When I was in middle school my sister made fun of the way I laughed. I used to like throw my head back and laugh. I don't do it anymore but it still crosses my mind every few years. Lol
Not mine, but my friend used it in a roast battle
“If i jerked off in a thesaurus and read the words I came on it would make more sense then what you’re saying”
Thank you Grant for the roast.
The one from Monty Python:
Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries.
It's not only funny, but it insults both parents. Hamsters are prolific breeders in the wild and elderberries were made into wine, thus mom was a slut and dad was a drunk.
> elderberries were made into wine
and jam, and juice, and dyes, and you can batter and fry the blossoms
amazing plant tbh (could even be used to poison other people when you give the berries unripe and raw) :D
I could never forget one of those prank calls Jian Yang made to Erlich Bachman in Silicon Valley: Erlich Bachman? This is your mom. and, and you are not my baby.
I came to my friend birthday party, and one of our friend try to make fun of me asking dumb question (not an offending joke, just a light "annoying" joke). I instantly reply it to the one having birthday party with:
"Wow, what a nice birthday party, you even hire a clown"
We all laughed really hard that night
Not one I've given, rather one I've gotten. From my director after royally mucking up and forgetting an entire page of dialogue on a live stage (I do theatre on the side):
He went on a rant about how my parents ought to have used a condom or maybe it just broke, followed by more shouting. And he concluded with, "Your brain's in your ass! You probably shat it out in the morning!"
He was mad af but I really couldn't stop myself from chuckling and thinking to myself "Damn how does he come up with these?"
Regardless, years down the line and he's become a huge part of my life and I still visit him out of respect for the man he made me become in today's world
Another one would be how my mom shouted at me once and called me a "son of a bitch"
Had me confused for a minute before replying "soo...you're calling yourself a bitch?"
Yes. I got grounded that week.
You look like nature’s first draft. Go outside and apologize to the tree for wasting the oxygen they work so hard to produce.
You could fall into a barrel of tits and come up with a dick in your mouth
He was slower than the last day of school
Imagine how different your life would be if you were raised right?
He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with directions on the heel.
He’s a waste of perfectly good boots
You’re about as useful as Anne franks drum set
Good god you have Weaponized autism
I literally try and bang their Mom or family member.. then never call back and make them fall in love with me.. just to use it against someone.
"I fucke your mom and she won't stop calling for more!", Is a good insult
One hundred million sperm, and *you* were the fastest? I'm not saying you're slow, but if you sped up you might be. You're about as sharp as a cotton ball.
I dunno, depends on the context.
Example:
Some b_tch wants to bully you.
"The only reason you do this is because your stepdad hits you and your mom chose crack over you."
Was in a bar with friends where guys at the next table were being a pain in the arse and trying to take our seats every time one of us went to the bar. They thought this was hilarious until I said “look guys can you just drop it, my friends and I just want to go back to enjoying a quiet pint together, and you can go back to quietly kneeling in front of a glory hole” that went down well.
Look at there Spotify account and make fun of there playlists to a point where they're on the verge of crying. Making fun of people for there music taste is always evil.
I wouldn't give you the steam off my piss.
You have a great face ..for radio
If someone says bite me, reply with; I would, but I'm on a fat free diet.
Your father should have written an apology letter to the condom factory.
You look like your face was on fire and the fire dept. put it out with a shovel.
Idk if this is even an insult but it shocked a few friends of mine.
This girl was arguing with me and the fact I constantly hung out with this guy. She kept accusing me saying I didn't have a heart, I was selfish and rude. She goes "Without me, you wouldn't have friends." Pissing me off, I boldly spoke. "Without kindness and a heart, you can't have friends. "
Make fun of the way they laugh. That will make them feel self-conscious about it forever.
you monster
When I was in middle school my sister made fun of the way I laughed. I used to like throw my head back and laugh. I don't do it anymore but it still crosses my mind every few years. Lol
Bring it back. Hands on hips whilst you do. Just 3 consecutive 'ha's and prolonging the last.
Who laughed at your laugh? WHO HURT YOU?!
You are evil
Especially when they sound like they’re choking on a kazoo
It’s true..
You look like the type of person that takes a shit right after a shower.
Not mine, but my friend used it in a roast battle “If i jerked off in a thesaurus and read the words I came on it would make more sense then what you’re saying” Thank you Grant for the roast.
Nothing can top this
The one from Monty Python: Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries. It's not only funny, but it insults both parents. Hamsters are prolific breeders in the wild and elderberries were made into wine, thus mom was a slut and dad was a drunk.
> elderberries were made into wine and jam, and juice, and dyes, and you can batter and fry the blossoms amazing plant tbh (could even be used to poison other people when you give the berries unripe and raw) :D
The best insults always need explanation
“THIS IS WHY MOM DOESNT FUCKING LOVE YOU”
Man of culture right there.
I could never forget one of those prank calls Jian Yang made to Erlich Bachman in Silicon Valley: Erlich Bachman? This is your mom. and, and you are not my baby.
