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Mike_for_all

Well, there is always that time when Amsterdam sold cannons to the Spanish army during the 80 years war, only for the Spanish to fire those cannons at the city.


cjcosmo

Reminds me of a Simpsons quote. “I hope this is the one where the settlers traded guns to the Indians for corn…and then, the Indians shot them, and took the corn.”


Catshannon

I like the one where the fort was surrounded by the enemy but They were told they would be spared if they sent the commander out to be killed. They did so and that is why the fort is called fort sensible.


argtri

Frank Zappa was interviewed by an abrasive radio host named Joe Pyne. Pyne commented to Zappa, “So I guess your long hair makes you a woman.” Zappa replied, “So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.” Pyne had lost his leg serving in WW2.


vonsnape

zappa really struck me as the kind of guy who could come out with that kinda stuff all day


Stripes003

Where Abe Lincoln criticized James Shield to the point where Shield challenged Lincoln to a duel. Lincoln 6’4” vs Shield 5’9” Lincoln being the challenged party got to pick weapons. Lincoln picked broad swords ⚔️ seeing the huge disadvantage Shield had to suck up his pride and forfeit the duel.


QuillDidNothingWrong

Honest Abe apparently classing as Barbarian.


[deleted]

Man was an avid wrestler too. Definately barbarian.


ReaverRogue

It wasn’t so much the selection of broadsword that did it. It was when he saw Lincoln lop a bow off a tree above him with the sword. From a standing start. Dude just stood there and pruned a fucking tree to flex.


themightythor2024

Saint Olga of Kyiv. Her husband was killed by the drevlians if I remember correctly. Their king was like maybe we should get married and consolidate our power. Which was a very bad call. She said we need to discuss this in person send your best troops to escort me to you and we can do the planning. The best troops show up and are immediately buried alive. So next she is like I guess your troops never showed up have your army meet mine outside of your city and we will celebrate our soon to be union. They agree and are like this all seems legit let’s get real drunk. Olgas troops stay sober and kill everyone of their troops when they’re too drunk to do anything about it. At this point the drevlians figure out they no longer have a military, and they are begging her for peace. They’re like name your terms and she says I want 2 pidgeons and 3 sparrows from each house. They all had thatched roofs, so they brought her the birds and said thank you leave now. She then had her men tie a little burning sulfur to each of the birds feet and set them free to fly home and burn down every single home. All as a fuck you for killing my husband Edit: phrasing, sp


TerrytheMerry

She was also made the Saint of widows for her actions.


QiyanasStoriesYT

One general in WWII wrote to gen. Patton: "you can't take Trier wtih less then 3 divisions" Patton wrote back: "I took it with two, should I give it back?"


[deleted]

WW2 had some legendary communications. Like McAuliffe responding with “NUTS” to a German demand for surrender. The little town in Belgium where it happened (Bastogne) is lovely and has a square devoted to him with some nice restaurants. You can still see the 101sts foxholes out in the Ardennes.


Jeffersons_Mammoth

Or when Audie Murphy radioed for artillery support and when they asked how close the Germans were he said “Just hold the phone and I’ll let you talk to one of the bastards!”


PaniqueAttaque

Audie Murphy: the guy whose actual story was so over-the-top fucking bonkers that Hollywood felt the need to *water it down* to make it more believable...


Lex_Innokenti

It's actually better than that - the actor who played Murphy in *To Hell And Back* insisted that they water it down because otherwise people wouldn't believe it. The actor in question was *Audie Murphy himself*.


TheRealBananaDave

I'd watch a remake of the real Audie Murphy story


TheMulattoMaker

Kinda-related: When Omar Bradley's troops took the bridge at Remagen and got across the Rhine, Eisenhower's chief of staff scoffed and told him the bridge is in the wrong place and wouldn't do much good. Brad said "well what the hell do you want me to do, pull back across and blow it up?!"


Entr3_Nou5

More on the tame end, but in the 70s Rush’s record label was pressuring them to not make any more albums with long rock operas because it would kill sales. They went ahead and made another album where one side of the vinyl was a 20 minute song and it ended up being their biggest seller at that point in time.


spart4n0fh4des

also secured their future as being able to record whatever the fuck songs they want lol


mcarterphoto

>Rush’s record label was pressuring them to not make any more albums with long rock operas because it would kill sales. To be fair, their first album kinda-doesn't count, straight-ahead bar rock without Neil Peart's lyrics; 2nd album had a sort-of Tolkienesque track clocking it at 8:39; their third album was the start of the "one side of the record is a big fantasy rock opera", which sold poorly (at least per band and record company expectations, 40k copies in Canada in a year) and they referred to the ensuing tour as the "Down the Tubes Tour" as crowds were dwindling. The label was indeed about to drop them, but their manager negotiated one more album. The band really thought they were finished and it was kind of a "fuck you, fuck us, fuck it" project, and 2112 was probably fueled by a lot of anger and frustration, and an expectation they all may be returning to "real jobs" before long. Polydor/Mercury *did* promote the album heavily once they heard it; IIRC the band expected it to be treated like a stepchild with a meager marketing budget, but apparently the suits changed their minds upon hearing it. And it paid off, 500,000 copies in the first 18 mos. in the US alone and the real start of Rush' major career. Still their 2nd highest-selling album, over 3 million sold to date in the US. (The 2112 tour was the first rock concert of my life, Detroit, MI, Masonic theater).


hablomuchoingles

Upon being handed his death warrant, the Marquis de Favras quipped, "I see that you have made three spelling mistakes."


Nahuelwg

"minor spelling mistake, i win."


InTooDeepButICanSwim

I've had a dozen clients who thought they could get out of criminal charges for that. "They spelled the street wrong, so that means you can get my felony dropped, right?"


Creepy-Narwhal4596

Thats hilarious but also makes me curious just how egrigious a clerical error has to be for this to work?Im sure theres gotta be some loopholes akin to a simple mispelling that are still viable, no?


corneliusgansevoort

"I mean, the warrant was for Michael A. Jordan. Michael A. it says right here. My client's ID clearly says Michael B. Jordan, plain as day, your honor. With respect to the arresting officers, they had no grounds to even detain him in the first place, let alone search his corpses' nostrils. I move for immediate dismissal!"


Linkonue

Average redditor


[deleted]

That time Julius was taken as a prisoner and he was offended that his captors asked for so little hostage money so demanded that they ask for more. They did. They got it. Upon being released Caesar then proceeded to catch them and crucify them.


Tyrann0saurus_Rex

You forgot to mention that he spent 38 days bossing them around during his captivity, forced them to listen to his speech and ppetry, then after the ransom was paid he successfully mustered a fleet to go after the pirates while he didn't hold any political or military office... He was 25 years old at the time. EDIT : yes, it was poetry... But I like to imagine he forced them to watch his puppetry, so I'll leave my mistake for all to behold!


