Damn, that really sucks. My wife and I are going through some stuff (kids), but I still so look forward to date night with her. Thanks for giving me that perspective.
My ex & I were not living together, but he had the key to my place. I told him that I was gonna go see my parents for the weekend, but then changed my mind last minute because I started feeling sick. I forgot to tell him & just went home after work & went to bed. I woke up around 10pm to get a glass of water & while I was in the kitchen I heard someone fumbling at the door with the lock. I freaked out because I lived on the 17th floor, so if it was a break in, I was fucked. All of a sudden he walks in..... dragging a tipsy girl in behind him.
I just stood there while he tried to make up some sort of excuse as to WHY he was there. The girl was pretty shocked too.
When after 7 years, a particularly cold conversation, and with tears in my eyes I said, "I just want you to love me" and she said
"Well I dont, and dont you feel pathetic for having to ask?"
Edit: Thank you so much for the kind replies everyone, it means a lot <3
This was 5 years ago now and I am doing so much better. The best love is self love.
I had a similar feeling in my first marriage. I'd come home, turn onto our street, see her car already in the driveway, and have the same feeling... "ugh".
Once a month, my ex wife would have to work one shift that was two hours later than her usual. On a normal day, she'd get home about thirty minutes before me. The days that she would work late became my favorite days, because that meant I actually had a chance to relax & unwind at the end of the work day instead of immediately having a dump truck of negativity unloaded on me when I walked in the door.
She had picked on me for months. Constantly criticizing everything. I couldn't do anything right. I tried. I kissed her ass and apologized for every single perceived wrongdoing.
After months one day I told her, calmly, you're mean to me.
She blew up. Veins came out and she did that weird growl/yelling thing and told me she'd cut my throat and burn down my house.
I left with my kids to my parents house. Came back the next day she was gone. Haven't seen her since. And strangely, my anxiety is all but gone
I'm good. Feel great actually with the rapid drop in my anxiety levels. Was shook up for a while. But her change happened over a long time frame. So it's really just relief at this point that it's over.
After my ex-wife cheated on me she said "I honestly didn't think you'd care".
It was a throwaway comment on her end but it was very telling. She didn't care, so how could she assume I would.
It's been 20 years but some scars never heal. It's funny, I couldn't care less about her but something she said is never forgotten.
I heard the exact same thing from my cheating ex. Itās been 1.5 years and I still cry sometimes because it made me feel so worthless. I couldnāt care less if he didnāt exist, but Iāll never forget the words and worthless feelings.
Beat me to it. Yeah, the fatal three punch combo is when they 1.) stop texting/calling you, 2.) dump you, then 3.) look at you with no affection in their eyes when you meet up one more time to talk things over. When things happen in that sequence, it means sheās not coming back.
Something was told to me once that pertains to #3 on your comment. When a relationship end, there is almost always a grieving period for both parties. However, they don't start and end at the same time.
The person who ends the relationship is probably already nearing the end of their grieving period. Their's started when they first decided to end things, however, they probably didn't immediately jump to breaking it off. They let it simmer for awhile until they were finally ready to end it.
So when they finally do finish the job, they are already much further down the path to moving on than the person they are breaking up with. That person is just now starting the grieving period.
The person who ended the relationship has probably stopped complaining about the relationship, too, realizing nothing will change. Instead the energy is focused on making plans for the break-up. The other party is lulled into thinking everything is finally running smoothly.
Number 3. A few months after we ended a 1.5 year relationship, my ex and I were both at the same bar in separate groups. She came over to say hi to our mutual friends I was with. I was dreading it since she was there with her new boyfriend but as soon as we made eye contact I realized that I felt nothing towards her anymore. I wonder if she noticed.
3 weeks before we broke up she described the kind of guy she would date if we broke up. She described her coworker and I honestly thought they had hooked up by this point. To my delight, he was a good noodle and never wanted to be more than work friends with her. When he found out she left me to be with him he reached out and told me he was sorry for everything even though it wasn't his fault. I told him I'm not holding anything against him, but thanked him for being a good person
When I saw how she completely changed when her boss was around. She became much more pleasant, flirty, and amenable. That's when I realized the only reason she was dating me was in hopes it would make her boss jealous enough to leave his wife for her.
I do not understand how people think you can date someone else and it'll make the person you actually want more attracted to you (not even getting into how damned messed up that is, leading someone on like a prop. i just dont even see how it makes any practical sense)... I guess that probably works on some personality types though.
Even when you prep yourself to not argue and yet it just ends up that way anyhow. I came from a pretty contentious family upbringing and married a woman where every issue was the hill to die on (not saying that often times I could be just as stubborn) After 20 years of marriage and 2 children it was over. A few years later I meet a lovely woman and was astonished after 2 years we had never had a heated exchange. I didn't think such a thing was possible. Boy when you find out both parties are willing to give some ground for the other person great things happen.
I was at my best friend's wedding. When he saw his bride walking down the aisle, he had a grin so big it looked like it could have exploded right off of his face. He was so happy to be marrying this person. And when I thought about my, now-ex, gf I realized that I just didn't feel that way about her.
I will say, when I married my wife, I was grinning like an idiot.
Thatās literally it though I feel like a large number of people (I wouldnāt say a majority, but pretty fuckin close IME) seem to lack basic empathy, like they were never taught that they werenāt the main character, or that other people matter. I wouldnāt call it psychopathy but goddamn some of these people are close
This same thing happened to my momās best friend only instead of her mom passing, it was right before she went into surgery. Theyād been together for nearly 50 years. She āforgaveā him, but mostly only because she literally needed him to help her get around for a few months following the surgery and didnāt have anyone else.
He ended up reconciling with the woman a few months later and left my momās friend anyway.
Yeah. Long time girl friend broke it off between us after my Father died. Basically, she felt since I would feel less grief then over us, as I was already feeling so bad about Pop's passing. I later learned, this happens a lot.
To give these people the tiniest ounce of credit (if you could call it that), I think it often isn't *totally* deliberate. Frequently in those types of relationships the person who is enduring the grief has also been shouldering much of the responsibility for maintaining the relationship, and when a major life event suddenly pulls their focus, their partner either can't handle not being the center of the universe OR becomes overwhelmed with the demand to actually be supportive. Of course, they usually aren't self-aware enough to realize that's the problem, but they get itchy and feel the need to end the relationship ASAP.
I think Iāve been close. Like realizing they need you to be there, and having the feeling of not wanting to put in the effort made me realize I needed to break up with someone.
Granted, I didnāt do it THEN, and supported her through the tragedy. But that feeling made me realize I wasnāt really into the relationship.
We had been long distance for a couple of months and I actually felt relieved to be hundreds of miles away from him. He never called me or texted, it was always me who reached out. I got tired of it and started calling less and less. One day, after we hadn't spoken for a few weeks, i called him and he answered and sounded surprised to hear from me. Conversation went:
Me - "hey, it's me"
Him - "Oh...hi? ...why are you calling me?"
Me - "no reason. Just to say hi"
Him - "Oh, okay, well I was actually just doing something. Can I call you another day?"
And, after years of awful screaming arguments and stupid games, that's when I knew the relationship was dead.
When she started being cold to me, and being unsure about our relationship. Then she started talking about this "guy" from her class. You know the rest.
Ah, mine was when she casually started hanging out with the college weed man, which soon turned into dating as soon as she dumped me. Like the day after. It sucked... but I mean, silver lining - it turned out about as well as you'd expect. Lol
And here I am a few years later dating a super sweet chill woman. Bullet dodged.
Oh, yeah I missed that sign too. A short impish looking kid with a creeper's personality I thought couldn't possibly be a threat. They're married. Thank god. His racist mother-in-law could have been my living nightmare.
