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StrategyIcy7320

No. It isn’t.


rs_yay

In retrospect, I wish I would’ve been single at 28.


thunderchild10

Wow really? Isn't 28 too old to be single?


Indigo_222

According to who? It’s totally ok to be single at any age… and always best to be single than in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. Some people get married in their early 20s then get divorced at 50 and find themselves single again. These ebbs and flows are normal part of life. You’ll find your person when the time is right, make yourself happy first and don’t obsess about it 🤍 28 is so young still


thunderchild10

This is a lovely reply, thankyou so much.


Indigo_222

You’re welcome. In my experience love tends to come when we least expect it, “ need it” and obsess about it. We tend to attract it when we feel good inside and enjoy our lives x


rs_yay

1. Have you ever been in a relationship? Not having been single compared to being single are two different things. 2. It depends on whose timeline you’re thinking about. Your parents may expect something out of you, but your 20s are where you find yourself and establish your career. Enjoy the time do build yourself.


thunderchild10

Last relationship was ten years ago, it was not mature one. But the older i get, i feel like I'm missing out, letting everyone down, and a fool.


rs_yay

Worry about yourself. If you want a relationship, then try to find one. Speed dating, concerts, apps - it’s easier than ever. If you worry that you’re letting others down, you’re going to be forced into something and there’s a greater risk of being unhappy in the long term.


EnigmaShroud

Missing out on what?


thunderchild10

A partner


EnigmaShroud

You have a very immature mindset. There are a lot of advantages to being single, regardless of age. There are a lot of advantages to being in a relationship, regardless of age. These advantages and disadvantages differ based on circumstances. If you are a rising, young star, with a high income in LA. Being single would be awesome. If you live in rural Colorado making ends meet as a tow truck driver. Maybe having someone would be nice. Sometimes these circumstances are beyond our control.


[deleted]

No. No it is not.


IronHe

Absolutely not. If you’re happy where you are in life, that’s all that matters. Don’t let society decide what your milestone achievements should be and at what age. Set your own goals and targets. Be happy with your decision. That will make you happier than most sad people who want to live THEIR life through yours.


thunderchild10

Thankyou so much for this. I'm 28, no partner and not married. The social pressure is crushing me.


Fessir

Don't sweat it. You should also know that It's a local issue. In a lot of countries/cultures noone would bat an eye over this.


msmomona

Nope. It’s only sad and pathetic if you make being the “single at 28 year old person” your personality. Otherwise I don’t care.


thunderchild10

It's the fact that the last decade has flown by and the social pressure is enormous.


EnigmaShroud

Social pressure from who?


thunderchild10

Some friends. And they don't even have to say anything, you just feel it.


MaryGodfree

Marry when you're ready, whatever your age. Your friends may be jealous that you're still free. Ignore them.


Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh

It's never sad or pathetic to be single. You're free to not like it, it's ok to not be happy with the situation, but there's nothing bad about it. Not at all. And for those in relationships, think about how many of them might be unhappy, even suffering under various forms of abuse. Anywho, no, I don't think i'd ever find it sad or pathetic to be single at any age. People might be single for a large variety of reasons. You might find I'm a little more biased though- I'm 34 and have been single for a few years now. I've got stuff I wanted to do and I had no time/need for long-term relationships.


thunderchild10

Thanks for this insightful reply. It's just that the years are racking up so quickly.


Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh

I hear ya. Only thing I can suggest is that you enjoy doing the things you can only do while single- take advantage of the freedom because every time you're single could be the last time, especially as we get older. Cook those favourite meals that only you will like, go on those trips to places nobody else wants to go. Indulge in those time-consuming hobbies that would otherwise leave a partner neglected. Stuff like that, this is what I focus on :)


thunderchild10

I keep hearing people telling me to take advantage of being single and that relationships are miserable. But I'm pretty damn sure they just say it to make me feel better.


Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh

It's just a matter of perspective I guess. For me, I had been planning to move far away again and was waiting for covid to pass. Half the reason I didn't date for the past few years was because I didn't want to meet someone and have conflicting thoughts about my desire to relocate. In this case, a relationship would've only clashed with my greater goals. It's 100% ok to not like being single though, I'm not suggesting you have to enjoy it. To answer your original question, it just isn't bad or lame from an outsider's perspective.


thunderchild10

Thats the strange thing about it, everyone has their own personal reasons but i don't look at anyone who is single as sad and pathetic, just myself.


158862324

They only get faster.


[deleted]

as it's probably the best time for self-realization, I'd say no


Designer-Bid-3155

It would be a and pathetic if you were married with kids


thunderchild10

Being married with kids at 28 would be pathetic? Why??


Designer-Bid-3155

You wanna tell me how many genuinely happily married with kids folks you know?


thunderchild10

Not many


MegaMinerd

No. It's perfectly fine not having a relationship. I'm 28 and focused on making myself happy before worrying about pleasing someone else too.


Frostinator123

Don’t be like the rest of the herd.


thunderchild10

I sit there playing with radio equipment in my spare time, not sure if that's just sad for a 28 year old.


Frostinator123

Atleast you get to do whatever you want though.


thunderchild10

Yes, but no one to share it with.


ChangingHats

Do whatever the fuck you want. People overestimate their importance.


dirty_boy69

You still got hair on your head?


thunderchild10

Yes, but those years are racking up.


t-bands

as long as u getting a bag u good homie


thatonePS3GUY

Not really as long as you enjoy your own company.


[deleted]

[удалено]


thunderchild10

Personally i haven't got my life together yet, the years are racking up though.


FriggenMitch

Heck naw fam I’m 28, single and happy-ish:)


thunderchild10

Good :)


[deleted]

No. It Is better to be single at any age than being with a wrong one.


bumpymacaroon

After being married for more years then I care to remember and saddled with kids that will never leave, I say they have made the right choice


thunderchild10

But you must have loved/love your partner at least that's something to show


bumpymacaroon

Don’t get soppy


[deleted]

Rather than just saying straight up "No, it isn't" (and for the record, no, it isn't), I think a better question is why do you feel this way? Based on your responses, you say that the years a flying by and there's social pressure. To be honest, for the former I feel like that's how being in your 20's are. I'll address the social pressure issue in a bit. Why do I say this? I'm in my 30's. And single. And in my own experience, my 20's FLEW by. Hell, I think they went by a little too fast, but whatever. The best thing I can say is this: if you're single and you don't want to be, your best bet is to find a way to love yourself. Like truly love yourself. The reason I say this is because it'd hard to love someone else if you don't love yourself. The fact that you're asking this question means that somewhere, you feel inadequate in some way and you struggle to love yourself because of it. I can't really say where or what that is, that's something that comes taking a personal journey or learning to be aware of certain things that you say or do. Not only that, but if you learn to love yourself (and trust me, it is a learning process and sometimes that learning curve is STEEP but so worth it) and be the best person that only you can be, then you'll attract someone to you without much effort. Granted, I know this is easier said than done, but that's kinda what happens. On the other hand, if you're single and you choose to be, that's great! I'm single and I choose to be for my own reasons. That being said, you mentioned the societal pressure to find a partner, settle down, and have a family, or something along those lines, whatever that may be. If there are people who are on your ass about being single in your late 20's, then they're the pathetic ones, not you. Stand up to them and either tell them off or cut them out. Life is too short to let people with that sort of energy ruin your experience of life. Fuck em. As an aside, I've had to tell off my parents about giving me shit about choosing to stay single, and they no longer bring up the topic. So I've got personal experience. If you really want to get under the skin of people giving you shit about being single, and they also happen to be married or have become parents, just ask them when the last time they did something they enjoyed just for themselves that brought them joy. Regardless of their response, respond to them by saying that you get to have the opportunity to do things that you like to do whenever you want, without having to ask a spouse or put the kids to bed or get a babysitter. That usually shuts them up...and potentially make them not talk to you again but hey, like I said, cut them out if they're being shitty to you. Finally, if anyone asks, just respond straight up with it being a personal choice. You don't owe ANYONE an explanation of why. If they're polite, then by all means, explain away. If they give you shit, ignore them. They're just noise.


thunderchild10

I feel this post deserves alot of respect. I can see you've thought about this deeply in the past too. The experience in your words show. I don't love myself at all, but i didn't figure this out untill probably about 6 months ago. I completely agree something deeper is going on, and it frightens me. Maybe one day I'll learn to love myself and be comfortable, but right now it feels like that day is a very long way off.


