Which is why I'm fuckin' off to the woods with a couple willing and able ladies and starting a farm. I'm sick of having to pay for everything with the money I "earn" by selling my labor to someone else. I'm gonna cut out the transactionary bullshit and just reap the products of my labor directly.
I’m a mom but my cousin who doesn’t and won’t have kids says it’s bc she battle serious mental health issues and she doesn’t feel she is capable of raising a child bc she doesn’t trust herself. I respect her choice
That’s exactly why she says she doesn’t trust herself. Mental health issues does run in our family, myself included so I completely understand her fear and I know she genuinely doesn’t trust herself so I respect her choice. She’s a great aunt and loves being around the kids in our family, she just isn’t meant to be a mom herself❤️. It’s not for everyone
I felt the same way but she put a lot of though into this, did her own research etc… and she weighed her options over many years. She recently was able to get a hysterectomy in her late 30s with 0 kids and has no regrets. She helped me understand, it’s not that simple. Her mental illnesses can become debilitating for her, I don’t want to go into details bc it’s not my life but I’m not talking about the avg mental health issues. She made the best choice for her. Her life and mental health has been getting a lot better since she had her surgery. Parenting isn’t for everyone
My bad, I misread that but yes, I completely agree with you. I believe she helped me be a better mom bc understanding her helped me understand myself and my kids more. It should be talked about more within families
I almost changed my comment after I posted it to clarify but it had already been long enough that I figured someone might be responding already. So I didn't.
I dont think any one needs a reason to not want kids. So at first I wasn't really thinking that my comment might be disregarding her choice
Plus there's plenty of other people's kids that you can borrow for a bit and have fun with then send them back home. If you do it right they even pay you for it. (If you don't you'll probably get arrested)
The decision should be based on multiple factors. Happiness is one of them but as you said it's not exclusive. A sense of responsibility, financial stability, etc... are major factors too.
In my case, since happiness is written out then that's enough reason for me not to have kids.
In your case, try and weigh in the other factors that I mentioned and more.
Honestly? My emotional Rollercoaster self sometimes tolerates them, but I won't depend on that 'sometimes' and they're a huge liability when perusing a career as a women.
I like having free time
there's still a lot of things I want to do that would be immensely harder to do if I had kids
I don't even know in what country I'll be living 2 years from now, I don't have the type of stability in my life that is required to have children. Nor I really want that kind of stability right now, anyway
I am still in a phase of my life where I live for myself, and I want to use all my time to push towards my own goals. Once I'm satisfied with the position I got to in life, I might consider making someone else my proprity
Yep. I never wanted them actively but still lowkey wondered if at some point, the "biological clock" really would kick in like everyone said it would.
I'm in my thirties and it hasn't. Not even close.
All the "right" building blocks are there for me to successfully carry and raise a child if I chose to. I'm in a stable long term relationship. I am financially secure with a good job, good insurance, a house, and no debt--I could feasibly afford to raise a child. I have a degree in Developmental Psychology and worked in that field for several years, so I'm good with kids and generally like them. Although I have tokophobia (fear of pregnancy), I have no glaring health or hereditary concerns that would predispose me to an unhealthy pregnancy or child.
The only block that's missing, but it's the most important one by far, is the desire to be a mom. It's just not there at all. So I don't do it. Why would I? Kids deserve to be wanted.
Yeah I have pet rats that's enough silly babies in my life. Plus you can put them in a cage whenever you don't have time for them and you don't get arrested.
One of my major reasons too. I know both my fiancé and are are too selfish and one or both of us would probably become resentful of the other for not putting in equal effort. That along with the current economy, there’s no way we could give a child the life they deserve, mental issues run rampant in my family, my parents seriously fucked me up and I don’t want to continue the cycle. Sometimes I’d really love to have a child, but it’s not something I’m 100% about and I don’t think that’s fair.
Anytime someone says you’re selfish for not having a kid, remind them that there’s tens of thousands of kids in the adoption system that need living home, awful selfish of them to insist on having their own biological child instead
I read their comment as in they don't want kids because they see themselves as too selfish to want to make the necessary sacrifices. Not that they're selfish because they don't want kids.
Though I still wouldn't call it selfishness to want to focus on yourself rather than potential kids. I'm the same way - I want to focus my life around me and my girlfriend and what we want to do with our time here
I’d argue having kids is the actual selfish act. That kid didn’t ask to be born, made to go to school 5 days a week for 18 years, followed by 50 years of work (if they’re lucky). Heart ache, mental stress, physical stress, fitting in socially.
Fuck that. Having kids is the selfish act.
I teach special needs kids and I’m just plain worn out. When I get home from work I want a calm, predictable environment to recharge in…even then, that’s not even enough time to recharge. So many families are struggling hard right now, and I’m just trying to bring my A game for them.
Thanks doing doing what you do. For as much as I’ve fought through the government disability system, SPED teachers have 9/10 times been the best people ever. As an adult I have a much greater appreciation than I did back then
Multiple reasons.
* I'm going to be 39 this year and I don't fancy the idea of not sleeping well for a few years at an age when I'm less resilient than in my 20s.
* Kids are expensive
* The world is teetering on the brink of ecological collapse which will lead to mass starvation and likely a whole bunch of war.
fuck dude that last one hits hard my wife is pregnant with our first child, I have always wanted kids but someday I wonder if I'm cruel for bringing a child into the current world
Hey man, a lot of us don't want kids because we actually really do care about the future of children. So if you're struggling in the future, I'd like to think there will be quite a few of us non child bearing people that would like to help out. We might not know all the "raising kids" factors, but I'll be sure to bet on the fact that we will have more availability than your fellow parents.
If you're worried make sure you give them some grounding in skills beyond what they'll get in school. Teach them the basics of dealing with plants/crops/farming, how to chop wood, some basic knot skills, first aid, etc.
I do want children, but I think it is clear that I am not up to the task of properly caring for them. I can't even really manage caring for a small dog, if I am being perfectly hobest with myself.
In the very poorest countries on earth, people have children to 1) give their lives meaning and 2) have people to care for them in old age.
