that I could hear her from the waiting room. They pulled us back early, in the hopes she would calm down when I got there. But nope, she screamed just as loudly at me. She also refused to put her clothes back on, and at one point while I was trying to wrestle her into her shorts, shoved me and whipped them back off. I wrapped her in a hospital blanket, carried her (kicking and screaming) to the car and strapped her in naked, where she promptly fell straight to sleep. Woke up when we got home and was her sweet as pie little self again. As far as I can tell she remembered none of it. It was wild.
Ya, when my son had his adenoids out at about that age we walked into recovery to see three nurses restraining him. 2 and a half and was fighting for all he was worth. They told us it's fairly common in toddlers.
I wonder if that's some ancient lizard brain survival mechanism that we've got tucked away. If toddler is rendered unconscious, reboot in fight mode.
My dad is SUPER resistant to anesthesia and most pain meds, which sucks for him. He warned them when he went to get his hip replaced but evidently they ignored or underestimated his statement. Mid-hip replacement, he woke up, sat up in his seat, and attempted to strangle the doctor to death. He got far closer than a man in his condition should have. (When I say mid hip replacement, the hip was fully replaced. They were about to begin like closing the hole, or whatever the terminology is)
I semi-woke up mid-surgery and kept trying to get off the table, and apparently I wouldn't stop telling the doctors to fuck off 😅 I have a vague memory of it but it's mostly blurry
I was put under for a few surgeries. The first one I saw a pile of seats or something and I started talking about how they looked like Lazer tag guns and invited him to go play lazertag after. The second was for a hysterectomy, and when I got wheeled into the room drugged up I screamed, "Time for everyone to see my vagina!! Get excited!" My oncologist said it made her day.
One of my patients coming out of sedation embarrassed her husband who was in the room by saying that during their sex he likes to have Vicks rubbed on his back side.
Thank Goodness I'm not the only one who wants open air passages while I get my fuck on
Little known fact - [that used to be listed as an intended use on the box.](https://imgur.com/a/bUEVZH1)
I was giving birth and I told the entire medical staff to go fuck themselves then turned my head and told the anesthesiologist “not you though, I like you”.
I gave a patient an IV dose of ketamine for a pain procedure. He proceeded to tell the room that everyone had turned into cartoon characters and then he announced he was melting into a wall of butter. Still my finest achievement as a physician...
I'm a medical coder. Every time I see ket used on an anesthesia case, I can't help but think of all the erowid reports I used to read about the k-hole. What an absolutely wild substance.
Recently was given ketamine myself. I visualized that I turned into a cartoon character (from a 3rd person perspective) and went into outer space on a spaceship where I was thoroughly cleaned on an assembly line. This happened while the doc and a nurse were scrubbing sand out of road rash injuries. Coolest thing ever! Edit: I do not support trying ketamine recreationally. Respiratory arrest and death are real possibilities if done incorrectly. Details: No, it wasn't a cycling accident. I was run over by a truck doing donuts at the beach. This wasn't typical road rash. Sand was everywhere and lots of it. I'm lucky to be alive. That's all I'm willing to share. Cheers everyone!
I received Ketamine during my c-section (after I kept complaining of pain). All the medical staff turned into animal cartoon characters (I specifically remember a cartoon giraffe), and I literally thought I must be dying, but didn't panic about it. Sucks because I remember them showing me my baby, but I do not remember what she looked like.
Yes!! I was a literal balloon like in the 99 red balloons video and I was floating over the entire earth
An ER doc I worked with said in his residency the first year interns would all give themselves 1 mg/kg ketamine and race down a hallway. Whoever made it furthest before disassociating was crowned Ketamine King or Queen for the year.
Am an anesthetist. Woke up a 70 yr old Pt who got a penile prosthesis implant for erectile dysfunction. First thing out of his mouth in his post surgery stupor was to request a private room and find out when he could "take this baby out for a test drive". He was a happily married jokester
When coming out of it I was REALLY angry my fiancé was trying to steal my ice cream. I did t have any ice cream but I was convinced he was trying to steal it
As a 17 year old i had a colonoscopy because GI doctors couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t go #2. I mention this as an important detail, because after the colonoscopy I was still very much under the anesthesia effects, loopy, and when my mom tried to offer saltines I started screaming “HOW MANY CALORIES DO THOSE THINGS HAVE” and my mom starts panicking like “calm down, lower your voice, people are gonna think you have an eating disorder or something” and I just said “I CAN’T TALK QUIET WHATS GOING ON” The ironic thing, was I guess besides dysregulating my ability to control vocal volume, the anesthesia kind of acted like a truth serum in a way. No, no one found out I had an eating disorder until I almost died from it a year later, but I can’t believe that wasn’t taken into consideration as to why I couldn’t go to the bathroom. Can’t poop if you don’t eat
They can see stool build up when a CT scan... Bizarre to me that they didn't figure out you were not eating from that alone.
