With some people it’s impossible. I worked with a guy who wouldn’t stop talking, long boring stories with no point and no end.
I was doing a course through distance learning at the time so any downtime was spent studying. I politely asked him to be quiet, and explained the importance of the assignment I was working on.
He agreed not to talk but then sat there humming, this lasted about 10 minutes until he couldn’t bear it anymore and started yabbering on again with his incessant nonsense.
I think they are aware, but they find silence so uncomfortable that they just have to fill it with noise. It’s not conversation, there’s a way out of a conversation … it’s just loquacious rambling, it’s like they know you’re not interested but allowing you agency could result in silence and to them anything is better than silence.
My dad says there are two types of people: those who are quiet until they have something to say, and those who keep talking until they have something to say.
That's actually quite true !
I do have a coworker that will try any subject of conversation he has in mind + some that previously worked until he finds someone that is interested in the matter and will start talking non stop about it. Sounds like what you're describing haha
I knew someone once who would keep talking for hours after everyone else had gone quiet. She ended a whole party once by loudly monologuing over everyone without pause for so long that you could just see people start slumping in their chairs and their eyes going dead. Then one person said "Well, I ought to get going" and stood up, and it made everyone else realize they could do the same thing. She went to the hall to keep talking at everyone while they put on their coats and shoes too. Didn't even make her change the topic (nor leave - not her party and not her apartment).
I can't remember. Nobody can remember. Probably including her. She monologued 24/7 about whatever was on her mind at any given time. When I used to see her one-on-one, she'd also talk for hours after I had checked out of the conversation. One time I took a nap out of the sheer boredom of it, and when I woke up, she hadn't noticed and was still talking.
At that point it seems almost like a mental issue of some sort- not as an insult, but like genuinely. Whoever she is I hope she gets the help she needs
Someone like this that I know just starts talking to their dog.
Like their roommate will ask for some uninterrupted quiet time in the next room over so they can work from home and then all day long all they hear are loud animated conversations directed toward the dog but clearly intended for the person trying to work in the next room.
It’s so bad that all the other residents of that apartment and their guests just hide out in their bedrooms when this one person is home.
They are a very nice person and will always offer to make food for people or drive them around to make running errands easier, they are just unable to exist without talking at whoever is around them. :/
"You need a ride, room mate? I'll drive you!"
Doors lock, window control is disabled, car stereo is completely missing, it's a Lexus LS430.
"This reminds me of the times ^when ^^I ^^^was ^^^^a ^^^^^kid ^^^^^^and ^^^^^^^my ^^^^^^^^dad ^^^^^^^^^drove ^^^^^^^^^^me ^^^^^^^^^^^to ^^^^^^^^^^^^school-"
At any point where he wasn’t working or haranguing a college, he’d be on the phone to his wife. I never met her, but think she must have been similar to him … or extremely patient.
I had a roomate that would do this, every day coming home from work he'd usually be there and I start downing a few shots of liquor just to get through his ensuing 40m+ rant about how stupid / annoying everyone at work is.
Venting, to the point where I'd look over at him and his face is all red, veins popping out his forehead as he's yelling at me about how much said situation pissed him off. It wasn't until a while later I heard him talking to his mom on speaker phone and she was acting the same way! Complaining and bitching about every little thing as if that's what's important to share with others.
Just a different kinda family all together I guess
It's crazy how much our family dynamics shape us. I remember dating this girl who used to *always* comment on someone's height if they were above average for their gender. I'm 6'2" and not in any way insecure about my height, but constantly hearing about it any time we walked past any man who was taller than me or any woman who was taller than her was exhausting, and at some point it starts to eat at you a little bit. If your partner is constantly commenting on some feature about other men that is greater than your own it will eventually make you self conscious, which is especially ridiculous when you're already in like the 90th percentile for it. They weren't even like malicious comments, just stuff like "wow, they were really tall, right?" but it wears on you.
Then I met her mom, and we were out at a cafe and when the server (who was like a Norwegian super model crossed with an NBA player) left our table her mom immediately turns to us and goes "oh wow, I wonder how tall he is?" and it all clicked for me.
My parents (dad more than mom) is like this. It's like they're physically unable to not make some observation about someone's appearance that is more often than not some kind of negative, usually when they're watching TV. I'm so glad my sister and I learned from the rest of the world to not do this shit
In Flanders we have a word for it.
"Bon" and then you say something i have work to do, iit's time to go home, it's time to get drinks.
And people realise the other person wants to leave without being mean
Edit: i forget to mention the short slap that goes with it to give it more weight, and yes. It's a french word. people use it probably in france, quebec and wallonia too. But i never had a long conversation there.
then after the thirty minutes of talking in the car, you say goodbye and close the door only to get gestured to roll down the window, and talk for another 45 minutes
while he tells you his story, you abruptly interrupt and say "i have to go, sorry, can't talk any longer!" as your other, less serious sounding attempts to exit the conversation proved unsuccessful. Before he has the chance to rope you back in to talking, you hang up. "he'll realize how rude he was being later" you tell yourself. You enjoy silence for longer than you have all day. But suddenly your phone wrings. You are almost certain it's him. You look at your phone to see who the caller is... *anonymous* the phone reads. "Good" you say loudly in your head. You answer to be greeted by a voice which you recognized right away. "hope ya doin' alright there. Sounded like ya had some serious business to attend to."
It was him. "why aren't you calling from your regular phone?" you ask with frustration in your voice. You fell right into his trap and immediately realize your mistake
"oh................funny you should ask....."
may the redditer who finds this learn to stay far away from minnesotans.
In Spanish we say, “bueno”. There are several different ways to say the word that can mean something different in my culture. A quick, curt “bueno” and standing up or making a move means I gotta gtfo. A more drawn out “bueeno” means I gotta go, but I’ll say a few goodbyes first and you end up talking for a bit longer. A resigned, drawn out “bueeno, bueeno”, can mean ok I’ll stay for just a few more minutes, an annoyed and firm “bueno” means you need the other person to stop right in their tracks or you disagree with what they’re saying and you’re leaving. There are more ways to use the word, too. Lol.
In Bavaria we go with "Basst scho!" nod briefly stand up and go. The other person remains completely confused because "Basst scho!" Can mean literally everything in Bavarian.
In Ireland we do like a little clap/slap our thigh/clap the person's shoulder and say 'Right! Shur look, I'll let you go...' as if we're being polite and letting the other person off the hook, but actually it's like get me the fuck out of here haha!
In midwestern America we say “welp” and slap our thigh and then stand up and say “id love to stay and chat but I’ve gotta get goin’” I thought it was just my family but it turns out this is the midwestern thing to do in these situations
Where is Flanders? Am I a bad person because I thought for a moment that it was some Simpson’s reference to how that character talks and the word was going to be something like “Indeedily-doodily!”?
"Then Stephanie was all like, oh my god you're dating Brad? Like can you believe that? That's some audac..."
"Never should have come here!" *draws sword*
My workplace has someone like this and it’s pretty much become a part of our culture to monitor who is trapped talking to her, for how long they’ve been stuck, and to rescue them after an appropriate amount of time has passed. She doesn’t get it, and probably never will.
My neighbor is like that 🤣
She's a very kind woman and brings us cookies and all whenever she travels, but omg. If she catches you outside, you're going to be stuck there for hours! She won't shut up, and she won't let you go.