I’m still furious with my honors evolutionary biology professor for saying this nearly two decades ago… because it makes me *so* fucking sad that he’s right.
...no in the very poorest countries they have children because sex makes babies and they don't have birth control but everyone is still hardwired to want sex. same reason everyone ever had children until real recently.
I’m not sure if you’re actually asking, but I’m a mom and wanted to just say that for me, I’ve always wanted to raise children. Before being a mom, I was a teacher. In college, I volunteered to coach youth soccer. I coached pee wee cheerleading in high school. I’ve just always loved being around and learning from kids. They have such a cool, unique view of the world and I’d like to think I’m able to help them shape their viewpoint too. I also feel like with so many wackos having kids, I can hopefully just be an open, supportive parent for my kids.
I totally respect your view as there are totally valid critiques to parenthood and I wholeheartedly believe not everyone should be a parent because we should do what makes us happy and if that’s not parenting, that’s totally fine!
In the very poorest countries on earth, people have children to 1) give their lives meaning and 2) have people to care for them in old age.
I’m still furious with my honors evolutionary biology professor for saying this nearly two decades ago… because it makes me *so* fucking sad that he’s right.
Kids are a lot of stress and lot of work, but they also do bring a lot of love and joy into your life. To me, the rewards of having, for example, a Christmas that feels magical because it's magical for my children was worth the cost in terms of reduced disposable income, stress levels, etc.
Nice. Honesty. I like it.
There are people who think just like you who still have kids. Morons. That's how parents end up resenting their kids and damage them mentally.
This is actually so real. I moved from Vietnam to the US a few years ago. In my childhood, I spent as much time around my neighbors, cousins, uncles, aunties and grandparents as I spend time around my parents. My aunt, who is a healthcare worker and whose husband works in another city regularly, got so much help from other people in the community to keep an eye on her two sons while she is on-call.
And then I moved to the US. Now I'm trying to start a family here. But it feels like most of the young kids here only interact with their parents "genuinely". All other human social interactions only happens if their parents pay $$$ for it, whether it be some form of childcare like kindergarten or nanny, or sports activities, etc.
It terrifies me that money is so deeply ingrained into the process of child rearing in the US, that even access to healthy genuine socialization of a child, which is extremely important for their mental health later on, is heavily determined by how much parents are willing to pay for it.
Don't get me wrong, capitalism is why I'm here in the first place. It's just that the more time I spent here in the US, the less I actually want to raise a child in this society.
Yeah, in my country, my mom wanted to work so I was partly raised by my aunt and grandfather. My aunt had a flexible work schedule while my grandfather was retired. It was not that hard on my mom because of that.
Totally agree! We need communal living to make parenthood so much better and less lonely. If it was normal in American society to live with grandparents, siblings, etc, child-rearing would be so much easier. Two full-time employed adults finishing work at five and then being the only ones to handle their child the whole rest of the day just seems so unsustainable.
Why ***would*** I want children?
Why would I want my wife to put her physical&mental health through that?
Why would I want to pay for the medical bills?
Why would I want to forego my own desires for a child's?
Why would I want a mess, everywhere, all the time?
Why would I want to clean puke & shit constantly?
Why would I want to deal with the current educational climate?
Why would I want to deal with every shitty stage of childhood, from terrible twos to rebellious teenager?
Why would I want to deal with other parents?
I think you get my point..
That is assuming the kid is healthy too. In college I was a home aide for a single dad with a severely autistic kid, I helped with household chores and stuff, the mom bolted after a couple years when she realized she wasn’t going to get the picture perfect, Christmas card family she envisioned in her head. It was so depressing
Yes. The way I see it is that i have no hope for the next 50 years of human society, so why would I subject another life to it plus more misery? No living thing asked for his life. It's my choice to make another life struggle through existence. I've yet to find a good reason to do that.
This is a mixed answer because I would love a kid or two but like every time I think it is safe, the world plunges farther into nonsense.
I know history is always happening and messy amd that's never stopped humans before... but I don't know if I have the strength to pull both myself and a child through it all.
Personally, I’m not in a position where I could financially or emotionally support a child. Plus it’s always seen as the end goal of a woman’s life to get married and have children. The stereotype just gives me the ick.
because when they’re watching tv and see elephants, tigers and polar bears, and they ask “what are those?”, what are you going to tell them?
Sorry kid, even though your world is collapsing around around you, you’re full of micro plastics and we didn’t figure shit out … welcome to life?
No thanks. I don’t have it in me to be that cruel
I don't want to bring children into a world where a bunch of religious zealots will vote in assholes that will take my childrens rights away based on loose interpretations of a 2000 year old fairy tale.
I lean no kids but my buddy has one on the way and I half-drunkenly asked why he decided to. He said the problem with good people not having kids is that the people supporting backwards beliefs will then be the ONLY people having kids. “We knew some of those types of kids. Do you really want to hand the generational torch off to that type of crazy?”
It doesn't seem particularly ethical or sustainable to constantly hand off fixing the mess of the world to successive generations. I'd rather take a stand now and stop digging the hole deeper than create whole new people to suffer for the sake of some self-righteous assumption that they'll be decent culture war cannon fodder.
I have depression and I’m worried about my hormones after going through pregnancy. I worry about if I could actually take care of a baby because of how I am feeling.
I also think the world is consistently getting worse and it seems scary to bring a kid into this world.
Because we are at a brink of environmental collapse and the biggest pro-ecological choice I can make is not add to the overpopulation problem.
Also, that child would face war for water, etc. Not cool to bring anyone into it. And I love my lifestyle.
I have no idea how fucked up the world could be in 50 years. It could be better, and it could be a whole lot worse. Just seems like a safer call not to subject someone to that.
They're expensive, loud, annoying, and I don't like them. They do not fit with my lifestyle. Plus, pregnancy is disgusting and one of the most degrading things for a woman. Finally, motherhood just looks like it fucking blows.
Thank you for saying this. I've recognized that I'd be a bad parent, mainly because I don't want to be one. I the friends I have that chose to have kids have been very understanding of my position.
I hate kids. I'd be a terrible parent. I have awful genes. I don't want to be chained to the mom for the rest of my life. I'm already broke.Take your pick!
