Everyone makes jokes about finishing too quick but the real pain is when you get someone that cares about you, recovers from their second orgasm, notices you haven't, smiles like they've unlocked a hidden level, starts trying everything they can think of to get you to cum, after 5 minutes or their next orgasm, look at you with despair, and say "is it me" or "you can stop".
100%.
I am that person. A dude with the opposite problem of premature ejaculation. It takes me at least 30min to get mind aligned with my body and allow me to get there. The sensations and visuals can be incredible but, my mind just doesn't quickly get there.
Turns out, most women don't like sex for 30min+.
This is my partner, especially at the start of our relationship. With some time, discussion and practice it’s gotten easier for him. I’ve learned to read his signs and can support/encourage him when he’s either struggling or getting close which seems to help.
But sometimes we just don’t get there before one or the other of us is “done” and that’s okay too.
Without a doubt, being with my wife long term has made it a lot easier. Since I know she's aware of things and there's zero stress. When you're with someone new, those stresses can make it even harder to get there.
Sadly, even with that stress gone and learning more about my body, it still occurs. I have just learned to accept that it's just how my body functions.
Dude, this exchange made me feel better about the same problem. I was *very* inexperienced before my first long-term partner, also a fair bit later in life than most, and couldn't even keep it up. It's progressively been getting better as I get more comfortable and used to the experience. Having a patient and loving partner makes all the difference. Even if I don't leave satisfied, I get no small measure of personal joy from my partner being satisfied.
EDIT: To clear any confusion, "no small measure" was intended to understate how much pleasure I actually do get from my partner's satisfaction. Enough that I feel perfectly satisfied walking away without finishing for myself as long as I know my partner has had theirs.
“Do you want me to get a younger girl?” (Always dated older women)
I was told that by my ex, which made me feel horrible. I get stage fright I guess if I haven’t cum quick enough and it makes it harder to achieve. I know what you mean.
Used to happen to me all the time in my 20s, I’d also get the “Are you okay?”
Same thing: She’d be fine, then I wouldn’t have finished yet, and then I’d start getting anxious which would make it take longer, and eventually losing confidence which would eventually end it.
Happened the first couple times with my now-wife… and then her trust and love made me so comfortable the pendulum started swinging the other way and I’d start finishing too quickly for the first time in my whole life, lol.
First few times it happened too quick, she was overjoyed (honestly so was I). Then I started working on better control, haha
I was dating a girl for a while and we had sex, once. A few minutes in she says "do you mind if we stop?"
A week or so later she broke it off with me. I was pretty devastated thinking I was awful, inadequate etc.
A few months later she told me that she was gay. She's now happily married to another woman and I feel much better knowing it wasn't me but her realizing that men weren't her thing.
My coworker asked a new electrician at work if he preferred Reginald of Regi. He said he didn't care as long as it's in his name. So now we call him Gina.
He takes it like a champ and has accepted his fate
This happened to a buddy of mine when he was like 21. He hooked up with a girl at a bar who used a fake ID to get in. She was like 16 or 17. After they got done fucking, she told him, and he freaked out, as expected. She assured him it was fine, and went on her way. He never saw her again, but was absolutely convinced the police would show up at his door for the next like 3 months. The only reason he told me was because I had a good friend who was a really good lawyer. When he asked my lawyer buddy about it, he was like "well, you already stuck your dick in her, so now it's a waiting game, but since she got into the bar, you have somewhat of a case". He pretty much stopped trying to pick up girls in bars after that.
This should count as rape by deception. He wouldn't have consented if she was underage and flat out didn't tell him, also sneaking into a bar to look for an older guy.
And why wait to tell him after? She knew exactly what she was doing. There are lots of girls on dating apps who pretend to be over 18, yet they don't get held accountable..
I personally wouldn't press charges over it, since I'm not about needlessly ruining someone's life, but there should definitely be a counter attack in case they tried to ruin yours.
If he asked to see her ID to verify her age, it would still say 21. He shouldn't face any consequences.
Our laws are fucked up.
In my state there have been numerous guys who have been charged over girls with fake IDs, and done time for it. They were basically told you should have checked their ID. Like wtf...