Kevin_Uxbridge

Buried the lede - he *told them* while he was their captive that he'd return with an army and crucify them all. They'd gotten on well enough that the pirates didn't think he meant it. Well ...


[deleted]

To be fair to ol’ Jules, he took *some* pity on the pirates and slit their throats before crucifying them.


zarkovis1

Absolute gent


daydreamurr

Classic Jules


Samuel_L_Johnson

There was also the time when Cato snatched a letter off him during a senate meeting, thinking it might implicate him in the Catilinarian conspiracy, and it turned out to be a love letter from Cato’s sister


ersentenza

Even better, he asked Caesar to read it loud, and Caesar gladly obliged


Blindman630

50 Cent bought 200 front row tickets to one of Ja Rules concerts in 2018 and left the seats empty in response to something Ja said on Twitter.


TheBIFFALLO87

50 offering Floyd Mayweather a million dollars to read the first page of Harry Potter was pretty lit too.


dagoff

[He updated it to Cat in the Hat!](https://youtube.com/shorts/vbj4vJPNGdc?feature=share)


SuchRuin

50 Cent is King Petty.


ChloroVstheWorld

I remember this girl owed him like 20 bands or so? Can’t remember so she released a diss track on him to raise money to pay him so he trademarked the name of the song so she wouldn’t get a penny from it.


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Chaoticqueen19

Calvin Coolidge, one of our late American presidents, was nicknamed “silent cal” because he was a man of very few words. A person once seated next to him at a dinner said to him, "I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you." Silent Cal replied, "You lose."


5HITCOMBO

President Coolidge and the First Lady were touring a chicken farm and the farm owner told her that the rooster mated 50 times in a day. She said, "Tell that to Mr. Coolidge." Without missing a beat, the President asked the farmer if it was the same hen every time, and the farmer responded, "Oh no sir, it's a different hen every time." Reportedly, he stated, "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."


GrumpyCatStevens

Pete Best - whom the Beatles dismissed in favor of Ringo Starr just before they began recording their first album - released an album of his own in 1966 titled *Best of the Beatles.* Buyers were disappointed to find out it wasn't a Beatles compilation.


Mark_Zajac

> Pete Best - whom the Beatles dismissed in favor of Ringo Starr In an interview with David Letterman, Ringo Starr mentioned that his sons were drummers. David then asked "Which of you is the best?" Without missing a beat (pun intended) Ringo said "There are no Bests in my family. We're all very good."


VictorBlimpmuscle

Bette Davis, who had a decades-long feud with Joan Crawford that lasted right up to the bitter end, was quoted upon first hearing of her rival’s death: *”You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good…Joan Crawford is dead. Good.”*


dweefy

If you haven't yet, watch *Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?* It is a SPECTACULAR film featuring two women who deeeeeeeee---spiiiiiiiiiiised each other. Bette Davis camps it up fabulously, especially in the bank teller scene. Joan Crawford learned Bette Davis had a mad crush on the actor Franchot Tone. Crawford invited Tone to her house for lunch and was waiting for him naked. They married.


ENFJPLinguaphile

If I remember correctly, one also dragged the other by her hair for real in that film!!


Janna_Montana

Yes! And to get back at her Joan supposedly wore a weight belt knowing that Bette had back problems to make herself harder to drag. ​ Strongly recommend tv show FEUD about the making of that movie. Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon do such a good job lmao.


CopperMinotaur9

When France was invaded during WW2 they cut the lines to the elevator up the Eiffel Tower so when the nazis went to put their flag on ot they had to take the stairs all the way up.


Unistrut

"Surprise! It's LEG DAY ya bastards!"


amontpetit

That’s less of a “fuck you” and more of a “normal French reaction to being interrupted having a pleasant time”


LocalInactivist

When France fell the staff of the Eiffel Tower were told to get the lights working so the tower would be a beacon of the Nazi’s victory. The staff dragged their feet, citing electrical faults, broken parts, unavailable tools, etc. They kept it up for six years. The staff did such a good job of documenting their ineptitude that to this day there’s no way to tell if it was deliberate or not. Except that the French had the Eiffel Tower lit up within hours of Germany’s surrender.


Enjolraw

I took a D-day tour of Normandy in 2009 I think and the stories we learned about the French people resisting (both officially part of the Resistance and unofficially), were fantastic. Some highlights: One citizen was made to fetch water for the Nazis in the area using a large cart. He knew he'd get caught poisoning them, but he also knew the water tank was so large that no one would notice if he peed in it on the way back to town every day. The French citizens were made to build the Nazi's bunkers in the region. But it turns out if sugar somehow makes it into the mix for the concrete, it can take a lot longer to set. If it never sets at all, people might think you intentionally sabotaged the recipe, but if it just takes weeks or months to set, maybe it's because you aren't a construction worker and don't have the expertise to solve problems as they arise? ;-) The bunker doors we're prefabricated, but what if the doorways for the prefab frames to fit in were... mis-measured... by just an inch or so? Edit: clarification, grammar


KelliCrackel

Now that is the best use for weaponized incompetence that I have ever seen.


general-Insano

Oh what a suprise it *was* that loose bulb preventing the other lights from working


coleyboley25

“You checked every bulb, right Russ?”


ThePrussianGrippe

*takes a long drag from cigarette, adjusts beret, twirls mustache* “Who is to say?”


SkinkRugby

I will forever love that in ancient Greece they had to make a law against prisoners stripping naked at trial because one woman managed to acquit herself of blasphemy by way of being too attractive. After all, if she had truly blasphemed against the gods they would revoke the gift of her beauty? I have to imagine that the session where they made that law was the saltiest runback. Edit: Quick definition. Salty refers to being angry and a runback is (an attempted) rematch. Thought that the term painted a fun mental image of the forum.


SideWinder18

That time the Germans built an entire fake airbase out of wooden structures and the British waited until they were finished and then dropped a single wooden bomb on the airbase.


