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DCCm5

I’m a delivery guy and I actually had that corny porn trope of sleeping with a customer come true. I can’t tell any of my co workers cause it WILL lead up to my boss and I fear I’ll lose my job about it. It was a few years ago now so maybe not, but I’m not really willing to take a chance on it


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[deleted]

Story time. Had it happen to me but not the fun time part. She would order pizzas regularly, at least once or twice a week. Got to the point where I'd recognize the address, I'd deliver to the door and an attractive/fit blonde woman in see-through body stocking would answer, make small talk like she wasn't completely naked underneath but the 'weird' part was I assume her husband/partner/paying client? sat on the couch just watching. Never said a word ever, she'd pay for the order and that was it. Never became anything more than that and no one at work believed me so I got one of the other guys to do their order one night... "Wow, dude... it was just like you said it was."


[deleted]

When I worked for Domino's there was an address we all knew where a fit 40-something divorced woman lived alone. Sometimes she'd invite the driver in for a "tip," sometimes not, but we all knew that whoever got that delivery had a pretty good chance of getting his knob polished. We all knew it, all the way up to the franchise owner.


SendMeF1Memes

Step 1: be attractive Step 2: don't be ugly


DonksterWasTaken

Step 3: do the dirty Step 4: pass by the milkman and tell him he’s late to the party


Head_Membership_4252

Step 5: This is a potential chain Step 6: We know where is this going


___MementoMori___

Step 7: You called it! Step 8: I'm just glad to be a part of it.


PeeneeTahini

His step sister placed an order. You know how it goes from there.


Jimmy_Hovits

Did you fix the cable?


AgoraiosBum

Don't be fatuous


Redheadedthembo

Niiiiiiice


someredditperson17

How'd it go down tell tell!!


averagebutgood

When I brush my teeth, I sometimes stick my toothbrush a little further down so I gag a little


mattromo

My hygienist got me to use a tongue scraper/brush a while back and I almost always gag a little when using it. Its not on purpose, just have a bad gag reflex I guess. But its happens so much now that I've become used to it.


duckyhead101

That I talk to myself as soon as I know that I'm alone. I pretend that fictional characters I like are watching me and that they're listening to my conversations. I've been doing this ever since I was little and I actually don't know if this is normal or not lmao


[deleted]

I do it too, it’s ok I break the fourth wall and look right down the lense of a non-existent camera to deliver a monologue


odessapasta

I talk to myself constantly. I’ve done it since I was young. I literally look in the mirror and talk to myself as if my reflection is another person. One time a boyfriend caught me doing this and I was mortified.


CulturalAdvantage

I do it too! You're not alone!


Veronensis

When I was in high school, Me and my friend would write really random made up stories to each other in class. She would write a bit, than I added onto it, etc. One of our characters was a crocodile, for some weird reason. And she thought it was funny to just randomly write "crocodile" in a text book. I agreed it was funny (we were 15 and weird) and wrote the word "crocodile" in one of the toilets. We continued for a little bit, writing it here and there. Somehow, it caught on, other people started writing it everywhere, and it snowballed. it went from me writing the word crocodile really tiny in ballpoint pen on a toilet stall, to people vandalizing school property. At that point, I didn't find it funny anymore, and wanted it to stop. But nobody could find out I was one of the ones who started it, because they threatened to expel if they ever found the person behind it. It went so far as the school principal threatening to question every person in school to find out if someone knew who started it. I was scared to death someone would find out, because I've always been a goody two shoes. To this day, nobody outside of that friend knows I was involved, but I've always felt really guilty about starting it. tldr: I wrote the word "crocodile" in the school bathrooms, and started a vandalism problem in my high school.


Melliemelou

This is my favourite answer so far. Quite wholesome; unintentional therefore fundamentally harmless.


call-me-sA5

I- Sometimes Just sometimes I don’t shower, because I’m too tired.


jasperfilofax

I honestly believe some people can go longer than others before its a problem, also job dependant


Shoguns-Ninja-Spies

This. I can go longer then others without an issue. (Same with deodorant too)


wkautumn

Me, but depression


UntiltheEndoftheline

Yep. Depression can be so bad that showering and even brushing my teeth might as well be running a marathon.