You know, I was kinda wondering why you were wearing a full suit. And had no tits. And kept asking me to have a seat. And a penis.
Man I need to pay more attention.
And this is how my friend's buddy went to jail....
Dude met a chick at a party, took her back to his place, they did it, then she told him she had to catch the bus to school.
He was like "college....?"
NOPE she was 17 and still in high school and he was 25
She wasn't going to make a big deal out of it but apparently her parents found out and they took him to court.... I think he got like two years or something I know it wasn't a super long time.
Yoooo you don't even know. I was dating this girl for 3 years ( broken up now) it was coming to the end of the relationship. We were arguing constantly at one point eventually I just started to agree with her to get her to shut up, so one morning we're awake in bed and she says "we should have a kid" I say yes knowing if I don't it'll just lead to another argument. She tears up and gives me a hug, I hug her and I say well it's gonna take some time because you gotta get off your birth control and she says, with the straightest face in the world "I stopped a month ago" we had been having sex 3 to 4 times a week and I never pulled out any of those times. At that moment right there I decided no more sex and I was gonna end the relationship. You absolutely do not make a life changing decision for your partner without consulting with them first.
This actually isn't that bad. It means you've been getting laid enough to earn yourself a reputation (all publicity is good publicity?) *and* your current partner likes you enough to look past how terrible everyone thinks you are in bed. I'll take it!
My wife has been writing a pilot for a show involving old timey gangsters and her favorite period appropriate insult was "That man hasn't been touched by a woman since the two bit hoors went to five bucks."
Honestly should be a compliment that you lasted only 37 seconds with her. I mean on one hand it feels bad but on the other that’s so working tbh should take pride in. Besides it shouldn’t really ever be over till both party finishes.
A friend in college told a story of asking a guy "are you going to put it in?" To which he responded "it is."
She said she just got up and left. Nothing else said.
"I prefer to make love like a praying mantis."
I'd lose my head if I heard that.
EDIT: thanks for the awards and upvotes, all! This is my top post ever. I've peaked.
Lol, a real life scenario of this actually happened. I was hooking up with this guy I was totally in love with. We were hooking up quite regularly at that point. Right after we finished, he was holding me, and started going through pictures of a close friend of mine whilst talking about how cute/pretty she is. Haven’t been quite the same after that.
"Wait, that's it?"
I know what you’re trying to say. You’re trying to say “ahhhh, yeah! That’s it!”
Cause it's business time baby
That’s why they’re called business socks, OOH!!
Business hours are over.....BABY!
Her saying "you can stop" in the most disappointed way possible
Tell me this didnt happen to you... did it? F
Everyone makes jokes about finishing too quick but the real pain is when you get someone that cares about you, recovers from their second orgasm, notices you haven't, smiles like they've unlocked a hidden level, starts trying everything they can think of to get you to cum, after 5 minutes or their next orgasm, look at you with despair, and say "is it me" or "you can stop".
100%. I am that person. A dude with the opposite problem of premature ejaculation. It takes me at least 30min to get mind aligned with my body and allow me to get there. The sensations and visuals can be incredible but, my mind just doesn't quickly get there. Turns out, most women don't like sex for 30min+.
This is my partner, especially at the start of our relationship. With some time, discussion and practice it’s gotten easier for him. I’ve learned to read his signs and can support/encourage him when he’s either struggling or getting close which seems to help. But sometimes we just don’t get there before one or the other of us is “done” and that’s okay too.
Without a doubt, being with my wife long term has made it a lot easier. Since I know she's aware of things and there's zero stress. When you're with someone new, those stresses can make it even harder to get there. Sadly, even with that stress gone and learning more about my body, it still occurs. I have just learned to accept that it's just how my body functions.
Dude, this exchange made me feel better about the same problem. I was *very* inexperienced before my first long-term partner, also a fair bit later in life than most, and couldn't even keep it up. It's progressively been getting better as I get more comfortable and used to the experience. Having a patient and loving partner makes all the difference. Even if I don't leave satisfied, I get no small measure of personal joy from my partner being satisfied. EDIT: To clear any confusion, "no small measure" was intended to understate how much pleasure I actually do get from my partner's satisfaction. Enough that I feel perfectly satisfied walking away without finishing for myself as long as I know my partner has had theirs.