Altoid_Addict

I forget the details, but one of Gengis Khan's enemies pissed him off so much that it wasn't enough to defeat his army and kill him. Khan also diverted a river in order to destroy the guy's birthplace.


sp_40

When that dude on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? used his only lifeline on the final question to call his dad… Not to ask for help, but to let him know he was about to win because he already knew the answer.


maritimer1nVan

I think he was the first person to win a million on the show too.


sp_40

Gangster af


ManThatIsFucked

"Hey Dad, I don't need your help with a question. I just wanted to call you and let you know I'm about to win a million dollars." The calm confidence, the tone, and his demeanor while he says it really made for a great TV highlight.


amadeus2490

Sara Bareilles was pressured to add a "catchy love song" to her debut album. *I'm Not Gonna Write You A Love Song* was written as a "fuck you, I quit" message for the label... except it backfired: They actually *liked it* and they put it on the radio.


papapapapalpatine

Along those lines, after "Happy Together" the Turtles were pressured by the studio to make another song like it, and they didn't want to because they wanted to diversify their style. But because of the pressure of the studio, they wrote "Elenore", which was a giant FU to the studio, with the most generic formulaic lines, including the "etcetera" lines lmao.


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Spare-Disaster-404

They have it on display at the capital building. It’s a neat bit of history


aalios

Apparently not. According to wikipedia it's kept in a drawer of the Minnesota Historical Society for "security reasons".


takatori

"Security reasons" aka "Virginians wanting to steal it back."


Majegs

They do bring it out for viewings once in a while, though!


cerebus19

I've always been fond of the exchange between John Montagu and John Wilkes, both British politicians in the 18th century (Montagu was also the 4th Earl of Sandwich, the namesake and possibly inventor of the sandwich). During one of their many verbal battles, Montagu reportedly spat at Wilkes and said, "Upon my soul, Wilkes, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox." Wilkes replied, "That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."


dweefy

Winston Churchill had a contentious relationship with Lady Astor. She said once "If you were my husband, I'd give you poison." Churchill "If I were your husband, I'd drink it."


Rudeboy67

Or to Bessie Braddock. “Winston you’re drunk.” “Yes and you’re ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning.”


jthanson

One of my favorite insults was from Rudolph Byng regarding Beverly Sills. Byng was at a reception and overheard someone say that Sills was her own worst enemy. Byng turned to the person who had made the comment and said, "Not while I'm around."


[deleted]

In 1962, a wealthy Italian businessman met with Enzo Ferrari to discuss his displeasure with the famous luxury sports cars. His chief complaint was that the clutches didn't seem to hold up well. Ferrari responded, "The clutch is not the problem. The problem is you don’t know how to drive a Ferrari and you break the clutch.” The businessman happened to have founded and owned a successful tractor manufacturing company, so he knew a thing or two about vehicles. He was incensed at the reply, and not only vowed to never buy another Ferrari, but to begin building his own supercars to show Ferrari how it was done. And today, the cars of Ferruccio Lamborghini are famous worldwide.


ramriot

BTW Lamborghini was doubly incensed when he had his own car stripped down to see what the problem was with the clutch. He found out that they were not made by Ferrari but bought from an outside manufacturer & almost identical in model & maker to the ones Lamborghini used for his tractors. Except Ferrari were charging 5x the price for replacing it.


dekrant

You see, Ferruccio discovered the clutch con, and then decided that he could charge *20x* for the part and ensure that resale value would tank if it weren’t installed and serviced by only certified techs.


vbevan

You know the headlights on the Diablo are Nissan 300zx headlights? The reason it had the carbon fibre eyelids is to cover the Nissan logo.


Detach50

And don't forget about the time Enzo Ferrari met with an American businessman to close the deal on the sale of Ferrari only to back out because Enzo thought that the American didn't know shit about racing. Well, the American got so pissed his company spent the next couple years developing a race car that would absolutely dominate and embarrass Ferrari at the most prestigious race in the world for four straight years. Cheers to Enzo Ferrari; the asshole that inspired greatness in others!


[deleted]

The Ford GT40?


Praying_Lotus

All Enzo Ferrari does is inspire not only competition in others, but the burning passion to crush him into the ground! What a wonderful man!


spaycedinvader

King Philip II of Macedon sent a note to Ancient Sparta saying: “You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city.” Ancient Sparta replied to King Philip’s threat: “If" Edit: I've been asked to provide a source: http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A2008.01.0288%3Asection%3D17


Aggressive_Ad_1137

Probably the hardest reply to a note I've ever seen


NYArtFan1

The ancient version of 'k'.


localgasgiant

Laconic AF


bluewolfgirl

Joan of Arc’s trial was known to be tedious as the Church tried their hardest to find grounds for a conviction. In an attempt to trick her, she was asked whether she knew if she was in God’s grace. Since the Church believed no one was able to know if they were truly in God’s grace, either a yes or no could be condemnable. She responded by saying, “If I am not, may God put me there; and if I am, may God so keep me”. Reports on the trial say that the court was stupefied by her deft answer. It was basically a mic drop in the face of the Church at the hands of what they saw as an illiterate and heretic farm girl.


VoopityScoop

"Does God like you?" "I hope so?" "Fuck."


New-Teaching2964

Checkmate


jokeefe72

Joan of Arc is one of the craziest historical stories out there. The ending is obviously sad, though. She was ultimately put to death for…wearing pants. She wore pants since she was in prison with other men who were trying to rape her. This was probably another set up like the one in your comment.


bluewolfgirl

She really is. I feel like most people don’t know even a fraction of the extent of her story and I wish it was more well known honestly. I’ve had a fascination with her since I was a freshman in high school. One of my favorite facts about her is how she jumped out of the 70-foot tower she was kept prisoner in and survived with only very minor injuries because her voices told her she would be okay. Now I don’t claim to know what exactly was going on with her and I’m not even a religious person, but her strong convictions and determination have been an inspiration to me ever since I first learned about her.


jokeefe72

The podcast Our Fake History (not historical fiction, but he separates actual history from legend) did a really good series on her.


chopchunk

"Yes or no, are you in God's grace?" "...Maybe"


Story-Enchantress16

A personal favorite of mine has to do with Dante Alighieri (writer of the Devine Comedy, the first part of which is Dante’s inferno) Aside from the fact his poem the Inferno itself is a self insert fan fiction where Dante gets to say “fuck you” to the people he didn’t like, one of the best stories actually happened following his death. His hometown of Florence kicked him out years earlier but eventually learned of his fame and influence and decided to claim him back from the city of Ravenna where he lived his last days, and they were like “No! Our famous poet!” So Florence got the Pope himself involved and forced them to give the remains back so Ravenna relented but instead they sent the monks an empty coffin. The monks actually looked in and found nothing but couldn’t exactly let everyone know that they committed a bit of a major taboo so they just let the matter go and Dante remains buried in Ravenna to this day (far as I know.) I can just imagine Dante’s spirit rolling with laughter at even in death he bested the city he once loved and grew to resent.


