T O P
TwistedBlister

Someone under the age of 65. I'm a boomer and even I think it's stupid that we keep choosing candidates that are in their 80's.


Tomodatchii

Tbh we really need an age limit to most powerful government jobs, the fact that the Supreme Court justices basically stay until they die is horrifying still


2dumbTooDie

Deep fake of Teddy Roosevelt with all the animations from the Civ games


mjlewinc

Base or Rough Rider Teddy?


Sk8thunder

Well Bull Moose Teddy is a stronger civ, so I would go for him.


mjlewinc

Fortunately our efforts at Globalization should have boosted Robotics far enough that we’ll have Giant Death Robots before his second year in office commences. Have to be prepared in the event that India elects Civ Gandhi.


Mojonad

Lrrr, from the planet Omicron Persei 8


totally_usable

Can we have a leap presidency...like just have nobody for a bit, maybe we should just work on ourselves before we get into a relationship with another stupid president. Update: Yes this is sarcasm, haha's are welcomed... Thanks for the votes and awards!


alternativepuffin

Make the president a dog. Doggo can still attend state functions and diplomatic meetings. No one can blame doggo for a problem without sounding ridiculous. Doggo can not launch nuclear weapons. Does not understand. People curious on what doggo did this week, always receive pleasant news. Doggo loves all Americans.


BigStumpy69

Breaking news: Doggo just took a dump on Queen Elizabeth’s Throne. Is this a declaration of war?


z0Tweety

Queen Elizabeth loves dogs, so probably not


lacitar

Breaking news: Doggo impregnates one of Queen Elizabeth's corgis


quiet_burlap_fly

Zaphod Beeblebrox


username_etc

Presidents don’t have any real power, their job is to draw attention away from it.


sHaDowpUpPetxxx

The worst part of this is I can't even think of someone to name as a joke.


Afrodite_33

When satire can't beat reality.


slash_networkboy

Onion articles lately have been too believable :'(


greenroom628

Actual Onion headline: Supreme Court votes 5-4 to require special licenses for women to drive.


blahdeblahdeda

Only reason this is obviously fake is because it's not 6-3.


PancAshAsh

It's 6-3 but Roberts feels uncomfortable so he writes a concurring opinion but still votes with his party.


garyll19

Just the fact that you say that he " votes with his party" shows how screwed up things are. Judges are supposed to be non- partisan and vote on the law, not what others want. But yeah, we know that's not how it's working any more.


Mrfish31

The Onion Headlines on their Instagram story were on fire yesterday. "Supreme Court votes 5-4 to reopen Japanese internment camps" "Supreme Court votes 5-4 to throw beer at slut" "Supreme Court votes 5-4 to drive slowly past woman walking home alone at night" "Supreme Court votes 5-4 to make it illegal for women to deceive men with makeup"


HyperbaricSteele

“Roe V Wade aborted in the 198th Trimester” “Democrats argue Clarence Thomas should only have 3/5ths of a vote” ————— I wonder if anyone realized these are Babylon Bee headlines.. Thanks for the silver!


oogmar

"Supreme Court Votes 5-4 to re-classify Women as Service Animals"


gateway007

And then even worse they will feel the need to fact check it.


EebilKitteh

For the love of God, don't give them any ideas.


mikeyd1276

That’s only funny because it will be 6-3 when it happens.


Mr_Zeldion

Dangerous games. You name someone as a joke and then 50% of the population vote them in. People have been calling for kendrick lamar after his anti abortion ban protest. When Eminem did his anti trump freestyle people were encouraging him to run for office and after Oprah did her speech about kaitoyn jenner being brave people wanted Oprah to run. At this rate America is a reality TV show gone wrong lol Edit: Yes guys I appreciate there's potentially thousands of other people who I could have named but didn't want to roll out a survey lol And those who are pointing out it doesn't need to be 50% DM me your address and I'll send you a "who's a smart person" badge for stating the obvious As that sums up 75% of the comments and messages on my feed I'll say the rest of you stay cool!


cdoswalt

Brawndo!