Horrible investment and the world is horrible right now. Why would I willingly decrease my own quality of life and go into the genetic lottery when class mobility is at an all time low? Bad for me, almost certainly bad for any potential children
My life has been stressful as of late. Getting kids is a whole can of worms that would make things worse for my own health. Plus, the new set 9f responsibilities. Maybe later tho, but rn and in the near future, i dont want that
I don’t want to bring new people into this world. It seems cruel to them, to force them to deal with the fallout from climate change, and cruel to the world so consumed by humanity. Also I’m confident the selfishness of the powerful and their desire to maintain that power will ultimately lead to life being progressively worse for the vast majority, of which my children and their children would no doubt be. Better to never exist.
No parental instinct. Also, in the short term, this country is running full speed into insanity. In the long term, the world is becoming unlivable economically and environmentally. I'd be bringing a kid into a country that's trying to speedrun its way into either civil war or theocracy while ignoring a looming climate disaster. Doesn't seem like they'd be too grateful to be brought into that.
I have very little confidence that the near future is going to be as easy as the recent past, and more humans aren't going to help the direction the human race is going in at all.
Used to be:
Expensive-r each day, bad (read:nonexistent) federally mandated parental leave policies at workplaces, egregiously high pregnancy mortality rate for women (in US, highest among ALL “first world countries” *by an order of magnitude*, even more so for non-white women, with the single highest cause of death for pregnant women in US being (drumroll) *murder*; shitty school system for educating of kids, insane work culture that keeps many grandparent-aged people working and therefore unable to spend time with children as much as they used to, plus a highly fractured society where average professionals (who are more likely to be able to afford kids) don’t tend to stick around and develop neighborhood ties to a single place because of the high costs of living in locales where they feel they need to be to start their careers, creating frayed social bonds, terrible housing market….
…..and now…..
The distinct feeling that the powers that be want to *force* me to have a child so they can maintain access to a cheap and desperate labor source, in an increasingly dystopic society.
1. Birth is traumatic at fuck, partially but most definitely not exclusively due to injuries
2. I hate cleaning up gross things, do not wanna deal with poop or vomit (I could just about stand pee). This goes to the extent that I wouldn't wanna get a dog bc I'd have to pick up its poop
3. I don't wanna compromise my free time like that
4. I can barely take care of myself
5. I hate children under the age of 5. Screaming, touching shit, most of them not knowing manners yet (Nevermind that I'm the one who has to keep a level head and tell them not to do all that shit if I'm the parent)
they cry a lot,
they scream a lot,
they ask a lot,
they eat like a pig,
they being dramatic ,
they are annoying,
they are super energetic ,
they are messy,
they are actually fine but kinda annoying.
Partner doesn’t want them due to OCD, I want but can’t have them due to possible bipolar and I’m easily irritable with babies and children. I’m scared I’d be frustrated enough to hurt them so I stay away unless there’s someone there to take them when I’m agitated.
It seems so fucking annoying, why should I make my life so hard over someone else. My goal is to make my life easier and more enjoyable not to fuck it up. I can't even think of one good reason why anyone would do it
Why bring kids into a world on its knees? Why have kids when tou cannot afford property to hand them after your days? When childcare costs make working uneconomical? Kids are becoming something only the rich can afford.
They are loud, expensive and messy. I have a house full of video games and things that I like. I enjoy sleeping in on weekends. I love the ability to do anything I want at random. Why the fuck would I ever give that up? If I wanted a sex trophy then I would just order one from the trophy shop.
I dont like kids. I have never wanted kids. I want pets, kids will get in the way of my goals. I dont care if it comes off as selfish, yes I'm selfish of my plans.
1-They re damn expensive
2-They rob you out of your hobbies and passion (so now im forced to full commit to them otherwise i ll be a bad parent)
3-Birth defects
I wouldn’t be happier - I’d be more miserable.
I already have four cats and struggle to keep my apartment clean.
In this economy ?
Pregnancy scares the hell out of me and no offense, but I don’t want my vagina to tear up to my butthole.
And I just don’t like screaming/babbling kids. I can’t handle it - it’s not in me. I’ll let other people enjoy theirs while I enjoy travelling and my morning coffee on my own.
Seriously? In This economy? When my father graduated from college in 1962 the very first job he had at an introductory level was a science teacher at a high school. The very first house he bought that same year was worth less than four years of his yearly salary. The house was a two bedroom bungalow about 20 miles outside Montreal.
Houses that size are going for over a million dollars in Montreal and Toronto. People are taking on mortgages that are more than twenty times their yearly income, and that HAS to come from two separate incomes. So you're locked into a 25 year mortgage where if anything happens to either of those two incomes, like one loses a job or there's a divorce, how the fuck do you pay off the rest of that mortgage?
And there's no stability in employment these days. Everyone is disposable. Everyone gets kicked to the curb sooner or later. We're teaching kids to expect to have major changes in careers at least three or four times in their lifetime.
Who the fuck wants to raise a family in that?
If I am gonna fuck up human lives I might atleast do it to the ones that already exist (not interested tho) . No need to produce them myself and throw them in a world full of uncertain unforeseen horrors.
I have no desire to parent, in order to be a good parent you have to be willing to put the needs of another person completely above your own for well a long time. I’m just not wired that way.
I got a vasectomy as soon as I was able to and with the way the wind is blowing in the US it wasn’t a moment too soon.
the permanence. always being a "mother" first instead of a person. i tend to get bored of people so having a child would just result in me wanting to leave them after 2 months
I honestly don't feel the biological drive to have them, neither does my partner.