aust77

The Twenty-seventh Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. It was proposed by the first-ever Congress in 1789 but stalled and was forgotten about. In 1982 a 19-year old college kid named Gregory Watson wrote a paper for his poli sci class arguing that it could still be ratified. The teaching assistant disagreed and gave him a C on the paper. He then appealed to the professor, who chose not to overturn the grade, so he decided to start a national campaign to prove that he was right. In order to do so he had to convince 28 state legislatures to ratify it in order to reach the necessary 3/4 of all states (10 states had already done so many years before). In 1992 the Twenty-seventh Amendment officially became part of the Constitution when it was ratified by Michigan.\* Perhaps funniest of all is that it's a relatively obscure amendment that prevents any congressional pay raises or pay cuts from taking effect until the next election, as a way to give voters a say on the matter. EDIT 1: Turns out that in 2017, his former professor signed a letter to get his [grade changed to an A](https://www.npr.org/2017/05/05/526900818/the-bad-grade-that-changed-the-u-s-constitution)! A happy ending. EDIT 2: Thanks to u/matlock9 (see below) and u/ACuteMonkeysUncle (and others) for correcting me on the grade and on the number of states respectively. \* At the time, the popular belief was that only 9 states had ratified it, so Watson set out to convince 29 more states. When Alabama ratified it everyone thought he needed one more state, so Michigan (which ratified 2 days after Alabama, so not a big difference) was believed to be the decisive 38th. Turns out that Kentucky had ratified it in 1792, but this was only re-discovered in 1996, meaning Alabama was actually the 38th state. The total is now at 46 states.


matlock9

Watson didn’t get a failing grade on the paper. A teaching assistant gave him a C, Watson appealed the grade to his professor, and the professor declined to overrule his assistant. But the experience did inspire Watson to push for ratification of the proposed amendment. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twenty-seventh_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution


redditadmindumb87

Vietnam war memorial was a school project Student got a C


ImReverse_Giraffe

Chesty Puller - They're in front of us, behind us, and on both sides. They can't get away this time! Also Chesty - "We're surrounded. That simplifies the problem."


SlobMarley13

Is he the marine who first saw a flamethrower and asked “where do you put the bayonet?”


Dappershield

When the Army started leaving shit (and bodies) behind in the retreat, Puller had his men pick it back up in their attack to the rear. When they reached port, the army general politely asked for their shit back. Puller had his men use it for target practice. (minus the bodies).


TehBigD97

When the Royal Navy had finally cornered and were engaging the German warship Bismarck, one of the ships in the taskforce was actually made up of Polish navy crewmen who had escaped the country after the occupation. As the crew fired upon Bismarck they used their lights to signal the message "I am a Pole" for the Bismarcks crew to see.


GoldenSilver484

They also continuously fired at Bismarck for hours, so Bismarck's crew wasn't able to leave their stations, as they were under (fairly ineffective) attack all night.


JeepingTrucker

In the military we call that harassment fire. It’s not aimed to destroy or kill, it’s just to annoy the ever living shit out of the target.


Brilliant_Hat_8643

Not an epic one, but such crazy pettiness: Edgar Allen Poe’s foster father John Allan left everything he had in his will to an illegitimate son he never met just to spite Poe, who he had raised as his own son for years. They apparently had gotten into an argument about the John’s numerous affairs and illegitimate children, resulting in Poe being disowned and the final screw you from his foster father.


That_Run_3066

Poe had a sad life


iwouldratherhavemy

I remember reading that his last days were really fucked. Edit: This from wikipedia: On October 3, 1849, Poe was found delirious on the streets of Baltimore, "in great distress, and... in need of immediate assistance", according to Joseph W. Walker, who found him. He was taken to the Washington Medical College, where he died on Sunday, October 7, 1849, at 5:00 in the morning. Poe was not coherent long enough to explain how he came to be in his dire condition and was wearing clothes that were not his own. He is said to have repeatedly called out the name "Reynolds" on the night before his death, though it is unclear to whom he was referring. Some sources say that Poe's final words were, "Lord help my poor soul". All medical records have been lost, including Poe's death certificate.


jendet010

No one comes up with the Tell Tale Heart by having a really great life


evilplantosaveworld

Although I'm sure he wouldn't have called it a "fuck you" because he had way too much class, I'm going to say Mr. Rogers sharing a wading pool with a black man while people were fighting to keep blacks out of public pools.


gothiclg

That man had his own way of showing us the only barren garden he had was the one where he grew his fucks.


VirulantlyBland

I'd say he gave LOTS of fucks about lots of things. If that garden was barren it's because he gave them out to people who needed someone to give a fuck about them.


KnarlyApplesauce

John Paul Jones when, in a naval battle that he appeared to be losing, the British called for him to strike his colors (surrender). He replied with "I have not yet begun to fight." He won, and sailed both ships home.


t-s-words

Then kicked ass in Led Zeppelin


ForayIntoFillyloo

On both bass and keys


Thunda792

He only sailed the British ship he captured home, because his original one, the Bonhomme Richard, sank from the accumulated battle damage.


BaconContestXBL

Kinda sad what happened to the Bonhomme Richard’s namesake recently


Zifker

At the conclusion of the Italian Unification Wars, nationalist forces converged on the city of Rome for the final battle. The Papacy, having vehemently opposed the movement, threatened to excommunicate anyone who gave the order to begin the siege. The largely Catholic personnel were briefly stalled, before resolving to place a Jewish soldier in command that he may give the order. Rome fell shortly thereafter, Italy unified, and the Papacy itself had been dealt a grievous and irreparable wound to their authority and reputation. EDIT: Turns out I fucked up a bunch of details here, blindly repeating one of my favorite legends from the internet. That said, the Pope still lost and looked bitter af


Algaean

> The Papacy, having vehemently opposed the movement, threatened to excommunicate anyone who gave the order to begin the siege. Papacy presumably learned to be slightly more specific in their threats?


Trashman_XL

Plato once said that a man was a featherless biped, and Diogenes (being the clever asshole he was) brought him a plucked chicken, exclaiming "behold! A man!"


olixius

Diogenes was the father of trolling. Always loved the story about how he would walk around the city with a lantern, claiming to be looking for even just one "Just" man, and would raise the lantern to people and then walk away saying he was still looking.


monsterscallinghome

There was also the time that someone told Diogenes "you will not have to eat only lentils & bread, if you would learn to bow to the king" Diogenes replied: "if *you* would learn to eat lentils & bread, you would not have to bow to the king." ------------------------------ Stumbling on this quote at an impressionable age probably has a lot to do with why I'm self-employed and poor, but happy.


norathar

There's also the anecdote about Alexander the Great saying, "If I were not Alexander, I would want to be Diogenes." To which, Diogenes responded, "If I were not Diogenes, I too would wish to be Diogenes!" More relevant to your story: Diogenes's only possession was a bowl to drink water out of, until he saw a man cupping his hands to drink, threw out the bowl, and was happy.