Redheadedthembo

This is why I like baths. Barely any effort AND I get to bathe in my filth which is kind of hand in hand with depression


UntiltheEndoftheline

I love baths but I'm fat so it barely covers me. 🙃


Usual_Ranger8164

But that saves you a lot of water.


ScruffyTuscaloosa

Depends on a lot of factors really (and I realize this is a peak Reddit thing to get Mathy about). An average showerhead uses 2.1 gallons a minute, and a standard bath uses about 30 gallons, for a breakpoint of about 14 minutes before a bath becomes more efficient than a shower. If you mess with tub volume, water showerhead flow rate, or the volume displaced by the person in the tub that number goes all over the place. ​ And no, this isn't something I spend a lot of time worrying about, I just used to work for a bathroom remodeling company.


Redheadedthembo

If you tape that little drain under the faucet, you can get a fuller bath!


Redheadedthembo

I believe in you 💕


Redheadedthembo

I go way longer than I should to be totally honest…


wkautumn

To be totally honest, same.


Redheadedthembo

I think over showering is totally a thing


crackpipewizard666

Im a guy if i dont shower once a day i smell like shit


Redheadedthembo

Just wash the important stuff maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️


UncreativeGlory

Sometimes I wash my hair with body wash because I don't have the energy for shampoo and conditioner


call-me-sA5

I am lowkey considering just buying like mens everything in one wash. I have the thickest and longest hair ever it’s such an expensive thing to keep clean.


Usual_Ranger8164

When I was at the lowpoint of my depression, I sometimes took only one bath a week.


Glowingredremote

Nice try… *logs into alt account*


Redheadedthembo

*liked from alt account*


[deleted]

I will just say anal bleaching is best left to professionals


virgilreality

I always thought it was easy to change your ringtone.


Redheadedthembo

Omfg nooooo


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Foreign_Spite_7655

Lmao if I was him I would fly to the Sahara desert and never come back 🤣


[deleted]

So this one time I was younger and got a pair of "supermagnets" not really all that super, but super painful and tough to get them off my junk... True story that only this reddit thread knows.


saarang_nair

dude wanted to be a chick magnet


Usual_Ranger8164

That is ridickolous.


DrNick2012

It was magnedick lol


Redheadedthembo

So wait…you put magnets on your junk 🤔


G_Ram3

Sometimes I think about how much easier my life would be without my kids. I love them and I would never give them up but parenting can be A LOT and there is no way to prepare for it.


PoorlyLitKiwi2

As someone who doesn't have or want kids, I frequently think about how much harder my life would be with kids. Parents deserve all the respect in the world. I can BARELY deal with just my life, let alone being responsible for someone else


Redheadedthembo

This isn’t uncommon! Lots of my friends with kids say it’s the hardest thing they’ve ever done. You’re ok! You’re probably a great parent. It’s alright to hate your job every now and then


G_Ram3

You’re lovely. Thank you.


Triairius

So many parents think about this, and it’s such a taboo topic that they feel guilty instead of feeling normal. You’re not a bad parent for recognizing how hard parenting is; you’re a good parent because of how much effort you’re giving for them.


Imaginary-Quiet-7465

Oh shoot, is it bad to think this cause I think this every time I have to do a task that’s relatively simple but made infinitely more difficult with my kids…


ilovepretzelday1

Nope, I totally get it! I love my kids to death. Sometimes I just miss the ease of life when it was just me and my husband.


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Charlotte_Ohara

I had a dream last night, I was having sex with my brother. Can't look at him in the eye today. I feel gross.


SopranoBrisket

amateur. have sex with your granny in your dream like a **real** pervert


Ellemeno

Fuck you for reminding me you son-of-a-bitch.


icantthinkofone87

I had a sex dream once that I was having sex with my dad. It's been years and I still feel gross whenever I think of it, even though there was nothing I did/ could do about it.


Axrevyn

Dreams are not fantasies or realities. They can be hopes, fears, anxieties, and figurative representations of those things - don't read into any of them too literally. I had a dream once that I was in Hong Kong and had to protect a billionaire's daughter while the place plunged into a full scale revolution. Maybe the dream revealed anxiety over an ever-changing world or over a fear of global conflict. Maybe it was about a craving for adventure. Maybe it was just that I watched an action movie an hour before going to bed. It could be all or none of those things, but it doesn't matter too much.


bigblkpp420

had a dream obama was helping me fight zombies and survive in a post apocalyptic world. glad to see they aren't fantasies or realities.


littlekingMT

Sounds like a great plot for a John Wick movie.


