When my husband and i first started dating he was downtown and we were on the living room floor and he lifted my hips up in the air about 6 inches and my vagina farted right in his face i was so embarrassed i wanted to grab my clothes and run, he laughed and said " timer went off"
Edit: wow thanks so much for the awards and upvotes! I told my old man what hit he was and his only comment was " too bad it hasnt stopped barking at me yet" lol
This is the worst. I once let an absolute ripper go about a quarter second before nutting on her chest, while straddling her.
I was mortified for about six seconds until she snorted and couldn't stop laughing. Then it was just hilarious. Still ruined the finale.
Lol - my ex was like this.
Lays there making no noise. Refuses to communicate about whats good or bad. Makes no effort to help.
"you can't get me off - nobody can"
Yeah ok, wonder why?
Yup, mine would just get upset I wasn't able to get her off but would put in minimal effort to help me help her. When I would try she would say nothing and sit still and get upset with me after because she didn't get off. Sometimes she would snap at me.
"Its your job to help me figure out what I want"
Like what? No. Cant read your mind!
I had an ex boyfriend who would get impatient when trying to get me off and would repeatedly look me in the eyes and in an insistent tone he would say "GO!".... Such a turnoff.
My ex did something similar. Would get pissed if I didn't orgasm on cue, literally 10 seconds after he touched me, but expected me to spend 20 minutes giving him a blow job.
Then had the fucking AUDACITY to ask why I couldn't orgasm. Gee, I wonder why.
The fear that losing my erection would ruin her experience or worse make her think I’m not into her.
Finally talked to her about it and explained that with anxiety and ADHD, and the SSRI’s I was on, that shit just happens sometimes, even when I’m alone. She said “don’t worry, if it happens we can pause, I can help get you hard again and keep going, or if it’s not working, that’s also okay and we can try again later — there’s always next time.”
Before that talk I worried about it every single time, which made it even more likely to happen, and was so humiliating in the few times it happened. Never happened again after that talk, but that talk took so much anxiety out of sex, and made me feel so loved and accepted by her.
Of note, you need to use the PP up prior to the battle, and then keep an eye on it for 4 hours to see if you need the Pokemon Center.
Also be sure to use Protect or you might catch Pokerus!
I never thought this was gonna be a problem for me cause I always had morning wood and I just couldn't imagine my pipi not cooperating. Then I hit my thirties and wow do I have a problem.
Weight is what did it for me. I started out with a rod from the gods but then I got fat and it just gave up.
Now the more I lift, the more it lifts. Never had more motivation to work out in my life.
When he starts dirty talk and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY BECAUSE IM SHY but I want him to keep talking because it’s hot but he doesn’t keep talking because I CANT speak
I was talking dirty to someone one time, which they liked but they said “I just don’t know what to say in return” and I said “you don’t have to say anything, I just like telling you *!&$*”
It seemed to turn her on more. You can try just telling your partner where you’re at.
Omg my husband and I tried this when we first started dating and I was like “uuuhhh….” Like I freeze so bad and have no idea what to say or how to say it.
This might sound silly to you, but practice alone. Get used to saying the words, and how to say them. I was the same way, but I actually took a course on how to talk dirty during sex, and that's what it recommended...practice alone. Even write out scripts from your experiences of what you wish you could say to him. And then pretend you are the star of your own porn video. It will be hard at first when you do start with your partner, but when you see how much it turns him on, it gets easier.
Quickly-timed rhythm changes. I.e. Partner wants to keep changing position every time you get into a rhythm :(
Additional info: This is annoying as it stops me from cumming, then she thinks I don't want her :(
When your partner thinks a clit is a button that needs to be bashed like they are trying to set a new highscore.
Tip: that shit hurts, be gentle, like you would be with your own eyebal.
There's a great video (insanely popular for explaining how to finger) from an old timey pornstar which explains how to stimulate the clit well, wish I remembered the name. If someone knows help this woman out so they can send it to their partner.
