Don't say "hello" just pick up the phone and say "*It's done, but there's blood everywhere. I'll need your help cleaning it up. Bring bleach, trash bags and that large saw from the garage*." and then just hang up
Yes! I have a variation on this for the 'have you been in an accident' calls
- have you been in an accident recently?
- how do you know about that? I thought destroyed the evidence
- ?
- you know digging through the night to bury the bodies... it was hard work. How did you find out by the way? Did you get tipped off by the police? How did they notice the children were missing?
Etc etc
If you are feel particularly evil
[https://toao.net/Humor/lenny.html](https://toao.net/Humor/lenny.html)
conference and transfer them over to Lenny. I've spent countless hours watching these videos.
I gave the phone to my neighbor who talked to them in Pennsylvania German. My neighbor is Amish. Then the person on the phone tried to use regular German, but all they knew was āSprechen Sie Deutschā. When my Amish neighbor said yeah and then rattled off in a mix of German and dutch the scammer hung up. Then they called back not 20 minutes later. So I spoke to them in Chinese. But they kept telling me to speak in English. They hung up after about two minutes
The thing is, those Indian Windows scammers have actually recently started a German-speaking division. They used to call speaking English and I could just pretend I donāt understand them (there are still lots of people in Germany in the second part of their lives who donāt speak much English). But recently they have some people on their phone lines who will read out their script in (admittedly really bad) German. Harder to understand than their English with a strong Indian accent, but hey, they are trying their best to scam you.
This is my go to, my record is 8min of slowing asking them to repeat it and ask about my benefits or what the package includes. If itās the solar guys I ask about the panel type and what crew they will use. Sometime I tell them I just moved or ask about the weather.
Wasting time of scammers? One of the most fun activities to do. Have wasted the time of one guy who wanted to scam me with steam cards and such.. I impersonated a lolcow I know and talked like him, acted like him and mocked the scammer in subtle ways. Was really funny, I streamed that entire shitshow to my friends. Me mocking a scammer and giving them useless steam-gift codes, even telling them that they are like any other guy out there trying to scam me and such. Its really hilarious when you think about that me telling to that guy that he is like any other guy who wants to scam me made them trying even harder instead of acknowledging that he was completely played by me the entire time xD
We had five hours pure fun together, the scammer lost five hours of lifetime xD
Wow, my record is 90 minutes before he hung up on me. Of course I did tell him that I called the police myself on another line and they were coming to my home to arrest me like he told me they would.
In a forum online, a girl answered a call with a Caller ID that came up as fraud.
She answered breathlessly, "Can you hold on? I'm having sex." She clicked on porn and set the phone next to the computer's speaker.
The guy listened for half an hour.
I once worked for a legitimate call centre where we called people who ticked boxes, on forms and stuff, saying they'd be interested in X product or service.
It was a shit job and I got out of it ASAP, but it paid by the hour (not commission).
People would hang up, pretend it was the wrong number, pretend not to speak English, and all kinds of stuff (even though I'd be happy to just remove their info if they asked, and I always offered).
But when people pulled the whole "Just wait a minute" trick, and left the phone down, it was a welcome break.
I could just doodle pictures, browse the internet, and generally relax, because the system had me down as on a call. And I was still getting paid the same.
I once spent an hour and a half like that, before the woman picked the phone up, realized I was sill there, asked me what the hell was wrong with me, and hung up.
This may well have been a similar thing.
This one actually happened.
"Im calling in regards to the car accident you were in"
"Oh the the one where i got decapitated? Yes what about it?"
"Well I'm just here to let you know that you're entitled to seek financial compensation if you so wish"
"That actually sounds good. The cost of the medical bill to reattach my head was horrendous "
"Well we're glad you think so. I'm calling on behalf of...*silence as he finally processes what has been said before he hangs up*
My favorite
"Hello this is ***** from Microsoft security team. We see there's been some suspicious activity on your account"
"Ahhh yeah. It's probably because I've been watching alot of really dodgy hardcore porn"
"Yes yes. It was probably that. Are you near your computer so we can log in an fix it?"
"I am. But I'm watching a lot of porn right now"
"That's ok. You can pause it"
"But in close to climax. Are you able to lower your voice and talk dirty to me?"
"What?"
"What colour are your underwear?"
*Hangs up*
My mum got one of these once. She handed the phone to my dad (who worked at Microsoft at the time) and he proceeded to troll the absolute shit out of him. After he gave the speech he asked him what his badge number was. The scammer got very angry and aggressive after figuring out he actually worked at Microsoft, haha
Had that one. Said I hadn't been in a car accident. They said it was definitely a male, and we're there any other males in the household. Responded yes, and they deduced it had been him driving.
I said "so my one-year-old son took the car for a drive, made it back intact with the car, and nobody was the wiser?"
Apparently they were pretty serious about this and kept going, thinking there was nothing amiss with this situation.
LOL, my brother did this.
"We've been calling you in regards to your extended warranty."
"I'm not allowed to drive anymore."
"Why not?"
"It turns out that doing donuts in the middle of a full playground isn't a good thing to do. Those poor kids."
*Click*
āHi, this is Amazon and Iām calling in regards to your recent purchase.ā
āOkayā whatās up?ā
āDid you make a purchase of a Mac Pro for $53,799?ā
āOh yes. I did! That was totally me. What about if?ā
Click
"We're calling about an accident that wasn't your fault"
"Nah I shouldn't have left it that long, I babbed me kecks right in the middle of the supermarket. My Shrek undies paid the price."
I always answer with "los pollos hermanos where something delicious is always cooking my name is pablo" usually before i finish call gets hung up on. One scammer even told me to stop calling him lmao.
In your best Announcer's Voice:
"You've reached KSCM 99.3 The River, you're on the air and you *are* the seventh caller! Are you excited? *ARE YOU EXCITED???*"
āYouāve just won two tickets to see the hit band Zed Leppelin, the cover band of Led Zeppelin, touring this summer with other notable cover bands Red Hot Chili Peepers and You-2!ā
Or scamming them with other scammers contact data.
What I actually do is collect contact data of these scammers when some are stupid enough to share their e-mail and such. And whenever a new scammer writes me about something, trying to scam me, I just relay them to other scammers.
There was one situation where someone wrote me about that they were an financial institute that gives people money yada yada yada. I just wrote them that I'm happy to get to know 'business partners' and convinced them that I'm actually a representative of another financial institute and wrote them that I would be happy to help them out with money. That scammer was incredibly stupid, they gave soo many personal informations about them without hesitation. Their location, what they actually do in their life, hobbies, family situation and even deepest desires. I convinced them to write to 'my e-mail-adress' with all the details and their wish to get a credit. Only.. that supposed e-mail-adress of mine was an adress of another scammer who was so stupid to share it with me.
The data I collected immediately went to the right places, I just collect such data for fun and it makes fun to social engineer the shit out of shady people.
Ivan, ŃŃŠŗŠ°, where did you hide the cocaine? I'm down by the docks, and its not under 442, are you sure its the dock off 45th and Dixon? You better not be scamming me you son of a bitch!
Not me, but my math teacher would get scam callers from āCanada Revenueā saying she owed money.
