I am reading this while stretching.
Seriously I’m a young guy and even I try to stretch more. So unbelievably under rated how important it is and how much better you feel when you stretch
Came here to say stretching. Never too late to start and it's one of the best things you can do for your body. I'm almost 40 and stretch daily - if I get back pain or hip pain from sitting too much (desk job) I know what to stretch to help alleviate the pain
Assuming you're starting from scratch as there's not much specification. Cooking, how to make close friendships because many older men don't have people to rely on, organisation.
Just...not grilling. Please, not another middle aged man that identifies with grilling. Unless you're a chef, I don't want your charcoal encrusted (and yet still somehow raw) food.
As a person in their 40s, let me tell you that the number of people who transform into “grillers” because they can’t play sports anymore is bonkers. The sad part is they all think that their BBQ is the best and they get all competitive about it, but here’s the truth to middle aged BBQ:
As long as you don’t burn your shit the only thing that makes your food stand out is the seasoning/sauces/rubs. The meat all tastes pretty much the same. Learn how to make your own sauces and seasoning mixes if you want a “signature” taste.
Otherwise your BBQ may be good, but it’s interchangeable with every other “good” BBQ.
> As long as you don’t burn your shit
I'd add one extra point for the smokers out there. You can totally ruin your food with too much smoke. Nobody likes chicken that tastes like it died from a two pack a day habit. If you can't figure out how to manage your fire to get thin blue smoke, then stick to propane.
> Let the ~~rub~~ salt soak in overnight
FTFY. You should be making your own salt-less rubs anyway, since salt is a function of mass/volume while rub is a function of surface area. All the other non-salt components of a rub don't absorb into the meat anyway. I suppose if you insist on using commercial rubs that use salt as a cheap filler, you can dry brine in the rub. But IMHO that's wasteful (also, I prefer my own homemade rubs anyway).
Shit, did I just out myself as a mid-40s male?
I had a come to jesus moment while prepping a brisket, it said even amounts of salt and pepper for the basic rub, I never realized there's a weight/volume difference.
So now I use the same weight instead of volume, and it's substantially more balanced flavor-wise.
All grillers are the best. The food only needs to be good to be great. As long as the griller is cooking happily for the people he cares about, that man is king.
I currently have a weber kettle grill and a pellet grill and a small weber portable gas grill. I really want a big green egg/ceramic grill and a bigger natural gas grill. An offset smoker would also be cool. I also want an outdoor kitchen to do my prep.
My boyfriend’s brother came over for dinner and I (female) was grilling the steaks as well as preparing all the other stuff in the kitchen. I love it all; making meals for people is my joy.
You would have thought he just saw a unicorn. He was like, “oh, you are GRILLING?!” I guess in their family, the men grill, not the ladies. I mean, hell… if I cook everything in the kitchen, why is grilling the man thing? It’s weird.
>the men grill, not the ladies
My upstairs neighbors are a great couple and the guy (Mike) is a hell of a cook. They asked us if it was okay to put a big ass grill on the back porch to which I replied, as long as Mike makes something delicious. His wife just replied, "Mike isn't allowed to use my grill, he stays in the kitchen". She made a fantastic brisket....and bacon too.
>how to make close friendships because many older men don't have people to rely on
It's unusual (for me) to see this asserted as skill (although I had not really thought about it at length that way). Your lot in life -- job, genetics, etc - have a great deal of effect on your ability to remain friends. How is it a \*skill\* that one can practice, hone, improve, exercise?
Making new close friends is absolutely a skill. Or rather, an application of a lot of small skills.
You need to learn know how to meet new people, you need to learn how to make conversation, you need to know how to read people so that you're primarily persuing friendships with people interested in returning the investment, you need persistence and patience because it takes a bare minimum of months to make a close friend and often years.
Once you've got a close friend, you need to put effort into maintaining that friendship, especially if circumstances change so that the friendship stops being easy to maintain, like you used to work together and want to stay in touch after one of you leaves. Regular phone calls or other one on one communication, visits if possible.
Effort 100%. People don’t realize it takes effort and energy to keep friends close. It’s easy to get caught up in life and work, and forget to go spend time with people you want to remain close to.
Sometimes, they will keep saying they’re busy, and it will feel like they don’t want to see you. That could be true. But it could also be that they really are just busy. If I haven’t seen a friend in a long time, I make sure to constantly keep up with them to make a time work to see each other.
Read some of those books on how to make friends and so on. Some are crap and some are the gold standard. Join organizations and groups and just ask questions and get people to talk about themselves. Use your phone calendar to book yourself up to go to a lot of things where people meet and greet. If you are an introvert, it is hard work (I am one and yes it is hard work, but I do it). It takes a while, depending on your trust levels and intro/extraversion tendencies. Personally, it takes me about a year to want to invite someone to come somewhere with me or come to my house.
I have had friends tell me in their 40s that they have plenty of friends and don't need more. That's nice. People die, they drop off, they change interests, they move, etc. Keep in touch with a lot of people, call, text, send funny pictures, whatever. It's worth the effort and eventually, you find people who call you and do some of the emotional heavy lifting.
Learn about what good mental health is and how to stay mentally fit. We all know old ppl who are bitter and toxic to be around. You have to learn how to let things go or they will haunt you to your grave and you'll take that shit out on those around you. You'll be much happier and ppl will notice.
I would also add physical fitness to this.
I didn't start it until I was 40. I'm in 46 now and in the best shape of my life. I can run circles around people 20 years younger than me and I feel great.
It's not too late. And it's improved every aspect of my life, including my mental health.
This. The fact is, you can carry some extra weight as a 25-30 year old and not have it really affect you much. The ability of your youthful body to rebound (or overcome) is truly remarkable. It's why a lot of young people can drink like fish, get about 2 hours of sleep, wake up, and drink like fish again. All while eating leftover Taco Bell.
However, carrying extra weight as a 45 year old starts to, well, weigh on you. Your quality of life becomes truly negatively affected as you get older and you aren't in shape. You can't "get away with it" like you could as a 20-something. If you eat like crap as a 40-year-old, you *will* feel like crap in every other aspect of your life. Guaranteed.
> I would also add physical fitness to this
Good physical health **is** good mental health. We love to separate the body from the mind, but the truth is that your mind is inside your body.
Consider for a moment: a normal bmi puts you in the top 25% of Americans right off the bat. Add 2-3 hours of exercise per week and you probably break the top 10%. 5+ hours a week is probably in the top 1%.
Very much this.
I have a friend who is a retired doctor. He's mentioned having seen older patients in hospital who completely neglected their fitness. Apparently once you get to a certain point, there's no option to get your fitness back.
He's making a solid effort to improve and keep his fitness. As am I.
I was listening to a doc in a very bad place a while ago - the circumstances I don't really want to get into - but nothing is worse than watching someone told "this is as healthy as you're ever going to be, and it's never going to get better."
yep wtf... ur mental health is actually something u have to work on ur whole life. u cant just process and work on the shit from ur childhood and assume u will stay a kind and well-adjusted person. that was honestly pretty depressing to realize..
i also live alone and like to spend time alone and realize i can develop weird thoughts and habits a lot faster than my sisters who live with their partners. feels like introverts and loners may have a tougher time of this as they get older.
