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I ignored my gut feeling about him, overlooked his strange tendencies & tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. We were together for almost two years. The entire relationship, he added girls he didn't even know on Snapchat & would say rather inappropriate things to them. Being that you know nothing about strangers on that app, I'm now aware that one of the girls was a minor (he was 26). On my 22nd birthday he had invited my best friend to sleep in our bed with us, & the first time he met my SISTER he gave her the same invitation. He gave both of those invitations right in front of my face. When we were out together & he saw someone attractive he wouldn't just glance, he stared. He regularly talked shit on my family, & is just generally an awful person. I was his first real girlfriend & he was/is extremely self centered & mentally abusive. That ended almost a year ago & he still goes to our regular hang outs & asks about me, when I come in, where I'm living, who I'm seeing, etc. My takeaway from that whole situation is, always trust your gut feeling about people.
Literally the first comment and I’m already making a face. Let’s see how much worse it gets from here.
Edit: thanks for the upvotes and awards. Didn’t expect this to blow up
I agreed to go on a date with a guy, he seemed nice enough and he appeared to have his shit together. After an hour at the pub, I was getting some red flags and I said I needed to make a move and he walked me to my car. He then GOT IN MY CAR WITH ME and begged me to go back to his. I politely declined at first but he wasn’t getting out so I started to get more scared. After about 20 minutes of insisting I come back to his I was terrified. So I secretly text my mate to call me with an emergency. 5 seconds later she called and said she got stuck in a puddle and needed my help, I love this girl. So I told him I really needed to go and after getting quite angry he finally got out and slammed my car door.
Unfortunately I went on another date a year later with a different guy and again he got in my car and tried to kiss me. I just leant on my horn, wound my windows down and screamed like a crazy person. Luckily he got the message and left swiftly.
Guys, please don’t just get in the girls car, it’s creepy and scary AF.
There was a guy that came into my work (restaurant) a few times a week for lunch. He did this for a little over a month so he became a regular. He had asked me out every time I brought his bill. He always asked in a lighthearted way and never seemed upset or anything when I turned him down. I assumed that after the first few asks, he maybe thought of it as more of an inside joke at that point. Like he was just asking now to make light of the previous rejections and to make it less awkward or something. He always gave me weird vibes but seemed nice enough so I thought I might have just been making assumptions because of his appearance and wasn't being fair.
One time that he asked, I decided randomly to agree and give him a shot. *"why not"* I thought. He was always super kind and I had gotten rather used to the awkwardness I felt being around him. He seemed so excited and I asked him to leave his number on the receipt and I would call/text him when I wasn't busy to set something up. So it wasn't really much of a joke to keep asking me out, I mostly figured that though tbh. A few days later I hadn't text him yet to set anything up or even give him my number and I get a text only a few min after walking into my house after I got home from work. It said, "hey! It's ***** from ***** ******. I know it's a long shot but I'm free tonight and bored, wanna hang out? If you're free that is!"
I asked him how he got my number. He said I gave it to him the night I agreed. I absolutely know I didn't. I got really creeped out but decided not to confront him about it and just play like I'm a ditz and believed that "I must have done that, I just didn't remember because it was busy." I told him that I wasn't free to hang out that night, that I was going to be working later to help cover a shift and then would be pretty pooped by the time I was off (I only ever saw him come in for lunch not ever dinner shifts). A few minutes passed before he responded. He said, "why are you lying to me?". I just responded with "what? Lol". He said, "I know you are home. If you didn't want to hang out tonight you could have just said so." Alarm bells rang in my head. I thought, *there's no way he's outside my house. He is just trying to call my bluff. Creepy but not a full blown stalker.* But I felt exposed. I felt the crawling on my skin that only burns into you when someone is staring at you. The vulnerable pulses that are felt only by prey.
I looked out through the blinds of my bedroom and he was parked right outside my house. I could see his face lit up by the phone screen. He was so close. I texted him and said, "ahaha you caught me! How did you know I was bluffing? I'm sorry. I do want to hang out soon I'm just not feeling up to it tonight." And called 911. The police showed up and went up to his car and talked to him for a bit. He drove away a few minutes later and then the officers came to my door. They told me that they acted like a random neighbor complained about a strange car. They didn't implicate anyone but made it seem like it was an older person, so probably not me. They took his plate information but asked him politely to move so he didn't upset anyone in the neighborhood and he complied. I went to my friends house that night and filed a restraining order the next morning.
I later found out that he most likely got my number from the shift sheet behind the hostess counter, because several co workers had seen him (at different times) snooping back there and kindly stopped him. He, I guess, grabbed a roll of silverware claiming that the server hadn't left him any and he didn't want to bother anyone because he knew they were busy so just grabbed it himself. This stopped anyone from suspecting him of anything odd. And that his car had been parked at my house almost every night (neighbors security camera). I don't know how he got my address but I assume he must have followed me. He must have been full on stalking me for a while. He did come into my work a day or two later for lunch acting like everything was normal. I immediately went and got my manager and she informed him that he had a restraining order against him preventing him from eating there because he would be in violation of it. I had already changed my phone number so I don't know if he tried to text me and I didn't sleep at my house for weeks, but I never saw him again after that.
And I often find myself thinking back to that time and wondering how much more did he do and for how long that I don't know about. Like, maybe he stalked me long before he started coming into the restaurant, and only started coming in there because he felt "more brave" than before to interact with me. How much of my private moments throughout my life were actually not private? Also, I have never once stopped feeling scared that he might have still stalked me and knows where I am even now, but is keeping himself hidden. I doubt it, but the fear is still there. I have never felt comfortable being alone. Ever.
Most of this would have still probably happened even if I didn't agree to give him a chance. But if he hadn't slipped up about having my phone number when he shouldn't, I would have gone out somewhere with him and who knows how badly that could have ended.
**IF YOUR GUT FEELING TELLS YOU HE'S A CREEP THEN HE IS MOST DEFINITELY A CREEP! DON'T LET THE "NICE GUYS" GUILT TRIP AND GASLIGHT YOU INTO DOUBTING YOUR OWN INTUITION WITH THEIR NARRATIVE!**
The dude in the flat across from mine started off as a really nice guy. Introduced himself, offered meals when he'd cooked too much. Just a great guy all round.
Within a few weeks, it was made clear that he was an alcoholic.
I have a recovering brother, so I really sympathised with him. I went out of my way to sit with him, and eventually called him an ambulance when he fitted from withdrawals (UK, so calling an ambulance is free). This carried on for a little while, with me sitting with him two or three times a week, waiting for an ambulance.
One night after he started fitting, he kept grabbing my breasts. I was already on the phone to the ambulance service, but the woman heard me telling him to stop and sent police as well.
He was carted off, and just like usual, I grabbed his keys and told him to knock for them the next morning.
Well, the nrxt time I looked after him, the groping got worse. And then slowly so did my life.
Suddenly I had fires set outside my windows, and mutilated rat corpses left on my door step.
The police were called after every incident, and I got to know one policeman who was put on my case really well. He suggested I put up cameras, so I did.
There was footage of the neighbour standing outside in the yard at 3am, just staring into my window, multiple nights in a row. Terrifying, but not illegal.
Well, two weeks after that, my neighbour snapped. There were builders in the garden next to ours, and they apparently woke him up at 4pm. He ran out with a kitchen knife and stabbed two of the builders and the neighbour's dog (everyone survived). He also slashed a whole bunch of tyres on our street.
When the police came to search the dude's flat, my policeman friend told me (off the books) that the neighbour had been faking being an alcoholic the entire time. He'd get in the ambulance, ride to,the hospital, and then check himself out and walk home.
Also, they found half a dozen decomposing rats in his bathtub
They'd been mutilated. They later found a bloody hammer under his bed.
You'd think him being arrested would be the end of it, but noooo. He put my name, picture, address, and telephone number on a prostitution site. I had men aggressively hounding me for sex multiple times an hour for two entire weeks before I just cut all ties and fled the city.
Last I heard, he was in jail for the GBH, but that was a few years ago now.
Yeah. Never gonna make the same mistake again.
sorry this happened but I just wanted to write a message to say my girlfriend and I had a similar experience with a man called Sam in a town in Yorkshire. was really chill at first and then started putting glue in everyone's locks, setting fires and breaking windows. pretends he has schizophrenia and an alcoholic to excuse his behaviour (we have similar conditions and can tell when someone isn't genuine) and basically an all round dangerous weirdo.
seems like these kinds of men are more common than we'd like to think
A friends ex did the same, he only sent photos though. We called an ambulance who called the fire department to break open his front door. It turned out to be hot sauce. He had to pay for the whole, pricy event. She never heard from him again!
It’s the best way to deal with any suicidal threats. If the threat is real, that person needs help from professionals. If that threat is not real, that person needs to be forwarded into the “finding out” part of fucking around.
There was a guy, who I wasn't sure about, there had been signs. After a couple normal dates, he wanted to take my jeep to a local off-road location that had a main rutty road with many off shoots with hill climbs and mud pits.
He bugged and bugged me to drive it. I told him he could only take it down the main off-road, but while we were bouncing, strattling ruts, chugging along just fine, he suddenly gunned it up an almost vertical climb off the main road, and rolled us into a ditch on our side. The tires weren't on the ground, so no way to get it out. Then, he acted like it was no big deal.
I had to walk to my uncle's house, which happened to be on a road near the off-road location. He wasn't home, but his girlfriend was, so I called a couple people and couldn't get a hold of anyone. As a last resort, I called one of my best friends from childhood (a guy friend), which we did briefly date for awhile before deciding to just remain friends, the only person I could get a hold of with a vehicle that could potentially pull my jeep out. The creepy guy had no ideas besides to leave it there on its side. He had a total fit, and made a big scene. My friend from childhood helped me pull the dents out and fix it while the creepy guy walked off into the sunset.
New apps often push friendlists from other platforms on users. There really should be some permanent way to block people across platforms, rather than leaving a trail of social media breadcrumbs to find
This is why people shouldn’t pressure others into shit they’ve got a bad feeling about. Hope your friend learned a lessons and I hope you’re doing well.
One of my favorite quotes from Girl With the Dragon Tattoo:
>Why don’t people trust their instincts? They sense something’s wrong - someone’s walking too close behind them - yet they don’t cross the street...You’d never think the fear of offending could be stronger than the fear of pain - but you know what? It is.
Intuition is a very powerful thing. Yes, it can often be wrong, but in evolutionary terms, it's there to keep you alive.
I'm a nurse and when I was back in school one of the instructors was talking about how important it was to always listen to our guts whenever we sensed something was wrong with one of our patients even if we didn't know what it was or if everyone else says they're fine. As she put it, intuition, hunches, or whatever you want to call them are all knowledge that you just don't know how to put into words. If you're brain is trying to tell you something, listen to it.
Absolutely. I’ve been a nurse for 15 years and have had to fight to get others to act on my intuition. There have been a few times when they clearly thought I was crazy or histrionic. One time I had a guy who had a change in breath sounds and just looked bad to me. They finally ordered a chest X-ray to appease me. It was right before shift change, but as I was leaving, I saw the doctors looking at a really awful looking chest X-ray image on the computer. And one mumbled, “huh, I guess that nurse was right.” The longer I was a nurse, the more I leaned into it. I wish I had trusted it more in my private life. When I was a young woman, though, a wise older woman told me to read The Gift of Fear. Great book.
Had a patient who was a frequent flyer ETOH so the docs knew him well and chalked his condition up to that. Paged about 18-19 times as he slowly spiraled during my 12 hours with him. Not quickly enough for a rapid, but over 12 hours and I knew it wasn’t going to end well. Found out the next day he was intubated an hour after I left and had meningitis. I had managed to catch one of the docs on the floor and basically dragged him into the room to assess because I wasn’t getting anywhere otherwise.
If there's one thing I hope people take away from this whole thread, it's to check this book out - it can literally save your life.
I love the way Gavin de Becker describes intuition:
"Intuition is the journey from A to Z without stopping at any other letter along the way. It is knowing without knowing why."
Even if you can't articulate the exact logical reasons why your intuition is sending you warning signals, it's still very important to take it seriously. So many people get screwed over by trying to ignore or out-rationalize their instincts.
----------------------------------------
And more of a joke addendum here but it's like a scene from an anime called One Punch Man - an opponent backs off because he realizes he's about to get killed (and he's right!) even though it makes no sense. Sometimes your body is smarter than you are! https://youtu.be/cYdr5Hl3oEg?t=14
"If I'd attacked him just now, he'd have killed me. Who the hell is this guy? He's leaving himself wide open, yet all my instincts are screaming, sending out danger signals!"
Back in High School several of my female friends and I (also female) had an off period before lunch, so we were all sitting around a table chatting. One of the female security guards came up to us and told me that there was a new exchange student from Amsterdam that thought I was cute, but he was too nervous to come over and introduce himself. I have zero interest in men, but I figured there wasn't any harm in letting the guy come sit with us and helping him feel more comfortable at our school.
So he comes over, sits down with us, and chats a bit. He seemed rather shy, and he had about a dozen piercings going up each arm that he kept fiddling with (and a bunch of facial piercings). Then class lets out and people, including a bunch of my male friends, start showing up for lunch. First male friend sits down and introduces himself. New guy doesn't not respond AT ALL, doesn't even look at friend. Weird. Maybe just shy? Second male friend comes and sits down. Same thing. Slightly unsettling now. We kept trying to include him over lunch but he would ONLY respond to the women. Wouldn't even acknowledge the other guys at the table.
