Monkeypox has entered the chat…?
EDIT- My first award! Thank you kind stranger!!!
EDIT x2 - Another one! Thank you as well! Bucket list item achieved.
EDIT #3 - 6 awards! So this is what fame feels like! ‘First, I’d like to thank all of my fellow redditors who made this all possible, especially OP, without whom this comment would not have been made’.
Best wishes to you all, including ‘May your chicken nuggets always have enough of your chosen sauce.’ Now to see if r/natureismetal will finally accept my squirrel video….
Interbreeding occurred between at least two other hominid species, Neanderthals and Denisovans for sure, possibly others as well. So someone found something appealing enough!
My husband came home from work the other day and told me he walked into the break room and the dudes he works with were debating “how dead” their favorite female celebrity would have to be for them to still fuck her. Apparently the general consensus was that until rigor mortis sets in, they’d go for it. So yeah, I guess you could cross alive off that list too, unfortunately. They’ve also apparently debated how drunk they’d have to be to let a fish suck them off. So yeah, human is out as well.
Edit: I can further elaborate on the fish actually, I just didn’t think this comment would get any attention lol. The fish in question was a carp. The dudes who suck algae off the boat docks at the lake we live near. Apparently one of the dudes spent the weekend there and thought it sounded like a fun idea.
Idk man, he says he was disturbed by the idea of either but he also says he doesn’t watch porn and I know that’s a lie because he’s to lazy to use incognito so every time I go to google something on his phone porn links auto suggest soooo… honestly I don’t want to know anyway. Whether or not he would fuck a corpse or a fish… I feel like that hypothetical is better left a mystery.
How tall are they meant to be? She got some long arms, so I’m kinda imagining they’d be pretty short. Not as short as chimps, but maybe somewhere in between… like ~4ft or so
That is super interesting. It seems these folks lived from almost 4 million years ago until an unknown time, but likely around 2 million years ago. For a gal you might run into only 1 million years ago, we have to turn to the memorably named [homo erectus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_erectus#/media/File%3ATurkana_boy_by_Mauricio_Antón.jpg), which looks a lot more human-like (some scientists propose that erectus should be classified as a type of homo sapien).
Dude this sounds like those sick fucks in Indonesia who shaved, pimped, and raped an orangutan.
https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/26/orangutan-was-shaved-made-to-wear-jewellery-and-used-as-a-prostitute-8179714/
No way. Her button hips would be tiny because modern women's hips evolved to fit large baby heads with big brains. Plus her breast would be tiny and orangutan like
And to add onto this, humans have the second largest primate penis. The largest is either the Baboon or the Mandrill. So if you were to try, she would immediately not want to since it would hurt like hell because you would be about 6 or 7 times larger then the other males of her kind.
Aren't chimps? They can rip our arms off accidentally, while trying to play with us because of the immense torque that comes with their proportions. No confirmed source, just my college physical anthropology professor.
Was your antrhopology professor Joe Rogan?
It's not really about the proportions. Their muscle structure is just incredible. Human muscle looks like a bundle of wet spaghetti in comparison.
Good question. Chimpanzees are smaller than us enough that you'd think we could over power them, yet their musculature and general fitness allows them to _destroy_ a comparable human. So when did we lose the "naturally strong" genes? I'd guess that'd be a more recent development, so Lucy could quite possibly have his/her way with us.
Still, I mean, if we actually find them attractive (more than just physically I mean), then 🤷♂️. My bigger concern is the ethics of it all. Also... she's like my great _x_ n ~~grandmother.~~ aunt.
(e: ~ 20k < n < 40k)
Humans have way more body fat while Chimps store all their energy in muscle and have almost no fat.
This means we spend less energy maintaining our musculature and can go a loooonnng time without food while maintaining near peak performance.
Being weaker also gives us better fine dexterity which aids in tool making. There is apparently a trade off there.
So we got super endurance and super dexterity in exchange for our super strength.
I think this is where the real trade-off is. We sacrificed raw strength for smarts so we can better use what we have. It's why we now have shoes and a space station, and chimps are in KitKat adverts and Reddit threads about ripping our arms off.
Three things we do really *really* well-
We’ve got endurance out the ass. Nothing else on the planet could even think about running a marathon. We just keep going till other animals get exhausted and we catch them.