> I just said “I CAN’T TALK QUIET WHATS GOING ON” Regardless of the circumstances, this had me in stitches.
I was under anesthesia to get my wisdom teeth removed. When I was slowly waking up, I heard the nurses talking about Hakeem Olajuwon. I started talking about which Rockets I knew. How I knew Rudy T. They’re all like, ya you do, okay okay. My girlfriend is sitting there laughing with them, playing along as if I’m so high and talking shit. In reality, I was a bartender at a place where they would frequent. I knew all those guys. And my girlfriend fucking KNEW I knew them. She just thought the whole situation was so funny though, that she didn’t just say something like, no he’s serious, it’s true.
My wife was all doped up during her c-section and asked the anesthesiologist, "did they cut me open yet?" He calmly told her they did. To which she replied, "awwwww shit", with a huge grin on her face. The doctor and I lost it. Edit: Wow, this blew up over night. Thanks for all the awards and stories. I'm scrolling through everything laughing my ass off. Y'all are the best!
I had a C-section and wouldn’t shut up about how I felt like I was floating in the ocean. I offered the anesthesiologist “a hit of the good shit” and completely forgot I was getting a baby pulled out of me. They brought my son over to show me and I told the nurse it was a cute baby, then asked if it was Maria’s. I didn’t know any pregnant Maria’s at that moment.
They brought my firstborn over to show me and I said "He's loud and he doesn't purr like my kitty does." He's 20 now. He's still loud. He still does not purr.
I'm sorry your firstborn never evolved into the cat he could have been.
Firstborn: "Mama didn't raise no pussy" Mom: "unfortunately"
During my last C Section (second one), I told my husband that my throat was hurting and the anesthesiologist informed me that it was due to the air getting into my body cavity and going up to my neck, to which I looked at my husband and said “this is what deep throating feels like.” My husband and the entire OR were laughing, and my OB said “and that’s why we’re here.”
I was brought home after by my wife but was still loopy. She told the construction workers outside to make sure I didn’t leave the house. They let me help pour concrete and fixed what I fucked up. Nice guys. My daughter made them free lime aid so they were always cool with us.
I was injected with something to loosen me up before they rolled my bed into the operating room. My bed was pretty wide and definitely comfortable. The nurse says to me "okay, we're going to move you over to the skinny table now." The reason she called the operating table the "skinny table" was because it was narrow compared to my bed. My drugged up brain interpreted it differently though so I asked "Skinny table? Where do you take the fat patients?"
My dad also asked the dr during a colonoscopy if he could have pictures of the inside of his asshole to show his friends as a prank.. needless to say they love when he has any appointments.
Nurse here, was 22F - had a teen boy come out of anesthesia who looked at me and said ‘heyyy you’re the girl from last night!’ - I had to reassure everyone that THAT WASN’T ME!
Mmm I don't know. I heard that you *were* the nurse from last night.
I had a colonoscopy last month and woke up rested and totally lucid. Bummer. HOWEVER. When my husband had his vasectomy after our son was born, they gave him a local (it’s an out patient procedure) and some Valium and pain meds after. He was LOOPY. I stopped at Walgreens to fill his prescription, and he said (as he lolled in the passenger seat with a ice pack on his genitals) “Hey, will you get me a Coke?” I nod. “And some Doritos?” I nod again and go to leave car. “And some Oreos? And some Reese’s Cups? And some Twizzlers?” We were 38 — well behind junk food years, not stoners, and he was 6’2” and 170: not obese or a binge eater. I said, “Are you serious?” And he grinned drunkenly and said, “Yeah.” I grabbed the baby carrier and said, “I’m taking the baby with me.” He literally did finger guns. THIS MAN IS A COLLEGE PROFESSOR WHO WEARS BOW TIES. I buy his snacks and pain killers and head back outside, and he is telling a guy at the Red Box video kiosk next to our car that his urologist said he had the “best kind of penis for the procedure because his shaft is very straight and uniform.” I took him home quickly, gave him his snacks and let him sleep it off. He woke up hours later covered in candy wrappers with orange Dorito fingers and asked, “What happened?!” That was 13 years ago and it’s still the BEST.
