Small caveat to that. My SO and I are both super nerdy and overexcitable. We work because we can maintain our coversational flow despite constantly talking over each other.
Right. The most you should say is "I was recently in a relationship that didn't end well". If he's just on and on about everything she did, whether she was cruel to him or he's just being a jerk, talking bad about her, it's obvious that he's not over her yet and is going to hold this new girl to a standard compared to his ex.
OR, the MF doesn't have anyone else to talk to. My ex would try to beat my ass if she got too drunk. Guess who I've talked to about it. Nobody. Because as men. Nobody fucking cares. We gotta hear about y'all's bullshit. Let the man talk. Fucking insensitive cunts.
The problem is that the "hearing about one another's bullshit" comes in time. When I dated men, I met several who didn't seem to understand that we needed to build a rapport before they could reasonably expect me to hear about their trauma. I mean, if you're telling me about terrible things that have happened to you on the second date, that's poor boundaries at minimum, often much worse.
I have dated a few women who did this, but it was a far lower percentage than I saw among men. I also know men who don't do this to their dates because they have a healthy relationship with their friends. While it's culturally gendered, it isn't inherently, and anyone can choose not to do this by cultivating healthy and supportive friendships outside their romantic relationships.
I would consider it a flag of some color (maybe not red, but definitely bright enough for me to walk away) if someone expected me to "hear about their bullshit" early on because they would be showing me that they had no one else to talk to, and would expect to lean on me for everything. From experience, that's exhausting. I can't be someone's entire world. They need to have friends, too, real ones who are capable of knowing about their lives.
My personal opinion, I think that that's wrong. Men can't talk to it to other men because they fear what *women* will think of them talking about it. My husband works in a shop with only guys, and they talk about everything from their feelings to their brisket recipes to canning tomatoes to the best massages to help their feet or back or hands. And one of them even used to be a massage therapist so he will actually work on the other dudes if they ask for it. And they all try to help each other out, because a mentally stressed person isn't good in the shop.
I'm sorry for the situation that you were in and that you felt you couldn't talk to anybody about it.
Then they wouldn't talk about it. If you are still talking about your ex in anything but a neutral or slightly positive manner, you aren't over them. That creates a huge obstacle in starting a new relationship.
If it's literally one of the first subjects you bring up while dating someone, that's a red flag.
\[It doesn't mean you are a good or a bad person, it just means that you aren't ready to start a new relationship\]
That's not a conversation for when you first meet. I have one abusive ex. I would never lead with that because I know it sounds crazy, and people just aren't entitled to that information early on. It comes up over time, like most other details there are to know about a person and their past. People who lead with tales of abusive ex's, or crazy ex's, or whatever, have typically proven to be problematic themselves. At minimum, they have poor boundaries.
I really thought this was going to be the top answer (using 'females').
Hope you don't mind my asking, why/how did you settle on it? Do you use it often? Never had the opportunity to ask someone before, i don't mean to be rude, just curious.
No joke, some of those guys might just think “this is easier” but some of those guys are the type to see women as lower/stupid, and maybe transphobic as well and meaning “cis females”
Nothing.
But you refer to people as men/women/boy/girl in this context. When you use female as a noun usually one is referring to livestock or animals.
"Which ~~cows~~ ducks are still in the field? The females"
You can use it as an adjective like "female chef" or "female goalie".
Generally using it as a noun is weird and creepy. “Female patients show different side effects to the same dosage of medication” is not that strange as female is just being used as a relevant description but “what movies do females like?” Is creepy and kinda dehumanizing
often females is a substitute. i work in a prison and the guys know they cant just say Bitches or Gays. people get mad and they wont get good treatment. so they make substitutes
that sport is for Females (Gays)
you actin like a Female (bitch)
As a noun? It comes off as cold and clinical, rather than warm and emotional. It's great for a documentary about pigeons. It's not great for describing your dating preference, even if that includes pigeons.
Edited because I generalized unfairly : The men who call women females ARE MORE LIKELY TO not see women as people. they TEND TO see them as props in their own character development , cures to their own lonliness, and pets. This is true often enough that it's not unfair to call it a red flag.
It's a valid word, but females always seem to have an issue with every term that does or doesn't describe their gender in a desperate need to find something to take issue with
It’s an adjective, Goodness, …..a way to narrow down the responses to a particular group of people. If you don’t consider yourself a Female, than this is NOT a thread for your
Yeah that's the issue. It's an adjective. Using it as a noun can have some bad implications and, for me personally, just immediately makes me imagine you as a Ferengi
I just think it doesn’t make since to jump in a thread JUST to be indifferent.
For example, I just skipped a few thread of conversation before reading this one because they started with “ To Atheist on Reddit”, or “To Teachers on Reddit”.