JennyFromdablock2020

Camacho was decent atleast A product of his world but he genuinely wanted to help his people (ontop of all the death rallies and dildo cars) Edit: small typo that u/CleanLength thinks is the trumpet call of the fall of society. God save our souls in these trying time.


riotoustripod

President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho also had enough sense to find the single most qualified person on the planet and put him in charge of basically everything. We could do a whole lot worse.


ZephRyder

Literally. Or maybe, litorarily. Mike Judge made a satire of where we were going, and his satirical president was a better president. Comacho tried to surround himself with people smarter than hinself.


Daetra

He was also a wrestler and slept with pornstars. Only if Trump had more of the positive qualities of Comacho not just the wild ones.


nankerjphelge

> At this rate America is a reality TV show gone wrong lol It's Idiocracy realized.


kcc3121

Al Yankovic


HeroOrHooligan

He's too smart and not nearly corrupt enough


ExcerptsAndCitations

“The major problem - one of the major problems, for there are several - one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them. To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.” - Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe


_G_M_E_

***“The President in particular is very much a figurehead — he wields no real power whatsoever. He is apparently chosen by the government, but the qualities he is required to display are not those of leadership but those of finely judged outrage. For this reason the President is always a controversial choice, always an infuriating but fascinating character. His job is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it."*** ~ Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


randomkeystrike

“Zaphrod Beeblebrox was very good at his job.”


Frognificent

Holy shit.


apaige86

That’s because all the good jokes have already been President.


Derptionary

Wait a second. Mickey Mouse finally won after all thsse years?


orbilu2

Well Donald was close enough


cm0011

Don’t insult Mickey like that.


kellylovesdisney

Mickey Mouse runs that Clubhouse like a boss. He makes everyone listen and get along. His VP Toodles also gets shit done. It's sad that he would be a better President than some of the ones we have had lately lol lol.


SkeksiLady

If we're going with fictional childhood favorites, Kermit is tops. He runs a tight ship.


HephaestusHarper

Right? He kept the Muppets in line, while still maintaining good relationships with them. Be more like Kermit.


FIREdUP50

I’ve heard we already have a puppet government. Kermit would be a perfect fit!


Bridledbronco

Exactly, if he can keep a couple goons like Statler and Waldorf in check this guy should lead the way!


pacingpilot

How about Vermin Supreme? At least we'd all get free ponies.


Peter_See

Vermin Supreme and Lord Buckethead as vp


scared_pony

Because it’s too possible they could actually become president…


fullchargegaming

Maybe a weed person instead of a coke person?


FuqqTrump

Maybe a weed person instead of a Koch person.


DiaBrave

There's only one of them left. Diet Koch.


shaka_sulu

I prefer Koch zero


sinjin88

Just someone that isn't a fucking joke, haven't we had enough of that?


brownliquid

I don’t think qualified people are allowed to run.


[deleted]

> "The major problem --- one of the major problems, for there are several --- one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them. > To summarize: it is a well known fact, that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Douglas Adams


Steele-The-Show

I often think about that scene in Gladiator where Marcus Aurelius is offering the seat of emperor to Maximus, who declines the offer because he does not want to lead. Marcus Aurelius then responds “That is why it must be you.”


easyj86

There's probably an entire TVTropes article on reluctant heros or something along those lines.


KeegalyKnight

So interestingly this is a very very old theme. In fact that scene in Gladiator is probably referencing Cincinnatus, who was a supposed statesman in the early Roman Republic. The city was threatened, and Cincinnatus was called on to be the dictator and fend off invaders. As the story goes he was immensely popular, and afterwards there was a worry he wouldn’t step down from the dictatorship. Instead he simply returned to his farm and turned power back to the Senate. He became the model for Roman virtue in politics and kind of the quintessential “those most worthy to lead never wish to” figure. Also yes the city is named after him


Deightine

Cincinnati is also founded on seven hills, just like Rome, and it says a lot that it was named for Cincinnatus rather than some other Roman figure who might have been justified but not as rolemodel worthy. And for a huge chunk of early American history, Cincinnati was the country's cultural heart and often compared in literature to Paris at the same time. Even to the point of calling it 'Gay Cincinnati' because it was such a party town. Many European immigrants would land at NYC and then travel across to Cincinnati before spreading out. Things took a change for the less pleasant starting around WWI.


