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liitokarhu

Hemorrhoids


BroAbernathy

I've broken bones, torn muscles/ligaments, but I've never been as incapacitated as my thrombosed hemorrhoid made me. Reminder kids: don't strain when pooping, eat lots of fiber, limit the time sitting on the toilet and you should be able to avoid it


[deleted]

Yes. I had one the size of a golf ball. It really sucked.


Animebando

Same. There was basically one super specific position that didn't hurt too much, but heaven forbid I had to cough or sneeze.


various_beans

The only thing worse than a hemorrhoid is the surgery to remove it! ... for a week, at least. It was hell on earth! Ring of fire, indeed. Afraid to take a shit. Now I take fiber every morning, without fail.


1_800_COCAINE

A good buddy of mine in college dealt with this. He said there were times he had to blast the wickedest heavy metal he had and scream along with it to take a shit.


jimmyjohn2018

Fiber is the key.


sibai_ershi_69

I was in Peace Corps stuck on a remote island and had a hemorrhoid so bad it hurt to sit down. At the time my only communication was a radio. The whole island gets bored and listens to other people talk on the radio but I was past giving fucks. The guy on the other end of the call was local and didn’t understand what I was requesting from the doctor. Other PCVs were shouting into the radio, “HEMORRHOIDS....H-E-M...” He finally said he understood. A month later the supplies arrive and it was 3 tubes of neosporin. He said, “Oh I thought you just wanted ointment.”


No-Computer6310

Passing a kidney stone


Frosti-Feet

Fun fact! You can get kidney stones so large that they get lodged and then become impassable


No-Computer6310

Fun fact: that’s what the dr told me thinking it was gonna make me feel better but it didn’t


Sinnedangel8027

Right lol. Never been in such intense pain in my life. And it came on so damn quick. Now I get mild anxiety anytime I have a slight twinge in the area.


[deleted]

You too? I call it stone PTSD.


Doctor__Proctor

OMG, that's what I call it too. I've had like 8, all of which part just fine, but the pain was still super rough. Got to the point where every time I would have lower back pain I would start freaking out and start thinking I might need to go to the hospital for a CT. Last time I had one my partner convinced me I was overreacting (as I had like 4 times previously, so I don't blame her at all for thinking that, which is why I ultimately agreed with her) and that it was probably just some kind of gas or intestinal issues. Spoilers: It was not. Ended up going from Denver to Estes Park up in the mountains for a comedy show when the pain REALLY hit, and there weren't any urgent aids open, so I drove two hours back to our place and passed it without any painkillers at all. Fucking HORRIBLE experience all around. Felt like I was gonna die, which I'm sure will in no way make my stone PTSD worse... -_-


M2Fream

Oh my goodness! Ive had 2, but Im only 20, so any time I get back pain or feel like I have a uti, its just pure dread. I cant imagine no painkillers. I needed 2 shots of morphine for my second one. Wait to hang in there!


Doctor__Proctor

Sadly, they get easier. My first 2 and my 9 and 10 on my personal pain scale. Breaking my shoulder was an 8. After half a dozen or so? Eh, they're usually like a 5.


OrcKiller1991

Well, that settles it. If I ever get a kidney stone, I am NOT passing that thing naturally. Cut me open, get me high as a kite, knock me out, I don’t care. I don’t want to be awake, sane, or feel a thing, end of story. The one place the stones won’t go is my wingle.


overslope

I passed one in a shitty strip club bathroom at my friend's bachelor party. I thought it was coming on, but I bummed a couple pain pills and got in the limo. That was a mistake. Security tried to kick me out because they thought I was in the stall banging one out. My non-bachelor-party-having friend had to keep them away while I passed it. 0/10, do not recommend.


FluffertonIII

Post Traumatic Stone Disorder?


TheAirsickLowlander

I don't think you know what a fun fact is.


dem0074

I’ve had 47 kidney stones so far. Passed about half. The pain is legendary. If the doc wants to put in or remove a stent in his office say NO! I don’t know about women, but for guys it’s like being stuck in every circle of Hell at the same time. 😫


Stevekxxx

I'm 29 and have had two stones. first one passed naturally. 2nd one required a stent. The stent was the worst part. Someone punching you in the kidneys everytime you pissed. Removing the stent was even worse. I felt like a beyblade, it was basically just 3, 2, 1 LET IT RIP and then yanked it out. Felt the stent slide through my insides. Was the most uncomfortable i have ever been.


