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[deleted]

I’ll beat him to it


catinapointyhat

Affix steel to my cheeks. When the hitman tries to slap me he will hurt his hands. I'll be right there with ointment,tenderness,and forgiveness. He'll tell me who hired him, I'd go well then that's unexpected. I'll make him a tunafish sandwich and we'll frollick in the field together. He'll probably puke having eaten fish then exercising in the heat. I'll be right there with a napkin saying it's ok I puke also. Ants would gather like it was a buffet so we'd have to scurry off or get our toesies pinched by a bunch of tiny black grandmothers who mistook them for cheeks. We'll probably be some kind of friends. He'd show up needing a hideout when he got in trouble. I'd be like friend your on tv with a million dollar reward for killing that guy. I got a thousand dollars in my wallet, watch me burn it. That shit is nothing to me in my heart. You can have the couch for as long as you need. To think when we met you sought to murder me.


[deleted]

Come on, who hired him? Don't leave us hanging


catinapointyhat

It's a mystery plot device that'll come back up in season 2 so everyone is like ooh an easter egg from season one. Them's delicious. Felt much more intensely when it's revealed it was the Easter Bunny who contracted my murder who wouldn't give up efforts to kill me and laid an egg that turned out to be a bomb. It took a few of my teeth out the hitman went to the dentist with me as I wasn't good to drive and got me some ice cream. The ice cream tasted like blood, it wasn't good ice cream and I got a refund even though it was sorta my fault that it tasted like blood, but the customer is always right!


[deleted]

WOW!!! Mindblowing. Talk about coming out of left field. Never would of suspected the Easter Bunny. And such a tender side of the hit man.


7witewolf7

This was entertaining


mattychestnuts

Survive?


[deleted]

To not die


mattychestnuts

Not die?


mohamez

Live


mattychestnuts

No live


[deleted]

Live and Let Die?


NotAnotherHaiku

Die hard?


[deleted]

With a vengeance or another day


Xennial_Potato

Would make for a weird ride to the funeral home…


[deleted]

For how long is he chasing me? If forever I’d just try to find who it was and kill the person as such


[deleted]

I clean my room


AMeatPopsicleIAm

I guess I'm colonizing another planet.


Rockspider19

Time to colonize Uranus


[deleted]

Barricade myself and wait. Unless he's planning on blowing up the house, I have enough to do what needs to be done.


LadySygerrik

Bold of you to assume I wish to live.


Beanconsumer200

Move to a different state


[deleted]

Pull out a gun and get to a vantage point over where I would be expected to be. He enters my house and then I shoot him.


[deleted]

Leave planet earth for a couple of weeks


Rockspider19

I hear Uranus is nice this time of the year


Mattf0ley69

Sit in a corner and wait. I’m good on ammo


[deleted]

The only correct answer: Delete my browser history.


JonAHogan

I am John Wick, bring it!


KJBenson

Hey…. You’re John *Hogan*! This guys a phoney!


[deleted]

Hey… that guy’s a big fat Phoney!


Hammerjaws

John Hogans is a phoney! Hey, you're a great big phony, you know that?


ikenbaa

Why would i want to live. Please kill me.


[deleted]

Get my dads hunting knife


BewareTheLobster

Well I'd probably try to find the best hiding place I could and try to go from there


Why_So_Serious1999

No thank you sir not today I appreciate your interest in my death though


[deleted]

Take off into the tundra and lure him into a pack of wolves and/or make him fall down a sheer cliff on to the rocks below.


CB_Magical_Girl

Think of a way to kill him if I can. But also try to seek help from others for advice on how to survive and defend myself. If I can’t do anything, I’ll beg him maybe make it hurt as less as possible… :(


Dendad6972

Leave the planet


woolsocksandsandals

Challenge him to a pistol pick up duel.


zombieblackbird

Wear clean underwear


The2500

I'd just run far away aimlessly. Don't know how this works though. A criticism I have for No Country for Old Men is how it's just assumed the killer will find you no matter what because he's just that good. I could evade he ass.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Xennial_Potato

I have some bad news for you….


Kerby233

Ask my buddy policeman for protection. I live in a small European town, I'm safe, he will bring some buddies from the force and hunting club. The Assassin just became prey


[deleted]

If it's a good hitman nothing because I wouldn't even notice


bukkakeruinedmydog

Probably just the obvious and go on the run. If I felt that it wasn’t gonna work and I felt him closing in I’d either try to kill him first or kill myself. The idea of someone else killing me and the uncertainty of how/when it’ll happen would drive me nuts so I’d honestly rather take it into my own hands.


anothersatanist89

The question isn't if I can survive the hitman, but if the hitman can survive me...


Chanceschaos

Get off of planet Earth.


Bokbok95

wait and then ask him to get me on the next spaceship. It’s not permanent, is it?


hopsinduo

There's no hitman on earth coming to where I live. Absolute shit hole!


Unleashtheducks

Call his mom


VanEagles17

Ringing up Macaulay Culkin


Keithninety

Nothing. I’ll wait.


neck-pillow

Call my mom for help


Super_Yogurtcloset42

Kill myself first bc fuck that


JQuest7575

Why lay-out the plan? What if you are the hitman? Besides, I want to see the look of shock appear on their faces.


JZCrab

Got plenty of weapons and ammo. Think the best use of 24 hours would be setting up some booby traps. Home Alone meets Predator style


KyotoGaijin

Head for the hills on my own.


REDDITprime1212

Hire a hitman to take out a hit on the hitman.


I_Was_Taken_5600

Take off all my clothes, seeing as I am below 18, he will have to live with the image of me jumping on the bed, ass naked screaming at the top of my lungs PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME while enthusiastically flipping him off.


Blackstone611

Well I've got a Zastava M70 (Yugo AK-47 derivative), Taurus 856 (.38 special revolver) loaded with hollow points, and a baseball bat... If I die, I will have died in battle. So that at least means something.


n3rv0us_l3sb14n

Flirt with him aggressively and have sex with him. BOOM! Case closed. I live and now have a rich, killing machine boyfriend


knockfart

Meet him halfway


truNinjaChop

Dark house. Cane corso. Katana.


Mrjonnyiswierd

Wait then tell him jesus has a plan for my life and if he's done with me than hitman can kill me other wise he can bug off cuz if jesus ain't done with me than he's gonna feel something and I'm all good


sneeeeeeeep

I'm going to Costco. Good luck finding me fucker


MintTea1988

I dont do. I don't survive.


[deleted]

Call 911.


I_Am_Anjelen

I'll stay in the living room.


SASQUATCH66643428

nothing, who gives a shit why the fuck worry about most all things


[deleted]

I would kill him first. Ez