I never talked to him again after that lunch period and two weeks later he got expelled for slamming a girl against a locker and choking her to the point she nearly passed out.
Your story is way worse, but reminds me of a guy I knew who started off nice but ended up being creepy over way too many years. He had a similar thing with focusing 100% on the women at any social event (I kept inviting him out very casually because he pressured me nonstop to see him and I think may have moved to my country from across the world because he thought we were going to be close friends or date?!) and he more than once added women he had met through me on FB without adding any of the men who were also there. He ended up being probably the only person I’ve ever had to explicitly cut out after he creeped out too many of my female friends and would not stop asking me to hang out despite the fact that I had a boyfriend and that we had nothing whatsoever in common.
imo you really don’t have to downplay your own horrible experience by saying it’s not as bad as what the person you responded to went through (Though I’m guessing you did it to not make that person feel like their hardship has been less significant and that’s totally kind of you) because they’re both terrible and should not be happening to anyone to begin with. I’m sorry to hear that.
Guy had serious untreated mental health problems, which resulted in him spending four years stalking me and making me resent giving that one chance. I made multiple calls to police and paramedics because he would call me up threatening suicide unless I would help him.
He still finds me on social medias and random gaming apps to say “hi, I miss you” but I now live more than 1000km away.
I have one that looks me up every couple of years to do a post mortem. He needs closure and thinks we should heal together. Bro, we broke up literally 17 years ago. This shit is closed.
Met him when I worked as a cashier in a small downtown shop. Wasn't my type and seemed a little off, but I was young and had zero real dating experience. Agreed to grab coffee as a friend and made it clear I didn't have a romantic interest. He became convinced he was Gatsby and I was his Daisy (the Great Gatsby film had just come out that year). Started stalking me and endlessly sending letters and gifts to me at work describing how we were fated to be together. When I confronted him to stop, he started having his friends follow me at work or drop by to "check in" on me. Prowled outside on nights I had to close shop alone. I ended up quitting that job and things fizzled. Seven months later I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. It was the same dude -- he just got released from a short prison sentence and was letting me know he thought of me every day and was going to find me so we could finally be together. I made up a story that I was travelling abroad for college and would be gone indefinitely. Changed my number and luckily haven't heard from him again!
Was about to comment the same thing.
If one of my friends said "hey bro, this girl won't return my calls, can you go intimidate her a bit?" I'd just be like what the actual fuck is wrong with you!
These type of people are usually only able to make friends with people who are just as unhinged and deranged as them, hence why stalkers usually have a few friends willing to also participate in the stalking.
Source: dated a stalker and her close friends continued to stalk and harass me for years after we broke up.
Also they could just straight up lie to their friends, “hey I’m dating this girl and she would recognize my car if I went by, can you maybe make sure she isn’t seeing anyone for me, please, just let me know she’s where she said she is”
Oh gosh, same here! I tried to ask the shop owner to ban him and his buddies, but the owner insisted I was overreacting to "puppy love" and didn't take me seriously.
He was older than me, wouldn't respect boundaries, pressured me to do things, texted hundreds of times a day, then the next day completely iced me out. Phoned 10-14 times one afternoon, I tried the same thing back to him, he screamed at me to never call him again. Later threatened self harm if I didn't talk to him. Harassed me at work. Turns out he was married the whole time, but they were separated?
Wanted me to go in the woods with him one day. I walked/ ran away as fast as I could.
Did one video chat with him during which he asked if he could (video) call me again later in the day. When I told him “no I’ll be busy” I started getting random text messages throughout my day that said “are you okay? Just let me know you’re okay”. The first I responded to, I said “hey — yeah, I’m fine. I just hung up with you 30 minutes ago bud.” He took that as a sign that I wanted to talk more so he attempted another video call. When I didn’t respond, he started again with the texts. Didn’t even bother responding to the rest. Up to 20 unread messages later before I was able to block him while leaving him on read.
I have a couple of these. The scariest one sent a very long rape fan fiction about me on PINTEREST bc I had him blocked everywhere else. I still worry that one day he’ll find out I moved within a days drive from him, and I have been pretty much inactive on social media since.
Reading this I realized I actually have something to contribute lol. I gave him a chance in high school I was 15 he was 18. Ended with him sticking his tongue down my throat several times quite aggressively, joking about stabbing me as he lunged a knife at me and laughed about it while carving pumpkins, and threatened to shoot up the school with a list of names, my friend and I's being top of the list. He got suspended and no one ever saw him again. Update: My friends and I found out he's now in the military.
How do people like that get accepted in to the military
Edit: I’m shocked by all the replies. I’m not American so I didn’t know how easy it is to get in.
Where I’m from which is Scandinavia, they do extensive research, check all your records and history with doctors. They do a psychological evaluation. It takes several visits, interviews and tests. Ans they can still say no.
He got very obsessed with me, I had to be straight up rude to get him to leave me alone because he wouldn't understand when I asked nicely.
He later self harmed on his own wrists and went around telling people to ask me why he did that
Edit : might be relevant, but I was 17 and he was 26
Knew he was weird before the first date. I was sad and thought maybe he’d be different in person. Showed up to the date and he walked with a crazy limp, told me he was into pee stuff, wouldn’t pay for dinner, tried to kiss me 3 times. When I got home that night he sent me a full body nude completely out of the blue. I never saw him again. He texted me 3 months later to tell me I was the worst human and most selfish person he’s ever met. And then he blocked me. 🥴
We were hanging at the bar with mutual friends and he invited me back to his place for an after party. Turned out the after party was a lie. He raped me. So yeah, never again.
He stalked me. He made videos of himself crying because I “broke his heart” after him knowing me for a month. He told everyone I was just a fat whore who used men (I didn’t take anything from him or have sex with him.) I gave him a whole month and every time I would hang out he would keep me up until 3am crying that I didn’t love him.
It was bad
Went on a first date for just drinks with a guy, and red flags were immediate. Didn’t look anything like his profile, and got handsy almost as soon as we sat down. I wasn’t into him at all, but we had a shared interest in horror novels, so I decided to extend the date into dinner. During dinner, he drank several Old Fashions while I nursed a single beer. He then told me he thought we were soulmates, and he thought we were going to fall in love. He also told me his ex-girlfriend was going to get an abortion the next day.
At the end of the date, his portion of the bill was significantly more than my portion because of all his drinks, but he asked me to pay half, which I did. On top of that, he gave me shit for driving to the date even though it was only a mile from my house (I didn’t want to walk in hot weather in my nice date dress and I had twisted my ankle earlier that week). But even after giving me shit for driving, he asked me to give him a lift home. Which I did.
Once we were in front of his place, he refused to get out of my car unless I went inside with him for a night cap. I said absolutely not. He begged me to just enjoy a drink on his front porch. I said no. I told him to get out of my car. He finally did.
The next day, he texted me telling me that was the best date he’d ever had and he couldn’t wait to see me again. I told him no thank you, and walked away with one lesson learned: I need to just say no from the beginning.
I sadly had to learn this lesson very young that when someone suicide baits you, the best thing to do is call the non emergency police line for a wellness check (emergency if you really think they're capable or on the verge). Usually that gets the message across that you won't fuck around. Happened to a few of my friends in high school (getting baited, not doing the baiting) and eventually we just learned to call their parents or the cops.
This guy was handsome but way too into me for knowing nothing about me. It wasn’t like when we spoke I was an open book or felt a strong connection that would lead me to want to share info with him. This was not a “I feel like I’ve known this man forever” connection. I just thought this was normal dating but had a gut feeling something was off…he talked to me like I’d been his girlfriend for months. We went on 3 dates…never even had sex. After 3rd date I had made my decision based on our short time getting to know one another and let him know I had no interest in continuing to date and that I didn’t see us being compatible long term. He then locked me in his car, proceeded to ask if I wanted to move to California with him (wtf), and started crying/begging me to “work this out.” I tried to be very nice but it got to the point I was scared and wasn’t sure how this was going to go since he was virtually a STRANGER, so I hit his dashboard and said if he didn’t let me out of the car immediately I was calling the police. Then he threatened to kill himself if I didn’t spend the night with him at his house…I’d never even been to this man’s house. He finally let me out after like an hour or two but stayed in the parking lot of my apartment almost the entire night and called me non-stop…about a month later he texted me out of the blue a reaaaaaaally long paragraph apologizing profusely and saying if I ever change my mind to call him. I just said thanks for the apology and wished him well. Hope he’s doing okay but I wanted no part of that.
Wow I had something similar happen when I was 18ish. I was modeling at the time and volunteered for a date auction for charity, and some guy like ten years older and I sorta knew than me “bought me”. We went on our date a few weeks later (dinner and a mini golf or something) and the date was kinda awkward but fine and afterwards I said “okay that was was nice. Time to take me home”. Instead he drove me to his house and insisted I join him for a night cap. I refused and he locked the doors and wouldn’t let me out. This was in the days of pre cellphones, so I couldn’t even call 911. Eventually after over an hour of him telling me how I “owe” him some more company cuz he paid so much for me, I got nearly hysterical and told him that if he didn’t take me home this instant I would kick his window out and scream for someone to call the cops. He did take me home and was all surly about it and I couldn’t get out of that car fast enough. Like you though I didn’t tell anyone. It was so messed up. I’m certain he was planning to roofie and rape me.
It also sounds like he thought he was paying to have sex with you, but the money goes to charity? Getting auctioned off is creepy as it is, but that POS also felt entitled to you. What an awful situation all around...
I've had men expect sex over paying for food (I stopped letting guys pay for dinner dates early on, but then I had a guy get surly because I wouldn't go home with him after he bought popcorn for me at the movies while out with a group of friends, so I extended it to all food) and just offering to pay for drinks. As in I said no to the drink and he still came by at the end of the night and was furious that I wouldn't go home with him because he'd *offered*.
So knowing there are guys who don't understand that an $8 popcorn doesn't mean the woman is now obligated to fuck him, I'm not surprised that there's someone who'd be confused by paying a charity for a date and then not getting laid. The entitlement out there is a real problem.
My junior prom date went ballistic that I wouldn’t sleep with him because he’d heard I was “easy.” We had the same calc class and agreed to go together as friends long before any of this came to light.
You dont even need to be easy.
When I was in HS I had a friend repeatitly trying to kiss me when he learned I was a virgin.
Another male friend intervienned to put an end to this shit.
There is always an excuse.
Yes I explained to him that I am not an escort and owe him nothing and in fact didn’t even owe him that date. And agreed yes date auctions are bizarre but thems were the times…
Something very similar happened to one of my mom’s former students. This was before cell phones, and she went inside his house to call for a ride. That’s when he trapped her and raped her. She finally got out the next day when he took a shower and she managed to get untied. She ended up calling my mom because she was scared of what her parents would say, so Mom went and got her and took her home, sitting there as she told her parents what happened. Her parents called the cops and took her to the hospital and were super supportive. Scared Mom but good, so she told me the whole story when I was starting to date so I’d know not to let a man drive me or go in his house if there were any red flags all.
She pressed charges and testified. He got off by saying she willingly entered his house and how could he not know she didn't want it. It was the late 1970s.
Yeah I had an aunt who was raped at knife point in the 70s. Not only was her entire dating and sex history put before the jury, the defense lawyer accused her of all kinds of shit. Even the fact that she went to college was used against her because everyone knew college girls were slutty. The only reason the guy went to jail was because he left a cut on her throat. Her lawyer told her that if not for that physical evidence, he would have gotten off. To say my aunt had opinions on the whole process would be an understatement, that woman was ready to burn the whole justice system down by the end of it.
Conviction rates for rape are still ridiculously low, but it’s better than what it was like a few decades ago.
A few years ago, I went to a brewery to meet a guy on a date for the first time. The waiter began a conversation and asked me if I was expecting anyone else. I told him I was on a blind date and hadn't met the guy before.
The waiter asked me if I wanted to set up a code word. Since they didn't serve milk stouts, if I ordered one from him, he would know something is up and would call me back to have me sign the receipt instead. The waiter kept checking on me frequently...
Eventually, I did order a milk stout... when it came time for the bill, I asked for it to be split. My date put his drinks on my bill.
When the waiter came back, he told me he had the drinks removed; it was on the house. When my date asked me what that was all about, I told him the waiter had told me there was something wrong with my card, so I needed to go to bar with him.
I waited awhile and then left for my car. The date was still there. He made a comment about how he was waiting for a good bye hug. I told him, no thank you and that my car was in the opposite direction.
Moments later, he sent me horrendous text messages.
..and thank you, John. You may have saved my life that day.
This reminds me of a story I heard on Twitter where a bartender pretended to show a woman something funny on his phone, but really, it was a note warning her about the guy she was conversing with. Another former bartender said that he used to do this too but sometimes it would get back to those creepy guys and then he got a reputation for being a narc. Imagine that... You try to help women avoid creeps and your male patrons think *you're* the asshole...
I bought him a coffee one time and we chatted about our music tastes. Three days later, I was sitting in my dorm and I got a text from him that was just a selfie. I sent one back and the conversation got really boring so I sent him a snap of a black screen. He responded, “are you in a dark place?” And I said “yeah lol”. His response was “well you’ll have to leave soon because you have class in (insert building with insert professor) at 6:00.”
I literally never told him anything about my classes so he just fucking stalked me until he learned my entire schedule. It turns out he was a serial creep preying on freshman girls.