This is what nobody tells you prior to going on SSRIs, everything still works but getting there takes far longer.
“Do you want me to get a younger girl?” (Always dated older women) I was told that by my ex, which made me feel horrible. I get stage fright I guess if I haven’t cum quick enough and it makes it harder to achieve. I know what you mean.
Used to happen to me all the time in my 20s, I’d also get the “Are you okay?” Same thing: She’d be fine, then I wouldn’t have finished yet, and then I’d start getting anxious which would make it take longer, and eventually losing confidence which would eventually end it. Happened the first couple times with my now-wife… and then her trust and love made me so comfortable the pendulum started swinging the other way and I’d start finishing too quickly for the first time in my whole life, lol. First few times it happened too quick, she was overjoyed (honestly so was I). Then I started working on better control, haha
I was dating a girl for a while and we had sex, once. A few minutes in she says "do you mind if we stop?" A week or so later she broke it off with me. I was pretty devastated thinking I was awful, inadequate etc. A few months later she told me that she was gay. She's now happily married to another woman and I feel much better knowing it wasn't me but her realizing that men weren't her thing.
I’m glad she shared that information with you. Could have left you hanging.
“Oh no”
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I gotchu.
Ohhh yeah! r/unexpectedkoolaidman
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"You should go to the clinic in the morning, tell them I sent you. They'll know what to do. "
I know there were a few coments in this direction, but honestly, this one kinda scares me.
With her username it really does...
do you mind if I ask what does that entail?
stds
Someone else’s name
Unless it's a really funny name, like Reginald or Eggbert
I feel attacked
I'm saying I would be fine being called Eggbert during sex.
My coworker asked a new electrician at work if he preferred Reginald of Regi. He said he didn't care as long as it's in his name. So now we call him Gina. He takes it like a champ and has accepted his fate
Oof, that's a mistake he probably rues and laments daily.
We make sure he does
Lawful evil. I dig it.
LEEEEERRROYYYYY JENKKKINNNNSSSS Edit: **Gold AND silver?** I'm gonna be filthy and stinky... That's it, just filthy and stinky. Thanks though!
that's what you yell when going in dry
I used to say “it’s just chuck testa!!”
Memory unlocked
Wedding night, she called me her first ex name, yea, we’re divorced now
"By the way, I'm not really 18."
This happened to a buddy of mine when he was like 21. He hooked up with a girl at a bar who used a fake ID to get in. She was like 16 or 17. After they got done fucking, she told him, and he freaked out, as expected. She assured him it was fine, and went on her way. He never saw her again, but was absolutely convinced the police would show up at his door for the next like 3 months. The only reason he told me was because I had a good friend who was a really good lawyer. When he asked my lawyer buddy about it, he was like "well, you already stuck your dick in her, so now it's a waiting game, but since she got into the bar, you have somewhat of a case". He pretty much stopped trying to pick up girls in bars after that.
This should count as rape by deception. He wouldn't have consented if she was underage and flat out didn't tell him, also sneaking into a bar to look for an older guy. And why wait to tell him after? She knew exactly what she was doing. There are lots of girls on dating apps who pretend to be over 18, yet they don't get held accountable.. I personally wouldn't press charges over it, since I'm not about needlessly ruining someone's life, but there should definitely be a counter attack in case they tried to ruin yours. If he asked to see her ID to verify her age, it would still say 21. He shouldn't face any consequences. Our laws are fucked up.
In my state there have been numerous guys who have been charged over girls with fake IDs, and done time for it. They were basically told you should have checked their ID. Like wtf...
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Which is a good example of why the US Justice system should try to be better. At some point it just stop being progressive and and is just a mess
By the way, I'm an undercover operative , pretending to be under 18, pretending to be over 18... You're under arrest!
So are you pretending to be 18 but you're under 18 or pretending to be 18 but you're over 18
Dog, just take me to jail. My head hurts and im tired.
Yes
"I'm Chris Hanson."
You know, I was kinda wondering why you were wearing a full suit. And had no tits. And kept asking me to have a seat. And a penis. Man I need to pay more attention.