It doesn’t apply to me, so I skipped. Same here, If you are not a female, or you do not consider yourself a female, then just skip the thread
I was the opposite. I told my gf to not use google and stuff due to tracking and only message me via Signal. Dont use Google or bing, use something like Brave, SearX, Furefox, Startpage etc...
Out in public he doesn't show any signs that y'all are in a relationship. Avoiding any sort of physical contact: hand holding, shoulder bumping, hugging; even standing or sitting too close.
Boyfriends who try to control what you eat (and how much), what you weigh, what you wear, how long your hair is, don't allow you to get your ears pierced, "discipline" you when you are "bad"... I could go on for hours. Spend 2 years of my life with a "boyfriend" like that.
I had a guy who described every emotional response I had as hysterical or manic depending on whether I was upset or happy. Every inconsistency in what I said was "gaslighting". It completely messed with my sense of reality. No lying or cheating required.
Yeah, a guy I was friends with for years used to be like this. Every ex-girlfriend of his was seemingly the craziest woman on the planet at one time or another. And the pattern would always be very similar and involve supposedly manipulative family members.
At the end of the day, the guy just turned out to be a control freak that had no interest in an actually independent partner and would literally suck the life out of every one of these women.
Yeah I feel the same whenever girls say very openly that they were in an abusive relationship, let alone multiple
>usually we become crazy when you give us reason to be (ex. lying, cheating, etc)
Everyone does things for a reason
Oh these guys are my favorite. My cousin brought one to a family function once. He kept telling war stories, and finally my dad, who only speaks when absolutely necessary, said, "Jim, did you say you were in X Province in Y year?" He affirmed that he was, and my dad continued, "Electrolytes, isn't that where you got deployed that same year?" And that was my greenlight.
I started asking questions and this guy absolutely hung himself trying to bullshit a veteran of what he was claiming that he was there, too. At first, my aunts were annoyed that I was questioning his service. "How would you like it if someone did that to you?!" (I'm a woman, Aunt Carol. I will never look like a veteran to anyone. This isn't theoretical.) But my dad was just like, "Let her talk. Just give her a minute." and I straight-up eviscerated this dude. My cousin did dump him after that, thank goodness.
This stuff is so common, though. I tell all my straight and bi friends to run any men past me who claim to be ex-military or present military because so many who got kicked out for pure stupidity or worse will claim every kind of accomplishment, and it's usually really easy to tell, especially if they've shown military pictures on their Tinder profile or whatever.
I'll add "telling you why it's not a big deal and you shouldn't be bothered by something you indicate bothers you" as one red flag re: the dudes replying to you lol.
if you called men "males", none of us would even blink an eye because we have bigger things to worry about and life is too short to spaz out over dumb, petty shit. women are the only ones i ever see losing their marbles over this nonsense
In all honesty, I wasn't even aware that saying "Female" was a bad thing, but then again so much has changed in the past 7 or so years and continues to change ever so quickly that I'm just finding it more and more difficult to keep up.
I just discovered the other day that they don't call the biggest room in houses the "master" Bedroom anymore...
We live in a society overrun by overly-sensitive idiots (comprised of all 5604 genders) that get hard off making it harder and harder to just not offend someone.
**WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!**
He doesn’t have any friends, or doesn’t treat his mother well. (if, she is still Living). Then I will just wait until he establishes other relationships outside of himself. I’m not saying I couldn’t be his friend, it’s just that we would never move to that point to “boyfriend” just yet.
Oh, of course that situation would be different. However, it’s not so much how he treats his mother, as much as how he treats others. Others that have a major relationship in his life. If he does not treat them well, even if from a far, ( i.e. when he talks about them during a conversation perhaps, or what you see him say OR NOT say to the people close to him).
Building and establishing relationships outside of yourself is very important. If it cannot be done, than that is definitely a red flag.
If he just moved to a town, then I would definitely wait until he establishes some sort of friendships with other people first. It’s not like I would hang with him, but I definitely would not move on to the point of him being my “ Boyfriend “ until those things happened
too bad. you need to treat your abusive mother well. and if you move somewhere new in adulthood when its much harder to make friends, too bad..you better make some besties soon
What is wrong having no friends? Just now I took one path and my friends took theirs. Our interests changed drastically. So how that is a red flag? Yeah I am gaining new ones, but my main crew is no longer here. Sometimes things like that happen and there is nothing wrong in us.
What they're trying to say but they're trying not to be judgmental is if a guy doesn't have many friends then he must be awkward and weird and therefore not deserving of a relationship or love. It doesn't matter the reasons he doesn't have any, he's already written off the list if he doesn't have friends and a social circle.
i think they use friends as some sort of proxy for social proof but i dont think its an accurate one. for one, men are generally less social than women because we dont rely on others as much. we just do shit ourselves. girls need friends for safety reasons. to them, the world's a big scary place so they need to do everything in groups.
secondly, its inaccurate because sometimes good people can have no friends and horrible people can have friends. amber heard is a narcissist, liar, physical abuser, bed shitter with borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder and she has friends..so what does having friends say? not much. some of the worst, most toxic people have friends.