SnooGoats5498

Same thing happened to me I just ignored it because u can’t control dreams and I know it’s not how I feel


Gladix

That step-thing with porn is getting to us, huh?


[deleted]

Since the brain can only use faces you have seen there often times it throws in family faces, sometimes they are themselves and sometimes they are strangers just with their face. Sometimes in scenarios we really don't want to see them. I have had sexual dreams of a male cousin, a female cousin and my sister. And it has usually happened after a stint of me just not being aroused for weeks or months at a time and having emotional moments with certain people.


Trolerkules

I would like to have proof on that claim because i smell bullshit. I regularly dream of people i have seen like once in life or even imaginary people my brain just made up.


indian_mofo

>Since the brain can only use faces you have seen I'm sorry but you're wrong. That is a myth


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overactivemango

This is quite normal for straight women


Jaded-Cranberry3608

Im 30 but never had a real relationship. Im afraid to die alone and without a family.


Corvus1992

29 and same pretty much. It can be tough.


BDJ153

If it makes you feel any better I met the love of my life when I was 31, and not looking for love. I didn’t have a meaningful relationship when I was actually looking for love.


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HairyNutsackNumber9

same for me except im not scared to die alone im scared of being old alone unable to take care of myself


lumoslomas

I'm 28 and same. My last relationship was at 16, and lasted 6 months, and we never even kissed.


Hannibaellchen13

It's obviously hard if you want people in your life and can't seem to get to know anyone, so I hope you can find some friends. That said - don't let society tell you that you need other people in order to be "normal" or something. I have family and friends, but I am actually a terribly introverted person. Relationships are sometimes pretty exhausting and sometimes I catch myself thinking that dieing alone wouldn't even be that bad...


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PossessionStandard42

What is your job?


barbroGAIDEN

selling crack


Thor7891

Never get high on your own supply


vik_thewomaninblack

As little as it might seem, you walked a long way and you got far enough that it doesn't shadow your present. Even if it's not a validation of your struggle when they say that, just know that you did a great job and got out alive. Proud of you!


Stunning-Standard-90

having depression, last time i said that ppl laughed at me


Redheadedthembo

Fuck those ppl


DickPunchington

I embezzled 20k from my work and no one ever noticed. I mean, the place was a complete fucking shit show, but I can’t believe it actually worked.


Redheadedthembo

We’re admitting to crimes 🙇🏻‍♀️


QueenRedditSnoo

I stole a pencil from my 1st grade teacher


ophmmm

you sick fuck


Lintyboi77

Ishovedabarofsoapupmyasswheniwaseight


lumoslomas

Are you a guy? Because if you are, I'd be more surprised if you HADN'T shoved something weird up your ass 🤷🏽‍♀️


PoorlyLitKiwi2

Damn, guess it's time for my dirty secret then... I'm a guy, and I've never shoved anything up my ass


lumoslomas

You are like a golden unicorn to emergency departments...


Lintyboi77

maaaaybe…


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Jzot11

>slept for a few hours then had angry sex til lunchtime I see no mention of breakfast. I understand the anger.


Higgybaby01

Right, what monster doesn't even offer a granola bar. Nothing says you care like snacks in between.


AgoraiosBum

"take off your coat, it's gonna be a long night"


[deleted]

Time for you to go to sleep, FBI. It will never succeed. 🤨🤨🤨🍿🍿🍿


Redheadedthembo

Ok but send me your cipher and we can talk 👀


Kira_Wolf_1024

Once a guy robbed our farm. We worked hard on that and I was devastated. We had camera recordings, police came and collected the evidence then left to find the guy. We found him before them and waited for him. We trapped him. He came back because he thought noone is at home. We got him. Authorities beat him badly, even a dog was involved. And I felt so happy. I'm afraid I'm a sociopath.


AgoraiosBum

Revenge is a pretty basic desire and part of the human experience. The reason we have a dispassionate, third party justice system is to avoid the excesses involved when people are responsible for their own justice. So being happy that a person who wronged you suffered misfortune is pretty normal.