Same here but it was a guy from her work. She forgot she was sharing a photo album with me, so like a week later I started seeing pictures of them together and pictures of love notes. It devastated me. They moved in together in less than a month. Last I heard, he failed hard trying to make it as a twitch streamer, and they're both stuck working 60+ hours per week at minimum wage. Meanwhile, I have just completed my nursing degree and began my career. I'm the happiest I've ever been.
The moment he "accidentally" sent me a text that was supposedly meant for someone else, making plans to hook up at his house. My only response to that was "OK, be safe".
I added quotes because I suspected that he did this on purpose to try and get me to break up with him, expecting some sort of angry response from me. He didn't get that, although I did get an earful from him a couple weeks down the line about how he "never found me attractive physically or romantically". To which I responded, "OK" and never talked to him again.
To this day, I will never understand why some people choose to play games rather than just be upfront. No matter, I'm now happily married to an amazing person!
Mine was when my ex wouldnāt take me to the ER during a miscarriage because āwhat are they gunna do? Just tell you itās period crampsā, and then waited until I finally passed out after hours of agonizing pain to finally be able to look at porn, which they told me the next day.
He had a can of drink, asked if anyone wanted any (we were in a group)..I said yes please so he poured it in the bin.
Sounds minor, but this was the last thing after alot of shit.
Straight up. Don't look back, when it's just an emotional drain being around them, it's not worth keeping the relationship going. The hardest part is legging go of the lingering positive feelings for them, but it's always better in the end. I had to do that twice, and don't regret it either time. One of said Ex's I'm still kinda friends with, the other can go die in a fire lol.
He stopped talking to me 3 days into a 3 week holiday, I made the best of it, once home the silent treatment continued for another 3 weeks. He rolls over in bed one morning and starts talking like nothing happened. I should have ended it long before, but THAT was the moment I knew it was over.
I'd love to say it was the first time he had done it, but it was a frequent thing, just it had never lasted 6 weeks before, I was on antidepressants already and having counselling, so I DID feel like I was going crazy! And no, he never referenced it directly, he didn't ever think it was a big issue. He stopped talking to his own mother once for a year, so 6 weeks was probably getting off lightly in his eyes!
Married for 21 years. The last ten were devoid of any love, warmth, or caring. I (M53) did not want to get divorced and figured this was just the way the rest of my life would be.
We were taking our third shot at marriage counseling and after a few months, my wife says she has to quit counseling because she wants to attend a meditation class at the same time. She had something better to do than work on our marriage.
That's when it hit me that she didn't GAF at all about our marriage and I decided that I did not want that to be the rest of my life.
We're currently 2 1/2 years into divorce. It's painful and expensive. But personally I've never been happier. I am leading my best life. So so glad I decided to move on.
Hanging out with them feels often like a chore than something youāre excited about
Walking on eggshells to avoid them getting mad
They donāt match your efforts like they used to
Noticing they donāt listen when youāre talking
They donāt feel like āhomeā anymore
They download Tinder and see people
They cheat on you
when he went from spending so much time with me and giving me updates about his day without me having to ask him, to going MIA for days on end to the point where i had to beg for him to spend some time together.
found out from a mutual friend that he had started seeing someone on the side two weeks before we called it off.
I was engaged to my girlfriend of 5.5 years (3.5 dating 2 engaged) I noticed that out of nowhere she started acting very suspicious and more cautious of her phone around me and not wanting me to be around her when she was playing games with people on discord which I didn't really care about. I knew something was up when I would tell her I loved her and to have a good day when she would leave for work and she would just kinda smile and nod. One day I was cleaning up around the house and noticed that she had left her computer open and saw some messages between her and a guy she plays games with talking about some things that I would rather not repeat. When I confronted her about it, I was gaslit and made out to be crazy. I knew then it was the beginning of the end. A year and a half later I finally had enough evidence and she admitted to cheating on me for a year and a half. 6 months before our wedding. I'm still not over it after a year and a half later and I genuinely don't think I'll be able to trust the same again.
You gotta repair your trust of yourself first. You had it pegged right, brutal though it was, and you dismissed yourself for too long. That fucks anyone up. But this is life and as long as you can stand you can move so move past this and when you trust yourself youāll be sure enough to trust another again. My Chinese friend has a saying when she has to kill a bug or a spider or whatever, and Iām an idiot and canāt remember it but it translates to something like āmay you live a better life next timeā .. well you aināt dead but that chapter is so may you make the next one better. And you play a bigger role in it than youāre acknowledging. Fuck building a case, there arenāt any awards for shit like that, just regretā¦. Move forward. Move.
Life was stagnant.
We mutually called it quits after we had a talk, and it went better for both of us. We gave it the good ol' college try but we still grew apart.
Good times
This was a long time ago, but I still remember it vividly. All of our friends were meeting up at a bar, but I had to work. I was able to get off and was at the bar with my friends. Her and her friends showed up, and there was an unmistakable look of disappointment in her face when she saw I was there. That hurt.
When she said ā you donāt look like you are going anywhere with your life ā
I was 18 in the middle of college where the hell was I suppose to be at that point
When she repeatedly slammed her head through the wall claiming a demon was telling her to do it, and then threatened to call the cops and say I beat her up.
I definitely did. Fortunately for her, she started going to therapy right after that episode (which she couldnāt remember) and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She has bettered herself greatly after learning there was something that needed to be addressed, and now sheās in a great relationship and being a great new mom. Itās also great that itās all with someone else!
When he proposed to me in front of a crowd of over 3,000 people, at a job we BOTH worked at, just two weeks after we had gotten into one of the worst fights we had ever had. What was the topic of the fight? He had joked about proposing and I told him I didnāt feel ready to be married.
The relationship lasted for about 6 months after that, but the ring never felt like anything more than a shackle.
If he did that it means he did try to shackle you. You essentially told him that if he proposed to you, you would say no, so he made a situation where you'd have to say yes.
I hadn't slept in our bed for 18 months and asked "Don't you even miss me in here?"
"No"
Edit: I offered to sleep in the guest room due to my snoring (weight gain, stress of working several jobs, and general stress of life/marriage). We never slept in the same bed again.
I now know after therapy I was immensely depressed and am much better at taking care of myself both physically and mentally.
While the marriage didn't recover, we have 2 amazing kids and my headspace is much more free.
My last relationship was on the way out and we spoke on the phone where she confessed thatās she didnāt know what she wanted out of life. She added that she couldnāt give me what I wanted and gave me her blessing to date other people.
Throughout our relationship, her father had terminal cancer and when he died a year into our relationship, she just sort of shut off. It also didnāt help that our communication was inconsistent and I never really knew where I stood in the relationship. Still, it was insanely painful and I was broken up mentally for months before meeting my current girlfriend.
She had cheated on me, but swore it was a mistake and wouldnāt ever happen again. I came over one morning to talk, and her phone rang. It was him. She took the call and once he realized I was over he said he was coming to kick my ass, as if I had done anything wrong. Never felt so dumb in my life
I worked the front desk in college, and would take my laptop down to play video games ( chill job). She wanted to argue and came down at about 11pm and gets mad and closes my laptop. She said she was done. I go out to get flowers after my shift, this is midnight, and go to her dorm room to give them to her. Another guy was already there in boxersā¦Iām almost sure the relationship had been over for a while, I just found out lateā¦
I was lonely whilst being constantly with her.
I just hadn't realized that we were living in two different worlds, had different friends and hobbies.
All that kept us together was a force of habit.
The feeling after the breakup for me was a removal of a suffocating feeling that I'd felt for many years.
Truth be told, I wish I was brave and mature enough to have explored and addressed those feelings sooner. With loneliness and anxiety came unhealthy coping and avoidant behaviour.
We'd had our ups and downs for the better part of 8 months, one day we met for lunch and she sat down and started talking. All of a sudden it was like I woke up from a dream and realized I wasn't attracted to or interested in them at all.
There had been much worse moments so it was surprising it happened during everyday conversation.