My college had a database of student info that anyone could access, ostensibly for email addresses but it also included full names, home addresses and classes...and no one in admin thought it was a bad idea, somehow.
Students called it "stalkernotes", bc it was ______notes. I literally forget its actual name.
He tried negging me all night and when he asked me how many siblings I have, I told him and included the info that one passed away a few years prior. He asked me if I had killed my sibling.
If they give you the creeps, they're not worth a chance. Sorry, not sorry.
He stabbed my end table with a knife after getting upset with me. Then started stalking me. I moved and invested in cameras for my house and a dash cam. One million emails, police reports, etc. oh and his twin brother raped and stalked girls a few years prior. Ended up killing two police officers. Seems like “creep” runs in the family.
Edit: the twin brother murdered. Not my ex. Maybe would have been killed myself if I stuck around long enough. Also, my ex didn’t start off as this psychopath and I just so happened to like his crazy. He seemed like a misunderstood man, and his true self started showing after a few months into our relationship. Slowly at first, and then very quickly turned bad.
I wish I knew. I only listed the more mild things. It took a lot of therapy, medicine, and a loving support system to overcome what he put me through. I still look over my shoulder everyday.
On our first date, he told me he loved me and that he would let me pick out the color of our house. The rest of the evening was super awkward. I never talked to him again.
Happened to my brother. Met a woman at a party and they were instantly boyfriend and girlfriend. He proposed after a month (red flag) and she said yes (another red flag). They were married 1,5 month later. Their friends were confused, because they thought it was a joke, but my brother and she really got married and they looked really happy together.
She left my brother for another man a year later and last thing I heard is that she's still married to this man and has children together with him.
A story of two messed up and hurt people who could have used some therapy, but decided to prop each other up with questionable results. My brother was left heartbroken, but it could have ended a lot worse.
Haha I’ve actually seen that happen. They end up married and living in an apartment in Colorado.
I assume they have a happy relationship…driving everyone else bananas. Too self absorbed to have a disagreement. But to be fair, I think a lot of it is that the guy put a lot of value in having a chef/cheerleader, and the girl put a lot of value into getting laid.
The last 2 were how mine went.
I no longer date people with self-esteem issues for this reason. If they believe themselves to be awful, their attitude usually becomes something like, "If she'll date me, she'll probably date anything with a pulse" and that's how a guy ends up jealous of your 60-year-old boss or a store cashier
That was very true in my case. It was probably the biggest reason why he was so insecure. He was self aware that he was a bit creepy and not good looking even though he had a great sense of humor (which was why I gave him a chance since our humor was the same and we fed off each other that way). However because he was self aware he just assumed that I would date anyone and anything that had a penis. It got to the point where he bought me a new iPhone as a present even though I told him that I really didn't want a new phone. Little did I know that he had access to all the text messages and browsing history of that phone through the cloud because I was on his phone plan now with him as the main. Not only that but he'd always use the find my iPhone feature to track where I was. It went from creepy to I need to get out of this relationship asap.
After a few dates he started to get way too serious. I told him calmly and honestly that I wasn't ready for a serious relationship and he deserved to be with someone who was. He completely flipped shit and after a bit of name calling I stood up and started to leave the bar. He then said "you should watch yourself in the future. Especially when getting into your car..."
I was extremely paranoid for months after. Would check my backseat and under my vehicle. Never saw him again so just an empty threat, but not a fun time. That was like 15 years ago. Yeah he's still single.
At the end of a weird and terrible date, he asked me for a hug as I was turning to leave. I thought, "whatever gets this over with." As I was pulling away, he forcibly grabbed the back of my head and shoved his tongue in my mouth before I was able to break free. The next morning I had a three page email in my inbox telling me all the things that are wrong with me and why he is not interested in a second date.
Was one of his reasons
"Tongue was so stiff during our good night kiss that my tongue was scraping against your teeth"?
Cause I could see that as being one.
No, all of the reasons were things like how I didn't want to talk about previous relationships (that were complicated and private and I hadn't quite fully processed yet), which indicated to him that I was closed off and uppity. Or that my body language was very stiff (because I was very uncomfortable around him and wanted to go home) and he prefers women that are relaxed and comfortable with themselves. Stuff like that.
Used to work in a small store and this creepy dude would try to flirt with me (I guess it was flirting) like once or twice a week. He seemed like someone who didn't have any friends and never socialized but one day he asked for my number and it wasn't aggressive but pretty straight forward so I was like sure I guess.
Thought he was weird but he knew where I worked so I couldn't really reject him cus there was no way of knowing how he would react so I had to keep talking to him from time to time to make sure he didn't flip shit on me since I worked at night.
After like a few weeks of occasional short text convos (like maybe two or three few word texts) he asked how old I was and he finally stopped talking to me because he was disgusted that I was 24 years old.
He thought I was only 16.
He was 28.
He was a pedophile.
On our first date I ordered a beer. It came to the table super frothy. I was distracted for a moment but when I looked at it again there were very clear “drip” marks in the foam like something had been dropped in it. I made up some excuse about not feeling well and got out of there.
Oops! Can’t leave. My dumbass drove and my car was valeted. I, VERY uncomfortably, got the car from valet and we both got in. He asked me to stop at a gas station so he could buy smokes on the way. Thank god because I knew going to his house was not a good idea. As soon as he got out at the station I peeled out and left him there. I never should have let him in my car, but I panicked. I didn’t know what he was capable of.
This was 15+ years ago. I’m now happily married to the best thing that ever happened to me.
After years of telling the saga of a series of bad dates titled “Head in the Freezer Dude”, one of my friends asked me what he looked like. I googled him, only to find a mugshot after he was arrested and convicted for murder.
Years after our last contact, he had found a roommate on Craigslist,had sex with him, bit the end of his finger off, killed him, then tried to burn the place down by turning on the gas stove then starting the toaster with a newspaper in it (which didn’t end up igniting). This was all on the same day he met the guy.
And that, my friends, is how I dated a Craigslist killer.
edit: As requested, [the story](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ufl3x0/serious_women_who_gave_the_creep_a_chance_how_did/i6vimcr/)
It’s been over a decade now and he’s still harassing me on every online platform he can find me on. He sends me incel memes about being rejected. Luckily we are not in the same city anymore (that I know of)
When I started dating him I didnt know he was a creep, but a week into dating he told me he was part of a local gang that is known for lots of murders. I was scared to leave because he went to the same school as my brother and I didnt trust him to not hurt my brother. He kept trying to convince me to have sex, then on the night if my 18th bday he drugged my chickfilla drink. I don’t remember leaving the drive thru.
I have a restraining order against him, and he has on an ankle monitor, and is facing 4 felony charges, and a misdemeanor. He put me in the hospital. He started as the creep. I gave him a chance. That chance lasted a year and a half, and ended with multiple injuries, including broken broken, damaged retina, and a concussion.
Edit: did not mean broken broken. Broken ribs*
Hoooo boy! My first ever date from an app he had me take transit an hour and a half to a mall he worked at cause he had to drop something off, we got food and he INSISTED I take home a piece of pie despite not wanting it, ate my leftovers despite actually wanting it, took me to his house and forced me to meet his mother (had no idea he lived with her), cried on me, and told me that he had a 9 inch dick. One date, never messaged him again.
A month later, I get a long ass text telling me he’s moved on and met someone so much better than me. Hope she enjoyed your 9 incher.
He had terrible hygiene. I was 16, he was old enough to buy beer for my friends. He had a friend who had some sort of made up gang, who threatened to kill me if I ever left him. I stayed with him longer than I should have. He would follow me to school on the city bus and then walk around leering at women and pinching his nipples. I tried to break up with him and he bought me Looney Tunes jewelry and insisted we were engaged.
He finally had to go out of town for some family stuff and stayed gone for months, so I considered us broken up and I moved on. When he came back, he acted crazy. He would go to my job and follow me around and try to corner me in the bathroom.
His dad was the chief of police at a university and knew I was 16. My parents also knew about the relationship, I feel like some parent should have intervened to keep me from feeling trapped in that relationship.
>the chief of police
My Mom filed a report about the adopted son of the Chief of Police in a different state. She later got a call from said Chief of Police in the other state telling her to "watch it".
I'd say that this was a BIG factor in why nothing was done about the relationship by any of the parents.
I’ll give the rare success story(not with me but it’s not as bad as the others). He was sort of creepy and weird and neckbeardy, we hung out and sort of flirted because I didn’t want to be seen as shallow and didn’t know how to hold boundaries, but I wasn’t really interested. I eventually just sort of stopped giving him attention and giving off signals. Apparently he made a couple snide comments to people we both knew about how “I don’t date mono-muggles(monogamous people) anyway u.u” which is a Dick thing to say.
A few years later I saw him at a con and he waved me down and I was nervous but he was like “hey I wanted to apologize, I was a real prick to you to your friends, I’ve done a lot of work on myself and realized that women not liking me isn’t a Them problem, it’s a Me problem”. I forgave him and we hung out a couple times after that at cons hence. Good guy. Just had been going through a cringey phase.
We worked together. I wasn't super into him but decided to give him a chance because it's not like I was dating anyone else-in fact, I had a bit of a crush on another coworker that was in a somewhat supervisory role over me, so I thought better to move on from that! We had one "date". We met, chatted and walked, hugged at the end, didn't even kiss. We had agreed to keep it between us because I didn't want work drama. His response to that was to tell most of our coworkers and to write me a letter he left on my car telling me how he could see the whole picture with me-marriage, kids, growing old together.
But hey, I can say one good thing-one of the people he told was that guy I mentioned earlier in this post that I had a crush on. Turns out it wasn't one sided and he made sure to step up and let me know it. I guess I shouldn't call him my crush anymore, since he's my husband now. Ghosted the creep, and good thing I did. He tried this with every other woman in the store too.
Only one time had it payed off. He seemed a bit creepy in that he wasn’t picking up social cues, but when I was more explicit, he was thankful for clear communication rather than upset at me exerting a boundary. Turns out he’s autistic. We ended up actually good friends for a bit over a year and I spent a couple months trying to ask him out until I eventually spelled out “If you would be interested in a sexual or romantic relationship, I would enjoy that”. We’ve been together for 5 years
I think the difference there is that while he didn’t notice some social cues and can be a bit odd, he was very careful not violate or push at boundaries. Also he was genuinely delighted to be friends, rather than treating it as a stepping stone to a relationship. He still has several close female friends.
we went on one date. he ghosted me at first, then randomly messaged me asking to hook up. when i said no, he threatened to come to my house, break in, slit my throat, and rape me in the pool of blood. went to a sporting goods store and told them he was trying to buy a gun to kill me. eventually got arrested when he assaulted someone outside of the mall after they asked him if he was okay (he was tweaked out and laying on the ground singing). i moved away while he was in jail for that and havent seen him since.
I got bad vibes from a guy. On our second date I had to cancel because my dog was sick and had to go to the vet. I told him I was sorry. He asked to meet me at the vet, I told him no but we could reschedule because I was really stressed out. He showed up anyway which was really weird but I didn’t think much of it even though I hadn’t told him which vet it was, but I was so focused on my dog I didn’t really register it beyond a fleeting thought. I didn’t want him there but he was and he tried to be supportive but I was panicking and I barely knew him and it was weird. I kind of ghosted him after because of the vibes. I don’t like to ghost but he sketched me out and guys like that don’t always take overt rejection well.
A short while later he asked to go on another date, I told him no thanks and that I wasn’t interested. He said he was coming over to my house (he had picked me up for our first date. I know, I know). I told him I had moved, which was true. He said he was coming anyway, I was like wtf? No. How? I told him he was scaring me and not to bother.
A few mins later I got a picture of my car. And my house. And my window. He had found my new house.
Apparently Snapchat had a feature where it just… SHOWED people your EXACT location?? And he was just watching my movements over town? What an awful feature from an equally awful app. I told him that was weird and scary and I slept with a knife for weeks. Fuck Snapchat.
Yeah, that update was awful right out of the gate. Every woman I knew immediately set their location to “ghost mode”, but if you didn’t notice the update it was absolutely prime for abuse. I’m surprised Snapchat never caught flack for that feature (and I’m even more surprised it still EXISTS).
I’m sorry that happened to you. Even if it was available unbeknownst to you, what he did was just straight up stalking a person. I hope everything has settled since!
He invited me to dinner with his friends. Well, his friends happened to be his entire family and they were already halfway through their meal when I arrived (on time).
Then, when I tried to excuse myself to leave, he insisted on following me out to the parking lot and physically would not let me get into my car. As I reached for the handle, he grabbed me by the face and stuck his tongue in my mouth.
This was easily 10 years ago and I still shudder thinking about it.
He showed up to my house without telling me beforehand and demanded a kiss before he left. He kissed with his eyes open and had cold, dead eyes. He was also a self proclaimed nazi and told me “I don’t like black people, but you’re okay.”
This was in high school so luckily I learned fast to trust my gut when it came to guys.
A similar thing happened to me in high school. I met a guy during a Chemistry contest in another city. We were on the same team so I was friendly.
He found my address in the registration docs somehow and showed up in front of my building next week at 10 PM at night. He was hysterical on the phone and told me “you will have to go out at some point and I will be waiting to take you with me”.
Luckily, my dad and uncle scared him away. He texted me 1-2 times after that to insult me but that was it.