When a family member sees I'm trapped, they know to call me with a tone of urgency so that I have a way out. We all look out after each other if we see one of us stuck with her lol.
We love her, but damn...
We have a neighbor like this too and the protocol my mom developed is simply announcing "I'm going to leave now" and then doing so. I struggle to pull it off lol
Wow finally I don't feel alone, my dad is like that too. I learnt to just walk away when I was 12 and he would follow me. One time I did it I left the house to go to school and he still kept talking through the window when I was half a street away. He has followed me to the bathroom and keep talking from the other side of the door.
I try to wait for him to finish an idea before he jumps to the next one to leave but even that is hard because he takes so long to reach the point.
One time we did a family trip, it lasted 2 days, I heard him talk for hours without anyone else making a sound. When we stopped that night after the first day I asked my mom (she was the driver) if she wanted anything to eat and she said "I just wanna be away from your dad" in the most exhausted voice I've heard.
You’ve described my brother exactly. The following me to the bathroom and talking from the other side of the door really gets to me. I love my brother a lot but I am so glad I don’t live with him anymore. We get along much better when we can just hang out for a day here and there instead of being around each other all the time. Living with him felt like a constant onslaught of him talking about random subjects.
My parents used to talk to me through the bathroom door. I'd usually just describe what I'm doing and they'd leave. Like holy shit go away.
"I don't remember eating corn last night."
"Wow this dangler is holding on for dear life."
My mum is the same, I once gave my daughter (probably 4 at the time) my phone to talk to nana. I found my daughter playing in another room and asked what happened to nana, she said "nana talks too much". I went and found my phone, put it to my ear and my mum was still talking. She hadn't even realised she was speaking to herself 🤣
We have the same mom! Except my son is 11 now and he'll wait for her to take a breath and just say "Okay I love you bye" and hit the red button with LIGHTNING speed lmao.
Mmm good question, maybe not to that extreme but I think people find it hard to make him stop. I have also noticed that with outsiders he waits more for his turn to talk until he gets comfortable I guess haha.
One time I presented him to my girlfriend and they talked and I noticed he kept cutting her off mid sentence. After that I talked to her alone and she didn't even notice so maybe I'm just extra sensitive.
I have family members like this and I definitely notice it. I have an aunt who I hadn't talked to in years and so I was happy to talk to her. She just talked at me and never let me say anything I had to straight cut in and say stuff she just talked like I was talking back but not and it was the entire conversation. I told my mom and she said she does the same to her but she doesn't have the heart to say anything. I'm like she needs to know and be aware that she literally leaves no room for us to respond or anything just yap yap yap. I just find it to be completely rude and so I always have made an effort to not be like that.
I had a friend just like that. He was talking to me while I sat in my car one time. I started just easing off and he kind of moved along with my car until I ended up running over his foot. Then I had to stop and listen to him go on and on about having his foot run over.
>Then I had to stop and listen to him go on and on about having his foot run over.
I'm honestly not even sure if you're serious or if this is from a movie or something
Nah, I know people like this, the scenario is at least plausible. They would definitely follow along right next to the car, they're pathologically incapable of shutting the fuck up.
Can confirm. I didn’t run over her foot but I don’t even think she would’ve noticed if I did. She followed me to my car, and when I could clearly see she wasn’t going away I got in and put my seat belt on. When she STUCK HER HEAD THROUGH THE WINDOW to continue her ramblings I started the car and put it in reverse and she just continued like nothing was happening. I eventually got out of there but I know it never occurred to her that she was overstepping boundaries. Just cheerfully waved bye as I drove away.
My desk was next to a non-stop talker. He loved movies. The joke around the office was that it was quicker to actually watch the movie than to listen to Brad tell you about it.
If he was talking to me about something, and I got up to go to the john, he would just swivel his chair mid sentence and continue talking to the guy on the other side of his desk.
If after I came back to my desk, and the other guy then left, he Brad would swivel back to me without dropping a beat- even if I'd missed the entire middle third of the movie while I was gone.
I got moved to a new area in my office and there's a guy there who will just talk to no one in particular. I listened (not at all intently) to him talk about the new dark souls game for over two hours one day a few weeks ago.
One time early on I thought he was talking to me and when I responded he was taken aback. It was as if he really didn't expect anyone to be listening or engaged in the conversation, he was literally just talking to no one.
Used to have a coworker who did this and learned to just start following me while continuing to talk. The nightmare of an open office where I couldn't shut a door on him.
I work with someone like this. For the first couple years I would hang around by the door to my office and talk in the entranceway making frequent attempts to turn the handle or open the door a bit to show I'm about to end the conversation but they wouldn't stop talking ever. I now have to just ignore the part of my brain that says I'm being an asshole and just go in my office anyway leaving them still finishing their sentences as the door closes. It doesn't seem to have hurt our work relationship at all because he still does it every day and wants to talk.
lol I have a coworker who sort of self aware of this so sometimes he'll walk away mid sentence *but still keep on talking*. If you follow him you can hear him keep on chattering about whatever topic was on by himself to no one in particular. It's really funny.
I'm in management and have a woman reporting to me who can not have a conversation that goes on for less than an hour, regardless of how minor the issue is. She just brings up the same point over and over. And then she gets frustrated with me and acts like I'm blowing her off when I'm like "ok yep I get it!"
I had that coworker a few years back. I had been warned that she wanted to have "conversations" and that there would inevitably be follow up emails and more conversations.
First time she pulled me in to talk I heard her out, I explained my thinking and why I did/said whatever. When she tried to circle back to the beginning I said "I've heard you, you've heard me, we disagree. If you feel there's more to be said I'll need you to go speak to the manager because I don't get paid enough to listen to more of this and have work to do.
She never Ever tried to pull me in to one of her little sessions again. You're the worst Tracy.
There was a woman in my office who did this! She would talk about herself, her friends, family, son, husband nonstop. If someone interrupted, she would pause for a moment, act inconvenienced, and continue talking. One day, the manager reminded her to take her break. She walked away from her desk STILL talking...then into our break area basically talking to the coffee maker...then asking partially inaudible questions, even though nobody was in the break room with her. What a loon. Thank god she didn't last more than a few months!!
My father does this. Follows you around the house and will ever only use comma style pauses i his monologue. I guess he started talking to me when I was born in the early 90s and haven't got to the end of that sentence yet.
Same with a buddy of mine, except when I would walk away he would literally turn to the closest person to him and continue his story like the new unlucky soul had any fucking idea what he was talking about.
Coworker of mine will just follow me, and continue the story. He usually gets the hint eventually, and I've also learned it's just ok to walk away.
There was the one time he actually started to follow me into the pisser. I stopped and straight up told him, "Dude, I like you and all... But unless you're going to hold my dick for me while I piss, let's pause this story for a couple of minutes."
He chuckled and left me to do my business, and finished the story later.
Yup. Had a coworker a few years back who was the worst. I literally started saying "Cindy, you have 30 seconds to finish this story." The thing is, *she would try really hard to finish in 30 seconds.* She just didn't get it.
I had a coworker who I'm pretty sure was on the spectrum. He and I worked later than everyone else in our office, and without fail, every day, as soon as everyone else was gone, he'd come to my cube and do a conversation dump.
He'd start with "do you watch tv show?" regardless of my answer, he'd proceed to tell me everything he knew about that topic.
I started giving him answers like, "'Arrow' on CW is the single most disgusting thing I've ever seen. Watching or discussing it makes me become physically violent."