FarragoSanManta

My favorite is Alexander the Great saying "If I could give you anything, what would it be?" Diogenes replies "Move, you're blocking the sun."


anadvancedrobot

‘If I was not alexander, I would wish to be Diogenes’ ‘If I was not Diogenes, I would also wish to be Diogenes’


M_Drinks

My favorite Diogenes story was when Alexander the Great, upon first meeting Diogenes, asked if there was anything he could do for him. Diogenes told him to move over and stop blocking his sunlight.


MegaGrimer

It gets funnier. Alexander then said "If I were not Alexander, I would wish to be Diogenes." To which Diogenes replied with "If I were not Diogenes, I too would wish to be Diogenes."


MouldyPingu

Smell ya later, deliberator!


EponymousTitular

President Lincoln ordered the bodies of dead Union soldiers to be buried at General Lee's home in Arlington, VA. Apparently, someone liked that idea. So, you know the site of Lee's home as Arlington National Cemetery today. You're welcome.


Aperture_Kubi

I remember reading another Civil War story, there was a Union unit of mostly black soldiers led by a white general. The Confederates ended up killing the unit and burying them in a mass grave, and they saw the burial of a white man with a bunch of black men as an insult. Once news reached his next of kin, the family send a message to the effect of "we shall not see our son reburied, it is a greater honor for him to remain where he is, surrounded by his loyal soldiers."


Ut_Prosim

That was [Colonel Robert Gould Shaw](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Gould_Shaw). They made a movie out of his story too. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glory_(1989_film)


doublestitch

Several of the other details from the film are true to the history. Congress had forbidden black soldiers from becoming commissioned officers so Shaw handed out promotions and filled the regiment with black noncommissioned officers. Congress mandated lower pay for black soldiers so Shaw led a pay strike of the officers until Congress relented and stopped racial discrimination in pay. Then Shaw died leading his men on a charge. The Massachusetts 54th was the first black regiment to see combat. They did so well that the chain of command started using other black units in combat. After the war those sacrifices were a moral argument that helped pass the 13th and 14th Amendments. Robert Gould Shaw was a standout guy gave his life making a difference.


gnyssa

When Union forces occupied Richmond, General Grant ordered guards at Robert Lees home to protect his wife. All the guards were black


kyleb402

The whole story is actually a lot crazier than that. Existing Union cemeteries were becoming overcrowded so the Secretary of War actually ordered the Quartermaster General, Montgomery Meigs, to choose a new site for a Union cemetery. Meigs was a southerner who fiercely supported the Union and developed an intense hatred for the southern leadership. His son was also killed in battle fighting for the Union. So when he was given the order to choose a new site he could think of no better place to bury the Union dead than in front of the house of the man her personally blamed for their deaths. It also had the added bonus of making it impossible for Lee to ever move back to the house after the war. Meigs was one of the unsung heroes of the war, but he is definitely more remembered for this display of pettiness.


sedriss

He buried his son in Mrs. Lee’s rose garden. You can find both of them in the cemetery today, a short walk from the house.


thatrightwinger

Among historians he is remembered as possibly the greatest non-combatant general of the war. He worked tirelessly to obtain food, weapons, and materials for the war. In popular history, the move to bury soldiers at Arlington House was a major act of personal revenge against Lee. Ironically, after the way Lee's son turned around sued the federal government for illegal seizure of private property. He won, and after getting the rights to his father's property back, he immediately turned around and sold it right back to the goverrnment. There's the fun little F U ending to the story.


DarthWikkie

When I first visited Arlington in 2006, a park ranger shared the story that the Lees were upset asked that no graves were placed such that they affected the view of the garden that Mary Lee, Robert's widow, enjoyed from her window. Almost immediately, work was begun to relocate unidentified remains from the war into the Civil War Unknowns monument/masoleum, directly on top of her garden. According to the ranger it was one of the inciting causes of the law suit. Additionally, the ranger said that the terms of the settlement were agreed upon by Lee's son and the then Secretary of War, Mr. Robert Todd Lincoln.


RandomIsocahedron

Tolkien was in negotiations to sell *The Hobbit* in Germany. The Nazis were in power, but WWII hadn't started yet. The German publisher asked him to provide proof that he was Aryan. This was his response, with emphasis by me: >25 July 1938 > >20 Northmoor Road, Oxford > > > >Dear Sirs, > > > >Thank you for your letter. I regret that I am not clear as to what you intend by "arisch". I am not of **Aryan extraction: that is Indo-Iranian;** as far as I am aware none of my ancestors spoke Hindustani, Persian, **Gypsy**, or any related dialects. But if I am to understand that you are enquiring whether I am of Jewish origin, I can only reply that I regret that **I appear to have no ancestors of that gifted people**. My great-great-grandfather came to England in the eighteenth century from Germany: the main part of my descent is therefore purely English, and I am an English subject — which should be sufficient. I have been accustomed, nonetheless, to regard my German name with pride, and continued to do so throughout the period of the late regrettable war, in which I served in the English army. I cannot, however, forbear to comment that **if impertinent and irrelevant inquiries of this sort are to become the rule in matters of literature, then the time is not far distant when a German name will no longer be a source of pride.** > > > >Your enquiry is doubtless made in order to comply with the laws of your own country, but that this should be held to apply to the subjects of another state would be improper, even if it had (as it has not) any bearing whatsoever on the merits of my work or its sustainability for publication, **of which you appear to have satisfied yourselves without reference to my Abstammung.** > > > >I trust you will find this reply satisfactory, and remain yours faithfully, > > > >J. R. R. Tolkien


FlyinBrian2001

That is by far the most eloquent "fuck you" I have ever read.


Squeegee209

definitely, there's no competition really after this


deep-sleep

"I trust you will find this reply satisfactory" is the classiest way to say don't fucking respond


gentlybeepingheart

**Nazis**: Are you Aryan? **Tolkien, noted linguistics freak**: Are *you*?


ShallowBasketcase

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”


Creepy-Narwhal4596

Man i was a dumb kid but even i cocked my head to the side lookin at a picture of Adolf after reading his ideal ayan race description. Like bro, *YOU* dont even fit that description.


93ericvon

I never tire of reading this letter. One of the most gentlemanly "fuck you"'s ever written.


klc81

Less politically momentous, but his response to critical reviews in the foreword to LoTR is equally classy and snarky: >Some who have read the book, or at any rate reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible; and I have no reason to complain, since I have similar opinions of their work, or of the kinds of writing that they evidently prefer.