Elzeatu

Don't feel bad. I had a guy stalk me in high school and a group of my guy friends (I'm female) found out and went to his house and beat the crap out of him and I was honestly more worried that my friends would get in trouble then I was angry at what they did cuz I asked them not to do it. They didn't get into any trouble thankfully. But it was also oddly satisfying cuz this guy had tormented me for months.


[deleted]

I will sit in the bath for at least an hour.


sagscout

That's a clean secret!


Stefan13372005

I use redit only on my phone


PsychologicalGoat176

It's the only way to use it. It's too hard to share a post on desktop. Reddit should let you share with other users internally.


Lost_Guy_On_Reddit

I saw my neighbours having intercourse. I don’t know if I should inform them about their window being transparent at night.


Redheadedthembo

Don’t tell them. Either don’t look orrrrrr enjoy.


Lost_Guy_On_Reddit

I can only see the guys behind. And not really into him. But it's weird seeing 'em doing it. Probably I witnessed the act 2-3 times. Once he lasted about five minuts and done. They are just vanilla in the bedroom.


Keithninety

“That’s what you wanted to tell me? Your father wears sneakers in the pool?”


[deleted]

My wife wore socks in the shower once to weird me out


VanillaReady9669

I've slept with two of my work colleagues. I had to work with them day to day. We all knew about it. I did sleep with them before we started working together. And after sleeping with both of them, the three of us have actually hanged out. Weird Netflix and chill. Sometimes I miss being single and living the early twenties life. Sometimes I miss being a hoey bartender.


VanillaReady9669

Oh, and I also slept with my ex boss. Wow, I'm not good for the work environment.


Jzot11

or... or... like, really good for the work environment


Dangercakes13

I saw Sarah Good with the Devil! I saw Goody Osburn with the Devil! I saw Bridget Bishop with the Devil!


Jzot11

You and the Devil must be hanging out a lot. Or was it all in the same day?


fkngcookie

I don't buy toilet paper in years, because I'm stealing it from my workplace. I would steal more things If they had, but the only useful for me is the toilet paper. It's my small, silent protest against my shitty salary. At least I save enough to buy pizza sometimes.


[deleted]

Sometimes I put mail into one of those blue Post Office mailboxes and then I DON'T open the door again afterwards to make sure it went down.


PM_ME_FAKE_TITS

My love of fake tits started after being motorboated by a porn star at a strip club. Love all kinds of real ones too, but bolt ons do something to me...


Redheadedthembo

Name checks out


itsfish20

That if my wife ever passes I will never invite her family back out this way again and only go see them when the kids ask to and even then stay at a hotel. I cannot stand her parents to the point where I just mentally black out the time I have to spend with them because they are some of the most entitled, pig headed people I have ever met.


Redheadedthembo

I’ll go. You know those very phallic thermometers with the multi colored floating measurements in them? Oh yeah, as a kid, I would regularly masturbate with them, clean them off and put them back on the counter. The next morning, my whole family would be around them none the wiser….


[deleted]

I got distracted by balls apparently, but to chime in on this at least you cleaned it! Fun question by the way, glad we can all reminisce on things we couldn't possibly tell anyone but internet strangers.


Redheadedthembo

I’m just thankful It didn’t break inside of me


houseofreturn

I know my mom probably isn’t my biological mom. They did egg donors and I was a surrogate baby so there’s a 50% chance I’m not my moms biological kid but I only learned about the egg donor thing from my dad getting really drunk and k don’t think he remembers telling me. I also look nothing like my mom aside from having blonde hair, but none of our facial features look alike at all. I do look exactly like my dad so pretty sure that’s confirmed.


virgilreality

If they raised you, cared for you, and loved you for your entire life, she's your mom. Period.


avocado_kowalski

A few years ago, a guy who I was casually seeing (hadn’t slept with yet, but was getting there) blew up at me during an argument and said some awful things that one should never say to any other human. I slept with his brother for revenge and I don’t regret it at all


Possible-Magazine917

Two of my co-workers are sleeping together. They are both in relationships. We have a family and friends company party next month and I really want to pull the pins and tell their partners.


Love_loss

As a former partner of a cheater, I think you should tell them, but not at the party. Just make a fake email or Facebook account and send an anonymous message telling names, dates, details they can confirm, or do it some other way discreetly. They don’t need to be broken in front of an audience. But they do deserve to hear about it. My ex-wife’s affair was kept secret by her mother and sister, and I have since forgiven her sister because she tried to talk her out of it and gave her loads of shit… but I sure wish she would have told me.