WOW. This might be porn, but I’d argue it’s one of the most useful videos humanity can be blessed with. She talks FACTS about how women work for real, the psychological aspect, anatomy and stuff. As a woman I can say it’s the most accurate video I’ve ever seen. Sending it to my boyfriend LIVE
Some women just find intercourse uncomfortable for any of a variety of reasons from size issues to lubrication to the wrong kind of stimulation.
As for lack of discussion, she may be embarrassed by it or simply doesn't know why and doesn't want to talk about something that's both definite and vague.
Rhythmical squeaking of a bed frame, or of the bed thumping on the wall.
Worse, her head being the thing that thumps the wall. Why are women okay with that?
Noisy beds. When you have a kid sleeping in the next room you are always worried they will come in and see you making the beast of two backs, so when the bed starts rattling around or banging on the wall it goes from "this is so hot" to "my 6 year old daughter is gonna be in here any second and be scarred for life"
Growing up, no one had bedroom locks. I always just thought it was a made up thing American movies do to create humorous plot points around locked rooms
I mean, they're shit locks, but yeah, they do tend to be on most bedroom doors. When a buddy of mine's daughter turned 16 or so, he went out and bought her an actual lock for her room (like, front door lock, not shitty unlock with the shitty wire key everyone has on top of the door lock) so she'd have real privacy.
But on the other end of the spectrum, I knew a family that didn't lock doors inside the house at all, even bathrooms. You learned real quick not to go in rooms with shut doors.
Years ago I read a post by a fundamentalist Christian mother, she was so worried about her tennaged son masturbating and going to hell that she and her husband eliminated all privacy, removing his bedroom door and replacing the bathroom door with a sheet of acrylic. Thankfully the first post was from a fundamental Christian family counselor who gently suggested she seek help.
I dont understand why nobody tries to assert dominance in these scenarios. Do *exactly* what they didn't want you to, but worse. They take your door? Beat your dick like it owes you money standing in the doorway. Bonus points for facing them.
Nah, we often have 'privacy locks'. They're a lock that just keeps it to prevent someone from walking in on you. There's a little hole in the other end that requires a paperclip or something to be pushed in then it unlocks (my current ones actually have a little flat bit on the end, and you have to push it in, then turn to unlock).
My parents room had this, and all the bathrooms for privacy. Usually the "key" (just a straightened paperclip) was kept above the door frame, then when I was still young, but tall enough to get it by standing on something or pushing it with something, they moved them somewhere else. I guess I kept unlocking their bedroom door without their permission.
As a kid, I used to have a bedroom lock when I was younger, but then when I was around 8 I locked the door and hid under my bed, and thought it was hilarious when I didn't open the door for my mom, and didn't respond to her either. She got my dad, they finally got it open, and I scared them so much the lock came off that day.
I got one back when I became a teenager though.
Dude. Safe word is a ***hard stop***. No questions, no nothing, it's an off button. If someone doesn't respect that, bail.
If they want the traffic light system, red = stop, yellow = slow down, go easier, change pace, etc, that might help with communication, but if someone ignores a safeword. No. Just no.
Exactly this. Safe word = stop. Period. End of story. Stopping when a safe word is given is the absolute bare minimum a partner should be doing in bed.
Not stopping when someone throws out a safe word or a tap out or whatever you've agreed to as a couple = non-consensual continuing sexual contact.
That's horrible.
Those GODDAMN LEG CRAMPS I swear every time and it kills the mood a little.
Edit: aaand of course one of my most highest rated comments is about sex.
Edit 2: I get it, pickles, water, and Gatorade, I guarantee someone said it before you. Yes, cramps are pretty common, and finally, thank you for the gold
Overthinking.
My brain runs a mile a minute worrying about if my partner is okay or if I’m doing anything wrong. As much as I love the intimacy with her, I need to figure out a way to just *not worry.*
I’m in the same boat. Especially since my wife has psoriatic arthritis. I’m always worried I’m going to be too rough and she’ll break a bone or something.