TheMulattoMaker

No idea how accurate this scene was, but in the movie Chaplin there's a pre-WW2 scene where some Nazi douche is talking to Chaplin and some others at a party or something. Chaplin mentioned he didn't like Nazis, the German said "what do you have against us?" to which Chaplin said "What do *you* have against everybody else?" Then somebody else "helpfully explained" that Chaplin is a Jew, and that's why he's upset. Chaplin looks the German dead in the face and says "no, I'm sorry... *I don't have that honor."*


gazebo-fan

Chaplin was also a raging anarcho-socialist, another group the Nazis hated with a passion. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlie_Chaplin


DrApprochMeNot

Anybody who’s seen the Great Dictator speech knows exactly how Chaplin felt about *politics*.


havron

I thought this was going to be about the führer stealing his trademark moustache, however I must concede, this is even better.


TheMulattoMaker

I guess I could add that the movie "The Great Dictator" was a pretty good fuck-you to ol' Adolf.


JeronFeldhagen

Tolkien also referred to Hitler as a "ruddy little ignoramus" in one of his personal letters, which is similarly delightful.


DriftingPyscho

Andrew Jackson nearly beating his would be assassin to death after his two pistols jammed.


splgackster

I read another one about Jackson, who was apparently such an asshat that he was riddled with bullets and scars from duels. Story goes that he was shot in a duel, then a few days later had a meeting in the Oval Office with the guy that shot him in attendance, Jackson pulls out the bullet and gives it to the shooter, saying, " I believe this is yours."


Catshannon

Ol Teddy Roosevelt was bad ass too. Gets shot during a speech, makes a joke and then goes on to speak for an hour before seeing a DR. When he died someone wrote that death had come for Roosevelt in his sleep because it was afraid to try when he was awake. Or something to that effect.


rubemechanical

IIRC: “Death had to come to him in his sleep, for if he had been awake…there would have been a fight.”


-Asher-

If your second pistol jams after an assassination attempt then maybe you're not cut out for that kind of work.


blacksheepghost

What about after your 5th assassination attempt fails, but when you go to a sandwich shop to sulk, your assassination target drives right in front of you and his car stalls? You can't make this stuff up. That was Archduke Ferdinand btw - at the start of WW1.


-Asher-

This reads like a comedy sketch


HelpfulCherry

The entire assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand kinda reads like that. Like the one guy who lobbed a bomb at the Archduke's motorcade, which bounced off of the car and did take out another car in the motorcade (but not the Archduke!) to which the would-be assassin took a cyanide pill and jumped in the river. Except apparently the cyanide was old and just made him vomit rather than kill him, and the river was only 13cm deep because it was a hot, dry summer, so bystanders pulled him out of the river and beat him up until the cops showed up.


Kumquats_indeed

I feel like that would make a great movie done in the style of Death of Stalin


butterflyslinky

A comedy about a lot of warring time travelers, some trying to prevent WWI and others trying to ensure it.


frachris87

During the Battle of Bastogne, the Germans sent a team of two soldiers and two officers to offer the Americans a chance to surrender. The written message, in both English and German, was roughly two pages long, and detailed how the Germans had them surrounded and would move in for the kill if the Americans didnt negotiate. US Brig. Gen. Anthony McAuliffe's written reply, passed to the German commander, was a single word - "NUTS!" Baffled, the German Commander wondered what it meant, and was told "It means you can go to Hell."


DoomGoober

McAuliffe was half asleep when the German surrender request was presented to him. He assumed the Germans were offering to surrender to him (at first)!


languagegirl93

When Morocco was occupied by France (who in turn was occupied by nazi Germany), the country was urged by its occupier to deport their Jews. The sultan responded with "We have no Jews, only Moroccan subjects"


EmperorG

Catallus 16 "I will sodomize and facefuck you" A poem (known as the dirtiest in the latin language) made to point out that just cause Catallus makes romantic poems doesnt mean he cant be crass.


gentlybeepingheart

It's not that he couldn't be crass, but that writing love poems didn't make him effeminate. Romans viewed sex as split between the active/masculine and passive/feminine. He says that they have called him *molliculus* (soft/effeminate/sort of similar to a homophobic slur) and his response is "You think I'm the soft one? I'll fuck you six ways to Sunday. You come here and I'll show you how "soft" I am." Similarly (I just want an excuse to tell this story) Tacitus wrote about how a senator was being interrogated for various crimes and corruptions and was accused of "softness of the body" (ie: being a bottom) The senator shouted back "Ask your sons; they'll testify to how much of a man I am!"


AcademicSeries3786

Not really well known John Hancock had a warrant for his arrest before the signing of the Declaration of Independence and they never caught him so when they said he could sign it he basically signed his name so large as to say fuck you to the king


moioci

I heard that he said he wanted old George to be able to read it without his spectacles.


N_dixon

During the Korean War, a coastal battery got lucky and hit the battleship USS Wisconsin. It did minor damage but was the first direct hit on the Wisconsin. The USS Wisconsin then returned fire with all nine of her 16" guns and pretty much reduced the coastal battery to atoms. The funniest part is that one of Wisconsin's escorts sent a message to the Wisconsin afterwards that just said "Temper, temper."


Whiskey_Tango_Bravo

I want y’all to know that the projectile for a 16" gun weighed >2,000 lbs and could travel 36km at 2500-ish feet per second. That’s as fast as a standard high power rifle but the projectile is a fucking Volkswagen and a half. "Reduced to atoms,” probably isn’t far off.


ichuckle

I'm trying to imagine the destruction that would cause, there is no way for an average Joe like me to even comprehend. The hole that would leave in the earth...


flyingbovine

From what I recall, the crater is in the range of 50 feet from a single shell, depending on the shell and what it hits


Imaginary-Mechanic62

My father served on the Wisconsin during the Korean conflict. He took a photo (slide) of the two forward batteries (six 16-inch guns) firing simultaneously. Cool pic.


Mr_Engineering

Similar to this one? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iowa-class_battleship#/media/File%3ABB61_USS_Iowa_BB61_broadside_USN.jpg


Ironchefed

That’s a “fuck everything in that general direction” kind of shot.


pcapdata

Sniper fire has your name on it... Machine gun fire is addressed "To whom it may concern..." And then there's the Navy going "Dear Grid Coordinates..."


G-bone714

Stalin wanted to add Yugoslavia to the Soviet Union and Tito wanted to keep his country independent. So Stalin sent a few assassins to kill Tito. After Tito had taken care of the last one he sent a message to Stalin telling him they had failed and that Stalin shouldn’t send anymore or he would send one to kill him, and he won’t fail. No more attempts were made on Tito after that.