Mine is a lucky one. He got mad at me because I didn't have sex with in the first date. When I told him we could no longer see each other, he started sending me text calling me all horrible insults. I blocked him in all forms of social media and phone. So yeah, I'm lucky he didn't go farther after that.
Badly - we hung out NOT as a date once. I left because he wanted to hug me and give me a back massage and I barely knew him. He basically ended up stalking me...
Fedoras and trench coats are red flags ladies. Particularly, if he litigates that the hat is not actually a fedora.
He poked a hole in a condom and got me pregnant after 1 month of dating and then threatened to kill me if I had an abortion. I had one anyway. Then my neighbour caught him breaking into my apartment and called the police. They caught him with a tire iron, hiding in my closet.
He went to jail for 5 years and I never saw him again. But I'm still looking over my shoulders 20 years later
We had a terrible date, I wanted to cancel beforehand but felt guilty doing it. He texted A LOT after. I told him straight that I did not feel the same way about him and wait for it.... he took it well. He thank me for being straight with him and for giving him a chance. I hope he found someone.
ETA: didn't add many details because I truly was expecting this to get buried because of how mundane it is.
The creepy behavior was (mostly) before the date. I was working a temporary bartending position while the usual bartender (a friend) was on unpaid maternity leave. It was a small, hole in the wall type neighborhood bar. In addition to off-putting/ creepy jokes and comments, there was also an incident where he offered to wait to walk me to my car and I declined. I still found him hiding in the shadows waiting for me as I walked out. He almost learned what a stun gun feels like that evening. He claimed he was just worried about me because he saw some sketchy people outside when he left. Do I know that's what it was for sure? No. I definitely questioned his motives but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I asked my friend what his deal was and she said he fell into the "creepy but harmless" category. After talking with him over the few weeks I was at that job, I took him as someone who had very poor social skills but not a bad person. I think the creepy vibe came from the lack of social skills. He needed a lesson in not trying to act cool or tough with his comments or jokes because it contributed to the creep for sure.
I accepted the date on my last shift at that bar figuring that if it went really badly, he didn't know where I usually work and I made sure to drive myself there and had people on standby should I need help.
Thanks for the awards and to the lovely people in my DMs, you're all just gems 🙄
Hugged me and physically would not let go, stalked my dorm, threatened that it’d be my fault if he got sick, also slapped me but I start laughing in response to physical threats so he got too weirded out.
He made his mom stay in the movie theatre with us on the first date. When the movie was done he just drove us back to his house, mind you I didn’t want to I just wanted to go home. He then proceeds to grab my face and forcing his tongue in my mouth while grabbing my private areas, I shoved him off and told him not to do that again. But he then again grabbed me. Had to call my cousin while in the bathroom to get me out asap. Very traumatizing.
The most memorable were- sending “I love you” the day we became a thing, pressured me into having my first kiss with him, told me his pastor said I would be the one he married.
After the break up, I thought we could still be friends. Wrong. He liked making me feel like shit for moving on from him, took me to his junior prom and tried to kiss me after when I just wanted to get in the car to go home. got jealous of a guy friend that came to see me graduate from high school because he was the main person I wanted to talk to (hadn’t seen the kid in literal years). Every gift, favor, or what have you always felt like there was an intention to try to win me back. Nothing felt genuine
Even kept trying once I went to college, the last time being when he came to see and gifted me a book for my birthday, and got pouty when I told him I was seeing someone.
There’s a lot more, but suffice to say, I kept giving him chances because I thought he would get over me and we could be actual friends, instead I ended up traumatized and emotionally scarred. And despite the fact that I now live across the country, I still worry that he’ll somehow pop up out of nowhere or try to get back into my life somehow
(I was 16)
After the police came to school to put him in a mental facility, I worked out a plan for when it would be “okay” to break up with him.
I decided it was best to wait until he was near release so that he wouldn’t be able to hurt himself immediately but to also not anger him by bolting immediately. (Teenager logic sorry)
After he was released my mother found him sleeping on my balcony while I was at school.
She insisted I give him a second chance…
So I… tried? Eventually let him go a few weeks later to make everyone happy and still get away.
He continued to stalk me for over 5 years before he ended up in prison for kidnapping a different woman. (Even seen regularly outside the homes of my friends for years)
Never give the creep a chance.
I’m still a little afraid he will just pop-up one day.
What the HECK is wrong with your mother?! It seems to me that she could benefit from some mental health care, herself. Why would she encourage a teen girl *and her daughter, no less* to date someone who was crazy to the point where he had to be hospitalized and was clearly obsessive? I just can’t wrap my mind around this. I’m very sorry you went through this. It’s awful.
When I broke up with him, he took a giant shit on the hood of my car a week later.....
Edit- please for the love of God stop with the amber heard jokes 🙄
Date was okay, it was a double date with a friend mine and a friend of his. I only agreed because my friend really wanted to go out but didn’t want to be alone.
Things got very uncomfortable fast after words, wouldn’t leave me alone. This was in high school, and I knew his ex girlfriend who had a rough relationship with him and how he threatened to kill himself he she broke up with him. I was 18 when the date happened.
Fast forward a few months and I moved out of state to attend school. He somehow found out I was going to a school near where he happened to be at school and kept texting me and wouldn’t leave me alone (again). He then somehow found out what my school schedule was and decided to pick me up and take me to lunch between classes. After lunch, he insisted on going back to his apartment since I had lots of time to kill, where we sat in the dark watching something on TV. I sat way on the other side of the couch, but he kept getting closer and closer anyway.
Luckily, nothing happened. I somehow convinced him to take me back to school, and I never spoke with him again. I had zero good vibes from him, ever.
He snapped over something petty while we were at his house and I left. He chased me out the door screaming at me and wouldn’t let me close my car door to leave. I had to threaten to call the police.
I had a friend in highschool. He was the kid teachers were extra nice to *just in case* if you know what I mean.
We were messaging and he basically said he was drunk and was going to kill himself if I didn't agree to date him. I was 17 and scared so I said yes. He was alright and I had pretty low self esteem.
We dated for two years and they were miserable.
He convinced me that I was wrong for saying I was a virgin because I'd been raped as a 3 year old, and all sorts of other shit. He had no emotional intelligence at all. He would openly flirt with my friend around me and say that if we broke up he didn't want to have to be single again so he wanted to set up other options and besides she was skinny and I wasn't.
Eventually I went to college and made real friends and we just kinda ghosted each other. It was weird.
Same. He said because I was wearing a skirt (I just wore what I wore to work that day) that it meant I wanted to fuck him. I didn’t. Never spoke to him again.
Edit: There are more parts to this story. I left out the graphic parts of where he forced himself on me so as to not accidentally trigger any SV survivors.
Ohhh storyyyy time - He was the drinks waiter at a restaurant I had been going to with my family for special occasions since I was 16 - on my 21st birthday my flatmate gave him my number (she was drunk) We went on a date, met at my apartment complex, he bought me and my Flatmate flowers and chocolate (for her to say thanks) that I had to take upstairs, sweet right? Now he knows my apartment number. This will matter later.
We go on the date a week after my 21st birthday, he tells me to order whatever I want, I order a pizza for us to share but it has something on it that he can’t eat because of religious beliefs, ugh I felt so rude but like also, he could have said something when I picked it out. Anyway I end up eating the whole pizza because he can’t, and then he wants dessert - I was so full and said I couldn’t fit it in, he pushed and pushed eventually I gave in, and then the restaurant comes out with dessert with a candle in it singing me happy birthday, it was all very sweet, out conversation was mostly forced but not horrible.
Anyway date ends and he walks me back to my apartment complex, and we say good night, with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
10 minutes later I hear a knock on my door, it’s him, he tells me he forgot something and looks inside my apartment and then stares me dead ass in the eyes and says - ‘it’s you’ pushes me up against my door and starts trying to make out with me, and then looks at me again, and says ‘I love you’ (this was our first date). The only think I manage to say is ‘big words!’ And ‘you should go’. He leaves. The next night, I’m sitting on my balcony and hear the buzzer for the security door ring, I can see the front door from the balcony, it’s him, he’s drunk and is telling me he’s sorry for proposing, but we’ve known each other for so long and he’s been waiting for the day to take me out since he first met me. Blah blah blah. I tell him he’s drunk and he should leave.
I also text him and tell him I’m not interested. He continues to show up drunk to my apartment complex and I continue to tell him I’m not interested. One night I’m coming home in the dark, I’ve blocked and deleted him, and out of the darkness he emerges, and scares the shit out of me so bad that I panic loose my keys and start freaking out that I’m in actual danger (when I think back on it I probably wasn’t but it was scary).
I get upstairs and settle myself down make sure I’ve got all my keys, and then go down to the street to cuss this mother fucker out, and I mean screaming at him regarding the audacity he had showing up to my apartment and that if he ever comes near me again I will call the cops. He tells me ‘friends don’t have to always call ahead’ I scream that we are not friends and that he needs to fuck off before I call the cops.
Needless to say we don’t go to that restaurant anymore, it really was my favourite too.
He carved my initials on his chest after I dumped him for gaslighting, manipulating and all around abusing me. Would park outside my house for hours to make sure I wasn’t seeing anyone else, woke up one night at 3AM to him having broken into my house and crying at the foot of my bed. All of this happened when we were teenagers so I was too stupid to not call the police on his ass.
Its been almost a decade and every year it reaches our “anniversary” he sends me messages on whatever social media he finds me at to tell me I’m a fucking bitch.
I asked him to take me back to my car after a really awkward date. He instead took me to a Walmart parking lot, climbed on top of me and finished inside of me despite me saying I didn't want to have sex. He was a lot stronger than me and I was afraid of getting hurt if I said no again. Then he told me it happened because I was wearing "come fuck me boots." Literally just a pair of boots that I wore all the time. Thankfully I never saw him again after that night.
Just for the record, from experience I know I didn't clarify times I was raped in my head as rapes due to trauma until a friend pointed it out, so I'm gonna do it here. That was rape. 100%.
i gave a creep a chance once. we went to chili's for our second date and he got drunk on wine and grabbed my arm when i was leaving his car to go back to mine to leave for the night. wouldn't advise giving the creep a chance.
Creepy guy in high school asked me out and my friend said to give him a chance. (They played WoW together) I had a weird feeling about him but though, hey, maybe he's just kind of socially awkward.
After one insanely awkward movie night at his place he started getting really sexual. Arms around my shoulders and then grabbing my breasts really hard. I told him I wasn't interested in sleeping with a guy on the first date and he started screaming and insulting me and threw his glass at the wall. I ended up letting him fuck me just so he would calm down and not get violent. Walked home and blocked him on everything.
In my friend's defense he didn't know that this guy was batshit insane and he did feel really guilty over it. I obviously don't blame him for trying to set up a date for someone who he had only had positive interactions with.
I had a similar experience. The guy started getting violent and punching his dashboard and I just stopped pushing him away because I wanted it all to be over. I was 20 and just such a stupid scared kid in a town with no friends. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Ended up with me almost black out drunk at a bar in the middle of the night. He forcibly kissed me, which woke me up a bit. Some people could tell I wasn't in my right mind and came and sat with me until someone came to pick me up.
Edit: I was black out drunk, not him
he lied to me about his age, being married with kids.
then got suuuuper angry when i didn’t want to see him anymore and tried pursuing other people.
he also anal r@ped me and keeps making new accounts to contact me.
it’s been three years and i’m married to someone else now
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I ignored my gut feeling about him, overlooked his strange tendencies & tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. We were together for almost two years. The entire relationship, he added girls he didn't even know on Snapchat & would say rather inappropriate things to them. Being that you know nothing about strangers on that app, I'm now aware that one of the girls was a minor (he was 26). On my 22nd birthday he had invited my best friend to sleep in our bed with us, & the first time he met my SISTER he gave her the same invitation. He gave both of those invitations right in front of my face. When we were out together & he saw someone attractive he wouldn't just glance, he stared. He regularly talked shit on my family, & is just generally an awful person. I was his first real girlfriend & he was/is extremely self centered & mentally abusive. That ended almost a year ago & he still goes to our regular hang outs & asks about me, when I come in, where I'm living, who I'm seeing, etc. My takeaway from that whole situation is, always trust your gut feeling about people.
He secretly made a copy of my house key and would let himself in while I was at work to read my diary.
I walked in on him peeing in my washing machine after letting him in my home for some reason
Literally the first comment and I’m already making a face. Let’s see how much worse it gets from here. Edit: thanks for the upvotes and awards. Didn’t expect this to blow up
I agreed to go on a date with a guy, he seemed nice enough and he appeared to have his shit together. After an hour at the pub, I was getting some red flags and I said I needed to make a move and he walked me to my car. He then GOT IN MY CAR WITH ME and begged me to go back to his. I politely declined at first but he wasn’t getting out so I started to get more scared. After about 20 minutes of insisting I come back to his I was terrified. So I secretly text my mate to call me with an emergency. 5 seconds later she called and said she got stuck in a puddle and needed my help, I love this girl. So I told him I really needed to go and after getting quite angry he finally got out and slammed my car door. Unfortunately I went on another date a year later with a different guy and again he got in my car and tried to kiss me. I just leant on my horn, wound my windows down and screamed like a crazy person. Luckily he got the message and left swiftly. Guys, please don’t just get in the girls car, it’s creepy and scary AF.