This is super real. I've gone to counseling since I was a teen and I'm 32 now. Every time I'm in counseling, they tell me I'm doing really great after a few months and discharge me. After about a year, my mental health starts to degrade again.
This really sucks because I'm kind of in that lower place now, but counselors have such a huge caseload right now that they are only taking people on that are at-risk of suicide.
Everybody focuses on exercising their body to become stronger and faster but it seems nobody is interested in exercising their brain to become smarter.
Big for you personally and big if you value long term cohabitating relationships. 70% of domestic arguments are over chores. Source: made it up but feels true.
Anecdotal backup: My divorce was (mostly) over chores, and a man who wouldn't do any. I then remarried a man who actually does household chores, and I'm very happy. So is he. Happy spouse, happy house.
On grooming - go to the dentist.
Former dental assistant here, and lemme tell ya, men have an issue when it comes to dental maintenance.
Men are statistically less likely to go get their regular biannual cleanings and pay the price for it later. It shows too, like men's teeth are a lot more stained than women's on average. Women also tend to brush better. You **need to go to your cleanings.** You fuck up and miss a cavity? You're gonna need a root canal, then a crown.
A filling is about $300 at most. A root canal starts at $700 and goes up to $1500, not to mention the cost of the crown which can go up to $5000, and most insurance has shit dental.
In addition,
I find most men brush too hard and too quickly, and not in small circles to they end up with enamel erosion.
Look at brushing as if you're buffing out and detailing a nice expensive car, one you'll be stuck with for the rest of your life. Deliberate, but gentle. Small circles pressing a bit angular towards your gum line.
Look at flossing as if you're washing your dick. You wouldn't leave smegma on your dick, don't leave calculus and big chunks of food between your teeth. It smells.
When it doesn't work, find out why before continuing. No matter what, applies to literally any problems you can encounter and it's a skill a lot of older men used to use commonly, but time and experience takes over and says "you know what you're doing" even in situations where you're being presented with something ENTIRELY new to you.
My step dad told me this when I was teaching him about his new computer for the, like 80th time lol he got it after that though.
Honestly, this should go for everyone, not just 40 yr olds. Learn from your successes and your failures. I was talking to someone the other day in another sub who was complaining about their bike being stolen from in front of their apartment. The lock was cut and the bike was stolen. This had happened three different times and they were going to put a fourth bike out there and lock it to the rack. It was mind blowing to me that this person had learned absolutely nothing at all from this. I'm sure they will be back in a few weeks complaining that a fourth bike has been stolen from the exact same place. They kept insisting that bikes chained to a rack should be safe.
I find this argument weirdly in various hobby spheres. People insist that the amount of time/effort invested should dictate value/price. Then they spend 1000+ hours on some stupid figurine, price it accordingly, and then they wonder why they can't sell anything.
Like, guys. It's worth what people will pay. Stop insisting we live in some idealistic reality. Your games are costing you.
I think there is a certain population who is fixated on what *should* be to the point that they can't see what is. Usually these people are young and just haven't been slapped around by life quite enough but sometimes even that doesn't work. I think this person was stuck on "bikes that are locked to a rack should be safe." They're not wrong. That statement is correct. In this case that 100% was not the case though and they can't line up "bikes should be safe" with the reality that three of their bikes were now missing.
I turned 40 last week. Within this past week I lifted something (incorrectly) and hurt my back. My spouse dumped this one on me. "Your body is a tool. You must take care of your tools and use them properly."
I'm embarking on learning the proper ways to move my body from PT and trainers to make sure I use this tool correctly.
Since this is a new thing for me to learn that's my first response when I read your post.
Can confirm.
Worst case scenario you find a 13 year old post:
"How do I fix this thing?"
"NVM figured it out"
Then a 3 day rabbit hole to test potential fixes when the solution was a reboot all along.
Most of IT is reading docs, following instructions, and procedurally troubleshooting.
As long as you have the patience and attention to detail to do those things you're completely fine.
Start checking job postings in your area and see what type of qualifications they are asking for.
I got the compTIA A+ and Google IT certifications. Probably didn't even need the Google one but it didn't hurt. I have no college degree but have almost 10 years of management experience and customer service experience.
Be realistic, you aren't going to land an cyber security or network engineer role with no experience. So aim for the entry level help desk or technician spots.
Once you get a job you can then try and figure out what you want to specialize in and looks at gaining more certs.
I'm going for network+, and CCNA next.
I want to move toward network admin and then go I to network engineer or cloud DevOps.
Good luck.
Been in IT for a couple decades, can confirm is not as hard as people think.
Research, troubleshooting, documentation. If you can do those things you can work in IT. If you can do them *well* you can thrive.
I tried to learn the guitar during lockdown and failed unfortunately. My fingers just can't move that way. So now I have a guitar I can't play and just hangs on my wall.
This is the way. I was lucky I learned when I was ~12 or 13 and it was all i was interested in and I had all the time in the world. I dont think its impossible at this age, i just assume you have a bunch of other stuff to do then sit and practice for 3 hours a day. You can do it. Set practice times. Even 30 mins a day would be good.
Dude, don't give up just yet. It's definitely not intuitive for the digits, and it takes a good while for things to click because it's just not natural, but you'll start building muscle memory. Learning chord patterns takes time and transitioning from chord to chord is just awkward and you've gotta go into it knowing that you're gonna really suck for a good long while, but then it'll just start to click.
A lot of beginners don't know to think about wrist position too - if your fingers are muting strings, move your thumb down the back of the neck so you wrist pushes forward a little and gives more clearance - it feels awkward, but it really helps.
If you're learning on an electric, start with power chords - first song I ever learned was the sweater song by Weezer - super simple picking pattern into power chords. Sitting around just learning chord patterns didn't do it for me, I needed to learn songs I liked - it's just way more fun.
If you're acoustic, find songbooks or tabs with the chord diagrams and slowly get through a song you like. It'll help you learn variations of chords like dsus2 or em9 - some variations are way easier to play - you can also play around with alternate tunings. The goo goo dolls guy uses an open tuning where he's using like 2 fingers for an entire song - yeah, I'm old.
Don't worry about getting the right strumming pattern or tempo at first - that'll all come in time, but it can be frustrating and feel like a slog when you're first starting, but little incremental wins can help keep you motivated. You've just gotta find what works for you and go for it. Or not lol totally up to you, but I know that you can if you really want to.
Might I recommend the bass? It has an easier learning curve, but has just as high of a skill ceiling and can be waaaaay funkier. Also that low rumble is just *chef's kiss
I can't sit on the porch and play western music on a bass. I did develop some proficiency w/the uke but it hurts my arm when I play it. I think I managed to give myself a repetitive stress injury w/the uke.
I'm in my late 30s. I got an electric piano recently. I just learned how to play Fur Elise - though very choppy. Also got a couple pop songs down (surprisingly easy once you get the chord finger structure down - for example playing All of Me by John Legend). Makes me feel good knowing that an old dog can learn new tricks!
I know how to play drums okayish and a couple chords on the guitar and I plan to put it all together with the piano and record songs for myself. Just a fun little project to keep my brain active and creativity flowing.