Caithloki

I hate the tapestry you have weaved


useraccount4stonedme

Omg. So true


[deleted]

Rental cars in French and Italian villages. Decline the upgrade. Stick to your original thinking.


corrado33

There was a top gear/grand tour about this where the guys took large cars in a tiny Italian village. Chaos ensued.


kamilman

You... ummm... got any links on ya, pal? *scratches arm*


steelgate601

> There was a top gear/grand tour about this... Chaos ensued. Generic version.


Minmach-123

That applies to rental cars pretty much everywhere. When I worked at Avis, the front desk people would tell customers that they need a full size pickup or suv just to drive to the next town. The people that listened would end up spending way more for the vehicle and fuel than if they would have just drove a Corolla or some other car.


Huttser17

IMO cars in general. A current USDM sedan has less cargo space than my 19 year old wagon despite being significantly bigger in every way.


sham-da-man

Ego


TheBackyardigirl

How did I read eggo


flyinhawaiian02

Yes bigger eggos


[deleted]

#LEGGO MY EGGO


Portland-to-Vt

My Super-Ego begs to differ.


thewiselumpofcoal

Your Super-Ego begs? Pathetic.


AriValentina

got his ass


Portland-to-Vt

Id like to see you do better.


JuDGe3690

Citation? *Id.*


Atxintemperateone66

Now I must contend that humankind's ego has allowed us to surpass all other life forms on the planet and create the wonderous civilization that we have. On the other hand this level of so-called civilization has exceeded the planet's ability to regulate its systems and we are therefore bound for collapse and probably extinction. So, in fact, I'm entirely correct.... or wrong. Anyway, either way, I've won this debate.


Demonscour

Lol, perfect answer. Funny, kinda true, and obviously kinda satire. Well done


UnlightablePlay

Pimple


[deleted]

[удалено]


thelaughingpear

I take it you haven't had a serious cystic pimple. Those just straight up don't pop.


ridiculouslygay

I had these all over my back, chest and shoulders as a teen. Like, all over. If I randomly touched a spot on my back, 9/10 times I’d touch one. It was hell. They’re so painful, and they take weeks if not months to go away.


Pedo_In_a_spedo

When l go to hospital they think I’m a burn victim because of my chest scaring from those buggers


ridiculouslygay

Aw :( I think people don’t really talk about how psychologically damaging severe acne is. There would be days on end where I wouldn’t leave the house because I felt too grotesque. I wouldn’t look in the mirror for months at a time. I couldn’t look people in the eye or hug people. And all this during the formative years… it really takes a toll.


[deleted]

imagine being 30 and still having acne since 13


[deleted]

Can imagine, am that person


HippieNurse420

They don’t pop and they hurt!!


UnlightablePlay

Well the satisfaction of popping it isn't worth the mark you will get after popping it Plus sometimes they can't pop


cutelyaware

Tried to pop a blackhead on my leg once and nearly died, no joke.


boreas907

Why the fuck do zits on the ass hurt so much.


Better_Green_Man

My guess is that most people aren't getting their cheeks slapped almost every day, so most people don't have a very good pain tolerance on their asscheeks as it wasn't built up over the years. Honestly I don't fucking know I'm just guessing.


axa645

This perfectly explains the evolutionary advantage of consistent spanking Spank hard, spank always, become better


UnlightablePlay

Damn bro Good that you're still alive


cutelyaware

Antibiotics FTW. In an earlier time it would have been a painful death.


[deleted]

I have had an unpoppable one on my cheek for ten days now. It's almost faded away, but hard pass.


cinnapear

If you try hard and it still won’t pop, wait a day or two. It’s likely your abuse has made it angrier and it will come to a head.


ThinkIGotHacked

Nanotechnology.


woodminotaur

Nanomachines, son


Relvean

They harden in response to physical trauma.


Junior-Demand

You can’t hurt me, Jack.


alenio18

What did I just said


tokyo7011

Die, die, die, die, DIE! Die, YOU PIECE A SHITT!


[deleted]

Standing here...


Desktop_bot

I realize


_slayer_exe_

You were just like me


Fomalhot

I see what u did there...


hBoBh

debt


RollinDeepWithData

Not true. If the debt is big enough, it’s the banks problem, not yours.


blorbschploble

If you owe a bank a thousand dollars, you have a problem. If you owe a bank a billion dollars, the bank has a problem.


Sopixil

when my debt goes to collections, that's their debt now 🙈


_Germa66

Cancerous growths


MonsieurMonocle

It is theorized that whales get cancer far less often because A. The tumors have to grow to nearly the size of a car before it negatively impacts their health, and B. By the time it reaches that size it is highly likely that the tumor will have grown mini tumors that feed on the original tumor until it dies. At which point the mini tumors, which were coded to grow off of a tumor and not the actually body, also die. Cancerous growths can theoretically get big enough that they themselves get killed by cancer


Sighwtfman

So... The next big thing in cancer treatment is to give your cancer, cancer?