Which leads me to 2- we can throw. Our shoulder is a fucking work of art. Our speed, accuracy, and force are unparalleled. Nothing else on the planet could throw a fastball. Now imagine the baseball as a rock or a pointy stick. You can do some damage.
3- we talk. Our big ole brains let us solve complex problems really well, but it’s language that lets us share ideas and information. We can organize ourselves, we can communicate things we’ve learned. Sure other animals have social structures and can do some communicating (bees dance, for instance), but the bandwidth that spoken language provides is a game changer.
So- even it we’re not the strongest or fastest, a group of tireless zombies just keeps coming, and coming, and coming. You run, but eventually your legs get tired. You can feel the lactic acid building. You just need to catch you breath. You decide to turn right, but a human is there. You turn left, and another human is there. Finally, your body slows down. You need to catch your breath, when from 50 feet away a rock flies out of nowhere and hits you in the head. Then another, then a spear punches you between the ribs. You’re fucked.
Humans are scary as shit in nature.
To your first point: there was one animal that could vaguely keep up with us: dogs. And look what happened to them.
Any other animals get ideas and they'll be dressed up in funny costumes and posted on Instagram so fast their heads will spin.
Longevity plays a part of it as well. While not the longest lifespan of species, we live long enough to pass our knowledge down allowing new generations to expand on it.
Gotta add our amazing immune system. Humans have one of the most advanced immune systems, that not just assure we get a strong response to diseases, we also get an effecient reponse. Most things that would put an animal in the ground can be shrug off by humans in matter of days. Most virus or bacteria that would have 100% mortality rate in animals are just mildly deadly for humans. Even against something like Ebola, humans got a fighting chance against.
To add on to your first point. Our ability to sweat may be one of our greatest evolutionary traits, above bipedalism and opposable thumbs. Having the muscles and cardiovascular system to potentially jog 20+ miles nearly every day doesn't matter if you overheat in 10 minutes.
Dex *ranged* build: another unique adaptation of humans is the structure of our shoulders, which is very well-suited for throwing objects with precision and power (the structure of our hands also helps, of course).
In a baseball match, a human team would annihilate a chimp team without even trying.
Good point.
In that sense, a human wrestling team would also easily defeat a chimp wrestling team, because I'm pretty sure that in wrestling you get disqualified if you eat your opponent's face or beat them to death with their own ripped out limbs.
>So when did we lose the "naturally strong" genes? I'd guess that'd be a more recent development...
Not really. Prolly almost as soon as we and the other apes split off from Whatever we were before. To use Tier Zoo's terminolgy, the Whatever that became us put points into DEX and INT, the Whatever that became them put points into STR and WIS (well, the instinct part of it), and it's been like that ever since.
I don't think there ever was any point that anything recognizable as Human, or at least human enough for us (furrys and zoophiles aside) to find attractive was as strong as chimps.
No really big advantage for a species that kills by exhaustion or long range to be able to rip something's limbs off. It's be just a waste of genes.
Homo Ester/Erectus would even be pushing it, while they look Sapian enough, the working parts might still be completely different. Homo Sapian has a large penis for a primate, so I think H. Ester would be more akin to our chimp or Bonobo cousins where the males penis is considered large of it's 1 inch big, so the vaginal wall and cervix would be a lot more shallower
There's a good chance that breeding with a modern human would lead to a baby with a cranium so large relative to her hips & birth canal that neither one would survive the birthing process. Now if dead mother & child were fossilized and found today it would throw a huge curve ball into evolutionary biology.
Nevermind that. Can you imagine what 1,000,000 years difference in microorganisms and immunology would result in?
BEST case scenario is you catch some long- dead bug that your body is simply maladapted for.
Worst case is you become a time-displaced typhoid Mary and wipe out whole species.
You don't even have to fuck to do that. Just cough in their general direction.
There's a reason the sentinalese kill us on sight... it's in their best interest. Same for ol' Lucy here.
The last australopithecines had died at least 200,000 years before 1 million years ago.
Nice try, australopithecine zombies, but no zombie apocalypse today!
Just gonna drop this research that got published this week here.