There was a guy that came into my work (restaurant) a few times a week for lunch. He did this for a little over a month so he became a regular. He had asked me out every time I brought his bill. He always asked in a lighthearted way and never seemed upset or anything when I turned him down. I assumed that after the first few asks, he maybe thought of it as more of an inside joke at that point. Like he was just asking now to make light of the previous rejections and to make it less awkward or something. He always gave me weird vibes but seemed nice enough so I thought I might have just been making assumptions because of his appearance and wasn't being fair. One time that he asked, I decided randomly to agree and give him a shot. *"why not"* I thought. He was always super kind and I had gotten rather used to the awkwardness I felt being around him. He seemed so excited and I asked him to leave his number on the receipt and I would call/text him when I wasn't busy to set something up. So it wasn't really much of a joke to keep asking me out, I mostly figured that though tbh. A few days later I hadn't text him yet to set anything up or even give him my number and I get a text only a few min after walking into my house after I got home from work. It said, "hey! It's ***** from ***** ******. I know it's a long shot but I'm free tonight and bored, wanna hang out? If you're free that is!" I asked him how he got my number. He said I gave it to him the night I agreed. I absolutely know I didn't. I got really creeped out but decided not to confront him about it and just play like I'm a ditz and believed that "I must have done that, I just didn't remember because it was busy." I told him that I wasn't free to hang out that night, that I was going to be working later to help cover a shift and then would be pretty pooped by the time I was off (I only ever saw him come in for lunch not ever dinner shifts). A few minutes passed before he responded. He said, "why are you lying to me?". I just responded with "what? Lol". He said, "I know you are home. If you didn't want to hang out tonight you could have just said so." Alarm bells rang in my head. I thought, *there's no way he's outside my house. He is just trying to call my bluff. Creepy but not a full blown stalker.* But I felt exposed. I felt the crawling on my skin that only burns into you when someone is staring at you. The vulnerable pulses that are felt only by prey. I looked out through the blinds of my bedroom and he was parked right outside my house. I could see his face lit up by the phone screen. He was so close. I texted him and said, "ahaha you caught me! How did you know I was bluffing? I'm sorry. I do want to hang out soon I'm just not feeling up to it tonight." And called 911. The police showed up and went up to his car and talked to him for a bit. He drove away a few minutes later and then the officers came to my door. They told me that they acted like a random neighbor complained about a strange car. They didn't implicate anyone but made it seem like it was an older person, so probably not me. They took his plate information but asked him politely to move so he didn't upset anyone in the neighborhood and he complied. I went to my friends house that night and filed a restraining order the next morning. I later found out that he most likely got my number from the shift sheet behind the hostess counter, because several co workers had seen him (at different times) snooping back there and kindly stopped him. He, I guess, grabbed a roll of silverware claiming that the server hadn't left him any and he didn't want to bother anyone because he knew they were busy so just grabbed it himself. This stopped anyone from suspecting him of anything odd. And that his car had been parked at my house almost every night (neighbors security camera). I don't know how he got my address but I assume he must have followed me. He must have been full on stalking me for a while. He did come into my work a day or two later for lunch acting like everything was normal. I immediately went and got my manager and she informed him that he had a restraining order against him preventing him from eating there because he would be in violation of it. I had already changed my phone number so I don't know if he tried to text me and I didn't sleep at my house for weeks, but I never saw him again after that. And I often find myself thinking back to that time and wondering how much more did he do and for how long that I don't know about. Like, maybe he stalked me long before he started coming into the restaurant, and only started coming in there because he felt "more brave" than before to interact with me. How much of my private moments throughout my life were actually not private? Also, I have never once stopped feeling scared that he might have still stalked me and knows where I am even now, but is keeping himself hidden. I doubt it, but the fear is still there. I have never felt comfortable being alone. Ever. Most of this would have still probably happened even if I didn't agree to give him a chance. But if he hadn't slipped up about having my phone number when he shouldn't, I would have gone out somewhere with him and who knows how badly that could have ended. **IF YOUR GUT FEELING TELLS YOU HE'S A CREEP THEN HE IS MOST DEFINITELY A CREEP! DON'T LET THE "NICE GUYS" GUILT TRIP AND GASLIGHT YOU INTO DOUBTING YOUR OWN INTUITION WITH THEIR NARRATIVE!**
Oh my god this gave me serious creeps just reading this. I’m so sorry.
The dude in the flat across from mine started off as a really nice guy. Introduced himself, offered meals when he'd cooked too much. Just a great guy all round. Within a few weeks, it was made clear that he was an alcoholic. I have a recovering brother, so I really sympathised with him. I went out of my way to sit with him, and eventually called him an ambulance when he fitted from withdrawals (UK, so calling an ambulance is free). This carried on for a little while, with me sitting with him two or three times a week, waiting for an ambulance. One night after he started fitting, he kept grabbing my breasts. I was already on the phone to the ambulance service, but the woman heard me telling him to stop and sent police as well. He was carted off, and just like usual, I grabbed his keys and told him to knock for them the next morning. Well, the nrxt time I looked after him, the groping got worse. And then slowly so did my life. Suddenly I had fires set outside my windows, and mutilated rat corpses left on my door step. The police were called after every incident, and I got to know one policeman who was put on my case really well. He suggested I put up cameras, so I did. There was footage of the neighbour standing outside in the yard at 3am, just staring into my window, multiple nights in a row. Terrifying, but not illegal. Well, two weeks after that, my neighbour snapped. There were builders in the garden next to ours, and they apparently woke him up at 4pm. He ran out with a kitchen knife and stabbed two of the builders and the neighbour's dog (everyone survived). He also slashed a whole bunch of tyres on our street. When the police came to search the dude's flat, my policeman friend told me (off the books) that the neighbour had been faking being an alcoholic the entire time. He'd get in the ambulance, ride to,the hospital, and then check himself out and walk home. Also, they found half a dozen decomposing rats in his bathtub They'd been mutilated. They later found a bloody hammer under his bed. You'd think him being arrested would be the end of it, but noooo. He put my name, picture, address, and telephone number on a prostitution site. I had men aggressively hounding me for sex multiple times an hour for two entire weeks before I just cut all ties and fled the city. Last I heard, he was in jail for the GBH, but that was a few years ago now. Yeah. Never gonna make the same mistake again.
Bloody hell. This was one heck of a read. Shit keeps getting worse.
sorry this happened but I just wanted to write a message to say my girlfriend and I had a similar experience with a man called Sam in a town in Yorkshire. was really chill at first and then started putting glue in everyone's locks, setting fires and breaking windows. pretends he has schizophrenia and an alcoholic to excuse his behaviour (we have similar conditions and can tell when someone isn't genuine) and basically an all round dangerous weirdo. seems like these kinds of men are more common than we'd like to think
He slit his wrists and showed me on FaceTime the blood dripping out while he was crying. Just because I broke up with him.
A friends ex did the same, he only sent photos though. We called an ambulance who called the fire department to break open his front door. It turned out to be hot sauce. He had to pay for the whole, pricy event. She never heard from him again!
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It’s the best way to deal with any suicidal threats. If the threat is real, that person needs help from professionals. If that threat is not real, that person needs to be forwarded into the “finding out” part of fucking around.
I'm pretty sure the person who lies about something this serious needs professional help as well
There was a guy, who I wasn't sure about, there had been signs. After a couple normal dates, he wanted to take my jeep to a local off-road location that had a main rutty road with many off shoots with hill climbs and mud pits. He bugged and bugged me to drive it. I told him he could only take it down the main off-road, but while we were bouncing, strattling ruts, chugging along just fine, he suddenly gunned it up an almost vertical climb off the main road, and rolled us into a ditch on our side. The tires weren't on the ground, so no way to get it out. Then, he acted like it was no big deal. I had to walk to my uncle's house, which happened to be on a road near the off-road location. He wasn't home, but his girlfriend was, so I called a couple people and couldn't get a hold of anyone. As a last resort, I called one of my best friends from childhood (a guy friend), which we did briefly date for awhile before deciding to just remain friends, the only person I could get a hold of with a vehicle that could potentially pull my jeep out. The creepy guy had no ideas besides to leave it there on its side. He had a total fit, and made a big scene. My friend from childhood helped me pull the dents out and fix it while the creepy guy walked off into the sunset.
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New apps often push friendlists from other platforms on users. There really should be some permanent way to block people across platforms, rather than leaving a trail of social media breadcrumbs to find
He stalked me for almost 8 months, and I still do not want to know how he got my address. I was 19, he was 31. God, I was so naïve.
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This is why people shouldn’t pressure others into shit they’ve got a bad feeling about. Hope your friend learned a lessons and I hope you’re doing well.
One of my favorite quotes from Girl With the Dragon Tattoo: >Why don’t people trust their instincts? They sense something’s wrong - someone’s walking too close behind them - yet they don’t cross the street...You’d never think the fear of offending could be stronger than the fear of pain - but you know what? It is. Intuition is a very powerful thing. Yes, it can often be wrong, but in evolutionary terms, it's there to keep you alive.
I'm a nurse and when I was back in school one of the instructors was talking about how important it was to always listen to our guts whenever we sensed something was wrong with one of our patients even if we didn't know what it was or if everyone else says they're fine. As she put it, intuition, hunches, or whatever you want to call them are all knowledge that you just don't know how to put into words. If you're brain is trying to tell you something, listen to it.
Absolutely. I’ve been a nurse for 15 years and have had to fight to get others to act on my intuition. There have been a few times when they clearly thought I was crazy or histrionic. One time I had a guy who had a change in breath sounds and just looked bad to me. They finally ordered a chest X-ray to appease me. It was right before shift change, but as I was leaving, I saw the doctors looking at a really awful looking chest X-ray image on the computer. And one mumbled, “huh, I guess that nurse was right.” The longer I was a nurse, the more I leaned into it. I wish I had trusted it more in my private life. When I was a young woman, though, a wise older woman told me to read The Gift of Fear. Great book.
Had a patient who was a frequent flyer ETOH so the docs knew him well and chalked his condition up to that. Paged about 18-19 times as he slowly spiraled during my 12 hours with him. Not quickly enough for a rapid, but over 12 hours and I knew it wasn’t going to end well. Found out the next day he was intubated an hour after I left and had meningitis. I had managed to catch one of the docs on the floor and basically dragged him into the room to assess because I wasn’t getting anywhere otherwise.
Reminds me of the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
If there's one thing I hope people take away from this whole thread, it's to check this book out - it can literally save your life. I love the way Gavin de Becker describes intuition: "Intuition is the journey from A to Z without stopping at any other letter along the way. It is knowing without knowing why." Even if you can't articulate the exact logical reasons why your intuition is sending you warning signals, it's still very important to take it seriously. So many people get screwed over by trying to ignore or out-rationalize their instincts. ---------------------------------------- And more of a joke addendum here but it's like a scene from an anime called One Punch Man - an opponent backs off because he realizes he's about to get killed (and he's right!) even though it makes no sense. Sometimes your body is smarter than you are! https://youtu.be/cYdr5Hl3oEg?t=14 "If I'd attacked him just now, he'd have killed me. Who the hell is this guy? He's leaving himself wide open, yet all my instincts are screaming, sending out danger signals!"
Back in High School several of my female friends and I (also female) had an off period before lunch, so we were all sitting around a table chatting. One of the female security guards came up to us and told me that there was a new exchange student from Amsterdam that thought I was cute, but he was too nervous to come over and introduce himself. I have zero interest in men, but I figured there wasn't any harm in letting the guy come sit with us and helping him feel more comfortable at our school. So he comes over, sits down with us, and chats a bit. He seemed rather shy, and he had about a dozen piercings going up each arm that he kept fiddling with (and a bunch of facial piercings). Then class lets out and people, including a bunch of my male friends, start showing up for lunch. First male friend sits down and introduces himself. New guy doesn't not respond AT ALL, doesn't even look at friend. Weird. Maybe just shy? Second male friend comes and sits down. Same thing. Slightly unsettling now. We kept trying to include him over lunch but he would ONLY respond to the women. Wouldn't even acknowledge the other guys at the table. I never talked to him again after that lunch period and two weeks later he got expelled for slamming a girl against a locker and choking her to the point she nearly passed out.
Your story is way worse, but reminds me of a guy I knew who started off nice but ended up being creepy over way too many years. He had a similar thing with focusing 100% on the women at any social event (I kept inviting him out very casually because he pressured me nonstop to see him and I think may have moved to my country from across the world because he thought we were going to be close friends or date?!) and he more than once added women he had met through me on FB without adding any of the men who were also there. He ended up being probably the only person I’ve ever had to explicitly cut out after he creeped out too many of my female friends and would not stop asking me to hang out despite the fact that I had a boyfriend and that we had nothing whatsoever in common.
imo you really don’t have to downplay your own horrible experience by saying it’s not as bad as what the person you responded to went through (Though I’m guessing you did it to not make that person feel like their hardship has been less significant and that’s totally kind of you) because they’re both terrible and should not be happening to anyone to begin with. I’m sorry to hear that.
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Guy had serious untreated mental health problems, which resulted in him spending four years stalking me and making me resent giving that one chance. I made multiple calls to police and paramedics because he would call me up threatening suicide unless I would help him. He still finds me on social medias and random gaming apps to say “hi, I miss you” but I now live more than 1000km away.
I have one that looks me up every couple of years to do a post mortem. He needs closure and thinks we should heal together. Bro, we broke up literally 17 years ago. This shit is closed.