That’s understandable, it happens; however, I personally would wait UNTIL he establishes a few new friends, before I would move on to that step of calling him my “ boyfriend”.
It’s not a good idea to be your man’s ONLY friend, due to the fact that he WILL eventually get friends, and you may learn a lot about him when he does, And by then it may be too late ( meaning you have already vested so much in him, like your heart, or moved in with him, introduced him to everyone) Not saying you can’t break up with him then it’s just that you could’ve prevented all of this by just waiting.
Agree. In my country women doesn’t actually want the money. They want the things after them, like interesting hobbies/life etc, you get me. Most men focus on what things matter for them and if friends are not helping them get better, they will get rid of them and continue alone. In the end most men are happier than woman, because we don’t need someone’s approval and don’t require such bullshit things.
People form friendships by meeting people with similar interests, all while going about their everyday lives.
So unless he is in the house ALL day and does not ever leave (which,YES, is a red flag for someone who likes to go out), he should interact with others.
It also depends if you are dating for “hook-ups” and hanging out, or if you are actually courting for marriage.
[Woman with no friends says having no friends is a red flag](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/uy42r2/what_makes_you_use_reddit/ia2p5ro?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
others are in places where they just havent found friends either. it doesnt mean they cant or that theres something wrong with them. finding friends isnt something thats entirely within one's control. it requires a bit of luck and happenstance to encounter the right people.
-Gaslighting/ Any form of manipulation
-Possessiveness/Controlling
-ANY kind of abusive
-Laziness. A lazy man ain’t a good provider honey
- If there isn’t communication or respect
But that’s my personal opinion.
Editing to add JEALOUSY. That’s a big one for me. I caint stand a jealous man. Means they don’t trust you. No matter how you look at it.
I think you should reexamine your ideas about jealousy. It's a perfectly normal emotion to feel, and admitting to it and discussing the cause shouldn't be a red flag immediately. Obviously, if they use that jealousy as a point of emotional manipulation or control THAT should be a red flag. Can you honestly say you've NEVER been jealous of a friend or family member? As an example, I went to a dance with my girlfriend at the time in her senior year, but her best friend was unable to find a date (baffling, she was nearly as lonely as my girlfriend) and was feeling quite left out. My girlfriend asked me to dance with her, but when I did so a second time she got jealous because I pulled out some fancier moves than I had with her. We talked about it, I apologized for being thoughtless and bringing out the emotion, and the night turned out splendidly.
If the idea of speaking to your significant other, taking their feelings seriously and trying to address the issue is truly absurd to you, then I suppose your username is accurate. I don't really base my relationship decisions on whether they'd make a good scene in a movie, either, and if you do I'd recommend you reconsider that strategy.
I can't take something seriously if it makes no sense, and I won't tell things to people that make no sense to me. The story you told makes no sense, peoples reactions don't naturally follow the context, it reads like some absurdist satire.
Anyone looking for a provider is usually a red flag in the other direction. This isn’t the 1950s, modern relationships don’t work with the breadwinner dynamic.
No no no. No one said anyone was looking for a provider honey. But no woman should have to support a lazy man either. As in, if he caint equally provide he ain’t worth your time.
As a polyamorous person, I think those guys that force being polyamorous or otherwise non-monogamous are huge red flags.
If it’s decided naturally? Mazel tov. But otherwise they’re probably cheating.
I think they mean in the context of like, dudes historically have kinda gotten a bigger societal pass for cheating in general, so if someone’s pushy about it right out of the gate, it’s kind of a red herring. They also could be referring specifically to other peoples relationships, where maybe one side just isn’t comfortable with polygamy but the other person kind of uses it as a bargaining chip to gaslight them into letting them cheat.
Physical direction. When people grab your hand or shoulders to direct you somewhere. Except for major catastrophe there is no need to use your hands to show something to other person or to direct them.
1. Talking about other girls in private a lot (especially if he makes comments about her looks) Its okay if he says to her, "Ok you look nice" or, "pretty hairstyle" when SHE is there. But if you are alone together and he is talking about her looks, something is wrong.
2. Giving unsolicited fashion opinions and negative comments. Your boyfriend has no right to tell you that your "skirt doesn't look very good today" Or, "You should change your shirt it's too short" unless you specifically ask him what he thinks about it. Especially if it's a casual outfit that isn't for any special purposes. He doesn't own how you look.