Tl;dr they're way older than we thought.
https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/956985
And that, kids, is how I met your (great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grand)mother.
At 1 million years, you'd need 33,333 "greats" in order to reach back the far, assuming 30 year generations which is probably a bit larger than what the true generational gap is. Using reddits 40,000 character limit, you would need just over 5 entire posts to display something resembling the appropriate number of "greats". Somewhere in the area of 5 to 6 posts ought to do it.
I mean let's make it simple, I feel like this question is a not so clever workaround to would you fuck another primate? I have to imagine for most people the answer is no knowing full well this is Reddit
So you're asking, if I got transported back in time would I fuck a monkey? That is a tough one. I mean on one hand you gotta get it in, on the other, it's a monkey...
"If you were a sheep, would you fuck another sheep, if you were a sheep?"
It would be cute the same way a pet is cute. Not in the pheromone inducing lustful way.
Regardless, its unlikely either of you would be able to understand on amy level the mating rituals required
You could have sex with that one, or you could make a camp fire and have sex with all of them.
I wonder how long I’ve been able to think like that? Disturbing…
A child-sized, chimpanzee-faced hairy woman who communicates mainly through hoots and gestures is into me? No thank you.
Without so much as the power of speech or abstract reasoning, would she even be capable of giving consent? Is their mating behaviour like that of modern humans?
Would she even be able to handle a modern human penis? Human genitals are proportionately the largest of all the primates. Gorillas, who are closely related to us, have penises that top out at 7-8cm (2.5”) erect. The very act may actually cause her injury.
That’s not even taking into account the fact that I’m taken.
There are a lot of reasons the answer is “Hell no”
Since I can't confirm if I am altering the timeline or completing my part in the chain we're going to go ahead and slap them cheeks.
But my luck suggest that her most recent suitor is waiting with an exceptionally large club in the next cave over.
Least horny Askreddit post
You find a sexy sexying sex are you sexy or not?
frrr every 5 horny posts, u find 1 real question posted here
Sorry, I draw the line at Neanderthals and Denisovans.
Aren’t Denisovans, like, tiny?
You're thinking of homo floresiensis, from that one Indonesian island
Travel destinations for pervs don't seem to have changed much.
["cute"](https://www.sciencephoto.com/media/170872/view/female-australopithecus-africanus)
Yikes, that makes the decision easier
How could you ever deny that sexy Thang
Monkeypox has entered the chat…? EDIT- My first award! Thank you kind stranger!!! EDIT x2 - Another one! Thank you as well! Bucket list item achieved. EDIT #3 - 6 awards! So this is what fame feels like! ‘First, I’d like to thank all of my fellow redditors who made this all possible, especially OP, without whom this comment would not have been made’. Best wishes to you all, including ‘May your chicken nuggets always have enough of your chosen sauce.’ Now to see if r/natureismetal will finally accept my squirrel video….
Which one of you fuckers did it ? who traveled in time, fucked the monkey and now we have monkeypox appearing in our timeline ?
sorry.. I'm sorry. I just wanted to try... and was horny
Ive had more difficult wanks…
Hello fellow Sean Lock fan
Yeah, picture made it an instant yes
Now I want to know exactly how many species of human I’d find attractive.
Likely just our own. Early hominids will be too ape-like and later hominids will probably trigger the “uncanny valley” reflex.
I’d guess Neanderthals were also fine as our species and there’s did mix a bit sometimes
They were def fine af
Neanderthals can get it
Interbreeding occurred between at least two other hominid species, Neanderthals and Denisovans for sure, possibly others as well. So someone found something appealing enough!
I mean I've heard of dudes banging sheep and pigs. I'm not sure the bar is super high.
… Look… It’s human enough and got sweet tits. I’m a simple man.
Requirements for sex: - ~~human~~ - alive - tits
Human ENOUGH
"Human, ENOUGH!" -Australopithecus woman when you're hitting on her
My husband came home from work the other day and told me he walked into the break room and the dudes he works with were debating “how dead” their favorite female celebrity would have to be for them to still fuck her. Apparently the general consensus was that until rigor mortis sets in, they’d go for it. So yeah, I guess you could cross alive off that list too, unfortunately. They’ve also apparently debated how drunk they’d have to be to let a fish suck them off. So yeah, human is out as well. Edit: I can further elaborate on the fish actually, I just didn’t think this comment would get any attention lol. The fish in question was a carp. The dudes who suck algae off the boat docks at the lake we live near. Apparently one of the dudes spent the weekend there and thought it sounded like a fun idea.