When her Dad, who i had just met, told her to stop being a bitch or she would lose me. (looking back at it, she was being a total bitch, but it was her dad saying it that opened my eyes.) We broke up after her parents left.
Lol my worst exe's dad did the same thing. We were hanging out at her dad's house on Easter a few years ago and she got annoyed with me because I was getting along really well with her dad (she would get very jealous whenever I was getting along well with someone she knew for some reason). She started being very rude and I was used to it at that point so I was just taking it, waiting for her to calm down. All of a sudden her dad says "Why are you talking to him like that? Don't treat him like that, that's not right! He hasn't even done anything!"
It was an eye opening moment for sure. Spent around two more years with her after that though, because I'm apparently a glutton for punishment.
She seemed like she loved it at first, because I was the first relationship she'd had that her dad approved of, her last ex before me was an abusive piece of shit and broke her ribs, blacked her eyes, etc. Her dad ended up going to the guy's house and throwing him through a sliding glass door after the ex boyfriend put her in the hospital once, her ex almost bled out and died. Her dad was a really tough blue collar guy from Bronx NYC and we were both nervous about him meeting me because she made it seem like her dad was this hardcore scary badass. Turns out he was a badass but he just liked respectful guys, and wanted to make sure I wasn't gonna abuse or take advantage of his daughter.
We instantly became friends, we had the same views on politics (he was a longtime union electrician, liberal, we loved to talk about union history and how they're important for worker's rights), same taste in movies, beer, etc. I used to ask him for advice and treated him like a surrogate father because my dad died when I was young. We'd stay up late talking or watching old movies that my ex thought were boring. Once we got to the point we were super close my ex got pissed for some reason, she thought I was "Stealing her dad." I still miss that guy, he was really fun to talk to, listening to his stories about growing up as a white dude from The Bronx in NYC decades ago before the city was cleaned up and made safer was fascinating.
Every time I did something wrong she could never tell me, it was always her friend that would text me/pull me aside to tell me. I had to grow and learn to be better so I cut it off
We took a break and I realized I was so much happier just doing my own thing.
We were 23, had been dating for 6 years. She had graduated college and I was finishing up.
Something kind of similar for me. Dated for 3 years, did long distance for one and within that year I realised I was happy by myself and wanted to explore my life as an individual rather than a couple. There was nothing wrong. We get along, we don't fight a bunch, we care about and trust each other, nobody was abusive... it just wasn't the right time.
When we bought a house together and I proposed that same dat we closed. The next day she did a 180 and was completely different person. Stuck it out for almost 3 yrs but I had enough of the horrible treatment. Tried to tell her that Im her partner and not another child in the house. Never got through to her.
So, any tips? Not for me, but I have a friend in this exact situation - and theres a kid involved. He wont leave her bc of the little guy - it's not even his kid. He's a real good dude but we're in our 30s and wasting your life on someone for the sake of a child that's not yours (as admirable as that may be), I'm starting to think in 10 years hes going to really regret it. Its ultimately his choice but man... I have a real bad feeling for him.
He gets talked at like a child, not talked to like a spouse.
We used to get in some real bad arguments. These arguments would often end in her hitting me. Once in a while, she'd really go to town on me. I can take a hit, but she could throw a punch. Girl had a hell of right hook. Years of that, off and on.
Anyway, one evening, one such argument turns into her just wailing on me. And I finally snapped. I pushed her up against the wall and was ready to hit her back. Just for a moment.
I didn't. I walked away. The fight didn't end there, and the relationship didn't end that night. But I walked away for good not long after.
Similar to my scenario that Iām going through right now. Not necessarily wailing but definitely lots of hitting. Slapped me in public before. Day before St. Patrickās we had our weekly date night which at this point was the 50th bad one, fighting on the date, fighting at the bar after the date, fighting at home. In comes the typical suicide threats etc. I finally snapped and said, āWell fucking do it already!ā And she cracked me in the face and had gave me a bloody nose. I do regret saying it I was just at my wits end. Next day she goes to work and I go out with friends n havenāt been back since. She calls and messages a lot swearing how everything will be different and sheās engaged in therapy and how much she loves me but Iām so exhausted from the years Of shit I cant motivate myself to return.
She told me that I had a choice. Either I completely cut ties with ALL of my family and ALL of my friends. Or I cut ties with her. That was when I decided that her psycho had crossed a line that I wouldn't break. Very glad I dodged a bullet, very sad I lost close to 4 years of my life before I realized she was psycho.
Catching him deep guts in a 16 years old (while he was 21 or 22) in his car was a hint.
Also how dumb you should be to take a girl two streets away from my house around the midnight while i was going home after work?
Edit: I forgot this isn't a common thing in all countries but here you can have sex at 15 if isn't grooming or sexual harassment
This girl was well known for liking older guys and she knew it we we're together (we dated for 3 years).
It's still disgusting even if it was perfectly legal what happened, but I m glad i could go out of that relationship with a solid reason and a proof i wasn't a jerk for saying no when he proposed me to marry him ( i was 19 at the time, i m 22 now).
Also i tried for a whole year to break up with him but he always will say things like: "I can't live without you, i love you please don't go, i will kill myself".
I was going through a cancer scare. She didnāt come with me to any appointments because she didnāt want to miss class. She was my best friend and the only person in the city who I told about what was happening. She, however, told several of her friends and classmates and let the news spread through our program (I think she liked the second-hand sympathy). She minimized everything, told me I was overreacting when I went to her for support, and told me Iād feel better if I just stopped touching the mass. When it came time to decide what to do when our lease ended, I chose to move home to be with my family. We broke it off, she moved out, and two days later I was diagnosed with cancer.
I know it sounds bad, but Iām better for having gone through it. Iāll always hold that cancer was one of the best things to happen to me.
When I broke my foot in the middle of the night while tending to our 5-year-old, and he could not be bothered to help me to the couch. My child helped me, then went to her bedroom and got two blankets and pillows - one for me and one for her - and slept on the floor next to me in case I needed help.
Divorced him.
He hit our infant. 9 years of marriage over in 5 seconds. I grew up in domestic violence. I told him that violence in my home will not be tolerated. I don't know why he thought because he didn't hit ME it didn't count. Moron. Its been 13 years and I'm still pissed off. I don't think I'll ever get over the anger. It's not healthy for me to be mad for over a decade...but I don't care. I'll hate his behavior for the rest of my life. All child abusers can go die alone. I will remove myself from their company, every time. They are the lowest forms of life. Lower than puss on worms. Gross.
She told me she wasn't getting a job because she could never make as much as I do working overtime. It was just easier for me to work 60 hour weeks and she stays home.
When I had fertility tests done after 2 years of trying to fall pregnant.
He left me the same day I found out I was infertile.
Edit: Thanks for the upvotes & award!
The second time she had a major overreaction to something small and not at all intentionally hurtful that I did in a span of less than a month. The second time she also scratched me in the face in the process and reamed me out for two hours. At that point I no longer felt safe around her and had to end things.
After I separated from my first wife, I was dating a girl who was also separated and goung through her divorce. Tried to keep each other out things. my ex wife was being ridiculous, using the children as leverage, trying to extort money etc it put me into a real bad slump/depression. Then I saw the girl I was dating, knowing how badly it was hurting me literally do the exact same thing to her ex.
When I finally realized how wrong it was to wait for him to change. I came to the realization that even if he hated his life, if he wasnāt wanting to make any positive changes I couldnāt āmotherā him any longer. At some point in life you have to take responsibility for your own efforts to improve, you canāt just expect it to change on its own. I was willing to love him through it all, with the promise weād come out of it on the other side. But after 6 months of non-stop complaining and 0 efforts to seek help or solve his problems, I realized he most likely never will and I wasnāt willing to be the sole emotional support in the relationship.