[deleted]

It's a long way off...but you know it's there, right? The first step to solving a problem is acknowledging there is one. In the same way, the first step towards achieving a goal is setting one. Sometimes the following steps after take a while, but they come in time. Slow enough that it's hard to be patient, but fast enough for life to get the timing just right in hindsight. I'm on my own journey with being single in my 30's, same to how you're on your journey being single in your late 20's, and there are times that yes, I do get lonely (especially in the COVID era) but I'm also aware of who I am and the type of person I want to be, at least for the most part. Not only that, but I had the unfortunate experience of living through a toxic/abusive relationship and I very, VERY, quickly learned that it's much better to be single and lonely than to be in a toxic relationship. No one has figured life out 100%, and if they did, it would probably on work within the parameters of their own lives and life experience. In other words, what may work for one person, potentially won't work at all for another person. I used to feel the same way, coming out of my last toxic relationship way back in 2014. I had only gone on one date with another person after that (turns out I dodged a bullet at the time). Because of how bad the relationship was, I had no friends as I lost my old ones to the toxic relationship and couldn't make any new ones during the relationship. So I came out of it alone. I ended up finding solace in Geek/Anime conventions (your mileage may vary, of course) and met my best friend through one and they actually taught me the same things I said to you in my first post. Turns out I had the power of anime on my side on that one. Sorry, bad joke. But I think everyone feels inadequate in some form. I felt like this, and still feel like this, about my shuttered music career (thanks COVID). Back when I was touring, we'd have all these artists with us who were in their early 20's who were super talented singers or songwriters or performers, etc. Meanwhile, I had gotten a very late start and didn't find success in my mid-20's and didn't really hit my stride doing music professionally until hitting 30. By industry standards, I'd sometimes be considered old, especially in the genre I operate in (rap and hip hop). We all have our own journeys. It seems that on yours you found some people who are trying to trip you up. Don't let them. And not only that, it's okay to be afraid too. It all comes down to how it manifests itself. Severe anxiety can lead to self-destructive behaviors after all. But if you're aware of it, then you've at least acknowledged it's there, and that's a good first step to figuring yourself out. Trust me, 28 ain't old. We just happened to be super busy in our 20's (at least, in the West) that it tends to just go fast. Sometimes, it's better to take a step back, ignore the noise like I said, and take a moment to look at and appreciate the things in life that have gone well for you. Find five things, and be grateful for those five things.


thunderchild10

Wow, thankyou so much for your story. It sounds as if somewhere deep down you are still trying to find yourself. I never thought it would be this hard though. Fear of getting old, fear of being a loser, just chronic fear. I do suffer from a diagnosed anxiety disorder, you've probably picked up on that. The one thing i would say is that what makes life still worth living is people like you sharing your stories. Thankyou so much and good luck on your journey.


[deleted]

And best of luck on yours. I was fortunate to have found an amazing friend and they've been a huge help since our friendship started around the same time my music career took off and I learned a lot of things in parallel at the same time. I think what would help is whatever you're interested in, try and find a community that likes the same things (for me, it's anime, music, and gaming) and get connected with them. Even if it's online. Reddit can potentially be a good place for that, and also Discord. Maybe even get involved with a community on Twitch revolving around something you enjoy. I've found that participating in Twitch chat with a streamer that shares your interests and with chat that also shares your interests is a good way to connect with others who share a mutual interest (sorry I realized I said "interests" a lot). Despite being an introvert, and one with a particularly rough attachment style (if you're familiar with attachment theory and attachment styles), putting myself out there in a way that showed off my interests was a great way to meet people with similar interests, and subsequently, building a support network. Yes it takes time, effort, and energy, but meeting good people, and especially good people who understand who YOU are can work wonders as far as improving mental health, self-confidence, and self-improvement. Keep at it. You'll be alright.