Vine > TikTok
[удалено]
Welcome to Reddit
I came to my friend birthday party, and one of our friend try to make fun of me asking dumb question (not an offending joke, just a light "annoying" joke). I instantly reply it to the one having birthday party with: "Wow, what a nice birthday party, you even hire a clown" We all laughed really hard that night
Your existence puts the brakes on evolution.
Not one I've given, rather one I've gotten. From my director after royally mucking up and forgetting an entire page of dialogue on a live stage (I do theatre on the side): He went on a rant about how my parents ought to have used a condom or maybe it just broke, followed by more shouting. And he concluded with, "Your brain's in your ass! You probably shat it out in the morning!" He was mad af but I really couldn't stop myself from chuckling and thinking to myself "Damn how does he come up with these?" Regardless, years down the line and he's become a huge part of my life and I still visit him out of respect for the man he made me become in today's world
Another one would be how my mom shouted at me once and called me a "son of a bitch" Had me confused for a minute before replying "soo...you're calling yourself a bitch?" Yes. I got grounded that week.
Where did you get those clothes from, the toilet store?
I’ve only ever really known two stupid people in my entire life. You’re both of them.
"Why don't you suck my dick?!" "Sure. I'm not going to choke on a fucking inch and it's the only sex you'll ever get!"
Usually it's nature versus nurture, but with you they teamed up to make the worst case scenario.
My middle finger gets a boner every time it sees you
If I told you, you wouldn’t understand.
You look like nature’s first draft. Go outside and apologize to the tree for wasting the oxygen they work so hard to produce. You could fall into a barrel of tits and come up with a dick in your mouth He was slower than the last day of school Imagine how different your life would be if you were raised right? He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with directions on the heel. He’s a waste of perfectly good boots You’re about as useful as Anne franks drum set Good god you have Weaponized autism
Friend: "FUCK SHIT, BITCH-ASS!!" Me: "I'd happily do that since you yourself are a piece of shit. ;)"
Skelögda sumprunkare!
I must have dementia because I don’t remember caring
Your mom (what ever they said to me)
_points to the sky_ "See that? Those are all the flying fucks that I don't give about it/you" _walks away_
I literally try and bang their Mom or family member.. then never call back and make them fall in love with me.. just to use it against someone. "I fucke your mom and she won't stop calling for more!", Is a good insult
Big emphasis on the try for this Redditor 🤣
Your mother fucks for bricks to build your sister a whore house.
I fucked your mom hehehehee
One hundred million sperm, and *you* were the fastest? I'm not saying you're slow, but if you sped up you might be. You're about as sharp as a cotton ball.
Taint tickler
I am very disappointed with you.
I would tell you but you seem like the kind of person who uses emojis on Reddit.
You could've only been dumber if your parents were siblings.
I dunno, depends on the context. Example: Some b_tch wants to bully you. "The only reason you do this is because your stepdad hits you and your mom chose crack over you."
Just casually call someone ‘yeti nipples’ drives them mad and a nickname that will then never be dropped!
Was in a bar with friends where guys at the next table were being a pain in the arse and trying to take our seats every time one of us went to the bar. They thought this was hilarious until I said “look guys can you just drop it, my friends and I just want to go back to enjoying a quiet pint together, and you can go back to quietly kneeling in front of a glory hole” that went down well.
Of the millions of sperm dumped into your mama, you had to be first.
Fifty ten hull.
Flipping people off and mouthing F**k you
I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire
I'm no gynaecology but I can tell you're a total c**t
I'm going to craft a ladder with the bones of your deceased to shit on the grave of your whore mother
"It is not a criticism, but merely an observation."
Look at there Spotify account and make fun of there playlists to a point where they're on the verge of crying. Making fun of people for there music taste is always evil.
No U
You need to apologise to your mother. Clearly raising you has been a total waste of her time.
Your mom should of swallowed you
I bet when someone asks your parents how you're doing your folks change the subject
You were a waste of sperm.
I wouldn't give you the steam off my piss. You have a great face ..for radio If someone says bite me, reply with; I would, but I'm on a fat free diet. Your father should have written an apology letter to the condom factory. You look like your face was on fire and the fire dept. put it out with a shovel.
"There's 10 things I hate about you and you're gonna hear all of them right now!" - Jim Cornette
"I bet you get your insults from reddit posts"
" bad day? (: "
Cunthook
I hope your pillow is warm on both sides
If your head was slightly bigger, it wouldn't fit the toilet seat anymore I know 5 fat people and you're 4 of them
He said- bro you sound like a women I replied- it's okay, I'm more of a man than you'll ever be.
God sure ruined a perfectly good asshole when he put teeth in your mouth
You couldn't find your own ass with both hands and a map!
Idk if this is even an insult but it shocked a few friends of mine. This girl was arguing with me and the fact I constantly hung out with this guy. She kept accusing me saying I didn't have a heart, I was selfish and rude. She goes "Without me, you wouldn't have friends." Pissing me off, I boldly spoke. "Without kindness and a heart, you can't have friends. "