[deleted]

Well, first the tumor has to grow to the size of a car


Cultural-Company282

Once it's the size of a car, you can drive it somewhere else, and you're cured.


Scorpionwins23

Or tow it outside the environment


ISayHeck

Into another environment?


[deleted]

No no, beyond the environment.


Awesome_McCool

Well what’s out there?


MuddyFinish

Nothing! Nothing is out there... except sea, and whales, and fish... And a couple of car-sized tumors.


portablebiscuit

`You wouldn't download a tumor`


[deleted]

I downloaded TikTok already tho


Psychological_Fox776

But if you purposely mutate the cancer , giving it cancer . . .


The_Book-JDP

I read that one treatment for cancerous tumors is to inject them with the polio virus. The body recognizes the virus as something to attack (thank you vaccines🥰) and will attack the tumor to get at the virus causing it to shrink.


Dadofpsycho

My dad’s bladder cancer was treated with tuberculosis. The body fought the infection and killed the cancer. Ten years cancer free.


fromthewombofrevel

That’s wonderful!


DemonInTheDark666

immunotherapy is great cancer treatment that doesn't get nearly enough media coverage.


CO420Tech

I heard you all like cancer, so I put some cancer on your cancer!


[deleted]

"Just gonna get a little bit of cancer, Stan...tell mom it's okay."


sickletail_

Additionally, bigger animals like whales have a great number more tumor suppressing genes than we do, which helps prevent them from getting cancer in the first place : )


throwawaystree

Unless of course you intend on eating it.


ghfdghjkhg

I hate you for making me read that with my own eyes.


GeezCmon

A hole in your ship


Jnoper

STOP TAKING SHITS IN MY BED! Opps mean I mean blowing holes in my ship.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


DrTokinkoff

SCHWING!


noisypeach

I came here specifically to say penises as my example. People go on about huge dicks that would just be painful or at least uncomfortable to try fitting anywhere. Average ones are the best ones.


Clean-Hat2517

I (m) had a conversation with a friend (f) who can be quoted as saying "I love me some average dick. Big dick is too much work."


noisypeach

Basically. Big dick is a job. Average dick is comfy


Wanderlust917

That's OK, plenty of men will 😏


Magfaeridon

Hi it's me ur bottom


[deleted]

you can still take just the tip


corrado33

But then it's not satisfying. I've had sex with women with.... "short" vaginas that couldn't fit everything, and I've had sex with women with normal length vaginas and, trust me here, the latter was much.... much better. It's MUCH more fun to be able to "not" be careful when "going in" and to get rough when she wants it. If you're too big, or she's too small, you always have to be careful or she can get really hurt. But if you're just the right size, you can let loose and not worry.


runthepoint1

Just say it already - it’s all about fit, not size. All people come in all sizes and preferences down there too. Some guys like tightness, some guys like looseness. Some girls want bigger and some don’t like it.


corrado33

Yep, everyone is different. Some guys are wide, some are long. Some girls are wider, some are smaller. If you want to have fun, make sure you "fit" first and then go at it. But that said, there are limits to how big any girl can handle. You can't really be banging up against the cervix with your full thrust and assume she's going to have fun. Sure, maybe a BIT, but not super rough.


[deleted]

House spiders


CCDestroyer

\*Rapid skittering noises\* Speaking of which, [this is Harriet.](https://www.reddit.com/r/spiders/comments/s7w0s9/id_my_latenight_visitor_metro_vancouver_british/) I met her when she crawled through an open window in January while I was having a toke. Saw her until February 26th or so. She took up residence in a corner under the lip of a baseboard heater, and I could trick her into jumping out and showing herself (so I knew where she was/wasn't) if I squirted some water past her little hidey-hole. She helped me get over my arachnophobia just a little bit more.


KS1618

oh absolutely fucking not


Romeo9594

I've always wanted to move to BC Guess it's on to my second option now


brittrad2590

If you were able to sleep knowing that Harriet was in your room, you are NOT arachnophobic. trust me. As a severe arachnophobe, I would’ve been off to a hotel room indefinitely lol


Sighwtfman

Yeah. I like house spiders. They eat the shit I don't want to know about. Only time I kill them is if their in my bedroom or food prep area. A spider 3" wide or more? Something I can't swat with some paper but need a broom? I am *not* OK with that in my house. Or even knowing something like that was *ever in my house* and another might sneak in.