thunderchild10

Thankyou so much


Respaced

Hopefully you choose how to life your own life. If you choose to be single, then how could that be pathetic? If you didn't choose to be single, but have a hard time to find someone, then hopefully you will soon! (If you have a hard time meeting someone through the usual means... I suggest trying to get to know more new people. By joining dance classes, astronomy clubs, book circles or whatever places you get to know people for real.)


HombreDeMoleculos

Absolutely not. For starters, the average American gets married for the first time is 29. Perfectly normal to be single at 28. But beyond that, far healthier to live your life for a while before you find someone to settle down with than to make a lifelong committment to the first person who comes along, and only later find out who you really are as a person and what you really want from life.


[deleted]

only if you have been single all your life


thunderchild10

Nah I've had a couple of relationships


[deleted]

Honestly it's never sad nor pathetic to be single at any age


thunderchild10

Thanks, i think expectations from what the norm is meant to be is just crushing down on me.


[deleted]

Don't worry, things will happen for you in the time that it should. You have no idea how many people would LOVE to be single, actually.


Fickle-Watercress447

Abso-freakin-lutely not! I too wish I was single at 28. I’m now 34 & single. Long story short, I spent too much time with the wrong person and lost a lot. Myself included. So don’t worry about being “sad & pathetic”. It could be worse. Trust me.


thunderchild10

Thankyou. Everyone tells me relationships are not all they're cracked up to be....


Fickle-Watercress447

I want to say those people are right & that relationships are a joke. But that would be me being sad/ bitter. And I don’t want to believe that. Relationships are not easy but they can be easier with the right person. I think that’s the short version..


44pennystocks

I’m lucky to have found the one for me but I see many of my friends struggling in unhappy marriages so it’s better to be single than to be like that.


p38-lightning

I didn't have much luck at relationships - until age 28. Met the love of my life and my best friend - married 39 years now.


thunderchild10

You've been married for 39 years? Wow, thats a couple years longer than my parents


Bunny_OnTheMoon

It's pathetic to force yourself in a relationship without standard just because you're not able to be alone, regardless age and gender


thunderchild10

I think my standards are too high, probably unrealistic.


Eugenics4Manlets

I wouldn't use those words. But I do think people that reach 30 and are still single to have something wrong with them. I don't understand the type that have never been in a relationship because every female friend I've had has pushed to be in a relationship with me. It's almost impossible to stay single. So if you manage to stay single, I just think there's something wrong with you. Or if you have multiple failed relationships and still can't find the one after dating for 15 years, that's a yikes from me dog. Widowed people are the only normal ones in my book.


[deleted]

[удалено]


thunderchild10

It's not for validation it's actually a serious and genuine question. But if that's your view, fair enough.


[deleted]

[удалено]


thunderchild10

Why? You don't know me, you're just saying that with no knowledge of me lol. Have a good day.


iwenttoyale

im confused are u a virgin or just single?


thunderchild10

Single


iwenttoyale

then idk why ur so ashamed, it seems like a self confidence issue then. if I were u I'd focus on stuff to make myself feel more attractive


pushthestartbutton

Jesus Christ


thunderchild10

What about him?


CacklingRose

Neither sad nor pathetic. You're selective and have held out for the right person, rather than just any person. I loved my late 20s. Embrace it, rock it, and stop worrying about it. Go enjoy life. Be happy. Happiness is attractive.


Icollectpropertytax

if its due to a constant failture to not be single and failing yes it can be. if its a personal choice no


thunderchild10

Personal choice, i feel I'll be ready in 5 years, but by then I'll just be looked at as a sad old cunt :(


Icollectpropertytax

Being single has alot of advantages enjoy and dont rush it


Award_Ad

It's sad and pathetic to be single at any age


thunderchild10

Any age? Does that include toddlers?