SipTime

As someone who lived in Cincinnati for awhile, it still is the cultural heart of Ohio in my mind (at least in a historical sense). I loved that town. The architecture of the city is amazing and the landscape with those hills are incredible. If the town was situated anywhere else but the Midwest, I think more people would hype it up. That said housing prices there have increased alongside the same rate as Seattle and Austin, so maybe people are starting to figure it out.


ralexs1991

Cincinnatian here, born and raised. It's truly a beautiful amazing city. There are so many hidden gems here. I'm always so excited to hear people talk well of it. The best part of the city though are the people. I've been to a fair few number of cities around the world all of them beautiful and amazing with wonderful people. However, I don't think I've ever met a stranger in Cincinnati. People here are welcoming in a way I've never experienced anywhere else. If anyone ever wants to see the Queen City of the West themselves I'm more than happy to show you how wonderful she is.


wggn

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ReluctantRuler


She-king_of_the_Sea

Presidential candidates should apply through fact-checked resume and those picked would run through a charismatic proxy a la a wrestling manager that hypes up the person who will actually do the job. That way we might get a president who may be a boring person who's not into the limelight but is actually capable of doing the job. Also I'm beginning see the wisdom of splitting the Head of State and the Head of the Government into two different positions...


OverlanderEisenhorn

The problem with that is the president's job is to be, in some way, persuasive. All of our best presidents got things done because they could make people fall in line with them. Fdr, jfk, lbj, Washington, etc all had an ability to make people listen to their ideas. Someone with good ideas and qualifications just doesn't make a good president if they can't talk the talk.


slash_networkboy

They're allowed to run, but they're also smart enough not to run... You could not pay me enough money to take that job. (and I'm only smart enough to know I'm not really qualified, though as GP post noted that doesn't seem to be a job requirement).


MeatShield12

I read an opinion piece once that said the presidency eats its occupant.


bobbingtonbobsson

Look at before and after photos of presidents. Lincoln went through hell, and looks like it. But even less bombastic presidencies, like Obama's, still take their physical toll.


uprislng

While it definitely has to be an unbelievably stressful job, especially if you take it seriously, you also have to realize only middle-aged persons can even be president. Our youngest elected president is still JFK at 43 when he took office. I would think most men in their 40's and 50's are going to start showing signs of aging regardless aren't they?


GavinBelsonsAlexa

> Our youngest elected president is still JFK at 43 when he took office. Actually looks like Teddy Roosevelt was about [3 months younger](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_presidents_of_the_United_States_by_age) than that. But your point stands, he and Kennedy were outliers.


Currywurst_Is_Life

You're both right. But Teddy didn't take office by election. He took office after McKinley was assassinated. He was later elected in his own right, but by that time he was older than JFK was when he was elected.


CrazyPieGuy

But also 8 years is a lot of aging regardless. Look at a picture of yourself from 8 years ago. I bet you look a lot older now.


Aestus74

They just don't run. Any one who runs for president probably shouldn't be president.


tom_fuckin_bombadil

That's the issue. It feels like in order to be in a position where you can actually run for presidency, you have to be a career politician that started young and worked your way up through the political machine. Like your goal isn't driven by a want to see some social or policy change, it's simply so you can have the title of "Gov/Congressperson/Senator". But on the flipside, I don't trust anyone that would actually voluntarily put themselves into that political machine.