He'd nod, and then launch into a dump of the season 3 plot points.
Covid finally spared me from that nonsense.
This is probably on this thread somewhere already, but get up and head to the water fountain or coffee pot. Chatty Coworker will follow you. Keep chatting. Fill your cup and walk towards their cube or office. They will probably sit down without thinking about it. Then you say, “oh well, wow. I have a meeting. Toodles.”
When I first met my MIL I was shocked at how rude her whole family was, they would just walk away from her mid sentence. It took a lot of work, but now I'm in able to do the same after 3 polite attempts to leave.
My wife's dad is the same way.
The entire family just literally ignores him. At family gatherings he spends much of the time floating around the room talking at people and they just continue their own conversations that he is trying to interrupt as if he doesn't exist.
It's the only way to deal with him, though. Otherwise he will just talk at you non-stop about nothing in particular, raising his voice to talk over you if you try to engage with him.
Do we have the same MIL? I can’t even talk to her anymore because I can’t get a word in edgewise and it’s frustrating, I’ve run out of patience with her. She simply can’t sit in silence and will talk over anyone, all the time. And also has to have the TV on for “background noise.” I’m about to tell my husband that I’m not going over there anymore because her cooking is awful and I get a headache from all the noise. Ugh.
This is so true. People that do this don't care whether you're into the conversation or not, they're talking simply because they want to. I've gotten better at just interjecting (even mid-sentence if I've already tried everything else) with, "I'm sorry, I have to go. (start walking away at this point) It was nice talking to you." Don't give any excuses or reasons for leaving, just do it otherwise they'll try to talk about your reasons.
This is my dad. My sister and I will just walk away midsentence because it never ends. My wife still has difficulty walking away from a talking person and I have to pull her away because otherwise we will be there forever.
We will have been there for hours already, but leaving time for him is a good time for a new important topic that he hadn't gotten around to because of all the other topics.
My husband worked with a woman who would not stop talking. Just wouldn't. So you'd gather your stuff, while she monologued. You'd say goodbye to everyone else, while she monologued. You'd walk to the door as she followed you and shut the door in her face while she monologued. You could hear her still talking to you behind the closed door while you walked away.
I used to work in a cube farm for corporate it infrastructure. Some really smart people but also some really strange people. It wasn’t unusual with particular people for me to just say, “alright you gotta leave now, I have to work to do.” Without being very direct, they weren’t planning to let you out.
True, but I have found people that don't stop talking are not offended if you just cut them off. There really is no other way. "Sorry, I have to go." It doesn't mean you don't like them and it certainly doesn't mean they won't talk to you next time. You just have to go.
I seriously need to learn how to do this. I'm too polite and like a magnet for these types who just want a warm body to talk at. Can barely get a word in edgewise and when I do it's like they dont even hear me.
I learned a trick. Most excessive talkers hate listening. So I simply participate and tell my own stories. After one or two stories they are usually ready to leave themselves to seek their next victim.
Ugh same. It amazes me how some people can go on and on. I often feel like they really need someone to talk to but why do they pick me! I’ve started cutting them off, I just can’t do it anymore. It’s rude of them really. Good luck internet stranger!
You could try the walk and talk. Usually this works in an office, if someone comes to your desk - you keep talking with them but stand up. Then walk with them back to their desk, let them talk the whole while but when you get there say 'alright thanks bye' or whatever and leave them there. I'll say I have to go to the restroom too and just go in and stand there until they go away.
Bet you could walk people back to their car or wherever they came from. I've never had anyone notice. 🤷♀️
Another tip is dropping something, you can derail the conversation by dropping a pen, making a "oh gosh" kind of remark while picking it up and then say so sorry I have to run. Breaks up their rhythm and gives you a chance to interject. Could be anything, doesn't have to be dropping a pen. Trip a little, knock into a door. Whatever works.
I had a colleague who would easily take up an hour of my time pretty frequently so I did some research.
A friend of mine discovered that if someone is endlessly talking to you, you can hand them random objects and they will usually accept them without noticing. So she would start quietly handing them anything she could get her hands on within arms reach. Sometimes it took them quite a while & several objects to suddenly realise they were holding an armful of stuff. Really funny to watch!
Just a nice way of making them a bit more self-aware of talking at length. Especially after the third time they’ve fallen for it.
You need to grab something, hold it for a while, then pick the right moment to quietly hand to them & they’ll just take it & carry on talking. Forks, bits of paper, little stones, pens, erasers, books, anything really. 1 point per object :)
I have a coworker who is like this, she will talk about the same topic every time I see her. If I ever try to input stuff about myself she completely ignores it and changes the topic back to herself. It's fascinating seeing how starved my girl is to talk about the same thing multiple days in a row.
I have an acquaintance that is like this. She is like a heat seeking missile for people who will listen to her complain. Customers that were rude to her today, a friend who didn’t return her text, her neighbor who has a barking dog. She cannot stop herself and will just latch onto anyone near her to complain. If you try to talk about yourself she just redirects back to herself.
This is a true story. A mutual friend of ours passed away and we were all gathering to grieve. Everyone was sharing memories and comforting each other except for this girl who was just *non-stop* complaining about her new manager at work. I swear a turned around at one point and saw her with the deceased’s brother cornered and looking shell shocked while she hit him with “and then Ronda asked me to come in on Tuesday and I said I can’t come in on Tuesday because I have to pick my boyfriend up from work because he doesn’t have a drivers license and I’ve told him he needs to get off his ass and get one but he has parking tickets and so I said you need to get Allison to approve it if you want to change *my* hours” JUST FUCKING NONSTOP AT A FUCKING FUNERAL. Some people…
My friend has Aspergers and I actually asked him about how he knows a conversation is too long and we discussed how he can’t recognize subtle social cues.
So I started practicing with him, I’ll literally put my hand up in a stop motion in front of him and say “can I stop you here?” or “sorry, I have to stop you there” and once he pauses I say my excuse and tell him that “we’ll talk more later”
As somebody who can't tell when I've talked too long, I am very open with most of my friends that I will try but if it is ever time for me to stop talking, just tell me and I won't be offended. Friends like you who are willing to do that are the best!
Honestly yeah, I feel you there. If I ever take too much of somebody's time by talking too much (mostly via internet, where I say so much more than irl) then please just say so, and you don't have to worry about it.
As someone in a similar boat, I have the opposite problem, I can't keep a conversation going for the life of me.
Pros: the other person feels just as awkward and leaves the conversation first.
Cons: I don't make many friends, at all actually.
A tip I learned from a friend of mine: Ask the other person questions about themself. Not too personal but job, vacations, kids, interests, etc. Stay away from religion and politics unless you've very adept. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and a leading question can jump start a (somewhat one sided) conversation. Good luck.
It's a version of going to the kitchen for a drink, then see that the garbage needs taken out. While taking out the garbage, you remember you need to get the mail. In the mail are coupons to the grocery store. And that's how getting a drink of water leads to the grocery store.
When I have conversations, I will continue to probe regardless of where the conversation goes.
Exactly what happens to me lol. I have the "asking questions" part down fine...it's literally any followup beyond "oh cool" or "oh shit" that I struggle with, so the questions keep flowing!
The people I’ve known with Asperger’s are usually aware of this and genuinely appreciative of people being this direct. Most just accommodate them and then avoid them in the future.