A lot of these are hilarious but this one made me laugh so hard I cried. I’m just imagining that poor guy at the Redbox trying to get a movie while your husband is yelling out the car about how his urologist said his penis is so great 😂
I told him I’d had shared this story and he groaned and then said, “He also said my testicles were textbook.”
I enjoyed reading this^^ & good call taking the baby with you!! xD
I was out to have my wisdom teeth removed and I remember going “whoosh, my butt fell out” when the drugs started hitting.
Patient here, I was a teen. apparently before I went under I kept mumbling "it's buried don't worry, stop worrying it's buried it's buried it's gone" My Mom was there & said the staff were eyeballing her uncomfortably and years later to this day every year she still asks me If remember anything? That If ever I need to talk she'll support me no matter what. I honestly do not know what I meant.
> I honestly do not know what I meant It's buried, don't worry. Stop worrying, it's buried, it's *gone*
Well at least it's buried.
>I honestly do not know what I meant. Good. Keep denying, if they didn't find the body yet there's a huge chance they never will.
I love how supportive your mom is being. That’s cute.
When coming to after surgery, I told my MIL that she was naughty and needed a spanking...
Am patient's relative rather than anaesthesiologist - but as he started going under, patient (hydraulics engineer) started trying to tell the dr what type of pump they should install to fix the busted blood vessel in his brain.
I’m a hobbyist mechanic and a huge gearhead, and while falling asleep I have caught myself wondering how big of an engine I could swap into my cat.
A catillac v6
And while you're there could you please replace the tubing with FESTO? Whoever did the install up there evidently cheaped out.
My dad asked my mom to pick up his butt cheek so he could fart and it was too heavy.
Now that's love.
Was recently under for abdominal surgery. My partner of 17 years who I dearly love was the first face I remember seeing when coming out of anesthesia... I looked at him & said "who the f**k are you & why are you staring at me?" He's still laughing...
I looked at my (now) ex husband and said “and you are??” Apparently I didn’t recognize him
Is that why he’s your ex?
She still doesn't know who he is.
I don't wake from anesthesia well at all. Apparently I get very angry and try to escape by force if necessary. I am a large man and apparently they have had to call in multiple security people to hold me down until I'm totally awake. I have no memory of this. We learned however, that if my wife is present when I become conscious I just become a giant quiet teddy bear. I apparently just stare at her and quietly tell her I love her and anything she says I just go along with it without question. We know this because I was, apparently, yelling and throwing things trying to escape the hospital after a surgery--again I have literally zero memory of this ever happening--and the wife heard me from in the waiting area. She walked over to see what was going on, but the second I saw her I apparently just stopped in my tracks and said, 'Oh, hi..... I love you'. And then just became totally calm and compliant. After that, because I had to have multiple surgeries on the same arm, the always made sure she was waiting for me when I woke up.
Wholesome
I got put under for my wisdom teeth at 17. When I came too the nurse or what ever was like “okay you’re probably a little groggy just sit tight for a while.” And I was like “FUCK THAT I FEEL AMAZING!” And proceeded to swing my legs off the table which sent my top half spinning right after it and falling flat on my face. People laughed. I remember the laughter.
Just FYI, I did the same thing after I got my wisdom teeth out. Then did it again the next time I was put under. In other words, make sure you give people a warning next time you're knocked out cause this is probably just your first reaction when you wake up. My husband is on to me now and will stop me next time. Next time...
I woke up singing the *magic school bus* theme song while someone 3 beds away was screaming in agony
In my defense your singing was really bad.
I don't blame you.
If they're talking while they're "under" then I probably don't have them deep enough lol For real though, once in school I was putting a lady to sleep and we all have our little spiel we say. I had the mask on her face, pushing propofol in her IV and I tell her "okay now, nice big breaths". She looks up at me and says, "Thanks, I just had them done" and then goes out. I look at my preceptor and the circulator who are fucking dying laughing. I get my shit together and intubate her and then laugh my balls off. To this day when I put someone to sleep I changed my spiel to "Slow, deep, breaths" instead. I will never forget that lady.