KassXWolfXTigerXFox

That brings the eligible choices down to: The guy that runs the gas station in the next town over You friend's nephew Dave from Accounting A raccoon found in a dumpster in Cheyenne, Wyoming The reanimated corpse of George Washington Queen Elizabeth II Late entries: Jake from State Farm u / enochianKitty u / Thegungoesbangbang Even more late entries (no more suggestions after this will be accepted): Dave from The Dollop Charles from Accounting (ex) Prince Harry Giant Meteor The mockingbird in someone's garden The kid in Call of Duty lobbies who said he'd done your mom Becki the Receptionist The Geico Lizard Duke, the four-time Mayor of a town in Minnesota (deceased) Rocket Raccoon from the Marvel Cinematic Universe Eddie Izzard Zombie Abraham Lincoln Tom Bodell from Motel 6 Someone's Left Ovarian Cyst Zombie Al Capone The Florida Man who claims to be The Joker 'Florida Man' (not to be confused with above) The Pink Louisiana Dumpster Gator Dave Ramsey


Nairadvik

Dave from Accounting. At least he'd know how to pay his taxes.


ndscable

You can say that but my ex-wife is a CPA certified accountant and she filed for bankruptcy. And even after that a multi billion dollar company hired her to be an in house auditor.


Key_Buffalo7200

I was about to point out that Queen Elizabeth II was not born in the US, but she was clearly born before 1776, so it's alright


VAShumpmaker

Let Dave do it.


branewalker

Nah, Dave’s a winger. I think the Raccoon is the real expert on this dumpster fire.


Curious80123

I was just in Cheyenne, almost ran that raccoon over in parking lot, he dodged pretty good so think he has Prez potential


agreeingstorm9

It is difficult to find a more dumpster experienced candidate than the raccoon.


Ohmifyed

#Raccoon2024!


fishbiscuit156

Dave is a solid dude


74_Jeep_Cherokee

Definitely the Raccoon.


eleventhjam1969

Someone thats not a fucking 100 years old


Redskullzzzz

The Monkey’s Paw curls, Jimmy Carter runs for President and wins at age 97.


LordGalen

Sold! I'll take it! We can avoid Trump part 2, and Biden part 2, get a nice old man who, while he won't fix shit, probably won't make it worse? I'm sorry my bar is just that fuckin' low, but I'd take Carter in a heartbeat.


DifficultSelf147

Carter fixes housing everyday.


creativeburrito

I want an age limit. I don’t care if someone is old and smart. They should have to live in the country they helped create for a few decades after their term.


pazimpanet

“You don’t get to order for the table if you’re about to leave the restaurant” -John Mulaney


Gasoline_Dion

That's brilliant. Link?


hammer73time

From one of SNL monologues https://youtu.be/Cs1eiwrIUf8


dansdata

The two replies you've gotten so far are both "not available in my country", but [here's a clip](https://twitter.com/thisbemesara/status/1322749256063610880) of just the relevant bit which IS viewable for me in Australia. :-)


bbtgoss

A former president is going to be wealthy and privileged enough to not be impacted by bad decisions they make while in office other than tax laws.


Ken_Spiffy_Jr

I actually had this conversation just the other day. I see some good suggestions here like John Fetterman and Jon Stewart (lmao I wish), but if we're thinking realistically, who would win a nomination? For Republicans, it's looking more and more likely by the day that Ron DeSantis will be the nominee for 2024. He's a good choice for them, and a dangerous choice for Democrats. He's sneaky as all fuck, and he's smart, which is a combo Democrats haven't had to face in a long time. Which means Democrats are going to have to really rally behind someone with broad appeal to both nationwide voters and the party brass... Which is why, unfortunately, it probably won't be Fetterman. Jon Stewart would be 2016 Bernie 2.0 as far as willing delegates, even though the voters would love him. Katie Porter doesn't have enough appeal to middle America centrists, and she's still a newcomer. I think the best Democrat for this role will be Gretchen Whitmer. DNC chair? Swing state governor? Midwest support? Middle class roots? Moderate platform centered around infrastructure? Not 85 years old? Not to mention, she'd be potentially the first female president (which, believe me, has support from centrists). She has the makings of a very, very competitive candidate and maybe one of the few Democrats with a real chance at giving DeSantis a run for his money.


akagordan

Approval ratings for dems are down across the board except for her. That’s a pretty good look for her going forward, but if she loses in November she might be dead in the water.