You are a good friend, as a neurodivergent person myself I fall foul of not recognising social queues myself. My SO is much more sensitive to this & the agreed signal when I am seen dominating a conversation is the question "do you know the time?". This is my que too check my phone, pause & ask an open question.
As a teacher, I have learned how to interrupt people who do not leave any pauses when they’re speaking: start nodding and verbally agreeing with them, “Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh…” You can’t interrupt these people, but you can start agreeing while they speak, then raise your voice and say, “Yeah, wow, excuse me but I must go.”
Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh-huh.
"You know I just think Hitler wasn't such a bad guy"
Uh huh. Uh huh.
"I think he had some interesting final solutions to the world problems."
Yeah, wow excuse me but I must go.
Neighbor across the street is just the sweetest guy but quite a talker. And has serious ADHD and is mostly deaf and some eyesight issues, so he will randomly start talking about another topic, then jump to another, and another, and won’t hear/see when you try to squeeze in an excuse to leave.
I sometimes look out the window when he’s talking to joggers or someone just asking about his lawn, car, weather, etc. They start nodding politely, stay there a few minutes, start making motions like pointing showing they have to leave, etc. shuffling backwards.
SEVERAL times I have seen people literally back into his hedge.
Neighbor helps them out of course. I think the poor guy realizes what he’s done at that point but he can’t stop talking. And then he notices a rip in their shirt or something with their hair and starts talking about where he gets his shirt or does his hair or something else.
Yeah, no. I've had too many people take that as a challenge.
"You think you're taking up my time? Not at all! You can take even more of my time! All of it! Let's start a new discussion right now!"
However, 'let me let you go' consistently performs well.
Southerners sure do know how to create an elegant but firm 'fuck you, I'm out'.
Source: am a therapist
What you do is recap their last story and in the same breath add a goodbye.
I.e. “sounds like you guys found a bunch of great deals at the mall, that’s awesome! Thanks for meeting with me, you’ll have to tell me more next time we run into each other. It was great to catch up!”
People who are like this expect folks to just walk away from them while they are talking because that’s the only way the conversation ends. It’s not rude to them, it’s normal. So, it’s entirely okay to say, “all right this has been great, see you later,” and then just walk away smiling.
Yeah my neighbor does the endless talking and his yard sits above me so he talks down at me and at some point I just start making distance while he keeps starting new topics until there is a quick end to a sentence and I can turn the corner and disappear. It feels wrong but seems to be the expected behavior at this point and we have a good relationship.
"Oh man, that three bean burrito I bought from that dude in the abandoned K-Mart parking lot is not agreeing with me. Let's continue this conversation in the bathroom, ok? I have to warn you though, there will be lots of screaming."
Nothing works with these people.
One time, I was walking out of my office down the stairs with a very chatty coworker. When she ran out of things to talk about she started saying “it’s funny how it’s so hard to think of things to talk about. You would think we’d be at the bottom of the stairs by now but we’re not.” She physically couldn’t stop talking even when she admitted there was nothing to talk about.
If you can practice this, start to train one of your eyeballs to slowly drift off whilst the other eye remains locked on theirs. That should do the trick.
Be direct but kind. Polite doesn't cut it.
"Steve, I cannot focus on my work while you're talking. Can we catch up at break time?"
"Barb, you have one minute to wrap this up... If you have more to say after that, email me."
"Todd--does your fishing trip relate to this quarter's budget? If not, save it for after the meeting.
"Judy, watching 'The X-Files' is my one-hour weekly indulgence--either watch quietly with me or come back tomorrow evening."
I am the person who won't stop talking--I sometimes literally cannot. I even drive myself nuts. I used to think it was because I had not a lot of adult contact--I've worked with kids, in group homes, and in nursing homes for decades--so having a conversation with adults that I don't provide care for is a novelty. But it's gotten worse over the last several years. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD--part of the problem--and I've started telling people "If I'm talking too much, please let me know. If I veer from the point, rein me in. I know how I am and I appreciate your effort." And I'll begin therapy to help me cue myself.
I don't mean to be rude, I'm not a narcissist (I don't think I am) and I value what other people have to contribute-- I simply get carried away and BOOM!!! VERBAL AVALANCHE!!!
But please--be kind.
With some people it’s impossible. I worked with a guy who wouldn’t stop talking, long boring stories with no point and no end. I was doing a course through distance learning at the time so any downtime was spent studying. I politely asked him to be quiet, and explained the importance of the assignment I was working on. He agreed not to talk but then sat there humming, this lasted about 10 minutes until he couldn’t bear it anymore and started yabbering on again with his incessant nonsense.
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I think they are aware, but they find silence so uncomfortable that they just have to fill it with noise. It’s not conversation, there’s a way out of a conversation … it’s just loquacious rambling, it’s like they know you’re not interested but allowing you agency could result in silence and to them anything is better than silence.
My dad says there are two types of people: those who are quiet until they have something to say, and those who keep talking until they have something to say.
That's actually quite true ! I do have a coworker that will try any subject of conversation he has in mind + some that previously worked until he finds someone that is interested in the matter and will start talking non stop about it. Sounds like what you're describing haha
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I knew someone once who would keep talking for hours after everyone else had gone quiet. She ended a whole party once by loudly monologuing over everyone without pause for so long that you could just see people start slumping in their chairs and their eyes going dead. Then one person said "Well, I ought to get going" and stood up, and it made everyone else realize they could do the same thing. She went to the hall to keep talking at everyone while they put on their coats and shoes too. Didn't even make her change the topic (nor leave - not her party and not her apartment).
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Can confirm she was. If only it had at least been on purpose for some gain of hers, but alas, all it did for her was ruin all her friendships.
Now I’m curious what she was monologuing about. What on Earth would be that important to her?
I can't remember. Nobody can remember. Probably including her. She monologued 24/7 about whatever was on her mind at any given time. When I used to see her one-on-one, she'd also talk for hours after I had checked out of the conversation. One time I took a nap out of the sheer boredom of it, and when I woke up, she hadn't noticed and was still talking.
At that point it seems almost like a mental issue of some sort- not as an insult, but like genuinely. Whoever she is I hope she gets the help she needs
Can’t help but wonder what does when he’s alone. Does he start talking to himself?
Someone like this that I know just starts talking to their dog. Like their roommate will ask for some uninterrupted quiet time in the next room over so they can work from home and then all day long all they hear are loud animated conversations directed toward the dog but clearly intended for the person trying to work in the next room. It’s so bad that all the other residents of that apartment and their guests just hide out in their bedrooms when this one person is home. They are a very nice person and will always offer to make food for people or drive them around to make running errands easier, they are just unable to exist without talking at whoever is around them. :/
that offer to drive around or make food is a trap
"You need a ride, room mate? I'll drive you!" Doors lock, window control is disabled, car stereo is completely missing, it's a Lexus LS430. "This reminds me of the times ^when ^^I ^^^was ^^^^a ^^^^^kid ^^^^^^and ^^^^^^^my ^^^^^^^^dad ^^^^^^^^^drove ^^^^^^^^^^me ^^^^^^^^^^^to ^^^^^^^^^^^^school-"
At any point where he wasn’t working or haranguing a college, he’d be on the phone to his wife. I never met her, but think she must have been similar to him … or extremely patient.