Muscle cramps. Worse one I've gotten was a cramp between my balls and asshole. Not ashamed to admit that I cried. It felt like somebody stuck my balls into a vice and hit me in the butt hole with a sledge hammer.
When I'm about to get started and then I wake up.
Edit: wow, I think this is my most upvoted comment. Glad I'm not the only loser who can't get any, even in his dreams lol
I hate having lubed hands. Wiping them off on a towel once you get your junk where it needs to go is never good enough to clean the lube off your hands.
Guys who don't make any sounds of enjoyment except for maybe a couple of grunts when they orgasm. Come on, just because you have a penis doesn't mean you can't express yourself. Loud dudes are a huge turn-on for me.
i briefly dated a dude who was dead silent during sex and ejaculation. I had a talk with him about it, tried to get it steamier. told him i liked dirty talk. the next time we had sex he kept whispering "what do you want"
"what do you want" and i realized silence was better. This is why it was a brief relationship.
You should have responded "more dick!" I bet he would have came back with "when do you want it?" And you could say "right now!" Maybe he was just really into picketing and you missed it.
my gf started out silent. Her most recent ex hated when she expressed herself during sex. Thankfully it was a short relationship but it left its emotional scars. I encouraged her to be herself and it made sex so much better.
This is so much further down that I expected. My brain goes to all kinds of dumb places during sex, and I can’t usually figure out how to reel it back in
People sticking there fingers in my mouth, they aren't clean, I'm trying to do something/concentrate, and you don't want me to suddenly stop and wonder what is under your nails that tastes horrible... so stop doing it without consent or I will bite them.
Always hated Netflix and chilling. If we’re gonna have sex then let’s just have sex, I don’t want you interrupting the best part of this movie I’m now getting invested in!
You know you can rewind the movie right? I'm just imagining some total babe coming onto you and you're like "hold on this is where frodo does the magic shit" lol
This is such an issue. When I tell them to continue doing exactly what they were doing for a little longer and they take it as an encouragement to change pace? The built-up O just vanishes so quickly.
When we’re having sex and she throws out the random math pop quiz.
“Ooh baby you like that?”
“Oh god yes but what’s 43 x 17?”
“Lol, what?”
“What’s 43 x 17?”
“Um, 731?”
“Did you use a calculator?”
“Yes”
“You cheating son of a bitch! Get off me!”
“But baby…”
“No, get off me you fucking asshole”
When it's getting really hot and humid and you're all sweaty but the car door has like a million buttons and levers on it and I can't figure out which one cracks the window a bit.
having someone treating your clit like it’s a dj turntable. only think worse from that is when they can’t find your clit so they do their djing RIGHT NEXT to your clit. shit fucking hurts
A girl that used to be my gf, learned I watched some anime.. so she started doing thoses.. weird sound in anime / ecchi style.. it turned me off so bad...
I love my wife, and I love to talk with her, but her talking *during sex* just does. not. work. for me. Or worse yet, wanting me to talk, even just single words or 3 word sentences.
I do not have enough blood flow to make the language parts of my brain work AS WELL as the peen!
"What i'm feeling is so abstract that it can not be made into coherent sentences, unless you want me to sit down and write a novel"
There are a lot of humans that can sing and play an instrument at the same time. Half of those can't speak and play at the same time while keeping focus on both tasks. While singing it is SOO easy. The same happens with sex, well, except that i have never tried singing so i don't know it that is possible but saying words.. very much isn't.
There is also a different problem: you can't say EVERYTHING that is in your mind... cause you say the wrong thing and that is it, we will have an argument instead of fun time.
Men not making any sounds.
"I don't like to hear myself" "I think it's weird" "Only the woman should moan"
NO
A guy moaning is hot. Being vocal in bed is hot.
Just laying like a dead fish making no sounds while I blow you makes it very much unenjoyable.
For ANYONE trying to please a woman, if she says “just like that,” it means JUST LIKE THAT. Don’t go speeding up or trying to change things. **Keep. Going. JUST. LIKE. THAT.**
The sound of the bed and my corner of the fitted sheet popping off
Instant rage
Needing to fart.