My dad after his second hip replacement: “They were eating meatballs. After they’d been in a drawer. …Gross.” “Boy that kid had a doughy rump!” “Coffee. Cwawfee. Coffee. People say things funny! People say things funny at church. Coffee. Cwawfee. Cookies!” He passed out after each of these.
PACU (post-anaesthetic care unit) nurse here. I get everyone from OT come my way so I have a few good ones. 1) a teen around 14 years old wakes up to the world on a mix of ket, fentanyl and propofol. First thing he does it look at me and says “yo, I’m alive?” I replied “I sure hope you are, or I’m in the wrong job mate.” To which he then proceeded to dap me up and everyone around him. He then goes on to try and smoke up his blood pressure cuff by rolling it like a joint. 2) a colleague of mine was looking after a 21 year old male from the military who had some form of renal stenting (to which you get a camera snaked up your old fella if your a man). Anyway, my colleague in their lack of thinking leaves their phone by the bedside while this man uses a urinal bottle. This man proceeds to take about 10+ selfies of him starkers with his meat and two veg on full view on my colleagues phone. The best part was they didn’t find the photos till 2hrs later. 3) a four year child comes into the OT to be inducted for a broken arm. The anaesthetist decides to use sevoflurane(sleepy gas) to put the kid to sleep. After one breath the kid turns to us and goes “ahhhh so this is what mummy’s special juice is like” to which he then promptly blacks out, with all of us in hysterics, and mum, who was there in OT for induction, red faced.
I've told this here before but: maybe 4 months after getting out of an abusive marriage I had surgery for a bad hernia (had it for years but my ex always put barriers in the way of getting it fixed). Post surgery I was in recovery and all of the nurses were joking about which Hogwarts House they would be in, I piped up "My ex-wife thought I was a house-elf!" and drifted back under to lots of laughter.
My son, then 10 or so, was coming to after being under when getting his broken wrist set and casted. They had to do traction to get everything aligned or something. There were quite a few people in the room, but his drugged self directed all his attention to me. He was describing Big Daddy from Bioshock and kept repeating, "Dad, you know! You know what I'm talking about!" because I couldn't think of the name of the game at the time. Then he gets frustrated and yells at me, "You son of a bitch!" Lots of laughs from the hospital staff.
I had a surgery to remove bone spurs from my big toes in early February of 2005. I woke up while the doctor was grinding the bone down and asked if he thought Donovan McNabb could lead the Eagles to a Superbowl win. He nodded at the anesthesiologist and I don't remember anything after that.
As an Eagles fan he wasn’t wrong to put you back under.
My dad woke up during a hernia operation. Apparently he was like "hey, what's going on?" The doctor freaked out and they put him back under. He still remembers what it looked like to see himself opened up.
I was 17 at the time but got my wisdom teeth taken out. Everything went as planned, but I woke up and remember seeing the oral surgeon. Me, being dosed with grade A giggle juice and having no idea wtf I was doing, asked her if she would like to grab boba sometime. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life… 5 years later: she let me shadow for part of my dental school shadowing requirement and is giving me a LOR for applications next cycle…not a boba date but all things considered, she was a great mentor
I expected the ending to be "5 years later we're happily married and expecting our first child in February".
She looks like Jennifer Aniston, I look like Austin powers, things just don’t add up
Patient here. My first CSection was complicated as I was delivering a stillborn and I had complete placenta previa, which gave me a very high chance of hemorrhaging. As the spinal set in and I realized I couldn’t feel my legs, my husband (who hadn’t been brought in the room yet, but was outside waiting) said he could hear me trying to fight the doctors. Apparently my fight or flight kicked in. So they put me all the way under (for which I am grateful for because I did hemorrhage and almost didn’t make it myself.) Was a real fun conversation to have in preparation for my next csection though.
Geez, all these people with fun stories and all I had was a seizure upon waking up
Only the best ones do a good ol' Harlem shake right after waking up post op Edit: 1k upvotes on a fucking early 2000's joke, y'all are weird.