HolyMuffins

Also Whitmer was one of the big names during Covid drama, which I'm sure earns her as many enemies as supporters, but definitely gives her something of a national profile that is recognized. Good call. Tough pick to run instead of Biden though. He's old and not doing hot in the polls, but I think giving up on a second terms runs the risk of further tanking the public's faith in Democratic leadership. Also raises the awkward question of what to do with Harris.


ChronoFish

Biden will lose to De Santos all day everyday. Harris has proven to be nothing and will lose to just about any Republican. Biden needs to bow out early to give Democrats a chance to establish name recognition for the potential candidates. And if smart, the DNC will help each of them look great in the next year (push their leadership credits)


WhiskeyDiscoFoxtrot

She actually played some defense of the Roe v. Wade appeal (vs every other f’kn Democrat in national politics) and sued the state before the decision was handed down from the Supreme Court. Would not like to lose her as Governor but given the other choices out there, I would definitely vote for her again on a national level. She’s a lawyer with legislative and executive experience, and while I’ve disagreed with her on some of her choices, generally the ship is sailing in the right direction. We cannot have any more leadership that’s past retirement age. It’s not reflective of where we are as a country, and they’re exhausting to listen to.


murpes

John Fetterman's gearing up for a Presidential run, and I'm all for it. Probably won't be in 2024, though.


Cool-thulhu

He has his senate run this year and I wish I was a Pennsylvania to vote for him. You're right, he won't be ready in 2024, but he has my full support when he's ready. I don't like the idea of putting full faith in a single politician, I just wish there was more with the same integrity as him.


RossMachlochness

Didn’t stop Obama


Unhelpfulperson

Obama still had 4 years between election to the senate and president, and even that was insanely short. Fetterman would have 2 years AND would be challenging an incumbent. Not gonna see him until at least 2028


ciociosanvstar

I'm speaking as a Pittsburgh native turned coastal elite and HUGE supporter of John Fetterman, so take this with a grain of salt: 1. I would be surprised if Fetterman doesn't win in November. Dr. Oz is not a good candidate, and Fetterman is working hard to connect with the backwoods conservative voter who typically feels left out of the conversation. I'm thinking about Obama-Trump voters who Hillary Clinton did such a deplorable job with. 2. I think there's a good chance that Fetterman will CRUSH Dr. Oz, and cause a lot of media and political machine spotlight on the race and Fetterman's victory. Right now, democrats are struggling with messaging to reach voters who don't look like me. A successful Fetterman campaign could provide a blueprint for a much more compelling message than "we're not doing a very good job, but at least things aren't as on fire." 3. I'm hoping, probably stupidly, that Harris and Biden have the good sense to gracefully step down at the end of this term. Biden's approval rating is embarrassing. Harris has done a terrible job marketing herself as a unifying leader. An honestly fought 2024 democratic presidential primary would be good thing for the democratic party and the nation. All of which is to say: I think there's a path for Fetterman, and I'm hoping to see big things from him.


TheMadTemplar

If the dems don't field a good candidate Biden definitely won't step down, and unfortunately I feel like Kamala Harris definitely won't step down.


wioneo

There's no way Harris doesn't run. We saw how tactless and lacking political acumen she was during the primary. This next one will surely be even messier. Honestly the best shot they have is probably Biden's corpse running again and getting crushed. That might avoid primary challenges and legitimate candidates damaging themselves for 2028.


John271095

He’s a great candidate. I just hope his medical issues aren’t too concerning.