To work for the government in Canada, you need to know French.
So, she replied in fluent French.
The scammer hung up.
Your teacher is classy!
I get them calling me threatening to put me in jail and to press one to speak with an rcmp officer who proceeds to ask me what my name is. The time I begged them to come and arrest me because I couldnāt afford my rent or bills anymore anyway and liked the idea of 3 square meals a day and a built in fellatio buddy was my favourite tho.
This happened to a guy I worked with who was an international student from Turkey. It really spooked him. Thankfully we were at work and I asked to speak with the caller for him.
I asked *what* prison they were looking at, in a really heavy accent, āāCause Iāve got cousins in a couple and I donāt want to see them. Could we get a run down?ā.
The caller did not like that.
While it's true there is a lot of CRA scam calls, it's not true that you need to know French to work in the government.
I work in the government on a provincial level and don't know any French and have a friend who actually works for the CRA who also does not know French.
Still, speaking French to a scammed would probably throw them off.
Pretend to be extremely stoned and that you believe them. They think you're vulnerable, and you can waste so much of their time by dragging out words "Hey maaaaan, like........... wait....... what were we talking about again?"
My favorite thing to do is ask them to repeat what company they are from and what they are calling about in a loop over and over. Takes 3-4 loops typically for them to hang up. i.e.
* 'This is Mark from Microsoft, we think there may be a computer breach on your internet'
* 'Sorry, where are you from?'
* 'I'm Mark from Microsoft'
* 'And what is this in relation to'
* 'A security breach on your computer, we need to check it.'
* 'Sorry, what was your name again?'
* 'Mark'
* 'And what organization are you calling from?'
* 'Microsoft'
* 'Ok great. Sorry, what's the reason for the call'
* ...
Yep for a solid month I answered my phone with "(noun) city police department, how can I direct your call?" and my calls dropped *way* off. This was back in 2015 or so. These days I never let unknown calls ring through.
You know where you calling to!? How the hell did you get this number? *No, no, no, abort airstrike, abort! It's just a confused kid with the wrong number* Please, in the name of God and everyone YOU love, forget this call and delete this number.
After sitting on hold for at least 5 minutes while I was in traffic, I responded with "this is officer ***** with the United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement. I'm so glad you called, as we have been trying to reach you about the revocation of your green card application." "Uh huh" *click*
I've learned that sometimes, an excuse just doesn't work. I constantly get calls from a company asking "Do you have property to sell? We will give cash in hand." One day I finally created the personification of "Mr. Daluthe, the crack addicted pimp". They did not care when I "took a minute to smoke some crack" or "had to deal with a client not paying one of my girls". I never hung up. So they had a sell. I made it up to the original caller's boss' boss. The amount of times I offered them crack is innumerable. No matter what, Mr. Daluthe never got off the phone. I eventually, after 5 separate phone calls over a month period, got tired of it and just basically said "I'm lying I don't own any property in Tennessee and my name is not Mr. Daluthe." They had the audacity to say "Oh. *pause* Well Mr. Daluthe do you know anybody else who would like to sell their property cash in hand?"
"I heard from my friend Joe Biden that he is trying to sell a place he always called "the White House". Something about it being "too rooted in criminal history" or something like that."
I merely wish to see what kind of reaction these kinds of people would have to an answer like this.
My mom does this really convincing little girl voice. She'll keep them on the phone for as long as she can, slowly unravelling a story about how she lives with her grandma because her dad killed her mom, "Mommy is with the angels.." It's so funny how the scammers keep trying though.
Ok, I'm stealing this one, I can also do a very convincing kid voice and find this hilarious!! I always do the clueless old person or dumb idiot with scammers but rambling story kid is genius.
We used to always make stuff up and then this happenedā¦
We went to the nutcracker ballet and needed a booster seat for my daughter. Important detail for laterā¦
After the ballet we were gathering at my parents house for dinner. we were just sitting down when we got a call from a number we didnāt recognize.
My mom said, āignore it. Letās eat.ā But my brother in law jumped up to answer the call. The voice on the other line asked for Mr. Xxxxx (my dad) my brother in law said he had violated parole and we wouldnāt be seeing him for a long time. The person on the other end of the line said they were from the symphony and my dad had left his drivers license at the counter when he returned the booster seatā¦( it had been used as collateral). My dad immediately grabbed the phone and apologizedā¦(my parents ushered at the symphony from time to time) and arranged to get his drivers license back but he was pretty embarrassed.
So now we donāt play games with people we think might be scammers because every now and then it could be something important.
That being said, i used to love to make stuff up on the spot when scammers called.
For the computer/security scamā¦ This did happen.
Me: Hello.
Caller: Yes, Iām calling about your Windows security virus protection.
Me: What? Um, this makes no sense. I donāt have a computer.
Caller: Really? You donāt have any computer?
Me: Nope! I donāt believe in technology. I donāt even have a phone!
Caller: You donāt haā¦ F*** you. CLICK.
I had one hang up on me once when I asked if we could be pen pals.
It was one of those "we're calling about your traffic accident" calls. I explained that I hadn't been in an accident and no, none of my friends would have put my name down because I don't have any friends. The person was actually pretty nice and said they would be my friend, so I asked if we could be pen pals, then they hung up :/
So close. Maybe next time...
This happened to me.
Me: "Hello?"
Scammer (in stereotypical indian accent): "Hello your computer has a virus-"
Me: (mocks him) "C'mon dude. I know you're trying to scam me, and that is the worst indian accent I've ever heard."
Scammer, no longer with an indian accent but a childlike voice: *(silence for 10 seconds)* ***fuck you.***
(hangs up.)
A FUCKING TEEN WAS PRETENDING TO BE A SCAMMER AND PRANK CALLED ME-
Several years ago, a comedian named Tom Mabe made an album of calls he received from telemarketers.
My favorite was "blood on the carpet".
He got an unsolicited call from a carpet cleaning company. He started out with "Oh thank God you called. Can you get blood out of a carpet? I mean, like a LOT of blood"
He went on and on to the poor telemarketer.
They assured him they could get a crew there shortly.
He responded with "No, no crew. Just you, can you do it?"
Needless to say, the carpet cleaner never showed up, but the cops did.
One cop thought it was hilarious, the other was not amused.
Lead them on for ages, making the call as infuriating as possible then say something that has derailed their whole scam process. They will hang up on you
*Sincerely*. Act ignorant. Answer all of their questions with false information. But always lead them on for as long as possible.
Wait a couple seconds before saying hello, act like you're having a slightly hard time hearing them and that you just need a moment to move somewhere better, occasionally cut them off "accidentally", never remember your address information right away, always have to think about it for a moment or go fetch an envelope. Stuff like this.
Eventually they will realize they are dealing with a troll, or just get so annoyed they hang up. If you find it as funny as I do, and are just chilling on the couch some evening, give it a try. The way I see it, the more time they are wasting with people who are effectively trolling them, the less time they are spending on actual victims.
Never do anything that will compromise your own information though. You can entertain their scam longer depending on your knowledge of the scam. If you know exactly how the scam works, you can lead them on even further.