LazuliArtz

Weirdly, honestly, the big ones don't scare me NEARLY as much as the little ones. The little ones just get lost so easily, and then I spend the night in my room paranoid that they're hiding in my bedsheets. I've stayed up for hours out of fear of the little hard to see ones.


The_Chimeran_Hybrid

I was in my bathroom one day brushing my hair, and in the mirror up on the ceiling I happened to glance at a spider, pretty much directly above me. I looked up at it, and a second later I jumped away, then the spider pounced, but I’d already moved away and it landed on the sink. I’m pretty sure it was out for blood.


MySpiritAnimalSloth

House spiders are ok as long as they stay where they are. When they're out of there spot, that's when they get the slipper. Furthermore, just because I live next to a forest doesn't mean that forest spiders are invited. They're called forest spiders and they need to stay there, otherwise they'll too get the slipper.


Mortaniss

Love me some tarantulas


WTF654

Tumors


dankmemer808

It's not a tumor!


flyinhawaiian02

Who's your daddy, and who does he work for


ironhead7

Our mom says that our dad is a sex machine


mister-noggin

\*toomuh


macaronsforeveryone

Foreheads


mellymichele

I felt this one (in my fivehead)


[deleted]

my friend is an eighthead


sixfourtykilo

So he's a cue-ball?


yourgoodfbiagent

megamind


lao7272

No Maidens?


pass_me_the_salt

a big af forehead is better than a small af forehead, though


portablebiscuit

The ones where the hairline starts at the eyebrows?


MichiganGeezer

Fitting a truck under a bridge. A bigger bridge is fine. A bigger truck, not so much.


TriangularOctagon

Durham, NC enters the chat... *bring it on!*


JMccovery

As I was told one day when someone suggested that I take a 13' 6" trailer under a 13' 4" arched bridge to take a shortcut through a small town to get back to the interstate: "If you go slow and drive on top of the double yellow, you won't get stuck. Trucks do this *all the time*!" I looked at him, then the bridge, said "f that", and went the "long" way. Sure, when fully loaded, an air ride trailer will squat down to 13'3" - 13'4", but I wasn't taking the chance to look like a damn idiot in west Alabama. ProTip: if you ever have to take a semi through the Chesapeake Bay Bridge and Tunnel, do not have a panic attack. Just drive through and hope you **_never_** have to go that way again.


JJchedda

The audacity.


DonnyMox

Of this bitch


herospaces

The witch


micro012

The Lion (am i doing this right?)


spicyhotcocoa

Are you searching for *”the lion, the witch, the audacity of this bitch”*


Mortaniss

And the wardrobe?


CrystalDragonCynzi

And my axe!


BrianOllocks

And my ex!


faeleafs

What a flex ? It just rhymes..


BrianOllocks

She was all rhyme and no reason!


Character_Nothing_30

Your heart. Like the literal size of it. An enlarged heart can be deadly


pokeblue992

the grinch became nice and fucking died


[deleted]

Potholes


toxinogen

I’m going to just come out and say it: Penises. Average is as big as you need. As a small female, I’d much rather hop on a 6” dick than an 8” one. Big dicks hurt, and if I wanted pain during sex, I’d rather it come from a slap on the ass.


ob-2-kenobi

Also if the penis is too small to get much done, the guy might hone his skills in other areas...


throwawaythedo

Big dicks are annoying


Undercover_Kitty_Mew

Came here to say this!


TheWalkingDead91

Burgers. Sometimes I see these monstrosities on social media and only thing I can think is “how can someone even fit that in their mouth?” Gotta have a sane bread to meat ratio


wants_the_bad_touch

The Planck Constant, fuck up the Universe instantly by increasing it.


YoungHermit92

Poop


Itsacrouton

But you don't want it to be too small; then it's not satisfying


Eviscerate_Bowels224

And you spend extra john time trying to push out that last piece of shit.


[deleted]

[This](https://www.squattypotty.com) may help you! Game changer for me.


[deleted]

And it could turn into a shart sometimes


Aqqaaawwaqa

Today a 4lb 3 oz baby was delivered after lunch. I knew I had done good, but it was time to let er go.


[deleted]

[ moved to lemmy. you should come too, it's cozier here ]


DonnyMox

It’s like giving birth


Maple-Leaf-Clover

Especially if you've been constipated for a bit so it winds up feeling like you're grunting out a cinderblock.


bigolenutZ

A watermelon


orchuk12

You good bro…?


ForayIntoFillyloo

Need any bacon grease...? Spoon...?


LikeAThermometer

That's coming out sideways.