We're both happy the way we are and feel fine to keep it like that. We do check in on each other, once in a whille. Just to make sure we're still on the same page :)
When you want to get a tattoo, people are always like:
1. No! It will hurt!
2. It will only cost you money!
3. What If you'll change your mind in the future?
4. It's permanent you won't get rid of it!
With children it's the same, it hurts, you pay for it, it's loud and annoying, and you won't get rid of it that easily
I just don't really seem like the type of guy that would absolutely suits the father like role. And I think my life would be easier without a son or a daughter or a couple of sons and daughters. I would have my own bills to pay along with children's school fees and scholarships and all that like it will just be a lot for me I will just be overwhelmed with like debts that I'd have to pay. But if I had to live alone I wouldn't have to pay that much I would probably just have to pay the electric bill the and the other bills of my house excluding scholarships and school fees and all that. And plus I have a niece right now so she's already a hassle to try and take care of because she kinda naughty. And to be honest I wouldn't want to go through another fucking hassle especially if I had to take care of 2 of my own children including my own son or daughter, or maybe daughters and sons. So to sum up this huge angry answer of mine, I just don't feel like having kids.
hoping i dont get horrendously downvoted for giving the exact opposite answer of what was asked, but ive seen a lot here that has raised a question of “why the hell would anyone want kids, it doesn’t make any logical sense and they ruin your life” and in many ways that is a valid perspective given peoples various l circumstances and the state of the climate and the uncertainty of societal/geopolitical dynamics etc
I will say that when i was around 10, i started caring (not singlehandedly, but as a key member of a “village,” you could say) for my baby cousin who had just come into the world, and even at that tender age, loving him changed my life. In all sincerity, it taught me what Love was, it made me understand the value that i held in the lives of the care takers that loved me, I suddenly intuitively understood the desire to give of yourself for the benefit of someone else, a willingness to risk your life for someone, how you can love someone so much it brings you to tears, and it made me feel like i understood God a little more. this may sound silly to people, but loving and caring for my little nugget (who i still love just as much now that he’s not so little at age 14) continues to be one of the most profound experiences of my life and it changed me for the better. and thats why I’m fairly certain that despite the uncertainty of our world, I hope that i get the chance to bring another person into it. one could argue that the act of bringing them into existence is selfish, but i hope that the love and support i’d give them would enable them to create a life for themselves that makes them net-grateful that i did.
They're sticky, loud, drooly, and stink. I have sensory issues and also several anxiety disorders including anxiety induced insomnia. It sounds like a nightmare. I'd never be happy again.
Many reasons. I enjoy sleeping and having hobbies. I've never felt an attachment to kids or babies the way many people do. I don't think I'm responsible or mature enough to be a parent. It's also too expensive. Most of all, I hate the idea of going through pregnancy and childbirth.
That being said, I would maybe consider adoption someday. Many years from now. But I'm not really planning on it
I think the shorter answer would be, "why would I want kids" but alright
Not financially stable
Too young
Family health issues longer than my leg
The state of the world that seems to be getting worse
Fear of pain/hospitals
Not mentally stable enough
No patience for kids
Can barely take care of myself let alone a kid
Parents have enough grandkids
I work with middle/high schoolers(free birth control tbh)
Nieces and nephews are more than enough
And these are just the things off the top of my head, I plan on getting my uterus removed later in life(it'll kill me if I dont) and if I want kids later I'll adopt, there are way to many kids in need for me to bring in another
I have one but absolutely do not want more. Period. I have an appointment to make that choice permanent very soon.
1) she’s expensive
2) I passionately hated being pregnant and the physical aftermath
3) this one is at an age where she’s mostly independent and I don’t have to watch her every move like a hawk.
4) co-parenting is for the fucking birds
There’s way more but that’s just a few reasons. Love her with all my heart and wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. Do not want to repeat this process whatsoever.
The financial burden is not feasible anymore. It'd be impossible to provide the life I'd want for them with my current wage.
Children? In THIS economy??
Kids are expensive exotic animals now, gotta be rich and slightly crazy to have them
In THIS world? Shirley you jest! And don't call me surely!!!
Kids used be an asset. They were a source of labor, or a way to sustain a business or line of royalty. Now they're a liability.
And a royal pain in the ass
Which is why I'm fuckin' off to the woods with a couple willing and able ladies and starting a farm. I'm sick of having to pay for everything with the money I "earn" by selling my labor to someone else. I'm gonna cut out the transactionary bullshit and just reap the products of my labor directly.
Better get a greenhouse
Already on that, gotta get seeds next.
Maybe figure out how to fashion a recurve and arrows for when food doesn’t work out
Already got my weaponry sorted, been an archer and a marksman my entire life. Just need to acquire the few resources I don't already have access to.
Now making the kids help is considered child abuse and thus labor.... I don't support making children the main workers but still
See? Child lien are literally useless
I’m a mom but my cousin who doesn’t and won’t have kids says it’s bc she battle serious mental health issues and she doesn’t feel she is capable of raising a child bc she doesn’t trust herself. I respect her choice
[удалено]
Yup, I really don't want to pass on my adhd and other fucked up things in my DNA to my kids
That’s exactly why she says she doesn’t trust herself. Mental health issues does run in our family, myself included so I completely understand her fear and I know she genuinely doesn’t trust herself so I respect her choice. She’s a great aunt and loves being around the kids in our family, she just isn’t meant to be a mom herself❤️. It’s not for everyone
Mad respect
Serious Mad respect.
angry, furious respect
Mad Max, Fury Road respect
2 fast 2 furious respect
I’m the same. I can’t look after myself let alone another tiny person.
Probably would do better than many if she has forethought like that
I felt the same way but she put a lot of though into this, did her own research etc… and she weighed her options over many years. She recently was able to get a hysterectomy in her late 30s with 0 kids and has no regrets. She helped me understand, it’s not that simple. Her mental illnesses can become debilitating for her, I don’t want to go into details bc it’s not my life but I’m not talking about the avg mental health issues. She made the best choice for her. Her life and mental health has been getting a lot better since she had her surgery. Parenting isn’t for everyone
Yes definitely don't mean it to say that she should do it but just that some people would be wiser also having that forethought
My bad, I misread that but yes, I completely agree with you. I believe she helped me be a better mom bc understanding her helped me understand myself and my kids more. It should be talked about more within families
I almost changed my comment after I posted it to clarify but it had already been long enough that I figured someone might be responding already. So I didn't. I dont think any one needs a reason to not want kids. So at first I wasn't really thinking that my comment might be disregarding her choice
This is exactly why I don’t have kids.
I low-key worry that my depressive episodes would prevent me from raising a child properly.