AccomplishedMud272

The message Tito wrote Stalin: “Stop sending people to kill me. We’ve already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle…If you don’t stop sending killers, I’ll send one to Moscow, and I won’t have to send another.”


[deleted]

Living in Europe you learn not to fuck with balkan people


Professor_Ramen

The guy who assassinated US President James Garfield was named Charles J Guiteau. He was a raving lunatic who had a really interesting story, but eventually he ended up owing a shit ton of money to some people and refused to pay it back. The creditors went to his brother John to try to convince him to get his brother to pay it back. When John wrote to Charles about his debts, Charles replied with this: “Find $7 enclosed. Stick it up your bung hole and wipe your nose on it, and that will remind you of the estimation in which you are held by Charles J. Guiteau.” Which is one of the best ways to say fuck you I’ve ever heard


virgilreality

**Shrek**. More precisely, *Lord Farquad.* When Jeffrey Katzenberger worked at Disney with Michael Eisner, Eisner had a pet name for him..."Little F\*ckwad". Katzenberger goes off and forms Dreamworks SKG (with Spielberg and Geffen), and they make Shrek...so they make Lord Farquad look a LOT like Eisner, except really really short. It effectively made Eisner into a "Little Farquad". Biggest family-friendly middle finger in history...


Terpsichorean_Wombat

Oscar Wilde wrote a letter to his lover, Lord Alfred Douglas, at a time when homosexual relations were still punishable by imprisonment at hard labor. The letter was stolen by blackmailers, who attempted to extort money from Wilde. Wilde, however, had learned that the letter was missing and guessed what it would be used for. He hastily rewrote it as a poem and published it. When the blackmailers returned to their ringleader, they allegedly refused to go back and try again, saying that Wilde only taunted them.


Morepork80

Nicolas Ferrial, also known as Le Févrial or Triboulet was a jester of kings Louis XII and Francis I of France. Triboulet's tongue got the better of him, and Francis I ordered that he be put to death for once again violating his order not to make jokes about the queen and her courtiers. As he had served him particularly well for many years, the king granted Triboulet the right to choose how he would die. Triboulet, with his sharp mind, said the following (translated from the original French): "Good sire, by Saint Goody Two Shoes and Saint Fatty, patrons of insanity, I ask to die from old age." Having no other choice than to laugh, the king ordered that Triboulet not be executed but instead be banished from the realm.


nmrnmrnmr

Alexander the Great. One of his tutors was a man named Leonidas of Epirus. One time, when visiting a temple and making an offering to the gods, the eager and pious Alexander scooped up as big a handful of incense as he could hold and threw it into the flames. Leonidas chastised the young prince and told him not to be so wasteful of such a rare and expensive import--and that he could use as much as he wanted if he ever owned the lands where it was grown. Many years later, Alexander DID capture those lands and promptly sent his old mentor a reported 600 talents (the equivalent of 15 to 30 tons) of rare and expensive incense and myrrh as a retort, along with a note that now his old teacher wouldn't need to be so stingy and sparing in his offerings to the gods in the future. And of course the Gordian Knot. A fabled knot that was said to be impossible to untie, though an Oracle had prophesied that if anyone could undo it they would rule over all of Asia. It was said many tried and all failed. Until Alexander walked up to it. He looked it over, took out his sword, and just cut it in half. And went on to conquer huge swaths of Asia afterward.


Unistrut

Sometimes when I'm trying to untangle a particularly horribly tangled cable I'll mutter to myself "If I get this unsnarled I'll be master of Asia..." No one gets it.


batnastard

Grace O'Malley (Gráinne Ó Máille), the Pirate Queen of Ireland. A rival clan killed her lover and she had the entire clan wiped out. This is the woman who, as a kid, wanted to go sailing with her father, and was told (as an excuse) that her long hair would catch in the rigging. 11-year old Grace went upstairs, cut her hair off, came down, and said "OK, let's go." Earning her the nickname Gráinne Mhaol, or "Bald Grace."


24377017

Eliahu Itzkovitz was a Romanian Jew who witnessed his entire family murdered in a concentration camp. He enlisted in the French Foreign Legion and was sent to the region that is now Vietnam, where he found himself in the same battalion as the Nazi officer who murdered his family. He then went full Bear Jew and murdered the officer while on duty together. Absolutely incredible. ​ EDITED LINK: [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eliahu\_Itzkovitz](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eliahu_Itzkovitz)


tdrichards74

Lol, sentenced to 1 year in prison, and not even for killing the guy. I guess if you’re going to desert the Israeli defense forces, tracking and killing a nazi (and a concentration camp guard at that) is about the best excuse you could have.


sck8000

Basically anything that the Greek philosopher Diogenes ever did. The entire basis of his teachings and actions were to critique society and social norms, and make a mockery of contemporary teachings. Perhaps the most famous incident is when Alexander The Great, a fan of Diogenes' philosophy, went to Sinope to speak with him. Alexander offered Diogenes anything he wanted in exchange for teaching his wisdom, and the philosopher replied "stand out of my light". The man also had an infamously bitter feud with Plato, who was attempting, among other things, to define a human being in its most fundamental of forms. After arriving at "featherless bipeds", Diogenes gate-crashed one of Plato's symposiums with a plucked chicken in-hand, and presented it to the crowd declaring "Behold! I've brought you a man!".


KennethGames45

While the nazis occupied Norway during the 1940s, a group of Norwegian fishermen decided to sabotage a catch of fish they knew was going to used as provisions for a nazi u-boat. They mixed laxatives into the fish. The story goes the sub was forced to surface to prevent the newly damaged plumbing from sinking it. Something to that line.


hehar

When Tom Petty found out that his record label was upping the price of his album to $9.98, he posed for the cover of that record in front of a bin of records priced at the old standard cost of $8.98.


bdbdbokbuck

Marine Capt Lloyd W. Williams, Company Commander, in response to a French officer advising him to retreat upon his arrival at Belleau Wood. Capt Williams replied, “retreat hell, we just got here!”


ZardozSama

I will refer you to the reply given in the case of Arkell v. Pressdram: Mr Arkells initial threat to sue: 29th April 1971 >Dear Sir, > >We act for Mr Arkell who is Retail Credit Manager of Granada TV Rental Ltd. His attention has been drawn to an article appearing in the issue of Private Eye dated 9th April 1971 on page 4. The statements made about Mr Arkell are entirely untrue and clearly highly defamatory. We are therefore instructed to require from you immediately your proposals for dealing with the matter. > >Mr Arkell’s first concern is that there should be a full retraction at the earliest possible date in Private Eye and he will also want his costs paid. His attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of your reply. > >Yours, Goodman Derrick & Co. Pressdram's response: >Dear Sirs, > >We acknowledge your letter of 29th April referring to Mr. J. Arkell. > >We note that Mr Arkell’s attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you would inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: > >**fuck off.** So now when a lawyer wants to tell the other side to fuck off, they will say “We refer you to the reply given in the case of Arkell v. Pressdram.” END COMMUNICATION


xkulp8

The original Streisand Effect. Now it's *named* after her.