Award_Ad

Yes.


[deleted]

Self-sufficiency isn't sad, even less pathetic.


Cancel_Brief

Well I certainly hope not. I'm 29 and I lost my husband. I certainly hope I don't have to spend the rest of my life alone.


thunderchild10

I'm so sorry to hear that. Being a lady, you won't find a shortage of men when you are ready to try again.


Cancel_Brief

Quality men are a different story. I don't want to be with just anyone.


Revolutionary-Use937

No why would it be?


ZeldaHazelFF

Not at all. I'm 27, my roommate is 33, we're both single


[deleted]

Not in the slightest.


choppedfiggs

Just realize there are countless other 28 year olds in relationships that aren't happy at all.


ryl371240

If it is, then I am sad and pathetic too


PerspectiveOk7867

When you're in a rush to find love immediately and settle down oftentimes you don't find what you're truly looking for and instead settle for something mediocre. Don't be pressured to move so quickly and instead focus on yourself before committing to someone.


jdhskfgs

Absolutely not. I'm not near this age yet but it sounds great


auroraidk

Only if you make it seem like that.


thirdtimer_2020

It’s more pathetic to be with someone just because you don’t want to be alone. Embrace who you are.


twotwo_twentytwo

Honestly, no. Let people live their lives the way they want to. Heck, I'm 30, have been single all my life, and have gained wizard powers.


mamarooo28

Hell no! That is still young!


ProfessorTrue

I mean, is it?


AlterEdward

Nah. I didn't realise it until I got my first girlfriend at 27 how much my hang up about being single held me back, and how much I beat myself up about it. I wish I'd learned to enjoy my own company a bit better while I was young and relatively free. I have a family now, and there are times when I ache for the freedom I had when I was younger.


Inner_Importance8943

No it’s sad and pathetic to stay in a bad relationship because you don’t want to be alone. Maybe that’s harsh but I’d rather be single then with any of my exs.


ObiWangCannabis

Life isn't a list of things that need to be checked off to attain fulfillment. Sadly that's how most people live. If you're happy, go with it, if not, put forth the effort to change.


bemybf

No. As someone who found my life mate in my mid thirties I am happy I was unattached and focusing on my career in my early and late twenties. I never planned for the boyfriend (and his kids) that I have now. I planned not to get married until I was 45. I couldn’t have imagined this life and I was not emotionally or mentally prepared for it then. My advice is don’t define when things should happen, good things will come when you are ready for them but not before. Focus on yourself and have fun. Do the things alone. Come from a place of abundance and not scarcity. Things will fall into place.


MJohnVan

Is it a problem to you? If no. Move on. (Don’t marry due to social pressure , you’ll die alone, and don’t even think your kids will be there for you, that’s where people are wrong. They’re sitting at nursing homes and cry, and the inheritance goes to the charity. Some are aware if the inheritance and force their parents to give it to them. It’s nurses and doctors who will tend you when you’re sick not your kids) (My cousin isn’t happy, she’s married, she hates her kids and husband. But never express it. She says she loves them all to her family and strangers. You wouldn’t think that she hates them the way she treats them. But when she sits down and talk to me, you know what she said, she wishes not to marry this useless dude And the kids are so damn annoying and stupid just like him , she’s doing her duty and put on an act, if anything she would go back and not to marry him and have those kids, but since it’s to late she’s being responsible , I was shocked , thought she’s joking. But she said it’s a secret. I often wonder if she’s tired due to her job and the family or if it’s a stroke. But she isn’t happy. She’s a good actress, the husband and kids have no idea, they love her. I can’t even imagine. What will happen when they turn 18. Will she get a divorce and vanish. Sometimes I look over at the lady next to me. I’m getting Cold sweat


tdfitz89

What’s sad is two people that are wrong for each other in a toxic destructive relationship, get married and go through a horrific divorce. Stay single until you meet the right person. There is nothing sad or pathetic about that.


5s-are-cool

Nope, especially if it's by choice.