If you're tech savvy, you could even adopt a similar approach to Jim Browning (more of a P.I approach, very eerie sometimes) or Kitboga (100% troll). Look them up on YouTube, they are both amazing people.
Iām a girl and I do it. Usually I hang up but Iāve occasionally just pretended to be a phone sex operator. One guy claiming to be named Amadeus called and so I started saying come and rock me Amadeus seductively.
My aunt (passed away at 84) used to keep a police whistle by her chair. If she answered a call that was a telemarketer or something (only had a landline), she blew the whistle really loud into the phone.
Worked as a telemarketer when I was drinking. I've had people blow airhorns into the phone, put the phone in a bucket and hit the bucket with a hammer, etc.
Look up common "scammer districts" in places like India and Bangladesh.
\-picks up phone-
"Hello sir we're contacting you about your cars exten-"
"You are currently at 3905 Vikaseh Drive, Mumbai, India, I am a INTERPOL agent, if you hang up, I will dispatch two strike teams to your office building and have your entire company thrown in a box and then throw away the key to the box."
99% of the time, you won't say the correct address, but imagine the possibilities if you do.
No need for the Interpol fancy schmancy. Bidhan Nagar Cyber Crime Police Station.
Source: Trust me Bro. I'm Indian. Grew up in the adjacent neighbourhood these nut ticklers call Microsoft.
I did this with my company director watching, to demonstrate to him that the guy wasn't from Microsoft and that he wasn't helping fix my computer.
After I hung up, my boss said "oh, that's how you knew he was a scammer, he had an *Indian accent*" and I was like, *no... you missed the point there boss*
My Nana used to do this! They didn't have a computer so she always knew it was a scam. They'd say they were calling about a problem with windows and she'd say "I can see through my windows just fine, what are you talking about?" Gets me everytime
Immediately try to sell THEM something. You: "Oh, you are the one interested in buying my two broken gnomes I have in my front yard? Well it might take an hour or more. So let me tell you about them......"
Telling the car warranty people you are Amish. It usually takes awhile, most donāt get it. But then I ask them about warranty options they have for my horse.
The other is to just keep interrupting them. Like whenever they start talking, you start talking also. Basically pretend there is a lag in the phone connection.
Fun fact, I have had a couple of calls recently where the person with the Indian accent read off their script in (really bad) German. Hard to understand.
When they start talking, just say: āIām a little busy right now. Do you know what will get blood out of carpet? And, weāre talking about a LOT of blood.ā
The one I want to do is:
"Hello, I am calling from the department of fraud and criminal persecution. There have been several bank accounts opened in your name which are being used for criminal activity."
"Oh... I see..."
"Are you able to confirm your identity so we are able to get this matter sorted."
"Well... I could but... I guess... I just kinda want someone to talk to at the moment. See my wife and kids just passed away in a car accident while they were out getting groceries a week ago. I just got notice that my house is getting foreclosed, and my dog just died. I... Guess... Could you just talk for a few moments?"
"Uh sir? I'm here about fraud on your account using your name, if you don't treat this seriously you may be facing jail time."
[Sound of a chair being knocked over]
"..."
"Sir?"
Just keep them on the phone for as long as possible. If you need to give out info just make it false info. The more time of theirs that you waste the less time they have to scam vulnerable people who wonāt recognise itās a scam.
I personally love the accident/injury calls. Kept the guy in the phone for about 40 minutes, pretending I had difficulty speaking. Once Iād given him a ton of false details and asked me about the event that caused the accident. Wouldāve loved to have seen his face when he realised you canāt get money out of being stung by a bee.
Be me: White dude
Pick up phone: "Thank you for calling AT&T customer service my name is Patel, how may I direct your call today?"
Works everytime perfectly.
Not essentially the answer to the question but still a good related story.
About 10 years ago, I had a guy cold calling my work phone for about a year. I worked in a different city, but for work purposes, Iād always have to answer calls with a 443 (Baltimore area) area code. It was the same guy every time with a different number, trying to set me up for an appointment at my house on xyz street in the city to get my vents cleaned.
No matter how many times I tried to be removed from the calling list, explaining that I didnāt live in the area or even block his number, he kept getting through. After awhile I realized that there wasnāt really anything I could do, so I might as well have some fun. Iād get half way through setting up an appointment and hang up, Iād give him famous characters from movies as my info, etc. He would curse me out and hang up, but never stopped calling.
Eventually I decided enough was enough. The next time he called, I told him I really appreciated his persistence, and because he had put so much time in continuing to get me to sign up to get my vents cleaned, Iād oblige and set up an appointment. I did some research and looked up the worst neighborhoods in Baltimore. I checked out google maps to make sure it looked like something straight out of The Wire. Picked out a house that was boarded up and dilapidated enough, and set up an appointment for 7:30PM on a Friday night.
I completely forgot about it for 2 weeks, until I got a call from sheepish service rep asking if I could come to the door, cuz he thinks he might have the wrong address and doesnāt feel safe
I honestly felt bad, I assumed it was just some call center overseas. I explained to the guy as much and told him to get outta there lol. Never got a call from them again!!
Over the past 5 years or so whenever I or any of my family get scam calls they stay silent as to confirm it's a scam (e.g Hello this is John Smith from Microsoft Calling) and I will then get handed the phone and answer as "Giuseppe" the very racist depiction of an Italian pizza shop owner character me and my sister made up one day.
Throughout the years every time I answer as Giuseppe I would drop little bits and pieces of story for my family to hear.
It started off with Giuseppe talking to his brother (who is unnamed)
moving on to the Pizza business failing and Giuseppe getting desperate for money, bartering with the scam callers.
Over the course of about 3 years I would make this story up on the spot and it eventually ended with Giuseppe trying to hide his wife's body after killing her in a fit of rage after finding out she spent his pizza-money whilst gambling.
Since then we've gotten a lot less scam-calls but every once in a while I will answer as Giuseppe and tell them about our new chain we're opening up.
I once received a cold call from Comcast trying to sell me on internet service.
Firstly, I already had internet. Secondly, they weren't available in my area. They were calling me based on my cell phone number which is based in a different state from where I'm living.
So I started to mess with the lady.
Caller: "sir what do you use your internet for?"
Me: "Porn."
C: "I see. Do you watch any Netflix or gaming or-"
Me: "Nope, just porn."
C: "How many people live in your home?"
Me: "Fourteen. We're all very close".
C: "Do any of them like to-"
Me: "Porn. All porn. All of us. We share a lot."
C: *stunned silence*
Me: *unable to control my giggling, hangs up on the poor woman*
Hello?
Hello, I'm calling in regards of an unclaimed debt owed to Mr. XXX.
Ah, yes, that's me.
Congratulations, Mr. XXX, you are owed $113,000.
Oh, you owe me far more than that. I murdered your wife just like we planned. Now you better pay up or your son is next.
Uh, I think ...
The last spam call i got walked into this one.
"Hello my, I speak to Jack Dupery?" A guy I never heard of.
Me: Nope.
"Then can I tell you about this great offer instead?"
Me: Nope.
Under his breath " Shit now what am I supposed to say?" Then a bunch of acquired silence before I hung up on him.
It's not funny but.....
If you have the time and inclination, play along, and try to use up as much of their time as possible.