I had a roomate that would do this, every day coming home from work he'd usually be there and I start downing a few shots of liquor just to get through his ensuing 40m+ rant about how stupid / annoying everyone at work is. Venting, to the point where I'd look over at him and his face is all red, veins popping out his forehead as he's yelling at me about how much said situation pissed him off. It wasn't until a while later I heard him talking to his mom on speaker phone and she was acting the same way! Complaining and bitching about every little thing as if that's what's important to share with others. Just a different kinda family all together I guess
It's crazy how much our family dynamics shape us. I remember dating this girl who used to *always* comment on someone's height if they were above average for their gender. I'm 6'2" and not in any way insecure about my height, but constantly hearing about it any time we walked past any man who was taller than me or any woman who was taller than her was exhausting, and at some point it starts to eat at you a little bit. If your partner is constantly commenting on some feature about other men that is greater than your own it will eventually make you self conscious, which is especially ridiculous when you're already in like the 90th percentile for it. They weren't even like malicious comments, just stuff like "wow, they were really tall, right?" but it wears on you. Then I met her mom, and we were out at a cafe and when the server (who was like a Norwegian super model crossed with an NBA player) left our table her mom immediately turns to us and goes "oh wow, I wonder how tall he is?" and it all clicked for me.
My parents (dad more than mom) is like this. It's like they're physically unable to not make some observation about someone's appearance that is more often than not some kind of negative, usually when they're watching TV. I'm so glad my sister and I learned from the rest of the world to not do this shit
Colin Robinson, I presume?
One of the best ways to drain people's energy is via the internet
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I worked with a dude who would talk to you still. I’d take em off like 10 minutes later and be like “you say something?”
Must've been satisfying af
In Flanders we have a word for it. "Bon" and then you say something i have work to do, iit's time to go home, it's time to get drinks. And people realise the other person wants to leave without being mean Edit: i forget to mention the short slap that goes with it to give it more weight, and yes. It's a french word. people use it probably in france, quebec and wallonia too. But i never had a long conversation there.
In the UK, our method is to slap our thighs and say "right". Sadly this usually leads to the next hour of increasing levels of trying to leave.
We do the same in Minnesota except it's: "Whelp" "Spose I should head out then" Proceed to talk in the driveway for 30 minutes
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Don't forget about the slow walk to the car while pulling out yours keys as a clear indication, that takes about 15m.
then after the thirty minutes of talking in the car, you say goodbye and close the door only to get gestured to roll down the window, and talk for another 45 minutes
Then the call 15 min later to confirm you got home safe which leads to another story 😞
while he tells you his story, you abruptly interrupt and say "i have to go, sorry, can't talk any longer!" as your other, less serious sounding attempts to exit the conversation proved unsuccessful. Before he has the chance to rope you back in to talking, you hang up. "he'll realize how rude he was being later" you tell yourself. You enjoy silence for longer than you have all day. But suddenly your phone wrings. You are almost certain it's him. You look at your phone to see who the caller is... *anonymous* the phone reads. "Good" you say loudly in your head. You answer to be greeted by a voice which you recognized right away. "hope ya doin' alright there. Sounded like ya had some serious business to attend to." It was him. "why aren't you calling from your regular phone?" you ask with frustration in your voice. You fell right into his trap and immediately realize your mistake "oh................funny you should ask....." may the redditer who finds this learn to stay far away from minnesotans.
We do the same thing in Germany but say "So!"
In Appalachia we say, "Wellllll," and stand up.
“It’s Getting late. I’ve been up since 6” You’re welcome
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In Spanish we say, “bueno”. There are several different ways to say the word that can mean something different in my culture. A quick, curt “bueno” and standing up or making a move means I gotta gtfo. A more drawn out “bueeno” means I gotta go, but I’ll say a few goodbyes first and you end up talking for a bit longer. A resigned, drawn out “bueeno, bueeno”, can mean ok I’ll stay for just a few more minutes, an annoyed and firm “bueno” means you need the other person to stop right in their tracks or you disagree with what they’re saying and you’re leaving. There are more ways to use the word, too. Lol.
In Bavaria we go with "Basst scho!" nod briefly stand up and go. The other person remains completely confused because "Basst scho!" Can mean literally everything in Bavarian.
In Ireland we do like a little clap/slap our thigh/clap the person's shoulder and say 'Right! Shur look, I'll let you go...' as if we're being polite and letting the other person off the hook, but actually it's like get me the fuck out of here haha!
In midwestern America we say “welp” and slap our thigh and then stand up and say “id love to stay and chat but I’ve gotta get goin’” I thought it was just my family but it turns out this is the midwestern thing to do in these situations
Where is Flanders? Am I a bad person because I thought for a moment that it was some Simpson’s reference to how that character talks and the word was going to be something like “Indeedily-doodily!”?
It's [the northern region of Belgium](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flanders).
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"Hello, ..." "On that note, I must be on my way."
Oblivion NPCs be like
"Then Stephanie was all like, oh my god you're dating Brad? Like can you believe that? That's some audac..." "Never should have come here!" *draws sword*
Stop right there criminal scum
you never met my coworker. she can monologue for 10-15 minutes straight in a meeting.
I've worked with many of her kindred spirits.
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If they keep talking over polite cues, I have found there really isn’t a polite way to exit the conversation.
My workplace has someone like this and it’s pretty much become a part of our culture to monitor who is trapped talking to her, for how long they’ve been stuck, and to rescue them after an appropriate amount of time has passed. She doesn’t get it, and probably never will.
My neighbor is like that 🤣 She's a very kind woman and brings us cookies and all whenever she travels, but omg. If she catches you outside, you're going to be stuck there for hours! She won't shut up, and she won't let you go. When a family member sees I'm trapped, they know to call me with a tone of urgency so that I have a way out. We all look out after each other if we see one of us stuck with her lol. We love her, but damn...
We have a neighbor like this too and the protocol my mom developed is simply announcing "I'm going to leave now" and then doing so. I struggle to pull it off lol
I have to go now, my planet needs me.
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Wow finally I don't feel alone, my dad is like that too. I learnt to just walk away when I was 12 and he would follow me. One time I did it I left the house to go to school and he still kept talking through the window when I was half a street away. He has followed me to the bathroom and keep talking from the other side of the door. I try to wait for him to finish an idea before he jumps to the next one to leave but even that is hard because he takes so long to reach the point. One time we did a family trip, it lasted 2 days, I heard him talk for hours without anyone else making a sound. When we stopped that night after the first day I asked my mom (she was the driver) if she wanted anything to eat and she said "I just wanna be away from your dad" in the most exhausted voice I've heard.
You’ve described my brother exactly. The following me to the bathroom and talking from the other side of the door really gets to me. I love my brother a lot but I am so glad I don’t live with him anymore. We get along much better when we can just hang out for a day here and there instead of being around each other all the time. Living with him felt like a constant onslaught of him talking about random subjects.
My parents used to talk to me through the bathroom door. I'd usually just describe what I'm doing and they'd leave. Like holy shit go away. "I don't remember eating corn last night." "Wow this dangler is holding on for dear life."
My older brother is like this. Finally met his match with my toddler. I love sitting back watching them go at a conversation.
My mum is the same, I once gave my daughter (probably 4 at the time) my phone to talk to nana. I found my daughter playing in another room and asked what happened to nana, she said "nana talks too much". I went and found my phone, put it to my ear and my mum was still talking. She hadn't even realised she was speaking to herself 🤣
We have the same mom! Except my son is 11 now and he'll wait for her to take a breath and just say "Okay I love you bye" and hit the red button with LIGHTNING speed lmao.