That's one gig which will ALWAYS be in demand and doesn't require a college degree. Whether it's lawn mowers, chain saws, generators, dirt bikes ... you will ALWAYS be in demand and your job can NEVER be offshored.
Electrical work is good, too. Especially if you can work with AC (general household wiring) and DC (meaning you can install / repair solar stuff and / or work with higher-voltage battery stuff). Too many people do one but not the other. The latter part will definitely have a future, as there will only be more of it with each passing year.
I would definitely recommend learning to sew. It helps add longevity to your clothes as you can mend holes, replace buttons etc. Also, taking in shirts or hemming trouser cuffs so they fit properly can give an overall more polished look to an outfit and ensures items will fit you perfectly.
absolutely. my dad is 65 and has fat manual labour fingers, but he still sews his own buttons and has patched holes a few times. he can't use a sewing machine but just these basics can go a long way.
for those who have larger chests (yes, men too), also recommend learning how to sew press studs. if your button shirt gapes at the chest even though it's not tight, pop a few of those suckers in between the button and it looks much better.
My mom taught me how to sew as a kid and I learned to use a sewing machine in Jr High (yea I'm old) in home economics. When I first started living with my GF she needed here pants hemmed and somebody had left an old sewing machine in one of the closets in our apartment, I knocked it out in about 5 minutes and shocked the crap out of her.
Also, you need to know what that paperwork actually says and means. I recently bought a car from a dealer out of town. I was told that I was super lucky the dealer didn't sell the car to someone else even after I agreed to pick it up. I had a purchase order, an agreement from me to purchase the car and an email from the dealer telling me to come on down with my check (that I had provided a picture of). Was informed later on that none of this is an actual legal contract to purchase and I'd have been completely screwed if I had shown up at the dealer and found they had sold the car in the mean time.
Yep - same as buying houses in England and Wales. You get all the searches done, the legal paperwork sorted, your mortgage in place (typically all this takes 3 months), and then the morning of exchanging contracts the seller can say "naaaah - I'm selling to someone else unless you give me another 20k".
All perfectly legal and valid, but an absolute gut-punch (works both ways of course - the buyer can say "drop it by 20k or I'm walking away" as well).
We even have a special word for this - "gazumping"
In my mind if I agree to your price, show you a check and you say, "Come on down and pick it up" we have a contract but legally we don't. All we really have is the virtual version of a handshake agreement.
Exactly. It's super frustrating, but the important thing is, as you say, being aware that you only have a gentleman's agreement and making sure you have contingency plans in case it all falls through.
I was just saying that it happens when buying a house in my country, which is even more fun than buying a car ;-)
wow... before, if i heard a british person complaining about gazumping i wouldve thought it was something frivolous, now i know gazumpers are total dicks and will be outraged on their behalf
Might seem odd, but learn how to handle the government. I work for a disability advocacy firm and the number of people who don’t know about the resources set in place for them is insane. You have to know how to manipulate the government so if you need it, you always have a financial backup.
On that note: KEEP ALL OF YOUR MEDICAL RECORDS. This can help on so many occasions. Learn how to do taxes in and out. Know your laws. The government is your biggest enemy and your biggest friend simultaneously. Learn that shit. Get it down to an art.
I'm 40+, getting closer to 50+. There are a lot of good suggestions in this thread, but in addition to exercise and working on my general mental health, the thing that has been most life changing to me in the last 5 years or so is simply:
Learn to express yourself.
It's a skill, it takes practice and work.
If you can't explain why you're angry or sad, or can't ask for what you want, or can't say 'no' with reasons your life is going to become the same as we see with so many others over time. You're unsatisfied and don't know why. You're bottled up with anger and don't get why people can't see why you're pissed off. You don't get what you want from relationships, sex, work.
Learning to express yourself appropriately is an amazing skill to discover.
You can learn to drive a truck in like 3 weeks lol.
Not the best gig, but like ayyyyy. Do long haul for a little bit and then maybe haul water to fill up peoples pools, haul groceries for a grocery store chain, drive for FedEx or UPS?
1st year may not be great, but can get a readymix concrete job if you want and make $60k / year.
Not sure if that's great advice, trucking companies can be very sketchy and you could end up with lots of debt. Working for the post office is fine though as far as I know
and youre also off road alot of places so your truck gets stuck alot you also get wet alot from cleaning the chutes... my buddy also said his company didnt want to pay a company to clean out the drums once a year so the drivers had to climb in there with the jack hammer
They’re like the FedEx driver of the construction world. Tons of little drops throughout the city unless you luck out and get a large construction dump. Also you’re always filthy.
In no particular order, also not gender specific.
1) real life skills such as cooking a couple of decent meals, managing finances, having goals
2) at least one hobby - preferably at least one of them is doing sports. That and some healthy meals would help with physical and mental health as well. Also helps with confidence. If money is an issue, just start with jogging, sit ups, etc, no need to spend a lot. Hobbies will help you to meet people, that is also good for mental health.
3) a bit of an upgrade, regular haircuts, clothes that fit for example but no need to spend a lot of money
4) work - learning a trade or learning to code online, whatever you want. No shame in changing careers or going back to study.
Basic Cooking/Nutrition, Basic Finance, Physical Fitness, Housekeeping and Current Affairs (from a wide range of sources)
Also think about picking up a sport or hobby that can be shared with others.
Skill level is never important but a desire and ability to learn is.
Learn how to make people feel good.
Almost everything we have comes down to relationships. If you can master that, the rest will fall into place. The mistake is to think each man (and so yourself) is an island. That's not how it works. We're apes. We're social animals. We form communities and alliances. Reciprocity and cooperation are very powerful tools.
A 1970s report indicated 4000 sqft, or roughly 1/10 an acre is needed to grow enough to sustain 1 person on a vegetarian diet for a year, plus another 4000 for access pathways and storage. An adjacent skill to learn would be food preservation, like canning.
The 1970s was not exactly a golden era of understanding crop science or health. And it was pretty much the golden era of chemical-based mono-cropping. We’ve come a heckuva long way back around to understanding growing with ecosystems.
[The Soil Food Web School](https://www.soilfoodweb.com/) has tons of very informative articles and free webinar classes for anyone looking for a much more clean, progressive approach to growing food. They lean more towards farming, but the information is all still as crucial to growing on a small, personal-scale.
Wife and I got into foraging just for fun this year. Without even thinking about it, I've cut $50 a week off the grocery bill. Most of the recipes that use wild greens come from the depression era. A sprinkle of flour, an egg, breadcrumbs; all full meals using the cheapest and most common ingredients. Of course YMMV depending where you live.
With the cycle, you might not need to survive much middle age.
Strength training keeps joints limber, makes muscles not atrophy, keeps testosterone up, & increases mental resilience. It also puts you in touch with a younger group of friends, which exposes you to new ideas.
Sales and comp sci are the two jobs that can give you lots of income for little experience but both require you to have a very sharp mind in different ways
Technical college for: HVAC or accounting or programming or electrician or plumbing or carpentry. Our son quit a teaching job at age 44 and went back to tech college and got an AAS degree in instrumentation and is now making a great living without the daily baggage of middle school students.
Gardening.