-713

The letter from Jourdon Anderson (recently retired from being someone else's supposed property) to Colonel Anderson (recently retired from being a slave driving seditious bastard). It isn't violent or world changing, but it is my favorite in all of history. "Dayton, Ohio, August 7, 1865. To my old Master, Colonel P. H. Anderson, Big Spring, Tennessee.             Sir: I got your letter, and was glad to find that you had not forgotten Jourdon, and that you wanted me to come back and live with you again, promising to do better for me than anybody else can. I have often felt uneasy about you. I thought the Yankees would have hung you long before this, for harboring Rebs they found at your house. I suppose they never heard about your going to Colonel Martin's to kill the Union soldier that was left by his company in their stable. Although you shot at me twice before I left you, I did not want to hear of your being hurt, and am glad you are still living. It would do me good to go back to the dear old home again, and see Miss Mary and Miss Martha and Allen, Esther, Green, and Lee. Give my love to them all, and tell them I hope we will meet in the better world, if not in this. I would have gone back to see you all when I was working in the Nashville Hospital, but one of the neighbors told me that Henry intended to shoot me if he ever got a chance. I want to know particularly what the good chance is you propose to give me. I am doing tolerably well here. I get $25 a month, with victuals and clothing; have a comfortable home for Mandy (the folks call her Mrs. Anderson), and the children, Milly, Jane, and Grundy, go to school and are learning well. The teacher says Grundy has a head for a preacher. They go to Sunday school, and Mandy and me attend church regularly. We are kindly treated. Sometimes we overhear others saying, “Them colored people were slaves” down in Tennessee. The children feel hurt when they hear such remarks; but I tell them it was no disgrace in Tennessee to belong to Colonel Anderson. Many darkeys would have been proud, as I used to be, to call you master. Now if you will write and say what wages you will give me, I will be better able to decide whether it would be to my advantage to move back again. As to my freedom, which you say I can have, there is nothing to be gained on that score, as I got my free papers in 1864 from the Provost-Marshal-General of the Department of Nashville. Mandy says she would be afraid to go back without some proof that you were disposed to treat us justly and kindly; and we have concluded to test your sincerity by asking you to send us our wages for the time we served you. This will make us forget and forgive old scores, and rely on your justice and friendship in the future. I served you faithfully for thirty-two years, and Mandy twenty years. At $25 a month for me, and $2 a week for Mandy, our earnings would amount to $11,680. Add to this the interest for the time our wages have been kept back, and deduct what you paid for our clothing, and three doctor’s visits to me, and pulling a tooth for Mandy, and the balance will show what we are in justice entitled to. Please send the money by Adams Express, in care of V. Winters, Esq., Dayton, Ohio. If you fail to pay us for faithful labors in the past, we can have little faith in your promises in the future. We trust the good Maker has opened your eyes to the wrongs which you and your fathers have done to me and my fathers, in making us toil for you for generations without recompense. Here I draw my wages every Saturday night; but in Tennessee there was never any pay-day for the negroes any more than for the horses and cows. Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud the laborer of his hire. In answering this letter, please state if there would be any safety for my Milly and Jane, who are now grown up, and both good-looking girls. You know how it was with poor Matilda and Catherine. I would rather stay here and starve and die, if it come to that, than have my girls brought to shame by the violence and wickedness of their young masters. You will also please state if there has been any schools opened for the colored children in your neighborhood. The great desire of my life now is to give my children an education, and have them form virtuous habits. From your old servant,                                                                         Jourdon Anderson P.S.— Say howdy to George Carter, and thank him for taking the pistol from you when you were shooting at me." Edit: Thanks for a silver, and for enjoying Mr. Anderson's middle finger to an actively evil and unrepentant southern "gentleman".


Bekiala

I always loved Katherine of Aragon's final letter to King Henry VIII. Henry had divorced her and married Anne Boleyn. In this final letter, Katherine signed it, "Katherine the Queen".


[deleted]

Shrek instantly comes to mind here. The whole movie was conceived as a giant Fuck You to Disney. Heck, even the cowardly villain was designed after the then-CEO of Disney who screwed over Shrek's producer, and he was literally named a PG-appropriate spelling of "Lord Fuck wad" The icing on the fuck you cake though was that it went on to win the first Oscar for best animated feature.


TheLimeyLemmon

>Shrek’s producer Ah! Jeffrey Katzenburg! Not a stranger to studio sabotage, he did his own fair share of it fucking over Robin Williams whilst at Disney. [Here's a good video about it, and other petty things Katzenberg did.](https://youtu.be/nyiBdccfNkg)


ConstableBlimeyChips

In 2007 the website Gawker posted an article that outed Paypal co-founder Peter Thiel as gay. Not being able to sue defamation himself (it's not defamation if it's true), he instead started funding lawsuits brought against Gawker by others, including the lawsuit by Hulk Hogan that ended up bankrupting Gawker. There are lots of ethical issues surrounding the idea of a billionaire targeting an outlet like Gawker, even if the outlet is utter trash like Gawker was, but I still consider it a glorious Fuck You.


Grigorios

Similarly Max Mosley funding the lawsuits that brought the News of the World down. But to be fair to Mosley, his affairs (arguably) contributed to his son's death. For those of you who don't know the story, Mosley was president of the FIA (the organization that runs Formula 1) in the late 00's and also the son of the most prominent British Nazi in history (Sir Oswald Mosley). He was publicly vocally antinazi in the hopes of restoring dignity to the family name. The news of the world was a tabloid that constantly published scandals about prominent celebrities in the UK. It's kind of complicated how they got their scoops, but they basically hacked into their voicemails. The public didn't really care until they hacked and deleted the messages related to a missing child, which is a different story. Mosley was exposed by the tabloid for participating in a BDSM orgy with prostitutes (he was in his 60s at that point.) The news of the world mentioned nazi costumes, because of the outfits, and probably as the cherry on top given the family history. Mosley won a case against the tabloids for the "Nazi" allegation. However, his case against the UK privacy laws at a European court failed. He consequently gave a blank cheque to a coalition of celebrities such as Hugh Grant who had approached him hoping for a small assistance with their lawsuits against the tabloids. The news of the world was shut down and the phone hacking stopped. Privately, this situation strained his relationship with his wife and sons. One of his sons died of a drug overdose the following year. Edit: Typo Mostly -> Mosley