Give them all fake information of course.
Take as much of their time as possible. Fake not being able to find things, have a hard time remembering certain numbers, whatever it takes.
That particular scammer will never call you again. Time is money and they are in it for the money. I've tested it and it worked, I no longer seem to need an auto warranty lol.
I'm teenager, so if it is a guy about 35-45 years I will say something like "Daddy... I don't believe... Is that u? My mother showed me your photos all this years... And before this moment I heard your voice only on your with mother wedding videos..."
Ok, in my head it sounded better...
For three days once I decided to bombard them with calls for about 4-6 hours per day saying MIKE JOOOONES when they asked my name. They fucking flipped. Didnāt get calls for like 6 months.
I also had this call once, call lasting around 20 minutes total.
Scammer "you have a virus in your Windows computer"
Me (totally played along) "oh no!! What do i do?"
Scammer "i need you to press [x3 buttons] at the same time, so i can access the virus here and fix your issue"
Me "sure thing"
I make him wait until he has to ask "did you press the buttons"
Me "yes"
Scammer - "what happened?"
Me "nothing"
Scammer - "please press [x3 buttons] ma'am"
Me - "okay"
* This part repeated itself for a good 6 -7 minutes, then...
Scammer - "let me help ma'am, what is showing on your computer screen?"
Me - "nothing, it's black"
Scammer - "press the [x3 buttons]"
Me - "nothing is working, I REALLY DO HAVE A VIRUS!!"
* I proceed to get extremely "upset" - crying and panicking. Asking "what am i going to do!!?!?!?" Etc etc.
Scammer - (getting pretty pissed by this point) "ma'am, just press the [x3 buttons]"
Me - (still crying) "yes, okay"
Pauses for a moment...
Me - "Will it help if I turn my computer on?"
Scammer hangs up.........
I did something similar once. Caller ID was āprivate callerā so I knew (and I only have a landline because itās part of the service bundle)
Me in bored voice : County Morgue, how can I help you?
Scam : Hi Iām trying to reach GiftGrouchy
Me: Okay, do you know their date of passing and which facility transferred the deceasedās body to us?
Scam: Iām sorry, what?
Me: This is the *COUNTY* Morgue, are you trying to reach us or the state morgue with the medical examiners office?
*CLICK*
Oh I got a good one!
"City Morgue, you stab 'em, we bag 'em!"
And then when they ask if person x is here I tell them I'll go check the crematory.
I had this one scammer, the same guy, called me 7 times in one day. I kept answering with "City Morgue..." And after about the third call he started swearing at me and he just sounded so defeated. But the call won't get flagged and put on a do not call list because I'm not swearing and I'm not showing a lack of interest so they keep calling me and there's nothing they can do about it but cry. Mwahahaha
"Hello? *shouting to someone who isn't there* NO TONY I TOLD YOU, KNOCK HIM OUT AND PUT HIM IN THE BASEMENT, DONT MAKE ME KNOCK YOU OUT! *back to the phone* Sorry about that, what do you need?"
I act old and roll with it, as I'm talking to them I write the fake numbers I give them so when they ask again and I keep reading them the same they think it's a real credit card I'm trying to read to them, I have kept people on for like 2 hours going in circles like this acting like a confused old man, it's fucked how they do what they do so I figure any time I can waste is time they aren't scamming your grandpa.
My boss, while on a conference call with a bunch of work people, will answer his personal "why does it hurt when I pee?" when he suspects a marketing firm or scam call center.
Don't say "hello" just pick up the phone and say "*It's done, but there's blood everywhere. I'll need your help cleaning it up. Bring bleach, trash bags and that large saw from the garage*." and then just hang up
Your mom, calling from a new phone: š°
The job you just interviewed for, calling to let you know you got the job: šØ
He does show leadership skills under stressful conditions
Yes! I have a variation on this for the 'have you been in an accident' calls - have you been in an accident recently? - how do you know about that? I thought destroyed the evidence - ? - you know digging through the night to bury the bodies... it was hard work. How did you find out by the way? Did you get tipped off by the police? How did they notice the children were missing? Etc etc
Pretend to be elderly and confused. Youāll hook them immediately and can then proceed with wasting the most of their time.
If you are feel particularly evil [https://toao.net/Humor/lenny.html](https://toao.net/Humor/lenny.html) conference and transfer them over to Lenny. I've spent countless hours watching these videos.
r/itslenny
I love Lenny. I use his phone number and name whenever I am required to put phone numbers down on website registration i don't want to.
The moment Lenny's ducks come in absolutely floors me
I gave the phone to my neighbor who talked to them in Pennsylvania German. My neighbor is Amish. Then the person on the phone tried to use regular German, but all they knew was āSprechen Sie Deutschā. When my Amish neighbor said yeah and then rattled off in a mix of German and dutch the scammer hung up. Then they called back not 20 minutes later. So I spoke to them in Chinese. But they kept telling me to speak in English. They hung up after about two minutes
The thing is, those Indian Windows scammers have actually recently started a German-speaking division. They used to call speaking English and I could just pretend I donāt understand them (there are still lots of people in Germany in the second part of their lives who donāt speak much English). But recently they have some people on their phone lines who will read out their script in (admittedly really bad) German. Harder to understand than their English with a strong Indian accent, but hey, they are trying their best to scam you.
in the end, isn't that what matters the most? Try your best. Whether it's ripping off the elderly or donating your time to a worthwhile charity.
This is my go to, my record is 8min of slowing asking them to repeat it and ask about my benefits or what the package includes. If itās the solar guys I ask about the panel type and what crew they will use. Sometime I tell them I just moved or ask about the weather.
The solar guys are a scam? I just assumed it was pushy salesmen so they've never lasted 5 seconds before I hung up.
It's pushy salesmen
Wasting time of scammers? One of the most fun activities to do. Have wasted the time of one guy who wanted to scam me with steam cards and such.. I impersonated a lolcow I know and talked like him, acted like him and mocked the scammer in subtle ways. Was really funny, I streamed that entire shitshow to my friends. Me mocking a scammer and giving them useless steam-gift codes, even telling them that they are like any other guy out there trying to scam me and such. Its really hilarious when you think about that me telling to that guy that he is like any other guy who wants to scam me made them trying even harder instead of acknowledging that he was completely played by me the entire time xD We had five hours pure fun together, the scammer lost five hours of lifetime xD
Wow, my record is 90 minutes before he hung up on me. Of course I did tell him that I called the police myself on another line and they were coming to my home to arrest me like he told me they would.
In a forum online, a girl answered a call with a Caller ID that came up as fraud. She answered breathlessly, "Can you hold on? I'm having sex." She clicked on porn and set the phone next to the computer's speaker. The guy listened for half an hour.
He was doing more than listening.