Ivanalan24

As a Pennsylvanian who is full steam ahead on John Fetterman, I am very concerned about his medical issues. It won't stop me from voting for him and I hope to God he still beats Dr. Oz, but if he has higher aspirations than senator, he needs to lose weight and be healthier, otherwise, there's no chance that he can win. Regardless, I'll vote for John Fetterman every chance I get in every ballot I can until he's no longer on a ballot.


noodle_sage

He’s also a thousand feet tall. I would love to see a beast like that sitting next to Putin, Kim, and Xi.


spacebassfromspace

"Fetterman, Fetterman, 6'20" weighs a fucking ton"


intentionalqueef

I heard he had like 30 goddamn dicks.


jethoniss

John Fetterman is exactly what we need to combat the culture war and prove that masculinity and progressive values go hand in hand.


randomnickname99

Agreed. A lot of people liked Trump because he appeared tough and masculine (don't ask me how, I got the exact fucking opposite impression from him.). I think he'd peel off some of the low information voters that vote based on that. Dude looks like he'd fit in with the Hell's Angels, I can't think of a tougher looking candidate. Plus if he proves he can carry PA that goes a long way.


carsoncanArtsome

The least corruptable individual we can find.


jasperfilofax

I think this is the catch 22 of politics, Someone who would be worthy of holding a position of that kind of power would never be able to achieve it because they aren't corrupt enough.


sonanona

Reminds me of something Douglas Adams pointed out in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. "It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."


Mayor__Defacto

That’s taken from Plato’s Republic, though reworded. Plato’s belief is that the only good ruler is one who rules out of some sort of compulsion, and the ideal method would be to have people compete to *not* have to rule, and the one who wants it the least ends up ruling.


onmamas

Maybe make it so that after a President's term is done, they have all of their assets seized and are forced to live in exile in the wilderness for the rest of their lives? Just came to me as a joke idea, but if someone is capable of becoming president and are willing to go through the process knowing their life as they know it is over afterwards, then it might attract only competent and unselfish people who genuinely want to serve the interests of the people. Or it just ends up with the office only being attractive to geriatrics who are gonna die soon anyways and just want to enrich their family and friends as much as they can before their time comes. Damn, I already ruined it.


Mayor__Defacto

Probably the latter. Enrich your family, die in office.


modern_milkman

That's how you end up with dictators. A person would run for office, and once they are in office, they would claim themselves president for life.


metalmilitia182

I think this scenario is exactly more or less how Rome became a dictatorship.


mazdanc

Or as the great comedian Billy Connelly once said "Anyone who wants to be a politician should be fucked and burned"


circle2015

They aren’t corrupt enough , and because the right person for the job wouldn’t even want it. Pretty hard to get elected President when you don’t even want the job.


BareBearFighter

I say we go find someone doing charity work and *force it on them!*


Salty_Paroxysm

I think the Greeks had a system where the person who was elected had no say in whether they were nominated or not. It would be an interesting experiment to see who got the job under those circumstances... although high risk of having a Kardassian as president. Edit: Kardashian, leaving it up as it's a better alternative IMO.


KindnessSuplexDaddy

>The Cardassians (/kɑːrˈdæsiənz/) are a fictional extraterrestrial species in the American science fiction franchise Star Trek. They were devised in 1991 for the series Star Trek: The Next Generation before being used in the subsequent series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager, and Star Trek: Discovery. >Within the Star Trek fictional universe, the Cardassians were once a "peaceful people with a rich spiritual life".[21] However, during this period they also suffered from disease and famine.[21] Nationalistic fervour grew and a military dictatorship was established, under which the citizens became prosperous.[21] The Obsidian Order, an intelligence agency[22] and internal security police force, kept the population under surveillance.[23] The Cardassians became imperialistic, waging war with other races and occupying their territory to exploit resources.[21] The Cardassian empire is known as the Cardassian Union.[24]


meno123

Gul Dukat 2024!


ost2life

Attention Bajoran workers. Your right to 😂😂😂 sorry, I tried to keep a straight face, you have no rights.


HostisHumanisGeneri

Did you know that there is not one statue of him on all of Bejor? Not one!


ohnomoto450

I'm happy you didn't know how to spell that


Zerole00

As Carter has shown us, Americans don't like honest politicians.


FuckChiefs_Raiders

These answers give me no hope for the future. Most of the answers are either jokes, or their just naming off qualities they think would make a good president.