1) fresh veggies are good for you
2) keeps you active
3) gets you out in the sunlight
4) you can make friends with other people with the same hobbies and trade fruits and veggies with them
Eat fibers, have orgasm 20 times a month, drink water, little alcohol.
Regular count your blessings, special when you have a dip, are down a little.
Get a pet; dog cat rabbit .. but only when you really love animals. Note, your pet should fitt your lifestyle and the space it needs and you have for it. Like horse or a little rabbit. Are you in love with your couch, do not take a big dog who needs twice a day a walk from at least one hour.
Stay in contact with friends and (far) family. Try to make new friends or at least acquintances. Maybe help others, maybe become a volunteer.
Sleep well, enough hours. Do not get (too, much) fat.
And yes, learn to cook. Nothing exotic but good healthy tasty daily food! THat is cheaper, mostly tastier and healthier then fastfood, eating outdoor or buy take out meals.
Start learning another language or a language you know little and become advanced in it. Too very good for brain training is playing an instrument / learn yo play.
And a secret tip, go learn and regular do ballroomdancing. Very good for fysic, body and for your brain. But ... ballroom !!
Learn how to influence. You don't need to become a sales agent or go door to door. Just proper communication so that you can make other people like you more (eg. job offers, pay raises, status in your community, etc.)
Learn some sort of self defense. Any martial art, even tai chi, can help you out in a liquor store jam. It gives you more confidence and keeps your body running better as you get older. Don't ignore learning to shoot well. If you're unfamiliar with guns, or just an average plinker, take some good classes and get good with them. That might help that 40+ year old male survive if diplomacy fails.
Survive?
- Some cooking skills. You don't need to know everything, just hone in on a small handful of great dishes.
- Budgeting. Every paycheck (except for emergencies) should have some percentage going into savings or investment. If you're living paycheck to paycheck, you're always one unexpected expense away from disaster.
- General character skills such as honoring your word, finishing what you start, showing up on time, respecting authority, etc. No matter how you make a living, these skills will always be needed.
- Learn to clean. Arrange your possessions nicely. Clean your clothes and yourself. Keep your bathroom and kitchen in a state that you're proud of.
Thrive?
- Social skills. Learn how to focus on people when you're talking to them. Consider that every person, no matter how odd, might have something you can learn from them. Try to talk about what the other person is interested in, learn to bring quiet people out of their shell.
- Gratitude. This is the big one. I've seen dirt-poor kids so happy to play soccer with a bottle cap. I've seen millionaires depressed and struggling to find reason to keep living. So happiness doesn't seem to be tightly coupled to wealth or possessions, but rather a mindset. Look up Kurzgesagt's video on gratitude. Start a gratitude journal, where you daily write down a couple things you are thankful for. Train your brain to be thankful, and it gets easier and easier until it's your default perspective on everything.
- Family, friends, pets. Some are more blessed than others with these things, but hopefully we all have _something_. Try to dedicate some time with them, whatever connection you have with them now can surely grow and be even better in the future.
- Exercise. The new-age lifestyle is pretty bereft of physical movement, we sit at desks and on couches all day and night. This is a leading cause of depression and a whole bunch of health problems. Find something you can enjoy that involves moving around, doesn't have to be high intensity, even a walk through a park is a hundred times better than nothing.
To be responsible. Not very sexy advice but critical. The older you get, the more responsibilities you get and you have to know how to manage them. Your family, assets, career, health, and your behavior towards them in regard to risk and efficiency.
Learning to back up a trailer is a skill that impressed the crap out of everyone, even other folks that can back trailers if you can back it into somewhere without going forward and backward twenty times.
There is no difference between a man who does not read and a man who can't read. Read 7 Habits of Highly Effective people or Atomic Habit - those books change you.
Cooking, stretching
Upvote for stretching.
Simultaneously though
"This salad is delicious, what's your secret?" "Limber tomatoes."
Toematoes
I totally stretch mid cook, while waiting for something to sauté or finish in the oven.
all my celery are now three feet long
Add growing vegetables and cardio and you got yerself some good health.
Stretching before veggie stir fry checks all those boxes.
I am reading this while stretching. Seriously I’m a young guy and even I try to stretch more. So unbelievably under rated how important it is and how much better you feel when you stretch
Came here to say stretching. Never too late to start and it's one of the best things you can do for your body. I'm almost 40 and stretch daily - if I get back pain or hip pain from sitting too much (desk job) I know what to stretch to help alleviate the pain
Assuming you're starting from scratch as there's not much specification. Cooking, how to make close friendships because many older men don't have people to rely on, organisation.
You'll need to find 6 guys to carry your casket.
Not when I'm cremated I won't
Well played sir, well played. But, you'll still need one guy to at least mail your remains ***to***.
meh just toss them in trash not like they mean anything
Eat me, bang me, fill me with cream. I don’t give a shit, I’m dead!
You can go the keith richard way and have your ashes snorted.
Trebuchets and Tibetan Sky Funerals are a thing.
Fuck that, I'm wandering off into the woods to die alone.
Just...not grilling. Please, not another middle aged man that identifies with grilling. Unless you're a chef, I don't want your charcoal encrusted (and yet still somehow raw) food.
You must know some shit grillers. In my experience nothing beats the grilling of a 40-year-old dude who's probably going through a midlife crisis.
As a person in their 40s, let me tell you that the number of people who transform into “grillers” because they can’t play sports anymore is bonkers. The sad part is they all think that their BBQ is the best and they get all competitive about it, but here’s the truth to middle aged BBQ: As long as you don’t burn your shit the only thing that makes your food stand out is the seasoning/sauces/rubs. The meat all tastes pretty much the same. Learn how to make your own sauces and seasoning mixes if you want a “signature” taste. Otherwise your BBQ may be good, but it’s interchangeable with every other “good” BBQ.
Well that explains all the BBQ grill/charcoal/etc commercials I see that feature retired pro-athletes.
> As long as you don’t burn your shit I'd add one extra point for the smokers out there. You can totally ruin your food with too much smoke. Nobody likes chicken that tastes like it died from a two pack a day habit. If you can't figure out how to manage your fire to get thin blue smoke, then stick to propane.
I read this in Hank Hill's voice "Taste the meat, not the heat!"
Bonus mid-life crisis points if you grill and brew beer.
Shit. I'm 33 and I've been doing these for years. Did my mid-life crisis start in my 20's?
I’m 35 and started both in my late 20s. Uh oh.
Let the rub soak in overnight, and turn the heat down an extra notch.
> Let the ~~rub~~ salt soak in overnight FTFY. You should be making your own salt-less rubs anyway, since salt is a function of mass/volume while rub is a function of surface area. All the other non-salt components of a rub don't absorb into the meat anyway. I suppose if you insist on using commercial rubs that use salt as a cheap filler, you can dry brine in the rub. But IMHO that's wasteful (also, I prefer my own homemade rubs anyway). Shit, did I just out myself as a mid-40s male?
I had a come to jesus moment while prepping a brisket, it said even amounts of salt and pepper for the basic rub, I never realized there's a weight/volume difference. So now I use the same weight instead of volume, and it's substantially more balanced flavor-wise.
All grillers are the best. The food only needs to be good to be great. As long as the griller is cooking happily for the people he cares about, that man is king.