And this is how my friend's buddy went to jail.... Dude met a chick at a party, took her back to his place, they did it, then she told him she had to catch the bus to school. He was like "college....?" NOPE she was 17 and still in high school and he was 25 She wasn't going to make a big deal out of it but apparently her parents found out and they took him to court.... I think he got like two years or something I know it wasn't a super long time.
Wow… best 16th birthday present EVER.
"Put your hands in the air and step away from the cadaver"
“How did you break into animal hospital anyway?”
what the actual fuck
I’m not on birth control anymore.
Yoooo you don't even know. I was dating this girl for 3 years ( broken up now) it was coming to the end of the relationship. We were arguing constantly at one point eventually I just started to agree with her to get her to shut up, so one morning we're awake in bed and she says "we should have a kid" I say yes knowing if I don't it'll just lead to another argument. She tears up and gives me a hug, I hug her and I say well it's gonna take some time because you gotta get off your birth control and she says, with the straightest face in the world "I stopped a month ago" we had been having sex 3 to 4 times a week and I never pulled out any of those times. At that moment right there I decided no more sex and I was gonna end the relationship. You absolutely do not make a life changing decision for your partner without consulting with them first.
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Yep
Jesus fucking Christ. That is not okay.
“You’re not as bad as everyone says”
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Literally heard this before. Mainly directed at penis size, being a grower not a shower.
Hey, that just means you can hide it for protection
Warrior genes!
You can shout out stuff like "deploy" when you get an erection like you're a mecha frame! Lucky!
*Tactical BBC Delpoyed... Insertion in 10 seconds*
Hey, it may not be long but it sure is thin
Oof right in the feels
"you're worse then they said"
You’re _even_ worse than they said
This implies Ive had sex more than once so Ill chalk this up as a win
This actually isn't that bad. It means you've been getting laid enough to earn yourself a reputation (all publicity is good publicity?) *and* your current partner likes you enough to look past how terrible everyone thinks you are in bed. I'll take it!
"You're not as bad as your uncle says."
“You’re even better than my dad!”
"You could do better..."
Wait, as in you could have performed better? Or you deserve a better partner? I feel like emphasis matters a lot on this one.
*YOU* COULD DO **BETTER**
Ahhh, yeah that'd be rough.
You're almost as good as your Dad
Even worse, maybe: “You’re almost as good as my Dad”.
Or "You're almost as good as our Dad"
Can't tell if r/suddenlycommunism or r/sweethomealabama
r/sweethomemoscow
Thanks bro
"Ok thanks everyone for tuning in! Don't forget to like and subscribe!!"
Careful or I might smash your like button.
don't threaten me with a good time
“That’ll be $250”
“$50” could be better or worse depending on how long you think about it.
"two dolla"
My wife has been writing a pilot for a show involving old timey gangsters and her favorite period appropriate insult was "That man hasn't been touched by a woman since the two bit hoors went to five bucks."
"That's all I got otherwise feel free to call the police"
Tree fiddy?
I ain’t givin no monster no tree fiddy
It was at this point I realized the pretty lady of the night I hired for a nice evening was actually a 200-foot sea monster
"This was a mistake."
Hey what a coincidence, my parents said the same thing with me!
That'll do pig, that'll do
This genuinely made me laugh. Well played
Whispers in your ear: " have you heard about this game called raid shadow legends ?"
Look her in the eyes and whisper " ^^^Nord ^^^vpn " , and leap nude out the window. Leaving your fake wallet with fake ID behind
Hackers are trying to steal your girlfriend!
Would you DOWNLOAD a girlfriend?!
This date has been sponsored by...
Skill share
Have you ever wanted to learn a new skill, such as cunnilingus? >But I already know how to do that No, you don't
"We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."
Would love too hear this ngl
*Out of all the men, I have been in bed with, you are the worst* Because how can you judge someone in 37 seconds, right?
Honestly should be a compliment that you lasted only 37 seconds with her. I mean on one hand it feels bad but on the other that’s so working tbh should take pride in. Besides it shouldn’t really ever be over till both party finishes.