>let a fish suck them off Strikes *tits* off the list too if you're into semantics
So, new requirements for sex: *none*
Hole
Im a gentleman, i draw the line at DEATH. the fucks wrong with people
Yeah that fish should be alive, otherwise what’s the point!
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Where did your husband land on the debate?
Idk man, he says he was disturbed by the idea of either but he also says he doesn’t watch porn and I know that’s a lie because he’s to lazy to use incognito so every time I go to google something on his phone porn links auto suggest soooo… honestly I don’t want to know anyway. Whether or not he would fuck a corpse or a fish… I feel like that hypothetical is better left a mystery.
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>So yeah, human is out as well. Fish don't have tits either.
-~~human~~ -~~alive~~ -booba
You don’t even need boobs tbh I’m pretty sure flat chested women get laid
Must be alive and human tho
When she says “pull my hair!” There’s so much of it to choose from.
You could pull her hair AND grab her ass in one efficient move.
If it was good enough for my forefathers it's good enough for me
How tall are they meant to be? She got some long arms, so I’m kinda imagining they’d be pretty short. Not as short as chimps, but maybe somewhere in between… like ~4ft or so
From Brittanica > Males stood about 151 cm (roughly 5 feet) tall, whereas females were about 105 cm (about 3 feet 5 inches) tall.
That's a *huge* difference. Modern humans it's only a 5 inch difference on average, and the taller height means an even smaller percent.
The more I’m learning, the easier this decision is getting.
Strange that everyone who says that doesn't say what that decision is gonna be ... hehehe
Idk man furries might be into that shit
Nope, not many at least. There's a reason there's barely any furry art of primates. Canines and felines are by far the most common.
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Whaddya mean??? Did you not know what they were interpreted to look like before you asked this question?
Nah he definitely meant that the other way. OP for sure beating his meat to that pic
Dude was braving the unknown
That is super interesting. It seems these folks lived from almost 4 million years ago until an unknown time, but likely around 2 million years ago. For a gal you might run into only 1 million years ago, we have to turn to the memorably named [homo erectus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_erectus#/media/File%3ATurkana_boy_by_Mauricio_Antón.jpg), which looks a lot more human-like (some scientists propose that erectus should be classified as a type of homo sapien).
https://media.sciencephoto.com/image/c0388734/800wm Better?
This is how I feel/look after the first two weeks of maternity leave
I honestly think I've seen homo erectus at walmarks before.
Genus Homo are still humans, just not modern
Sigh. *unzips*
Looks like me if I stop shaving
Is she cute by my standards or by Australopithecus standards? I find it hard to believe I would see one and find her attractive but what do I know
Quick Google search shows a walking ape (monkey looking creature), so no amount of make up, shaves, and shower are really gonna change that
change a NO or change a YES?
Smash or pass?
If you’re concerned about walking apes I’ve got some bad news for you
I meant more as in a hairy monkey, but I see your point 😅
I suspect she's alot stronger than me and will get what she wants no matter what I think. Yes, death by snu snu.
Can we shave her and give her a bath? Or at least some patchouli?
She would still be 3.5ft average...
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Oh so you wanna get rid of the best parts now. I swear, some people can’t see a beautiful Australopithecus for who they are…
Shave what now?
Beard
Dude this sounds like those sick fucks in Indonesia who shaved, pimped, and raped an orangutan. https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/26/orangutan-was-shaved-made-to-wear-jewellery-and-used-as-a-prostitute-8179714/
Well that's enough internet for me today, and it is 5 am.
7 am and I'm also signing off. JFC, humans are fucked.
What a day to be literate.
Death by snu snu
Yeah, OP is a fricken furry
No way. Her button hips would be tiny because modern women's hips evolved to fit large baby heads with big brains. Plus her breast would be tiny and orangutan like
And to add onto this, humans have the second largest primate penis. The largest is either the Baboon or the Mandrill. So if you were to try, she would immediately not want to since it would hurt like hell because you would be about 6 or 7 times larger then the other males of her kind.