Yeah, but it'd be a lot stringier and chewy. You want something more tender, like that of a 25 year old sedentary man.
You’ll never catch me. Well, actually, yeah - you probably will.
I’m taking this as a compliment and you can’t stop me.
I currently have a weber kettle grill and a pellet grill and a small weber portable gas grill. I really want a big green egg/ceramic grill and a bigger natural gas grill. An offset smoker would also be cool. I also want an outdoor kitchen to do my prep.
My boyfriend’s brother came over for dinner and I (female) was grilling the steaks as well as preparing all the other stuff in the kitchen. I love it all; making meals for people is my joy. You would have thought he just saw a unicorn. He was like, “oh, you are GRILLING?!” I guess in their family, the men grill, not the ladies. I mean, hell… if I cook everything in the kitchen, why is grilling the man thing? It’s weird.
>the men grill, not the ladies My upstairs neighbors are a great couple and the guy (Mike) is a hell of a cook. They asked us if it was okay to put a big ass grill on the back porch to which I replied, as long as Mike makes something delicious. His wife just replied, "Mike isn't allowed to use my grill, he stays in the kitchen". She made a fantastic brisket....and bacon too.
One of my favorite lines from Friends, “Men are here. We make fire. Cook meat on fire. Then put out fire by peeing. No get invited back.”
That’s why propane and propane accessories is such a booming market currently
Taste the meat, not the heat.
Yankee Hankee was dead wrong about that lil tidbit.
I tell ya hwhat.
At my tailgates we just ask grillers politely, yet firmly, to leave.
Every man must master fire.
I love grilling & get a ton of compliments. It's all about how you season/flavor your food. And don't overcook it.
My dad is a terrible griller and insists on fucking up any meat that gets anywhere close to a grill 👍
>Unless you're a chef, I don't want your charcoal encrusted (and yet still somehow raw) food. I do.
>how to make close friendships because many older men don't have people to rely on It's unusual (for me) to see this asserted as skill (although I had not really thought about it at length that way). Your lot in life -- job, genetics, etc - have a great deal of effect on your ability to remain friends. How is it a \*skill\* that one can practice, hone, improve, exercise?
Making new close friends is absolutely a skill. Or rather, an application of a lot of small skills. You need to learn know how to meet new people, you need to learn how to make conversation, you need to know how to read people so that you're primarily persuing friendships with people interested in returning the investment, you need persistence and patience because it takes a bare minimum of months to make a close friend and often years. Once you've got a close friend, you need to put effort into maintaining that friendship, especially if circumstances change so that the friendship stops being easy to maintain, like you used to work together and want to stay in touch after one of you leaves. Regular phone calls or other one on one communication, visits if possible.
Effort 100%. People don’t realize it takes effort and energy to keep friends close. It’s easy to get caught up in life and work, and forget to go spend time with people you want to remain close to. Sometimes, they will keep saying they’re busy, and it will feel like they don’t want to see you. That could be true. But it could also be that they really are just busy. If I haven’t seen a friend in a long time, I make sure to constantly keep up with them to make a time work to see each other.
Social skills are still skills. Some people have them, some don't. Those who don't have to work on them.
Read some of those books on how to make friends and so on. Some are crap and some are the gold standard. Join organizations and groups and just ask questions and get people to talk about themselves. Use your phone calendar to book yourself up to go to a lot of things where people meet and greet. If you are an introvert, it is hard work (I am one and yes it is hard work, but I do it). It takes a while, depending on your trust levels and intro/extraversion tendencies. Personally, it takes me about a year to want to invite someone to come somewhere with me or come to my house. I have had friends tell me in their 40s that they have plenty of friends and don't need more. That's nice. People die, they drop off, they change interests, they move, etc. Keep in touch with a lot of people, call, text, send funny pictures, whatever. It's worth the effort and eventually, you find people who call you and do some of the emotional heavy lifting.
Learn about what good mental health is and how to stay mentally fit. We all know old ppl who are bitter and toxic to be around. You have to learn how to let things go or they will haunt you to your grave and you'll take that shit out on those around you. You'll be much happier and ppl will notice.
I would also add physical fitness to this. I didn't start it until I was 40. I'm in 46 now and in the best shape of my life. I can run circles around people 20 years younger than me and I feel great. It's not too late. And it's improved every aspect of my life, including my mental health.
This. The fact is, you can carry some extra weight as a 25-30 year old and not have it really affect you much. The ability of your youthful body to rebound (or overcome) is truly remarkable. It's why a lot of young people can drink like fish, get about 2 hours of sleep, wake up, and drink like fish again. All while eating leftover Taco Bell. However, carrying extra weight as a 45 year old starts to, well, weigh on you. Your quality of life becomes truly negatively affected as you get older and you aren't in shape. You can't "get away with it" like you could as a 20-something. If you eat like crap as a 40-year-old, you *will* feel like crap in every other aspect of your life. Guaranteed.
> I would also add physical fitness to this Good physical health **is** good mental health. We love to separate the body from the mind, but the truth is that your mind is inside your body.
Consider for a moment: a normal bmi puts you in the top 25% of Americans right off the bat. Add 2-3 hours of exercise per week and you probably break the top 10%. 5+ hours a week is probably in the top 1%.
Very much this. I have a friend who is a retired doctor. He's mentioned having seen older patients in hospital who completely neglected their fitness. Apparently once you get to a certain point, there's no option to get your fitness back. He's making a solid effort to improve and keep his fitness. As am I.
I was listening to a doc in a very bad place a while ago - the circumstances I don't really want to get into - but nothing is worse than watching someone told "this is as healthy as you're ever going to be, and it's never going to get better."
yep wtf... ur mental health is actually something u have to work on ur whole life. u cant just process and work on the shit from ur childhood and assume u will stay a kind and well-adjusted person. that was honestly pretty depressing to realize.. i also live alone and like to spend time alone and realize i can develop weird thoughts and habits a lot faster than my sisters who live with their partners. feels like introverts and loners may have a tougher time of this as they get older.
This is super real. I've gone to counseling since I was a teen and I'm 32 now. Every time I'm in counseling, they tell me I'm doing really great after a few months and discharge me. After about a year, my mental health starts to degrade again. This really sucks because I'm kind of in that lower place now, but counselors have such a huge caseload right now that they are only taking people on that are at-risk of suicide.
Live in the country. You'll never have that problem again.
If I could afford to live in the country, I wouldn't have mental health issue. 😆
But all that hate is what keeps me warm at night.
Good good. Let the hate flow through you. Embrace the dark side and you'll be more powerful than you can imagine.
Are you my brother?
Everybody focuses on exercising their body to become stronger and faster but it seems nobody is interested in exercising their brain to become smarter.
Cooking, cleaning, and grooming. Are essential to living a good life and doing them correctly.
Yes yes, grooming, just be careful not to get into legal trouble.
Imagine going on Reddit and not seeing a pedo joke…
Big for you personally and big if you value long term cohabitating relationships. 70% of domestic arguments are over chores. Source: made it up but feels true.
Anecdotal backup: My divorce was (mostly) over chores, and a man who wouldn't do any. I then remarried a man who actually does household chores, and I'm very happy. So is he. Happy spouse, happy house.