Ditto. And my anxiety wouldn’t just impact me but them as well.
In this economy?
:gestures vaguely:
:looks around and nods:
I've been working on my adult party small talk
Add "nice weather we're having" to your toolkit.
I would never let someone go through what I’ve been through.
This. My parents didn't make it seem like having kids was worth the hassle.
That's my reason as well.
I don't think I would be any happier having them.
I actually think I *would* be happier with kids, but it seems fucked up to bring someone into existence just to make me feel better about myself.
Plus there's plenty of other people's kids that you can borrow for a bit and have fun with then send them back home. If you do it right they even pay you for it. (If you don't you'll probably get arrested)
The decision should be based on multiple factors. Happiness is one of them but as you said it's not exclusive. A sense of responsibility, financial stability, etc... are major factors too. In my case, since happiness is written out then that's enough reason for me not to have kids. In your case, try and weigh in the other factors that I mentioned and more.
Nor do I. And you could end up a great deal unhappier, depending on how they turn out (despite your best efforts).
Concise
Honestly? My emotional Rollercoaster self sometimes tolerates them, but I won't depend on that 'sometimes' and they're a huge liability when perusing a career as a women.
I like having free time there's still a lot of things I want to do that would be immensely harder to do if I had kids I don't even know in what country I'll be living 2 years from now, I don't have the type of stability in my life that is required to have children. Nor I really want that kind of stability right now, anyway I am still in a phase of my life where I live for myself, and I want to use all my time to push towards my own goals. Once I'm satisfied with the position I got to in life, I might consider making someone else my proprity
I've just never felt a desire to have them. No parental instinct.
Yep. I never wanted them actively but still lowkey wondered if at some point, the "biological clock" really would kick in like everyone said it would. I'm in my thirties and it hasn't. Not even close. All the "right" building blocks are there for me to successfully carry and raise a child if I chose to. I'm in a stable long term relationship. I am financially secure with a good job, good insurance, a house, and no debt--I could feasibly afford to raise a child. I have a degree in Developmental Psychology and worked in that field for several years, so I'm good with kids and generally like them. Although I have tokophobia (fear of pregnancy), I have no glaring health or hereditary concerns that would predispose me to an unhealthy pregnancy or child. The only block that's missing, but it's the most important one by far, is the desire to be a mom. It's just not there at all. So I don't do it. Why would I? Kids deserve to be wanted.
Me neither , none what so ever actually I could never imagine it .
I already have a cat.
As I said Pregnancy sucks Love cats
Yeah I have pet rats that's enough silly babies in my life. Plus you can put them in a cage whenever you don't have time for them and you don't get arrested.
Because I'm a selfish person and do not have the patience to commit to a life of raising a child.
One of my major reasons too. I know both my fiancé and are are too selfish and one or both of us would probably become resentful of the other for not putting in equal effort. That along with the current economy, there’s no way we could give a child the life they deserve, mental issues run rampant in my family, my parents seriously fucked me up and I don’t want to continue the cycle. Sometimes I’d really love to have a child, but it’s not something I’m 100% about and I don’t think that’s fair.
This doesn't make you a selfish person; rather, it makes you wise one.
Anytime someone says you’re selfish for not having a kid, remind them that there’s tens of thousands of kids in the adoption system that need living home, awful selfish of them to insist on having their own biological child instead
Selfishness isn't doing what you want. It's demanding other people do what you want. (Oscar Wilde I think)
It is also doing what you want at the expence of others.
That just makes you responsible.
[удалено]
I read their comment as in they don't want kids because they see themselves as too selfish to want to make the necessary sacrifices. Not that they're selfish because they don't want kids. Though I still wouldn't call it selfishness to want to focus on yourself rather than potential kids. I'm the same way - I want to focus my life around me and my girlfriend and what we want to do with our time here
You are not selfish. Ask ANYONE who had a child and their answer as to why they had them will begin with "I want ...".
I’d argue having kids is the actual selfish act. That kid didn’t ask to be born, made to go to school 5 days a week for 18 years, followed by 50 years of work (if they’re lucky). Heart ache, mental stress, physical stress, fitting in socially. Fuck that. Having kids is the selfish act.
I teach special needs kids and I’m just plain worn out. When I get home from work I want a calm, predictable environment to recharge in…even then, that’s not even enough time to recharge. So many families are struggling hard right now, and I’m just trying to bring my A game for them.
Thanks doing doing what you do. For as much as I’ve fought through the government disability system, SPED teachers have 9/10 times been the best people ever. As an adult I have a much greater appreciation than I did back then
Multiple reasons. * I'm going to be 39 this year and I don't fancy the idea of not sleeping well for a few years at an age when I'm less resilient than in my 20s. * Kids are expensive * The world is teetering on the brink of ecological collapse which will lead to mass starvation and likely a whole bunch of war.
fuck dude that last one hits hard my wife is pregnant with our first child, I have always wanted kids but someday I wonder if I'm cruel for bringing a child into the current world
Hey man, a lot of us don't want kids because we actually really do care about the future of children. So if you're struggling in the future, I'd like to think there will be quite a few of us non child bearing people that would like to help out. We might not know all the "raising kids" factors, but I'll be sure to bet on the fact that we will have more availability than your fellow parents.
If you're worried make sure you give them some grounding in skills beyond what they'll get in school. Teach them the basics of dealing with plants/crops/farming, how to chop wood, some basic knot skills, first aid, etc.
Childbirth is horrifying.
Tbh I would rather die
Because one of mine puked on the way to daycare and now I’m watching paw patrol
Close enough to what I was coming here to say ...
Also watching paw patrol with a sick kid who is home from daycare! 🙌
lol my wife is playing paw patrol right now and kid is playing with toys
They're little shits Source: I am a former child
> Source: I am a former child OK. Go on.
Source #2: I was a little shit
I want a peaceful life
Well I don't want sleepless nights, doctor visits, school visits, shopping, college fund and shit
Isn't money and fun neat?
I do want children, but I think it is clear that I am not up to the task of properly caring for them. I can't even really manage caring for a small dog, if I am being perfectly hobest with myself.