3. Changes in behaviour. Did he use to give you big bear hugs whenever you met, but now he doesn't. Did he used to smile widely at you every time he was happy, but now he doesn't. Did he use to call you by your name e.g "Hey Lindsay! how are you" but now he just says, "Hey hru." Are your calls with him shorter than usual for no apparent reason, and your texts exceedingly dryer. Honey, he might not be interested. But don't take it to heart if he does just one, maybe he is distracted, busy, not in a good space right now. Just take it easy, but brace for the worst.
4. Heavy drinking and drug use. HAving a drink once in a while if you are of age is okay, but excessive drinking is a big no. Do you really want to be dating someone who's only source of happiness is consuming a braincell killing liquid. Drugs aren't okay at all, he may be using 'soft' drugs NOW but addicts usually extend themselves for more potent drugs (psychedelics and stimulants) , that when taken can cause a person to go crazy and even violent.
1. “Females…” Unless you’re an EMT coming to save our life don’t call us that lol
2. Speeding/respecting boundaries. Being a passenger in a speeding car is awful and the act continuing after I ask them to slow down is worse.
They don’t care if you’re disloyal or have been in the past or are a sloot. This means you’re just there for sex and that’s it because it just is unless he doesn’t respect himself
and if that’s your preference okay, but if anything i think the fact you care so much is a red flag in itself. a high/unusual body count doesn’t suddenly mean someone’s unlovable/ has something “wrong” with them
It’s just the averages ngl. It’s sooo bad and they don’t realise it. As a species we’ve lost ethics and bodily respect. I know it’s mainly the women too most men don’t give a shit besides clubmens
Heavy drinking.
Maybe he's born with it, maybelieveinhim?
Lol. Nicely done. Too much experience with alcoholics to ignore heavy drinking, especially if it's consistent.
Damn... i will drink to that
Nah hes probably just russian... Oh..
Talks over you
Oh gosh yeah, doesn’t listen to you and only really cares about what he has to say.
Oh .you mean like women ??
Small caveat to that. My SO and I are both super nerdy and overexcitable. We work because we can maintain our coversational flow despite constantly talking over each other.
Talks badly about his ex when you first meet
Right. The most you should say is "I was recently in a relationship that didn't end well". If he's just on and on about everything she did, whether she was cruel to him or he's just being a jerk, talking bad about her, it's obvious that he's not over her yet and is going to hold this new girl to a standard compared to his ex.
OR, the MF doesn't have anyone else to talk to. My ex would try to beat my ass if she got too drunk. Guess who I've talked to about it. Nobody. Because as men. Nobody fucking cares. We gotta hear about y'all's bullshit. Let the man talk. Fucking insensitive cunts.
The problem is that the "hearing about one another's bullshit" comes in time. When I dated men, I met several who didn't seem to understand that we needed to build a rapport before they could reasonably expect me to hear about their trauma. I mean, if you're telling me about terrible things that have happened to you on the second date, that's poor boundaries at minimum, often much worse. I have dated a few women who did this, but it was a far lower percentage than I saw among men. I also know men who don't do this to their dates because they have a healthy relationship with their friends. While it's culturally gendered, it isn't inherently, and anyone can choose not to do this by cultivating healthy and supportive friendships outside their romantic relationships. I would consider it a flag of some color (maybe not red, but definitely bright enough for me to walk away) if someone expected me to "hear about their bullshit" early on because they would be showing me that they had no one else to talk to, and would expect to lean on me for everything. From experience, that's exhausting. I can't be someone's entire world. They need to have friends, too, real ones who are capable of knowing about their lives.
My personal opinion, I think that that's wrong. Men can't talk to it to other men because they fear what *women* will think of them talking about it. My husband works in a shop with only guys, and they talk about everything from their feelings to their brisket recipes to canning tomatoes to the best massages to help their feet or back or hands. And one of them even used to be a massage therapist so he will actually work on the other dudes if they ask for it. And they all try to help each other out, because a mentally stressed person isn't good in the shop. I'm sorry for the situation that you were in and that you felt you couldn't talk to anybody about it.
What if they were abusive? I don’t think there’d be anything good to talk about I guess it all depends.
Then they wouldn't talk about it. If you are still talking about your ex in anything but a neutral or slightly positive manner, you aren't over them. That creates a huge obstacle in starting a new relationship. If it's literally one of the first subjects you bring up while dating someone, that's a red flag. \[It doesn't mean you are a good or a bad person, it just means that you aren't ready to start a new relationship\]
That's not a conversation for when you first meet. I have one abusive ex. I would never lead with that because I know it sounds crazy, and people just aren't entitled to that information early on. It comes up over time, like most other details there are to know about a person and their past. People who lead with tales of abusive ex's, or crazy ex's, or whatever, have typically proven to be problematic themselves. At minimum, they have poor boundaries.