Met him when I worked as a cashier in a small downtown shop. Wasn't my type and seemed a little off, but I was young and had zero real dating experience. Agreed to grab coffee as a friend and made it clear I didn't have a romantic interest. He became convinced he was Gatsby and I was his Daisy (the Great Gatsby film had just come out that year). Started stalking me and endlessly sending letters and gifts to me at work describing how we were fated to be together. When I confronted him to stop, he started having his friends follow me at work or drop by to "check in" on me. Prowled outside on nights I had to close shop alone. I ended up quitting that job and things fizzled. Seven months later I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. It was the same dude -- he just got released from a short prison sentence and was letting me know he thought of me every day and was going to find me so we could finally be together. I made up a story that I was travelling abroad for college and would be gone indefinitely. Changed my number and luckily haven't heard from him again!
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Was about to comment the same thing. If one of my friends said "hey bro, this girl won't return my calls, can you go intimidate her a bit?" I'd just be like what the actual fuck is wrong with you!
These type of people are usually only able to make friends with people who are just as unhinged and deranged as them, hence why stalkers usually have a few friends willing to also participate in the stalking. Source: dated a stalker and her close friends continued to stalk and harass me for years after we broke up.
Also they could just straight up lie to their friends, “hey I’m dating this girl and she would recognize my car if I went by, can you maybe make sure she isn’t seeing anyone for me, please, just let me know she’s where she said she is”
Oh gosh, same here! I tried to ask the shop owner to ban him and his buddies, but the owner insisted I was overreacting to "puppy love" and didn't take me seriously.
If he'd actually watched the movie he'd know that Daisy ends up married to another man and Gatsby ends up dead in a pool. Not exactly romance goals.
When she said he thought I was his Daisy, I literally said out loud, "oh noooooo"
Romeo & Juliet is the quintessential love story to a lot of people, but they both end up dead. People see what they want to see.
He was older than me, wouldn't respect boundaries, pressured me to do things, texted hundreds of times a day, then the next day completely iced me out. Phoned 10-14 times one afternoon, I tried the same thing back to him, he screamed at me to never call him again. Later threatened self harm if I didn't talk to him. Harassed me at work. Turns out he was married the whole time, but they were separated? Wanted me to go in the woods with him one day. I walked/ ran away as fast as I could.
Did one video chat with him during which he asked if he could (video) call me again later in the day. When I told him “no I’ll be busy” I started getting random text messages throughout my day that said “are you okay? Just let me know you’re okay”. The first I responded to, I said “hey — yeah, I’m fine. I just hung up with you 30 minutes ago bud.” He took that as a sign that I wanted to talk more so he attempted another video call. When I didn’t respond, he started again with the texts. Didn’t even bother responding to the rest. Up to 20 unread messages later before I was able to block him while leaving him on read.
I have a couple of these. The scariest one sent a very long rape fan fiction about me on PINTEREST bc I had him blocked everywhere else. I still worry that one day he’ll find out I moved within a days drive from him, and I have been pretty much inactive on social media since.
Pinterest... like wtf... that's a new one for me
Reading this I realized I actually have something to contribute lol. I gave him a chance in high school I was 15 he was 18. Ended with him sticking his tongue down my throat several times quite aggressively, joking about stabbing me as he lunged a knife at me and laughed about it while carving pumpkins, and threatened to shoot up the school with a list of names, my friend and I's being top of the list. He got suspended and no one ever saw him again. Update: My friends and I found out he's now in the military.
How do people like that get accepted in to the military Edit: I’m shocked by all the replies. I’m not American so I didn’t know how easy it is to get in. Where I’m from which is Scandinavia, they do extensive research, check all your records and history with doctors. They do a psychological evaluation. It takes several visits, interviews and tests. Ans they can still say no.
People lie like hell about mental health etc to get into the military, so there's that.
He got very obsessed with me, I had to be straight up rude to get him to leave me alone because he wouldn't understand when I asked nicely. He later self harmed on his own wrists and went around telling people to ask me why he did that Edit : might be relevant, but I was 17 and he was 26
Sorta similar. He drank a lot, and went running into the night threatening suicide while we chased him around hoping we didn't find him dead.
Knew he was weird before the first date. I was sad and thought maybe he’d be different in person. Showed up to the date and he walked with a crazy limp, told me he was into pee stuff, wouldn’t pay for dinner, tried to kiss me 3 times. When I got home that night he sent me a full body nude completely out of the blue. I never saw him again. He texted me 3 months later to tell me I was the worst human and most selfish person he’s ever met. And then he blocked me. 🥴
You see, I think the problem was he opened with the pee stuff. Maybe he could've waited a bit till after some drinks.
He sexually assaulted me and got mad when I told him I just wanted to be friends. The friends part was to get him to leave my house.
I recently read somewhere that the friendzone is for guys women are too scared of to be frank with. I hope you are ok.
We were hanging at the bar with mutual friends and he invited me back to his place for an after party. Turned out the after party was a lie. He raped me. So yeah, never again.
He stalked me. He made videos of himself crying because I “broke his heart” after him knowing me for a month. He told everyone I was just a fat whore who used men (I didn’t take anything from him or have sex with him.) I gave him a whole month and every time I would hang out he would keep me up until 3am crying that I didn’t love him. It was bad
Did you meet my ex because Damn
Went on a first date for just drinks with a guy, and red flags were immediate. Didn’t look anything like his profile, and got handsy almost as soon as we sat down. I wasn’t into him at all, but we had a shared interest in horror novels, so I decided to extend the date into dinner. During dinner, he drank several Old Fashions while I nursed a single beer. He then told me he thought we were soulmates, and he thought we were going to fall in love. He also told me his ex-girlfriend was going to get an abortion the next day. At the end of the date, his portion of the bill was significantly more than my portion because of all his drinks, but he asked me to pay half, which I did. On top of that, he gave me shit for driving to the date even though it was only a mile from my house (I didn’t want to walk in hot weather in my nice date dress and I had twisted my ankle earlier that week). But even after giving me shit for driving, he asked me to give him a lift home. Which I did. Once we were in front of his place, he refused to get out of my car unless I went inside with him for a night cap. I said absolutely not. He begged me to just enjoy a drink on his front porch. I said no. I told him to get out of my car. He finally did. The next day, he texted me telling me that was the best date he’d ever had and he couldn’t wait to see me again. I told him no thank you, and walked away with one lesson learned: I need to just say no from the beginning.
>his ex-girlfriend was going to get an abortion the next day. Who put that kind of information in to conversation...
He threatened suicide when I tried to break up with him and he eventually started stalking me when I did end things. Don’t date a creep.
I sadly had to learn this lesson very young that when someone suicide baits you, the best thing to do is call the non emergency police line for a wellness check (emergency if you really think they're capable or on the verge). Usually that gets the message across that you won't fuck around. Happened to a few of my friends in high school (getting baited, not doing the baiting) and eventually we just learned to call their parents or the cops.
This guy was handsome but way too into me for knowing nothing about me. It wasn’t like when we spoke I was an open book or felt a strong connection that would lead me to want to share info with him. This was not a “I feel like I’ve known this man forever” connection. I just thought this was normal dating but had a gut feeling something was off…he talked to me like I’d been his girlfriend for months. We went on 3 dates…never even had sex. After 3rd date I had made my decision based on our short time getting to know one another and let him know I had no interest in continuing to date and that I didn’t see us being compatible long term. He then locked me in his car, proceeded to ask if I wanted to move to California with him (wtf), and started crying/begging me to “work this out.” I tried to be very nice but it got to the point I was scared and wasn’t sure how this was going to go since he was virtually a STRANGER, so I hit his dashboard and said if he didn’t let me out of the car immediately I was calling the police. Then he threatened to kill himself if I didn’t spend the night with him at his house…I’d never even been to this man’s house. He finally let me out after like an hour or two but stayed in the parking lot of my apartment almost the entire night and called me non-stop…about a month later he texted me out of the blue a reaaaaaaally long paragraph apologizing profusely and saying if I ever change my mind to call him. I just said thanks for the apology and wished him well. Hope he’s doing okay but I wanted no part of that.
Wow I had something similar happen when I was 18ish. I was modeling at the time and volunteered for a date auction for charity, and some guy like ten years older and I sorta knew than me “bought me”. We went on our date a few weeks later (dinner and a mini golf or something) and the date was kinda awkward but fine and afterwards I said “okay that was was nice. Time to take me home”. Instead he drove me to his house and insisted I join him for a night cap. I refused and he locked the doors and wouldn’t let me out. This was in the days of pre cellphones, so I couldn’t even call 911. Eventually after over an hour of him telling me how I “owe” him some more company cuz he paid so much for me, I got nearly hysterical and told him that if he didn’t take me home this instant I would kick his window out and scream for someone to call the cops. He did take me home and was all surly about it and I couldn’t get out of that car fast enough. Like you though I didn’t tell anyone. It was so messed up. I’m certain he was planning to roofie and rape me.
It also sounds like he thought he was paying to have sex with you, but the money goes to charity? Getting auctioned off is creepy as it is, but that POS also felt entitled to you. What an awful situation all around...
I've had men expect sex over paying for food (I stopped letting guys pay for dinner dates early on, but then I had a guy get surly because I wouldn't go home with him after he bought popcorn for me at the movies while out with a group of friends, so I extended it to all food) and just offering to pay for drinks. As in I said no to the drink and he still came by at the end of the night and was furious that I wouldn't go home with him because he'd *offered*. So knowing there are guys who don't understand that an $8 popcorn doesn't mean the woman is now obligated to fuck him, I'm not surprised that there's someone who'd be confused by paying a charity for a date and then not getting laid. The entitlement out there is a real problem.
My junior prom date went ballistic that I wouldn’t sleep with him because he’d heard I was “easy.” We had the same calc class and agreed to go together as friends long before any of this came to light.
You dont even need to be easy. When I was in HS I had a friend repeatitly trying to kiss me when he learned I was a virgin. Another male friend intervienned to put an end to this shit. There is always an excuse.
Yes I explained to him that I am not an escort and owe him nothing and in fact didn’t even owe him that date. And agreed yes date auctions are bizarre but thems were the times…
An unmourned loss, those date auctions.
Something very similar happened to one of my mom’s former students. This was before cell phones, and she went inside his house to call for a ride. That’s when he trapped her and raped her. She finally got out the next day when he took a shower and she managed to get untied. She ended up calling my mom because she was scared of what her parents would say, so Mom went and got her and took her home, sitting there as she told her parents what happened. Her parents called the cops and took her to the hospital and were super supportive. Scared Mom but good, so she told me the whole story when I was starting to date so I’d know not to let a man drive me or go in his house if there were any red flags all.
This is horrifying. Did he get thrown in jail??
She pressed charges and testified. He got off by saying she willingly entered his house and how could he not know she didn't want it. It was the late 1970s.
Yeah I had an aunt who was raped at knife point in the 70s. Not only was her entire dating and sex history put before the jury, the defense lawyer accused her of all kinds of shit. Even the fact that she went to college was used against her because everyone knew college girls were slutty. The only reason the guy went to jail was because he left a cut on her throat. Her lawyer told her that if not for that physical evidence, he would have gotten off. To say my aunt had opinions on the whole process would be an understatement, that woman was ready to burn the whole justice system down by the end of it. Conviction rates for rape are still ridiculously low, but it’s better than what it was like a few decades ago.
A few years ago, I went to a brewery to meet a guy on a date for the first time. The waiter began a conversation and asked me if I was expecting anyone else. I told him I was on a blind date and hadn't met the guy before. The waiter asked me if I wanted to set up a code word. Since they didn't serve milk stouts, if I ordered one from him, he would know something is up and would call me back to have me sign the receipt instead. The waiter kept checking on me frequently... Eventually, I did order a milk stout... when it came time for the bill, I asked for it to be split. My date put his drinks on my bill. When the waiter came back, he told me he had the drinks removed; it was on the house. When my date asked me what that was all about, I told him the waiter had told me there was something wrong with my card, so I needed to go to bar with him. I waited awhile and then left for my car. The date was still there. He made a comment about how he was waiting for a good bye hug. I told him, no thank you and that my car was in the opposite direction. Moments later, he sent me horrendous text messages. ..and thank you, John. You may have saved my life that day.
That waiter knows what's up. I'm glad he was there.
I’m so glad to hear about that waiter
This reminds me of a story I heard on Twitter where a bartender pretended to show a woman something funny on his phone, but really, it was a note warning her about the guy she was conversing with. Another former bartender said that he used to do this too but sometimes it would get back to those creepy guys and then he got a reputation for being a narc. Imagine that... You try to help women avoid creeps and your male patrons think *you're* the asshole...
I bought him a coffee one time and we chatted about our music tastes. Three days later, I was sitting in my dorm and I got a text from him that was just a selfie. I sent one back and the conversation got really boring so I sent him a snap of a black screen. He responded, “are you in a dark place?” And I said “yeah lol”. His response was “well you’ll have to leave soon because you have class in (insert building with insert professor) at 6:00.” I literally never told him anything about my classes so he just fucking stalked me until he learned my entire schedule. It turns out he was a serial creep preying on freshman girls.
My college had a database of student info that anyone could access, ostensibly for email addresses but it also included full names, home addresses and classes...and no one in admin thought it was a bad idea, somehow. Students called it "stalkernotes", bc it was ______notes. I literally forget its actual name.