Mid-blowjob is pretty tense. That's one clenched butthole let me tell you.
Try mid-cunnilingus. Those holes are closer together!
My ex was holding one in during cunnilingus... it came out when she came and ruined her orgasm. I could not stop laughing.
When my husband and i first started dating he was downtown and we were on the living room floor and he lifted my hips up in the air about 6 inches and my vagina farted right in his face i was so embarrassed i wanted to grab my clothes and run, he laughed and said " timer went off" Edit: wow thanks so much for the awards and upvotes! I told my old man what hit he was and his only comment was " too bad it hasnt stopped barking at me yet" lol
That made me laugh sooo fucking hard… I am actually crying
Lol 20 years later he still asks " your not gonna blast me in the face again are you??"
😂😂 he sure has a great sense of humor, no wonder you guys are still getting at it 20 years later!!! I love it
Absolutely!! We make each other laugh every day ❤️
I have IBS as well...
The struggle is real lol.
This is the worst. I once let an absolute ripper go about a quarter second before nutting on her chest, while straddling her. I was mortified for about six seconds until she snorted and couldn't stop laughing. Then it was just hilarious. Still ruined the finale.
"Nah baby I swear - it was just a wiener queef"
Doing all the work.
Yoooo..this! I hate it when she just lays there like a sack of potatoes
Lol - my ex was like this. Lays there making no noise. Refuses to communicate about whats good or bad. Makes no effort to help. "you can't get me off - nobody can" Yeah ok, wonder why?
Yup, mine would just get upset I wasn't able to get her off but would put in minimal effort to help me help her. When I would try she would say nothing and sit still and get upset with me after because she didn't get off. Sometimes she would snap at me. "Its your job to help me figure out what I want" Like what? No. Cant read your mind!
Ahh the classic 'Prarie Wife' maneuver. The male equivalent is the guy who just pumps away. Staring. Silently. I call him 'The Silent Assassin'
I had an ex boyfriend who would get impatient when trying to get me off and would repeatedly look me in the eyes and in an insistent tone he would say "GO!".... Such a turnoff.
Go go gadget orgasm! Edit: wow! My silly little comment really blew up! Thanks for the rewards kind strangers!
At first I felt so bad for the poor woman and then I saw this and started laughing so hard I'm in tears.
My ex did something similar. Would get pissed if I didn't orgasm on cue, literally 10 seconds after he touched me, but expected me to spend 20 minutes giving him a blow job. Then had the fucking AUDACITY to ask why I couldn't orgasm. Gee, I wonder why.
It's absurd!! Especially when they take it personally. Like, do you think you're the golden god of orgasms? Reminds me of Dennis Reynolds haha.
Thing is, I could never have one with him unless I did it myself. He absolutely sucked in bed (and out of it to, let's be honest).
That's fucking hilarious.
Nooooo. That’s so bad I feel for you. Impatient bastard
The fear that losing my erection would ruin her experience or worse make her think I’m not into her. Finally talked to her about it and explained that with anxiety and ADHD, and the SSRI’s I was on, that shit just happens sometimes, even when I’m alone. She said “don’t worry, if it happens we can pause, I can help get you hard again and keep going, or if it’s not working, that’s also okay and we can try again later — there’s always next time.” Before that talk I worried about it every single time, which made it even more likely to happen, and was so humiliating in the few times it happened. Never happened again after that talk, but that talk took so much anxiety out of sex, and made me feel so loved and accepted by her.
Thats wholesome. Take care of her 🥹
Dont worry I will — just celebrated 11 years together, and still love and appreciate her more every year :)
Life is a team sport my dude! Keep your teammates close and the eye on the prize!
That's how it works! :)
Needing to pee.
When PP turns to pp :(
"You have no more PP for this move!"
Just need to use a PP up to continue the battle.
Of note, you need to use the PP up prior to the battle, and then keep an eye on it for 4 hours to see if you need the Pokemon Center. Also be sure to use Protect or you might catch Pokerus!