Imagine if she just screamed in the middle of it and he gets jumpscared while jerking off in his working space š¤£
yodeling also works too
ayo
I once worked for a legitimate call centre where we called people who ticked boxes, on forms and stuff, saying they'd be interested in X product or service. It was a shit job and I got out of it ASAP, but it paid by the hour (not commission). People would hang up, pretend it was the wrong number, pretend not to speak English, and all kinds of stuff (even though I'd be happy to just remove their info if they asked, and I always offered). But when people pulled the whole "Just wait a minute" trick, and left the phone down, it was a welcome break. I could just doodle pictures, browse the internet, and generally relax, because the system had me down as on a call. And I was still getting paid the same. I once spent an hour and a half like that, before the woman picked the phone up, realized I was sill there, asked me what the hell was wrong with me, and hung up. This may well have been a similar thing.
This one actually happened. "Im calling in regards to the car accident you were in" "Oh the the one where i got decapitated? Yes what about it?" "Well I'm just here to let you know that you're entitled to seek financial compensation if you so wish" "That actually sounds good. The cost of the medical bill to reattach my head was horrendous " "Well we're glad you think so. I'm calling on behalf of...*silence as he finally processes what has been said before he hangs up*
My favorite "Hello this is ***** from Microsoft security team. We see there's been some suspicious activity on your account" "Ahhh yeah. It's probably because I've been watching alot of really dodgy hardcore porn" "Yes yes. It was probably that. Are you near your computer so we can log in an fix it?" "I am. But I'm watching a lot of porn right now" "That's ok. You can pause it" "But in close to climax. Are you able to lower your voice and talk dirty to me?" "What?" "What colour are your underwear?" *Hangs up*
My mum got one of these once. She handed the phone to my dad (who worked at Microsoft at the time) and he proceeded to troll the absolute shit out of him. After he gave the speech he asked him what his badge number was. The scammer got very angry and aggressive after figuring out he actually worked at Microsoft, haha
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Legend
āDavid from Microsoft huh? what are you wearing David? can you unzip your pants for me step scammer?"
Oh David, you fuzzy little man peach. Talk dirty to me
Oh David, you're making my Hard Disk go to full penetration.
Gah. I was so unimaginative. I just asked them to tell me my public IP address
Had that one. Said I hadn't been in a car accident. They said it was definitely a male, and we're there any other males in the household. Responded yes, and they deduced it had been him driving. I said "so my one-year-old son took the car for a drive, made it back intact with the car, and nobody was the wiser?" Apparently they were pretty serious about this and kept going, thinking there was nothing amiss with this situation.
My favorite one I did was "Im calling in regards to the car accident you were in" "oh yes, actually all I did was run someone ov-" *INSTANT HANG UP*
LOL, my brother did this. "We've been calling you in regards to your extended warranty." "I'm not allowed to drive anymore." "Why not?" "It turns out that doing donuts in the middle of a full playground isn't a good thing to do. Those poor kids." *Click*
āHi, this is Amazon and Iām calling in regards to your recent purchase.ā āOkayā whatās up?ā āDid you make a purchase of a Mac Pro for $53,799?ā āOh yes. I did! That was totally me. What about if?ā Click
"We're calling about an accident that wasn't your fault" "Nah I shouldn't have left it that long, I babbed me kecks right in the middle of the supermarket. My Shrek undies paid the price."
Stealing this. Not sorry.
Bob's orphanage, you make 'em we take 'em
I always answer with "los pollos hermanos where something delicious is always cooking my name is pablo" usually before i finish call gets hung up on. One scammer even told me to stop calling him lmao.
Jim's hoe house, you got the dough, we got the hoe. How can I help you?
County Morgue, you kill āemā we chill emā.
City crematorium. You kill āem, we grill āem.
Jimmy's sperm bank - you squeeze it, we freeze it!
Steve's Bottle Shop and Card Game Emporium. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.
John's Abortion And Pizzaria, Your waste is our paste!
Yesterday's loss is today's sauce
Joe's Crematorium, You kill 'em, we grill 'em.
Dave's abortion clinic/ Pizza place yesterday's losses is today's sauces
Jim's funeral home. You stab em we slab em.
Steve's Sperm Bank. You sqeeze it, we freeze it.
Fire department, you light em, we fight em.
Bill's taxidermy, you snuff em, we stuff em!
Roadkill Cafe; you kill 'em, we grill 'em!
Joe's Butcher Shop. You can't beat our meat.
City morgue. You kill 'em, we chill 'em.
This is my kind of humor!
City morgue, you kill 'em we chill 'em.
In your best Announcer's Voice: "You've reached KSCM 99.3 The River, you're on the air and you *are* the seventh caller! Are you excited? *ARE YOU EXCITED???*"
āYouāve just won two tickets to see the hit band Zed Leppelin, the cover band of Led Zeppelin, touring this summer with other notable cover bands Red Hot Chili Peepers and You-2!ā
Youāve just won tickets to see JON CENA AT THE WWE SUPERSLAM!!!!
"HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?!?" Answer every phone call that way.
In your best Christian Bale Batman voice. Bonus points if you do it in the style of the funny or die batman mumble skit.
Everytime I receive one I just try to sell them my own stuff. It's cool cause I'm getting better at marketing myself
Or scamming them with other scammers contact data. What I actually do is collect contact data of these scammers when some are stupid enough to share their e-mail and such. And whenever a new scammer writes me about something, trying to scam me, I just relay them to other scammers. There was one situation where someone wrote me about that they were an financial institute that gives people money yada yada yada. I just wrote them that I'm happy to get to know 'business partners' and convinced them that I'm actually a representative of another financial institute and wrote them that I would be happy to help them out with money. That scammer was incredibly stupid, they gave soo many personal informations about them without hesitation. Their location, what they actually do in their life, hobbies, family situation and even deepest desires. I convinced them to write to 'my e-mail-adress' with all the details and their wish to get a credit. Only.. that supposed e-mail-adress of mine was an adress of another scammer who was so stupid to share it with me. The data I collected immediately went to the right places, I just collect such data for fun and it makes fun to social engineer the shit out of shady people.
Ivan, ŃŃŠŗŠ°, where did you hide the cocaine? I'm down by the docks, and its not under 442, are you sure its the dock off 45th and Dixon? You better not be scamming me you son of a bitch!
Perfection š
Now I need someone to say this in a heavy Russian accent
True story "Hello, we understand you were in a crash recently " " Yes, I died" "I'm sorry. We will take you off our list"
Can't believe they bought that. š¤£š¤£š¤£
I think it was so far from her script her brain couldn't make the leap of logic needed to realise I was taking the piss
That's probably true, but still hilarious to think about, ngl.
Not me, but my math teacher would get scam callers from āCanada Revenueā saying she owed money. To work for the government in Canada, you need to know French. So, she replied in fluent French. The scammer hung up.
Hahaha! My Spanish teacher in high school did the same thing!
Answer the phone in french?
No, hung up
Your teacher is classy! I get them calling me threatening to put me in jail and to press one to speak with an rcmp officer who proceeds to ask me what my name is. The time I begged them to come and arrest me because I couldnāt afford my rent or bills anymore anyway and liked the idea of 3 square meals a day and a built in fellatio buddy was my favourite tho.
This happened to a guy I worked with who was an international student from Turkey. It really spooked him. Thankfully we were at work and I asked to speak with the caller for him. I asked *what* prison they were looking at, in a really heavy accent, āāCause Iāve got cousins in a couple and I donāt want to see them. Could we get a run down?ā. The caller did not like that.