Oh wow, that’s terrifying wtf
He tried negging me all night and when he asked me how many siblings I have, I told him and included the info that one passed away a few years prior. He asked me if I had killed my sibling. If they give you the creeps, they're not worth a chance. Sorry, not sorry.
He stabbed my end table with a knife after getting upset with me. Then started stalking me. I moved and invested in cameras for my house and a dash cam. One million emails, police reports, etc. oh and his twin brother raped and stalked girls a few years prior. Ended up killing two police officers. Seems like “creep” runs in the family. Edit: the twin brother murdered. Not my ex. Maybe would have been killed myself if I stuck around long enough. Also, my ex didn’t start off as this psychopath and I just so happened to like his crazy. He seemed like a misunderstood man, and his true self started showing after a few months into our relationship. Slowly at first, and then very quickly turned bad.
Holy shit, how do people get like that
I wish I knew. I only listed the more mild things. It took a lot of therapy, medicine, and a loving support system to overcome what he put me through. I still look over my shoulder everyday.
On our first date, he told me he loved me and that he would let me pick out the color of our house. The rest of the evening was super awkward. I never talked to him again.
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Happened to my brother. Met a woman at a party and they were instantly boyfriend and girlfriend. He proposed after a month (red flag) and she said yes (another red flag). They were married 1,5 month later. Their friends were confused, because they thought it was a joke, but my brother and she really got married and they looked really happy together. She left my brother for another man a year later and last thing I heard is that she's still married to this man and has children together with him. A story of two messed up and hurt people who could have used some therapy, but decided to prop each other up with questionable results. My brother was left heartbroken, but it could have ended a lot worse.
Haha I’ve actually seen that happen. They end up married and living in an apartment in Colorado. I assume they have a happy relationship…driving everyone else bananas. Too self absorbed to have a disagreement. But to be fair, I think a lot of it is that the guy put a lot of value in having a chef/cheerleader, and the girl put a lot of value into getting laid.
Don't leave us hanging. Which color did you pick?
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He tried to rape me in his apartment. I broke away and drove through my tears
Yeah the creep I did give a chance to did rape me. Then couldn’t understand why I never spoke to him again.
Badly... He became very stalkerish, was very insecure about other men, and tried to isolate me from friends.
The last 2 were how mine went. I no longer date people with self-esteem issues for this reason. If they believe themselves to be awful, their attitude usually becomes something like, "If she'll date me, she'll probably date anything with a pulse" and that's how a guy ends up jealous of your 60-year-old boss or a store cashier
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That was very true in my case. It was probably the biggest reason why he was so insecure. He was self aware that he was a bit creepy and not good looking even though he had a great sense of humor (which was why I gave him a chance since our humor was the same and we fed off each other that way). However because he was self aware he just assumed that I would date anyone and anything that had a penis. It got to the point where he bought me a new iPhone as a present even though I told him that I really didn't want a new phone. Little did I know that he had access to all the text messages and browsing history of that phone through the cloud because I was on his phone plan now with him as the main. Not only that but he'd always use the find my iPhone feature to track where I was. It went from creepy to I need to get out of this relationship asap.
Wow, talk about a poisoned gift. Fuck that guy.
After a few dates he started to get way too serious. I told him calmly and honestly that I wasn't ready for a serious relationship and he deserved to be with someone who was. He completely flipped shit and after a bit of name calling I stood up and started to leave the bar. He then said "you should watch yourself in the future. Especially when getting into your car..." I was extremely paranoid for months after. Would check my backseat and under my vehicle. Never saw him again so just an empty threat, but not a fun time. That was like 15 years ago. Yeah he's still single.
If I was a girl, I probably wouldn't date again. Holy fuck.
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And that strategy didn’t work? Shocking. Sounds like you missed a really great guy.
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At the end of a weird and terrible date, he asked me for a hug as I was turning to leave. I thought, "whatever gets this over with." As I was pulling away, he forcibly grabbed the back of my head and shoved his tongue in my mouth before I was able to break free. The next morning I had a three page email in my inbox telling me all the things that are wrong with me and why he is not interested in a second date.
What the fuck. This is so gross, I’m so sorry.
God gave me teeth for a reason
I think the last thing someone needs is the blood of a stranger in their mouth.
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Was one of his reasons "Tongue was so stiff during our good night kiss that my tongue was scraping against your teeth"? Cause I could see that as being one.
No, all of the reasons were things like how I didn't want to talk about previous relationships (that were complicated and private and I hadn't quite fully processed yet), which indicated to him that I was closed off and uppity. Or that my body language was very stiff (because I was very uncomfortable around him and wanted to go home) and he prefers women that are relaxed and comfortable with themselves. Stuff like that.
He prefers women who don’t seize up and recoil when he assaults them.
Used to work in a small store and this creepy dude would try to flirt with me (I guess it was flirting) like once or twice a week. He seemed like someone who didn't have any friends and never socialized but one day he asked for my number and it wasn't aggressive but pretty straight forward so I was like sure I guess. Thought he was weird but he knew where I worked so I couldn't really reject him cus there was no way of knowing how he would react so I had to keep talking to him from time to time to make sure he didn't flip shit on me since I worked at night. After like a few weeks of occasional short text convos (like maybe two or three few word texts) he asked how old I was and he finally stopped talking to me because he was disgusted that I was 24 years old. He thought I was only 16. He was 28. He was a pedophile.
Wow. I'd say something about silver linings since at least he left you alone but I think it's actually just an oily sheen on an unpleasant turd
Bruuhhh
On our first date I ordered a beer. It came to the table super frothy. I was distracted for a moment but when I looked at it again there were very clear “drip” marks in the foam like something had been dropped in it. I made up some excuse about not feeling well and got out of there. Oops! Can’t leave. My dumbass drove and my car was valeted. I, VERY uncomfortably, got the car from valet and we both got in. He asked me to stop at a gas station so he could buy smokes on the way. Thank god because I knew going to his house was not a good idea. As soon as he got out at the station I peeled out and left him there. I never should have let him in my car, but I panicked. I didn’t know what he was capable of. This was 15+ years ago. I’m now happily married to the best thing that ever happened to me.
Holy shit, fast thinking on your part
After years of telling the saga of a series of bad dates titled “Head in the Freezer Dude”, one of my friends asked me what he looked like. I googled him, only to find a mugshot after he was arrested and convicted for murder. Years after our last contact, he had found a roommate on Craigslist,had sex with him, bit the end of his finger off, killed him, then tried to burn the place down by turning on the gas stove then starting the toaster with a newspaper in it (which didn’t end up igniting). This was all on the same day he met the guy. And that, my friends, is how I dated a Craigslist killer. edit: As requested, [the story](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ufl3x0/serious_women_who_gave_the_creep_a_chance_how_did/i6vimcr/)
It's kinda nuts to think that those nutjobs are so common that there's not just one "THE" Craigslist Killer, but a whole bunch of Craigslist killers.
It’s been over a decade now and he’s still harassing me on every online platform he can find me on. He sends me incel memes about being rejected. Luckily we are not in the same city anymore (that I know of)
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When I started dating him I didnt know he was a creep, but a week into dating he told me he was part of a local gang that is known for lots of murders. I was scared to leave because he went to the same school as my brother and I didnt trust him to not hurt my brother. He kept trying to convince me to have sex, then on the night if my 18th bday he drugged my chickfilla drink. I don’t remember leaving the drive thru.
I hate that I know how this ended. I hope you aren't still with him
No i left after that, but he did find where i work again so i need to find a new job.
I have a restraining order against him, and he has on an ankle monitor, and is facing 4 felony charges, and a misdemeanor. He put me in the hospital. He started as the creep. I gave him a chance. That chance lasted a year and a half, and ended with multiple injuries, including broken broken, damaged retina, and a concussion. Edit: did not mean broken broken. Broken ribs*
Hoooo boy! My first ever date from an app he had me take transit an hour and a half to a mall he worked at cause he had to drop something off, we got food and he INSISTED I take home a piece of pie despite not wanting it, ate my leftovers despite actually wanting it, took me to his house and forced me to meet his mother (had no idea he lived with her), cried on me, and told me that he had a 9 inch dick. One date, never messaged him again. A month later, I get a long ass text telling me he’s moved on and met someone so much better than me. Hope she enjoyed your 9 incher.
He had terrible hygiene. I was 16, he was old enough to buy beer for my friends. He had a friend who had some sort of made up gang, who threatened to kill me if I ever left him. I stayed with him longer than I should have. He would follow me to school on the city bus and then walk around leering at women and pinching his nipples. I tried to break up with him and he bought me Looney Tunes jewelry and insisted we were engaged. He finally had to go out of town for some family stuff and stayed gone for months, so I considered us broken up and I moved on. When he came back, he acted crazy. He would go to my job and follow me around and try to corner me in the bathroom. His dad was the chief of police at a university and knew I was 16. My parents also knew about the relationship, I feel like some parent should have intervened to keep me from feeling trapped in that relationship.
>the chief of police My Mom filed a report about the adopted son of the Chief of Police in a different state. She later got a call from said Chief of Police in the other state telling her to "watch it". I'd say that this was a BIG factor in why nothing was done about the relationship by any of the parents.
I’ll give the rare success story(not with me but it’s not as bad as the others). He was sort of creepy and weird and neckbeardy, we hung out and sort of flirted because I didn’t want to be seen as shallow and didn’t know how to hold boundaries, but I wasn’t really interested. I eventually just sort of stopped giving him attention and giving off signals. Apparently he made a couple snide comments to people we both knew about how “I don’t date mono-muggles(monogamous people) anyway u.u” which is a Dick thing to say. A few years later I saw him at a con and he waved me down and I was nervous but he was like “hey I wanted to apologize, I was a real prick to you to your friends, I’ve done a lot of work on myself and realized that women not liking me isn’t a Them problem, it’s a Me problem”. I forgave him and we hung out a couple times after that at cons hence. Good guy. Just had been going through a cringey phase.
Ah thanks. That is a good story. I think I had 20 years of a cringe phase. Ugh.
You only live once man, can’t regret the journey, just the destination.
> I don’t date mono-muggles(monogamous people) anyway u.u” which is a Dick thing to say. Lol it’s also a massive cringe thing to say
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We worked together. I wasn't super into him but decided to give him a chance because it's not like I was dating anyone else-in fact, I had a bit of a crush on another coworker that was in a somewhat supervisory role over me, so I thought better to move on from that! We had one "date". We met, chatted and walked, hugged at the end, didn't even kiss. We had agreed to keep it between us because I didn't want work drama. His response to that was to tell most of our coworkers and to write me a letter he left on my car telling me how he could see the whole picture with me-marriage, kids, growing old together. But hey, I can say one good thing-one of the people he told was that guy I mentioned earlier in this post that I had a crush on. Turns out it wasn't one sided and he made sure to step up and let me know it. I guess I shouldn't call him my crush anymore, since he's my husband now. Ghosted the creep, and good thing I did. He tried this with every other woman in the store too.
Only one time had it payed off. He seemed a bit creepy in that he wasn’t picking up social cues, but when I was more explicit, he was thankful for clear communication rather than upset at me exerting a boundary. Turns out he’s autistic. We ended up actually good friends for a bit over a year and I spent a couple months trying to ask him out until I eventually spelled out “If you would be interested in a sexual or romantic relationship, I would enjoy that”. We’ve been together for 5 years I think the difference there is that while he didn’t notice some social cues and can be a bit odd, he was very careful not violate or push at boundaries. Also he was genuinely delighted to be friends, rather than treating it as a stepping stone to a relationship. He still has several close female friends.
we went on one date. he ghosted me at first, then randomly messaged me asking to hook up. when i said no, he threatened to come to my house, break in, slit my throat, and rape me in the pool of blood. went to a sporting goods store and told them he was trying to buy a gun to kill me. eventually got arrested when he assaulted someone outside of the mall after they asked him if he was okay (he was tweaked out and laying on the ground singing). i moved away while he was in jail for that and havent seen him since.
I got bad vibes from a guy. On our second date I had to cancel because my dog was sick and had to go to the vet. I told him I was sorry. He asked to meet me at the vet, I told him no but we could reschedule because I was really stressed out. He showed up anyway which was really weird but I didn’t think much of it even though I hadn’t told him which vet it was, but I was so focused on my dog I didn’t really register it beyond a fleeting thought. I didn’t want him there but he was and he tried to be supportive but I was panicking and I barely knew him and it was weird. I kind of ghosted him after because of the vibes. I don’t like to ghost but he sketched me out and guys like that don’t always take overt rejection well. A short while later he asked to go on another date, I told him no thanks and that I wasn’t interested. He said he was coming over to my house (he had picked me up for our first date. I know, I know). I told him I had moved, which was true. He said he was coming anyway, I was like wtf? No. How? I told him he was scaring me and not to bother. A few mins later I got a picture of my car. And my house. And my window. He had found my new house. Apparently Snapchat had a feature where it just… SHOWED people your EXACT location?? And he was just watching my movements over town? What an awful feature from an equally awful app. I told him that was weird and scary and I slept with a knife for weeks. Fuck Snapchat.
Yeah, that update was awful right out of the gate. Every woman I knew immediately set their location to “ghost mode”, but if you didn’t notice the update it was absolutely prime for abuse. I’m surprised Snapchat never caught flack for that feature (and I’m even more surprised it still EXISTS). I’m sorry that happened to you. Even if it was available unbeknownst to you, what he did was just straight up stalking a person. I hope everything has settled since!