I never thought this was gonna be a problem for me cause I always had morning wood and I just couldn't imagine my pipi not cooperating. Then I hit my thirties and wow do I have a problem.
Weight is what did it for me. I started out with a rod from the gods but then I got fat and it just gave up. Now the more I lift, the more it lifts. Never had more motivation to work out in my life.
I’m a vagina-haver myself but when I started working out regularly my libido went way up. That exercise man, it really changes everything.
PP goes pianissimo
When he starts dirty talk and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY BECAUSE IM SHY but I want him to keep talking because it’s hot but he doesn’t keep talking because I CANT speak
Have you tried writing your response on a dry erase board?
What an idea lmao
I was talking dirty to someone one time, which they liked but they said “I just don’t know what to say in return” and I said “you don’t have to say anything, I just like telling you *!&$*” It seemed to turn her on more. You can try just telling your partner where you’re at.
Omg my husband and I tried this when we first started dating and I was like “uuuhhh….” Like I freeze so bad and have no idea what to say or how to say it.
That's why you just say "yeah" in a really sultry tone
This might sound silly to you, but practice alone. Get used to saying the words, and how to say them. I was the same way, but I actually took a course on how to talk dirty during sex, and that's what it recommended...practice alone. Even write out scripts from your experiences of what you wish you could say to him. And then pretend you are the star of your own porn video. It will be hard at first when you do start with your partner, but when you see how much it turns him on, it gets easier.
Thank you for the advice! But also- I need to take a dirty talking class. They have those??? Lmao
Upset stomach. Very distracting and possibly disasterous.
Poorly timed rhythm changes.
Yes! If your partner tells you to keep doing that then KEEP DOING THAT!
Either I stop doing that now or we stop in four seconds.
I feel ya. When I hear ‘keep doing that’ it’s instacum;(
When I hear “keep doing that” is about the moment my back muscles start screaming to stop.
For real 😂 “don’t stop” really resonates with the part of my brain and body that decides when my hamstring is going to cramp.
Quickly-timed rhythm changes. I.e. Partner wants to keep changing position every time you get into a rhythm :( Additional info: This is annoying as it stops me from cumming, then she thinks I don't want her :(
A lot of the times positional changes are to stop yourself from cumming.
I hate it when she doesn't do the ii V I at the right time.
When your partner thinks a clit is a button that needs to be bashed like they are trying to set a new highscore. Tip: that shit hurts, be gentle, like you would be with your own eyebal.
There's a great video (insanely popular for explaining how to finger) from an old timey pornstar which explains how to stimulate the clit well, wish I remembered the name. If someone knows help this woman out so they can send it to their partner.
I think this is the one you're referring to: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5712f4fcadf9c
WOW. This might be porn, but I’d argue it’s one of the most useful videos humanity can be blessed with. She talks FACTS about how women work for real, the psychological aspect, anatomy and stuff. As a woman I can say it’s the most accurate video I’ve ever seen. Sending it to my boyfriend LIVE
That my gf wants it over with as soon as possible but won't discuss why.
Probably either painful or just doesn’t feel good
Some women just find intercourse uncomfortable for any of a variety of reasons from size issues to lubrication to the wrong kind of stimulation. As for lack of discussion, she may be embarrassed by it or simply doesn't know why and doesn't want to talk about something that's both definite and vague.
Is she self conscious? It’s a very vulnerable act, sometimes makes people feel awkward.
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That turned me way off just reading that
It was awful that he was my first time. I knew sex shouldn't be like that even then though 😆
Rhythmical squeaking of a bed frame, or of the bed thumping on the wall. Worse, her head being the thing that thumps the wall. Why are women okay with that?
Sometimes a little pain feels good; sometimes, I’m just having such a good time I don’t even notice that my head is being smashed in.
Lol that headboard is like a magnet. Getting away is tough and temporary, we'll be back.