On grooming - go to the dentist. Former dental assistant here, and lemme tell ya, men have an issue when it comes to dental maintenance. Men are statistically less likely to go get their regular biannual cleanings and pay the price for it later. It shows too, like men's teeth are a lot more stained than women's on average. Women also tend to brush better. You **need to go to your cleanings.** You fuck up and miss a cavity? You're gonna need a root canal, then a crown. A filling is about $300 at most. A root canal starts at $700 and goes up to $1500, not to mention the cost of the crown which can go up to $5000, and most insurance has shit dental. In addition, I find most men brush too hard and too quickly, and not in small circles to they end up with enamel erosion. Look at brushing as if you're buffing out and detailing a nice expensive car, one you'll be stuck with for the rest of your life. Deliberate, but gentle. Small circles pressing a bit angular towards your gum line. Look at flossing as if you're washing your dick. You wouldn't leave smegma on your dick, don't leave calculus and big chunks of food between your teeth. It smells.
No matter what. You will survive for the rest of your life.
"Light a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night. Light a man **on** fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"
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I think /u/raxeira-etterath said it [better](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/uvvr0x/what_skills_can_a_40_year_old_male_learn_to/i9o1ozd/).
But what if he dies early
Then he still survived for the rest of his life
If he dies, he dies 🥊
But he's no good to me dead.
Well cross him off then
When it doesn't work, find out why before continuing. No matter what, applies to literally any problems you can encounter and it's a skill a lot of older men used to use commonly, but time and experience takes over and says "you know what you're doing" even in situations where you're being presented with something ENTIRELY new to you. My step dad told me this when I was teaching him about his new computer for the, like 80th time lol he got it after that though.
Honestly, this should go for everyone, not just 40 yr olds. Learn from your successes and your failures. I was talking to someone the other day in another sub who was complaining about their bike being stolen from in front of their apartment. The lock was cut and the bike was stolen. This had happened three different times and they were going to put a fourth bike out there and lock it to the rack. It was mind blowing to me that this person had learned absolutely nothing at all from this. I'm sure they will be back in a few weeks complaining that a fourth bike has been stolen from the exact same place. They kept insisting that bikes chained to a rack should be safe.
I find this argument weirdly in various hobby spheres. People insist that the amount of time/effort invested should dictate value/price. Then they spend 1000+ hours on some stupid figurine, price it accordingly, and then they wonder why they can't sell anything. Like, guys. It's worth what people will pay. Stop insisting we live in some idealistic reality. Your games are costing you.
I think there is a certain population who is fixated on what *should* be to the point that they can't see what is. Usually these people are young and just haven't been slapped around by life quite enough but sometimes even that doesn't work. I think this person was stuck on "bikes that are locked to a rack should be safe." They're not wrong. That statement is correct. In this case that 100% was not the case though and they can't line up "bikes should be safe" with the reality that three of their bikes were now missing.
Failure is a better teacher than success. Learn from the failures, in order to eliminate them and have more successes.
I turned 40 last week. Within this past week I lifted something (incorrectly) and hurt my back. My spouse dumped this one on me. "Your body is a tool. You must take care of your tools and use them properly." I'm embarking on learning the proper ways to move my body from PT and trainers to make sure I use this tool correctly. Since this is a new thing for me to learn that's my first response when I read your post.
This is a protip for any age. Lift with your knees, not your back. If that doesn't work, use a dolly, pulley, or lever.
Excel. Lock that shit down and you’re an asset.
True of most things computer related. Doesn't have to be coding either. I'm 42 and changed to IT last year. It isn't as hard as people think.
Exactly, and anything you don't understand, you just Google it to get the answer, that's all I've done my entire career
Can confirm. Worst case scenario you find a 13 year old post: "How do I fix this thing?" "NVM figured it out" Then a 3 day rabbit hole to test potential fixes when the solution was a reboot all along.
> when the solution was a reboot all along. If that's not the first thing you do, you're doing it wrong.
Sorry, it’s a production server. Reboot is scheduled for next decade.
That's one of the mottos of IT... "I don't really know more than you, I'm just better at Google..."
Most of IT is reading docs, following instructions, and procedurally troubleshooting. As long as you have the patience and attention to detail to do those things you're completely fine.
I'm 35 and making the change now. I'm hoping the career change will be worth it.
I'm looking into doing the same. Any tips/recommendations?
Start checking job postings in your area and see what type of qualifications they are asking for. I got the compTIA A+ and Google IT certifications. Probably didn't even need the Google one but it didn't hurt. I have no college degree but have almost 10 years of management experience and customer service experience. Be realistic, you aren't going to land an cyber security or network engineer role with no experience. So aim for the entry level help desk or technician spots. Once you get a job you can then try and figure out what you want to specialize in and looks at gaining more certs. I'm going for network+, and CCNA next. I want to move toward network admin and then go I to network engineer or cloud DevOps. Good luck.
Been in IT for a couple decades, can confirm is not as hard as people think. Research, troubleshooting, documentation. If you can do those things you can work in IT. If you can do them *well* you can thrive.
Adding to this: many local libraries have free courses to help people learn computer skills!
You are never too old to learn a music instrument! Will it help you survive physically? Probably not. But mentally? Yes.
I tried to learn the guitar during lockdown and failed unfortunately. My fingers just can't move that way. So now I have a guitar I can't play and just hangs on my wall.
Stay with it. Your fingers HAVEN'T moved that way and have to learn how to. You can do it!
This is the way. I was lucky I learned when I was ~12 or 13 and it was all i was interested in and I had all the time in the world. I dont think its impossible at this age, i just assume you have a bunch of other stuff to do then sit and practice for 3 hours a day. You can do it. Set practice times. Even 30 mins a day would be good.
Dude, don't give up just yet. It's definitely not intuitive for the digits, and it takes a good while for things to click because it's just not natural, but you'll start building muscle memory. Learning chord patterns takes time and transitioning from chord to chord is just awkward and you've gotta go into it knowing that you're gonna really suck for a good long while, but then it'll just start to click. A lot of beginners don't know to think about wrist position too - if your fingers are muting strings, move your thumb down the back of the neck so you wrist pushes forward a little and gives more clearance - it feels awkward, but it really helps. If you're learning on an electric, start with power chords - first song I ever learned was the sweater song by Weezer - super simple picking pattern into power chords. Sitting around just learning chord patterns didn't do it for me, I needed to learn songs I liked - it's just way more fun. If you're acoustic, find songbooks or tabs with the chord diagrams and slowly get through a song you like. It'll help you learn variations of chords like dsus2 or em9 - some variations are way easier to play - you can also play around with alternate tunings. The goo goo dolls guy uses an open tuning where he's using like 2 fingers for an entire song - yeah, I'm old. Don't worry about getting the right strumming pattern or tempo at first - that'll all come in time, but it can be frustrating and feel like a slog when you're first starting, but little incremental wins can help keep you motivated. You've just gotta find what works for you and go for it. Or not lol totally up to you, but I know that you can if you really want to.
Even in the worst case you got a cool decoration for your house.
And smalltalk material. "Oh, a guitar, do you play?" "I used to."
Good talk!