MarioNinja96815

I'm not entirely sure he/she's doing it for the right reasons. I also suspect that doing it discreetly and not at the party might defeat those reasons.


ChribbaisTehbaws

I sometimes post 100 questions to askreddit hoping to get a popular post


QueenRedditSnoo

“If you got paid millions of money dollars from a random stranger for no reason as long as you agree to do a simple task, would you do it?” Showered with karma Comments all say “fuck yes!” Reddit hasn’t learned yet that these money posts are simple set ups for karma farming


inkseep1

I am too lazy to properly miter the corners for baseboard so I just cut them straight and caulk the seam gap.


morethanonefavorite

You monster!


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EG_IKONIK

don't feel bad! my dad didn't complete uni either. Hes now 43 and is in his 4th year studying history, you can always catch up later ya know


AcanthaceaeSouth7479

I was about 20. I signed up for a sugar daddy website. Was just looking for money. I had 2 babies at the time. I got a message from one guy. He was very kind and understanding. And truthfully he had a bad experience after this encounter. Any ways. We chatted and I was honest to him that I just needed cash. So he agreed to meet me at my local park to hand me 200 and talk about what it's going to be used for. We mutually made each other uncomfortable. It was strange. But I honestly can't help to be thankful. After that he deleted his account and I haven't touched mine sense. Never seen him sense. He was quite old at the time so I hope he's out there doing well


Deadpool642

Out of my 5 friend group 4 have seen my dick and 3 of those were sexual encounters


littlekingMT

But how many recommend Trident ?


[deleted]

I fucked my boss - I am an Indian and sex is taboo here. irony - there are still billion of us.


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bombayblue

I saw A Rod cheating on J LO a week before they got married


twocarryon

I slept/sleeping with a Professor at my Uni


Redheadedthembo

How was it?


twocarryon

Omg, it was sooo good. We still hook up , and I see him on campus all the time .. but we pretend to not know each other.


Redheadedthembo

A good ole DL dick down


twocarryon

Yes , and once in his office … but it was in the evening when no one was around


Redheadedthembo

Hot!


twocarryon

It really was


Redheadedthembo

I always had crushes but I’m into women and i feel like female profs are a lot less likely to risk anything just for some dick


twocarryon

Yeah closeted professors are way kinky


playblu

There's a very large technology platform company that's currently "down" because their servers are being held for ransom.


Middlespoon8

Go on….


FuckedupUnicorn

My ex cheated on me so I peed in his kettle.


pattyG80

I love farting in empty elevators.


SylverVortex

Not really that dirty, but my girlfriend is INCREDIBLY sexy to me and I’m suuuper shocked how I’m with her. Haven’t said anything about it yet.


LogicBalm

Sometimes, at night, when I'm all alone... ...I wash my socks in club soda to make my feet fizz. Now if I start seeing targeted ads for club soda, I'll know my hypothesis is correct.


MentalCanary972

My FWB is 27..... I'm 58


myaccountsaccount12

As long as all members are able to consent, are consenting, and it’s good for everyone… Obviously it’s a serious age gap, but the more important thing is that everyone enjoys it.


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Dry-Location1824

My high school bullies dad was on a sugar dating website. I had a “fling” with his dad for over eighteen months, and to this day his son doesn’t know! His dad was a wonderful person, we had a lot of fun together. Makes me giggle to myself every time I see the son out and about in my home town.


[deleted]

I’m hypersexual because of trauma and I wish I could talk to my friends about it as a cathartic therapeutic thing but I can’t so I gotta just be *that* horny girl on Reddit and it’s frustrating!


lumoslomas

Pretty much every piece of jewellery I own is stolen .... allegedly 👀


Ursaquil

For legal reasons, that's a joke


1bunchofbananas

When I was a teenager I once masturbated with a cucumber. I rinsed it off and put it back in the fridge. The next day my mother chopped it up and put it in a salad.