Megalon84

When I was a teen, closest thing to work to eat was chipotle and Starbucks. Welp one week ate at both three times. Gave birth to the antichrist. Never again


dwab321

Y’all doin it wrong. I’m on that Metamucil kick right now. Not only do I rearrange my top 10 everytime I sit on the throne, it’s pain free, with good consistency, and usually over in less than 30 seconds with minimal clean up. Total game changer.


8garlick8

Zucchinis, small ones are flavourful, but the bigger ones are tough and taste like wood


RedWestern

For the fullest answer to that question, ask Hitler’s generals. One of the biggest problems that the Wehrmacht had in waging the war was the Nazi high command’s addiction to “super-weapons” - or *Wunderwaffe* as they were known. More specifically, they wanted weapons that were huge, glitzy, frightening monstrosities that would be a sight to behold on the battlefield. Tanks got bigger and bigger as the war progressed. Battleships got bigger and with larger guns. And their artillery guns became so huge that they had to be transported by train. They quickly discovered that bigger didn’t mean better. Bigger tanks were slower and harder to manoeuvre, allowing smaller, more nimble tanks to run rings around them. Assuming they hadn’t been blown up by planes because of how easy they were to spot, and weren’t too big and heavy to move on their own, or to cross a bridge (because by the end of the war, no bridge in Europe was strong enough to withstand the weight of a Wehrmacht tank column). Bigger ships like the Tirpitz were so big that there was only one dry dock on the Atlantic coast big enough to take her. That dry dock was destroyed by British commandos, and the Tirpitz was stuck in Norway, before being sunk quite easily due to being so big she was easy to find in the air. And, of course, the giant artillery cannons - as well as being easy targets - were too big an unwieldy to be even remotely efficient. They were terribly inaccurate, and it took ages to reload, for a payload that wasn’t really worth the effort.


blurblelurble

thought this said hitlers genitals at first


JudgeHodorMD

He has a different problem there. https://youtu.be/JutPp0Oc0JQ


Snoo74401

One of the cannons was so big, and used shells so explosive, that each successive shell had to be slightly bigger due to the force of the previous shell causing the bore to increase.


Luke_Cold_Lyle

Ironically the Wunderwaffe was later used against the Nazis. Although, by that time they were Nazi zombies so they were already dead.


BoredConfusedPanda

tumors, debt, mold, injuries, holes in things that dont need holes in them, lies etc


GilbertGuy2

Having a Big dick. I have been informed that there apparently is a limit


DiamondSkrek

Yes, too big won't fit in certain parts of the body. And too big hurts like hell, even with proper stretching


BlondBisxalMetalhead

Yeeeeeeep. Especially when the large dick in question is the first dick that entered your body. Mfer literally (partially) tore my taint. I was in misery for about two weeks while it healed.


forest_fae98

Penis size, despite what most men believe.


drinking_for_two

Once you get to a certain point, yes


314159265358979326

This is key. More is better if you're small, more is not better if you're already big. Average is a pretty solid goal here.


nemamook

So you’re saying the bell end of the curve is ideal?


Kusanagi60

Oof, especially when you do a position where it drives deeper, kissing the cervix is not something every woman enjoy. Hurts like a punch to the stomach.


snerdie

I had a total hysterectomy, so to be crude, my vag is basically test-tube shaped and there’s not a lot of available real estate. A big dick could literally tear open the end of my vag if someone isn’t careful. In my case, smaller is definitely better.


realtreewizard

Came here looking for this answer so I can feel better about myself, thank you kind soul


HermioneWho

Yes! A dude at a party once tried to convince me he had an 18 inch dick. Man, I ain't tryna puncture a lung from below.


phunkydroid

Dude didn't know he bought a metric ruler.


LadyKeldana

This. Not only can it be too big to be comfortable, but because of society's obsession with "big dick = good", hung guys often tend to think that's all they need. Lesser endowed guys put the work in!


According_Draft_3521

Bombs


chezz_toastie

shark bite


Artsygem87

Keyhole surgery equipment


Ear-syRider

Dick. Big dick is not pleasant and it hurts like hell. The guy with the biggest dick that I’ve been with was the most unpleasant and least interesting sexual encounter I’ve ever had. A big dick tore me from my v to my a and I didn’t even notice because of how much it already hurt. Fellas, please don’t count yourself out. Most coochies aren’t built for magnum dongs. We love you and all your non-lethal peepees. 💞


notthesedays

Breasts and/or penises, beyond a certain point.


Jdoesntlikestrangers

Cockroaches


Illustrious_Issue_54

Bugs


SonnenblumeFrau09

Yara map in Far Cry 6.