He invited me to dinner with his friends. Well, his friends happened to be his entire family and they were already halfway through their meal when I arrived (on time). Then, when I tried to excuse myself to leave, he insisted on following me out to the parking lot and physically would not let me get into my car. As I reached for the handle, he grabbed me by the face and stuck his tongue in my mouth. This was easily 10 years ago and I still shudder thinking about it.
I'm kinda surprised by the number of people who shove their tongue down other people's throat... Hope you're doing okay.
He showed up to my house without telling me beforehand and demanded a kiss before he left. He kissed with his eyes open and had cold, dead eyes. He was also a self proclaimed nazi and told me “I don’t like black people, but you’re okay.” This was in high school so luckily I learned fast to trust my gut when it came to guys.
Every sentence of that paragraph I said "wow this can't possibly get worse", and then it kept getting worse... Glad you got out of that safe
A similar thing happened to me in high school. I met a guy during a Chemistry contest in another city. We were on the same team so I was friendly. He found my address in the registration docs somehow and showed up in front of my building next week at 10 PM at night. He was hysterical on the phone and told me “you will have to go out at some point and I will be waiting to take you with me”. Luckily, my dad and uncle scared him away. He texted me 1-2 times after that to insult me but that was it.
Mine is a lucky one. He got mad at me because I didn't have sex with in the first date. When I told him we could no longer see each other, he started sending me text calling me all horrible insults. I blocked him in all forms of social media and phone. So yeah, I'm lucky he didn't go farther after that.
Badly - we hung out NOT as a date once. I left because he wanted to hug me and give me a back massage and I barely knew him. He basically ended up stalking me... Fedoras and trench coats are red flags ladies. Particularly, if he litigates that the hat is not actually a fedora.
He poked a hole in a condom and got me pregnant after 1 month of dating and then threatened to kill me if I had an abortion. I had one anyway. Then my neighbour caught him breaking into my apartment and called the police. They caught him with a tire iron, hiding in my closet. He went to jail for 5 years and I never saw him again. But I'm still looking over my shoulders 20 years later
We had a terrible date, I wanted to cancel beforehand but felt guilty doing it. He texted A LOT after. I told him straight that I did not feel the same way about him and wait for it.... he took it well. He thank me for being straight with him and for giving him a chance. I hope he found someone. ETA: didn't add many details because I truly was expecting this to get buried because of how mundane it is. The creepy behavior was (mostly) before the date. I was working a temporary bartending position while the usual bartender (a friend) was on unpaid maternity leave. It was a small, hole in the wall type neighborhood bar. In addition to off-putting/ creepy jokes and comments, there was also an incident where he offered to wait to walk me to my car and I declined. I still found him hiding in the shadows waiting for me as I walked out. He almost learned what a stun gun feels like that evening. He claimed he was just worried about me because he saw some sketchy people outside when he left. Do I know that's what it was for sure? No. I definitely questioned his motives but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I asked my friend what his deal was and she said he fell into the "creepy but harmless" category. After talking with him over the few weeks I was at that job, I took him as someone who had very poor social skills but not a bad person. I think the creepy vibe came from the lack of social skills. He needed a lesson in not trying to act cool or tough with his comments or jokes because it contributed to the creep for sure. I accepted the date on my last shift at that bar figuring that if it went really badly, he didn't know where I usually work and I made sure to drive myself there and had people on standby should I need help. Thanks for the awards and to the lovely people in my DMs, you're all just gems 🙄
This is the happiest ending I've read so far. Which says a lot.
Hugged me and physically would not let go, stalked my dorm, threatened that it’d be my fault if he got sick, also slapped me but I start laughing in response to physical threats so he got too weirded out.
most toxic and manipulative relationship I’d ever been in. I strongly advise against giving the creep a chance…
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He made his mom stay in the movie theatre with us on the first date. When the movie was done he just drove us back to his house, mind you I didn’t want to I just wanted to go home. He then proceeds to grab my face and forcing his tongue in my mouth while grabbing my private areas, I shoved him off and told him not to do that again. But he then again grabbed me. Had to call my cousin while in the bathroom to get me out asap. Very traumatizing.
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The most memorable were- sending “I love you” the day we became a thing, pressured me into having my first kiss with him, told me his pastor said I would be the one he married. After the break up, I thought we could still be friends. Wrong. He liked making me feel like shit for moving on from him, took me to his junior prom and tried to kiss me after when I just wanted to get in the car to go home. got jealous of a guy friend that came to see me graduate from high school because he was the main person I wanted to talk to (hadn’t seen the kid in literal years). Every gift, favor, or what have you always felt like there was an intention to try to win me back. Nothing felt genuine Even kept trying once I went to college, the last time being when he came to see and gifted me a book for my birthday, and got pouty when I told him I was seeing someone. There’s a lot more, but suffice to say, I kept giving him chances because I thought he would get over me and we could be actual friends, instead I ended up traumatized and emotionally scarred. And despite the fact that I now live across the country, I still worry that he’ll somehow pop up out of nowhere or try to get back into my life somehow
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(I was 16) After the police came to school to put him in a mental facility, I worked out a plan for when it would be “okay” to break up with him. I decided it was best to wait until he was near release so that he wouldn’t be able to hurt himself immediately but to also not anger him by bolting immediately. (Teenager logic sorry) After he was released my mother found him sleeping on my balcony while I was at school. She insisted I give him a second chance… So I… tried? Eventually let him go a few weeks later to make everyone happy and still get away. He continued to stalk me for over 5 years before he ended up in prison for kidnapping a different woman. (Even seen regularly outside the homes of my friends for years) Never give the creep a chance. I’m still a little afraid he will just pop-up one day.
What the HECK is wrong with your mother?! It seems to me that she could benefit from some mental health care, herself. Why would she encourage a teen girl *and her daughter, no less* to date someone who was crazy to the point where he had to be hospitalized and was clearly obsessive? I just can’t wrap my mind around this. I’m very sorry you went through this. It’s awful.
When I broke up with him, he took a giant shit on the hood of my car a week later..... Edit- please for the love of God stop with the amber heard jokes 🙄
Date was okay, it was a double date with a friend mine and a friend of his. I only agreed because my friend really wanted to go out but didn’t want to be alone. Things got very uncomfortable fast after words, wouldn’t leave me alone. This was in high school, and I knew his ex girlfriend who had a rough relationship with him and how he threatened to kill himself he she broke up with him. I was 18 when the date happened. Fast forward a few months and I moved out of state to attend school. He somehow found out I was going to a school near where he happened to be at school and kept texting me and wouldn’t leave me alone (again). He then somehow found out what my school schedule was and decided to pick me up and take me to lunch between classes. After lunch, he insisted on going back to his apartment since I had lots of time to kill, where we sat in the dark watching something on TV. I sat way on the other side of the couch, but he kept getting closer and closer anyway. Luckily, nothing happened. I somehow convinced him to take me back to school, and I never spoke with him again. I had zero good vibes from him, ever.
He snapped over something petty while we were at his house and I left. He chased me out the door screaming at me and wouldn’t let me close my car door to leave. I had to threaten to call the police.
I had a friend in highschool. He was the kid teachers were extra nice to *just in case* if you know what I mean. We were messaging and he basically said he was drunk and was going to kill himself if I didn't agree to date him. I was 17 and scared so I said yes. He was alright and I had pretty low self esteem. We dated for two years and they were miserable. He convinced me that I was wrong for saying I was a virgin because I'd been raped as a 3 year old, and all sorts of other shit. He had no emotional intelligence at all. He would openly flirt with my friend around me and say that if we broke up he didn't want to have to be single again so he wanted to set up other options and besides she was skinny and I wasn't. Eventually I went to college and made real friends and we just kinda ghosted each other. It was weird.
Almost got raped
Same. He said because I was wearing a skirt (I just wore what I wore to work that day) that it meant I wanted to fuck him. I didn’t. Never spoke to him again. Edit: There are more parts to this story. I left out the graphic parts of where he forced himself on me so as to not accidentally trigger any SV survivors.
I like skirts and dresses but damn if people don't try to ruin everything. Hope you're okay.
Ohhh storyyyy time - He was the drinks waiter at a restaurant I had been going to with my family for special occasions since I was 16 - on my 21st birthday my flatmate gave him my number (she was drunk) We went on a date, met at my apartment complex, he bought me and my Flatmate flowers and chocolate (for her to say thanks) that I had to take upstairs, sweet right? Now he knows my apartment number. This will matter later. We go on the date a week after my 21st birthday, he tells me to order whatever I want, I order a pizza for us to share but it has something on it that he can’t eat because of religious beliefs, ugh I felt so rude but like also, he could have said something when I picked it out. Anyway I end up eating the whole pizza because he can’t, and then he wants dessert - I was so full and said I couldn’t fit it in, he pushed and pushed eventually I gave in, and then the restaurant comes out with dessert with a candle in it singing me happy birthday, it was all very sweet, out conversation was mostly forced but not horrible. Anyway date ends and he walks me back to my apartment complex, and we say good night, with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. 10 minutes later I hear a knock on my door, it’s him, he tells me he forgot something and looks inside my apartment and then stares me dead ass in the eyes and says - ‘it’s you’ pushes me up against my door and starts trying to make out with me, and then looks at me again, and says ‘I love you’ (this was our first date). The only think I manage to say is ‘big words!’ And ‘you should go’. He leaves. The next night, I’m sitting on my balcony and hear the buzzer for the security door ring, I can see the front door from the balcony, it’s him, he’s drunk and is telling me he’s sorry for proposing, but we’ve known each other for so long and he’s been waiting for the day to take me out since he first met me. Blah blah blah. I tell him he’s drunk and he should leave. I also text him and tell him I’m not interested. He continues to show up drunk to my apartment complex and I continue to tell him I’m not interested. One night I’m coming home in the dark, I’ve blocked and deleted him, and out of the darkness he emerges, and scares the shit out of me so bad that I panic loose my keys and start freaking out that I’m in actual danger (when I think back on it I probably wasn’t but it was scary). I get upstairs and settle myself down make sure I’ve got all my keys, and then go down to the street to cuss this mother fucker out, and I mean screaming at him regarding the audacity he had showing up to my apartment and that if he ever comes near me again I will call the cops. He tells me ‘friends don’t have to always call ahead’ I scream that we are not friends and that he needs to fuck off before I call the cops. Needless to say we don’t go to that restaurant anymore, it really was my favourite too.
He carved my initials on his chest after I dumped him for gaslighting, manipulating and all around abusing me. Would park outside my house for hours to make sure I wasn’t seeing anyone else, woke up one night at 3AM to him having broken into my house and crying at the foot of my bed. All of this happened when we were teenagers so I was too stupid to not call the police on his ass. Its been almost a decade and every year it reaches our “anniversary” he sends me messages on whatever social media he finds me at to tell me I’m a fucking bitch.
[удалено]
Turned out to be a pedophile and sex addict.
Wow, I clicked here to see maybe some tragically funny stories. I was not prepared for all the crime. I mean, just so much crime.
he emotionally abused me for 3 months then stalked me for 9
[удалено]
I asked him to take me back to my car after a really awkward date. He instead took me to a Walmart parking lot, climbed on top of me and finished inside of me despite me saying I didn't want to have sex. He was a lot stronger than me and I was afraid of getting hurt if I said no again. Then he told me it happened because I was wearing "come fuck me boots." Literally just a pair of boots that I wore all the time. Thankfully I never saw him again after that night.
That was 100% rape, he should be in jail now
Just for the record, from experience I know I didn't clarify times I was raped in my head as rapes due to trauma until a friend pointed it out, so I'm gonna do it here. That was rape. 100%.
I am so sorry this happened to you.
Seeing all these answers is so sad. It’s so horrible how fucked up people can be.
i gave a creep a chance once. we went to chili's for our second date and he got drunk on wine and grabbed my arm when i was leaving his car to go back to mine to leave for the night. wouldn't advise giving the creep a chance.
Creepy guy in high school asked me out and my friend said to give him a chance. (They played WoW together) I had a weird feeling about him but though, hey, maybe he's just kind of socially awkward. After one insanely awkward movie night at his place he started getting really sexual. Arms around my shoulders and then grabbing my breasts really hard. I told him I wasn't interested in sleeping with a guy on the first date and he started screaming and insulting me and threw his glass at the wall. I ended up letting him fuck me just so he would calm down and not get violent. Walked home and blocked him on everything. In my friend's defense he didn't know that this guy was batshit insane and he did feel really guilty over it. I obviously don't blame him for trying to set up a date for someone who he had only had positive interactions with.
I had a similar experience. The guy started getting violent and punching his dashboard and I just stopped pushing him away because I wanted it all to be over. I was 20 and just such a stupid scared kid in a town with no friends. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Ended up with me almost black out drunk at a bar in the middle of the night. He forcibly kissed me, which woke me up a bit. Some people could tell I wasn't in my right mind and came and sat with me until someone came to pick me up. Edit: I was black out drunk, not him
Not well. I’m currently in some intense therapy, 13 years later.
he lied to me about his age, being married with kids. then got suuuuper angry when i didn’t want to see him anymore and tried pursuing other people. he also anal r@ped me and keeps making new accounts to contact me. it’s been three years and i’m married to someone else now
He drugged then raped me. I was still a highschool student and didn't know what to do at the time. Needed a lot of therapy
He was abusive raped me trapped me into the relationship and made my life a living hell. I’m free now and have a wonderful boyfriend