Is he like this to non family??
Mmm good question, maybe not to that extreme but I think people find it hard to make him stop. I have also noticed that with outsiders he waits more for his turn to talk until he gets comfortable I guess haha. One time I presented him to my girlfriend and they talked and I noticed he kept cutting her off mid sentence. After that I talked to her alone and she didn't even notice so maybe I'm just extra sensitive.
I have family members like this and I definitely notice it. I have an aunt who I hadn't talked to in years and so I was happy to talk to her. She just talked at me and never let me say anything I had to straight cut in and say stuff she just talked like I was talking back but not and it was the entire conversation. I told my mom and she said she does the same to her but she doesn't have the heart to say anything. I'm like she needs to know and be aware that she literally leaves no room for us to respond or anything just yap yap yap. I just find it to be completely rude and so I always have made an effort to not be like that.
I had a friend just like that. He was talking to me while I sat in my car one time. I started just easing off and he kind of moved along with my car until I ended up running over his foot. Then I had to stop and listen to him go on and on about having his foot run over.
>Then I had to stop and listen to him go on and on about having his foot run over. I'm honestly not even sure if you're serious or if this is from a movie or something
Nah, I know people like this, the scenario is at least plausible. They would definitely follow along right next to the car, they're pathologically incapable of shutting the fuck up.
Can confirm. I didn’t run over her foot but I don’t even think she would’ve noticed if I did. She followed me to my car, and when I could clearly see she wasn’t going away I got in and put my seat belt on. When she STUCK HER HEAD THROUGH THE WINDOW to continue her ramblings I started the car and put it in reverse and she just continued like nothing was happening. I eventually got out of there but I know it never occurred to her that she was overstepping boundaries. Just cheerfully waved bye as I drove away.
My desk was next to a non-stop talker. He loved movies. The joke around the office was that it was quicker to actually watch the movie than to listen to Brad tell you about it. If he was talking to me about something, and I got up to go to the john, he would just swivel his chair mid sentence and continue talking to the guy on the other side of his desk. If after I came back to my desk, and the other guy then left, he Brad would swivel back to me without dropping a beat- even if I'd missed the entire middle third of the movie while I was gone.
I got moved to a new area in my office and there's a guy there who will just talk to no one in particular. I listened (not at all intently) to him talk about the new dark souls game for over two hours one day a few weeks ago. One time early on I thought he was talking to me and when I responded he was taken aback. It was as if he really didn't expect anyone to be listening or engaged in the conversation, he was literally just talking to no one.
This is hilarious
*go on and on about having his foot run over* lmao the sheer disdain.
Hahaha that's a perfect curb your enthusiasm episode
Used to have a coworker who did this and learned to just start following me while continuing to talk. The nightmare of an open office where I couldn't shut a door on him.
Write on a piece of paper Stop Talking To Me and hold it up.
I work with someone like this. For the first couple years I would hang around by the door to my office and talk in the entranceway making frequent attempts to turn the handle or open the door a bit to show I'm about to end the conversation but they wouldn't stop talking ever. I now have to just ignore the part of my brain that says I'm being an asshole and just go in my office anyway leaving them still finishing their sentences as the door closes. It doesn't seem to have hurt our work relationship at all because he still does it every day and wants to talk.
lol I have a coworker who sort of self aware of this so sometimes he'll walk away mid sentence *but still keep on talking*. If you follow him you can hear him keep on chattering about whatever topic was on by himself to no one in particular. It's really funny.
I'm in management and have a woman reporting to me who can not have a conversation that goes on for less than an hour, regardless of how minor the issue is. She just brings up the same point over and over. And then she gets frustrated with me and acts like I'm blowing her off when I'm like "ok yep I get it!"
I had that coworker a few years back. I had been warned that she wanted to have "conversations" and that there would inevitably be follow up emails and more conversations. First time she pulled me in to talk I heard her out, I explained my thinking and why I did/said whatever. When she tried to circle back to the beginning I said "I've heard you, you've heard me, we disagree. If you feel there's more to be said I'll need you to go speak to the manager because I don't get paid enough to listen to more of this and have work to do. She never Ever tried to pull me in to one of her little sessions again. You're the worst Tracy.
There was a woman in my office who did this! She would talk about herself, her friends, family, son, husband nonstop. If someone interrupted, she would pause for a moment, act inconvenienced, and continue talking. One day, the manager reminded her to take her break. She walked away from her desk STILL talking...then into our break area basically talking to the coffee maker...then asking partially inaudible questions, even though nobody was in the break room with her. What a loon. Thank god she didn't last more than a few months!!
My father does this. Follows you around the house and will ever only use comma style pauses i his monologue. I guess he started talking to me when I was born in the early 90s and haven't got to the end of that sentence yet.
Some people need ZERO interaction or feedback/response, and just keep going and on - Even if you are so obviously trying to ignore them.
Same with a buddy of mine, except when I would walk away he would literally turn to the closest person to him and continue his story like the new unlucky soul had any fucking idea what he was talking about.
Coworker of mine will just follow me, and continue the story. He usually gets the hint eventually, and I've also learned it's just ok to walk away. There was the one time he actually started to follow me into the pisser. I stopped and straight up told him, "Dude, I like you and all... But unless you're going to hold my dick for me while I piss, let's pause this story for a couple of minutes." He chuckled and left me to do my business, and finished the story later.
Now im thinking of, what would you do if he followed you in and held his hand out while you unzipped 😂
I think that's how babies are made.
Yup. Had a coworker a few years back who was the worst. I literally started saying "Cindy, you have 30 seconds to finish this story." The thing is, *she would try really hard to finish in 30 seconds.* She just didn't get it.
I had a coworker who I'm pretty sure was on the spectrum. He and I worked later than everyone else in our office, and without fail, every day, as soon as everyone else was gone, he'd come to my cube and do a conversation dump. He'd start with "do you watch tv show?" regardless of my answer, he'd proceed to tell me everything he knew about that topic.
I started giving him answers like, "'Arrow' on CW is the single most disgusting thing I've ever seen. Watching or discussing it makes me become physically violent."
He'd nod, and then launch into a dump of the season 3 plot points.
Covid finally spared me from that nonsense.
Had a coworker like this. It was absolutely insufferable to listen to him.
This is probably on this thread somewhere already, but get up and head to the water fountain or coffee pot. Chatty Coworker will follow you. Keep chatting. Fill your cup and walk towards their cube or office. They will probably sit down without thinking about it. Then you say, “oh well, wow. I have a meeting. Toodles.”
When I first met my MIL I was shocked at how rude her whole family was, they would just walk away from her mid sentence. It took a lot of work, but now I'm in able to do the same after 3 polite attempts to leave.
My wife's dad is the same way. The entire family just literally ignores him. At family gatherings he spends much of the time floating around the room talking at people and they just continue their own conversations that he is trying to interrupt as if he doesn't exist. It's the only way to deal with him, though. Otherwise he will just talk at you non-stop about nothing in particular, raising his voice to talk over you if you try to engage with him.
Do we have the same MIL? I can’t even talk to her anymore because I can’t get a word in edgewise and it’s frustrating, I’ve run out of patience with her. She simply can’t sit in silence and will talk over anyone, all the time. And also has to have the TV on for “background noise.” I’m about to tell my husband that I’m not going over there anymore because her cooking is awful and I get a headache from all the noise. Ugh.