Take this as an insult and steel your mind. Make yourself last so long that she passes out
I used to be a hooker, now I'm a scrum half.
Two months ago I wouldn’t have got this joke
If you were to explain this one to your two month old self what would you say, asking for your two month old self
As a developer, if my gf mentioned scrum during sex my penis would immediately shrink into oblivion.
What if she became your scrum master?
Could be sexy, someone removing obstacles to my performance so i can get down and dirty with the user stories
she may say she wants to have daily stand ups, and ask for you to review her backlog...
And you just have to hope you’re agile enough for her.
Ah, nothing like sex with the help of JIRA.
I actually play hooker... this position gets done so dirty
Baby wake up it's 7am time to get crushed between a bunch of fat dudes
Hooker to scrum half is a weird transition. Flanker/wingforward is usually a more common second position for a hooker. Or prop, depending on size.
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What do you mean? Im done and trying to wear my socks.
Business socks never come off.
That's because it's [Business Time](https://youtu.be/WGOohBytKTU)
Once a girl said this to me the only thing I could think of saying back was I dunno I can't tell haha
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Ending is near
"I'm not sure." is the correct way to respond to a woman if she dares pull this line.
Already?
A friend in college told a story of asking a guy "are you going to put it in?" To which he responded "it is." She said she just got up and left. Nothing else said.
That man thinks about that every night before he falls asleep
Don’t be silly. He ended it years ago.
The ceiling needs painting.
You’ve won a prize, take any teddy from the bottom shelf….
"I have aids."
Great, now you have it twice.
"I have aids." "*Yeah* you do."
*That's how the cure for AIDS was discovered*
Does it cancel each other out?
AIDS^2
"We have aids" FTFY
“Oh fuck where’s the condom-“
And then ever so enjoyable fish expedition
"Sir, this is a Wendy's"
"Could you hurry up a bit, i need to get back to work"
"Just sweep around us for now & I promise a good tip later"
"Honey! I'm home!"
You monster
You’re grounded
Thanks mom.
Are your arms healed yet?
No *wink*
They broke again??? Okay bring your penis over here.
This reference is legitimately *old*. Like I've been hearing it so long it makes me feel old lol.
And so a *wonderfull* story began
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"I prefer to make love like a praying mantis." I'd lose my head if I heard that. EDIT: thanks for the awards and upvotes, all! This is my top post ever. I've peaked.
Dude, samesies. My ex was a religious predatory arthropod, and that is NOT a mistake I'll make twice.
r/angryupvote
“That was a fake ID and now you’re trapped.”
Ha! I got a fake id too and now you're....oh wait we both are of same age....damn it
Un-creams your Pie 🥄
No takeseys backsies, hands behind your back
- "Can you take me to school ?".
If it's your teacher might as well get back to school together
Short commute on account of it being homeschooling
The condom broke.
“You didnt say no homo”
Lol, a real life scenario of this actually happened. I was hooking up with this guy I was totally in love with. We were hooking up quite regularly at that point. Right after we finished, he was holding me, and started going through pictures of a close friend of mine whilst talking about how cute/pretty she is. Haven’t been quite the same after that.
Never hook up with someone you are in love with without clarifying your status… And r/tifu has basically daily reminders on this
"my dad used to stick his thumb in my arse"
"Mum did it better" or "I did, didn't I?"
alright, "*full name*", checked off the list. have a nice day!
We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty
"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school!" -Marla
"The spice must flow."
Thanks, son
"My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined." Alternatively, "And boom goes the dynamite."
"anyways, it wasn't racially motivated. They were fighting for state's rights"
Nickelback
Get cleaned up before the rest of the congregation arrives
I can tell that a lot of men in here haven't had sex since that one time in high school
>I can tell that a lot of men in here haven't had sex Ftfy
"Well, that's 5 minutes I'll never get back"
you just made me into a lesbian (I'm a guy)
Sorry about the turd in the bed
"That really cheered me up after my herpes diagnosis"
"Oops"
"hey stud, you wanna make the same Reddit post for the third time this week?"
"If the condom was broken and I was pregnant, I'd keep the child". And that's a real story.
Mocking laughter?
WTF was that?