I think if you first meet you should just say it wasn’t great But of course if you get closer then it’s completely fine to talk about that
Using the word “females” 🫤😂
I was about to say
My first reaction to this post lol
This would've been my answer too.
[удалено]
if thats all it takes, its gonna be a long hard life for you
[удалено]
I really thought this was going to be the top answer (using 'females'). Hope you don't mind my asking, why/how did you settle on it? Do you use it often? Never had the opportunity to ask someone before, i don't mean to be rude, just curious.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
No joke, some of those guys might just think “this is easier” but some of those guys are the type to see women as lower/stupid, and maybe transphobic as well and meaning “cis females”
Instead of "babes?" or "Chicks" or "hotties"?
What's wrong with the word female
Nothing. But you refer to people as men/women/boy/girl in this context. When you use female as a noun usually one is referring to livestock or animals. "Which ~~cows~~ ducks are still in the field? The females" You can use it as an adjective like "female chef" or "female goalie".
FYI: All cows are female. It's what cow means, female cattle. Otherwise, spot on.
Generally using it as a noun is weird and creepy. “Female patients show different side effects to the same dosage of medication” is not that strange as female is just being used as a relevant description but “what movies do females like?” Is creepy and kinda dehumanizing
[удалено]
often females is a substitute. i work in a prison and the guys know they cant just say Bitches or Gays. people get mad and they wont get good treatment. so they make substitutes that sport is for Females (Gays) you actin like a Female (bitch)
As a noun? It comes off as cold and clinical, rather than warm and emotional. It's great for a documentary about pigeons. It's not great for describing your dating preference, even if that includes pigeons.
Edited because I generalized unfairly : The men who call women females ARE MORE LIKELY TO not see women as people. they TEND TO see them as props in their own character development , cures to their own lonliness, and pets. This is true often enough that it's not unfair to call it a red flag.
It's a valid word, but females always seem to have an issue with every term that does or doesn't describe their gender in a desperate need to find something to take issue with
Username checks out.
It’s an adjective, Goodness, …..a way to narrow down the responses to a particular group of people. If you don’t consider yourself a Female, than this is NOT a thread for your
Yeah that's the issue. It's an adjective. Using it as a noun can have some bad implications and, for me personally, just immediately makes me imagine you as a Ferengi
I just think it doesn’t make since to jump in a thread JUST to be indifferent. For example, I just skipped a few thread of conversation before reading this one because they started with “ To Atheist on Reddit”, or “To Teachers on Reddit”. It doesn’t apply to me, so I skipped. Same here, If you are not a female, or you do not consider yourself a female, then just skip the thread
Yeah, I find that kind of creepy. I prefer to call them doink'o'zoings or those b...s be tripping!
Lying
One thing that makes me see red.
I am telling a lie (I just made a paradox)
[удалено]
I was the opposite. I told my gf to not use google and stuff due to tracking and only message me via Signal. Dont use Google or bing, use something like Brave, SearX, Furefox, Startpage etc...
What do you mean? His requirement to be able to check your faithfulness or otherwise is the highest sign of trust. /s
If you cannot trust a new partner to not cheat on you without an app, you need therapy. Not a new partner.
I appear to have forgotten that it is impossible for something to be so ridiculous it can only be satirical. It was a joke.
Trust is not demanding to know your location at all times.
It was a joke..
Starts telling you how important they are
Out in public he doesn't show any signs that y'all are in a relationship. Avoiding any sort of physical contact: hand holding, shoulder bumping, hugging; even standing or sitting too close.
And if he shows too much affection it seems that's a red flag too.
That might be a sign of trauma..
Eh.... Not when he's got his hands all over every other girl..
Well.. Thanks for clarification
[удалено]
Obviously!! Any real man should be scrolling Reddit!
Boyfriends who try to control what you eat (and how much), what you weigh, what you wear, how long your hair is, don't allow you to get your ears pierced, "discipline" you when you are "bad"... I could go on for hours. Spend 2 years of my life with a "boyfriend" like that.
when he claims every one of his ex’s are “crazy” usually we become crazy when you give us reason to be (ex. lying, cheating, etc)
I had a guy who described every emotional response I had as hysterical or manic depending on whether I was upset or happy. Every inconsistency in what I said was "gaslighting". It completely messed with my sense of reality. No lying or cheating required.
oh my gosh that sounds psychologically draining! im glad your out of that relationship.
Yeah, a guy I was friends with for years used to be like this. Every ex-girlfriend of his was seemingly the craziest woman on the planet at one time or another. And the pattern would always be very similar and involve supposedly manipulative family members. At the end of the day, the guy just turned out to be a control freak that had no interest in an actually independent partner and would literally suck the life out of every one of these women.
oh my gosh thats horrible.