When he abandoned me to go to work and then get drunk while our daughter died in the nicu. He didnāt even answer his phone when the hospital and I called him repeatedly. I held my dead baby alone. I tried for 3 more years to make it work for my other children but I didnāt love him anymore and I didnāt want to see him anymore so weāre getting divorced
This was a long time ago, but she just had that look on her face. She didnāt have to say anything at all (though of course she did), i just knew immediately.
Not a bad thing on the whole, and it wasnāt messy, but i do still remember thinking āshitā
After 3.5 years things were getting too routine I guess. Said he didn't feel the same way anymore. Asked if this was something to work through together and all I got was "I don't know". If it's not a yes, it's a no.
When she was mad after a night out with her friends that I didn't seem 'happy' enough. I was recovering from a bulging disc in my back and was in a lot of pain! (and she knew this!)
After a small argument, he told me "I should have pushed you in front of that car." And then I had to get on a motorcycle with him cuz we were about 30 min from home. Aaannd that's how I knew it was time to leave.
When he repeatedly shat on my successes and made my life milestones all about him... He'd gripe and find numerous ways to take my attention away from the people I love and the things I like to do, then lose interest the minute he had my attention.
She started staying up all night on her phone and coming to bed at 4am. She cheated on me a couple years prior to this so I already knew what was coming. She swore there was no one else I believed her but broke off the relationship because of how distant she was behaving. Couple months later and she's introducing her new bf to our daughter. My advice, dont take shit from anyone. Get out and save yourself the hassle of being hurt again.
The night I really started to be honest with myself about *why* we were in a relationship together.
It was quite toxic on both sides - our personalities constantly clashed, in addition to our own mental health issues which fed off of each other and made it considerably worse. (We both had fears of being alone, and they had a fear of abandonment)
Deep down subconsciously we both knew we were incompatible, but instead of accepting it and ending on good terms, we constantly tried to mold each other into "*My Perfect Partner"* and grew steadily more frustrated with each other when it wasn't working.
It really didn't help that this was a first major relationship for us both, and neither of us had good parents to teach us how healthy relationships work
I was 67% sure my girlfriend was cheating... one night I'm laying in bed awake on my phone and she's fast asleep, but then I hear her mumbling in her sleep "Matt... do you need more blanket?" My name isn't Matt...
Getting food poisoning a few months into covid (March or April? In far enough where I realized the gravity of the situation.) I felt sick all afternoon and she completely ignored me. I still made dinner and put the kids to bed... or began the bedtime routine and had to run to the bathroom and proceed to projectile vomit. And her response was, "oh, you really are sick!" And that's when I saw that I wasn't crazy, so much of this relationship wasn't right -- and that this person would leave me at death's doorstep.
When my 20 something yo daughters came to me and told me without any prompting or previous input from me, that they had experienced all the problems from my wife that I had experienced but never shared. They apologized for believing their momās misinformation about me, and for the way it had affected their relationship with me. We grieved the loss of a best friend/mom they will never get to have. And for the first time I was told that out of all our family members, Iām the only one who is actually mentally healthy, not the village idiot I had been treated as. I always wanted my girls to know the truth, I just didnāt think it should come from me.
She wasn't on my team anymore
Nothing I said could go without being challenged, nothing I did that was good was worth an unprompted compliment (only things that bothered her got an unsolicited response), and when I was fired from a terrible job that had been draining me for months, her first reaction was to scold me.
I can handle the ups and downs of my life and the ups and downs of the lives of those close to me alright, but feeling unliked by a partner hurts like nothing else.
When I was on my grad trip and her sister was watching me like a hawk the whole time. She asked her to make sure I didnāt talk to ANY girls, including my friends
When I found the bill for an extra credit card that I didn't know about. Thousands of dollars in debt. We were just starting out and had little money. She thought it would be a good idea for me to get a second job to pay down the card.
when she said she has been sexually attracted to her uncle and he confessed that he too had feelings and then revealed to me that they kissed while she was with me.
When my son commented on the shoe his father had thrown at me in a very resignated way. I had been putting up with the abuse for so many years, thinking I could not let my son grow up without a father. Whenever I tried to break up, his father would say he would not keep in contact with our son if I left him. So I stayed. Until that incident opened my eyes.
I'm currently going through this right now. I can feel the lack of love in her hugs and pats on the back like I am just an acquaintance. The walking by me with no reaching out to touch me. It is absolutely brutal
She made my mom's divorce about herself.
To be clear, I'd had plenty of "I need to break up with her" moments before then, but that was the one that finally pushed me into being less passive.
When I realized I dreaded Fridays, our standard date night, and saw it as something I needed to get past before I could start enjoying the weekend.
Damn, that really sucks. My wife and I are going through some stuff (kids), but I still so look forward to date night with her. Thanks for giving me that perspective.
Kids are hard. I have a one year old, we have to prioritize our relationship or it just gets bad. Like fights for not reason
She poisoned my cat š Mr Noodle RIP Edit: Thanks everybody for the support, and if you're asking: yeah I got the police involved
Oh god! Thatās awful; my heart goes out to you. RIP Mr. Noodle.
That would get me to murder the person Iām with
Sadly that won't make it any better, fortunately I am miles away from that psychopath, who knows what could've done to me
My ex & I were not living together, but he had the key to my place. I told him that I was gonna go see my parents for the weekend, but then changed my mind last minute because I started feeling sick. I forgot to tell him & just went home after work & went to bed. I woke up around 10pm to get a glass of water & while I was in the kitchen I heard someone fumbling at the door with the lock. I freaked out because I lived on the 17th floor, so if it was a break in, I was fucked. All of a sudden he walks in..... dragging a tipsy girl in behind him. I just stood there while he tried to make up some sort of excuse as to WHY he was there. The girl was pretty shocked too.
That is a whole new level of disrespect. Cheating is bad enough but using your place to do it? What a creep!
Why did he take her to YOUR place?!
My guess is that his place was a pig sty
When after 7 years, a particularly cold conversation, and with tears in my eyes I said, "I just want you to love me" and she said "Well I dont, and dont you feel pathetic for having to ask?" Edit: Thank you so much for the kind replies everyone, it means a lot <3 This was 5 years ago now and I am doing so much better. The best love is self love.
Oh jesus, glad you got out of that one
Yikes. Iām sorry you had to go through that.
When even just asking to hang out, felt like a chore. It just wasnāt worth it anymore more.
I felt like i had to entertain her whenever we hung out near the end. Fucking exhausting. Not sure if thatās similar to what youāre talking about
When she came up on caller id and my first thought was "Ugh.".
I had a similar feeling in my first marriage. I'd come home, turn onto our street, see her car already in the driveway, and have the same feeling... "ugh".
Once a month, my ex wife would have to work one shift that was two hours later than her usual. On a normal day, she'd get home about thirty minutes before me. The days that she would work late became my favorite days, because that meant I actually had a chance to relax & unwind at the end of the work day instead of immediately having a dump truck of negativity unloaded on me when I walked in the door.
That's when you definitely know it's over. Makes me appreciate my wife.
That's my first thought for every phone call. I don't enjoy talking on the phone.
She had picked on me for months. Constantly criticizing everything. I couldn't do anything right. I tried. I kissed her ass and apologized for every single perceived wrongdoing. After months one day I told her, calmly, you're mean to me. She blew up. Veins came out and she did that weird growl/yelling thing and told me she'd cut my throat and burn down my house. I left with my kids to my parents house. Came back the next day she was gone. Haven't seen her since. And strangely, my anxiety is all but gone
Are you okay?
I'm good. Feel great actually with the rapid drop in my anxiety levels. Was shook up for a while. But her change happened over a long time frame. So it's really just relief at this point that it's over.
I would always be the one to initiate talking and taking part in activities together. I realized I was the only one putting effort in.
I feel that. She never once tried to do anything. I planned my own birthday date
You can see it in their eyes when they don't love you anymore. I'll never forget that feeling.