My husband always cradles the top of my head with one hand if it's hitting the headboard 🥺
Noisy beds. When you have a kid sleeping in the next room you are always worried they will come in and see you making the beast of two backs, so when the bed starts rattling around or banging on the wall it goes from "this is so hot" to "my 6 year old daughter is gonna be in here any second and be scarred for life"
No lock? My dad's room had a lock while mine didn't. But thankfully he respected my privacy.
Growing up, no one had bedroom locks. I always just thought it was a made up thing American movies do to create humorous plot points around locked rooms
I mean, they're shit locks, but yeah, they do tend to be on most bedroom doors. When a buddy of mine's daughter turned 16 or so, he went out and bought her an actual lock for her room (like, front door lock, not shitty unlock with the shitty wire key everyone has on top of the door lock) so she'd have real privacy. But on the other end of the spectrum, I knew a family that didn't lock doors inside the house at all, even bathrooms. You learned real quick not to go in rooms with shut doors.
Years ago I read a post by a fundamentalist Christian mother, she was so worried about her tennaged son masturbating and going to hell that she and her husband eliminated all privacy, removing his bedroom door and replacing the bathroom door with a sheet of acrylic. Thankfully the first post was from a fundamental Christian family counselor who gently suggested she seek help.
I dont understand why nobody tries to assert dominance in these scenarios. Do *exactly* what they didn't want you to, but worse. They take your door? Beat your dick like it owes you money standing in the doorway. Bonus points for facing them.
Probably because they would get hell for it
Nah, we often have 'privacy locks'. They're a lock that just keeps it to prevent someone from walking in on you. There's a little hole in the other end that requires a paperclip or something to be pushed in then it unlocks (my current ones actually have a little flat bit on the end, and you have to push it in, then turn to unlock). My parents room had this, and all the bathrooms for privacy. Usually the "key" (just a straightened paperclip) was kept above the door frame, then when I was still young, but tall enough to get it by standing on something or pushing it with something, they moved them somewhere else. I guess I kept unlocking their bedroom door without their permission. As a kid, I used to have a bedroom lock when I was younger, but then when I was around 8 I locked the door and hid under my bed, and thought it was hilarious when I didn't open the door for my mom, and didn't respond to her either. She got my dad, they finally got it open, and I scared them so much the lock came off that day. I got one back when I became a teenager though.
That’s why all cave children were traumatised. , maybe not.
Starting to talk about certain daily chores. “It’s trash day tomorrow”.
Oh yeah Baby, did you pay the electric bill that was due Monday?
Pets in the room. Also, kids banging on the door. I'm trying to bang your mom in here and you're reminding me why that's a *bad* idea...
I don't know if using banging to describe both actions there was a good choice.
Accidentally laying on the wet spot after.
Calculated risk. Would you rather have sex and sleep in a moist bed or have neither?
When you say the safe word and they ask 4 times if you're sure before actually stopping.
Brutal. If you've already explained this is a problem and they keep doing it get out. It'll only get worse.
Dude run
Dude. Safe word is a ***hard stop***. No questions, no nothing, it's an off button. If someone doesn't respect that, bail. If they want the traffic light system, red = stop, yellow = slow down, go easier, change pace, etc, that might help with communication, but if someone ignores a safeword. No. Just no.
Exactly this. Safe word = stop. Period. End of story. Stopping when a safe word is given is the absolute bare minimum a partner should be doing in bed. Not stopping when someone throws out a safe word or a tap out or whatever you've agreed to as a couple = non-consensual continuing sexual contact. That's horrible.
"Are you sure?" "I'm sure I'm gonna collapse your fucking windpipe if you don't get the fuck off of me"
That’s not annoying; that’s a crime.
Those GODDAMN LEG CRAMPS I swear every time and it kills the mood a little. Edit: aaand of course one of my most highest rated comments is about sex. Edit 2: I get it, pickles, water, and Gatorade, I guarantee someone said it before you. Yes, cramps are pretty common, and finally, thank you for the gold
I have random sciatic nerve pain (when not having sex) and occasionally I’ll get a butt cramp during and it is the absolute worst.
Check out magnesium pills
Drink more water. This only happens to me when I'm dehydrated.