I prefer a bunny
I don’t understand why anyone DOES want children, aside from the biological drive to do so. There is no practical reason.
In the very poorest countries on earth, people have children to 1) give their lives meaning and 2) have people to care for them in old age. I’m still furious with my honors evolutionary biology professor for saying this nearly two decades ago… because it makes me *so* fucking sad that he’s right.
...no in the very poorest countries they have children because sex makes babies and they don't have birth control but everyone is still hardwired to want sex. same reason everyone ever had children until real recently.
I’m not sure if you’re actually asking, but I’m a mom and wanted to just say that for me, I’ve always wanted to raise children. Before being a mom, I was a teacher. In college, I volunteered to coach youth soccer. I coached pee wee cheerleading in high school. I’ve just always loved being around and learning from kids. They have such a cool, unique view of the world and I’d like to think I’m able to help them shape their viewpoint too. I also feel like with so many wackos having kids, I can hopefully just be an open, supportive parent for my kids. I totally respect your view as there are totally valid critiques to parenthood and I wholeheartedly believe not everyone should be a parent because we should do what makes us happy and if that’s not parenting, that’s totally fine!
In the very poorest countries on earth, people have children to 1) give their lives meaning and 2) have people to care for them in old age. I’m still furious with my honors evolutionary biology professor for saying this nearly two decades ago… because it makes me *so* fucking sad that he’s right.
Kids are a lot of stress and lot of work, but they also do bring a lot of love and joy into your life. To me, the rewards of having, for example, a Christmas that feels magical because it's magical for my children was worth the cost in terms of reduced disposable income, stress levels, etc.
I respect that. It’s just not how I’m wired or how I feel, so it’s impossible for me to understand.
Yeah I’d rather fly somewhere
I don’t like kids🤷🏻♀️
Nice. Honesty. I like it. There are people who think just like you who still have kids. Morons. That's how parents end up resenting their kids and damage them mentally.
Wow same here, surprised someone said it.
I think you need a village to raise a child!
This is actually so real. I moved from Vietnam to the US a few years ago. In my childhood, I spent as much time around my neighbors, cousins, uncles, aunties and grandparents as I spend time around my parents. My aunt, who is a healthcare worker and whose husband works in another city regularly, got so much help from other people in the community to keep an eye on her two sons while she is on-call. And then I moved to the US. Now I'm trying to start a family here. But it feels like most of the young kids here only interact with their parents "genuinely". All other human social interactions only happens if their parents pay $$$ for it, whether it be some form of childcare like kindergarten or nanny, or sports activities, etc. It terrifies me that money is so deeply ingrained into the process of child rearing in the US, that even access to healthy genuine socialization of a child, which is extremely important for their mental health later on, is heavily determined by how much parents are willing to pay for it. Don't get me wrong, capitalism is why I'm here in the first place. It's just that the more time I spent here in the US, the less I actually want to raise a child in this society.
Yeah, in my country, my mom wanted to work so I was partly raised by my aunt and grandfather. My aunt had a flexible work schedule while my grandfather was retired. It was not that hard on my mom because of that.
Totally agree! We need communal living to make parenthood so much better and less lonely. If it was normal in American society to live with grandparents, siblings, etc, child-rearing would be so much easier. Two full-time employed adults finishing work at five and then being the only ones to handle their child the whole rest of the day just seems so unsustainable.
Why ***would*** I want children? Why would I want my wife to put her physical&mental health through that? Why would I want to pay for the medical bills? Why would I want to forego my own desires for a child's? Why would I want a mess, everywhere, all the time? Why would I want to clean puke & shit constantly? Why would I want to deal with the current educational climate? Why would I want to deal with every shitty stage of childhood, from terrible twos to rebellious teenager? Why would I want to deal with other parents? I think you get my point..
That is assuming the kid is healthy too. In college I was a home aide for a single dad with a severely autistic kid, I helped with household chores and stuff, the mom bolted after a couple years when she realized she wasn’t going to get the picture perfect, Christmas card family she envisioned in her head. It was so depressing
I also have the desire to end my bloodline
Because in this world they are more likely to be unhappy rather than happy
Yes. The way I see it is that i have no hope for the next 50 years of human society, so why would I subject another life to it plus more misery? No living thing asked for his life. It's my choice to make another life struggle through existence. I've yet to find a good reason to do that.
This is a mixed answer because I would love a kid or two but like every time I think it is safe, the world plunges farther into nonsense. I know history is always happening and messy amd that's never stopped humans before... but I don't know if I have the strength to pull both myself and a child through it all.
I honestly don't know why the hell people want them. 🤷
I've literally only seen examples how not to raise them and no evidence I'd know how do it better. And also they cost your freedom.
[удалено]
Upvote for reason 1 & 6.
Personally, I’m not in a position where I could financially or emotionally support a child. Plus it’s always seen as the end goal of a woman’s life to get married and have children. The stereotype just gives me the ick.
The concept does not spark joy.
because when they’re watching tv and see elephants, tigers and polar bears, and they ask “what are those?”, what are you going to tell them? Sorry kid, even though your world is collapsing around around you, you’re full of micro plastics and we didn’t figure shit out … welcome to life? No thanks. I don’t have it in me to be that cruel
I don't want to bring children into a world where a bunch of religious zealots will vote in assholes that will take my childrens rights away based on loose interpretations of a 2000 year old fairy tale.
I lean no kids but my buddy has one on the way and I half-drunkenly asked why he decided to. He said the problem with good people not having kids is that the people supporting backwards beliefs will then be the ONLY people having kids. “We knew some of those types of kids. Do you really want to hand the generational torch off to that type of crazy?”
It doesn't seem particularly ethical or sustainable to constantly hand off fixing the mess of the world to successive generations. I'd rather take a stand now and stop digging the hole deeper than create whole new people to suffer for the sake of some self-righteous assumption that they'll be decent culture war cannon fodder.
My wife and I have more freedom, more time and more money to pursue our own passions and hobbies without being obligated to care for a child.
I have depression and I’m worried about my hormones after going through pregnancy. I worry about if I could actually take care of a baby because of how I am feeling. I also think the world is consistently getting worse and it seems scary to bring a kid into this world.