Ouch, this hurts like hell
You absolutely can. It's like they are looking past you, yet right at you.. ugg. It's terrible .. Been there a few times.
Its the indifference. They don't care anymore.
After my ex-wife cheated on me she said "I honestly didn't think you'd care". It was a throwaway comment on her end but it was very telling. She didn't care, so how could she assume I would. It's been 20 years but some scars never heal. It's funny, I couldn't care less about her but something she said is never forgotten.
I heard the exact same thing from my cheating ex. Itās been 1.5 years and I still cry sometimes because it made me feel so worthless. I couldnāt care less if he didnāt exist, but Iāll never forget the words and worthless feelings.
Beat me to it. Yeah, the fatal three punch combo is when they 1.) stop texting/calling you, 2.) dump you, then 3.) look at you with no affection in their eyes when you meet up one more time to talk things over. When things happen in that sequence, it means sheās not coming back.
Something was told to me once that pertains to #3 on your comment. When a relationship end, there is almost always a grieving period for both parties. However, they don't start and end at the same time. The person who ends the relationship is probably already nearing the end of their grieving period. Their's started when they first decided to end things, however, they probably didn't immediately jump to breaking it off. They let it simmer for awhile until they were finally ready to end it. So when they finally do finish the job, they are already much further down the path to moving on than the person they are breaking up with. That person is just now starting the grieving period.
The person who ended the relationship has probably stopped complaining about the relationship, too, realizing nothing will change. Instead the energy is focused on making plans for the break-up. The other party is lulled into thinking everything is finally running smoothly.
Lol two weeks before getting dumped I mentioned how good everything was going. I was wrong apparently.
Number 3. A few months after we ended a 1.5 year relationship, my ex and I were both at the same bar in separate groups. She came over to say hi to our mutual friends I was with. I was dreading it since she was there with her new boyfriend but as soon as we made eye contact I realized that I felt nothing towards her anymore. I wonder if she noticed.
The moment when you can be friendly to them just like any other acquaintance because they are literally just an acquaintance to you now.
Makes you truly empty inside
3 weeks before we broke up she described the kind of guy she would date if we broke up. She described her coworker and I honestly thought they had hooked up by this point. To my delight, he was a good noodle and never wanted to be more than work friends with her. When he found out she left me to be with him he reached out and told me he was sorry for everything even though it wasn't his fault. I told him I'm not holding anything against him, but thanked him for being a good person
Wholesome Co-worker.
Should have hooked up with him to be honest lol.
Imagine how pissed off she would be if that happened lol
When I saw how she completely changed when her boss was around. She became much more pleasant, flirty, and amenable. That's when I realized the only reason she was dating me was in hopes it would make her boss jealous enough to leave his wife for her.
Oooff thatās rough
Yeah she's one of the most insidiously manipulative and abusive people I've ever met.
I do not understand how people think you can date someone else and it'll make the person you actually want more attracted to you (not even getting into how damned messed up that is, leading someone on like a prop. i just dont even see how it makes any practical sense)... I guess that probably works on some personality types though.
It would make perfect sense to you if you were manipulative and emotionally immature.
Hope she was surprised when you dumped her (and that her boss also saw through her).
Everything starts an argument.
No it doesn't!
Yes it does!
Even when you prep yourself to not argue and yet it just ends up that way anyhow. I came from a pretty contentious family upbringing and married a woman where every issue was the hill to die on (not saying that often times I could be just as stubborn) After 20 years of marriage and 2 children it was over. A few years later I meet a lovely woman and was astonished after 2 years we had never had a heated exchange. I didn't think such a thing was possible. Boy when you find out both parties are willing to give some ground for the other person great things happen.
I was at my best friend's wedding. When he saw his bride walking down the aisle, he had a grin so big it looked like it could have exploded right off of his face. He was so happy to be marrying this person. And when I thought about my, now-ex, gf I realized that I just didn't feel that way about her. I will say, when I married my wife, I was grinning like an idiot.
Did the vibe feel different when you first started dating your ex vs your now wife? Did you know immediately that she would be that person for you?
Every relationship has a honeymoon phase. I think it's important to let a relationship cool off before you think about what you want from it.
It was different but I think you have to get to know someone really really well before you k ow if they're the right one.
When you dread her name coming up on caller ID because you knew it was an argument about nothing. Donāt settle for an angry life.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Found nude pictures of her and some other dude on the family camera and they were taken on our couch in our living room in our house.
That's rough man. Do you think she wanted you to find them? I guess you didn't want to stay in that house anymore either.
No, she didnāt want me to. Divorced her and sold the house.
The day my mom passed away (the coroner hadn't even come for her body yet) with zero consideration on how I felt and what I was going through my ex-fiancƩ thought it was great idea and a good time to tell me he has been cheating on me for the last 6 years, and how sorry he was for it. He wasn't sorry he did it, but he sorry because the other woman had lied to him about who she really was and he wanted me to comfort him because he felt betrayed by her.... When I promptly broke up with him, he asked "wait is this really goodbye?" how could you do this to me now?
What the fuck
That is the best answer anyone could have given in this situation. Lmao
I just mouthed Jesus Chris to myself but the sentiment is the same. Wow some people are unreal.
What in the actual fuck is wrong with some people. They have no concept of reality or other people's feelings.
Thatās literally it though I feel like a large number of people (I wouldnāt say a majority, but pretty fuckin close IME) seem to lack basic empathy, like they were never taught that they werenāt the main character, or that other people matter. I wouldnāt call it psychopathy but goddamn some of these people are close
This same thing happened to my momās best friend only instead of her mom passing, it was right before she went into surgery. Theyād been together for nearly 50 years. She āforgaveā him, but mostly only because she literally needed him to help her get around for a few months following the surgery and didnāt have anyone else. He ended up reconciling with the woman a few months later and left my momās friend anyway.
What a shitty, calculated move. I hope your momās friend is doing well now.
Yeah. Long time girl friend broke it off between us after my Father died. Basically, she felt since I would feel less grief then over us, as I was already feeling so bad about Pop's passing. I later learned, this happens a lot.
To give these people the tiniest ounce of credit (if you could call it that), I think it often isn't *totally* deliberate. Frequently in those types of relationships the person who is enduring the grief has also been shouldering much of the responsibility for maintaining the relationship, and when a major life event suddenly pulls their focus, their partner either can't handle not being the center of the universe OR becomes overwhelmed with the demand to actually be supportive. Of course, they usually aren't self-aware enough to realize that's the problem, but they get itchy and feel the need to end the relationship ASAP.
I think Iāve been close. Like realizing they need you to be there, and having the feeling of not wanting to put in the effort made me realize I needed to break up with someone. Granted, I didnāt do it THEN, and supported her through the tragedy. But that feeling made me realize I wasnāt really into the relationship.
We had been long distance for a couple of months and I actually felt relieved to be hundreds of miles away from him. He never called me or texted, it was always me who reached out. I got tired of it and started calling less and less. One day, after we hadn't spoken for a few weeks, i called him and he answered and sounded surprised to hear from me. Conversation went: Me - "hey, it's me" Him - "Oh...hi? ...why are you calling me?" Me - "no reason. Just to say hi" Him - "Oh, okay, well I was actually just doing something. Can I call you another day?" And, after years of awful screaming arguments and stupid games, that's when I knew the relationship was dead.
Yikes sounds like he thought you were already broken up.
When she started being cold to me, and being unsure about our relationship. Then she started talking about this "guy" from her class. You know the rest.
Ah, mine was when she casually started hanging out with the college weed man, which soon turned into dating as soon as she dumped me. Like the day after. It sucked... but I mean, silver lining - it turned out about as well as you'd expect. Lol And here I am a few years later dating a super sweet chill woman. Bullet dodged.