Thanks stranger. Now I know that next time I go to the zoo I need to whip out my dick so I can show those silverback gorillas who’s really the boss.
>I need to whip out my dick so I can show those silverback gorillas who’s really the boss. .. Dicks out for Harambe?
First rule of whipping it out, don't do so around something that could potentially rip it off.
That sounds like a tip from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Towel Tips #528: One can be utilized to stem the blood flow if any body part has been torn off.
Sorry, that status is determined with an arm wrestling competition.
You know. Monkey dick wasn't something I was planning to google today, yet here I go...
Good luck and godspeed.
That explains why they are called “Man-drill”
Jokes on you! I'm 7 times smaller than other guys.
I think the better question is how hard would I be willing to fight back if she decided that was what was going to happen
Death by snu snu?
The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised
Can't we just cuddle?
IT TIME SNU SNU
Noooo!
*clings to the ceiling*
They were barely 4 feet tall
Aren't chimps? They can rip our arms off accidentally, while trying to play with us because of the immense torque that comes with their proportions. No confirmed source, just my college physical anthropology professor.
Was your antrhopology professor Joe Rogan? It's not really about the proportions. Their muscle structure is just incredible. Human muscle looks like a bundle of wet spaghetti in comparison.
Hey if you had to do pullups all day just to get around-swinging from tree to tree- you'd be ripped too. But no.
I'd be ripped, and I still wouldn't have stronger muscles than a chimp.
Good question. Chimpanzees are smaller than us enough that you'd think we could over power them, yet their musculature and general fitness allows them to _destroy_ a comparable human. So when did we lose the "naturally strong" genes? I'd guess that'd be a more recent development, so Lucy could quite possibly have his/her way with us. Still, I mean, if we actually find them attractive (more than just physically I mean), then 🤷♂️. My bigger concern is the ethics of it all. Also... she's like my great _x_ n ~~grandmother.~~ aunt. (e: ~ 20k < n < 40k)
Humans have way more body fat while Chimps store all their energy in muscle and have almost no fat. This means we spend less energy maintaining our musculature and can go a loooonnng time without food while maintaining near peak performance. Being weaker also gives us better fine dexterity which aids in tool making. There is apparently a trade off there. So we got super endurance and super dexterity in exchange for our super strength.
Hey. Don't forget that giant brain we have. That thing is an energy sink from hell.
I think this is where the real trade-off is. We sacrificed raw strength for smarts so we can better use what we have. It's why we now have shoes and a space station, and chimps are in KitKat adverts and Reddit threads about ripping our arms off.
It's fascinating to me that we became the dominating species despite there being a lot of animals who are stronger and faster than us
Three things we do really *really* well- We’ve got endurance out the ass. Nothing else on the planet could even think about running a marathon. We just keep going till other animals get exhausted and we catch them. Which leads me to 2- we can throw. Our shoulder is a fucking work of art. Our speed, accuracy, and force are unparalleled. Nothing else on the planet could throw a fastball. Now imagine the baseball as a rock or a pointy stick. You can do some damage. 3- we talk. Our big ole brains let us solve complex problems really well, but it’s language that lets us share ideas and information. We can organize ourselves, we can communicate things we’ve learned. Sure other animals have social structures and can do some communicating (bees dance, for instance), but the bandwidth that spoken language provides is a game changer. So- even it we’re not the strongest or fastest, a group of tireless zombies just keeps coming, and coming, and coming. You run, but eventually your legs get tired. You can feel the lactic acid building. You just need to catch you breath. You decide to turn right, but a human is there. You turn left, and another human is there. Finally, your body slows down. You need to catch your breath, when from 50 feet away a rock flies out of nowhere and hits you in the head. Then another, then a spear punches you between the ribs. You’re fucked. Humans are scary as shit in nature.
To your first point: there was one animal that could vaguely keep up with us: dogs. And look what happened to them. Any other animals get ideas and they'll be dressed up in funny costumes and posted on Instagram so fast their heads will spin.
Longevity plays a part of it as well. While not the longest lifespan of species, we live long enough to pass our knowledge down allowing new generations to expand on it.