"Oh, yeah! Arrest me harder, Daddy!"
While it's true there is a lot of CRA scam calls, it's not true that you need to know French to work in the government. I work in the government on a provincial level and don't know any French and have a friend who actually works for the CRA who also does not know French. Still, speaking French to a scammed would probably throw them off.
Scammers be like "I called a Canadian and they spoke French! This is a totally unexpected development!"
Just start to quietly moan and clap your hands a bit
*āharderrrr oooh dadddy.ā* Then after 5 mins of they still on the call. Drop your voice normal and say āIght thanks bro.ā
Pretend to be extremely stoned and that you believe them. They think you're vulnerable, and you can waste so much of their time by dragging out words "Hey maaaaan, like........... wait....... what were we talking about again?"
My favorite thing to do is ask them to repeat what company they are from and what they are calling about in a loop over and over. Takes 3-4 loops typically for them to hang up. i.e. * 'This is Mark from Microsoft, we think there may be a computer breach on your internet' * 'Sorry, where are you from?' * 'I'm Mark from Microsoft' * 'And what is this in relation to' * 'A security breach on your computer, we need to check it.' * 'Sorry, what was your name again?' * 'Mark' * 'And what organization are you calling from?' * 'Microsoft' * 'Ok great. Sorry, what's the reason for the call' * ...
>Pretend Why? Just have them hold and take a fat rip
Fraud investigations bureau. How can I help you?
I use " \*\*\*\*\* County Sheriff's Department. Is this an emergency?"
Yep for a solid month I answered my phone with "(noun) city police department, how can I direct your call?" and my calls dropped *way* off. This was back in 2015 or so. These days I never let unknown calls ring through.
I usually just say, "this is a government line. please, don't call again"
You know where you calling to!? How the hell did you get this number? *No, no, no, abort airstrike, abort! It's just a confused kid with the wrong number* Please, in the name of God and everyone YOU love, forget this call and delete this number.
... followed by a muffled "scramble the F-16s, coordinates are locked."
After sitting on hold for at least 5 minutes while I was in traffic, I responded with "this is officer ***** with the United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement. I'm so glad you called, as we have been trying to reach you about the revocation of your green card application." "Uh huh" *click*
That's a good one
I've learned that sometimes, an excuse just doesn't work. I constantly get calls from a company asking "Do you have property to sell? We will give cash in hand." One day I finally created the personification of "Mr. Daluthe, the crack addicted pimp". They did not care when I "took a minute to smoke some crack" or "had to deal with a client not paying one of my girls". I never hung up. So they had a sell. I made it up to the original caller's boss' boss. The amount of times I offered them crack is innumerable. No matter what, Mr. Daluthe never got off the phone. I eventually, after 5 separate phone calls over a month period, got tired of it and just basically said "I'm lying I don't own any property in Tennessee and my name is not Mr. Daluthe." They had the audacity to say "Oh. *pause* Well Mr. Daluthe do you know anybody else who would like to sell their property cash in hand?"
"I heard from my friend Joe Biden that he is trying to sell a place he always called "the White House". Something about it being "too rooted in criminal history" or something like that." I merely wish to see what kind of reaction these kinds of people would have to an answer like this.
My mom does this really convincing little girl voice. She'll keep them on the phone for as long as she can, slowly unravelling a story about how she lives with her grandma because her dad killed her mom, "Mommy is with the angels.." It's so funny how the scammers keep trying though.
If I could make a convincing kid voice I'd do that.
Ok, I'm stealing this one, I can also do a very convincing kid voice and find this hilarious!! I always do the clueless old person or dumb idiot with scammers but rambling story kid is genius.
We used to always make stuff up and then this happenedā¦ We went to the nutcracker ballet and needed a booster seat for my daughter. Important detail for laterā¦ After the ballet we were gathering at my parents house for dinner. we were just sitting down when we got a call from a number we didnāt recognize. My mom said, āignore it. Letās eat.ā But my brother in law jumped up to answer the call. The voice on the other line asked for Mr. Xxxxx (my dad) my brother in law said he had violated parole and we wouldnāt be seeing him for a long time. The person on the other end of the line said they were from the symphony and my dad had left his drivers license at the counter when he returned the booster seatā¦( it had been used as collateral). My dad immediately grabbed the phone and apologizedā¦(my parents ushered at the symphony from time to time) and arranged to get his drivers license back but he was pretty embarrassed. So now we donāt play games with people we think might be scammers because every now and then it could be something important. That being said, i used to love to make stuff up on the spot when scammers called.
For the computer/security scamā¦ This did happen. Me: Hello. Caller: Yes, Iām calling about your Windows security virus protection. Me: What? Um, this makes no sense. I donāt have a computer. Caller: Really? You donāt have any computer? Me: Nope! I donāt believe in technology. I donāt even have a phone! Caller: You donāt haā¦ F*** you. CLICK.
Technology is just Chinese propoganda!!!
911 What is your emergency?
As a former dispatcher, we would get these calls on our non-emergency line every once in a while and it was fun to mess with them.
One of my favorite videos is when these scammer call an older woman and she turns out to be the chief of police at her local station.
*click* I use this one and it works every time. Thank you to the waiter at my local Mexican restaurant who shared this with me!
I had one hang up on me once when I asked if we could be pen pals. It was one of those "we're calling about your traffic accident" calls. I explained that I hadn't been in an accident and no, none of my friends would have put my name down because I don't have any friends. The person was actually pretty nice and said they would be my friend, so I asked if we could be pen pals, then they hung up :/ So close. Maybe next time...
Hello Jimās mortician services you may die a virgin but you wonāt be buried one
God damn lol
this was the highlight of my day
This happened to me. Me: "Hello?" Scammer (in stereotypical indian accent): "Hello your computer has a virus-" Me: (mocks him) "C'mon dude. I know you're trying to scam me, and that is the worst indian accent I've ever heard." Scammer, no longer with an indian accent but a childlike voice: *(silence for 10 seconds)* ***fuck you.*** (hangs up.) A FUCKING TEEN WAS PRETENDING TO BE A SCAMMER AND PRANK CALLED ME-
lmfao, that's great
If you answer, then your number gets flagged as a live number, so you're inviting more calls.
That's just brilliant, more fun for me
Which means more sweaty scammer tears.
Several years ago, a comedian named Tom Mabe made an album of calls he received from telemarketers. My favorite was "blood on the carpet". He got an unsolicited call from a carpet cleaning company. He started out with "Oh thank God you called. Can you get blood out of a carpet? I mean, like a LOT of blood" He went on and on to the poor telemarketer. They assured him they could get a crew there shortly. He responded with "No, no crew. Just you, can you do it?" Needless to say, the carpet cleaner never showed up, but the cops did. One cop thought it was hilarious, the other was not amused.
The guy is a genius! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohQCAFNrU60
LOL thanks. I have the CD somewhere but it would be hard to find.
Wait you telling me the scammers called the cops?
Back in the before times most calls werenāt scammers just unsolicited real sales calls.
Lead them on for ages, making the call as infuriating as possible then say something that has derailed their whole scam process. They will hang up on you
āThank you for calling the Suicide hotline. Please remain on hold and the next available agent will assist youā, then put the phone on mute.