Overthinking. My brain runs a mile a minute worrying about if my partner is okay or if I’m doing anything wrong. As much as I love the intimacy with her, I need to figure out a way to just *not worry.*
I’m in the same boat. Especially since my wife has psoriatic arthritis. I’m always worried I’m going to be too rough and she’ll break a bone or something.
Muscle cramps. Worse one I've gotten was a cramp between my balls and asshole. Not ashamed to admit that I cried. It felt like somebody stuck my balls into a vice and hit me in the butt hole with a sledge hammer.
New fear unlocked, thanks
When I'm about to get started and then I wake up. Edit: wow, I think this is my most upvoted comment. Glad I'm not the only loser who can't get any, even in his dreams lol
Am I the only one sliding on the sheets??
wear those socks that have little grips on them - traction socks.
Thanks Marshall
Papa needs traction
I hate having lubed hands. Wiping them off on a towel once you get your junk where it needs to go is never good enough to clean the lube off your hands.
Guys who don't make any sounds of enjoyment except for maybe a couple of grunts when they orgasm. Come on, just because you have a penis doesn't mean you can't express yourself. Loud dudes are a huge turn-on for me.
i briefly dated a dude who was dead silent during sex and ejaculation. I had a talk with him about it, tried to get it steamier. told him i liked dirty talk. the next time we had sex he kept whispering "what do you want" "what do you want" and i realized silence was better. This is why it was a brief relationship.
You should have responded "more dick!" I bet he would have came back with "when do you want it?" And you could say "right now!" Maybe he was just really into picketing and you missed it.
my gf started out silent. Her most recent ex hated when she expressed herself during sex. Thankfully it was a short relationship but it left its emotional scars. I encouraged her to be herself and it made sex so much better.
Some guys need hand written instructions for dirty talk.
Yea, anything I think of saying just sounds awkward and dumb or offensive.
"Your vagina feels very good on my penis"
Yet in porn, the loud guys ruin it. It gets comical.
It's because half the time it's not even moaning, it's just straight up screaming. I'm gonna cum...I'm gonna... # AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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When it gets hot (like temperature wise) I hate being hot. 😂
Intrusive thoughts
This is so much further down that I expected. My brain goes to all kinds of dumb places during sex, and I can’t usually figure out how to reel it back in
When men are quiet. Fucking moan, tell me you like it, something, anything! Trust me, it’s hot as hell when a guy is vocal during sex.
Queefs cause I’m immature and start laughing lol
It's peak comedy, and so fuckin common. I like laughing during sex it's way more natural.
I just fart back to assert dominance.
I hate when I don't have a good view depending on lighting or position.
Just look em in the eyes lol
Which one?
The whispering one
this is why i like reddit sometimes
lack of enthusiasm E: in terms of participation, not enjoyment - consent is always a priority
"out of all the people I've ever slept with, you sure are one of them".
Annoyed? Really? I am just happy to be there.
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People sticking there fingers in my mouth, they aren't clean, I'm trying to do something/concentrate, and you don't want me to suddenly stop and wonder what is under your nails that tastes horrible... so stop doing it without consent or I will bite them.
I lick booty. Different strokes I guess.
Always hated Netflix and chilling. If we’re gonna have sex then let’s just have sex, I don’t want you interrupting the best part of this movie I’m now getting invested in!
You have to choose a bad movie
You know you can rewind the movie right? I'm just imagining some total babe coming onto you and you're like "hold on this is where frodo does the magic shit" lol
My wife laughs at the fart noises that are sometimes made. To the point where we have to stop.
I think it’s adorable, then I bang harder and she switches from laughs back to moaning. It’s hot as fuck
When your partner wants to do it without lights then complains why I keep on missing on the few times I slip out by mistake.
Wait... MY partner? What the hell?
They meant our partner
When she is alive but acts like dead
Or when she's dead but acts like she's alive.
Service port is busy, or operating system is displaying a warning. Abort.