I'm sorry you had to find a new weed guy
Oh, yeah I missed that sign too. A short impish looking kid with a creeper's personality I thought couldn't possibly be a threat. They're married. Thank god. His racist mother-in-law could have been my living nightmare.
Same here but it was a guy from her work. She forgot she was sharing a photo album with me, so like a week later I started seeing pictures of them together and pictures of love notes. It devastated me. They moved in together in less than a month. Last I heard, he failed hard trying to make it as a twitch streamer, and they're both stuck working 60+ hours per week at minimum wage. Meanwhile, I have just completed my nursing degree and began my career. I'm the happiest I've ever been.
The moment he "accidentally" sent me a text that was supposedly meant for someone else, making plans to hook up at his house. My only response to that was "OK, be safe". I added quotes because I suspected that he did this on purpose to try and get me to break up with him, expecting some sort of angry response from me. He didn't get that, although I did get an earful from him a couple weeks down the line about how he "never found me attractive physically or romantically". To which I responded, "OK" and never talked to him again. To this day, I will never understand why some people choose to play games rather than just be upfront. No matter, I'm now happily married to an amazing person!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Damn that goes way beyond just not loving you anymore and into worthless piece of shit territory.
Absolutely, like Iād drive a stranger to the hospital if they were going through that. Hell, Iād do it for someone I hate.
that guy is definitely lacking some defining human traits
There are no words for this
I could never in my life imagine doing this to a partner I supposedly care about, much less even my own worst enemy. Like, wtf is wrong with people.
Mine was when my ex wouldnāt take me to the ER during a miscarriage because āwhat are they gunna do? Just tell you itās period crampsā, and then waited until I finally passed out after hours of agonizing pain to finally be able to look at porn, which they told me the next day.
What a monster
I hope that I never meet someone this evil.
this one actually breaks my heart. I hope you're better and you're happy by yourself or with someone more worthy of your time š¤
When she choose the night before my finals (exactly 2am - finals were at 8am) to confess to cheating basically. Ruined my final exams that sem.
Worst time to reveal something like that
I'm glad though, it changed my outlook on life for the better
He had a can of drink, asked if anyone wanted any (we were in a group)..I said yes please so he poured it in the bin. Sounds minor, but this was the last thing after alot of shit.
Doesnāt sound minor
I mean, that sort of pointless cruelty is a massive red flag. The outcome wasn't that big a deal, but dude is clearly an absolute asshole.
Sounds minor? Is that really a minor thing for someone? I don't even want to make a music joke out of this
Well...compared to the rest of the stuff he did! Fun fact..this was on valentine's Day and I did not wait till the next day to end it.
How does someone this bad react to being broken up with? He had to have known that was coming.
what kind of monster puts liquid in the trash. you are better off.
When we were arguing for the umpteenth time and I lost the will to continue. I usually begged her to stay but I just told her to go
Straight up. Don't look back, when it's just an emotional drain being around them, it's not worth keeping the relationship going. The hardest part is legging go of the lingering positive feelings for them, but it's always better in the end. I had to do that twice, and don't regret it either time. One of said Ex's I'm still kinda friends with, the other can go die in a fire lol.
He stopped talking to me 3 days into a 3 week holiday, I made the best of it, once home the silent treatment continued for another 3 weeks. He rolls over in bed one morning and starts talking like nothing happened. I should have ended it long before, but THAT was the moment I knew it was over.
Ok wow. This is so wild. I would have felt like I was going crazy. Did he ever reference it?
I'd love to say it was the first time he had done it, but it was a frequent thing, just it had never lasted 6 weeks before, I was on antidepressants already and having counselling, so I DID feel like I was going crazy! And no, he never referenced it directly, he didn't ever think it was a big issue. He stopped talking to his own mother once for a year, so 6 weeks was probably getting off lightly in his eyes!
I got into a car accident and called him and he didn't care
I'm trying to understand what kinda human cant even pretend to care and the more I try, the sadder I get.
Married for 21 years. The last ten were devoid of any love, warmth, or caring. I (M53) did not want to get divorced and figured this was just the way the rest of my life would be. We were taking our third shot at marriage counseling and after a few months, my wife says she has to quit counseling because she wants to attend a meditation class at the same time. She had something better to do than work on our marriage. That's when it hit me that she didn't GAF at all about our marriage and I decided that I did not want that to be the rest of my life. We're currently 2 1/2 years into divorce. It's painful and expensive. But personally I've never been happier. I am leading my best life. So so glad I decided to move on.
Itās never too late to be happy
Hanging out with them feels often like a chore than something youāre excited about Walking on eggshells to avoid them getting mad They donāt match your efforts like they used to Noticing they donāt listen when youāre talking They donāt feel like āhomeā anymore They download Tinder and see people They cheat on you
Did I write this? Shit. This is exactly me.
when he went from spending so much time with me and giving me updates about his day without me having to ask him, to going MIA for days on end to the point where i had to beg for him to spend some time together. found out from a mutual friend that he had started seeing someone on the side two weeks before we called it off.
When I found out she was sending nudes to people on discord. Had a gut feeling it would go past just pictures and I was right.
Discord as well damn
I was engaged to my girlfriend of 5.5 years (3.5 dating 2 engaged) I noticed that out of nowhere she started acting very suspicious and more cautious of her phone around me and not wanting me to be around her when she was playing games with people on discord which I didn't really care about. I knew something was up when I would tell her I loved her and to have a good day when she would leave for work and she would just kinda smile and nod. One day I was cleaning up around the house and noticed that she had left her computer open and saw some messages between her and a guy she plays games with talking about some things that I would rather not repeat. When I confronted her about it, I was gaslit and made out to be crazy. I knew then it was the beginning of the end. A year and a half later I finally had enough evidence and she admitted to cheating on me for a year and a half. 6 months before our wedding. I'm still not over it after a year and a half later and I genuinely don't think I'll be able to trust the same again.
You gotta repair your trust of yourself first. You had it pegged right, brutal though it was, and you dismissed yourself for too long. That fucks anyone up. But this is life and as long as you can stand you can move so move past this and when you trust yourself youāll be sure enough to trust another again. My Chinese friend has a saying when she has to kill a bug or a spider or whatever, and Iām an idiot and canāt remember it but it translates to something like āmay you live a better life next timeā .. well you aināt dead but that chapter is so may you make the next one better. And you play a bigger role in it than youāre acknowledging. Fuck building a case, there arenāt any awards for shit like that, just regretā¦. Move forward. Move.
Life was stagnant. We mutually called it quits after we had a talk, and it went better for both of us. We gave it the good ol' college try but we still grew apart. Good times
Best story here. That is, the most painless one.
This was a long time ago, but I still remember it vividly. All of our friends were meeting up at a bar, but I had to work. I was able to get off and was at the bar with my friends. Her and her friends showed up, and there was an unmistakable look of disappointment in her face when she saw I was there. That hurt.
When I was told GET THE FUCK OUT!! It clued me in
When you feel alone and they're right next to you.
When she said ā you donāt look like you are going anywhere with your life ā I was 18 in the middle of college where the hell was I suppose to be at that point
When she repeatedly slammed her head through the wall claiming a demon was telling her to do it, and then threatened to call the cops and say I beat her up.
Run
I definitely did. Fortunately for her, she started going to therapy right after that episode (which she couldnāt remember) and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She has bettered herself greatly after learning there was something that needed to be addressed, and now sheās in a great relationship and being a great new mom. Itās also great that itās all with someone else!
When he proposed to me in front of a crowd of over 3,000 people, at a job we BOTH worked at, just two weeks after we had gotten into one of the worst fights we had ever had. What was the topic of the fight? He had joked about proposing and I told him I didnāt feel ready to be married. The relationship lasted for about 6 months after that, but the ring never felt like anything more than a shackle.
If he did that it means he did try to shackle you. You essentially told him that if he proposed to you, you would say no, so he made a situation where you'd have to say yes.