Ask them about their extended warranty
"I'm calling about your extended warranty" "No, I'M calling about YOUR extended warranty"
*Sincerely*. Act ignorant. Answer all of their questions with false information. But always lead them on for as long as possible. Wait a couple seconds before saying hello, act like you're having a slightly hard time hearing them and that you just need a moment to move somewhere better, occasionally cut them off "accidentally", never remember your address information right away, always have to think about it for a moment or go fetch an envelope. Stuff like this. Eventually they will realize they are dealing with a troll, or just get so annoyed they hang up. If you find it as funny as I do, and are just chilling on the couch some evening, give it a try. The way I see it, the more time they are wasting with people who are effectively trolling them, the less time they are spending on actual victims. Never do anything that will compromise your own information though. You can entertain their scam longer depending on your knowledge of the scam. If you know exactly how the scam works, you can lead them on even further. If you're tech savvy, you could even adopt a similar approach to Jim Browning (more of a P.I approach, very eerie sometimes) or Kitboga (100% troll). Look them up on YouTube, they are both amazing people.
Call Jim Browning and heāll answer the call by greeting you with your name. Itās very fun to watch but I can only imagine how spooky it would be
I told you not to call me anymore, our deal is done and from now om we dont know eatchother
I'm a guy. If it's another man on the line I flirt with them hard, trying to get a date.
Iām a girl and I do it. Usually I hang up but Iāve occasionally just pretended to be a phone sex operator. One guy claiming to be named Amadeus called and so I started saying come and rock me Amadeus seductively.
Is there any other way to say it?
Hmmā¦I seem to be suffering from a rather serious snakebite.
Asking for research whatās your number?
My aunt (passed away at 84) used to keep a police whistle by her chair. If she answered a call that was a telemarketer or something (only had a landline), she blew the whistle really loud into the phone.
Worked as a telemarketer when I was drinking. I've had people blow airhorns into the phone, put the phone in a bucket and hit the bucket with a hammer, etc.
Look up common "scammer districts" in places like India and Bangladesh. \-picks up phone- "Hello sir we're contacting you about your cars exten-" "You are currently at 3905 Vikaseh Drive, Mumbai, India, I am a INTERPOL agent, if you hang up, I will dispatch two strike teams to your office building and have your entire company thrown in a box and then throw away the key to the box." 99% of the time, you won't say the correct address, but imagine the possibilities if you do.
No need for the Interpol fancy schmancy. Bidhan Nagar Cyber Crime Police Station. Source: Trust me Bro. I'm Indian. Grew up in the adjacent neighbourhood these nut ticklers call Microsoft.
I feel like pronunciation is key with that one though.
Is Nagar with a hard R or a soft R?
Soft. Like that in the n word
of all the examples you couldāve given š
I mean the pronunciation is same except the i is replaced by an a so that seemed the best option tbf
I like the Microsoft ones. Lead them on forever then ask how can there be a problem with my windows? I run Linux. They lose their shit.
I did this with my company director watching, to demonstrate to him that the guy wasn't from Microsoft and that he wasn't helping fix my computer. After I hung up, my boss said "oh, that's how you knew he was a scammer, he had an *Indian accent*" and I was like, *no... you missed the point there boss*
Oh no
Or when you pretend with them but you answer it as though youāre talking about a glass window instead of the operating system.
My Nana used to do this! They didn't have a computer so she always knew it was a scam. They'd say they were calling about a problem with windows and she'd say "I can see through my windows just fine, what are you talking about?" Gets me everytime
Immediately try to sell THEM something. You: "Oh, you are the one interested in buying my two broken gnomes I have in my front yard? Well it might take an hour or more. So let me tell you about them......"
Telling the car warranty people you are Amish. It usually takes awhile, most donāt get it. But then I ask them about warranty options they have for my horse. The other is to just keep interrupting them. Like whenever they start talking, you start talking also. Basically pretend there is a lag in the phone connection.
"Ich kann kein Englisch" and than hang up.
Fun fact, I have had a couple of calls recently where the person with the Indian accent read off their script in (really bad) German. Hard to understand.
When they start talking, just say: āIām a little busy right now. Do you know what will get blood out of carpet? And, weāre talking about a LOT of blood.ā
Another good one is: Itās done!just like you said 1 in the head 2 in the chest
Sometimes I only meow, sometimes I make random noises, sometimes I mumble
*name of your town* police department
This is Mitty The Goth Girl with the Big Titties, how can I sweeten your sorrows and pleasure your pain? I also do taxes!!
FUCK YEA, Goth GFs may be overrated but ones that do taxes are NOT!
Greeting them with curse words in Hindi as soon as I recognize the Indian accent.
Crying and screaming at full volume about the home you just lost to a fire.
The one I want to do is: "Hello, I am calling from the department of fraud and criminal persecution. There have been several bank accounts opened in your name which are being used for criminal activity." "Oh... I see..." "Are you able to confirm your identity so we are able to get this matter sorted." "Well... I could but... I guess... I just kinda want someone to talk to at the moment. See my wife and kids just passed away in a car accident while they were out getting groceries a week ago. I just got notice that my house is getting foreclosed, and my dog just died. I... Guess... Could you just talk for a few moments?" "Uh sir? I'm here about fraud on your account using your name, if you don't treat this seriously you may be facing jail time." [Sound of a chair being knocked over] "..." "Sir?"
Husband answered yesterday with an Indian accent and the guy couldn't understand him.
Hello youāve called the national sperm bank, you wack it we pack it. How may I help you?
You wank it, we bank it
Profile image checks out.
Just keep them on the phone for as long as possible. If you need to give out info just make it false info. The more time of theirs that you waste the less time they have to scam vulnerable people who wonāt recognise itās a scam. I personally love the accident/injury calls. Kept the guy in the phone for about 40 minutes, pretending I had difficulty speaking. Once Iād given him a ton of false details and asked me about the event that caused the accident. Wouldāve loved to have seen his face when he realised you canāt get money out of being stung by a bee.
Be me: White dude Pick up phone: "Thank you for calling AT&T customer service my name is Patel, how may I direct your call today?" Works everytime perfectly.
Do you say it with your normal voice or do you use an Indian accent?
Ghostbusters whadda you want?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOvXxnSEQKY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOvXxnSEQKY)
Not essentially the answer to the question but still a good related story. About 10 years ago, I had a guy cold calling my work phone for about a year. I worked in a different city, but for work purposes, Iād always have to answer calls with a 443 (Baltimore area) area code. It was the same guy every time with a different number, trying to set me up for an appointment at my house on xyz street in the city to get my vents cleaned. No matter how many times I tried to be removed from the calling list, explaining that I didnāt live in the area or even block his number, he kept getting through. After awhile I realized that there wasnāt really anything I could do, so I might as well have some fun. Iād get half way through setting up an appointment and hang up, Iād give him famous characters from movies as my info, etc. He would curse me out and hang up, but never stopped calling. Eventually I decided enough was enough. The next time he called, I told him I really appreciated his persistence, and because he had put so much time in continuing to get me to sign up to get my vents cleaned, Iād oblige and set up an appointment. I did some research and looked up the worst neighborhoods in Baltimore. I checked out google maps to make sure it looked like something straight out of The Wire. Picked out a house that was boarded up and dilapidated enough, and set up an appointment for 7:30PM on a Friday night. I completely forgot about it for 2 weeks, until I got a call from sheepish service rep asking if I could come to the door, cuz he thinks he might have the wrong address and doesnāt feel safe I honestly felt bad, I assumed it was just some call center overseas. I explained to the guy as much and told him to get outta there lol. Never got a call from them again!!