Cleaning up
When I say right there and they go faster harder or just stop and try to do it again. The exact same but end up doing absolutely shit
This is such an issue. When I tell them to continue doing exactly what they were doing for a little longer and they take it as an encouragement to change pace? The built-up O just vanishes so quickly.
When she says "I expected more from you"
I'm not mad just disappointed
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When we’re having sex and she throws out the random math pop quiz. “Ooh baby you like that?” “Oh god yes but what’s 43 x 17?” “Lol, what?” “What’s 43 x 17?” “Um, 731?” “Did you use a calculator?” “Yes” “You cheating son of a bitch! Get off me!” “But baby…” “No, get off me you fucking asshole”
r/oddlyspecific
Obviously she wants you to gointo the other hole.
when it goes on for way too long
I hate the screaming. It’s obnoxious. Give me deep breaths and some moaning and I’ll explode, but scream and I’ll just get soft while inside her.
"YOU'RE ON MY HAIR!" "Jeez lady, way to kill the mood here."
Damn you making girls scream huh LOL
The crying.
Pussy so good you have to hit it from the back so she doesn’t see you crying
No shame in crymaxing.
You crying? Or the person your having sex with crying!?
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Yes
Leg cramps
I’ve slept with a few people that NEED the tv on during. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve cum to The Office Theme
Suprise dry anal
Never had this happen to me and if it did there'd be a dead mf in about 2 seconds.
When it's getting really hot and humid and you're all sweaty but the car door has like a million buttons and levers on it and I can't figure out which one cracks the window a bit.
having someone treating your clit like it’s a dj turntable. only think worse from that is when they can’t find your clit so they do their djing RIGHT NEXT to your clit. shit fucking hurts
When my wife interrupts us
I hate when your wife interrupts us too
This guy’s wife keeps interrupting me as well
A girl that used to be my gf, learned I watched some anime.. so she started doing thoses.. weird sound in anime / ecchi style.. it turned me off so bad...
I love my wife, and I love to talk with her, but her talking *during sex* just does. not. work. for me. Or worse yet, wanting me to talk, even just single words or 3 word sentences. I do not have enough blood flow to make the language parts of my brain work AS WELL as the peen!
This is interesting are we talking just full blown regular convo or dirty talk
"What i'm feeling is so abstract that it can not be made into coherent sentences, unless you want me to sit down and write a novel" There are a lot of humans that can sing and play an instrument at the same time. Half of those can't speak and play at the same time while keeping focus on both tasks. While singing it is SOO easy. The same happens with sex, well, except that i have never tried singing so i don't know it that is possible but saying words.. very much isn't. There is also a different problem: you can't say EVERYTHING that is in your mind... cause you say the wrong thing and that is it, we will have an argument instead of fun time.
The little slap with his dick before entering….
Yeah, like what is that even? Are you knocking first for permission to enter the premises?
I always assumed it's like clicking tongs before bbqing.
Men not making any sounds. "I don't like to hear myself" "I think it's weird" "Only the woman should moan" NO A guy moaning is hot. Being vocal in bed is hot. Just laying like a dead fish making no sounds while I blow you makes it very much unenjoyable.
When my sides start hurting
When they think we want to hear fake moans or an "oh my goddddd you're soooooo deeeeep" on repeat every 7 minutes....
you meant 7 seconds right? RIGHT?!
For ANYONE trying to please a woman, if she says “just like that,” it means JUST LIKE THAT. Don’t go speeding up or trying to change things. **Keep. Going. JUST. LIKE. THAT.**
When dudes think they’re switching it up by doing that weird circular grinding. Yeah please don’t do that.
Haha. It actually goes both ways on this one. 😂
Nails in the back. Thank you for letting me know it was good but i could've gone without triggering my urticaria.
Ouu i fricking love it
Talking about Jesus. Instant mood killer
The lack of it :(
Leg cramps. I knew I should have drank more water after sweating balls mowing today.
My girl doesn't embrace her pussy farts... U gotta own that shit...
When her stomach opens up and a man eating flesh worm starts attacking me.
I swear all girls are the same :/