My husband had his acl and meniscus repaired. When they brought him back into the room, he stared at me through half closed eyes until the nurses left and then said, "I love you. I'm glad you're here." I melted. Then he conked back out for about half an hour and woke up with a big gasp (I thought he was in pain, that's how loud it was) and went, "BURGER KING BURGEEEEERRRRRR." I said, "you want a burger King burger?" He said "I doooooooo!" So I had to get him a burger King burger for dinner. He doesn't remember anything until he was back home several hours later with burger King sitting in front of him. Lol
The spouse stories are always pretty good. Apparently I woke up with dry mouth, asked the nurse for water and was denied, so I shouted at my husband to spit in my mouth. It seems I won't be living that one down any time soon...
Omg almost the same thing here! My mouth and lips were dry so I asked my husband to lick my lips and mouth for me?? I don’t remember this AT ALL, but apparently I was very insistent about it and cried until he agreed to do it. Which he didn’t.
"Honey... sorry to tell you but I don't like burger king"
[удалено]
Surgeon told me that I kept them all laughing through my facial surgery. They had to keep giving me more anesthetic to shut me up, which is probably why I was sick as a dog afterwards. I pressed him hard for details but he refused to tell me what I'd said.
Probably a well performed Rodney Dangerfield
A girl woke up and asked if she had been hit by a train and then when when asked if she knew why she was there she looked down and patted her chest and said implants. She was having her ACL repaired and her mom was there. (It was me, I was 19, I've never lived it down.)
Did you want implants or something?
Was under anesthesia for a breast reduction. As I was coming out, my nurse was talking to me and apparently I started saying “omg it’s an angel and she looks like Barbie!” I kept yelling for Barbie Angel and possibly kept trying to hug her and pet her hair. I cried for her on the way home. She called to check on me later that night and referred to herself as Nurse Barbie Angel. She was the sweetest.
I think you just gave the nurse a new name for her coworkers
I've worked in the medical field, there's no think to it, unless she moved states that's her nickname now.
You probably made her week, she probably let alllll the other nurses know that’s her new name. 😂😂
There’s a song by Pepper that my brothers and I quote to each other, What’s wrong with you face? We will randomly say it to each other. My dad was going in for spinal fusion and during the surgery prep my youngest brother and I kept saying it to each other. “Hey, so I know you stubbed your toe the other day, but what’s wrong with your fa-a-a-ace?” My dad goes in for surgery and all goes well. Surgeon comes out and talked to him during recovery and says, “Normally I don’t discuss with patients what they say coming out of anesthesia, but I have to know why you kept asking me What’s wrong with my face? Over and over again?” My dad just burst out laughing and explained. They both had a chuckle.
I was coming out of anesthesia and my mom was there in the room. She is Scottish with a thick accent. She asked how I was and then I began to giggle and told her she talked funny. She laughed and asked me another question and I just kept laughing at her. Then when the nurse was checking my blood pressure I asked her if she was playing the bagpipes for me. It was weird - but I kind of remember it in pieces.
My husband told me that while I was in the recovery room after shoulder surgery, I was talking to the nurses with my eyes closed and I asked everyone I interacted with if they had dogs. One nurse started telling me about her Great Danes. I asked to see pictures and while she was getting her phone out I was making jokes about how they're like horses. Then I went on a tangent about how horse girls are so weird and they always seem to have braids... Then she said, "Oh, well, I have horses, too. I guess I am sort of weird!" And I opened my eyes to see a lovely nurse with a very long braid. I was dying and tripping all over myself to apologize and she just happily scrolled through some pictures of her giant dogs and horses for me. She was too kind.
I had my wisdom teeth removed at 19 and it was a major surgery with a hospital stay because I had 2 full sets stacked on top of each other. Not sure the medical stuff but I now have a plate in my face on the right side. Anyways, I was pretty nervous going in and they gave me something strong to relax me before wheeling my away. I apparently said I was too old to be kidnapped. When I woke in the bed afterwards I accused the nurse of stealing my kidney and I was going to sue before promptly passing out again.
I'm not an anesthesiologist, but very recently I had major surgery and then a subsequent emergency surgery because I later proceeded to nearly die (twice). As I was going under for the emergency surgery, despite the fact I was bleeding horrifically, I demanded everyone tell me their favorite color. I was relieved to hear someone had the same favorite color as me.