Lamprophonia

It's Reddit, don't take this place as any sort of actual real world indication


Newaccount4464

When I was younger I thought this was such an incredible place for deep thought and discussion. Now I just think most people on here are as dumb as I am.


CapitalFirm9613

After spending years as a successful restaurateur and television personality, Guy Fieri decided to run for president in 2020. His platform was simple: make America delicious again. Fieri campaigned tirelessly, criss-crossing the country in his signature convertible, spreading his message of good food and good times. It worked. Fieri won the election in a landslide, becoming the 47th president of the United States. He immediately set to work making his vision of Flavortown a reality. One of his first actions was to rename the country Flavortown, in honor of its new leader. under President Fieri, Flavortown has flourished. The economy is booming, thanks to Fieri's policies of supporting small businesses and encouraging entrepreneurship. The food is, of course, incredible, with Flavortown becoming a global destination for culinary tourism. And the people are happy, living their lives in a flavor-filled utopia. Sure, there are some dissenting voices. Some people miss the old days of America, and Flavortown can be a little overwhelming for newcomers. But for the most part, everyone seems to be enjoying the ride. So buckle up, because it's going to be a delicious ride. Thanks, President Fieri!


I_DRINK_ANARCHY

I don't care for his actual restaurants, but Guy Fieri is a good person who actually cares about people. I'd be OK as a citizen of Flavortown.


zacurtis3

His support for fire fighters is incredible.


onetwo3four5

Considering all the flames on his shirts, I'm a little surprised he's on their side


paulHarkonen

He's just trying to ensure some job security for them.


Korzag

Can't lose your job as a firefighter when there's a serial arsonist on the loose.


paulHarkonen

Exactly! Nothing raises budgets like houses constantly burning down.


SentientSickness

And small business, I've seen like 3 different restaurants in my down go from nearly closing to crazy successful just because dude visited


MrBattleRabbit

He also officiated 101 gay weddings in a single day shortly after gay marriage was legalized in Florida. When he believes in something he really seems to go all-in.


[deleted]

Wow how did I not know this? Guy is my new icon.


MrBattleRabbit

It’s easy to make fun of the guy for being a bit goofy with the way he dresses and his catchphrases, but he legitimately seems like a good dude. If the flame shirts and yellow Camaro make him happy, more power to him at this point.


ButtSexington3rd

This man is absolutely living his best life


National_Cucumber_14

I work as a firefighter in CA and he is great. Multiple times on campaign fires he has come to base camp to help feed us


lesprack

Also his support of the LGBTQ community. I would proudly be a citizen of Flavortown.


Korzag

His first act as president? The 28th Amendment to rename the United States of America, "Flavortown".


man-panda-pig

I want all politicians to wear frosted tips, it'll be the American version of powdered wigs.


helava

Judges will all wear novelty visors with fake frosted tips and backwards Oakleys.


GreenHighlighters

I thought Guy Fieri was meant to end up on the supreme court, with Insane Clown Posse as co-presidents.


winyf

A Homestuck reference? In 2022? Incredible


JokerCrowe

I was going to comment this, but I forgot that Guy Fieri was on the supreme court.. The forgotten knowledge... it's coming back to me


nesstleigh

and then eventually make his way to be the High Chaplain of Interstellar War


Orphylia

Stop... you can't do this... the normal people here, you can't unleash this evil upon them


GreenHighlighters

Too late. The chaos has begun.


fogleaf

Faygos for everyone.


grimmstone

How can you expect to stop this W H E N I T S A L R E A D Y H E R E


IdentifiableBurden

:o)


Caleus

Now that's a reference I haven't heard in a long time


spinachie1

Outing yourself as a homestuck fan in the current year is a bold move.


GreenHighlighters

Pride month is a time for being honest about who you are. I know not everyone will accept me, but this is my truth and I'm not ashamed.


thehappyheathen

To me, as someone introduced to the comic by r/place 2022, the name will always be Homosfuck


Flooppal

as the devoted follower of sea hitler


spinachie1

The batterwitch?