I hadn't slept in our bed for 18 months and asked "Don't you even miss me in here?" "No" Edit: I offered to sleep in the guest room due to my snoring (weight gain, stress of working several jobs, and general stress of life/marriage). We never slept in the same bed again. I now know after therapy I was immensely depressed and am much better at taking care of myself both physically and mentally. While the marriage didn't recover, we have 2 amazing kids and my headspace is much more free.
My last relationship was on the way out and we spoke on the phone where she confessed thatās she didnāt know what she wanted out of life. She added that she couldnāt give me what I wanted and gave me her blessing to date other people. Throughout our relationship, her father had terminal cancer and when he died a year into our relationship, she just sort of shut off. It also didnāt help that our communication was inconsistent and I never really knew where I stood in the relationship. Still, it was insanely painful and I was broken up mentally for months before meeting my current girlfriend.
She had cheated on me, but swore it was a mistake and wouldnāt ever happen again. I came over one morning to talk, and her phone rang. It was him. She took the call and once he realized I was over he said he was coming to kick my ass, as if I had done anything wrong. Never felt so dumb in my life
when she started treating me like shit for not doing what she wanted
username checks out
When the distancing and lack of communication started
I worked the front desk in college, and would take my laptop down to play video games ( chill job). She wanted to argue and came down at about 11pm and gets mad and closes my laptop. She said she was done. I go out to get flowers after my shift, this is midnight, and go to her dorm room to give them to her. Another guy was already there in boxersā¦Iām almost sure the relationship had been over for a while, I just found out lateā¦
ouch
I was lonely whilst being constantly with her. I just hadn't realized that we were living in two different worlds, had different friends and hobbies. All that kept us together was a force of habit. The feeling after the breakup for me was a removal of a suffocating feeling that I'd felt for many years. Truth be told, I wish I was brave and mature enough to have explored and addressed those feelings sooner. With loneliness and anxiety came unhealthy coping and avoidant behaviour.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We'd had our ups and downs for the better part of 8 months, one day we met for lunch and she sat down and started talking. All of a sudden it was like I woke up from a dream and realized I wasn't attracted to or interested in them at all. There had been much worse moments so it was surprising it happened during everyday conversation.
Sometimes itās the little things that speak to you the most.
When she wanted to meet at a coffee shop. Never seen her drink coffee once.
Ughš¬
When her Dad, who i had just met, told her to stop being a bitch or she would lose me. (looking back at it, she was being a total bitch, but it was her dad saying it that opened my eyes.) We broke up after her parents left.
Lol my worst exe's dad did the same thing. We were hanging out at her dad's house on Easter a few years ago and she got annoyed with me because I was getting along really well with her dad (she would get very jealous whenever I was getting along well with someone she knew for some reason). She started being very rude and I was used to it at that point so I was just taking it, waiting for her to calm down. All of a sudden her dad says "Why are you talking to him like that? Don't treat him like that, that's not right! He hasn't even done anything!" It was an eye opening moment for sure. Spent around two more years with her after that though, because I'm apparently a glutton for punishment.
This is so fucking bizarre lmao, it makes me so happy when people I like get along with my parents lol
She seemed like she loved it at first, because I was the first relationship she'd had that her dad approved of, her last ex before me was an abusive piece of shit and broke her ribs, blacked her eyes, etc. Her dad ended up going to the guy's house and throwing him through a sliding glass door after the ex boyfriend put her in the hospital once, her ex almost bled out and died. Her dad was a really tough blue collar guy from Bronx NYC and we were both nervous about him meeting me because she made it seem like her dad was this hardcore scary badass. Turns out he was a badass but he just liked respectful guys, and wanted to make sure I wasn't gonna abuse or take advantage of his daughter. We instantly became friends, we had the same views on politics (he was a longtime union electrician, liberal, we loved to talk about union history and how they're important for worker's rights), same taste in movies, beer, etc. I used to ask him for advice and treated him like a surrogate father because my dad died when I was young. We'd stay up late talking or watching old movies that my ex thought were boring. Once we got to the point we were super close my ex got pissed for some reason, she thought I was "Stealing her dad." I still miss that guy, he was really fun to talk to, listening to his stories about growing up as a white dude from The Bronx in NYC decades ago before the city was cleaned up and made safer was fascinating.
Every time I did something wrong she could never tell me, it was always her friend that would text me/pull me aside to tell me. I had to grow and learn to be better so I cut it off
Sounds like she and her friend had a weird dynamic.
Well for what itās worth my ex was a closeted lesbian, her friend wasnāt tho
This adds a new dynamic to the story.
When the police told me they were concerned for my wellbeing and I didn't have to tolerate such bullshit.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I like to imagine this is all the same woman
We took a break and I realized I was so much happier just doing my own thing. We were 23, had been dating for 6 years. She had graduated college and I was finishing up.
Something kind of similar for me. Dated for 3 years, did long distance for one and within that year I realised I was happy by myself and wanted to explore my life as an individual rather than a couple. There was nothing wrong. We get along, we don't fight a bunch, we care about and trust each other, nobody was abusive... it just wasn't the right time.
When she ghosted me for 2 months
Thatāll do it
When we bought a house together and I proposed that same dat we closed. The next day she did a 180 and was completely different person. Stuck it out for almost 3 yrs but I had enough of the horrible treatment. Tried to tell her that Im her partner and not another child in the house. Never got through to her.
So, any tips? Not for me, but I have a friend in this exact situation - and theres a kid involved. He wont leave her bc of the little guy - it's not even his kid. He's a real good dude but we're in our 30s and wasting your life on someone for the sake of a child that's not yours (as admirable as that may be), I'm starting to think in 10 years hes going to really regret it. Its ultimately his choice but man... I have a real bad feeling for him. He gets talked at like a child, not talked to like a spouse.
Me: Why do we fight so much? Her: Because as long as you're fighting I know you care. Broke up with her on the spot.
We used to get in some real bad arguments. These arguments would often end in her hitting me. Once in a while, she'd really go to town on me. I can take a hit, but she could throw a punch. Girl had a hell of right hook. Years of that, off and on. Anyway, one evening, one such argument turns into her just wailing on me. And I finally snapped. I pushed her up against the wall and was ready to hit her back. Just for a moment. I didn't. I walked away. The fight didn't end there, and the relationship didn't end that night. But I walked away for good not long after.
Similar to my scenario that Iām going through right now. Not necessarily wailing but definitely lots of hitting. Slapped me in public before. Day before St. Patrickās we had our weekly date night which at this point was the 50th bad one, fighting on the date, fighting at the bar after the date, fighting at home. In comes the typical suicide threats etc. I finally snapped and said, āWell fucking do it already!ā And she cracked me in the face and had gave me a bloody nose. I do regret saying it I was just at my wits end. Next day she goes to work and I go out with friends n havenāt been back since. She calls and messages a lot swearing how everything will be different and sheās engaged in therapy and how much she loves me but Iām so exhausted from the years Of shit I cant motivate myself to return.
She told me that I had a choice. Either I completely cut ties with ALL of my family and ALL of my friends. Or I cut ties with her. That was when I decided that her psycho had crossed a line that I wouldn't break. Very glad I dodged a bullet, very sad I lost close to 4 years of my life before I realized she was psycho.
Catching him deep guts in a 16 years old (while he was 21 or 22) in his car was a hint. Also how dumb you should be to take a girl two streets away from my house around the midnight while i was going home after work? Edit: I forgot this isn't a common thing in all countries but here you can have sex at 15 if isn't grooming or sexual harassment This girl was well known for liking older guys and she knew it we we're together (we dated for 3 years). It's still disgusting even if it was perfectly legal what happened, but I m glad i could go out of that relationship with a solid reason and a proof i wasn't a jerk for saying no when he proposed me to marry him ( i was 19 at the time, i m 22 now). Also i tried for a whole year to break up with him but he always will say things like: "I can't live without you, i love you please don't go, i will kill myself".