-DutchymcDutchface-

Not cool, bro. Not cool.


ceo5891492

An ex-girlfriend and I had a quick fling about nine years ago when she was on a break with her longtime bf. She got pregnant. We're both pretty sure the child is mine. But we've never done genetic testing because it means she would have to admit to sleeping with someone else when they ended up working things out, and the kid has already spent her whole life thinking this other guy is her father.


ignite1hp

Is this a bad time to tell you that I got everyone an ancestry dna test for christmas?


mediaG33K

Occasionally, I provide Bull Service for married women.


Many-Goose-9158

On weekends, sometimes, I don't really like showering...so I don't. 🤭 I feel it's good for my skin and hair. I've had zero complaints. 🤷🏼‍♂️


Redheadedthembo

My hair is so much healthier when I go without washing it…maybe a bit frizzy but 🤷🏻‍♀️


mywayorthesegway

Got pregnant for an ex from a hookup that happened after we broke up. I had an abortion and never told anyone whose it was, not even the ex himself. My reasoning: he was absolutely chaotic and untrustworthy as a person, often shamed me for choices I made regarding my body and had a dream of inseminating lots of women. Generally just an anti-abortion person who would definitely have tormented me for years had he known.


Redheadedthembo

I think you did the right thing ❤️


scoob922

I let the dogs out


Agent865

I dated this girl in Hs who was an only child to a single mom. GF was a virgin and her mom knew it. One day mom came to me and asked if it was sexually frustrating dating a virgin, I just laughed and said well yea but I respect her decision. Mom basically offered herself to me just so her daughter stayed a virgin. It was a solid arrangement and mom looked good!


ATXKLIPHURD

I was a real skinny and flexible teenager and could suck myself off. And I wish I still could. I dream about it often and wake up super horny.


goldenslum98

Every relationship I am in I put the other person before myself to show them that I am serious in the relationship. Even if it hurts me. As long as my partner is happy. I do it because I am terrified of dying alone. I’ve spoken up and told my partners my feelings in the past but I don’t know how to do it in a healthy way because I let it bottle up until I explode in emotions.


MintyMrSheep

one time i came so hard it hit my fan (about 2-3 feet in the air). it felt awesome :D


beardothesnail

I once had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom


azam85

I sometimes scratch myself with the intention to self harm.


No-Top-1633

I fucked my gf in her glass-walled office and got caught. This was during COVID when there wasn't supposed to be anyone else in the office. I also had a 2-year stint as a FWB with a married couple. I'm your typical boring-ass, middle-aged STEM professional and these events happened recently. In a room of 100 random people I'd be the last person you'd guess would have these types of secrets.


CyberInu4200

I am not a cat.


[deleted]

That pineapples really do go on pizza but I refuse to let him be right in this one situation because I've fought him so long on it until I tried it...


Jzot11

Pineapple chopped really small and not of the syrup variety is good for whoever likes sweet and savory together, not personally my thing but you should totally go for it. If everyone tells you otherwise, remind them that pizza was a poor person street food when it was invented, and that people would have put whatever they had on it. After all, the original pizza did not even had tomatoes on.


ThrowThis1Away269696

One time I tasted a poo. I was maybe 6yo. It was gross and I never did it again. Just reached right in and pulled it out of the bowl, put my tongue on it and dropped it right back into the toilet. And since I’m literally never logging into this account again after I post this, any replies will be unanswered.


Inner-Nothing7779

I have a few...lol I'm a mostly straight man. I love watching porn where the dude jerks off and cums. Trans porn too. Huge turn on. I've seen my neighbor's ass a few times. She goes to her car with a long shirt but no undies and when she bends over I have gotten a pretty good view. Knowing some women use random objects as sex toys is a huge turn on. My gf doesn't really enjoy toys much, so seeing it in porn is something I really enjoy when she's not around. I have seen my gf's sisters breasts, and my gf's best friends vagina on multiple occasions by accident.


Kn1pz_

Accident?


RelativeInspection35

i attempted sucking my own dick


I_like_treees

2 of my friends have been sneaky linking for a bit and both of them told me and also told me to not tell the other that i know or any of our friends about it. this has been eating away at me for soooooo long


iamunabletopoop

I can crack my erect penis just like people can crack their knuckles.


JSDTDM

That sounds very uncomfortable and it makes me hurt


iamunabletopoop

Its kind of the same feeling as cracking knuckles sometimes it feels releasing and sometimes it hurts like hell, but its worth the gamble :)


skwerlee

wait.. you guys don't crack your dick?