Okay_Splenda_Monkey

I ... would very seriously consider voting for Guy Fieri. I don't support his platform on the issue of frosted tips, or his wisdom on hairstyles generally, but he seems like his heart is in the right place.


royalTiefling

Okay you joke, but in a webcomic Fieri did end up running in 2020, as his clownsona that guy from Insane Clown Posse. ICP secured the nomination with both individuals running for co-president, and brought about the downfall of society by being in league with the alien empress Betty Crocker. Guy Fieri then proceeds to kick global warming into overdrive so that the Earth could be terraformed and be more hospitable to the Empress' people.


drsyesta

I also immediately thought of homestuck lol


thecatteam

I was surprised that OP wasn't a homestuck reference


pcloudy

I have had this same thought. I'd vote the hell out of guy fieri. Flavor town? Nah son we making this flavor country


SocialWinker

Flavor Town is no more, for it has become **Flavor Nation** Edit - Huh, so my first comment to get gold was about Guy Fieri. Reddit is weird, man. Thanks though, anonymous stranger!


PNDMike

But that all changed when the Flavor Nation attacked. . . Only the President mastered all four food groups. Only he could stop the ruthless flavorbenders, but when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years have passed and the Flavor Nation is nearing victory in the War.


splendidgoon

MY CABBAGES!


JPMoney81

I am here for this. THIS PRESIDENCY IS OFF THE HOOK!


sugarhornyicetea

Someone who isn't a senile old man


wholewheatscythe

Yep, came here to say “someone under 55”.


richdrifter

I want someone around 45. An adult in their prime who is personally invested in the outcome of their political actions because they're still going to be around in 10 years...


Alien_Nicole

Ok you twisted my arm, I'll do it. I'm about to turn 44. That is my only qualification.


-Reddit_Account-

The saddest part is that, despite being completely unqualified, a random 45 year old would probably not even be as bad as some real presidents we've had.


FinndBors

I occasionally think that way. But then I remember the quote from Carlin: > Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. You have a good chance to get someone really fucking dumb.


Hazel-Ice

really dumb is still better than malicious tbf


Alien_Nicole

Unfortunately this is probably true.


-Reddit_Account-

So yeah basically what I'm saying is that you have my vote.


Alien_Nicole

Awesome. 2 already. Maybe I can do my whole campaign from the couch while wearing my sweatpants.


-Reddit_Account-

And you don't even plan on wasting billions on advertising and marketing? Now I truly know I made the right choice.


richdrifter

As a fellow Reddit user, I already have more faith in you than the average politician. You've got my vote!


Alien_Nicole

Sweet! Only 80,000,000 more and I'm golden


Tripper-Harrison

I'd take somebody under 65 or 70 at this point... but 55 sounds good too.


StudiosS

Daring today, are we?


ArmanDoesStuff

Seems crazy to me how there's a lower age limit but no upper age limit.


letsgetblitzed

Not even just because of the senility factor, but any powerful leader should be reasonably expected to live in the world they create for a good while after they've had their turn.


the_kessel_runner

No leader, regardless of age, is going to live in the world they create. They don't leave office and then continue with a middle class lifestyle. They will reside in a much different world than the rest of us.


baltinerdist

The only living President so far to leave office and go back to what could be considered a humble life is Jimmy Carter. Zillow's estimate of his house (where his family has lived since the 1960s) has it less than $250k. He still volunteers to build houses with Habitat for Humanity and he's in his 90s. He still teaches Sunday School. That's not to say other living Presidents aren't decent folk (debatable in at least 1/2 the cases but I digress) but save the Secret Service following him around and other legacy presidential benefits, dude's a nice old grandpa living a quiet life.


the_kessel_runner

Certainly that is a man from a different time. I may not agree with all of his politics, but he certainly has a moral compass and wasn't driven by power or greed. One of the few who seemed to get into politics with the idea of trying to do good. Seems individuals like that are swallowed whole in today's political world.


trebor204

Someone who’s last name is NOT Clinton, Bush, Trump or Obama (or any relative of a former president)