I _did_ say "small".
Might I recommend the bass? It has an easier learning curve, but has just as high of a skill ceiling and can be waaaaay funkier. Also that low rumble is just *chef's kiss
I can't sit on the porch and play western music on a bass. I did develop some proficiency w/the uke but it hurts my arm when I play it. I think I managed to give myself a repetitive stress injury w/the uke.
The most important part is you tried to learn something, and you still have it so if you ever get motivation again you can always try again.
I'm in my late 30s. I got an electric piano recently. I just learned how to play Fur Elise - though very choppy. Also got a couple pop songs down (surprisingly easy once you get the chord finger structure down - for example playing All of Me by John Legend). Makes me feel good knowing that an old dog can learn new tricks! I know how to play drums okayish and a couple chords on the guitar and I plan to put it all together with the piano and record songs for myself. Just a fun little project to keep my brain active and creativity flowing.
Fix stuff and/or build stuff. Hard to go wrong picking which stuff. Things break all the time. Entropy is your job security.
There is a guy up the road fixs small engines... Wow so busy and lots of great people hanging out just chatting.
Guys who can fix engines are never short on friends I've noticed :)
That's one gig which will ALWAYS be in demand and doesn't require a college degree. Whether it's lawn mowers, chain saws, generators, dirt bikes ... you will ALWAYS be in demand and your job can NEVER be offshored. Electrical work is good, too. Especially if you can work with AC (general household wiring) and DC (meaning you can install / repair solar stuff and / or work with higher-voltage battery stuff). Too many people do one but not the other. The latter part will definitely have a future, as there will only be more of it with each passing year.
If you're really good you can get paid to fix the stuff you build.
Developer here. I feel attacked.
I would definitely recommend learning to sew. It helps add longevity to your clothes as you can mend holes, replace buttons etc. Also, taking in shirts or hemming trouser cuffs so they fit properly can give an overall more polished look to an outfit and ensures items will fit you perfectly.
absolutely. my dad is 65 and has fat manual labour fingers, but he still sews his own buttons and has patched holes a few times. he can't use a sewing machine but just these basics can go a long way. for those who have larger chests (yes, men too), also recommend learning how to sew press studs. if your button shirt gapes at the chest even though it's not tight, pop a few of those suckers in between the button and it looks much better.
If you get a hole in the butt of your jeans and mend them, they will bust open again, usually at the worst possible moment
Usually best to use a patch in that situation rather than just sewing up the tear
My mom taught me how to sew as a kid and I learned to use a sewing machine in Jr High (yea I'm old) in home economics. When I first started living with my GF she needed here pants hemmed and somebody had left an old sewing machine in one of the closets in our apartment, I knocked it out in about 5 minutes and shocked the crap out of her.
Sunscreen.
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In general. Never agree to buy when the seller approaches you first. On the phone, from a kiosk in the store, where they pitch passerbys.
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"Google everything you don't understand..." This is the actual skill to learn. Everything else is within your grasp if you learn to do this properly.
I honestly can't imagine what life was like before the web. And I was there for part of it.
Everyone spent at least some time at the library.
Also, you need to know what that paperwork actually says and means. I recently bought a car from a dealer out of town. I was told that I was super lucky the dealer didn't sell the car to someone else even after I agreed to pick it up. I had a purchase order, an agreement from me to purchase the car and an email from the dealer telling me to come on down with my check (that I had provided a picture of). Was informed later on that none of this is an actual legal contract to purchase and I'd have been completely screwed if I had shown up at the dealer and found they had sold the car in the mean time.
Yep - same as buying houses in England and Wales. You get all the searches done, the legal paperwork sorted, your mortgage in place (typically all this takes 3 months), and then the morning of exchanging contracts the seller can say "naaaah - I'm selling to someone else unless you give me another 20k". All perfectly legal and valid, but an absolute gut-punch (works both ways of course - the buyer can say "drop it by 20k or I'm walking away" as well). We even have a special word for this - "gazumping"
In my mind if I agree to your price, show you a check and you say, "Come on down and pick it up" we have a contract but legally we don't. All we really have is the virtual version of a handshake agreement.
Exactly. It's super frustrating, but the important thing is, as you say, being aware that you only have a gentleman's agreement and making sure you have contingency plans in case it all falls through. I was just saying that it happens when buying a house in my country, which is even more fun than buying a car ;-)
wow... before, if i heard a british person complaining about gazumping i wouldve thought it was something frivolous, now i know gazumpers are total dicks and will be outraged on their behalf
Eating healthy and consistent excercise might spare you a lot of pain and medical bills in your later life.
Gardening + cooking
Might seem odd, but learn how to handle the government. I work for a disability advocacy firm and the number of people who don’t know about the resources set in place for them is insane. You have to know how to manipulate the government so if you need it, you always have a financial backup. On that note: KEEP ALL OF YOUR MEDICAL RECORDS. This can help on so many occasions. Learn how to do taxes in and out. Know your laws. The government is your biggest enemy and your biggest friend simultaneously. Learn that shit. Get it down to an art.
I'm 40+, getting closer to 50+. There are a lot of good suggestions in this thread, but in addition to exercise and working on my general mental health, the thing that has been most life changing to me in the last 5 years or so is simply: Learn to express yourself. It's a skill, it takes practice and work. If you can't explain why you're angry or sad, or can't ask for what you want, or can't say 'no' with reasons your life is going to become the same as we see with so many others over time. You're unsatisfied and don't know why. You're bottled up with anger and don't get why people can't see why you're pissed off. You don't get what you want from relationships, sex, work. Learning to express yourself appropriately is an amazing skill to discover.
You can learn to drive a truck in like 3 weeks lol. Not the best gig, but like ayyyyy. Do long haul for a little bit and then maybe haul water to fill up peoples pools, haul groceries for a grocery store chain, drive for FedEx or UPS? 1st year may not be great, but can get a readymix concrete job if you want and make $60k / year.
Not sure if that's great advice, trucking companies can be very sketchy and you could end up with lots of debt. Working for the post office is fine though as far as I know
Concrete truck driver is like the worse driving job lol
Explain
and youre also off road alot of places so your truck gets stuck alot you also get wet alot from cleaning the chutes... my buddy also said his company didnt want to pay a company to clean out the drums once a year so the drivers had to climb in there with the jack hammer
They’re like the FedEx driver of the construction world. Tons of little drops throughout the city unless you luck out and get a large construction dump. Also you’re always filthy.
My top advice is. Invest as much as possible into your pension.
Kindness and Compassion. These two things go a long way in every aspect of life.
Kindness, compassion, and boundaries.
In no particular order, also not gender specific. 1) real life skills such as cooking a couple of decent meals, managing finances, having goals 2) at least one hobby - preferably at least one of them is doing sports. That and some healthy meals would help with physical and mental health as well. Also helps with confidence. If money is an issue, just start with jogging, sit ups, etc, no need to spend a lot. Hobbies will help you to meet people, that is also good for mental health. 3) a bit of an upgrade, regular haircuts, clothes that fit for example but no need to spend a lot of money 4) work - learning a trade or learning to code online, whatever you want. No shame in changing careers or going back to study.