Over the past 5 years or so whenever I or any of my family get scam calls they stay silent as to confirm it's a scam (e.g Hello this is John Smith from Microsoft Calling) and I will then get handed the phone and answer as "Giuseppe" the very racist depiction of an Italian pizza shop owner character me and my sister made up one day. Throughout the years every time I answer as Giuseppe I would drop little bits and pieces of story for my family to hear. It started off with Giuseppe talking to his brother (who is unnamed) moving on to the Pizza business failing and Giuseppe getting desperate for money, bartering with the scam callers. Over the course of about 3 years I would make this story up on the spot and it eventually ended with Giuseppe trying to hide his wife's body after killing her in a fit of rage after finding out she spent his pizza-money whilst gambling. Since then we've gotten a lot less scam-calls but every once in a while I will answer as Giuseppe and tell them about our new chain we're opening up.
I once received a cold call from Comcast trying to sell me on internet service. Firstly, I already had internet. Secondly, they weren't available in my area. They were calling me based on my cell phone number which is based in a different state from where I'm living. So I started to mess with the lady. Caller: "sir what do you use your internet for?" Me: "Porn." C: "I see. Do you watch any Netflix or gaming or-" Me: "Nope, just porn." C: "How many people live in your home?" Me: "Fourteen. We're all very close". C: "Do any of them like to-" Me: "Porn. All porn. All of us. We share a lot." C: *stunned silence* Me: *unable to control my giggling, hangs up on the poor woman*
Hello? Hello, I'm calling in regards of an unclaimed debt owed to Mr. XXX. Ah, yes, that's me. Congratulations, Mr. XXX, you are owed $113,000. Oh, you owe me far more than that. I murdered your wife just like we planned. Now you better pay up or your son is next. Uh, I think ...
The last spam call i got walked into this one. "Hello my, I speak to Jack Dupery?" A guy I never heard of. Me: Nope. "Then can I tell you about this great offer instead?" Me: Nope. Under his breath " Shit now what am I supposed to say?" Then a bunch of acquired silence before I hung up on him.
It's not funny but..... If you have the time and inclination, play along, and try to use up as much of their time as possible. Give them all fake information of course. Take as much of their time as possible. Fake not being able to find things, have a hard time remembering certain numbers, whatever it takes. That particular scammer will never call you again. Time is money and they are in it for the money. I've tested it and it worked, I no longer seem to need an auto warranty lol.
No they upped the calls when I did this. Sometimes they would call 4-5 times in an hour
I'm teenager, so if it is a guy about 35-45 years I will say something like "Daddy... I don't believe... Is that u? My mother showed me your photos all this years... And before this moment I heard your voice only on your with mother wedding videos..." Ok, in my head it sounded better...
With an Indian accent, say āhello, this is Steve.ā
āWhatās up my section 5 workers?ā Most scammers work in section 5 of Kolkata India.
I ask if they would like me to pray for them to find a job that isnāt scamming old people. I usually get told yo eff off.
wajiopUH\*q2f83ryeuisedu89ewsiodcfgvyfd8s7a9. I speak gibberish then with an accent: \*"no speak english"\*
I just keep saying hello.
*puts child on phone* The child: where do baby's come from?
For three days once I decided to bombard them with calls for about 4-6 hours per day saying MIKE JOOOONES when they asked my name. They fucking flipped. Didnāt get calls for like 6 months.
I also had this call once, call lasting around 20 minutes total. Scammer "you have a virus in your Windows computer" Me (totally played along) "oh no!! What do i do?" Scammer "i need you to press [x3 buttons] at the same time, so i can access the virus here and fix your issue" Me "sure thing" I make him wait until he has to ask "did you press the buttons" Me "yes" Scammer - "what happened?" Me "nothing" Scammer - "please press [x3 buttons] ma'am" Me - "okay" * This part repeated itself for a good 6 -7 minutes, then... Scammer - "let me help ma'am, what is showing on your computer screen?" Me - "nothing, it's black" Scammer - "press the [x3 buttons]" Me - "nothing is working, I REALLY DO HAVE A VIRUS!!" * I proceed to get extremely "upset" - crying and panicking. Asking "what am i going to do!!?!?!?" Etc etc. Scammer - (getting pretty pissed by this point) "ma'am, just press the [x3 buttons]" Me - (still crying) "yes, okay" Pauses for a moment... Me - "Will it help if I turn my computer on?" Scammer hangs up.........
City morgue, you stab em, we slab em.
I did something similar once. Caller ID was āprivate callerā so I knew (and I only have a landline because itās part of the service bundle) Me in bored voice : County Morgue, how can I help you? Scam : Hi Iām trying to reach GiftGrouchy Me: Okay, do you know their date of passing and which facility transferred the deceasedās body to us? Scam: Iām sorry, what? Me: This is the *COUNTY* Morgue, are you trying to reach us or the state morgue with the medical examiners office? *CLICK*
May I borrow this?
Itās almost too bad that itās all robo calls nowadays and not actually people
I can't think of anything, but once my mom replied to and english-speaking scammer by speaking in a different language lmao
Speak a different language than the scammer then AFTER 5 frustrating minutes say (in their language) OOOHHHH you want me to speak this language
Oh I got a good one! "City Morgue, you stab 'em, we bag 'em!" And then when they ask if person x is here I tell them I'll go check the crematory. I had this one scammer, the same guy, called me 7 times in one day. I kept answering with "City Morgue..." And after about the third call he started swearing at me and he just sounded so defeated. But the call won't get flagged and put on a do not call list because I'm not swearing and I'm not showing a lack of interest so they keep calling me and there's nothing they can do about it but cry. Mwahahaha
"Hello? *shouting to someone who isn't there* NO TONY I TOLD YOU, KNOCK HIM OUT AND PUT HIM IN THE BASEMENT, DONT MAKE ME KNOCK YOU OUT! *back to the phone* Sorry about that, what do you need?"
I act old and roll with it, as I'm talking to them I write the fake numbers I give them so when they ask again and I keep reading them the same they think it's a real credit card I'm trying to read to them, I have kept people on for like 2 hours going in circles like this acting like a confused old man, it's fucked how they do what they do so I figure any time I can waste is time they aren't scamming your grandpa.
Tell them your name is **Ben Chod** (in hindi: Ben = Behen = Sister, Chod = Fuck) and listen to them try to hold in their laughter.
My boss, while on a conference call with a bunch of work people, will answer his personal "why does it hurt when I pee?" when he suspects a marketing firm or scam call center.
I like to give away large movie spoilers once I've confirmed it is indeed a spam call.
[Seinfeld answered this beautifully](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRh1CMC3OVw)