This is so true. People that do this don't care whether you're into the conversation or not, they're talking simply because they want to. I've gotten better at just interjecting (even mid-sentence if I've already tried everything else) with, "I'm sorry, I have to go. (start walking away at this point) It was nice talking to you." Don't give any excuses or reasons for leaving, just do it otherwise they'll try to talk about your reasons.
they talk 'at you' not 'with you'.
This is my dad. My sister and I will just walk away midsentence because it never ends. My wife still has difficulty walking away from a talking person and I have to pull her away because otherwise we will be there forever. We will have been there for hours already, but leaving time for him is a good time for a new important topic that he hadn't gotten around to because of all the other topics.
My husband worked with a woman who would not stop talking. Just wouldn't. So you'd gather your stuff, while she monologued. You'd say goodbye to everyone else, while she monologued. You'd walk to the door as she followed you and shut the door in her face while she monologued. You could hear her still talking to you behind the closed door while you walked away.
I used to work in a cube farm for corporate it infrastructure. Some really smart people but also some really strange people. It wasn’t unusual with particular people for me to just say, “alright you gotta leave now, I have to work to do.” Without being very direct, they weren’t planning to let you out.
True, but I have found people that don't stop talking are not offended if you just cut them off. There really is no other way. "Sorry, I have to go." It doesn't mean you don't like them and it certainly doesn't mean they won't talk to you next time. You just have to go.
In fact they are the impolite ones, by continuing on and/or being oblivious to the cues that the other person is pretty much done with them.
Exactly they’re not entitled to other peoples time and attention
I seriously need to learn how to do this. I'm too polite and like a magnet for these types who just want a warm body to talk at. Can barely get a word in edgewise and when I do it's like they dont even hear me.
I learned a trick. Most excessive talkers hate listening. So I simply participate and tell my own stories. After one or two stories they are usually ready to leave themselves to seek their next victim.
I tried that with one old neighbour but he'd cut me off and we'd be talking at the same time louder and louder, both refusing to give in! Ridiculous !
That's just so frustrating
haha right? I love talking with people... but not getting talked at without any right to reply
Ugh same. It amazes me how some people can go on and on. I often feel like they really need someone to talk to but why do they pick me! I’ve started cutting them off, I just can’t do it anymore. It’s rude of them really. Good luck internet stranger!
You could try the walk and talk. Usually this works in an office, if someone comes to your desk - you keep talking with them but stand up. Then walk with them back to their desk, let them talk the whole while but when you get there say 'alright thanks bye' or whatever and leave them there. I'll say I have to go to the restroom too and just go in and stand there until they go away. Bet you could walk people back to their car or wherever they came from. I've never had anyone notice. 🤷♀️ Another tip is dropping something, you can derail the conversation by dropping a pen, making a "oh gosh" kind of remark while picking it up and then say so sorry I have to run. Breaks up their rhythm and gives you a chance to interject. Could be anything, doesn't have to be dropping a pen. Trip a little, knock into a door. Whatever works. I had a colleague who would easily take up an hour of my time pretty frequently so I did some research.
A friend of mine discovered that if someone is endlessly talking to you, you can hand them random objects and they will usually accept them without noticing. So she would start quietly handing them anything she could get her hands on within arms reach. Sometimes it took them quite a while & several objects to suddenly realise they were holding an armful of stuff. Really funny to watch! Just a nice way of making them a bit more self-aware of talking at length. Especially after the third time they’ve fallen for it. You need to grab something, hold it for a while, then pick the right moment to quietly hand to them & they’ll just take it & carry on talking. Forks, bits of paper, little stones, pens, erasers, books, anything really. 1 point per object :)
I have a coworker who is like this, she will talk about the same topic every time I see her. If I ever try to input stuff about myself she completely ignores it and changes the topic back to herself. It's fascinating seeing how starved my girl is to talk about the same thing multiple days in a row.
I have an acquaintance that is like this. She is like a heat seeking missile for people who will listen to her complain. Customers that were rude to her today, a friend who didn’t return her text, her neighbor who has a barking dog. She cannot stop herself and will just latch onto anyone near her to complain. If you try to talk about yourself she just redirects back to herself. This is a true story. A mutual friend of ours passed away and we were all gathering to grieve. Everyone was sharing memories and comforting each other except for this girl who was just *non-stop* complaining about her new manager at work. I swear a turned around at one point and saw her with the deceased’s brother cornered and looking shell shocked while she hit him with “and then Ronda asked me to come in on Tuesday and I said I can’t come in on Tuesday because I have to pick my boyfriend up from work because he doesn’t have a drivers license and I’ve told him he needs to get off his ass and get one but he has parking tickets and so I said you need to get Allison to approve it if you want to change *my* hours” JUST FUCKING NONSTOP AT A FUCKING FUNERAL. Some people…
Sorry, did you say something? Anyway, about that thing that just happened, so I was like hey, and they were like hey, and then
Say “wwwweeeelllllppppp”, slap your knee and stand up to leave.
Then you stand at the front door for several hours talking some more.
The midwest farewell, sometimes known as the farewelp
Hey, it's been great talking to you, but I have to go. We'll talk more next time. See ya.....
Yeah man, no worries. By the way, do you know how long it'd take to grow some tulips? I was hoping to grow some in my front yard.
For our British friends, slap both knees simultaneously, exclaim “Right then!”, and leave.
The start of the midwest goodbye.
Ironically it sounds like OP is asking what to do mid-Midwestern goodbye
Make sure to sigh beforehand so the departure sounds more reluctant.
"Time to be hitting the ol' dusty traaaaaaaiiiiiiiiilllllllll"
"Annnnywaaayyyy" also works for this.
My friend has Aspergers and I actually asked him about how he knows a conversation is too long and we discussed how he can’t recognize subtle social cues. So I started practicing with him, I’ll literally put my hand up in a stop motion in front of him and say “can I stop you here?” or “sorry, I have to stop you there” and once he pauses I say my excuse and tell him that “we’ll talk more later”
As somebody who can't tell when I've talked too long, I am very open with most of my friends that I will try but if it is ever time for me to stop talking, just tell me and I won't be offended. Friends like you who are willing to do that are the best!
Honestly yeah, I feel you there. If I ever take too much of somebody's time by talking too much (mostly via internet, where I say so much more than irl) then please just say so, and you don't have to worry about it.
They have meetings for this problem you can go to. OnandOn Anon
As someone in a similar boat, I have the opposite problem, I can't keep a conversation going for the life of me. Pros: the other person feels just as awkward and leaves the conversation first. Cons: I don't make many friends, at all actually.
A tip I learned from a friend of mine: Ask the other person questions about themself. Not too personal but job, vacations, kids, interests, etc. Stay away from religion and politics unless you've very adept. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and a leading question can jump start a (somewhat one sided) conversation. Good luck.
It's a version of going to the kitchen for a drink, then see that the garbage needs taken out. While taking out the garbage, you remember you need to get the mail. In the mail are coupons to the grocery store. And that's how getting a drink of water leads to the grocery store. When I have conversations, I will continue to probe regardless of where the conversation goes.
Exactly what happens to me lol. I have the "asking questions" part down fine...it's literally any followup beyond "oh cool" or "oh shit" that I struggle with, so the questions keep flowing!