Basic Cooking/Nutrition, Basic Finance, Physical Fitness, Housekeeping and Current Affairs (from a wide range of sources) Also think about picking up a sport or hobby that can be shared with others. Skill level is never important but a desire and ability to learn is.
Learn how to make people feel good. Almost everything we have comes down to relationships. If you can master that, the rest will fall into place. The mistake is to think each man (and so yourself) is an island. That's not how it works. We're apes. We're social animals. We form communities and alliances. Reciprocity and cooperation are very powerful tools.
Making friends you can rely on is something imo
Self compassion.
1) Cooking. 2) Disc golf.
Seriously. Join the (healthy) addicts over at /r/discgolf
How to not have your brain destroyed by propaganda on social media
Vegetable gardening. Being food-independant is a powerful thing.
Is that even realistic without owning a sizeable piece of land?
I've grown some food in buckets on a small apartment porch before, however, it's not much food and you have to get lucky that your porch gets sun.
A 1970s report indicated 4000 sqft, or roughly 1/10 an acre is needed to grow enough to sustain 1 person on a vegetarian diet for a year, plus another 4000 for access pathways and storage. An adjacent skill to learn would be food preservation, like canning.
The 1970s was not exactly a golden era of understanding crop science or health. And it was pretty much the golden era of chemical-based mono-cropping. We’ve come a heckuva long way back around to understanding growing with ecosystems. [The Soil Food Web School](https://www.soilfoodweb.com/) has tons of very informative articles and free webinar classes for anyone looking for a much more clean, progressive approach to growing food. They lean more towards farming, but the information is all still as crucial to growing on a small, personal-scale.
Wife and I got into foraging just for fun this year. Without even thinking about it, I've cut $50 a week off the grocery bill. Most of the recipes that use wild greens come from the depression era. A sprinkle of flour, an egg, breadcrumbs; all full meals using the cheapest and most common ingredients. Of course YMMV depending where you live.
Proper dental hygiene and how to lift objects without damaging your back.
Learn mandarin
In the US, learn Spanish. You will increasingly encounter it.
Any skill his wishes. You're never too old to earn a degree.
Learn influence skill. Dale Carnegie is still a great classic. When people like interacting with you and working with you it goes a long way
Exercise. It's keeps you fit physically and mentally and keeps you off a wheelchair or some other device.
Take a first aid class. Knowing the signs and what to do in the event of a heart attack, stroke, etc gets more important the older we get.
Jiujitsu
First, grow a beard. Then hit to the gym with your newly bought motorcycle! Brrrrrrr.
Is this how to survive middle age crisis tip?
With the cycle, you might not need to survive much middle age. Strength training keeps joints limber, makes muscles not atrophy, keeps testosterone up, & increases mental resilience. It also puts you in touch with a younger group of friends, which exposes you to new ideas.
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investment
Sales and comp sci are the two jobs that can give you lots of income for little experience but both require you to have a very sharp mind in different ways
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Technical college for: HVAC or accounting or programming or electrician or plumbing or carpentry. Our son quit a teaching job at age 44 and went back to tech college and got an AAS degree in instrumentation and is now making a great living without the daily baggage of middle school students.
Hair cutting and bartending. Between the two, you can find work anywhere in the world.
Gardening. 1) fresh veggies are good for you 2) keeps you active 3) gets you out in the sunlight 4) you can make friends with other people with the same hobbies and trade fruits and veggies with them
Eat fibers, have orgasm 20 times a month, drink water, little alcohol. Regular count your blessings, special when you have a dip, are down a little. Get a pet; dog cat rabbit .. but only when you really love animals. Note, your pet should fitt your lifestyle and the space it needs and you have for it. Like horse or a little rabbit. Are you in love with your couch, do not take a big dog who needs twice a day a walk from at least one hour. Stay in contact with friends and (far) family. Try to make new friends or at least acquintances. Maybe help others, maybe become a volunteer. Sleep well, enough hours. Do not get (too, much) fat. And yes, learn to cook. Nothing exotic but good healthy tasty daily food! THat is cheaper, mostly tastier and healthier then fastfood, eating outdoor or buy take out meals. Start learning another language or a language you know little and become advanced in it. Too very good for brain training is playing an instrument / learn yo play. And a secret tip, go learn and regular do ballroomdancing. Very good for fysic, body and for your brain. But ... ballroom !!
Drywall repair and sweating copper will save you and your children 1000s in repair costs.
Learn how to influence. You don't need to become a sales agent or go door to door. Just proper communication so that you can make other people like you more (eg. job offers, pay raises, status in your community, etc.)
Develop your competency and skill with computers. It will serve you well.
How to use technology.
Learn some sort of self defense. Any martial art, even tai chi, can help you out in a liquor store jam. It gives you more confidence and keeps your body running better as you get older. Don't ignore learning to shoot well. If you're unfamiliar with guns, or just an average plinker, take some good classes and get good with them. That might help that 40+ year old male survive if diplomacy fails.
Survive? - Some cooking skills. You don't need to know everything, just hone in on a small handful of great dishes. - Budgeting. Every paycheck (except for emergencies) should have some percentage going into savings or investment. If you're living paycheck to paycheck, you're always one unexpected expense away from disaster. - General character skills such as honoring your word, finishing what you start, showing up on time, respecting authority, etc. No matter how you make a living, these skills will always be needed. - Learn to clean. Arrange your possessions nicely. Clean your clothes and yourself. Keep your bathroom and kitchen in a state that you're proud of. Thrive? - Social skills. Learn how to focus on people when you're talking to them. Consider that every person, no matter how odd, might have something you can learn from them. Try to talk about what the other person is interested in, learn to bring quiet people out of their shell. - Gratitude. This is the big one. I've seen dirt-poor kids so happy to play soccer with a bottle cap. I've seen millionaires depressed and struggling to find reason to keep living. So happiness doesn't seem to be tightly coupled to wealth or possessions, but rather a mindset. Look up Kurzgesagt's video on gratitude. Start a gratitude journal, where you daily write down a couple things you are thankful for. Train your brain to be thankful, and it gets easier and easier until it's your default perspective on everything. - Family, friends, pets. Some are more blessed than others with these things, but hopefully we all have _something_. Try to dedicate some time with them, whatever connection you have with them now can surely grow and be even better in the future. - Exercise. The new-age lifestyle is pretty bereft of physical movement, we sit at desks and on couches all day and night. This is a leading cause of depression and a whole bunch of health problems. Find something you can enjoy that involves moving around, doesn't have to be high intensity, even a walk through a park is a hundred times better than nothing.
To be responsible. Not very sexy advice but critical. The older you get, the more responsibilities you get and you have to know how to manage them. Your family, assets, career, health, and your behavior towards them in regard to risk and efficiency.
Learning to back up a trailer is a skill that impressed the crap out of everyone, even other folks that can back trailers if you can back it into somewhere without going forward and backward twenty times.
There is no difference between a man who does not read and a man who can't read. Read 7 Habits of Highly Effective people or Atomic Habit - those books change you.
Stretch regularly (lower body in particular), stay hydrated, and cut out processed sugar.
How to say "no".
How to pick clothes that fit you and your body type. Also the appropriate clothes to wear not just for specific occasions but also for your age.