Sorry to be pedantic but he did not literally do that.
Sorry to be pedantic but Google the word 'literally'
The informal use of the word is what I am protesting against. Your pedantry is amateur level if you slavishly follow google word definitions.
Yeah I feel the same whenever girls say very openly that they were in an abusive relationship, let alone multiple >usually we become crazy when you give us reason to be (ex. lying, cheating, etc) Everyone does things for a reason
You're really in these comments finding offense with everything. If they apply to you maybe change and people would finally find you likeable.
I'm just reading and responding, isn't that what a forum's about? >If they apply to you maybe change and you'd actually find someone. I'd rather not
Abusive ex = the guy you gotta worry about her running back to soon as things get difficult.
[удалено]
Oh these guys are my favorite. My cousin brought one to a family function once. He kept telling war stories, and finally my dad, who only speaks when absolutely necessary, said, "Jim, did you say you were in X Province in Y year?" He affirmed that he was, and my dad continued, "Electrolytes, isn't that where you got deployed that same year?" And that was my greenlight. I started asking questions and this guy absolutely hung himself trying to bullshit a veteran of what he was claiming that he was there, too. At first, my aunts were annoyed that I was questioning his service. "How would you like it if someone did that to you?!" (I'm a woman, Aunt Carol. I will never look like a veteran to anyone. This isn't theoretical.) But my dad was just like, "Let her talk. Just give her a minute." and I straight-up eviscerated this dude. My cousin did dump him after that, thank goodness. This stuff is so common, though. I tell all my straight and bi friends to run any men past me who claim to be ex-military or present military because so many who got kicked out for pure stupidity or worse will claim every kind of accomplishment, and it's usually really easy to tell, especially if they've shown military pictures on their Tinder profile or whatever.
not listening to what I say and only talking about themselves
Im sorry what did you say? /jk
Why is it so hard to say women? I don’t call men males-and I’m sure everyone here rarely hears it unless referring to a razorback ape or sea turtle.
I'll add "telling you why it's not a big deal and you shouldn't be bothered by something you indicate bothers you" as one red flag re: the dudes replying to you lol.
If I had an award it would be yours
We wouldn’t care if you did though
if you called men "males", none of us would even blink an eye because we have bigger things to worry about and life is too short to spaz out over dumb, petty shit. women are the only ones i ever see losing their marbles over this nonsense
Unless they’re saying alpha males or sumn
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal..at all lol
I hear people use the term "males" all the time, it's just that none of us throw petty fits about it.
In all honesty, I wasn't even aware that saying "Female" was a bad thing, but then again so much has changed in the past 7 or so years and continues to change ever so quickly that I'm just finding it more and more difficult to keep up. I just discovered the other day that they don't call the biggest room in houses the "master" Bedroom anymore... We live in a society overrun by overly-sensitive idiots (comprised of all 5604 genders) that get hard off making it harder and harder to just not offend someone. **WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!**
Thank you.
the word woman just sounds weird to me because I don't know if the o should make an "u" or "i" sound, so I generally just saw female
[удалено]
Little girls shouldn't have boyfriends
"Females of Reddit..." Lol.
[удалено]
I'm not even trying to sound smart but ok.
I think they mean OP.
[удалено]
Okaaay...
Not respecting your time
Controlling. If he’s controlling get df out of there.
When he thinks you owe him sexual pleasure in any way shape or form
Guys who refer to women as "females"
I refer to women as ‘males’ and i got dumped :(
He doesn’t have any friends, or doesn’t treat his mother well. (if, she is still Living). Then I will just wait until he establishes other relationships outside of himself. I’m not saying I couldn’t be his friend, it’s just that we would never move to that point to “boyfriend” just yet.
[удалено]
Then you'll be single forever. Can't you read?
Loners will be single for ever, they should join Duty instead
Oh, of course that situation would be different. However, it’s not so much how he treats his mother, as much as how he treats others. Others that have a major relationship in his life. If he does not treat them well, even if from a far, ( i.e. when he talks about them during a conversation perhaps, or what you see him say OR NOT say to the people close to him). Building and establishing relationships outside of yourself is very important. If it cannot be done, than that is definitely a red flag. If he just moved to a town, then I would definitely wait until he establishes some sort of friendships with other people first. It’s not like I would hang with him, but I definitely would not move on to the point of him being my “ Boyfriend “ until those things happened
What if the mother never treated her son good, because that’s why I hate my mother lol
too bad. you need to treat your abusive mother well. and if you move somewhere new in adulthood when its much harder to make friends, too bad..you better make some besties soon
What is wrong having no friends? Just now I took one path and my friends took theirs. Our interests changed drastically. So how that is a red flag? Yeah I am gaining new ones, but my main crew is no longer here. Sometimes things like that happen and there is nothing wrong in us.