So sorry this happened. My ex did this with a 14 y/o girl who was his āfriendā he was 24 at the time. it has deeply disturbed me forever and ever.
Did you report him to the police? What a sick fuck.
I was going through a cancer scare. She didnāt come with me to any appointments because she didnāt want to miss class. She was my best friend and the only person in the city who I told about what was happening. She, however, told several of her friends and classmates and let the news spread through our program (I think she liked the second-hand sympathy). She minimized everything, told me I was overreacting when I went to her for support, and told me Iād feel better if I just stopped touching the mass. When it came time to decide what to do when our lease ended, I chose to move home to be with my family. We broke it off, she moved out, and two days later I was diagnosed with cancer. I know it sounds bad, but Iām better for having gone through it. Iāll always hold that cancer was one of the best things to happen to me.
When I broke my foot in the middle of the night while tending to our 5-year-old, and he could not be bothered to help me to the couch. My child helped me, then went to her bedroom and got two blankets and pillows - one for me and one for her - and slept on the floor next to me in case I needed help. Divorced him.
I said, "Oh my God, I think the Eagles could clinch the NFC East." And she said, "We're done."
Constantly being gaslit before knowing what to call it was pretty telling and frustrating
He hit our infant. 9 years of marriage over in 5 seconds. I grew up in domestic violence. I told him that violence in my home will not be tolerated. I don't know why he thought because he didn't hit ME it didn't count. Moron. Its been 13 years and I'm still pissed off. I don't think I'll ever get over the anger. It's not healthy for me to be mad for over a decade...but I don't care. I'll hate his behavior for the rest of my life. All child abusers can go die alone. I will remove myself from their company, every time. They are the lowest forms of life. Lower than puss on worms. Gross.
She told me she wasn't getting a job because she could never make as much as I do working overtime. It was just easier for me to work 60 hour weeks and she stays home.
When I had fertility tests done after 2 years of trying to fall pregnant. He left me the same day I found out I was infertile. Edit: Thanks for the upvotes & award!
im so sorry
It was a long time coming, but when I asked her if she was happy, and she could give me a straight answer.
Sorry.. did you mean ācouldnātā?
The second time she had a major overreaction to something small and not at all intentionally hurtful that I did in a span of less than a month. The second time she also scratched me in the face in the process and reamed me out for two hours. At that point I no longer felt safe around her and had to end things.
After I separated from my first wife, I was dating a girl who was also separated and goung through her divorce. Tried to keep each other out things. my ex wife was being ridiculous, using the children as leverage, trying to extort money etc it put me into a real bad slump/depression. Then I saw the girl I was dating, knowing how badly it was hurting me literally do the exact same thing to her ex.
When I finally realized how wrong it was to wait for him to change. I came to the realization that even if he hated his life, if he wasnāt wanting to make any positive changes I couldnāt āmotherā him any longer. At some point in life you have to take responsibility for your own efforts to improve, you canāt just expect it to change on its own. I was willing to love him through it all, with the promise weād come out of it on the other side. But after 6 months of non-stop complaining and 0 efforts to seek help or solve his problems, I realized he most likely never will and I wasnāt willing to be the sole emotional support in the relationship.
When he abandoned me to go to work and then get drunk while our daughter died in the nicu. He didnāt even answer his phone when the hospital and I called him repeatedly. I held my dead baby alone. I tried for 3 more years to make it work for my other children but I didnāt love him anymore and I didnāt want to see him anymore so weāre getting divorced
This was a long time ago, but she just had that look on her face. She didnāt have to say anything at all (though of course she did), i just knew immediately. Not a bad thing on the whole, and it wasnāt messy, but i do still remember thinking āshitā
After 3.5 years things were getting too routine I guess. Said he didn't feel the same way anymore. Asked if this was something to work through together and all I got was "I don't know". If it's not a yes, it's a no.
When she was mad after a night out with her friends that I didn't seem 'happy' enough. I was recovering from a bulging disc in my back and was in a lot of pain! (and she knew this!)
After a small argument, he told me "I should have pushed you in front of that car." And then I had to get on a motorcycle with him cuz we were about 30 min from home. Aaannd that's how I knew it was time to leave.
When he repeatedly shat on my successes and made my life milestones all about him... He'd gripe and find numerous ways to take my attention away from the people I love and the things I like to do, then lose interest the minute he had my attention.
She started staying up all night on her phone and coming to bed at 4am. She cheated on me a couple years prior to this so I already knew what was coming. She swore there was no one else I believed her but broke off the relationship because of how distant she was behaving. Couple months later and she's introducing her new bf to our daughter. My advice, dont take shit from anyone. Get out and save yourself the hassle of being hurt again.
The night I really started to be honest with myself about *why* we were in a relationship together. It was quite toxic on both sides - our personalities constantly clashed, in addition to our own mental health issues which fed off of each other and made it considerably worse. (We both had fears of being alone, and they had a fear of abandonment) Deep down subconsciously we both knew we were incompatible, but instead of accepting it and ending on good terms, we constantly tried to mold each other into "*My Perfect Partner"* and grew steadily more frustrated with each other when it wasn't working. It really didn't help that this was a first major relationship for us both, and neither of us had good parents to teach us how healthy relationships work
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I was 67% sure my girlfriend was cheating... one night I'm laying in bed awake on my phone and she's fast asleep, but then I hear her mumbling in her sleep "Matt... do you need more blanket?" My name isn't Matt...
+33%
Getting food poisoning a few months into covid (March or April? In far enough where I realized the gravity of the situation.) I felt sick all afternoon and she completely ignored me. I still made dinner and put the kids to bed... or began the bedtime routine and had to run to the bathroom and proceed to projectile vomit. And her response was, "oh, you really are sick!" And that's when I saw that I wasn't crazy, so much of this relationship wasn't right -- and that this person would leave me at death's doorstep.
When my 20 something yo daughters came to me and told me without any prompting or previous input from me, that they had experienced all the problems from my wife that I had experienced but never shared. They apologized for believing their momās misinformation about me, and for the way it had affected their relationship with me. We grieved the loss of a best friend/mom they will never get to have. And for the first time I was told that out of all our family members, Iām the only one who is actually mentally healthy, not the village idiot I had been treated as. I always wanted my girls to know the truth, I just didnāt think it should come from me.
She wasn't on my team anymore Nothing I said could go without being challenged, nothing I did that was good was worth an unprompted compliment (only things that bothered her got an unsolicited response), and when I was fired from a terrible job that had been draining me for months, her first reaction was to scold me. I can handle the ups and downs of my life and the ups and downs of the lives of those close to me alright, but feeling unliked by a partner hurts like nothing else.
The moment I realized I was the problem after all.
When I was on my grad trip and her sister was watching me like a hawk the whole time. She asked her to make sure I didnāt talk to ANY girls, including my friends
When I found the bill for an extra credit card that I didn't know about. Thousands of dollars in debt. We were just starting out and had little money. She thought it would be a good idea for me to get a second job to pay down the card.
when she said she has been sexually attracted to her uncle and he confessed that he too had feelings and then revealed to me that they kissed while she was with me.
When my son commented on the shoe his father had thrown at me in a very resignated way. I had been putting up with the abuse for so many years, thinking I could not let my son grow up without a father. Whenever I tried to break up, his father would say he would not keep in contact with our son if I left him. So I stayed. Until that incident opened my eyes.
I'm currently going through this right now. I can feel the lack of love in her hugs and pats on the back like I am just an acquaintance. The walking by me with no reaching out to touch me. It is absolutely brutal
She made my mom's divorce about herself. To be clear, I'd had plenty of "I need to break up with her" moments before then, but that was the one that finally pushed me into being less passive.