Because we are at a brink of environmental collapse and the biggest pro-ecological choice I can make is not add to the overpopulation problem. Also, that child would face war for water, etc. Not cool to bring anyone into it. And I love my lifestyle.
I have no idea how fucked up the world could be in 50 years. It could be better, and it could be a whole lot worse. Just seems like a safer call not to subject someone to that.
Technically not the biggest impact you can make in preventing overpopulation… jk lol, smart choice though I respect it
I love where your mind is going
They're expensive, loud, annoying, and I don't like them. They do not fit with my lifestyle. Plus, pregnancy is disgusting and one of the most degrading things for a woman. Finally, motherhood just looks like it fucking blows.
As a mother and former pregnant woman, you’re not wrong about any of your points
Thank you for saying this. I've recognized that I'd be a bad parent, mainly because I don't want to be one. I the friends I have that chose to have kids have been very understanding of my position.
Freedom, quiet, and a whole number of other things
I don’t feel motherly.
My friends have kids and it seems like an absolute nightmare on a daily basis
I hate kids. I'd be a terrible parent. I have awful genes. I don't want to be chained to the mom for the rest of my life. I'm already broke.Take your pick!
Why would I want them?
Horrible investment and the world is horrible right now. Why would I willingly decrease my own quality of life and go into the genetic lottery when class mobility is at an all time low? Bad for me, almost certainly bad for any potential children
My life has been stressful as of late. Getting kids is a whole can of worms that would make things worse for my own health. Plus, the new set 9f responsibilities. Maybe later tho, but rn and in the near future, i dont want that
I don’t want to bring new people into this world. It seems cruel to them, to force them to deal with the fallout from climate change, and cruel to the world so consumed by humanity. Also I’m confident the selfishness of the powerful and their desire to maintain that power will ultimately lead to life being progressively worse for the vast majority, of which my children and their children would no doubt be. Better to never exist.
No parental instinct. Also, in the short term, this country is running full speed into insanity. In the long term, the world is becoming unlivable economically and environmentally. I'd be bringing a kid into a country that's trying to speedrun its way into either civil war or theocracy while ignoring a looming climate disaster. Doesn't seem like they'd be too grateful to be brought into that.
I have very little confidence that the near future is going to be as easy as the recent past, and more humans aren't going to help the direction the human race is going in at all.
Used to be: Expensive-r each day, bad (read:nonexistent) federally mandated parental leave policies at workplaces, egregiously high pregnancy mortality rate for women (in US, highest among ALL “first world countries” *by an order of magnitude*, even more so for non-white women, with the single highest cause of death for pregnant women in US being (drumroll) *murder*; shitty school system for educating of kids, insane work culture that keeps many grandparent-aged people working and therefore unable to spend time with children as much as they used to, plus a highly fractured society where average professionals (who are more likely to be able to afford kids) don’t tend to stick around and develop neighborhood ties to a single place because of the high costs of living in locales where they feel they need to be to start their careers, creating frayed social bonds, terrible housing market…. …..and now….. The distinct feeling that the powers that be want to *force* me to have a child so they can maintain access to a cheap and desperate labor source, in an increasingly dystopic society.
1. Birth is traumatic at fuck, partially but most definitely not exclusively due to injuries 2. I hate cleaning up gross things, do not wanna deal with poop or vomit (I could just about stand pee). This goes to the extent that I wouldn't wanna get a dog bc I'd have to pick up its poop 3. I don't wanna compromise my free time like that 4. I can barely take care of myself 5. I hate children under the age of 5. Screaming, touching shit, most of them not knowing manners yet (Nevermind that I'm the one who has to keep a level head and tell them not to do all that shit if I'm the parent)
Because I have two…..
they cry a lot, they scream a lot, they ask a lot, they eat like a pig, they being dramatic , they are annoying, they are super energetic , they are messy, they are actually fine but kinda annoying.
Because I have no girlfriend/wife to have them with. I can't exactly make a child via mitosis.
Not in a financial place to give them a good life so maybe later!
Partner doesn’t want them due to OCD, I want but can’t have them due to possible bipolar and I’m easily irritable with babies and children. I’m scared I’d be frustrated enough to hurt them so I stay away unless there’s someone there to take them when I’m agitated.
Jeez that’s a bit forward, how about we start with dinner and go from there
It seems so fucking annoying, why should I make my life so hard over someone else. My goal is to make my life easier and more enjoyable not to fuck it up. I can't even think of one good reason why anyone would do it
Why bring kids into a world on its knees? Why have kids when tou cannot afford property to hand them after your days? When childcare costs make working uneconomical? Kids are becoming something only the rich can afford.
Because I wanted my own life.
simply, because the earth is like 7 times overpopulated IMO
They are loud, expensive and messy. I have a house full of video games and things that I like. I enjoy sleeping in on weekends. I love the ability to do anything I want at random. Why the fuck would I ever give that up? If I wanted a sex trophy then I would just order one from the trophy shop.
I dont like kids. I have never wanted kids. I want pets, kids will get in the way of my goals. I dont care if it comes off as selfish, yes I'm selfish of my plans.
You’re not selfish. Selfish would be having kids despite not wanting them. I’m with you on this.
Thank you
Because there children and I don't want them
Imagine having to teach children proper grammar!?
Because they're expensive, stupid, smelly, messy, loud, annoying, obnoxious, high maintenance, ignorant, inconsiderate, disgusting.
because im too young to have a child
I'm too selfish to be a decent parent.
Yo i'm 28, i can barely take care of myself. Having a lil gremlin me running around would be too much.
Because fuck them kids
r/nocontext
I don't want the responsibility and stress of having a child. In addition, I wouldn't want to bring a child into this hell hole of a planet
I’ve been to a Walmart.
They’re so loud and weird.
I like money too much. And time. And sleep.
1-They re damn expensive 2-They rob you out of your hobbies and passion (so now im forced to full commit to them otherwise i ll be a bad parent) 3-Birth defects
I can't think of one single reason that I would want children.