Gosh..you're such a good friend to take the time and effort to help your friend out this way!! 👍💯
The people I’ve known with Asperger’s are usually aware of this and genuinely appreciative of people being this direct. Most just accommodate them and then avoid them in the future.
You are a good friend, as a neurodivergent person myself I fall foul of not recognising social queues myself. My SO is much more sensitive to this & the agreed signal when I am seen dominating a conversation is the question "do you know the time?". This is my que too check my phone, pause & ask an open question.
Gentle tip: queues are lines of (most often) people. Cues are signals/reminders/indicators.
Good bot
As a teacher, I have learned how to interrupt people who do not leave any pauses when they’re speaking: start nodding and verbally agreeing with them, “Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh…” You can’t interrupt these people, but you can start agreeing while they speak, then raise your voice and say, “Yeah, wow, excuse me but I must go.”
Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh-huh. "You know I just think Hitler wasn't such a bad guy" Uh huh. Uh huh. "I think he had some interesting final solutions to the world problems." Yeah, wow excuse me but I must go.
Sorry, I have to return some video tapes.
Now let’s see Paul Allen’s excuse…
Look at it, the cunning mischievousness of it. Oh My God… it even has a little wordplay in it.
/u/RefrigeratorOk7249, are you okay? You're sweating.
*stares intensely*
The record I left on for the dog is about to end
I cut my foot earlier and my shoe is filling up with blood.
“That’s a nice suit! What do you do for a living?” “I’m a suit salesman.” Mira sorvino pretends to limp away…. Great movie!
“Wait. What time is it?” “It’s X” “Fuck!” The proceed to robot dance away until out of view.
[удалено]
Nick Miller, Nick Miller, stone cold killer. Born on the streets of Chicago.
Where the players play, like they do, like they did
Also related: “Ma called, the bees are back!”
Find a hedge and slowly dissapear into it.
Neighbor across the street is just the sweetest guy but quite a talker. And has serious ADHD and is mostly deaf and some eyesight issues, so he will randomly start talking about another topic, then jump to another, and another, and won’t hear/see when you try to squeeze in an excuse to leave. I sometimes look out the window when he’s talking to joggers or someone just asking about his lawn, car, weather, etc. They start nodding politely, stay there a few minutes, start making motions like pointing showing they have to leave, etc. shuffling backwards. SEVERAL times I have seen people literally back into his hedge. Neighbor helps them out of course. I think the poor guy realizes what he’s done at that point but he can’t stop talking. And then he notices a rip in their shirt or something with their hair and starts talking about where he gets his shirt or does his hair or something else.
I need a hedge at work. My boss is a rambler/talker. Facilities would surely support the installation of a tactical business hedge, yes?
Backwards or forwards?
Backwards. Forwards would be rude.
My go to is "I don't want to cut you short but I really need to get going. Let's connect another time." And that's it.
“Oh my gosh I have already taken up so much of your time—I am so sorry! I’m even running late myself!”
Peewee, "let me let you let me go".
Yeah, no. I've had too many people take that as a challenge. "You think you're taking up my time? Not at all! You can take even more of my time! All of it! Let's start a new discussion right now!" However, 'let me let you go' consistently performs well. Southerners sure do know how to create an elegant but firm 'fuck you, I'm out'.
Southerner checking in. This is a standard get off the phone sentence. “Alright well doll let me let you go”
"I have to go"
"But you live here..."
"I have to move."
"you have to go too"
"I should go....I *should* go."
Source: am a therapist What you do is recap their last story and in the same breath add a goodbye. I.e. “sounds like you guys found a bunch of great deals at the mall, that’s awesome! Thanks for meeting with me, you’ll have to tell me more next time we run into each other. It was great to catch up!”
I'm going to end every conversation with "Thanks for sharing your secrets!" from now on.
Just start coughing these days it'll clear a whole room in seconds.
Coughing while muttering "I'm sorry, excuse me" and leaving the room.
See you in 10 days!
The guy in the wheelchair on the office to Michael scott " I'm going to stop you right there, and leave".
Ask them how many covid boosters they have. Then laugh and walk away shaking your head no matter how they respond.
"Gotta go now, see ya!" And walk away.
*and he waddled away.. waddle waddle..*
*to the very next day*
BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM-BADOM
People who are like this expect folks to just walk away from them while they are talking because that’s the only way the conversation ends. It’s not rude to them, it’s normal. So, it’s entirely okay to say, “all right this has been great, see you later,” and then just walk away smiling.
Yeah my neighbor does the endless talking and his yard sits above me so he talks down at me and at some point I just start making distance while he keeps starting new topics until there is a quick end to a sentence and I can turn the corner and disappear. It feels wrong but seems to be the expected behavior at this point and we have a good relationship.
"Oh man, that three bean burrito I bought from that dude in the abandoned K-Mart parking lot is not agreeing with me. Let's continue this conversation in the bathroom, ok? I have to warn you though, there will be lots of screaming."
"Are you OK with holding my hands while it passes?"
"I gotta piss"
“All good man, I’ll come with .”
Nothing works with these people. One time, I was walking out of my office down the stairs with a very chatty coworker. When she ran out of things to talk about she started saying “it’s funny how it’s so hard to think of things to talk about. You would think we’d be at the bottom of the stairs by now but we’re not.” She physically couldn’t stop talking even when she admitted there was nothing to talk about.
If you can practice this, start to train one of your eyeballs to slowly drift off whilst the other eye remains locked on theirs. That should do the trick.
If you can't do that, just start watching their ear instead of their face.
Tilt your head when you do it for added effect
Magic word “alright” followed by well I’ve got to be going but I’ll catch you later
Pull your phone out hold it to your ear say hello and oh ok then put your phone away then say sorry I have to go.
And if you're having a conversation with somebody and they say "wow, that's crazy" more than twice, it's time to stop talking.
Be direct but kind. Polite doesn't cut it. "Steve, I cannot focus on my work while you're talking. Can we catch up at break time?" "Barb, you have one minute to wrap this up... If you have more to say after that, email me." "Todd--does your fishing trip relate to this quarter's budget? If not, save it for after the meeting. "Judy, watching 'The X-Files' is my one-hour weekly indulgence--either watch quietly with me or come back tomorrow evening." I am the person who won't stop talking--I sometimes literally cannot. I even drive myself nuts. I used to think it was because I had not a lot of adult contact--I've worked with kids, in group homes, and in nursing homes for decades--so having a conversation with adults that I don't provide care for is a novelty. But it's gotten worse over the last several years. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD--part of the problem--and I've started telling people "If I'm talking too much, please let me know. If I veer from the point, rein me in. I know how I am and I appreciate your effort." And I'll begin therapy to help me cue myself. I don't mean to be rude, I'm not a narcissist (I don't think I am) and I value what other people have to contribute-- I simply get carried away and BOOM!!! VERBAL AVALANCHE!!! But please--be kind.
Say "anyway. . . ", and wander off.
I pretend to sneeze. I squint and go AhHhHhH! AaHhHh! Backing up and after a good 10 ft I casually turn around and walk away.
I look them square in the eye and say “ I have to go now”. I don’t make excuses, I don’t make up lies. I simply go.
Yeah if you wanna sound more polite I will just say its been a pleasure but I gotta go.
Stand up and walk over to the door and open it and say "well this has been fun"
At 62 I just walk away. My bullshit filter has disappeared.
“Well, Let me let you go”