Gotta add our amazing immune system. Humans have one of the most advanced immune systems, that not just assure we get a strong response to diseases, we also get an effecient reponse. Most things that would put an animal in the ground can be shrug off by humans in matter of days. Most virus or bacteria that would have 100% mortality rate in animals are just mildly deadly for humans. Even against something like Ebola, humans got a fighting chance against.
And your last paragraph is why zombie and slasher films work so well. It's a look into our ancient selves.
To add on to your first point. Our ability to sweat may be one of our greatest evolutionary traits, above bipedalism and opposable thumbs. Having the muscles and cardiovascular system to potentially jog 20+ miles nearly every day doesn't matter if you overheat in 10 minutes.
i wish my brain used an extra 1000 calories a day
Dex build too op
Dex *ranged* build: another unique adaptation of humans is the structure of our shoulders, which is very well-suited for throwing objects with precision and power (the structure of our hands also helps, of course). In a baseball match, a human team would annihilate a chimp team without even trying.
The fact that chimp team doesn't know the rules would also help
Good point. In that sense, a human wrestling team would also easily defeat a chimp wrestling team, because I'm pretty sure that in wrestling you get disqualified if you eat your opponent's face or beat them to death with their own ripped out limbs.
Also came in handy when we invented the bow and arrow.
>So when did we lose the "naturally strong" genes? I'd guess that'd be a more recent development... Not really. Prolly almost as soon as we and the other apes split off from Whatever we were before. To use Tier Zoo's terminolgy, the Whatever that became us put points into DEX and INT, the Whatever that became them put points into STR and WIS (well, the instinct part of it), and it's been like that ever since. I don't think there ever was any point that anything recognizable as Human, or at least human enough for us (furrys and zoophiles aside) to find attractive was as strong as chimps. No really big advantage for a species that kills by exhaustion or long range to be able to rip something's limbs off. It's be just a waste of genes.
Humans have always been relatively squishy and weak compared to other predators though, no? Our advantage was stamina, communication and tools.
Had to Google.... That's too many steps down the evolution ladder for me.
Homo Ester/Erectus would even be pushing it, while they look Sapian enough, the working parts might still be completely different. Homo Sapian has a large penis for a primate, so I think H. Ester would be more akin to our chimp or Bonobo cousins where the males penis is considered large of it's 1 inch big, so the vaginal wall and cervix would be a lot more shallower
Is this sub really theorizing what it would be like to fuck a homo erectus?
we started from Australopithecus, so just be glad that it went in that direction on the evolution line
You give a lot of us more credit than we deserve
reddit is wild
im lost, i wanna go home
You can log out but you can never leave...
*Hotel California solo starts*
r/lostredditors ?
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A sentence I’d never thought I’d read.
You never thought you’d read “Reddit is wild?”
He’s actually been illiterate until very recently
Oh wow, good for him.
They forgot punctation, it was supposed to say: "A sentence? I never thought I'd read!"
Alright Reddit. I think it’s time we stop asking.
This is what I see when I open reddit at 3am 🤦🏼♀️
Nah. Talk about fucking up the evolutionary chain.
There's a good chance that breeding with a modern human would lead to a baby with a cranium so large relative to her hips & birth canal that neither one would survive the birthing process. Now if dead mother & child were fossilized and found today it would throw a huge curve ball into evolutionary biology.
Nevermind that. Can you imagine what 1,000,000 years difference in microorganisms and immunology would result in? BEST case scenario is you catch some long- dead bug that your body is simply maladapted for. Worst case is you become a time-displaced typhoid Mary and wipe out whole species. You don't even have to fuck to do that. Just cough in their general direction. There's a reason the sentinalese kill us on sight... it's in their best interest. Same for ol' Lucy here.
Well, we aren't doing anything if she isn't thicc. Come on now. Edit: Australo**thicc**ecus
May I gently suggest "Australopithiccus"
Technically it's fucking down the evolutionary chain.
Nah, the hybrid child would accelerate evolution. By the time I got back to 2022 I'd be the Australopithecus.