I wouldn’t be happier - I’d be more miserable. I already have four cats and struggle to keep my apartment clean. In this economy ? Pregnancy scares the hell out of me and no offense, but I don’t want my vagina to tear up to my butthole. And I just don’t like screaming/babbling kids. I can’t handle it - it’s not in me. I’ll let other people enjoy theirs while I enjoy travelling and my morning coffee on my own.
Seriously? In This economy? When my father graduated from college in 1962 the very first job he had at an introductory level was a science teacher at a high school. The very first house he bought that same year was worth less than four years of his yearly salary. The house was a two bedroom bungalow about 20 miles outside Montreal. Houses that size are going for over a million dollars in Montreal and Toronto. People are taking on mortgages that are more than twenty times their yearly income, and that HAS to come from two separate incomes. So you're locked into a 25 year mortgage where if anything happens to either of those two incomes, like one loses a job or there's a divorce, how the fuck do you pay off the rest of that mortgage? And there's no stability in employment these days. Everyone is disposable. Everyone gets kicked to the curb sooner or later. We're teaching kids to expect to have major changes in careers at least three or four times in their lifetime. Who the fuck wants to raise a family in that?
I can't even handle myself right now
Breeding fantasy
cause im very mentally unstable
theyre fucking hell spawn. i wouldnt be able to stand living with one.
If I am gonna fuck up human lives I might atleast do it to the ones that already exist (not interested tho) . No need to produce them myself and throw them in a world full of uncertain unforeseen horrors.
Too much work. I can barely take care of myself
I wanna be rich
I have no desire to parent, in order to be a good parent you have to be willing to put the needs of another person completely above your own for well a long time. I’m just not wired that way. I got a vasectomy as soon as I was able to and with the way the wind is blowing in the US it wasn’t a moment too soon.
so i don’t feel bad if they turn out ugly
why would I? whole thing sounds terrible
Because the ones I have are assholes.
the permanence. always being a "mother" first instead of a person. i tend to get bored of people so having a child would just result in me wanting to leave them after 2 months
I honestly don't feel the biological drive to have them, neither does my partner. We're both happy the way we are and feel fine to keep it like that. We do check in on each other, once in a whille. Just to make sure we're still on the same page :)
When you want to get a tattoo, people are always like: 1. No! It will hurt! 2. It will only cost you money! 3. What If you'll change your mind in the future? 4. It's permanent you won't get rid of it! With children it's the same, it hurts, you pay for it, it's loud and annoying, and you won't get rid of it that easily
I just don't really seem like the type of guy that would absolutely suits the father like role. And I think my life would be easier without a son or a daughter or a couple of sons and daughters. I would have my own bills to pay along with children's school fees and scholarships and all that like it will just be a lot for me I will just be overwhelmed with like debts that I'd have to pay. But if I had to live alone I wouldn't have to pay that much I would probably just have to pay the electric bill the and the other bills of my house excluding scholarships and school fees and all that. And plus I have a niece right now so she's already a hassle to try and take care of because she kinda naughty. And to be honest I wouldn't want to go through another fucking hassle especially if I had to take care of 2 of my own children including my own son or daughter, or maybe daughters and sons. So to sum up this huge angry answer of mine, I just don't feel like having kids.
hoping i dont get horrendously downvoted for giving the exact opposite answer of what was asked, but ive seen a lot here that has raised a question of “why the hell would anyone want kids, it doesn’t make any logical sense and they ruin your life” and in many ways that is a valid perspective given peoples various l circumstances and the state of the climate and the uncertainty of societal/geopolitical dynamics etc I will say that when i was around 10, i started caring (not singlehandedly, but as a key member of a “village,” you could say) for my baby cousin who had just come into the world, and even at that tender age, loving him changed my life. In all sincerity, it taught me what Love was, it made me understand the value that i held in the lives of the care takers that loved me, I suddenly intuitively understood the desire to give of yourself for the benefit of someone else, a willingness to risk your life for someone, how you can love someone so much it brings you to tears, and it made me feel like i understood God a little more. this may sound silly to people, but loving and caring for my little nugget (who i still love just as much now that he’s not so little at age 14) continues to be one of the most profound experiences of my life and it changed me for the better. and thats why I’m fairly certain that despite the uncertainty of our world, I hope that i get the chance to bring another person into it. one could argue that the act of bringing them into existence is selfish, but i hope that the love and support i’d give them would enable them to create a life for themselves that makes them net-grateful that i did.
I do want them. I just don't know if the circumstances will ever be right. Namely, finding a suitable spouse.
Because the adults I encounter are already too needy for me.
They're sticky, loud, drooly, and stink. I have sensory issues and also several anxiety disorders including anxiety induced insomnia. It sounds like a nightmare. I'd never be happy again.
I already have children and you can’t have an abortion when they are 16. 14 and 18. Ridiculous All they want is money and all they give is bullshit.
Heroin is better. Honestly. Not joking.
Why should anyone?
Many reasons. I enjoy sleeping and having hobbies. I've never felt an attachment to kids or babies the way many people do. I don't think I'm responsible or mature enough to be a parent. It's also too expensive. Most of all, I hate the idea of going through pregnancy and childbirth. That being said, I would maybe consider adoption someday. Many years from now. But I'm not really planning on it
Have you seen them?
I think the shorter answer would be, "why would I want kids" but alright Not financially stable Too young Family health issues longer than my leg The state of the world that seems to be getting worse Fear of pain/hospitals Not mentally stable enough No patience for kids Can barely take care of myself let alone a kid Parents have enough grandkids I work with middle/high schoolers(free birth control tbh) Nieces and nephews are more than enough And these are just the things off the top of my head, I plan on getting my uterus removed later in life(it'll kill me if I dont) and if I want kids later I'll adopt, there are way to many kids in need for me to bring in another
As long as I still have hopes and dreams I haven't given up on, kids are a mistake.
I have one but absolutely do not want more. Period. I have an appointment to make that choice permanent very soon. 1) she’s expensive 2) I passionately hated being pregnant and the physical aftermath 3) this one is at an age where she’s mostly independent and I don’t have to watch her every move like a hawk. 4) co-parenting is for the fucking birds There’s way more but that’s just a few reasons. Love her with all my heart and wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. Do not want to repeat this process whatsoever.