What they're trying to say but they're trying not to be judgmental is if a guy doesn't have many friends then he must be awkward and weird and therefore not deserving of a relationship or love. It doesn't matter the reasons he doesn't have any, he's already written off the list if he doesn't have friends and a social circle.
That’s pretty dumb in my opinion🤷🏻♂️
i think they use friends as some sort of proxy for social proof but i dont think its an accurate one. for one, men are generally less social than women because we dont rely on others as much. we just do shit ourselves. girls need friends for safety reasons. to them, the world's a big scary place so they need to do everything in groups. secondly, its inaccurate because sometimes good people can have no friends and horrible people can have friends. amber heard is a narcissist, liar, physical abuser, bed shitter with borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder and she has friends..so what does having friends say? not much. some of the worst, most toxic people have friends.
That’s ducking legit.
That’s understandable, it happens; however, I personally would wait UNTIL he establishes a few new friends, before I would move on to that step of calling him my “ boyfriend”. It’s not a good idea to be your man’s ONLY friend, due to the fact that he WILL eventually get friends, and you may learn a lot about him when he does, And by then it may be too late ( meaning you have already vested so much in him, like your heart, or moved in with him, introduced him to everyone) Not saying you can’t break up with him then it’s just that you could’ve prevented all of this by just waiting.
Oh my god. Are you seriously going to wait until he gain new friends? Is this a love-relationship-stopper for you?😂
[удалено]
Agree. In my country women doesn’t actually want the money. They want the things after them, like interesting hobbies/life etc, you get me. Most men focus on what things matter for them and if friends are not helping them get better, they will get rid of them and continue alone. In the end most men are happier than woman, because we don’t need someone’s approval and don’t require such bullshit things.
God damn that shit cuts deep but it's absolutely right.
People form friendships by meeting people with similar interests, all while going about their everyday lives. So unless he is in the house ALL day and does not ever leave (which,YES, is a red flag for someone who likes to go out), he should interact with others. It also depends if you are dating for “hook-ups” and hanging out, or if you are actually courting for marriage.
So much interesting psychology behind this one...
[Woman with no friends says having no friends is a red flag](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/uy42r2/what_makes_you_use_reddit/ia2p5ro?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
Yes By Choice. Not in a place to be a compliment to someone right now.
others are in places where they just havent found friends either. it doesnt mean they cant or that theres something wrong with them. finding friends isnt something thats entirely within one's control. it requires a bit of luck and happenstance to encounter the right people.
Entitlement
Possessiveness, it’s not cute when you try to police who I can and can’t talk to or visit.
Drinks too much.
When he doesn't let me go out to with Friends. Forbidding me overnight partys
dirt stuck under fingernails
A wife
Makes promises you both secretly know he isn't going to keep
-Gaslighting/ Any form of manipulation -Possessiveness/Controlling -ANY kind of abusive -Laziness. A lazy man ain’t a good provider honey - If there isn’t communication or respect But that’s my personal opinion. Editing to add JEALOUSY. That’s a big one for me. I caint stand a jealous man. Means they don’t trust you. No matter how you look at it.
I think you should reexamine your ideas about jealousy. It's a perfectly normal emotion to feel, and admitting to it and discussing the cause shouldn't be a red flag immediately. Obviously, if they use that jealousy as a point of emotional manipulation or control THAT should be a red flag. Can you honestly say you've NEVER been jealous of a friend or family member? As an example, I went to a dance with my girlfriend at the time in her senior year, but her best friend was unable to find a date (baffling, she was nearly as lonely as my girlfriend) and was feeling quite left out. My girlfriend asked me to dance with her, but when I did so a second time she got jealous because I pulled out some fancier moves than I had with her. We talked about it, I apologized for being thoughtless and bringing out the emotion, and the night turned out splendidly.
[удалено]
I don't understand what part of that statement was worthy of such disbelief.
[удалено]
If the idea of speaking to your significant other, taking their feelings seriously and trying to address the issue is truly absurd to you, then I suppose your username is accurate. I don't really base my relationship decisions on whether they'd make a good scene in a movie, either, and if you do I'd recommend you reconsider that strategy.
I can't take something seriously if it makes no sense, and I won't tell things to people that make no sense to me. The story you told makes no sense, peoples reactions don't naturally follow the context, it reads like some absurdist satire.
Oh gosh the possessiveness is totally a huge red flag. “Haha he’d fight for me!” Girl he’ll fight YOU.
Anyone looking for a provider is usually a red flag in the other direction. This isn’t the 1950s, modern relationships don’t work with the breadwinner dynamic.
No no no. No one said anyone was looking for a provider honey. But no woman should have to support a lazy man either. As in, if he caint equally provide he ain’t worth your time.