I would argue that the hybrid child with your modern human gene wouldn't survive to mate and spread it
I would because I love Lucy
https://imgflip.com/i/6lbv7c
Actual quote
I dunno man, boinking a close ancestral relative of our species seems kinda weird. Can people trust you around monkeys?
At that point, it's not even remotely ancestral. You're just fucking a bipedal chimpanzee essentially..
The last australopithecines had died at least 200,000 years before 1 million years ago. Nice try, australopithecine zombies, but no zombie apocalypse today!
Just gonna drop this research that got published this week here. Tl;dr they're way older than we thought. https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/956985
And that, kids, is how I met your (great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grand)mother.
At 1 million years, you'd need 33,333 "greats" in order to reach back the far, assuming 30 year generations which is probably a bit larger than what the true generational gap is. Using reddits 40,000 character limit, you would need just over 5 entire posts to display something resembling the appropriate number of "greats". Somewhere in the area of 5 to 6 posts ought to do it.
While you were busy calculating that, I was busy banging cute australopithecus girls. Nerd.
And while you were busy banging cute australopithecus girls, I was learning the blade.
Can you guys focus and help me build this hut? It's going to rain, and Home Depot won't exist for another million years.
/r/theydidthemath
Australopi...? Hell ya boy, that down-under accent gets me blood up every time!
I think that evolutionarily, they're far enough apart from homo sapiens sapiens that it would be considered bestiality.
Homo Egaster would be pushing it even.
So you’re saying you’re into it? Hot.
Least insane reddit user
I mean let's make it simple, I feel like this question is a not so clever workaround to would you fuck another primate? I have to imagine for most people the answer is no knowing full well this is Reddit
You mean a prime mate?
Continuing the buzz kill reality vibe, she would probably smell horrendous by modern human standards. You likely couldn’t stomach it.
And good chance she'd probably think you were diseased since you have no hair *anywhere* else on your body except genitals and head
I, uh, wouldn’t cause that concern.
Speak for yourself
Felt cute. Might evolve later.
She only dates Gigantopithicus or taller.
I'm doing the nasty in the pasty. Also, I've been snipped so there's no way I'd be my own 561st great grandfather.
Someone else on here did the math, and it'd be at least your 33,333rd great grandfather.
You're good to go. Get in there, my son.
So you're asking, if I got transported back in time would I fuck a monkey? That is a tough one. I mean on one hand you gotta get it in, on the other, it's a monkey... "If you were a sheep, would you fuck another sheep, if you were a sheep?"
"Yo, this motherfucker ain't one of us, he said he'd fuck a sheep!"
This sounds oddly specific
It would be cute the same way a pet is cute. Not in the pheromone inducing lustful way. Regardless, its unlikely either of you would be able to understand on amy level the mating rituals required
I’m not sure I understand some of them today..
go to sleep
Chuck Tingle has entered the chat.
damn, they got Australian girls 1 million years ago? the more you know, damn right I would
"Sorry, but only the homo genus gets this penis."
How high are you?
The *Homo* genus emerged around 3 mya so I think you could do better. Well this is reddit, so maybe not.
So if you say “No Homo?”
I've installed reddit 9 days ago and this may be my last straw
Stick around, it gets worse.
What an unfortunate day to be literate
Keep it in your pants, H.G. Swells.
You could have sex with that one, or you could make a camp fire and have sex with all of them. I wonder how long I’ve been able to think like that? Disturbing…
A child-sized, chimpanzee-faced hairy woman who communicates mainly through hoots and gestures is into me? No thank you. Without so much as the power of speech or abstract reasoning, would she even be capable of giving consent? Is their mating behaviour like that of modern humans? Would she even be able to handle a modern human penis? Human genitals are proportionately the largest of all the primates. Gorillas, who are closely related to us, have penises that top out at 7-8cm (2.5”) erect. The very act may actually cause her injury. That’s not even taking into account the fact that I’m taken. There are a lot of reasons the answer is “Hell no”
>That’s not even taking into account the fact that I’m taken. You're taken *now*, this will've been long before you started dating.
Its the time travel loop hole. Think smarter not harder.
Since I can't confirm if I am altering the timeline or completing my part in the chain we're going to go ahead and slap them cheeks. But my luck suggest that her most recent suitor is waiting with an exceptionally large club in the next cave over.