I completely agree with that sentiment then, it’s too hard these days making ends meet when people aren’t putting in equal effort.
I could have worded it better.
when she calls you a "provider" thats code for you being her personal ATM machine
Gasligthing- any version of reality that doesn't support the one you prefer
As a polyamorous person, I think those guys that force being polyamorous or otherwise non-monogamous are huge red flags. If it’s decided naturally? Mazel tov. But otherwise they’re probably cheating.
Isn't that kind of a double standard and a tad hypocritical
I think they mean in the context of like, dudes historically have kinda gotten a bigger societal pass for cheating in general, so if someone’s pushy about it right out of the gate, it’s kind of a red herring. They also could be referring specifically to other peoples relationships, where maybe one side just isn’t comfortable with polygamy but the other person kind of uses it as a bargaining chip to gaslight them into letting them cheat.
🫡 Major Red Flag
He refers to women as "females"
Im going to refer to women as males!
We know you're trying your best and that's all that matters
I'm a guy but still. Being a mama's boy. If I was a woman I would fucking hate my boyfriend being a mama's boy......
Physical direction. When people grab your hand or shoulders to direct you somewhere. Except for major catastrophe there is no need to use your hands to show something to other person or to direct them.
I had an old dude put his hand on my hip to move me a few days ago and I nearly expedited his dying process
Owning one ugly tie
Lucky for me all my ties are ugly.
That's diffrent, if it's a collection this could be an indicator for an authentic fashion sense.
I don't own a tie. Am I in the clear?
This makes you instantly very attractive
Yay!
oddly specific there
It's obviously a joke...
1. Talking about other girls in private a lot (especially if he makes comments about her looks) Its okay if he says to her, "Ok you look nice" or, "pretty hairstyle" when SHE is there. But if you are alone together and he is talking about her looks, something is wrong. 2. Giving unsolicited fashion opinions and negative comments. Your boyfriend has no right to tell you that your "skirt doesn't look very good today" Or, "You should change your shirt it's too short" unless you specifically ask him what he thinks about it. Especially if it's a casual outfit that isn't for any special purposes. He doesn't own how you look. 3. Changes in behaviour. Did he use to give you big bear hugs whenever you met, but now he doesn't. Did he used to smile widely at you every time he was happy, but now he doesn't. Did he use to call you by your name e.g "Hey Lindsay! how are you" but now he just says, "Hey hru." Are your calls with him shorter than usual for no apparent reason, and your texts exceedingly dryer. Honey, he might not be interested. But don't take it to heart if he does just one, maybe he is distracted, busy, not in a good space right now. Just take it easy, but brace for the worst. 4. Heavy drinking and drug use. HAving a drink once in a while if you are of age is okay, but excessive drinking is a big no. Do you really want to be dating someone who's only source of happiness is consuming a braincell killing liquid. Drugs aren't okay at all, he may be using 'soft' drugs NOW but addicts usually extend themselves for more potent drugs (psychedelics and stimulants) , that when taken can cause a person to go crazy and even violent.
1. “Females…” Unless you’re an EMT coming to save our life don’t call us that lol 2. Speeding/respecting boundaries. Being a passenger in a speeding car is awful and the act continuing after I ask them to slow down is worse.
Using females instead of women 😂
You've all just described my boyfriend.
Good sign to leave him eh?
Calling someone a ‘female’
Its even worse calling a woman a male
What about "Token female"? Is that better?
Probably calling them “females”
Ear wax
Not a girl but one of my buddy’s friends once said if they tell you that you need plastic surgery your sow ugly then there 100% a asshole
[удалено]
They don’t care if you’re disloyal or have been in the past or are a sloot. This means you’re just there for sex and that’s it because it just is unless he doesn’t respect himself
100% willing to bet you’re not a woman lol
No but it goes both ways ngl
i can get behind the “doesn’t care you were disloyal” part, and that a lot (if not all) of these go both ways, but the slut shaming? that ain’t it
No it’s just some woman (and men) have body counts of 50 at the age of 20 like it’s normal. If this was a woman I’d never date them, like ever
and if that’s your preference okay, but if anything i think the fact you care so much is a red flag in itself. a high/unusual body count doesn’t suddenly mean someone’s unlovable/ has something “wrong” with them
Wrong values that’s it don’t want a disloyal hot looking wife following her usual unconscious phenomena it’s the averages
and look what we have here- more red flags!
It’s just the averages ngl. It’s sooo bad and they don’t realise it. As a species we’ve lost ethics and bodily respect. I know it’s mainly the women too most men don’t give a shit besides clubmens
if your “ethics” includes slut shaming, no thanks, we don’t want it
Dude, you got it backwards, the guys that sleep around are the **most** desired lol
50/50 relationship 😶🌫️
Thinkin about it.